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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started on.

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Speaker 2: This week's episode in her Space, and I was just like,

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Speaker 2: damn right whoa like oh snap called her out yes

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Speaker 2: and say her accountable exactly. So it's like, yo, you

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Speaker 2: either you win it or you ain't. You either doing

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Speaker 2: it or you're not. Like, there's no try. What does

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Speaker 2: try actually mean? Right?

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Speaker 3: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 3: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college

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Speaker 3: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 2: black women can just be Procrastination is the worst. Think

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Speaker 2: about it. How many times have you thought of a

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Speaker 2: brilliant idea passionately pursued it for a few days or

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Speaker 2: maybe even a week, just to let it fall by

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Speaker 2: the wayside? Too many times? Don't worry us two from

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Speaker 2: business ventures to authoring a book, to starting a podcast

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Speaker 2: or a new workout plan. At one point, I consider

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Speaker 2: myself to be the Queen of procrastination until now. Now.

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Speaker 2: In order for you to understand why I'm so passionate

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Speaker 2: about personal development and achievement, you have to know a

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Speaker 2: little bit about my background. I grew up in a

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Speaker 2: pretty dysfunctional family where I was verbally and physically abused

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Speaker 2: ever since I was eight years old. My mom was

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Speaker 2: also in and out of prison, which left my dad

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Speaker 2: to raise my younger siblings and I. Now, it wasn't

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Speaker 2: all bad all the time, but many of those bad

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Speaker 2: experiences impacted my development as a woman, and growing up,

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Speaker 2: I struggled with low self esteem, anxiety, depression, and all

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Speaker 2: of these different experiences affected my relationship with others, my

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Speaker 2: self image, and my self worth, and as you can imagine.

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Speaker 2: Low self esteem also can impact how we follow through

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Speaker 2: on our goals and dreams. Right oftentimes I let procrastination

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Speaker 2: win because I was fearful, I doubted myself, or I

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Speaker 2: didn't think I deserved to succeed. He a kicker. A

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Speaker 2: month before I went away to college, my dad passed

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Speaker 2: away unexpectedly, and a year later my mom was sentenced

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Speaker 2: to four years in prison for DUI. And in the

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Speaker 2: midst of trying to care for my four younger siblings,

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Speaker 2: complete my degree and all that other stuff right the

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Speaker 2: social life of college and all that, I became laser focused.

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Speaker 2: I started creating to do lists, goal setting, plans, and

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Speaker 2: rituals that helped me to graduate in four years with honors.

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Speaker 2: In today's episode, we're going to dive into some of

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Speaker 2: the strategies that allowed me to be successful and accomplish

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Speaker 2: my goals that seemed nearly impossible based on the life situation,

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Speaker 2: and dom is also going to share some of her

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Speaker 2: strategies that allowed her to be successful in the midst

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Speaker 2: of studying, obstacles and life in general. So stay tuned, girl,

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Speaker 2: you don't want to miss it.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for sharing that, Terry, and now we want to

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Speaker 3: move into our quote of the day. I used to

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Speaker 3: want the words she tried on my tombstone. Now I

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Speaker 3: want she did it.

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Speaker 2: She did it, she did it.

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Speaker 3: That quote comes to us from Catherine Dunham and American

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Speaker 3: dancer and choreographer.

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Speaker 1: Terry.

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Speaker 3: When you hear that quote, she did it, not she tried,

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Speaker 3: but she did it, what does that mean to you?

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Speaker 2: Down To be honest, I'm getting very emotional right now,

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Speaker 2: and that you can see. I'm a low, teary eyed

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Speaker 2: I Wow. This is a It's a powerful quote. I'll

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Speaker 2: say that, and I will say that. To me, it

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Speaker 2: makes me think about literally all the things that I

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Speaker 2: tried to do, all the things that I sort of

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Speaker 2: had on my goal list, all the dreams and the

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Speaker 2: goals that I expired to reach one day, and the

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Speaker 2: fact that not all of them, but many of them

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Speaker 2: I did do and it seemed impossible. And so that's

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Speaker 2: what I think about when I hear that quote. You know,

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Speaker 2: I think about the fact that we may say that

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Speaker 2: we want to try to do things, and we got

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Speaker 2: to just we got to change up our language, right,

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Speaker 2: instead of I'm going to try to do this, I

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Speaker 2: did it right, speaking into existence I did it or

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Speaker 2: I'm going to do it, not I'm going to try,

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Speaker 2: because try is not really a firm commitment. So that's

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Speaker 2: kind of what this quote means to me and kind

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Speaker 2: of what I think about.

