Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey, everybody, have you been
Speaker 1: kind of wondering how to get out of going to
Speaker 1: the family picnic, to the wedding? You're trying to get
Speaker 1: out of a commitment that you said yes to. Well,
Speaker 1: guess what, I've got a few tips on how to
Speaker 1: do that, and we get to talk about the Black
Speaker 1: Effect podcast festival that was just this past weekend here
Speaker 1: in Atlanta. So stay tuned for another episode of Checking
Speaker 1: In with Your Girl Michelle Williams. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Speaker 1: another week of Checking In. Yes, I know I say
Speaker 1: this every episode, but I can't continue to do new
Speaker 1: episodes without y'all listening, without you guys downloading. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm able to still be here again because of the
Speaker 1: support of you guys. So tell your cousins, tell your friends,
Speaker 1: tell your boo, your baby baba, your baby daddy, tell
Speaker 1: them about Checking In. Or if you feel like an
Speaker 1: episode of mine would be beneficial to someone in your life,
Speaker 1: you know, just send them the link, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. How y'all doing this week? Y'all doing good?
Speaker 1: So far? I am doing well. Thank you for asking.
Speaker 1: I'm excited because this past weekend was the first annual
Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Festival here in Atlanta, Georgia. Sold out
Speaker 1: three thousand people in attendance. The Black Effect Podcast Festival
Speaker 1: is the brainchild, the baby of Charlemagne of the breakfast
Speaker 1: Club Effect. This is his network and he and his
Speaker 1: amazing team over at Black Effect were able to pull
Speaker 1: off the very first annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. I
Speaker 1: am so inspired because I don't think people realize how
Speaker 1: much goes into preparing something and it's your first time
Speaker 1: doing it, because you have those fears, it's anybody gonna support. Well,
Speaker 1: people show up, what's gonna happen? And oh, I was
Speaker 1: so inspired and so because of you guys and showing up.
Speaker 1: People came from Turks and k Coast, Arkansas, Cincinnati. People
Speaker 1: showed up and showed out. So thank y'all for coming.
Speaker 1: My girl Brie, she and her mom were in the building.
Speaker 1: I believe I know. I saw Brie to my right
Speaker 1: on stage right. So Brie, if you're listening, thank you
Speaker 1: for coming. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. It was a lot of fun. So my
Speaker 1: part at the podcast Festival was myself and the ladies
Speaker 1: of Reasonably Shady Giselle Brian and Robin Dixon, who are
Speaker 1: also cast members of Real Housewives of Potomac. Well, Michelle,
Speaker 1: why did you do a podcast with Reasonably Shady? Why
Speaker 1: did you guys combine podcasts? Well, first of all, it's
Speaker 1: because of relationship. I have known Jaselle Bryant for maybe
Speaker 1: for about twenty years when she was married to Pastor
Speaker 1: Jamal Harrison Bryant. That's how we met because Jamal and
Speaker 1: Gazelle are good friends with a pastor and his wife
Speaker 1: out of Chicago where I used to live, and Pastor
Speaker 1: Bryant preached at the church and I met Gazelle. We
Speaker 1: hit it off, so that was cool. So yeah, we
Speaker 1: had a blast. We had a blast. We had a time.
Speaker 1: We hit certain hot topics. We talked about somebody wanting
Speaker 1: to run for president. I think it's Afroman wanting to
Speaker 1: run for presidency. We talked about I brought up Chloe
Speaker 1: Bailey and how she's been getting a lot of heat
Speaker 1: because of album sales or people have been I think
Speaker 1: inciting and trying to sow discord between she and her label, Parkwood,
Speaker 1: which is owned by Beyonce and so y'all know I
Speaker 1: had to speak into it. I said that people were
Speaker 1: wondering why didn't Beyonce post about Chloe's album on her Instagram?
