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Speaker 1: Are you capable of saying, like, these are my feelings? Yes.

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Speaker 1: You hurt my feelings today when you said that.

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Speaker 2: I think that people want and desire the thing that

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Speaker 2: they don't have at that moment.

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Speaker 3: I think it is the thing you lack that you

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Speaker 3: lament the most.

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Speaker 1: I want to ask your whole team over there. Sure.

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Speaker 1: Hey guys, thanks for watching. Today's episode is brought to

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Speaker 1: us by Boost Mobile.

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Speaker 4: Our guest today is one of the original kings of comedy,

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Speaker 4: a Peabody Award winner, a New York Times bestselling author,

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Speaker 4: an actor, an incredible voice across the board, politically, comedy,

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Speaker 4: all the things. He's a dad, a husband of 40 years.

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Speaker 4: That alone, we could have a whole podcast on that.

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Speaker 4: He has a new memoir, Charlie's Boy.

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Speaker 1: It's out now. D.L. Hughley, finally! I know. In the building!

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Speaker 1: I say the same thing.

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Speaker 3: This is the first time I've ever met you.

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Speaker 1: How have we missed each other all these years?

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Speaker 2: They try to keep us apart.

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Speaker 1: That means that we would do something incredible. There it is.

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Speaker 1: They know. They know. Anyway, finally, nice to meet you, man.

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Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, too. Big fan of your work.

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Speaker 3: Likewise.

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Speaker 1: Likewise.

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Speaker 4: And this was like a new introduction. I feel like

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Speaker 4: I know you in a different way now. Right.

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Speaker 2: I think, you know, when I... It was a way,

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Speaker 2: it was kind of a cheat code. It was a

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Speaker 2: way to talk about my father. But when I pitched

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Speaker 2: the book, I didn't think they would, I thought nobody

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Speaker 2: would want to be interested in a black man's perspective

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Speaker 2: of his father. But when we started writing it and

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Speaker 2: when they said, yeah, it all of a sudden, it

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Speaker 2: turned into a memoir. But it's really just my view,

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Speaker 2: my shaping of the world through that man.

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Speaker 3: And so I think- Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 1: Charlie. Charlie.

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Speaker 2: Charlie.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I know Charlie.

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Speaker 4: Not just from how you describe him as your father,

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Speaker 4: but just the archetype of Charlie. It's like, I just

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Speaker 4: know him. He's my friend's father. He's, you know, he's...

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Speaker 4: Probably some people in my family, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think that, yeah, I think that it's like somebody

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Speaker 2: cast to die and those are the men they churned out.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I think for all the things that he didn't

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Speaker 2: say he did, I think I learned more from watching

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Speaker 2: him than I, and I say this all the time,

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Speaker 2: I think he's the greatest man I've ever seen.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 2: But he would never know it. And so this is my- Because.

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Speaker 1: Not an emotional man.

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Speaker 3: Not at all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. You said you saw him laugh four or five

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Speaker 1: times ever.

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Speaker 3: My whole life.

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Speaker 1: Your whole life. No laughter.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 1: But you know what?

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Speaker 3: Now that I'm a father, ain't a whole lot of

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Speaker 3: reasons to laugh.

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Speaker 1: It's not. It's not.

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Speaker 2: And it's not that it is. It is a sense of.

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Speaker 2: And I'm pretty sure that all parents feel this. There's

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Speaker 2: a sense of foreboding. You don't want to fail them.

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Speaker 2: And you know how this is a really, really intricate,

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Speaker 2: delicate thing to bear children of color. And to know

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Speaker 2: that almost like you don't have to look much further

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Speaker 2: than Nolan Wells to know what kind of things can

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Speaker 2: happen to your children. And so I always felt a

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Speaker 2: sense of fear and foreboding. And it eased up when

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Speaker 2: they got older and they became more independent. I thought

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Speaker 2: they weren't as dumb as I thought they were. So

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Speaker 2: I think I could understand that. But I learned more

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Speaker 2: about me. by digging up the past and looking at him.

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Speaker 3: Like, he wasn't my real father.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: But I'm... And I'm some.

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Speaker 2: You know, they've argued in my family I'm not a

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Speaker 2: real Hughley, but I sure rehabbed the name, though.

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Speaker 1: You did. I did. You worked that. You branded that name.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. All them alcoholics and drug addicts,

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Speaker 1: I'm the property brothers of the Hughleys. I'm like... I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you. I don't know if in the Hugh... When

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Speaker 1: you say... When you tell the story of finding out

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Speaker 1: and so, like... like your uncle blurts it out to you.

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Speaker 1: You know that's not your real father, right? And you're

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Speaker 1: how old? 10, 11. 10. So you're 10 years old.

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Speaker 4: The man who's already kind of distant because he's not emotionally...

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Speaker 4: He's not an emotional guy. He doesn't express himself. Doesn't laugh.

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Speaker 4: But he provides. He works hard.

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Speaker 1: He's a provider. He's dutiful.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: So he's dutiful, right. You know, I think.

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Speaker 2: And I have this argument with Jasmine all the time.

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Speaker 2: Duty is stronger than love.

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Speaker 3: There are men.

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Speaker 2: who will pay more attention to the vow they took,

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Speaker 2: the oath they took than the vow they took.

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Speaker 3: They're men.

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Speaker 2: They could be the worst husband, the worst whatever, but

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Speaker 2: if they took a vow, like if they swore an

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Speaker 2: oath to a constitution and then a military or something

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Speaker 2: like that, it is.

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Speaker 3: Funny how they will.

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Speaker 1: A gang? Yes, yes. A fraternity? You die for your.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes.

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Speaker 1: So I think....

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Speaker 2: When I found out he wasn't my father, to me, instantly,

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Speaker 2: I got the sense of what some of that distance was.

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Speaker 2: Because my mother loved my biological father. He was the

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Speaker 2: love of her life. And I'm the very physical manifestation

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Speaker 2: of that. So imagine you have to raise this. In

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Speaker 2: the wild, a lion would have killed a cub. He

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Speaker 2: would have said, no, I'm not doing it.

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Speaker 3: He did it.

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Speaker 2: And I think he did it in a way that he,

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Speaker 2: you know, I never was angry with him. There was

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Speaker 2: an unrealistic anger. I was angry with him because he

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Speaker 2: wasn't my father, which was, and I was so angry

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Speaker 2: that I never liked my brother until recently because he

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Speaker 2: got to be his son.

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Speaker 1: Because he was his biological son. Wow.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So since 10, you've been walking around with that feeling

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Speaker 1: of like.

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Speaker 3: Since then.

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Speaker 1: Like envy to your brother.

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Speaker 4: Yes.

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Speaker 1: Also disconnect from probably both your parents.

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Speaker 2: But my mother, like I, this is, and I, when

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Speaker 2: we were talking about the book, my mother never wanted

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Speaker 2: my father to see how much she still loved my

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Speaker 2: biological father. So I think she mistreated me as a

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Speaker 2: way of sacrificing a way of saying, Oh, I don't

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Speaker 2: care about this kid.

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Speaker 4: You know what's so funny when I was reading about

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Speaker 4: that part? I feel like this is a really common

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Speaker 4: thing that people don't always talk about. And I see

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Speaker 4: it in my own family. I see it in my friends' relationships.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes mothers who come out of a bad relationship and

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Speaker 4: have a child in that bad relationship. If, God forbid,

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Speaker 4: that son looks like his father or acts like his

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Speaker 4: father or in any way pulls a trauma string in

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Speaker 4: the mother's... She really will take out the frustrations that

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Speaker 4: she has with that.

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Speaker 1: Man on her own child. It's more common than people

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Speaker 1: talk about, I think. No?

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I know more people that it has happened to

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Speaker 2: than it hasn't. Even during the interview, I was talking

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Speaker 2: to Tavis Smiley.

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Speaker 3: We talked. I just think.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's so funny because when we were kids,

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Speaker 2: we were growing up and they were celebrating Mother's Day.

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Speaker 3: I never....

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Speaker 2: I never got a Mother's Day. I mean, I would

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Speaker 2: get Mother's Day card because it was perfunctory. I knew

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Speaker 2: I had to. You wouldn't be making cards. But I

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Speaker 2: never felt like that.

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Speaker 1: You didn't read the card and tear up?

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 1: And feel connected? You didn't buy the emotional card, probably, right?

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Speaker 3: And I thought something was wrong with me. I was like, wow.

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Speaker 3: Because when we're growing up, you can get into a

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Speaker 3: fight for talking about somebody's mama. Remember that?

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Speaker 1: Of course. You talk about mama. I was like, okay, nigga.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have.

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Speaker 4: That emotional attachment. But the great thing about it is...

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Speaker 4: Some people are roses and some people are cactuses. And

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Speaker 4: I think that what I didn't get. Imagine feeling never heard.

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Speaker 4: And then you spend your life being heard. So I think,

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Speaker 4: you know, I think people life is a really a

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Speaker 4: couple of chapters. One is I found that the people

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Speaker 4: who have really great. Like childhood and high school is

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Speaker 4: great and college is great. Have a fucked up second half.

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Speaker 1: Because they don't know what to do with themselves. Right, right, right.

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Speaker 1: They're not trying to fix anything or heal anything. It

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Speaker 1: got to be better than this.

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Speaker 4: There's not that longing to, whatever, to heal or anything

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 1: So it served you.

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Speaker 3: It did.

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Speaker 1: Like, it was.

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Speaker 2: Everything I feel. Like, I have no sense of fear

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Speaker 2: about a lot of things. Like, I'm not afraid. for

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Speaker 2: people to dislike what I say. I'm not afraid for

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Speaker 2: people to see me a certain way. And I think

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Speaker 2: even if that was what came out of it, that

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Speaker 2: it served me well. I'm not even, I can legitimately,

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Speaker 2: honestly understand everybody's place in this.

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Speaker 4: Hey guys, so much of what we talk about on

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Speaker 4: IRL is really about understanding the world that we're living in,

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Speaker 4: like what's changing, what people care about, where this is

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Speaker 4: all headed. Because every day something happens that shifts the conversation.

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Speaker 4: A headline changes, new technology takes off. Sometimes things happen

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Speaker 4: in politics that nobody saw coming. A story takes over

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Speaker 4: the internet and immediately everybody has an opinion about what's

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Speaker 4: happening next. And that's where Polymarket comes in. Polymarket is

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Speaker 4: a legal prediction market available in all 50 states where

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Speaker 4: you can trade on real world events and the questions

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Speaker 4: that everybody is already talking about. Think of it like

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Speaker 4: putting your point of view to the test. And the

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Speaker 4: interesting part is that you're allowed to change your mind

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Speaker 4: because that's real life, right?

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Speaker 1: We change our mind.

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Speaker 4: New information is coming in, the conversation shifts, something happens

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Speaker 4: that changes your perspective. On Polymarket, you can respond in

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Speaker 4: real time. You can sell, cash out, or get back

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Speaker 4: in when you see things are going differently. And honestly,

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Speaker 1: A $ 10 deposit.

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Speaker 4: Were you able to like course correct your life emotionally though?

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Speaker 4: Like if you come from two parents that were not,

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Speaker 4: like just emotional or loving in that way.

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Speaker 1: Were you able to fix that at all? Like, do

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Speaker 1: you have even a mushy side in there anywhere? You do.

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Speaker 1: So you overcorrected a little or no.

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Speaker 3: I don't know that I, I'll say this, that my

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Speaker 3: children know I love them.

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Speaker 5: Hmm.

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Speaker 1: You could tell my youngest daughter, your father never loved you.

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Speaker 1: She'd laugh. She would literally laugh.

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Speaker 3: My children think that if something happened to them and

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Speaker 3: I don't.

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Speaker 2: Get to them, I'm dead. But I don't necessarily have

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Speaker 2: to be a part of it. As long as I

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Speaker 2: provided it, I never had to be a part of it.

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Speaker 2: And I think that that's something I'll never have, but

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Speaker 2: it doesn't, you know. But that's provider stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. That's not emotional stuff.

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Speaker 5: Yes.

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Speaker 3: I'm an excellent provider. Excellent provider.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Excellent.

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Speaker 1: But how are you emotionally?

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Speaker 3: What's the difference?

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Speaker 1: There's a huge difference.

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Speaker 3: I don't know this.

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Speaker 2: I think that almost everybody craves the thing they're not

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Speaker 2: getting at that moment. Like if I'm a great emotional

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Speaker 2: support system and a shitty provider, there would be some

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Speaker 2: deficit anyway, right?

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay.

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Speaker 2: So it's always the thing you think you don't have

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Speaker 2: that you long for. But you get to do that.

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Speaker 1: In a room.

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Speaker 3: You know, you get to do that when you are.

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Speaker 1: You really think being a provider is the same thing

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Speaker 1: as having an emotionally healthy relationship?

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Speaker 2: I think that a provider wouldn't mean... Being emotionally supportive

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be shit if you were hungry, right?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, one doesn't have to negate the.

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Speaker 3: I think they do.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 3: I think they do. I don't think.

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Speaker 1: Are you capable of saying, like, these are my feelings? Yes.

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Speaker 1: You hurt my feelings today when you said that.

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Speaker 4: I'm talking about vulnerable, being vulnerable and having emotion.

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Speaker 2: I think that people want and desire the thing that

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Speaker 2: they don't have at that moment. I think that you

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Speaker 2: will find people who will say that this person is

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Speaker 2: whatever it is.

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Speaker 3: He could be incredibly.

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Speaker 2: Vulnerable and emotional, but a horrible businessman and not very good.

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Speaker 3: And I got to make all the decisions.

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Speaker 2: So I think it is the thing you lack that

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Speaker 2: you lament the most.

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Speaker 1: I want to ask your whole team over there.

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Speaker 2: Look, she said, I just, I just, I'm very, like,

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Speaker 2: I'm not, I, I, I love people.

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Speaker 3: I love, I love black people.

