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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 1: got a quick tune in an ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 1: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 2: I ignored my sister in law's hurtful words for years,

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Speaker 2: but this time I exploded.

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Speaker 3: I can't teg out anymore.

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Speaker 2: I twenty nine female, have been married to my husband,

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Speaker 2: thirty male for one year. We dated for two years

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Speaker 2: and were engaged for one so together a total of

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Speaker 2: four years. I'm a black woman and my husband is

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Speaker 2: Korean American. By the way, this comes from username and

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: the r slash okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice Goofily, but we

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Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: And Opie says, I grew up in Europe, moved to

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Speaker 2: the States for work after UNI and met my now husband.

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Speaker 2: At first, we were just friends. One of the girls

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Speaker 2: in my office introduced me to her friend group when

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Speaker 2: I moved here, since I don't know anyone anyway, my

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Speaker 2: in laws were very welcoming. My husband has a big

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Speaker 2: family and we got along well, which I loved since

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Speaker 2: I also come from a big family, being the oldest

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Speaker 2: of five. I love to cook for my family and friends,

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Speaker 2: so the first time I met his parents, I made

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Speaker 2: an effort to learn a little bit about their culture

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Speaker 2: and cooked some Korean dishes.

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Speaker 3: That's so sweet.

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Speaker 2: My husband wanted to host his family, so I agreed.

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Speaker 2: I asked him if I could cook, but he told

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Speaker 2: me we could just order some takeout. I told him,

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Speaker 2: absolutely not. My mother would disown me if she heard that.

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Speaker 2: The first time I met my in laws, I served

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Speaker 2: them takeout.

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Speaker 4: Come to dinner.

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Speaker 2: Present were my parents in law, my husband's brothers and

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Speaker 2: their partners. My husband is the middle child, his older

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Speaker 2: brother is married, and his younger brother came with his girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Dinner was coming to an end when my mother in

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Speaker 2: law told me she was happy her son found someone

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Speaker 2: and that she loved my cooking. I was happy until

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Speaker 2: my sister in law older brother's wife started making nasty

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Speaker 2: comments like she's probably not going to last, so why

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Speaker 2: make an effort to be nice.

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Speaker 3: Yes, why, I hope your partners shut that down real quick.

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Speaker 4: That's terrible.

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Speaker 2: Everyone heard the comments but tried to distract me.

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Speaker 4: My father in law made.

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Speaker 2: A joke about my sister in law's cooking skills in Korean.

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Speaker 2: I sneered and he noticed. He asked me if I

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Speaker 2: could speak Korean and I said yes.

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Speaker 4: Ooh.

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Speaker 2: I explained how I always loved to learn new languages

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Speaker 2: and that I lived in Korea for three years when

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Speaker 2: I was younger, when my dad was assigned to work

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Speaker 2: at our country's embassy in Korea. The hurtful comments kept

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Speaker 2: going for a long time, to the point I almost

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Speaker 2: called off my wedding.

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Speaker 3: Whoa I mean yeah, I mean like, if they're gonna

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Speaker 3: keep going and your partner's bringing you around these people

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Speaker 3: that are for this person, that's I hope you're shocking down. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It was affecting my mental health. And before you guys ask,

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Speaker 2: why not just go no contact. My husband's family has

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Speaker 2: a tradition to have family lunch every Saturday, and everyone's

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Speaker 2: presence is mandatory. Baby brother in law is getting married, Yes,

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Speaker 2: the same girl from when we met. I love them

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Speaker 2: both like they are my own siblings since my baby

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Speaker 2: sister in law doesn't have any family in the country,

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Speaker 2: and we actually became like sisters.

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Speaker 4: She asked me to be her maid of honor. I

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Speaker 4: said yes.

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Speaker 2: My mother in law to keep the peace, asked if

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Speaker 2: sister in law, the Devil's Spawn, could be in the

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Speaker 2: wedding party. She told baby sister in law that she

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Speaker 2: understood if she wanted to decline, but that girl is

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Speaker 2: such an angel and better person than me.

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Speaker 4: I would have said heck to the no.

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Speaker 3: Anyway.

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Speaker 4: Fast forward to yesterday.

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Speaker 2: At the bachelorette party, we decided to have dinner and

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Speaker 2: pre drinks at my house. We were all having fun

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Speaker 2: drinking when I noticed Devil's Spawn sister in law was missing.

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Speaker 3: Where didn't she? Where is she?

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Speaker 4: I went to look for her and found her in

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Speaker 4: my closet.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 4: I asked her what she.

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Speaker 2: Was doing, and she said nothing and left.

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Speaker 3: I literally would be like, turn out your freaking pockets,

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Speaker 3: little thief.

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Speaker 2: You don't think she like messed with like a wedding

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Speaker 2: dress or the maid of honor dress or something something.

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Speaker 3: I came back downing powder. I don't know. Hey.

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Speaker 2: I came back downstairs and rejoined the party. The girls

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Speaker 2: asked me when I was planning on having kids, Just

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Speaker 2: as I was about to answer, Devils spawns sister in Lagos.

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Speaker 2: She's probably just waiting for her green cards so she

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Speaker 2: can divorce my husband, as in Opie's husband.

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Speaker 3: Literally, if your husband is there for any of these interactions,

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Speaker 3: he should be like get out hard, literally like get

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Speaker 3: out yeah, Or if he's not there, then you should

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Speaker 3: go down her. I was gonna be like, you're sister seven.

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Speaker 2: With the booze and all the rage I'd been keeping inside,

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Speaker 2: I exploded. I told her nobody likes her. We all

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Speaker 2: tolerate her only because we adore her husband. I said,

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Speaker 2: she's just a bitter woman with a total of two

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Speaker 2: friends and a family that doesn't even want her around.

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Speaker 2: She got up to slap me. I grabbed her wrist

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Speaker 2: and told her to get the.

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Speaker 3: F out of my eyes.

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Speaker 4: Yes, good for you.

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Speaker 2: After she left, we tried to go back to the festivities,

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Speaker 2: but no one was in the mood. I woke up

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Speaker 2: to a bunch of texts from my brother in law,

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Speaker 2: older brother saying he'd had enough of me bullying his wife.

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Speaker 2: What he said he thought I was a better person.

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Speaker 2: Blah blah, blah, I had have been very lied to.

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Speaker 2: I showed my husband the text Devil Spawn was sending

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Speaker 2: him and his brother. My husband called his brother and

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Speaker 2: told him to stop and that before making any judgments

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Speaker 2: he should hear both sides since.

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Speaker 4: He knows who he married. Now, my parents in laws

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Speaker 4: have been.

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Speaker 2: Involved and scheduled a family meeting. What was supposed to

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Speaker 2: be a magical week for baby brother in law and

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Speaker 2: baby sister in law turned into a crap show because

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Speaker 2: I couldn't hold my tongue. So am I the a

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Speaker 2: hole for kicking my sister in law out of my house?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 4: No, nope.

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Speaker 3: If she's good talk crap, then she gets out.

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Speaker 2: Those are such horrible comments to say to people.

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Speaker 3: Really, AWF, what bye? Why would you even want to

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Speaker 3: be here if you hate OPI so much? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: You do, sound miserable, sister in law?

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Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. Update.

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Speaker 2: So we all went to the family meeting. My mother

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Speaker 2: in law started by thanking me and baby sister in

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Speaker 2: law for coming. She knew we did not want to

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Speaker 2: be there, but wanted us there for our partners. Devil's

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Speaker 2: Spawn and brother in law arrived. We all sat down

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Speaker 2: and my father in law asked me to start and

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Speaker 2: explain my side of things, since devil Spawn had made

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Speaker 2: her husband call his parents to tell them what I did.

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Speaker 4: I told everything I'd been holding inside since the beginning.

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Speaker 2: I explained that at some point I wanted to walk

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Speaker 2: away from my husband because I couldn't take it anymore.

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Speaker 2: Devil Spawn tried to interrupt me several times, but my

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Speaker 2: in law told her she could either shut up or

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Speaker 2: leave after me. Baby sister in law told her side

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Speaker 2: of things and that she knew my mother in law

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Speaker 2: wanted devil Spawn in the bridal party to make peace

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Speaker 2: and to get everyone to get along, but she didn't

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Speaker 2: want someone like devil Spawn near her wedding because she'd

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Speaker 2: find a way to make it about her and she

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Speaker 2: didn't want to be associated with a person like that.

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Speaker 2: My mother in law was shocked when I showed her

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Speaker 2: the text messages i'd gotten from devil Spawn. I have

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Speaker 2: most of the text she sent me over the years.

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Speaker 2: My mom is a judge, so she always told me

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Speaker 2: and my siblings to keep records of everything. Brother in law,

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Speaker 2: Devilspawn's husband, was very quiet. My husband turned to him

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Speaker 2: and asked, do you still believe your wife is the

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Speaker 2: one being bullied. He asked to be excused and just left.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like new devil spawn ran after him. Well, baby,

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Speaker 2: sister in law and brother in law's wedding happened.

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Speaker 4: It was amazing. We had a great time.

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Speaker 2: Since they're only starting their lives now, they could only

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Speaker 2: afford a honeymoon in the country, so me and hubby

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Speaker 2: decided to surprise them on their wedding day. We pulled

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Speaker 2: them aside and offered them an all expenses paid trip

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Speaker 2: to Italy. His sister in law had always wanted to

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Speaker 2: visit day.

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Speaker 3: That's nice. It's very good gift. Geez, all expenses paid.

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Speaker 4: Oh on to the drama. Apparently we haven't hit the drama.

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Speaker 3: What wasn't that the drama?

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Speaker 4: Hasn't it been resolved? Isn't everything great? Last week, brother

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Speaker 4: in law devil spawn soon.

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Speaker 2: To be ex husband WHOA called me and asked if

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Speaker 2: he could come over to talk to me and my husband.

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Speaker 4: I said yes.

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Speaker 2: He came over and explained he's getting a divorce. He

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Speaker 2: found out that Devil's spawn bullied someone in college to

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Speaker 2: the point the person tried to take their own life.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, how does she rationalize that? Oh my God,

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Speaker 3: how do you rationalize that.

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Speaker 5: I'm so glad that brother in law is not rationalized, like, oh,

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Speaker 5: I'm out by her parents cut her off when she

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Speaker 5: would make comments like that to the kids they fostered.

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Speaker 2: Wow, brother in law told us a lot more. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: you guys get the picture. Brother in law moved out

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Speaker 2: and rented an apartment. Now devil Spawn thinks it's my fault.

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Speaker 2: She's gone so far as to show up at my

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Speaker 2: office and scream, has been following me and is getting

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Speaker 2: so unhinged that my husband has been taking me to

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Speaker 2: work and picking me up afterwards. We're in the process

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Speaker 2: of requesting a restraining order.

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Speaker 3: Smart smart speats spart.

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Speaker 4: There's a little bit more. But wow, who the worst?

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Speaker 2: She sucks saying that not only to someone that like

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Speaker 2: the person that almost took their.

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Speaker 4: Life because but to kids that you're fostering as well.

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Speaker 3: Wow, like you're a monster?

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Speaker 4: She Yeah, fully, brother in law was married to a monster.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad he's getting divorced though, And glad everyone you

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Speaker 3: know kind of is seeing her for who she is

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Speaker 3: and hopefully.

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Speaker 2: Because it sounded like they kind of always did, but

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Speaker 2: for some reason, no one was stopping it.

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Speaker 3: They said that the only reason that they keep around

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Speaker 3: is because they love the husband, so now maybe they can.

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Speaker 2: But husband was in their family always, so I guess

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Speaker 2: they just had to tell husband yeah, and so now

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Speaker 2: he knows.

