1
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:15,200
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Sunday, January twenty fifth, And

2
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,600
Speaker 1: a question for you, folks in a relationship that person

3
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,560
Speaker 1: that you're with right now, what did you find out

4
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:26,360
Speaker 1: about them after you got into a relationship that if

5
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:30,360
Speaker 1: you had found out on your first date, it might

6
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,879
Speaker 1: have been a deal breaker. And with that, welcome to

7
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,040
Speaker 1: this episode of Amy and TJ. I asked that question

8
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,120
Speaker 1: for a very specific reason because a rollbock has gone

9
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:44,000
Speaker 1: and she keeps finding new dating trends. Weird for a

10
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:47,440
Speaker 1: woman in a relationship to keep finding new dating trends.

11
00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:48,760
Speaker 1: But I had not heard of this one.

12
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,120
Speaker 2: Yes, so it's cuffing season right Officially, I think this

13
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:55,600
Speaker 2: is the time where between the holidays leading up to

14
00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:00,840
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day, everybody's looking to boo up. So yes, everyone

15
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,039
Speaker 2: wants to find the new dating trend, the new way

16
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:07,280
Speaker 2: to find somebody. So apparently here is the hottest new

17
00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:08,480
Speaker 2: dating trend trend.

18
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,319
Speaker 3: It is called hot take dating.

19
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,760
Speaker 1: Okay, so they always have good names, right, Okay? In summary?

20
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,520
Speaker 1: What in short? What does this mean?

21
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,240
Speaker 2: So it goes against what we're typically told to do

22
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 2: when we first start dating someone. Avoid touchy topics, you know,

23
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,920
Speaker 2: don't talk about politics or religion, just on a first date.

24
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,320
Speaker 3: Just keep it simple, keep it light.

25
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:36,200
Speaker 2: This tactic is to go in from the beginning like

26
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,160
Speaker 2: no nonsense.

27
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,360
Speaker 3: We need to see if our values align. Period.

28
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,120
Speaker 1: Okay, first, you say, is what we're told to do?

29
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,160
Speaker 1: Where is that? Where does that come from? Are where

30
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,280
Speaker 1: do we get trained? You send your representative to the

31
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,560
Speaker 1: first date. That's not really who you are, right, you

32
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,559
Speaker 1: play this game? You said, why is that what we're

33
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,640
Speaker 1: told to do? Is that women men bowl?

34
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,400
Speaker 2: You know, I can only speak for women obviously, and

35
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,920
Speaker 2: maybe it's not that anyone has directly said here's what

36
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:06,800
Speaker 2: you have to do.

37
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,240
Speaker 3: But you watch enough movie, you watch enough.

38
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,920
Speaker 2: I think really it's like consuming media and seeing how

39
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,280
Speaker 2: people meet and reading books about Yes, as a woman,

40
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,280
Speaker 2: you put your best foot forward. You make sure your

41
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,520
Speaker 2: hair is just so, and your makeup's just right, and

42
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,560
Speaker 2: you're wearing the right outfit, and you say the right

43
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,600
Speaker 2: things and you make him like you.

44
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,560
Speaker 1: You don't want to do anything initially to turn somebody off.

45
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,880
Speaker 1: There we go, Okay, that makes sense to me. Now,

46
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:34,200
Speaker 1: I just wanted to get there. So this is saying,

47
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,200
Speaker 1: get it out of the way and go.

48
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:40,359
Speaker 2: There upfront, don't waste anyone's time, Okay, Because yes, when

49
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,799
Speaker 2: you avoid touchy topics and you just talk about how

50
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,080
Speaker 2: the weather was and what your meal is like and

51
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,800
Speaker 2: everything is so wonderful and great, it's hard to actually

52
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:52,200
Speaker 2: know if you're going to like that person. And when

53
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,520
Speaker 2: you accept somebody and actually end up in a relationship

54
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,359
Speaker 2: with somebody, and I guess this is the point you're

55
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,440
Speaker 2: dating to find a relationship.

56
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:00,920
Speaker 3: The whole point is.

