Speaker 1: Nicky Here, Nikki, hello here, I am welcome to the
Speaker 1: Nicki Glazer Podcast Season two. You're just joining us as
Speaker 1: a new listener. Welcome aboard. If you are an old bestie,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. I Um, I'm here with Andrew,
Speaker 1: my former roommate now my building mate. Uh Noah is
Speaker 1: our producer. She is in Arizona. We do the show
Speaker 1: out of St. Louis in my apartment and it's a
Speaker 1: joy and we are so appreciative of all of our listeners.
Speaker 1: And a couple of things. I saw a couple of
Speaker 1: besties this weekend. I just want to say that I
Speaker 1: was walking in downtown Chicago with my parents after dinner
Speaker 1: on Saturday night and all I hear out of a
Speaker 1: car is best day. And I turned around and it
Speaker 1: was a bestie waving out the window. Um. Which, if
Speaker 1: you ever see me with my parents leaves, come up
Speaker 1: and talk to me. Because the reason I do this
Speaker 1: is so that my parents can think that I'm cool
Speaker 1: and love like. It's all because you want your parents.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm car blind. I don't know it was not.
Speaker 1: They didn't pay off. I just go, don't be care
Speaker 1: and then they peeled off listening to come, my lady, Come, come,
Speaker 1: my lady, and like bumping the base. Um. And then
Speaker 1: I also had another bestie encounter. I was at Starbucks
Speaker 1: around the block from our apartment, the one I go
Speaker 1: to like every day. I was with my parents on Friday,
Speaker 1: and girl and her boyfriend, who was either mute or
Speaker 1: just didn't care to talk, UM ran over and was
Speaker 1: like it didn't run over, but she was like, hi,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Everyone. Besties are so sweet. They're always and
Speaker 1: by the way, we call our our fans besties because
Speaker 1: it's like so lame that it's funny. And it also
Speaker 1: is like you guys are our best friends because we
Speaker 1: talk like we do to our best friends on here,
Speaker 1: Like I don't even like people who aren't like I
Speaker 1: don't like my family to listen to this because it
Speaker 1: feels like a chat with my best friends. And you
Speaker 1: wouldn't talk the same way to your girlfriends as you
Speaker 1: and your family, even though my mom does listen. So
Speaker 1: I gotta watch myself. But um, a bestie came up
Speaker 1: and and said high and she was like, I was
Speaker 1: driving past and I you know, she was visiting from
Speaker 1: a different part of St. Louis and she was like,
Speaker 1: and I said to my boyfriend or husband or whoever
Speaker 1: it was. He didn't talk, but he was so cute,
Speaker 1: just like a shopping husband, like holding her purse. She
Speaker 1: gotta go talk to Lazer and um, she was like,
Speaker 1: and I've heard this a lot. They go I saw
Speaker 1: a Starbucks and I was also like, what if I
Speaker 1: saw Nicki Glazer? Like when people driving around St. Louis
Speaker 1: they say that we've heard that before, with fans being like,
Speaker 1: what if we saw Nickie and Andrew? And then there
Speaker 1: they are? And so it was really cute and I
Speaker 1: loved Please come up to me whenever parents are not.
Speaker 1: I loved it. It was so fun. I did feel
Speaker 1: like the one in St. Louis was like beautiful or not,
Speaker 1: but it felt like she was so cute and adorable
Speaker 1: that she could have stalked us. Oh you mean the
Speaker 1: one that stopped us a few Like it's to be
Speaker 1: on I think it's gonna be on Welcome Home Nicki Glazer,
Speaker 1: which is coming out May first. I really independent on
Speaker 1: all of you besties watching the premiere on May one
Speaker 1: on E. I know that that's like I don't even
Speaker 1: know how to get E. How do I figure it? Out,
Speaker 1: go to your friend's house, tweet about it, do whatever
Speaker 1: you can, because you know, Cable is kind of, you know, struggling,
Speaker 1: and it's really important to like have They're going to
Speaker 1: decide whether or not we get a second season based
Speaker 1: on how the first few episodes perform. And I just
Speaker 1: want to say, like, if you, um, if you get
Speaker 1: the word out and watch that premiere episode, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be two episodes back to back, actually episode one and two,
Speaker 1: which I haven't even seen to dying to um of
Speaker 1: Welcome Home. Nicki Glazer question Mark on May one, Sunday,
Speaker 1: May one. UM, I would really really appreciate. We're going
Speaker 1: to talk about it a lot coming up. But that
Speaker 1: girl appeared on the show and she was so sweet.
Speaker 1: Yeah it seems like a plant because she was like
Speaker 1: crying and shaking and adorable. Yeah, it was. You could
Speaker 1: have stabbed one of us and we're like, you can
Speaker 1: slap the ship at me. Um. Now I want to
Speaker 1: just ask how did you all how did we all
Speaker 1: come to find out about what happened? Were you watching
Speaker 1: it live? What was going on? I want to say
Speaker 1: that I had given up on oscars. You know, I
Speaker 1: realized I only watched the Oscars for the comedy I
Speaker 1: Want to See. I don't really care about in the
Speaker 1: speeches of someone giving a crazy speech, but really it's
Speaker 1: about especially this time watching Amy Schumer and Wanda Sykes.
Speaker 1: But Wanda, they kind of gave this weird like did
Speaker 1: you see that bit her? Like you didn't like I
Speaker 1: didn't like the Oh well, I didn't like the Regina,
Speaker 1: but she's not comedian. I know, Um, what is her
Speaker 1: last name of Hall? Regina? I don't want to suck
Speaker 1: it up. It's not Regina name. Um yeah, so Regina Hall,
Speaker 1: Amy Schumer and want the Sykes hosted. And I was
Speaker 1: obviously very excited to see Amy host because she's just
Speaker 1: the fucking funniest and I knew she was going to
Speaker 1: kind of gervase it and like really go all out,
Speaker 1: and she did. She killed it so many great lines. Um.
Speaker 1: I really loved. Even though that joke has been made
Speaker 1: a million times about Leo having young girlfriends, I loved
Speaker 1: the just such a funny joke that he's leaving the
Speaker 1: world a better place, you know, fighting climate change for
Speaker 1: his girlfriends. And then also, um, there finally there was
Speaker 1: a movie made about the Williams sisters. Dad, that's great.
Speaker 1: So many I like a joke, even if it is
Speaker 1: said a lot on that big of a stage, because
Speaker 1: that's that's Leo's land, like the Oscars, that's Leo's world.
Speaker 1: You don't come into Leo's world and take down Leo. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're so right. And I wondered if he was even there,
Speaker 1: because I think he was. I mean, his movie was up,
Speaker 1: but I don't think he was up for Best Actor.
Speaker 1: He was driving around a movie theater in his car
Speaker 1: trying to pick up women. According to Jo Jared, like
Speaker 1: the Gossip side, I think he just went to the
Speaker 1: after party. Okay, that makes sense. Um, you know, any
Speaker 1: mention is good. So he can roll his eyes all
Speaker 1: he wanted that, and celebrities can go. I don't to
Speaker 1: be the butt of jokes, but it's bad. Press is
Speaker 1: good press. If someone's joking about you, it's good. When
Speaker 1: I would go to the roast in a comic would
Speaker 1: get up there or a celebrity would get out there
Speaker 1: and just totally skipped me, it was a terrible feeling,
Speaker 1: as opposed to just saying something awful about me, having
Speaker 1: like Baldwin say, I don't uh, nicky glazers here. I
Speaker 1: don't even know what a nicky glazer is. Like that was.
Speaker 1: That's so even though it's acknowledging that I'm a nobody,
Speaker 1: it was it's great to have him say my name.
Speaker 1: Um So, I just want to say before we get
Speaker 1: started on the Chris Rock stuff that I I tuned
Speaker 1: in for Amy. She fucking killed it. And then wandas likes.
Speaker 1: They gave some kind of like bit where she was
Speaker 1: going through a museum and it was really just not great.
Speaker 1: And obviously Wanda is one of the funniest people ever,
Speaker 1: so it was just like a missed opportunity with her.
Speaker 1: But then Regina Hall had a bit where she came
Speaker 1: out and they set it up in the beginning where
Speaker 1: Amy was like, I'm something like, I forget what they
Speaker 1: were saying. I'm excited to be here. Wanda was like,
Speaker 1: I'm surprised that I got asked in. Regina is like,
Speaker 1: and I'm single. So they set it up she's single,
Speaker 1: which I thought was I thought the joke was weird,
Speaker 1: and then I saw, oh, this is paying off. Later
Speaker 1: we're setting her up a single she's looking for a guy,
Speaker 1: and then she says, you know, not everyone got COVID tested,
Speaker 1: we need to do some swapping backstage, and she calls
Speaker 1: up all like the single handsome actors, and she even
Speaker 1: made a joke about Will Smith at that point, being like,
Speaker 1: what's the deal with you guys? Is that? I thought
Speaker 1: that was hilarious. Steven references open marriage, which we all
Speaker 1: know about but no one really talks about. And then
Speaker 1: but I just thought that whole bit was just I
Speaker 1: was shocked that anyone let that happen. You know, when
Speaker 1: like someone a celebrity does black face and you go,
Speaker 1: how did someone not stop you from doing that? How
Speaker 1: did you did this pass through every you know? And
Speaker 1: I'm not comparing the two stop with the things of
Speaker 1: like do you think black face is the same as
Speaker 1: Regina Hall doing? Like no, I'm just saying, how, yeah,
Speaker 1: that'd be so hilarious. I was like, I think they're
Speaker 1: exactly nine eleven, and Chris Rock getting in the face
Speaker 1: is the same. I don't know why anyone would argue
Speaker 1: that's just totally not so well if he got hit twice.
