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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be

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Speaker 1: adding a really special offering onto the back of my

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Speaker 1: solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily

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Speaker 1: series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while

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Speaker 1: outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress

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Speaker 1: free life. We dive into a range of topics and

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Speaker 1: the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long,

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Speaker 1: so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter

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Speaker 1: how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the

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Speaker 1: on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for

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Speaker 1: you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily

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Speaker 1: Jay during each of my Friday podcasts.

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Speaker 2: This week.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about your habits and how to develop better

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Speaker 1: daily routines. Of course, if you want to listen to

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Speaker 1: The Daily Jay every day, you can subscribe to Calm,

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Speaker 1: So go to calm dot com forward slash Jay for

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Speaker 1: forty percent off your membership today.

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Speaker 2: Hey man, how's the going?

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Speaker 3: Questions for you? How are you really doing right now?

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Speaker 1: I'm doing really good. It's been a really really special time.

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Speaker 1: I've been on the road this year for longer than

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Speaker 1: I've been at home, which is a new experience. So

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Speaker 1: I've only been in my own home, in my own

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Speaker 1: bed for three weeks this year because I've been on

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Speaker 1: my world tour. And it's a really interesting experience because

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Speaker 1: I'm getting a slight glimpse into how touring artists feel.

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Speaker 1: We're doing around forty shows. A lot of touring artists

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Speaker 1: will do one hundred, one hundred and fifty shows. You're

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Speaker 1: a music artist, and I'm getting empathy for the challenges

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Speaker 1: that come with traveling, always being on the move, not

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Speaker 1: being in the same place. But for people like us,

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Speaker 1: I think for so long, you know, for the last

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Speaker 1: seven years, I've been connecting with my community and my

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Speaker 1: audience digitally. I started making my first video on the

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Speaker 1: third of jan twenty sixteen, just over seven years ago,

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Speaker 1: and I've never really met my own community. I met

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Speaker 1: people obviously on the streets or at an event or

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Speaker 1: whatever it may be. But to be doing events all

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Speaker 1: across the world and to see your own community attending

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Speaker 1: and having these incredible experiences, and then going on social

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Speaker 1: and seeing that people are posting stories and comments and

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Speaker 1: their experiences, it's really beautiful. Like it's been really good

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Speaker 1: for my soul because I think that when things are

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Speaker 1: tough and when things are hard, a comment, a positive comment,

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Speaker 1: doesn't hit you the same way as a memory when

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Speaker 1: someone looked into your eyes and said that video stopped

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Speaker 1: me from committing suicide, or Jay, that book that I

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Speaker 1: read of yours helped me get through my divorce, or

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Speaker 1: you know when I saw that podcast you did with

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Speaker 1: so and so that conversation has changed my career, Like

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Speaker 1: when you get that feedback in the flesh when you're

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Speaker 1: holding someone's hands and looking into their eyes.

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Speaker 2: I don't think anything compares to that.

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Speaker 1: So right now I'm really good because I feel so

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Speaker 1: fueled up because I've had so many positive conversations with

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Speaker 1: so many incredible people, and my heart's filled with gratitude

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Speaker 1: for the amount of love and support I've seen. We've

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Speaker 1: been to all over the US. We just finished Australia.

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Speaker 1: We did three shows at the Sydney Opera House. We

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Speaker 1: just finished Singapore, and then we just finished India and

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Speaker 1: now I'm in Dubai, and then we go to Paris

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Speaker 1: and Amsterdam and Berlin and UK and Spain and Barcelona

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Speaker 1: and Madrid. So many left. So anyway, it's been a

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Speaker 1: very special time.

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Speaker 3: You know, I would say we're in similar circles, and

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Speaker 3: you're so right, Jay that until you experience human interaction,

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Speaker 3: you don't really know sometimes how and I don't think

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Speaker 3: we will ever know, Jay will really you will never

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Speaker 3: truly know your impact on world. We will never know

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Speaker 3: how to quantify it or measure it fully. Even our

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Speaker 3: teams don't. Yes, you hear nice things people post, or

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Speaker 3: people stop your sending long letter. Sure, but sometimes you

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Speaker 3: get these moments. And you reminded me of a moment

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Speaker 3: where a guy stopped me in a souk in an

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Speaker 3: old shopping area in Saudi and he told me how

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Speaker 3: his mother suffers from Alzheimer's and she likes to listen

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Speaker 3: to my voice before like to restore, to calm down.

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Speaker 3: And it was one of the most crazy compliments to

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Speaker 3: get that you're also on an app for meditation, that

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Speaker 3: people are using your voice to actually relax them. So

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Speaker 3: you might be like, ah, that's nice, but you really

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Speaker 3: don't realize how much it's impacting. So when you're doing

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Speaker 3: this tour, human interaction is so important, absolutely, like senses

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Speaker 3: and smell and touch and feel, And I think COVID

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Speaker 3: scared us when we didn't have that there's video calls,

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Speaker 3: and you can't hug people when you see them. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 2: That's my favorite thing.

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Speaker 1: My favorite thing is what I bothered is someone has

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Speaker 1: given them a big hug and holding their hands and

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Speaker 1: looking into their eyes, and it's such a special experience,

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Speaker 1: And you're spot on. I don't think we can quantify

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Speaker 1: what's happening in the world right now and the scale

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Speaker 1: of impact or any of it. But I just I

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Speaker 1: live in gratitude that even one person like you just

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Speaker 1: said that beautiful example. I know people who are like

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Speaker 1: dealing with their cancer recovery, listening to the meditations, and

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Speaker 1: it blows my mind and actually inspires me. I think

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Speaker 1: so many people look to the things we do and

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Speaker 1: think that we inspire them, but I would honestly say

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Speaker 1: that when people tell me their stories, I'm more inspired

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Speaker 1: by them because sometimes I don't even have the challenges

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Speaker 1: they do. Sometimes I don't have the difficulties they do.

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Speaker 1: I don't have the hardships the same hardships. I have

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Speaker 1: other hardships, but I don't have the hardships that some

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Speaker 1: people in my audience do. And when they told me that,

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Speaker 1: I always look at them and I say well, you

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Speaker 1: inspire me because the fact that you can choose growth

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Speaker 1: and self development and healing at a time like this

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Speaker 1: that takes courage and strength.

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Speaker 4: And so yeah, you sport on that.

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Speaker 3: If I ask you, who are you, Jay, how would

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Speaker 3: you describe yourself?

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Speaker 1: I would say that I am consciousness. I a raw

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Speaker 1: energy here to serve support and try to hopefully improve

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Speaker 1: people's lives and people's life experience by giving them access

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Speaker 1: to wisdom and knowledge that they wouldn't otherwise have come across.

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Speaker 1: So I see myself as consciousness and energy when it

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Speaker 1: comes to the essence of who I am, and then

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Speaker 1: I see that purpose of that consciousness and energy to

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Speaker 1: simply want to serve support and improve the lives of others.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I'm designed to do. That's what I'm

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Speaker 1: built to do. That's what I was created for. And

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Speaker 1: so I've often said before that we're educated for greed,

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Speaker 1: but we're.

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Speaker 2: Wired for generosity.

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Speaker 1: And I believe that I'm just trying to tap into

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Speaker 1: that part of me that is wired for service.

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Speaker 3: And why, like, why do you feel that you should

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Speaker 3: do it? Like, I know it's your purpose, but you know,

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Speaker 3: we all as human beings want to feel validated or

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Speaker 3: significant on this earth, and certain things make us feel valuable.

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Speaker 3: Why does what you just said make j feel valuable?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, such a great question.

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Speaker 1: There's a beautiful statement by Muhammad Ali where he said

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Speaker 1: that service to others is the rent we pay for

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Speaker 1: our room here on earth. And I love that so

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Speaker 1: much because I think that if you look at everything

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Speaker 1: in the universe, everything in the universe is always serving.

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Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. If you look at the sun,

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Speaker 1: it's constantly giving sunlight. There are so many things on

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Speaker 1: this planet that depend on the sunlight to be alive.

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Speaker 1: If you look at the water, it's always fueling people.

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Speaker 1: It's nourishing people, it's hydrating people. The water is always serving.

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Speaker 1: If you look at a tree, a tree is growing

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Speaker 1: every single day so that it can provide shade, it

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Speaker 1: can provide fruits, it can provide flowers, all in the

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Speaker 1: service of others. If you look at everything in nature,

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Speaker 1: it's always serving. And we ourselves are nature. We may

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Speaker 1: see ourselves as separate, but the truth is that we're

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Speaker 1: no different. We grow, we evolve, we die, and so

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Speaker 1: when you are nature. The reason why it gives me

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Speaker 1: so much significance is because I realized that in order

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Speaker 1: to be aligned with the universe, I have to serve.

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Speaker 1: So when we talk about being aligned with the universe,

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Speaker 1: when we talk about being aligned with our purpose, when

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Speaker 1: we talk about being aligned with who we are, if

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Speaker 1: nature is at the core and at the essence of

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Speaker 1: who we are, then service is not making us feel

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Speaker 1: significant for any other reason apart from that is our

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Speaker 1: natural inclination. But because we've tried so hard to become

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Speaker 1: the enjoyer, We've tried so hard to become the person

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Speaker 1: who just wants to have pleasure. We've tried so hard

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Speaker 1: to become the person that just wants to exploit as well,

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Speaker 1: that doesn't lead to joy and happiness. Imagine the sun

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Speaker 1: decided to turn off, and when I'm not giving any

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Speaker 1: more light for the day, or if the water decided

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Speaker 1: to stop and said, you know what, no more water

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Speaker 1: for planet Earth, or you know what the trees said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not giving any fruits.

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Speaker 2: I'm only going to give fruits to.

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Speaker 1: My trees all of a sudden, like so much would

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Speaker 1: break down in an ecosystem. And so I think it

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Speaker 1: gives me significance because I realized that it's how we're made,

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Speaker 1: it's what we're meant for, and it's also what leads

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Speaker 1: to our happiness. So even selfishly, honestly speaking, it's not

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Speaker 1: that service is completely selfless. Service is also selfish and

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Speaker 1: selfless because it is knowing that it is good for myself,

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Speaker 1: it is also going to make me happy. It is

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Speaker 1: also going to make me feel content. And I think

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Speaker 1: you know this and we feel this that I'm sure

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Speaker 1: in your lifetime you've had so many of the greatest pleasures.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying any of those are bad. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying we shouldn't have fun, and I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying we shouldn't have nice things, and I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: we shouldn't be happy and surrounded by beautiful things. But

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Speaker 1: what I am saying is we know that all of

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Speaker 1: those things are useful and necessary, but those aren't the

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Speaker 1: things that make you go to bed feeling fulfilled and

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Speaker 1: grateful and happy about your life. And so I think

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Speaker 1: when anyone's served, when anyone's tried to serve, the feeling

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Speaker 1: is incomparable.

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Speaker 3: That's a good answer. If I have a white canvas

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Speaker 3: for you like this, and I ask you to draw

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Speaker 3: your mental state now what would you draw?

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Speaker 1: Oh, these are good questions, man, that is a great question.

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Speaker 1: So I've often said, I don't know if you've ever

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Speaker 1: come across one of my friends, Humble the poet. So

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Speaker 1: Humble the Poet is a speaker and writer, is a

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Speaker 1: good friend of mine. And the reason I'm thinking of

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Speaker 1: it is because he's probably the only person I've had

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Speaker 1: this conversation with. So I try and design my studio

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Speaker 1: and my office to look like my mind. So I

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Speaker 1: literally have said that before that I try and design

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Speaker 1: spaces that I live in, in my home, my studio,

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Speaker 1: my office, all of it to look like my mind.

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Speaker 1: I like to live in mental spaces, and I like

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Speaker 1: to feel like I've taken a vision out of here

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Speaker 1: and built it around me. And so if I went

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Speaker 1: if I took you into my office now back in

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Speaker 1: la or I took you in my studio or my

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Speaker 1: study or whatever it may be, you would find I

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Speaker 1: would draw a lot of bookshelves, and I would draw

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Speaker 1: a lot of books. And the reason for that is

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Speaker 1: because I feel for so long I wasn't a reader.

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Speaker 1: So when I was growing up, my parents were really

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Speaker 1: scared that I wasn't going to be that smart because

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Speaker 1: I didn't read, and I didn't read up until the

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Speaker 1: age of fourteen, and the reason was because school only

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Speaker 1: gave us fiction books. And I was never interested in fiction.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't interested in a made up story or a

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Speaker 1: made up character. It didn't touch me, it didn't move

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Speaker 1: my heart. And then at fourteen, my dad started to

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Speaker 1: give me autobiographies and biographies, and so that time I

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Speaker 1: read Malcolm X, I read Martin Luther King, I read

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Speaker 1: David Beckham, I read Drained the Rock Johnson. Like I

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Speaker 1: was reading this complete gamut of people in their lives,

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Speaker 1: and I found that studying people's lives has been the

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Speaker 1: greatest investment in my life, because when you study people's lives,

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Speaker 1: you start realizing how similar your life experiences to so

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Speaker 1: many people when it comes to failure, when it comes

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Speaker 1: to rejection, when it comes to setback.

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Speaker 2: So I would draw a lot of books and bookshelves.

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Speaker 1: You'd have Steve Jobs's book, You'd have Martin Luther King,

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Speaker 1: Malcolm X, you'd have David Beckham and Drained the Rock Johnson,

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Speaker 1: and a bunch of others. The next thing I'd do

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Speaker 1: is I like having statements or mantras or affirmations around me,

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Speaker 1: because I really believe that we don't use visual cues

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Speaker 1: enough to change our mindset. What I mean by that

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Speaker 1: is when I walked into your space today, which is

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Speaker 1: really like your space is beautiful, Like it's so minimal

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Speaker 1: and simple and like it calms the mind. Like as

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Speaker 1: soon as I walked into your studio today, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is my vibe.

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Speaker 4: I like this.

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Speaker 1: Right, everyone seems like they're really happy in their spaces,

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Speaker 1: but I find that because of the environment, it also

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Speaker 1: creates an energy right internally. So I walked in here,

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Speaker 1: I feel a certain way, and I feel that when

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Speaker 1: I walk into my home and my spaces. I also

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Speaker 1: like putting up either art or lines of wisdom or

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Speaker 1: insight that helped me lock back into.

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Speaker 2: Where I want to be.

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Speaker 1: So I have this one piece of art in my

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Speaker 1: office that I'll send you a picture of so you

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Speaker 1: can put in the edit if you want to help it.

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Speaker 1: And it's a picture of Okay, I'm gonna try to

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Speaker 1: describe this if it's a bit complicated to describe. But

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Speaker 1: do you remember as a kid, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you had them, I don't know. I guess you had

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Speaker 1: them all over the world. But there were these little

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Speaker 1: machines that would be outside the supermarket and you put

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Speaker 1: a little coin in it, and it'd be like a

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Speaker 1: little space machine and it would like move like from

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Speaker 1: side to side. Right, Okay, I don't know what they call,

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Speaker 1: but you know what I'm talking about. So this artwork

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Speaker 1: has one of those little space machines, like it looks

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Speaker 1: like you'd have to put a little coin in it.

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Speaker 1: But then there's a person sitting inside the space machine,

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Speaker 1: but they're dressed as an astronaut, so it's like this

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Speaker 1: little kids space machine, but an astronaut is like writing

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Speaker 1: this little space machine. And then in the background there's

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Speaker 1: all these different prints from musicians and songwriters, everyone from

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Speaker 1: Elton John through to other artists that are less well known,

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Speaker 1: and there's a beautiful lyric on one of them underneath

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Speaker 1: the music notes and it says, may God's Love be

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Speaker 1: with you lift off. And I bought that piece of

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Speaker 1: art work because there's so many messages inside of it.

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Speaker 1: So every time I look at it, I remember that

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Speaker 1: I'm just a kid putting a coin into a machine

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Speaker 1: trying to get to space. I'm trying to do something

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Speaker 1: quite outlandish ridiculous. I believe that I want to be

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Speaker 1: able to do something phenomenal in the world, but actually

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Speaker 1: I'm just a little kid trying to figure it out.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: I'm just a student of life.

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Speaker 1: And at the same time, I'm like that astronaut who

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Speaker 1: has this big vision and can see the solar system

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Speaker 1: and wants to be curious about the world that's around them.

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Speaker 1: And at the same time, at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: I'm fueled and living at the grace of God, the

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Speaker 1: universe of the energy that I've been given through the

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Speaker 1: people I've met, and that I need their grace in

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Speaker 1: order to do this work. So that art piece is

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Speaker 1: what I would try and draw, but it would be

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Speaker 1: terrible because I can't draw to save my life.