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Speaker 3: You know, and that resonates with me too, because I

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Speaker 3: find myself constantly saying, well, I'm trying to I'm working

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Speaker 3: on I'm trying, and that that word gets repeated so

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Speaker 3: many times in my vocabulary, and this quote is making

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Speaker 3: me really stop and think, Okay, am I really doing?

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Speaker 3: Am I really taking the steps necessary to reach the

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Speaker 3: goals that I've set for myself. I'm trying to work out,

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Speaker 3: or I'm trying to be on time, I'm trying to

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Speaker 3: be a better communicator, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.

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Speaker 3: What am I actually doing?

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Speaker 2: Am I actually doing? One of my favorite motivational speakers

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Speaker 2: and an incredible woman and you probably know of her,

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Speaker 2: Lisa Nichols, who's like one of my role models and

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Speaker 2: favorite speakers, she told this story in one of her

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Speaker 2: workshops or live streams and it totally it totally touched me.

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Speaker 2: And she talked about she was in Africa, I think

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Speaker 2: it was, and she was speaking and I think I'm

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Speaker 2: going to give you the gist of the story. I

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Speaker 2: don't remember it verbatim, but basically this is the part

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Speaker 2: that you really need to know. Right, So, she was

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Speaker 2: chatting with this guy who had invited her. I think

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Speaker 2: it may have been the guy that hired her to

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Speaker 2: come out to speak. He invited her to like an

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Speaker 2: event for like after the engagement, and so he asked her,

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Speaker 2: you know, hey, are you going to attend the event?

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Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, I'm going to try. And he

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Speaker 2: just looked at her and he's like, wait, what do

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Speaker 2: you mean? And she's like, oh, I'm going to try

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Speaker 2: to go. And I think what he told her was try.

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Speaker 2: There's no word in Swahili that means try. So it's

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Speaker 2: either you're gonna do it or you're not going to

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Speaker 2: do it. And I was just like damn right whoa

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Speaker 2: like oh snap called her out, yes and see her

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Speaker 2: accountable exactly. So it's like, yo, you either you with

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Speaker 2: it or you ain't. You either doing it or you're not.

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Speaker 2: Like there's no try. What does try actually mean? Right?

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Speaker 3: When I hear try, and when I think of my

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Speaker 3: own snap, my own things that I'm working on, when

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Speaker 3: I hear try. It's I might be making some steps,

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Speaker 3: but there might be some ambivalence there as well. Or

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Speaker 3: I might be taking some steps, but I'm not clear

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Speaker 3: in my purpose. I'm not clear in my direction. And

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Speaker 3: so I say I'm trying because that also means that

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Speaker 3: it prevents me from looking bad if I fail.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's deep, that's deep. I gotta snap to that one.

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Speaker 2: That's deep. That that's funny because I feel like when

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Speaker 2: I would agree with that, And I think that sometimes

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Speaker 2: there are situations where you know, a friend is like, oh, girl,

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Speaker 2: you gonna come to the event. Oh, I'm gonna try.

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Speaker 2: When you know good and well, you're not going to

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Speaker 2: that event. You just you're gonna say maybe or try

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Speaker 2: because it kind of lets you off the hook. But

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Speaker 2: it's not a firm commitment. And so I think we

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Speaker 2: have to do like I know, for me personally, I

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Speaker 2: have to do a better job of committing like are

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Speaker 2: you gonna do it? Aren't you? Which one right?