Speaker 1: Did you see the bit? Did you see the reginal
Speaker 1: All bit? Yeah? You did. That's when I stop watching. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it made me so I watched it through my fingers.
Speaker 1: After after I realized what the premise was and I
Speaker 1: was just like oh, and then saying that she was
Speaker 1: going to swap them with her tongue, saying that she
Speaker 1: wanted to made a joke about one guy, I know
Speaker 1: you're legal euphoria joke. He wasn't even there, Jacob Ellardy.
Speaker 1: He was backstage. She was about to give a work.
Speaker 1: And then also um, the part about them getting naked,
Speaker 1: her filming some stuff with them, filming them against like
Speaker 1: their will, like it was all like a trick. Was
Speaker 1: like that porn you watch or I watched mostly where
Speaker 1: it's like doctors like take advantage of these unknowing women.
Speaker 1: I mean I watched stuff that scripted, and obviously this
Speaker 1: was scripted. But then she felt up the people walking
Speaker 1: out the too, Um, I forget. It was probably like
Speaker 1: Jason Momoa and someone else. She after she said, okay,
Speaker 1: here there they come out and it wasn't so uncomfortable weird,
Speaker 1: and the guys couldn't talk so they're just standing so
Speaker 1: and they were laughing, but it was like so weird.
Speaker 1: And then the audience shots people were like, I thought
Speaker 1: I was going to go on Twitter and see everyone
Speaker 1: being like that was terrible. Everyone loved it so much,
Speaker 1: and it's I'm sorry. If Amy would have done that bit,
Speaker 1: she would have been pilloried for it, like she would
Speaker 1: have been. It would have been like, that's so cringe.
Speaker 1: Why is she like, we get it, you're single, it's gross,
Speaker 1: she's sexual like, But for some reason it was adorable
Speaker 1: when Regina did. I just don't understand why it was celebrated.
Speaker 1: Even Jesse Fox, who is a guy who does a
Speaker 1: podcast called Good One. He's uh, he is a writer
Speaker 1: for He does a podcast called Good When. He's like
Speaker 1: pretty much a comedy connoisseur writer and he's very well respected.
Speaker 1: He has great taste in comedy. I love reading his
Speaker 1: stuff on a lot of like you know, interviews with him,
Speaker 1: and and um, he wrote like that was just amazing,
Speaker 1: and I just go, what am I missing? And he
Speaker 1: said to do a bit that's awkward and to have
Speaker 1: that much like he had a good point. She did
Speaker 1: a good performance. The bit was stupid, though, And I
Speaker 1: just want to say that I couldn't get past the
Speaker 1: double standard of like if if a man was doing this,
Speaker 1: how gross this would be to say he was gonna
Speaker 1: slap someone's these young girls that he just checked if
Speaker 1: they're legal with his tongue, And I hate this double
Speaker 1: standard thing. I hate that argument, and I just want
Speaker 1: to say, if I think it's not that I'm saying
Speaker 1: Regina Hall shouldn't been able to make that joke. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying that a guy should be able to make
Speaker 1: that joke too, because it is comedy and it's just
Speaker 1: a joke. So I'm not saying I'm offended. I am
Speaker 1: offended because I can't believe that men aren't allowed to
Speaker 1: do that. If women are allowed to make those jokes,
Speaker 1: we need to be And I understand that men are
Speaker 1: stronger and like have an advantage, but so many men
Speaker 1: have been victimized by women, both in you know, sexual harassment,
Speaker 1: touching men inappropriately, especially comics who women after a meet
Speaker 1: and greets. All my male comic friends get felt up
Speaker 1: all the time by women, and of course they're stronger
Speaker 1: than women and so they can push them off. It's
Speaker 1: a different kind of vibe than women with men, you know,
Speaker 1: annoying them. But I do know that it's actually it's
Speaker 1: less acceptable to complain about, so these guys have to
Speaker 1: stay with the secret and they have to. You know,
Speaker 1: young boys that get preyed upon by their school teachers.
Speaker 1: They they they get like, oh, you know, he died
Speaker 1: of high fiving everyone. That was zac Alfanakis his joke.
Speaker 1: Did you hear about the kid who slept with this
Speaker 1: his teacher? He died of high five and too hard.
Speaker 1: And so it's like a lot of guys, it's the
Speaker 1: same as the penis thing of, Like small penises get
Speaker 1: made fun of, and we all let it slide because
Speaker 1: no one who's getting their small penis made fun of
Speaker 1: is gonna go, hey, I have a small penis. And
Speaker 1: we all think laugh and joke about male sexual horror,
Speaker 1: sexual harassment towards males by women because all they can
Speaker 1: send it off. But any guy that was like, hey
Speaker 1: I was actually raped by a woman, I don't like that.
Speaker 1: You know what guy's going to say that first of all,
Speaker 1: because it's just, you know, uncomfortable to admit that thing,
Speaker 1: and they shouldn't have to. But you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: it least stay quiet, and so we keep doing it.
Speaker 1: If you get harassed as a teenager and you have
Speaker 1: if you have a big dick, it's fine, right, is that?
Speaker 1: What you're saying, yeah, and that was my point. So
Speaker 1: let's move on to the thing everyone's talking about. I
Speaker 1: was in bed because I had already given up. Um.
Speaker 1: I get I'm on Reddit. I'm looking at you know,
Speaker 1: videos of warts being scraped down, and I get a
Speaker 1: text from Chris, my boyfriend, and Jen, my assistant, and
Speaker 1: one other person that just said, um, I just want
Speaker 1: to read the text that I got from Chris. Um.
Speaker 1: I read on Twitter something like was that real? Was
Speaker 1: that punch real? And then I go, what the funk happened? Wait?
Speaker 1: I texted you guys that yes, oh, and then you
Speaker 1: texted that right after I saw on Twitter, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what was real? Okay, so I got what
Speaker 1: what wtf just happened with Will Smith? Um, Chris sent
Speaker 1: me a bunch of voice memos. He goes turn it on.
Speaker 1: Now I know that because I already pulled him on,
Speaker 1: like I'm in bed, I gave up, and he goes,
Speaker 1: get out of bed, it's worth it, and he goes
Speaker 1: go to Twitter and tweet it looks like Chris Rock
Speaker 1: is going to have to move in with his auntie
Speaker 1: and uncle and bel Air just tweet it. Just trust me,
Speaker 1: And because he have a bigger audience, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is the ultimate trust and so I tweeted it.
Speaker 1: It Everyone ended up making that joke, but I was
Speaker 1: one of the first because Chris told me to do
Speaker 1: it and um and then I was like okay, and
Speaker 1: I climb out of bed and I turned back on
Speaker 1: the TV and I go back and watch it, and
Speaker 1: my I mean, everyone was saying punch. Someone on Twitter
Speaker 1: did say, why did that slap sound like punch? Because
Speaker 1: it was more than a slap. I mean, he lifted.
Speaker 1: It was like a pim slap. He It showed that
Speaker 1: he spent time as Muhammad Ali. That's what he showed me.
Speaker 1: It showed me that he method actor and he has
Speaker 1: not forgot how to throw right. And he hit him
Speaker 1: in a way that like it was almost more demoralizing
Speaker 1: to get slapped. It's almost when in front of slap
Speaker 1: where there isn't a bitch punch. When he walked up
Speaker 1: and was still you see you see Chris see him.
Speaker 1: That was an interesting part to me, where you go
Speaker 1: from things are fine to like oh god, to getting defensive. Well,
Speaker 1: why did you think it was fake or did you
Speaker 1: a lot of people still think it's fake. It's insane.
Speaker 1: So I just like watch it in slow motion on Twitter,
Speaker 1: and Chris Rock's legs barely moved. It was only his
Speaker 1: upper body that went off to the side. It was
Speaker 1: stills of it are insane, yes, but when I kept
Speaker 1: watching it slowly, it did look like maybe like spit
Speaker 1: came out of Chris Rock's mouth, so I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well that is real. And his his cheek kind of rippled, yes,
Speaker 1: a lot, because he didn't. It was such a hard
Speaker 1: slap that you would think it would land him on
Speaker 1: his ass almost or at least he'd stepped back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it would like definitely like like rock him off the
Speaker 1: position that he was in, and he kind of like
Speaker 1: stayed stationary. You know, Hollywood makes some bad choices where
Speaker 1: you go, How did anyone think this was gonna be funny?
Speaker 1: That to me though, it just it didn't seem there
Speaker 1: was no way I could make it into it was fake.