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Speaker 3: Come on, guys, and they can get rid of this lady.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad we got there eventually.

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Speaker 2: Edit.

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Speaker 4: Just to clarify a few things.

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Speaker 2: My parents in law tried to stay out of it,

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Speaker 2: even though they did see a few things. They never

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Speaker 2: said anything because they didn't want to choose sides. They

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Speaker 2: never thought it was this bad. Both mother in law

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Speaker 2: and father in law have been apologizing since we all

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Speaker 2: sat down. I told them I understood why they didn't

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Speaker 2: say anything, but I wish they had. Then again, I

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Speaker 2: hate confrontations and.

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Speaker 4: Let it go longer than I should have.

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Speaker 2: For what devil spawn was doing in my closet, nothing

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Speaker 2: is missing, so I believe she was looking for my

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Speaker 2: maid of honor dress, which was at baby sister in

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Speaker 2: law's apartment. Thankfully, my husband wanted to cut off his

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Speaker 2: family for my sake, but I never allowed it. I

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Speaker 2: also come from a big family and not everyone gets

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Speaker 2: along all the time. I never wanted him to have

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Speaker 2: to choose between them or me, but he was always

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Speaker 2: on my side and spoke up for those saying this

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Speaker 2: post is all lies because we paid for their honeymoon.

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Speaker 2: Both me and my husband make good money. We normally

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Speaker 2: make a trip out of the country per year in

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Speaker 2: October to go see my family, and because it's around

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Speaker 2: my great grandma's birthday. We won't go this year because

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Speaker 2: we chose to use that money for baby sister in

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Speaker 2: law and baby brother in law.

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Speaker 4: That's the end of that story.

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Speaker 6: My mother in law pretended to like me until I

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Speaker 6: got engaged.

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Speaker 1: Maybe she's still pretending.

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Speaker 6: I've been with my partner for seven years and we're

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Speaker 6: getting married in less than a month. I've had a

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Speaker 6: seemingly fine relationship with my almost mother in law throughout

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Speaker 6: this whole time. I knew she didn't adore me, but

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Speaker 6: always thought she liked me and respected me. By the way,

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Speaker 6: this comes from I'm not a girl, Janet. If you

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Speaker 6: want to spe your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 6: slash Okay streetime subredit I'm Riley.

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Speaker 1: I'm keon with allergies, and before we.

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Speaker 6: Get into the story, we're here to give good advice ruefully,

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Speaker 6: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 6: what we do know, so let us know what you

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Speaker 6: would do. In the comments below, Opie continues, during this time,

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Speaker 6: I've tried to build a relationship with her even though

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Speaker 6: we live in different states, such as sending pictures of

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Speaker 6: her son, checking in on her aging parents, etc. I've

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Speaker 6: also intentionally given up going to Thanksgiving with my family

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Speaker 6: because that's the holiday her extended family gets together over Christmas,

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Speaker 6: so I prioritize that as some background, we're all having

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Speaker 6: a small wedding fifty five people. Of those guests, fifteen

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Speaker 6: are of her family and would be from out of town.

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Speaker 6: We didn't want our rehearsal dinner to be half our

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Speaker 6: entire wedding once you include my family, so we opted

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Speaker 6: out for a small dinner with immediate family, plus a

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Speaker 6: welcome reception in the hotel lobby bar. Twenty dollars a

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Speaker 6: person for all guests.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty great, Actually, WHOA not bad? I want that prize?

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 6: Eight months ago, my fiance's family agreed to pay for

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Speaker 6: the dinner and the drinks. Because of the tradition, bride's

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Speaker 6: family pays for the reception and groom's family pays for

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Speaker 6: the rehearsal. That's how it's been in my family.

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Speaker 1: I've heard that that makes a lot of sense. Q.

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Speaker 6: This weekend, when her true feelings were revealed. We just

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Speaker 6: bought a new house and had her over to help

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Speaker 6: paint a few rooms, which she offered to do. While

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Speaker 6: I was out of the house, my fiance noticed that

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Speaker 6: mother in law seemed upset. He asked what was wrong.

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Speaker 6: She said, I'm not paying for the welcome drinks. Then

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Speaker 6: she proceeded to go on a rant about how she

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Speaker 6: is upset about a lot of different things about the wedding.

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Speaker 6: My fiance, of course informed me, so when I got

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Speaker 6: back to the house, I asked all of us to

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Speaker 6: sit together and discuss any concerns with the wedding. It

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Speaker 6: came out in this conversation that she thinks that me

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Speaker 6: including a dress code and suggesting what to wear for

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Speaker 6: the dress code on the detail card was a slight

299
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Speaker 6: at her family, as they are from more rural areas.

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Speaker 6: He was like, oh, you know, nice dress suit tie, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Casual attire yeah, I mean not like casual, but like

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Speaker 1: business casual or like you know, yeah, I get that

303
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Speaker 1: little party.

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Speaker 6: Weater tail attire. Yeah, of course it was not. She

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Speaker 6: didn't intend it to be a slight. She's also upset

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Speaker 6: that I suggested she wear a solid color to the wedding,

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Speaker 6: only after she asked me twice what to wear. I

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00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,480
Speaker 6: said we had no color palette and suggested a solid

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Speaker 6: since it'll photograph better. And then it developed from there.

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Speaker 6: She went on to say that I'm controlling and never

311
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Speaker 6: asked for her advice. She continued to personally attack me

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Speaker 6: over thirty minutes, cussing the entire time. She said, I

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Speaker 6: never come for Christmas because I spend it with my family,

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Speaker 6: after spending Christmases with hers. She also got angry that

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Speaker 6: I didn't buy her preferred wine for this week and visit,

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Speaker 6: even though we closed our house a week ago and

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Speaker 6: we're working twelve hour days getting everything together. I did

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Speaker 6: buy groceries and had been making every meal for her,

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Speaker 6: but her wind was forgotten in the bustle.

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Speaker 1: Does she want to carpet two? Does she want does

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Speaker 1: she want a horse drawn carriage?

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Speaker 6: What's up with this?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like it's like a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that just piled up, But even those things shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: This doesn't make any sense. Why she's getting so angry.

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Speaker 1: Yeah at op, like you don't get my favorite wine.

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Speaker 6: Oh funny because you didn't tell me what you wanted,

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Speaker 6: and it just seems like a lot of little things.

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Speaker 1: But also sorry, I've been a little busy. We just

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Speaker 1: bought a house.

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Speaker 6: And I'm planning for a wedding.

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Speaker 1: Mom.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, mother in law.

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Speaker 1: Also the getting barrage for thirty minutes, I would have

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Speaker 1: stopped at the two minute mark, not even one minute mark,

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Speaker 1: of like, Okay, this is we're gonna get nowhere with this.

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Speaker 1: We'll do this again in due time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: I also think mother in law is kind of sad

340
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Speaker 6: because the bride doesn't realize it's her day too.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, she's giving away.

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Speaker 3: Your little boy.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, what are you doing ov Oh how could

344
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Speaker 1: you forget?

345
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Speaker 6: It's mother in law's biggest day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's her day. She's spending her money.

347
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Speaker 6: By freaking win Bro. During the whole ordeal, she threatened

348
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 6: to not go to the wedding twice. I never raised

349
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Speaker 6: my voice at her and stayed calm, that's shaky, until

350
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,120
Speaker 6: I was able to get to my sisters and cry

351
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Speaker 6: the hardest I've ever before. While I was at my

352
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Speaker 6: sister's I called my fiance to see what we should do,

353
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Speaker 6: and I heard mother in law in the background sobbing,

354
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Speaker 6: saying tell her to come back. I asked for thirty

355
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 6: minutes to regroup, and then came back to the house.

356
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Speaker 6: She was crying and saying how humiliated she was and

357
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,120
Speaker 6: how she was sorry. I just calmly told her she

358
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,240
Speaker 6: blew up our in law relationship before it even started.

359
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Speaker 6: During this phase of her crying, she was also talking

360
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Speaker 6: about how she was worried for her son because I'm

361
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,040
Speaker 6: so controlling this whole time. He's trying to say that

362
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,280
Speaker 6: I'm not and that we have a completely healthy relationship.

363
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,280
Speaker 6: I guess I'm writing this post mostly to get everything out,

364
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,200
Speaker 6: but also where do we go from here? I had

365
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,440
Speaker 6: heard she could be this nasty, but she has always

366
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,480
Speaker 6: been evenly pleasant to me. From her actions, it is

367
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 6: clear she does not like me nor respects me. I

368
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 6: told her I wanted her at the wedding and to

369
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,119
Speaker 6: try to build a relationship because I will be in

370
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,600
Speaker 6: her her life. I just don't know how to do

371
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 6: that or if it's even worth it. If you made

372
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,760
Speaker 6: it this far, thanks for reading. We have some comments here.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah, it's you're dropping up the glass or the

374
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,239
Speaker 1: mug and like you put it back together. It's all

375
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,920
Speaker 1: you see the cracks. It's like, well, you strain the

376
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,040
Speaker 1: relationship now, and we could move forward and be adults

377
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,679
Speaker 1: and I will be in your life still. But you

378
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,440
Speaker 1: said what you said, and boy, oh boy, I won't

379
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 1: just let that go under the rug. Yeah.

380
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Speaker 2: No.

381
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Speaker 6: For some reason, mother in law doesn't seem like she's

382
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,480
Speaker 6: getting enough tension, and she's doing all these things to

383
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,880
Speaker 6: get that attention back on her.

384
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's disgusting, doesn't look right. Selfish?

385
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, selfish.

386
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,119
Speaker 1: And you should be happy, You should be welcoming. You

387
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 1: shouldn't be like, I want more, I want more.

388
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 6: It's like, come up, what are you doing here? You

389
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,399
Speaker 6: have one comment?

390
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,280
Speaker 3: You are correct.

391
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,320
Speaker 6: She doesn't like you. She thinks every decision you make

392
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 6: somehow about her. You can't fix that. Drink a certain beverage.

393
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:03,440
Speaker 6: I'll probably bring it with me. She is a big

394
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,960
Speaker 6: closet drinker or heavy drinker. Did she ask her son

395
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 6: to make sure her bottle of wine was ready or

396
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:13,480
Speaker 6: you or just expect it? Why is whine your unknown assignment?

397
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 6: She sounds like she fights like a wasted person. Pay

398
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,480
Speaker 6: for your own welcome mill. Fine. She doesn't need to

399
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 6: know a thing other than the time which her son

400
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,600
Speaker 6: can tell her. Let her son manage a relationship with

401
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,280
Speaker 6: her going forward. I'd block her from my phone and

402
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 6: start alternating thanksgivings, one at his mom's if he wants,

403
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,680
Speaker 6: then one with his dad, one at yours, one at

404
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 6: home or travel. She gets a visit after Christmas if

405
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 6: you two want to, but never on Christmas. So in

406
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,960
Speaker 6: twenty twenty five Thanksgiving at your house or your folks.

407
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 6: You'll maybe attend hers in three or four years. Who

408
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 6: cares if it's their biggest family. Think she doesn't like

409
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,679
Speaker 6: your family, not your problem. Don't send a single picture ever,

410
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 6: don't buy a gift, don't RSVP to anything, drop her

411
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,440
Speaker 6: from social media. She'd get polite and difference from me.

412
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,040
Speaker 6: And if your husband wants to have her in your home,

413
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 6: all that work and planning is on him. Don't be angry,

414
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,239
Speaker 6: be matter of fact with your spouse. His mom is

415
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,160
Speaker 6: to manage. She doesn't get to treat you that way

416
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,680
Speaker 6: and have it not have consequences. Telling someone to wear

417
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,120
Speaker 6: a solid for a wedding is hardly an offensive act.