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Speaker 3: And what keeps us from actually making that commitment in

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Speaker 3: that moment? What actually what's keeping us from being assertive

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Speaker 3: and setting our boundary and saying, nah, girl, I'm not

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Speaker 3: gonna make it to this I'm sorry, that isn't gonna

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Speaker 3: happen for me.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point.

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Speaker 3: What's keeping us from actually saying those words versus I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna try girl and then never show up and then

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Speaker 3: we look like the flaky front. And who likes the

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Speaker 3: flaky front? Who likes the flaky coworker? Nobody who likes

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Speaker 3: the flaky partner? And so yeah, this is a heavy

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Speaker 3: reminder of sticking to your word, being accountable, being honest.

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Speaker 2: To yourself, even you know that's so so important, being

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Speaker 2: honest with ourselves in addition to other people. But it's

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Speaker 2: like it starts at home, right, it starts within right.

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Speaker 2: I feel like this is this is convicting me. This

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Speaker 2: is going to make me change up my game, okay, right,

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Speaker 2: And I'm listening it and I'm like, oh wait, I

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Speaker 2: need to follows a couple of.

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Speaker 3: Things I know I need to work on, right, And

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Speaker 3: so as we think about this, like, as we think

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Speaker 3: about okay, wait, I'm taking notes, Well, let's really take

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Speaker 3: some notes, right. So, as we prepared for today's episode,

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Speaker 3: one of the things that we thought about was how

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Speaker 3: do we set our goals? What does goal setting really

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Speaker 3: look like? And a lot of us, particularly those of

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Speaker 3: us in academia, are familiar with the smart goals, and

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Speaker 3: smart goals stand for specific measurable achievable results, focused time bound.

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Speaker 3: We'll dive into that in a minute, but right now,

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Speaker 3: what I want to do is kind of think about Terry,

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Speaker 3: kind of ask you from your perspective, like, you have

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Speaker 3: a goal setting worksheet, can you take us through some

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Speaker 3: of those steps?

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Speaker 2: For sure? So I would say that the goal setting worksheet,

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Speaker 2: I think the most important aspect of the worksheet is

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Speaker 2: really doing a brain dump, because if you're anything like me,

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Speaker 2: you have so many ideas for yourself, for your life,

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Speaker 2: just things that you want to accomplish. And I think

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Speaker 2: sometimes you can have so many different ideas, so many

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Speaker 2: areas that you want to move into. So it's important

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Speaker 2: to do a brain dump. And so that's like one

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Speaker 2: of the first action items in the goal setting work

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Speaker 2: But it's like, okay, let's just do a brain dump.

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Speaker 2: Write down every single dream, every goal, everything that's like

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Speaker 2: running through your mind that's confusing you. And that's from

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Speaker 2: taking action because you don't know where to start. Write

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Speaker 2: all that down.

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Speaker 3: Ah, that's the first step, okay. And so it seems

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Speaker 3: like if we take that first step, right, if we

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Speaker 3: just put it all out there, then that easily ties

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Speaker 3: us into the s and the smart goals. Right, that's right,

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Speaker 3: because we can look at what's written in front of

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Speaker 3: us and we can pick a few things. We don't

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Speaker 3: have to pick all of them, but just pick a

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Speaker 3: few things and narrow it down, make.

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Speaker 2: It specific exactly. It allows you to clear out your

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Speaker 2: mind so that this just imagine all the ideas just

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Speaker 2: sort of rambling around to your mind, just shifting all around,

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Speaker 2: just taking up extra space. Right, So you do that

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Speaker 2: brain dump, it's no longer there. You have everything written,

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Speaker 2: so you don't lose it, and then you start to

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Speaker 2: get you start to narrow it down and try to

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Speaker 2: get specific.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, And so then now that we're specific, what's

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Speaker 3: the next step.

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Speaker 2: The next step is to figure out what do you

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Speaker 2: want to focus on and what's the time frame? Right?

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Speaker 2: So talking about making it measurable, which is the next

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Speaker 2: item there? And so I think it's more about okay,

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Speaker 2: what do I want to focus on for this month

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Speaker 2: or this year, whatever your time frame might be?

