1
00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,200
Speaker 1: My cousin's wife wore a white dress on my wedding

2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:07,640
Speaker 1: day because I refused to send another invitation. I'm sorry

3
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,240
Speaker 1: if this is long, but I need to give a

4
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:13,039
Speaker 1: little backstory before I tell you what happened last week. So, I,

5
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,319
Speaker 1: twenty six female, got married to my husband twenty seven mail.

6
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,680
Speaker 1: Back in twenty twenty one, we were kind of tight

7
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,720
Speaker 1: on our budget for our weddings since we were the

8
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,200
Speaker 1: only ones paying for it because our parents weren't really

9
00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,760
Speaker 1: that involved. By the way, this comes from Wooden essay

10
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,880
Speaker 1: ninety thirty four on the Okay Storytime Separate It. So

11
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,800
Speaker 1: we got engaged at the end of November twenty twenty two,

12
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,360
Speaker 1: and in January decided to set the date for May third. Yeah.

13
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,120
Speaker 1: I know, that's only basically four months to plan a wedding,

14
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,440
Speaker 1: but the venue we fell in love with only had

15
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,199
Speaker 1: that date available or otherwise we were going to have

16
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,000
Speaker 1: to wait till June of twenty twenty four. In March,

17
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,320
Speaker 1: we basically had everything we needed and paid for except

18
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,720
Speaker 1: our wedding invitations. We pretty much already ran through our budget,

19
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,280
Speaker 1: so we could only order pretty much the exact amount

20
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,920
Speaker 1: of invitations we needed. I actually came up short a

21
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,160
Speaker 1: couple so we had less than what we needed. I

22
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,120
Speaker 1: messaged my family and friends asking for their addresses so

23
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,720
Speaker 1: I could send them an invitation. When I messaged one

24
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,000
Speaker 1: of my cousins and asked him for his address, he

25
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,920
Speaker 1: sent it to me, and I went on to add

26
00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,360
Speaker 1: that to my list of others. A couple of days later,

27
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,000
Speaker 1: he messaged me and said his wife, she was his

28
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,440
Speaker 1: girlfriend at the time, let's call her Katie, wanted me

29
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,440
Speaker 1: to send her one as well. I told him that

30
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,000
Speaker 1: we only ordered the exact amount we needed and that

31
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,600
Speaker 1: on this invitation it includes a plus one. He never

32
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,440
Speaker 1: messaged me back, so I figured that was the end

33
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,039
Speaker 1: of it. I'm assuming that.

34
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,959
Speaker 2: Was not definitely not the end of it. But that's

35
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:32,720
Speaker 2: really weird.

36
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,960
Speaker 1: Why why does she need her own invite? She's invited,

37
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,600
Speaker 1: you're not even that she wants to hang it on

38
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,080
Speaker 1: her fridge.

39
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but she's not even in the family this last time.

40
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,360
Speaker 1: Yeah. Fast forward to our wedding. It was so beautiful

41
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,280
Speaker 1: and it was honestly the most perfect day I could

42
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:50,640
Speaker 1: ever imagine, except in the middle of the ceremony, my

43
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,400
Speaker 1: cousin and Katie come literally running toward where everyone was seated.

44
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,320
Speaker 1: We had an outdoor wedding, so when they were pulling

45
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,280
Speaker 1: up in his truck, we could all hear them, and

46
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,080
Speaker 1: when they were running towards wherever whon one was seated,

47
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,640
Speaker 1: everyone literally turned to stare at them. People were gasping.

48
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,320
Speaker 1: I was in almost tears, not from them coming in

49
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,800
Speaker 1: late so loudly, not even from them running towards everyone,

50
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:15,200
Speaker 1: but because Katie was wearing a full length white dress.

51
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:19,680
Speaker 2: Dude, dude, what heck?

52
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:19,880
Speaker 3: Like?

53
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,520
Speaker 1: Why are you so dumb? It seriously looked like a

54
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,480
Speaker 1: wedding dress. After the ceremony we have the reception in

55
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,519
Speaker 1: the venue's barn across the field, all everyone could even

56
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,560
Speaker 1: focus on was Katie. I had multiple people come up

57
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,120
Speaker 1: to me asking if I knew she was going to

58
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 1: wear that and if I was okay with it. I

59
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,320
Speaker 1: was not okay with it in the slightest, but it

60
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,200
Speaker 1: was my wedding. It was supposed to be one of

61
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,839
Speaker 1: the best days of my life, so I just tried

62
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,240
Speaker 1: to ignore it and act like nothing was going on.

63
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,680
Speaker 1: I never said anything to her or my cousin, and

64
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,320
Speaker 1: neither did any of my family because we've really only

65
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,560
Speaker 1: seen them at family reunions. We're not really close to them.

66
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,560
Speaker 1: My dad's side of the family is huge, so I

67
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,919
Speaker 1: don't really see them for holidays or on a regular basis.

68
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:01,079
Speaker 1: So now to last week, three and a half years later, whoa,

69
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:01,760
Speaker 1: we jumped.

70
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:02,360
Speaker 2: We jumped.

71
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,760
Speaker 1: My husband and I now have a beautiful eight month daughter.

72
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,839
Speaker 1: I was going to my dad's house so he could

73
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,720
Speaker 1: a visit with her. I pulled up and I noticed

74
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,480
Speaker 1: a car I don't recognize. When I get inside, my

75
00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,680
Speaker 1: cousin and Katie are sitting there. As soon as she

76
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,079
Speaker 1: sees us, she jumps up and runs over to try

77
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,280
Speaker 1: and grab my daughter out of my arm, saying, oh

78
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,560
Speaker 1: my goodness, give me that precious baby. I turn away

79
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,440
Speaker 1: from her and tell her to back up. I tell

80
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,400
Speaker 1: her I haven't seen her in three and a half years,

81
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,320
Speaker 1: and the last time I did see her, she was

82
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,040
Speaker 1: wearing a wedding dress to my wedding. She just stands

83
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,560
Speaker 1: and stares at me. It starts saying that she doesn't

84
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,440
Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about, that she didn't wear a

85
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,440
Speaker 1: wedding dress to my wedding.

86
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,640
Speaker 2: Girl, you know exactly what she did.

87
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 1: Come.

88
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,680
Speaker 2: You wanted this, You wanted to be the center of attention. Yeah,

89
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,160
Speaker 2: and you got. She honestly ConA got.

90
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,560
Speaker 1: It literally doesn't even matter if it wasn't technically a

91
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,160
Speaker 1: wedding dress.

92
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,560
Speaker 2: You don't wear white, wear white to a wedding, especially

93
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:50,160
Speaker 2: a white dress.

94
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,920
Speaker 1: I said, you literally wore a full length white gown

95
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,280
Speaker 1: to my wedding. Everyone was talking about it the whole

96
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,320
Speaker 1: time and was asking who you were and if I

97
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,600
Speaker 1: said it was okay. She then goes on a rampage

98
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,240
Speaker 1: about how it was cream colored and that everyone was

99
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,360
Speaker 1: telling her how beautiful she looked. And then I was

100
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 1: just jealous because she apparently looked so much better than

101
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,480
Speaker 1: I did on my wedding day. So now you're admitting

102
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,640
Speaker 1: to try and to upstate.

103
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,480
Speaker 2: The bread some once a narcissist, I.

104
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,200
Speaker 1: Was ready to throw down.

105
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, her up.

106
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,320
Speaker 1: In my days, before I was a mom, I would

107
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,640
Speaker 1: have just yanked her skinny butt up and snapped her

108
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,920
Speaker 1: like a twig. But I'm not risking going to jail

109
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,640
Speaker 1: while I have my daughter. So I told my dad

110
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,599
Speaker 1: I was just going to leave, that he should have

111
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,239
Speaker 1: told me they were going to be there. My cousin

112
00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,200
Speaker 1: goes on to say that if I would have just

113
00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:34,479
Speaker 1: sent her an invitation, then this whole issue wouldn't have

114
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,400
Speaker 1: become a thing. So we've got two different stories here.

115
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,719
Speaker 1: One is she never was in a wedding dress. It

116
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,120
Speaker 1: was cream, and then the other one is you deserved it.

117
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,960
Speaker 2: This would have been avoided if you just sent her

118
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,600
Speaker 2: an invite that she got.

119
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,360
Speaker 1: She literally got.

120
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,000
Speaker 2: You literally got the invite was invited.

121
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,039
Speaker 1: I asked him what he meant, and Katie says that

122
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,719
Speaker 1: if I wouldn't have felt the need to be petty

123
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,080
Speaker 1: and just sent her an invitation, then she wouldn't have

124
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,240
Speaker 1: felt the need to be petty back. I just turned

125
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,760
Speaker 1: and walked out and went home. I told my husband

126
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,719
Speaker 1: and he immediately was pissed and said that they have

127
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,680
Speaker 1: no right to do that to someone on their wedding

128
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,240
Speaker 1: day for something as silly as an invitation. But we

129
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:11,479
Speaker 1: would never do anything like that to you because you're

130
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,839
Speaker 1: always invited to join us live every weekday at three PMPSD.

131
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,799
Speaker 4: Just tap her profile, tap and there's.

132
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,680
Speaker 1: A little bit left to the story. But I think, yeah,

133
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,160
Speaker 1: I think just cut these people off. I mean, it

134
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,080
Speaker 1: seems like you already did. Yeah, but just tell your dad, like, hey,

135
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to be abound these people.

136
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,520
Speaker 2: I mean, these people are never really involved.

137
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,920
Speaker 1: No, they're just their side, side characters. Side.

138
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, their side family, their cousins, but they like again,

139
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:33,400
Speaker 2: you don't see them all.

140
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,480
Speaker 1: There, not cousins. But there's a little bit left. Later

141
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,640
Speaker 1: that night and my dad called me and apologized that

142
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,480
Speaker 1: he didn't realize that I was still upset about the

143
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:41,960
Speaker 1: wedding thing.

144
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,560
Speaker 2: No, what I think, Oh, he just didn't make a

145
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,320
Speaker 2: big fuss about it. Yeah, because there was no reason

146
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,320
Speaker 2: to make a big fuss about it.

147
00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,440
Speaker 1: He said. He was calling to tell me the reason

148
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,000
Speaker 1: they were over there. Katie is pregnant with a girl.

149
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,200
Speaker 1: She's naming her the same name as my baby.

150
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,760
Speaker 2: No, okay, I hate you.

151
00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,720
Speaker 4: Why why are you going.

152
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,400
Speaker 1: To be my baby has a unique name that not

153
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: a lot of people around where we live have. I'm

154
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,200
Speaker 1: just so pissed and upset. I know I can't tell

155
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,159
Speaker 1: them what they can or can't name their baby, but

156
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,359
Speaker 1: I feel like they're just doing it to be petty. Again,

157
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,719
Speaker 1: what do I do all of this? Because I didn't

158
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,559
Speaker 1: send her an invitation. My cousin and her live together

159
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,560
Speaker 1: at the time, and the invitation states he got a

160
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,799
Speaker 1: plus one. I even addressed the invitation to them both.

