Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everyone, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us on this week's episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating. As always, I'm Dean Anglert, joined
Speaker 1: in studio by Jared Havan. Hello Vanessa on Skype in Canada.
Speaker 1: But she's got a mike today, so it's gonna sound
Speaker 1: pretty nice, sound incredible right now. Very special guests, but
Speaker 1: I'll just go with the flow. Very special guest today,
Speaker 1: as I was saying, and we've had on the podcast before,
Speaker 1: always calling, but today for the first time in studio,
Speaker 1: Shari Healy, Ladies and gentlemen, Hello, Possibilitarian. She's gonna help
Speaker 1: us answer some of these questions that we asked on Facebook,
Speaker 1: or you guys asked on Facebook, UM. And that's basically
Speaker 1: what today's episode is going to be about, is just
Speaker 1: answering the questions that you guys need answered. Jared posted
Speaker 1: something on the Facebook page last week, and we've got
Speaker 1: a lot of questions to go through, UM, and so
Speaker 1: we're gonna do our best to answer them and hopefully
Speaker 1: help you guys out with your dating issues. Shed a
Speaker 1: little bit more light on our dating issues and just
Speaker 1: go from there and we get started. Surely, what exactly
Speaker 1: is a possibilitary And if I'm saying that properly, someone
Speaker 1: who stops at nothing to help you reach your ultimate potential,
Speaker 1: I mean I think that anything is possible. On It
Speaker 1: drives me nuts to see people holding back and not
Speaker 1: getting what they want in life. So I help people
Speaker 1: get what they want in relationships and at work and
Speaker 1: enjoy the hell out of their lives. That's the point
Speaker 1: I say, you need to take your pleasure more seriously,
Speaker 1: because it really is the strategy that has people promoted
Speaker 1: at work and do the best work that they're here
Speaker 1: to do and show up as their highest self and relationships. Now,
Speaker 1: when you say stop at nothing, how literal do you mean?
Speaker 1: That's such a good question. Say I've got a crush
Speaker 1: on a girl, but she's dating someone else, and we
Speaker 1: need to get rid of that guy. We turn on
Speaker 1: your superpowers being in your romantic life right now, Dean,
Speaker 1: I'm just speaking. I'm just speaking for the general listener
Speaker 1: out there. If if Shari would literally stop at nothing
Speaker 1: to help us achieve our goals in life, where does that?
Speaker 1: Where's that bar set? You know it really. It takes
Speaker 1: some time depending on how ready you are, but through
Speaker 1: a series of calls and working one on one, I
Speaker 1: remove the obstacles that standing the way. It's not meant
Speaker 1: to be for you to be with that person. If
Speaker 1: that person isn't in your highest best interest, then we
Speaker 1: get to a point sometimes where you decide it's not
Speaker 1: for you. I thought you're gonna say, were forces. They're
Speaker 1: required physical forces, but usually the blocks are inside us.
Speaker 1: So that's where we start. If somebody isn't attracted to you,
Speaker 1: r isn't really feeling it, then there are ways that
Speaker 1: we can open up you so that the possibilities are there.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, well, Sarie, I'm on your website
Speaker 1: right now and on your home page it says I
Speaker 1: help people get what they want so they can change
Speaker 1: the world. What do you want? And I actually I'm like,
Speaker 1: before coming onto the pot the episode today, I was
Speaker 1: actually thinking, what is exactly? What is it that I
Speaker 1: want exactly? Because I think putting out the intention of
Speaker 1: things that you want, um you'll be able to receive it.