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Speaker 2: I love them. I, I love them so much that

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Speaker 2: if you, even no matter how I feel about you,

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Speaker 2: if you show me, you love them.

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Speaker 3: I love you too. I do.

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Speaker 2: And if you show me you hate you, then I

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Speaker 2: hate you. And I'm not, it's no, I had this,

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Speaker 2: this really, like there are two examples of me despising

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Speaker 2: someone because I thought they had been.

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Speaker 1: The president of the United States?

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Speaker 2: Well, I despise him. I think he's an unredeemable human being.

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Speaker 2: And I think that anybody supports him is too. I

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Speaker 2: think that's, that's full stop. But I think Don Lemon

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Speaker 2: and I, who are, it's weird because we're like brothers

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Speaker 2: and on tour together.

295
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Speaker 3: He, I used to despise, Really? Don't let me.

296
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Speaker 4: Why?

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Speaker 2: Because he was pompous. Like when I walked into CNN,

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Speaker 2: he was really pompous and arrogant. But I remember how

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Speaker 2: he would look at CNN. He seemed like such a

300
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Speaker 2: part of the media malaise and the corporate structure. I

301
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Speaker 2: remember one time, it was, what was it? I say

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Speaker 2: it was George Floyd, but he says it was the

303
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Speaker 2: Michael Brown protests.

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Speaker 1: Remember that was it? Of course.

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Speaker 3: And they were having these.

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Speaker 2: There were, you know, tear gas and Don Lemon is

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Speaker 2: on TV and they start smoking weed.

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Speaker 1: Is that weed?

309
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Speaker 3: And he was coughing.

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Speaker 2: I said, man, if it's one thing a gay dude

311
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Speaker 2: got is a gag reflex, I know you ain't coughing

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Speaker 2: for real. And I tweeted that. I could not stand him.

313
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Speaker 2: And then Jasmine and his mother, she was a fan

314
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Speaker 2: of his and his mother was a fan of mine.

315
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Speaker 2: And we talked and I was wrong. I really saw

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Speaker 2: that my perception of him. And the more recent thing

317
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,020
Speaker 2: happened with me and Killer Mike, where I thought he

318
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Speaker 2: was a certain way. You didn't like Killer Mike? How

319
00:13:58,890 --> 00:14:01,670
Speaker 2: could you not? You should have saw me. I was

320
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:06,190
Speaker 2: very capable of it. But what was the thing? Too opinionated?

321
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Speaker 1: You disagreed with his opinions?

322
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Speaker 2: I thought some of the things that he said around

323
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Speaker 2: the last election were very harmful.

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Speaker 3: And I thought it did a lot of harm to

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Speaker 3: black people. And said as much.

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Speaker 2: When I got a chance to talk to him, not

327
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Speaker 2: only do I like him, and I saw a man

328
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Speaker 2: that has the same kind of passion and love for

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Speaker 2: his people as I do.

330
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Speaker 1: But he's very... He's been on the pod, and he's very.

331
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Speaker 4: He's very stern and steady in the way he sees things.

332
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Speaker 4: And so if you do disagree with him on something,

333
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Speaker 4: it's a harsh disagree. Like even some of the ways

334
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:45,810
Speaker 4: he lives his life, we were having some discussions about

335
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Speaker 4: things and I feel differently. Even, you know, I grew

336
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,170
Speaker 4: up in New York and I grew up with a

337
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:53,180
Speaker 4: very kind of liberal mom, so I feel different about

338
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Speaker 4: guns than he does.

339
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Speaker 2: And I grew up in L.A. where guns were all around,

340
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Speaker 2: but they weren't legal. So it was the same thing.

341
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Speaker 1: They were problematic.

342
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Speaker 2: They were very problematic. And I think, to me, the

343
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Speaker 2: only thing you get in the South is guns.

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Speaker 3: You don't get freedom.

345
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Speaker 2: But the only thing that people that yell freedom the

346
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,170
Speaker 2: most want is the freedom to tell a woman what

347
00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:13,910
Speaker 2: to do with her body and to give everybody guns,

348
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:17,490
Speaker 2: have unfettered access to guns. There's no evolvement there. There's

349
00:15:17,510 --> 00:15:19,770
Speaker 2: no expansion. So I think.

350
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:26,350
Speaker 2: I have learned that the way I see things is not,

351
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Speaker 2: It's not as important to me as it used to

352
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,870
Speaker 2: be to have things set in stone and to be.

353
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Speaker 3: Right all the time. It's not important.

354
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Speaker 1: That is development. It is.

355
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Speaker 3: I think it's exhaustion. It ain't development.

356
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Speaker 1: You tired? I'm so tired of fighting with these niggas.

357
00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:44,770
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Come on now. It's true.

358
00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:48,210
Speaker 1: It's true. So how did you mend your vision or

359
00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 1: the way you saw Mike?

360
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,620
Speaker 3: We went to dinner. It was probably three weeks ago.

361
00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:52,980
Speaker 1: Oh, it was just recently.

362
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,180
Speaker 2: Yeah. Man, and I'm playing Atlanta tomorrow, and I hope

363
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,740
Speaker 2: I get a chance to talk to him soon.

364
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,180
Speaker 3: I think he was right. We can do more together

365
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:00,620
Speaker 3: than separate.

366
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,540
Speaker 1: I love that. Yes. I love that. We go back

367
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:04,620
Speaker 1: to Charlie? Yes.

368
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:06,960
Speaker 3: We'll always go back to him.

369
00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:07,790
Speaker 1: We'll always go back.

370
00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:10,989
Speaker 2: Because every once in a while, I do this deliberately,

371
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:13,130
Speaker 2: because if I stay on him too long, it'll become.

372
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:14,800
Speaker 3: Emotional.

373
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:15,860
Speaker 1: Emotional, yeah.

374
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,580
Speaker 2: I just think it's almost like one of those things

375
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:20,850
Speaker 2: where you remember that he's not really here anymore.

376
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:21,910
Speaker 1: That's tough.

377
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:23,010
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a different thing.

378
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:25,270
Speaker 1: I have so much respect, though, for men who.

379
00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:31,090
Speaker 1: I know he didn't do it perfectly because you weren't

380
00:16:31,130 --> 00:16:33,890
Speaker 1: his son and he had that little weird disconnect.

381
00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:37,250
Speaker 4: But the fact that he did take care of you

382
00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:41,540
Speaker 4: and provide it for you and you weren't his son

383
00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:43,620
Speaker 4: and treated you like his son and showed up when

384
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:48,140
Speaker 4: you were in trouble and beat up the neighbor for you.

385
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 1: And that was.

386
00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:52,640
Speaker 2: Well, that's better. Hey, let me tell you something. Whooping

387
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,310
Speaker 2: a neighbor's ass for pulling a gun on you is

388
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,530
Speaker 2: better than telling you I love you.

389
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,290
Speaker 1: You take that? Hell yeah. From your dad? It's better

390
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,229
Speaker 1: than a Hallmark card.

391
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:05,340
Speaker 2: Because that was the first time he ever said, he

392
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,359
Speaker 2: said this one right here.

393
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:07,139
Speaker 3: Don't touch this one.

394
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:10,580
Speaker 4: Were you able to have some type of healing with him?

395
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,500
Speaker 1: Well, you know, here's the thing.

396
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

397
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,179
Speaker 2: Whenever we was, cause I deliberately, I tried to be

398
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,629
Speaker 2: close to him. I tried to be close to him.

399
00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:22,590
Speaker 2: And there would be these moments where we would really

400
00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:26,350
Speaker 2: be vibing. And then my mother would do something every time.

401
00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:28,990
Speaker 2: Like one time I got, I love Akita's right. And

402
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:30,970
Speaker 2: I got him on Akita and he loved that dog.

403
00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:32,770
Speaker 2: Love that dog.

404
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:36,169
Speaker 3: Loved it. We're walking all the time. And then I

405
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:37,590
Speaker 3: just sent the book. He, she let it go.

406
00:17:38,910 --> 00:17:39,450
Speaker 1: She let it go.

407
00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:43,760
Speaker 2: And I just, I just, It was such an inherently

408
00:17:43,820 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 2: cruel thing to not let me be... Because it was

409
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,439
Speaker 2: my way of saying thank you to this dude who

410
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:52,620
Speaker 2: did all this stuff for me. And I thought she

411
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,919
Speaker 2: sabotaged it a lot. Even at the end when he

412
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,680
Speaker 2: was dying, they were like, you know how your father

413
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:58,109
Speaker 2: feels about you.

414
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:01,169
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't. But it didn't matter to me.

415
00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:02,770
Speaker 1: I knew how I felt about him.

416
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:07,390
Speaker 3: So it was... I didn't necessarily care.

417
00:18:07,410 --> 00:18:13,330
Speaker 1: Really? To know that? Mm-hmm. Wow. Is there healing in

418
00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:16,159
Speaker 1: any of that? Yeah, sure. How do you heal? By

419
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:22,179
Speaker 1: writing this nigga a bestseller. So you're just recently finding

420
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:22,659
Speaker 1: the healing?

421
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,879
Speaker 2: I don't know that, listen, I don't think that things

422
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:27,330
Speaker 2: wrap up in neat little bowls. I think that there

423
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:30,890
Speaker 2: is a, you're an artist, so you understand there needs

424
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:34,370
Speaker 2: to be some well of things to draw from. Things

425
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:37,690
Speaker 2: don't have to be complete. I think, I think to me,

426
00:18:37,810 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 2: the dopest shit I ever see is shit that been

427
00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:43,470
Speaker 2: through stuff. It's the jeans or the old wine or

428
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,910
Speaker 2: the old wines or the old dope-ass bag you got.

429
00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:50,470
Speaker 2: They've been through some shit. And I think neat is convenient,

430
00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:54,490
Speaker 2: but it's also simple. And simple is boring.

431
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:58,220
Speaker 1: So you kind of relish in the complicated?

432
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 3: I accept the complicated. Would I rather it be something else? Yes.

433
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,160
Speaker 3: I'd rather be six foot five. I'm not that either.

434
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 2: You work with what you got? I got to do

435
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:08,820
Speaker 2: what I got to do.

436
00:19:10,609 --> 00:19:11,850
Speaker 1: Here I am, earthbound.

437
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:18,439
Speaker 4: You are honest, too, about some of the challenges in

438
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:19,700
Speaker 4: your marriage in this book.

439
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:20,060
Speaker 3: Yes.

440
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,560
Speaker 1: Is that tricky? Do you have to clear that with

441
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,139
Speaker 1: your wife before you go into this?

442
00:19:25,859 --> 00:19:28,879
Speaker 2: I could never ask somebody for permission for the way

443
00:19:28,940 --> 00:19:29,530
Speaker 2: I feel, right?

444
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:35,629
Speaker 3: I can't. That would be disingenuous. I will say this,

445
00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:37,970
Speaker 3: that I have never....

446
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 2: Or cared to know what happiness looked like.

447
00:19:42,859 --> 00:19:47,290
Speaker 3: It never was a subject I ever broached. Or, and

448
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:47,850
Speaker 3: I would say this.

449
00:19:47,869 --> 00:19:50,159
Speaker 1: What are you saying to me? You never wanted... I know. I.

450
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 2: I have never thought about the construct of happiness until

451
00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 2: very recently.

452
00:19:55,380 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 4: I would say I'm 62. You have a 40-year marriage.

453
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,050
Speaker 4: It never occurred to you we should try to be happy?

454
00:20:01,270 --> 00:20:04,389
Speaker 3: No, I didn't say we should try. You could be happy.

455
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:07,389
Speaker 1: Oh, you having happiness. Yes, I don't think that.

456
00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,530
Speaker 2: But I don't ever think that. I remember I asked

457
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,090
Speaker 2: my mom. I don't know if I put this in

458
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,590
Speaker 2: the book. I said, Daddy, are you happy? He said, nigga,

459
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:16,580
Speaker 2: ask your mama. Happiness is a woman's word. He said,

460
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,620
Speaker 2: happiness is for them and you. Oof. And he lived

461
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,580
Speaker 2: his life like that. And he was dying when he

462
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,220
Speaker 2: told me that. But it struck me that I'd never

463
00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:29,290
Speaker 2: asked him about that. I don't know a black man

464
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,990
Speaker 2: that I've ever talked to that I love and respect

465
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,510
Speaker 2: that ever talked to me about happiness.

466
00:20:33,770 --> 00:20:35,330
Speaker 3: Ever. In the construct of him.

467
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:38,990
Speaker 2: Well... It's always something you give, you do. But I

468
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,899
Speaker 2: defy you to find... And now, I think when you

469
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 2: get older and you have, you know, less time on

470
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,880
Speaker 2: the back end, I think you become more reflective.

471
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 3: But I think when you're doing a thing... That's something that.

472
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:50,660
Speaker 1: It's not a priority.

473
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:54,500
Speaker 2: I don't think it's... It's like Bigfoot. I don't know

474
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,180
Speaker 2: that a lot of men that I know.

475
00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 3: Think it exists.

476
00:20:57,140 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 1: Wow. And now, what changed?

477
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,070
Speaker 3: What's changed is that I'm open to the possibility.

478
00:21:07,869 --> 00:21:08,450
Speaker 1: What did that?

479
00:21:10,490 --> 00:21:13,750
Speaker 3: Having an argument with my daughter. With my youngest daughter,

480
00:21:13,770 --> 00:21:14,649
Speaker 3: who is the.

481
00:21:16,290 --> 00:21:17,869
Speaker 3: We had an argument. We were at the radio and

482
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:21,340
Speaker 3: she said, it was some argument. She said, I hate you.

483
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,199
Speaker 3: I've always hated you and I never loved you. And

484
00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 3: it's something like, you heard her, guitar string break.

485
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:28,580
Speaker 1: That's how I felt.

486
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,020
Speaker 3: And I was like, okay. And so the thing that

487
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 3: you've been living for, I was like, oh, wow.