418
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,000
Speaker 6: She's ridiculous. Set her back on her heels by telling

419
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,800
Speaker 6: her nothing. She set her piece. She'll get it all

420
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,000
Speaker 6: out fine, Good for her. Let her figure out she's done.

421
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,320
Speaker 6: Crap the bed with you, Signed Mother of a Lot

422
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,520
Speaker 6: of Boys. Obie says, this is really helpful because she

423
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 6: does not consider me family. I know this because my

424
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 6: fiance said we needed a family conversation. Well ended up

425
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,199
Speaker 6: her yelling at me to discuss the concerns she was

426
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:45,000
Speaker 6: having about the wedding, and she did say something along

427
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 6: the lines of why would my name be a part

428
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 6: of that? She did say something along the lines of

429
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 6: why would ope be a part of that? The family conversation.

430
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 1: She's not welcoming you at all.

431
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,080
Speaker 6: She did not request any specific wine from us, so

432
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,600
Speaker 6: it was an unknown assignment. Prefer dry, she prefers sweet,

433
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 6: and we just did not have any sweet wine. Thank

434
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,199
Speaker 6: you for the perspective as the mom of boys. We

435
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 6: have an update.

436
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 1: Wow, all those like tiny little nitpicks of like the color,

437
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 1: the way you want us to dress, like you didn't

438
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,399
Speaker 1: pick my wine. I feel like those are beating around

439
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,920
Speaker 1: the bush of like what does she really want to say?

440
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 1: And she's not. Oh, absolutely, if you don't like me

441
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: to say to my face, be honest, be straight up,

442
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,919
Speaker 1: hold it up. But why are you saying like, oh,

443
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 1: you want me to wear a specific color? Like yeah, okay,

444
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,160
Speaker 1: it's it. I seem like Opie had not really any

445
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 1: hard ask for a wedding that I don't know is

446
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 1: Opie's wedding.

447
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,639
Speaker 6: So yeah, I feel like there's like a good saying

448
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 6: around people that make up issues.

449
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:41,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, out of like thin air.

450
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:42,880
Speaker 6: Literally yeah.

451
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, oh my gosh, how dare you not

452
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 1: read my mind for what I want? Because I didn't

453
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: communicate that with you, but I'm gonna use that against

454
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 1: you as a weapon.

455
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,680
Speaker 6: So yeah, yeah, Hi everyone. The post about how mine

456
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 6: now mother in law put me unexpectedly three weeks ago

457
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 6: before our wedding got a lot a lot of interest,

458
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 6: so I wanted to provide an update. I'm happy to

459
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 6: report that the wedding went perfectly.

460
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: Oooh that's great.

461
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

462
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: Did she wear a solid color?

463
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,199
Speaker 6: Was it white?

464
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: Oh? No?

465
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 6: Mother in law made threats before the wedding of not attending,

466
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,239
Speaker 6: and I had simply said that she was welcome not

467
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 6: to and never begged her to come. She did end

468
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 6: up attending, but we did not speak in between the

469
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 6: blow up and her arriving at the wedding hotel. I

470
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,480
Speaker 6: think I mentioned this in the comments of my original posts.

471
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 6: But before the wedding, she texted me multiple times asking

472
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,239
Speaker 6: me the colors of the wedding, and I said that

473
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 6: there were not any at all, but encouraged her to

474
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,680
Speaker 6: wear a solid color since that would look more cohesive

475
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 6: in the family photos. She was yelling at me before

476
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 6: the wedding. She also yelled she would wear florals or

477
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 6: a pattern.

478
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,679
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, you're gonna ruin the wedding.

479
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 6: Hopefully they're not pretty, as long.

480
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 1: As it's not white or red. I mean, at this point,

481
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: don't care, do your thing. My wedding's still happening.

482
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 6: Again, I was non reactive and that was fine. She

483
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 6: did end up wearing a solid color, so she did

484
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 6: not live up to her threat.

485
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 1: Again, I think mother in laws is full of empty

486
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: threats and like, oh, he's like, I don't care.

487
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 6: All bark, no bite.

488
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,360
Speaker 1: Literally across the entire.

489
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 6: Wedding weekend, we may have exchanged fifty words in total.

490
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,479
Speaker 6: I always made sure to greet her and especially her family.

491
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 6: She did say she was sick and was potentially skipping

492
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 6: the rehearsal dinner. She did not. All I said in

493
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 6: response was, oh, no, maybe you should be wearing a

494
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 6: mask then, since we were indoors, and she said she

495
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 6: thought it was the flu. She did end up going

496
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,159
Speaker 6: to the dinner wearing a mask. She sat to the

497
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 6: side all night for the reception and did not enter

498
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 6: the dance floor. I danced with her nieces, but not

499
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,879
Speaker 6: approach her. Unfortunately, I think she did poison us to

500
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 6: her siblings, as they were very stand offish to me,

501
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,479
Speaker 6: and her sister's husband and aunt did not get us

502
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 6: a gift. We certainly did not expect gifts, but the

503
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 6: family always gives gifts in similar events. Oh well, I'm

504
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 6: more upset that her family thinks so poor me, splash

505
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 6: of us.

506
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 1: Now, if she is spreading rumors or like poisoning your

507
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,159
Speaker 1: aunts and uncles or your what have you, any family

508
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: members or new family members that are coming in, I

509
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: think that's for your fiance or now husband to put

510
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 1: like their foot down and be like, hey, none of

511
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: what she's saying is true. You can listen to her

512
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: if you want to do whatever, but just know this

513
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: is why it's happening.

514
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,159
Speaker 6: Dude, if someone comes up to me stamp the office

515
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,679
Speaker 6: at my own wedding with my wife, I.

516
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,200
Speaker 1: Mean, just leave. If you don't want to be here,

517
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 1: go leave me.

518
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 6: Being here is a present, thus is a gift, and

519
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 6: you're not gonna receive that anymore. That just lets me know, Oh,

520
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,640
Speaker 6: I don't have to visit this person. Yeah.

521
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,439
Speaker 1: Can you imagine going to a wedding and just being

522
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: like a little I don't know, high schooler and being like,

523
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay in the corner and just not enjoy

524
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: my time. I'm gonna have the food, I'm gonna have

525
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 1: the drink. Yeah, but I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna

526
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 1: look angry at.

527
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 6: You because dev doesn't like you.

528
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. Literally, I don't know if you're really just there

529
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: to do that. Go somewhere else, Go spend your time

530
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: where you actually gonna enjoy it or be a.

531
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 6: Better exactly, hope, he continues. Regardless of everything I've discussed above,

532
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 6: none of it mattered. The wedding weekend was absolutely a

533
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 6: dream for us. Moving forward, my husband and I are

534
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 6: going minimal contact. We're not reaching out to her and

535
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,719
Speaker 6: only responding when necessary. I have decided not to attend

536
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 6: any holidays with his side of the family this year.

537
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 6: We'll see how it goes. If patterns hold up based

538
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 6: on the last blow up, I'll hear about all the

539
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 6: perceived slights from the wedding in another seven years. Oh wow,

540
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 6: Thank you for everyone for your responses on the last post.

541
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,360
Speaker 6: You were very comforting and helpful for how to approach

542
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 6: the wedding weekend. And that is the end of the story.

543
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 7: I want to lock my mother in law out of

544
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 7: our house because she keeps barging in.

545
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: You know what, you should just lock her in.

546
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 6: That's right.

547
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 7: I thirty three female and my wife thirty eight female,

548
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 7: currently live with her mom seventy five female while we

549
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 7: save for our own place. We're grateful to be here

550
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 7: and try to be respectful, but we've hit a wall

551
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 7: around privacy boundaries and my mental health. By the way,

552
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 7: this comes from user veteran lurker forty two thirteen, and

553
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,199
Speaker 7: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

554
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 7: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

555
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm allergies with Keon, and we're here.

556
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 7: To give you some good advice. Goofy, but we don't

557
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 7: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

558
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 7: so if you would do something different, let us know

559
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 7: in the comments. As op says, here is the layout

560
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 7: for context. My wife and I live on one side

561
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 7: of the house that includes an upstairs, two bedrooms, one bath,

562
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 7: and a downstairs with a living room. The only shared

563
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 7: common space is the kitchen. Our side was an add

564
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 7: on built before the house was purchased. Legally not separate,

565
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 7: but it functions like its own unit aside from the kitchen.

566
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 7: Her bedroom is directly down the hall from our living room.

567
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 7: My mother in law's side includes her bedroom, another bedroom,

568
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 7: two bathrooms, her living room, dining room, and she also

569
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,719
Speaker 7: uses the shared kitchen from time to time. I have

570
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 7: two dogs. One is older and my retired service dog.

571
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 7: The other is a young puppy who is in training

572
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 7: to become my new service dog. He sometimes barks briefly

573
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 7: less than a minute in the morning after sleeping for

574
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 7: six to seven hours in his crate. We've been training

575
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 7: him consistently to minimize this, but mornings are hard because

576
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 7: it's the longest he's contained, and he's a good puppy

577
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 7: who holds his bladder for that long my mother in

578
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 7: law started complaining about the barking. At his age, It's

579
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 7: normal for there to be some barking, especially in the

580
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 7: early morning. However, I understand her concern, so to help,

581
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 7: we offered to pay for and install a door at

582
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 7: the hallway to create more separation and reduce sound. At first,

583
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 7: she refused, saying families don't put up doors.

584
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 1: What well, that's a weird saying, right, I think it's walls.

585
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 1: You're looking for walls. The doors can open, doorsh can

586
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: open and close.

587
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 7: She thinks that a door means she's unwelcome and acted

588
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 7: like it was an insult to even suggest one. After

589
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 7: a long talk, she agreed in theory to consider it.

590
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 7: And here's where it gets sticky. Even though this whole

591
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 7: thing started with the noise complaint, there are a few

592
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 7: more factors into wanting a door. I have PTSD from

593
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,880
Speaker 7: my time in the military and childhood trauma including foster care,

594
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 7: and I've worked with my therapist to communicate how not

595
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 7: having a door and being surprised, overheard, or walked in

596
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 7: on without warning makes me feel unsafe in my own home.

597
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 7: We set two rules, announce herself before entering our living space,

598
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 7: a simple hey, do you guys have a second and

599
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 7: give us at least forty eight hours notice before any

600
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 7: guests or service people come to our side of the house.

601
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 7: She continues to break both of these. She'll walk into

602
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 7: our space without knocking or notice and immediately start talking. Recently,

603
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 7: she brought strangers through our area without telling us. She

604
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 7: walks her friends back into our side as part of

605
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 7: her tour of the house because of the renovations she

606
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 7: did while we were moving in. I have severe PTSD

607
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 7: responses to all of these and have had to make

608
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 7: commergency calls to my therapist. In any other apartment complex,

609
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 7: this would be illegal, so I've never had to deal

610
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 7: with this before. My wife and I are on the

611
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 7: same page and explain these issues before we moved in.

612
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 7: So I think given that you're living in your mother

613
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,479
Speaker 7: in law's house, I mean, even though it's like an

614
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 7: addition in its sight, yeah, I think it's kind of

615
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 7: a thing where like, yeah, sure, legally, like if you

616
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 7: were renting from an apartment complex, it wouldn't be the same,

617
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 7: but like that's not really the situation you're in. I

618
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 7: think it should be made very clear how much this

619
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 7: impacts you to your mother in law and your partner

620
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 7: repeated multiple, multiple, multiple times.

