WEBVTT - #6 Ghosting Stories 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.240 Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Angler and I 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:09.960 Heart Radio Podcast. Hello and welcome to episode six of 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:13.399 Help I Suck At Dating. My name is Dean, of course, 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:17.120 and we have a very spook tacular Halloween episode for 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:19.919 you all today. As if the first five episodes haven't 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:23.000 been horrifying enough, We're gonna talk to a few psychics. 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:27.800 We're going to I don't know better understand maybe where 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:30.680 my future is headed. We're gonna talk to the producer, 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:34.600 Mark's mother in law, who, according to him, is just 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:36.960 not my biggest fan, and so we're gonna get that 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:41.560 unique perspective. Um, it's gonna be fun. We're going to 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:43.479 diving a little bit more into all that kind of stuff. 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:45.920 I personally am a bit of a skeptic when it 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.320 comes to psychic so it'll be an interesting conversation to 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.960 have with all of them. But I think we're gonna 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.160 start off by talking to Sandy again, Mark, the producer's 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:57.680 mother mother in law, my wife's mother. I mentioned to 0:00:57.720 --> 0:00:59.520 her that, oh, I've been doing some podcasts because she 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:03.160 loves everything Bachelor. She and her mother, who's eighty six, 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:06.680 they watched The Bachelor every week together and the Bachelorette 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.880 and Paradise. They love it all. So is it? Oh 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:13.640 do you know Dean? She oh, oh, I don't want Well, 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:15.360 I think you should talk to him because I think 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:17.560 he's a nice guy. He could maybe win you over. 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:19.920 And she said that would be fine. And when I 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:23.200 walked in, Mark mentioned that his step or his mother 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:26.600 in law, Sandy has been writing down questions as each 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:29.399 with each passing day to ask me, taking notes all 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:33.680 the things she wants to tell you tell me. Um, alright, 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:35.399 so we're gonna get Sandy on the phone. I'm a 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:38.760 little uh concerned with the questions that she might have, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:40.440 but I'm excited to speak with her if she's anything. 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:42.680 I mean, I can only imagine the type of woman 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:44.120 that you would marry as an incredible woman, and the 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.200 mother to raise that woman is obviously going to be 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:52.960 great as well. So Hi, Sandy, Hi, Hey, it's Dean. 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:55.720 How are you. I'm fine? Is now a good time 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:58.600 for you to talk? Awesome? Well, thanks for taking the 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:02.400 time to jump on the phone. You're welcome. So I 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:05.200 understand saying to that you're not my biggest fan. I 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:11.080 am not. Let's talk about it, okay, Well, the deal 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:16.640 is I don't miss any Bachelor's, Bachelorets or bachelom Paradise 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:24.040 or anything the Bachelor Pad. I've watched them all. Okay, Um, 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:28.400 if I had a daughter, well I do have a daughter, 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:30.480 but she's married to Mark. But I mean, if I 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:35.720 had a girl daughter, I would say stay clear away 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:41.800 from Dean. Because of Bachelor in Paradise. The way you 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:45.640 treated Christine and I thought was awful. So what specifically 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.919 do you think I did that you didn't like. Well, 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:52.679 the fact that in the beginning you seemed great with her, 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:55.720 You seem like a real cute couple. Then after that 0:02:56.919 --> 0:03:02.520 when Danielle came on the scene, Um, you were giving 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.800 Christine the cold shoulder, but you weren't really telling her, Hey, 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:10.320 I'm really into Danielle now. So you know, you should 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:16.960 have cut off Christine completely and went for Danielle, or 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:20.320 you should have not pursued Danielle while you were still 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:24.680 pursuing Christine. Sure, and of course, looking back and watching 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:27.920 that all played back, I'm recognizing a lot of the 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:31.440 faults that I had throughout the process of Paradise. Um, 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:33.280 I do want to say that there were some things 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:36.920 that maybe were omitted from from airing that. Okay, that 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:40.320 might have I probably can agree with that, but of 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:42.280 course that's no, that's no excuse by any means. You know, 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.320 I definitely was acting like a goal throughout the entire 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:47.040 time on Paradise, and I regret all of that. But 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:49.840 what I can do with that moving forward is I'm 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:52.360 continuously learning and growing from that, and this podcast is 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.880 very helpful and obviously your feedback is incredibly helpful too. 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:58.760 So is that the sole reason that you have this 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:02.040 strong distaste for me? He's the whole Paradise situation. Like 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:06.120 when Mark said, oh, I've talked to Ben and I've 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:11.240 talked to um Ashley. I am blah blah blah and 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.240 be nice at all. I don't like Dean, He's a 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:17.800 player and um he said, oh really, so how would 0:04:17.839 --> 0:04:20.400 you like to talk to him? And I said I 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:23.800 would I would like to. So anyway, what do you 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.600 think you could have done differently on Paradise? I think 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.000 you nailed on the head. I think I should have 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:31.240 been much more direct with my feelings for both of them. Um. 