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Speaker 3: Making it measurable, right, and also quantifying it.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: So if we're saying Okay, if we're going to use

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Speaker 3: that time, we're going to skip ahead to the t

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Speaker 3: and be time focused or time bound and say I'm

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Speaker 3: going to give myself a month to accomplish this task. Well,

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Speaker 3: let's quantify that. Let's say that my goal is I'm

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Speaker 3: trying to lose weight in six months. Then if I'm

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Speaker 3: being specific and measurable, then I need to say I'm

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Speaker 3: trying to lose x amount of pounds, like I need

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Speaker 3: to naime that number, give it a number.

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Speaker 2: Thirty pounds, that's right, thirty.

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Speaker 3: Pounds in six months. I don't know how realistic that

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Speaker 3: is for most people or how healthy that is some

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Speaker 3: of us, but we're gonna go with it for our

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Speaker 3: next for example, thirty pounds in six months. That's specific, that's.

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Speaker 2: Measurable exactly because at the end of the six months

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Speaker 2: you'll be able to get on the scale and say,

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Speaker 2: all right, did I do this or doing it? Do

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Speaker 2: a little more work, right, right?

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Speaker 3: But then that goes to our a achievable So I

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Speaker 3: just said, like, I don't know if that's really realistic

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Speaker 3: for us, right, So then should we tweak it? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: let's tweak it, because we got to make it achievable's

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Speaker 3: tweak it six months.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a fitness expert, but thirty pounds in six

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Speaker 3: months for most of us does not seem realistic. So

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Speaker 3: let's bring that down to something more realistic. Let's say

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Speaker 3: ten pounds in six months. That's definitely achievable for most

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Speaker 3: of us.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree. I think it depends on you

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Speaker 2: as a person, in your body type, how long are

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Speaker 2: you trying to work out for, and really just personal

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Speaker 2: health right because everyone's body is different. So I think

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Speaker 2: that that's something that could be achievable. You can write

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Speaker 2: it down, track your progress, and achieve your goal in

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Speaker 2: six months.

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Speaker 3: And part of making that achievable also means that you

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Speaker 3: might have to consult with your physician, you might have

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Speaker 3: to consult with a personal trainer, because you want to

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Speaker 3: make sure that, again, that it's something that's truly achievable

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Speaker 3: and specific to you, not to what your friends can

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Speaker 3: do or what your family or your partner can do,

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Speaker 3: but what you can do exactly.

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Speaker 2: And even people on social media, we got to bring

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Speaker 2: that up because you know, people post pictures of the

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Speaker 2: snap back and you know there, Yeah, there's a lot

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Speaker 2: of unrealistic standards out there, so it's definitely catered to you,

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Speaker 2: your needs and what's healthy for you for sure, all.

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Speaker 3: Right, and so our next step results, folks, how does

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Speaker 3: that tie into your goal setting?

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Speaker 2: Yes, so let's see after we figure out what we

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Speaker 2: want to achieve by when, I like to also think

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Speaker 2: about what are those smaller action items that lead up

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Speaker 2: to the bigger goals. So we've already talked about the

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Speaker 2: high level goal, right, like, Okay, we want to lose

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Speaker 2: ten pounds and six months, So what do we need

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Speaker 2: to do to get to that point? And so it's

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Speaker 2: kind of like reverse engineering or working backwards.

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Speaker 3: Right right, Okay? And so to me, when I hear that,

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Speaker 3: I hear, oh, so there's these little small goals can

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Speaker 3: motivate me to keep going. Right, we say ten pounds

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Speaker 3: in six months, so that means that maybe like two

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Speaker 3: pounds a month. Maybe after the first month, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I can reassess, right, and if I've gotten those two

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Speaker 3: pounds down, then I can say, Okay, I've made some progress.

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Speaker 3: If I haven't, then I can step back and I

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Speaker 3: can say what needs to change so that what do

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Speaker 3: I need to tweet so that next month I can

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Speaker 3: knock out those.

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Speaker 2: Two pounds exactly, So what is your goal for each month?