621
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,400
Speaker 1: Because it's a boundary, especially since you have a history

622
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: with this. It's not like, oh I don't like it,

623
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 1: or it's like okay, I mean, yes, boundaries are huge,

624
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: but this is like the PTSD and this is like

625
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: severe for you, and this happens regularly. It's kind of ridiculous.

626
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 1: So but again, it's the mother in law's house.

627
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,479
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's kind of like I don't know if how

628
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 7: much rent, if any, you're paying. I know you said

629
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 7: you're saving up for a house, So it's like it's

630
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 7: kind of just one of those byproducts of like living

631
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 7: in someone else's house. Yeah, essentially, and Op says I've

632
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 7: explained all of this and clearly again when asking for

633
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 7: the door and restating what we need. Her response, she

634
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 7: caught my PTSD, my issues and said she doesn't want

635
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 7: to change her house because the door makes her feel uncomfortable.

636
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 7: She also thinks the door wouldn't help with the noise

637
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 7: at all. She has now started texting me updates on

638
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 7: how good or bad she thought the night was, even

639
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 7: though nothing has changed. He barks a little right when

640
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 7: I get up because he's excited, but otherwise almost nothing.

641
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 7: While in the living room yesterday, she complained again, even

642
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 7: though there was no barking or crying at all from

643
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 7: either dog. He was playing with his rope toys. That's

644
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 7: the only thing I can think of that she could hear.

645
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 7: She keeps trying to make it about the barking, but

646
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 7: she has complained about being able to hear us in

647
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 7: the living room for different noises, even though we don't

648
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 7: listen to the TV super loud no speakers, just TV

649
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 7: speakers at level nine through twelve, depending on what we're watching.

650
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 7: This makes the door seem like a win win for

651
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 7: everybody in the house, which is true.

652
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 1: I don't know.

653
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 7: Sounds like you grandma doesn't understand how noise works, but

654
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 7: if you put up a door, it's gonna make the

655
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 7: noise go down.

656
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: She don't like the door. She doesn't like the doors.

657
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 7: The door can open.

658
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: She hates the doors.

659
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 7: Have you tried explaining to your grandma how the doors work?

660
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: In introduced her to Jim Morrison first.

661
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 7: Yeah, Now, my wife and I are seriously considering installing

662
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 7: a lockable door and enforcing strong car consequences like refusing

663
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 7: access to our space if we are giving proper notice,

664
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 7: which I don't think you should.

665
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: I can do. Sorry, I again, it's just like it's

666
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: her house.

667
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 7: Just focus on saving up for your own place and

668
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 7: get out of there.

669
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

670
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 7: Mother in law now says we are being cold and ungrateful. Yes,

671
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 7: we pay rent end electricity to her monthly. Am I

672
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 7: the a hole for wanting to install a door? And

673
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 7: there are some comments?

674
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: Come at one.

675
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 7: The problem is both.

676
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 3: Sides are valid.

677
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 7: Your issues are your issues and her issues are hers.

678
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 7: But as she owns slash leases the house, you can't

679
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 7: install something like that without her approval. Yeah, your solutions

680
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 7: are either moved to another apartment or accept her terms.

681
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 7: Perhaps explaining to her that you are looking for another

682
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 7: apartment with more privacy will make her think that she

683
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 7: would be unable to rent out your side to someone else,

684
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 7: even with a door, because who wants to share a

685
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 7: kitchen with their landlord? But you would need to be

686
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 7: willing to move out. Comment to says, how does the

687
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 7: rent you pay compare to rent for similar properties? How

688
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 7: likely would it be for her to rent an apartment

689
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 7: with no separating door and no kitchen? Does she actually

690
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 7: need the rent money? Do you help her with any

691
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 7: day to day living tasks that she needs to remain

692
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 7: in her home. You have no right to install a

693
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 7: door in her home period. It sounds like you and

694
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 7: your wife need to find another place to live now,

695
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 7: Opie says, we do pay less than getting an apartment.

696
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 7: I have no idea what stranger would be okay with

697
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 7: this arrangement, assuming that multiple people would possibly be renting

698
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 7: the space. We were originally in the detached edu. We

699
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 7: pay more for rent and utilities now that we are

700
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 7: in the main house. She doesn't need the rent money.

701
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 7: She's relatively independent. But we do help keep the place clean,

702
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 7: especially the kitchen, since I'm the one that uses it

703
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 7: the most. I take out the trash and clean the

704
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 7: backyard on a regular basis since the dog uses it

705
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 7: the most. I think some important context here is that

706
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 7: we would never install the door without permission. We talked

707
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 7: to her about it, of course, and we aren't just

708
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 7: going to do it without her approval. We simply offered

709
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 7: to pay for a solution to everyone's problem. This would

710
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 7: solve the noise issues on her end and give me

711
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 7: the sense of privacy that I need to feel safe.

712
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 7: We offered to pay for the whole thing that that

713
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 7: wasn't the issue. She took it as a personal attack

714
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 7: on her. The underlying thing here is that she probably

715
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 7: feels lonely, and she keeps saying we're family. This is fine.

716
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 7: Without the door, I'm literally just asking for her to say, hey,

717
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 7: do you have a second before walking into the living

718
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 7: room and asking questions or starting a conversation. She also

719
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 7: said that she shouldn't have to do that. The door

720
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 7: is an escalation of these simple asks. We have another update.

721
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 3: I don't know.

722
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, it just sounds like your mother in law is

723
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 7: really not understanding of your own boundaries.

724
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: But where's your partner in all of this? Like, yes,

725
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: your adults, but this is again, this is your mother

726
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: in law. But I feel like it's so hard because

727
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: you're like you're making requests. But again, it's at the

728
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 1: end of the day, I feel like she's helping you.

729
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: Guys out op say that they're paying full rent or

730
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: like a little bit like not, I.

731
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 7: Mean they're paying less rent than they would be paying

732
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 7: it an apartment.

733
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like this is like you take what

734
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,719
Speaker 1: you can get with this kind of thing, but you

735
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,719
Speaker 1: like you can only ask for so much. It's just

736
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: like it's a hard situation because again with everything factoring

737
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,239
Speaker 1: into it, but imagine just being a tenant and like

738
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: requesting your landlord for more and more.

739
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 7: Well, yeah, it's like take all the other stuff out

740
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 7: of it.

741
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:27,479
Speaker 3: Just take it.

742
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 7: It's like the relationship between you and your mother in

743
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 7: law and your partner that's their mother. It's like just

744
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 7: being like, hey, you know, why are you it's.

745
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 1: Your landlord roommate. Yeah much, and you're.

746
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 7: Like you just want to be like, this is my

747
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 7: my wife. She has these issues, and don't you want

748
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 7: my wife to feel comfortable and like not trigger.

749
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: Herd like that, I want to feel comfortable to my house.

750
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 7: Well right, well, we're not asking you to be uncomfortable.

751
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 7: We're just asking you to just literally announce yourself before

752
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 7: you walk into the Literally that too much for me?

753
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 7: Such a small.

754
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: Sweet I think it's that's not too much to ask

755
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: for me. You know, everything can be okay, Oh no,

756
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 1: because she has PTSD.

757
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 7: Bum I don't think that's a thing, right, So it's

758
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 7: and then that's her proms.

759
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 1: That's her problem, not.

760
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 7: My problem, right, And then that then it just becomes okay, well,

761
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,439
Speaker 7: I don't know if I'm gonna be cool with my mom,

762
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 7: just like not acknowledging my partner's PTSD. We have an update. Yes,

763
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 7: she knew about the puppy in advance. I asked her

764
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 7: about it months before I even looked for a breeder.

765
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 7: I asked her permission very far in advance. The only

766
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 7: time he barks in the crate is ten to forty

767
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 7: five seconds while I'm putting on clothes to take him

768
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 7: downstairs to go outside. Yes, we are working on this.

769
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 7: It has unfortunately become his morning ritual, so we are

770
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 7: working on trying to break it. I've been getting up

771
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 7: fifteen to twenty minutes early to catch him before he

772
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 7: starts barking, so that I can break the cycle and

773
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 7: he can learn to stay quiet and calm. Otherwise, he's

774
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 7: quiet after that, he doesn't cry or bark in his

775
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 7: crate otherwise for the rest of the morning, day or night.

776
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 7: My mother in law does renovations in the house regularly.

777
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 7: I would never put a door in without her permission.

778
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 7: I have a curtain up and a baby gate up

779
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 7: as a compromise, but she says that just that makes

780
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 7: her feel unwelcome and like a giant. Keep outside the

781
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 7: baby gate is to keep the dogs on our side,

782
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 7: and the curtains for privacy, to keep our light in

783
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,919
Speaker 7: the living room out of her bedroom since it's down

784
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 7: the hall in the early morning. However, this curtain is

785
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 7: open most of the day so that she doesn't feel

786
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 7: like she can't come over. It seems a lot of

787
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 7: you think we're freeloaders, So here's some more context. Mother

788
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 7: in law asked us to move in after we said

789
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,399
Speaker 7: we needed more room and we're looking at places. Mother

790
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 7: in law wanted to get rid of the other tenant

791
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,879
Speaker 7: who was living there because they had issues and did

792
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 7: not get along.

793
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: I wonder why the door might solve a lot of

794
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:38,800
Speaker 1: those issues.

795
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 7: She needed family to move in to be legally able

796
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 7: to do this. We were involved in all the renovations

797
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 7: while living in her living room for the first three

798
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,319
Speaker 7: weeks we moved in. We pay rent. In fact, we're

799
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 7: paying twice as much as the previous tenant was paying

800
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 7: for the unit. It's still worth it and definitely not

801
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,839
Speaker 7: complaining since it's still less expensive than getting a place

802
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 7: to rent. She wanted us close because she wanted family

803
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 7: in the house. We do not need to live here

804
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,760
Speaker 7: since we were so involved in the renovations, like helping

805
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 7: move things and painting and driving to and from the

806
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,839
Speaker 7: hardware store. I don't think the door request was all

807
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 7: that odd. Mother in law even specifically asked us to

808
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,879
Speaker 7: live there at least a year so that everything would

809
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 7: be legal in case the old tenant checked up to

810
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 7: make sure she wasn't lying. And that's the end of

811
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 7: that story.

812
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam.

813
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories.

814
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 7: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

815
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:26,280
Speaker 7: keep the show alive.

816
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 3: My parents wanted forgiveness after leaving me, and I couldn't

817
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 3: help laughing in their face.

818
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: Ha ha.

819
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 3: Our family has an interesting story. My bio mother's side

820
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 3: and biofather's side have two marriages between the families. One

821
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 3: of them is our bio parents and one of them

822
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 3: is between my bio mom's brother of fifty five and

823
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 3: my biodad's sister of fifty four. By the way, this

824
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 3: comes from Swapped Kids, and if you want to submit

825
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Oak storytime

826
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 3: Separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and I'm Manngie and

827
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 3: we're here to give good advice. Goofy, but we don't

828
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

829
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

830
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 3: and Opie says. My biomm Linda and Biodad Chris actually

831
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 3: met at my uncle and aunt's engagement dinner when both

832
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 3: of them were sixteen. Linda and Chris are still complete res.

833
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: My biodad was the troubled one of the family who

834
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,240
Speaker 3: would have problems with school or work, and my bio

835
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 3: mom has had regular use issues. When they met and

836
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 3: started a relationship, both sides of the family tried to

837
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,919
Speaker 3: break them up. They even sent them to different countries,

838
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 3: but they stole fifty k from their families, managed to

839
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,839
Speaker 3: come together and ran away when they.

840
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: Were nineteen some some real Bonnie and Clyde people there.