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:34.800 It was difficult for me because I mean the fact 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:36.440 of the matter is I just like two people at 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.240 the same time and I wasn't necessarily sure how to 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:40.880 move forward from there. And of course you know, I'm 0:04:40.920 --> 0:04:43.800 not making excuses from actions whatsoever. That happens to a 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:47.640 lot of people on Bachelor, where especially when they're down 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:51.560 to their last two or three, it's like they are 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:54.200 in love with both people, you know, and then you 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:58.800 have to make this major decision. But um, I got 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:01.960 another question. Have you you been in a serious relationship 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:08.279 before Bachelor? I've been in serious relationships before. And how long? Um? There? 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:14.200 They're usually hover around a year? Okay, okay. I don't 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:15.680 know if you're gonna have me on any more Bachelor 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:17.360 shows to see if I've improved at all. But at 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:20.960 least you can subscribe to the podcast and listen. I can, 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:23.080 and you have Mark here to kind of give you 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.200 maybe like a synopsis of each week. But yes, I do. 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:27.640 I feel like Sandy, I feel like with you. I 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:29.720 have a long way to go. Um what do you 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:35.640 do on a typical date? On a typical date? Oh um, 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.560 I don't know. I like to keep things light. I 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:39.480 like to go out and have like, do fun activities, 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.840 go karting, That's that's one of my go too. Where 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.880 do you live? I live in Venice, California. And have 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:49.160 you always lived there? I lived here for two years. 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:52.920 And what do you do for work? I'm a recruiter 0:05:54.400 --> 0:06:02.120 for for like startup companies. Okay, yeah, and uh, it's 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:05.640 no problem for you to go on Bachelor or Bachelor 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:09.800 in Paradise and still maintain your job. Well, that's part 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:11.960 of it. I'm currently in the midst of a sabbatical 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.640 right now because of the show. Um, but it's a 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:17.360 lot of self discovery that I'm going through right now. 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:19.680 So I think it's definitely I'm investing in myself right now, 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.320 and I think that's what I'm trying to to take 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:25.160 away from all of this is a betterment of self. Right. 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:32.200 Do you talk to Christina Daniel these days? Um? Yes, 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:35.159 I I. Christine and I have remained friendly, you know, 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:40.240 we we we talk about quite a few things. I 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.960 don't know. It's it's hard because you know, first of all, 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:45.640 she lives all the way across the country. Um, there's 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:50.080 obviously a clear where Texas now. She lives in Lexington, Kentucky, 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:54.520 but she's moving to Nashville, Okay soon. So there's there's 0:06:55.000 --> 0:06:56.599 a lot that we have to work on and it's 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.640 it became very obvious, you know, watching it back through 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:01.279 the show. Um, but I think we owe it to 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:04.880 each other to be civil with each other and you know, 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:08.200 work through our feelings, whether it's platonically or romantically, whatever 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:12.800 it is. Um, do you think you'll be dating her again? 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.000 I don't really think it's up for me to decide. 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:16.600 You know, at the end of the day, she was 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:18.000 the one that was kind of sledded by me, and 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.240 it's really up to her to decide whether or not 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:24.440 she feels comfortable with something like that. Okay, But Sandy, 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:26.640 so you've been over married for over forty years, right, 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:28.960 so do you have any advice on how to make 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:34.960 a relationship work for me? Um? Honesty is one of 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:43.320 the big things. Respect is another big thing. Um m hmmm, 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:47.640 because forty years. I mean that's that's no small amount 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:49.600 of time. You know, you're you and your husband, I'm 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:53.960 sure are doing something right. I'm sure you're prop basically 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:58.840 everything right. But so honestly you respect, Yeah, I'd say 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:05.760 those are the bigger things. And kind of always see 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:11.320 what your partner is feeling and you know, help them 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.920 in any way you can, and you know it's a 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:18.840 two way street. You know, um, if they're doing something 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.880 that really bugs you, let them know. Don't just keep 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:25.240 holding it in and holding it in and holding it in. 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:29.040 Because apologies don't mean anything unless you have actions to 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.400 back them up. See, And that's something I'm personally working on. 