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Speaker 2: So I would have to say, I'll tell you the

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Speaker 2: picture please. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: If you had to describe your childhood in three words,

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Speaker 3: what would you tell me?

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Speaker 2: Conflicted? Loving, transformative?

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Speaker 3: Tell me about conflictive and transformative.

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Speaker 1: So conflicted because I grew up in a home where

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Speaker 1: my parents didn't have the best of relationships and they

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Speaker 1: had their own challenges, and I have a great relationship

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Speaker 1: with both of them and have a personal relationship with

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Speaker 1: both of them, but together for them, for each other,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't the best relationship. And what I'm really grateful

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Speaker 1: for is I feel that I started to have the

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Speaker 1: capacity to listen to each of them independently, and I

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Speaker 1: think it gave me this really unique skill early on

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Speaker 1: of being able to sit and be present with someone

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Speaker 1: and just listen to their story and express compassion and

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Speaker 1: empathy for their experience, but then do it on the

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Speaker 1: other side as well. Because here were two people that

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Speaker 1: I loved, two people who loved me, two people who

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Speaker 1: cared about me in their own way. You know, my

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Speaker 1: mom was my mom till this day. I always say,

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Speaker 1: is I'm anything I am today is because of my mom.

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Speaker 1: The amount of love that my mom has filled me

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Speaker 1: with has only allowed that love to overflow. And so

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Speaker 1: the love that the world feels through me is the

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Speaker 1: love I felt through my mother, through my monk teachers,

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Speaker 1: through the love that I've gathered, and any skill that

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Speaker 1: I have is through my father. You know, my father's

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Speaker 1: highly smart, thoughtful, strategic, like you know, any skill I

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Speaker 1: have in that way is because of my dad. And

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Speaker 1: so I got so much from these two people, but

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Speaker 1: they weren't necessarily getting so much from each other, and

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Speaker 1: being able to learn how to navigate and manage that

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Speaker 1: at a young age gave me a lot of healthy

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Speaker 1: experience in what I wanted to be when I was

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Speaker 1: older and what I didn't want to be and conflicted.

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Speaker 1: Also because I grew up in an area where I

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Speaker 1: was one of the few Indian people in my area,

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Speaker 1: and so I was bullied for being Indian. I was

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Speaker 1: bullied for being overweight. I was quite overweight as a child,

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Speaker 1: and I would get bullied every single day. And when

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Speaker 1: I say bullied, I mean like beaten up. Like I

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Speaker 1: would get beaten up regularly at school, primary school up

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Speaker 1: until the age of about seven or eight, to the

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Speaker 1: point that I would come back with bruises, I would

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Speaker 1: come back with my shirt ripped. I would come back

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Speaker 1: with like, you know, bloody knees, whatever it may have been.

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Speaker 1: And I was just, you know, bullied regularly. And it's

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Speaker 1: really interesting because that actually didn't negatively affect my confidence

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Speaker 1: because I was loved at home by my mother. But

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Speaker 1: what it did do was build an empathy and compassion

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Speaker 1: for other people who go through that, because I could

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Speaker 1: see how damaging it was for other people. So that's

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Speaker 1: the conflicted part where it was like I was having

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Speaker 1: these like very mixed experiences where it's like I felt love,

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Speaker 1: but then I also saw hate.

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Speaker 2: I felt.

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Speaker 1: Joy, but then I also saw jealousy and envy. I

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Speaker 1: felt pleasure in some areas of my life, and then

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Speaker 1: I saw deep, deep pain and trauma in people's lives.

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Speaker 1: And I think everyone can identify with that. I don't

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Speaker 1: think that's unique to me. I think everyone sees that.

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Speaker 1: But I think the way I saw it I'm very

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Speaker 1: grateful for because I just started to realize that there

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Speaker 1: was this duality in the world, and that learning to

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Speaker 1: navigate that duality was the goal. The goal was not

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Speaker 1: to run towards the love and ignore the other side,

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Speaker 1: because the other side was always going to exist. The

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Speaker 1: other side was always going to be present. Could I

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Speaker 1: have the ability to live in the middle, accepting that

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Speaker 1: the reality of the world is duality and that both

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Speaker 1: of these things will coexist for the rest of my life,

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Speaker 1: and if I can learn to navigate and figure out

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Speaker 1: and maneuver through this chaos, that would be the goal

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Speaker 1: of life. The goal of life was not to simply

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Speaker 1: run towards happiness, was not to just run towards love

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Speaker 1: was not to just run towards joy, because the other

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Speaker 1: side would catch.

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Speaker 2: Up slowly, it would run right after you.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's what was unique about why it

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Speaker 1: was transformative. It was transformative because somewhere along the way

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Speaker 1: I picked up that ability to notice that I didn't

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Speaker 1: have to run away from anything, and I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to run to anything. I actually had to be right

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Speaker 1: here in the discomfort. And if I could sit there

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Speaker 1: and be present in the discomfort, that that itself would

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Speaker 1: heal whatever I was experiencing.

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Speaker 3: You lost two very close friends when you're sixteen, God

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Speaker 3: rest their soul. How did that play with your mind

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Speaker 3: or your outlook?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I lost one friend through him being involved in the

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Speaker 1: wrong company and the wrong scenarios. And I lost the

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Speaker 1: other person in a car accident. And you know, both

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Speaker 1: of those losses are You know, when you lose someone

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Speaker 1: at sixteen and you don't really understand loss, especially if

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Speaker 1: young people.

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Speaker 4: Both these people were young.

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Speaker 1: It really pushes you to reflect in a way that

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't usually. Initially, I was angry. I was upset

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Speaker 1: because I felt they didn't deserve it. They were wonderful people,

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Speaker 1: they were beautiful people, But somehow, why did they have

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Speaker 1: to go through that? Why did they deserve that? And

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Speaker 1: that's a question that you can never fully answer, of course.

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Speaker 1: But what I realized was that the biggest mistake I

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Speaker 1: could make is in not living with the insight and

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Speaker 1: the learnings they gave me. The way it forced me

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Speaker 1: to reflect was it started making me reflect on my

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Speaker 1: choices in life. I started to realize that life was

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Speaker 1: a lot shorter and a lot longer than I thought.

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Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is we all say

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Speaker 1: life is short, like live it now, but also life

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Speaker 1: is long when you make bad choices. So when you

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Speaker 1: make good choices, you can live happier in the present,

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Speaker 1: and when you make bad choices, it can feel like forever.

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Speaker 1: Right you make the wrong choice, you choose the wrong partner,

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Speaker 1: and you struggle to get out of a toxic relationship

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Speaker 1: that can feel like decades. Or you make a good

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Speaker 1: choice and a career path you choose, and you can

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Speaker 1: live in the present and enjoy the life that you're creating,

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Speaker 1: and so life can be sure and long. And at

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Speaker 1: that point I realized that my choice has mattered more

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Speaker 1: than I thought. I had to be far more intentional

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Speaker 1: than I thought.

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 1: Up until then, I lived a quite unintentional, sixteen year old,

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Speaker 1: unthoughtful life where it didn't really matter, like there's no

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Speaker 1: consequences to my actions, let's just live on the edge.

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Speaker 1: And all of a sudden I started to realize, well, actually,

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Speaker 1: every one of my choices does matter, because if I

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Speaker 1: end up living a long time, I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: experiencing them for a long time. And even if I

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Speaker 1: go now now in the next few years, as I've

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Speaker 1: seen some of my friends do, it's going to matter

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Speaker 1: even more.

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Speaker 2: And so either way, they matter.

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Speaker 1: And I think I hope that realizes a lot of

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Speaker 1: times people feel, well, life doesn't matter because you could

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Speaker 1: go at any point, and it's like, well, no, it

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00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 1: matters even more. Or people feel or life doesn't matter

439
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: because I have so long, and it's like, no, it

440
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,440
Speaker 1: matters even more because you have so long to live

441
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: that experience of life. So I hope it helps people

442
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: realize that your life matters whichever length it ends up being.

443
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: But to me, it made me reflect on like, how

444
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,919
Speaker 1: could I be far more intentional and conscious and thoughtful

445
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 1: with the choices I made? How could I not underestimate

446
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: the power of a choice, and I started to realize

447
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: at that point that there were four important choices we

448
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: make in our life. The first is how I feel

449
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: about myself. How you feel about yourself is the most

450
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 1: important choice you will ever make in your life, and

451
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: it's a choice because the way you feel about yourself

452
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: is based on the thoughts you choose to believe about

453
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: your So if a thought you have about yourself is

454
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, and you keep repeating that thought,

455
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: you will start to believe that thought, and that thought

456
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: will become your reality. And now you've chosen that thought

457
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 1: so many times that that is the life you've chosen

458
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,439
Speaker 1: for yourself and for me. I started to recognize at

459
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: that point I had to choose my identity rather than

460
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: have my identity be chosen for me, because life is sure.

461
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: And so that was the first decision. The second decision

462
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 1: I realized was who you decide to spend your life

463
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: with the second most important decision you choose to make

464
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: in your life is who you choose to give your

465
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: love to and who you choose to receive love from,

466
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: because who you choose to give love to is going

467
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 1: to decipher whether you feel fulfilled, whether you feel inspired,

468
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 1: whether you feel energized, and who you choose to receive

469
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: love from is going to affect your mood. As we

470
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,479
Speaker 1: get older and older and older, we spend less time

471
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 1: with our parents, We spend less time with our family,

472
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: We spend less time with our friends. We spend more

473
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: and more time with that person that we chose to

474
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: be with, But often we don't really make a choice

475
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: based on any information. The third choice we make, the

476
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 1: most important choice we make, is what we choose to

477
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 1: do for money, what we choose to do to with

478
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: our lives, like what you're doing right now and what

479
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,439
Speaker 1: we do right now, because you're going to do that

480
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 1: for you know, nine ten hours a day, if not

481
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: fourteen hours a day, if.

482
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 4: Not sixteen hours a day for some of us.

483
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,680
Speaker 1: And then finally, the fourth most important decision you choose

484
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 1: to make is how you serve the world, how you

485
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: choose to give back, how you choose to reciprocate for

486
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: all the greatness that you've got, because no one is

487
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: self made. And that's when I started to realize that

488
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: I had to start getting intentional about my choices, because

489
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: up until then I was just doing anything and everything.

490
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 3: Why did you choose to be a monk.

491
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 1: The two reasons I chose to become a monk. I

492
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: saw two things in the monks that I didn't see

493
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: in anyone else. So when I was eighteen, which was

494
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: how old I was when I first met the monks

495
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: that I speak about in the book Think like a Monk.

496
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: I had met people who are rich. I'd met people

497
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: who were famous. I'd met people who are beautiful. I'd

498
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 1: met people who were powerful. But I don't think i'd

499
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: met anyone who was happy, or who was content, or

500
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 1: who was self realized or had gained some level of

501
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: being centered. And when I met the monks, I saw

502
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: two things. One was emotional mastery. The people that I

503
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: met had a sense of emotional clarity and mastery of

504
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 1: their senses, their emotions, and their ability to convert their

505
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: own envy into positive energy, to convert these darker feelings

506
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: that we experience of insecurity and ego and competition into

507
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 1: service and collaboration. I saw them be able to be

508
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: magicians and wizards in how they took these very lower

509
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 1: energies from within and were able to help them to

510
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: rise and transform them into things that actually benefited the world.

511
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: The world has never been benefited by someone's ego. The

512
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 1: world has never been benefited by someone's insecurities, and the

513
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: world is never benefited by someone taking out their trauma

514
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: on other people, and forget the world a relationship. An

515
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: individual has never benefited from any of those things. And

516
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: I saw that these people were working on that, They

517
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 1: were working on figuring that out, and I thought, wow, Like,

518
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,719
Speaker 1: who else in the world is trying to figure out

519
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: how to deal with these very real things that we

520
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: all deal with, by the way, But they're trying to

521
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: figure that out. That feels like a worthy pursuit. That

522
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: feels like a really, really worthy pursuit because they're learning

523
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 1: to deal with the things that make wealth meaningless. Right,

524
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: If you have lots of wealth but you have lots

525
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 1: of end, you'll just be envious of the other person

526
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: who has more wealth. If you have fame but you

527
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 1: are insecure, fame does not solve that insecurity, and actually

528
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: it makes your fame worse. If you have beauty but

529
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 1: you don't have self worth, you allow people to exploit

530
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: that beauty, and you allow people to exploit and take

531
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: advantage of it and feel empty. So actually, all of

532
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: our life, we can have fame, we can have money,

533
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: we can have beauty, we can have all of these things.

534
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: But if we solve that core, we can actually appreciate

535
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: and use and actually enjoy these things in a much

536
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: deeper way. And so I saw with the monks that

537
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: they were focusing on what I believed was the core

538
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: to human life, emotional mastery. And the second thing they

539
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: had which I really gravitated towards, was that they quoted Emerson,

540
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: and Emerson said that we should plant trees under whose

541
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 1: shade we do not plan to sit. And I love

542
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 1: that because when we choose to extend ourselves, we've ALWASO

543
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: talked about service today already, but it was that service

544
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: connection what I talked about earlier. That they were choosing

545
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 1: to live a life beyond themselves and choosing to live

546
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 1: a life for others and people that couldn't do anything

547
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,719
Speaker 1: back for them. And I thought that there was some

548
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: beauty in that, because despite my conflicted or challenged childhood,

549
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: I still had a lot more than a lot more

550
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: people right as in the sense of I didn't have

551
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: a lot financially, or we didn't have a big home

552
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: or anything like that, but I still had a good education.

553
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 1: I still had parents who were making me work hard.

554
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: I felt a sense of responsibility and accountability to give

555
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 1: back to people who didn't have that. And when I

556
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: went to India and I saw you, one experience I'll

557
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: never forget is I was nine years old and it

558
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 1: was the first time I visited India. And as I

559
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,239
Speaker 1: told you earlier, my father's from India, Southern India. My

560
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: mother was born and raised in Yemen, but she's originally Indian.

561
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: And so I'm there at nine years old and we're

562
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: in the back of a taxi and we're going back

563
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: to our hotel. We're staying at a simple hotel in

564
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 1: the city. And I'm in the car and I'm looking

565
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: out the window. I've never seen anything like India. Have

566
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: you ever been to India? So I've never seen anything. Right,

567
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: I'm a boy from London. I've never seen anything like India.

568
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: And I look out the window and we're driving past

569
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 1: an area where there's a lot of young children on

570
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: the streets and they're all there, and you know, some

571
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 1: of them are half clothed, and you can see some

572
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: of them probably haven't eaten for a while, haven't drunk water,

573
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 1: or you know, they look like they've had a rough

574
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: rough time, and that as a nine year old, I'm

575
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: seeing kids who are nine years old having the same experience.

576
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: Now I've never seen this in London, and I see

577
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: kids doing all sorts of things. I see some of

578
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: them playing with a little ball. I see some of

579
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: them running around. I see some of them just sitting

580
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 1: there and I see these legs that are poking out

581
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: of a trash can and I realized that this kid

582
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: must be inside this trash can, and I can see

583
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: that they must be trying to scrape something out of

584
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 1: the trash can, maybe some food or something. And then

585
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: when the child comes out, I realize they don't have

586
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: any hands, like they're just scraping with you know, they've

587
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: lost their hands and they're just scraping with what they

588
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: have left, trying to get some food. And it's like

589
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: I saw that and I wanted to do anything I

590
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: possibly could, Like I just wanted to, you know, get

591
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: out of the car and just run across the other side.

592
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: But I'm nine years old and I have nothing to

593
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: give them, and I don't know how money works, so

594
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on. Like, you know, I'm

595
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: having this little experience of where we're stuck in the

596
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: traffic lights and then the car moves and that you know,

597
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: I can't do anything, and I feel like this is

598
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: the worst experience I'm having right now because I don't

599
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 1: know what to do. And then we get back to

600
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 1: the hotel and I remember hearing that there was a

601
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 1: couple of people complaining about the buffet and I remember

602
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: that just hitting me and just going wow, like that

603
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: kid didn't have You know, that kid was scraping the

604
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: bottle of a trash can to find food.

605
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: And you know me as well.