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Speaker 2: And I would even go step further and say, what

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Speaker 2: are we going to do each week and each day?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: Are you going to work out twice a week, three

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Speaker 2: times a week? Are you also going to eat well

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Speaker 2: or change up your diet? So all of those little things, well,

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Speaker 2: those are like little milestones that will lead you to

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Speaker 2: the goal. And of course you want to make sure

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Speaker 2: that you're celebrating yourself along the way, because that's so importantly.

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Speaker 3: Definitely, that's the main That is one of the biggest

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Speaker 3: things that we kind of forget is that, Okay, like

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Speaker 3: we've set this goal for six months, and then we

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Speaker 3: just keep working or maybe not working, and then six

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Speaker 3: months hits and then we decide whether or not we're

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Speaker 3: going to celebrate based on whether we accomplish the goal.

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Speaker 3: But if we celebrate the small successes along the way,

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Speaker 3: that definitely keeps us motivated, or at least I know

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Speaker 3: that keeps me motivated to keep going.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, me too. Sometimes I get it distracted by

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Speaker 2: the bigger picture and I'm like, I just want to

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Speaker 2: get to the end goal. But lately what I've been

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Speaker 2: doing is really taking time to celebrate myself when I

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Speaker 2: do reach the smaller goals, because, like you said, Dom,

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Speaker 2: it gives you the momentum to keep pushing forward and

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Speaker 2: you have something to look forward to, right, Because sometimes

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Speaker 2: if you have those big, daunting goals like getting a degree, right,

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Speaker 2: pursuing your degree, or something like writing a book or

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Speaker 2: something that takes a lot of time, you want to

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Speaker 2: make sure that you don't get burnt out and you're

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Speaker 2: not discouraged before you even really get into the nitty

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Speaker 2: gritty aspects of the.

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Speaker 3: Goal exactly exactly. And I think you know, when we

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Speaker 3: stop and we really think about how we set goals

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Speaker 3: for ourselves or how we achieve goals for ourselves, I

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Speaker 3: think sometimes we get discouraged because we don't think about

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Speaker 3: or we don't address the barriers that might come up.

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Speaker 2: I ain't that the truth? Yeah, that's a really good point.

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Speaker 3: What are some of the barriers that you think of

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Speaker 3: when you when like, when you reflect on some of

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Speaker 3: the goals that you've tried to set for yourself, Girl,

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Speaker 3: I feel like everything.

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Speaker 2: Let me think health. Sometimes I have a certain I

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Speaker 2: may have had a certain goal in the past and

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Speaker 2: my health wasn't where it needed to be, and that

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Speaker 2: prevented me from reaching the goal. Most of the times,

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's outside influence or outside what is

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Speaker 2: the way I'm looking for outside sources or outside influences

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Speaker 2: that are impacting my ability to reach it.

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Speaker 3: Okay. And so it sounds like you're saying like those

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Speaker 3: are things like sometimes things outside of your control. H

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Speaker 3: But are they really outside of your control if we

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Speaker 3: step back and we look at it and we think

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Speaker 3: about it. Okay. So you mentioned like sometimes your health.

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Speaker 3: So there are some things with our health that come

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Speaker 3: up that we can't control, but we can control how

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Speaker 3: we address our health. I don't know about you, but

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Speaker 3: I know people who have health issues and they ignore it.

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Speaker 3: And I'm not talking about anything major. I'm talking about

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Speaker 3: something small, like your lower back has been hurting and

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Speaker 3: it's been hurting for like the past two months, but

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Speaker 3: you don't go to the doctor to get it checked.

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely guilty of that. And you're like somebody I know, Yes, Yes,

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Speaker 2: I'm like girl, I'm all guilty over here. You're right,

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Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes we can't control it, and the

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Speaker 2: other times it's like you could probably make some adjustment

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Speaker 2: here and that would allow you to actually get on

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Speaker 2: track right right.