57
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,680
Speaker 2: You actually need to know who someone is, the good,

58
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,040
Speaker 2: the bad, the ugly, the things you disagree with, and say,

59
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,760
Speaker 2: is that something I can accept? Because we're all gonna

60
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,760
Speaker 2: have things we don't like about the other. We're all

61
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,400
Speaker 2: gonna have things we disagree with with our partner. It's

62
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,600
Speaker 2: what is the level to which I have to accept? Like,

63
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:18,680
Speaker 2: you should get it out of the way.

64
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,600
Speaker 1: Is this a new thing or is just making some

65
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:23,840
Speaker 1: kind of resurgence.

66
00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,360
Speaker 2: No, so they're saying that this is kind of new.

67
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,520
Speaker 2: And the reason why they're saying it's a trend now

68
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,840
Speaker 2: and why this is happening now two things, politics and

69
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,480
Speaker 2: social media. So politics are so divisive right now, and

70
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,920
Speaker 2: we can get into the numbers, but it's pretty interesting

71
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,720
Speaker 2: tender you can think by the way, for some of

72
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,920
Speaker 2: this research, because they do have a lot to work

73
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,520
Speaker 2: off of with their research, but they say right now,

74
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,760
Speaker 2: forty one percent of the people they surveyed are unwilling

75
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,760
Speaker 2: to date someone with opposing political views. That narrows the

76
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:02,800
Speaker 2: dating field significantly, was a forty one percent, and more

77
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,760
Speaker 2: women than men say they would not be in a

78
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,480
Speaker 2: relationship with somebody who thinks the opposite that they do

79
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:14,000
Speaker 2: when it comes to politics. Okay, that's where we are,

80
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,000
Speaker 2: and so you kind of have to get that out

81
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:16,479
Speaker 2: of the way.

82
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,000
Speaker 1: That's sad. That was really sad to hear. I want

83
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,839
Speaker 1: to you know, I wonder if the number has always

84
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:25,240
Speaker 1: been that high. Can people really not live together in

85
00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:27,720
Speaker 1: the same household now when it comes to kids or

86
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,960
Speaker 1: way you want to raise them, and religion, and I

87
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,560
Speaker 1: guess some of those things factor in, but it just

88
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,359
Speaker 1: seems like the priority is I don't know, how do

89
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,680
Speaker 1: you Okay, I'll take I'll hold off on until the.

90
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,719
Speaker 2: Thing is It is a sad statement to make, but

91
00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:44,240
Speaker 2: these days we are seeing family members saying they can't

92
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,040
Speaker 2: they won't talk to other family members.

93
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,640
Speaker 3: I've seen people.

94
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,800
Speaker 2: We just did something for Yahoo about friendship breakups a

95
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,000
Speaker 2: lot of people that resonated with them. They talked about

96
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,359
Speaker 2: how because of politics they have had friendships, like years

97
00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,640
Speaker 2: long friendships broken because of politics. So yeah, yeah, I

98
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,440
Speaker 2: think now. I don't think it always used to be

99
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:02,680
Speaker 2: like that.

100
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,160
Speaker 3: No, I think that.

101
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,240
Speaker 2: You could have voted for Gore and I voted for

102
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,760
Speaker 2: Bush and we would have been okay with that. It

103
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,760
Speaker 2: wasn't that big of a difference.

104
00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:15,920
Speaker 1: So you're telling me Trump has changed relationships, He has

105
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,599
Speaker 1: changed friendships, She has changed the way we date. Is

106
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,480
Speaker 1: that what you're telling me.

107
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,400
Speaker 2: I actually didn't realize I was telling you that, But

108
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,720
Speaker 2: I do believe that. Yes, in fact, I am telling

109
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,200
Speaker 2: you that, or at least tender and other folks who

110
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:30,760
Speaker 2: who try to make sense of these numbers are suggesting

111
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,040
Speaker 2: that for sure, forty and I don't know what it

112
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,360
Speaker 2: was before, but that seems exceptionally high. Forty one percent

113
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,120
Speaker 2: of people say they are unwilling to date someone with

114
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:42,279
Speaker 2: opposing political views. Could you date somebody who had a

115
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,560
Speaker 2: very different political view?

116
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:48,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? The only thing if she smokes, that's my only

117
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,640
Speaker 1: non starter. For the most part, it doesn't if you're

118
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:55,760
Speaker 1: so in like you're that intolerant of someone. I can't

119
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,920
Speaker 1: let someone into my heart because you believe like you

120
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,719
Speaker 1: aren't your religious beliefs. I have a difficult time with that.