161
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,839
Speaker 1: So am I the a hole? No, far from it,

162
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,960
Speaker 1: And I think you just need to cut them out permanently. Yeah,

163
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,119
Speaker 1: that just that just suck.

164
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,440
Speaker 2: That's crazy. The fact that I was like, oh, the

165
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 2: names like nay you need for John, like that's the

166
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,200
Speaker 2: common names. Yeah, I'm like, Okay, this is still a

167
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,440
Speaker 2: little bit weird, very weird. I think honestly, I'd be like, fine,

168
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,799
Speaker 2: name name your kid after my daughter?

169
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a copycat.

170
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like a guess who inspired who? Like I

171
00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,200
Speaker 2: got married first, then you guys got.

172
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,240
Speaker 1: Married, physical proof that you took the name.

173
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,360
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's that's really weird, really weird.

174
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,200
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.

175
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,400
Speaker 2: I feel like I won't enjoy my wedding with my

176
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,800
Speaker 2: mother and it, but so I'm considering on inviting her.

177
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:02,680
Speaker 1: Get her out of there.

178
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,920
Speaker 2: I twenty five female, am marrying my fiance twenty eight

179
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,560
Speaker 2: mal in May, and I'm highly considering not inviting my

180
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,240
Speaker 2: mom to our wedding. Let me give a little background.

181
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,080
Speaker 2: My mother and grandmother flew across the country to go

182
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,960
Speaker 2: wedding dress shopping with me and my friends and future

183
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,400
Speaker 2: mother in law last February. By the way. This comes

184
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,200
Speaker 2: from user spare afternoon forty three fourteen on the r

185
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,240
Speaker 2: slash ok storytime suburd So. Months leading up to this,

186
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,880
Speaker 2: I was calling my dad my parents are divorced, explaining

187
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,720
Speaker 2: to him how nervous I was for my mom to

188
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,240
Speaker 2: join us dress shopping because she has a tendency to

189
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,680
Speaker 2: blow things up that are not going her way. When

190
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,040
Speaker 2: she arrived with my grandmother, she seemed in great spirits.

191
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,760
Speaker 2: The first day of dress shopping, we had two appointments,

192
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,720
Speaker 2: and I actually found my dress at the first shop.

193
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,560
Speaker 2: At the first appointment, my mother kept trying to bring

194
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,240
Speaker 2: me princess cut dresses, but I explained to her that

195
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,480
Speaker 2: when scheduling the appointments, I had filled out surveys and

196
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,880
Speaker 2: picked out dresses from their website to try on. What

197
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,320
Speaker 2: are princess cut dresses?

198
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,679
Speaker 1: I think like poofy dresses?

199
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,760
Speaker 2: Oh okay. I also explained that the presses were nice,

200
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,320
Speaker 2: but I never imagined myself wearing a princess cut dress

201
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,920
Speaker 2: on my wedding day. During the second appointment, I had

202
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,120
Speaker 2: felt like I had already found my dress, so I

203
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,600
Speaker 2: gave in and tried on the dresses. My mother wanted

204
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,760
Speaker 2: a few of them, she really liked, but once again

205
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,720
Speaker 2: I stated that I do not want to wear a

206
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,120
Speaker 2: princess cut dress to my wedding.

207
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,720
Speaker 1: Like you're you know, you gotta feel your best in

208
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:19,520
Speaker 1: your wedding dress.

209
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta feel your best in your dress. I

210
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,120
Speaker 2: could tell she was getting frustrated, so I told her

211
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,120
Speaker 2: they had my mother of the bride dresses there and

212
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,040
Speaker 2: she should try some on since I felt pretty committed

213
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,840
Speaker 2: to the dress at the last shop. If you want

214
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,000
Speaker 2: a princess bride dress.

215
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 1: Mom, yeah, you can do it. You can have your

216
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,000
Speaker 1: little bridesmaid moment.

217
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,439
Speaker 2: On the second day, my mom stated that she wanted

218
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,559
Speaker 2: to take my friend's grandma, mother in law, and I

219
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,280
Speaker 2: to a nice brunch before the last dress appointment. On

220
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,400
Speaker 2: our way to breakfast, the dress store called me saying

221
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,839
Speaker 2: they had double booked but could get me in an

222
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,960
Speaker 2: hour earlier, so I pivoted our breakfast plans to a

223
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,080
Speaker 2: little cafe close to the dress shop so we could

224
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,120
Speaker 2: still get a quick bite before the appointment. Once arriving

225
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,960
Speaker 2: at the appointment, my mother pulled me aside while we

226
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 2: were all walking in and said, I guess I will

227
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,640
Speaker 2: keep my effing mouth shut since nothing I say seems

228
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,200
Speaker 2: to be right.

229
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,720
Speaker 1: Huh, it's not about you. It's literally not about you.

230
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:14,800
Speaker 1: It's not your wedding.

231
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,960
Speaker 2: I calmly asked her what she was talking about, and

232
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,599
Speaker 2: she said that I had turned down every idea she

233
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,200
Speaker 2: had and that my behavior was an embarrassment in front

234
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,439
Speaker 2: of my future mother in law. I asked my mom

235
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,280
Speaker 2: what I had specifically said, as I was truly confused

236
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,440
Speaker 2: and upset, as she knew I had been trying to

237
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,600
Speaker 2: make a good impression on my mother in law. I

238
00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,040
Speaker 2: apologize if I had made her feel that way, as

239
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,680
Speaker 2: it was not my intention. She said that this is

240
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,679
Speaker 2: a big day for her too, and we couldn't even

241
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,760
Speaker 2: go to a nice brunch spot like she wanted. I

242
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:42,640
Speaker 2: think you wanted that.

243
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,760
Speaker 1: It's literally those were your plants.

244
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,640
Speaker 2: I then walked into the dress store, tried on a dress,

245
00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:48,640
Speaker 2: and began to sob.

246
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:49,200
Speaker 3: No.

247
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,960
Speaker 2: I think people thought I was crying because I loved

248
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,200
Speaker 2: the dress, but I was upset because I felt my

249
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,920
Speaker 2: mother's timing for yelling at me was intentional.

250
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,920
Speaker 1: Uh, she's trying to ruin your old vibe.

251
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, before we go into the story, what do you

252
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,400
Speaker 2: what do you think right now?

253
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,800
Speaker 1: Honestly, I think you should not invite her to the wedding.

254
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,040
Speaker 1: She's just being awful. She's making you feel bad. It's

255
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:09,840
Speaker 1: not a good time.

256
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,400
Speaker 2: She's very commanding, demanding and toxic.

257
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,120
Speaker 1: Commanding, demanding, toxic, commanding, demanding and toxic.

258
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,360
Speaker 2: We don't want that in yours. And the fact that

259
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,640
Speaker 2: she's trying to put words in your mouth or words

260
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,560
Speaker 2: in your mother in law mean you for things. Yeah,

261
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:25,880
Speaker 2: like you want to make a good impression on your

262
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,760
Speaker 2: mother in law and it seems like you're doing that. Yeah,

263
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,640
Speaker 2: your mother in law has not said a word.

264
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,120
Speaker 1: She has not been Yeah, she's not criticized you at all.

265
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,400
Speaker 2: Anyway, let's get back to the story. Fast forward to

266
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,720
Speaker 2: later that day, I had scheduled appointment to pick up

267
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,800
Speaker 2: the dress I had found at the very first store

268
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,480
Speaker 2: from the day before. My friends had left, and my mother,

269
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,960
Speaker 2: mother in law, and grandmother headed to the store. My

270
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,200
Speaker 2: mother sat on her phone in the dress door and

271
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,000
Speaker 2: did not look up once, even when I said yes

272
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,720
Speaker 2: to the dress. I began trying on veils and said

273
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,040
Speaker 2: my mother in law asked my mother's opinion, and my

274
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,920
Speaker 2: mother said loudly, it doesn't matter what I think, and

275
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,240
Speaker 2: kept scrolling.

276
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:05,120
Speaker 1: She's so annoying. She's throwing a fit. She's throwing a

277
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,360
Speaker 1: tamper tantrum because she's not getting exactly what she wants.

278
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,840
Speaker 2: Mom is embarrassing the heck.

279
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,800
Speaker 1: So embarrassing to be like with your mother in law.

280
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,400
Speaker 1: You're trying to make a good impression and you have

281
00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:18,800
Speaker 1: your your mother acting like this.

282
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 2: This is just the start of it. Yeah, after buying

283
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,480
Speaker 2: my dress, we met my fiance for dinner, and my

284
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:29,360
Speaker 2: mother kept making passive aggressive comments in conversation, like I

285
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,960
Speaker 2: am going to a nice brunch tomorrow since I haven't

286
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,160
Speaker 2: gone to this whole trip, and I am not going

287
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,160
Speaker 2: to say sorry for things I am not sorry for.

288
00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:40,360
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, go to your nice brunch so no one

289
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,640
Speaker 1: has to deal with you.

290
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,640
Speaker 2: Why are you do you know why you're here. You're

291
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,719
Speaker 2: here for me, mom, because it's my wedding. Mom, if

292
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,880
Speaker 2: you wanted to go to a nice brunch, don't be here.

293
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,480
Speaker 2: Don't be here. I don't want to be sorry for

294
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:51,520
Speaker 2: things I'm not sorry for.

295
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,840
Speaker 1: You know what, Why don't you go to a nice

296
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 1: brunch on the day of the wedding and then just

297
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:56,040
Speaker 1: take it.

298
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,760
Speaker 2: I had had it at this point. After dinner, I

299
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,360
Speaker 2: was silent in the car and we dropped her off

300
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,160
Speaker 2: at her airbnb with my grandmother. I blocked her on

301
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,040
Speaker 2: everything and cut her out.

302
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,920
Speaker 1: Good. Whoa, I mean, that is like a big step.

303
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,360
Speaker 1: But she's just constantly been disrespectful and I'm assuming this

304
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,560
Speaker 1: has been behavior that it is kind of a pattern.

305
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,680
Speaker 2: Of her life and this is the breaking point.

306
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,840
Speaker 1: And you know what if she comes back and she realizes, oh, wow,

307
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,760
Speaker 1: you're serious. I need to change my attitude, then you

308
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 1: can think about it. You know, it doesn't have to

309
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,200
Speaker 1: be no contact forever. But I think just putting your

310
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,479
Speaker 1: foot down said this treatment is not okay.

