WEBVTT - Q & A Day 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.400 Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:10.600 and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everyone, thank you so 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:12.760 much for joining us on this week's episode of Help 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:16.360 I Suck At Dating. As always, I'm Dean Anglert, joined 0:00:16.360 --> 0:00:22.080 in studio by Jared Havan. Hello Vanessa on Skype in Canada. 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:23.800 But she's got a mike today, so it's gonna sound 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:28.760 pretty nice, sound incredible right now. Very special guests, but 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:31.440 I'll just go with the flow. Very special guest today, 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:34.200 as I was saying, and we've had on the podcast before, 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.960 always calling, but today for the first time in studio, 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:43.440 Shari Healy, Ladies and gentlemen, Hello, Possibilitarian. She's gonna help 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:45.800 us answer some of these questions that we asked on Facebook, 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:48.160 or you guys asked on Facebook, UM. And that's basically 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:50.400 what today's episode is going to be about, is just 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:54.440 answering the questions that you guys need answered. Jared posted 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:56.680 something on the Facebook page last week, and we've got 0:00:56.680 --> 0:00:58.720 a lot of questions to go through, UM, and so 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:01.600 we're gonna do our best to answer them and hopefully 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:04.280 help you guys out with your dating issues. Shed a 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.280 little bit more light on our dating issues and just 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:10.640 go from there and we get started. Surely, what exactly 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:15.480 is a possibilitary And if I'm saying that properly, someone 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.440 who stops at nothing to help you reach your ultimate potential, 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:22.360 I mean I think that anything is possible. On It 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.840 drives me nuts to see people holding back and not 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:28.679 getting what they want in life. So I help people 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:32.840 get what they want in relationships and at work and 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:35.360 enjoy the hell out of their lives. That's the point 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.640 I say, you need to take your pleasure more seriously, 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:40.840 because it really is the strategy that has people promoted 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.440 at work and do the best work that they're here 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.920 to do and show up as their highest self and relationships. Now, 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:49.280 when you say stop at nothing, how literal do you mean? 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.520 That's such a good question. Say I've got a crush 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:54.920 on a girl, but she's dating someone else, and we 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.480 need to get rid of that guy. We turn on 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:01.680 your superpowers being in your romantic life right now, Dean, 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:04.080 I'm just speaking. I'm just speaking for the general listener 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.480 out there. If if Shari would literally stop at nothing 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.480 to help us achieve our goals in life, where does that? 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:13.320 Where's that bar set? You know it really. It takes 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:16.560 some time depending on how ready you are, but through 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:19.680 a series of calls and working one on one, I 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:23.040 remove the obstacles that standing the way. It's not meant 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:24.520 to be for you to be with that person. If 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:27.919 that person isn't in your highest best interest, then we 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.680 get to a point sometimes where you decide it's not 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:33.840 for you. I thought you're gonna say, were forces. They're 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:41.639 required physical forces, but usually the blocks are inside us. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:45.519 So that's where we start. If somebody isn't attracted to you, 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.800 r isn't really feeling it, then there are ways that 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:52.880 we can open up you so that the possibilities are there. 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:55.960 That makes sense. Yeah, well, Sarie, I'm on your website 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.400 right now and on your home page it says I 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:00.480 help people get what they want so they can change 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:03.400 the world. What do you want? And I actually I'm like, 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:06.360 before coming onto the pot the episode today, I was 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.000 actually thinking, what is exactly? What is it that I 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:13.640 want exactly? Because I think putting out the intention of 0:03:13.680 --> 0:03:17.200 things that you want, um you'll be able to receive it. 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:18.880 But if you're a little bit all over the place, 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.200 then I think it's a lot harder to get exactly 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:23.280 what it is that you think you need. So how 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:27.080 can you figure out in exactly the question that you have, 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:29.400 what do you want? How can you help someone figure 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:31.400 that part out? Yeah, a lot of people are just 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:34.600 so busy in life that they're really disconnected from what 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:37.000 it is that they want and crave. You know, they're 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.240 kind of stuck in the spin cycle of just getting 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:41.800 up and going to work and going to sleep and 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.640 doing it all over again. And so we're really disconnected 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:49.040 from our desires and so the greatest way to approach 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.400 it is to sort of break it down. You look 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.880 at what do I want in my love life? What 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.680 do I want for my body? What do I want 0:03:56.760 --> 0:04:00.000 for my career? You know, and we really go through 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:03.920 a process of dreaming. If you had the ultimate vision 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.520 in those areas of your life, then you'd start to 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:12.080 feel like life was balanced and your energy was flowing 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:15.400 in a way that life becomes really good. And I 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:19.080 don't think people believe that that's possible, or they don't 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.840 know how they might make that happen, and so they 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:26.200 stay stuck. Yeah, and I think it's oftentimes we get 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:29.000 stuck in what is it do I want? What do 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:31.840 I want in my love life, and at least for me, 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:34.680 it's been hard to figure that part out because I 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.039 think for the longest time I wanted the traditional lifestyle 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.640 that my family had, and then my life has completely 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:41.359 changed in the last two years. So I'm trying to 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:46.160 re discover the things that I actually do need in 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:49.840 my life versus want. And I feel like once one 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:52.480 part of the puzzle piece in your life is off, 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.719 it's kind of hard to refocus on your career and 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:59.280 your body and your mind and all that. Um So, 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:02.839 how can like someone like me, um who constantly lives 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:05.719 in my head. I like, I do enjoy thinking a lot. 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:08.200 I overthink sometimes too much. But how can I get 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:10.920 out of my head and just live in the moment 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:14.320 and be present and let it be well? Taking the 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.760 time to write down these wants, to actually have some 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:21.320 vision experience to say this is what I want and 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:23.800 and really have it on paper and have somebody like 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:27.120 me holding you accountable to going for that helps a 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.359 ton because then you know you're on track, you've declared it, 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.880 and you're doing something about it. You know, but that 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:35.880 you're right. The getting stuck in our minds is what 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.200 really is our biggest work. Like back to Dean's comment, 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:43.000 and that's usually what repels others or makes the relationships 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:46.719 that we want impossible because we're questioning ourselves so much, 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:52.000 we're overthinking everything. And so I would say probably the 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:56.440 first step is to write down, if I had it 0:05:56.480 --> 0:06:01.520 all my way, if money and time and all the 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.080 obstacles that we normally put out there, all the excuses 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.159 were not an issue, what what would I love in 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:11.080 my love life? And give yourself the space to actually 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:13.560 think out of the box. And it sounds cliche, but 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:15.920 dream a little bit bigger, you know, because we see 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:21.640 a lot of people prioritizing safety over the big possibilities 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:25.160 in life, you know, settling looking at what other people 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:27.480 around you have as a relationship and saying that's got 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:31.760 to be my bar especially people who think Insta Graham 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:37.720 is real see couples best Moments on on social media. Um, 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:40.159 I think we we all kind of tend to get 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:43.640 trapped in that idea that, oh wow, a perfect relationship 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.880 does exist. It's I think it's perfect for certain people, 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:49.080 but someone else is perfect may not be your idea 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.320 of perfect. Sure, you have a question for you, do 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.200 you think? Because I hear all the time you're in 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:55.120 your own head? Do you think too much? Do you 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:59.120 think that's kind of a new found thing? And within 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:03.479 society to day, do you think people sixties, seventy years ago, 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:07.400 even further back, we're thinking as much as we do today. 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:10.160 I don't think they had the luxury to I think 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:13.360 we were much more about survival in the day. Yeah, 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.320 it just makes me. I find it interesting because it 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.200 makes me think about the connection that has with people 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:23.320 getting married at a later age, divorce rate being higher 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:26.600 than it ever has been. People are single more so 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.080 now than they ever have been, And I'm curious if 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:32.280 there's a link between that and the connection between people 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:35.040 being in their heads too much in today's society compared 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.800 to what it was, however, many decades ago. But I 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:40.200 do think people are in their own head because, like 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.360 you said, we have the luxury to be in our 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:45.680 own head now. I feel like with technology and the 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:49.080 way we look at love and life and our dreams 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:52.000 and destinies and goals, we just look at it in 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:54.360 a different way than we ever have. Yeah, we are 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.680 we are coming out of the information age, so we're 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.480 all overloaded by information which had us go up into 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:02.840 our heads a lot. And then I think too, with 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:07.000 abundance and all the social media and everything that we've 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:10.160 got out there, we've now asked and I think we're 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:12.240 in an age of awakening. You know. Some people say 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.720 we're in the wisdom age now or the imagination age, 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:18.520 and so it's a different time, which means tons of possibilities, 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.760 and we are asking for a lot more of our 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.800 relationships than we ever were before. We want a best friend, 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:26.680 we want a soul mate, we want someone who's going 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:30.040 to help us reach self actualization, we want the best sex. 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.240 We want to you know, live forever. Like there's just 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:37.240 so who we want it all, you know, so there's 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:41.000 a lot more pressure on it. Like well I have 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:44.040 I actually have a confession. Um So, a couple of 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:45.760 weeks ago, I was talking about how was never on 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:50.280 a dating app. I just recently joined a dating app. Oh, 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:54.480 good for you? Which what app? Bumble? Obviously humble? Yes? 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.320 Actually no, I do. I mean listen, I do like 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.040 the idea of the of the woman having to start 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:05.120 the conversation on Bumble, But no I'm not on Bumble. 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:09.000 I'm on another dating app. And it's so interesting to 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:12.319 see the connections you do make on the app and 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.280 how no one ends up reaching out to each other. 