606
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 1: You know, we can be so ungrateful sometimes in not

607
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: recognizing that benefit which was upon us even to have

608
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: access to clean water and good food. And it was

609
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: at that point where I was like it was at

610
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: nine years old where I had that feeling. But that

611
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: only came back when I saw the Monk. I almost

612
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: forgot about it, right, It was really interesting. I left India,

613
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,719
Speaker 1: forgot about it, didn't think about it. And then when

614
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: I met the Monk at eighteen and started spending more

615
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: time in India, we would actually go out to feed

616
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 1: the homeless. So when I would go out, I would

617
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: take part in this program that the monks run called

618
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: midday Meals, and the monks that I was spending time

619
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: with were feeding one point two million now today are

620
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: feeding one point two million kids a day in India,

621
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: and that even though that's such an amazing number, that's

622
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 1: just scratching the surface, like that's not even enough. And

623
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: so I got to be a part of that when

624
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: I was there and go out every day and feed

625
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: the kids and just you know, see that experience. But

626
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 1: it was amazing how you forget about that stuff between

627
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: nine and eighteen. I didn't think about it.

628
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 3: Once you said it was two reasons, right, Yeah.

629
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: So the first reason was the emotional mastery and the

630
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,479
Speaker 1: second reason was this service element, wanting to extend our

631
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: life to others.

632
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 3: You know, something that has played with me in the

633
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 3: last year is the importance of contrast in life, Like

634
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 3: you wouldn't know the other if you didn't taste the other, right,

635
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 3: and for you to see a buffet and a child

636
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 3: scraping garbage, just this contrast taught you that this is

637
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 3: ridiculous that we're hearing complaints about a buffeto when somebody

638
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 3: can't If you never saw that, all you knew was

639
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 3: buffets do you think this is the norm. It's okay

640
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 3: to complain about a caveat or a buffet or a FOURK,

641
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 3: but contrast really makes human beings compare in a healthy

642
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 3: way sometimes, I hope, And a lot of times. You

643
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:18,439
Speaker 3: said also that ego never served anyone. Do you think

644
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 3: that applies also to sports, for example, or business that

645
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 3: can ego actually serve you if controlled?

646
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: That's a great question. I think the first part, I

647
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 1: really loved that point you just made. I think it's

648
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: such a powerful point that you just drew out, and

649
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 1: I never saw it like that in that scenario.

650
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: But I agree with that point of.

651
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:41,959
Speaker 1: I think if we were exposed to more opposites growing up,

652
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: it would help us find our middle, it would help

653
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 1: us find our gray. But we're not. We're just exposed

654
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 1: to one type of lifestyle. And I think if we

655
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 1: were exposed to more contrast, more paradoxes, more opposites, more

656
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 1: seemingly challenging things, it would actually spand our horizons and

657
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 1: expand our mine, not close it. I think we're scared

658
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,879
Speaker 1: that if someone sees something, it's going to scare them

659
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: or it's going to worry them, but actually it helps

660
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 1: them become more thoughtful. And I think that's one of

661
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: the things that's become so important to me that I

662
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,280
Speaker 1: wouldn't have become who I am today.

663
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,320
Speaker 2: If I didn't meet the monks.

664
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 1: But if someone asked me at sixteen whether I wanted

665
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 1: to be a monk or meet a monk, I would

666
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,479
Speaker 1: have said no. Like I would have chucked a bottle

667
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: of alcohol at them, right, you know, like as in

668
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 1: the reaction would have been like, you're so stupid, that's ridiculous.

669
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,439
Speaker 1: And so I think most of us are just too

670
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,920
Speaker 1: exposed to the same people, the same faces, the same things,

671
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 1: or we're exposed to the same parts of people. That's

672
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 1: one of the things I think you try and do

673
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: and I try and do on my podcast is even

674
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 1: if you know someone, I want you to see a

675
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 1: deeper side of them, a new side of them aside

676
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: that you're not aware of, because it's not that that

677
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 1: person is one dimensional at all. And even today, as

678
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 1: I'm sharing with you, I feel like anyone who listens

679
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: to and watches this will be like, oh, I'm learning

680
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 1: by Jay in a way that I've never learned about

681
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: j before. And that's a healthy thing to do. So

682
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 1: but Anyway, going back to your second question about ego,

683
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:14,320
Speaker 1: ego can be used to achieve great things, but after

684
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 1: the achievement of those great things, it will then fail

685
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 1: us once again. And so yes, in business, ego can

686
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 1: be used to achieve astronomical success. In sports, ego can

687
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: be engaged to win incredible championships. But in the end,

688
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: ego is the same thing that will break you and

689
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: lead to your ultimate failure, because the real battle was

690
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: with ego, not with the sports team, and not with

691
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 1: the other game, and not with the other team, and

692
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: not with the other business person. The real battle was

693
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 1: with your ego. And so I think that confidence and

694
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 1: ego are two separate things. I think a lot of

695
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: athletes that I admire, and I'm guessing we admire some

696
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 1: similar athletes have a confidence that they are the best,

697
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 1: but they back it up and they have the ability

698
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:13,720
Speaker 1: to still glorify and appreciate someone else. Ego is lacking

699
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:19,840
Speaker 1: the capacity to appreciate, glorify and admire others in public.

700
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 1: If you struggle to hear good things about someone else

701
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 1: and to join in and to be a part of

702
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: that and to celebrate that, that's ego. If you struggle

703
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,879
Speaker 1: to acknowledge. You may say I'm the best in the world.

704
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 1: You can say you're the best in the world. Sure,

705
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 1: but even the best in the world, if you really

706
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,959
Speaker 1: sat down with them, they would happily talk about someone

707
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: else that inspires them to be the best in the world.

708
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: They'll never say they're self made. They'll say that I'm

709
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 1: the best in the world because they have ten people

710
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,360
Speaker 1: around me who are amazing. Look at you, you have

711
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: a huge team around you today. I would assume that

712
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: you know you're getting to do this because you have

713
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: a team around you. It's how I feel like we

714
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 1: have an incredible team. Like I can walk around thinking

715
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 1: that I'm doing something phenomenal in the world, but I

716
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,320
Speaker 1: know that it's brought by by a team. So ego

717
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 1: is when you lack the ability to acknowledge that there

718
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 1: are other people in your journey, that there are other

719
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: people adding value to the world, that there are other

720
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 1: people who are improving the world in their own way,

721
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: and that there's.

722
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 4: Space for everyone.

723
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: Ego says there's only space for me, and I think

724
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: that ultimately will lead to someone's demise because.

725
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:32,439
Speaker 2: It's just not true. And ego set up that way.

726
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: It has to be broken by the time we die

727
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: in order to let us live. And if we don't

728
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 1: break our ego, life will break it for you. And

729
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: I've seen that many times in my own life in

730
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: little ways, and I've seen it many times in people

731
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 1: that I've coached. I've seen it many times in people

732
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 1: that I know where it's much easier to relinquish your

733
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: own ego. It will save you a lot of time

734
00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,040
Speaker 1: and a lot of stress. And ego doesn't mean you

735
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: don't have the confidence that you're brilliant at what you do.

736
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:03,879
Speaker 1: I think I'm really good at what I do. I'm

737
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 1: very comfortable saying that. But that doesn't mean that I

738
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: think I'm better than others. I just think I am

739
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: who I am. I'm just different. I'm just And I

740
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: think that's the human construct that in modern society we've

741
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: made people think you either have to be better or

742
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,800
Speaker 1: worse than others. You're either head or behind of others.

743
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 1: You're either early or late compared to other people. And

744
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm just different. My timing is different,

745
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: my opportunity is different, my voice is different, my background

746
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 1: is different. And that applies to you, it applies to

747
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 1: everyone in our space. It applies to everyone outside of

748
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 1: our space, which is different. It wasn't ever about being

749
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 1: better or worse. I mean, you talk about soccer right

750
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 1: or football like I'm a CR seven guy all the way,

751
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: but you know it's like the constant debate of who's

752
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: better between CR seven and Message Like they're just different.

753
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 2: They are genuinely different players.

754
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: They play different positions in their career, they've played in

755
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: different places, they've played in different teams. Like, in one sense,

756
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 1: if we acknowledge that difference is what makes us special

757
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 1: and beautiful and what makes everyone phenomenal, we can appreciate

758
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 1: that we stop getting lost. And what we don't realize

759
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,359
Speaker 1: is when we compare ourselves to others. So if we

760
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,839
Speaker 1: think we're behind, then when we get ahead, we're going

761
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: to be scared of the people behind us, because we

762
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: know that we call up and we beat someone who

763
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,399
Speaker 1: is number one, now we're scared of their number two.

764
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 1: And so you keep staying in that cycle of like

765
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm ahead, now, I'm behind them ahead, I'm behind them ahead,

766
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,320
Speaker 1: and that's just going to go on forever. Like I

767
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: don't think Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk are sitting there

768
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: looking at the rich list, going I'm number two now,

769
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: man like, oh my god, I got to get back

770
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: up to number one, Like who's that LVIERMH.

771
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,439
Speaker 2: Guy who's like you know.

772
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 3: You know, if people, I'm a very practical, logical guy.

773
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 3: If we just use logic, and I say, jays g

774
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,800
Speaker 3: he is a certain height, certain looks, certain eye color,

775
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 3: certain skin color, certain personality, certain childhood, certain journey logic,

776
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 3: and I say, and as you're the same. So it's

777
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 3: already not apples to apples. So I can say how

778
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 3: can I beat them? Or how can I be better

779
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 3: than I'm not competing. It's a pineapple and a chair.

780
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 3: It's it's you can't just make that comparison logically. And

781
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 3: if we but people are under the perception of all

782
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 3: human beings, I should compare myself to a girl compares

783
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 3: to herself to another girl or another actress, And the

784
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,919
Speaker 3: comparison is really dangerous because you don't know what they're

785
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 3: going through. You don't know how their life is, their

786
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 3: mental state, their money actually in the bank, You don't

787
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 3: know anything. So this comparison has already flowed from the

788
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 3: beginning logically. So the moment you're like, how can I

789
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 3: be better? You know software one point oh one point

790
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 3: one one point five too, and until I die, I

791
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 3: am at the best version of J the best I

792
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,879
Speaker 3: really worked on myself and this is the best gear

793
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 3: I could give.

794
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, well then we're good.

795
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it really was said, I can agree with

796
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 2: you more.

797
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: And I think that that allows you to be inspired

798
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: by others.

799
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 2: I think it's really interesting.

800
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 4: Right.

801
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 2: Comparison can work two ways.

802
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: You can either compare yourself to someone and say I

803
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: wish I was them, or you can compare yourself to

804
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: them and say I'm going to learn that.

805
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:21,879
Speaker 2: Right, I see what they learned, I see what they started.

806
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:22,440
Speaker 2: I think I do that.

807
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,280
Speaker 1: I've done that my whole life, where I compare myself

808
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 1: to so many people, but in a positive sense of well,

809
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 1: if they can do it, then I can do it.

810
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 1: Or if they learned that, then how do they learn that?

811
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,439
Speaker 1: What do I need to learn? What am I missing?

812
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,400
Speaker 1: And then comparison becomes this beautiful thing because it's inspiring,

813
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 1: it's energizing.

814
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can come and learn and as use this camera,

815
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 3: maybe I can use That's a good comparison, exactly exactly.

816
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 3: It's a very good point. So comparison can be positive

817
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 3: and negative. Yeah, now I know why you became a

818
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:51,879
Speaker 3: white Did you leave?

819
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a hard, hard, hard decision. I don't

820
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 1: At that time, I don't think i'd made a harder

821
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 1: decision apart from joining. So I just want to give

822
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: contact because you know, sometimes people will say, like, you know, oh, Jay,

823
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: you became a monk, so you could tell your story

824
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 1: one day. And it's really interesting that comment, because I

825
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 1: decided to become a monk at a time when all

826
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: my family and friends were like, this is the worst

827
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 1: decision of your life, Like, think about this. I'm a

828
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: London boy, I went to a good university. I have

829
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,919
Speaker 1: a good education, I have a first class honors degree.

830
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm a straight A student. My life is ahead of me.

831
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 1: And I decide to go away. Everyone's thinking I've gone mad,

832
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 1: I've been brainwashed, or I've lost the plot. And a

833
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: lot of my friends and family said things to me like, Jay,

834
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 1: this is the biggest mistake of your life.

835
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 2: You're going to regret this decision.

836
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,799
Speaker 1: You're wasting your parents' investment in you, You're letting your

837
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: family down.

838
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 2: What are you doing with your life?

839
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 1: And so I left with a lot of friction and

840
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: a lot of pain and a lot of tears and

841
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 1: a lot of emotion from my extended family who were

842
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 1: just like, what are you doing? Like this is not

843
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:05,440
Speaker 1: a good idea. And so I didn't leave to like

844
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: a cheerleading squad of like, no, it's amazing. But you know,

845
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: it was quite a tough decision to leave everything behind.

846
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 1: I turned down my job office that I had in

847
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 1: the city, and I left with a lot of negativity

848
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:22,240
Speaker 1: and confusion. And then when I decided to come back,

849
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you why I decided to come back.

850
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: But when I decided to come back, it's like all

851
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: those people were there on the other side saying, we

852
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,319
Speaker 1: told you so, look now you messed up. And look

853
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 1: at all your friends are. All your friends got promoted,

854
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 1: they got apartments, they're getting engaged, they're getting married. Look

855
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,959
Speaker 1: at you. Look where you are. You're three years behind

856
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 1: everyone else. And so it was never easy to go

857
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 1: or to come back, because I knew what was waiting

858
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 1: for me when I came back. And the reason I

859
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: decided to leave is in three years, when all you're

860
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: doing is self awareness in terms of so much of

861
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 1: your work is dedicated to understanding yourself. I realized that

862
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 1: I wasn't meant to be a monk. I didn't have

863
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: the qualification or the ability to be a monk for.

864
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 2: The rest of my life.

865
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is monks live very obedient,

866
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: disciplined lives, and while I'm a disciplined individual, I'm kind

867
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 1: of a rebel. I like being independent. I like making

868
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: my own choices. And while that was a beautiful training

869
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: ground and it was great for giving me my foundation,

870
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: I felt like it was a foundation to help me fly,

871
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,680
Speaker 1: not a life.

872
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 2: To live forever.

873
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 1: And it's almost like I spoke to my monk teacher

874
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 1: when I was leaving, and I was actually really embarrassed

875
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 1: to talk to him because I thought I was also

876
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: a failure in his eyes. Now I'd already been a

877
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,760
Speaker 1: failure in my extended family's lives, and now I'm scared.

878
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 1: Now I'm letting my monk teacher down. And I said

879
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:56,720
Speaker 1: that to himsel I'm so embarrassed that I'm leaving after

880
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: three years, and I wanted to do this with the

881
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 1: rest of my life. I'm feeling worthless and I'm feeling empty,

882
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:03,879
Speaker 1: and I feel like I let you down.

883
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 2: And he said to me.

884
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 1: He said, Jay, what's more powerful. Someone goes to university

885
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: or college, and after they graduate, some people become professors,

886
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 1: and some people become entrepreneurs, or they go outside and

887
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: work in a company. Said which one's better? I said,

888
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 1: neither of them. It depends who the person is. And

889
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: he said, that's the same for you. He said, you

890
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,399
Speaker 1: came to university, You've got your three years, and now

891
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 1: you've just got to go and use what you learned

892
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 1: here and share it with the world. He said, but

893
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: you don't have to stay here to make it a success.

894
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 1: And that was such a freeing mindset. And so the

895
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,359
Speaker 1: reason I left was I realized I wasn't a monk

896
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: in the in the rules and the obedience.

897
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 2: In the lifestyle. You live communally.

898
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: You live in a room, sometimes with thirty people sleeping

899
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: in a room, sometimes one hundred people sleeping in a room.

900
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: It was really tough on my health. When you're living

901
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,320
Speaker 1: in that communal quarters. It's like you've got someone waking

902
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: up at two am who's waking up two hours earlier

903
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 1: to meditate, and you're waking up at two am, but

904
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 1: you want to be up at four am, so your

905
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:10,839
Speaker 1: sleeps disturbed because you're sitting right next to someone, You're

906
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: using communal showers, bathrooms, like all of that space is shared.

907
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 1: It was like really tough on my immunity. And then

908
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,439
Speaker 1: food as well. It's not like you're getting to choose

909
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: or for menu what you eat.

910
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 4: Every day.

911
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 1: You eat what you're given. And I started to realize

912
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 1: that my body and mind needed far more sensitivity than that.

913
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: And so there was also a physical aspect that led

914
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 1: to it, And there was a deep burning desire in

915
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 1: my heart I can say this to you and us,

916
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: like there was a deep burning desire in my heart

917
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 1: that I want to share what I've learned, because if

918
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 1: I stay here, all my friends back home, all the

919
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: people that I know that I grew up with, they'll

920
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 1: never get access to any of this because they'll never

921
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: do this. And we're learning so many incredible things here.