121
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:11,440
Speaker 1: And people we're so where that it's that important, like

122
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:17,360
Speaker 1: we can't be compatible, we cannot live together, we cannot coexist,

123
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,880
Speaker 1: and I just I'm not used to hearing that.

124
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:21,120
Speaker 2: Bro.

125
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:25,240
Speaker 1: It sounds like an absolute intolerance for a whole group

126
00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:28,400
Speaker 1: of people, which is half right of the country.

127
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,000
Speaker 3: Right, I will.

128
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,320
Speaker 2: You know, it's one of those things where if you

129
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,000
Speaker 2: do listen to relationship experts, they will tell you it

130
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,360
Speaker 2: is easier to be in a successful relationship with someone

131
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,240
Speaker 2: who thinks what you do, who believes what you do.

132
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,240
Speaker 2: So maybe there's something to that too that maybe you

133
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,440
Speaker 2: could be in a relationship it would just be harder

134
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,920
Speaker 2: and they're not up for it.

135
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,480
Speaker 3: That could be what it is.

136
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,600
Speaker 2: The other Yeah, and the social media element of this,

137
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:59,320
Speaker 2: according to what's behind this trend is that people have

138
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 2: a hot take on everything. It's just especially the younger

139
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,880
Speaker 2: generations gen Z, the dating ages, like twenties thirties, they

140
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,280
Speaker 2: have come up with this platform where yeah, they will

141
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,520
Speaker 2: say whatever they think, and when they give their hot

142
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,800
Speaker 2: take on social media, they get attention. They get followers.

143
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:22,680
Speaker 2: So it's an attitude that this that these generations needs more.

144
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,520
Speaker 2: Who tend to be dating right now have where it's like, yeah,

145
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,080
Speaker 2: I have an opinion and it matters, and here's why

146
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,960
Speaker 2: they feel emboldened to do that. So it matters, I guess,

147
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,720
Speaker 2: and they don't feel as uncomfortable walking in on a

148
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,800
Speaker 2: first date as you and I would, just saying, so,

149
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:43,240
Speaker 2: where do you stand on trans athletes? You know, if

150
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,160
Speaker 2: that's important to you, this trend says you start talking

151
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,560
Speaker 2: about it on date one.

152
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,120
Speaker 1: To each his and ti his or her own. I

153
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,120
Speaker 1: don't mind those things. I hate when they become qualifiers.

154
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,800
Speaker 1: I hate when it becomes if you don't answer these questions,

155
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,240
Speaker 1: I literally have a I mean, just send me a questionnaire.

156
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:06,040
Speaker 1: Then it seems that way like we're reducing human beings

157
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,200
Speaker 1: to what their political beliefs are and there's nothing more

158
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,320
Speaker 1: to them. And it says like you're making a determination.

159
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,000
Speaker 1: If you are this, then this means you're a bad person.

160
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,000
Speaker 1: That's why it seems like it gets interpreted like you

161
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:23,920
Speaker 1: can't there's an extra element of evil that I'm assigning

162
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,320
Speaker 1: to you. It seems like we're absoluteist too much in

163
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:26,760
Speaker 1: this country.

164
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,000
Speaker 2: It's true, and it feels like we go back into

165
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,600
Speaker 2: that tribal mentality what you're describing right there, you know.

166
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 2: And look, it's funny because I was just listening to

167
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,600
Speaker 2: a relationship expert. I love listening to audiobooks and podcasts,

168
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,480
Speaker 2: and that's where I was drawing that last bit of

169
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,040
Speaker 2: expert information saying that it is easier to have a

170
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:48,200
Speaker 2: successful relationship if you are alike. But then what the

171
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,200
Speaker 2: sad thing about that is it discourages people from getting

172
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,080
Speaker 2: to know other people. You know, if we wouldn't be

173
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,320
Speaker 2: together with that because you're black and I'm white, so

174
00:08:56,360 --> 00:09:00,000
Speaker 2: we've had very different experiences going through life. Even if

175
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:04,679
Speaker 2: we've had similar upbringings and similar parenting and came from

176
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,720
Speaker 2: the similar part of the country, we still had very

177
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,720
Speaker 2: different experiences.

178
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,160
Speaker 3: Should we not be together because it's too hard?