Speaker 1: But if you're a little bit all over the place,
Speaker 1: then I think it's a lot harder to get exactly
Speaker 1: what it is that you think you need. So how
Speaker 1: can you figure out in exactly the question that you have,
Speaker 1: what do you want? How can you help someone figure
Speaker 1: that part out? Yeah, a lot of people are just
Speaker 1: so busy in life that they're really disconnected from what
Speaker 1: it is that they want and crave. You know, they're
Speaker 1: kind of stuck in the spin cycle of just getting
Speaker 1: up and going to work and going to sleep and
Speaker 1: doing it all over again. And so we're really disconnected
Speaker 1: from our desires and so the greatest way to approach
Speaker 1: it is to sort of break it down. You look
Speaker 1: at what do I want in my love life? What
Speaker 1: do I want for my body? What do I want
Speaker 1: for my career? You know, and we really go through
Speaker 1: a process of dreaming. If you had the ultimate vision
Speaker 1: in those areas of your life, then you'd start to
Speaker 1: feel like life was balanced and your energy was flowing
Speaker 1: in a way that life becomes really good. And I
Speaker 1: don't think people believe that that's possible, or they don't
Speaker 1: know how they might make that happen, and so they
Speaker 1: stay stuck. Yeah, and I think it's oftentimes we get
Speaker 1: stuck in what is it do I want? What do
Speaker 1: I want in my love life, and at least for me,
Speaker 1: it's been hard to figure that part out because I
Speaker 1: think for the longest time I wanted the traditional lifestyle
Speaker 1: that my family had, and then my life has completely
Speaker 1: changed in the last two years. So I'm trying to
Speaker 1: re discover the things that I actually do need in
Speaker 1: my life versus want. And I feel like once one
Speaker 1: part of the puzzle piece in your life is off,
Speaker 1: it's kind of hard to refocus on your career and
Speaker 1: your body and your mind and all that. Um So,
Speaker 1: how can like someone like me, um who constantly lives
Speaker 1: in my head. I like, I do enjoy thinking a lot.
Speaker 1: I overthink sometimes too much. But how can I get
Speaker 1: out of my head and just live in the moment
Speaker 1: and be present and let it be well? Taking the
Speaker 1: time to write down these wants, to actually have some
Speaker 1: vision experience to say this is what I want and
Speaker 1: and really have it on paper and have somebody like
Speaker 1: me holding you accountable to going for that helps a
Speaker 1: ton because then you know you're on track, you've declared it,
Speaker 1: and you're doing something about it. You know, but that
Speaker 1: you're right. The getting stuck in our minds is what
Speaker 1: really is our biggest work. Like back to Dean's comment,
Speaker 1: and that's usually what repels others or makes the relationships
Speaker 1: that we want impossible because we're questioning ourselves so much,
Speaker 1: we're overthinking everything. And so I would say probably the
Speaker 1: first step is to write down, if I had it
Speaker 1: all my way, if money and time and all the
Speaker 1: obstacles that we normally put out there, all the excuses
Speaker 1: were not an issue, what what would I love in
Speaker 1: my love life? And give yourself the space to actually
Speaker 1: think out of the box. And it sounds cliche, but
Speaker 1: dream a little bit bigger, you know, because we see
Speaker 1: a lot of people prioritizing safety over the big possibilities
Speaker 1: in life, you know, settling looking at what other people
Speaker 1: around you have as a relationship and saying that's got
Speaker 1: to be my bar especially people who think Insta Graham
Speaker 1: is real see couples best Moments on on social media. Um,
Speaker 1: I think we we all kind of tend to get
Speaker 1: trapped in that idea that, oh wow, a perfect relationship
Speaker 1: does exist. It's I think it's perfect for certain people,
Speaker 1: but someone else is perfect may not be your idea
Speaker 1: of perfect. Sure, you have a question for you, do
Speaker 1: you think? Because I hear all the time you're in
Speaker 1: your own head? Do you think too much? Do you
Speaker 1: think that's kind of a new found thing? And within
Speaker 1: society to day, do you think people sixties, seventy years ago,
Speaker 1: even further back, we're thinking as much as we do today.