922
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: But I know my friends at home are struggling and

923
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: suffering and going through so much, but they don't know

924
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 1: how to start. So I felt some accountability and responsibility

925
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: that even if I share this with the people around me,

926
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 1: would help them, and I had a desire to share

927
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: it further. But I never imagine you would get to

928
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: where it is today. I never, never, in a million years,

929
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,359
Speaker 1: thought it would be where it is today. But I

930
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 1: had that, and all those three reasons made me very

931
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 1: clearly convinced that I would regret it if I didn't leave,

932
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 1: even though I was going to go back to no job,

933
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: twenty five thousand dollars worth of debt because of my

934
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,919
Speaker 1: student loan, moving back in with my parents, who don't

935
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: have a lot anyway, and having to figure it out

936
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 1: from scratch. I was like, that's better than not living

937
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: an authentic life.

938
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 3: Do you wake up happy or said?

939
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 2: I wake up neither.

940
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 1: I wake up feeling purposeful and disciplined. So there's some

941
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: days where I wake up and I'm tired and i'd

942
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 1: rather the in bed, But my discipline gets me out

943
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 1: because I have commitments that I believe are important and

944
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: that are going to get me to where I want

945
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 1: to be and who I want.

946
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 4: To be, and it's worth getting up for those.

947
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 1: So then sometimes it's a discipline day, and sometimes it's

948
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: a purposeful day. I wake up and I feel so

949
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: connected to my purpose, kind of like today, I knew

950
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 1: I was coming to see you today, and I was

951
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: excited about being with you. Today and with your incredible team,

952
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,359
Speaker 1: and I respect what you do so much. So today

953
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,359
Speaker 1: was a purposeful day. I didn't have to come here

954
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 1: out of discipline. I came here out a purpose that

955
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a chance to be myself and

956
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: share myself with someone and someone that I've heard so

957
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 1: many amazing things about through mutual friends that we both respect,

958
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: and if I can be that, then that will be amazing.

959
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: And so purpose and discipline are what I try and

960
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 1: wake up with as opposed to happiness and sadness, because

961
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 1: I can't really be happy every day because sometimes I'm

962
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: just going to get through the day and get it

963
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: done and I'm not. Generally, I don't experience so much

964
00:49:56,520 --> 00:50:00,120
Speaker 1: sadness because I've the emotional mastery training really works, and

965
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 1: you don't want to spend so much time in that

966
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:02,919
Speaker 1: space either.

967
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 3: You know. The cool thing is you figured out the

968
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 3: show without me explaining the show. The show is a

969
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,879
Speaker 3: slogan is discovering the human behind the title. So for

970
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 3: me today, it's about who's G the human being the

971
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 3: ones that you You know, people love your snippets and

972
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 3: your videos and your podcasts and your book, But who

973
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 3: is G? And I want people to get to know

974
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:27,320
Speaker 3: you and I want and you'll see those comments usually

975
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 3: after you see I love you g but now I

976
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 3: love you more.

977
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 2: I love that.

978
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 3: That's because they connected now. Yes, that you're vulnerable, you've

979
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 3: had tough times. And what I loved about your Monk's

980
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 3: story is you had the pleasure and the blessing to

981
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,399
Speaker 3: know also what you don't want at a certain time.

982
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's so important to know what you don't want.

983
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 3: And I think you reached that three year and you're like,

984
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 3: I've given it a shot. Yeah, my mission now is

985
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 3: beyond a bigger or outside the circumference. And I think

986
00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 3: what you just answered about purposefulness you wake up, Jay

987
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 3: and I can relate is because it's bigger than you thousand.

988
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,799
Speaker 1: That's the only way you can get out. If it

989
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,439
Speaker 1: was just about me, I'd rather stay in bed.

990
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,800
Speaker 3: But if somebody asks you how can I be happy?

991
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:16,839
Speaker 3: What would you answer them?

992
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: Don't try to be happy? That would be my honest answer.

993
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 1: Don't try to be happy. It's it's a loaded word

994
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: which has so many hidden meanings from so much baggage

995
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: that we had in our mind of what happiness is.

996
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 1: Because let's take me to your example, which I love

997
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: that question you asked. Right, if we said to someone,

998
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 1: draw what happiness looks like, either people wouldn't know what

999
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 1: to draw, or what they would draw is what they've

1000
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: seen in a movie or they've seen in some picture,

1001
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: or if they've seen in some film or some image.

1002
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 1: Because when people say they want to be happy, my

1003
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 1: challenge is what does.

1004
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 2: That mean to you?

1005
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 1: And do you even know if that's good for you?

1006
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Someone would say to me.

1007
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:03,959
Speaker 4: Jay.

1008
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 1: If I said to someone, what would make you happy

1009
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 1: for lunch? What would you like to have for lunch?

1010
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 1: Let's go out for lunch. What would you like to have?

1011
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 1: What would make you happy? That person may say burgers

1012
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:18,080
Speaker 1: and fries, right, They may say pizza, they may say

1013
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: a sugary drink like some sort of whatever.

1014
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 2: It may be.

1015
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 1: Now, that may make them happy, but it's not good

1016
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: for them. It's not actually beneficial, it's not actually healthy.

1017
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: And so what I'm really interested in is do we

1018
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:36,760
Speaker 1: want to be happy at the cost of being healthy,

1019
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:40,840
Speaker 1: at the cost of being nourished, at the cost of

1020
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:45,839
Speaker 1: being fulfilled, or would we rather be healthy, fulfilled, and

1021
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: nourished and happiness will just come anyway, because that's a

1022
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: far more sustainable experience.

1023
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 2: And so I would encourage.

1024
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:59,320
Speaker 1: People to pursue something very different. I would say, pursue

1025
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 1: what's healthy life. If you're healthy, you'll be happy. I

1026
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:05,640
Speaker 1: feel that every day. I don't feel like going to

1027
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: work out every day. I don't feel like eating well

1028
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: every day. Like when you I always give this example

1029
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 1: of like when you wake up for breakfast, or you

1030
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 1: go to lunch, or you go to dinner and you

1031
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 1: see a healthy bowl in front of you. You feel

1032
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 1: bad before it, You're like, why am I doing this

1033
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 1: to myself? And then as soon as you finished it,

1034
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:30,479
Speaker 1: you feel so good, you feel happy, you feel wow,

1035
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 1: that was a great choice. I'm so glad I chose

1036
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: the healthy choice, because healthy choices make me happy. But

1037
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 1: now if I did the opposite, if I chose the

1038
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: Burgram fries, and by the way, I used to leave

1039
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: burgram fries sometimes as well. I'm not saying not to

1040
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 1: eat burgram fries. But if you choose the unhealthy choice,

1041
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,239
Speaker 1: you're happy in the start. You're happy before it. You

1042
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 1: look at it and you go, let's get some more fries,

1043
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: like bring the catch up in like you know, let's

1044
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:53,319
Speaker 1: let's get it, let's do it properly. You're happy at

1045
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,839
Speaker 1: that time, then you consume it, then afterwards you pay

1046
00:53:55,880 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 1: the price. And so I think I always focus on

1047
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 1: on not how I feel before something, but how I

1048
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,719
Speaker 1: feel after. The things that are good for you will

1049
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 1: feel bad before and good after, and the things that

1050
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 1: are bad for you will feel good before and terrible after.

1051
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 1: And so I'm more focused on how can you be healthy?

1052
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: We want mental health, we want physical health. I want

1053
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:29,280
Speaker 1: relationship health, I want love health, I want friendship health

1054
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,800
Speaker 1: Like health is more important to me than happiness, because

1055
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:37,080
Speaker 1: health creates happiness, And so I would encourage people to

1056
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,880
Speaker 1: pursue health in their life. Have a healthy relationship with

1057
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 1: your partner, have a healthy relationship with your kids, have

1058
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship with your body and your mind, have

1059
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship with the people you work with every day,

1060
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:57,239
Speaker 1: because health will never let you down, whereas happiness, you

1061
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: constantly keep trying to find it in grab it and

1062
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 1: hold it, but it will it will leave you, it

1063
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: will escape you because it's not meant to be found.

1064
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:13,880
Speaker 1: It's meant to be almost felt through being healthy, like

1065
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 1: a byproduct, correct, Yeah, like a byproduct. But even more

1066
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: like it's like I think, yeah, when you think of

1067
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 1: happiness as something to be found, you keep chasing this

1068
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: thing that you don't know what it is and you

1069
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:23,880
Speaker 1: don't know what it looks like.

1070
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 2: Whereas when you're healthy, you feel happy, and I think

1071
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 2: that's what it is. It's a feeling.

1072
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,399
Speaker 1: And so this is actually let me throw this out

1073
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:33,279
Speaker 1: there to break it down even further, to really help

1074
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: people out, to make it practical. So at any point

1075
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: in time, we're doing one of four things, thinking, doing, feeling,

1076
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: or knowing.

1077
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 2: We all know what it feels like to think. You're

1078
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 2: thinking a thought and you repeat thoughts or you change

1079
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 2: your thoughts.

1080
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 1: The second is doing. We're doing something. We know what

1081
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 1: that feels, we know what that looks like. Right we

1082
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 1: all do something. You're shooting right now, me and you

1083
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:00,359
Speaker 1: are talking. I'm talking, you're listening. We're doing something right now.

1084
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 1: The third is feeling. I feel sad, I feel happy,

1085
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 1: I feel tired, I feel burnt out, I feel annoyed, angry, upset.

1086
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:12,760
Speaker 2: We know what it feels like to feel.

1087
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 1: And the fourth is knowing, which I class is more

1088
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:19,440
Speaker 1: of like a spiritual potentially for some people, faith based

1089
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:23,360
Speaker 1: a faith, intuition, knowing, where there's a knowing I'm in

1090
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 1: the right place, there's a subtle energy that's guiding you

1091
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,920
Speaker 1: in a certain direction. So we're always doing one of

1092
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 1: these four things. What's really interesting about our generation is

1093
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: we're trying to change our feelings with more feelings. We're

1094
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: trying to feel different by trying to change our feelings.

1095
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: So we say things like I don't feel like exercising today,

1096
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 1: so I won't do it. That doesn't make you feel better,

1097
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 1: It makes you feel worse. But if I say I

1098
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:58,800
Speaker 1: don't feel like working out today, I should do a workout.

1099
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 1: I should have the thought that working out and exercising

1100
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,920
Speaker 1: will actually make me feel better. Now when I follow

1101
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 1: through on that, I do feel better. And so you

1102
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 1: don't change your feelings with your feelings. You change your

1103
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 1: feelings through your thoughts and your actions. And we need

1104
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 1: to start using thoughts and actions to change feelings because

1105
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 1: otherwise you'll never feel like working hard. You'll never feel

1106
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 1: like going to the gym, you'll never feel like having

1107
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 1: an uncomfortable conversation with your wife. You'll never feel like

1108
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: asking your boss for a raise, You'll never feel like

1109
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 1: doing anything that's hard because your feelings are always going

1110
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 1: to tell you no, no, no, don't do it. So we

1111
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:38,000
Speaker 1: have to change our thoughts and our actions, not our feelings.

1112
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: I don't know if that resonates or makes sense.

1113
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:45,080
Speaker 3: It does. If you could teach children only one lesson.

1114
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:50,800
Speaker 1: Ah, these questions. Man, this guy, you're a pro man.

1115
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,280
Speaker 1: You're amazing that. That's a great question. I'm going to

1116
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 1: be thoughtful about this. Give me one say just one thing, right, yes,

1117
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 1: take your time. If I could teach children, one thing

1118
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 1: would be to not repeat their parents' trauma. I think

1119
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 1: that all the challenges in the world that exist today

1120
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 1: are because we keep passing down trauma and the trauma

1121
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 1: we experience from our parents or the people in our

1122
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 1: lives are caregivers. We pass on to our partners and

1123
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 1: our children, and then they pass it on to the

1124
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 1: next generation, and they pass it on to the next generation,

1125
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 1: and it keeps spreading across the world. And so the

1126
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 1: number one skill I would teach any child is the

1127
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 1: ability to heal from their own trauma from their parents

1128
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 1: as they grow older, and help them gain the insight

1129
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:52,080
Speaker 1: and the healing that means they won't just.

1130
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 4: Pass it on to their kids. And their partners, because.

1131
00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:58,080
Speaker 1: It's really interesting how we just keep repeating mistakes and

1132
00:58:58,440 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 1: keep doing this.

1133
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 4: And I'll give you a person example.

1134
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 2: So, when I was.

1135
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 1: A young kid, some of the caregivers in my life,

1136
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 1: some of the people in my family, they loved me

1137
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 1: a lot, but they made me feel guilty that I

1138
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 1: didn't love them back enough. So these adults would love me,

1139
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,440
Speaker 1: but then they would make me feel inadequate, that I

1140
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 1: don't care about them the same, that I don't make

1141
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:28,920
Speaker 1: them feel as important. And I carried that for so

1142
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 1: long that when I married my wife Ruddy, for years

1143
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 1: in our relationship, I did the same thing to her.

1144
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 1: I loved her, I showered her with love, but then

1145
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 1: I made her feel guilty. You don't love me the

1146
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 1: same I love you more. You don't love me enough,

1147
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:47,439
Speaker 1: you don't show me you love me enough. And she's

1148
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,520
Speaker 1: there thinking, but I, but I do love you like

1149
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: I didn't ask you to do all these things, and

1150
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: I didn't expect any of this, and I do love you.

1151
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 2: This is how I love you. But when you've been

1152
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 2: loved in that way, we.

1153
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:02,560
Speaker 1: Love people the way people have loved us, and sometimes

1154
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:08,160
Speaker 1: the way people have loved us has actually not been healthy,

1155
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:10,960
Speaker 1: and so the love we're now repeating and passing on

1156
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:15,640
Speaker 1: to other people is unhealthy love, unprocessed love. We're loving

1157
01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 1: people with the same mistakes and the same negativity as

1158
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 1: the love we received because we've never healed that. And

1159
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 1: that's what we think love looks like. We think love

1160
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 1: looks like making someone feel guilty. Subconsciously, we don't actually

1161
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: think that. Subconsciously, somewhere in our heart and our mind,

1162
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 1: we think love looks like creating drama. Maybe the first

1163
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:42,480
Speaker 1: boyfriend you had always made you feel insecure and you

1164
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,360
Speaker 1: always had to make it up to him. So now

1165
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 1: when someone makes you feel insecure and you have to

1166
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 1: make it up to them, you think that's love.

1167
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:51,320
Speaker 2: That's how love looks like.

1168
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: Or maybe you had someone who always created drama and

1169
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 1: so something was always interesting. And now when you date

1170
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 1: someone and there's boringness because there's peace, you're confused. You're like, wait, wait, wait,

1171
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 1: this can't be loved because love's going to be more

1172
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:07,200
Speaker 1: fun than this. But we don't realize that that fun

1173
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:11,760
Speaker 1: was trauma. And so if children were trained, as they

1174
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,040
Speaker 1: got older at the right time how to heal their

1175
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:18,920
Speaker 1: own trauma, the world would be a much better place

1176
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:22,200
Speaker 1: because most of the problems that exist in marriages, in

1177
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,160
Speaker 1: parenting between kids and their.

1178
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:30,920
Speaker 2: Mother and father is not anything but that. It's not

1179
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 2: something unique to that.

1180
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 1: There's a beautiful statement by There's a beautiful statement by

1181
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 1: Russell Barklay where he said that the people who need

1182
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:45,280
Speaker 1: the most love often ask for it in the most

1183
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:49,440
Speaker 1: unloving ways. And I think that is the challenge with

1184
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 1: our world. That everyone is screaming out, reaching out, calling

1185
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 1: out for love, but their way of doing that is

1186
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: causing pain to others because they don't know how to

1187
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 1: ask for love. They didn't know how to ask their

1188
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:06,320
Speaker 1: parents for love, they didn't know how to ask their

1189
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 1: partners for love, and now their way of asking is demanding, aggressively,

1190
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 1: sometimes pressurizing, sometimes exploiting, sometimes taking advantage of And that's

1191
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:22,040
Speaker 1: only because they were never loved properly.

1192
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 3: It's scary, you know, Jamie. It is scary if everything

1193
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 3: in our life is a word, and then it's a gap,

1194
01:02:30,600 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 3: a line, and then the first experience is the definition.

1195
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,440
Speaker 3: So if a child he still didn't experience love and

1196
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:41,360
Speaker 3: then his father beat him, love is beating first definition.

1197
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 3: And the first definition is very difficult to break at

1198
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 3: a race, even if you're a you'll still see the

1199
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 3: lines there. So to take a lot of work. Yeah,

1200
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 3: would you say that you were able to break that

1201
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 3: trauma for you?

