WEBVTT - What Is You Doing, Baby? 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.960 and the Black Effect. Oh should we onna air? Welcome 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:20.000 back to yet another carefully Reckless episode with your girl 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.119 just hilarious. I'm gonna jump straight in just fix my 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:27.240 mess now again. These people will remain anonymous. And like 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.280 I said at the top of every episode now and 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.720 which is also in the bio and the Carefully Reckless 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:35.120 page on Instagram, you can send in voice memos, you 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:40.040 can send in paragraphs, essays, whatever you want. But if 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:42.080 you do send in a paragraph, or if you write 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:46.560 it or whatever, please spell check before you submit, because 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:48.879 that might be the reason that I don't read it in. 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:51.519 Your story may actually really be good, and I actually 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.440 may have some really good advice for you, but please 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:58.560 felt check, guys, please please please jumping straight in, Hey 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:00.960 jos I need help. I'm sick of my baby father 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:04.600 and his damn Okay, okay, I'm gonna start that over then, 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:07.480 all right, Hey Jess, I need help. I'm sick of 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:11.360 my baby father and his inconsistent ass. Ways, let me backtrack. 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:13.880 We've been together for seven years, have a child together, 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:16.759 and all through the relationship there was something that should 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:19.480 have caused us to break up, like his first baby 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:22.399 mother or the jail stuff. But I stayed and we 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.040 have a child. Now. One thing she's gonna keep telling 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:27.280 me is we got that child. Okay, they got that child. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.200 So if y'all didn't know for the third time already, 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:32.560 and I'm only ten seconds into the story, they have 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:35.400 a child, all right. Now. I had to go through 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:38.520 so much from my place. I called home on my 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:42.160 own with nothing but minimal assistance from him. I got 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.039 my keys, he lives with me. There's no real bills 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.320 being paid. He's still got stuff going on with the law. 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.120 And all he can say for me to not want 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:54.000 to give up is because of love or starting over. 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:56.800 But it's said because I want to start over. And 0:01:56.840 --> 0:01:59.000 she wrote that in all caps to y'all want to 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:02.040 start over, and not with anyone in particular, just a 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:05.720 do over to be happy. I don't feel loved or appreciated. 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.880 I feel used. I feel like I'm here for comfortability. 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:11.639 In the minute he gets go, he's gone. Now. I 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:13.560 don't know what that means. That could be some new slang. 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:15.760 And if y'all know what it means, then y'all tell me. 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:18.880 If not, We're just gonna keep on rolling, mainly because 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:20.800 I don't try to make him feel bad, but I 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:22.680 get mad at him when he thinks he has some 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.480 say so on some ship in my house. I don't 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:27.720 want to be like it's mine, mine, mine. But I 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:30.720 worked hard alone with my child and he just piggybacks 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:33.880 off of what I do and what I did. I 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.440 have to help him do everything at his twenty nine 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:40.239 years of age, job applications, everything, and I know it's 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:42.520 not because he don't know how. He just feels like 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:46.040 I should, and when I don't, I'm always looked at wrong. 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:48.800 I'm starting to resent him and I'm not sure what 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:52.000 to do. Yes, I love him and my in love. No. 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.800 Do I think I've outgrown this. Yes, but I'm also 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:58.639 a virgo and I do impulse of things when I'm 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:02.280 in my feelings. Your podcast always gives me clarity on things. 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:05.760 Oh okay, baby girls. So look, I'm gonna start off 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:09.080 by saying I'm gonna quaries and I do impulsive things 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:12.800 out of emotion. So I don't think that's a sign thing. 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:15.239 I don't think that that's an astrology thing. I think 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:18.720 that's more of just an emotional person. Who you are 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.560 all women, I'm not even gonna say we're women. So 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:23.960 we do that because all women don't react that way 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.720 too emotions or when they're in their feelings, and all 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:28.520 men don't do that. I know men that do it, 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:31.440 and I know women that do it. It's just you 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:33.880 are very in tune with three emotions, and sometimes we 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:36.640 don't know how to control ourselves when we're so deep 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.080 in our feelings. So don't put that on all Virgos 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:41.840 because I'm pretty sure all of Virgo's listeners probably like girl, 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:45.800 I'll be doing it, you know. So you ask yourself 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:48.480 a series of questions, you know, And these are all 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:50.640 the questions I was gonna ask. Other than do you 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:52.040 love him? I know you love him, I was going 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:54.040 to ask you, are you in love? You know? And 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:56.160 that's two different things. A lot of people have their 0:03:56.200 --> 0:03:59.680 own beliefs on that, their own thanks I call it thanks. 