311
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,680
Speaker 2: Like I'll see you at the wedding at least, Like, hey, yeah,

312
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,320
Speaker 2: I'm done with this. This is just wedding dress shopping

313
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,800
Speaker 2: and this is like girl stuff. Yeah, and your ruining

314
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,480
Speaker 2: the entire experience. Yeah, just I'll see you at the wedding.

315
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:41,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe that. Yeah.

316
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,640
Speaker 4: I did not talk to my.

317
00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:46,400
Speaker 2: Mom for about seven months, even though my grandmother continuously

318
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,080
Speaker 2: tried to guilt trip me and told me that it

319
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,439
Speaker 2: was stressing her out, which is bad for her health.

320
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,680
Speaker 2: So Grandma is getting in on this.

321
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,480
Speaker 1: Honestly, I can imagine the grandma is getting a lot

322
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,720
Speaker 1: of the flak from the mom. Right now. Mom, I

323
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,360
Speaker 1: was like, you won't talk to me, Grim was like, please.

324
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,520
Speaker 2: All the stress dumping on Grandma. I reached out to

325
00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:06,120
Speaker 2: my friends, grandmother, and mother in law after dress shopping,

326
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,280
Speaker 2: asking if I had said anything mean or offensive during

327
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,240
Speaker 2: the time my mother was in town, and none of

328
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,880
Speaker 2: them could think of a single conversation where I was rude.

329
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,680
Speaker 2: During this time, I did a lot of reflection on

330
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,640
Speaker 2: my relationship with my mom and began to realize this

331
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,880
Speaker 2: was a repeating pattern. She had made me cry before prom,

332
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,559
Speaker 2: she made my graduation from high school and design school

333
00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:29,200
Speaker 2: about her divorce, and made my cross country move about her.

334
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,520
Speaker 2: I reached out to family members back home and they

335
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,800
Speaker 2: told me stories about events I could not attend baby showers,

336
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,240
Speaker 2: bridal showers, birthdays, et cetera, and said my mother had

337
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,520
Speaker 2: blown up at those two. Of course.

338
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:41,320
Speaker 1: You know what.

339
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,120
Speaker 2: By the way, you can join us live on YouTube

340
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,760
Speaker 2: every weekday at three pm PSD. Just tap the profile.

341
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:46,280
Speaker 1: Tap it.

342
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,280
Speaker 4: We won't blow you up.

343
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,959
Speaker 1: Blow us up every weekday.

344
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,400
Speaker 2: See, I'm like, that's gonna be a good segue. No, No,

345
00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:54,160
Speaker 2: there's more to the story. But how do you feel.

346
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,200
Speaker 1: I mean, like, let us know in the comments whether

347
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,199
Speaker 1: or not you would uninvite the mom from the wedding,

348
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,880
Speaker 1: whether you would get back in contact. It seems like

349
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,280
Speaker 1: Opie's kind of cut contact right now. Yeah, doesn't seem

350
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,960
Speaker 1: like the mom's probably coming to the wedding.

351
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,920
Speaker 2: We don't know yet. Yeah, it's just like op is

352
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,280
Speaker 2: getting reaffirmed that mom is not great. My mom just sucks.

353
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,320
Speaker 2: Let's go ahead and finish up the story. Last week,

354
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,920
Speaker 2: I called my mom for the first time, and she

355
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,000
Speaker 2: apologized for her timing when it came to yelling at me,

356
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,960
Speaker 2: but not for anything else. She then said that it

357
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,080
Speaker 2: was also her day that was ruined, as wedding dress

358
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,960
Speaker 2: shopping was also a big day for her and my grandmother.

359
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 1: It's not about you, clearly, not your dress, not your day.

360
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,240
Speaker 2: It's not your day. I feel like I'm in a

361
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,080
Speaker 2: lose lose situation here, as I want to be able

362
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,360
Speaker 2: to enjoy my wedding and not have my mom blow

363
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,880
Speaker 2: up like she has at many occasions in the past.

364
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,800
Speaker 2: But I also feel like if I do not invite her,

365
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,440
Speaker 2: she will hold it over my head for the rest

366
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,240
Speaker 2: of my life. Am I the a hole for not

367
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,840
Speaker 2: inviting my mom to my wedding.

368
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,960
Speaker 1: I mean, she probably will hold it over you, but

369
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 1: I think that just shows what type a person she is,

370
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,800
Speaker 1: and I don't think you should have to deal with it. Yeah,

371
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,080
Speaker 1: she's a very selfish.

372
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,440
Speaker 2: Person, very selfish, very self centered, narcissistic. I mean, it's

373
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 2: all synonyms there.

374
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 1: But and she could come to the wedding. The only

375
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,880
Speaker 1: person stopping her from coming to the wedding is herself.

376
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,560
Speaker 1: My friend's wedding is way too expensive. I don't think

377
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm going anymore.

378
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:19,200
Speaker 2: I guess, don't go.

379
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:19,920
Speaker 1: I guess I don't know.

380
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,320
Speaker 2: Problem solved.

381
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 1: My twenty nine female friend thirty female, will be having

382
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,240
Speaker 1: her wedding in Vegas on December. Everything was going well

383
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 1: until last month when she and her fiance decided to

384
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,000
Speaker 1: organize a reunion for all the people we were going

385
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,240
Speaker 1: to meet, which we loved. By the way, this comes

386
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,920
Speaker 1: from Lanky Beyond nineteen forty eight on the Okay storytime

387
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 1: Separate it So. My friend even told me they create

388
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,640
Speaker 1: separate groups based on shared interests so we could form

389
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 1: easier bonds between each other. Well, that meeting actually turned

390
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 1: into something else as soon as they had welcomed us.

391
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,440
Speaker 1: They dropped the bomb that they had made a reservation

392
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,280
Speaker 1: for everyone's flights and we had to pay them on Tuesday.

393
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,760
Speaker 1: You don't do this on Sunday.

394
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,200
Speaker 4: You don't do that. No one's there.

395
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:07,360
Speaker 1: You never, you can't. You can't do that. You can't

396
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 1: just say, oh, you guys have to pay for something

397
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:10,560
Speaker 1: that you didn't know about.

398
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,960
Speaker 2: And you only have until like not even next week.

399
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,160
Speaker 4: You have you have crazy.

400
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 1: Everyone froze and awkwardly laughed. After the meeting. Many of

401
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,840
Speaker 1: us reached out to them because we had found better

402
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,480
Speaker 1: options since its high season and all of us came

403
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 1: from outside of the US, so flights are not that cheap,

404
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,920
Speaker 1: even less the ones they booked, which were above thirty

405
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 1: percent of what we could find online. Tuesday arrived and

406
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,040
Speaker 1: they said they will divide us by who wants to

407
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,040
Speaker 1: check prices with them for the plane slash plane plus

408
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,080
Speaker 1: hotel slash just hotel. I figured it didn't hurt to

409
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,000
Speaker 1: check with them.

410
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:42,360
Speaker 4: Wrong.

411
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,600
Speaker 1: Should have known better after what happened. I would not

412
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,720
Speaker 1: trust these people after they just bought tickets and made

413
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:49,280
Speaker 1: everyone pay.

414
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:50,680
Speaker 2: Who does that?

415
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,080
Speaker 1: That's insane. Two weeks go by and they send the

416
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 1: price per person, not per room, again way above what

417
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: I could find online. This time, I'm almost double the price.

418
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,400
Speaker 1: During that week, two more friends told me that they're

419
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,120
Speaker 1: getting married outside of state. Plus my husband really wanted

420
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,520
Speaker 1: to be in his country for his dad's sixtieth birthday,

421
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,879
Speaker 1: which is on another continent. We sat down and budgeted

422
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,479
Speaker 1: for everything we had to attend, and we decided we

423
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,639
Speaker 1: could go to the wedding, but with the flights and

424
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,760
Speaker 1: hotel we found under a much cheaper price. When I

425
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,159
Speaker 1: texted my friend to let her know, it was like

426
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 1: a completely different person from the one I knew. She

427
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 1: didn't care to know my reasons. She simply said it

428
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,960
Speaker 1: was not possible that we had to pay for the room.

429
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,680
Speaker 1: I tried to let her understand and nothing. She said

430
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,679
Speaker 1: we had compromise to pay for it, when that was

431
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 1: never the case. Since I couldn't agree on something I

432
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 1: never saw the price for. When they set the price,

433
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 1: we set down to check if it was possible or not.

434
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 1: I really wanted to be there for her, but the

435
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 1: hotel's price for three nights is the price for a

436
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,199
Speaker 1: whole other wedding trip we have. It felt very weird

437
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 1: to feel that my friend's focus was on the hotel

438
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,879
Speaker 1: versus her friends actually being there for her.

439
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,919
Speaker 2: That's very weird, yesh.

440
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,399
Speaker 1: I don't know why she's expecting everyone to pay without

441
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:02,160
Speaker 1: asking them.

442
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 2: I know, because like when you like, oh, there's a

443
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,160
Speaker 2: destination wedding, and they're like, oh, we have the hotel. Yeah,

444
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,560
Speaker 2: it's all lined up. It's to be a little pricey, but.

445
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 1: You send that information before you wait, before bring it

446
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:13,639
Speaker 1: on people.

447
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 2: You don't pay that for people. They'll pay it themselves

448
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 2: and figure it out as long as they come.

449
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 4: I don't. I don't know.

450
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 1: And the fact that everything they're checking is always more

451
00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 1: expensive than what I find online. All the money had

452
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,320
Speaker 1: to be transferred to her or her fiance, with the

453
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,240
Speaker 1: rest of us having no contact whatsoever with the travel

454
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 1: agency organizing. We couldn't sign any contracts, not ready directly

455
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 1: from any papers from the agency about prices. The chat

456
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 1: went on until she said the only solution was for

457
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:44,160
Speaker 1: us both to pay the cancelation fee. No, no, you

458
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,439
Speaker 1: have to pay for it because you paid you.

459
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, you did this yourselves, Like, I don't understand your

460
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 2: logic here.

461
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,399
Speaker 1: Of they don't have any logic.

462
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,600
Speaker 2: There's zero logic. Oh, we bought this all for you

463
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,719
Speaker 2: guys empty, but you didn't make it. You did get

464
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,080
Speaker 2: a decision. It's just we did this for you.

465
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,120
Speaker 1: Now you have to pay us, which if we still

466
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 1: went and paid for the other hotel, would equal the

467
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 1: price of the stay with them. Again, it seemed us

468
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 1: being there wasn't the goal at that point. My husband

469
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 1: said he'd pay the cancelation fee just so that the

470
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 1: friendship wouldn't be ruined.

471
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 4: They ruined it, though, yeah.