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.199 It's like our eagles are so big where I'm like, well, 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:18.840 I want to get pursued, so I'm not going to 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:21.040 reach out to the guy first. And the guys probably like, well, 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.240 I have fifteen other women I'm talking to, so why 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:24.880 would I reach out to her if she's not reaching 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:26.559 out to me. And it's just at the end of 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:28.360 the day for me, just ends up becoming a waste 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:32.240 of my time to work in. No, it's not that 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.160 I don't want to put the work in. And we've 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:36.640 talked about this before. Indeed, n I started me on 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:40.360 this podcast just telling you it sounds like the groundwork. No, 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:43.000 it's not a matter about Listen when I'm in, I'm 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:46.080 all in. But I do talk about wanting to be pursued, 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:50.160 and I want to be pursued. So if I do 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:53.160 like someone's if we do have a connection on the 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:56.240 app or whatever, listen in person. I have no shame 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:59.760 going up to someone and starting a conversation with him. 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.440 It's what's differ on the app. I don't know. Well, 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:04.560 I guess it's because like I've I've always been the 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.360 person that pursues. So I'm just at a stage in 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:08.480 my life where I'm just said, you're always the one 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:11.280 that needs to be pursued. Though, No, right now I 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.400 want to be pursued. Right now, I'm throwing it out 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:15.640 to the universe where I'm like, I want to be pursued. 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:18.000 Classic millennial. She wants everything and she doesn't want to 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:20.720 have to work for it. Vanessa, What would it look 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:24.160 like if if a guy pursued you on the app? Oh? 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.080 What would it look like? What do you specifically do? 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:30.760 Giving me? Like? I guess the first line would be 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.080 like a funny joke and I'd be like, ha ha ha, 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:39.719 this is why it's not working for what is the 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:44.640 what kind of game is that? That's it's horrible game? No, No, 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:46.400 I mean like ha ha, Like I like guys who 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:51.360 have a sense of humor, right, but you would you send? 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:55.360 Would you send to ha? Has? I feel like ha 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:59.000 ha is a little bit uh like um sarcastic. But 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:01.520 if it's a ha ha ha ha ha exclamation exclamation, 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:04.720 that's like, oh you're funny, right, with a little emoji 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:09.000 too thrown in there. Let's get some to some questions now, Okay, so, 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:11.839 but that's okay. So before we jump into the next 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:14.400 questions or the next segment, you guys have probably already 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:16.640 heard about this. You probably already have on your home. 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:18.520 If you don't, you need to check it out. It's 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:20.880 the Amazon Fire TV and it brings you all the 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:23.080 live and streaming content you love to the biggest screen 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:24.800 in your house. 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Um, how has online dating been for you? 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:36.040 Has it been good other than you're you're still just 0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:39.679 waiting for Have you been on a date yet? How 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:44.240 long have you been on? Two weeks? Okay, decent amount? 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:47.640 I give it another two weeks? And are you talking 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:49.040 to people at least you just haven't met with them 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:51.720 or are you not even having conversations? Are you matching 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:55.719 with people? I'm matching, the conversations are cut short. Can 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:57.880 you send me your your online profile? I want to 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:01.360 be able to critique it. Um, I don't think I'm allowed. 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.640 Don't you know how to do that? How screenshot? Screenshot 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:08.199 my own profile? Vanessa for the listeners out there, vans 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.120 let regardless, I don't send it. If I do send it, 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.400 Vanessa is so technologically inept. I like always send screen 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:15.880 recordings on my phone and she's like, Hey, how do 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:18.240 I post the link to the podcast on my Instagram 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:20.440 story and I'll literally screen record. I'm like, Okay, Vanessa, 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:21.800 for the third time, this is what you do. You 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:23.640 go to the podcast app, you type in your name, 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:25.560 you click on the link, you click share, and then 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.520 every single time, hey, where's the links of the podcast? 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:31.720 Can you send the link? Vanessa? I want to ask 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:33.800 you one more thing before we let you off the hook. 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:38.280 In your bio, your your profile on that app, does 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:40.760 it say something about how you're super turned on by 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:44.920 a guy who's funny? No, I just I think it's 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.720 just my my number, my not my number, my age 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:53.200 and my Instagram account. Okay, so you need to listen. 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:54.600 I don't know how to use the app that well, 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:56.240 that's why. Well, I think what you're you saying is 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:58.040 you need to put that out into the universe so 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:00.120 you can kind of receive it from other Yeah, of 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:02.480 the guy's a hint about what it will take to 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.080 win with you. Because this was a big thing I 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:10.640 learned across um my didding career and from clients and 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:16.800 and all the research out there that we want some vulnerability, 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:20.360 we want some openness from a guy. Right, he wanted 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:25.360 to show you interest. That's pursuing, um what a good 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:29.800 guy would do pursuing. A good man is not gonna 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:33.480 come in hot, and he's not gonna push and push 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:37.280 and push. That's more of what we'll see from guys 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:39.720 who are just trying to take from you or get 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.680 from you what we might call a player. So if 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.040 you want a good man, he's not going to pursue. 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:47.840 He's going to honor you and your boundaries. He's going 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:51.120 to feel into what you're open to. He's he's not 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:54.040 going to come in hard. M hmm. That's great advice. 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.000 That is great advice. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's it's 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:58.760 hard for a lot of us who want a guy 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:00.400 to make it easy for us because we want to 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.440 know that we're liked or that we're that he's interested. 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.520 And I'll tell you, like, the greatest guys will just 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:07.920 come in and they won't play any games and they'll 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:09.560 just tell you, hey, I really like you, and they'll 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:12.840 be patient I get to see you again. I'm patient, Yeah, 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:15.360 which can confuse us because we've been taught that, like 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.200 you know, it's easier for us. It soothes our fears 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.400 and our worries. If a guy comes in super clear 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.640 and like you know, eager and pushes and like kind 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.800 of makes it hard for us to say no, yeah yeah. 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:30.600 If a guy like comes on too strong, I'm like no, no, no, no, 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:35.000 no no, like you need to. You wonder why guys 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.400 struggle in the dating world. It's so hard. I want 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:39.560 to be pursued, but don't come on too hard. But 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:41.640 then if I send six ha haas, know that it's 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:43.560 that I actually need it. But if I send two, 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:47.640 I being sarcastic. So the hell is going on? That's 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.840 why this podcast is so important. But you know what 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:54.800 we're You're not alone. I'm dean, and I I'm sure 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.400 the same that when when I was single, it was difficult, 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.240 Like texta is hard. Texting is hard, and it's like 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:02.600 it's all about tone and how somebody receives it. Because 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.720 they've even talked about like if I'm sending a text 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.440 message to Dean and I say something that's kind of sarcastic, 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:09.000 but I'm in a good mood, so I know it's 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:10.840 a joke. But if you're in a piss poor mood 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:12.440 and you see what I said, you might just take 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:14.199 it in a completely different direction. It's the same thing 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:18.359 with so it's really just hard. It's difficult, Vanessa. I 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:20.760 don't envy your position. I'm sorry. You're wonderful. You deserve 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:23.959 a great guy, and I really hope that somebody very 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:26.880 uh soon comes along, whether it be on this dating 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:28.760 app or in real life and just sweeps you off 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:31.399 your Dean. You're single, what the hell come on? I 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:34.399 will say, please, I will say it's to Suri's points. 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:36.679 Of the few days that I've been going on lately, 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:40.200 one of the most common, I guess compliments that I've 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:43.080 received is that I am patient with the person. So 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:44.840 it's like to that point, and so, Vanessa, I guess 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.159 you could take a lesson from that as well. As 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:49.080 patients is a good thing, I feel like, especially when 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.160 you're trying to get to know someone over the course 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:52.680 of time, because it's not gonna happen all at once. 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:54.440 It's gonna take time. It's like you've been on that 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:56.800 for two weeks, but you know, in six months it 0:17:57.000 --> 0:17:59.919 might not you might not start reaping the dividends of it. Right. 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.240 I agree with that, But I'm also at a point 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:05.320 in my dating life where as soon as I start 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:07.720 feeling something is a little bit off, if there's a 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:10.280 red flag or whatever, I would be the type of 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:12.639 person that would go all in and ignore all of 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:15.680 that and it would end either way. Now I'm like, Okay, 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:18.320 I'm feeling like something is off. I'm not sure if 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:20.840 I'm being a percent myself. I'm a little bit uncomfortable 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:24.280 talking about some things. Why is that happening? Take a 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:26.520 step back and reevaluate if you if I want to 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:29.280 be getting this person or not. And it's it's so 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:32.760 much more liberating being able to be so self aware 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:35.520 of how you're feeling. And I'm only learning that now 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:37.920 and I'm thirty one years old. Yeah, and you can 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:40.120 share that. I think when you're off, I think we'd 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:42.280 love to avoid it and pretend it's not there because 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:44.080 we all want to feel good. But just to say, 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.280 like I don't know what's up there, I am feeling 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.720 a little off and put it on the table so 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.520 you can talk about it. There you go, there we go. 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:53.199 All right, So we're gonna jump into our next segment, 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:55.720 which is Questions Asked by the Facebook group. But before 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:58.320 we do that, I would love to share with you 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:03.280 the best gift giving idea this holiday season, Dean. I agree, 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:06.600 everybody's looking for the perfect gift this upcoming a holiday season. 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:08.560 Holidays are right around the corner of Black Friday is 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.359 literally what two weeks away. If that guys, I'm telling 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:13.400 you we've been talking about in the podcast before. Go 0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:16.200 check out Legacy Box. It's a perfect place to take 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:18.359 all your home videos, photos and tapes. You get them 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:22.080 digitalized on a thumb drive, did a digital download or DVD. 