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.360 They're their own beliefs or thinks on that. But I 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:04.760 believe that there is a difference. I do believe that 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:09.880 they're Also is a difference between loving someone and loving 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:14.800 someone unconditionally. So obviously you don't love him unconditionally. You're 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:18.040 not in love and you think you've outgrown him. So basically, 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.160 I'm gonna tell you what you're looking for. You're looking 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:23.240 for a confirmation. That's what it is. It seems like 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.920 you already know what you want to do. You know 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:28.039 that you want to start over. You put that in 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.560 all caps, girl, you wanted to start over, and then 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:32.720 you didn't only write it once, you wrote it twice. 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:36.400 You're done. You're tired. You're tired of him leaching, You're 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:40.680 tired of being superwoman of the house. And listen, while 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:43.839 that is something that we will always have to do 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:46.679 when you leave him. If you leave him, if you're 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.520 just in the household by yourself with your child, yes, 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:51.359 you have to be superwoman. You have to be a 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:53.400 hero to that child. You have to be the role model, 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:57.640 you have to be the stature you do. But when 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:00.880 a man is there, some of that weight is supposed 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.920 to be lifted from your shoulders and you don't feel 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:07.400 like you have a support system. Basically, he leans on 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:09.520 you for support, so does your child. So who do 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.159 you lean on? And I understand that, So you feel 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.960 like you can do it by yourself without the man 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:18.760 in the house. If you're doing it with the man 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.320 in the house. You understand what I'm saying. So I 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.480 think you're just looking for a confirmation. Girl twenty nine 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:27.760 years old and you have to help him fill out applications. Listen, 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:29.479 that is not your oldest child. But I know that 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:31.880 it feels like it. I know it feels like I've 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:34.680 been in a relationship like this before. The only thing 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.040 is I do not have children with the guy. But 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.920 I felt as if I was taking care of someone 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:45.479 else's son who was supposed to be taking care of 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:49.400 his responsibilities and helping to take care of me in 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.520 my household because it was my house. He just moved 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.200 in it. I was always the breadwinner, taking care of 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:57.560 him and I and my son, you know what I'm saying. 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:00.200 And there were times that I struggled trying to take 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:02.800 care of all three of us because I didn't always 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.440 have the best damn job, but I could always fend 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:09.560 for myself. After going through a bunch of obstacles when 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:12.080 my son was younger, you know, I vowed to never 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:14.919 ever go back there again, so I've always worked my 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:18.080 ass off. So listen, I do understand. If you're looking 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:22.200 for confirmation, I'm giving it to you. Yes, yes, yes, 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:27.040 because the only thing that you said positive about this 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:31.000 whole ordeal is that you do love him, That you 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.560 do love him, but you love yourself more. You love 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:37.440 your mental stability more. No woman or man should have 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:41.240 to live miserably to accommodate somebody else's feelings. I was 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:44.200 just speaking on this on last week's episode. We robbed 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:48.640 ourselves of happiness at the expense of other people's feelings. 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:52.440 We lose ourselves in our relationships and our friendships and 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:55.240 and with these bonds, and we we attach ourselves to 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:59.160 these people, and we give them the sense of entitlement 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:02.479 by doing so. That allows you, in some cases, to 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:06.159 even give power to someone. You know you're you're giving 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:11.040 someone power over you. When you dim your light to shine, 0:07:11.080 --> 0:07:13.240 there is brighter and they ain't even gonna shine on 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:16.080 their own. You understand what I'm saying. So that's what 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.480 you're doing. You're constantly building this man up, and I 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:21.119 think it's training you. Now you've come to the point 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:22.760 where I don't know how old you are, but if 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.160 he's twenty nine, I guess you're not too far before 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:28.600 or after him. You know what you want. You're a woman, 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.080 a strong beautiful black woman. I'm looking at your picture 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.560 right now, you and that sounds kind of creepy, but 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.720 you know that I'm looking at your picture right now. Relax, 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:41.840 I just want to take some pictures. I'm joking. I'm sorry. Um, 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:43.920 you seem like you know exactly what you want, not 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.320 seeing you know what you want. So now you just 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.680 have to take that step, and that actually needs to 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.080 be a conversation with him as well, and do not 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.200 let him say, well, you seem like, yeah, I'm gonna 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.680 let him keep reeling you back in because this has 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.960 been the same song and dance for a while now 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:03.480 as you have put it. So I think you should 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:05.720 sit and tell him there needs to be a conversation. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.160 Communicate with him exactly how you communicated with me. Tell 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:12.640 him and just say listen, I'm going to let this go. 