472
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,679
Speaker 1: I already felt it was ruined by the way she

473
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 1: was treating me. It felt more like if you wouldn't

474
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 1: fit the mold of what she wanted of a wedding, guess,

475
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 1: then there was no use for us, And I felt

476
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,919
Speaker 1: tricked because they never mentioned whatever price they found we'd

477
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 1: have to pay for. She stopped replying to me when

478
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,640
Speaker 1: I said I'd love to be there for her special day,

479
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 1: but the number she was giving were impossible for us

480
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 1: due to all the other events. Cut to her fiance

481
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 1: writing some very passive, aggressive text on the group chat

482
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,199
Speaker 1: for the wedding, saying this will be the first and

483
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: last time they'd pay a cancelation fee and that no

484
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 1: one had complained about the price, that it was a

485
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: very good price because a business trip he went to

486
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 1: that the company works for paid was much more expensive

487
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 1: the business.

488
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,359
Speaker 2: Oh my god, do you literally in that sentence you

489
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 2: just said the business paid.

490
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 1: For Also, it really does does matter if it is

491
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 1: a cheap flight or not, because they didn't know they

492
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 1: were paying for it.

493
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,920
Speaker 2: No one, this was not discussed with anyone but you

494
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:09,439
Speaker 2: and the bride.

495
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 1: Ridiculous, and that said cancelation would affect everyone else, that

496
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 1: it was very inconsiderate to act like that in a

497
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 1: lack of respect for them. He went on a rant

498
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: of how cheap it was and closed the messages from

499
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 1: the group so that he could only write, not like

500
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,920
Speaker 1: we'd reply publicly to anything, but okay. She then proceeded

501
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 1: to kick us out from the group again no answer

502
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 1: on her part. I understand she's upset. I'm more familiar

503
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 1: with destination weddings, having travel agencies, managing things directly, or

504
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 1: having the freedom to choose how to arrive and where

505
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 1: to stay. I didn't know she had signed a contract

506
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 1: for over forty plus people to pay for a price

507
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 1: we didn't know yet, which I'm guessing is why she's

508
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 1: so stressed. Had I known asking for a price would

509
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 1: involve having to pay for it no matter what. Of

510
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 1: course I wouldn't have asked. By the way, you can

511
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 1: join us live every weekday three PMPST just tab our profile.

512
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,919
Speaker 1: Me and my husband weren't huge fans of the fiance

513
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: being all passive aggressive in public and not having my

514
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: friend address things directly with me since that's how I

515
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 1: was handling it. So now we don't even feel comfortable

516
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 1: going due to the treatment we've been getting a basically

517
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 1: being too poor, did not afford this place, and too

518
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 1: problematic for finding cheaper places. And since we don't feel

519
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 1: comfortable and I still want her to have an amazing time,

520
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 1: I don't see the point of going to make things awkward?

521
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for not wanting to go anymore?

522
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 1: Should I contact her again? She has not replied to

523
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: anything I wrote before her fiance ranted publicly, don't go.

524
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 1: Don't go. These people are mean and weird.

525
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 2: You're not the a hole. The fact that you got

526
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 2: blindsided by all this stuff.

527
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 1: That is they Yeah, that's the al he'll move.

528
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 2: And they the fact that they're doubling down, like, uh,

529
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,200
Speaker 2: this is such a great deal.

530
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is so great as to be appreciative that

531
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: we found this great deal.

532
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, the fact that you can just do the cancelation fee. Yeah,

533
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 2: you know, have a good wedding that you want to

534
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: go to other weddings.

535
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

536
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 2: They don't care about other people's lives.

537
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 1: No, they have this like vision what their wedding should be.

538
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 1: And I didn't take anyone else into a dear consideration.

539
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,199
Speaker 2: And it's good to bite them. And it's biting them

540
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 2: and that's really good. They're gonna have an empty wedding.

541
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story. My roommate

542
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: saved my life, but now my partner wants to kick

543
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:17,840
Speaker 1: him out.

544
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 3: That's not really the thing you should do. Yeah, it's

545
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,439
Speaker 3: like I'm repaying you with hard times.

546
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: Also trigger warning for alcoholism. So this is kind of

547
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: a long one, but I am reaching a breaking point

548
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 1: and I don't know who to talk to about it.

549
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Mogus seven on the

550
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,679
Speaker 1: Bad Roommates subridd It. So here is a thing. I

551
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,200
Speaker 1: am currently on my third day of no sleep because

552
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: I am so stressed. So maybe I'm not thinking straight.

553
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: About four years ago, I bought a house with my

554
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: longtime significant other. I work in healthcare, and I let

555
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 1: things get out of control with my drinking. I was

556
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: a full blown alcoholic, finishing a handle of one hundred

557
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: proof vodka in two to three days.

558
00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 2: Wow.

559
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: Well, I broke up with my so because I thought

560
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,199
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to beat my alcoholism and she

561
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 1: didn't deserve to be with someone like me. So there

562
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: I was in a four bedroom house by myself. I

563
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: was deep with my alcoholism and it only got worse

564
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: once I was alone and no one to disappoint. I

565
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: was in a dark place for a while. I was

566
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: okay with the fact that I would probably pass away

567
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: in my house. At some point, I finally started steps.

568
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 4: To get better oka looking at kay okay.

569
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: I went to rehab and was doing okay, but I

570
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,199
Speaker 1: was a dry drunk. One of my old Army buddies

571
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 1: reached out to me after not hearing from me in

572
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 1: a while, after a long talk where he told me

573
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 1: his woes about his life and having to pay for

574
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 1: his dad's treatment, having to pay child support, and his

575
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: wife was leaving him. He was going to either be

576
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 1: homeless or have to live with his sister.

577
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 3: Now.

578
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 1: When we were in the Army, I was going through

579
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 1: divorce and needed a place to stay. He took me

580
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: in and I stayed on his couch rent free for

581
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 1: about six to eight months. I wasn't the best roommate,

582
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: but I didn't make a mess or have much aside

583
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 1: from my bags and took up the couch in his

584
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: living room. I know I could have offered money or cleaned,

585
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 1: but I was young and didn't know how to be

586
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,160
Speaker 1: an adult. He never asked for anything, and to be honest,

587
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: he wasn't the cleanest person either, But in all it

588
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: was the dream. Two best friends living together, working out,

589
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: playing video games, and hanging out some of the best

590
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: times of my life. I offered him a place to

591
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: stay no charge, just like he did for me nine

592
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: years ago. Now as an addict, I quickly relapsed after

593
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 1: he moved in. I was back to my old drinking ways,

594
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: but he never said a word about it unless I

595
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 1: brought it up. That was quickly turned into a pigstyle.

596
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 1: The yard became a forest and I got a letter

597
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: from the city.

598
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 4: Wow.

599
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: I didn't care. I had my best friend and alcohol.

600
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 1: Of course, this became unsustainable after I eventually broke down

601
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: about my drinking. He became my only confidant. He told

602
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 1: me that he would make sure I got the help

603
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: I needed. I made my second trip to rehab. That is,

604
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,640
Speaker 1: it's interesting because it seems like the friend moving in

605
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 1: was the reason that Opie started to drink again. But

606
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: also it seems like op He's going to him to

607
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 1: get support to go to rehab. So that's an interesting dynamic.

608
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 3: So real, like edition has so many weird interesting like triggers,

609
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 3: and like you think certain environments might.

610
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 4: Help that just like are really bad. And it's like.

611
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 3: It's also hard to be in the friends position because

612
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 3: it's like sometimes like somebody coming to you and wanting

613
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 3: to help you is also a trigger to be like

614
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 3: to like go further into it. So it's like it

615
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 3: can be a really And that's why a clinical setting

616
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 3: is very helpful and important in treating addiction, because it's

617
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 3: an incredibly nuanced and complicated thing.

618
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also trying the right clinical setting because a

619
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: lot of those places, I mean a lot of places

620
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 1: are very good, but a lot of places you know

621
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 1: are not, so you have to like make sure you're

622
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: doing research and stuff. I made my second trip to rehab.

623
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: I was so low because I couldn't imagine that my

624
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: life was this way. During this time, I was making

625
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 1: a significant amount of money. Wow, to the point that

626
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: I was making hand over fist even with all my drinking,

627
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: which is also hard because it, you know, allows for

628
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,199
Speaker 1: more of more drinking.

629
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

630
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 1: We had come up with financial plans, yet filed for

631
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: bankruptcy and had no money. We decided that I would

632
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: give it him an allowance and he would control my

633
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 1: money because I didn't trust myself to not buy alcohol.

634
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: Still didn't work. I was okay with this because I

635
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: had enough to support myself, him and his son, who

636
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: is my godson. I was paying for food, gas, and

637
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: all health care. He got me to see a therapist

638
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 1: and we had long talks about myso who I was

639
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: still madly in love with, but was determined to move

640
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: on because she deserved better. During my second stint in rehab,

641
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: he reached out to her. She saw me on my

642
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 1: first day out of rehab. I was a mess. I

643
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: didn't want her to see me like this, but I

644
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: was sober for thirty five days at that point, longest

645
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 1: I had been in fifteen years. She never skipped a

646
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: beat about caring for me. I was awestruck. Wow, what

647
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: a what a partner. And also I think actually the

648
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 1: title could work. It seems like he is this friend

649
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: is kind of being really helpful. I had been such

650
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: a horrible boyfriend for a long time, but she still

651
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 1: cared for me. Things got better for me after a

652
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: couple of stumbles. I am now a year and some

653
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 1: change now, in no small part thanks to her and

654
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 1: my best friend, I realized I needed to stop being selfish.

655
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 1: The final straw was losing our first puppy slash dog

656
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: we had when we got together. I was devastated. I

657
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 1: missed years of seeing him, and during that time he

658
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,239
Speaker 1: got sick and she had to care for him. I

659
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 1: still have guilt to this day about it. I promised

660
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: myself I would never touch alcohol again, and so far

661
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: a year into it, I have kept that promise. It

662
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: hasn't been easy, but I have done it.

663
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 4: Hmm, that's amazing. It's definitely not very hard. Very hard.

664
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. I had to get a new job, which my

665
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: ESSO found for me. I lost a lot of weight

666
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: because no alcohol, but also because I started to make

667
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 1: better life choices. I cook healthy meals and constantly go

668
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: for walks with our other dog. On top of my

669
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 1: active job. Things have never been better in terms of

670
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: my mental, physical health, and my job. I realized that

671
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 1: I can be the person my ESSO always saw I was.

672
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: We started dating again and slowly reconnecting.

673
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 4: What this is great.

674
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 3: Stories that have made me like, yeah, that's actually kind

675
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 3: of crazy.

676
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 1: You're really thinking all the fields today.

677
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 4: Yeah?

678
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean this is like, this is great.

679
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: To see someone like come, you know, have dropped so

680
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 1: low in their life and then have a support system

681
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: around them is really amazing.