Speaker 1: So I mean, had Beyonce posted on her Instagram? Okay,
Speaker 1: this is how I feel. I feel like people don't
Speaker 1: support someone's art until they see someone of a certain
Speaker 1: name get behind it. So would Chloe have sold a
Speaker 1: million copies if Beyonce posted it on Instagram? Why didn't
Speaker 1: y'all buy it? Anyway? Well, Beyonce, Beyonce didn't support. Beyonce
Speaker 1: did a lot of Let me tell you something, Beyonce
Speaker 1: has supported. Chloe is signed to Parkwood, So anything attached
Speaker 1: to Parkwood is attached to Beyonce, meaning the staff, the
Speaker 1: pr the people that help with the visuals and glam
Speaker 1: Why y'all think Chloe and Haley been out here killing
Speaker 1: it glam wise? Why I think they've been on certain platforms.
Speaker 1: So Beyonce don't need to post nothing on her social
Speaker 1: media pages because Chloe and Haley. I don't give me.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if Haley is signed to Parkwood as
Speaker 1: a solo artist, I would think that she is. We
Speaker 1: know Chloe is, we know the group is Chloe and
Speaker 1: Haley have a group deal, right, but then you also
Speaker 1: have your individual recording contracts as well. So it's like
Speaker 1: Destiny's Child was signed as a group, right, but then
Speaker 1: we all the three of us had our own individual
Speaker 1: recording deals as well. Just to get the technicalities out
Speaker 1: the way, kind of spoken too that because I also
Speaker 1: felt like had Beyonce posted, then people would be saying
Speaker 1: the only reason why Chloe is doing as well as
Speaker 1: she did was because beyond sy talking about it and
Speaker 1: support it it blah blah. So this is the saying
Speaker 1: that you cannot win for losing when you When a
Speaker 1: person thinks they're doing a good job, there are gonna
Speaker 1: be people who are going to think otherwise. So my
Speaker 1: thing is, don't wait for anybody to post about anybody's
Speaker 1: project on their social media pages. If you know a
Speaker 1: person has an album coming out and you like what
Speaker 1: they put out as art, you go press ad to
Speaker 1: Kart or by Now or whatever it is how and
Speaker 1: you support their craft. Don't wait for Beyonce to post it.
Speaker 1: Don't wait for Jesus to post it. If you like it,
Speaker 1: you support it, don't wait. Because I feel like I
Speaker 1: have even experienced where I felt like certain pages. If
Speaker 1: I was on certain pages, I would even get more follows.
Speaker 1: Like if Kelly posts something about me, or if I'm
Speaker 1: seeing on Beyonce's stories around her website, I get more follows.
Speaker 1: And it's kind of like, keep your energy over there,
Speaker 1: because if you're only following me because somebody posted about me,
Speaker 1: you're not a real supporter or fan of mine. If
Speaker 1: you're only following me based on my association, keep it.
Speaker 1: I personally want, and I think I can speak for Chloe.
Speaker 1: She wants people who are going to support her, whether
Speaker 1: or not there's been some audible or some type of
Speaker 1: visual endorsement from someone. Again, I think Chloe Bailey has
Speaker 1: had all the endorsement that she needs basically just being
Speaker 1: signed as an artist to Parkwood. Chloe writes her music,
Speaker 1: she's a musician, she plays multiple instruments, she's an actress.
Speaker 1: She's been killing it. So that's what I was able
Speaker 1: to kind of speak into. There was questions from the audience.
Speaker 1: We were able to also read questions that people sent in,
Speaker 1: like should you take your bottle back after you leave
Speaker 1: an event if they don't use your bottle of wine
Speaker 1: or an alcoholic beverage, or hey, if you brought gingerrell
Speaker 1: to the party and if it went unopened, is it
Speaker 1: correct etiquette to take your unopened bottle back. I spoken
Speaker 1: to that and said, hey, if it's a potluck type thing,
Speaker 1: you know where people bring potato, a salad, a pot
Speaker 1: of greens, some chicken, you know, some sandwiches, you take
Speaker 1: your stuff back. But if say someone invites you to
Speaker 1: their house and all you have to do is show up,
Speaker 1: the polite thing to do is bring a bottle or
Speaker 1: even dessert. Like I've been to people's homes where they're like, man,
Speaker 1: just show up. We got a chef coming tonight, just come.