179
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:10,440
Speaker 1: You know?

180
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,480
Speaker 2: The sad thing about that is if you're looking for

181
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,000
Speaker 2: easy or looking for.

182
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,280
Speaker 3: The simplest way forward, or.

183
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,200
Speaker 2: That maybe the safest, most peaceful way forward, you miss

184
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,480
Speaker 2: out on a lot of opportunity to grow and learn.

185
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,439
Speaker 1: We're so seting on ways for whatever reason. That's I

186
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,160
Speaker 1: don't know. I didn't know about that number. The forty

187
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,080
Speaker 1: one percent number like I am you are disquali. Forty

188
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,720
Speaker 1: one percent of people are saying half of the dating

189
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:41,400
Speaker 1: population they are eliminating because they might have different political views.

190
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,559
Speaker 1: That's a yeah, And I guess there's an argument. I'm

191
00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 1: trying to see some side of it, like I cannot

192
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,480
Speaker 1: live with I refuse too, and that I just think

193
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:55,040
Speaker 1: as such an indictment of an entire group of people

194
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,000
Speaker 1: just to say because you're a Republican or you're a Democrat,

195
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,360
Speaker 1: that a tough man. I hate that right.

196
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,920
Speaker 2: And you know, and I think that they feel insulated,

197
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,800
Speaker 2: or I say they, but people who are taking on

198
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,719
Speaker 2: this hot take dating and saying, hey, this works for us,

199
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:14,160
Speaker 2: This is something that feels like the right way to

200
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,520
Speaker 2: find that perfect partner. Right to go ahead and just

201
00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:20,000
Speaker 2: be out say your most controversial feelings right away, get it.

202
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,360
Speaker 2: And if you I don't like where you are from

203
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,640
Speaker 2: a controversial standpoint, then I'm just going to move on.

204
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,480
Speaker 3: And they say, how many people are online dating?

205
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:27,640
Speaker 2: Now?

206
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:27,840
Speaker 1: Right?

207
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,640
Speaker 2: They find the person they're going to go on this

208
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,120
Speaker 2: first date with a lot of times through these apps.

209
00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,400
Speaker 3: And if you're if you're meeting.

210
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,400
Speaker 2: Somebody on an app and you're going to say, we're

211
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,560
Speaker 2: going to do this hot take dating trend. There really

212
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,679
Speaker 2: is no consequence for walking away from a first day

213
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,720
Speaker 2: going no thanks, because think about how we typically would

214
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,680
Speaker 2: have been set up someone in the workplace, maybe a

215
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,839
Speaker 2: friend of yours set you up.

216
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,120
Speaker 3: You'd feel like you wouldn't want to piss off that person.

217
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,920
Speaker 2: You wouldn't want to walk away and like leave the

218
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,800
Speaker 2: leave the restaurant on fire. You know you there were

219
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,400
Speaker 2: consequences for behaving badly, or for being rude, or for

220
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,000
Speaker 2: push too hard or to getting into some Yeah thanks,

221
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,920
Speaker 2: but no thanks. So when you're dating off of an app,

222
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,160
Speaker 2: you can kind of say whatever you want because you

223
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,280
Speaker 2: have no pressure to behave from a community that would

224
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,480
Speaker 2: have maybe set you up, or you would have been

225
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:16,560
Speaker 2: in to meet that person.

226
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,640
Speaker 1: I still don't I don't know. I'm still trying to

227
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:24,840
Speaker 1: piece together what other things should people not If you're

228
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:32,000
Speaker 1: a part in what religious beliefs, political beliefs, should those

229
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,400
Speaker 1: people just not even try and bother dating?

230
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,960
Speaker 3: Really it's harder. I think that's harder. It's harder.

231
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,520
Speaker 1: So where do you leave room for getting to know

232
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,920
Speaker 1: someone for who they are and then find out about

233
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,000
Speaker 1: these other things that make up who they are, and

234
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,440
Speaker 1: then we go, Okay, maybe it's too hard or you

235
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,600
Speaker 1: don't know, actually if it's worth fighting for if you're

236
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,000
Speaker 1: just qualifying somebody at the very beginning, right, there's plenty

237
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,440
Speaker 1: of stuff we have we found out later and it

238
00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:04,040
Speaker 1: was worth fighting through. We'd have found that stuff out

239
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:08,040
Speaker 1: on date one. No, that's going to be hard. I'm out,

240
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:13,000
Speaker 1: But that doesn't make sense to do it in that order.