682
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

683
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 1: She still lives with her parents, but spends most of

684
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 1: her time with me and the new roommate. I made

685
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: a deal with myself that if I could go six

686
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: months and not even think about alcohol, I would propose.

687
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: Six months came and went. I realized every morning I

688
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 1: woke up next to her and I couldn't wait to

689
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: ask her. We had dated for eight years before that.

690
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: I never thought I would take that step, but here

691
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: we are. I proposed after asking her father, and she said, yes,

692
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: it is so good.

693
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 3: Oh excellent, You're just doing great, Opie.

694
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: She's going to be moving back in the end of October.

695
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: I couldn't be happier. She is the perfect partner. She

696
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: takes care of everything and never makes it an issue.

697
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: When I was keeping that promise to myself, I decided

698
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: to look inward make change in my personal life as well.

699
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 1: No more leaving dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor,

700
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: the bathroom a mess. I was kind of already clean,

701
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: but I wanted to make sure I wasn't just a

702
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: man child that she would have to take care of.

703
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: I wanted to prove to her I could be a

704
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: good husband, even if I didn't propose yet. I don't

705
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 1: think I do a lot, but I try to think

706
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: of things that she would do for me, and tried

707
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: to do it before she even thinks about it. I

708
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 1: never ask her for anything, and she is now my priority.

709
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: And there's more. But just like quickly pausing, even like

710
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: obviously you want to be a good partner and make

711
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: sure you're pulling your weight. But just from a standpoint

712
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 1: of like I think, like get like working through addiction

713
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: and stuff, building these kind of healthy habits, is I

714
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: think really good just for yourself.

715
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, yeah, And it takes just you know, it's

716
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 3: one step at a time. You know, that's it's very

717
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 3: it's a I feel like a lot of people would

718
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 3: say a lot of different ways and a lot of

719
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 3: different paths that you know, recovery can take you down.

720
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 3: But it's like, you know, I feel like just the

721
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 3: biggest thing is having a support system, absolutely having this,

722
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 3: having opav this partner.

723
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, just so lucky. Incredible, Yeah, incredible partner.

724
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: So here comes the stress. Dang. While I was in rehab,

725
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: my BFF was in charge of my finances.

726
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 4: Oh no that oooh wow.

727
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 3: I didn't even soof Yeah, that was not a great

728
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 3: thing to kind of let go by the wayside.

729
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 4: In a way.

730
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: No, no, no. I was in rehab, so the only

731
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: thing I could buy were SIGs for thirty five days

732
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: in detox and sober living. I wasn't buying much since

733
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: I didn't really need at that point. In that time,

734
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: my friend racked up ten k on one credit card

735
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 1: and about another ten k on my other one. Okay, wow,

736
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: I was jobless at that point because I couldn't travel anymore.

737
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: I was desperate, but he told me that it would

738
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: be okay and things would be taken care of. He

739
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: spent money on everything from food, gas, steam, games, et cetera.

740
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: He does not have a job. He collects disability from

741
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: the military, but most of that goes towards child support

742
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 1: and paying his own debt, slash car payments and whatnot.

743
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 1: What what? What a terrible what terrible friend? No way,

744
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: he spent that on food and same games and it's

745
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: just disgusting.

746
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 4: Ten K in thirty five days. You hate this guy

747
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 4: who took you in.

748
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 1: It was twenty k two different guards. Wow, he collects

749
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: disability from the military, but most of that goes towards

750
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,479
Speaker 1: child support and paying his own debt, slash car payments

751
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: and whatnot. I didn't mind initially since I was making

752
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: tons of money and I can't take it with me.

753
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: At one point he took his car to get fixed

754
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: and the dealership held it for months. During that time,

755
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: he borrowed my new truck. In the months that he

756
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: had it, he got three tickets from traffic violations and

757
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 1: never pay them. Nothing big thirty bucks here and there,

758
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: but he never told me or forgot. He has ADHD, autism,

759
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 1: and a whole bunch of health problems, to the point

760
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: he has applied for SSD. He started that about six

761
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: months after moving in with me. That was three years ago.

762
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 1: He still doesn't know when that will come through. This

763
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: prevents him from getting a job, because if he did,

764
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: they would cancel the process.

765
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 3: Mmmmmm oh, so you're you're wanting to not have a

766
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 3: job is preventing you from getting a job.

767
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 4: Is that what I just heard?

768
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: That says oh pezy, oh p.

769
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 3: Well, you weren't really in a position to set any

770
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 3: boundaries with this guy at that time, but you got

771
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 3: to set them now. Yeah, this guy got to know exactly. Hey,

772
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 3: here's a B and C. If you don't do these things,

773
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 3: you gotta get.

774
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 1: Like, you're gonna pay me back this twenty k that you.

775
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 4: Use and if he won't get the police involved, that's

776
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 4: twenty k.

777
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: That's insane.

778
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 4: It's not nothing.

779
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: On top of the credit card debt, I also gave

780
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: him well over five K through Venmo. The therapist he

781
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: took me to was expensive and I was spending two

782
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty dollars on myself every other week. He

783
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: was also seeing her as well as his son. That

784
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: went on for months. The money I made and had

785
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: saved quickly dried up. Now. I know I'm not great

786
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 1: with keeping track of money, but even I could see

787
00:32:59,720 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: this one.

788
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 4: What's going to end?

789
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 2: Well?

790
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: If I didn't change something fast. When myso found a

791
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: job for me that was low stress, I jumped on it.

792
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: For months. I worked six twelve hours days for months.

793
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: I didn't buy things I didn't need. I started cooking

794
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,719
Speaker 1: at home, which led to weight loss. I've always been

795
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: fat due to the drinking. I was able to pay

796
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: off twenty k of credit card debt all by myself

797
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 1: while maintaining the house. I mow the grass every week,

798
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: I make sure the house is clean, and I was

799
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 1: taking care of myself mentally. I was able to buy

800
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: an engagement ring and do major improvements around the house.

801
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: I pinched pennies and worked my butt off. I meal

802
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: prep and did the dishes. I became the nanny of

803
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 1: the house. I know I can be kind of a

804
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 1: tense when it comes to cleaning things, so I never

805
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: expected him to be super clean or do chores since

806
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 1: it was my house. Again, after working twelve hours for months,

807
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: I would come home and dishes were piled up for days.

808
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: I cleaned them, trash piled up. I took it out.

809
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: I stopped smoking, and now I spent a couple hours

810
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 1: a week picking up cigarette butts. I wonder, is that

811
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: from the friend M Is that what he's implying. He said,

812
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: because he said I stopped smoking. So I'm wondering if

813
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 1: he's saying, like, my friend is still smoking and so

814
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: I'm cleaning up after him.

815
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 3: I immediately took that as like some kind of volunteer

816
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 3: work or something, because there's no way you spend hours

817
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 3: couple hours a week.

818
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 4: I think maybe I took a jump there, but I

819
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 4: just don't.

820
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 3: I don't understand how you could be picking up hours

821
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 3: worths worth of cigarettes every week? I know, does he

822
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 3: not have an ash tray, like like put them somewhere?

823
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: What I think?

824
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 4: Who is this guy?

825
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,720
Speaker 1: I think this is what? Yeah, I think what's happening

826
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: here is the friend is just so it says like, oh,

827
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,720
Speaker 1: he got comes home after twelve hour shifts and he's

828
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: leaving these dishes in the sink. Trash is piling up

829
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: because of the friends. The cigarette butts are piling up.

830
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 1: I saw he was gaining weight. So when I make food,

831
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: I try to make enough for him as well, because hey,

832
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 1: why not? And didn't think he could spend money on

833
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: fast food in this day and age. He buys Papa John's, Duncan,

834
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: taco Bell, you name it.

835
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 4: He gets it.

836
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: He sometimes asks if I want something, but it was

837
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: getting to a point that when I did, I would

838
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,720
Speaker 1: pay for it, so I stopped saying yes, This wouldn't

839
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 1: be that bad. But he does not work. He lives

840
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 1: in my finished basement with a bathroom and my big

841
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 1: TV that I can't use since he has monopolized the downstairs.

842
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 1: Again not bad, since I really don't get a lot

843
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 1: of time at home. When I get home, I see trash,

844
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 1: food and general mess everywhere, and when I asked what

845
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 1: he did today, he played video games, slept all day,

846
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 1: or just hung out. Nothing gets done at the house

847
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,800
Speaker 1: unless I do it. I try and ask him to

848
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 1: help with things, but more often than not, he either

849
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: can't do it or as something going on that I

850
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: eventually give up or just do it myself. Again, I

851
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: don't mind this, since I'm the one who doesn't like

852
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 1: mess and wants a super clean home. He has a

853
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 1: weird sleep schedule and so that makes it hard for

854
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 1: him to do normal things like vacuum without keeping me up,

855
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: although I don't care or hear anything he does. Since

856
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 1: he's in the basement for three years, this has been

857
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 1: the case. Maybe not as bad in the beginning, but

858
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 1: now it has become evident since my ESSO has spent

859
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,240
Speaker 1: time in the house with us, that would be really

860
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: hard for probably her as well, to be in this

861
00:35:58,880 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: house where.

862
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 3: It's just so I can't imagine if I was the

863
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 3: s O, I'd be like, hey, it's me or him

864
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 3: at this point, honestly, And and.

865
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: There's more to this story.

866
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:13,320
Speaker 3: But yeah, and this is the same guy that brought

867
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 3: OP in, right, because this is this guy is now

868
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:17,879
Speaker 3: crashing with op.

869
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,439
Speaker 4: Op at one point was nowhere to go and this

870
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:22,919
Speaker 4: person helped them.

871
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's that feeling of like indebtedness. But the thing is,

872
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 1: I think just like needs to realize or have someone

873
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: tell him, you are still in a position where you

874
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: are you know, fortunately you are sober, but you're still

875
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: in a really kind of fragile position where your sobriety

876
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 1: and you're like upward trend if pushed or if like

877
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: taken off balance could revert.

878
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 4: And I think you don't do anything you don't.

879
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 1: Want, Yeah, exactly, And living with this guy who is

880
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,040
Speaker 1: a slob and is smoking all the time and and

881
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: it's taking your money is not going to help you

882
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 1: maintain that like that, It's not to say that you

883
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: know you will revert because of him, but it's definitely

884
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 1: not a great position to be in.

885
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 3: And I have a theory on why this behavior has

886
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,879
Speaker 3: probably started to a spiral a little bit for the Yeah,

887
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,439
Speaker 3: for the friend, I mean, because it was already kind

888
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 3: of it was probably already kind of negative, but I

889
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 3: feel like now it's getting like even he's leaning into it.

890
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 2: Yeah.

891
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 3: I think it's because you're taking steps to improve your life,

892
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 3: and a lot of times it's like money people kind

893
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 3: of want to stay down in the same place with

894
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 3: the same people.

