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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Kristin Davis, and I want to know are

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Speaker 1: you a Charlotte? Welcome back everybody to Are You a Charlotte?

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Speaker 1: Part two? Today, we have a super fun and interesting guest.

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Speaker 1: Her name is doctor Vivianna Coles. She is a licensed

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Speaker 1: marriage and Family therapist and a certified sex therapist. We're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about episode four, Oh for what sex

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Speaker 1: got to do with it? Thanks for joining us. Here

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Speaker 1: we go. I love Miranda storyline. It's not that involved,

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Speaker 1: but it's so relatable and it leads to her eating

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Speaker 1: from the trash, which is one of my all time

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Speaker 1: favorite Miranda things ever to do.

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Speaker 2: Ever, Okay, it's not just a Miranda thing, you know.

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Speaker 2: You know you have done, you have beaten out of

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Speaker 2: the trash.

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Speaker 1: I mean I might have. It's hard to think of

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Speaker 1: because I've got my kids, right and so, like I

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Speaker 1: would need them to be in bed, dirty mean, like

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Speaker 1: if they're in bed and not watching, because you can't

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Speaker 1: do things like that in front of the kids really.

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Speaker 1: But like I feel like sometimes I throw like candy

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Speaker 1: outer things, you know, and then I'm like, oh, why

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Speaker 1: did I throw that away? I want to eat that,

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Speaker 1: you know, But I it's it's it's rare. It's rare,

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Speaker 1: I have to say, But do you think it's so

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Speaker 1: so adorable? Like her whole storyline is about how she's

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Speaker 1: on a sex strike, which is really funny, and she's

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Speaker 1: going to replace it with chocolate then and John Stewart,

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Speaker 1: which is so cute, and then she just keeps eating

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Speaker 1: the chocolate, and she buys this expensive chocolate, but then no,

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Speaker 1: she's gonna buy it, and then she doesn't. Then she

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Speaker 1: got her Betty Caracker. I mean, there's so many adorable

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Speaker 1: things in this storyline. But then in the end she

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Speaker 1: goes back to her vibrator. What do you think about that?

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Speaker 2: Oh, faithful?

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Speaker 1: I know, what do you as a therapist? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many, Like do you also see

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Speaker 1: single people or just coupled?

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Speaker 2: I do? I see single people more specific, single people

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Speaker 2: who are coming out of having had a really painful relationship,

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Speaker 2: whether it was three years ago or three weeks ago,

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Speaker 2: and they're like, I just don't want to repeat that,

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Speaker 2: so please help me date?

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Speaker 1: No way, Yeah, and you help them date?

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Speaker 2: Yes. I need to go more men, more, more and

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Speaker 2: more men are coming in for that. No way that

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Speaker 2: it was more women, but now more and more men

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Speaker 2: are like, I don't know. I will say I think

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Speaker 2: that men are a little bit better about just saying it.

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Speaker 2: How it is like they're like, I, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to be seen as an f boy, Like I don't

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Speaker 2: want to be that guy. Yes, well good for them,

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Speaker 2: good for them.

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Speaker 1: This is gives me home. This is great. So you're saying,

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Speaker 1: they come in and they're like, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be seen as a boy. Wow, And what do you

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Speaker 1: recommend for someone who might come in saying this.

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Speaker 2: I want them to be I encourage them to be

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Speaker 2: very honest, because on the other side of the couch,

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Speaker 2: typically I will have women who are coming in and

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Speaker 2: say I can't trust anybody. All they do is, you know,

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Speaker 2: these men are lying. These men are lying. So I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: let me. Nobody likes that. But if you're dating, like,

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Speaker 2: just don't lie about the little things, don't lie about

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Speaker 2: the big things. Just don't lie, and then you can

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Speaker 2: actually probably find somebody you know that'll lied to your pot.