1202
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:58,440
Speaker 1: I would say yes that I have spent the last

1203
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 1: couple of decads my life simply trying to heal, monitor,

1204
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 1: and navigate any trauma I've had. And you're absolutely right

1205
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 1: that you don't become fully free of it.

1206
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:18,040
Speaker 2: It's not like it's all gone and now life's great.

1207
01:03:18,120 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 1: And you know, I still catch myself making mistakes with

1208
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 1: my own wife all the time. I had a conversation

1209
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 1: with her the other day and I was just messaging

1210
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:27,840
Speaker 1: her afterwards, going, I'm sorry that conversations are all my fault,

1211
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: like literally just like two days ago, and it was

1212
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:34,200
Speaker 1: I realized that I was. And it wasn't about something.

1213
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:36,959
Speaker 1: It wasn't between me and her. We weren't arguing about something.

1214
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 1: It was almost like there was something that had happened

1215
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:43,840
Speaker 1: in our family and we were both taking different sides.

1216
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 1: And I realized the side I took was only because

1217
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:50,080
Speaker 1: of my own ego. It wasn't because of I actually

1218
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 1: believed it. I just wanted to be right about it,

1219
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:55,280
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be seen and heard and felt

1220
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 1: and understood in a certain way, and I went about

1221
01:03:58,040 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 1: it completely the wrong way. And I remembered how nicely

1222
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:02,760
Speaker 1: the conversation had started, and she called me up. And

1223
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 1: you know, we've got crazy time difference right now because

1224
01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 1: she lives in La as we live in La, but

1225
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:10,240
Speaker 1: I'm in Dubai right now. And so in that short

1226
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:13,560
Speaker 1: window we had, like I wasted the core. And so

1227
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:17,280
Speaker 1: the trauma doesn't go away completely, but you get better

1228
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:20,280
Speaker 1: at noticing it, you get better at observing it, you

1229
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:24,240
Speaker 1: get better at limiting it and how often it happens,

1230
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:27,360
Speaker 1: and you get better at communicating it to your partner.

1231
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 1: And I'll often say to Radi that, hey, you know,

1232
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:33,440
Speaker 1: that was just me projecting this thing. I just want

1233
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,320
Speaker 1: you to be aware of that. It wasn't about you.

1234
01:04:35,360 --> 01:04:37,520
Speaker 1: And as long as you understand that, I just want

1235
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:39,480
Speaker 1: you to get that. And at least it helps you

1236
01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 1: have that conversation. Whereas without you being aware of it,

1237
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:45,320
Speaker 1: you think you're right right, You still think that you

1238
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 1: got it right.

1239
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:48,240
Speaker 3: What does love mean to you?

1240
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,920
Speaker 1: So I'm like you, I'm very practical and I like

1241
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 1: to define things less wishy washy and more like practically,

1242
01:04:57,040 --> 01:05:00,880
Speaker 1: what does it mean? So I define love as three things.

1243
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:07,760
Speaker 1: The first is when you like someone's personality, basic obvious.

1244
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:11,240
Speaker 1: If I like your personality, that is one aspect of

1245
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:14,000
Speaker 1: what love is about. To me, it means I like

1246
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:19,000
Speaker 1: your company. Studies show that in order to call someone

1247
01:05:19,240 --> 01:05:23,240
Speaker 1: a casual acquaintance, you have to spend forty hours with

1248
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 1: them just to call someone a casual acquaintance.

1249
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 2: Now, I think podcasts are different.

1250
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:30,400
Speaker 1: I think when you spend two hours like this with someone,

1251
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:34,640
Speaker 1: you accelerate the casual acquaintance for sure. And when you

1252
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:37,760
Speaker 1: listen to someone's podcast, you accelerate it too. Even if

1253
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,760
Speaker 1: someone's listening or watching us right now and they listen

1254
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,240
Speaker 1: to you every week and enjoy the content you make,

1255
01:05:42,600 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 1: they know you deeply as well because they're fully embedded

1256
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:48,240
Speaker 1: in your life. The study says that it takes one

1257
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 1: hundred hours to call someone a good friend and it

1258
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 1: takes two hundred hours to call someone a great friend.

1259
01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 1: So love to me is can I spend two hundred

1260
01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 1: hours with this person? In the personality section in getting

1261
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:06,680
Speaker 1: to understand them? That's the first, and the personality part

1262
01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:10,800
Speaker 1: is do I take the time to understand? Do I

1263
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,480
Speaker 1: take the time to listen. That's what love includes, not

1264
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:16,800
Speaker 1: just you know I like them. The second thing, this

1265
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 1: one's really important, and I'll define it more specifically. Do

1266
01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: I respect their values and do they respect mine? When

1267
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:32,680
Speaker 1: we talk about respect and we talk about values in relationships,

1268
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 1: we want people to value what we value equally to

1269
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:38,920
Speaker 1: how we value it.

1270
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:43,520
Speaker 2: That will never happen. There is no one in the

1271
01:06:43,560 --> 01:06:47,040
Speaker 2: world who will equally value what you value in the

1272
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 2: exact way that you value it, even if you have

1273
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:54,040
Speaker 2: the same values. And what love is is I respect

1274
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 2: you so much for what you value, and you respect

1275
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 2: me so much for what I value.

1276
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 1: I actually respect that you are who you are because

1277
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:08,120
Speaker 1: of what you value. I don't want to change your values.

1278
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:11,600
Speaker 1: If you want to change someone's values, you don't love them.

1279
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:15,720
Speaker 1: If you want to change someone's priorities, you don't love them.

1280
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends who say to me,

1281
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:24,400
Speaker 1: I'm getting this guy. He's not ambitious enough, and I

1282
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:28,240
Speaker 1: want him to be more ambitious. And I'll be like, well,

1283
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:30,640
Speaker 1: what if he never is more ambitious? What if he's

1284
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 1: happy being unambitious and happy where he's at. Oh well, no, no, no,

1285
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:37,800
Speaker 1: but he can become more ambitious. I know he has

1286
01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: it in him. Yeah, but what if he doesn't want to? No, no, no,

1287
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:43,880
Speaker 1: I know he can be. And I'm just like, this

1288
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:51,120
Speaker 1: conversation's unhealthy because that's not love, that's not belief, that's

1289
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: not you think you're seeing his potential and you're going

1290
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:56,200
Speaker 1: to find him and you're going to be the one

1291
01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:58,400
Speaker 1: to make him the guy he becomes.

1292
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,240
Speaker 2: But the truth is he doesn't want to be that

1293
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:01,959
Speaker 2: for himself. So now, even if.

1294
01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 1: He does it for you, at one point, he's going

1295
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:06,840
Speaker 1: to figure out he only did it for you, and

1296
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:08,720
Speaker 1: then he's going to be upset that he wasted his

1297
01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 1: life becoming someone he didn't want to be for someone who.

1298
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,840
Speaker 2: Didn't want to be with him. And that's what happens

1299
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:14,640
Speaker 2: to so many of us.

1300
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 1: We become someone we don't want to be for someone

1301
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:21,559
Speaker 1: who doesn't want to be with the real loss. And

1302
01:08:21,600 --> 01:08:23,160
Speaker 1: if someone doesn't want to be with the real you,

1303
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,599
Speaker 1: because they don't, if you don't respect that, that person

1304
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 1: is not ambitious, but that's what makes them special. And

1305
01:08:28,920 --> 01:08:31,040
Speaker 1: if they don't respect you as being ambitious and that's

1306
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:33,880
Speaker 1: what makes you special, then there's no chance of love.

1307
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:36,840
Speaker 1: And the final one I was going to say is

1308
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:41,360
Speaker 1: the third part is am I committed to helping you

1309
01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:45,280
Speaker 1: towards your goals? And are you committed to helping me

1310
01:08:45,880 --> 01:08:49,519
Speaker 1: towards my goals whatever they may be. Because that commitment

1311
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:51,439
Speaker 1: that I'm going to help you, I'm going to support

1312
01:08:51,479 --> 01:08:55,000
Speaker 1: you to become who you want to be, to achieve

1313
01:08:55,040 --> 01:08:56,920
Speaker 1: whatever you want to achieve. I'm going to support you,

1314
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:59,080
Speaker 1: and you're going to support me. And sometimes that support

1315
01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:03,479
Speaker 1: me in space. Sometimes that support means a call. Sometimes

1316
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:06,760
Speaker 1: that support means cheer leading you. Sometimes that support means

1317
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:10,360
Speaker 1: checking you and telling you the truth. Love requires all

1318
01:09:10,439 --> 01:09:14,200
Speaker 1: three of these things. Liking someone's personality, respecting their values,

1319
01:09:14,640 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 1: and committed to helping them achieve their goals, and they

1320
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,160
Speaker 1: have to have it back if it's two way love.

1321
01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 2: And I'll give you a real example. A lot of

1322
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:23,240
Speaker 2: people have been asking me.

1323
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 1: So the number one question I get asked anywhere I

1324
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 1: go in the world for my World tour is where's

1325
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 1: RADI right, where's your wife?

1326
01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:32,439
Speaker 2: And I'm like, she's back in La and they're like,

1327
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:33,160
Speaker 2: oh man.

1328
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:35,120
Speaker 1: And so I go through this thing in life where

1329
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,479
Speaker 1: people are happy to meet me, but then when they

1330
01:09:37,520 --> 01:09:39,680
Speaker 1: know about my wife, I'm a nobody and like she

1331
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:41,639
Speaker 1: steals all my friends and no one cares about who

1332
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:41,880
Speaker 1: I am.

1333
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:43,439
Speaker 2: It's a good thing. My wife's amazing.

1334
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:45,920
Speaker 1: What's really interesting is that a lot of people are like,

1335
01:09:45,920 --> 01:09:48,519
Speaker 1: why's your wife not traveling with you? And I'm like,

1336
01:09:49,720 --> 01:09:55,559
Speaker 1: because she has a purpose, she has a passion. She

1337
01:09:55,720 --> 01:09:59,120
Speaker 1: has a life as well. And if my wife's only

1338
01:09:59,240 --> 01:10:03,120
Speaker 1: job was to follow me around and just be in

1339
01:10:03,160 --> 01:10:06,200
Speaker 1: the audience every night while I'm on stage, sit in

1340
01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:09,639
Speaker 1: a chair right now while I do this podcast, that

1341
01:10:09,680 --> 01:10:13,200
Speaker 1: can't be a fulfilling life for anyone, just in the

1342
01:10:13,200 --> 01:10:16,040
Speaker 1: same way it wouldn't be for me. Now, my wife's

1343
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 1: come to some show, She's going to come to the

1344
01:10:17,560 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 1: London shows.

1345
01:10:18,320 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 2: She's supportive, we talk every day. It's great. But I'm

1346
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:23,760
Speaker 2: not going to make my.

1347
01:10:23,880 --> 01:10:29,479
Speaker 1: Wife sacrifice her purpose to support my purpose, because if

1348
01:10:29,520 --> 01:10:32,880
Speaker 1: I love her, I'm going to be right there supporting her,

1349
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 1: making sure she has time to do what she loves,

1350
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:38,160
Speaker 1: because that's what makes her special. If I take away

1351
01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:41,040
Speaker 1: from her what makes her special, I might even fall

1352
01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:43,720
Speaker 1: out of love with her. And we forget that. We

1353
01:10:43,760 --> 01:10:46,479
Speaker 1: think that if I change this person, they'll be more lovable.

1354
01:10:46,840 --> 01:10:48,800
Speaker 1: But as you try and change someone you take away

1355
01:10:48,840 --> 01:10:51,040
Speaker 1: the parts you actually even love about them, right now?

1356
01:10:52,320 --> 01:10:54,559
Speaker 1: So yeah, man, I just, you know, in order to

1357
01:10:54,560 --> 01:10:57,519
Speaker 1: answer your question, I just feel like I don't even

1358
01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:58,040
Speaker 1: know where I start.

1359
01:10:58,040 --> 01:10:59,960
Speaker 2: I don't even know what is love? What is love?

1360
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:00,240
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1361
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:00,760
Speaker 2: What is love?

1362
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 4: I don't know?

1363
01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:06,240
Speaker 3: I repeat, I repeat the Monica BLOUTI article quote, and

1364
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,280
Speaker 3: it's very similar. She's like, don't change. Don't try to

1365
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:12,640
Speaker 3: change your lover, your son, your child, because if you

1366
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:14,479
Speaker 3: do end up changing them, it might fall out of

1367
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:14,960
Speaker 3: love with them.

1368
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:17,639
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I didn't know that. Yeah, exactly, that's exactly. Wow,

1369
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:18,680
Speaker 1: that's exactly.

1370
01:11:18,560 --> 01:11:21,439
Speaker 3: Like this photoshop. I want to edit J because I

1371
01:11:21,479 --> 01:11:25,120
Speaker 3: have an image of what my ideal husband, brother Frend,

1372
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:27,320
Speaker 3: should be like. So I need to edit you. Yeah,

1373
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:29,360
Speaker 3: and then when the editor is done, you're like, I

1374
01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:32,360
Speaker 3: don't even like them anymore. Yeah, And I think sometimes

1375
01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:35,160
Speaker 3: the editor also comes out of an ego because I

1376
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:38,120
Speaker 3: think you should be this way correct. You know, is

1377
01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:42,760
Speaker 3: that the reason why you wrote your current book? Yeah?

1378
01:11:42,800 --> 01:11:44,639
Speaker 1: The reason I wrote my current book is so much

1379
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:46,840
Speaker 1: of what we've talked about today, And you know, it's

1380
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:51,240
Speaker 1: the reason I wrote it was because I saw that

1381
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:57,480
Speaker 1: falling in love was such a critical part of whether people.

1382
01:11:57,200 --> 01:11:58,800
Speaker 4: Were fulfilled in life or not.

1383
01:11:59,439 --> 01:12:02,559
Speaker 1: So I saw people who had amazing professional lives, but

1384
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:06,080
Speaker 1: if they didn't have a partner or they didn't have love,

1385
01:12:06,760 --> 01:12:10,880
Speaker 1: they felt a bit unfulfilled. And I saw other people

1386
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:13,639
Speaker 1: who had amazing partners and even if their professional life

1387
01:12:13,640 --> 01:12:17,519
Speaker 1: wasn't good, they still felt resilient and ready for what

1388
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:20,400
Speaker 1: the world would bring to them. And I want to

1389
01:12:20,520 --> 01:12:23,120
Speaker 1: caveat that with the reason. Real reason I wrote the

1390
01:12:23,160 --> 01:12:27,720
Speaker 1: book was because I wanted people to get to the

1391
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:30,120
Speaker 1: deeper understanding. And I think this will resonate with you

1392
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:32,400
Speaker 1: from what you just briefly told me before.

1393
01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:36,520
Speaker 2: Is that we compare.

1394
01:12:38,840 --> 01:12:44,599
Speaker 1: We put romantic love as the highest love. So even

1395
01:12:44,600 --> 01:12:46,439
Speaker 1: if you love your kids and your kids love you,

1396
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:49,439
Speaker 1: even if you love your brother and he loves you,

1397
01:12:49,479 --> 01:12:51,280
Speaker 1: even if you love your sister and she loves you,

1398
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:52,800
Speaker 1: and even if you love your mom and dad and

1399
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:56,479
Speaker 1: they love you, you feel because of the way society

1400
01:12:56,479 --> 01:12:58,879
Speaker 1: has set it up that if you don't have a partner,

1401
01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:01,479
Speaker 1: that you can't have the ultimate love.

1402
01:13:02,760 --> 01:13:03,800
Speaker 2: But I disagree with that.

1403
01:13:04,280 --> 01:13:08,680
Speaker 1: I actually think that all love is love. Often the

1404
01:13:08,720 --> 01:13:11,240
Speaker 1: love that parents have for their kids is the greatest

1405
01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:14,160
Speaker 1: love that one will ever experience. And if you look

1406
01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:18,040
Speaker 1: at the greatest love stories in humanity, they're not between

1407
01:13:18,080 --> 01:13:21,799
Speaker 1: two people. They're not romantic love. The greatest love between

1408
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:26,559
Speaker 1: two people is usually one person sacrifice for humanity, one

1409
01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:30,960
Speaker 1: person sacrifice for their people, one person sacrifice for their community,

1410
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:35,960
Speaker 1: their town, their city, their country. That's sacrifice. That's love.

1411
01:13:36,720 --> 01:13:37,840
Speaker 2: It's not romantic love.

1412
01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:39,880
Speaker 1: We don't talk about in history, like two people who

1413
01:13:39,920 --> 01:13:41,559
Speaker 1: loved each other and how that helped the world.

1414
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:43,320
Speaker 2: You never hear that story.