Speaker 1: And also the muting of the TV after it happened,
Speaker 1: which I saw. I get it. You saw it on Twitter,
Speaker 1: so you thought it might have been a stunt, the
Speaker 1: muting afterwards, and then when you saw what he really said,
Speaker 1: get your get my wife's name out of your fucking mouth.
Speaker 1: Get your west by West name out of your mouth. Um,
Speaker 1: it was absolutely not fake and yeah he uh, it
Speaker 1: would be funny if Logan Paul was behind all this
Speaker 1: from Slap Championships that you almost hosted. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: maybe it did hilarious Who hosted it was Paul and
Speaker 1: then it could have been Nicki Glazer but I never
Speaker 1: wrote then back from that point Island is Logan balls
Speaker 1: Man attorney room. He was like, I think he would
Speaker 1: be great at this to Vench, don't forget me for
Speaker 1: other things, but I might be bigger than ever now.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I like forget huge things like I'm not kidding you,
Speaker 1: Like when I get asked to do things, I have
Speaker 1: to say that I did. Um. I met Francis Ford
Speaker 1: Coppola on uh Thursday and like held his hand, talked
Speaker 1: to him for about thirty minutes, audition with him for
Speaker 1: another thirty minutes. He signed a wine bottle for my
Speaker 1: parents to e J and Julie, he wrote it, signed
Speaker 1: a book for me. I spent so much time with
Speaker 1: him on Thursday. Um, I forgot about that. I even
Speaker 1: it was funny because after the slap he was on
Speaker 1: he was one of the next presenters or like doing
Speaker 1: the Godfather thing. He's up on stage and I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god. I just was with the person,
Speaker 1: but I was just like going through Twitter like I forgot.
Speaker 1: And then the weirdest thing that I just want to
Speaker 1: say before we we're gonna get into the Chris Rock
Speaker 1: thing in top one, bottom one in our segment do
Speaker 1: you ever have this? It's the first time it's happened
Speaker 1: to me where something is so exciting you blackout and
Speaker 1: you forget that it happened, and you just it's almost
Speaker 1: like in a dream, you know, when you wake up
Speaker 1: from a dream where you're like hooking up with your
Speaker 1: dream person, or you have your dream job, or you
Speaker 1: went flying, and it's just was so good that you
Speaker 1: have to forget it because it's just too sad that
Speaker 1: it didn't happen. But I think for you, two days later,
Speaker 1: you were singing with Wilco. So that's what I'm saying this.
Speaker 1: I was with Wilco, I think, but it's not this
Speaker 1: in your hand, you know what I mean. Yes, so
Speaker 1: too many things are happening. But when I was on
Speaker 1: f uh Perfect Strangers, Perfect Perfect, but I was on
Speaker 1: Perfect Strangers too. I got asked to do carpool karaoke
Speaker 1: with UM, a band that I was not into because
Speaker 1: I'm friends with one of the producers that worked there.
Speaker 1: And she was like, any chance, you're a huge blah
Speaker 1: blah blah fan, And I said, I don't like blah
Speaker 1: blah law, but I'm sure you can find someone I
Speaker 1: would love to do that show though I'm a fan
Speaker 1: of And then I said, uh. I gave her three
Speaker 1: choices and I thought, no chance for any of these people,
Speaker 1: and then she comes back with Wilco said yes immediately,
Speaker 1: and I called my parents right away. We were on
Speaker 1: the set way to the set to Perfect Strangers. I
Speaker 1: called my parents on speaker because they got me into Woco,
Speaker 1: and I told them Um about it, and then I
Speaker 1: went to set and I didn't talk about it or
Speaker 1: think about it after that because it was so it
Speaker 1: was too much excitement of like, this is like the
Speaker 1: biggest thing that's ever happened to me in terms of
Speaker 1: getting to hang out with someone who has impacted my
Speaker 1: life in such a profound way that I couldn't I
Speaker 1: couldn't handle it. And I talked to Chris. Chris Chris Conty,
Speaker 1: My boyfriend is a huge WOCO fan as well, huge, huge, huge,
Speaker 1: and one of the reasons why we got along so well.
Speaker 1: And I was tracked to do him in the beginning,
Speaker 1: and he I didn't tell him for three It was
Speaker 1: like three days until I remembered three days later. I
Speaker 1: remember I didn't tell anyone it was it was wild
Speaker 1: because it was too much and if I was to
Speaker 1: stay in that, I wouldn't be present for perfect strangers.
Speaker 1: I couldn't have gotten on with my day because it
Speaker 1: would just have freaked me out too much. And after
Speaker 1: the weekend I had with Wilco, which I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk about either more today or tomorrow. Um, after Columbine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well we're gonna get to Columbine. Um, we're gonna get
Speaker 1: through all that. But UM, I want to talk to
Speaker 1: about my Wilco experience because I want to honor it
Speaker 1: and I don't want to move on to the next
Speaker 1: big thing, which I'm going to shoot tonight. I'm going
Speaker 1: to New York because I'm shooting Beat Bobby Flay that show,
Speaker 1: and that's another really fun thing that could easily just
Speaker 1: like make me forget about the thing that just happened,
Speaker 1: so I don't want to forget it. And it was
Speaker 1: truly the most the best thing that could have happened
Speaker 1: happened with the Wilco weekend. And we'll talk about that later.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about Chris Rock. We're gonna go to break
Speaker 1: and we'll come back with the news. Andrew, all right,
Speaker 1: we're back. Let's get to the news. Oh man, it's Monday, folks.
Speaker 1: You know what that means. It is Monday. I hope
Speaker 1: you're having all the swells. I'm sure Chris Brock has
Speaker 1: one on his faith right now. Hey, now, I didn't
Speaker 1: write that. I was completely improv or was it? Okay? Alright,
Speaker 1: first story is did you know that their parents in
Speaker 1: Thailand who are trying to use science and technology to
Speaker 1: bring their daughter back to life. Okay, I just heard
Speaker 1: that physicists determined that information might be a sixth sense
Speaker 1: or no matter. It might be a new form of matter.
Speaker 1: That information is now could be qualified as matter, which
Speaker 1: is not something that was so Okay, things things are happening.
Speaker 1: Tyler Henry is talking to dead people and Netflix tell
Speaker 1: me about this. Okay. So, the two year old girl
Speaker 1: nicknamed Eines is the youngest person to be cryogenically frozen,
Speaker 1: preserving her brain moments after death in the hope that
Speaker 1: she would one day be brought back to life. I mean,
Speaker 1: science will get there. Let it go go. I know,
Speaker 1: I shot a thing with Marian and Luigi two weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and um, I was talking about my desire to have
Speaker 1: Mary and uh uh taxidermy next week. She's not. She's
Speaker 1: not gonna die next week. But like, I just want
Speaker 1: to have her put down because I think I just
Speaker 1: want to get it as soon as possible. But when
Speaker 1: she does die, no, I want to have her talk
Speaker 1: to every and my dad is refusing. No. She already
Speaker 1: looks at is it weird to take these measures? I
Speaker 1: mean that is a way for me to keep her alive.
Speaker 1: To me, because when the physical part of her is
Speaker 1: still there, No, what do you think? Checks jermy not
Speaker 1: so much. But like this whole process, I got into
Speaker 1: it a little bit and read more about at it,
Speaker 1: and basically they extracted her brain and they're keeping her
Speaker 1: brain like they filled it with all these fluids and
Speaker 1: they're keeping it at a temperature that's negative a hundred
Speaker 1: and nine degrees celsius. And it's if they're just preserving
Speaker 1: it in this special center in the home one day,
Speaker 1: wait for Joan to like recover from It's like Futurama.
Speaker 1: It's exactly exactly that it's Futurama. They're basically just like
Speaker 1: keeping her brain in like a jar. So what do
Speaker 1: they want to do with the brain. They want to
Speaker 1: waiting for technology to catch up, and then they're gonna yeah. Right.
Speaker 1: My question was though, like if technology, let's say it
Speaker 1: happens like two years from now, does that mean that
Speaker 1: this lab has to be opened that long? Yeah? What
Speaker 1: if they have to close down? What do they do
Speaker 1: with the bodies? I'm guessing that they're just going to
Speaker 1: have uh, you know, if it closes down, it's like
Speaker 1: it but I feel like they you would have to
Speaker 1: leave money so that it but you know't did you
Speaker 1: see you don't look up? At the end, they all
Speaker 1: returned to Earth after they were frozen and sent to space.