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Speaker 2: And I think I was literally just working with somebody,

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Speaker 2: a single man this morning, and I was telling him,

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Speaker 2: I said, look, this dating that you did with this

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Speaker 2: particular person for the past six weeks. You have come

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Speaker 2: in every week and told me everything that's gone on.

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Speaker 2: We've gone over your feelings, your thoughts, what she said,

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Speaker 2: how you did all that. You didn't do anything. I

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Speaker 2: can't tell you that you did anything wrong. She just

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Speaker 2: wasn't aligned with you. She doesn't want the same things

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Speaker 2: at the same time. But if I were you, I

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Speaker 2: would tell you to do everything that you did the

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Speaker 2: exact same way. And he was like, are you kidding me?

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Speaker 2: Like no, Like I think if it didn't work out,

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Speaker 2: that means I have to do something different, Like there

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Speaker 2: are two people involved here, definitely, And she told you

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Speaker 2: she's not ready for what you're wanting. That doesn't mean

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Speaker 2: you have to change, right. So while that doesn't happen

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Speaker 2: often more often than not, I'm like, yeah, you gotta

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Speaker 2: tweak this, you got to tweak that. But with a

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Speaker 2: lot of them, it's just be honest, honestly, Like if

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Speaker 2: people can just be more honest, and I don't mean

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Speaker 2: necessarily direct or blunt, because that I feel like there

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Speaker 2: should be some finesse there. But if you're honest, I

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Speaker 2: think you'll be much more likely to have a really

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Speaker 2: good relationship or a really good breakup, and that's better

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Speaker 2: than the alternative.

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Speaker 1: Definitely better than the alternative. I mean, it's all very

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Speaker 1: interesting because I am a single mother of two children

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Speaker 1: and it takes all my time up. But when I

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Speaker 1: first started this podcast, everyone was like, you should get

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Speaker 1: on the dating apps, you should get and I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to do it, and I still haven't done it.

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Speaker 1: And it does seem like it's this whole culture of

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Speaker 1: the swiping, and then people text with other people, but

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Speaker 1: then they don't ever see them in person.

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Speaker 2: Apparently, well now they're not even texting with each other,

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Speaker 2: they're texting with their chet gubut. It's awful and it's

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Speaker 2: only getting worse. Y'all. We need to get back to

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Speaker 2: dating in the wild. I think I've been married for.

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Speaker 1: Over eighteen years, so wow, impressively.

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Speaker 2: I do think that dating in the wild. All those

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Speaker 2: people who are like, oh I can't show up to

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Speaker 2: singles events, well then you don't need to be in

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Speaker 2: a relationship. Go meet somebody through someone, Go do something

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Speaker 2: that you love and that or that you're interested in,

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Speaker 2: and talk to that person next to you. Maybe they

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Speaker 2: don't end up being a good fit, but maybe their

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Speaker 2: brother is. Maybe maybe their cousin, maybe their coworker. The

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Speaker 2: other thing that I was just talking. I was on

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Speaker 2: a local show here in Houston, a late night show

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Speaker 2: where anything goes by the way I so fun, and

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Speaker 2: I was I was talking to one of the bartenders

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Speaker 2: and he said, he's like, I just don't understand how

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Speaker 2: people are are dating. But they're not They're not going

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Speaker 2: to places where they would want to spend more time.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, exactly, you should be going to do things

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Speaker 2: that you would want to do, because then if not,

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Speaker 2: if you go to this thing and it's not at

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Speaker 2: all what you're into and you meet somebody who's into it,

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Speaker 2: then you're already starting off at a death of it. Sure,

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Speaker 2: it's wild, it's wild. Dating. Dating in the wild is

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Speaker 2: now I think where people should be going good.

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Speaker 1: I like that very much. I like that very much.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about Samantha, because we didn't talk about Samantha

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Speaker 1: Bohy does. She has some interesting things. Okay, so just

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Speaker 1: fundamentally as a sex therapist, what do you think about

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Speaker 1: I mean, Samantha has this you know, kind of joy

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Speaker 1: in terms of like I'm going to do exactly what

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Speaker 1: I want, you know, when I wanted how I wanted

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Speaker 1: all of the things. She's very in charge of herself

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Speaker 1: and her sex life, and then she decides kind of randomly.