Speaker 1: So the polite thing to do is don't come empty handed.
Speaker 1: Bring a nice bottle of their favorite wine or beverage.
Speaker 1: Even if they say we've got beverages taken care of.
Speaker 1: It's just nice to show up with something. Or sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll stick around to even help clean up. I was
Speaker 1: just talked that way. You just don't go to people's
Speaker 1: houses and not do anything or bring something unless they
Speaker 1: are adamant. I've even had people say you can bring
Speaker 1: something if you want to, but we're not gonna take
Speaker 1: it because I've had people say, we just want you
Speaker 1: to come and rest and enjoy and be spoiled and
Speaker 1: loved one for the evening. So that's why that's when
Speaker 1: I think you take your bottle back. Is if it
Speaker 1: was like a potluck style, if work had a pot luck,
Speaker 1: or you and your girlfriends decided to get together, and
Speaker 1: if it goes unopened, or even if it doesn't, you
Speaker 1: got some left over. I would take my bottle back.
Speaker 1: But again, if I'm going to my girlfriend a mirror
Speaker 1: house for dinner and her chef cooked or but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna bring a bottle, and whether it's unopened or not,
Speaker 1: it's gonna stay in their cabinet. So it was things
Speaker 1: like that. There were a few shady questions about people's
Speaker 1: love lives and all that good stuff, and so I
Speaker 1: don't know if it was on that episode, but I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, are y'all will never hear about my
Speaker 1: love life ever again? So that's how I feel about it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stick to it all right, So let's get
Speaker 1: into this episode of checking in. I don't know if
Speaker 1: y'all have been following me on social media, but I
Speaker 1: have really been about safe people and boundaries and someone
Speaker 1: asked me, how do you know if you're honoring your boundaries?
Speaker 1: On the post where I said are you a safe
Speaker 1: person to yourself? I said, I know being around safe people,
Speaker 1: being in relationship with safe people is wise, But are
Speaker 1: you a safe person to yourself? Do you give yourself grace?
Speaker 1: Do you honor your boundaries? So someone asked me a really, really,
Speaker 1: really good question, what's an example of honoring my boundaries?
Speaker 1: So even at the podcast festival I brought this up.
Speaker 1: Honoring your boundaries looks like this. Some of you are
Speaker 1: getting good at maybe setting boundaries with family members, because
Speaker 1: family members, especially when you're on a healing journey, when
Speaker 1: you've been to therapy, or when you've become self aware,
Speaker 1: when you're to the place of okay. I will not
Speaker 1: tolerate disrespect in any form. I don't care from who,
Speaker 1: because I even feel like family, especially people from the
Speaker 1: older generation, feel like they can talk to you any
Speaker 1: kind of way, and they use the excuse I'm old, tiny,
Speaker 1: so I can say whatever I want. No, just because
Speaker 1: you're seventy years old does not mean you can talk
Speaker 1: to me or my children, or my husband or wife,
Speaker 1: my dog. You just can't talk to us any kind
Speaker 1: of way. I feel like if you're twenty years old,
Speaker 1: seventy years old, ninety years old, that there is just
Speaker 1: a certain way you talk to people. Now, I have
Speaker 1: some relatives who are a little unfiltered, but because I
Speaker 1: know the posture of their heart, I don't necessarily get offended.
Speaker 1: But there are some people who are unfiltered who want
Speaker 1: to be malicious. They use their mouths as swords, as knives,
Speaker 1: as daggers. That's when it becomes problematic. Now you can
Speaker 1: probably identify one or two people in your family or
Speaker 1: friend circle. There are some of y'all, even me, who
Speaker 1: are like, you know what, I can only be around
Speaker 1: so and so for about thirty minutes. So the boundary
Speaker 1: is you set a boundary. Okay, I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: this family picnic and I'm gonna only stay for thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: You have set a boundary because you know that after
Speaker 1: you being somewhere for thirty minutes, somebody starts acting a fool,
Speaker 1: or they start asking you questions, because once they get comfortable,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like they real you in and get comfortable,
Speaker 1: then they start being disrespectful. So honoring your boundaries also means, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the wedding, even though my family crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to this wedding. But I know of AIN'TI.