895
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 4: It was very comfortable when you were in active addiction,

896
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 4: and he's like no.

897
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 1: One to help.

898
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 3: He's not trying either, right, essentially, is what the vibe is, like, Oh,

899
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 3: I'm okay to do this because look he's doing it

900
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 3: with me. Now he's lost that partner, and he's just

901
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 3: like sinking further and further into these negative habits and

902
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 3: negative behaviors.

903
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 1: And I was going to say it like before, Ope,

904
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: he's also somewhat enabling this big by giving him money

905
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: and letting him stay there, right.

906
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 3: Exactly, It's even like the best situation for both of

907
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 3: you is to approach him with I think with care,

908
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 3: like you don't want to just be like get out, slob.

909
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 3: You're like, you're ruining my life. But it's like be like, hey,

910
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 3: I've noticed some changes.

911
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 4: And then they're not good for you.

912
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 3: Getting out of this environment, getting away from me might

913
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 3: be good for you, because it's like there is sort

914
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 3: of a reflexive effect, like when people have their own

915
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 3: issues and they see someone sometimes this can happen. You

916
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 3: see someone getting better, it almost makes them get worse

917
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 3: because now they're a shame. More of their the shame,

918
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 3: the vicious cycle of shame. Yeah, boil boy.

919
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: I try to take care of it before she notices

920
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: or cares, but there's only so much I can do

921
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: when I'm at work so often his bathroom is something

922
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: from my nightmares, and his bedroom and living area isn't

923
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 1: much better. But out of sight, out of mind. She

924
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:47,919
Speaker 1: has been patient, but he leaves dishes in the sink

925
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: for days, leaves stuff out in the kitchen, and doesn't

926
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 1: clean up after himself. He's like Console and Gretel. I

927
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 1: can see where he made the food, ate it and

928
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 1: left the dishes. He eats like a caveman, and it's

929
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: his last dish. I used to just like this when

930
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 1: I lived with him. Maybe not to that extreme, but yeah.

931
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: My Essa has called me multiple times while I'm at

932
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 1: work complaining about the mess and whatnot. I am on

933
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 1: her side mostly. She works twelve hour shifts like me,

934
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: and when she comes home she doesn't want to do

935
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 1: someone else's dishes or clean up after them. He uses

936
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: appliances and doesn't put them back or clean them when

937
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 1: he does cook, which is sporadic. I have tried to

938
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 1: make a section of the fridge, freezer, and pantry for

939
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: him so there is a place for everything. He never

940
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: puts things back and always has a reason for it,

941
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 1: like his brain doesn't work that way, or it isn't

942
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 1: organized the way you would do it. I get it.

943
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: My brain doesn't work that way sometimes, but I make

944
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: an effort to make it work. He is also very

945
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,320
Speaker 1: careless when it comes to things. He has broken multiple things.

946
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 1: He's burned my cutting board twice by putting a hot

947
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 1: pan on it.

948
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 4: How do you do that twice?

949
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: Twice? Yeah?

950
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 4: How do you do that twice?

951
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 1: He leaves the front door unlocked, and since he has

952
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: a weird sleep schedule, he comes and goes at weird times.

953
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: I have social anxiety, and I'm not very outspoken, especially

954
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 1: now that I don't have alcohol to coax what I

955
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: want to stay out of me. The thing is, I

956
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: love this dude. He is my brother and more of

957
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,760
Speaker 1: a family than my real family. All this crap doesn't

958
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: get to me often unless I don't get a lot

959
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 1: of sleep, which happens more often than not. My ESSO

960
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: is so sweet and has been so patient waiting for

961
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,360
Speaker 1: me to say something to him since he is my bff.

962
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: Instead of talking to him, I have tried to shield

963
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 1: his mess from her eyes, but it only goes so far.

964
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: My ESSO complains to me, and I feel horrible because

965
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 1: I know her hands are tied and I'm not doing

966
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 1: a great job at communicating. Again, really quick pause. If

967
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: you want to continue to be his best friend or

968
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: have him in your life, I think the best way

969
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 1: to make sure of that is to not live with

970
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: him anymore.

971
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, he's gotta get out of there. You have

972
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,919
Speaker 4: think here is not doing him any favors.

973
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 1: Nor is it doing your friendship any favors, because you're

974
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 1: just going to keep presenting him and it's going to

975
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 1: keep getting worse and worse, and then your friendship's going

976
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 1: to Like I'm not saying that you need to stop

977
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: being friends with this person, you just can't live with him.

978
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is you need to hammer home. Hey,

979
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 3: you can't be waiting for SSD. You need to go

980
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 3: get me job. Yeah, to work exactly. And you're taking

981
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 3: all my money.

982
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 4: You know.

983
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,919
Speaker 3: And it can be delicate if someone's being like, yeah,

984
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 3: but I have ADHD and I have this, and I

985
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 3: have that, But it's like if you have the wherewithal

986
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 3: to mooch off of us this entire time, and like,

987
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 3: I don't know, man, It's it's delicate.

988
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 4: But at the same time, it's like.

989
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 3: You need to try to stand on your own two feet.

990
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 3: If you're going to continue to expect, at least if

991
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 3: I was opy, if you're going to continue to expect

992
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 3: me to allow you to do this or to be here,

993
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 3: you have to show me your effort in that you

994
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 3: don't want to just be stuck in my basement with

995
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 3: no job exactly.

996
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 4: Like you got to show me something.

997
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, my asso and I have been doing house projects

998
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: and of course I've been fronting the bill for it,

999
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: which again because I work so damn much. He has

1000
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 1: gotten upset that we have moved stuff around and paid

1001
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 1: for things like remodeling our bathroom. Dude, you can't get

1002
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 1: upset when you're living for free. You're living there for free. Yeah,

1003
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 1: this has all been stuff in common rooms or our rooms.

1004
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 1: His basement areas and his son room remain untouched. He

1005
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: wants to do projects and build things, but I know

1006
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 1: he doesn't have any money and expects me to pay

1007
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 1: for it, like for doing his bathroom, buying furniture, and

1008
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: buying building supplies because he wants to make a shed

1009
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: and build planters.

1010
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 4: His son is staying there with that's yeah, this is.

1011
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: The whole time for his son's therapy and this guy's therapy.

1012
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 3: That okay, I always say, think of the children. That

1013
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 3: explains a lot more as to why has he been

1014
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,879
Speaker 3: so lenient with this guy. That is the final piece

1015
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 3: of the puddle for me. That went right over my head.

1016
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 3: I totally missed that. I don't want to threaten him

1017
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 3: with social services or anything, but at this point, it's

1018
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 3: like you are not capably taking care of your own child.

1019
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 1: I mean, he's not taking care of him.

1020
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 4: Got it? Show me something, Dudeta.

1021
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:50,479
Speaker 1: I would love that, but I don't want to spend

1022
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 1: money on stuff he will either not do correctly or

1023
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 1: most likely not finish, and then I will have half

1024
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: built things in my backyard. He tells me it upsets

1025
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 1: him when I do stuff but not things he and

1026
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,359
Speaker 1: he says it's in irrational, but he's still hurts. It's

1027
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 1: a it's Opie's place that he's paying for.

1028
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 3: I don't understand how you can possibly be like, I

1029
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 3: know it's irrational, by I'm upset.

1030
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 4: If you know that, then shut up.

1031
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: Don't keep it yourself.

1032
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 3: If you know you've got an irrational problem, keep it

1033
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 3: to yourself. It's irrational.

1034
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: Go talk to your therapist that Opie's paying for. Yeah,

1035
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 1: this is all coming to a head because my asso

1036
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be married and have to be worried

1037
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,759
Speaker 1: about cleaning up after someone and feeling bad about doing

1038
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: house projects. She doesn't want to have to ask to

1039
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 1: do things or use things in case my bff needs

1040
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 1: the washer or quiet time to do interviews for healthcare stuff.

1041
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be a guest in her own home.

1042
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 1: I get it, but I am such a schmuck and

1043
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,240
Speaker 1: I can't bring myself to voice these things that bother

1044
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,880
Speaker 1: her and ultimately me. I just wish he would become

1045
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 1: a best version of himself and clean up and take

1046
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 1: responsibility for himself when he is inconsiderate. So here I am,

1047
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: I feel stuck. I am not hurting for money at all.

1048
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 1: I'm actually doing super well. He still hasn't paid for

1049
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 1: a single thing outside of some food he got me

1050
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,800
Speaker 1: a couple of times and maybe some gas, but eventually

1051
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 1: he ends up with no money and asks if he

1052
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,839
Speaker 1: can borrow. Some three years, I have never asked him

1053
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 1: for money until recently. I still have about ak and

1054
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 1: credit card debt that I could pay off. But now

1055
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 1: that my assoh and I are getting married, we are

1056
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: joining our finances. She was appalled at how much I

1057
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: have given him over the years. She didn't tell me,

1058
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: but I knew that in order to make things at

1059
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,879
Speaker 1: least somewhat right, I would ask him to pay off

1060
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 1: just that. He said that his money is coming soon,

1061
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 1: although he has said that for about a year and

1062
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,239
Speaker 1: a half. Now again he can't take a job because

1063
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: of disability, and when I suggested going to school and

1064
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 1: using the GI bill so he could at least have

1065
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 1: some money, he had excuses like didn't want to waste

1066
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 1: his GI bill, or that his other child is in

1067
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: a different state and he goes to see her every

1068
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 1: couple of weeks and is gone for a week sometimes

1069
00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:44,320
Speaker 1: more so, school is impossible.

1070
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 4: It's like, I don't want to waste my GI bill.

1071
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 3: I just want to waste for making my life better

1072
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 3: and giving myself a skill, to give myself a career

1073
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 3: and a job. I'd rather use my GI bill on

1074
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 3: other stuff like doordashen and steam.

1075
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, what dude, how can you have like he

1076
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 1: is so entitled? Like does the fact that he has

1077
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 1: access to this money, access to this like plan and

1078
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: stuff and instead just gonna keep riding off of Ope's

1079
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 1: money and funds.

1080
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 3: It's it blows my It's like when you have a kid,

1081
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 3: you're living with your own son too. It's like this

1082
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 3: almost feels like it has to be like a mental

1083
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 3: health crisis of some kind. Well it is, because there's

1084
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 3: no way you could live like this for this long.

1085
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: I think the fact that he's on disability there is

1086
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 1: probably and also has been, like you know, living in

1087
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: Opie's basement, there's definitely some sort of mental health problem there.

1088
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 1: When we talked about the payback, he always tells me

1089
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: about all the money he will spend on the house.