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Speaker 3: And so when we encounter these barriers, what do you

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Speaker 3: do about it? I don't know about you, but for me,

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Speaker 3: when I'm encountering encountering a barrier, or I'm made aware of,

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Speaker 3: oh there's a barrier in my way, I have to

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Speaker 3: stop and reflect, and that's an opportunity for me to

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Speaker 3: make a conscious decision. Am I going to do something

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Speaker 3: about this barrier? Or am I going to let it

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Speaker 3: continue to be an excuse for me to not accomplish

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Speaker 3: my goal?

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Speaker 2: Girl? Okay, I just thought about something that's a really

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Speaker 2: good point. Because last year, I want to say I

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Speaker 2: had I ran into a situation with my blog where

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Speaker 2: I wanted to get into the details. Maybe I should

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Speaker 2: because I just want to get I want to tell you,

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Speaker 2: I want to give you out the juice. Okay. So basically,

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Speaker 2: I had, you know, hundreds of blog posts my blog,

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Speaker 2: and someone reached out basically stating that I had there

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Speaker 2: was some copyright infringement. I used some images that I

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Speaker 2: didn't have the copy write for. I just did Google

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Speaker 2: search because I started my blog six years ago, seven

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Speaker 2: years ago. I didn't know anything about anything, so I

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Speaker 2: was just you know foindal pictures on Google, like.

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Speaker 3: Hey, this is cute.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna use this.

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Speaker 3: Like most of the most of us do.

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Speaker 2: Girl that came after me and they were going to

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Speaker 2: assume me. They like sent that it was. It was

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Speaker 2: very serious and it was so stressful for me because

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Speaker 2: I had these goals that I was working on, but

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Speaker 2: this took precedent and it was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what to do. And it got

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Speaker 2: to the point where I literally I was paralyzed. I

391
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Speaker 2: did not do anything with the blog for about a month.

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Speaker 2: I was talking to my therapist about it, and I

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Speaker 2: was just like, I just don't I don't know what

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Speaker 2: to do. I feel overwhelmed. Anytime I think about even

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Speaker 2: looking at the email or trying to fix it or

396
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Speaker 2: addressing it, I just feel paralyzed. It stresses me out.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. And that made me

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Speaker 2: think about what you just said, like that was definitely

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Speaker 2: a barrier, and my therapist and my coach at the

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Speaker 2: time told me to basically sit down, reflect figure out, Okay,

401
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Speaker 2: where am I, what's happened? Where am I? And sometimes

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Speaker 2: that requires some personal responsibility, and so for me, I

403
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 2: had to realize you fugged up, you made a mistake,

404
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Speaker 2: you didn't have enough information. You did the best that

405
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Speaker 2: you could with the information you have. But now you

406
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Speaker 2: know better, so.

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Speaker 3: You know better what you did do better, That's right.

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Speaker 2: So I had to go through hundreds of blog posts,

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Speaker 2: buy images, use some free images, repost all my content

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Speaker 2: and it took a very long time, but it was

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Speaker 2: worth it. But it all went back to what you said,

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Speaker 2: reflecting on where you are, It's like, where am I

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Speaker 2: right now? How did I get here? How do I

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Speaker 2: get out of this predicament? And then taking those small

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Speaker 2: action steps. So every day I focused on five blog

416
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Speaker 2: posts and some days I didn't reach the goal, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, all right, let me focus on maybe

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Speaker 2: ten for the whole week, and I would just chew

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Speaker 2: away at that goal instead of trying to just do

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Speaker 2: everything at once.

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Speaker 3: And you just went through the smart goals just now,

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Speaker 3: just in those two seconds of sharing how you overcame

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Speaker 3: that barrier. You used the smart goals without even really

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Speaker 3: thinking about it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I really did not think about it.

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Speaker 3: Like you said. You got specific yep, because you said

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do blog posts. I'm going to conquer

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Speaker 3: this you were really specific. Then you got measurable and

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Speaker 3: you said I'm going to do five blog posts. Then

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Speaker 3: and you said something achievable because you said, you know,

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Speaker 3: realistically I can't do ten. Then results focus, So results focused.