Speaker 1: Earth blows up there frozen for thousands of years. They
Speaker 1: come back when the Earth has kind of regrown and
Speaker 1: they land and they're instantly like eaten by I'm just
Speaker 1: this girl would wake up, let's say her brain, and
Speaker 1: then everyone's dead. I mean, it's just not. I mean
Speaker 1: it's it really is. Death is really hard, and that's
Speaker 1: why I love that book that I just read, UM
Speaker 1: that I keep talking about by Carrie Egan k E
Speaker 1: R R E g A, and I forget that if
Speaker 1: it's on living, I think is what it's called, and
Speaker 1: it just talks about death and it really um it
Speaker 1: was a beautiful take on death that I've I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about a lot recently. Let's get to the next
Speaker 1: news story. Okay, a singer was hospitalized because she was
Speaker 1: on she was not on farting terms with her partner. Okay,
Speaker 1: so she was so stopped up. Yeah. I had a
Speaker 1: joke about this in my um on my half hour
Speaker 1: that I did with Netflix, about how when Chris and
Speaker 1: I broke up, he left. I remember he like we
Speaker 1: broke up and it was like that moment where it
Speaker 1: was really done and the door shut and I was
Speaker 1: just I farted for nine years. Like. It was also
Speaker 1: about like that that sound that you know sometimes I
Speaker 1: will hold in a fart around people that I don't
Speaker 1: want to fart in front of, and your someone will
Speaker 1: make that sound like the fart will get sucked back
Speaker 1: up and it's like, yeah, it'll make a sound of
Speaker 1: like you're hungry, but it sounds like it's growling. And
Speaker 1: I we used to do that, and I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so hungry, and Chris is like, you just ate
Speaker 1: a bunch of beans, Like why would? That's obviously not
Speaker 1: what it It's so sucked up fart, but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very painful to hold in farts. And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times my aggression I used to when
Speaker 1: Chris and I used to live together, I was so
Speaker 1: fucked up with my food and eating just such weird
Speaker 1: you know, artificial sweeteners that just make you a bloated
Speaker 1: like giggly puff, Like I was just a balloon. I
Speaker 1: was like Macy's Day Parade pot stomach always gassy. Um.
Speaker 1: I was miserable because I was holding it in and
Speaker 1: I couldn't let it out. Do you think that's why
Speaker 1: people at home just like I'm not even getting like,
Speaker 1: is that a reason for like an extra bathroom? Christ
Speaker 1: and I will if we ever moved together, we will
Speaker 1: get at least two bathrooms because we like to do
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Separate and and farting terms with
Speaker 1: your boyfriend? No, are your on farting terms with um
Speaker 1: av and if you are, what is it just like
Speaker 1: whenever or do you have to warn each other? Um?
Speaker 1: We are not on farting terms. And it's because I
Speaker 1: learned my lesson from a previous relationship where there was
Speaker 1: like no boundaries with that, like we would literally like
Speaker 1: ship in front of each other. And I think it
Speaker 1: just like takes away not the sexiness, but it kind
Speaker 1: of blurs the line between like a relationship boyfriend, girlfriend,
Speaker 1: lover and and and buddies exactly. And if you do
Speaker 1: fart with your it's fine. I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: a message from you being like, no, we have great sex.
Speaker 1: I get, like, I understand that this is not there's
Speaker 1: exceptions to this rule, but for me, I do think
Speaker 1: that it takes it into friend territory. And I used
Speaker 1: to kind of get a little bit upset that Chris
Speaker 1: was so anti bathroom stuff because I pee with the
Speaker 1: door open, like I'll be with you with you, I
Speaker 1: respect that you have a girlfriend now, so I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like leave it open, but generally, like
Speaker 1: with my friends, I will just do. And Chris is
Speaker 1: not my friend, he is my friend, but I want
Speaker 1: there to be a difference. I want to like, it's
Speaker 1: a level of respect. I wouldn't do that in front
Speaker 1: of someone I was. It's about respect. I think, what
Speaker 1: about you and Brenna, we fire in front of each other.
Speaker 1: I fart more for sure. Yeah, I get that. I
Speaker 1: definitely warn you before she does it. Will she go
Speaker 1: like I have to fart and then you'll laugh? Or
Speaker 1: will she just do it? At this past one point
Speaker 1: we were there and now it's just you know, I
Speaker 1: sometimes get woken up and try to get different different.
Speaker 1: It is different because you can't control it. No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm saying in the morning, I'll wake up to it.
Speaker 1: They're still cute. They're still so cute. Yeah, they're so cute.
Speaker 1: But no, like I think the level for me is
Speaker 1: shitting in front of each other. I think I think
Speaker 1: that's kind of where And I know farting is just
Speaker 1: an appetizer for shifting in front of someone. You want,
Speaker 1: you want, you want there. That is true when someone
Speaker 1: farts here, like there's a lot of shit in there,
Speaker 1: Like that's just sometimes that you smell a fart and
Speaker 1: you're like you need to go take like that's in
Speaker 1: your bunch of shit is in your body, but her
Speaker 1: farts honestly, and I'm not just being so cute, but
Speaker 1: they don't smell, and I think it's smell. Is definitely
Speaker 1: ends up affacting it. But I do think like shitting
Speaker 1: should let's keep that unless you're into that, like you know,
Speaker 1: a guitar player. We know, you know, yes, there's yeah,
Speaker 1: there's certain people out there that love shitting and scat
Speaker 1: play in bed. Um do you want to say though that,
Speaker 1: like I, Um, we can't. It's the biggest blind item
Speaker 1: ever that we know this about a certain someone. But
Speaker 1: I do want to say that. Um, I think the
Speaker 1: comfort level, like I was always I I'm just so
Speaker 1: happy with my relationship right now. I just want to
Speaker 1: say that because I always felt like there was a
Speaker 1: part of me like holding myself back because I was
Speaker 1: you know, especially like I quitted, like not being able
Speaker 1: to fart in front of him, with a lot of
Speaker 1: other things. And now I can see the difference between
Speaker 1: not being able to fart in front of someone and
Speaker 1: also being able to really tell them anything, talk to
Speaker 1: them about anything, UM, have them be able to handle
Speaker 1: like me looking any certain way, Like I just it's
Speaker 1: so funny to have been with someone for off and
Speaker 1: on for eight years and to have it feel at
Speaker 1: this point like completely new relationship, Like I have a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: It's I'm so excited about it, and people that in
Speaker 1: my life are like, we've been hearing about this guy forever,
Speaker 1: Like it's it totally feels like a new person, but
Speaker 1: with all of the great history that we do have. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm just really really happy. And I know that he's
Speaker 1: like to hear what I'm happy, but I'm just like
Speaker 1: so like, yeah, you guys broke up times, got back
Speaker 1: all that ship, but like people change, people are in relationships,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, if you're still together, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: this feels like we have a know whenever someone says
Speaker 1: I did this on my um in my act, when
Speaker 1: people are like, we've been together for fifty years, and
Speaker 1: it's just like, I feel like that's not a good thing.
Speaker 1: But we just honored that we weren't getting and I
Speaker 1: reserve the right for us to break up again, Like
Speaker 1: this isn't just but right now, I just feel like
Speaker 1: when people say men change, people don't you know, it's
Speaker 1: not that he we both have changed, and like we
Speaker 1: just you know what, people don't change, but people uh,
Speaker 1: educate themselves, and they they absorb more information and they
Speaker 1: get they have a willingness to admit that maybe the
Speaker 1: way they're doing things isn't right. People people don't change it.
Speaker 1: He still is who he is in the way he
Speaker 1: always is. But what he has and what I have had,
Speaker 1: is a willingness to say I might not be right.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna see if this other way of doing
Speaker 1: things works. And I can always go back to my way,
Speaker 1: but maybe this other person, who I think is a
Speaker 1: percent wrong might be right. And we need more of that,
Speaker 1: including with the Chris Rock thing. Like I want to
Speaker 1: consider that Will Smith was right. I want to I
Speaker 1: want to actually try that on for size, put that on,
Speaker 1: see how it fits, and like maybe open my mind
Speaker 1: to the thing that I know is wrong. And I
Speaker 1: think that's why Chris and I have been able to
Speaker 1: reach this place, is to go maybe I'm wrong. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's all comes down, but no epiphany, and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. He doesn't. He does, though, hate fragrance,
Speaker 1: and I just want to say I'm obsessed with this
Speaker 1: new fragrance that I got a sample of from sephora
Speaker 1: Um when I ordered a bunch of stuff. It's called
Speaker 1: clean I think I found my fragrance. By the way,
Speaker 1: a lot of bestie sent me ideas and I just
Speaker 1: couldn't um I haven't. It's called Clean Reserve and it's
Speaker 1: by Aqua near No, I don't know it's It's called
Speaker 1: Clean Reserve Aqua A C qu A n E r
Speaker 1: O l I Andrew. I want you to do a
Speaker 1: spurse of it, just one spray, because I have a
Speaker 1: little vial of it, and see what you think for
Speaker 1: a feminine scent. Just it's nice, it's soft, right, it's
Speaker 1: not too much. And I sprayed. I actually only sprayed
Speaker 1: a decent amount, enough to get me up. But who
Speaker 1: the fund is this? And I feel like it's not
Speaker 1: even like a female. It's like just a nice favorite spray.
Speaker 1: Is a spray you known't It's like a haircut that
Speaker 1: you don't even know what happens. Is this count of that?
Speaker 1: It's just it's on the tip of being too fragrancy
Speaker 1: for me. Yes, because you just spray it and you're
Speaker 1: spelling directly on your wrist. But if you were around
Speaker 1: a girl that's just watching that from Yes, but I
Speaker 1: don't like it yet. An overfray. There are only fragrance
Speaker 1: heads out there. If you don't, what do you think?
Speaker 1: I want to know what other people think of it,
Speaker 1: because I might be wrong and I only have one guy.
Speaker 1: It's called clean clean reserve is what is on that?