Speaker 1: I don't think they had the luxury to I think
Speaker 1: we were much more about survival in the day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just makes me. I find it interesting because it
Speaker 1: makes me think about the connection that has with people
Speaker 1: getting married at a later age, divorce rate being higher
Speaker 1: than it ever has been. People are single more so
Speaker 1: now than they ever have been, And I'm curious if
Speaker 1: there's a link between that and the connection between people
Speaker 1: being in their heads too much in today's society compared
Speaker 1: to what it was, however, many decades ago. But I
Speaker 1: do think people are in their own head because, like
Speaker 1: you said, we have the luxury to be in our
Speaker 1: own head now. I feel like with technology and the
Speaker 1: way we look at love and life and our dreams
Speaker 1: and destinies and goals, we just look at it in
Speaker 1: a different way than we ever have. Yeah, we are
Speaker 1: we are coming out of the information age, so we're
Speaker 1: all overloaded by information which had us go up into
Speaker 1: our heads a lot. And then I think too, with
Speaker 1: abundance and all the social media and everything that we've
Speaker 1: got out there, we've now asked and I think we're
Speaker 1: in an age of awakening. You know. Some people say
Speaker 1: we're in the wisdom age now or the imagination age,
Speaker 1: and so it's a different time, which means tons of possibilities,
Speaker 1: and we are asking for a lot more of our
Speaker 1: relationships than we ever were before. We want a best friend,
Speaker 1: we want a soul mate, we want someone who's going
Speaker 1: to help us reach self actualization, we want the best sex.
Speaker 1: We want to you know, live forever. Like there's just
Speaker 1: so who we want it all, you know, so there's
Speaker 1: a lot more pressure on it. Like well I have
Speaker 1: I actually have a confession. Um So, a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago, I was talking about how was never on
Speaker 1: a dating app. I just recently joined a dating app. Oh,
Speaker 1: good for you? Which what app? Bumble? Obviously humble? Yes?
Speaker 1: Actually no, I do. I mean listen, I do like
Speaker 1: the idea of the of the woman having to start
Speaker 1: the conversation on Bumble, But no I'm not on Bumble.
Speaker 1: I'm on another dating app. And it's so interesting to
Speaker 1: see the connections you do make on the app and
Speaker 1: how no one ends up reaching out to each other.
Speaker 1: It's like our eagles are so big where I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I want to get pursued, so I'm not going to
Speaker 1: reach out to the guy first. And the guys probably like, well,
Speaker 1: I have fifteen other women I'm talking to, so why
Speaker 1: would I reach out to her if she's not reaching
Speaker 1: out to me. And it's just at the end of
Speaker 1: the day for me, just ends up becoming a waste
Speaker 1: of my time to work in. No, it's not that
Speaker 1: I don't want to put the work in. And we've
Speaker 1: talked about this before. Indeed, n I started me on
Speaker 1: this podcast just telling you it sounds like the groundwork. No,
Speaker 1: it's not a matter about Listen when I'm in, I'm
Speaker 1: all in. But I do talk about wanting to be pursued,
Speaker 1: and I want to be pursued. So if I do
Speaker 1: like someone's if we do have a connection on the
Speaker 1: app or whatever, listen in person. I have no shame
Speaker 1: going up to someone and starting a conversation with him.
Speaker 1: It's what's differ on the app. I don't know. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess it's because like I've I've always been the
Speaker 1: person that pursues. So I'm just at a stage in
Speaker 1: my life where I'm just said, you're always the one
Speaker 1: that needs to be pursued. Though, No, right now I
Speaker 1: want to be pursued. Right now, I'm throwing it out
Speaker 1: to the universe where I'm like, I want to be pursued.
Speaker 1: Classic millennial. She wants everything and she doesn't want to
Speaker 1: have to work for it. Vanessa, What would it look
Speaker 1: like if if a guy pursued you on the app? Oh?
Speaker 1: What would it look like? What do you specifically do?
Speaker 1: Giving me? Like? I guess the first line would be
Speaker 1: like a funny joke and I'd be like, ha ha ha,
Speaker 1: this is why it's not working for what is the
Speaker 1: what kind of game is that? That's it's horrible game? No, No,
Speaker 1: I mean like ha ha, Like I like guys who
Speaker 1: have a sense of humor, right, but you would you send?