1090
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: Whatnot thing is, I don't want him to spend any

1091
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: of that money on me. I want him to get

1092
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 1: back on his feet. But I just want him to

1093
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: pay off the little debt I have left from him,

1094
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,720
Speaker 1: Like I even paid off some of that too before

1095
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 1: myso saw He says he should get close to sixty

1096
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,800
Speaker 1: K between back pay and his military disability getting increased

1097
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 1: as well, but that is also taking a long time

1098
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,760
Speaker 1: to go through. God bless the VA and it's stellar

1099
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,800
Speaker 1: health care vets. I don't I don't even want a

1100
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,879
Speaker 1: lump sum. I told him he could pay like five

1101
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: hundred a month so that way, if he ever has

1102
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 1: money issues, it won't be for something I need like

1103
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: rent for food. It is a credit card so it

1104
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 1: can go for a bit. I just don't what to

1105
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 1: do at this point. MYSSO is unhappy, which makes me unhappy.

1106
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make everything calm and take care of myself,

1107
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: my s O and my BFF. That's it the op.

1108
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: He is trying to take care of too many people.

1109
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: You need to take care of yourself first, that's the thing.

1110
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: Like you need to sort it like you've been trying

1111
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,759
Speaker 1: so hard to sort your own life out and you

1112
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 1: were on you are on such a great track, but

1113
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: you need to stop, like.

1114
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,800
Speaker 3: You you should not be responsibility for this guy. Yes, yeah,

1115
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 3: you he is not your responsibility. And I really feel

1116
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 3: like he knows that the kids involved, and he's weaponized that.

1117
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,439
Speaker 3: I think, so he knows that because the kid is there,

1118
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 3: that OP will not trk him out, because I cannot

1119
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 3: imagine OP would have put up with this for this

1120
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 3: long if there was not a child involved, Because what

1121
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 3: do I always say, did think think of the children?

1122
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely think that child has a huge

1123
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: sway on the situation. But I do think that OP

1124
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:11,359
Speaker 1: is just like incredibly like feels incredibly indebted to this

1125
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 1: guy because of the first thing. So I feel like

1126
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 1: there's that too.

1127
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 3: It'd also mentioned that because he's not he's not confrontational

1128
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 3: at all. Yeah, and like I think that might have

1129
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 3: played into the alcoholism a little bit because he.

1130
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 4: Had to make a comment about It's like it made

1131
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 4: it easier for him to do that.

1132
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's like, yeah, this you need to have

1133
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:32,479
Speaker 3: had several hard talks with him. Yeah, and you do

1134
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:36,959
Speaker 3: need to like regardless of the child's presence. At this point,

1135
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 3: you need to put up a hard boundary because it's

1136
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 3: also going to be better in the long run. Getting

1137
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 3: this guy to become responsible for himself will be better

1138
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 3: for the kid. Yes, like having his dad just mooch

1139
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 3: off of you and live in your basement forever. It's

1140
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 3: not gonna be good for the kid because then that's

1141
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:52,919
Speaker 3: going to be his more role model and he's gonna

1142
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:59,479
Speaker 3: just become another basement bachment moucher based on Little beachera mooch,

1143
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 3: I got a I got a called pesca chaw god

1144
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:09,840
Speaker 3: b Biseman. I want to start out, so yeah, I think, uh,

1145
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 3: you need to have be like these are not negotiable

1146
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:13,280
Speaker 3: ground rules.

1147
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 4: This is what's gonna have to happen.

1148
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 3: Set them and unfunthing no matter what it leads to

1149
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 3: you are moving out.

1150
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 4: Yes it doesn't lead to and then you can stay

1151
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:25,759
Speaker 4: to go. Here's the game plan.

1152
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 1: You need to start your own life with yours and

1153
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 1: that does not involve your bff. I reached a tipping

1154
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,720
Speaker 1: point the other day as it was our dog's birthday

1155
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 1: and it is the first year without him. All my

1156
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: asso and I have been cleaning because my mother is

1157
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 1: coming to town to meet her parents. We were having

1158
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: a great time. I just asked my BFF to make

1159
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,840
Speaker 1: sure his area wasn't a visible mess and that my

1160
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 1: mom was going to sleep in his son's room a

1161
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: couple nights. His son isn't here as he has split

1162
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 1: custody with mom. His son, my godson, is adorable and smart,

1163
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 1: but he takes after his father. He brings food into

1164
00:48:55,920 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 1: his room and sometimes it's in there for weeks ah

1165
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 1: until I just randomly happened to go in there. Trash

1166
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,399
Speaker 1: and general mess like a little kid would typically leave,

1167
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: but his dad doesn't clean up after him. The bathroom

1168
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: that his son uses in the hallway is always a mess,

1169
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: clothes and towels left everywhere. The shower faucet is always running.

1170
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 4: What what?

1171
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 2: What?

1172
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 4: How do you do that? What?

1173
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 1: You just exit the shower and you keep it going.

1174
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 3: You're like, somebody tell this kid how the off function works.

1175
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like you could have that conversation with them.

1176
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,359
Speaker 1: You can be like, dude, you need to turn off

1177
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 1: the shower. Yeah, when they leave, I give it a

1178
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 1: couple of days, hoping his dad will clean it, but

1179
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 1: he never does, or if he does, it's hard to

1180
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 1: notice because it's still somewhat messy, and I clean it up.

1181
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: My esso now has had to do it a couple

1182
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: of times too. Well. The other day, I had to

1183
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: do some laundry and I was in the basement, and

1184
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 1: as I was in the basement, my ESSO asked about

1185
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 1: the shower. Since my boyfriend has asked about redoing, and

1186
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,280
Speaker 1: there's been some mold. Oh sorry, since my bff.

1187
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean friend.

1188
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 3: You're housing him and paying his way like he is

1189
00:49:58,239 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 3: your boyfriend.

1190
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,399
Speaker 1: Since my the BFF has asked about redoing, and there

1191
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:04,840
Speaker 1: has been some mold issues because probably because this little

1192
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 1: child is keeping the freaking shower running. Uh, that's probably

1193
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 1: why you have mold issues.

1194
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 3: I get being non confrontational, but you can tell a

1195
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,240
Speaker 3: kid how the off button were.

1196
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: We turn off the shower when you're out, Okay.

1197
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,919
Speaker 4: Turn it that way, and when you're done, you turn

1198
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,839
Speaker 4: it back. That's just it's like shower one oh one.

1199
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, the first.

1200
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:24,399
Speaker 4: Thing you learned.

1201
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 3: We'll start small. Let's look at the sink. You turn

1202
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:29,320
Speaker 3: it on, you turn it off.

1203
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, same thing over.

1204
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: There, buddy. It's crazy how that works. We had to

1205
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,320
Speaker 1: deep clean it because it was bad A couple of

1206
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,800
Speaker 1: months ago. My ESSO did the whole thing. It looked

1207
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:39,799
Speaker 1: brand new. We just asked to make sure that it

1208
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: stays clean because like it's freaking mold, no one wants that. Well,

1209
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 1: that was a mistake. It was back to its old, moldy,

1210
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 1: way close to what it was before we cleaned it.

1211
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 1: I just lost it. I didn't know what it was,

1212
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:54,840
Speaker 1: but I snapped and everything I've been bottling up just

1213
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 1: came out. I rant it to my ESSO about pretty

1214
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 1: much what I'm writing here. We asked for this, and

1215
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 1: he hasn't taken care of it. My mother is due

1216
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: this week and my bff is leaving to go see

1217
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 1: his child in a different state. He has been sleeping

1218
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 1: and just not been around to help clean, which is fine,

1219
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 1: but I know he's not cleaning his basement. Well. His

1220
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: son's room is still packed with stuff that I ask

1221
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: to be moved, just to the closet so my mom's

1222
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:17,320
Speaker 1: room to move around, and she isn't stepping on toys

1223
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: or pieces of food, which happens every time I go

1224
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,399
Speaker 1: into that room. Disgusting. I just don't know what to do.

1225
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,239
Speaker 1: I'm lost. I love this dude. He took care of

1226
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: me when I was a complete wreck slash alcoholic. He

1227
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 1: never judged me and made sure I got care. He

1228
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:32,760
Speaker 1: reconnected myso on me. I just want him to succeed,

1229
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: but this is becoming unsustainable. I am slowly losing my mind,

1230
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,880
Speaker 1: and sadly I had the very quick thought that maybe

1231
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 1: I just need to have a few, not a lot,

1232
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 1: but enough to get tipsy so I can actually talk

1233
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,760
Speaker 1: to him. But I know me and for an attic,

1234
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 1: it is never just one ye a second that you

1235
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: have those thoughts. He needs to go. He needs to

1236
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:54,359
Speaker 1: go because this is an unsafe environment for you if

1237
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: you feel.

1238
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: Like you cannot present this to him physically without like

1239
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 3: being a intense discomfort, right, like what you just did?

1240
00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 3: Write this down and present it to him. Yes, in

1241
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 3: like a letter format. Like being confrontational can be really hard.

1242
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:11,359
Speaker 3: It's uncomfortable. It's it's not a lot of people are

1243
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 3: comfortable with confrontation. They literally made an entire movie where

1244
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,479
Speaker 3: it's like George Clooney plays a guy whose entire job

1245
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 3: is firing people because he's so he doesn't care, but

1246
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 3: most people care about confronting it and anticipating a negative response,

1247
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 3: So just write him a letter.

1248
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:32,879
Speaker 4: If you can't do it exactly, you could put all

1249
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 4: this in there.

1250
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: And see friends with him.

1251
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 4: You'll come from a place of love. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1252
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 1: No, I agree. I couldn't believe. I let the thought

1253
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:41,840
Speaker 1: even tickle my brain. I have lost sleep, and I

1254
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 1: feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't turn to

1255
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 1: my SOO because this is about him, and I can't

1256
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 1: turn to my BFF because well, yeah, I'm coming to

1257
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: the internet out of desperation. Please knock some sense into

1258
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,399
Speaker 1: make tell me I need a man up. Or maybe

1259
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 1: I'm not looking at this clearly, or I am overblowing things.

1260
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't have his complete side of the story

1261
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: and I'm over bearing clean freak or something that I

1262
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: can't see.

1263
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 2: Oh.

1264
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 1: I want my ESSO to be happy and safe in

1265
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 1: her home. I want my friend to not be homeless

1266
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: and have a plan for his future. He helped me,

1267
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: and I have gotten so far already with the weight loss,

1268
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 1: paying off debt, making strides in my work to the

1269
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 1: point I'm going to get a decent raise here soon.

1270
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 1: I have completely stopped giving him money since MYSSO would

1271
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 1: see it and if he asked. I would tell my

1272
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 1: esso because we're a team, but she would not be

1273
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:25,680
Speaker 1: okay with that. He is a brilliant dude and is

1274
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:28,240
Speaker 1: writing and making games, which is cool, and he says

1275
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 1: he'll get paid eventually, but I'm worried that this is

1276
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 1: just another money will be here any day now kind

1277
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 1: of thing. Lastly, when my esso and I get married,

1278
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 1: she doesn't want a roommate and wants him to find

1279
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:39,320
Speaker 1: his own place.