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Speaker 1: It seems like to me to date a woman which

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Speaker 1: we haven't ever seen, and not even just to have

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Speaker 1: sex with a woman, but to be in a relationship

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Speaker 1: with a woman, which to me seems like a.

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Speaker 2: Pretty big meet for Samantha.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny because I think it was Carrie who's like,

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Speaker 2: wait a minute, you're in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Right, right, right, totally it's shocking. Yeah, definitely, what do

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Speaker 1: you make of that?

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Speaker 2: I think Samantha was so attracted to I think her

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Speaker 2: name is Maria, right, so attracted to Maria's self confidence,

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Speaker 2: And that is true. I'm always telling women, if you

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Speaker 2: want to be sexy, show that you're confident. It doesn't

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Speaker 2: matter what you've been through, what your body's been through.

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Speaker 2: But if you're confident, you're going to attract and you're

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Speaker 2: going to be magnetic. And I think Samantha was just

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Speaker 2: like a off drawn to a flame, to this woman

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Speaker 2: who is even more so confident sexually and confident in

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Speaker 2: who she is and what she wants and with her body.

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Speaker 2: I loved that Samantha was like, do you know that

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Speaker 2: we have three holes?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was pretty funny.

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Speaker 2: Oh, just Samantha not know, I know, I know, I

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Speaker 2: that's huge, And that just goes to show us like

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Speaker 2: she's really learning something. She's getting this education that sometimes

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Speaker 2: can only come from another woman.

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Speaker 1: For sure, for sure. And I also feel like it

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Speaker 1: might also be because she hasn't really been in relationships

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Speaker 1: with these guys, she just it's kind of limited in

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Speaker 1: terms of her exploration. I guess I don't know if

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Speaker 1: that's the right way to put it, because I guess

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Speaker 1: it's all for a short time, it's everything and then

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Speaker 1: it's over, right, which with the man that's going to

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Speaker 1: be totally different than what it looks like with a woman.

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Speaker 2: It is. And the fact that Maria was like, oh no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: we're not going to do that, like we're gonna talk

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Speaker 2: and we're gonna we're gonna you know, this isn't about sex,

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Speaker 2: and it was almost like a well then what it's

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Speaker 2: you know, she's thinking, what is this about that? Right?

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Speaker 2: And then she finds out and you know, maybe I

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Speaker 2: think Samantha was probably not a lesbian like she proclaims.

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Speaker 2: I think if anything, she really just was very attracted

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Speaker 2: to this one particular person. Right, maybe she's bisexual, but

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Speaker 2: I think more than anything, she was just drawn to

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Speaker 2: this person's soul and drawn to this person's spirit and confidence,

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Speaker 2: and it I think it almost turned into like a

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Speaker 2: sexual mentorship.

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Speaker 1: I agree. Now, if someone came to you as a

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Speaker 1: client and said, like, let's say Samantha was your client,

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Speaker 1: and she said, you know, I haven't ever really been

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Speaker 1: with a woman, accept in a threesome with the guy,

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Speaker 1: but yet this woman I'm just so fascinated, would you

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Speaker 1: say like, yeah, go for it. Or would you say like, well,

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Speaker 1: maybe we don't want to jump all the way in.

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Speaker 1: Oh what would you say?

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Speaker 2: I mean, they're adults. What they're doing is safe, sane,

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Speaker 2: and consensual, so I have to go for it.

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Speaker 1: I got it.

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Speaker 2: The harm is there regardless of who you're dating, as

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Speaker 2: far as getting your heart broken or possibly having an

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Speaker 2: issue with harmor abuse or anything like that. So I

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Speaker 2: would have said, you seem so enthralled by this person,

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Speaker 2: I think you need to see it out or else

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Speaker 2: she'll be the one that got away.