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:23.919 They'll send you a pre labeled box and all you 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:25.720 have to do is fill it out with your old 0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:29.320 family memoirs, memories, and then you send it right back. 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:31.840 I personally have a home video VHS that I go 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:34.160 home and watch every holiday season, but I think it'd 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:36.960 be really cool to have that digitalized on my computer 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:39.200 so I can watch right now while I'm not living 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:40.920 at home. And that's great to give to your parents. 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:42.639 For President as well. I'm sure they would love that. 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:44.639 Oh yeah, they have so many old pictures. It's crazy 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.480 because my mom has all the old photo albums and 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:49.520 she just brings those out every holiday, and she has 0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:51.720 like four or five of them. But she's on Facebook 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:53.840 now all the time because she just got on Facebook. 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.000 She's a little behind the a ball. It's very understandable. 0:19:57.040 --> 0:20:00.400 My mom Instagram. Oh she's on Instagram. My mom. God, 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.480 I'm I'm the day. My mom is on Instagram. Boy, 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:05.960 here we go. But it would be really cool, exactly 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:07.439 like Dean said, give that as a gift to your 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:09.919 parents so they can digitalize all those old photo albums 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:12.760 that they love looking at. Right, all those tapes sort 0:20:12.760 --> 0:20:15.520 of start to do great after like ten years, right, totally. 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:18.160 So you can get personalized updates so you can rest 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:20.919 knowing your old footage is being taken care of safely. 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:23.760 Like we talked about, guys, holidays are just around the corner, 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:27.040 and this is the best gift to give, um so 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:29.000 and the good thing is too, you don't have to 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:30.880 go shopping on Black Friday. This is a perfect way 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:33.159 to give the perfect gift without the stress of parking lines, 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:35.720 crowded balls, you guys do Black Friday, anybody in your 0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:40.240 I thought about it now. A buddy of mine did 0:20:40.240 --> 0:20:41.560 it one year and he waited in the line for 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:43.960 four hours for a TV and he only got it 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:46.639 for like off, Like is that worth it? Is it 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:49.480 worth it? Um? But guys, also for Legacy Box for 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:52.960 a limited tide offer. They're offering an exclusive discount for 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:56.520 you guys are listeners. You go to Legacy Legacy Box 0:20:56.800 --> 0:21:00.879 dot com slash dean to get and off your first 0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:04.760 order or save up to two on the largest Legacy 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:09.280 Box kit. Again, that's Legacy Legacy Box dot com slash 0:21:09.400 --> 0:21:13.920 dan d e A and you save yourself for today 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:17.639 get started preserving your past Legacy Box. 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I live like 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:15.159 a block away from a Rolphs and they don't have 0:22:15.240 --> 0:22:17.920 maybe the most organic natural selection. But now I have 0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:22.639 a shipment each month full of clean household products for 0:22:22.640 --> 0:22:24.959 a limited time. Our listeners who sign up get an 0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:27.720 amazing free thirty days supply of seed Link, which is 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:31.520 Groves Tree free paper, towels, toilet paper in tissues, a 0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:33.680 free sixty d v I P membership in a surprise 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:35.840 bonus gift just for you when you sign up in 0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:37.760 place in order of twenty dollars or more. What an 0:22:37.760 --> 0:22:40.119 incredible deal that is, you guys, hold it really is. 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:43.239 I realized how much toilet paper, paper, towels, all that 0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:45.120 adds up when I first moved out, because you never 0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:47.359 think about that. You're like, oh, rent all this stuff 0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:48.720 that adds up, and then you're like, oh, yeah, I 0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:51.119 have to buy my own toilet paper. It's crazy. And 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:53.400 what's great about this? Like I said, Seedling is Groves 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:58.080 tree free, so tree free paper towels, toilet paper in tissues, 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:00.720 which is just incredible, especially when everyone's to be environmental 0:23:00.880 --> 0:23:04.320 environmentally conscious nowadays. So check out Grove in our special 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:09.280 offer at Grove dot ceo slash Dean that's Grove dot ceo, 0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:14.280 not CLM slash Dan. You'll get thirty days supply of 0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:17.640 Seedling sixty d v I P membership, and you get 0:23:17.640 --> 0:23:20.159 a special bonus offer when you get twenty dollars or more. 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:22.360 And it's really good deal. Yeah, it's a great deal. 0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:23.720 I feel like I just talked for an hour. So 0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:27.720 let's drive into some questions on Facebook that we asked 0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:30.880 our listeners first and foremost, thank you for submitting some questions, 0:23:30.920 --> 0:23:34.000 because we always like to incorporate the listener in in 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:36.280 as many ways as possible on the podcast, and obviously 0:23:36.280 --> 0:23:37.719 this is one of the most direct ways we have 0:23:37.800 --> 0:23:40.000 that we can do that. Um. And so we're just 0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:41.639 going to dive into some that were posted on the 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:44.000 Facebook wall that have been d m to us through Instagram. 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:46.000 I know Vanes has been getting some through her Instagram 0:23:46.000 --> 0:23:50.040 as well. UM. And if you don't follow us on Instagram, 0:23:50.080 --> 0:23:52.240 help I Suck at Dating and definitely join the Facebook 0:23:52.480 --> 0:23:56.080 Facebook group Help I Suck at Dating Podcast. It's really cool. 0:23:56.240 --> 0:23:59.200 There's a lot of people on there that, uh, communicate 0:23:59.200 --> 0:24:01.440 with each other of each other advice. It really is 0:24:01.480 --> 0:24:03.440 a community on there. So if you guys are listening 0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:06.040 to this podcast, UM, definitely check out to help us 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:08.439 Secred Dating podcast. Facebook Up. Do you think that anyone 0:24:08.440 --> 0:24:13.119 in the Facebook group has dated each other? Interesting? I 0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:15.359 was thinking if somebody met within the Facebook group, like 0:24:15.400 --> 0:24:17.560 if we kind of formed a relationship, Well, I don't 0:24:17.560 --> 0:24:20.040 know if we would necessarily be honest, but like, it 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:22.120 is kind of cool that there's a forum that people 0:24:22.160 --> 0:24:24.120 go to to discuss dating I'm sure there are plenty 0:24:24.160 --> 0:24:26.800 of them, but it's because I sometimes see comments on 0:24:26.840 --> 0:24:29.240 the wall that's like, Hey, I just went to San Francisco, 0:24:29.480 --> 0:24:31.400 I'm trying to date. If anyone's in the area, I'd 0:24:31.400 --> 0:24:33.199 love to meet up like that kind of thing. And 0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:35.159 I'm always kind of like, I don't know, but at 0:24:35.200 --> 0:24:36.960 the same time, I'm like, oh, good luck, like that 0:24:37.040 --> 0:24:38.800 kind of thing. So hopefully it works. It might be 0:24:38.800 --> 0:24:41.040 better than one of the apps. It's true, you know, 0:24:41.119 --> 0:24:44.879 they are great taste and podcast I feel like people 0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:47.320 are that are listening to us or they want to 0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:49.600 be vulnerable and they want to have a genuine connection 0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:51.679 with people. So I would love to know if anyone 0:24:51.800 --> 0:24:54.520 is actually dating off of our Facebook group. Having said that, 0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:57.080 obviously go into the podcast Facebook group. If you're going 0:24:57.080 --> 0:25:00.359 to meet up with somebody with the same hesitation safety 0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:01.919 you would for an online dating app, meet in a 0:25:01.920 --> 0:25:04.399 public place. There you go, all right? So court first 0:25:04.880 --> 0:25:07.280 questions submitted is actually directed towards me, So I mean 0:25:07.320 --> 0:25:10.080 it's from Laura. Laura says I wanted to tell Dean 0:25:10.160 --> 0:25:13.480 offer even considering asking Leslie about South America because even 0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:15.600 the best intentions of texting or sliding into your x's 0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:18.720 d MS almost automatically get misinterpreted. I have been the 0:25:18.760 --> 0:25:20.840 one receiving these messages and have to remind both him 0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:23.320 and myself while we ended our relationship, just take Jared's 0:25:23.320 --> 0:25:26.199 advice and don't bother. So Shari your advice on this 0:25:26.240 --> 0:25:28.840 because last week I'm traveling to South America at the 0:25:28.920 --> 0:25:31.520 end of the month and my ex girlfriend lived in 0:25:31.560 --> 0:25:34.119 South America where I'm traveling to for two years, and 0:25:34.160 --> 0:25:35.919 so she and she's like a travel expert. I know 0:25:36.000 --> 0:25:38.119 she loves doling out the advice and giving recommendations, that 0:25:38.160 --> 0:25:41.000 kind of stuff. So I considered the idea of texting 0:25:41.000 --> 0:25:43.680 her and asking her to give me some recommendations while 0:25:43.720 --> 0:25:45.360 I'm down there. But do you think it's a bad 0:25:45.359 --> 0:25:48.399 idea to reopen that line of communication with an X, 0:25:48.520 --> 0:25:51.080 even if it's just purely platonic, purely for reasons of 0:25:51.400 --> 0:25:55.080 seeking advice and asking questions. How did it end? Not 0:25:55.440 --> 0:25:58.960 not the smoothest ending in a relationship, but not like horrible. 0:25:59.320 --> 0:26:02.119 It was was sad. We were both sad at the 0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:05.240 end of the relationship. Um it was they weren't going 0:26:05.280 --> 0:26:10.120 to be best friends after it, right, So and okay, 0:26:10.119 --> 0:26:11.760 so we broke up in April, haven't talks in April, 0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:14.800 and it'd be convenient for you to get her advice, right, 0:26:14.840 --> 0:26:17.120 because she's an expert. Well, it's I think it's kind 0:26:17.119 --> 0:26:19.120 of it's a win win because it would be great 0:26:19.119 --> 0:26:21.200 to get her advice because she's knowledgeable on the topic. 0:26:21.280 --> 0:26:24.760 And I know that she appreciates giving out travel recommendations 0:26:24.760 --> 0:26:27.159 to people because she's a travel blogger and that's kind 0:26:27.200 --> 0:26:29.040 of how she gets her livelihood what she enjoys doing. 0:26:29.080 --> 0:26:30.920 So it's like she likes to give advice, and I 0:26:30.960 --> 0:26:34.000 would like to receive very specific advice while I'm traveling 0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:37.360 as well. Right, if you could reach out to her 0:26:37.560 --> 0:26:41.560 with that boundary, like I just to give her a gift, right, 0:26:41.600 --> 0:26:44.080 if she enjoys giving that and you think it would 0:26:44.119 --> 0:26:47.919 be a kindness towards her, would we really call it 0:26:47.960 --> 0:26:51.040 giving a gift? She would listen, I wanted to give 0:26:51.040 --> 0:26:54.920 you a gift, I reached out to you. I agree 0:26:54.960 --> 0:26:57.399 with that. That sounds bad, Yeah, Like it's it's not 0:26:57.480 --> 0:27:00.879 like she I just know she likes giving advice on travel. 0:27:00.880 --> 0:27:02.440 I guess she wouldn't look at it as like, oh 0:27:02.440 --> 0:27:04.960 my god, I'm so happy to be doing this. He's 0:27:05.040 --> 0:27:08.240 respecting me, he honors me. Yeah, I don't know if 0:27:08.280 --> 0:27:10.840 she would receive it that way. Do you think that 0:27:10.880 --> 0:27:17.840 you were reaching out maybe because you wanted to feel 0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:23.119 better about everything? Probably I don't like being disliked. Yeah, 0:27:23.520 --> 0:27:26.320 And like I said, we haven't talked since April, But 0:27:26.400 --> 0:27:28.119 like I don't think we dislike each other. I think 0:27:28.160 --> 0:27:29.679 it's just one of those things where it might be 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:31.320 better for us to have to have a conversation with 0:27:31.320 --> 0:27:33.439 each other. So I guess that kind of answers that question. 0:27:33.640 --> 0:27:36.720 And to thanks to Jared, Jared's and Vanessa's advice from 0:27:36.760 --> 0:27:38.359 last week, I did not reach out to her. I 0:27:38.359 --> 0:27:40.840 have no plan or intention to reach out to her 0:27:41.480 --> 0:27:44.040 because I've got some feedback and I realized that making 0:27:44.040 --> 0:27:45.360 out the best. Well, I was just going to say, 0:27:45.440 --> 0:27:48.240 Jared sort of zeroed in on something that I believe. 0:27:48.240 --> 0:27:50.240 There's always a good reason for everything that we do, 0:27:50.520 --> 0:27:52.399 and so there was a good reason for you reaching 0:27:52.400 --> 0:27:54.720 out that was kind of underneath just wanting advice about 0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:57.240 the trip, right that you kind of want to just 0:27:57.920 --> 0:28:00.600 make some peace. Yeah, And I feel I'm always kind 0:28:00.600 --> 0:28:03.440 of an advocate for staying friendly after breakups, as well, 0:28:03.480 --> 0:28:05.400 it would be great, like we could have a friendship. 0:28:05.520 --> 0:28:09.600 But I understand I want to stop you because you're 0:28:09.600 --> 0:28:11.600 the one that said that you block your ex is 0:28:11.680 --> 0:28:16.120 off of Instagram. Yeah. Sure, that's the point. Correlation between 0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:19.640 blocking them off of Instagram and then seeking out their attention. 0:28:19.720 --> 0:28:21.240 I think I'm more so blocked them so I didn't 0:28:21.280 --> 0:28:23.000 have to worry about seeing them pop up in my 0:28:23.040 --> 0:28:25.639 feet every once in a while. But you're still on 0:28:25.720 --> 0:28:29.359 good terms with them. I would like to be whether 0:28:29.400 --> 0:28:32.120 I am or I'm not currently I have a question, 0:28:32.520 --> 0:28:35.480 So reaching out to an ex like that for those maybe, 0:28:35.600 --> 0:28:37.439 even if it's only ten percent of the reason to 0:28:37.800 --> 0:28:39.960 try to like almost bury the hatch or you know, 0:28:40.000 --> 0:28:42.120 make you feel better about the situation. Do you think 0:28:42.160 --> 0:28:44.360 it's with good intention? Because I suffer from this as well. 0:28:44.360 --> 0:28:45.720 I don't want this just to be on Deane. I've 0:28:45.760 --> 0:28:47.880 done this before as well. Do you think it's with 0:28:47.960 --> 0:28:51.760 good intention or do you think it's selfish because at 0:28:51.760 --> 0:28:53.000 the end of the day, there is a part of 0:28:53.000 --> 0:28:55.680 me that's like, I don't want her to hate me, 0:28:56.280 --> 0:29:00.440 right right? And is that selfish with me? I don't 0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:03.360 know that it's entirely selfish because I think if there's 0:29:03.400 --> 0:29:07.440 a desire for a friendship, there's I want the peace. 