241
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,120
Speaker 1: How do you know if it's worth fighting for? How

242
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,640
Speaker 1: do you know if it's worth whatever struggle it's going

243
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,000
Speaker 1: to be. How do you know that that's not going

244
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,719
Speaker 1: to offer something to your life? How are you going

245
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,920
Speaker 1: to expand you just need somebody to stay with you

246
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:29,400
Speaker 1: in your same MSNBC or Fox News, Lane Brett bears

247
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:33,720
Speaker 1: kind of cool racial madda, how's good nights? Like you can.

248
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,559
Speaker 3: Learn right, it's okay, we'd like to watch both.

249
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:42,320
Speaker 1: It's okay, geez, I know ms now, sorry.

250
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,200
Speaker 3: MS now, I can't get that right either.

251
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,120
Speaker 2: All right, when we come back, we're going to talk

252
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,800
Speaker 2: about some of the dangers and we've kind of discussed

253
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,960
Speaker 2: right now of doing this hot take dating.

254
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,560
Speaker 3: But what some very wise.

255
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,080
Speaker 2: Advice was offered by the experts, some matchmakers for anyone

256
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:14,800
Speaker 2: who is considered employing this dating trend. And welcome back everyone,

257
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:19,040
Speaker 2: as we talk on this snowy Sunday about a new

258
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:23,200
Speaker 2: hot dating trend if you are looking for love wanting

259
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,160
Speaker 2: to find that relationship as we march our way through

260
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:30,560
Speaker 2: this snow to Valentine's Day, they're just going Hot's a

261
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,640
Speaker 2: hot new dating trend called hot take dating. Yes, and

262
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,200
Speaker 2: so some of the experts, and this was a matchmaker

263
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,920
Speaker 2: actually who had some advice, and she said that she

264
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,920
Speaker 2: does have clients who are into this dating trend because

265
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,679
Speaker 2: they just want to weed out the people that they

266
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,720
Speaker 2: don't want to waste their time on quickly.

267
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,280
Speaker 3: But she said, remember this, it's a date, not a debate.

268
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:57,520
Speaker 2: So don't go into a first date thinking, Eh, I'm

269
00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,199
Speaker 2: gonna share a hot take and then I'm ready to

270
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,559
Speaker 2: totally and completely fight for what I think is right.

271
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,599
Speaker 2: She said, do so with the intention of trying to

272
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 2: figure out if you're compatible. Compatible that's funny, that was

273
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:12,040
Speaker 2: a Freudian slip.

274
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 3: If you're compatible than trying to change the other person's mind.

275
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,720
Speaker 2: If you go in there thinking I'm going to show

276
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,520
Speaker 2: him how right I am or whatever.

277
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,920
Speaker 3: That's not the point of this. It's a date, not

278
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:27,480
Speaker 3: a debate.

279
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:28,400
Speaker 1: I like that.

280
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,800
Speaker 3: But also, don't be combative.

281
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,880
Speaker 2: Or try to say compatible when you say compatible, all right.

282
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,440
Speaker 2: The other thing is, and this is so true when

283
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,440
Speaker 2: you go in and if you're having a disagreement and

284
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,160
Speaker 2: you find that you're on different sides of the aisle.

285
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,840
Speaker 2: Nobody wants to be preached to and nobody wants to

286
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,040
Speaker 2: be told that they're wrong. So don't try to convince

287
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:55,800
Speaker 2: someone or prove someone wrong. And I do think sometimes

288
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,240
Speaker 2: that can that conspiral, especially when you don't know somebody.

289
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,640
Speaker 2: This is a first day, you haven't met, you haven't

290
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,880
Speaker 2: you don't have that foundation.

291
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 1: What's a hot take? I'm trying to think now of

292
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,120
Speaker 1: what are the things if you and I had sat

293
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,160
Speaker 1: down at a first date, What would be the thing

294
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,600
Speaker 1: that you could possibly ask that you would need to

295
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,640
Speaker 1: know or I would need to know about you? That

296
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,600
Speaker 1: would be those kind of qualifying things. All I have

297
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 1: is do you smoke? That's really all I got. If

298
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,000
Speaker 1: you're religious, I don't go to church every Sunday, I'm

299
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,200
Speaker 1: willing to be open to that. I'll listen. That's kind

300
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,600
Speaker 1: of all I got. You hike, you climb mountains. I

301
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't ask that on a first date. That's not doesn't

302
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 1: disqualify on it, right, I don't. I don't have a

303
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:38,320
Speaker 1: hot take.