Speaker 1: So and so says something to me disrespectful. I am
Speaker 1: going to say, unso and so, this is disrespectful. Or
Speaker 1: you may say, if someone gets disrespectful, I'm going to leave.
Speaker 1: That is your boundary. So once someone gets disrespectful, you
Speaker 1: pick up your handbag or your pocket book, or you're
Speaker 1: what do you call it, your knapsack of whatever it
Speaker 1: is that folks are wearing nowadays, and you exit stage left,
Speaker 1: You get in your card, and you go home. That's
Speaker 1: what honoring your boundaries mean. Also, honoring your boundaries could
Speaker 1: be as simple as somebody you that's listening right now.
Speaker 1: You might have somebody who's aways negative. They get on
Speaker 1: the phone and you might say, honoring a boundary is
Speaker 1: I'm only talking to so and so for five minutes,
Speaker 1: because when six minutes hits, they just gonna start being
Speaker 1: negative and complaining, and they're never they never want a
Speaker 1: solution anyway. They just want to vent and complain and gossip.
Speaker 1: A boundary is I don't want to completely exit their
Speaker 1: life nor do I want them to exit my life.
Speaker 1: I just know that I can only be around so
Speaker 1: and so for about five minutes because then it goes left.
Speaker 1: That's a boundary. So I have been reading something by
Speaker 1: least it's the Arbiter. But therapists Nedra Glover Tawap talks
Speaker 1: about boundaries. She's the author of Set Boundaries, Fine Piece,
Speaker 1: a Guide to reclaiming Yourself. Okay, boundary setting is a
Speaker 1: form of self care that's just as important as eating
Speaker 1: well and getting enough sleep. We treat self care as
Speaker 1: an optional practice, y'all. Boundary setting should not be optional. Okay,
Speaker 1: it should not be optional. So I love how you know.
Speaker 1: She talks about the best way to express boundaries. She says,
Speaker 1: communicate clearly and follow up diligently. Keep your message short
Speaker 1: into the point. She says, state your boundary in one
Speaker 1: or two sentences. He said stick to This is my
Speaker 1: solution for this issue. For instance, I'm happy to travel
Speaker 1: to your family's house on Thanksgiving, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to stay the entire weekend. I need some time to decompress.
Speaker 1: She says, don't bring up the past. You don't have
Speaker 1: to say that time you made us stay ten days
Speaker 1: was miserable. She said, you don't have to do that because,
Speaker 1: she said, that can cause an unnecessary argument and derail
Speaker 1: your conversation. And don't tack on too many details which
Speaker 1: may obscure your point entirely. She says, once the boundary
Speaker 1: is set, you need to reinforce it, which might mean
Speaker 1: repeating yourself several times. She also says, you know, how
Speaker 1: do you get started? You know, choose a few non negotiables,
Speaker 1: like I take a walk every day at lunch, or
Speaker 1: I set aside time to sit in silence every morning
Speaker 1: and do them without apology. Schedule them in your calendar
Speaker 1: if you need to. Self care practices are most effective
Speaker 1: when done daily, but every bit, Oh what if I
Speaker 1: get pushed back? She answers, and says people may question
Speaker 1: or simply ignore your boundaries. Okay, Rather than shutting down
Speaker 1: or lashing out, you ask them what's fueling their need
Speaker 1: for you. Once you know their concerns, collaborate on a solution.
Speaker 1: You might need to explain how this boundary will make
Speaker 1: you happier, which benefits you both. For example, you can say,
Speaker 1: you know, my mood improves a million times when I
Speaker 1: sneak in a twenty minute walk, so I'll be a
Speaker 1: much better dinner companion. So you have to Now you
Speaker 1: have to state this. Now, this requires a bit of
Speaker 1: vulnerability on your end. So, for instance, I set a
Speaker 1: boundary with someone because I feel like I even feel
Speaker 1: like they were kind of disrespecting my business protocol. What
Speaker 1: is your business protocol, Michelle? My business protocol simply means
Speaker 1: how how I like to do business. My business protocol
Speaker 1: is how I like to do business that does not
Speaker 1: incite anxiety, tension, worry. It's I have streamlined my life
Speaker 1: and my business in a way that is peaceful and
Speaker 1: it's great for my mental health. So I simply needed
Speaker 1: to shift a few people in how I do business.