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:36.520 Two is expressing my um concern about certain things. Because 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:37.880 normally I would just kind of like sit back and 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.920 let the let let the negativity unfold. But what I'm 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.280 working on now is is kind of speaking up and 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.360 expressing that I know, in the very beginning you had 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:52.200 trouble with opening up at all. It's still well, a 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:55.640 lot of guys do. It's It's just something that I've 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:59.440 never really necessarily taken into my own hands to work on. 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.600 But now I finally had this opportunity to do that. 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:05.400 But Sandy, when when you first met Mark, did you 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:09.360 like him? Well? I did not like him. But he 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:12.960 was eight years or nine years older than my daughter. 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:20.200 She was seventeen or eighteen and eighteen, Okay, she was young, 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:26.640 and he had really long hair. And I remember he 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:30.360 parked right at the end of our driveway and I thought, 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:32.920 looking out the window, I can't tell which one of 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:35.160 them is driving because his hairs as long as he 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:41.280 and she had really long hair, and I know that 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:44.559 she said, well, I said something about us meeting him, 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:47.160 and she said, well, we're not going to the prom. 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:50.200 That's what he said, like, well, we don't like, we 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:52.000 don't need to meet him kind of thing. And I'm 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:56.400 thinking she's an eighteen you know, so I kind of 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.800 uh freaked out at that. It's not that I didn't 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.760 lie them. I really liked him once we got to 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:05.920 meet him, but I didn't like his attitude of well, 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:08.280 I don't need to meet the parents. I'm twenty six 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.720 or whatever age was. And you know, I mean he 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:16.800 I understand where he was coming from, but you know, 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:21.240 I mean she's my daughter, and I, you know, was 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:25.120 concerned about the age difference basically. So how long did 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.959 it take you to warm up to it? Oh? Not long? No, 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:33.000 Once we met him, he came for dinner, and then 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:36.720 it was you know, it was great. Like I tell people, now, 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:40.240 I've got a son who's married as well, and I 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:43.360 tell people I couldn't have picked better mates for my 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:48.640 kids than they picked for themselves. I mean, it's it's 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:52.800 what fifteen years later, fifteen, married, twenty together twenty together, right, 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:55.640 so it's really hard to even say anything other than 0:10:55.720 --> 0:11:00.640 positive things about that. Yeah, nice, Well, all right, Sandy, 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.360 Do you have any parting words of wisdom for me here? 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.640 Because I know I feel like it's not going to 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:08.880 take just one conversation to convince you that I'm trying 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.319 to improve and I'm I'm working on it. But do 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:13.319 you have any parting words of advice anything like that 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:15.240 that you can use for me to to maybe be 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:19.040 just a better person in relationships moving forward. Um, I 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:23.960 think just basically, the honesty is a big thing. Um, 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:26.120 if you lie to a girl and she knows you've 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:29.319 lied to her, then she can't trust you. And if 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:31.840 she can't trust you, trust is like everything. If she 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:34.240 can't trust you, then you might as well just give 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:39.080 it up. So, um, you definitely want to keep things 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:46.120 on up and up and keep things open and um, 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:50.719 you know talk, don't don't just you know, go into 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:54.960 different room and shut off, and you know that's not 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:58.040 going to help anybody. So well, honestly is very important 0:11:58.040 --> 0:11:59.960 to me too, And although it might not have seen 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.080 like that throughout Bachelor in Paradise, I do I'm a 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:04.960 big advocate of the fact that you know, if you're 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.920 always honest with your partner, you you're you're gonna allow 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.960 them to love you for who you are instead of 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.040 this this fabrication that you keep, you know, kind of 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.360 lying about. So I went in with the method with 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:16.520 the mindset of saying, I'm going to be brutally honest 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:19.200 at every moment um. You know, if I like another girl, 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.560 I'm going to be upfront about that. But I again, 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:25.520 watching it back, I can see how maybe there it 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:27.560 was versions of the truth and it wasn't the total truth. 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.520 And that's that's kind of what I think I personally 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:32.880 have to work on, is just honest with not only 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:39.880 Princess marked as that with Amy. Yeah. Yeah, all right, Well, Sandy, 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:42.959 thank you so much for calling in. Um. I hope 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.360 for my sake and for for your sake that I 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.600 can get better at these relationships and continue to work 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:52.120 on them. Well. Good, I'm glad you're working on it. Well, 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.000 have a great day. Thank you for letting me hang 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:56.880 out with Mark every Monday. I really do appreciate it. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:01.440 All right, have a good day, you do by all right. Well, 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.800 I hadn't go quite as well as I expected it to. Go. 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.000 I know Mark told me his mother in law wasn't 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:13.120 the biggest fan, but she clearly now it's clearly to me, 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.640 is definitely not the biggest fan. But I understand that 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.320 that's kind of just uh. I brought this upon myself. 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:22.079 You know, at this point, what I need to improve 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:26.839 is time. And speaking of time, m let me tell 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:30.040 you guys about these Movement watches that are just fantastic. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.120 So Movement as a watch company, I'm sure you guys 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:37.040 have seen your friends wearing them, your parents wearing them, 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:39.080 people on the street wearing them, You've seen me wear 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:43.840 them on my Instagram posts. 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It's like an American 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:55.120 striped band with like a silver bullet face. It's pretty cool. 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.840 It's got like red, white and blue on it. Um 0:14:57.920 --> 0:14:59.840 It's nice because it's like it goes with a lot 0:14:59.880 --> 0:15:02.520 of outfits. It's fun to wear. I get complimented on 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:04.960 it basically wherever I go. So again, go to Movement 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.280 dot Com slash Help you get fift off any of 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:10.040 your orders, free shipping, free returns. Pretty hard to beat 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:14.080 that movement dot com slash help. That's movement dot com 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.600 slash h E L P. Alright, So now I'm going 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:19.840 to pass it over to to the producer Mark. He 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.640 is going to be reading one of our listeners emails 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.520 that we asked last week. This is from Kelsey. She 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.160 has a question for you about ghosting. Hey, Dean, I 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:31.560 have a question for you. I keep getting ghosted. My 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.080 friends all telling me that I'm just picking the wrong guys, 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:37.360 but seeing as I'm the common denominator, I have to 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.960 own my part in it. My question for you, Dean 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.920 is this, if you were the ghost a girl, without 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:46.760 any explanation, any reason, any argument, etcetera, what would your 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:50.120 reason for doing so be? Kelsey, Well, kell see a 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.640 great question. Um. I also kind of appreciate how you 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:58.680 flip it background on yourself because you're friends seem to 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.520 think which the guys that you choose, But I guess 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:04.120 it's it's you that's choosing those guys. So I, honestly, 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:05.880 I almost kind of want to take your friends position 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:08.200 on this one. I don't necessarily think it could be 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:11.400 anything you're doing wrong. Maybe it's just what you're doing 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:13.160 is attracting a certain type of person that's going to 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.080 be ghosting you. I think at the end of the day, 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:19.360 the reason a guy ghosts a girl is because they 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.600 don't necessarily see a future there with him, and they 0:16:22.600 --> 0:16:28.200 don't have the wherewithal two tell that person that they 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:31.280 don't see that future because it can be a tough 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.960 conversation to have. I'm one that likes to avoid difficult conversations, 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:41.000 and I think it comes from a good place, right 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:44.280 like they're they're doing it thinking that they're doing the 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:46.200 right thing, but in all honesty, you on the other 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:52.400 side of it are experiencing it very negatively and it sucks. 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.920 I've talked to some girls that I used to date 0:16:54.960 --> 0:17:00.360 in the past who I admittedly have ghosted, and an 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.600 open and honest conversation about why and how I did 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:06.880 that coming back from them. You know, obviously it doesn't 0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:10.280 feel good. But I think that the one thing that 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.560 you can do, honestly, you just need to find an 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.200 older man. Maybe. I think that's really what it boils 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:16.840 down to. A lot of the time is a lot 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:19.160 of young guys in their early the mid twenties are 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:23.840 scared to have difficult, difficult conversations because they're not necessarily 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:28.080 UM used to having to deal with those hardships like 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.440 head on. But an older man has been through that 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:32.960 process and bring through the ringer a few times. Um, 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:35.640 of course you'll have your you know, your your instances 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.680 where there's a younger guy who's willing to to kind 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:41.560 of have that difficult conversation even if he doesn't like you. 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:43.960 And I mean it's I don't even know, I'm just 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.679 rambling at this point. I feel like, but Kelsey, I 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:49.200 think that you don't necessarily have to change anything about yourself. 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:54.720 Maybe just increase your uh, your barometer for what you 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:58.960 think is is useful to you in a relationship. You know, 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.760 increase your standard for for finding a guy. Don't necessarily 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:05.159 just fall into the trap and um, you know, be 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:07.040 interested in the first guy that shows you uni attention 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:09.840 because typically those are the ones that are gonna ghost you. 