0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:11.160 I'm knowing that I'm not a bad guy. But I 0:29:11.200 --> 0:29:14.600 think it all what kind of friendship would we possibly have? Well, 0:29:14.640 --> 0:29:17.160 that's the better question, right, is it going to be 0:29:17.200 --> 0:29:19.800 in the highest best interest of her and you to 0:29:19.880 --> 0:29:23.480 be back in contact. That's a good So she seems 0:29:23.520 --> 0:29:25.680 to be in a relationship now. So if if the 0:29:25.720 --> 0:29:28.959 exes are in relationships or are no longer clearly no 0:29:29.000 --> 0:29:31.560 longer interested in dating each other, don't you think that 0:29:31.640 --> 0:29:34.080 kind of adds it more healthy dynamic to it a 0:29:34.120 --> 0:29:37.080 healthy dynamic to being friends or not talking to friends, 0:29:37.080 --> 0:29:38.640 Like it's easier to be a friend with an X 0:29:38.720 --> 0:29:40.640 if both of the exes have moved on to someone else. 0:29:41.800 --> 0:29:44.800 I think not always. I think it depends. It depends 0:29:44.800 --> 0:29:46.760 on how the person is. Like, I'm someone that likes 0:29:46.760 --> 0:29:48.560 to be friends with my exes, but it will take 0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:50.200 me a while to get to that place where I 0:29:50.200 --> 0:29:52.440 can have where we can be on neutral grounds and 0:29:52.480 --> 0:29:54.960 it's really platonic between us, Like you can't ask me 0:29:55.000 --> 0:29:57.040 to be friends with you after a month of us 0:29:57.080 --> 0:30:00.400 breaking up. So I think it also depends if how 0:30:00.760 --> 0:30:03.760 the relationship ended, and if that person is a kind 0:30:03.760 --> 0:30:06.760 of person that's open to friendship after the end of 0:30:06.760 --> 0:30:08.920 a breakup. I don't think there are any ruled really. 0:30:08.960 --> 0:30:11.920 I think it's how we're wired, and there needs to 0:30:11.920 --> 0:30:14.760 be a conversation usually with the new person. That's exactly 0:30:14.760 --> 0:30:16.760 what I was gonna say, because when they're in a relationship, 0:30:16.840 --> 0:30:19.320 you can't just factor in the X anymore. You have 0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:22.880 to factor in their new partner. Because think about if 0:30:22.920 --> 0:30:25.760 you were in a relationship with someone and then one 0:30:25.760 --> 0:30:30.080 of your ex is reached out to you, how would 0:30:30.120 --> 0:30:33.560 your girlfriend feel at the time. Probably pretty uncofortable, especially 0:30:33.560 --> 0:30:35.480 if you were like, hey, no, I kind of want 0:30:35.520 --> 0:30:38.560 to try to recapture a friendship with this person. I 0:30:38.600 --> 0:30:40.920 think if I was your girlfriend, you'd be like, what 0:30:40.960 --> 0:30:43.720 are you doing? Exactly. So, I've been in a position 0:30:43.760 --> 0:30:46.280 before where not maybe like a year or two. However, 0:30:46.280 --> 0:30:49.120 long ago, I was at dinner with an ex girlfriend 0:30:49.280 --> 0:30:51.520 and I was dating someone new, and I remember talking 0:30:51.560 --> 0:30:52.880 to my ex girlfriend at the time and I was 0:30:52.880 --> 0:30:55.480 like asking for advice on the relationship that I was 0:30:55.520 --> 0:30:57.720 forming with someone new, and she was like, I'm glad 0:30:57.760 --> 0:30:59.840 that you're dating someone new because it allows us to 0:31:00.040 --> 0:31:04.240 have a purely friendly platonic conversation, and like it eliminates 0:31:04.280 --> 0:31:08.560 any type of physical like urge, you know what I mean, 0:31:08.880 --> 0:31:10.160 and so like I can see. I don't know. I 0:31:10.240 --> 0:31:12.520 just kind of thought that it might make things a 0:31:12.560 --> 0:31:15.640 little bit better. Yeah, but I'd almost lead with that 0:31:15.800 --> 0:31:18.920 if you really want to recapture friendship, not South America. 0:31:19.400 --> 0:31:22.280 Not South America. And yes, South America could come after, 0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:27.320 because I told you reaching out for a different reason really, 0:31:27.840 --> 0:31:29.920 and it's kind of underneath the South America. What if 0:31:29.960 --> 0:31:33.680 I wanted to travel to Spain? Is that off limit? Still? 0:31:34.440 --> 0:31:38.160 She studied South America in high school. She remembers reading 0:31:38.160 --> 0:31:39.840 about Argentina. I just want to bring it up now. 0:31:39.840 --> 0:31:42.000 I'm just kidding. No, that was a good answer. I'm glad. Well, 0:31:42.040 --> 0:31:44.280 we got to go through some other questions too, So Vanessa, 0:31:44.360 --> 0:31:47.200 let me ask you. This is from Linda. Um, we'll 0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:50.240 ask you first, if each of you could go back 0:31:50.240 --> 0:31:54.200 in time and give yourself self, give your younger self 0:31:54.320 --> 0:31:57.040 one piece of advice. What would it be and why? So, Vanessa, 0:31:57.080 --> 0:31:58.320 if you can go back in time, what would you 0:31:58.320 --> 0:32:01.640 tell yourself? And why? Wait? These questions from Linda. Linda, 0:32:02.640 --> 0:32:06.040 Linda think you were asking such a great question. Um, 0:32:06.080 --> 0:32:09.400 I think I would go back and tell myself to 0:32:09.520 --> 0:32:14.280 chill the out, mainly because I think it's like I said, 0:32:14.320 --> 0:32:16.480 I was always someone who was a hopeless romantic. I 0:32:16.520 --> 0:32:18.120 still am. I want to have a family, I want 0:32:18.120 --> 0:32:20.640 to have kids. And it's so funny. I remember Dean 0:32:20.720 --> 0:32:24.000 after we recorded an episode together, We're sitting We're sitting 0:32:24.000 --> 0:32:25.440 down together and I'm like, Dean, why do you think 0:32:25.440 --> 0:32:27.280 I'm still single? And you looked at me like, I 0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:30.680 think you're too are I'm like, what does that mean? Like, 0:32:30.720 --> 0:32:34.000 I think you're too intense, And I think my intentions 0:32:34.040 --> 0:32:36.480 do come off a little bit strong. Um, just because 0:32:36.480 --> 0:32:38.960 I know what I want and I don't want to 0:32:39.000 --> 0:32:41.200 waste my time with people that are trying to figure 0:32:41.200 --> 0:32:43.400 out what they want in a relationship or in their 0:32:43.520 --> 0:32:47.920 romantic life. So I think I would tell myself enjoy 0:32:48.240 --> 0:32:51.920 being single, Enjoy spending time by yourself and being with 0:32:51.960 --> 0:32:55.200 people you love and creating connections with people and those 0:32:55.200 --> 0:32:58.880 connections can be conturned into something greater and more romantic. 0:32:58.960 --> 0:33:05.000 But still putting so much pressure in finding someone to 0:33:05.080 --> 0:33:06.640 spend the rest of your life with because it will 0:33:06.720 --> 0:33:10.240 happen when it happens, and looking back, I didn't think 0:33:10.280 --> 0:33:12.640 i'd be having this conversation with myself at thirty one 0:33:12.720 --> 0:33:15.400 years old. At thirty one, I thought I would be 0:33:15.440 --> 0:33:18.000 married with kids already, and I'm nowhere close to that. 0:33:18.200 --> 0:33:20.800 But I'm so happy with where I am in my 0:33:20.880 --> 0:33:23.520 life right now, and I'm finally at a place where 0:33:23.520 --> 0:33:26.200 i can say, yep, I'm enjoying being present, and I'm 0:33:26.280 --> 0:33:30.040 enjoying forming those connections with people and getting to know people. 0:33:32.280 --> 0:33:34.280 I want to know, what would you if you could 0:33:34.280 --> 0:33:37.000 tell yourself your younger self one thing, give yourself advice? 0:33:37.080 --> 0:33:40.960 What would it be? I don't worry so much because 0:33:40.960 --> 0:33:44.880 everything turns out okay, and uh, you should you should 0:33:44.880 --> 0:33:49.880 get up earlier. These are all pretty light answers, you, guys. 0:33:50.200 --> 0:33:53.200 I like the getting up earlier. There's there's one. If 0:33:53.240 --> 0:33:55.720 I were to give my younger self one piece of advice, 0:33:56.320 --> 0:34:03.200 it's seven letters long, one word, very simple. Bitcoin one 0:34:03.840 --> 0:34:06.400 pent Put all your money in bitcoin in two thou 0:34:07.440 --> 0:34:10.160 selling two thousand seventeen, and then happiness comes after that. 0:34:10.400 --> 0:34:13.759 Very simple stuff. You guys, not wake up earlier, not 0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:15.840 be more open minded, put less pressure on it, just 0:34:15.920 --> 0:34:18.920 be rich. I go back. Yeah, it's probably the year 0:34:18.960 --> 0:34:21.799 about two thousand and three, and then I would just 0:34:21.840 --> 0:34:23.440 bring a copy of the social network with me and 0:34:23.440 --> 0:34:24.920 show that to my own yourself and be like, just 0:34:25.000 --> 0:34:28.319 create this and you're fine. You're fine, Just create something 0:34:28.360 --> 0:34:32.200 called Facebook. You're good. Easy. Um, all right, what's the 0:34:32.200 --> 0:34:33.960 next question? What do you want to ask? Let's move 0:34:34.000 --> 0:34:36.759 on to this question for Jared. Jared, what's your dream 0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:38.840 career when you head back to Rhode Island. I'd like 0:34:38.880 --> 0:34:41.680 to open up my own bar. So Ashley and I 0:34:41.800 --> 0:34:45.160 have talked about that. We've talked about the potential of 0:34:45.200 --> 0:34:49.360 moving back east. Um and maybe five years depending on 0:34:49.440 --> 0:34:51.759 see where where our lives are out. But that's a 0:34:51.800 --> 0:34:54.239 tentative plan. And uh, I'd love to save up as 0:34:54.320 --> 0:34:56.160 much as I possibly can and open up a bar 0:34:56.200 --> 0:34:58.160 back home. I've always worked in the hospitality industry. To 0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:00.480 two things to two point question, because you guys are 0:35:00.480 --> 0:35:02.480 pretty friendly rooted in Los Angeles now right like with 0:35:02.520 --> 0:35:05.040 Ashley's career, Yeah, yeah, we're pretty rooted right now. So 0:35:05.160 --> 0:35:07.400 it obviously, like we said, is a tentative plan. We 0:35:07.440 --> 0:35:09.280 both want to head back east, especially when we settle 0:35:09.640 --> 0:35:11.640 we are settling down, but start a family because we 0:35:11.640 --> 0:35:14.360 don't want to be so far for away from our parents. 0:35:14.480 --> 0:35:16.440 And so are there have you guys talked to kids. 0:35:16.440 --> 0:35:18.319 I'm sure you've talked it, but what's kind of what's 0:35:18.360 --> 0:35:23.399 the general hope for kids to start and then two 0:35:23.480 --> 0:35:25.200 or three? I mean this is knock on wood and 0:35:25.239 --> 0:35:28.719 every if everything goes according to plan, um, so that 0:35:28.719 --> 0:35:32.040 would be ideal. So we would have kids over here, 0:35:32.120 --> 0:35:34.840 at least have one kid over here, and then potentially 0:35:34.880 --> 0:35:36.560 it all depends on what we're twenty. That's a year 0:35:36.560 --> 0:35:39.759 and a half away. That's that's fourteen months away. I know, well, 0:35:39.880 --> 0:35:42.399 you know, Ashley's thirties is gonna be thirty one in March. 0:35:42.480 --> 0:35:45.479 I will be thirty here in a few days. So, uh, 0:35:45.520 --> 0:35:48.279 we're not getting any younger. We both know that this 0:35:48.360 --> 0:35:49.960 is something we want to move forward with. We love 0:35:50.000 --> 0:35:52.400 each other very much. We want to have kids together. Uh, 0:35:52.440 --> 0:35:54.080 so we want to get married first and enjoy that 0:35:54.120 --> 0:35:59.480 honeymoon phase and then potentially maybe like mid two twenty. Really, um, 0:35:59.520 --> 0:36:03.000 it's like it at it always see yourself opening up 0:36:03.000 --> 0:36:05.120 a bar? Was that something that you wanted to do? Kid? 0:36:05.560 --> 0:36:07.399 So I ran a couple of restaurants back home before 0:36:07.400 --> 0:36:10.320 I was on the Bachelorette. And I love the hospitality industry. 0:36:10.360 --> 0:36:12.480 I always worked it through college. I was bartending and serving, 0:36:12.480 --> 0:36:14.520 and then I really just love the hustle and bustle 0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:17.680 of it, and I learned how to how to run 0:36:17.719 --> 0:36:21.160 a restaurant um and so obviously didn't have the funds 0:36:21.160 --> 0:36:23.880 to really open up my own place. And so hopefully, 0:36:23.960 --> 0:36:25.719 you know, I'll try to save us save up and 0:36:25.719 --> 0:36:27.279 work as hard as I can over the next few years, 0:36:27.320 --> 0:36:29.759 both Ashley and I will, and she's very supportive of it, 0:36:30.200 --> 0:36:32.600 and maybe potentially open up a bar back east. I 0:36:32.640 --> 0:36:34.560 just know I I wouldn't want to open up a 0:36:34.560 --> 0:36:36.200 place over here in Los Angeles. I just know the 0:36:36.239 --> 0:36:38.760 clientele better in New England. Um, I have more connections 0:36:38.760 --> 0:36:40.560 over there, I know more people, I kind of know 0:36:40.640 --> 0:36:42.799 what people like over there, So I feel like I'd 0:36:42.800 --> 0:36:45.400 have a better idea of what to create, and I 0:36:45.440 --> 0:36:47.239 know exactly what I want to do. So it's more 0:36:47.400 --> 0:36:49.920 so just trying to put that into reality. I know 0:36:50.000 --> 0:36:52.360 you've put some thought into this, and I expect to 0:36:52.400 --> 0:36:54.799 have expect to be blown away by this answer. What's 0:36:54.840 --> 0:36:59.400 the name? Yes, well, I have. I'm not saying it's 0:36:59.560 --> 0:37:02.239 very plastic. I don't want anything crazy in the name. 0:37:02.239 --> 0:37:05.359 I don't want anything that it may start with an 0:37:05.360 --> 0:37:08.440 A it is not, actually, but it will be something 0:37:08.480 --> 0:37:11.000 that is a part of our family dynamic. It's a 0:37:11.080 --> 0:37:14.719 name that I'm a Mendolah. Yeah, so we're gonna call 0:37:14.760 --> 0:37:16.399 it Brady. So I don't know if you've ever heard 0:37:16.400 --> 0:37:20.359 of it, but um, so it's it's it's a name 0:37:20.360 --> 0:37:22.720 in the family that when she said it, when Ashley 0:37:22.719 --> 0:37:26.440 said it, uh, it was kind of perfect. So I 0:37:26.440 --> 0:37:28.719 think I would name it that. There you go, We'll 0:37:28.880 --> 0:37:30.399 be sure to be out there for the grand opening 0:37:30.400 --> 0:37:34.040 of it. If it want happened that I'll pay you guys. 0:37:34.520 --> 0:37:36.600 All right, moving on to the next question from Sam Ross, 0:37:36.600 --> 0:37:38.319 who is a guy who love the guy questions on 0:37:38.400 --> 0:37:40.920 here and Shari can I think weigh on this first 0:37:40.960 --> 0:37:45.160 and probably best, but between all of us, so Sam asks, uh, 0:37:45.320 --> 0:37:47.440 he would love to get some coverage on introverts and 0:37:47.560 --> 0:37:49.960 dating because we have a lot of extroverts, but the 0:37:49.960 --> 0:37:53.200 other side seems to be much less represented. So how 0:37:53.239 --> 0:37:57.200 do you think dating is different for introverted people? Well, 0:37:57.239 --> 0:38:02.200 introverts by definition get their energy by being alone, right right, 0:38:02.239 --> 0:38:05.600 So forward, dating and you know, going on this circuit 0:38:05.680 --> 0:38:10.160 like dating several times a week, that can be hugely dreaming. Yeah, 0:38:10.360 --> 0:38:13.239 and then I think to have small talk and conversation 0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:16.959 is also super draining. So just relating to anybody else's hard. 0:38:17.440 --> 0:38:20.719 So I think it's it's important to lead with that 0:38:20.840 --> 0:38:23.719 because I think dating an introvert, you could probably take 0:38:23.760 --> 0:38:26.920 a lot of their quiet or their need for a 0:38:26.920 --> 0:38:30.520 lone time personally and misunderstand and think they're not into me. 0:38:31.360 --> 0:38:32.880 You know, when I used to live with a buddy 0:38:32.920 --> 0:38:34.920 mine who's much more of an extrovert than I was, 0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:36.360 I would go in my room all the time, just 0:38:36.360 --> 0:38:38.160 close the door and just like play video games, watch 0:38:38.200 --> 0:38:42.600 tv um and then I remember there was one time 0:38:42.640 --> 0:38:44.360 he was talking to a friend of mine and he 0:38:44.480 --> 0:38:47.480 was like, does Jared just not like me? I was like, no, 0:38:47.600 --> 0:38:49.440 it's not that at all. Just sometimes I like just 0:38:49.560 --> 0:38:51.480 kind of being in my zone, you know, I don't 0:38:51.480 --> 0:38:53.239 I don't want to always hang out in the living room, 0:38:53.239 --> 0:38:55.279 and because that it is draining. It feels like I 0:38:55.280 --> 0:38:57.560 have to be on sometimes even with friends. Yeah, so 0:38:57.960 --> 0:39:00.279 I can I can relate to that. Yeah, I've had 0:39:00.360 --> 0:39:02.680 to work on this and my partnership, right, now I'm 0:39:02.760 --> 0:39:05.160 dating somebody that I love very much. He wants to 0:39:05.200 --> 0:39:09.080 be with me all the time, all the time. I like, 0:39:09.800 --> 0:39:13.359 I'm trying to lay that down in a way that 0:39:13.800 --> 0:39:16.480 you know, we designed something together, you know, where he 0:39:16.520 --> 0:39:18.399 knows that when I'm alone, it's not because I don't 0:39:18.400 --> 0:39:19.960 want to be with him, but it's how I fell up. 0:39:20.200 --> 0:39:22.160 So I recently just started doing this with not just 0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:24.640 like people that I'm dating, but also friendships as well 0:39:24.680 --> 0:39:26.800 as I'll set because I'm an introvert as well ident 0:39:26.800 --> 0:39:28.879 toy chargeable. I'm by myself in my room doing whatever, 0:39:29.040 --> 0:39:33.120 like just laying there whatever. Um, I've started saying, I 0:39:33.160 --> 0:39:35.359 like you, we're friends. I like hanging out with you, 0:39:35.400 --> 0:39:37.040 but I can only spend one day a week with you. 0:39:37.320 --> 0:39:39.000 That's all you'll get, no matter what the week is, 0:39:39.600 --> 0:39:42.400 with someone that you're dating. Yes, and I'll always say, 0:39:42.400 --> 0:39:44.080 it's not a youth thing. It's like you're great. I 0:39:44.160 --> 0:39:45.879 like spending time with you. I enjoy being with you, 0:39:45.960 --> 0:39:48.200 but I just like need this time for myself. Did 0:39:48.200 --> 0:39:53.520 you just pull that it's not you the case? And honestly, 0:39:53.719 --> 0:39:57.400 it's it's been a good system. If you're dating someone, 0:39:57.440 --> 0:40:01.600 you'll only see them once a week, yes, once a week, yes, 0:40:02.960 --> 0:40:05.920 and that builds you up enough to be like, you 0:40:05.920 --> 0:40:07.560 don't have the urge to see them more, And I 0:40:07.600 --> 0:40:09.840 get it. I'm I think I'm like, I'm an introvert 0:40:09.920 --> 0:40:12.600 extrovert where I need to read. I give so much 0:40:12.600 --> 0:40:15.360 of my energy out, but I need to recharge my batteries. 