841
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,840
Speaker 3: Indeed, they got married in a third world country and

842
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 3: had me, twenty five mail and my twin brother when

843
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 3: they were twenty one years old. They thought we were weight,

844
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 3: so they left us in the hospital and went to

845
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 3: another country. Luckily, they had checked in to the hospital

846
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 3: with their passports, so the hospital reached out to the embassy.

847
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 3: The embassy then found our grandparents, who brought us back

848
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,439
Speaker 3: home and we were raised by our uncle and aunt,

849
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 3: since we call them mom and dad. My parents were

850
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 3: charged with child abandonment, but after ten years of being

851
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 3: mia the charges were dropped and our families also didn't

852
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,839
Speaker 3: try to look for them. Two years ago, they showed

853
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 3: up at my dad's parents' house in a completely renovated look.

854
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 3: Turns out they had to finish their education, gotten stable

855
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 3: jobs in the country, started mental health treatments and had

856
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 3: been sober for nine years. They had basically put themselves together.

857
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 3: For the first six months, they only saw their parents

858
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 3: in public places. Then they were accepted into the houses

859
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 3: A year later. They met with us when we were

860
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 3: twenty four. Me and my twin brothers started to have

861
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 3: a relationship with them, and we are somewhat cordial right now.

862
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 3: Last week, the abandonment topic came up and Linda said

863
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,240
Speaker 3: it was the hardest choice they had made. I started

864
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 3: to laugh uncontrollably after that, when they asked why, I

865
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 3: told them they had multiple choices to come back and

866
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 3: they didn't. I said our families right not to trust them,

867
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 3: and that they would always have eyes on them and

868
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 3: they should accept this. At this stage, Linda started to

869
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,240
Speaker 3: cry and they left shortly after all the family except

870
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 3: my brother think I was being too cruel and that

871
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,479
Speaker 3: I should apologize, but I think they had to hear

872
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 3: the unfiltered truth. Am I the a hole? And there

873
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 3: are some comments about bio mother and father's story, But

874
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 3: what do you think of ke on? Call you op?

875
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, as op, and I think we all agree here

876
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: you don't owe them the time of day. Again, they

877
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 1: abandoned you at the HOTNY four years. Yeah, these people.

878
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 1: You don't know these people, They don't deserve any of

879
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: your time. Again, these aren't your parents that you have

880
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 1: no relationship with these people. I would be like, it's

881
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:51,359
Speaker 1: too little, too late, Mom and dad, where were you

882
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: for the last I don't know twenty four years? Literally,

883
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: Grandpa and grandma over there are there my mom and dad,

884
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: my twins and myself's mom and dad. So I don't care.

885
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think any of your family members who

886
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 3: are saying like you are being too cruel, you just

887
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 3: have to be like, Hey, you weren't the ones abandoned

888
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 3: by your parents, So I don't think you really get

889
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 3: to say and how we feel about this Bio mother

890
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 3: and father's story. From comments, they didn't drag themselves out.

891
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 3: They were dragged out by other people. I don't know

892
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,879
Speaker 3: how or why, but a restaurant owner in Thailand really

893
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,800
Speaker 3: cared about them, a restaurant owner and started the rehab

894
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 3: process by contacting our country and sending them back. Then

895
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 3: it was the rehab center. After that, the job placement,

896
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:42,359
Speaker 3: and then the secondary schools. They openly said they were

897
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 3: doomed if he wasn't around. My family from both sides,

898
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 3: comes from a somewhat noble lineage, so both sides have

899
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 3: some unrealistic standards, and our parents' mental health issues didn't

900
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 3: favor them in the family. But Chris was a troublemaker

901
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 3: for the family and also for the community. He was

902
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 3: sent into board school at age thirteen due to excessive

903
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 3: troubles that he caused in school and at home, not

904
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 3: the classic ones. Police were called on him seven times

905
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:13,320
Speaker 3: in a year, seven times. Linda still says she feels

906
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,879
Speaker 3: empty without constant adrenaline in trouble. She still doesn't want

907
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 3: to stay sober from substances. She confessed this to my

908
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 3: brother while asking which medication to take to substitute the

909
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 3: feeling that spicy flower gave her. Wow, why but I

910
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 3: think she's staying sober for the job. Yeah, I mean,

911
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 3: that's such a complicated relationship of like this, you know

912
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 3: woman who says I'm your mom after twenty four years,

913
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 3: who is sober, but like, you know, part of the

914
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,280
Speaker 3: reasons why she abandoned them is because of her substance issues.

915
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 3: Coming and telling him that, I'd be like, I don't

916
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 3: want to be around you.

917
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: Hey, buddy, Hey, do you know any substitutes for to

918
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 1: help my craving? You know, I've been I've been really

919
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: craving for some substances, and I know you're kind of

920
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: like my son, but like not really. Yeah, do you

921
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: have any referrals? That's crazy, that's crazy.

922
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 3: I still don't know if Chris is one hundred percent sober,

923
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 3: but he is passing well even if he's not. While

924
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 3: reading all this, my decision has started to feel justified

925
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,840
Speaker 3: because I'm taking notes of important stuff that people have said.

926
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 3: I am on paid leave right now, so I'm reading

927
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 3: every comment. I will hear from them one last time,

928
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 3: but with the evidence and the stuff I've heard, I

929
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 3: possibly won't resume contact with them. And there are some

930
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 3: relevant comments delete it says not the ale. The thing

931
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 3: is they didn't even try to get you adopted. They

932
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 3: simply abandoned you. You and your brother could have simply

933
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 3: passed away there. Everything turned out fine for you and

934
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,720
Speaker 3: your brother, but that's no thanks to them. They didn't

935
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 3: do anything to ensure you would be okay. It was

936
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,800
Speaker 3: all due to the kindness of random foreign strangers. Info

937
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 3: Did they even know you were alive and with their

938
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,800
Speaker 3: family when they came back, Opie says, I think they didn't,

939
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 3: because after we were born, both of them were pulled

940
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 3: into a rabbit hole of substances. My parents have worked

941
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 3: as bartenders in multiple Asian countries, and my father also

942
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 3: has been an actor in the corn industry. Okay, so

943
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,399
Speaker 3: I don't think they have any ideas about our whereabouts.

944
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 3: And my father still works in the adult film sector.

945
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 3: He is not an actor anymore, but at a producer.

946
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,359
Speaker 1: Oh that changes working up.

947
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 3: He's working his way out. My mother is working as

948
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 3: a head mixologist in a three star Michelin restaurant. Dang,

949
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:42,280
Speaker 3: that's pretty Those are wildly different jobs and are lazy,

950
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 3: says the idea of a perfect family. My family has

951
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 3: spent decades trying to get people who never got along

952
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 3: to get along. Op says, Oh, I see I mean,

953
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 3: I understand the reason why my grandparents were having an

954
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 3: eye on them, because it is their children and they

955
00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 3: failed on keeping them safe and raising them appropriately. But

956
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 3: I don't understand why the extended family members and my

957
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 3: mom and dad care about their feelings. Honestly, I would

958
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 3: have said good riddance. Magic, the maide says, not the

959
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 3: ale hard decision. They birthed you and left. They had

960
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 3: no intention of finding you again. Now that they have

961
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 3: their life together, they want cake and to eat it too.

962
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 3: Shrimp and shoefly pie. Yeah, those two fully intended on

963
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 3: those kids never being found and probably stayed away as

964
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 3: long as they did because the kids were with the families.

965
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 3: Thank goodness for the health providers at the hospital. OPI

966
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 3: and brother would probably have been lost forever otherwise, Op says,

967
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,360
Speaker 3: our family has donated generous amounts of money to the

968
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 3: hospital after that, and we have visited there twice. The

969
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 3: doctor who has birthed us is currently the head physician

970
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 3: of that hospital, and we still send emails back and forth.

971
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: Wow, cute and lovely.

972
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 3: Delete it says info. Is there any proof of the

973
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 3: story of how your grandparents rescued you from a foreign hospital?

974
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 3: And if that actually happened, OPI says, plane tickets, the

975
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 3: letter from the embassy, the photos in the hospital, the

976
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 3: doctor's notes, We have tons of stuff. We also went

977
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 3: to Sri Lanka twice to visit the hospital, and our

978
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 3: grandparents made a discreet donation to the hospital. We also

979
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 3: still send emails back and forth. But the doctor who

980
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 3: birthed us my brother has actually decided to become a

981
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 3: doctor due to him, and he is currently in the

982
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,240
Speaker 3: first year of his residency in neurology.

983
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,840
Speaker 1: Wow, so cool. That's actually really cool.

984
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,839
Speaker 3: And there is an update thirty seven days later at

985
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:34,360
Speaker 3: the specific number on the specific What do you think?

986
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 1: I think again, op, I feel like you should have

987
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: a conversation with your your not your bioparents. Oh, maybe

988
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: you should, you could if you really owe him that.

989
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: But again, like I said earlier, you don't owe them anything. No,

990
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: but I feel like you need to have a conversation

991
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: with your grandparents and any of your family members that

992
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: are still like was in your life from the very

993
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: get go that are I guess slowly letting them back

994
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 1: in into your life. Your bier parents and'd be like

995
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 1: we I don't want to talk to them, or it's like,

996
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: I'll be cordial, but I don't have to have a

997
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: relationship with them. I don't owe them anything. And I

998
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 1: think that's not even an unfiltered truth. I think that's

999
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 1: just an honest truth. I think that's just how it is. Yeah,

1000
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 1: And they should see how you feel and how they

1001
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: make you feel, and you know, yeah, I think that's

1002
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: just you need to have a conversation with them and

1003
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,240
Speaker 1: let them know how you truly feel, because it's very reasonable,

1004
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 1: it's very understandable.

1005
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 3: It agreed. Thirty seven days later. Some stuff happened since

1006
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 3: that post. First, my biomm and biodad are not allowed

1007
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 3: to contact with me unless they want to go to jail.

1008
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 3: A good friend of mine from high school is a lawyer,

1009
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,479
Speaker 3: and he advised me to prepare a cease and desist letter.

1010
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 3: My main language is not English, but this is the

1011
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,280
Speaker 3: closest thing that Google translates. Said it in the legal terms,

1012
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 3: and he did it for me without any charges, because

1013
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 3: he said that's what good friends do. Dah, that's nice.

1014
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 3: My brother is sad that I'm not even entertaining the

1015
00:46:56,920 --> 00:47:00,040
Speaker 3: idea of a relationship, but he says it's okay. He

1016
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 3: understands it. He just sees them from a different perspective,

1017
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:05,919
Speaker 3: the same perspective that he sees the patience he takes

1018
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 3: care of. My mother and father weren't happy about the

1019
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 3: restraining order and accuse me of being cruel and heartless.

1020
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 1: I'm sorry we accused you.

1021
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 3: Wow, I'm sorry. What I'm sorry? I'd be like, oh,

1022
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 3: you're right. You know what else is cruel and hartless?

1023
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 3: Abandoning your children for twenty four years?

1024
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 1: Boom snap.

1025
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 3: They said I'm being the embodiment of a demon, and

1026
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 3: they said they will cut contact with me if I

1027
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 3: ever put this plan into action.

1028
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 1: Good guess what, you guys cut contact with me? Perfect birth?

1029
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,399
Speaker 3: Well remember that I think Opea's plan is to cut

1030
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 3: contact with them, so it's kind of that's exactly what

1031
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 3: he wants.

1032
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 1: So awesome with another twenty four years, right? Uh?

1033
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,399
Speaker 3: I said, well consider this as our last talk then

1034
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 3: and left their house. I am residing at my own

1035
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,800
Speaker 3: apartment that my grandparents gave me as a birthday present

1036
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 3: on my eighteenth birthday, so no worries. It's in my

1037
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 3: name and no one can touch it. We haven't spoken since,

1038
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 3: and I doubt this will change in the foreseeable future.