1415
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:45,439
Speaker 1: I can't think of one couple that you think, oh, yeah,

1416
01:13:45,479 --> 01:13:47,800
Speaker 1: when they got together that changed the world, That made

1417
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:50,120
Speaker 1: the world a better place. The love that made the

1418
01:13:50,120 --> 01:13:52,320
Speaker 1: world a better place was the love that a few

1419
01:13:52,320 --> 01:13:54,680
Speaker 1: people had for the people in their town that they

1420
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:58,040
Speaker 1: protected through tough times. So the families that came through

1421
01:13:58,160 --> 01:14:01,120
Speaker 1: together when there were floods, when there were famines, when

1422
01:14:01,120 --> 01:14:04,720
Speaker 1: there were wars, when there were hurricanes, when there were

1423
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:08,080
Speaker 1: tornadoes and tsunamis, like people who came to that was

1424
01:14:08,120 --> 01:14:10,439
Speaker 1: the love. The love that we all felt during the pandemic,

1425
01:14:10,479 --> 01:14:12,800
Speaker 1: when people were trying to help each other even when

1426
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:15,280
Speaker 1: it was so tough, that was love. Those were the

1427
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:18,360
Speaker 1: love stories we told so let's not live and think

1428
01:14:18,439 --> 01:14:21,920
Speaker 1: if I don't have someone in my life that I'm

1429
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:22,559
Speaker 1: without love.

1430
01:14:24,439 --> 01:14:29,439
Speaker 3: I have an interesting question that needs your imagination. Gone,

1431
01:14:30,160 --> 01:14:33,000
Speaker 3: it's a cool one. Well, I need you to close

1432
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:37,560
Speaker 3: your eyes, okay, Okay, I want you g to imagine

1433
01:14:37,760 --> 01:14:38,800
Speaker 3: empty desert.

1434
01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:40,639
Speaker 2: Easy to do here?

1435
01:14:40,800 --> 01:14:45,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, nothing in this desert, completely empty. And then suddenly

1436
01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:48,800
Speaker 3: you see a cube. Have you done this cube test before?

1437
01:14:48,960 --> 01:14:50,840
Speaker 2: I've never done the cube test. I've done something else,

1438
01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:51,840
Speaker 2: but not a cube test.

1439
01:14:52,439 --> 01:14:55,880
Speaker 3: So now and this empty desert, you see a cube appear.

1440
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:57,200
Speaker 3: Can you describe the cube?

1441
01:14:57,640 --> 01:15:03,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's white, and it's I'm gonna because it's changing

1442
01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:06,960
Speaker 1: in size right now, but I'm gonna. I'm going to

1443
01:15:07,000 --> 01:15:10,160
Speaker 1: say it's white and big, like it's big enough for

1444
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:11,000
Speaker 1: me to walk into.

1445
01:15:11,520 --> 01:15:15,639
Speaker 3: Okay. And is it on the surface, sunk floating?

1446
01:15:16,360 --> 01:15:18,719
Speaker 4: It is on the surface, on the surface.

1447
01:15:19,240 --> 01:15:20,759
Speaker 3: Is it transparent or solid?

1448
01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:24,559
Speaker 1: It is solid on the sides, transparent in the part

1449
01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:25,519
Speaker 1: that I can walk into.

1450
01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:30,000
Speaker 3: And then you see suddenly a ladder up here? Where

1451
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:30,360
Speaker 3: is it?

1452
01:15:31,840 --> 01:15:36,719
Speaker 1: The ladder is on top of the cube, pointing into

1453
01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:37,120
Speaker 1: the sky.

1454
01:15:38,240 --> 01:15:41,639
Speaker 3: How tall is it? Is it above twelve steps or less?

1455
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:43,200
Speaker 2: It is above twelve steps?

1456
01:15:43,240 --> 01:15:47,840
Speaker 3: New or old, it's new, okay. So it's on top

1457
01:15:47,880 --> 01:15:52,559
Speaker 3: of the cube. And after the cube you see a horse.

1458
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:54,559
Speaker 3: Describe the horse.

1459
01:15:56,560 --> 01:16:04,599
Speaker 1: So the horse is a platinum horse. And the horse

1460
01:16:04,760 --> 01:16:11,559
Speaker 1: is very active, like running fast but also raising on

1461
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:14,640
Speaker 1: its back legs, and it's a beautiful horse. It's like

1462
01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:18,880
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, the horse has platinum. So it's pretty,

1463
01:16:19,400 --> 01:16:20,560
Speaker 1: it's pretty spectacular.

1464
01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:23,599
Speaker 3: It's a it's a it's a vision because it's running

1465
01:16:23,720 --> 01:16:26,160
Speaker 3: to the cube, to that away. Where is it going?

1466
01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:29,679
Speaker 2: I would say, right now, it's running around the cube.

1467
01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:35,320
Speaker 3: Okay. After the horse, you see flowers appear where.

1468
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:40,200
Speaker 1: In the round circle that the horse has formed. So

1469
01:16:40,280 --> 01:16:42,559
Speaker 1: it's the cube in the middle, ladder on top, and

1470
01:16:42,560 --> 01:16:45,080
Speaker 1: then there's all these beautiful flowers now around and then

1471
01:16:45,080 --> 01:16:46,280
Speaker 1: the horse is running around them.

1472
01:16:46,520 --> 01:16:51,360
Speaker 3: Okay. And after the flowers, I'm assuming they're in good health, yes,

1473
01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:54,200
Speaker 3: the way you described it. Okay. And after the flowers,

1474
01:16:54,200 --> 01:16:56,880
Speaker 3: you see a storm. Where is the storm.

1475
01:16:57,439 --> 01:16:59,320
Speaker 2: All the way in the background.

1476
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:03,840
Speaker 3: Is it far away? Is it affecting any of the things. No,

1477
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:06,160
Speaker 3: open your eyes.

1478
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:07,679
Speaker 2: I've never done that before.

1479
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:08,840
Speaker 3: Seriously, I'm glad.

1480
01:17:08,920 --> 01:17:10,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never done that before. I've never done that before.

1481
01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:13,599
Speaker 3: Look, I have you in front of me. Yeah, I'm

1482
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:14,840
Speaker 3: taking advantage of this.

1483
01:17:14,960 --> 01:17:17,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, you do, man. Yeah, I've never done that. I

1484
01:17:17,280 --> 01:17:18,920
Speaker 2: love stuff like that, and I've never done that before.

1485
01:17:18,960 --> 01:17:19,640
Speaker 3: You love this.

1486
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1487
01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:24,000
Speaker 3: It's called the Cocology Cube test by a Japanese psychologist.

1488
01:17:24,520 --> 01:17:26,280
Speaker 2: I love it. Yeah, I love stuff like I'm excited.

1489
01:17:26,320 --> 01:17:29,160
Speaker 3: Now you can. You can even use it and you'll

1490
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:33,240
Speaker 3: find it on Google. And so the cube is your

1491
01:17:33,280 --> 01:17:36,599
Speaker 3: sense of self or ego. Yours was a medium size,

1492
01:17:36,600 --> 01:17:39,679
Speaker 3: so it's between bold, confident and willing to be seen

1493
01:17:40,120 --> 01:17:42,920
Speaker 3: and small, which is introvert, shy, modest, quite rather to

1494
01:17:42,960 --> 01:17:44,599
Speaker 3: blend in and stand out. You're somewhere in the middle

1495
01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:47,479
Speaker 3: because it was a nice size you could walk into

1496
01:17:48,120 --> 01:17:50,920
Speaker 3: standing on the sand. Means you're stable, know what they

1497
01:17:50,960 --> 01:17:53,160
Speaker 3: want from life and intend to get it. Your logical

1498
01:17:53,200 --> 01:17:56,960
Speaker 3: and precise sounds right. And you're the first one who

1499
01:17:57,000 --> 01:18:00,800
Speaker 3: had a solid and hollow okay, So you're between knowing

1500
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:03,960
Speaker 3: yourself and not easily manipulated, and you're very self assured

1501
01:18:04,439 --> 01:18:06,639
Speaker 3: and still busy discovering yourself.

1502
01:18:06,800 --> 01:18:09,320
Speaker 2: That feels right, That feels fair. Yeah, that's good, that's good.

1503
01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:13,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, lad, there is family and friends. You've said this

1504
01:18:13,320 --> 01:18:17,160
Speaker 3: was interesting because I've hardly got this. You said, it's

1505
01:18:17,200 --> 01:18:19,840
Speaker 3: fairly new, so most of your friends are fairly new

1506
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:22,160
Speaker 3: or you don't know each other well because of maybe

1507
01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:24,519
Speaker 3: your new tour and all of the life that you're

1508
01:18:24,520 --> 01:18:27,679
Speaker 3: living now. You said many steps, So you probably enjoy

1509
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:30,000
Speaker 3: being the social butterfly. You know a lot of people,

1510
01:18:30,160 --> 01:18:34,600
Speaker 3: a lot of acquaintances, few friends, but also entertained acquaintances, and.

1511
01:18:34,720 --> 01:18:35,760
Speaker 2: Would and I would agree with that.

1512
01:18:35,800 --> 01:18:38,400
Speaker 1: I would say that I have a lot of new

1513
01:18:38,439 --> 01:18:41,720
Speaker 1: friends because I've moved country and moved state, so I've

1514
01:18:41,760 --> 01:18:44,040
Speaker 1: had to build new community. Like I've been in LA

1515
01:18:44,160 --> 01:18:47,040
Speaker 1: for five years now, okay, and so that's fairly new.

1516
01:18:47,160 --> 01:18:49,000
Speaker 1: And I didn't know anyone when I moved to LA,

1517
01:18:49,200 --> 01:18:51,160
Speaker 1: so it's been a lot of new community. I have

1518
01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:53,559
Speaker 1: a lot of good old friends that like my best

1519
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:55,559
Speaker 1: friends that like you know, that I grew up with.

1520
01:18:56,080 --> 01:18:58,400
Speaker 1: But yes, I've always kept a tighter circle, like I

1521
01:18:58,439 --> 01:19:01,080
Speaker 1: don't have a huge circle, so that feels fair.

1522
01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:02,920
Speaker 2: Yes, I have a lot of acquaintances.

1523
01:19:02,920 --> 01:19:06,160
Speaker 3: Of course higher than the cube value friends and family

1524
01:19:06,240 --> 01:19:10,439
Speaker 3: very highly and dependent on them. Okay, so you said

1525
01:19:10,439 --> 01:19:13,880
Speaker 3: it's touching the cube, so not completely dependent on family

1526
01:19:13,880 --> 01:19:16,160
Speaker 3: and friends, but rely on them for support and guidance

1527
01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:16,799
Speaker 3: at times.

1528
01:19:16,800 --> 01:19:17,120
Speaker 4: Correct.

1529
01:19:17,200 --> 01:19:17,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not.

1530
01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:20,160
Speaker 1: I would consider myself to be as in that's good

1531
01:19:20,160 --> 01:19:22,880
Speaker 1: and accurate. I would consider myself to be quite independent

1532
01:19:22,920 --> 01:19:26,280
Speaker 1: in how I make decisions. But I appreciate the value

1533
01:19:26,280 --> 01:19:29,439
Speaker 1: that friends and family have in life. Like I wouldn't

1534
01:19:29,439 --> 01:19:31,000
Speaker 1: want to live a lonely life. I don't think that's

1535
01:19:31,000 --> 01:19:34,840
Speaker 1: healthy to you know, disconnect completely in order to be

1536
01:19:34,880 --> 01:19:35,879
Speaker 1: successful or anything.

1537
01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:43,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, ideal partner Brady. Okay, So he said,

1538
01:19:43,640 --> 01:19:46,439
Speaker 3: it's interesting since she was going around the cube so

1539
01:19:46,560 --> 01:19:50,240
Speaker 3: close to the cube signifies a close relationship. And you

1540
01:19:50,280 --> 01:19:55,559
Speaker 3: said the thirdy glamorous prancing or glamorous prancing house, your value,

1541
01:19:55,600 --> 01:19:59,280
Speaker 3: outward appearance and once someone that others would also approve of,

1542
01:20:00,160 --> 01:20:02,880
Speaker 3: and a sign moving towards the cube a sign of

1543
01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:05,920
Speaker 3: new relationship or strengthening of bonds of an older relationship.

1544
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:07,920
Speaker 1: Well, I think ralely orbiting makes a lot of sense

1545
01:20:07,960 --> 01:20:11,000
Speaker 1: because we're both connected, but we're both doing our own thing.

1546
01:20:11,360 --> 01:20:14,439
Speaker 1: And so there's like, yeah, that's interesting, that's fascinating. Wow,

1547
01:20:14,479 --> 01:20:17,040
Speaker 1: And the platinum that doesn't what does that's the beauty? Oh,

1548
01:20:17,040 --> 01:20:19,720
Speaker 1: that's the beauty. I have a very unique partner since

1549
01:20:19,720 --> 01:20:21,200
Speaker 1: because I've never heard platinum before.

1550
01:20:21,320 --> 01:20:24,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, rather here whatever, Rady is very.

1551
01:20:24,800 --> 01:20:27,760
Speaker 4: Like, Yeah, she's, she's she's a very unique person for sure.

1552
01:20:27,880 --> 01:20:34,320
Speaker 1: Like I've I've never met anyone who has judged me

1553
01:20:34,360 --> 01:20:40,080
Speaker 1: as little, criticized me as little, and not wanting wanted

1554
01:20:40,080 --> 01:20:41,120
Speaker 1: me to change as little.

1555
01:20:41,400 --> 01:20:42,640
Speaker 2: I've never met someone like that.

1556
01:20:42,680 --> 01:20:46,000
Speaker 1: I think everyone I'd ever dated before wanted me to

1557
01:20:46,080 --> 01:20:48,000
Speaker 1: change in a certain way, judge me in a certain way,

1558
01:20:48,040 --> 01:20:49,280
Speaker 1: criticized me in a certain way.

1559
01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:51,320
Speaker 2: And to be with someone.

1560
01:20:51,040 --> 01:20:54,160
Speaker 1: Who's really happy with you being who you are and

1561
01:20:54,680 --> 01:20:57,880
Speaker 1: allowing you to make mistakes and allowing you to rectify

1562
01:20:57,960 --> 01:21:00,320
Speaker 1: them and then you provide the same space back to them.

1563
01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:04,200
Speaker 1: That's the uniqueness that I love the most, because it's

1564
01:21:04,200 --> 01:21:04,679
Speaker 1: hard to.

1565
01:21:04,560 --> 01:21:07,120
Speaker 4: Find that, you know, it's hard to find that. So yeah,

1566
01:21:07,240 --> 01:21:08,480
Speaker 4: very Yeah.

1567
01:21:08,280 --> 01:21:10,040
Speaker 3: She must be very at peace with herself.

1568
01:21:10,200 --> 01:21:13,120
Speaker 1: She is, she's definitely, she's so self assured. I've never

1569
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:17,479
Speaker 1: met someone who's, like, you know, not insecure in that way.

1570
01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:23,519
Speaker 3: Flowers children, we don't have any Yeah. Yeah. The idea

1571
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:26,840
Speaker 3: that it was between the cube and her and it

1572
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:29,320
Speaker 3: was around that was around you, which is both it's

1573
01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:32,200
Speaker 3: the joint venture, you know, and near the cube shows

1574
01:21:32,240 --> 01:21:35,519
Speaker 3: you wish for a close relationship with your children future children.

1575
01:21:36,160 --> 01:21:38,760
Speaker 3: Amount of flowers signifies the amount of children, like.

1576
01:21:39,320 --> 01:21:40,639
Speaker 2: I saw way too many flowers.

1577
01:21:40,680 --> 01:21:43,280
Speaker 3: But I think in my experience with this question is

1578
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:47,200
Speaker 3: children in general. Yes, you like to be with children

1579
01:21:47,240 --> 01:21:49,519
Speaker 3: because they're pure or what. Some people don't like. You'd

1580
01:21:49,560 --> 01:21:52,040
Speaker 3: see that, he says, one flower, two flowers. I also

1581
01:21:52,080 --> 01:21:54,080
Speaker 3: see like the company of kids.

1582
01:21:54,720 --> 01:21:56,720
Speaker 1: I also see what's beautiful about that? And I think

1583
01:21:56,760 --> 01:22:00,639
Speaker 1: you've resonate with this. Is so my monk teacher never

1584
01:22:00,720 --> 01:22:03,880
Speaker 1: had biological children because they're monks and they're celibate and

1585
01:22:03,920 --> 01:22:08,240
Speaker 1: they don't have partners, but they always treat us like

1586
01:22:08,320 --> 01:22:11,000
Speaker 1: their kids or younger brothers, depending on the age difference.