0:40:15.760 --> 0:40:18.200 But if I'm really into someone, I'm like, oh my god, 0:40:18.200 --> 0:40:19.560 I don't want to see them tonight. I want to 0:40:19.600 --> 0:40:22.160 see them tomorrow. But then in three weeks because you're 0:40:22.160 --> 0:40:23.800 exhausted from spending so much time with them. It's like, 0:40:23.840 --> 0:40:25.799 if you see them once a week, a look, let's 0:40:25.800 --> 0:40:28.360 you focus on the conversations that you're having instead of 0:40:28.400 --> 0:40:31.200 just being around them, which they're they're both important, but 0:40:31.239 --> 0:40:34.200 it also kind of like, lets you slow things down 0:40:34.200 --> 0:40:36.879 a little bit, and like we said that you need 0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:39.080 maybe you should be a little bit more of his patient, 0:40:39.800 --> 0:40:42.400 which I think can be good. I feel like, maybe 0:40:42.440 --> 0:40:44.880 you just you're not ready for something serious right now. 0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:47.279 Well that's true as well, or you just met the 0:40:47.320 --> 0:40:48.719 right person. Yeah. I was going to ask that if 0:40:48.760 --> 0:40:50.879 you've ever wanted to be with somebody more often than 0:40:50.920 --> 0:40:54.000 once in my past relationships, I'm like, I want to 0:40:54.040 --> 0:40:55.480 see you every single day, But then in two weeks, 0:40:55.480 --> 0:40:59.000 two weeks after that, I'm like, whoa, I'm gonna I'm 0:40:59.000 --> 0:41:00.960 going to create some space now. And if the space 0:41:01.040 --> 0:41:03.000 is created in the beginning, it like allows like a 0:41:03.040 --> 0:41:05.200 slow churn instead of like a like a dying star 0:41:05.360 --> 0:41:08.200 that explodes in and it self, you know what I mean. Yeah, 0:41:08.280 --> 0:41:10.200 But I feel like that's also our younger self. When 0:41:10.239 --> 0:41:13.840 I was in my twenties, I oh, my god, I 0:41:13.840 --> 0:41:16.640 would spend every waking second with a person, and I like, 0:41:16.800 --> 0:41:18.480 we would go to the same gym together, we do 0:41:18.560 --> 0:41:21.719 the same activities, and they became my friend, my boyfriend, 0:41:21.760 --> 0:41:24.680 my therapist, my everything, and it was way too much 0:41:24.719 --> 0:41:29.279 pressure on the relationship. Now I'm I think it's I 0:41:29.280 --> 0:41:31.759 don't know, Shari, give me your take on this. I 0:41:31.760 --> 0:41:34.759 think the older you get, the more set in your 0:41:34.760 --> 0:41:37.280 ways you are. You're happy with the way your house looks, 0:41:37.320 --> 0:41:39.799 You're happy with the way you you know, put your 0:41:39.800 --> 0:41:41.799 pillows on the couch, and you're happy with how much 0:41:41.800 --> 0:41:44.080 time you have to yourself and allocate time to your 0:41:44.080 --> 0:41:46.480 friends and family and work. So for me, I find 0:41:46.520 --> 0:41:51.240 it's also becoming hard to allow I guess that extra 0:41:51.280 --> 0:41:53.640 space that I extra time that I have in my 0:41:53.719 --> 0:41:56.520 personal life to someone that I'm dating because I don't 0:41:56.520 --> 0:41:59.360 have a lot of time off or time to myself, 0:42:00.440 --> 0:42:03.560 what kind of a Yeah, it's important to design it. 0:42:03.719 --> 0:42:05.759 I mean, it's no joke. I think people fall into 0:42:05.840 --> 0:42:09.280 relationships and they don't ever talk about what they actually envision, 0:42:09.400 --> 0:42:12.080 what they really want from their time with that person, 0:42:12.160 --> 0:42:14.359 and what would be ideal. You know, we just sort 0:42:14.360 --> 0:42:16.360 of adapt. I know for me as a woman, I 0:42:16.440 --> 0:42:18.760 know some guys who do this too. We lose ourselves 0:42:18.760 --> 0:42:21.880 in relationship pretty easily. So we just sort of contoured 0:42:21.920 --> 0:42:25.080 to whatever the other person wants. And it's important to 0:42:25.080 --> 0:42:28.040 speak up and say, in my ideal world, you know, 0:42:28.080 --> 0:42:30.000 if I had it all my way, this is what 0:42:30.040 --> 0:42:32.600 our relationship would look like. This is what I've dreamt of, 0:42:32.640 --> 0:42:34.759 Like you've been thinking about what this would look like, 0:42:34.840 --> 0:42:37.560 Vanessa since you were a kid, you know, so what's 0:42:37.680 --> 0:42:41.160 ideal and then knowing that that changes sometimes depending on 0:42:41.200 --> 0:42:42.880 what's going on in your life. So it's kind of 0:42:42.880 --> 0:42:46.960 got to be this fluid conversation that's ongoing around what 0:42:47.040 --> 0:42:50.799 you need. What if you don't know what you need, 0:42:51.160 --> 0:42:52.319 then you just have to figure it out. I guess 0:42:52.360 --> 0:42:54.640 as you go. It's a it's a moment by moment. 0:42:54.760 --> 0:42:56.440 You can wake up and say, you know what today 0:42:56.440 --> 0:42:58.760 I'm checking in myself and what I have on my plate, 0:42:58.800 --> 0:43:00.520 and it's going to be a day where an it space. 0:43:01.080 --> 0:43:04.279 But space is critical in the relationship. I mean, it's 0:43:04.320 --> 0:43:07.000 something that has as a man, you need to we 0:43:07.080 --> 0:43:10.479 need space just in our calendar. You know, they say 0:43:10.480 --> 0:43:13.319 like the definition of success is an empty calendar, you know, 0:43:13.520 --> 0:43:17.360 no commitment. I would say space to bounce off that, 0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:21.879 I'd say space and commitment are very um important within 0:43:21.880 --> 0:43:25.360 a relationship. Obviously that's a dumb statement because everybody knows that. 0:43:25.360 --> 0:43:28.040 But what I mean by that is I think that, yes, 0:43:28.120 --> 0:43:31.000 sometimes daily you wake up with different needs. Sometimes you 0:43:31.040 --> 0:43:33.520 need one thing and your partner doesn't know that, and 0:43:33.520 --> 0:43:35.760 you kind of gotta work through that. I just think 0:43:36.000 --> 0:43:38.520 that's where the commitment issue. I think people need to 0:43:38.520 --> 0:43:41.360 stick with commitment more because they have to realize that 0:43:41.400 --> 0:43:44.640 commit to commitment is what you're saying exactly, commitment, commitment. 0:43:44.680 --> 0:43:47.319 Don't think that just because you wake up one day 0:43:47.360 --> 0:43:49.480 and you feel differently and you're like, oh wow, is 0:43:49.520 --> 0:43:51.800 this the person for me after two years of dating. 0:43:52.160 --> 0:43:54.440 That doesn't necessarily mean they're not the person for you. 0:43:54.560 --> 0:43:56.680 I think doubts and hesitations are very normal to having 0:43:56.719 --> 0:44:00.000 a relationship. Even I was reading an article today about 0:44:00.400 --> 0:44:03.520 Barack Obama Michelle Obama, and they said they were like, 0:44:03.920 --> 0:44:06.200 because they always look happy, right, They were like, don't 0:44:06.239 --> 0:44:10.200 be mistaken. Marriage is hard. It's not easy. And so 0:44:10.360 --> 0:44:12.480 I think that's just something nice to reiterate, because I 0:44:12.480 --> 0:44:14.439 think space is very important in the idea of giving 0:44:14.480 --> 0:44:17.920 partners space within the relationship, but it's also under the 0:44:18.200 --> 0:44:22.680 umbrella of a committed relationship. Yeah, I'm committed to knowing 0:44:22.760 --> 0:44:26.040 you and learning about you and being here for you 0:44:26.120 --> 0:44:28.840 and whatever that takes, not not just sort of getting 0:44:28.840 --> 0:44:31.000 to a point where you think you've got a dialed, 0:44:31.520 --> 0:44:34.000 you know, and then everybody relaxes, because I think that's 0:44:34.040 --> 0:44:37.960 where romance dies over time. It's this this great vow 0:44:38.040 --> 0:44:40.400 that I heard at a wedding once I promised to 0:44:40.400 --> 0:44:43.320 never know you. You know, like, every day I wake 0:44:43.440 --> 0:44:47.040 up to who are you today? Yesterday? It was a 0:44:47.080 --> 0:44:50.759 whole lifetime. That's beautiful. Yeah, you know, so I think 0:44:50.840 --> 0:44:53.680 it's really just being committed to having the conversations like, 0:44:54.160 --> 0:44:57.279 my sweetheart is asking me every day, what tell me 0:44:57.360 --> 0:45:00.200 something that you need that I don't know about out 0:45:00.560 --> 0:45:02.440 which is so huge because every day I have to 0:45:02.480 --> 0:45:05.080 go like, oh man, it's a self awareness you were 0:45:05.080 --> 0:45:07.400 talking about Vanessa, you know, like getting to know yourself 0:45:07.440 --> 0:45:09.920 so well that you can say, holy cow, what do 0:45:09.960 --> 0:45:11.799 I need? I'm going to say that we will ask 0:45:11.840 --> 0:45:13.319 for it. I'm going to say that my vowels and 0:45:13.360 --> 0:45:15.080 take full credit for it. By the way, I'm just 0:45:15.120 --> 0:45:17.680 standing up there. I promised to never know you. Where 0:45:17.680 --> 0:45:19.040 did you hear that? I just made it up. I 0:45:19.080 --> 0:45:23.000 just came out to my head. I think it's also 0:45:23.080 --> 0:45:30.120 finding a partner who's like minded and understands that dynamic 0:45:30.160 --> 0:45:34.080 of a relationship, yeah, and has evolved into being able 0:45:34.120 --> 0:45:36.279 to want to be that person. So I think going 0:45:36.320 --> 0:45:38.520 back to some of these questions we had on Facebook, Bree, 0:45:38.600 --> 0:45:42.520 we answered that question thoughts on time away from your partner? 0:45:42.760 --> 0:45:44.879 Can't we move on to another question? All right? Before 0:45:44.880 --> 0:45:47.600 we continue with more questions? Uh, Deina and I want 0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:49.800 to talk a little bit, uh something about you guys 0:45:49.960 --> 0:45:53.200 all well know Thrive Market. We've talked about it numerous 0:45:53.200 --> 0:45:57.400 times on the podcast In Love thri I'm censoring myself. 0:45:57.400 --> 0:45:59.640 That's how excited I get about Thrive He's very excited, 0:45:59.680 --> 0:46:02.680 as you eyes know. Thrive Market is a revolutionary online 0:46:02.680 --> 0:46:05.040 marketplace on a mission to make healthy living easy and 0:46:05.080 --> 0:46:08.000 affordable for everyone. That includes Udine. You can shop for 0:46:08.040 --> 0:46:10.920 thousands of the best selling non gmo foods and natural products, 0:46:10.960 --> 0:46:16.040 always at twenty five to below traditional retail prices. But 0:46:16.160 --> 0:46:18.640 my favorite is Justin's. I said that before. Justin's actually 0:46:18.640 --> 0:46:20.680 reached out to me and offer me some peanut butter coops, 0:46:20.760 --> 0:46:24.240 which was incredible. I love these ones. Uh, they're chocolate, 0:46:24.239 --> 0:46:27.160 they're organic. Well, I'm kind of a I love chocolate, 0:46:27.320 --> 0:46:30.160 including the dark chocolate brownie ones. All these are organic. 0:46:30.280 --> 0:46:33.120 So even when I'm eating these brownies and Justin's, the 0:46:33.200 --> 0:46:35.240 Justin's peanut butter coups that I get from Thrive Market, 0:46:35.280 --> 0:46:37.920 I feel healthy because it's as organic and it is organic. 0:46:37.960 --> 0:46:39.560 It's it's funny how it works in your head. It 0:46:39.560 --> 0:46:41.239 says organic and you're like, I'm gonna eat as many 0:46:41.239 --> 0:46:43.440 of these as I want, and it's fine. It's like 0:46:43.480 --> 0:46:46.719 eating an apple. Really, you can get everything you need. 0:46:47.200 --> 0:46:50.920 Like we talked about non gmo food, you can't snacks, vitamins, supplements, 0:46:51.000 --> 0:46:55.560 personal care products. They have the Thrive organic mustard. Isn't 0:46:55.560 --> 0:46:57.680 it the worst when you go to the grocery store 0:46:57.760 --> 0:46:59.719 and you buy like everything you need for like either 0:46:59.800 --> 0:47:02.160 hand burger, and you forget the one thing you forget. 0:47:02.239 --> 0:47:04.480 I did the same thing, we get mustard. The other day. 0:47:04.560 --> 0:47:06.120 I made a pizza at home and I forgot to 0:47:06.160 --> 0:47:08.520 bring a ranch back. You always forget the condiments. It 0:47:08.560 --> 0:47:11.560 was pretty bad. Anyways, Thrive is so incredible and I 0:47:11.600 --> 0:47:13.960 love most. What I love most about Thrive is is 0:47:14.040 --> 0:47:17.120 this whole organic healthy movement that's been going on. So 0:47:17.160 --> 0:47:18.960 I just ordered some of my favorite products, like Dr 0:47:19.000 --> 0:47:22.600 Browner's organic lavender hand sanitizer. Not a big hand santor 0:47:22.800 --> 0:47:24.880 sanitizer guy, but the fact that it's organic makes me 0:47:24.920 --> 0:47:27.080 feel a little bit better about using it. I'm obviously 0:47:27.120 --> 0:47:30.200 not a big soap guy, but Mrs Myers Honeysuckle hand 0:47:30.200 --> 0:47:32.720 soap is making a comeback, and it's making a comeback 0:47:32.719 --> 0:47:34.360 in Dean. You don't want to get six for Thanksgiving, 0:47:34.400 --> 0:47:37.120 so you need these products. That's part of it. But 0:47:37.239 --> 0:47:39.839 what I really like is just how they're organic, how 0:47:39.840 --> 0:47:42.920 they're natural. Like you said earlier, non gmo foods, the snacks, 0:47:43.000 --> 0:47:46.360 vitamin supplements, personal care products, all that stuff. Um, so 0:47:46.400 --> 0:47:48.120 you talked about your favorite part. My favorite part of 0:47:48.160 --> 0:47:50.200 five market is the fact that I don't have to 0:47:50.239 --> 0:47:53.759 go to the grocery store anymore. Driving there, especially in 0:47:53.800 --> 0:47:56.040 Los Angeles, I always have to find parking because there's 0:47:56.080 --> 0:47:58.600 there's never a parking lot anymore. Always gotta try to 0:47:58.600 --> 0:48:00.400 find parking or have to pay for it. So my 0:48:00.440 --> 0:48:02.560 favorite part is the fact that Thrive Market not only 0:48:02.560 --> 0:48:05.279 get to pick it online, but it's delivered right to 0:48:05.560 --> 0:48:07.480 your door. We're just getting our whole life delivered to 0:48:07.520 --> 0:48:10.160 us nowadays. It's great fantas most men thing in the world. 0:48:10.200 --> 0:48:12.399 Difficult to meet someone when that's happening. Maybe we'll meet 0:48:12.400 --> 0:48:17.480 the delivery person. Anyways, keep in mind that thrive markets 0:48:17.520 --> 0:48:20.799 prices are already up to fifty off and now they're 0:48:20.840 --> 0:48:24.240 giving you an extra off your very first order plus 0:48:24.640 --> 0:48:26.839 a free thirty day trial. So I head to thrive 0:48:26.880 --> 0:48:30.960 market dot com slash dean. That's thrive market dot com 0:48:31.120 --> 0:48:32.880 slash dean. I'm going to spell it for you. T 0:48:33.239 --> 0:48:36.279 h r I v E M A r k E 0:48:36.320 --> 0:48:38.959 t dot com slash d e A N and get 0:48:39.960 --> 0:48:43.280 off your first order plus of free thirty day trial. 0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:46.600 That's incredible. We're giving you basically your entire life for 0:48:46.680 --> 0:48:49.040 free at least for the next thirty days through Thrive 0:48:49.120 --> 0:48:50.759 Market and some of our other sponsors, so be sure 0:48:50.760 --> 0:48:53.239 to check them out now, Vanessa, would you like to 0:48:53.280 --> 0:48:56.080 tell us about your favorite luggage company? Oh? I want 0:48:56.080 --> 0:48:58.080 it well, first fall. As you guys know, I travel 0:48:58.200 --> 0:49:00.160 a lot. Dean, you travel a lot too, But I'll 0:49:00.200 --> 0:49:03.879 be having like a backpack. I was in Toronto, got 0:49:03.920 --> 0:49:06.640 back my suitcase busted. I was in Bobby, got back 0:49:06.680 --> 0:49:09.319 my other suitcase is busted. So then I discovered this 0:49:09.400 --> 0:49:12.399 company called Away Luggage. Is also the perfect time right 0:49:12.400 --> 0:49:15.839 now because the holidays around the corner and everyone kind 0:49:15.840 --> 0:49:18.160 of wants to get away um for whatever reason. So 0:49:18.200 --> 0:49:20.160 Away Luggage is the perfect way to travel with their 0:49:20.280 --> 0:49:24.440 universal pieces. Everything Away Luggage makes is designed to solve 0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:26.680 real travel problems for real life and work. Right now, 0:49:26.800 --> 0:49:29.800 all I travel with is the Aluminium Edition carry on suitcase. 0:49:30.120 --> 0:49:34.000 It has an unbreakable aluminum shell. I am a little, 0:49:34.040 --> 0:49:36.520 actually very clumsy when it comes to putting in my 0:49:36.600 --> 0:49:41.120 luggage in and out of my cars, and so this 0:49:41.200 --> 0:49:44.040 is this is great so far. It's it's it's pretty durable. 0:49:44.280 --> 0:49:46.680 Um so it's awesome because we know how rough our 0:49:46.760 --> 0:49:49.719 luggages are being handled at the airport or if it's 0:49:49.719 --> 0:49:52.640 handled by me. It comes with the removable laundry bag, 0:49:52.719 --> 0:49:54.320 so when I get home, I just throw the laundry 0:49:54.320 --> 0:49:55.799 bag in the wash and I'm done. It saves me 0:49:55.840 --> 0:49:58.120 so much time when I'm trying to unpack at home, 0:49:58.200 --> 0:50:00.719 which not is not always a funnest thing to do. 0:50:00.800 --> 0:50:03.239 After Um, a nice little getaway. And the best part 0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:06.120 get this. This is the first time I actually have 0:50:06.120 --> 0:50:08.279 a luggage like this. It charges your cell phone. I 0:50:08.280 --> 0:50:10.000 don't know if you guys know that there are luggages 0:50:10.040 --> 0:50:13.320 now that have the cell phone charger. This is completely 0:50:13.320 --> 0:50:15.120 new to me. It's fantastic. It's one of the best 0:50:15.120 --> 0:50:16.880 things that are amazing. Yeah. So it has a portable 0:50:16.960 --> 0:50:19.359 charging battery built into the suitcase. You just plug your 0:50:19.400 --> 0:50:22.239 cord into the luggage and it charges. It charges a 0:50:22.280 --> 0:50:23.960 for you while you're at the airport, which is great 0:50:23.960 --> 0:50:26.040 because sometimes you're on smaller flights and they have no 0:50:26.360 --> 0:50:29.400 um charger for your phone, especially if there's no TVs 0:50:29.400 --> 0:50:31.560 on the flight, then you want to watch photos stuff 0:50:31.560 --> 0:50:33.600 on your phone. So this is great. Every suitcase comes 0:50:33.960 --> 0:50:37.040 with a hundred day trial that gives any traveler getting 0:50:37.080 --> 0:50:40.040 away plenty of time to decide on the perfect size 0:50:40.120 --> 0:50:43.360 and color, which means you can gift with confidence because 0:50:43.480 --> 0:50:47.040 this holiday season, everyone wants to get away. So for 0:50:47.200 --> 0:50:52.040 twenty dollars off the suitcase, visit away dot com slash 0:50:52.160 --> 0:50:56.040 dating that's a W A Y t R a v 0:50:56.400 --> 0:50:59.239 L dot com slash d A t i n G, 0:50:59.480 --> 0:51:02.759 and use Almo code dating that's d A t I 0:51:02.920 --> 0:51:06.040 n G during checkout. Again, that's twenty dollars off the suitcase, 0:51:06.160 --> 0:51:09.760 visit away travel dot com slash dating and use Promo 0:51:09.840 --> 0:51:15.560 code dating during your checkouts. They are incredible, they are 0:51:15.760 --> 0:51:17.839 I'm I'm very happy to have a durable suitcase right now. 0:51:17.840 --> 0:51:20.040 All right, we're gonna jump back into the questions a 0:51:20.040 --> 0:51:23.960 few more here right. I wanted to ask one by 0:51:24.080 --> 0:51:26.800 let me just scroll up here here. While you're scrolling, 0:51:26.840 --> 0:51:29.120 I want to I wanna talk about one question real quick. 