1039
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 3: My parents are too forgiving, and since childhood I was

1040
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 3: told I'm being too vindictive. This still continues from their side.

1041
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: My parents say I remind them of my great grandfather,

1042
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 3: who ruined people's lives just because they did small things

1043
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 3: wrong to him. I'm not going to try and argue

1044
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 3: with that. My grandparents, though, they have understood my perspective

1045
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 3: and they said they will respect my boundary, but they

1046
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 3: also asked me to respect their boundary to have a relationship.

1047
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 3: I said, of course, and we had an agreement. I

1048
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 3: still love them so much, and I'm lucky enough to

1049
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 3: have the compassionate parental figures that can understand where I'm

1050
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:45,439
Speaker 3: coming from. Other extended family members have divided into Most

1051
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 3: of them think I'm cruel and they don't want to

1052
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,240
Speaker 3: have a relationship with me anymore other than being civil

1053
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 3: around each other. And some of them still want to

1054
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 3: protect the relationship we have. I can live with this.

1055
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 3: I'm also back in therapy thanks to my brother. He

1056
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 3: arranged a secon with a therapist and also an appointment

1057
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,320
Speaker 3: with a psychiatrist in his hospital. So I am currently

1058
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:09,320
Speaker 3: back in therapy and started to use antidepressants. It doesn't

1059
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 3: solve all the problems, but it helps for me. My

1060
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:16,960
Speaker 3: life continues as my birth parents never showed up. I

1061
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 3: go to work and have some me time on the weekends,

1062
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 3: and spend some time with my friends whenever I can

1063
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,879
Speaker 3: find the time, and I go visit my grandparents once

1064
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,879
Speaker 3: every two weeks. They live next door to each other.

1065
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 3: My brother is my next door neighbors, so we eat

1066
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 3: most of the dinners together when he's not on the

1067
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 3: night shifts. Those nights, I mostly find a guide to

1068
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 3: spend some time with. And there are some relevant comments,

1069
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 3: But do you have any thoughts before we finish this.

1070
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: Hot No, it's just a little exhausting that nobody, I

1071
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,919
Speaker 1: mean no nobody, but some of your family is kind

1072
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:53,439
Speaker 1: of not understand understanding why you're doing this, Yeah, which

1073
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 1: is kind of crazy, Like, all right, you're no better

1074
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: than them. You're no better than them. Do you remember

1075
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 1: what they did when before we were even born? And

1076
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 1: you're gonna forgive them like that? Yeah, that's crazy.

1077
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 3: They're still fifty thousand dollars. And I mean, you know,

1078
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 3: it's good that Opie realizes, like everyone else canna have

1079
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 3: their own relationship with Opie's parents, But Op doesn't have

1080
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 3: to have that again. It's fine.

1081
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 1: It's for them probably it's like the what is it

1082
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 1: the prodigal sun or yeah.

1083
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, like oh, they finally come home. We're welcoming them back.

1084
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 3: But uh, OPI you do not owe them mats relevant comments,

1085
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,320
Speaker 3: affectionate Can says, so missing info. What happened that caused

1086
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 3: a cease and desist slash for straining order to be issued.

1087
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 3: Op says, due to the nature of the previous case,

1088
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,320
Speaker 3: by our country's law, I can ask for a cease

1089
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 3: and desist letter, but that is not a straining order.

1090
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 3: It's just a warning letter against them, saying if you

1091
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 3: ever come close to me, I'll accept that as a

1092
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 3: harmful act and I'll act according to that. Friend Lily says,

1093
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 3: not the ale the majority of your family sounds toxic.

1094
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,839
Speaker 3: I'm glad you're in therapy and getting the help you need,

1095
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:55,720
Speaker 3: and I'm glad you have gone no contact with everyone

1096
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 3: pestering you and calling you names. You're not a demon

1097
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 3: by any stretch of the imagination. You are not to

1098
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 3: blame for other people's bad behavior, and when you react

1099
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,840
Speaker 3: to protect yourself from that behavior, you are not wrong.

1100
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:10,800
Speaker 3: I'm sorry your parents and buy your parents are both

1101
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 3: ignorant and hateful. So again, what change to cause OP

1102
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:17,840
Speaker 3: to want straining order delete it? Says reading the first post,

1103
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,320
Speaker 3: I wondered what the family was like if the biomom

1104
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:24,280
Speaker 3: got into substances at fourteen and the biodad had problems

1105
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 3: as a teenager too. Figure, there was probably some toxicity

1106
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 3: in the first place, And after reading the rest of

1107
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 3: the family's reaction to op not wanting anything to do

1108
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 3: with the adults who literally abandoned them in another country

1109
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 3: without even trying to contact back home, I feel firm

1110
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 3: in my stance that Opie's family sucks. Opie says, my

1111
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 3: family comes from somewhat unknoble lineage in our country, and

1112
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 3: everything is about the looks and how we're perceived from

1113
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,840
Speaker 3: the outside, So abandoning people who are the outcasts is

1114
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:58,280
Speaker 3: an option they are familiar with. So yes, they are toxic,

1115
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 3: and the concept remittance men is a thing in our family.

1116
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:05,799
Speaker 3: My biome dad and biomem are not the innocent people here.

1117
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:09,360
Speaker 3: Their parents AKA and my grandparents have pushed all the

1118
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 3: buttons to make it right, both by medical and emotional stuff.

1119
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 3: But my bio dad is a diagnosed borderline, and my

1120
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 3: mother is Type one bipolar who had a really early

1121
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,840
Speaker 3: diagnosis at age thirteen. I am also diagnosed with medication

1122
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,479
Speaker 3: resistant depression. I had TMS when I was eighteen years old,

1123
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,400
Speaker 3: so mental health disorders are genetically rampant in our family.

1124
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 3: My brother is also Type one by polar. Our grandparents

1125
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:35,480
Speaker 3: tried to change a lot of stuff in our families,

1126
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 3: but their siblings wanted the same stuff to continue, so

1127
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 3: it didn't work. But they have raised me and my

1128
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 3: brother according to their ethical codes, so they are the

1129
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 3: ones we are looking up to. Our parents, unfortunately, were

1130
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 3: heavily influenced by their aunts and uncles. Various tri says

1131
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 3: not the Ale, Wow, your adopted parents cut you off

1132
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:58,919
Speaker 3: because you were too vindictive cutting contact with your bioparents

1133
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 3: who abandon you. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Well,

1134
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 3: I think it's totally reasonable for them and for your

1135
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 3: brother to accept your bioparents back into your lives. It

1136
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 3: is equally as reasonable for you to want nothing to

1137
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 3: do with the people who abandoned you at birth in

1138
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 3: a third world country. Stick to your pupews and enjoy

1139
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 3: your life without them, and that is the end of

1140
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,839
Speaker 3: that story very nice, but yeah, I mean, you don't

1141
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 3: know these people anything. They left you for twenty four

1142
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 3: years and that's that. Yeah. Hey, it's John here. We're

1143
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:30,120
Speaker 3: gonna get back to the stories. Put a quick three

1144
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,359
Speaker 3: minute ad break from our sponsors that keep the show going.

1145
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,160
Speaker 1: My boyfriend she did on me with my sister, and

1146
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:39,759
Speaker 1: I think our mother knew my sister, mama knew. I

1147
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,200
Speaker 1: twenty female and my boyfriend twenty nine male, who i'll

1148
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: call Ray, have been together for about a year and

1149
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:48,760
Speaker 1: a half until recently. I always trusted him, maybe blindly

1150
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 1: looking back on it, I started losing that trust a

1151
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 1: few months ago when his ex Anna found me on

1152
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 1: Instagram and sent me the dreaded hey girly text who Now,

1153
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: by the way, this comes from user no Inspection twenty

1154
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:02,759
Speaker 1: five to fifty seven, and if you want submit your

1155
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time

1156
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 1: separate it.

1157
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 3: I'm Keon, I'm Sophia, and I'm Angie, and we're.

1158
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:11,239
Speaker 1: Here to give advice gooefully. But we don't have all

1159
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 1: the answers. We only know what we do, So let

1160
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 1: us know in the comments what you would do, and

1161
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 1: Opie says, Ray told me they broke up because they

1162
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 1: wanted different things. But Anna told me they actually broke

1163
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 1: up because after four years together, she found out he

1164
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: had been cheating on her almost the whole time, with

1165
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:30,400
Speaker 1: no remorse.

1166
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 3: No no.

1167
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 1: Badwick kindled about a year before, and Anna thought that

1168
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 1: he had grown as a person. They were considering getting

1169
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 1: back together until he randomly ghosted her. She found my

1170
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:44,919
Speaker 1: account through his and pieced together from our photos that

1171
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:48,719
Speaker 1: I was the reason he ghosted her. She provided screenshots

1172
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: with time stamps and all during the same time frame.

1173
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: Ray and I started talking. He was talking to us

1174
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:56,399
Speaker 1: both up until the same day he hasked to make

1175
00:54:56,440 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 1: things official. I confronted him with this almost immediately. He

1176
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 1: was honest, but I think only because I had the

1177
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: proof right there. He admitted he was talking to both

1178
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:10,279
Speaker 1: of us and another girl because he was single and

1179
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: he had the right to.

1180
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:15,359
Speaker 3: Oh man, wait wait wait did it? Okay? Wait? Wait,

1181
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 3: what does he mean by single?

1182
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: When yeah, I was gonna see yet because he was

1183
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: he was talking with his again. Rekindled ex Anna talking

1184
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: to O P. And there was a third.

1185
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 3: But at one point in the relationship. You know, we

1186
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 3: don't know, Okay, Okay, he says he was single.

1187
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,800
Speaker 1: Yes, is that true? I don't know. When I pointed

1188
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 1: out that I told him I wasn't talking to anyone

1189
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,719
Speaker 1: else very early on, he got defensive and said I

1190
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 1: was making this out to be something it wasn't. The

1191
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,520
Speaker 1: fact that he brought up cheating first is telling to me.

1192
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 1: Now I know he didn't technically cheat on me, but

1193
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:53,359
Speaker 1: it still feels disrespectful. This opened my eyes to red

1194
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 1: flags that kept popping up. I still love him despite

1195
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: how stupid that sounds, but I need other onions because

1196
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: I feel crazy. Okay, I think that's just a little

1197
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 1: pretext of who Ray is.

1198
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 3: Yay, yeah, yeah, he doesn't seem like a great guy. No, no, no,

1199
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:12,760
Speaker 3: in the context of, like, I know, it's not technically cheating.

1200
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:16,359
Speaker 3: I guess it depends for me how long you guys

1201
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,680
Speaker 3: were going out when he was doing that, because it

1202
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 3: was like, you know, first couple weeks or something that's

1203
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,320
Speaker 3: kind of usually when people are talking to multiple people.

1204
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 1: I agree. I also think depending on where you both

1205
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 1: stand and when you guys like Drew, I guess not

1206
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 1: just like what are we kind of thing, but like, hey,

1207
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:35,800
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna talk to anyone, are you going to

1208
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 1: talk to anyone.

1209
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:40,920
Speaker 3: If you guys said that, it would be very valid

1210
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 3: of you to be like, I feel disrespected.

1211
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I think again, it's you can't. It's again

1212
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 1: you're giving him like a little bit of leeway, Like yeah, okay,

1213
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 1: if you guys weren't official, it makes sense. Yeah, still

1214
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: not the best thing to do, but yeah, it's on

1215
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 1: a technicality kind of thing.

1216
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 6: Mm hmm.