1587
01:22:11,439 --> 01:22:14,280
Speaker 1: And I've always found that my community and my audience,

1588
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:16,120
Speaker 1: I see them as younger brothers and sisters. I see

1589
01:22:16,120 --> 01:22:18,840
Speaker 1: them as people who are you know. That feels like

1590
01:22:18,880 --> 01:22:22,280
Speaker 1: that paternal aspect, if that makes sense, not like a father,

1591
01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:26,160
Speaker 1: but like a sense of being an older brother. There's

1592
01:22:26,160 --> 01:22:28,479
Speaker 1: that paternal aspect I have towards even my community and

1593
01:22:28,560 --> 01:22:30,799
Speaker 1: audience because it's like, hey, don't need to make mistakes

1594
01:22:30,800 --> 01:22:33,240
Speaker 1: I've made, like you know, here's here's what I'm learning. Like,

1595
01:22:33,280 --> 01:22:36,000
Speaker 1: there's that guidance you want to pass on. So I

1596
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:40,160
Speaker 1: also see that example perfectly as it's not just biological children,

1597
01:22:40,200 --> 01:22:42,680
Speaker 1: it's people of the world that you feel you want

1598
01:22:42,680 --> 01:22:43,600
Speaker 1: to extend yourself to.

1599
01:22:43,760 --> 01:22:44,960
Speaker 4: So I love that.

1600
01:22:45,200 --> 01:22:49,040
Speaker 3: Last one is a storm fear, stress, and anxiety. Vaguely

1601
01:22:49,080 --> 01:22:51,080
Speaker 3: insight or on the horizon, you are at a more

1602
01:22:51,200 --> 01:22:54,639
Speaker 3: peaceful innerth place. However, the closer the storm, the closer

1603
01:22:54,640 --> 01:22:57,080
Speaker 3: they made the threat, and he said it didn't engage

1604
01:22:57,200 --> 01:22:59,799
Speaker 3: with any of the elements. So you consider the threats,

1605
01:23:00,080 --> 01:23:02,600
Speaker 3: any of them manageable, and you have the confidence and

1606
01:23:02,680 --> 01:23:04,280
Speaker 3: ability to resolve them.

1607
01:23:04,760 --> 01:23:07,360
Speaker 1: That is a really cool activity. That's probably the best

1608
01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:09,840
Speaker 1: one that I've heard of, because I've done some like

1609
01:23:09,920 --> 01:23:12,160
Speaker 1: more simple ones that have been done with me.

1610
01:23:12,439 --> 01:23:15,920
Speaker 3: You have to try this, yeah before she sees this, Yeah.

1611
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:16,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1612
01:23:16,600 --> 01:23:19,320
Speaker 3: I shows you also how honest a person was on

1613
01:23:19,360 --> 01:23:21,960
Speaker 3: your interview or whatever, because they can tell you their story.

1614
01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:23,839
Speaker 3: But this is subconscious answers.

1615
01:23:23,960 --> 01:23:24,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had no idea.

1616
01:23:24,800 --> 01:23:26,920
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I've genuinely never done that before,

1617
01:23:26,920 --> 01:23:29,160
Speaker 1: and actually like I didn't. Also, what I love about

1618
01:23:29,160 --> 01:23:31,559
Speaker 1: it is you don't know what you're being asked about. Yeah,

1619
01:23:31,680 --> 01:23:33,280
Speaker 1: so I had no idea that horse was rathery or

1620
01:23:33,320 --> 01:23:36,519
Speaker 1: the kids. It's brilliant. It's really good man.

1621
01:23:36,400 --> 01:23:36,720
Speaker 4: Thank you.

1622
01:23:36,760 --> 01:23:39,240
Speaker 3: Do we do the Evy talks one, the random card

1623
01:23:39,400 --> 01:23:42,400
Speaker 3: you have it? And so this we just released this.

1624
01:23:42,479 --> 01:23:43,880
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I love this. Let's do it, man.

1625
01:23:44,000 --> 01:23:47,640
Speaker 3: Okay, let me just get a bunch and we'll just

1626
01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:48,000
Speaker 3: do one.

1627
01:23:48,200 --> 01:23:51,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, you're gonna get me a pick one.

1628
01:23:52,720 --> 01:23:54,000
Speaker 2: Wow, there's a dice as well.

1629
01:23:54,160 --> 01:23:58,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll use this thum mix. Yeah, this is cool man,

1630
01:23:58,640 --> 01:24:03,080
Speaker 3: all right, I'm just us the one. The question is

1631
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,960
Speaker 3: do you think of yourself as an optimist or a pessimist?

1632
01:24:06,240 --> 01:24:08,520
Speaker 3: Throw this and you have to answer accordingly.

1633
01:24:08,800 --> 01:24:12,519
Speaker 1: Throw it all right, okay, right, but not far away anyway.

1634
01:24:12,760 --> 01:24:14,839
Speaker 3: We'll read it. Story.

1635
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:17,280
Speaker 4: Oh okay, cool.

1636
01:24:17,280 --> 01:24:20,040
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's a great addition. Man, I've not seen

1637
01:24:20,160 --> 01:24:22,040
Speaker 1: we worked on this for nearly two years. I've not

1638
01:24:22,080 --> 01:24:24,839
Speaker 1: seen anyone do that. That's genius, that's brilliant.

1639
01:24:24,880 --> 01:24:25,559
Speaker 2: That is the best.

1640
01:24:25,560 --> 01:24:27,559
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, you will have to get this box of

1641
01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:30,280
Speaker 1: cards because that is the best one I've seen. I've

1642
01:24:30,280 --> 01:24:32,680
Speaker 1: done cards, but that is that's a beautiful little.

1643
01:24:32,640 --> 01:24:34,920
Speaker 3: Pessimist or optimist and story for them.

1644
01:24:35,960 --> 01:24:38,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know which one it is, but I'm trying

1645
01:24:38,439 --> 01:24:39,360
Speaker 1: to find the story, so.

1646
01:24:41,840 --> 01:24:44,400
Speaker 2: I'd say overall optimist.

1647
01:24:45,400 --> 01:24:48,559
Speaker 1: And the story is when Radi and I got married,

1648
01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:51,960
Speaker 1: I made a commitment to her, and I promise to

1649
01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:55,920
Speaker 1: her that we would live within one mile radius from

1650
01:24:55,920 --> 01:24:59,120
Speaker 1: her parents' home. And I was happy to commit to that,

1651
01:24:59,160 --> 01:25:00,960
Speaker 1: and I was optimistic about it and I was looking

1652
01:25:01,000 --> 01:25:01,360
Speaker 1: forward to it.

1653
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:03,679
Speaker 2: Our friends live in that area and we like the area.

1654
01:25:04,680 --> 01:25:06,960
Speaker 1: And then two weeks after we got married, I got

1655
01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:11,360
Speaker 1: an opportunity to move to New York. And when I

1656
01:25:11,400 --> 01:25:13,559
Speaker 1: told her about it, it was heartbreaking for her because she's

1657
01:25:13,560 --> 01:25:15,120
Speaker 1: so close to her family and she wanted to be

1658
01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:18,519
Speaker 1: close to her parents. But I was so optimistic about

1659
01:25:18,520 --> 01:25:22,639
Speaker 1: the move. So in twenty sixteen, I changed job three times,

1660
01:25:23,200 --> 01:25:27,760
Speaker 1: I got married, and I moved country all in one year.

1661
01:25:28,240 --> 01:25:30,520
Speaker 1: And they say that those are three of the most

1662
01:25:30,880 --> 01:25:33,680
Speaker 1: crazy things to do in life. And the only one

1663
01:25:33,680 --> 01:25:35,280
Speaker 1: that we didn't add was have a baby that year.

1664
01:25:35,680 --> 01:25:37,519
Speaker 1: But those are considered to be like three of the

1665
01:25:37,520 --> 01:25:39,759
Speaker 1: most difficult things to do in a year, like change jobs,

1666
01:25:40,200 --> 01:25:43,240
Speaker 1: change country, and get married. We did it all within

1667
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:46,720
Speaker 1: three months, and I was optimistic.

1668
01:25:46,280 --> 01:25:47,960
Speaker 2: That I would be okay. Like I was like, Yeah,

1669
01:25:48,000 --> 01:25:48,839
Speaker 2: this is going to work.

1670
01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:50,760
Speaker 1: Out, this is fine, but it's a lot of like

1671
01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:54,640
Speaker 1: it's very demanding. Like the reality is that I was

1672
01:25:54,760 --> 01:25:57,280
Speaker 1: very optimistic, but it's extremely demanding. So you have to

1673
01:25:57,280 --> 01:26:00,479
Speaker 1: be that optimistic about it because it's hard. It's much

1674
01:26:00,479 --> 01:26:02,960
Speaker 1: harder than it looks. It's much harder than I thought

1675
01:26:03,000 --> 01:26:04,479
Speaker 1: it was. But I'm an optimist.

1676
01:26:04,840 --> 01:26:05,760
Speaker 3: What are you afraid of?

1677
01:26:06,280 --> 01:26:08,479
Speaker 1: I think my honest fear for a long time has

1678
01:26:08,560 --> 01:26:14,400
Speaker 1: been not reaching my potential. And that's what's spurred me

1679
01:26:14,439 --> 01:26:18,120
Speaker 1: on so much, is that I never wanted to live

1680
01:26:18,120 --> 01:26:20,439
Speaker 1: a life. I felt like I got given a lot

1681
01:26:20,520 --> 01:26:23,759
Speaker 1: of gifts and a lot of beautiful mentors, teachers, guides

1682
01:26:23,800 --> 01:26:27,680
Speaker 1: in my life, and my fear would be that I

1683
01:26:27,720 --> 01:26:30,320
Speaker 1: don't not that I don't live up to what they

1684
01:26:30,360 --> 01:26:33,519
Speaker 1: want because they don't have any pressure, but that I

1685
01:26:33,520 --> 01:26:35,360
Speaker 1: don't feel like I lived up to that potential. But

1686
01:26:36,120 --> 01:26:38,000
Speaker 1: a deeper answer that's coming to me right now as

1687
01:26:38,040 --> 01:26:41,400
Speaker 1: I'm sitting with you, is that the thing I'd say

1688
01:26:41,400 --> 01:26:44,040
Speaker 1: the fear I work on the most. I'd like to

1689
01:26:44,040 --> 01:26:48,759
Speaker 1: give that answer if that helps, because I'm always working

1690
01:26:48,800 --> 01:26:52,160
Speaker 1: on my fears because it feels manageable and a healthy

1691
01:26:52,200 --> 01:26:55,360
Speaker 1: thing to do. The fear I work on the most

1692
01:26:55,720 --> 01:27:01,320
Speaker 1: is getting ready to be able to free myself one

1693
01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:06,599
Speaker 1: day for when all of this goes away, that I'll

1694
01:27:06,640 --> 01:27:09,680
Speaker 1: be able to peacefully let it go, that I'll be

1695
01:27:09,760 --> 01:27:12,120
Speaker 1: able to happily step back and realize that it was

1696
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:14,800
Speaker 1: a beautiful blessing and a beautiful journey, and that I

1697
01:27:14,840 --> 01:27:17,439
Speaker 1: did my part. But then now it's okay to let

1698
01:27:17,479 --> 01:27:19,760
Speaker 1: it go. It's okay to be insignificant, it's okay to

1699
01:27:19,800 --> 01:27:22,000
Speaker 1: be irrelevant, it's okay to be.

1700
01:27:24,120 --> 01:27:24,680
Speaker 2: Forgotten.

1701
01:27:24,720 --> 01:27:31,040
Speaker 1: That's okay, it's okay, and to allow yourself that piece

1702
01:27:31,120 --> 01:27:32,880
Speaker 1: that at the time of death when it comes, that

1703
01:27:33,680 --> 01:27:35,599
Speaker 1: you did your part and you tapped out, and that

1704
01:27:36,360 --> 01:27:38,280
Speaker 1: life was about so much more than just this that

1705
01:27:38,400 --> 01:27:41,600
Speaker 1: seems all consuming and all central at this point, but

1706
01:27:42,880 --> 01:27:46,080
Speaker 1: my relationship with God and my relationship with the universe,

1707
01:27:46,160 --> 01:27:48,320
Speaker 1: my service to humanity was always what it was about,

1708
01:27:48,360 --> 01:27:50,840
Speaker 1: and it didn't matter what it looked like and how

1709
01:27:50,840 --> 01:27:52,960
Speaker 1: it sounded and what it felt like. It was just

1710
01:27:53,000 --> 01:27:55,719
Speaker 1: that I did my part and that I left peacefully.

1711
01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:58,920
Speaker 1: I think being able to be prepared for that is

1712
01:27:58,920 --> 01:28:00,160
Speaker 1: the fear I work on the moment.

1713
01:28:01,240 --> 01:28:03,680
Speaker 3: It's one of the best answers I've got. If you

1714
01:28:03,760 --> 01:28:08,839
Speaker 3: were on your deathbed, hopefully after a long fulfilling life,

1715
01:28:09,720 --> 01:28:13,200
Speaker 3: and you're surrounded with loved ones, people you can imagine

1716
01:28:13,200 --> 01:28:15,760
Speaker 3: now that you want them around you, and you had

1717
01:28:15,800 --> 01:28:18,880
Speaker 3: the blessing of saying a few words before you die,

1718
01:28:19,040 --> 01:28:20,000
Speaker 3: what do you think you'd say?

1719
01:28:21,000 --> 01:28:27,760
Speaker 1: I would say, don't cry for me, don't cry for

1720
01:28:29,040 --> 01:28:34,040
Speaker 1: losing me, but cry for the people that are in

1721
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:37,240
Speaker 1: pain right now, who are still alive, And find a

1722
01:28:37,240 --> 01:28:41,400
Speaker 1: way in your life and in your heart positively impact

1723
01:28:41,920 --> 01:28:45,559
Speaker 1: just one person. Take your time to extend your life

1724
01:28:45,880 --> 01:28:48,360
Speaker 1: beyond your family and friends, to one person out there

1725
01:28:48,400 --> 01:28:51,160
Speaker 1: who may need your love the most right now. Someone

1726
01:28:51,160 --> 01:28:54,400
Speaker 1: you may not even know, someone you may have never met,

1727
01:28:54,439 --> 01:28:58,160
Speaker 1: someone who's a stranger. If you could just to extend yourself,

1728
01:28:58,320 --> 01:29:00,800
Speaker 1: extend that love you feel for me now, extend that

1729
01:29:00,840 --> 01:29:03,280
Speaker 1: love to them. I'm good, I don't need it. Extend

1730
01:29:03,280 --> 01:29:07,240
Speaker 1: that love to just one other person. If you can

1731
01:29:07,280 --> 01:29:11,840
Speaker 1: extend your love to and express your love to one

1732
01:29:11,920 --> 01:29:14,040
Speaker 1: person apart from me, with the same love you feel

1733
01:29:14,040 --> 01:29:17,240
Speaker 1: for me, that would be the greatest gift of your

1734
01:29:17,280 --> 01:29:17,720
Speaker 1: love for me.

1735
01:29:18,800 --> 01:29:24,160
Speaker 3: And hypothetically, if I could take your heart and place

1736
01:29:24,200 --> 01:29:25,760
Speaker 3: it in front of you. What do you think your

1737
01:29:25,800 --> 01:29:26,559
Speaker 3: heart will tell you.

1738
01:29:27,240 --> 01:29:27,840
Speaker 2: At that time?

1739
01:29:28,040 --> 01:29:28,080
Speaker 4: No?

1740
01:29:28,479 --> 01:29:33,960
Speaker 1: Oh, now, just keep speaking your truth. Some people will

1741
01:29:34,080 --> 01:29:37,000
Speaker 1: like it, some people will hate it. Some people will

1742
01:29:37,080 --> 01:29:42,400
Speaker 1: understand you, some people will judge you. Just keep speaking

1743
01:29:42,439 --> 01:29:46,519
Speaker 1: your truth because that's all you have anyway.

1744
01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:50,160
Speaker 3: What is something you need more than anything at the

1745
01:29:50,200 --> 01:29:51,000
Speaker 3: stage in your life?

1746
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:54,240
Speaker 4: What I need most of my life right now is

1747
01:29:56,120 --> 01:30:00,439
Speaker 4: to trust myself, just like I trust myself even years

1748
01:30:00,439 --> 01:30:03,559
Speaker 4: ago when I started this journey that I don't know

1749
01:30:03,640 --> 01:30:06,200
Speaker 4: the part ahead, but we'll figure it out.