304
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,280
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think if there's something that, yes, smoking

305
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:46,160
Speaker 2: would be an absolute disqualifier for me. Yeah, I mean

306
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,200
Speaker 2: I maybe you start, especially if you're younger, starting to

307
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,000
Speaker 2: go in and say do you want kids?

308
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:51,920
Speaker 3: How many kids do you want?

309
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,800
Speaker 2: I mean that that can be off putting for folks.

310
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 2: But if you want to know right away, are you

311
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 2: somebody who wants kids in your life?

312
00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 3: That's an important thing to know right away.

313
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,360
Speaker 1: That should be a first day question. That's different from

314
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,400
Speaker 1: a hot take that's we might not need to even

315
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,040
Speaker 1: get dessert, because if I want you don't, then we're

316
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,840
Speaker 1: two people aren't compatible. That's different.

317
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,680
Speaker 2: But you're talking about like a view on something. It's

318
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,200
Speaker 2: just a hot take that I can't. I'm not going

319
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,920
Speaker 2: to ask you about trans if you are what look

320
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 2: I see I have room maybe because what we do

321
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,240
Speaker 2: for a living afforded this. I have always been in

322
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,880
Speaker 2: a room with people who have different viewpoints and have

323
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,400
Speaker 2: been cognizant to know that that's part of the beauty

324
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,920
Speaker 2: is looking at things through different lenses and having people

325
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,000
Speaker 2: I love my whole life think very differently than people

326
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,880
Speaker 2: who I like and I work with, and knowing that

327
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:46,000
Speaker 2: those can both exist and respect can still can still

328
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,040
Speaker 2: live in that environment. Yeah, I'm trying to think, would

329
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,200
Speaker 2: there be a non starter for me?

330
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 1: Well, what would you tell me? They say, let me

331
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,000
Speaker 1: get this out of the way. I'm blank, I'm blank,

332
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,000
Speaker 1: I'm blank. I think this. I think this, And I'm

333
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 1: not talking about anything having to do with your surrounding

334
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,560
Speaker 1: or hey, I got a nineteen year oly boulder. That's

335
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,639
Speaker 1: not no. No, I'm talking about like a belief of some

336
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,720
Speaker 1: kind that I just want you to know ahead of time.

337
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,199
Speaker 1: I blog blank, I voted for Boom. Identity that you

338
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 1: think is important, I don't even have that.

339
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:13,600
Speaker 3: I don't think I do either.

340
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,840
Speaker 2: That would be like something I would think would make

341
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:20,560
Speaker 2: or break whether or not I could accept you because

342
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 2: of how I believe because I'm with you, I'm on religion.

343
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,080
Speaker 2: I don't feel strongly about whether you have to be

344
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:33,240
Speaker 2: or shouldn't be or couldn't be in politics, I think

345
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,240
Speaker 2: I guess the only thing I would ask I would

346
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,239
Speaker 2: want to gauge is if that person would impose like

347
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,439
Speaker 2: that very thing. If you needed me to think what

348
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 2: you think or believe what you believe, that would be

349
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,480
Speaker 2: a non starter. As long as you were accepting of

350
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,400
Speaker 2: my difference in opinion, that would be the biggest deal.

351
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,400
Speaker 2: Because also if you need someone to think like you

352
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 2: and agree with you on certain topics, what happens.

353
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:55,119
Speaker 3: When you fight?

354
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 2: What does it if you can't absolutely come to a

355
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 2: full agreement? Is it a is it a done deal?

356
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,520
Speaker 2: Can you not accept just hey, we're going to agree

357
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,080
Speaker 2: to disagree. That kind of shows that mentality that you

358
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,400
Speaker 2: don't want to agree to disagree.

359
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,120
Speaker 1: I was trying to follow that, but it was so combatible.