1217
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 1: My sister, a twenty five female who all Jane, went

1218
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 1: through a nasty breakup three months ago and had to

1219
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 1: move back home with my parents. Instead of hiring a

1220
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,720
Speaker 1: moving company, she asked our brother to use his truck

1221
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 1: and have the family helper move. I felt like we

1222
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,440
Speaker 1: needed more help, so I stupidly invited Ray to come

1223
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 1: help us. Ray had never met my sister before, but

1224
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 1: as soon as they started talking, I felt like a

1225
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 1: third wheel. Oh. I ignored it at first and tried

1226
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: to convince myself I was glad they were getting along,

1227
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:30,439
Speaker 1: but the way he looked at her when we left

1228
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 1: that night filled me with jealousy. Less than a week later,

1229
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 1: it got weirder.

1230
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:35,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1231
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 1: Oh, Ray made a comment during a date night about

1232
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 1: how mature my sister was. His sister twenty five.

1233
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well, dude, don't date a twenty year old

1234
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 3: if you wanted to be more mature girl.

1235
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 1: Anyone who talks to this woman can tell she's the

1236
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 1: opposite of mature. So I know this was some type

1237
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 1: of dig because I've always been self conscious about our

1238
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 1: age gap. My mood was ruined because it made no

1239
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,920
Speaker 1: sense why he was even thinking of Jane. I tried

1240
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 1: to end our night early, but he followed me around

1241
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 1: his apartment, yelling that I was acting insecure and I

1242
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 1: didn't trust him. I let it slip that I hadn't

1243
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: trusted him for a while, and he asked what the

1244
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 1: point of our relationship was if I couldn't trust him.

1245
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 1: After some back and forth, I ended up leaving because

1246
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 1: he wouldn't stop. I went to my parents' place because

1247
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: they were closer. My mom was curious why, and I

1248
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 1: broke down and explained everything to her, minus the Jane details,

1249
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 1: because I knew she would be listening. I was a

1250
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: crying mess by the end, but my mom said she

1251
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 1: thought I was being paranoid. I called her a and

1252
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 1: he did pick up quickly. I told him I was sorry,

1253
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 1: but looking back, I wasn't the one who needed to apologize.

1254
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 1: Jane even came down and comforted me, which is rare

1255
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 1: because she usually only cares for herself. I should have

1256
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 1: seen this as a sign. For a while, everything was okay.

1257
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,920
Speaker 1: After when I got back to his place, he apologized

1258
00:58:57,920 --> 00:58:59,919
Speaker 1: for a yelling and said he hated seeing me leave.

1259
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 1: He even asked me to move in with him. I

1260
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 1: was stupidly considering saying yes. Everything felt too good to

1261
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 1: be true, and I was tired of feeling crazy, so

1262
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 1: I started trying to accept that I may have paranoia issues.

1263
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 1: Then everything was basically confirmed for me. Uh oh. In

1264
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:19,600
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, like a month and a

1265
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 1: half after Jane moved back, almost four am, Ray was

1266
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:29,880
Speaker 1: on the phone with her No Ray, Ray Ray. I

1267
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,000
Speaker 1: caught him in his living room whispering into his phone.

1268
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: He didn't even try to hide it. He admitted that

1269
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: he and Jane had been talking for weeks and were

1270
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:39,840
Speaker 1: becoming close friends.

1271
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 3: You stop, pause, stop it stop.

1272
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: I'm going I can't even go home. Ope, he can't

1273
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: go home because guess he was there, Jane.

1274
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 3: Jane.

1275
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 2: Huh.

1276
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 1: He said he didn't tell me because he knew how

1277
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 1: I would react, and was worried I would think the worst.

1278
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 1: Hearing him say that felt so demeaning because it told

1279
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 1: me he knew how I would feel. But he did

1280
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 1: it anyway. I was too angry to have a conversation,

1281
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:10,080
Speaker 1: so I locked myself in the bedroom until it was

1282
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,880
Speaker 1: light out. I was ignoring him and Jane, who spanned

1283
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 1: my phone with explanations. As soon as I could, I

1284
01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 1: left his apartment with as much of my stuff as

1285
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,280
Speaker 1: I could carry. I vented to my mom about this

1286
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 1: on the phone, only to find out that it was

1287
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: my own mother who gave Ray's phone number to my

1288
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 1: sister that night.

1289
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:34,120
Speaker 5: Mama, Mama, No, Mama, Ama.

1290
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 1: The night I crashed at their house because she apparently

1291
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 1: wanted to get to know him better.

1292
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 3: Mama.

1293
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:45,160
Speaker 1: My mom keeps saying she's being a good sister and

1294
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: looking out for me, But.

1295
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 3: I'm not that. You can't be, Mama.

1296
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:54,880
Speaker 1: The timing is too weird. She finds out my boyfriend

1297
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 1: has a history of cheating, and that's when she wants

1298
01:00:57,640 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 1: his number.

1299
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 3: She's like, that's crazy. See should we tested? Now? Should

1300
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:04,400
Speaker 3: we see if you do?

1301
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 1: Let's let's test him. Let's put him to the test.

1302
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 3: I volunteer you're welcome, uppee.

1303
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 1: If she truly was just trying to make sure he

1304
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,919
Speaker 1: was good for me, she wouldn't have felt the need

1305
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 1: to go behind my back. For context about how my

1306
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:21,600
Speaker 1: mom acts towards Jane, my sister has always been spoiled

1307
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 1: or otten. She's my parents' favorite and didn't hear the

1308
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 1: word no from them if they could help it. Even

1309
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: though Jane is one of the rudest people I know,

1310
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 1: my mom still sees her as a widow baby. My

1311
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:35,600
Speaker 1: mom keeps trying to get me to accept that she's

1312
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,959
Speaker 1: just going through a hard time and needs a good

1313
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,600
Speaker 1: friend like Ray who can take care of her.

1314
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 3: Go find a different friend. Actually, op, he go find

1315
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:45,920
Speaker 3: a different boyfriend.

1316
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:47,840
Speaker 1: Ohp he go find a different family.

1317
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:49,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's just start all over.

1318
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 1: That just makes me more livid, because why should my

1319
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 1: boyfriend be responsible for my sister's problems.

1320
01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 3: He shouldn't.

1321
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:01,840
Speaker 1: She's a grown adult who could go to The Last

1322
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:05,040
Speaker 1: week was my final straw. I found out through my

1323
01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:08,560
Speaker 1: brother that Ray and Jane have been regularly meeting up

1324
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 1: at bars for weeks. Oh oh boy, even after the

1325
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 1: big fight about their late night calls, and he's been

1326
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: going on what Jane calls friend dates.

1327
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:24,440
Speaker 2: No.

1328
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:29,480
Speaker 1: The charyotop of this is that she specifically told my

1329
01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 1: brother not to tell me.

1330
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:34,520
Speaker 3: You guys are the worst. Your old family sucks.

1331
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:37,360
Speaker 1: Except for up and your brother, because apparently your brother

1332
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 1: told me told you almost immediately got brother your brother's chill.

1333
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:46,000
Speaker 1: And this is when I finally broke there's no good

1334
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,480
Speaker 1: excuse for my boyfriend to be regularly seeing my sister

1335
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:53,040
Speaker 1: behind my back, so I confronted them. I waited at

1336
01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 1: my apartment and called them both to come over. The

1337
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 1: looks on their faces when they realized they were both

1338
01:02:57,560 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 1: there made my stomach churn. I didn't mention knowing about

1339
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:02,680
Speaker 1: their dates because I wanted to see if they would

1340
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 1: dig themselves into a hole, and that's exactly what they did.

1341
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 1: They both said they barely interact off the phone, and

1342
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,480
Speaker 1: when they did it wasn't planned interesting. I let them

1343
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 1: say their whole spiel before dropping. So you ended up

1344
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:18,760
Speaker 1: at the same bar multiple weekends in a row for

1345
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 1: friend dates on accident. When I used her own words,

1346
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 1: I saw on her face that she knew I knew.

1347
01:03:27,560 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 3: Nice.

1348
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:30,680
Speaker 1: They tried to say it was nothing weird, and both

1349
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:34,840
Speaker 1: adamantly denied anything happening during those dates, but I feel

1350
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:38,880
Speaker 1: it in my gut that they're like, yes, I feel

1351
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:41,320
Speaker 1: in my gut that they're lying, since they can so

1352
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:44,760
Speaker 1: easily lie about everything else. Ray said they were just

1353
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:48,240
Speaker 1: hanging out as friends, but once they lied to my face,

1354
01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:51,560
Speaker 1: I knew they were more than friendly hangouts. Even if

1355
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 1: nothing physically happened, He's at least emotionally cheating on me

1356
01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 1: with her. They made me feel like I was going

1357
01:03:57,680 --> 01:04:01,560
Speaker 1: crazy paranoid girlfriend while manipul and he had the nerve

1358
01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 1: to ask me to move in with him while doing this. No,

1359
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,919
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to either of them or my mom since,

1360
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 1: because I can't help but think my mom knew. What

1361
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:13,440
Speaker 1: hurts most is that had Anna not told me he

1362
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:16,240
Speaker 1: had a passive being a cheater, I would probably be

1363
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:19,240
Speaker 1: thinking he's such a nice guy helping and befriending my sister,

1364
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:21,920
Speaker 1: and they all would have let me stay in the dark.

1365
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 1: They haven't stopped trying to contact me, and I've gotten

1366
01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:27,800
Speaker 1: multiple voicemails from my mom that I'm sure are defending them.

1367
01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

1368
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:32,760
Speaker 1: I didn't technically break it off with Ray, and don't

1369
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:36,439
Speaker 1: know how do It's very easy Opie, Yep, you say

1370
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 1: we're day.

1371
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 3: Ray, we're over ray. Yeah, and your since you're overrated.

1372
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 1: Oh, she's on one of the day ago.

1373
01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:50,240
Speaker 3: Yeah. Man, can't stop, can't.

1374
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:51,240
Speaker 1: Stop, can't stop, won't stop.

1375
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:51,720
Speaker 2: M M.

1376
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 1: I fully believe he was trying to trap me by

1377
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:57,320
Speaker 1: asking me to move in, and now I'm honestly a

1378
01:04:57,360 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 1: little scared of what else he could try. My brother's

1379
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 1: said he would gladly break it to him for me,

1380
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 1: but I don't know if that's the mature thing to do.

1381
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:08,000
Speaker 1: I keep having to beat myself up mentally for missing him.

1382
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:11,000
Speaker 1: Am I jumping to conclusions like my mom thinks or

1383
01:05:11,240 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: does it seem like he's emotionally cheating with my own sister?

1384
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:16,400
Speaker 1: And we have an update, Sophia.

1385
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 3: He seems like he's cheating with your sister. That's kind

1386
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:22,200
Speaker 3: of my own laith thought.

1387
01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, yeah, I mean yeah. Who's having four am

1388
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 1: conversations like oh.

1389
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 3: My god, I'm cheating with your sister and you should

1390
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 3: break up with him.

1391
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:32,680
Speaker 1: We shouldn't be doing this.

1392
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:35,560
Speaker 3: She's sleeping in the other room and he's like, I

1393
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:38,480
Speaker 3: can hear you, guys, now she can Who is that,

1394
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 3: don't worry about it. Don't worry. Uh yeah, Op, you

1395
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 3: just gotta break up, break this off man. You'll find

1396
01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:49,000
Speaker 3: someone way better than this twenty year old, twenty nine

1397
01:05:49,080 --> 01:05:49,800
Speaker 3: year old weirdo.