1750
01:30:07,360 --> 01:30:13,480
Speaker 3: Last one Jay in one word, purpose, thanks.

1751
01:30:13,439 --> 01:30:17,000
Speaker 4: Thank you good.

1752
01:30:17,200 --> 01:30:18,679
Speaker 2: I enjoyed this. I loved it.

1753
01:30:18,840 --> 01:30:21,880
Speaker 3: I have I have a fun one gone. If you

1754
01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:26,240
Speaker 3: could choose three people on a dinner table or alive,

1755
01:30:26,280 --> 01:30:29,200
Speaker 3: and they all speak the same language, who would you choose?

1756
01:30:29,200 --> 01:30:30,479
Speaker 3: Because I know you met a lot of people in

1757
01:30:30,520 --> 01:30:32,519
Speaker 3: your life, and someday maybe you never met, But would

1758
01:30:32,520 --> 01:30:32,840
Speaker 3: you love me?

1759
01:30:33,240 --> 01:30:36,760
Speaker 1: So everyone everyone I admire is dead and so so

1760
01:30:36,800 --> 01:30:37,720
Speaker 1: who was on there to be?

1761
01:30:37,880 --> 01:30:38,719
Speaker 2: Steve Jobs.

1762
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:44,000
Speaker 1: I've studied Steve Jobs his life for years and I

1763
01:30:44,040 --> 01:30:45,120
Speaker 1: find him fascinating.

1764
01:30:45,160 --> 01:30:47,200
Speaker 4: And he was very spiritual too.

1765
01:30:47,200 --> 01:30:49,000
Speaker 1: He spent a lot of time with monks in India,

1766
01:30:49,040 --> 01:30:51,479
Speaker 1: and so I have a lot of fascination because he

1767
01:30:51,560 --> 01:30:56,040
Speaker 1: has this incredible east west paradigm and dynamic.

1768
01:30:55,640 --> 01:30:56,160
Speaker 4: In his life.

1769
01:30:56,200 --> 01:30:59,439
Speaker 1: And so Steve Jobs would be at that table. I'd

1770
01:30:59,520 --> 01:31:04,280
Speaker 1: say Nicola Tesla, like Tesla himself, because I think that

1771
01:31:05,720 --> 01:31:07,920
Speaker 1: there's very few people again, so you'll notice all the

1772
01:31:07,920 --> 01:31:11,160
Speaker 1: people I'm picking, they had east and west like they

1773
01:31:11,200 --> 01:31:13,360
Speaker 1: were able to see like he was able to see science,

1774
01:31:13,400 --> 01:31:15,759
Speaker 1: but then there was he had a belief in something

1775
01:31:16,120 --> 01:31:19,280
Speaker 1: beyond science, and that that's what fascinates me is people

1776
01:31:19,280 --> 01:31:23,920
Speaker 1: who were able to find these synergies in things that

1777
01:31:23,960 --> 01:31:26,519
Speaker 1: we often see as black and white or opposites. But

1778
01:31:26,600 --> 01:31:29,080
Speaker 1: the paradox is the contrast you talked about earlier. So

1779
01:31:29,400 --> 01:31:32,840
Speaker 1: Steve Jobs, Tesla, and yeah, I would say I would

1780
01:31:32,880 --> 01:31:37,160
Speaker 1: have to add Martin Luther King because I don't know

1781
01:31:37,320 --> 01:31:42,080
Speaker 1: anyone who like built like you know when you talk

1782
01:31:42,120 --> 01:31:46,560
Speaker 1: about these people, what they built like shattered so many.

1783
01:31:48,120 --> 01:31:50,120
Speaker 2: Generations of thought.

1784
01:31:50,320 --> 01:31:52,439
Speaker 1: And so I think what I'm trying to do in

1785
01:31:52,479 --> 01:31:54,800
Speaker 1: the world is and what we're trying to do, both

1786
01:31:54,800 --> 01:31:55,960
Speaker 1: of us are trying to do in the world, is

1787
01:31:56,000 --> 01:32:01,479
Speaker 1: we're trying to shatter so many myths and misconceptions that

1788
01:32:01,560 --> 01:32:05,439
Speaker 1: exist in the world around people, around ideas, around culture

1789
01:32:05,479 --> 01:32:08,560
Speaker 1: and society. And I don't think I can't think of

1790
01:32:08,600 --> 01:32:10,240
Speaker 1: anyone better than Martin Luther King who did it in

1791
01:32:10,280 --> 01:32:14,800
Speaker 1: such a prolific way and emphatic way that you know,

1792
01:32:14,880 --> 01:32:18,360
Speaker 1: has made such a difference long lasting and broke down

1793
01:32:18,400 --> 01:32:20,480
Speaker 1: something that was so longstanding.

1794
01:32:20,600 --> 01:32:23,479
Speaker 4: So I agree, yeah, those three people.

1795
01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:25,719
Speaker 3: You know what's funny, while we were doing the interview,

1796
01:32:27,240 --> 01:32:32,000
Speaker 3: we sometimes move similarly, really, like when you're thinking and

1797
01:32:32,040 --> 01:32:36,240
Speaker 3: I'm thinking, I can see we do this. Really I

1798
01:32:36,280 --> 01:32:40,120
Speaker 3: always do it. Yeah, sometimes you.

1799
01:32:40,120 --> 01:32:45,000
Speaker 1: Do this and do That's so funny, man, that's so funny.

1800
01:32:45,080 --> 01:32:45,720
Speaker 4: I love that.

1801
01:32:45,920 --> 01:32:49,960
Speaker 1: Now, dude, you are phenomenal at what you do, honestly, like,

1802
01:32:50,800 --> 01:32:54,600
Speaker 1: you are so good at what you do, easily easily

1803
01:32:55,240 --> 01:32:57,240
Speaker 1: the best thing to be done in a long, long time.

1804
01:32:57,880 --> 01:33:00,479
Speaker 1: And it's because of you as in and also the

1805
01:33:01,320 --> 01:33:04,280
Speaker 1: stillness and the presence I fell in this room is

1806
01:33:04,439 --> 01:33:08,719
Speaker 1: really special. So I was so present because the environment

1807
01:33:08,720 --> 01:33:11,400
Speaker 1: you guys have all created and the energy that you

1808
01:33:11,479 --> 01:33:13,280
Speaker 1: guys have created.

1809
01:33:12,880 --> 01:33:14,200
Speaker 3: You don't see them not moved there.

1810
01:33:14,280 --> 01:33:15,559
Speaker 2: It's real, not even.

1811
01:33:15,400 --> 01:33:18,320
Speaker 1: Cough, but I mean, it's incredible in here. So thank you,

1812
01:33:18,640 --> 01:33:20,799
Speaker 1: Thank you man. Honestly, I mean that from the bottom

1813
01:33:20,800 --> 01:33:22,000
Speaker 1: of my life change.

1814
01:33:22,080 --> 01:33:24,160
Speaker 3: I think it takes two to tango. Also, I could

1815
01:33:24,200 --> 01:33:26,839
Speaker 3: be a very good interview about if I'm not dancing,

1816
01:33:27,320 --> 01:33:30,640
Speaker 3: hopefully I really get it too looking easily talk for us.

1817
01:33:40,400 --> 01:33:43,959
Speaker 1: Have you ever had a friend get really into something

1818
01:33:44,360 --> 01:33:47,360
Speaker 1: and then try to get you into it too, like

1819
01:33:47,720 --> 01:33:53,240
Speaker 1: doing a detox, going minimalist, or taking up CrossFit. Maybe

1820
01:33:53,280 --> 01:33:57,720
Speaker 1: you even got sight and said, yes, I'm totally doing that,

1821
01:33:58,560 --> 01:34:01,400
Speaker 1: But when it came down to it, you never did

1822
01:34:01,439 --> 01:34:04,559
Speaker 1: give up coffee, get rid of half of your stuff,

1823
01:34:05,000 --> 01:34:08,479
Speaker 1: or learn how to do a muscle up. Well, if

1824
01:34:08,520 --> 01:34:12,439
Speaker 1: you felt bad that you didn't follow through, don't worry.

1825
01:34:13,000 --> 01:34:16,559
Speaker 1: The problem wasn't with you, It was with your why.

1826
01:34:17,640 --> 01:34:21,120
Speaker 1: The next seven minutes are about your goals and how

1827
01:34:21,160 --> 01:34:24,320
Speaker 1: to line them up with what really matters.

1828
01:34:24,880 --> 01:34:27,840
Speaker 2: I'm Jay Shaddy. Welcome to the Daily Jay.

1829
01:34:29,240 --> 01:34:33,479
Speaker 1: Before we dig into our goals, let's pause and get

1830
01:34:33,520 --> 01:34:39,240
Speaker 1: centered with three deep breaths. So take a deep breath

1831
01:34:39,320 --> 01:34:51,560
Speaker 1: in and let it out, flowing in and flowing out,

1832
01:34:54,400 --> 01:35:03,960
Speaker 1: gathering up your attention and landing in this moment. Now,

1833
01:35:04,040 --> 01:35:08,280
Speaker 1: let's dive in a few years ago, a team of

1834
01:35:08,320 --> 01:35:13,479
Speaker 1: psychologists wanted to study what makes people accomplish some of

1835
01:35:13,520 --> 01:35:18,240
Speaker 1: their goals but not others. They are subjects to list

1836
01:35:18,280 --> 01:35:22,360
Speaker 1: a few personal objectives they were trying to accomplish. The

1837
01:35:22,439 --> 01:35:27,519
Speaker 1: participants said things like payoff debt, lose twenty pounds, and

1838
01:35:27,600 --> 01:35:32,160
Speaker 1: clean out my closets. The researchers had them rate how

1839
01:35:32,200 --> 01:35:37,120
Speaker 1: they were faring and then answer a pretty unusual question,

1840
01:35:38,200 --> 01:35:41,920
Speaker 1: did trying to achieve each outcome make them feel more

1841
01:35:42,200 --> 01:35:48,000
Speaker 1: or less connected to their true self. The participants were

1842
01:35:48,080 --> 01:35:52,440
Speaker 1: also asked to indicate how much they believed that accomplishing

1843
01:35:52,520 --> 01:35:57,280
Speaker 1: those goals would make other people like or respect them.

1844
01:35:57,680 --> 01:36:01,400
Speaker 1: In the end, the researchers found that when our goals

1845
01:36:01,640 --> 01:36:06,200
Speaker 1: align with what's truly important to us, we're more likely

1846
01:36:06,280 --> 01:36:10,120
Speaker 1: to achieve them. But when our motivation is to make

1847
01:36:10,240 --> 01:36:14,040
Speaker 1: others happy or to look good, the odds are against

1848
01:36:14,160 --> 01:36:17,720
Speaker 1: us doing what we set out to do. Whether it's

1849
01:36:17,760 --> 01:36:21,720
Speaker 1: from parents, friends, or even just culture at large, it's

1850
01:36:21,840 --> 01:36:27,040
Speaker 1: easy to feel buried under a mountain of shoulds. For one,

1851
01:36:27,160 --> 01:36:31,240
Speaker 1: people are often quick to offer us advice, or we

1852
01:36:31,320 --> 01:36:35,120
Speaker 1: see what others are doing and automatically think we must

1853
01:36:35,160 --> 01:36:39,679
Speaker 1: do the same. Either way, it's easy to internalize those

1854
01:36:39,720 --> 01:36:43,759
Speaker 1: shoulds and make them our goals. I should do yoga,

1855
01:36:44,320 --> 01:36:49,120
Speaker 1: I should start a company, I should travel more. Those

1856
01:36:49,160 --> 01:36:52,760
Speaker 1: objectives may be positive, but if they don't align with

1857
01:36:53,000 --> 01:36:56,960
Speaker 1: our values or what we want for our lives, we're

1858
01:36:57,040 --> 01:37:01,920
Speaker 1: less likely to accomplish them, and that can derail our confidence,

1859
01:37:02,360 --> 01:37:06,600
Speaker 1: sap our drive, or distract us from what we really want.

1860
01:37:07,200 --> 01:37:10,880
Speaker 1: Maybe you came across an article that outlined how every

1861
01:37:10,920 --> 01:37:15,280
Speaker 1: successful person reads at least twenty books a year, and

1862
01:37:15,360 --> 01:37:19,000
Speaker 1: you say, I'm gonna do that, But two months in

1863
01:37:19,280 --> 01:37:24,840
Speaker 1: you're only halfway through book one. Then the criticism starts.

1864
01:37:25,360 --> 01:37:28,800
Speaker 1: Why can't I just do this? You think, what's wrong

1865
01:37:28,840 --> 01:37:34,040
Speaker 1: with me? But the issue is an aptitude or even attitude,

1866
01:37:34,800 --> 01:37:39,240
Speaker 1: it's alignment. The goal was never truly meaningful to you.

1867
01:37:40,520 --> 01:37:45,480
Speaker 1: Of course, it's totally fine to get external inspiration. Sometimes

1868
01:37:45,520 --> 01:37:48,519
Speaker 1: what someone else is doing can clue us into our

1869
01:37:48,520 --> 01:37:53,480
Speaker 1: own passions and desires. But you might find yourself pursuing

1870
01:37:53,560 --> 01:37:57,200
Speaker 1: something only because you feel like it will increase your

1871
01:37:57,240 --> 01:38:00,920
Speaker 1: status or help you fit in, or perhaps you think

1872
01:38:01,080 --> 01:38:04,599
Speaker 1: it's what you're supposed to do. If that's the case,

1873
01:38:05,080 --> 01:38:09,280
Speaker 1: chances are it's going to be an uphill climb, and

1874
01:38:09,360 --> 01:38:11,880
Speaker 1: if you do make it up the hill, you may

1875
01:38:11,920 --> 01:38:16,600
Speaker 1: not feel as excited or fulfilled as you'd imagined. So

1876
01:38:16,760 --> 01:38:20,919
Speaker 1: as much as possible, try to set goals that appeal

1877
01:38:21,320 --> 01:38:25,680
Speaker 1: to your authentic self. Line up what you want with

1878
01:38:25,840 --> 01:38:31,160
Speaker 1: who you are. And now, with our time today winding down,

1879
01:38:32,000 --> 01:38:37,320
Speaker 1: let's turn to a short meditation before reflecting on your goals.

1880
01:38:38,479 --> 01:38:43,000
Speaker 1: So get comfortable wherever you are, tuning in to the

1881
01:38:43,080 --> 01:38:53,559
Speaker 1: present and leaning into ease, letting go of distractions, judgments,

1882
01:38:53,720 --> 01:39:00,840
Speaker 1: or expectations as you give yourself permission to pause and

1883
01:39:01,000 --> 01:39:09,960
Speaker 1: simply be here in this moment, continuing to settle your mind,

1884
01:39:12,280 --> 01:39:20,440
Speaker 1: continuing to settle your body, continuing to embrace your experience

1885
01:39:21,280 --> 01:39:28,519
Speaker 1: of the present. Now, begin to become a little more

1886
01:39:28,560 --> 01:39:41,719
Speaker 1: aware of your experience, aware of how you're feeling physically, emotionally, mentally,

1887
01:39:45,240 --> 01:39:50,840
Speaker 1: aware of any thoughts that may be popping up, or

1888
01:39:50,920 --> 01:39:59,720
Speaker 1: aware of the quiet in your mind. Whatever your experience,

1889
01:40:00,960 --> 01:40:05,679
Speaker 1: see if you can observe it with clarity and non judgment,

1890
01:40:07,760 --> 01:40:17,120
Speaker 1: while always orienting yourself toward ease. When we check in

1891
01:40:17,320 --> 01:40:22,720
Speaker 1: like this, we start to grow more aware of ourselves

1892
01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:30,880
Speaker 1: and any forces that are pushing or pulling us hopefully,

1893
01:40:32,200 --> 01:40:42,840
Speaker 1: ultimately we can take back some of the control. Now,

1894
01:40:42,960 --> 01:40:47,400
Speaker 1: let's open this up. Bring to mind a current goal

1895
01:40:47,920 --> 01:40:56,559
Speaker 1: of yours. Is that objective aligned with your authentic self?

1896
01:40:57,960 --> 01:41:03,640
Speaker 1: Is it something that really matters to you, or is

1897
01:41:03,680 --> 01:41:13,280
Speaker 1: it asshured you've internalized from the outside world. Going forward,

1898
01:41:13,920 --> 01:41:18,879
Speaker 1: can you make sure your aspirations come from you instead

1899
01:41:18,920 --> 01:41:26,000
Speaker 1: of others. Thank you so much for being here today.

1900
01:41:26,840 --> 01:41:29,040
Speaker 1: I hope to see you back again tomorrow.