0:51:29.160 --> 0:51:30.520 We don't really have to discuss it too much. But 0:51:30.520 --> 0:51:33.880 Shannon Scardeccio says, oh, that's the one I talk to 0:51:33.920 --> 0:51:38.719 talk about. Perfect. It's perfect, perfect, So she says, I've 0:51:38.760 --> 0:51:40.960 been with my man for four years. It's coming January. 0:51:41.080 --> 0:51:42.879 We're currently saving to buy a home, but I'm still 0:51:42.880 --> 0:51:44.799 waiting for him to pop the question. We talked about 0:51:44.840 --> 0:51:47.000 getting married all the time. We basically have the wedding plan, 0:51:47.080 --> 0:51:49.000 but I have no ring. Should I be worried or 0:51:49.040 --> 0:51:53.680 just keep waiting? And the reason I double started that question, Shannon, 0:51:54.080 --> 0:51:57.800 is because my brother and his girlfriend of five years, 0:51:57.880 --> 0:52:00.000 they've been dating each other for five years. Boyfriend girl 0:52:00.080 --> 0:52:04.799 friend just got engaged yesterday, And so that said, I 0:52:04.840 --> 0:52:07.520 don't think four years is too long. Granted, there are 0:52:07.560 --> 0:52:09.360 like a lot of long relationships that can tend to 0:52:09.440 --> 0:52:12.239 lead to nothing, But I do want to point out 0:52:12.280 --> 0:52:14.560 that my brother's relationship, love him to death, love his 0:52:14.680 --> 0:52:17.319 fiance to death. Now, they were dating boyfriend girlfriend for 0:52:17.360 --> 0:52:19.279 five whole years, and maybe even dating a little bit 0:52:19.280 --> 0:52:21.879 before that. So just because it's four years into it 0:52:22.200 --> 0:52:25.279 and you're not engaged yet doesn't mean it's impossible. That 0:52:25.360 --> 0:52:27.879 was my That was my input on that. I agree, 0:52:28.400 --> 0:52:31.919 But just to play Devil's advocate, please play away. What's 0:52:31.960 --> 0:52:35.400 he waiting for? That's the question. They've talked about wedding 0:52:35.400 --> 0:52:37.719 for so long, and the only thing I can maybe 0:52:37.960 --> 0:52:41.680 assume is that he doesn't have enough as much money 0:52:41.760 --> 0:52:43.719 as he wants saved up for the ring. I think 0:52:43.960 --> 0:52:48.840 say it took to be honest about it. Damn Vanessa, 0:52:52.200 --> 0:52:55.320 and listen, especially if they're being open about it. Seems 0:52:55.320 --> 0:52:58.439 like they're they're being open about talking about getting married 0:52:58.440 --> 0:53:01.920 and all that stuff. As a man, wouldn't I be like, listen, 0:53:02.560 --> 0:53:06.440 this is a situation. No. As a man, you're more insecure, 0:53:06.560 --> 0:53:07.960 and you're like, I don't want her to know that 0:53:07.960 --> 0:53:09.560 I can't afford the ring that I want to give her, 0:53:09.600 --> 0:53:12.000 and they're talking about marriage. If they're talking openly about marriage, 0:53:12.000 --> 0:53:14.600 I feel like he wants it. It's just a matter 0:53:14.640 --> 0:53:16.359 of time. Maybe he needs to get some other things 0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:18.160 in line in his life before he's willing to There's 0:53:18.239 --> 0:53:20.799 boxes he hasn't checked yet. Didn't you have to have 0:53:20.920 --> 0:53:23.879 some things dialed Jared before you felt like you were 0:53:23.880 --> 0:53:25.960 ready to ask the question? No, I just kind of 0:53:25.960 --> 0:53:30.600 flew into it. No, I agree. I think I got 0:53:30.680 --> 0:53:35.279 lucky because I kind of went through those boxes. It's 0:53:35.280 --> 0:53:38.520 a long story, but I knew when I proposed to, actually, 0:53:38.600 --> 0:53:39.719 this is the person I want to spend the rest 0:53:39.719 --> 0:53:42.080 of my life with Yeah, so I was just lucky, 0:53:42.520 --> 0:53:44.759 I think honestly, though, do you think you need all 0:53:44.840 --> 0:53:47.840 your boxes checked off before you get engaged? I don't think. 0:53:47.880 --> 0:53:50.480 But what I've learned about men so far, and it's 0:53:50.520 --> 0:53:54.120 hard to generalize an entire gender, well, it's easy too, 0:53:54.120 --> 0:53:55.960 but it's it's maybe not the best thing too. It's 0:53:55.960 --> 0:54:00.000 not right, it's not the best thing. But generally, um, 0:54:00.160 --> 0:54:02.480 there are some boxes that need to get checked for 0:54:02.520 --> 0:54:04.719 someone to feel ready. I think that can be said 0:54:04.760 --> 0:54:07.280 for women as well. I think it's for both genders. 0:54:07.320 --> 0:54:09.280 The reason I bring this up is because my cousin 0:54:09.520 --> 0:54:13.759 great guy. Uh, he's in his late thirties now single, UM, 0:54:13.840 --> 0:54:16.160 good looking guy, as many girlfriends, but like a lot 0:54:16.200 --> 0:54:18.160 of the time when he was with a girl, he 0:54:18.280 --> 0:54:21.160 was in long relationships, but he never proposed or wanted 0:54:21.200 --> 0:54:22.760 to get married because he was like, I'm not ready, 0:54:22.760 --> 0:54:24.480 I'm not in a place, I'm not in a place, 0:54:24.520 --> 0:54:26.719 I'm not ready to get engaged. So he went on 0:54:26.800 --> 0:54:28.279 and did his own thing, blah blah blah. And now 0:54:28.280 --> 0:54:29.840 he's in up his thirties and like he's kind of 0:54:29.880 --> 0:54:31.799 looking back. And I was talking to him about this, 0:54:31.880 --> 0:54:34.439 and he said I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna 0:54:34.440 --> 0:54:37.040 be ready. He's like, I think I was just kind 0:54:37.040 --> 0:54:41.680 of not making excuses. But I look back and I 0:54:41.719 --> 0:54:44.520 realized that maybe there was never going to a point 0:54:44.520 --> 0:54:47.000 where I thought to myself, now I'm ready to get engaged, 0:54:47.840 --> 0:54:49.880 because I think he regrets some of those relationships and 0:54:49.960 --> 0:54:51.840 letting go of them because he thought, no, I'm not 0:54:51.880 --> 0:54:54.239 ready yet. So how do they were? So how does 0:54:54.239 --> 0:54:55.759 this pretend to Shannon? Do you think? Do you think 0:54:55.800 --> 0:54:58.680 that sure? Did he ever talk to his girlfriends about 0:54:58.680 --> 0:55:01.319 getting married even though never would be ready? It doesn't 0:55:01.360 --> 0:55:02.960 pretend to Shannon, And Shannon, I'm sorry about that. The 0:55:02.960 --> 0:55:04.800 only reason I brought it up was because you bring 0:55:04.840 --> 0:55:07.040 maybe this guy didn't have his boxes checked off. In 0:55:07.160 --> 0:55:10.040 my suggestion would be, Shannon, if that is the case 0:55:10.080 --> 0:55:11.959 for your man and he doesn't have his boxes checked 0:55:11.960 --> 0:55:14.279 off and that's why he's not proposing, then he just 0:55:14.360 --> 0:55:16.920 needs to get over that and realized there's never gonna 0:55:16.920 --> 0:55:19.359 be a point when in your life when you're like, 0:55:20.040 --> 0:55:22.759 now I'm ready. How do we feel about how do 0:55:22.760 --> 0:55:25.200 we feel about gender reversal? The woman asking the man 0:55:25.280 --> 0:55:27.560 to marry her, Well, that's the thing I think that 0:55:27.640 --> 0:55:31.000 we have this issue because it's generally more often the 0:55:31.000 --> 0:55:33.600 man who does the proposing. And I know plenty of 0:55:33.600 --> 0:55:36.040 a woman now who are starting to propose, and I 0:55:36.080 --> 0:55:38.640 think that it could be on Channon if she's ready 0:55:38.840 --> 0:55:42.280 to say I want this and put it on the table, 0:55:42.840 --> 0:55:45.759 or there's saying that I love. When you found the 0:55:45.760 --> 0:55:47.160 person that you're going to spend the rest of your 0:55:47.200 --> 0:55:50.360 life with, there's no more rush. And I don't wonder 0:55:50.440 --> 0:55:54.880 what Shannon is in a hurry to have right. I 0:55:54.960 --> 0:55:57.520 have a hard time. I have a hard time digesting that, 0:55:57.680 --> 0:56:02.920 only because I feel like women are way more I 0:56:02.960 --> 0:56:06.839 think they are more ready to fully commit than men. 0:56:07.560 --> 0:56:10.720 And so when the men reach that point of wanting 0:56:10.760 --> 0:56:14.719 to fully commit, that's when they take charge and get 0:56:14.760 --> 0:56:16.600 down on one need. But what's the difference between fully 0:56:16.640 --> 0:56:19.239 committing if your boyfriend girlfriend versus fully committing if your 0:56:19.320 --> 0:56:21.879 husband wife? What's the full commitment mean just the rest 0:56:21.880 --> 0:56:25.360 of eternity? Yeah, but these it's like buying a condo 0:56:25.480 --> 0:56:27.520 versus renting a condo. When you're renting it, you're not 0:56:27.560 --> 0:56:29.479 as invested. If you're buying it, you're going to fix 0:56:29.520 --> 0:56:31.400 the walls that you break, You're gonna make sure that 0:56:31.520 --> 0:56:33.640 the floors aren't. You're not gonna wear your heels on 0:56:33.640 --> 0:56:36.080 wooden floors because you don't want them to scratch. You're 0:56:36.080 --> 0:56:41.360 gonna be way more invested. So I don't suggest that 0:56:41.520 --> 0:56:45.640 Shannon goes out and proposes to her man. I think 0:56:45.680 --> 0:56:50.560 the biggest thing in relationships that we're lacking and we're 0:56:50.600 --> 0:56:53.920 maybe afraid of is just openly communicating what we're feeling 0:56:54.160 --> 0:56:56.960 to say it. You know, I wish Shannon I'd want 0:56:56.960 --> 0:57:00.719 to ask the question, just ask what's what's up? How 0:57:00.760 --> 0:57:02.680 are you feeling? When do you see this happening? And 0:57:02.760 --> 0:57:06.160 to Ry's point, it's like, what's the rush, right, unless 0:57:06.200 --> 0:57:08.480 unless you're planning on having kids. I think kids are 0:57:08.520 --> 0:57:10.759 the one kiding that brings you to like be like, okay, 0:57:10.800 --> 0:57:13.560 now we need to get married in terms of time constraints, 0:57:13.600 --> 0:57:14.919 Like obviously a lot of people like to get married 0:57:14.960 --> 0:57:16.160 and not wait and have kids and all that kind 0:57:16.160 --> 0:57:18.200 of stuff. But other than that, it's like, what's wrong 0:57:18.240 --> 0:57:20.080 with going through your rest of your life and like 0:57:20.120 --> 0:57:22.440 a very civil domestic partnership with the love of your 0:57:22.480 --> 0:57:24.240 life and there's nothing wrong with it, But there is 0:57:24.320 --> 0:57:26.960 wrong with something in relationship if one person wants to 0:57:26.960 --> 0:57:30.480 get married another person doesn't, because that does create tension. Yeah, yeah, 0:57:30.600 --> 0:57:32.760 if one if the guy's like, no, I'm gonna be 0:57:32.800 --> 0:57:33.800 with you for the rest of my life, but I 0:57:33.800 --> 0:57:35.720 don't ever want to get married. I think for the 0:57:35.920 --> 0:57:39.200 woman or whichever, you know, we're gender, one person in 0:57:39.240 --> 0:57:41.400 the in the relationship says I never want to get married, 0:57:41.400 --> 0:57:45.680 and the other person does that crazy cause attention Because 0:57:45.800 --> 0:57:48.440 then my question would be for the person who doesn't 0:57:48.440 --> 0:57:50.160 want to get married but wants to be with that 0:57:50.200 --> 0:57:52.320 person for the rest of their life, my question would be, 0:57:52.320 --> 0:57:55.080 why don't you want to get married? Yeah, just don't 0:57:55.080 --> 0:57:56.560 want to sign something. There are a lot of people 0:57:56.560 --> 0:57:59.200 who don't want to get married now who who find 0:57:59.440 --> 0:58:02.400 just having a civil relationship enough, And I think that's 0:58:02.440 --> 0:58:05.120 perfect it, says Shannon, saying that they're both talking about 0:58:05.160 --> 0:58:06.880 getting married all the time, so it sounds like he 0:58:06.960 --> 0:58:10.080 does so I just think, yeah, it's an honest question. 0:58:10.200 --> 0:58:12.200 What's going on for you? My sister and I had 0:58:12.200 --> 0:58:13.760 this conversation the other day. I don't know if I 0:58:13.760 --> 0:58:15.760 talked about this last week on the podcast, but she's married. 0:58:15.760 --> 0:58:17.840 She's been married for three years to her husband who 0:58:17.920 --> 0:58:20.480 is a I think he's a citizen of I can't 0:58:20.480 --> 0:58:22.840 remember some Central American country. So he wasn't a US citizen. 0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:25.160 He was here on green card, and she loved him 0:58:25.200 --> 0:58:26.439 and was in a relationship with him for a couple 0:58:26.440 --> 0:58:28.520 of years, and she's like, I married him because I 0:58:28.520 --> 0:58:30.680 wanted to give him citizenship to the country. If if 0:58:30.680 --> 0:58:32.320 he was an American citizen, I would have just been 0:58:32.320 --> 0:58:34.000 his girlfriend for the rest of my life. Like I'd 0:58:34.040 --> 0:58:37.280 had no real interest in getting married for the for 0:58:37.320 --> 0:58:39.720 the legality of it, but more so to grant him 0:58:39.760 --> 0:58:42.760 the citizenship. And so she ran or I guess contrary 0:58:42.760 --> 0:58:44.600 to how it typically is, she was the one that 0:58:44.680 --> 0:58:47.000 was open and wanted to just be in a relationship 0:58:47.000 --> 0:58:48.600 forever but not necessarily put a label on it as 0:58:48.680 --> 0:58:51.160 an husband wife. Um, And so I think it goes 0:58:51.200 --> 0:58:53.640 both ways. I think that's becoming more and more popular nowadays. 0:58:53.800 --> 0:58:56.520 Nowadays two is of just just two people being in 0:58:56.520 --> 0:59:00.480 a relationship forever instead of getting married. Yeah, apstially, there's 0:59:00.480 --> 0:59:02.400 like no kids or anything coming into the right and 0:59:02.400 --> 0:59:04.360 you could wake up every morning and make it amazing 0:59:04.440 --> 0:59:07.439 and say I choose you today, I choose you every day. 0:59:07.480 --> 0:59:10.160 It doesn't need to be that we legalize it to 0:59:10.280 --> 0:59:12.840 have something amazing. Bring the government. But just yeah, the 0:59:12.880 --> 0:59:14.960 two people though, like you said, Jared need ton't want 0:59:15.000 --> 0:59:17.040 the same thing. Yeah, exactly. I think that's the biggest 0:59:17.040 --> 0:59:18.240 thing of ven S. I want to bounce off a 0:59:18.280 --> 0:59:21.040 point they made earlier about, um, you don't think a 0:59:21.040 --> 0:59:23.160 girl should propose because a guy needs to propose when 0:59:23.160 --> 0:59:24.919 he feels ready. Because I feel like, and I agree 0:59:24.960 --> 0:59:26.360 with you, I feel like guys take a little bit 0:59:26.440 --> 0:59:28.240 longer to feel like they're ready to be in a 0:59:28.200 --> 0:59:31.080 committed relationship than women do. But I think my advice 0:59:31.360 --> 0:59:34.520 for guys would be that I'm not sure if you're 0:59:34.520 --> 0:59:37.000 ever going to truly feel ready, you kind of have 0:59:37.040 --> 0:59:38.400 to take a little bit of a leap of faith. 0:59:38.840 --> 0:59:43.160 Um and UM. I think with guys, and you know, 0:59:43.240 --> 0:59:47.520 just everybody in general, complacency prevents progress. And I think 0:59:47.600 --> 0:59:49.440 especially when you're in a kind of a long relationship, 0:59:49.520 --> 0:59:52.240 maybe like Shannon and her Man four years, there's like, well, 0:59:52.240 --> 0:59:54.440 what's the need to like, why would I have to 0:59:54.480 --> 0:59:56.680 progress it? It's good, it's fine. We don't need to 0:59:56.880 --> 0:59:59.360 make it any better than it already is. Um. And 0:59:59.440 --> 1:00:01.640 I think people react to it like a dramatic event 1:00:01.640 --> 1:00:03.280 happening in their life. And sometimes when you feel like 1:00:03.320 --> 1:00:05.480 you're about to lose something, that's what really causes you 1:00:05.520 --> 1:00:07.600 to act, because that's what kicks you into gear and 1:00:07.760 --> 1:00:10.439 kicks your ass into being ready in that moment. So 1:00:10.800 --> 1:00:12.800 I don't know that's a hard thing to do. I'm 1:00:12.800 --> 1:00:15.160 not saying Shannon should, like you know, say I'm gonna 1:00:15.200 --> 1:00:17.000 break up with you. But I think Shannon wouldn't be 1:00:17.040 --> 1:00:18.880 the worst idea to have a conversation with your guy 1:00:18.920 --> 1:00:21.680 and say, listen, this is what I want. What are 1:00:21.680 --> 1:00:24.240 your thoughts about it? Because this is what I need. Yeah, 1:00:24.360 --> 1:00:26.320 and just share a vision, this is what I see, 1:00:26.520 --> 1:00:28.960 and this is how I see us together long term 1:00:29.200 --> 1:00:32.160 and compare notes because he just may have a different 1:00:32.160 --> 1:00:35.320 timeline and that could be just enough to have Shannon 1:00:35.440 --> 1:00:38.800 feel good again. But I don't think you should be worried. 