488
00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 2: So that was the emphasis of the inflection point of

489
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:42,190
Speaker 2: me even believing that I had to do some things

490
00:21:42,230 --> 00:21:44,990
Speaker 2: for me. The book came as a result of that.

491
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,580
Speaker 2: The podcast came as a result of that. I'm writing

492
00:21:47,619 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 2: a new Netflix special, but I'm doing it in a

493
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,500
Speaker 2: way where I'm... I don't understand.

494
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 1: So it broke your heart?

495
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:53,820
Speaker 2: Yeah.

496
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 1: It broke your heart? Sure, sure.

497
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:58,200
Speaker 4: And so then, how does that make you want to

498
00:21:58,220 --> 00:21:58,860
Speaker 4: find happiness?

499
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 2: Because I lived for them. And if that, and did

500
00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:09,810
Speaker 2: my best for them, particularly her. To me, she was

501
00:22:09,830 --> 00:22:14,649
Speaker 2: God's apology. I was always very, very close to her.

502
00:22:15,130 --> 00:22:17,959
Speaker 2: I put everything into her. Then to find out the

503
00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 2: thing that you thought was your salvation didn't feel the

504
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,700
Speaker 2: way you did, I was like, okay.

505
00:22:22,859 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 3: It changed. They said the thing can rewire you.

506
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:26,220
Speaker 1: Wow.

507
00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:28,010
Speaker 3: When did you share that with her?

508
00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 4: Now.

509
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:32,900
Speaker 1: In the book?

510
00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 3: No, now.

511
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 1: Oh, just now?

512
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 4: Now.

513
00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 1: Is this the first time? Have you not said that

514
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:37,360
Speaker 1: to her?

515
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:37,820
Speaker 4: No.

516
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 1: She knows.

517
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,859
Speaker 3: No, obviously, we've talked about it.

518
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:40,100
Speaker 1: Yeah.

519
00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 2: And the saddest thing for me is, this is really

520
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:44,959
Speaker 2: sad for me, is that she knows I know, but

521
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,690
Speaker 2: I'll never say anything about it. We were very, very close,

522
00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:51,510
Speaker 2: and now she'll know that she can never unsay those things.

523
00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:53,110
Speaker 1: Oof.

524
00:22:53,450 --> 00:22:55,710
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you'll... I remember once I was having

525
00:22:55,730 --> 00:22:58,940
Speaker 2: an argument with my sister, and she said something Something

526
00:22:58,980 --> 00:23:01,139
Speaker 2: that was really horrible. I said, I'm going to leave

527
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 2: before I say something you'll never forget.

528
00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:06,609
Speaker 3: So that is.

529
00:23:06,869 --> 00:23:10,710
Speaker 2: But I think the other side of that is that

530
00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:13,930
Speaker 2: it did awaken something in me where I wanted to

531
00:23:15,150 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 2: see what it would be like.

532
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:17,640
Speaker 1: Because I got.

533
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,340
Speaker 3: Married at 20 years old. And from that moment on,

534
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:21,220
Speaker 3: I was taking care of people.

535
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: Providing.

536
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:23,159
Speaker 3: All the time.

537
00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

538
00:23:24,410 --> 00:23:27,170
Speaker 2: All the time, every, like I had my father's work ethic.

539
00:23:27,350 --> 00:23:29,230
Speaker 2: I don't take days off now. I haven't had a

540
00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:32,389
Speaker 2: vacation in 20 something years. And it was always, and I.

541
00:23:32,350 --> 00:23:34,310
Speaker 1: Always thought them, them, them, them, them.

542
00:23:34,970 --> 00:23:37,590
Speaker 2: And then when you find out the thing that you

543
00:23:37,869 --> 00:23:42,010
Speaker 2: were doing this for, your life's work didn't have the

544
00:23:42,050 --> 00:23:44,590
Speaker 2: same estimation you did, it makes you go, well, you

545
00:23:44,630 --> 00:23:46,330
Speaker 2: know what? I'm going to see what it's like for me.

546
00:23:46,350 --> 00:23:48,290
Speaker 2: Like I took care of her.

547
00:23:48,190 --> 00:23:52,169
Speaker 1: Parents, my parents, you know. So are you in your

548
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: selfish mode right now?

549
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:53,379
Speaker 5: Yeah.

550
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's selfish time? Yeah. How is everybody responding to that?

551
00:23:58,840 --> 00:23:59,260
Speaker 3: I don't know.

552
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: Is this new? Yeah. I don't really, I'm not.

553
00:24:04,570 --> 00:24:06,409
Speaker 2: I've done the best I could for as long as

554
00:24:06,450 --> 00:24:10,389
Speaker 2: I could for everybody else. Like no one, this is

555
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:13,490
Speaker 2: such a different process. I've written five, six books. It's

556
00:24:13,510 --> 00:24:15,889
Speaker 2: the first time I didn't write it with anybody around me.

557
00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:17,990
Speaker 2: Nobody got to read it. Nobody got to talk to

558
00:24:18,010 --> 00:24:20,750
Speaker 2: me about it. I never had, you know, it was,

559
00:24:20,770 --> 00:24:22,730
Speaker 2: it wasn't a collaborative process.

560
00:24:22,970 --> 00:24:23,120
Speaker 4: Hmm.

561
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 3: I jetted my chin out and did what I do.

562
00:24:27,010 --> 00:24:27,510
Speaker 3: And so.

563
00:24:29,470 --> 00:24:34,270
Speaker 1: So it's honest. Yeah. Yeah. Super honest. And it's not like.

564
00:24:34,290 --> 00:24:36,129
Speaker 2: So it's weird that you're asking how they feel about it.

565
00:24:36,190 --> 00:24:36,590
Speaker 4: Yeah.

566
00:24:36,670 --> 00:24:38,590
Speaker 1: I don't know. Have they read it yet?

567
00:24:39,290 --> 00:24:40,170
Speaker 3: I imagine they will.

568
00:24:41,550 --> 00:24:44,300
Speaker 1: Wait, so you are in real time waiting for like...

569
00:24:44,940 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: I'm not waiting.

570
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,460
Speaker 4: I'm not waiting, but in real time, you're going to

571
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,900
Speaker 4: find out the responses of this.

572
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,460
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure.

573
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:56,220
Speaker 1: Did you tell your wife what you shared in this book?

574
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:56,620
Speaker 3: I did not.

575
00:24:56,900 --> 00:25:04,250
Speaker 1: Wow. But your wife is like, she's like a soldier too, right? Yeah. Yeah.

576
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:07,169
Speaker 4: There's a part where you go through the history of

577
00:25:07,430 --> 00:25:15,209
Speaker 4: you having this infidelity in your marriage. And you explain

578
00:25:15,230 --> 00:25:18,090
Speaker 4: it in a way that I think would make it

579
00:25:18,210 --> 00:25:20,379
Speaker 4: clear for people who've experienced it from the other side.

580
00:25:20,390 --> 00:25:20,490
Speaker 2: Right.

581
00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:21,030
Speaker 3: Right.

582
00:25:21,250 --> 00:25:24,419
Speaker 1: It's like you in your mind told yourself, what I'm

583
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,580
Speaker 1: doing over here is distant.

584
00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:30,020
Speaker 4: Right. From what my real life is going on. And

585
00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:32,300
Speaker 4: that's how you kind of trick yourself to think it's okay.

586
00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:34,139
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily know that I had to trick myself.

587
00:25:35,310 --> 00:25:35,889
Speaker 1: You didn't have to.

588
00:25:36,109 --> 00:25:36,670
Speaker 4: I didn't. No.

589
00:25:37,109 --> 00:25:37,610
Speaker 3: I don't think.

590
00:25:38,690 --> 00:25:38,830
Speaker 2: No.

591
00:25:39,690 --> 00:25:40,010
Speaker 3: I felt.

592
00:25:40,970 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 1: But you also say that you convinced yourself that you

593
00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: deserved it, you said, when you were a baby.

594
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 3: It wasn't that hard to convince me.

595
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,420
Speaker 1: It wasn't. It wasn't. So what is that?

596
00:25:51,540 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 3: I think that is.

597
00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 4: I'm asking for women who experienced that from the other side.

598
00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:02,109
Speaker 2: Well, see, it's not a... I don't know that I

599
00:26:02,130 --> 00:26:07,109
Speaker 2: can answer their questions because that's not... As an individual,

600
00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:09,629
Speaker 2: I can tell you how I felt. And I wanted

601
00:26:09,670 --> 00:26:15,350
Speaker 2: to feel something. Oh. I wanted to feel something. It's like,

602
00:26:15,750 --> 00:26:18,469
Speaker 2: you know, I never, I never, like, I sleep with

603
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:21,210
Speaker 2: my clothes on. Like, I never get undressed to go

604
00:26:21,260 --> 00:26:24,199
Speaker 2: to sleep. Anybody who knows me. If you, if there

605
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,020
Speaker 2: was a fire broke out in a hotel I was

606
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 2: staying at, I would be the best dressed dude outside

607
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:29,820
Speaker 2: telling everybody what happened.

608
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 1: What is that? I don't know. I never. You just

609
00:26:32,540 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: staying ready? I never have. I never.

610
00:26:36,830 --> 00:26:38,750
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is, but I never get undressed.

611
00:26:38,790 --> 00:26:40,610
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't want to be comfortable. Maybe I don't

612
00:26:40,630 --> 00:26:42,210
Speaker 2: want to fall too deep asleep.

613
00:26:42,260 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: It used to be that... You don't want to be vulnerable?

614
00:26:45,340 --> 00:26:46,540
Speaker 3: Yeah.

615
00:26:46,859 --> 00:26:48,619
Speaker 1: I don't know that, but I'll say this.

616
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:48,940
Speaker 5: Maybe.

617
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,860
Speaker 2: When my kids were growing up, I never wanted them

618
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:56,020
Speaker 2: to call me and need me and have to look

619
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,260
Speaker 2: for my pants or my shoes or where my car

620
00:26:58,300 --> 00:26:59,460
Speaker 2: key's at so I would sleep.

621
00:26:59,590 --> 00:27:01,649
Speaker 1: So you stay ready so you don't have to get ready.

622
00:27:01,670 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 3: Yes. I think, but now they're grown, so... So.

623
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 4: This should be part of your healing of how you're

624
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,490
Speaker 4: being selfish and you're working on your happiness.

625
00:27:11,990 --> 00:27:15,670
Speaker 1: You should try to sleep naked or something for a week.

626
00:27:15,690 --> 00:27:19,629
Speaker 1: You know what? Fucking energy rate. Maybe later.

627
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:24,500
Speaker 4: Maybe you want to try that. And so you're in

628
00:27:24,540 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 4: a really interesting space then right now.

629
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:28,400
Speaker 3: I feel like that.

630
00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:31,490
Speaker 1: There is a complicated part in your story where you share....

631
00:27:33,940 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 4: Complicated kind of grief where the woman that you were

632
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 4: having an affair with got pregnant.

633
00:27:38,980 --> 00:27:39,900
Speaker 1: Right. Lost a child.

634
00:27:39,940 --> 00:27:40,120
Speaker 4: Yes.

635
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:41,270
Speaker 1: Tragically.

636
00:27:41,390 --> 00:27:42,750
Speaker 3: Yes.

637
00:27:43,650 --> 00:27:46,910
Speaker 1: And, but you had been living this quiet private life

638
00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:48,550
Speaker 1: and your wife didn't even know.

639
00:27:48,490 --> 00:27:49,750
Speaker 3: That this had happened at the point.

640
00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:54,710
Speaker 1: And so I just thought about, my God, you know,

641
00:27:55,050 --> 00:27:55,970
Speaker 1: grief is one thing.

642
00:27:56,020 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 4: Right. Complicated grief where you're like, you're not sharing what

643
00:28:00,660 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 4: you're going through with your wife.

644
00:28:02,300 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 2: Right.

645
00:28:03,010 --> 00:28:04,770
Speaker 1: You're not telling anybody.

646
00:28:04,790 --> 00:28:05,210
Speaker 3: Right.

647
00:28:05,830 --> 00:28:08,770
Speaker 4: You hadn't seen the child, but then you still... I'm

648
00:28:09,130 --> 00:28:12,540
Speaker 4: imagining that it's still doing things to you inside.

649
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,060
Speaker 2: I think grief that you don't feel like you have

650
00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 2: permission to have is the most difficult kind of grief.

651
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,290
Speaker 3: Grief that you have lied to yourself about is the most....

652
00:28:24,619 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: Because.

653
00:28:26,030 --> 00:28:28,790
Speaker 2: I believe, and this is, you know, I don't know

654
00:28:28,830 --> 00:28:31,189
Speaker 2: if this is me letting myself off the hook, but

655
00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:32,949
Speaker 2: I believe that I would have been in.

656
00:28:34,810 --> 00:28:35,270
Speaker 3: His life.

657
00:28:35,790 --> 00:28:38,370
Speaker 1: I believe I would have became something. I believe I

658
00:28:38,390 --> 00:28:39,770
Speaker 1: would have manned up.

659
00:28:41,190 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 2: I would have never, in the course of my life,

660
00:28:43,580 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 2: eventually I would have had some level of courage. But unfortunately,

661
00:28:47,140 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 2: that's not what happened. But I think that's something I

662
00:28:52,020 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 2: think about all the time. The thing that you never...

663
00:28:54,380 --> 00:29:01,490
Speaker 2: can quite reconcile because they'll never be closer for that.

664
00:29:01,630 --> 00:29:02,990
Speaker 2: He didn't get to grow up. I never got to

665
00:29:03,030 --> 00:29:06,530
Speaker 2: talk to him. I never saw his.

666
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:08,260
Speaker 1: Murder.

667
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 2: It's just a very open-ended thing.

668
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 4: I think you would have evolved to show up for

669
00:29:16,540 --> 00:29:20,650
Speaker 4: him just based on the fact that you owned it

670
00:29:21,610 --> 00:29:24,530
Speaker 4: And shared, finally, like, it was like you couldn't take

671
00:29:24,810 --> 00:29:26,540
Speaker 4: the secrecy anymore, right?