Speaker 1: I like it? I like? Um. No, do we have
Speaker 1: another news item or do we want to move on
Speaker 1: to steggies? No, let's do this last news item because
Speaker 1: I think you really want to know this. After thirty
Speaker 1: five years, Starbucks made a bittersweet announcement. Um, they're raising
Speaker 1: their price is every month for the rest of time. No,
Speaker 1: they're doing away with their iconic white paper cup with
Speaker 1: its green logo of a two tailed mermaid. What are
Speaker 1: they going to do next? That mermaid has to tails.
Speaker 1: It's like cut in half. She looks like okay, all right.
Speaker 1: So they're making changes in an effort to eliminate the
Speaker 1: billions of the white paper cups that end up in
Speaker 1: landfills around the world every year. Um, and they're trying
Speaker 1: to eliminate Okay, they're not recyclable, by the way. That's
Speaker 1: that is the worst part about those cups, because they
Speaker 1: the inside needs to be plastic for the heat. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously there's the way to do it that they could
Speaker 1: recycle it, but it would cost money. My drink has
Speaker 1: gone from five dollars and forty cents to seven dollars
Speaker 1: and eighty nine cents within two years. Every day seven
Speaker 1: dollars eighty four cents. Uh No, keep going, Tom's. This
Speaker 1: is what's annoying about this to me, is there claiming
Speaker 1: that it's an environmental thing. They're gonna save so much
Speaker 1: money by not making up what are they gonna do it?
Speaker 1: At the same token, the price that they're paying is
Speaker 1: people are not walking around with their you know, with
Speaker 1: a little billboard and the logo exactly. So they're also
Speaker 1: that marketing that logo might be contributing the fact that
Speaker 1: they see that logo so much in landfills and on
Speaker 1: streets and like sometimes you see trash and it becomes
Speaker 1: like the face of trash, you know, and cups are
Speaker 1: so the face of trash. At the point, if there's
Speaker 1: a trashing woman out there there the face of the
Speaker 1: backseat of my car, I'll tell you that. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: So right now, there's a pilot program called Borrow a Cup,
Speaker 1: and the idea is that Starbucks will put your cup in,
Speaker 1: a reusable cup that you take with you and then
Speaker 1: you bring back to be professionally clean. They are in this.
Speaker 1: It's not going to up in what. This is all marketing.
Speaker 1: No one really cares about the environment. No one really
Speaker 1: cares this, and I don't want to say no one,
Speaker 1: but companies as big as this don't care. They care
Speaker 1: about money. And it's greenwashing. That's what it's called. When
Speaker 1: a company pretends to care about the environment, it is
Speaker 1: a marketing ploy to go, oh, this is a good
Speaker 1: thing for the I'm gonna buy this because you bring
Speaker 1: a cup in and then you wash it for you.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense. Can you imagine asking if
Speaker 1: I was a fucking well, they're going to have a
Speaker 1: certain like probably a station where it's they put all
Speaker 1: these cups on and they just have to press a
Speaker 1: button or something, you know what I mean? Yeah, but
Speaker 1: then how are you gonna do VENTI grande depending on
Speaker 1: your cup? It's it's wild and I can't wait to
Speaker 1: see them roll it out and roll it back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be like Starbucks. I really. I recently
Speaker 1: read a thing on Reddit that said a Starbucks employee wrote, seriously,
Speaker 1: why do you like Starbucks so much. Employee wrote that
Speaker 1: it was like what is it? And I really I
Speaker 1: saved it. Maybe I'll do it on Reddit dump tomorrow. Um,
Speaker 1: because it really made me go why and it's I'm
Speaker 1: looking at it as I have an addiction to Starbucks,
Speaker 1: to caffeine, but to Starbucks, I have an absolute addiction.
Speaker 1: It's a problem. And part of it is the green logo,
Speaker 1: the way the cut feels in my hand, the way
Speaker 1: the door feels when I swing it open, the way
Speaker 1: the music is blaring, like it just there's it makes
Speaker 1: you feel at home. When I make a coffee at
Speaker 1: my apartment with steam milk. I have a steamer now
Speaker 1: because Robin sent me one. I have uh you know,
Speaker 1: sugar free vanilla Stevia that I can put in. It
Speaker 1: doesn't taste the same. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: And um, well, I think there's a lot of things.
Speaker 1: One we like to pay for things because then what
Speaker 1: is that? I don't know. I don't know what it is,
Speaker 1: but God do we feel good when we when we
Speaker 1: pay too much for an item. I love like I
Speaker 1: love spending money. I really it gives me something, especially
Speaker 1: on other people. I like. I like paying full price
Speaker 1: for something when it's like, you know, during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: when my apartment that was paying and if you haven't
Speaker 1: heard this number before, I just I'm not trying to brag.
Speaker 1: I got an apartment for seventy a month because I
Speaker 1: was balling. I had never was double what I ever
Speaker 1: paid in my life for department and I never lived
Speaker 1: in it, and I'd pay a month for eleven months.
Speaker 1: I got out of it in the last month. For
Speaker 1: eleven months I spent that and I never spent foot
Speaker 1: in that apartment. I many people were saying, don't pay it,
Speaker 1: just fight this. There's probably way to finagle out of this.
Speaker 1: And I felt good that I signed a lease and
Speaker 1: said I'm going to do this, and I stood by
Speaker 1: my word. And I was telling Chris that the other day,
Speaker 1: and he was like, it was probably like a like
Speaker 1: a fucking hedge fund that owned your building. Like you're
Speaker 1: just like giving money to these like criminals. Like it's
Speaker 1: not like if it was like you know, a guy
Speaker 1: named gno him who like owned the building. But it's
Speaker 1: not that it's like this is this is Sterling Holdings LS,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? It this is not the
Speaker 1: shell of a company that I actually killed. There is
Speaker 1: something I like about when I say I'm gonna pay something,
Speaker 1: I'm going to pay it. Yeah, for sure. I think though,
Speaker 1: like with Starbucks. One of the efficiency it's like if
Speaker 1: you had a drug dealer, right, because the coffee is
Speaker 1: a drug, and you call your drug dealer and he's like, dude,
Speaker 1: i'll get that act like two days from now. Oh,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't keep that drug dealing. You wouldn't keep that
Speaker 1: drug or would you have the drug dealer? You spend
Speaker 1: twice as much and you go, oh, you're outside, all right,
Speaker 1: how did you even know how it's ordering? Yep, that's
Speaker 1: what it is. It's efficient. Smile and yeah, there's some
Speaker 1: nice people's Starbucks that we go to. There's a couple
Speaker 1: of people that work there that are the nicest. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm on the Starbucks Reddit and Starbucks is big about
Speaker 1: their partners is what they call them. They don't call
Speaker 1: them like employees. Their partners being having like interactions, looking
Speaker 1: people in the eye, and I say, funck that so
Speaker 1: I would have so much rude behavior, you fucking do you?
Speaker 1: But I will say that Starbucks and boys are better
Speaker 1: at ignoring, waiting little like harping customers, little Karen's circling
Speaker 1: around the bar. They're better at acting like you don't
Speaker 1: you're not there. Then you know Delta employees, and those
Speaker 1: are the two that are so good at having a
Speaker 1: conversation with the person they're dealing with or like working on.
Speaker 1: And they have no property. They have horse blinders on
Speaker 1: their grade at it. You gotta go to Break, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just to the double line is the out orders
Speaker 1: and the people in store orders. Any Starbucks employs out there,
Speaker 1: I want to have one on as a guest. And really,
Speaker 1: if you worked at Starbucks for a lot of time
Speaker 1: and you have a lot of thoughts about it, please
Speaker 1: send us a d M and we might feature you
Speaker 1: on the show. That is the one thing I really want. Um,
Speaker 1: we gotta go to Break? Are we gonna come back with?
Speaker 1: We'll come back with Why do I care? All right?
Speaker 1: Why do I care? Why do I care? All Right?
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna skip the whole slap and I'm going
Speaker 1: to go to Bob Saget was confusingly left out of
Speaker 1: the in Memorium segment where the oscars on Sun Nowhere
Speaker 1: talk about a slap in the face. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: or hit in the head. Um, holy shit, I did
Speaker 1: not know that. Um, you know what that is? That
Speaker 1: is insane because he was never in a movie. Was no,
Speaker 1: he was in He was in a ton of movies
Speaker 1: and he was all you know, let's talk about half Baked.
Speaker 1: One of the best cameos ever. He was an Oscar
Speaker 1: winner apparently a Student Academy award in ninety seven for
Speaker 1: his black and white documentary Through Adam's Eyes. Okay, that
Speaker 1: is really they better get him next time. Are you
Speaker 1: allowed to throw them the next time? They should? That
Speaker 1: is they owe they own an apology. That is insane. Um,
Speaker 1: I mean did the freaking oscars getting concoct And I
Speaker 1: got really upset about Bob Saget all over again the
Speaker 1: other day, like it just like um just you know,
Speaker 1: reports keep going out about what could have happened to him,
Speaker 1: and you know, the corner said, it's probably not some
Speaker 1: thing that happened in the bathroom because there are so
Speaker 1: many if he hit his head on heart surfaces, there
Speaker 1: would have been blood, there would have been broken skin
Speaker 1: because of how badly he was hit. And there was
Speaker 1: a picture of the bed where they found him after
Speaker 1: they had taken him off the bed that has his
Speaker 1: imprint in it, and as all of his like has
Speaker 1: his um you know, ear air pods, it has his
Speaker 1: phone and has all those things on the side table,
Speaker 1: which really did make me go, Okay, I need to
Speaker 1: start having a more organized room just in case I
Speaker 1: don't wake up and people it ends up on daily
Speaker 1: mail because it was such a cute little like assortment.