360
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,959
Speaker 1: It seems like everything you were saying, well, I just

361
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what to give. If

362
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,000
Speaker 1: somebody heads up on I would ask somebody else if

363
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,560
Speaker 1: you know, if I ever had a first day with

364
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,560
Speaker 1: somebody else, I would ask if they like yacht rock.

365
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,480
Speaker 1: That might be a non starter for me. Now, really, yeah,

366
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,440
Speaker 1: you kind of ruined it. Really yeah, yeat rock. Often

367
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,879
Speaker 1: there's a reason thank you I should.

368
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 2: Say in my in my air pods, I do. I

369
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,919
Speaker 2: will try not to play it around the else.

370
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,920
Speaker 1: I would give a first date somebody now my heads

371
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,119
Speaker 1: up about March madness and die hard during the holidays.

372
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:45,880
Speaker 3: That would be good.

373
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 2: March madness is a big one, yes, like insane. Yes,

374
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 2: that's big. And also you should probably let them know

375
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 2: that you like to sleep with the TV on.

376
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:53,880
Speaker 1: That's a big thing.

377
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:54,359
Speaker 3: Yep.

378
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,919
Speaker 1: And I wake up very early.

379
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 3: And you wake up very very.

380
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 2: Early earlier, and you don't like to in anything other

381
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 2: than a NonStop flight perfectly less than four hours.

382
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 1: This isn't difficult.

383
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 3: Take those things and the other.

384
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 2: There was another number that I was curious what you

385
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 2: thought about, and I think this is reasonable. Thirty seven

386
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 2: percent of singles say shared values are essential. And I

387
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 2: think that is I think that numbers should actually be

388
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 2: higher in terms of what you value family, work, life, balance,

389
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 2: all of that.

390
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 3: To me, that number should be seventy seven percent.

391
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 1: You know, but some values have more value. Quite frankly, right,

392
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:45,159
Speaker 1: we are we aligned on work, but not aligned on

393
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,720
Speaker 1: kids and family or.

394
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 3: Money different things.

395
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,000
Speaker 1: Yes, you can get by if somebody's really going after

396
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,639
Speaker 1: money and somebody doesn't care, you can meet in the

397
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 1: middle on that one. If somebody is really into family

398
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 1: and you're I don't know, been disconnected from your for

399
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,120
Speaker 1: ten years. I don't know. They're just different. I don't know.

400
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 1: I just people are people, and I hate to because

401
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 1: it has a lot to do frankly, as a black man,

402
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 1: thinking about walking into a room and immediately a judgment

403
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,920
Speaker 1: is made on you based on just for the fact

404
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 1: that your skin is a certain color. So now let

405
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 1: me check I can fill in the rest of the boxes.

406
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: Just looking at that, I hate. You're a Republican, let

407
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 1: me fill in the rest of the boxes. You're a democrat,

408
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 1: let me feel in the rest. I hate any time

409
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 1: we judge and don't get to know a person for

410
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: who they are, and just yeah, I hate that.

411
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 3: So screw this hot take.

412
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 2: Just you know, give people a shot and walk in

413
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 2: with a blank slate. I do like a blank slate theory.

414
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 2: And you walk in and you say, let me just

415
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 2: see what happens, no preconceived notions, no agenda, just sitting

416
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 2: down and having a good time.

417
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 3: And see what happens. How about that?

418
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 2: That'd be all these algorithms and ways to say, this

419
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 2: is how you find the perfect me At the end

420
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 2: of the day, isn't it about how willing you are?

421
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 3: To compromise.

422
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: I feel like no, We're told now you don't have to, right.

423
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,199
Speaker 2: You just find the person who thinks exactly like you do,

424
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 2: who likes to operate exactly like you like to operate,

425
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 2: and who thinks everything the same thing you do. You

426
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 2: have a perfect person. It's called yourself.

427
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 1: Yes, harmony, folks, we appreciate you as always wherever you are.

428
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 1: You probably hopefully booed up cuffing season as you speak.

429
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people right now. We're olks

430
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: and dealing with it with this weather beautiful from a

431
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 1: distance and in safety and warmth, but a lot of

432
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 1: people are dealing with some hell out there, so please

433
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 1: be safe wherever you may be. We always appreciate you

434
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 1: spending some time with us. I'm TJ. Holmes On behalf

435
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: of my dear Amy Robot. We will talk to you

436
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 1: also