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Speaker 1: You never know, interesting, So you wouldn't because part of me,

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Speaker 1: when I'm watching it I'm thinking, like, poor Maria. You know,

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Speaker 1: Sam's not really gay.

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Speaker 2: I think Maria had her number. I think she got

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Speaker 2: I think she knew who Samantha was and was probably

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Speaker 2: like you know what, I'm I think she got something

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Speaker 2: out of it. Well, I think it was nefarious. I

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Speaker 2: don't think it was manipulative. I think just one of

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Speaker 2: those things. It was probably really entertaining.

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Speaker 1: Too, right, right, right, right, everyone.

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Speaker 2: It's always nice to feel like you are ahead of

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Speaker 2: the game sometimes, and I think think, you know, sometimes

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Speaker 2: it can make you feel a little puffeel, little good

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Speaker 2: about yourself to say, you know what, I know a

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Speaker 2: little bit more about this, and that can happen with

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Speaker 2: sex too.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's a good point. That's a good point because

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Speaker 1: that is kind of how she is. She is the mentor,

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Speaker 1: as you're saying, and that must be fun for her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's the guide, yeah, sexual spirit guide.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's well put. That's really

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Speaker 1: well put. I mean it is such a departure in

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Speaker 1: so many ways that sometimes I'm like, wow, I can't

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Speaker 1: I can't believe we did this. And cool, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, yeah, very cool. And going back to Miranda, uh huh,

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Speaker 2: you know, a lot of times people can get they

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Speaker 2: can't swap out one addiction for another. And you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm often working with singles who are dealing with maybe

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Speaker 2: a pornography addiction at times addiction to the chase, right,

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Speaker 2: chasing a partner but not necessarily wanting to be with them. Yes,

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Speaker 2: chasing attention. Yes, we're all chasing something, but sometimes it

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Speaker 2: can become really overpowering and addictive. And I think with

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Speaker 2: Miranda that kind of crossing the wires of the food

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Speaker 2: with the sex. We both haven't turned we all, but

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Speaker 2: those those two urges are very strong. Hunger and sexual

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Speaker 2: appetite and desire, they're very very strong. So there's a

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Speaker 2: reason they call it appetite. It's it's very similar. So

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Speaker 2: this happens more often than not. And sometimes when people

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Speaker 2: try to go with the abstinence, they turn to food.

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Speaker 1: Oh goodness, goodness, that's so interesting. I never really thought

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Speaker 1: that through. I mean, I guess it just makes sense

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Speaker 1: to me when she does it, right, Like I guess

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Speaker 1: there's part of all of us that relates or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know that, Like, I don't know that

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Speaker 1: it was necessarily something where I was like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to have sex. It was just what was presenting itself, right,

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Speaker 1: So then chocolate, it was just.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh no, I just haven't been with any seen anybody.

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Speaker 1: I want to be right, right, But then there's there

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Speaker 1: is some chocolate, So yay, one of.

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Speaker 2: The life's guilty pleasures.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely. I wonder back to the to the apps

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Speaker 1: and the as you were saying the chase you know

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Speaker 1: to me, And I've mostly talked to guys who are

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Speaker 1: on the apps about this when I was trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out, like, how does it actually work, and it

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Speaker 1: did seem like because you can, it's access to a

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Speaker 1: lot of people without a lot of effort.

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Speaker 2: Right, bitment and effort. Right, yeah, it's so gamified right right.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't seem healthy.

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Speaker 2: I don't have a lot of great things to say

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Speaker 2: about the apps. Very rarely have I found that people

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Speaker 2: have only positive experiences on the app, but like most

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Speaker 2: people don't have positive experiences in dating in the wild either. True,

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Speaker 2: But I just feel like it's it's very lopsided. I

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Speaker 2: think it's I think that a lot of apps are

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Speaker 2: geared towards just consumption, consumption, consumption, but they're not really

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Speaker 2: geared towards Hey, let's see what happens when I try

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Speaker 2: to connect with one person. On average, men are dating

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Speaker 2: seven people online at once.