1398
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. Ough, we do have an update. I decided to

1399
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:58,360
Speaker 1: cut ties with Rayo nice, and I've gone no contact

1400
01:05:58,360 --> 01:06:03,040
Speaker 1: with my sister and my mom. Let's go opee spring

1401
01:06:03,120 --> 01:06:06,360
Speaker 1: cleaning nice. The day after I posted my initial story,

1402
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 1: I took some advice and broke it off with Ray

1403
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 1: through a careful text that said more or less, I

1404
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 1: don't believe nothing happened between you and my sister, and

1405
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 1: I won't say in a relationship with someone who would

1406
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 1: break my trust like that, even if nothing happened. You

1407
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,600
Speaker 1: lied to me about seeing her, went behind my back

1408
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:26,440
Speaker 1: to be with her, and hurt me all for someone

1409
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:29,440
Speaker 1: you barely know, someone I'm supposed to be able to trust.

1410
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:31,960
Speaker 1: I don't want you to call or text me, and

1411
01:06:32,040 --> 01:06:34,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to see you again. My brother will

1412
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:36,520
Speaker 1: be coming to get anything of mine you still have

1413
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:39,080
Speaker 1: when he can. I wanted the text to be direct

1414
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:41,800
Speaker 1: so he couldn't try and twist my words, but he

1415
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:44,240
Speaker 1: still responded, saying he only wanted to be with me.

1416
01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:46,800
Speaker 3: Well you can't.

1417
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 1: I'm sorry sorry that he was. Sorry he hurt me

1418
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 1: and didn't mean to break my trust. I silenced his

1419
01:06:53,920 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 1: contact and put my phone on do not disturb, but

1420
01:06:57,080 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 1: I know he's still be texting. I'm following advice not

1421
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 1: to welcome fully, just in case he goes too far

1422
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: and I need documentation. My sister shut up at my

1423
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:10,120
Speaker 1: apartment unannounced after this, and I'm positive he told her

1424
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,919
Speaker 1: about my text. I talked her outside because I wanted

1425
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,880
Speaker 1: to see if I can get more information, but didn't

1426
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:18,240
Speaker 1: want her in my apartment. While she was begging me

1427
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 1: to forgive her, I said I would if she told

1428
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 1: me the truth, and I was pretty much right. She

1429
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:26,720
Speaker 1: confessed that they both talked about being attracted to each

1430
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 1: other and about what they would do together if I

1431
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:32,000
Speaker 1: wasn't in the picture on those late night phone calls.

1432
01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:34,800
Speaker 1: The farthest it went was talking about getting a hotel

1433
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,080
Speaker 1: room for a weekend to act on this, which he

1434
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 1: claims Ray shot down. But I don't believe that. Isn't

1435
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 1: that crazy? Isn't that crazy? They talked about it, yeah,

1436
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:45,680
Speaker 1: but he shot it down. So he's a good guy, right.

1437
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 3: I don't really care about Ray or your sister anymore.

1438
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:50,840
Speaker 3: We've cut them off.

1439
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:54,160
Speaker 1: Cissy, Cissy, I said, we wanted to do things behind

1440
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,800
Speaker 1: your back. But you know what, he's a good guy.

1441
01:07:57,480 --> 01:07:59,280
Speaker 1: He didn't want to do it. He said, he only

1442
01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:00,720
Speaker 1: wanted to, but he didn't do it.

1443
01:08:01,040 --> 01:08:02,320
Speaker 3: Only I have betrayed your trust.

1444
01:08:02,320 --> 01:08:03,440
Speaker 1: He only said it in words.

1445
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:04,160
Speaker 3: You're welcome.

1446
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:08,240
Speaker 1: Gross, She said. Nothing physical ever happened, and they went

1447
01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:10,800
Speaker 1: on those friend dates to live out a fantasy they

1448
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:13,600
Speaker 1: were never going to act on, which I think is bs.

1449
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:17,040
Speaker 3: That's you acting on it. You literally acted on it.

1450
01:08:17,120 --> 01:08:18,760
Speaker 3: I would be like to live at a fantasy of

1451
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:22,000
Speaker 3: you acting on it. You acted on it, You lived

1452
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:25,799
Speaker 3: out the fantasy. You literally said you lived out the fantasy.

1453
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,560
Speaker 1: Ah boy, I'd honestly at this point, I'm like, you

1454
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:31,519
Speaker 1: know what, go live out your fantasy. Yeah, I broke

1455
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:32,000
Speaker 1: up with him.

1456
01:08:32,520 --> 01:08:33,439
Speaker 3: I mean, oh he already has.

1457
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:35,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, I broke up with him. Go live out your fantasy.

1458
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:37,479
Speaker 1: I want to be with him. Really confirm your fantasy.

1459
01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:37,800
Speaker 2: Do it?

1460
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:38,800
Speaker 3: You got it?

1461
01:08:39,200 --> 01:08:41,040
Speaker 1: She said she was the one pushing for them to

1462
01:08:41,080 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 1: go further, but he never crossed the line. But I

1463
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 1: don't care. They were leading up to cheating physically if

1464
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:50,439
Speaker 1: they have it already and in my eyes, already did cheat.

1465
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:52,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree emotionally Yep.

1466
01:08:53,160 --> 01:08:55,400
Speaker 1: They were so close yet so far, but they did.

1467
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:59,000
Speaker 1: They were basically spicy texting while I was asleep in

1468
01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:02,120
Speaker 1: the next room, and her trying to justify that makes

1469
01:09:02,160 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 1: me feel sick. I told her I was likely not

1470
01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:06,720
Speaker 1: going to talk to her ever again, and she went

1471
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:09,519
Speaker 1: from begging to being angry and calling me a liar

1472
01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:12,799
Speaker 1: almost immediately, so I just went back up to my apartment.

1473
01:09:13,160 --> 01:09:15,880
Speaker 1: I also finally listened to my mom's voicemails and they

1474
01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:21,800
Speaker 1: were in fact defending Jane, not me. Shock wow. I

1475
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:24,880
Speaker 1: called her, told her that Jane admitted and asked if

1476
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:27,800
Speaker 1: she knew. She said she didn't know and thought they

1477
01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:31,160
Speaker 1: were really just friends. But still thinks I'm being too

1478
01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:33,840
Speaker 1: hard on Jane. She thinks I should be more angry

1479
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 1: at Ray since he made the commitment to me and

1480
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:39,960
Speaker 1: Jane will be my sister for life. What is that mindset?

1481
01:09:40,240 --> 01:09:42,880
Speaker 3: It's a pretty bad mindset. Jane is the one who

1482
01:09:43,240 --> 01:09:46,000
Speaker 3: literally tried to get Op's boyfriend to sleep with her.

1483
01:09:46,080 --> 01:09:49,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I believe her that she didn't know about everything,

1484
01:09:49,280 --> 01:09:51,559
Speaker 1: but I can't even find the words to describe how

1485
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:55,719
Speaker 1: I feel about her, expecting me just to forgive Jane.

1486
01:09:55,920 --> 01:10:00,519
Speaker 3: Just drop them, drop them, drop them. Yeah, the no,

1487
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 3: I get rid of these people. They suck and they're

1488
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,120
Speaker 3: cheaters and they don't care about you.

1489
01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:08,759
Speaker 1: All disgusting. This is really really But also.

1490
01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:11,360
Speaker 3: I do want to say, like, props to Opie because

1491
01:10:11,400 --> 01:10:14,639
Speaker 3: she's twenty. Yeah, and in a lot of these stories

1492
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:17,200
Speaker 3: with a lot older people, you'll have people who are like,

1493
01:10:17,280 --> 01:10:18,960
Speaker 3: I didn't cheat on you. No, like I didn't cheat

1494
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:21,479
Speaker 3: on you gas like gaslight as light, and the op

1495
01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:24,760
Speaker 3: will be like, well, you know, they're saying that they

1496
01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:27,360
Speaker 3: didn't cheat on me, so like I can't just leave

1497
01:10:27,400 --> 01:10:31,360
Speaker 3: with no concrete proof or evidence, and you know, they

1498
01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:34,800
Speaker 3: feel bad, and he's just like, no, I don't you know,

1499
01:10:34,960 --> 01:10:37,040
Speaker 3: maybe you didn't physically cheat, but you mostly you did,

1500
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:37,639
Speaker 3: so I'm out of here.

1501
01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:41,600
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, no crazy even when you caught them and

1502
01:10:41,640 --> 01:10:43,759
Speaker 1: they're like, no, we're just we're just really good friends.

1503
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:44,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, props to up.

1504
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:48,160
Speaker 1: Good for uop, But let's go ahead and finish up

1505
01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:50,760
Speaker 1: the story. I haven't spoken to them since, but they

1506
01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:53,160
Speaker 1: brought the whole family into this to try and convince

1507
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:56,040
Speaker 1: me to reconsider. I made it clear to them that

1508
01:10:56,120 --> 01:10:58,800
Speaker 1: I would also be going no contact with anyone who

1509
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:00,960
Speaker 1: tried to convince me to talk to them before I'm ready,

1510
01:11:01,479 --> 01:11:04,360
Speaker 1: and my brother helped back me up on this. Heck, yeah, brother.

1511
01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:07,320
Speaker 1: My brother has been very supportive and it's probably all

1512
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:09,760
Speaker 1: that's going to get me through this. He plans to

1513
01:11:09,800 --> 01:11:11,639
Speaker 1: go to Raise tomorrow to get some stuff I left

1514
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,760
Speaker 1: there and is actually going to be staying with me

1515
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:15,760
Speaker 1: because I have a spare key to my apartment at

1516
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:17,880
Speaker 1: Ray's place. We're both ready to call the cops if

1517
01:11:17,880 --> 01:11:20,479
Speaker 1: he tries to keep even one thing from me. Some

1518
01:11:20,600 --> 01:11:23,840
Speaker 1: comments were the harsh punt I needed to realize I

1519
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:26,599
Speaker 1: needed to stop doubting myself and that I was acting

1520
01:11:26,640 --> 01:11:29,920
Speaker 1: into the exact parts of myself he manipulated and maybe

1521
01:11:29,960 --> 01:11:31,880
Speaker 1: sought out when getting with me in the first place.

1522
01:11:32,360 --> 01:11:34,439
Speaker 1: My brother has always been one of the best people

1523
01:11:34,479 --> 01:11:37,840
Speaker 1: I know and is my best friend. Our sister has

1524
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:41,360
Speaker 1: kind of always been our biggest bully, so he knows

1525
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 1: how she can be and even he's surprised she went

1526
01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:46,240
Speaker 1: this far. He also agrees with me they might be

1527
01:11:46,320 --> 01:11:49,679
Speaker 1: more together than they're saying. He never liked or trusted

1528
01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:51,720
Speaker 1: Ray and didn't like us dating because of the age

1529
01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:54,160
Speaker 1: cap long before I realized he's a piece of crap

1530
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 1: and I should have considered that a while ago. And

1531
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:58,559
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.

1532
01:11:58,760 --> 01:12:02,880
Speaker 3: And there you go, folks. Yeah he's a piece of poop.

1533
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:05,400
Speaker 3: Get rid of him, Get rid of your sister, of

1534
01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:07,400
Speaker 3: your mom, keep your.

1535
01:12:07,280 --> 01:12:10,040
Speaker 1: Brother, get rid of anyone who again. Get on your

1536
01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:13,639
Speaker 1: brother who's like, yeah, that's wacky, that's crazy. Whoever whoever

1537
01:12:13,680 --> 01:12:15,439
Speaker 1: backs that up? Whack.

1538
01:12:15,640 --> 01:12:16,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's all you need, your brother.

1539
01:12:17,479 --> 01:12:17,719
Speaker 1: Yeah,