Speaker 1: You could just tell you it was ready for bed.
Speaker 1: You can see the the part on the pillow where
Speaker 1: his head was, but the headboard was padded, and perhaps
Speaker 1: people think that he hit something very hard padded and
Speaker 1: didn't think of how you know, damaging it could have
Speaker 1: been because it was padded. But also the front of
Speaker 1: his head was hurt too, So I'm I'm very confused
Speaker 1: by all of it. And the drummer for Food Fighters,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean that was for some reason that
Speaker 1: even though I can't really need, he had energy to him.
Speaker 1: Taylor Hawkins guy smiling years old. Dude, I don't know
Speaker 1: why I got so fucking sad from him dying, dude,
Speaker 1: because I don't know, like it's someone I saw a
Speaker 1: lot of people that didn't really know him got sad
Speaker 1: it was weird. It was a weird. It was a
Speaker 1: weird death of me being like, I don't know why,
Speaker 1: but that guy seems so fucking genuine and so positive,
Speaker 1: and then you write a song about it. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: wrote this song. Do you want to hear the lyrics? Taylor?
Speaker 1: Why the fund? Did you have to do ten different
Speaker 1: substances at once? But you still fucking rock and roll?
Speaker 1: Do you ever die? They're gonna find ten different sauces
Speaker 1: than your body. I went to so funny saying I
Speaker 1: went to the high Point. Have you ever been there?
Speaker 1: It's a very fam and I put more sauces in
Speaker 1: one and I liked them. You know, a suicide, Oh jeez,
Speaker 1: that's how I wanted. Well, it was like Sarata mayo,
Speaker 1: honey mustard, mayonnaise, catch up and just get biggarnails. Everything
Speaker 1: was he was there any substances in his body when
Speaker 1: he passed. We found up to twelve sauces, including the
Speaker 1: Polynesian mustard that was from Chick fil A and he
Speaker 1: was eating at actually died because so we don't know
Speaker 1: how Yeah, oh yeah, you're gonna have a you know what,
Speaker 1: they find plastic now in our blood? Like classic particles
Speaker 1: like like a whale. You have you probably have like
Speaker 1: hay fucking yeah, they know, like a shark. When they
Speaker 1: got open it, you're like a like a not a
Speaker 1: license plate. Put the license plate like border, that's plastic.
Speaker 1: There's gonna be unopened Polynesian sauces, Starbucks cups. Oh that's
Speaker 1: where they all went. A fishing net, a t just
Speaker 1: like random ship. I mean, there have got to be
Speaker 1: things inside you that haven't made their way out yet.
Speaker 1: You have a fingernail, Oh yeah, like just a little
Speaker 1: little ball of things, not a little I'm talking to
Speaker 1: a full on grown adult. Yeah, making your their way
Speaker 1: through this probably caused your fissures. Those nails slicing you
Speaker 1: on the way out. Nails Oh yeah, where you spit
Speaker 1: them out you swallow? Depends Yeah, depends on if I
Speaker 1: little depends on if it has sauce underneath, like crusted
Speaker 1: on it, a little ballop um. All right, let's get
Speaker 1: to Monday's segment, Top one, Bottom one, where we pick
Speaker 1: the top one and the bottom thing of a certain category.
Speaker 1: Today's category is um modeled after what happened last night
Speaker 1: at Oscars. Noah, what is it? So it's the best
Speaker 1: and worst or like the top one bottom one take
Speaker 1: of the Chris Rock Will Smith lap heard around the world. Yes,
Speaker 1: that is um. I love that. We initially said tweets,
Speaker 1: but we're gonna do takes. Um, let's start with the best.
Speaker 1: I'm going to share mine first. This is from Christa Stefanel,
Speaker 1: one of the funniest comics ever. If you don't follow him,
Speaker 1: he's Chris D Comedy on Twitter and uh, I think
Speaker 1: on Instagram Chris D Comedy and he's he's just one
Speaker 1: of the funniest guys ever. And this is his take.
Speaker 1: Once was this his anxiety Tuesday? Yes, this is he
Speaker 1: does anxiety Tuesdays, but they're never on Tuesday, and they're
Speaker 1: just him talking really fast and it's hilarious. And this
Speaker 1: is truly all that needs to be said about what happened.
Speaker 1: I am on Chris Rock side. I mean, really, you're
Speaker 1: gonna slap a guy over a freaking g I Jane joke.
Speaker 1: I don't care what happened in your life before that.
Speaker 1: So he's making fun of Will Smith and j to
Speaker 1: Pickett Smith's relationship for a long time. It's like, because
Speaker 1: it's toxic. You can obviously see it's toxic. I mean,
Speaker 1: she publicly says she cheats on you all the time,
Speaker 1: and Will Smith's obviously the k which is fine. Just
Speaker 1: come out and be free, be open, be gay, be happy.
Speaker 1: I mean it's literally the most toxic relationship I've ever
Speaker 1: seen a life. That's coming for me, so I'm telling you.
Speaker 1: I mean, the fact of the matter is, this is
Speaker 1: the narcissism in the oscars. He is disgusting. Why we're
Speaker 1: still glorifying act as an actasist is beyond me. I mean, dude,
Speaker 1: a hundred years ago, the people would honor kill themselves
Speaker 1: and their families if their kids came out and said
Speaker 1: they were actors. I mean, it's some ship. I believe
Speaker 1: there's someone else. I'm supposed to give you a million dollars.
Speaker 1: Fuck you, I mean, what are you talking about? I
Speaker 1: hate it all. I do have an auditional later, so
Speaker 1: fingers crossed, I get it, and um, I just want
Speaker 1: to say a couple of things about that. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I I had a bunch of tweets last night.
Speaker 1: I actually got called this or I got I woke
Speaker 1: up this morning like really famished and like I think
Speaker 1: I got like Legionnaire's disease at my hotel this weekend.
Speaker 1: So I was like, you know, you wake up with
Speaker 1: coughing violently and I look at my phone it's six am,
Speaker 1: and babui. Gary del About texted me being like, hey,
Speaker 1: any chance you could call in uh to Howard today
Speaker 1: and um and and we want to talk about Chris
Speaker 1: rock thing and so Gary called me on the list
Speaker 1: of comedians that they want to hear. Yeah, it was nice. Well,
Speaker 1: someone said like, I'm not gonna say what someone time,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter, no, no, no no, I'll tell you but
Speaker 1: Guitarsh and so Andrew, so uh, I gotta be honest though,
Speaker 1: I was just like I don't want to do this
Speaker 1: because I last night I was tweeting a lot and
Speaker 1: there were a lot of people going like, white people,
Speaker 1: you need to set this one out and like, oh,
Speaker 1: like you just don't want to have a bad take
Speaker 1: that paints you like as just a Karen or like
Speaker 1: making A lot of people were like, great job making
Speaker 1: this about you, Nikki, And I'm like, how was I
Speaker 1: making it about me? To compare this to the Weinstein thing?
Speaker 1: And yes I did compare it to the Weinstein thing
Speaker 1: because my point and I told this on Howard, So
Speaker 1: I called into Howard. Howard was so sweet. Him and
Speaker 1: Robin were great. I even said the thing about, you
Speaker 1: know a lot of people on Twitter saying white people
Speaker 1: need to see this one out, and Robin was like, oh,
Speaker 1: give me a break, you know, like she even was
Speaker 1: like and that was nice to hear, but I do
Speaker 1: I when I hear that, When I see that, I go, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's going on here? Like I need to maybe take
Speaker 1: a step back because I'm not the one to tell
Speaker 1: white people that. I'm not the one to tell me
Speaker 1: when I need to sit down. It's going to be
Speaker 1: someone who's not me. So um. What I said, though,
Speaker 1: was that Ashley Hustletine had just written a tweet that
Speaker 1: said something like, we just watched an entire room of people,
Speaker 1: the entire room of people just watch someone punched last
Speaker 1: someone in the face, sit back down, and now he
Speaker 1: is on stage and they're giving him a standing ovation.
Speaker 1: And then I just wrote in quotes you know above that,
Speaker 1: and I said, how did Weinstein get away with it
Speaker 1: for so long? Because that's everyone's question of like everyone knew,
Speaker 1: not everyone's, but people whenever something like this comes out,
Speaker 1: people knew how did it get away with We just
Speaker 1: witnessed a room of people with their own eyes saw
Speaker 1: it happen. This isn't this isn't speculation. This isn't like
Speaker 1: eye witness reports passed down. This is they all witnessed it.
Speaker 1: And then I no one in that room. I felt
Speaker 1: everyone just got on board and we're like it was crazy.