672
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 3: I couldn't take it.

673
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: And you told your wife.

674
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 4: I did. And that part, I'm almost like crying reading

675
00:29:31,260 --> 00:29:34,860
Speaker 4: that part because the way she responded to you, um

676
00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:39,100
Speaker 4: she just was i guess wish she could have gone

677
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 4: through it with you you said right yeah i mean what.

678
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:48,490
Speaker 2: A soldier yeah but i think also um i think

679
00:29:48,550 --> 00:29:56,790
Speaker 2: that i can only say that i feel um I

680
00:29:56,810 --> 00:29:59,050
Speaker 2: think it would have been different had the baby been alive.

681
00:29:59,110 --> 00:29:59,470
Speaker 3: He wasn't.

682
00:29:59,810 --> 00:30:01,510
Speaker 2: So there are a lot of things at play. And

683
00:30:01,530 --> 00:30:04,610
Speaker 2: I think there's a tremendous amount of compassion and empathy.

684
00:30:05,190 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 2: But I also think there is, you know, you can

685
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 2: only burn yourself up so many times. I think when

686
00:30:14,420 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 2: somebody who knows you sees that there's a legitimate, like

687
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,260
Speaker 2: real grief and a sorrow, I think kicking you when

688
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,430
Speaker 2: you're down is not going to do anything for you.

689
00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 2: So I think there was an element of that. but

690
00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:27,740
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for it no matter what.

691
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: I would imagine. Yeah.

692
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 4: Hey guys, this episode of IRL is brought to you

693
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:36,380
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00:31:36,190 --> 00:31:38,270
Speaker 4: a registered trademark of Hasbro.

713
00:31:38,610 --> 00:31:40,630
Speaker 1: So how do you rebuild that? First of all, how

714
00:31:40,650 --> 00:31:43,370
Speaker 1: do you recover from complicated grief? And then how do you.

715
00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:46,070
Speaker 3: No, we just said I was going to sleep naked.

716
00:31:46,150 --> 00:31:49,070
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You're going to sleep naked. Sorry, sorry.

717
00:31:49,430 --> 00:31:53,590
Speaker 4: But you don't really talk a lot about how you

718
00:31:53,670 --> 00:31:54,530
Speaker 4: healed the marriage.

719
00:31:55,150 --> 00:31:57,430
Speaker 3: I don't know that that was my gig, right?

720
00:31:58,170 --> 00:31:58,910
Speaker 1: What do you mean?

721
00:31:59,430 --> 00:32:02,750
Speaker 3: I didn't do it to me. I did it to her.

722
00:32:03,190 --> 00:32:07,100
Speaker 2: So my idea of what that would look like is

723
00:32:07,140 --> 00:32:08,380
Speaker 2: totally different than hers, right?

724
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 3: I don't have the right to narrate that. her, her

725
00:32:12,980 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 3: vantage point.

726
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,300
Speaker 2: I have the right to tell her how to heal

727
00:32:15,380 --> 00:32:18,910
Speaker 2: or what she should do or what she shouldn't do. That's,

728
00:32:18,950 --> 00:32:22,410
Speaker 2: that's another layer of self, adding on another bullshit, the

729
00:32:22,610 --> 00:32:24,690
Speaker 2: layer of selfishness that, you know.

730
00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:25,690
Speaker 3: To narrate.

731
00:32:25,730 --> 00:32:27,610
Speaker 1: Could you say a layer of selfishness?

732
00:32:27,670 --> 00:32:30,150
Speaker 2: I mean, then you do all this and then you're

733
00:32:30,170 --> 00:32:31,690
Speaker 2: going to tell somebody how long they can grieve and

734
00:32:31,730 --> 00:32:33,020
Speaker 2: what it is and what it looks like.

735
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:34,140
Speaker 4: Yeah.

736
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:36,060
Speaker 1: But you have to, did you have to rebuild? That's

737
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:37,940
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Cause you, you guys made it through that.

738
00:32:38,340 --> 00:32:41,110
Speaker 2: Um, Making it through is a different thing because that's

739
00:32:41,230 --> 00:32:43,450
Speaker 2: every day. I think that there are things, obviously, that

740
00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:46,460
Speaker 2: she hears and sees. I know that when she reads

741
00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:50,300
Speaker 2: the book, we'll see. We'll see what that looks like.

742
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,100
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. We'll see. Have you not prepared her

743
00:32:53,140 --> 00:32:54,540
Speaker 1: for this? What do you mean prepared? What was I

744
00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:56,860
Speaker 1: going to do? Because it's going to come up in

745
00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:59,020
Speaker 1: conversation because now people are going to have questions.

746
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 3: Well, just like this.

747
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:01,660
Speaker 1: Like this?

748
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:02,140
Speaker 3: So, yeah.

749
00:33:02,260 --> 00:33:04,420
Speaker 1: You expect me to read this book and not have questions?

750
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,330
Speaker 3: Well, yeah. We're here.

751
00:33:06,450 --> 00:33:09,090
Speaker 1: There's other people going to read the book, too. If

752
00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:12,730
Speaker 1: we did it right, yeah. Are you prepared for this?

753
00:33:12,810 --> 00:33:14,530
Speaker 1: Are you ready for this? I am.

754
00:33:15,570 --> 00:33:15,890
Speaker 2: I am.

755
00:33:16,020 --> 00:33:18,020
Speaker 3: I'm not going to lie to her or to myself

756
00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 3: anymore about anything.

757
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: Really? I'm not. Can you do it like, can that

758
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: just change like that?

759
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was like that. I don't

760
00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 2: know if it was that instant. But it is that indelible.

761
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:33,290
Speaker 2: I'm not going to lie. And I'm not going to

762
00:33:33,330 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 2: try to spare myself. And I'm not going to. Try

763
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,220
Speaker 2: to justify it out. And I think sometimes, and this

764
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:46,459
Speaker 2: is not coldness. It's not taking myself out of the moment.

765
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,090
Speaker 2: I think that what I hope I'm doing is owning

766
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:52,950
Speaker 2: the moment and not trying to give it a gloss

767
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:53,950
Speaker 2: or bells or whistles.

768
00:33:54,770 --> 00:33:55,010
Speaker 4: Yeah.

769
00:33:55,250 --> 00:33:57,510
Speaker 3: But I don't think, I think I'm human.

770
00:33:57,890 --> 00:33:58,150
Speaker 4: Yeah.

771
00:33:58,690 --> 00:33:59,870
Speaker 1: And then how do you get to the other side

772
00:33:59,910 --> 00:34:00,330
Speaker 1: if you don't?

773
00:34:00,570 --> 00:34:01,410
Speaker 3: We don't know yet, baby.

774
00:34:01,430 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.

775
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,140
Speaker 4: But if you don't open up the wound a little bit,

776
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,259
Speaker 4: And I think that's probably what you did with the book.

777
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: You open up the wound when you write a book

778
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:10,670
Speaker 1: about it.

779
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,259
Speaker 2: I think there's an estimation of healing that seems so

780
00:34:15,110 --> 00:34:17,890
Speaker 2: complete to a lot of people that they think it's

781
00:34:18,010 --> 00:34:18,870
Speaker 2: a graduation.

782
00:34:19,930 --> 00:34:23,150
Speaker 3: They think it's a landing spot.

783
00:34:23,290 --> 00:34:24,290
Speaker 1: I don't know that that's true.

784
00:34:25,410 --> 00:34:28,649
Speaker 3: I don't. But, you know, I'm willing to.

785
00:34:28,670 --> 00:34:30,530
Speaker 1: But you're also a guy who's never thought about happiness

786
00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:31,129
Speaker 1: your whole life.

787
00:34:31,230 --> 00:34:32,750
Speaker 3: Right.

788
00:34:33,310 --> 00:34:36,710
Speaker 1: Maybe you want to. I don't know. I'm just saying

789
00:34:36,730 --> 00:34:37,730
Speaker 1: you're considering happiness.

790
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:38,450
Speaker 3: I'm going to sleep naked.

791
00:34:38,630 --> 00:34:40,950
Speaker 1: You're going to sleep naked. You're going to consider some happiness.

792
00:34:40,969 --> 00:34:44,140
Speaker 1: For sure. You're going to get some healing after this.

793
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 4: I mean, what do you expect from, like, I don't know,

794
00:34:47,420 --> 00:34:49,419
Speaker 4: when you put out a thing like this, what do you,

795
00:34:49,930 --> 00:34:50,770
Speaker 4: is it healing?

796
00:34:50,950 --> 00:34:55,650
Speaker 2: You know, so my favorite album is by And I'm

797
00:34:55,850 --> 00:34:59,739
Speaker 2: Marvin Gaye. Remember, it was here. And you remember that

798
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: he lost that album and he lost that album. He

799
00:35:03,780 --> 00:35:04,940
Speaker 2: lost in the divorce settlement.

800
00:35:05,460 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 4: Right.

801
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:12,049
Speaker 2: And he had to give his ex wife his next album.

802
00:35:13,060 --> 00:35:14,919
Speaker 2: And he could have just said, here, bitch, he could

803
00:35:15,060 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 2: have done his work. He could have just did anything.

804
00:35:19,060 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 1: He could have hummed.

805
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:20,500
Speaker 5: Yeah.

806
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:21,899
Speaker 3: He gave it.

807
00:35:21,980 --> 00:35:24,339
Speaker 2: He wrote his life's work. He wrote his opus. And

808
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:25,540
Speaker 2: he gave it to her. That's why it's called Hear

809
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:26,859
Speaker 2: My Death. To me, this is that book.

810
00:35:27,739 --> 00:35:28,899
Speaker 4: Wow. This?

811
00:35:29,380 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: This.

812
00:35:31,340 --> 00:35:32,660
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm going to have another one, hopefully.

813
00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 2: But this is where I... It's exactly how I felt

814
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:36,700
Speaker 2: and feel right now.

815
00:35:37,660 --> 00:35:41,110
Speaker 1: So is this like a... How do you feel in this?

816
00:35:41,150 --> 00:35:45,760
Speaker 1: Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I almost feel like,

817
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 1: oh gosh, should I not be asking you questions about it?

818
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: I feel a little like I can feel your discomfort

819
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:53,620
Speaker 1: with some of this.

820
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:54,419
Speaker 3: But isn't that art?

821
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,780
Speaker 1: Yeah. Isn't that humanity? Yeah.

822
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 2: I think people are addicted to comfort. I think that's

823
00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:02,410
Speaker 2: why we're fat. That's why we're small. That's why we're narrow.

824
00:36:04,010 --> 00:36:04,270
Speaker 1: Oof.

825
00:36:04,610 --> 00:36:07,410
Speaker 2: That's why we are what we are. Because we put

826
00:36:07,489 --> 00:36:11,210
Speaker 2: sugar in everything. Nothing is straight. I don't think there

827
00:36:11,230 --> 00:36:14,969
Speaker 2: has to be a cruelty in honesty, but I think

828
00:36:14,989 --> 00:36:15,970
Speaker 2: there has to be clarity.

829
00:36:16,510 --> 00:36:21,210
Speaker 3: And I think that, you know, just... Is this.

830
00:36:20,989 --> 00:36:24,070
Speaker 1: You leaning into the discomfort? Yeah.

831
00:36:25,590 --> 00:36:27,850
Speaker 2: I mean, I would be lying if I told you

832
00:36:28,010 --> 00:36:30,140
Speaker 2: I didn't know or don't know that there are going

833
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 2: to be questions and things and resentments and pasts that

834
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 2: are dug up by any number of people.

835
00:36:36,020 --> 00:36:37,100
Speaker 3: By any number of people.

836
00:36:37,460 --> 00:36:41,339
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you... Yeah. There's other family stories and things that.

837
00:36:41,739 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 4: But your opening says, like, listen. Yeah.

838
00:36:45,180 --> 00:36:46,310
Speaker 1: This is how I remember it.

839
00:36:47,340 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 3: This is.

840
00:36:48,060 --> 00:36:50,060
Speaker 2: You know, there are things... There are a lot of

841
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 2: things I'm not good at.

842
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:52,280
Speaker 3: So many.

843
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,489
Speaker 2: What I am good at is telling how I feel.

844
00:36:55,590 --> 00:36:56,129
Speaker 3: I'm good at that.

845
00:36:57,370 --> 00:36:57,690
Speaker 1: Now.

846
00:36:58,890 --> 00:37:00,629
Speaker 2: And that's not to say that anybody else can't tell

847
00:37:00,670 --> 00:37:03,529
Speaker 2: me how they feel. But this is.

848
00:37:03,950 --> 00:37:04,330
Speaker 1: This is.

849
00:37:05,910 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 2: It's my thoughts, my ideas, my perspective, all laid out

850
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,320
Speaker 2: for everybody to see, whoever cares.

851
00:37:11,340 --> 00:37:13,580
Speaker 1: Wow. You know, it's so funny.

852
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 4: We used to start this pod and we kind of

853
00:37:15,260 --> 00:37:17,310
Speaker 4: stopped doing it for whatever reason. We used to ask people,

854
00:37:17,330 --> 00:37:19,790
Speaker 4: when you say how I feel, we used to ask

855
00:37:19,830 --> 00:37:22,010
Speaker 4: people on a scale of one to 10, how happy

856
00:37:22,050 --> 00:37:22,590
Speaker 4: are you today?

857
00:37:22,610 --> 00:37:26,089
Speaker 1: I think it's a perfect question for you. I don't know.

858
00:37:27,380 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 1: Because number one, you don't really, you haven't prioritized happiness.

859
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:32,060
Speaker 3: Here's the thing.

860
00:37:32,140 --> 00:37:34,840
Speaker 1: And then number two, you're leaning into all this discomfort.

861
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 2: See, now I sound like a sociopath and I'm clearly not.