1:00:38.960 --> 1:00:41.200 I don't think there's any no reason to worry. Like 1:00:41.240 --> 1:00:44.320 I said, my brother and his girlfriend just got engaged 1:00:44.360 --> 1:00:46.880 after five years. It's it can happen. Should we do 1:00:46.920 --> 1:00:48.960 like a rapid fire saying well, yeah, yeah, we need 1:00:49.000 --> 1:00:50.680 to get through his question a little bit faster. But Dan, 1:00:50.760 --> 1:00:53.600 I want to ask you one from Raquel. She goes Dan, 1:00:53.680 --> 1:00:56.840 Vanessa and Vanessa you can obviously this. Yeah, what are 1:00:56.840 --> 1:00:59.760 your feelings on deleting pictures, comments, posts of your ex 1:00:59.880 --> 1:01:01.920 is on your social media? Did you delete everything that 1:01:01.960 --> 1:01:05.000 includes your exes so your new significant other doesn't have 1:01:05.160 --> 1:01:11.560 to see them? Um Na, go first, Yes, go first. Okay, 1:01:11.920 --> 1:01:14.320 I had this issue when I was younger. I would 1:01:14.360 --> 1:01:17.360 be a little bit I guess, I would say insecure 1:01:17.640 --> 1:01:22.400 and territorial, and I would question the level of that 1:01:22.440 --> 1:01:24.760 person's ability to get over their ex if they still 1:01:24.800 --> 1:01:27.840 had pictures of them on social media, etcetera, etcetera. I 1:01:27.960 --> 1:01:30.360 still have pictures of Nick and I on social media, 1:01:30.600 --> 1:01:32.400 and I mean, you really have to scroll down to 1:01:32.480 --> 1:01:35.480 see our pictures. But it was a big part of 1:01:35.520 --> 1:01:39.480 my my past, and I still very much respect him 1:01:39.480 --> 1:01:42.960 in the relationship that we had, so I don't feel 1:01:42.960 --> 1:01:46.400 the need to delete any of that. Um and I 1:01:46.440 --> 1:01:48.480 want to be able to invite the person that I 1:01:48.520 --> 1:01:51.680 will be dating into my life and someone that is 1:01:53.000 --> 1:01:55.240 um I guess emotionally I don't like using this word 1:01:55.280 --> 1:01:58.800 after the show, but emotionally intelligent enough to understand that 1:01:59.200 --> 1:02:03.080 people do have of past past relationships and past lives 1:02:03.240 --> 1:02:07.440 and people can um completely get over their relationship and 1:02:07.480 --> 1:02:11.040 be on neutral terms with their ex partner. UM. So 1:02:11.120 --> 1:02:14.840 I think I think it's a level of respect for 1:02:14.880 --> 1:02:17.640 the people that you've dated. UM. But I can totally 1:02:17.720 --> 1:02:19.600 understand how some people can see it as a oh 1:02:19.640 --> 1:02:21.120 my god, for sure they're still in love with their 1:02:21.120 --> 1:02:25.280 ex boyfriend or their ex skull front. Yeah, that's my take. 1:02:25.440 --> 1:02:27.240 I can see that as well. It's funny because actually 1:02:27.280 --> 1:02:29.960 I was randomly, I was like a partner with a brand, 1:02:30.280 --> 1:02:31.680 maybe not too long ago, and they're like, all right, 1:02:31.720 --> 1:02:35.400 send us the highlights of your Instagram posts through the 1:02:35.440 --> 1:02:37.920 past year that have the most engagement and send us 1:02:37.920 --> 1:02:40.320 a screenshot of your top. That's why I just said 1:02:41.680 --> 1:02:45.160 out there, you got too much engagement. Of the fifteen 1:02:45.200 --> 1:02:47.160 pictures were with a girl that I was dating at 1:02:47.160 --> 1:02:50.200 the time, whether it was Christina, Rachel Leslie. Gosh, that 1:02:50.240 --> 1:02:51.840 sounds so bad to say all of those names out 1:02:53.600 --> 1:02:56.040 and it's it's obviously like we're not going to not 1:02:56.120 --> 1:02:58.240 delete something for the sake of engagement, but it's like 1:02:58.360 --> 1:03:00.320 it's just funny to see that those ones do well. 1:03:00.720 --> 1:03:03.480 And it's always especially depending on how the relationship ended, right, 1:03:03.480 --> 1:03:05.840 if it ended in bad on bad blood, on bad terms, 1:03:05.840 --> 1:03:07.680 whatever it is, then maybe you could delete them. But 1:03:07.720 --> 1:03:10.959 I've never deleted other than before going on the show 1:03:11.120 --> 1:03:15.280 to spare my ex the the publicity of being on 1:03:15.320 --> 1:03:18.360 my very public Instagram before going on the show. Like, yeah, 1:03:18.400 --> 1:03:20.800 that makes sense. But other other than that, I don't 1:03:20.800 --> 1:03:22.880 think I've ever deleted anything except maybe in college, I 1:03:22.920 --> 1:03:25.480 broke up with a girlfriend and I took that breakup 1:03:25.480 --> 1:03:28.280 pretty hard, and I deleted a lot of pictures. I 1:03:28.280 --> 1:03:29.720 think for the most part, it's fine. You don't have 1:03:29.720 --> 1:03:31.760 to delete. I'm with you, guys, all right, this this 1:03:31.800 --> 1:03:33.440 is from Betsy somebody we should do a little bit 1:03:33.440 --> 1:03:35.520 more rapid fire. What is the dumbest reason someone broke 1:03:35.600 --> 1:03:37.400 up with you or you broke up with them. We're 1:03:37.440 --> 1:03:41.480 not necessarily dumb, but crazy. Sure. I don't know if 1:03:41.480 --> 1:03:44.880 I have a dumb breakup. No dumb breakups. It's just 1:03:45.000 --> 1:03:47.080 consistently like, oh, I don't know if I want anything 1:03:47.080 --> 1:03:49.520 serious right now? Ye never do just tell me you're 1:03:49.560 --> 1:03:53.200 not into me, Like come on, yeah, I never broke 1:03:53.280 --> 1:03:56.800 up with somebody because like they're pinky toe is bigger 1:03:56.800 --> 1:03:59.720 than I got broken up because I don't you soap. 1:04:00.760 --> 1:04:04.480 I'm making that up, but that would be a good story, 1:04:04.520 --> 1:04:06.960 should have win with it. Um. I feel like I 1:04:06.960 --> 1:04:08.600 have a hard time answering that one because I can 1:04:08.640 --> 1:04:12.240 always find the good reason for thing, you know, like 1:04:12.400 --> 1:04:16.600 every every reason is validated. I mean, Deason's got one 1:04:16.640 --> 1:04:19.640 for us. This wasn't the main reason. But I was 1:04:19.680 --> 1:04:22.600 told a young lady broke up with me because I 1:04:22.640 --> 1:04:25.560 can't be with someone whose favorite restaurant is the cheesecake Factory. 1:04:26.320 --> 1:04:31.160 I broke my heart because cheese cake Factory is amazing. Yeah. Good, 1:04:31.240 --> 1:04:34.680 We sorted her out quickly. God. I hope I pray 1:04:34.920 --> 1:04:36.720 that she went on a date with some of the 1:04:36.800 --> 1:04:38.800 dude and the first date he took her to cheesecake 1:04:38.840 --> 1:04:41.960 Factory happen and she marries that man and they go 1:04:42.040 --> 1:04:44.840 there on their honeymoon. I will say I've been opened 1:04:44.880 --> 1:04:46.320 up about this before, like I used to not have 1:04:46.400 --> 1:04:48.640 very much money, and I've I've definitely been broken up 1:04:48.680 --> 1:04:52.920 with because I wasn't well enough, like rich enough, essentially, 1:04:53.120 --> 1:04:55.280 like I can buy enough things, Which is fine, because 1:04:55.280 --> 1:04:56.520 if that's why you're gonna break up with me, and that 1:04:56.480 --> 1:04:57.320 that I don't want to be with you in the 1:04:57.320 --> 1:04:58.840 first place, you don't want to be with them. But 1:04:59.280 --> 1:05:01.200 I've heard through other people, like third party sources, like 1:05:01.200 --> 1:05:03.040 oh this girl stopped talking to you because you didn't 1:05:03.080 --> 1:05:06.000 have enough money for her. It's like okay, good, Like, UM, 1:05:06.160 --> 1:05:08.840 I have a question on my Instagram. How do you 1:05:08.880 --> 1:05:14.280 tell the difference between infatuation and love and a relationship? Uh? Time, Yeah, 1:05:14.520 --> 1:05:17.000 if you can, if you don't be around that person 1:05:17.040 --> 1:05:19.880 all the time, but you still appreciate that. And I 1:05:19.880 --> 1:05:22.040 think if you're infatuated with them, if you're still dating 1:05:22.040 --> 1:05:24.600 them a year until the relationship, then that's probably love 1:05:24.600 --> 1:05:27.360 and not infatuation. You know, infatuation I think wears off quickly, 1:05:27.600 --> 1:05:29.760 so the more time you spend with them in terms 1:05:29.800 --> 1:05:33.080 of you know, months or years, I think that is love, 1:05:33.160 --> 1:05:35.000 not infatuation. That's why I think it's so important to 1:05:35.000 --> 1:05:37.200 build a friendship too before going into relationship with someone, 1:05:37.240 --> 1:05:40.000 because then you know it's not infatuation, which you still 1:05:40.040 --> 1:05:42.760 want to have, but it's also that you really enjoy 1:05:42.840 --> 1:05:45.600 just being around them. Yeah, and it's different levels. Infatuation 1:05:45.720 --> 1:05:48.600 is really more about taking from someone, you know, it's 1:05:48.640 --> 1:05:51.360 about being around them for yourself. When you're in love, 1:05:51.400 --> 1:05:55.480 it's about giving interesting what can they do for you? Infatuation? Yeah, 1:05:55.600 --> 1:05:56.960 there's more of it. I want to take care of 1:05:57.000 --> 1:05:58.640 you and make you happy. Vibe. That's where you're here. 1:05:58.680 --> 1:06:04.360 Sure you're aren't You're so intelligent. This is interesting what 1:06:04.400 --> 1:06:06.360 I wanted us to touch on because we don't have 1:06:06.520 --> 1:06:08.720 much of a of a voice from this side of things. 1:06:08.920 --> 1:06:10.440 What would you guys do if you were into the 1:06:10.480 --> 1:06:12.880 same sex and your mom knows them, but it's told 1:06:12.920 --> 1:06:14.880 you not to date them, but you love them. This 1:06:14.920 --> 1:06:16.400 is a very There's a lot of moving parts in 1:06:16.400 --> 1:06:19.520 this one. And now you're now you're secretly engaged while 1:06:19.560 --> 1:06:22.480 you're still living with your mom. Holy crap. McKenzie is 1:06:22.480 --> 1:06:24.880 struggling because she just wants to be yourself but scared 1:06:24.920 --> 1:06:27.479 her mom will disown her like she had talked about. 1:06:28.560 --> 1:06:31.520 It makes me sad. It makes me so sad. Well, 1:06:31.560 --> 1:06:36.280 congratulations you're engaged. Congratulations is in order. Thank you for 1:06:36.320 --> 1:06:38.360 sharing that with us. It's hard. It's obviously hard for 1:06:38.440 --> 1:06:40.200 us to give advice on this stuff too, because it 1:06:40.200 --> 1:06:42.520 doesn't necessarily directly affect us. Yeah, it's tough, um, and 1:06:42.520 --> 1:06:45.400 so it's always easy to give like unbiased, unconsequential advice. 1:06:45.720 --> 1:06:47.760 But what do you guys think, Well, what I would 1:06:47.800 --> 1:06:50.080 say is I'm not a fan of holding back in 1:06:50.160 --> 1:06:54.760 relationship or hiding in any way, and that includes your mom. 1:06:54.800 --> 1:06:58.640 You know, an honest, open hearted relationship is what we're 1:06:58.680 --> 1:07:01.200 here to have with our parents and whoever we're with. 1:07:01.920 --> 1:07:06.200 So there's some fear that your mom has that we 1:07:06.240 --> 1:07:09.480 want to honor and and I think there's a like 1:07:09.600 --> 1:07:11.800 this is the theme of our podcast today, right that 1:07:12.080 --> 1:07:15.360 having a brave conversation with mom to say this is 1:07:15.400 --> 1:07:17.320 who I am, this is what I want. Do you 1:07:17.320 --> 1:07:19.320 think that it's more respectful for her to tell her 1:07:19.360 --> 1:07:21.479 mom or do you think it's more respectful to honor 1:07:21.560 --> 1:07:24.160 her feelings and not like freak her out by telling 1:07:24.200 --> 1:07:31.520 her wellings? No, she's doing a disservice by not telling her. Yeah, 1:07:31.600 --> 1:07:34.080 but to what she just said, her mom would be 1:07:34.120 --> 1:07:37.320 like off put and freaked out if she found this out. 1:07:37.360 --> 1:07:38.840 And so don't you think you're kind of helping her 1:07:38.880 --> 1:07:41.680 by not well, then how would you want to live 1:07:41.680 --> 1:07:43.800 in a lie? For? Yeah, it maybe come down to 1:07:43.840 --> 1:07:47.400 a shelter thing, like she needs this house, she needs 1:07:47.480 --> 1:07:50.560 to live with her mom. It could be a resources issue. 1:07:51.120 --> 1:07:54.840 But in that case, I think if mom can't accept 1:07:55.680 --> 1:07:59.560 Mackenzie for who she truly is, then then you know, 1:07:59.600 --> 1:08:01.560 this is one of those moments where you give mom 1:08:01.800 --> 1:08:04.840 love from afar. I think that's where you take your 1:08:05.000 --> 1:08:07.480 your love and your sweetheart that you're going to live 1:08:07.520 --> 1:08:11.120 the rest of your life with, and you continue to 1:08:11.160 --> 1:08:13.040 love mom and talk through it. But maybe not in 1:08:13.040 --> 1:08:15.640 the same house if she if she can't take that 1:08:15.640 --> 1:08:18.280 because she said her mom threatened disowning her right, well, 1:08:18.280 --> 1:08:20.920 so so Jared. Then Uh, a exercise for you say 1:08:20.960 --> 1:08:23.479 that you have a bit of knowledge about me that 1:08:23.479 --> 1:08:26.000 would absolutely crush me, but it's true to yourself. Would 1:08:26.000 --> 1:08:28.400 you tell me that and devastate me? Or would you 1:08:28.479 --> 1:08:30.600 keep it to yourself and allow me to keep on 1:08:30.640 --> 1:08:32.800 living my life? Well, I think that's different. Well, I 1:08:32.800 --> 1:08:35.479 think that's a different question though, because you're talking about Mackenzie, 1:08:35.520 --> 1:08:38.680 who's just truly being herself, you know, And there's a 1:08:38.680 --> 1:08:41.200 differ relationship between you and I and a mother and 1:08:41.240 --> 1:08:44.559 a daughter relationship. I'm not living under you a room fight. Well, 1:08:44.600 --> 1:08:47.760 and you're also didn't raise me or I was not 1:08:47.920 --> 1:08:51.160 born from you as far as I know. Um, But 1:08:51.360 --> 1:08:54.519 I think with this, obviously it's hard, Like Dean said, 1:08:54.520 --> 1:08:56.360 for us to give you any advice on this, because 1:08:56.479 --> 1:08:58.720 we can't imagine what you're going through. For me, I 1:08:58.760 --> 1:09:00.960 think you're scared that your mom will disown you. That 1:09:01.000 --> 1:09:03.160 doesn't necessarily mean that she will disown you. One of 1:09:03.200 --> 1:09:05.040 my good friends is gay, and I remember he was 1:09:05.080 --> 1:09:06.360 telling me the story about when he came out in 1:09:06.400 --> 1:09:08.919 high school and he saw his dad would hate him, 1:09:09.040 --> 1:09:11.320 and you know, it was an adjustment period for his dad, 1:09:11.360 --> 1:09:13.360 but you know, he loved it more than anything. He 1:09:13.400 --> 1:09:16.200 accepted him for who he was. He never disowned him. Um, 1:09:16.280 --> 1:09:18.719 but I remember him telling me the story how freaked 1:09:18.720 --> 1:09:21.559 out he was, that like the same thing you're going through, Mackenzie, 1:09:21.560 --> 1:09:23.720 where he thought his dad was just gonna never talked 1:09:23.720 --> 1:09:26.320 to him again. UM. So it's a scary time. But 1:09:26.720 --> 1:09:31.200 if you well, when parents say things like this, they're 1:09:31.280 --> 1:09:33.879 usually coming from a place of fear for their children. 1:09:33.960 --> 1:09:37.519 But the only thing is her mom's not saying it. 1:09:37.640 --> 1:09:40.120 She's nervous that her mom will say it. I thought 1:09:40.160 --> 1:09:42.240 she had said that she had threatened it once before 1:09:42.960 --> 1:09:45.160 and now used to she talked about before. Yeah, at 1:09:45.160 --> 1:09:46.320 the very you guys do if you're in the same 1:09:46.320 --> 1:09:49.320 sex and your mom knows them, but has told you 1:09:49.360 --> 1:09:52.080 not to date them, but you love them. Oh, so 1:09:52.160 --> 1:09:57.040 this might not even be It might just be the 1:09:57.080 --> 1:09:59.640 person that might be the person. So I think that 1:09:59.760 --> 1:10:05.759 was interpreting the question right. Okay, but listen, if we 1:10:05.920 --> 1:10:09.280 look at that too, and and mom or dad, any 1:10:09.280 --> 1:10:11.320 one of our parents told us not to marry the 1:10:11.320 --> 1:10:13.920 person we wanted to marry, it makes us wanted more. 1:10:14.600 --> 1:10:16.840 You think that has happened. It's I mean, that's a 1:10:16.880 --> 1:10:20.439 little psychology one on one right there. Usually you want 1:10:20.439 --> 1:10:22.479 what you can't have. Yeah, you want your We have 1:10:22.560 --> 1:10:24.600 free will, and we want what we want, and we 1:10:24.600 --> 1:10:26.760 want our parents to support us. So anything, there's like 1:10:27.040 --> 1:10:29.920 an urge within us to make our parents happy at 1:10:29.920 --> 1:10:31.160 the end of the day too. So it's like if 1:10:31.200 --> 1:10:32.880 we don't want to be in a relationship with someone 1:10:32.880 --> 1:10:35.400 that would make them mone happy. It's so complicated because, yeah, 1:10:35.479 --> 1:10:38.840 you want everybody to be happy with your decision. Parents. 1:10:38.920 --> 1:10:41.679 If you found somebody that you loved or jared with Ashley, 1:10:41.720 --> 1:10:43.800 if somebody you know that you love one of your 1:10:43.800 --> 1:10:47.519 parents told you you couldn't puts you in a real bind. Oh, 1:10:47.560 --> 1:10:49.720 of course, I couldn't imagine. One of the things I've 1:10:49.720 --> 1:10:52.679 always said, it's a very obvious thing. But the person 1:10:52.720 --> 1:10:55.479 I'm with I want my family to love. I want 1:10:55.479 --> 1:10:58.599 my family to want to hang out with them more 1:10:58.680 --> 1:11:02.480 than me. UM. So I couldn't imagine being a relationship 1:11:02.520 --> 1:11:05.439 where my parents did not approve of that person. That's 1:11:05.439 --> 1:11:09.320 a really difficult position to be in. UM. The way 1:11:09.360 --> 1:11:11.280 to get around a conflict like this, though, is to 1:11:11.360 --> 1:11:14.040 know that there's always something that the two of them 1:11:14.160 --> 1:11:18.320 want that's the same. So Mom and Mackenzie probably both 1:11:18.400 --> 1:11:21.439 want Mackenzie to be happy. Mom and Mackenzie both want 1:11:21.520 --> 1:11:25.440 Mackenzie to be loved. So that's the ground to start at, Mackenzie, 1:11:25.439 --> 1:11:27.240 to talk to your mom about the fact that you 1:11:27.320 --> 1:11:30.680 both want the same thing and that maybe it's not 1:11:30.760 --> 1:11:36.880 with the right same person. But start that brave conversation. Yeah, 1:11:37.200 --> 1:11:39.880 and maybe bring this other person into it. Yeah, and 1:11:40.280 --> 1:11:41.920 what would it look like do you? You know? I 1:11:41.920 --> 1:11:43.679 think there's a question to mom, what do you need 1:11:43.720 --> 1:11:47.439 in order to feel better about this decision? Because the 1:11:47.479 --> 1:11:50.400 mom is probably thinking about her future and how hard 1:11:50.479 --> 1:11:52.439 it's going to be for her if this person we 1:11:52.479 --> 1:11:56.479 don't know what why mom doesn't like that person? Well, 1:11:57.040 --> 1:11:58.720 there we go, all right, we should do one more 1:11:58.800 --> 1:12:01.320 question and then so off for the for the week. 1:12:01.680 --> 1:12:03.760 So we're gonna go to Natalie Joseph. Sorry, I feel 1:12:03.760 --> 1:12:06.719 like I'm anopolizing all the questions over here. But Natalie asks, 1:12:06.800 --> 1:12:10.080 do any of you believe that in relationships it's important 1:12:10.120 --> 1:12:12.360 for one person to love the other one more? Obviously 1:12:12.400 --> 1:12:14.360 this is hard to define, but usually the one who 1:12:14.400 --> 1:12:16.760 will be less subborn slash go further than the other person. 1:12:16.800 --> 1:12:18.240 I totally feel this way about a lot of the 1:12:18.240 --> 1:12:20.720 successful marriages and relationships I've been exposed to. So what 1:12:20.760 --> 1:12:24.000 she's asking is, in relationships, it seems like there's always 1:12:24.000 --> 1:12:26.760 one person that likes the other more so than the 1:12:26.760 --> 1:12:31.639 other person. Do you think that that's necessary in successful relationships? Vanessa? 1:12:31.680 --> 1:12:34.760 What are your thoughts about it? And then I'll go, Um, 1:12:34.800 --> 1:12:37.760 I feel naturally in relationships kind of like our shoes, right, 1:12:37.760 --> 1:12:40.360 there's one foot that's always bigger than the other. So 1:12:40.560 --> 1:12:43.120 I feel like in relationships to there's someone that's going 1:12:43.160 --> 1:12:46.720 to be a little bit more committed or into the 1:12:46.800 --> 1:12:49.880 relationship than some than someone else at one stage. But 1:12:49.960 --> 1:12:53.120 I do think that it it alters depending on what 1:12:53.240 --> 1:12:56.200 stage of relationship is in. I know, going into relationship. 