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:14.520 I know that we have a child and I and 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:16.200 I've tried, and I tried, and I tried to make 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.360 it work for my family because I don't want my 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:23.200 child to grow up in a broken household or two 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:27.840 different households. But I cannot keep carrying all this weight 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:31.240 by myself. If he doesn't understand that he's still got 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:35.120 so much learning to do about the woman he was 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.760 with all this time. Because he's supposed to know you. 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.400 He's supposed to know that you're tired. He's supposed to 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.160 know that he got to get his ass up and 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.600 get his ship together. He's supposed to know you will 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:47.000 leave his ass. He's supposed to know that he is 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:50.040 fucking replaceable, whether he is your child's father or not. 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.920 He's supposed to know, but he does not. So sometimes 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:56.440 you gotta show motherfucker's something for them to learn. And 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.400 that's just it. Checked back in with me, boo. Hold up, 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.320 Hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:03.319 to just a couple of seconds of a commercial with 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:09.520 you love Me. You'll listen. Moving on, Hey, Jess, girl, 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.720 I'm gonna just get straight into it. I don't know 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:14.800 if it's more of a question or a conversation, but 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:17.439 what is up with the mentality of men these days? Girl? 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.640 I'm still trying to figure it out. At thirty five 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:22.080 years old, I am finding that the problem with these 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.600 men are one and the same within the African American 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:28.480 dating community. Come on, stats now, I have never been 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:31.640 good at sugarcoating ship. So here we go. Where is 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:37.920 the black man's mentality today. Are y'all trying to be thugs, hustlers, pimps, bums, delinquents, 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:41.880 entrepreneurs or just plain old felons like do better my 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.240 Brother's because I'm finding that the ones trying ain't trying 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:48.319 hard enough. And this is not to ignore the many independent, 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:51.600 successful black males. I know y'all exist, but this ain't 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:55.880 about you. All right now, I love her, Okay, you 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:58.600 could be doing everything right in a relationship and your 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.760 mentality still be long. I try not to judge a 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:04.480 man for being on hard times. I met my man 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:07.640 at work, but ship. He's not stable, doesn't have his 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:10.800 own apartment, lives with his dad. We've been together for 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:14.120 a year, but don't ask me about moving in. Now 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.199 I have to question why a grown ass man doesn't 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:19.079 want his own ship. Moving in. Ship is for marriage, 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:23.480 because if you miss me so badly, marry me, Like damn. 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:25.320 I want to go to my man's house, lay up 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:28.360 in his ship, smell his clothes, wash his dishes, see 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:31.880 how he lives and maintains. I need all men to 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.520 drop this mentality and pick up a new one, because 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:38.079 I'm a grown ass woman. You niggas have no education, 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:41.199 no experience. Get the jobs you can get, work your 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:44.600 ass off, Let that hustle man street ship go and 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:48.400 create stability for yourself and your family. I was homeless 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:51.640 before too, and now what I value most in this life. 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.760 The only thing that matters as an adult is stability. 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.800 M hmm. I would love to pack a bag and 0:10:57.840 --> 0:10:59.720 be at my man's house or whatever for the day. 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:03.199 This is a serious issue, clearly because all of y'all 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.680 are miserable, trying to live together, thinking you're saving money, 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:10.320 moving too fast and making this ship the new normal. Ladies, 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.360 cut the desperation and leave that man outside. Funk all 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:16.120 that moving and ship for real, for real, start making 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:21.120 these men stand on their own. It'll be a domino effect, hopefully. Anonymous. Please, 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:25.560 oh baby, listen, let's just time out for a second. Lord. 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:27.959 I want to shout up and down my house right now. 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:32.319 She spoke so many words, dropped so many gems. And 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:35.440 do you know what the first thing somebody will say 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:39.520 about this woman, Oh she's an angry black woman. Oh 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:42.240 she wants she got our ship together, She wants everybody 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.720 to have their ship together. She think her ship don't 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:47.400 stink can't nobody go through nothing. You're not gonna meet 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:49.600 a man who's just gonna be perfect. That ain't what 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:53.200 she said. And she's also says she's been homeless before, 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:56.720 and so she knows what the meaning of stability is. 0:11:56.760 --> 0:12:00.560 She knows the value of being stable. He knows what 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:03.640 that can do for your life. This girl don't need 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:06.240 no goddamn advice. You're asking me to fix your mass girl, 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:08.080 you don't even know. You probably just fix some of 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:11.520 my ship. Damn. So now I gotta go back and 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:15.440 see what the funk she needed, because hold up, I 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:18.240 ain't all right, right, right, okay? And I was gonna 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.079 say I ain't. I ain't fixed the sheen tell me 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:22.200 about a specific man. She just want to know why 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.800 these niggers out here acting this way? Why is the 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:31.360 mentality of a man so shallow these days? Really? Seriously, Now, 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.559 I'm not saying you guys aren't confident. I'm not saying 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:37.360 you guys don't believe that you look good. You don't 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:42.520 believe in yourselves. You just don't want more for yourself, 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:45.640 and if you do, you don't act on it. There 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:49.200 is no action behind it. That's what she wants to know, 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:52.120 and she's thirty five years old. She's trying to figure out. 