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:13.280 I think raise the bar that's good advice. Question. If 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:17.320 you've hooked up with somebody, does that make ghosting more 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:20.879 likely or less likely? Hook up pal, well, I hooked 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.800 up hooked up? Does that make it more of a 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:25.879 connection so you feel more of an obligation to have 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:28.520 the conversation, or does it make it even more difficult 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:31.240 and more likely to ghost. I think that once you 0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:35.800 hook up with someone, more emotions get involved, which again 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.560 is the root cause for any ghosting. I think is 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.200 to to spare both parties the emotions, and that that's 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:44.639 at least the central thought behind it. Um. So, Kelsey, 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:46.720 to your point, maybe, I don't know if you're hooking 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:48.440 up with these guys that are ghosting you, but I 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:51.560 would say stop hooking up with them, you know, maybe 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:53.240 spend a little bit more time with them, go on 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:56.040 a few more dates, build that emotional connection before you 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:58.639 build a physical one. I personally think that that would 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:03.919 help limit the ghosting, if not reduced it entirely. Um 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:06.679 And I mean for for I can only imagine, you know, 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.080 you get much more emotionally connected after physically connecting with 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.760 someone as well, So it gets you, it builds you 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:13.199 up to be broken down a little bit more as 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:16.680 well if you get ghosted. Um. That's my advice. That's 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:18.760 actually great, great point, Mark, Maybe maybe take a little 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:22.000 bit more time before you begin the physical side of 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:24.240 relationship and build on the maybe the friendly or the 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:27.000 emotional side of it first. Did you know that Ashley 0:19:27.040 --> 0:19:31.080 I was talking about you. Um, I mean this was 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.000 on the almost famous podcast. Would you like to hear 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:34.480 what she said about you? Let's hear because we like 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:38.560 to hear your response to this. I learned this firsthand, um, 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:41.040 just by being friends with Dean. Dean told me that 0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:44.040 he has never once asked a girl out. He has 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:47.479 never He'll never ask them to hang out. He'll like, 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:53.080 he will never assume that they are into him. He 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.840 needs to be like totally convinced by the woman that 0:19:55.880 --> 0:19:59.560 they are into him first before he does anything. Okay, 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:01.760 So what thank you, Ashley? I don't know to thank you, 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:03.600 but to set there to set the record straight. I 0:20:03.680 --> 0:20:07.040 definitely have asked girls out before. It's definitely not a 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:09.800 common occurrence for me. Though to her point, Um, I 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:12.000 think that what Ben is saying is is I do 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:14.880 have a very distinct fear of rejection. And I think 0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:18.040 that's kind of where that stems from. Is I'm I'm 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:21.320 comfortable with being friends with someone for as long as 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:23.000 it takes for them to feel comfortable to ask me 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:24.960 out sort of thing, because I don't necessarily like to 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:28.560 put myself out there just to be let down, and 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:34.879 I don't necessarily think it's a positive quality to have. UM. 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:36.800 I think that when it comes to relationships, or at 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:41.719 least like a pursuits of a relationship, I definitely I 0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:43.640 find it hard to make that first move and kind 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:46.080 of break through that wall of going from friends to 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:50.560 two more than that. UM And I think I've noticed 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:52.680 myself getting a little bit better with age, But looking 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:55.160 back at like twenty four year old Dean, like when 0:20:55.200 --> 0:20:56.720 I was on like bumble or something like that, I 0:20:56.720 --> 0:20:58.720 would never I would never be the one that was like, 0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:00.680 all right, let's meet up and let's drinks. It was 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:04.040 always a conversation that I allowed to just can continue 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:06.960 flowing until that other person felt comfortable enough to to 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:10.080 kind of prop propose the idea. UM. And I think 0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:12.119 that's what I the conversation that I've had with actually, 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:14.399 and I kind of, you know, especially talking to some 0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:16.280 of my friends who are girls who are on those 0:21:16.280 --> 0:21:18.240 types of apps, or I've been in the dating pool, 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:20.800 all that kind of stuff. I think the constant theme 0:21:20.800 --> 0:21:23.320 that I continuously see with them is they're always saying 0:21:23.359 --> 0:21:25.760 that guys assume or guys are getting so far ahead 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:27.920 of themselves and they're like all right to text into 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:30.439 a conversation of just meeting someone. They're saying, let's go 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:33.280 get drinks, or let's go, you know, back to my 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:35.239 house and watch Netflix or something like that. And I 0:21:35.280 --> 0:21:36.919 strive to be kind of the opposite of that. I 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:41.280 want to to to be the the antithesis of the 0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:43.480