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Speaker 3: At the end of the week, I'm going to look

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Speaker 3: and review and see what I need to do, like

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Speaker 3: did I accomplish the goal? If not, what do I

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Speaker 3: need to do differently? And then of course it was

436
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 3: time bound. You gave yourself a week to get those

437
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:25,120
Speaker 3: things done, and just that simply we've gone through our

438
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 3: smart goals.

439
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: One thing we did talk about we talked about the barriers, right,

440
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 2: So I just want to share two I want to

441
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 2: say these are like pro tips that I learned in

442
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: my life as it relates to goal mapping and reaching

443
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 2: your goals. The first is don't share your goals with

444
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 2: pigs and probably like what pigs, but look, pigs is

445
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 2: an acronym for people interested in garbage. And we all

446
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 2: we all know that you know right now and when

447
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 2: we just said that, you thought of that person. We

448
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: call them the negative Nancy be Down, the Debbie Downer,

449
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 2: or that person. They can win the lottery and they

450
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 2: still have something to bitch your own about.

451
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 3: Right, right, can never be happy about anything. I have

452
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 3: my own clinical ideas and hypotheses on what might be

453
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 3: going on with that person. But that is the person

454
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 3: that you don't share your dreams.

455
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 2: With exactly, you don't. They don't deserve to know about

456
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 2: what you're working on, what your goals are, because oftentimes

457
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 2: that's thinking. Thinking, as we like to say, can weigh

458
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 2: you down. And my pastor, he has like the best

459
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 2: analogies and quotes, and one thing he used to say

460
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 2: when I was back home is you can't fit a

461
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: three by five idea in a two y five mind.

462
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 2: It isn't gonna fit right. And so it's like, you

463
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 2: share your goals with someone they don't even have the

464
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: capacity to see that for themselves. How the hell they

465
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 2: gonna see you achieving your goals? They can't even see

466
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 2: it for themselves and don't believe it to be a possibility,

467
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 2: right right, it's gonna weigh you down.

468
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,360
Speaker 3: That means you need to surround yourself with people who

469
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 3: are like minded and who have bigger things in mind,

470
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 3: who can help expand you, who can help grow you.

471
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 3: And that's a whole other topic for a whole nother

472
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 3: podcast episode. Stay tuned because we're going to bring that

473
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:17,879
Speaker 3: one to you at some point.

474
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 2: That's right, that's right. And so I would say to

475
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 2: wrap up this first little pro tip here, it's like,

476
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,959
Speaker 2: don't share your goals with pigs. Instead, share your goals

477
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: with pals. And of course pals is an acronym, right, right,

478
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 2: people always looking to support.

479
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 3: I like that, people always looking to support.

480
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 2: That makes sense, that's right because we all have friends

481
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 2: like that, right, They're always looking to support you and offer,

482
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,159
Speaker 2: you know, encouragement and all that good stuff. So number

483
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 2: two is commit to reviewing your goals at least ten

484
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 2: minutes per week. What isn't examined can't be enhanced. So

485
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: just imagine it this way, right, if you are cooking

486
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 2: a nice little meal for your fan, and you put

487
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 2: all the food on the stove. You got everything ready,

488
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 2: you got stuff in the ovens, stuff on the stove,

489
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,199
Speaker 2: and you leave it there and you leave it. You

490
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 2: just let it sit. You don't go check on it.

491
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 2: You just set it and forget it.

492
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 3: Like do we even turn the stove on?

493
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 2: Yes, the slov is just on and the food is

494
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,400
Speaker 2: just going it's boiling, like it's just happening. It's all

495
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 2: happening right now.

496
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:22,919
Speaker 3: Aren't we about to burn our house down? Yes?

497
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 2: And that's that's kind of how you would basically burn

498
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 2: your goal house down when you don't check on those

499
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 2: goals and you don't check on your progress right, Because

500
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 2: it's like, how is this meal gonna taste if you

501
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 2: just leave it on the stove? Nothing in life is

502
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 2: set it and forget it. So when you have goals,

503
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 2: you know how it is. It's the new year, we're

504
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 2: all setting goals. If you don't revisit them, you're gonna

505
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 2: look up and it's going to be December of twenty

506
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 2: nineteen and them goals are going to be burning on

507
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 2: the stove. Because you didn't check on it right, You

508
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 2: didn't make any progress. You didn't take a look at

509
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 2: what you're doing on a weekly basis to make sure

510
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 2: that you're sticking with those goals and then you're aligning

511
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 2: your day to day apps actions with the outcomes that

512
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 2: you desire.