Speaker 1: It was the most in denial thing was. It just
Speaker 1: shows you the power of celebrity. If it were switched,
Speaker 1: if Chris Rock had been the one to punch Will Smith,
Speaker 1: he would have been pulled out. It's about Will Smith
Speaker 1: was more famous, and it's and you know even Andrew
Speaker 1: this morning goes. Can you imagine if Bradley Cooper would
Speaker 1: have punched Chris Rock, if the response and I said
Speaker 1: it would have been the same, he would have gotten
Speaker 1: away with it. Yes, there would have been a more
Speaker 1: of an eras thing on the other side of it.
Speaker 1: But in that moment in that room, which is what
Speaker 1: we which is what happens immediately following an assault, is
Speaker 1: what it's the legal thing like that. We just saw
Speaker 1: what happened. They let him get away with it. Producers
Speaker 1: didn't pull him off set. There wasn't like a Jerry Springer,
Speaker 1: you know that guy come up. Bradley Cooper would have
Speaker 1: been allowed to because Bradley Cooper is more famous than
Speaker 1: Chris Rockley. It becomes about fame and power and money,
Speaker 1: and that was so disgusting. Rock now has to slap
Speaker 1: someone less famous than him, and about fifteen people I'm
Speaker 1: going to be getting punched in the fame I know,
Speaker 1: coming up in the ranks. I like that about you
Speaker 1: put yourself. Hey, that was early in the morning, you
Speaker 1: know me my last I just want to take a
Speaker 1: couple more that I just want to say, is that
Speaker 1: also Will Smith is going through a Kanye thing. We
Speaker 1: have a lot of empathy for Kanye, and I want
Speaker 1: to have empathy for Will Smith too, because he is
Speaker 1: not in the right state of mind to go so
Speaker 1: quickly from having so much fun and laughing at the
Speaker 1: very joke that you then punched someone over and everyone's going,
Speaker 1: why is that an excuse that that he was laughing
Speaker 1: at first? You can take a while to get get
Speaker 1: hurt by something. Just because you are laughing at a
Speaker 1: joke doesn't mean that it can't hurt you later on.
Speaker 1: And I get that I've laughed at things at first that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh wait, I didn't want to laugh at that.
Speaker 1: It was just it was a knee jerk response. You
Speaker 1: know when you trip on something and you get embarrassed
Speaker 1: and you like start yelling, you get really angry. That
Speaker 1: was what Will did. He got a look from his
Speaker 1: wife and he just it was all he I have
Speaker 1: empathy for Will Smith in that moment. He had anger issues.
Speaker 1: He is seriously struggling. And then when you watched him
Speaker 1: get up and give that speech when he won for
Speaker 1: Best Actor, if you look at it just a still
Speaker 1: image from that and you saw that outside of this
Speaker 1: context of him winning, you would say that man is very,
Speaker 1: very upset and sad right now. That that was not
Speaker 1: a joyous moment for him at all. He ruined his
Speaker 1: own moment. I really feel sad for him because that
Speaker 1: was not the reaction of someone that is healthy in
Speaker 1: the mind. And so I don't like how Hollywood handled it.
Speaker 1: But I do have empathy for Will Smith in that,
Speaker 1: in that circumstance, because anger got the best of him
Speaker 1: and he is not well. He's not and I wouldn't
Speaker 1: surprise me if he goes to therapy later or to
Speaker 1: rehab either today or later this week. Um, sorry, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to get my kind I'm just like thinking,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously his relationship has been in the news
Speaker 1: a lot about her she you know, they're an open relationship,
Speaker 1: and that's what that was a lot of people's tweet
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, you're mad about a joke, but not
Speaker 1: her fucking other people, which I don't think those are connected,
Speaker 1: but it's a good joke. I liked. Ian had a
Speaker 1: joke that was like he can he lets his wife
Speaker 1: take a dick, but he can't take a joke or
Speaker 1: something like. I thought it was a good take. My
Speaker 1: point clearly relationship open relationships are so healthy and I'm
Speaker 1: I'm an advocate for open relationships. Had relationship that's good. Um,
Speaker 1: what was your favorite take on Just your Own No Cigar?
Speaker 1: Just I just read one. I mean he went a
Speaker 1: little uh G love it. It just came up on
Speaker 1: my thing while I was for um, he said, fuck
Speaker 1: Will Smiths. This is simpler to what your point was
Speaker 1: about empathizing with him. Funck Will Smith's candy ass smacking
Speaker 1: a dude four and his shorter and fifty pounds later,
Speaker 1: He's just in his feelings because his bald headed bitch
Speaker 1: been fucking around on him for years and he takes it.
Speaker 1: We all know who he wishes he could slap. Hashtag
Speaker 1: cock will Wow. I'm not saying wow in a real way,
Speaker 1: but that is I'm impressed by that. Like I was
Speaker 1: on edge last night tweeting because I was so scared
Speaker 1: that I was gonna say anything wrong that was gonna
Speaker 1: get me canceled. I erased my I told Sturet I
Speaker 1: erased my wine Stein tweet because so many people were
Speaker 1: going like, we're and I go, how am I making
Speaker 1: this about myself? Why is why? That's not about I
Speaker 1: haven't been raped. I'm not, And I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: rape and slapping someone is the same thing. Who would
Speaker 1: ever think that it's about ignoring bad behavior? And Howard
Speaker 1: I was really happy read my tweet today when I
Speaker 1: was on with him and he said, you know, I
Speaker 1: loved this one from Nikki and this was my take
Speaker 1: that um And I was like texting with Chris as
Speaker 1: this was happening. And Chris actually really helped me form
Speaker 1: a lot of these opinions and was the first to
Speaker 1: like kind of put them in my head. So I
Speaker 1: want to give him credit, but I said Tonight's Oscar
Speaker 1: has proved that Hollywood is alive and well, still doing
Speaker 1: what it does best, protecting and celebrating disgusting behavior. And
Speaker 1: that really because there's this whole thing of like, is
Speaker 1: Hollywood over, movies over, and it's like now everything's fun.
Speaker 1: Like we saw it. We saw it in live time
Speaker 1: like lifetime, and it was just it. This is the
Speaker 1: guy Will Smith who you know, has a you know, celebrity.
Speaker 1: I got at one point where it's like he has
Speaker 1: a movie and they're bragging about the trailers they recommend,
Speaker 1: and he's like he would have an indoor basketball court
Speaker 1: in his trailer. I used one of his trailers all
Speaker 1: time indoor basketball arter. No no, I. It was really
Speaker 1: nice and they were like Will Smith has used this,
Speaker 1: and it was like, oh, that's got the Will still Smith. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that there's a guy that hasn't been
Speaker 1: told no. Probably was so stupid too. I guess what
Speaker 1: he didn't know she had alopecia. Gave me a fucking break.
Speaker 1: Chris Rock isn't gonna make a joke about someone. People
Speaker 1: are so stupid if they think comedians purposely take something
Speaker 1: that is like a really sensitive issue and make a
Speaker 1: joke of it. He he didn't know. He thought always
Speaker 1: had really short hair, and that's that's what he was
Speaker 1: making a joke about. And Will Smith could have handled
Speaker 1: this in any other way. Slapping someone that is not
Speaker 1: an appropriate response. You only resort to violence when you
Speaker 1: are defending yourself from a violent attack. As well, there's
Speaker 1: the only time that it is, okay, And what about
Speaker 1: the hundred jokes before that? If we show Will Smith's
Speaker 1: face with him. I loved Amy's jokes about like all
Speaker 1: the couples there, Will Smith and and jadaa Barbamon alb Grows,
Speaker 1: Jake Jillan Hall and Maggie Jillan Hall. I thought that
Speaker 1: was amazing, and you could tell that Jake was a
Speaker 1: little bit like wanted to like someone said, like you know, Jake,
Speaker 1: because but I don't. We're not getting to all the best. Okay, No,
Speaker 1: what was your best take? Okay, my best take, real
Speaker 1: quick is from someone from Richard Marks and he goes, hey,
Speaker 1: professional comedians, be on notice from now on, you need
Speaker 1: to make sure your jokes don't offend people, especially extremely attractive, famous,
Speaker 1: and exorbitantly wealthy people. I thought that was really funny. Yes,
Speaker 1: I um, I do think that comedians need to be
Speaker 1: on alert. I have always been scared on stage. I
Speaker 1: was in Canada last year and a man came up
Speaker 1: to the stage to take pictures and he looked so
Speaker 1: scary as he was approaching that I started like running
Speaker 1: away because I thought he was going to shoot me.
Speaker 1: So I think that people don't take jokes well and end,
Speaker 1: especially if their wife is offended on their behalf. They
Speaker 1: know they're gonna have to hear about that on the
Speaker 1: car right at home for the rest of their fucking lives.
Speaker 1: It's gonna turn this big thing. So they need to
Speaker 1: and they don't know how to mitigate, how to like
Speaker 1: they know they need to do something, and that's where
Speaker 1: it goes wrong. They have to do something because they're
Speaker 1: gonna hear about it otherwise and they're gonna suffer because
Speaker 1: of their wife or the person that they're with is offended.