862
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:41,529
Speaker 2: I'm really not. I'm really not. I'm really not.

863
00:37:41,770 --> 00:37:45,230
Speaker 3: But I am on the scale of one to ten.

864
00:37:45,250 --> 00:37:45,689
Speaker 1: I don't know.

865
00:37:46,090 --> 00:37:47,109
Speaker 3: I tell you what does make me happy.

866
00:37:47,290 --> 00:37:47,509
Speaker 1: What?

867
00:37:47,570 --> 00:37:49,950
Speaker 3: My grandchildren make me happy. They make me very happy.

868
00:37:50,230 --> 00:37:51,010
Speaker 1: Yeah.

869
00:37:51,030 --> 00:37:52,890
Speaker 4: You're probably all mushy with them, right?

870
00:37:55,090 --> 00:37:58,500
Speaker 3: I think that And I didn't understand this before. You

871
00:37:58,540 --> 00:37:59,140
Speaker 3: know what it is?

872
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,739
Speaker 2: They look like my children, but I don't have the

873
00:38:04,780 --> 00:38:06,739
Speaker 2: sense of fear that was connected to raising them.

874
00:38:08,140 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 3: Like, I don't have to. I'm a voyeur. I get

875
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 3: to check it. I feel like a deadbeat dad. I

876
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:14,460
Speaker 3: come when I come.

877
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: I leave when I leave. I never knew how freeing

878
00:38:18,219 --> 00:38:19,750
Speaker 1: being a deadbeat dad could be.

879
00:38:19,910 --> 00:38:21,830
Speaker 4: You know how crazy it is that people don't talk

880
00:38:22,090 --> 00:38:24,650
Speaker 4: enough about the fear that comes with parenting?

881
00:38:24,670 --> 00:38:24,930
Speaker 2: Yes. Yes.

882
00:38:26,530 --> 00:38:31,790
Speaker 4: The amount of fear that I have a 23-year-old and

883
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:37,570
Speaker 4: a 20-year-old. My younger self has experienced some bad things, too,

884
00:38:37,610 --> 00:38:41,180
Speaker 4: in my life, right? I have never experienced the fear

885
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:42,580
Speaker 4: that I have experienced as a.

886
00:38:42,580 --> 00:38:44,060
Speaker 1: Parent, as a mother.

887
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:45,620
Speaker 3: And you know what I resented?

888
00:38:45,860 --> 00:38:46,140
Speaker 1: What?

889
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:47,900
Speaker 3: She never felt afraid.

890
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:48,820
Speaker 5: Who?

891
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: My wife.

892
00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:50,540
Speaker 3: She never was afraid.

893
00:38:50,860 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: For the kids? I mean, her.

894
00:38:55,170 --> 00:38:55,529
Speaker 1: She didn't.

895
00:38:55,710 --> 00:38:58,190
Speaker 2: Well, she has a spiritual connection. I guess that would

896
00:38:58,660 --> 00:38:59,529
Speaker 2: probably faith.

897
00:38:59,950 --> 00:39:00,319
Speaker 3: Yes.

898
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:06,180
Speaker 1: And me. Like I was in it. You know how

899
00:39:06,219 --> 00:39:08,800
Speaker 1: bad it is out here. I'm dying inside.

900
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:09,100
Speaker 4: Right.

901
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm fearful every day.

902
00:39:10,940 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 2: And you niggas in here teething.

903
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: What the.

904
00:39:14,260 --> 00:39:14,540
Speaker 4: I did.

905
00:39:14,580 --> 00:39:17,460
Speaker 3: I really felt. I felt a great sense of resentment.

906
00:39:19,070 --> 00:39:19,930
Speaker 3: It was safe.

907
00:39:20,330 --> 00:39:23,740
Speaker 1: I remember one time they bought it. Save it happy. Yeah.

908
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: Prioritize your happiness. You know what this is like out there?

909
00:39:26,500 --> 00:39:29,290
Speaker 2: I remember I would come up on the road and

910
00:39:29,310 --> 00:39:29,970
Speaker 2: they'd be all laughing.

911
00:39:30,219 --> 00:39:30,500
Speaker 1: And shit.

912
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, you didn't leave. You just didn't leave Jackson, Mississippi.

913
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:42,879
Speaker 2: That's what you did. I remember, uh, I remember they

914
00:39:42,900 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 2: made this, they made this, uh, It must have been

915
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:49,980
Speaker 2: like seven years ago.

916
00:39:51,340 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: Eight years ago.

917
00:39:51,980 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 3: Maybe ten. I don't remember.

918
00:39:53,340 --> 00:39:57,310
Speaker 2: But they made a video, and it was all, and

919
00:39:57,330 --> 00:40:00,270
Speaker 2: the kids paid for this. And it was all of

920
00:40:00,350 --> 00:40:04,930
Speaker 2: the Christmas parties and birthdays and games that I wasn't

921
00:40:04,969 --> 00:40:05,530
Speaker 2: there for.

922
00:40:06,030 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: But it was so beautiful. And I was crying.

923
00:40:09,500 --> 00:40:12,820
Speaker 2: Just was booing. And they think I was crying because

924
00:40:12,860 --> 00:40:13,580
Speaker 2: I wasn't there.

925
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:14,140
Speaker 4: Yeah.

926
00:40:15,380 --> 00:40:17,100
Speaker 2: I was crying because I knew if I had been there,

927
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,180
Speaker 2: they'd have never seen those things. That's why I was crying.

928
00:40:20,580 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 2: I was crying. You niggas don't know how bad it

929
00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:26,220
Speaker 2: could have been. That's what I was crying. I didn't

930
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 2: learn how to read until I was, I don't know,

931
00:40:28,260 --> 00:40:33,770
Speaker 2: a grown person. I had no discernible skill set. I

932
00:40:33,810 --> 00:40:36,629
Speaker 2: didn't know what to do. I'm married at 20 years

933
00:40:36,750 --> 00:40:43,250
Speaker 2: old and nobody's going to work. So I was scared

934
00:40:43,310 --> 00:40:43,669
Speaker 2: all the time.

935
00:40:44,790 --> 00:40:46,330
Speaker 1: And now still? I'm not now.

936
00:40:46,750 --> 00:40:47,410
Speaker 4: Really? No.

937
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 1: It's so funny because the world is so much to

938
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:52,460
Speaker 1: be scared of in the world. Yeah. And you're finally

939
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: not scared.

940
00:40:54,580 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 2: I'm like, when I see things like what happened to

941
00:40:56,580 --> 00:40:58,660
Speaker 2: Nolan Wells and what happens.

942
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:01,060
Speaker 3: To.

943
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 2: I think that people don't seem to understand that literally is.

944
00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:10,660
Speaker 2: A black parent's fear or a person of color's fear

945
00:41:10,739 --> 00:41:13,630
Speaker 2: playing out in front of us all. That is the,

946
00:41:13,690 --> 00:41:16,130
Speaker 2: that's why people are having the disarray reaction they have

947
00:41:16,150 --> 00:41:19,870
Speaker 2: because it, except for the grace of God for us all.

948
00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:22,509
Speaker 2: And to know that, and keep, you know, the most,

949
00:41:22,530 --> 00:41:24,890
Speaker 2: the hardest thing to hear, he was a good kid. Like,

950
00:41:24,930 --> 00:41:28,170
Speaker 2: they always have to explain that they were not what

951
00:41:28,210 --> 00:41:31,250
Speaker 2: society thought they were. They were this different thing. You gotta,

952
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 2: you gotta, no.

953
00:41:32,489 --> 00:41:36,020
Speaker 1: You have to, you have to like prop them up. Right. Yeah. Right.

954
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:37,740
Speaker 1: To make it seem like that's not okay.

955
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 2: Right.

956
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 1: Cause he was great. Not, not this one.

957
00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:40,919
Speaker 4: Right.

958
00:41:41,420 --> 00:41:44,320
Speaker 2: And society always, he wasn't, he was no angel and

959
00:41:44,340 --> 00:41:46,380
Speaker 2: he was no boy scout and he was no choir boy.

960
00:41:47,020 --> 00:41:49,310
Speaker 2: As if to be black, you have to be perfect

961
00:41:49,330 --> 00:41:52,090
Speaker 2: to be, to be, to not be murdered.

962
00:41:52,810 --> 00:41:53,529
Speaker 1: You'll say that.

963
00:41:53,570 --> 00:41:54,870
Speaker 2: And then I bring up Chicago. I'm like, what the

964
00:41:54,890 --> 00:41:57,570
Speaker 2: fuck does that got to do with, People are crazy.

965
00:41:58,050 --> 00:42:00,569
Speaker 2: People are evil. I don't think it's crazy. I think

966
00:42:00,590 --> 00:42:01,350
Speaker 2: they do it on purpose.

967
00:42:01,410 --> 00:42:02,610
Speaker 1: Really? Sure.

968
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:06,860
Speaker 2: I think that there is a spirit in this. People

969
00:42:06,940 --> 00:42:10,500
Speaker 2: do not get to be, only children are this obtuse.

970
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:12,780
Speaker 2: Only children are this obtuse.

971
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,980
Speaker 4: Are the levels of evil higher in the world right

972
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,280
Speaker 4: now then? Or is it just more in our face?

973
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:24,450
Speaker 3: I think that you can't tell me that, like for instance,

974
00:42:24,530 --> 00:42:25,230
Speaker 3: I'll see things.

975
00:42:25,870 --> 00:42:31,190
Speaker 2: You blow up a school in Iran.

976
00:42:31,190 --> 00:42:33,170
Speaker 3: 200 school kids die.

977
00:42:33,989 --> 00:42:37,390
Speaker 2: And that to you, or you'll hear about a bunch

978
00:42:37,410 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 2: of children being molested.

979
00:42:38,660 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 3: Or women being raped. And you're more angry about the

980
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 3: price of gas than anything else. What is that? What

981
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 3: is that? Evil. Okay, so whatever that is. They're not

982
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:50,899
Speaker 3: mad about anything else.

983
00:42:52,580 --> 00:42:53,100
Speaker 1: Nothing else.

984
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:57,980
Speaker 2: Not wars where men and women are dying, children are dying,

985
00:42:59,300 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 2: but I can't fill my gas tank up.

986
00:43:02,690 --> 00:43:05,009
Speaker 3: My brown beef is too hot. What is that?

987
00:43:07,950 --> 00:43:11,150
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a wild world out here. You jump in, though. Yeah.

988
00:43:11,170 --> 00:43:14,910
Speaker 1: You jump into it. You put yourself right in it.

989
00:43:14,930 --> 00:43:16,190
Speaker 1: I do. Into the conversation.

990
00:43:16,290 --> 00:43:16,989
Speaker 3: I like it, too.

991
00:43:17,190 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: And you do like it.

992
00:43:18,090 --> 00:43:18,430
Speaker 3: I do.

993
00:43:19,590 --> 00:43:21,270
Speaker 1: I do. You jump into the discomfort. I feel like

994
00:43:21,290 --> 00:43:21,950
Speaker 1: I was built for this.

995
00:43:22,690 --> 00:43:23,710
Speaker 3: I feel like I was built for this.

996
00:43:23,950 --> 00:43:24,310
Speaker 4: Really?

997
00:43:24,410 --> 00:43:25,190
Speaker 3: This moment, I did.

998
00:43:25,530 --> 00:43:26,670
Speaker 4: What is the big, I don't know, we have to

999
00:43:26,710 --> 00:43:29,969
Speaker 4: go to a call. What is the big, I don't know,

1000
00:43:30,250 --> 00:43:32,870
Speaker 4: you like lean into the discomfort in this book. You

1001
00:43:32,969 --> 00:43:36,810
Speaker 4: jump into the shark infested waters to kind of poke

1002
00:43:36,830 --> 00:43:38,260
Speaker 4: the holes in the system and things.

1003
00:43:38,969 --> 00:43:41,089
Speaker 1: What is the, I don't know, what is the thing

1004
00:43:41,110 --> 00:43:42,380
Speaker 1: you're chasing? What is the?

1005
00:43:42,450 --> 00:43:42,879
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1006
00:43:42,890 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the, I don't know.

1007
00:43:45,380 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 3: I don't know. I want to either break the world

1008
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 3: or make it better. I really do.

1009
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:55,580
Speaker 2: We'd rather snap in half or make it better. So

1010
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 2: you talked about healing, right? One way to heal is

1011
00:43:58,380 --> 00:43:59,299
Speaker 2: to go through things, right?

1012
00:43:59,340 --> 00:44:01,190
Speaker 3: To see it, right? Now maybe that's it.

1013
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1014
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 1: So you secretly want to heal?

1015
00:44:06,460 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 3: I secretly want to heal the world, though.

1016
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,660
Speaker 1: You can't even say you want to heal yourself. You

1017
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 1: know what it is?

1018
00:44:12,380 --> 00:44:16,510
Speaker 2: Like people always like, like, like, some people get to

1019
00:44:16,890 --> 00:44:18,430
Speaker 2: lead people to the promise that don't mean they get

1020
00:44:18,450 --> 00:44:19,290
Speaker 2: to go, right?

1021
00:44:20,570 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 1: Like did Moses get to go? You just said you

1022
00:44:22,700 --> 00:44:24,260
Speaker 1: were going to prioritize your own happiness.

1023
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 2: I said, what I said was I am open to

1024
00:44:26,460 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 2: the possibility of it. But you are acting like it.

1025
00:44:28,820 --> 00:44:31,410
Speaker 1: Has to happen. It should happen. I want that for you.

1026
00:44:31,420 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 4: Okay. Okay.

1027
00:44:32,140 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to sleep naked tonight.

1028
00:44:34,060 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 1: I want that for you. Now, can I have a

1029
00:44:37,580 --> 00:44:39,850
Speaker 1: cigar when I'm sleeping naked? Why not?

1030
00:44:39,890 --> 00:44:40,310
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely.