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Speaker 1: No, that's a lot.

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Speaker 2: Whow And I bet you if you were to ask

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Speaker 2: ladies that are on the app, it's up there now

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Speaker 2: too because and a lot of them will say it's

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Speaker 2: a numbers game because they're talking to people, but they're

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Speaker 2: not necessarily in conversation. It's not And you know, I

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Speaker 2: will often tell people like, look, if you connect with

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Speaker 2: somebody online or in real life, and you are both

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Speaker 2: dating with a purpose, dating with intention, or at least

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Speaker 2: feel like you are or want to be, then you

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Speaker 2: need to ask them to give you a month of

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Speaker 2: just dating you just one month. If you ask somebody

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Speaker 2: for three months, are it's going to be like, whoa,

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Speaker 2: that's too much of a commitment. But do you say, like,

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Speaker 2: for one month, can we just date each other and

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Speaker 2: then if there's nothing there, we can move on? And

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Speaker 2: a lot of times they're like, oh my gosh, that

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Speaker 2: seems so bold, and I'm like, it's one.

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Speaker 1: Month, totally totally. But I do feel like that's where

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Speaker 1: the apps have kind of led the dating culture to

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Speaker 1: this consumption. As you said, just like so much, so much.

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Speaker 1: And then the other day I can't remember what I

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Speaker 1: was looking at, but it had it must have been Instagram.

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Speaker 1: It had like questions to ask someone on a first date,

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Speaker 1: and it was a long list and they were very involved,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, if anyone asked me all

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Speaker 1: these questions on first date, I think I would have

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Speaker 1: a breakdown. But it was things like you know, tell

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Speaker 1: me the last time you Oh, it was like, it's

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Speaker 1: it must have been because I follow a lot of

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Speaker 1: dogs on the Instagram. It said what what did what

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Speaker 1: does your pet think of?

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Speaker 2: You? Like?

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Speaker 1: Really interesting things.

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Speaker 2: Okay, if that's like the one question that's cute, right,

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Speaker 2: because it's you know a lot of times I've heard

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Speaker 2: people say a version of that, But I love that, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, you might get some insight. But I think

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Speaker 2: that that's more of a question that you should ask yourself.

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Speaker 2: Just a lot like when people say how would your

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Speaker 2: kids describe you?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: And now there's a trend going around where it's like,

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Speaker 2: how would your kids describe you if you went missing?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Which is kind of funny. Which is kind of funny,

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Speaker 2: Oh dear, Yeah, Like how how would somebody how would

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Speaker 2: your best friend describe you, How would your colleague describe you?

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Speaker 2: How would your child describe you? How would your dog

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Speaker 2: describe it? I think that that's a really cute way

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Speaker 2: of getting you to to say, hmm, how do I

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Speaker 2: come across to others?

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Speaker 1: Got it? Do you think these are good questions?

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Speaker 2: I mean don't. I don't think there. I think if

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Speaker 2: you've got a long list though, there.

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Speaker 1: That is a job interview, right, right, right right, it's

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Speaker 1: too much work. It seemed like work. There's a long list.

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Speaker 1: But I guess you're right. It is like kind of

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Speaker 1: just thinking outside the box, not just like where did

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Speaker 1: you grow up or whatever like that can get kind

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Speaker 1: of kind of dupe.

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Speaker 2: Or if you were to tell somebody like, you know,

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Speaker 2: tell me what are your flaws or you know, because

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Speaker 2: that's basically what you're asking is like what are your

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Speaker 2: strengths and what are your weaknesses? That's a that's a

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Speaker 2: very invasive question. Yes, when you're trying to keep things

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Speaker 2: light on the first.