Speaker 1: So I won't go into specifics, but I just set
Speaker 1: a boundary with this person, and their reaction to me
Speaker 1: setting the boundary was all the confirmation that I needed
Speaker 1: of as to why I set the boundary in the
Speaker 1: first place. They salked the s u l k ed.
Speaker 1: What does sulking mean? Well, let's look it up. Sulk
Speaker 1: means to be silent, morose, and bad tempered out of
Speaker 1: annoyance or disappointment. So the person was probably they were
Speaker 1: disappointed because they won't have the same access to me
Speaker 1: that they normally had, or the access that they have
Speaker 1: looks different. You still have access to me, but not
Speaker 1: in the same way. This. I needed to do this
Speaker 1: for my mental health, and their reaction to this day
Speaker 1: lets me know that I made the right decision because
Speaker 1: I feel like too people will take advantage of the
Speaker 1: access that they have to you. You'll become familiar, you
Speaker 1: become common with people. When honor has left the building.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying tie my shoes. I'm the most boring
Speaker 1: client people have. When I go to events, They're like,
Speaker 1: can we get you anything? As well as be like, nope,
Speaker 1: I can go get my own tea if I need
Speaker 1: to get it. I get my own coffee, I get
Speaker 1: my own snacks. You know, I love to keep some
Speaker 1: sort of independence. So when you set a boundary, a
Speaker 1: person will be disappointed. But if they loved and if
Speaker 1: they want to be in your life, they will make
Speaker 1: the adjustment. And you'll know that if it was all
Speaker 1: for them and they were being self serving, they're going
Speaker 1: to pitch a fin They're gonna act like an immature child.
Speaker 1: They're gonna go in a corner and cry and yell
Speaker 1: and throw a whole temper, but that will continue to
Speaker 1: show you every reason why you needed to set the boundary.
Speaker 1: And I even told this person, I said, Hey, the
Speaker 1: reason why I want to do things this way, I said,
Speaker 1: because I feel a shift in my mental health When
Speaker 1: I work this way. My capacity is better, my mood
Speaker 1: is better, I'm not feeling overwhelmed. So I feel like
Speaker 1: people should honor the requests that you have. So I
Speaker 1: just wanted to share that with you. There are so
Speaker 1: many cool questions in this article says how can I
Speaker 1: say no when my family asks for my help? The
Speaker 1: answer says, by again Nedra toab Those of us who
Speaker 1: are people pleasers assume others won't like us when we
Speaker 1: advocate for what we want, But people tend to appreciate
Speaker 1: honesty and don't abandon us if we say no. The
Speaker 1: key is to strike a balance between your needs and
Speaker 1: the needs of others. The next time you get a
Speaker 1: request by yourself, time so you can think about your
Speaker 1: decision instead of giving a knee jerk yes that you'll
Speaker 1: have to weasel out of later. I've been so guilty
Speaker 1: of saying yes to something that I wanted to say
Speaker 1: no to, and then I find myself dreading something when
Speaker 1: it's time for me to fulfill that request that I
Speaker 1: said yes to that I really wanted to say no to,
Speaker 1: And then that puts me in a bad mood because
Speaker 1: I feel like being in a state of complaining that
Speaker 1: you said yes to something, I feel like low. Where
Speaker 1: is your vibration? I feel like it just being in it,
Speaker 1: just a habitual state of complaining about something. It's like
Speaker 1: you should have said no to it, but no. So
Speaker 1: I'm getting better. I'm getting better. I am getting better
Speaker 1: because you feel like people put you on the spot.
Speaker 1: But what you got to do, they said, is ask
Speaker 1: what exactly does this entail? How long do you expect
Speaker 1: this to take? Have you asked anyone else? This gives
Speaker 1: you time to collect your thoughts and get more information.