1:12:56.400 --> 1:12:59.840 I'm someone that's fully committed UM, and so at times 1:12:59.840 --> 1:13:02.599 I am someone that maybe a little bit more into 1:13:02.640 --> 1:13:06.439 it than my partner. UM. And I actually don't mind that. 1:13:06.479 --> 1:13:09.320 I actually like being in control, I guess, and being 1:13:09.360 --> 1:13:13.240 able to UM give. I'm I'm a giver, so I 1:13:13.560 --> 1:13:17.040 like to be able to provide. If I find providing 1:13:17.080 --> 1:13:20.240 emotion or love or communication to that person, I like 1:13:20.479 --> 1:13:23.920 doing that. UM. I don't know if it's necessarily important 1:13:23.960 --> 1:13:28.200 to find someone that loves you more or loves more 1:13:28.240 --> 1:13:31.479 than the other person. I think it'll in different stages, 1:13:31.520 --> 1:13:35.479 it will come in waves. UM. So I don't think 1:13:35.520 --> 1:13:37.760 I'm looking like if I'm talking personally, I don't think 1:13:37.760 --> 1:13:39.840 I'm looking for someone that loves me more than I 1:13:39.880 --> 1:13:42.280 love them. I think I want to find at an 1:13:42.280 --> 1:13:45.240 equal partnership. And of course within that partnership there's going 1:13:45.280 --> 1:13:48.240 to be moments where someone might be more committed than 1:13:48.280 --> 1:13:51.080 the other. But I think it's important to have an 1:13:51.080 --> 1:13:53.960 evil even playing field. It does kind of suck in 1:13:54.200 --> 1:13:56.320 dating how it always seems like the person with the 1:13:56.320 --> 1:13:59.080 most power is the person that cares the least. Have 1:13:59.360 --> 1:14:02.200 noticed that? And I say, and I also say, as 1:14:02.240 --> 1:14:05.320 happy as at least happiest person, because when someone is miserable, 1:14:05.360 --> 1:14:08.320 it brings that, like that level of love down and 1:14:08.360 --> 1:14:10.639 you're like starting to requestion, You're starting to question where 1:14:10.640 --> 1:14:12.839 your relationship is at. So do you think that's necessary 1:14:12.840 --> 1:14:15.040 to be in a relationship? Then the like the push 1:14:15.040 --> 1:14:20.439 and pull, give and take. No. I think what we're 1:14:20.439 --> 1:14:22.920 seeing is a lot of relationships where one person is 1:14:23.080 --> 1:14:25.120 kind of taking the role as being the bigger person, 1:14:25.640 --> 1:14:28.240 the one who's more willing to take the high road. 1:14:28.840 --> 1:14:31.880 And I think in an ideal relationship, you don't know 1:14:31.920 --> 1:14:36.679 who's leading or who's following that that that dances is 1:14:36.760 --> 1:14:38.880 back and forth. On a day when I'm depleted and 1:14:38.920 --> 1:14:41.479 I'm tired, you know, hopefully my man picks up my 1:14:41.520 --> 1:14:44.680 slack and has got my back and understands, and on 1:14:44.800 --> 1:14:46.720 other days he's going to spin out. I'm going to 1:14:46.800 --> 1:14:49.519 be there for him. And and if we get stuck 1:14:49.560 --> 1:14:51.519 in one role or the other, that's a red flag. 1:14:52.479 --> 1:14:54.719 I think we also have to remember that people show 1:14:54.760 --> 1:14:56.920 their love in different ways. So if you see a 1:14:56.920 --> 1:15:00.120 couple that's out and one person is more tough she 1:15:00.400 --> 1:15:02.760 or vocal about their feelings and the other, I don't 1:15:02.760 --> 1:15:06.479 think that necessarily correlates to one person loving the other 1:15:06.520 --> 1:15:09.840 person more. Um, I think I can talk about this. 1:15:09.920 --> 1:15:13.320 Ashley's parents are the two most loving people you ever meet, 1:15:13.320 --> 1:15:15.400 and they're madly in love. But if you just saw 1:15:15.439 --> 1:15:17.599 them afar, you would say, oh my god, her dad 1:15:17.720 --> 1:15:19.439 is way more in love with than a mom than 1:15:19.600 --> 1:15:22.720 she is back. But that's just not true. Um. They 1:15:22.800 --> 1:15:26.200 just show their love differently, Like he's far more outwardly 1:15:26.240 --> 1:15:28.000 about it and how much he loves and cares for 1:15:28.439 --> 1:15:31.640 and he knows that she loves him back. Um, but 1:15:31.720 --> 1:15:34.559 it's just it's just she shows it in a different way. 1:15:34.840 --> 1:15:38.040 So I think that's also something to remember when talking 1:15:38.080 --> 1:15:41.000 about this. You know, I have a question before we 1:15:41.120 --> 1:15:43.080 end off, and this is a personal question, something that 1:15:43.120 --> 1:15:45.559 happened to me and a couple of questions that have 1:15:45.680 --> 1:15:50.360 been sent to me. Um today, age a g do 1:15:50.439 --> 1:15:54.000 you think from men age is a factor when dating women? 1:15:55.000 --> 1:15:57.200 And I will tell you a story. I bump Okay, 1:15:57.280 --> 1:15:59.120 I'm gonna tell you a story. I bumped into someone 1:15:59.240 --> 1:16:02.840 at justin Cole He's wedding in California, and he came 1:16:02.920 --> 1:16:04.400 up to me and he's like, oh, Vanessa, it's so 1:16:04.400 --> 1:16:06.120 good to see it's been It's has been such a 1:16:06.160 --> 1:16:08.799 long time, like, yeah, you know. And then we're talking 1:16:08.840 --> 1:16:10.920 about he's like, oh, I'm going to stay in l 1:16:10.960 --> 1:16:12.479 A for a couple of years. I'm like, oh, well 1:16:12.720 --> 1:16:14.519 until when he's like, oh, thirty five and I'm like, oh, 1:16:14.560 --> 1:16:16.800 how old are you now? He's like twenty seven. I'm like, oh, dude, 1:16:16.800 --> 1:16:19.080 that's not a couple. That's a few years. He's like, 1:16:19.080 --> 1:16:20.960 why how old are you. I'm like, I'm thirty one. 1:16:21.040 --> 1:16:23.120 He's like, wow, Vanessa, good for you. You You look twenty five. 1:16:23.120 --> 1:16:24.960 I'm like, oh, thank you. And then he puts his 1:16:25.000 --> 1:16:27.559 hand on my shoulder and he's like, well, it's been 1:16:27.640 --> 1:16:31.680 nice catching up and he just walks away, and I'm like, 1:16:31.720 --> 1:16:33.879 I don't think it is super important in my opinion. 1:16:34.200 --> 1:16:40.120 I don't think super portant, but it's absolutely a factor. Okay, 1:16:40.240 --> 1:16:41.960 so if you met a nineteen year old right now 1:16:42.000 --> 1:16:43.719 that you're madly in love with, it would not matter 1:16:43.760 --> 1:16:49.639 that she's nineteen. Uh you know I I was madly 1:16:49.680 --> 1:16:51.720 in love with her, But I'm not saying that it 1:16:51.720 --> 1:16:54.120 would have told you back, how did I meet this 1:16:54.200 --> 1:16:57.160 nineteen year old? Instagram? I'm not going to respond to 1:16:57.160 --> 1:17:00.479 a nineteen year olds Instagram. Okay, you're walking, you're is 1:17:00.560 --> 1:17:03.280 she's underage at a bar and you didn't know it. No, 1:17:03.479 --> 1:17:07.439 I'm the point that I'm making. The point that I'm 1:17:07.439 --> 1:17:11.920 making is is that guy in Vanessa's case is just sucks. 1:17:11.960 --> 1:17:16.479 That guy just sucks basically what it is. I think 1:17:16.479 --> 1:17:20.080 we've talked about age two further extens and in previous podcast, 1:17:20.160 --> 1:17:21.519 but I feel like there's like a buffer. You can 1:17:21.560 --> 1:17:23.840 go either six years up, six years down, but even 1:17:23.840 --> 1:17:26.559 that that those are like loose terms. Like I went 1:17:26.600 --> 1:17:28.320 on a date not too long ago with like a 1:17:28.400 --> 1:17:30.920 thirty seven year old and she was the most like, 1:17:30.920 --> 1:17:34.639 like energetic, expressive person I've met in a long long time. 1:17:34.680 --> 1:17:36.400 I like literally thought that she was twenty four, and 1:17:36.439 --> 1:17:38.120 then she told me she just celebrated like her thirty 1:17:38.160 --> 1:17:42.439 seventh birthday. I'm like, wow, that's crazy. It's like, in 1:17:42.479 --> 1:17:44.320 my opinion, it's not the most important thing in the world, 1:17:44.320 --> 1:17:45.599 and I think that we can all kind of agree 1:17:45.640 --> 1:17:48.800 on that too. Granted, is like extreme lengths like, of 1:17:48.840 --> 1:17:50.960 course it's not the most important thing, nor should it be. 1:17:51.040 --> 1:17:53.320 But the idea that it doesn't matter when people are 1:17:53.360 --> 1:17:56.280 like age doesn't matter, I can't get down with. I 1:17:56.360 --> 1:17:58.320 think it does matter to a certain extent. If you 1:17:58.360 --> 1:18:01.040 see a seventy five year old dating a twenty four 1:18:01.120 --> 1:18:03.160 year old, you're not going to look twice at that. 1:18:03.160 --> 1:18:04.679 That's just gonna be like, oh no, it doesn't matter. 1:18:04.720 --> 1:18:07.000 Let him. Let the Patriots date like a twenty six 1:18:07.080 --> 1:18:09.639 year old. Well, Robert Kraft owner has like a little 1:18:09.640 --> 1:18:12.479 bit younger girlfriend. His wife passed away fe years ago. Tragic. 1:18:13.120 --> 1:18:16.760 It's interesting to me what age equals, like you said, 1:18:16.920 --> 1:18:20.840 energetic and expressive. Usually people equate a younger age with 1:18:20.880 --> 1:18:24.200 more energy, right, And it depends she just had a 1:18:24.280 --> 1:18:25.960 very youthful look about her. And I would never like 1:18:26.000 --> 1:18:28.200 ask someone's age, but she just like said something longline. 1:18:28.200 --> 1:18:29.920 So I just celebrated my three seventh birthday and I 1:18:29.960 --> 1:18:31.720 like stopped dead in my tracks and I was like, what, 1:18:31.960 --> 1:18:34.600 that's crazy to me? So Vanessa, like I said, I 1:18:34.600 --> 1:18:37.519 think it's just that guy is just that guy that's crazy. 1:18:37.640 --> 1:18:41.280 That's crazy to me. I was blown away. And I've 1:18:41.280 --> 1:18:42.720 known this girl for a while too, like we've been 1:18:42.760 --> 1:18:44.320 friends for like a long time, and I guess I've 1:18:44.360 --> 1:18:47.640 just never inquired about her age. And it's like, you know, 1:18:47.680 --> 1:18:50.559 someone for what six not eight? Seven months? And you're like, 1:18:50.640 --> 1:18:52.559 you have this one thought of how old you think 1:18:52.560 --> 1:18:54.519 they are. It turns out there a decade you went 1:18:54.560 --> 1:18:57.879 on a date with this girl. Yeah it was purely platonic, 1:18:57.920 --> 1:18:59.400 like it was a friend date. But it was one 1:18:59.439 --> 1:19:01.640 of those things where like we're friends. Should we she 1:19:01.800 --> 1:19:06.320 a part of Bachelor Nation? No? Who? No, I was 1:19:06.360 --> 1:19:07.760 just trying to narrow it down. I don't know, you 1:19:08.040 --> 1:19:11.800 don't know. It's it's it's a huh. I agree with 1:19:11.840 --> 1:19:16.800 you in the world. Yeah, it's a factor, but I 1:19:16.800 --> 1:19:23.800 see on Paradise next year, Dean, Vanessa. It depends on 1:19:23.840 --> 1:19:27.200 where the age factors in on the list of requirements. Right. 1:19:27.240 --> 1:19:31.360 If it's at the very top along with looks, you know, 1:19:31.439 --> 1:19:34.479 then you're going to get a certain date official though, right, 1:19:34.720 --> 1:19:37.200 I don't agree if it's not at the top. So 1:19:37.280 --> 1:19:39.519 you're saying, Vanessa, that looks is not a part of 1:19:39.560 --> 1:19:45.000 your resume at all. So looks has nothing? Okay, So 1:19:45.200 --> 1:19:47.000 on a dating app, hold on, hold on, hold on, 1:19:47.040 --> 1:19:50.840 hold on, wait wait wait wait wait wait, I I'm 1:19:51.040 --> 1:19:54.160 into it. It's weird because if you're okay to say 1:19:54.200 --> 1:19:56.720 you can care about somebody won't Listen. If I if 1:19:56.760 --> 1:19:59.280 you put a supermodel in front of me, I'll be like, yeah, 1:19:59.280 --> 1:20:02.040 he's cute, but I'm not. I'm just not attracted to 1:20:02.120 --> 1:20:07.960 like guys with six packs and I'm not. No, but 1:20:08.000 --> 1:20:10.680 I'm saying, like the guy that most people will find attractive, 1:20:10.800 --> 1:20:14.040 I'm like, next, that's fine, you have a different attraction 1:20:14.160 --> 1:20:16.519 like you find on the list. No, I'm not even 1:20:16.560 --> 1:20:19.080 talking about further down the list what most people find attractive. 1:20:19.120 --> 1:20:22.160 You don't. But you still find things physically attractive Vanessa, 1:20:22.240 --> 1:20:23.920 And that's quite all right, and that is a part. 1:20:24.040 --> 1:20:27.439 But that's that's not first. That's maybe secondary because first 1:20:27.479 --> 1:20:30.040 fine could make me laugh, then yes, then I'll find 1:20:30.040 --> 1:20:34.120 you more attractive. It's not my first, right, I'm not 1:20:34.160 --> 1:20:35.760 saying it should be. It's not my first. But the 1:20:35.800 --> 1:20:38.880 idea that like people are like, looks don't matter, age 1:20:38.920 --> 1:20:41.320 doesn't matter. I'm like, I don't believe you. I think 1:20:41.320 --> 1:20:43.559 you're lying. I think it's a factor, even if it's 1:20:43.560 --> 1:20:45.680 a five percent factor. It's a part of finding the 1:20:45.680 --> 1:20:47.960 person you're gonna spend. But it's not like the top 1:20:48.000 --> 1:20:50.360 five things. That's what I mean. Like, for me, looks 1:20:50.439 --> 1:20:52.760 is not is not the first thing that I'm like, oh, yeah, 1:20:52.800 --> 1:20:58.400 I find this guy. That's the way the apps are. 1:20:58.439 --> 1:21:01.000 I'll set up to do. That's you were going to 1:21:01.040 --> 1:21:02.160 go up to someone at a bar that you find 1:21:02.160 --> 1:21:04.840 physically attractive, you know, exactly the same premises and like, 1:21:04.960 --> 1:21:07.479 for me, physical attraction not is not just looks, but 1:21:07.560 --> 1:21:10.360 it's an aroma, you know, like you are just like 1:21:10.439 --> 1:21:15.040 attracted to that person. Yeah, yeah, that's a connection. Which 1:21:15.200 --> 1:21:17.040 do you think you can get that off in an app? 1:21:17.400 --> 1:21:19.920 Can you feel that aroma? I'm not going to discourage 1:21:19.920 --> 1:21:24.640 people if they try, I'm not sure if they can. Yeah, 1:21:24.760 --> 1:21:26.679 but I'm not going to tell someone that they can't. 1:21:26.960 --> 1:21:29.439 You know, my sister met her husband on an online 1:21:29.520 --> 1:21:34.639 dating app, um, you know, and so they're married. Uh, 1:21:34.680 --> 1:21:38.959 they actually just got married in September. Very exciting. She's wonderful, 1:21:39.040 --> 1:21:41.519 he's wonderful. But so, you know, I'm not going to 1:21:41.600 --> 1:21:47.280 really say is it easy. No, it's hard, but it's 1:21:47.280 --> 1:21:49.479 worth it. Yeah, if you do find that someone, it's 1:21:49.520 --> 1:21:52.439 worth it. Yeah. Alright, Well, I think we answered most 1:21:52.479 --> 1:21:54.439 of the questions. Obviously we didn't. We're able to get 1:21:54.439 --> 1:21:55.599 to all of them. I feel like we would answer 1:21:55.640 --> 1:21:59.360 a question and go off on some crazy tangent. Hours later, 1:21:59.439 --> 1:22:01.920 we circled all day. You could do this all day. 1:22:02.640 --> 1:22:04.479 Maybe we should have a week where we record a 1:22:04.520 --> 1:22:06.400 podcast every day of the week, because I feel like 1:22:06.400 --> 1:22:09.160 we just freaking ramble on forever. Anyways, that'll do it 1:22:09.160 --> 1:22:11.120 for this week's episode. Before we go, though, I do 1:22:11.200 --> 1:22:13.200 want to give one quick shout out to The pie Hole. 1:22:13.479 --> 1:22:14.439 I don't know if you guys have heard of the 1:22:14.479 --> 1:22:17.960 pie Hole, but they have been introducing these small, round, 1:22:18.000 --> 1:22:20.000 two bite pies, perfect for a quick snack and eating 1:22:20.040 --> 1:22:23.160 on the go, and four flavors caramel, apple, blueberry crumble, 1:22:23.200 --> 1:22:26.360 Mexican chocolate, and the Tela. Pie Hole makes the perfect 1:22:26.360 --> 1:22:29.880 host gift for holiday party dessert. 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Wonderful, amazing, beautiful, smart, intellectual, It's funny, loves 1:23:10.920 --> 1:23:14.599 her some I Suck at Dating podcast, Love Love Love 1:23:15.280 --> 1:23:18.480 you make. Thank you to our sponsors, the Growth Collaborative 1:23:18.479 --> 1:23:20.320 being one of them. Be sure to go to Grow 1:23:20.479 --> 1:23:24.360 dot co slash dean Um. Big thank you to Thrive Market. 1:23:24.439 --> 1:23:26.639 Be sure to go to Thrive market dot com slash 1:23:26.640 --> 1:23:29.360 Dean for next off your first order and thirty day 1:23:29.400 --> 1:23:33.400 free trial. Big thank you to Away Luggage for twenty 1:23:33.439 --> 1:23:36.719 dollars off suitcase. You can visit away travel dot com 1:23:36.720 --> 1:23:40.439 slash Dating and use promo code dating during check out. 1:23:40.560 --> 1:23:43.040 Big thank you to Amazon fire Tv. Be sure to 1:23:43.040 --> 1:23:45.360 go to Amazon dot com slash I Suck Podcast to 1:23:45.439 --> 1:23:47.840 order a fire TV for your very own today. Great 1:23:47.880 --> 1:23:50.400 Christmas gift right there as well. And a big thank 1:23:50.439 --> 1:23:52.280 you to the Legacy Box. Go to Legacy Box dot 1:23:52.320 --> 1:23:57.080 com slash Dean and you save yourself for today. Biggest 1:23:57.120 --> 1:23:59.040 thank you of all to everyone that submitted a question 1:23:59.080 --> 1:24:03.439 on the Facebook page Instagram email, whatever it might be. Again, 1:24:03.479 --> 1:24:05.800 don't forget to subscribe on to the Facebook Help I 1:24:05.840 --> 1:24:07.760 Suck At Dating group because that's what we tend to 1:24:07.840 --> 1:24:09.760 check the most. I see Jared's pretty active in there too. 1:24:09.760 --> 1:24:12.800 That's basically only reason I get on Facebook anymore. UM, 1:24:12.960 --> 1:24:16.120 be sure to send your emails questions. We love the 1:24:16.200 --> 1:24:18.760 drama stories. Actually, someone d Emilier day that said you 1:24:18.760 --> 1:24:21.120 should take more emails because I need some more drama 1:24:21.160 --> 1:24:23.080 in my life. So if you've got a dramatic dating story, 1:24:23.200 --> 1:24:25.840 please email us spell that to help I Suck at 1:24:25.920 --> 1:24:29.240 Dating at iHeart media dot com. Give us your juiciest 1:24:29.320 --> 1:24:31.559 dating story and we'll be sure to feature it next 1:24:31.600 --> 1:24:33.800 week on the podcast. I think. Actually next week it's 1:24:33.800 --> 1:24:35.880 gonna be justin S and I UM, and they're gonna 1:24:35.920 --> 1:24:37.519 take a week off for Thanksgiving and then we'll be 1:24:37.560 --> 1:24:41.520 back first thing at the end of the month. UM. 1:24:41.600 --> 1:24:43.200 If you haven't already followed the Help I Suck At 1:24:43.280 --> 1:24:46.920 Dating I Instagram page, and check out shriek Healey all 1:24:46.960 --> 1:24:50.240 over the Internet and making lives better one life at 1:24:50.240 --> 1:24:53.599 a time the best. UM. Anyways, thank you so much 1:24:53.600 --> 1:24:55.200 for listening to this week's episode of Help I suck 1:24:55.240 --> 1:24:58.160 at Dating. Be sure to tune in next week. Maybe 1:24:58.160 --> 1:25:00.759 we'll suck a little bit less. Follow how by Suck 1:25:00.800 --> 1:25:03.559 at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart 1:25:03.640 --> 1:25:13.000 Radio or wherever you listen to podcast h