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Speaker 1: Date, yeah, i'd be so scared.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, these days with dating, though, there's a lot of

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Speaker 2: pressure you you will likely not get a second date,

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Speaker 2: and so there's the sense of it's not just first

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Speaker 2: impression but I need to figure out what I need

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Speaker 2: to know before I even try to get a second date.

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Speaker 1: Interesting, it's just tough.

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Speaker 2: It's tough with the volume, the sheer volume of people

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Speaker 2: that are online, and and the fact that we give

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Speaker 2: all of them like zero point three seconds of just

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Speaker 2: a picture before we keep going. I'm very fortunate not

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Speaker 2: to be dating online right now, or dating in general

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Speaker 2: right now, said my husband. We went out a date

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Speaker 2: last line.

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Speaker 1: That's good. That's good.

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Speaker 2: But I do think that talking to your friends and

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Speaker 2: even just telling others I'm looking for somebody special. If

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Speaker 2: you think that there's somebody who I could possibly have

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Speaker 2: something in common with and you know that they're not psychos,

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Speaker 2: send them.

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Speaker 1: A way, definitely. So I have another question. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of a general question, but I'm just curious because of

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Speaker 1: your specialty, right, if you're talking to people who are dating,

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Speaker 1: where would you put chemistry?

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Speaker 2: Initially, it's not at the top. Interesting, it's not at

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Speaker 2: the top, because I do believe that there is something

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Speaker 2: to chemistry in terms of like whether or not you

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Speaker 2: get a positive or a negative feel from someone or vibes. Right,

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Speaker 2: it's like, but that could also just be that they

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Speaker 2: had an awful day, they got cut off in traffic,

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Speaker 2: they got bad news, Like, you don't really know where

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Speaker 2: those vibes are coming from. And so if you're only

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Speaker 2: giving somebody that first date to find out if there's chemistry,

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Speaker 2: I feel like you're just cutting yourself off at the knees.

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Speaker 2: It's so important to plan on having a second date.

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Speaker 2: And there are some people online who will say, no

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Speaker 2: matter what, you give somebody a second date. And I

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Speaker 2: absolutely agree. Interesting unless they did something that was incredibly harmful,

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Speaker 2: or even just like maybe they said something that was

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Speaker 2: just repugnant, right, they could have just been having a

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Speaker 2: bad day and having a second chance to then confirm

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Speaker 2: or deny what you're sure sure sure thinking is important.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting. So with your couples, if you're thinking about

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Speaker 1: people who are married and might come to you because

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Speaker 1: they're having intimacy issues, is it something where do you

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Speaker 1: ever think to yourself? I don't know, maybe this is

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Speaker 1: not a good question for therapist, but like you know

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Speaker 1: how sometimes you might have couples where they were like

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Speaker 1: super attracted in the beginning, right, and everything was very

388
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Speaker 1: hot and heavy, and then they get married in years

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Speaker 1: later and the children and the jobs and everything and

390
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Speaker 1: it's not so hot and heavy, but then they can

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Speaker 1: refer back to that, Like I've heard people talk about this,

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Speaker 1: like you need that kind of intense time in the

393
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Speaker 1: beginning so that you have that kind of ability and

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Speaker 1: shared memories to harken back to. And then there's other people,

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Speaker 1: and I mean I'm talking about my friends really right

396
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Speaker 1: who say, like, it's better if it builds slowly in

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Speaker 1: the beginning, because then you're really getting to know each

398
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Speaker 1: other and that's where it's coming from. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 2: I think if you're trying to be at a long

400
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 2: term relationship, you can't go with having either one of those.

401
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,679
Speaker 2: That's not where people go wrong is whether they're they're

402
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 2: slowly built up or they start off strong and then

403
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 2: but it's that it doesn't transform into something long term.

404
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:17,120
Speaker 2: They think if the fire isn't just burning at four

405
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Speaker 2: hundred degrees, that something is wrong. I think we're not compatible.