Speaker 1: I've said yes to things and I show up and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, yeah, we didn't ask the right questions
Speaker 1: because I don't have no business being here. But you
Speaker 1: have to show up because all people have is your word,
Speaker 1: all right, that's to anything. If you don't want to
Speaker 1: go to the cookout, just be like no and no
Speaker 1: is a complete sentence. You don't have to offer no explanation, Well,
Speaker 1: why you don't want to come because I don't want to,
Speaker 1: Why you don't want to because I want to just
Speaker 1: watch TV at home. But again, you don't have to
Speaker 1: explain why you don't want to go somewhere. You just
Speaker 1: don't want to go, and that's okay. No is a
Speaker 1: complete sentence, and even yes, if you want to go,
Speaker 1: just say yes and keep it moving. But if you
Speaker 1: say yes, but you're like, I'm only gonna stay for
Speaker 1: thirty minutes, depending on my mood or depending on how
Speaker 1: I was going. But there are times where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm only gonna stay for thirty minutes. Then I find
Speaker 1: myself staying for like three hours because I gotta read
Speaker 1: a room. I gotta figure out how this makes how
Speaker 1: I'm feeling. So yep, So y'all pray for me, because
Speaker 1: there are times where I'll say yes to something and
Speaker 1: I just won't go because anxiety kicks in and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, who all gonna be there? And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be stuck lots of time. That's why I like to
Speaker 1: have my own vehicle when I go places, because I
Speaker 1: don't want to ride with nobody and be stuck. I
Speaker 1: gots to go on the spot. Should I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go? All right? I really hope y'all
Speaker 1: are enjoying and you've gotten something out of this episode,
Speaker 1: because I always want you to be empowered. I want
Speaker 1: you to be empowered to make decisions and stay confident
Speaker 1: in the decision made. Don't backpedal if you said no
Speaker 1: to somebody, even if it's your lover or family member,
Speaker 1: and you like, what if you're like, maybe I just
Speaker 1: want to stay in tonight, I don't feel like I
Speaker 1: just can't we stay in or honey, you go, just
Speaker 1: bring me back a smoothie or something. Bring me back
Speaker 1: a strawberry shake on the way back, you know. And
Speaker 1: I feel like your make should honor your boundaries too.
Speaker 1: Don't let anybody force you to go somewhere if you
Speaker 1: don't want to go. And you are also entitled to
Speaker 1: change your mind. Now I've gotten better at knowing that
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna change my mind by giving a person
Speaker 1: a couple days advance or a week's notice, especially if
Speaker 1: an RSVP were involved, Because y'all, these plates cost so
Speaker 1: if it's one hundred dollars per head. As far as
Speaker 1: how much something costs. Say you were invited to a
Speaker 1: seat at dinner and you decide you don't want to go,
Speaker 1: give that person enough time so that maybe someone else
Speaker 1: can get the seat to the event or that pass needed.
Speaker 1: And if you don't want to go, maybe you even
Speaker 1: have time to get a refund on a ticket that
Speaker 1: you bought, or pay it for it and let somebody else,
Speaker 1: like I said, have that seat, have that movie ticket,
Speaker 1: have that Broadway show ticket. If you should decide you
Speaker 1: don't want to go, yes, you can change your mind. Okay,
Speaker 1: you can change your mind. So I really, really really
Speaker 1: get excited about the topic of boundaries. I think because
Speaker 1: I'm doing at her job at honoring the boundaries set.