1031
00:44:40,330 --> 00:44:43,410
Speaker 1: If it makes you happy. Absolutely. Then you absolutely should.

1032
00:44:43,450 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 3: See, you're right. I'm going to be happy. I promise.

1033
00:44:46,980 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 1: Why not? Give it a call. I am not opposed

1034
00:44:51,820 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 1: to being happy. Make a list of the things that

1035
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: make you happy.

1036
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:55,180
Speaker 3: I got two already.

1037
00:44:55,260 --> 00:44:57,029
Speaker 1: What are they? Sleeping naked. I got to get that.

1038
00:44:57,969 --> 00:44:58,790
Speaker 1: Your grandchildren.

1039
00:44:58,850 --> 00:44:59,549
Speaker 3: Yeah, they make me happy.

1040
00:44:59,630 --> 00:45:00,950
Speaker 1: And your grandchildren make you happy.

1041
00:45:01,110 --> 00:45:04,410
Speaker 3: One of them makes me happier than the other.

1042
00:45:04,770 --> 00:45:05,989
Speaker 1: Please don't tell them that.

1043
00:45:06,489 --> 00:45:07,910
Speaker 3: I'll let them figure it out, but I'm pretty sure

1044
00:45:07,930 --> 00:45:08,690
Speaker 3: it ain't going to be hard.

1045
00:45:09,350 --> 00:45:10,150
Speaker 1: Oh, my God.

1046
00:45:10,170 --> 00:45:12,700
Speaker 2: No, I like them both. I love them both, but

1047
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,969
Speaker 2: one of them... It's way better than the... No, I'm

1048
00:45:15,989 --> 00:45:16,339
Speaker 2: just kidding.

1049
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,020
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, you ever sign up for a phone plan thinking, wow,

1050
00:45:19,060 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 4: what a great price? And then a few months later,

1051
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 4: it's like, surprise, your bill is higher. We hate that.

1052
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 4: With Boost Mobile, you pay $ 25 a month forever. That's

1053
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 4: unlimited talk, text, and data starting at just $ 25 a month.

1054
00:45:31,739 --> 00:45:35,379
Speaker 4: There's no price hikes, there's no contract, and this is forever. Plus,

1055
00:45:35,420 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 4: Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network. They

1056
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:44,180
Speaker 4: invested billions building 5G towers across the country. So... What

1057
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,969
Speaker 4: you need to do is visit BoostMobile.com or head to

1058
00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:49,870
Speaker 4: your local Boost store today and get unlimited talk, text,

1059
00:45:50,050 --> 00:45:53,850
Speaker 4: and data for $ 25 a month forever. 5G speeds not

1060
00:45:53,870 --> 00:45:57,250
Speaker 4: available in all areas. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience

1061
00:45:57,310 --> 00:46:00,460
Speaker 4: lower speeds. Customers will pay $ 25 a month as long

1062
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 4: as they remain active on the Boost unlimited plan.

1063
00:46:03,820 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 1: All right, we have a segment. It's called Voice Notes.

1064
00:46:05,500 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: Somebody left a message for you. Somebody from the pod?

1065
00:46:08,140 --> 00:46:08,219
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1066
00:46:09,050 --> 00:46:10,650
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a question or a comment.

1067
00:46:10,710 --> 00:46:12,090
Speaker 1: Let's see. We got. Yeah.

1068
00:46:12,170 --> 00:46:15,089
Speaker 5: DL was good, bro. My name is Mac. I am

1069
00:46:15,150 --> 00:46:17,890
Speaker 5: a fellow comedian, up and coming comedian. And I just

1070
00:46:17,910 --> 00:46:20,250
Speaker 5: wanted to ask you, you know, when it comes to comedy,

1071
00:46:20,630 --> 00:46:24,710
Speaker 5: we always pull from real life experiences, but there's traumas, love,

1072
00:46:25,469 --> 00:46:27,870
Speaker 5: things we all grew up doing. Was there ever a

1073
00:46:27,930 --> 00:46:30,370
Speaker 5: time where you had a joke or you did a

1074
00:46:30,410 --> 00:46:32,989
Speaker 5: joke and maybe you thought, oh, I should have probably

1075
00:46:33,030 --> 00:46:35,110
Speaker 5: ran this by somebody or maybe you did the joke.

1076
00:46:35,510 --> 00:46:37,730
Speaker 5: And afterwards, they felt some type of way about it.

1077
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,500
Speaker 5: Like you had that one joke about how your wife

1078
00:46:40,540 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 5: was mad at you because you got life insurance for

1079
00:46:42,580 --> 00:46:45,299
Speaker 5: yourself and not for her because she doesn't work. And

1080
00:46:45,340 --> 00:46:47,819
Speaker 5: she asked you, well, what if something happens to me?

1081
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,569
Speaker 5: And you're like, well, we'd be sad. Like those type

1082
00:46:50,610 --> 00:46:52,730
Speaker 5: of jokes. Do you have to run those by people?

1083
00:46:52,790 --> 00:46:55,170
Speaker 5: Did you ever have to check with somebody and tell

1084
00:46:55,190 --> 00:46:57,830
Speaker 5: them ahead of time before you did the joke on stage?

1085
00:46:58,310 --> 00:46:58,489
Speaker 3: No.

1086
00:47:00,030 --> 00:47:02,550
Speaker 1: That's it the answer the answer is no.

1087
00:47:02,630 --> 00:47:04,390
Speaker 4: I don't think he didn't even run it by his

1088
00:47:04,450 --> 00:47:06,710
Speaker 4: wife about the book no you think he's gonna run

1089
00:47:06,770 --> 00:47:08,610
Speaker 4: a joke by anybody.

1090
00:47:08,170 --> 00:47:10,330
Speaker 2: Y'all go home crying a pile of money I don't

1091
00:47:10,370 --> 00:47:13,230
Speaker 2: care I'm not gonna ask y'all nobody here is funny

1092
00:47:13,270 --> 00:47:15,390
Speaker 2: why would I talk to y'all about it nobody here

1093
00:47:15,410 --> 00:47:15,969
Speaker 2: is funny.

1094
00:47:16,210 --> 00:47:18,370
Speaker 1: But do they get pissed ever? Sure.

1095
00:47:18,450 --> 00:47:18,750
Speaker 4: Yes.

1096
00:47:18,969 --> 00:47:20,770
Speaker 1: And you deal with it. I have a son.

1097
00:47:20,969 --> 00:47:23,620
Speaker 3: He's autistic. He likes white women, which is hilarious.

1098
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,380
Speaker 2: I have a daughter who's a lesbian and married a

1099
00:47:27,540 --> 00:47:32,900
Speaker 2: Puerto Rican girl. I got another daughter who is married

1100
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,569
Speaker 2: to a Puerto Rican doctor.

1101
00:47:35,590 --> 00:47:38,810
Speaker 1: I just realized you had so many Puerto Ricans in

1102
00:47:38,830 --> 00:47:40,969
Speaker 1: your family. I was going to say. So come on now.

1103
00:47:41,130 --> 00:47:41,489
Speaker 1: All right.

1104
00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:44,210
Speaker 3: I ain't never had so much coquito. What the fuck

1105
00:47:44,250 --> 00:47:44,489
Speaker 3: is this?

1106
00:47:45,380 --> 00:47:49,820
Speaker 2: Niggas like eggnog. I don't know what y'all doing here.

1107
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:57,590
Speaker 2: My daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36 when

1108
00:47:57,670 --> 00:47:59,589
Speaker 2: she was pregnant with my second grandchild.

1109
00:47:59,870 --> 00:48:01,690
Speaker 3: That's found its way on stage.

1110
00:48:02,370 --> 00:48:03,689
Speaker 1: Nothing is off limits.

1111
00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:05,050
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

1112
00:48:05,850 --> 00:48:07,569
Speaker 1: You're definitely going to have a conversation with your wife

1113
00:48:07,650 --> 00:48:11,430
Speaker 1: after this book. I'm sure. Maybe after people tell her

1114
00:48:11,450 --> 00:48:14,450
Speaker 1: about this goddamn interview. How about that? I didn't ask

1115
00:48:14,469 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 1: you about anything that wasn't in the book. You did this.

1116
00:48:17,780 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 1: You did not blame me. You did this to yourself.

1117
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:23,380
Speaker 1: You jumped into these waters. Man, you sound like a woman.

1118
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:30,979
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. What is happening here? Wait, Angie Martinez sounds

1119
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,440
Speaker 1: like a girl. Oh, who knew? That's crazy. You feel attacked?

1120
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,140
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't feel attacked. Not at all.

1121
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 3: This has been a fucking delight.

1122
00:48:37,660 --> 00:48:38,239
Speaker 1: Has it really?

1123
00:48:38,530 --> 00:48:38,760
Speaker 4: No.

1124
00:48:38,989 --> 00:48:43,350
Speaker 1: No, it hasn't. It hasn't been fun. But that's not

1125
00:48:43,370 --> 00:48:46,029
Speaker 1: the point. I've enjoyed it. But it wasn't like you

1126
00:48:46,050 --> 00:48:46,760
Speaker 1: didn't come here with a.

1127
00:48:47,030 --> 00:48:49,270
Speaker 4: If we came here with a comedy book, then it

1128
00:48:49,290 --> 00:48:51,470
Speaker 4: would have probably been more fun. Right, right.

1129
00:48:51,820 --> 00:48:53,140
Speaker 3: Okay, next time.

1130
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:57,620
Speaker 1: This is a serious book. We learn serious things about you. Okay.

1131
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,109
Speaker 1: Were you ever a teacher? Were you ever a teacher?

1132
00:49:00,130 --> 00:49:01,989
Speaker 1: Should I have been? I could have been. Yes, yes.

1133
00:49:02,050 --> 00:49:03,390
Speaker 1: You know I was never a teacher. You know I've

1134
00:49:03,410 --> 00:49:05,210
Speaker 1: done the radio for 30-something years.

1135
00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 2: You've got a very hall monitor-esque way of doing it.

1136
00:49:11,380 --> 00:49:15,830
Speaker 1: Shut the hell up. I swear I know you've asked

1137
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:16,730
Speaker 1: for a hall monitor.

1138
00:49:16,770 --> 00:49:18,969
Speaker 4: He sets me up for this type of conversation by

1139
00:49:19,030 --> 00:49:19,989
Speaker 4: writing this book. No, no.

1140
00:49:20,110 --> 00:49:22,570
Speaker 1: Then he's mad at me. I'm not mad. Then he's

1141
00:49:22,610 --> 00:49:25,219
Speaker 1: mad at me. You're only being exactly who you were

1142
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 1: supposed to be. That's it. You can't help yourself.

1143
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:30,339
Speaker 5: You knew.

1144
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 3: Come on now.

1145
00:49:31,540 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 1: You knew too. Yes. You knew. You know what? This is.

1146
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:40,879
Speaker 2: Like you... I don't think... think things have to not

1147
00:49:40,940 --> 00:49:44,189
Speaker 2: hurt to be pleasant. And this is one of those things.

1148
00:49:44,950 --> 00:49:46,150
Speaker 1: It was pleasant and it hurt.

1149
00:49:47,489 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 3: But like if you get your two pool, but the,

1150
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:50,100
Speaker 3: you know.

1151
00:49:51,390 --> 00:49:53,130
Speaker 1: Well, that's not the experience I want you to have.

1152
00:49:53,150 --> 00:49:54,370
Speaker 1: Stop it. Stop it right now.

1153
00:49:54,410 --> 00:49:54,629
Speaker 4: Okay.

1154
00:49:54,650 --> 00:49:57,370
Speaker 1: Then you tell me the experiences I have. Here's the

1155
00:49:57,410 --> 00:49:58,230
Speaker 1: experience you're having.

1156
00:49:58,310 --> 00:49:58,610
Speaker 3: Okay.

1157
00:49:58,710 --> 00:50:00,380
Speaker 1: Okay? This is how you should receive it. This is

1158
00:50:00,410 --> 00:50:03,359
Speaker 1: how you should feel. Right, right, right. A woman telling

1159
00:50:03,380 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 1: somebody how to feel. Go ahead, do it again.

1160
00:50:04,820 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 3: Listen, listen, listen.

1161
00:50:05,420 --> 00:50:06,660
Speaker 1: This is how you feel. This is how I want

1162
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:08,379
Speaker 1: you to feel. I want you to feel like you

1163
00:50:08,420 --> 00:50:10,660
Speaker 1: shared some difficult things in this book. Yes. And it

1164
00:50:10,739 --> 00:50:13,980
Speaker 1: is an offering to people who probably can relate in

1165
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:16,609
Speaker 1: many different ways. And that can heal people. Yes.

1166
00:50:16,910 --> 00:50:22,930
Speaker 4: So sometimes through uncomfortable conversation... You can actually do things

1167
00:50:22,969 --> 00:50:24,730
Speaker 4: in the world that are good for other people.

1168
00:50:24,770 --> 00:50:25,030
Speaker 1: Yes.

1169
00:50:25,130 --> 00:50:28,610
Speaker 4: Which in turn could come back around and give you

1170
00:50:28,650 --> 00:50:30,430
Speaker 4: some of that happiness that you're looking for.

1171
00:50:30,450 --> 00:50:31,149
Speaker 3: There you go.

1172
00:50:31,390 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 2: I would have never thought that is exactly what a

1173
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,219
Speaker 2: guidance counselor would have said.

1174
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:37,240
Speaker 3: That's exactly the same. That same thing.

1175
00:50:39,460 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: That would have been... What would you... I mean, you're

1176
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 1: an experienced host as well.

1177
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 4: What is the question that you would ask yourself about

1178
00:50:45,260 --> 00:50:45,700
Speaker 4: this book?

1179
00:50:46,340 --> 00:50:48,810
Speaker 3: Well, I would say this. That I am the.