Speaker 1: And that's where you need to have a plan when
Speaker 1: you go to a comedy show. If something happens that
Speaker 1: offends you or the person you're with, have a plan
Speaker 1: that isn't violence. Just have one in the back of
Speaker 1: your head because you're gonna want to do something, and
Speaker 1: violence is sometimes the easiest thing for a person unless
Speaker 1: you think through already. UM. I have been offended at
Speaker 1: comedy shows and I UM, I leave. I leave surreptitiously
Speaker 1: so that it's not like I'm mad, but I just leave,
Speaker 1: and then I make fun of them behind their back,
Speaker 1: and I tweet about it later, you know, like that's
Speaker 1: what you do. Um has had a pretty funny tweet.
Speaker 1: He goes, I think the most important, the most important
Speaker 1: takeaway a here is that comedians are in danger. If
Speaker 1: Will Smith can slap Chris Rock at the Oscars, what
Speaker 1: is stopping a beloved millionaire whose brain has been scrambled
Speaker 1: by getting very publicly cugged from hitting me at a
Speaker 1: comedy club in a strip club. Oh yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I have had people gonna happen, and then some people
Speaker 1: are going, oh yeah, comedians are no scared, mark my words.
Speaker 1: I said it today on Chris's radio show. I called
Speaker 1: into that when school shootings did not start happening until
Speaker 1: colum Mine. This is the Columne thing I've been waiting
Speaker 1: to tell you guys. It's not but like school shootings
Speaker 1: were not the way they are now. It got so
Speaker 1: much press that that became the thing that people do it.
Speaker 1: It showed kids there's a thing to do and copycatting.
Speaker 1: We all know this happens. This is about to start
Speaker 1: happening in clubs. Comedy clubs need to get more security.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have more security at my own shows
Speaker 1: from now on, and I am going to pull back
Speaker 1: a little bit because I don't want to get punched.
Speaker 1: Well here, I'm scared of my face. If you, honestly,
Speaker 1: I saw still Chris Rock's face being stretched, it looked
Speaker 1: like he was If Nikki said something that offend you,
Speaker 1: you come backstage and you slap me. Yes, I have
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start bringing us a person to slap me
Speaker 1: on the road so that they can just get hit. Um,
Speaker 1: instead of an interpreter for sign language, which is what
Speaker 1: I should have learned from last night, is that I
Speaker 1: should have that on the stage with me all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just have a guy that you come up
Speaker 1: and slap. We gotta get a final thought, Let's get
Speaker 1: into our worst takes, because I have one that I
Speaker 1: thought was so stupid. Um, there's a lot of worse
Speaker 1: takes going around. I asked, actually, my my followers to
Speaker 1: send some but page six, you know, the Gossip magazine tweeted, uh,
Speaker 1: this morning, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith's secret to
Speaker 1: twenty plus years of marriage, and there's a cute picture
Speaker 1: of them snuggling. They're fucking trolling. They know what they're doing,
Speaker 1: it says Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith's secret to
Speaker 1: twenty plus years of Also his son's tweet of this
Speaker 1: is this is how we do it or something like that.
Speaker 1: Jaden's tweet was also a stupid take, very ca um.
Speaker 1: Anyone else got a bad take, I'm gonna look at art.
Speaker 1: I have mine. Okay, yeah, no, what what doors? All? Right?
Speaker 1: So basically like any take like this. Andrew kind of
Speaker 1: already mentioned it. I'm not gonna read who this is
Speaker 1: because it's just someone who went viral. Chris Rock is lucky.
Speaker 1: All the other dudes, Bank and Jada didn't rush the stage.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that was so funny. No, I think
Speaker 1: I don't know. I almost retweeted that one. I thought
Speaker 1: it was. I mean, obviously that's not true, but like,
Speaker 1: can you it was just a fun take of having
Speaker 1: saying like, okay, they're in an open relationship. If everyone
Speaker 1: that is like, don't talk about my woman like that
Speaker 1: had that response, Yes, but I get um, why why
Speaker 1: to you? Was that a bad take? I just don't
Speaker 1: like that their relationship and their choices was brought into
Speaker 1: it when it's clear really an anger management issue right
Speaker 1: right to you. As someone who has been to anger management,
Speaker 1: you see this as a clear anger management issue one.
Speaker 1: And then the whole crying and stuff. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think it's just like you know, all like hit him
Speaker 1: and stuff. But usually when when people get they get
Speaker 1: so angry and they get so out of control, and
Speaker 1: then I think crying is like a mechanism for them
Speaker 1: to get the person who they hurt back on their side.
Speaker 1: So yeah, everyone was talking about how he was gaslighting
Speaker 1: us afterwards, saying like, you know, love made me do it.
Speaker 1: And then Denzel had told me don't let the devil
Speaker 1: get you or whatever, and it's like Chris Rock's the devil. Um.
Speaker 1: I just want to say, Also, there was some this
Speaker 1: is uh. Someone sent me a link to all the
Speaker 1: worst takes. Someone said, um uh, I'd say Will Smith
Speaker 1: hits like a girl, but I'm no biologist. That's from
Speaker 1: Tim Young. What an idiot. Um uh yeah. All the
Speaker 1: bad takes are saying it's comparing it to Trump. It's
Speaker 1: comparing it too, But I think that there's something here
Speaker 1: to be gleaned of, like power makes us turn the
Speaker 1: other way. Yeah, I uh. I wrote a thing on
Speaker 1: Instagram just mostly about how Chris Rock is going to
Speaker 1: turn this into making thirty five million on Netflix. I
Speaker 1: wrote like, I just was thinking of a pun of
Speaker 1: like what his special would be named? And I didn't
Speaker 1: see this anywhere, and I wrote fresh Prince on my
Speaker 1: face of bel air. Oh yes, fresh prince like prince like,
Speaker 1: but I swear, of course you didn't copy that. Someone
Speaker 1: can we this is just sent me a bad tweet
Speaker 1: And they said, what did the police find when they
Speaker 1: dusted Chris Rock's face fresh Prince? Oh my god? So
Speaker 1: I feel I feel bad that it's not the perfect pun,
Speaker 1: but I was just trying to think of a pun.
Speaker 1: Someone called me out for stealing right in my comments,
Speaker 1: and then when I go I explained how I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have stolen this right, and then they go, wow, how
Speaker 1: can you come at me? We gotta stop this thing
Speaker 1: of like if you comment on someone else's page, and
Speaker 1: they respond to you. You can't then play the victim
Speaker 1: of being like but I was just you're a public figure,
Speaker 1: like you can't do that, ship, and I'm sure it's
Speaker 1: happened with you where like people think they could just
Speaker 1: comment into the ether that you're not reading this, and
Speaker 1: then if you right back you're then they go, oh,
Speaker 1: but you're so sensitive. I was just joking or like, yeah,
Speaker 1: how can you come at me like that? Like it's like, motherfucker,
Speaker 1: you started it. Who It's just it just blows my
Speaker 1: mind before it was come after someone and then when
Speaker 1: they right back and like, oh, ship, they saw it.
Speaker 1: So I get that mentality. But we see we don't
Speaker 1: have have many followers. Someone this was a kill on
Speaker 1: sent and from Facebook by one of um my followers.
Speaker 1: Someone said, who do you think woke up this woke
Speaker 1: up with the worst headache this morning? Chris Rock or
Speaker 1: me after seventeen glasses of air wine? Oh Jesus Christ
Speaker 1: did say that Baker that we're all being dramatic thinking
Speaker 1: will now be hit on stage. That is great, but
Speaker 1: I will say that I still think I get what
Speaker 1: she's saying. Yes, comics can definitely be dramatic and these
Speaker 1: things and put it up pointed at ourselves. But people
Speaker 1: are dumb. People are fucking dumb, and they see that
Speaker 1: and they'll fucking copycat that ship. I've had people very
Speaker 1: angry at my shows, heckling me and what to my show?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean yeah, well we don't really talk
Speaker 1: about that, but I'm glad Andrew. Yes, we'll talk about
Speaker 1: that later on the next show. Stay with us this week.
Speaker 1: We have shows all week. I'll be in New York
Speaker 1: for some of them, but tomorrow we'll be back here
Speaker 1: in St. Louis. And you're on and what and you're
Speaker 1: on tour and I'm on tour. Oh my gosh, don't forget.
Speaker 1: I'm into very soon. Winnipeg, The Murder Couple of Canada, Vancouver, Austin, Irving, Texas, Um, Houston,
Speaker 1: Philadelphia or not Philadelphia, I'm sorry, Um all where else
Speaker 1: of New Orleans, New Orleans for Lauderdale, Jacksonstonville and Nashville. Um,
Speaker 1: can you do that though? With Howard Dean's voice, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're going. We're going to Iran, We're going to Houston,
Speaker 1: We're going to Minneapolis. We're going to win a big
Speaker 1: We're going Yeah, alright, yes, if you don't know that
Speaker 1: that reference. Um, you are in your twenties. Uh and
Speaker 1: go google Howard Dean and why he lost election. All right, guys,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening. Uh, we'll see you later, don't
Speaker 1: Pika and gee Jack Chris said, okay, thank god. Good