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.040 She says she was dating a man for a year 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:56.360 now he was already living with his dad. Now, she 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:58.000 probably gave him the benefit of the doubt because I 0:12:58.040 --> 0:12:59.480 know a couple of you' all like, well, she don't 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.000 want to stay with him for a year. She knew 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:02.960 he was living with his dad when she met him. Yeah, 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:05.800 but she tried to give it some time. That's what 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.280 she's saying. She gave it a year. The nigga still 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.880 was living with his dad, and he probably asked her 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.360 to move in with her, or when we're gonna get 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:16.800 a place together. She want to be able to date 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:20.000 until married. No, we're boyfriend girlfriend. We're doing this ship right. 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:22.720 You live over there. I live over here. Now when 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.640 we get married, nigga, we can move in. We can 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.080 talk about all that moving in ship when we get married. 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:29.920 You missed me so badly, You missed me bad enough 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.400 to be with me every night, you know, to sleep 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:35.240 with me every night, to wake up with me every morning, 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.320 to live with me. I cook for you. I do 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:40.040 all of this ship. Where we are one now we 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:41.920 are under the same house. Old nigga, marry me? Where 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:47.360 is that ring? Okay? I do believe, I do, I do, 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:51.080 really do believe that people get in these relationships barely 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:53.800 even knowing each other. Yeah, you could be with somebody 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:56.160 for six months and still don't know everything that you 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:59.480 need to know about them before moving in with them. 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.280 I'm not saying you're gonna know everything about a person 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.360 in order to live with them. No, you don't need 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.960 to know everything about a person because listen, there are 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.520 married couples that still getting to know each other that 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:12.400 have been together for years and years and years. Because 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:14.880 as people grow, people change. No, no, I hate that 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:19.000 we're change. I'm gonna change that. Listen. People evolve and 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:22.960 some people grow together and some people don't. Some people 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:27.800 evolve differently than others. Some people evolve differently than their mates. 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:31.520 Some husbands evolved differently than their wives. So yes, you 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:35.760 will always be getting to know your partner. Okay, So 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:37.640 don't take that the wrong way. It's nothing wrong with that. 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.480 But I think that these young people and these older 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:43.840 people both they getting these relationships without even really knowing 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.800 everything that they need to know about a person. Then 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:48.440 they moved together, and you know, to save money, They 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.080 play house, they play in the marriage thing. Nobody even 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:54.120 talks about being married. We're gonna moving together. I don't 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.200 even know if the funk you even have a desire 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.080 for marriage. I don't even know if I'm gonna be 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:02.120 with you and five years or even if that's something 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:04.440 that I want, because no one knows what the future holes. 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:06.920 But you do know what you want. You do know, 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:09.560 and you can dictate what you want to. You can 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:12.320 depict your life off of your wants and your knees 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.880 and and your goals and what you are looking for, 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:17.520 what you're striving for, and then before you know it, 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.800 that's wasted time, wasted money, wasted effort. And now you 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:24.880 guys live with each other and you can't stand one another. 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:27.640 And then you thought you was gonna get this amazing guy, 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.640 and you thought she was gonna get this amazing woman, 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:31.440 and it was gonna be that way. Now y'all didn't 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.600 get to know each other. Y'all didn't get to miss 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:35.600 each other, because now y'all live with each other. And 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.320 what you didn't know before you know now. But now 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:41.840 you live with this motherfucker, So now everything she do 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.480 pisses you off. Everything he would do pisses you off 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:47.320 and you want out, But y'all signed the damn least, 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:52.480 so now you're in limbo. I totally agree with everything 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:56.080 that she said. Listen, and she is also speaking from experience. 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.240 She's not talking down on anyone. She's speaking from experience 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:03.920 because she was homeless before, she struggled before, and that's 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:08.480 how she learned the importance of stability, guys, and getting 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:12.400 something on your own, getting that ship on your own, 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:16.800 being independent, not meeting a motherfucker for nothing. Now, listen, 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:19.400 everybody needs somebody, but that's not what I'm saying. Listen. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.000 If I need a thousand dollars and I didn't have it, 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:24.240 and I called my mother and she couldn't give it 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.120 to me. I called my father, he couldn't give it 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.960 to me. I'm going to get it some type of way. 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:31.640 Now I'm a hint on this, and then I'm moving 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.720 on because this is a serious thing. This is a 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:36.680 very serious question that she asks. Why are the mentality 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.120 of guys like this these days? Listen? She said, where 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.760 is the black man's mentality today? Are y'all trying to 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:47.960 be thugs, hustless pimps, bums? Delinquents, entrepreneurs or plain old felons. 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.400 And mind you, she shouted out the guys who are 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:54.240 all the successful black males, But she ain't talking about 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:56.560 you all right now, all right, So I see that 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:58.600 a lot. I see that a lot too, Babe. I 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:01.600 do the thugs, the the bombs, the leeches, that the 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.280 niggas that leach off women, and and you know what 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.080 I'm saying, I'm gonna tell you all this. And I 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:09.000 was moving on on YouTube. Me and my son's father 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:11.840 used to do this series called co Parenting Therapy. I 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:13.639 don't know if you guys are familiar. If you're not, 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:17.959 check it out listen. We started this over the pandemic, 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:22.520 and I remember Jerome sitting next to me saying, oh, yeah, 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:24.600 this is a new day and age. Now I want 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:25.879 a woman to take care of me. I need a 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:27.920 woman to take care of me. I'm okay with a 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:29.600 woman taking kre of me. I want a woman to 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:32.040 take care of me. Times have changed, so yeah, now 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:36.359 y'all take care of us. And I remember the feeling 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.760 that went through me. I remember the fine hairs on 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:44.440 my skin just stud up. And I remember back handing 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.800 the ship out of Jerome. I'm talking about just so 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:50.679 Bunyan like right, Cross has goddamn face. And then I 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:53.720 woke up. I'm like, oh, ship, I had a day 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:56.320 dream of me smacking the ship out this nigga for 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:59.240 saying that on a platform. That was a day dream 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.760 I didn't touch in real life. It's actually you can 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:05.080 literally see me in a trance when he says that, 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:09.280 you can see me zone out and just go into 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:13.199 my own mental space. When he says that, like I 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.720 checked out, go watch them episodes. I could not believe 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.800 that he said that. I'm like what He's like, yeah, 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.240 sh it, I don't care. And this is right when 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.159 I was about to stop that series because that nigga 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:28.400 was moving into a place that I helped to move 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.320 into and I helped him buy some furniture, and instead 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:33.680 of saying thank you, this nigga was like, damn, you 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:37.919 wrot me a bedroom set with no mattress. Again. I 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:41.199 daydreamed that I pushed this nigga out in front of 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:44.679 the car, got in it and rolled them over, backed 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:48.679 up and rolled them over again. I remember daydreaming that, 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.879 And this is very revealing to you guys that I 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:57.480 have these strange visions. But I would never do anything 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.399 to hurt my son's father, just just letting you know. 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:04.640 But I cannot believe that men actually think like that. 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:07.920 He doesn't think like that now, because we've come a far, 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:10.760 far along fucking way and he no, damn well, he 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:13.760 ain't read be in my life thinking like that. And 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:16.200 that ain't what you're about to teach your damn sons either, 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:19.040 And that ain't what you're teaching your damn daughters to 0:19:19.160 --> 0:19:21.800 take care of these niggas. No, you don't raise a 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:25.720 woman to take care of a man. You raise them 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:28.960 to take care of their households. Don't get a misconstrued 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.640 what I said. You raise a woman to take care 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:35.000 of her household. You raise a man to take care 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:37.760 of his family. It's two different things, and y'all can 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.720 beg to differ all you want. Now I'm going to 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.359 speak from experience me growing up. My mother took care 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.800 of the household, Okay, my father took care of us 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.959 the family, not saying he had nothing to do with 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:54.399 the household. But the woman is who makes the house 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:58.760 at home, Okay, the man is the provider of the family. 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:02.840 I'm not even gonna say traditionally. That's how I was raised, 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:06.399 and that's how my friends growing up was raised. That's 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:09.879 how neighborhoods was, that's how communities was, that's how it was. 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:12.719 I guess you can say traditionally. I don't really like 0:20:12.760 --> 0:20:15.200 to even use tradition. I don't really like to use 0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:17.600 that word because everybody has different traditions. It's different traditions 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:20.480 for different people. So I really don't like to just say, 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.359 just throw my tradition out there on everybody. But that's 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:27.320