1180
00:50:49,770 --> 00:50:53,219
Speaker 2: That I am the man now, the little boy I was,

1181
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 2: always wanted to be. So I would say that. And

1182
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:01,220
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that I'm fully evolved. I'm saying that

1183
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:08,529
Speaker 2: I always thought I had to depend on me. Now

1184
00:51:08,590 --> 00:51:09,250
Speaker 2: I know I can.

1185
00:51:11,790 --> 00:51:12,870
Speaker 1: So there's pride in that. Yeah.

1186
00:51:13,630 --> 00:51:16,390
Speaker 4: That's one of my IRL questions for you. This is

1187
00:51:16,430 --> 00:51:19,029
Speaker 4: an in real life bowl. One of the things in there,

1188
00:51:19,150 --> 00:51:20,609
Speaker 4: one of the questions is, what are you most proud

1189
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:21,720
Speaker 4: of about yourself?

1190
00:51:23,540 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 1: That I survived. Just survived.

1191
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,060
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, because I think.

1192
00:51:29,940 --> 00:51:35,729
Speaker 2: My brothers and sisters are broken. And I'm like, oof,

1193
00:51:36,130 --> 00:51:41,660
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to be you, niggas. Man, I'm telling you.

1194
00:51:43,180 --> 00:51:45,219
Speaker 2: But I always know I was better than them.

1195
00:51:45,540 --> 00:51:47,919
Speaker 1: Do you think you have to go through the stuff

1196
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:48,940
Speaker 1: to be a great comedian?

1197
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:49,420
Speaker 3: Uh-huh.

1198
00:51:49,780 --> 00:51:50,060
Speaker 4: Really?

1199
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 3: To be a great anything, yeah. You got to come

1200
00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:53,900
Speaker 3: from somewhere. But I always thought I was better than them.

1201
00:51:54,460 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: And you still do.

1202
00:51:57,300 --> 00:51:59,399
Speaker 2: Like, even when I didn't even know, like, I didn't

1203
00:51:59,420 --> 00:52:01,419
Speaker 2: know anything, I was like, I am better than this.

1204
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 3: I don't know why.

1205
00:52:02,140 --> 00:52:03,460
Speaker 1: I did.

1206
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 3: I felt like that.

1207
00:52:04,100 --> 00:52:06,299
Speaker 1: I was like, why am I sharing a room with

1208
00:52:06,340 --> 00:52:06,880
Speaker 1: this dude?

1209
00:52:06,900 --> 00:52:07,010
Speaker 5: I did.

1210
00:52:07,060 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: I thought I was....

1211
00:52:10,660 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 2: I don't know why, but I thought I was better

1212
00:52:12,020 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 2: than them. I'm like, I'm way better than this. I

1213
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 2: don't know how I'm going to get out of here,

1214
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:15,500
Speaker 2: but I'm getting.

1215
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:15,859
Speaker 3: Out of here.

1216
00:52:17,500 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 4: And?

1217
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: Yes. And you still think that way? Yes. I mean,

1218
00:52:21,260 --> 00:52:24,480
Speaker 1: I love them. Yeah. But you're better than them. Way better.

1219
00:52:26,010 --> 00:52:27,370
Speaker 3: If it wasn't for me, you know what they would

1220
00:52:27,390 --> 00:52:27,850
Speaker 3: have done?

1221
00:52:27,930 --> 00:52:29,730
Speaker 1: If this was a hard conversation for you to have,

1222
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:33,969
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it very much. I laughed. I had a

1223
00:52:34,010 --> 00:52:35,990
Speaker 1: great time. I don't know if you had a great time,

1224
00:52:36,010 --> 00:52:37,700
Speaker 1: but I had a great time. I love when people

1225
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:41,900
Speaker 1: set themselves on fire. It's so great. Oh, man. He

1226
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,700
Speaker 1: can only do it once, but let me tell you.

1227
00:52:43,820 --> 00:52:45,900
Speaker 1: It was a good time for me. I mean, I laughed.

1228
00:52:46,380 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: I cried. I felt inspired. I felt sadness. I felt

1229
00:52:50,540 --> 00:52:52,980
Speaker 1: so many emotions today. I need a nap, goddammit. I

1230
00:52:53,020 --> 00:52:55,299
Speaker 1: do need a nap. Of course you do. That was good.

1231
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,420
Speaker 4: Wait you gotta go on a whole tour are you

1232
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,280
Speaker 4: gonna have more of these conversations right.

1233
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,460
Speaker 2: That's no cause I'll never no cause you're not gonna

1234
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 2: be there god damn no every time I hear you.

1235
00:53:05,860 --> 00:53:07,819
Speaker 1: In the building I'm turning around oh she's here fuck

1236
00:53:07,860 --> 00:53:08,370
Speaker 1: this no no.

1237
00:53:08,350 --> 00:53:11,150
Speaker 4: Please promise me that next time we'll have an interview

1238
00:53:11,170 --> 00:53:14,030
Speaker 4: thank god and we're gonna only we'll talk about fun.

1239
00:53:13,850 --> 00:53:17,260
Speaker 1: Shit yes But I have to have some fun first, right? Yes. Okay.

1240
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:18,380
Speaker 1: Write a book about fun.

1241
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:19,899
Speaker 3: No, I don't think I'll ever do that.

1242
00:53:19,980 --> 00:53:21,720
Speaker 1: We're going to have some fun shit happen.

1243
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 3: This one almost killed me.

1244
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,299
Speaker 4: Oh, I feel like I had the opposite effect on

1245
00:53:25,340 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 4: him than Mike. He liked me coming into this.

1246
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:29,229
Speaker 1: No, I know.

1247
00:53:29,530 --> 00:53:30,150
Speaker 3: I adore you.

1248
00:53:30,310 --> 00:53:30,790
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1249
00:53:30,850 --> 00:53:33,270
Speaker 2: So it wasn't fun, though. I don't want you to

1250
00:53:33,290 --> 00:53:35,870
Speaker 2: get that. Don't conflate those things. I could never have

1251
00:53:35,910 --> 00:53:36,770
Speaker 2: an interview with you again.

1252
00:53:36,790 --> 00:53:38,029
Speaker 1: Did you expect fun?

1253
00:53:38,190 --> 00:53:38,270
Speaker 2: No.

1254
00:53:38,650 --> 00:53:39,830
Speaker 1: No, you didn't expect fun.

1255
00:53:40,430 --> 00:53:42,739
Speaker 3: Well, I've heard you before. I just never have been

1256
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:43,319
Speaker 3: on the other side.

1257
00:53:43,340 --> 00:53:48,370
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I'm like, wow, wow. Oh, this is

1258
00:53:48,410 --> 00:53:49,010
Speaker 2: what it's like.

1259
00:53:49,110 --> 00:53:49,350
Speaker 1: Okay.

1260
00:53:49,950 --> 00:53:52,330
Speaker 3: Yeah the hot seat you should is.

1261
00:53:52,290 --> 00:53:54,790
Speaker 1: It a hot seat oh this makes me feel bad.

1262
00:53:54,850 --> 00:53:57,610
Speaker 3: Why it was a problem it was it was wonderful

1263
00:53:57,630 --> 00:53:58,509
Speaker 3: it was it was uh.

1264
00:53:58,450 --> 00:54:00,359
Speaker 4: Now you want the ball right now i see you

1265
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,340
Speaker 4: reaching for it get a book get a question no

1266
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,420
Speaker 4: i don't want to touch it because you might what

1267
00:54:04,460 --> 00:54:09,460
Speaker 4: what is it don't be afraid of the ball stop

1268
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:10,419
Speaker 4: being afraid.

1269
00:54:10,100 --> 00:54:12,540
Speaker 3: What is it what is in here What's in here?

1270
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:13,980
Speaker 1: You want me to pull one for you? Yes, please.

1271
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 1: I'll pull a question for you. I'm going to go. Okay,

1272
00:54:16,500 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 1: let's do a couple. Let's do three and then I'll

1273
00:54:18,500 --> 00:54:18,940
Speaker 1: let you go.

1274
00:54:19,060 --> 00:54:19,340
Speaker 3: Okay.

1275
00:54:19,660 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 1: All right.

1276
00:54:21,100 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 4: What is, and these are in real life. In real life,

1277
00:54:24,700 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 4: what is a guilty pleasure that you have? I'm never

1278
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:31,370
Speaker 4: guilty about my pleasure. I don't feel guilty about it.

1279
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:34,359
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't go, wow, I shouldn't be doing this.

1280
00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:36,739
Speaker 4: What is a pleasure that you have that most people

1281
00:54:36,780 --> 00:54:37,880
Speaker 4: would find guilty?

1282
00:54:39,660 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 3: I like to drink to excess.

1283
00:54:43,890 --> 00:54:48,790
Speaker 1: You don't know your limits? Yeah, I do. But I'd

1284
00:54:48,810 --> 00:54:51,950
Speaker 1: like to push past them. Like, fuck this shit. Heard you.

1285
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:54,220
Speaker 1: What'd you give me two kidneys for if you want

1286
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 1: me to?

1287
00:54:56,500 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 4: In real life, if you, oh, this is a good

1288
00:54:58,219 --> 00:55:00,300
Speaker 4: one for you. If you were the leader of the world,

1289
00:55:00,900 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 4: what is the first.

1290
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: Thing that you would do?

1291
00:55:03,510 --> 00:55:06,290
Speaker 2: I would make sure, this is really true. I don't

1292
00:55:06,310 --> 00:55:07,890
Speaker 2: think anybody should ever be a billionaire.

1293
00:55:09,650 --> 00:55:09,850
Speaker 4: I don't.

1294
00:55:11,100 --> 00:55:13,100
Speaker 1: What would you do with the billionaires that we already have?

1295
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 2: I think it's unconscionable that we would have people with

1296
00:55:19,660 --> 00:55:24,970
Speaker 2: so much. The two cities with the most homeless population

1297
00:55:25,010 --> 00:55:26,509
Speaker 2: are Los Angeles and New York. You know what else

1298
00:55:26,530 --> 00:55:30,650
Speaker 2: they have? The most billionaires and millionaires. I think it's obscene,

1299
00:55:30,750 --> 00:55:31,489
Speaker 2: so I wouldn't have them.

1300
00:55:31,969 --> 00:55:33,530
Speaker 1: So you can fix that immediately?

1301
00:55:33,969 --> 00:55:36,350
Speaker 2: Well, it's easy to fix. Okay, how about not going

1302
00:55:36,370 --> 00:55:37,730
Speaker 2: to the moon and feeding these two niggas right here?

1303
00:55:37,750 --> 00:55:38,210
Speaker 3: That might be.

1304
00:55:38,610 --> 00:55:41,069
Speaker 2: I don't think nobody should. I don't think people should

1305
00:55:41,950 --> 00:55:44,330
Speaker 2: be hungry. I don't think people should be stupid. I

1306
00:55:44,330 --> 00:55:48,049
Speaker 2: don't think people should be hopeless. And I think all

1307
00:55:48,090 --> 00:55:50,759
Speaker 2: of that is when, if I were in charge, those

1308
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 2: would be the things I could do.

1309
00:55:51,620 --> 00:55:54,820
Speaker 1: Those are the priorities. See, the ball's not so bad.

1310
00:55:54,980 --> 00:55:55,100
Speaker 2: No.

1311
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:56,540
Speaker 3: We ain't got to the third one yet.

1312
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:57,090
Speaker 1: God damn it.

1313
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:57,460
Speaker 3: Hang on.

1314
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,670
Speaker 1: When I'm in a room, I want people to feel blank.

1315
00:56:02,690 --> 00:56:03,950
Speaker 4: Safe. Hmm.

1316
00:56:06,170 --> 00:56:07,850
Speaker 1: I could do this whole bowl with you. You want

1317
00:56:07,890 --> 00:56:08,529
Speaker 1: to do the whole bowl?

1318
00:56:08,590 --> 00:56:08,660
Speaker 4: No.

1319
00:56:08,670 --> 00:56:11,469
Speaker 1: You want to do the whole bowl? Fuck it. Let's go. No, no.

1320
00:56:11,489 --> 00:56:13,660
Speaker 1: You got to go. Come on. Come on, counselor. All right.

1321
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:14,299
Speaker 1: I got three more.

1322
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 2: Wait.

1323
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,660
Speaker 1: No, we got to go. Three more. It's just that

1324
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 1: you're so good at them. You know what I mean?

1325
00:56:20,180 --> 00:56:24,560
Speaker 1: In real life, what is a pet peeve or a trigger?

1326
00:56:24,580 --> 00:56:29,750
Speaker 2: I hate people with bad shoes. I can't stand it.

1327
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,560
Speaker 2: And they got to be expensive shoes, but I can't

1328
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:35,230
Speaker 2: handle it. If I see a woman with bad shoes,

1329
00:56:35,370 --> 00:56:36,370
Speaker 2: it enrages me.

1330
00:56:37,230 --> 00:56:37,810
Speaker 1: Rage?

1331
00:56:38,219 --> 00:56:38,890
Speaker 3: I can't stand it.

1332
00:56:38,910 --> 00:56:41,380
Speaker 1: Oh, are you one of those anti-kitten healers? No, no,

1333
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:41,799
Speaker 1: I don't care.

1334
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,460
Speaker 3: It just can't be bad.

1335
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 2: I don't think there's ever, and I say this all

1336
00:56:48,420 --> 00:56:50,700
Speaker 2: the time, I have never seen a woman ever in

1337
00:56:50,739 --> 00:56:53,690
Speaker 2: my life that didn't have something absolutely beautiful about her.

1338
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:56,840
Speaker 1: Ever. Ever in my life. No, I'm serious.

1339
00:56:57,739 --> 00:56:59,850
Speaker 2: The problem is that most times it isn't what they

1340
00:56:59,890 --> 00:57:02,670
Speaker 2: think it is. They'll accentuate the thing that ain't got

1341
00:57:02,690 --> 00:57:03,780
Speaker 2: shit to do with how beautiful you are.