Speaker 1: If I hear or if I sense a conversation is
Speaker 1: going in a certain direction that I don't want to
Speaker 1: be a part of, I exit because it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody gonna say to Nutra Michelle, she she's dude,
Speaker 1: Especially if it's a conversation that's not being held with
Speaker 1: safe people, Like there are certain times I know if
Speaker 1: I need to express a certain opinion, I know who
Speaker 1: I can do that with and it won't leave that circle,
Speaker 1: you know, what I mean. So I'm very very very cautious,
Speaker 1: very cautious on that. And so, like I said, my
Speaker 1: favorite books on boundaries is by doctor Henry Cloud and
Speaker 1: John Townsend. It's called Safe People, or like I say,
Speaker 1: even Nedra Twab set Boundaries find Piece a guide to
Speaker 1: reclaiming yourself, which is quite powerful because a lot of
Speaker 1: us don't know who we are because we do so
Speaker 1: much for other people to where we don't know what
Speaker 1: our own needs are. Let this be the season where
Speaker 1: you get to know you. You can't have time and
Speaker 1: space for you. Imagine a boundary as being aligne in
Speaker 1: the sand, and no one can go past that certain place,
Speaker 1: but only you can do not cross this line, because
Speaker 1: now you've crossed into my space. So when you've got
Speaker 1: one hundred people crowding your space and those one hundred
Speaker 1: people have need of you, and probably ninety percent of
Speaker 1: those people aren't reciprocating when it's time for in need
Speaker 1: of yours to get met, you feel empty. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: even being burnt out because you are fulfilling everybody else's
Speaker 1: needs and your needs are going unmet. All right, Remember,
Speaker 1: boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships. Boundaries are the
Speaker 1: gateway to healthy relationships with others and a healthier relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself. It is so essential and so important, all right.
Speaker 1: Some of the signs that you need to set boundaries
Speaker 1: is you're neglecting your self care, you're overwhelmed, resentment has
Speaker 1: start to show up. So some of those signs that
Speaker 1: you need boundaries. You make comments about helping people and
Speaker 1: getting nothing in return. You frequently daydream about dropping everything
Speaker 1: and disappearing. You have no time for yourself. A lot
Speaker 1: of avoidance happens, all right, So let's break that. Let's
Speaker 1: break that and just know. Yeah, even if if you've
Speaker 1: setting boundaries with parents, that can be scary because parents
Speaker 1: probably think, well, I birthed you into that, brought you
Speaker 1: into this world. So any free time you have but
Speaker 1: know it, don't know it, don't mama. You go to bingo,
Speaker 1: go to sowing class. I'm gonna go take a walk,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go work out, I'm gonna hang out with
Speaker 1: my friends this weekend. So people will adjust to the
Speaker 1: boundaries that you set, even while they're kicking and screaming,
Speaker 1: they will adjust to the boundaries that you set. Listen,
Speaker 1: you will thank you later. Even the quality of your
Speaker 1: relationships will improve. I am seeing an improvement in my
Speaker 1: relationships by setting boundaries. And guess what, have people set
Speaker 1: boundaries with me? When I look back, absolutely, absolutely absolutely,
Speaker 1: and things change, people's family dynamics change. Right. So, while
Speaker 1: I'm yet talking about me setting boundaries, I also have
Speaker 1: sensed if a friend has set a boundary with me.
Speaker 1: You know, baby, they're like Michelle when she called me,
Speaker 1: she gonna want to talk an hour. I only got
Speaker 1: thirty minutes, and that's okay, that's okay. So we never
Speaker 1: want something to be one sided, right, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? So I just wanted to share that with
Speaker 1: you too, so that you don't get offended when you
Speaker 1: notice a person might have set a boundary with you.
Speaker 1: It don't mean they don't love you, It don't mean
Speaker 1: they don't want you in their life. But something in
Speaker 1: their life was they were neglecting, or you know, something
Speaker 1: was lacking that they needed that extra time to themselves. Okay,
Speaker 1: I want you to know that you all are absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1: I love you dearly. Okay, all right, keep checking in,
Speaker 1: keep checking in, keep downloading this podcast. I'm so appreciative
Speaker 1: of you. Thank y'all for sliding in my DMS or
Speaker 1: in my tweet to let me know how much you
Speaker 1: have been enjoying checking in. We're family, and again I'm
Speaker 1: appreciative of the Black Effect podcast network through iHeartRadio. All Right,
Speaker 1: y'all have a great day. I love you so much
Speaker 1: and you know there's nothing you can do about it.
Speaker 2: All right. Bye.
Speaker 1: Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.