513
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 3: I like that idea of checking it on a weekly basis.

514
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 3: I know for me in twenty eighteen, I had set

515
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 3: some goals and I would go back and look like

516
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 3: maybe once a month or once every couple of months

517
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 3: and then towards the end of the year it was like,

518
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 3: oh wait, I kind of got to totally look at

519
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 3: my goals. But if that's like a weekly check in

520
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 3: for yourself, that's a great way to stay on top

521
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 3: of things and make adjustments as needed.

522
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 2: And it's only ten minutes. We all have we sit

523
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 2: on the toilet for at least ten minutes out of

524
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 2: the week, Like at least at some point you could

525
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 2: literally look in your phone look at your goals. That

526
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 2: could be your thing. Honestly, they're going to little pro tip.

527
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 2: You can have a little ritual. And I don't want

528
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 2: to make this awkward, so hopefully you don't think of

529
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 2: her Space podcast when you're on the toilet, but if

530
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 2: you do, that's cool too. I'm just right, whatever works

531
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 2: for whatever works for you. I was just thinking, like,

532
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 2: you're on the toilet, like oh, Dom and Terry said,

533
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,479
Speaker 2: check my goals and I'm on the toilet. But if

534
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 2: that's what you have to do, like to create that

535
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 2: time for yourself because you deserve it, and that'll allow you,

536
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: even if it's one goal a week, it'll allow you

537
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,400
Speaker 2: to make sure that Okay, I'm going to ensure that

538
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 2: the action items, the day to day things that I'm doing,

539
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 2: are aligning with this one.

540
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 3: Goal that I have. Oh, I love it. I love

541
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,959
Speaker 3: it in the bathroom when you wake up in the morning,

542
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 3: right before you go to bed at night, you're at work,

543
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 3: and you have those random ten minutes that found time

544
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 3: that we've talked about before.

545
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 2: You can do it, so in this episode. Your next

546
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 2: step is to visit the Herspace podcast at herspace podcast

547
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 2: dot com and download the Goal of Mapping workbook and

548
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 2: start making progress on your goals. This is a great

549
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 2: time of year for you to download this free resource

550
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 2: and map out your action items, hold yourself accountable, and

551
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 2: use the tools that we've discussed in today's episode to

552
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 2: make the progress that you've been wanting to make in

553
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 2: your life.

554
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 3: And now we want to take a moment to share

555
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 3: a listener question.

556
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 2: This week's question, we're actually going to keep this anonymous.

557
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 2: This young lady has asked us to refrain from sharing

558
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 2: her information, but we appreciate you for sharing, so thank

559
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 2: you so much so. The question is I recently got

560
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 2: out of a toxic relationship. I'm embarking on a somewhat

561
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 2: lonely journey to independence and inner peace, And oddly enough,

562
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 2: I'm tempted to reach out to my ex, even though

563
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 2: he's bad news. How do you move on from a

564
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 2: toxic person? Who can you relate to? That dome I

565
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 2: can relate to that girl, I can too.

566
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 3: And next week we will dive into how to be

567
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 3: in that space, how to be with your feelings and

568
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 3: your thoughts when the relationship is and you're trying to

569
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 3: move forward.

570
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 2: But be sure to tune in next week to hear

571
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 2: our perspective and advice on this question.

572
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 3: Thank you, thanks for joining us today in her Space.

573
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 3: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

574
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

575
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 3: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

576
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 3: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or

577
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 3: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

578
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 3: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

579
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 3: or contact your insurance provider.

580
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

581
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

582
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 2: Twitter at her Space podcast, or check out our website

583
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com and before we meet again, repeat

584
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 2: after me. I am not defined by where I come

585
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 2: from or what happened to me. I get to create

586
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 2: my own destiny.

587
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, lady,