1342
00:57:03,810 --> 00:57:05,469
Speaker 1: I'm so tempted to make you do a test on

1343
00:57:05,610 --> 00:57:06,610
Speaker 1: every woman in the world.

1344
00:57:06,670 --> 00:57:07,870
Speaker 3: And I can tell you what it is.

1345
00:57:08,070 --> 00:57:09,529
Speaker 1: Okay. Let's try. Let's try.

1346
00:57:09,770 --> 00:57:10,969
Speaker 3: We got to try.

1347
00:57:11,050 --> 00:57:11,410
Speaker 1: I know.

1348
00:57:11,510 --> 00:57:12,710
Speaker 2: You got to give me a minute, though. I can't

1349
00:57:12,730 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 2: just walk up to somebody and take it. I don't

1350
00:57:15,180 --> 00:57:16,740
Speaker 2: care if they got a tooth or an eye.

1351
00:57:16,980 --> 00:57:20,340
Speaker 1: Okay. Start with Brittany over there. No. See? Well, she's

1352
00:57:20,380 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 1: just gorgeous, period. Okay. Nice smile. Aw. Like, when how

1353
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,180
Speaker 1: quiet she is. There's not that many. Well, are your

1354
00:57:26,220 --> 00:57:27,220
Speaker 1: women all your friends?

1355
00:57:27,580 --> 00:57:29,060
Speaker 3: I know them bras. Yeah.

1356
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,590
Speaker 1: Do you ever tell them what's beautiful about them? Oh, yeah. Okay.

1357
00:57:33,610 --> 00:57:35,890
Speaker 1: They said no. They said you don't. Shut up, liars.

1358
00:57:37,130 --> 00:57:39,270
Speaker 1: You know what I like about y'all? Quietness. Be quiet.

1359
00:57:41,510 --> 00:57:45,670
Speaker 1: Don't you see we over here therapeutic? Jesus Christ. In

1360
00:57:45,710 --> 00:57:47,370
Speaker 1: real life, I'm at my best when?

1361
00:57:49,830 --> 00:57:52,669
Speaker 2: When I'm a little high.

1362
00:57:52,750 --> 00:57:53,550
Speaker 3: Like when I'm a little high.

1363
00:57:54,170 --> 00:57:54,689
Speaker 1: Just a little?

1364
00:57:54,770 --> 00:57:55,410
Speaker 3: Just a little high.

1365
00:57:56,050 --> 00:57:56,330
Speaker 4: Weed?

1366
00:57:57,150 --> 00:58:00,470
Speaker 1: Everything. Mushrooms? Not them. Really?

1367
00:58:00,490 --> 00:58:01,370
Speaker 3: I'm surprised.

1368
00:58:01,710 --> 00:58:04,090
Speaker 2: They make me high in a way I don't feel

1369
00:58:04,110 --> 00:58:06,990
Speaker 2: like this is natural. Like, I remember one time I

1370
00:58:07,030 --> 00:58:08,500
Speaker 2: was so high, I was like, please, Jesus, this will

1371
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:12,820
Speaker 2: be my last time. And it wasn't, so... I don't even.

1372
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:13,750
Speaker 1: This didn't work well for you.

1373
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,160
Speaker 3: I don't even lie to him like that no more.

1374
00:58:15,620 --> 00:58:17,300
Speaker 1: I mean, you really... Okay, this is the last two.

1375
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:23,620
Speaker 1: The last two? Does anybody ever... No. Everybody better do

1376
00:58:23,660 --> 00:58:25,040
Speaker 1: this fucking goal now.

1377
00:58:25,140 --> 00:58:28,480
Speaker 4: They do one to three normally, right? Sometimes it's just one.

1378
00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:30,540
Speaker 4: Because sometimes people are not as good as you are.

1379
00:58:30,580 --> 00:58:34,420
Speaker 1: Shut up. It's true. It is true.

1380
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 3: What are you, an echo?

1381
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:41,140
Speaker 1: Just stand over there. Write something down. Shut up. We're

1382
00:58:41,450 --> 00:58:44,410
Speaker 1: almost out of time. Anyway, I know that we're almost done.

1383
00:58:45,090 --> 00:58:47,350
Speaker 1: What is something that you used to be embarrassed about

1384
00:58:47,590 --> 00:58:48,490
Speaker 1: that you now own?

1385
00:58:49,890 --> 00:58:50,910
Speaker 3: That i couldn't read.

1386
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:55,310
Speaker 4: You just would not tell people you would hide it well.

1387
00:58:55,230 --> 00:58:57,810
Speaker 1: They could i'm pretty much they could tell i know

1388
00:58:57,830 --> 00:59:00,670
Speaker 1: but i mean you would try to not let people know.

1389
00:59:00,790 --> 00:59:03,750
Speaker 2: What well you had to know like what it is

1390
00:59:03,770 --> 00:59:08,810
Speaker 2: i just used to feel stupid which actually is dumb

1391
00:59:08,850 --> 00:59:10,030
Speaker 2: if you can't read but um.

1392
00:59:11,710 --> 00:59:13,610
Speaker 3: Used to feel small. It made me feel small.

1393
00:59:14,230 --> 00:59:14,470
Speaker 4: Wow.

1394
00:59:15,410 --> 00:59:17,530
Speaker 2: That's the one thing, that's the worst feeling to me,

1395
00:59:17,570 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 2: when somebody makes me feel small. Like I said this yesterday,

1396
00:59:20,900 --> 00:59:22,900
Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever, the only person that ever

1397
00:59:22,940 --> 00:59:24,900
Speaker 2: called me a nigga that hurt my feelings was Chris Rod.

1398
00:59:25,580 --> 00:59:25,900
Speaker 1: Wow.

1399
00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 3: The only one who ever did it.

1400
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:27,480
Speaker 5: Ever.

1401
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:28,580
Speaker 4: Ever.

1402
00:59:29,530 --> 00:59:31,290
Speaker 3: And I've been calling Nick a lot.

1403
00:59:31,650 --> 00:59:36,140
Speaker 2: But one time we were, I asked, he was the

1404
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:39,620
Speaker 2: producer on my show and I called him and I

1405
00:59:39,660 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 2: hadn't known that he was a producer on the Hughleys.

1406
00:59:42,100 --> 00:59:43,180
Speaker 1: And I called him and I said.

1407
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 2: Hey man, if you're going, you know, you can give,

1408
00:59:46,700 --> 00:59:49,610
Speaker 2: you can pay, you can at least give some notes

1409
00:59:49,660 --> 00:59:51,170
Speaker 2: and help us out. You know, we're trying to make

1410
00:59:51,210 --> 00:59:55,410
Speaker 2: sure the show is good. He said, me and Ken

1411
00:59:55,450 --> 00:59:58,670
Speaker 2: and I and Wayans are the only black people that

1412
00:59:58,750 --> 01:00:00,290
Speaker 2: ever got Emmys. And if it wasn't for me, you

1413
01:00:00,310 --> 01:00:02,410
Speaker 2: wouldn't have this show, you dumb nigga. And I'm like,

1414
01:00:03,090 --> 01:00:04,300
Speaker 2: and I said, next time I see you, I'm beating

1415
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:05,470
Speaker 2: the shit out of you. I don't care where it is.

1416
01:00:05,780 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 2: This is the only person ever said it to me.

1417
01:00:08,340 --> 01:00:10,940
Speaker 2: It made me feel like, like small. That's the thing

1418
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:12,900
Speaker 2: you could do. Like, and I think even in the book.

1419
01:00:12,980 --> 01:00:14,900
Speaker 1: Does he know that? Sure.

1420
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 2: Cause I told him next time I see you. So

1421
01:00:16,900 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 2: I happened to see him at the Morgan. I mean,

1422
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:20,200
Speaker 2: it's cool now. That's 25 years ago.

1423
01:00:20,260 --> 01:00:21,340
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1424
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,300
Speaker 2: I'll never forget it, but it's not top of mind.

1425
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:28,990
Speaker 2: But I think, the feeling of not, not the physical

1426
01:00:29,050 --> 01:00:33,070
Speaker 2: statue part, statue part, but when somebody makes me feel

1427
01:00:33,270 --> 01:00:36,690
Speaker 2: or tries to make me feel small, I'll do anything

1428
01:00:36,710 --> 01:00:38,650
Speaker 2: to stop that from happening.

1429
01:00:38,670 --> 01:00:38,830
Speaker 3: Wow.

1430
01:00:39,470 --> 01:00:41,210
Speaker 2: And that's, I went to go see my mother as

1431
01:00:41,270 --> 01:00:46,370
Speaker 2: a part of the book and my mother has dementia now.

1432
01:00:47,270 --> 01:00:49,230
Speaker 2: And I think dementia is a great thing for people

1433
01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:50,390
Speaker 2: who've done a lot of evil shit.

1434
01:00:50,830 --> 01:00:51,570
Speaker 1: Oh, wow. Yeah.

1435
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:55,610
Speaker 3: So they get to remember, but you can't. It seems patently.

1436
01:00:55,630 --> 01:00:57,050
Speaker 3: So now that, You can't remember.

1437
01:00:57,090 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 1: It's a disease, right? Like that's... Ooh, I forgot. She

1438
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:06,400
Speaker 1: gets to have peace now. She gets to have peace.

1439
01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:06,820
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1440
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 2: But I think it was... When we went to go

1441
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:13,030
Speaker 2: see her, I was never going to go. But the

1442
01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:15,670
Speaker 2: publisher and we were writing a book. So I go

1443
01:01:15,690 --> 01:01:18,530
Speaker 2: to see her. And they were all there.

1444
01:01:18,550 --> 01:01:22,510
Speaker 3: And she said, you're so handsome. And she said, I always.

1445
01:01:23,330 --> 01:01:26,090
Speaker 2: people always thought you were dumb, but I knew you weren't.

1446
01:01:26,260 --> 01:01:28,980
Speaker 2: And I, it was the first time I ever left

1447
01:01:29,020 --> 01:01:31,600
Speaker 2: her house, ever left that house and didn't feel small.

1448
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:34,220
Speaker 2: It's the first time I walked out as tall as

1449
01:01:34,260 --> 01:01:35,030
Speaker 2: I was when I went in.

1450
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 3: The first time.

1451
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,700
Speaker 1: That had to change you. That has to be a pivot.

1452
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1453
01:01:39,260 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: But then I won't go see her again. Cause then

1454
01:01:40,460 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 1: it'll be, I'm sure it'll be different. You don't want

1455
01:01:41,980 --> 01:01:44,450
Speaker 1: her in the moment? Hell no. Not her. I'm glad

1456
01:01:44,470 --> 01:01:47,410
Speaker 1: you had that moment. That's beautiful. Okay. Then this is

1457
01:01:47,450 --> 01:01:52,310
Speaker 1: my last one. Um, This is not this one. It's

1458
01:01:52,330 --> 01:01:54,230
Speaker 1: my favorite. You can't do that. You can't pick shit out.

1459
01:01:54,350 --> 01:01:56,260
Speaker 1: I can because it's my favorite. It's my favorite one.

1460
01:01:56,270 --> 01:01:58,010
Speaker 3: You will never work at a fortune cookie factory. I

1461
01:01:58,030 --> 01:01:58,630
Speaker 3: know that shit.

1462
01:01:59,770 --> 01:02:01,590
Speaker 1: It's my favorite one. I ask everybody in the bowl.

1463
01:02:02,110 --> 01:02:03,930
Speaker 1: I ask everybody. It's my favorite question in the bowl.

1464
01:02:04,370 --> 01:02:09,490
Speaker 1: If God were to text you today, what would it say? Today.

1465
01:02:10,330 --> 01:02:14,270
Speaker 3: You know, this is the weirdest thing. I've never prayed

1466
01:02:14,310 --> 01:02:15,330
Speaker 3: to God for victory.

1467
01:02:15,430 --> 01:02:17,750
Speaker 2: I've only prayed for him to help me stand as

1468
01:02:17,770 --> 01:02:19,430
Speaker 2: strong as I could in whatever moment I was in.

1469
01:02:20,940 --> 01:02:22,480
Speaker 2: And if he said, I heard you, I guess I

1470
01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:23,490
Speaker 2: would have come to that, right?

1471
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:23,950
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

1472
01:02:24,370 --> 01:02:24,610
Speaker 4: All right.

1473
01:02:25,490 --> 01:02:26,310
Speaker 1: So your text would say?

1474
01:02:26,330 --> 01:02:27,570
Speaker 3: I heard you.

1475
01:02:29,790 --> 01:02:31,870
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. We heard you today. Yeah.

1476
01:02:32,430 --> 01:02:33,810
Speaker 3: Well, how could you not? I've been on for two

1477
01:02:33,830 --> 01:02:34,430
Speaker 3: fucking hours.

1478
01:02:35,270 --> 01:02:38,480
Speaker 1: All right, you're free. You're dismissed. What is this? You

1479
01:02:38,540 --> 01:02:40,980
Speaker 1: said I'm a teacher? You're dismissed. Right, right, right. You

1480
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:44,620
Speaker 1: did amazing today. Right, right. Here's your gold star. Listen,

1481
01:02:44,660 --> 01:02:46,260
Speaker 1: everybody's going to read this book. You're going to have

1482
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 1: to talk about this a lot.

1483
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:47,210
Speaker 4: I bet.

1484
01:02:47,260 --> 01:02:49,680
Speaker 1: I bet. But it is really a beautiful week.

1485
01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:50,169
Speaker 4: Thank you, darling.

1486
01:02:50,190 --> 01:02:57,530
Speaker 1: Congratulations. Charlie's boy, D.L. Hughley in real life, everybody. This

1487
01:02:57,610 --> 01:03:00,440
Speaker 1: is D.L. Hughley in real life. Hey, guys, thanks for watching.

1488
01:03:00,460 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 4: Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all

1489
01:03:03,940 --> 01:03:06,920
Speaker 4: of the other episodes we have on Andrew Martinez IRL podcast.