1280
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean.

1281
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 1: Starting a life together. Of course she doesn't want that. Yes,

1282
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 1: Hopefully when he gets that money he will be able to.

1283
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 1: But it's been almost two years that he has said

1284
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: that money is coming in. I don't want him to

1285
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 1: be homeless, nor do I want his son to not

1286
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: have a place to stay. His son, they've joined custody.

1287
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 1: His mom will take the sun.

1288
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 4: Like that maybe the sun what? No, I was gonna

1289
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:02,359
Speaker 4: make a joke.

1290
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:05,719
Speaker 3: It's just like the son is like I refuse to

1291
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 3: live with my mom full time.

1292
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 1: I can't do it. No, But like the if this

1293
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: comes to it, and like the dad doesn't have a

1294
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: safe place to live or whatever, the courts won't like

1295
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:17,719
Speaker 1: the courts will just give the custody to the mom,

1296
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,360
Speaker 1: which sucks, but maybe that'll shock this guy into like

1297
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 1: getting a job, and I am sure it will make

1298
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 1: the shared custody get things a mess since he won't

1299
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 1: have a place of residence.

1300
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 4: Exactly.

1301
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: All I see when I try to get up the

1302
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 1: courage to say something is my buddy who took me

1303
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,240
Speaker 1: in and helped when I needed help out on the streets.

1304
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 3: When I can clearly help them, well, I don't know

1305
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:37,400
Speaker 3: about that, but you can't.

1306
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,359
Speaker 1: That's the thing. Like maybe monetarily you can help them,

1307
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 1: But the thing, I just don't think that you are

1308
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: in a headspace right now to help.

1309
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 3: This guy like defectively, Your quote unquote help is like

1310
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 3: you're helping him like prop up the lifestyle he's had

1311
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 3: that has put.

1312
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 4: Him in this bad position.

1313
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're helping him maintain where he's at, which is

1314
00:54:58,520 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 3: not where he should want to be.

1315
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: No, I have plenty of rooms, space and money, but

1316
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 1: I also realized that I work my butt off for

1317
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 1: that money and keeping the house clean, and I want

1318
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 1: to enjoy it. I worked hard for this. I want

1319
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 1: to work less and just hang out with myso and

1320
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 1: be a hermit in my own house. My asso doesn't

1321
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 1: pay much other than groceries, which we also sometimes buy

1322
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: stuff for him, because why not. I pay for almost

1323
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,880
Speaker 1: everything myself, so this house is mine and mine alone

1324
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:26,400
Speaker 1: in terms of responsibilities. But now that my ASO and

1325
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:28,840
Speaker 1: I are getting married, she will be on the mortgage,

1326
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 1: which is pretty much paid for, so she offered to

1327
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:34,280
Speaker 1: just pay utilities and buy grocery for us. She doesn't

1328
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 1: make as much as I do, so I don't expect

1329
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,360
Speaker 1: her to split it fifty to fifty, but it was

1330
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 1: nice of her to offer any help. Now, I see

1331
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: this as unfair, as my bff has not paid for

1332
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:45,799
Speaker 1: pretty much anything in the house. I even bought him

1333
00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:48,279
Speaker 1: a new computer that was like two K so he

1334
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 1: could work.

1335
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,920
Speaker 3: Oof, that's not going to get used for work. That's

1336
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 3: gonna get used for games, buddys.

1337
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: Although I have gotten home from a long day of work,

1338
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,200
Speaker 1: he says he hasn't done anything but play games while

1339
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 1: I stare at the dishes in the sink. Help me.

1340
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:04,640
Speaker 1: I know this sounds like a rant of a crazy person,

1341
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: and I seriously feel like I am. I am torn

1342
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: because I can see how insane and just unfair this

1343
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 1: all is for everyone. But I just don't have the

1344
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:15,359
Speaker 1: mental capacity and capability to do anything about it. I

1345
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 1: never thought I would question my sobriety, but here we are,

1346
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 1: and it's because I can't communicate without thinking I am

1347
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 1: saying something wrong, so I just shut up and let

1348
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:25,919
Speaker 1: it boil. I was going to see my therapist again

1349
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 1: since I had a weak moment, but I don't know

1350
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 1: when I will have a chance to do so. Since

1351
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm working and going to school for my bachelor's my

1352
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,399
Speaker 1: time is thin, and any time I do have off,

1353
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 1: I just want to spend happy time with my SOO,

1354
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,280
Speaker 1: but it is often overshadowed by things that my BFF

1355
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: does that is either inconsiderate or puts us in an

1356
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 1: awkward position. Since my ESSO and I have a hard

1357
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,839
Speaker 1: time saying no to helping people, but we'll never say

1358
00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 1: no to you. Joining us live every weekda at three

1359
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 1: PMPSD on YouTube.

1360
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 4: Facebook and TikTok never never never.

1361
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:53,439
Speaker 1: Just taper profile probably live right now.

1362
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 4: Maybe you should go check or I after we finish.

1363
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:58,279
Speaker 1: This story and there is a little bit left to

1364
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 1: this story. Yep, I think I agree with you. I

1365
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:05,480
Speaker 1: think op he's having a hard time verbalizing this to

1366
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 1: his friend, in which case I think you just got

1367
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 1: to write it out and put those feelings down of like,

1368
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 1: I love you, but I have questioned my sobriety. I am,

1369
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 1: you know, not doing well. I want to have a

1370
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 1: life and a home with my partner, and I think

1371
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 1: it's time that you move out. I will always be

1372
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 1: there for you, but I just I can't do it

1373
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 1: in this way.

1374
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

1375
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 3: I just had a really great idea, I think, but

1376
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 3: yes time, you do need to be able to feel

1377
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 3: I mean, and if you, and most of all, if

1378
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 3: you feel like your sobriety is in any way jeopardized

1379
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,880
Speaker 3: by this guy being here. He needs to be gone

1380
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 3: yesterday and he needs to know about that, and he

1381
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 3: should care about that because, like you said, he was

1382
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 3: there for you when you were in the thick of

1383
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 3: it and he was trying to help you. So if

1384
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 3: you voice that to him, maybe that will maybe snap

1385
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 3: him out of it and be like, oh, I'm actually

1386
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 3: such a negative force on you right now.

1387
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's okay. I don't want I don't want to

1388
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 4: be that person.

1389
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 3: Hopefully, and if that still doesn't work, man, sometimes you

1390
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:07,560
Speaker 3: just got to give people the cold water.

1391
00:58:07,960 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 4: And the thought that I had is what if we

1392
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 4: did that.

1393
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 3: I mean, not not that, but it's like it's like

1394
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 3: somebody's like, I don't know how to tell somebody something

1395
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 3: like awkward. So we record, like we call and they

1396
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 3: call us, and we call him. We're like, hey, we

1397
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,479
Speaker 3: do like something he needs to tell you. Actually, yeah,

1398
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 3: we do the radio show host thing. Yeah, well there,

1399
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 3: And I'll be upfront about this. This is inspired by

1400
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 3: a guy who I guess i'll signal blast because his

1401
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 3: name is John Breaks bad News.

1402
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 4: It's very it's so funny. It's great.

1403
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 1: If we break up with I already I already proposed

1404
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: to someone for someone.

1405
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, so you've already done the proposal.

1406
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 1: Let's do this.

1407
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 3: Let's do the breakup stuff. You need someone to break

1408
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 3: up with, we'll break up with it. Let us know

1409
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 3: if you want maybe do that. We're workshopping ideas.

1410
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 1: Someone so really likes you, really appreciates the time that

1411
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: you guys have together. It's not working out though, Yeah, yeah,

1412
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,439
Speaker 1: I mean in a healthy way. Probably you should have.

1413
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 4: That conversation, sure, but in a way that's really a

1414
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 4: really fun way. Yeah for us.

1415
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know I need to talk to him, but

1416
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 1: where do I begin? When we talk, I feel like

1417
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 1: he has an answer or excuse for everything, and I

1418
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 1: just have to be patient with him. But it's been

1419
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 1: three years. I want to see the light at the

1420
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel. But because he is always changing

1421
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:29,160
Speaker 1: plans or seeing his kids, and I'm either working, cleaning, cooking,

1422
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 1: or sleeping, it is hard to sit down and actually talk.

1423
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 1: When we do, I am exhausted and just want to

1424
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:36,920
Speaker 1: talk about fun stuff, like what he's writing about or

1425
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: some jokes that we saw on Reddit. This post is

1426
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 1: super specific, and I am sure he will see it.

1427
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 1: He is the smartest dude I have ever had the

1428
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: pleasure of knowing, so he can easily make the mental leave.

1429
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:49,040
Speaker 1: I am honestly just hoping this gets buried and he

1430
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 1: doesn't see it, because then I will have to address

1431
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 1: this post with him. This post is too long, and

1432
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,000
Speaker 1: I am sure maybe hope he needs.

1433
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 4: That, though yeah, I was like you should maybe.

1434
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:01,440
Speaker 1: Honestly, this post is too long and I'm sure no

1435
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 1: one will read it, but I needed to get this

1436
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 1: out as it has been eating me alive. I gotta

1437
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,160
Speaker 1: post this because I'm posting on my phone and I

1438
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:10,000
Speaker 1: wrote so much. I don't want to lose this. I

1439
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:12,680
Speaker 1: am horrible with technology. I am a boomer at heart.

1440
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 1: I guess any advice would be helpful, or maybe a

1441
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 1: fresh perspective that isn't someone directly involved in this. Like

1442
01:00:18,280 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 1: I said, I might be overreacting or just nail in general,

1443
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 1: but I need to know if you took the time

1444
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,439
Speaker 1: to read this, thank you. And that is the end

1445
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:26,280
Speaker 1: of that story.

1446
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 4: You're welcome. Ope, you're welcome.

1447
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, you're not overreacting.

1448
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 4: No, if anything, you're under You're after.

1449
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 1: Reacting very far, yeah, far far under the reaction that

1450
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: you should be having.

1451
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:42,320
Speaker 3: Man, And we've I think we've pretty much laid out

1452
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 3: exactly what you should do.

1453
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:46,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the game plan. The game plan is

1454
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:48,720
Speaker 1: hopefully one of the allfully finds this reddit post and

1455
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 1: then you don't even have to like start the conversation.

1456
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 1: The reddit post starts the conversation, or you write it

1457
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 1: out and you give it to him. Yeah, that is

1458
01:00:56,920 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 1: the end of this episode. So if you love us,

1459
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 1: make sure this subscribe

1460
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 4: We love you, and see it tomorrow.