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Speaker 1: Got I got it.

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Speaker 2: And that's actually one of the reasons I wrote this

408
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Speaker 2: book before intimacy styles. That's why I wrote my book

409
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Speaker 2: because there's so many people who are like, how do

410
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Speaker 2: we how do we connect in that way? After so

411
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 2: long when life gets in the way, and it's the

412
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Speaker 2: answer to we know our love languages, but what about sex?

413
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Speaker 2: And then I started getting the question more and more

414
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Speaker 2: often from interviews from clients, from just people who corner

415
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Speaker 2: Medanna party, how do we keep the spark alive? How

416
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Speaker 2: do we keep the spark alive? So one of the

417
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Speaker 2: that's my next book that's coming out. I'll have to be.

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Speaker 1: Back, hopefully fantastic.

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Speaker 2: But it's called pillow Talk, and it's all about that

420
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 2: underlying current of sensuality that couples must keep alive in

421
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 2: order to dip into when they want to have sex.

422
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Speaker 2: Sex can't just be cold hot, cold hot, turn on

423
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Speaker 2: the light switch right. And a lot of women will

424
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Speaker 2: tell me it feels like we won't talk for what

425
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Speaker 2: feels like three days, and then the next time he

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Speaker 2: wants to talk to me, it's to have sex. And

427
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Speaker 2: it makes zero sense. It feels like sex comes out

428
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Speaker 2: of nowhere, is what they tell me. Like, okay, so

429
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Speaker 2: you need to be able to have little flirting, talking, touching, joking.

430
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Speaker 2: You need to be connecting on a daily basis so

431
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Speaker 2: that that intimacy, the spark is always there. It may

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Speaker 2: not be a roaring fire. Maybe the roaring fire only

433
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 2: happens on Wednesdays at eight pm, when you've scheduled sex,

434
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 2: which I'm a fan of, or when you go on

435
00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:00,479
Speaker 2: vacation with each other. But it can't, it can't come

436
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 2: out of nowhere. It's not satisfying. Women are not built

437
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 2: this way. We can't just have it go cold to hot,

438
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 2: and men to a degree don't either. But they're just

439
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 2: a lot quicker with the fantasies, right, They're able to

440
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 2: get that arousal going. So I'm just I'm a big

441
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 2: fan of transitioning to something that is more long term,

442
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 2: and I love to talk to people about how to

443
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 2: do that because I do believe that being in if

444
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 2: you're going to choose to be in a healthy relation

445
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 2: or in a relationship, it needs to be healthy. It does.

446
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 2: That's the only way it's going to enhance your life,

447
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 2: enhance your businesses, enhance your parenting, all of that. And

448
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 2: when you're not there are resources out there. There's really

449
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 2: no excuse to not know what to do. Like Trey,

450
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 2: I know what to do.

451
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: I know.

452
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 2: To deal with things these days.

453
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 1: Right right, Okay, I have one really pressing last question

454
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 1: for you. Are you a Charlotte.

455
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 2: I am absolutely Charlotte. I mean absolutely, and all of

456
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,880
Speaker 2: my friends have told me I am such a Charlotte.

457
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 2: I don't even curse. Like when she said the F word,

458
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 2: I was like what and that's how. Yeah, Like, i

459
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 2: am such a Charlotte. And I'm so glad to be

460
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 2: on with you.

461
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, You're amazing. We definitely want to have

462
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: you back. That was super super informative and thank you.

463
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for everything in the books. I

464
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: can't wait to read the books.

465
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Yeah, I love the topic. I

466
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,920
Speaker 2: love love and it seems like you do too. I do.

467
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 1: I do. But also it's just great to have a

468
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,640
Speaker 1: professional you know, and you're you're in it and you've

469
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 1: been in it for a long time, and I love

470
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: to hear like the reality, you know, what's actually happening

471
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: for people out there in the world. It's really helpful.

472
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you,