Speaker 1: Would you send to ha? Has? I feel like ha
Speaker 1: ha is a little bit uh like um sarcastic. But
Speaker 1: if it's a ha ha ha ha ha exclamation exclamation,
Speaker 1: that's like, oh you're funny, right, with a little emoji
Speaker 1: too thrown in there. Let's get some to some questions now, Okay, so,
Speaker 1: but that's okay. So before we jump into the next
Speaker 1: questions or the next segment, you guys have probably already
Speaker 1: heard about this. You probably already have on your home.
Speaker 1: If you don't, you need to check it out. It's
Speaker 1: the Amazon Fire TV and it brings you all the
Speaker 1: live and streaming content you love to the biggest screen
Speaker 1: in your house. You can watch anything you love with
Speaker 1: access to Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu and so much more.
Speaker 1: I am using mind to watch I just got into
Speaker 1: a good place with Kristen bell oh Zark is phenomenal.
Speaker 1: You can also jump on things like YouTube, Facebook, Reddit's
Speaker 1: the nutshell thing you were saying in a nutshell on
Speaker 1: YouTube If you want to learn a little bit and
Speaker 1: be entertained, check it out. It's called in a Nutshell
Speaker 1: by Curzi stat It's seven minutes long. Is that It's
Speaker 1: just it's fantastic. You guys need to check it out. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: watching YouTube is all about you and when it's on
Speaker 1: the big screen with fire TV, it's the ultimate mix
Speaker 1: of entertainment and relaxation. Some of us go to YouTube
Speaker 1: to learn, like me, watch makeup, it's oils like Mark
Speaker 1: or Home Improvement to it yourselves, like Easton. Some want
Speaker 1: to be entertained with by our videos or whatever is trending.
Speaker 1: Some go on deep dives into sports, highlights, glitter, slime,
Speaker 1: all that kind of SAMR. My daughter has been doing
Speaker 1: some SMR. What is a SMR. It's like a total
Speaker 1: relaxation thing and like little noises that you think, are
Speaker 1: you find so satisfying? I'm probably gonna pass on that anyways.
Speaker 1: She doesn't have to watch them on her computer, she
Speaker 1: doesn't have to watch them on her phone. She can
Speaker 1: watch them in the comfort of her living room on
Speaker 1: the big screen TV thanks to Amazon Fire TV. And
Speaker 1: if that wasn't enough, you can even listen to this podcast,
Speaker 1: help I Suck at Dating in music with the I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio app on fire TV. It's the perfect gift
Speaker 1: for the entertainment fan of your life this holiday season.
Speaker 1: Had to Amazon dot com Slash I Suck podcast Again,
Speaker 1: It's Amazon dot Com Slash I Suck podcast. To order
Speaker 1: a fire TV of your very own. They make a
Speaker 1: great gift for your friends, they make a great grift
Speaker 1: for your family. They make a great gift for yourself.
Speaker 1: So we have several TVs in her house. We have
Speaker 1: the living room to V on my bedroom TV. My
Speaker 1: roommates all have TVs. We all have Amazon Fire TVs.
Speaker 1: They're fantastic. You can use the remote. You don't even
Speaker 1: have to type anything. You can just talk directly into
Speaker 1: the controller and have it. Look at this point, Alexa
Speaker 1: might be your longest relationship. That's actually true and sad. Anyways,
Speaker 1: check it out Amazon Fire TV again. Holidays are right
Speaker 1: around the corner. It's a it's an easy gift. It's
Speaker 1: a great gift. Whoever you get it for is going
Speaker 1: to absolutely love it. Amazon dot Com Slash I Suck podcast. Uh,
Speaker 1: get it for your loved ones and be the hit
Speaker 1: this holiday season. Um, how has online dating been for you?
Speaker 1: Has it been good other than you're you're still just
Speaker 1: waiting for Have you been on a date yet? How
Speaker 1: long have you been on? Two weeks? Okay, decent amount?
Speaker 1: I give it another two weeks? And are you talking
Speaker 1: to people at least you just haven't met with them
Speaker 1: or are you not even having conversations? Are you matching
Speaker 1: with people? I'm matching, the conversations are cut short. Can
Speaker 1: you send me your your online profile? I want to
Speaker 1: be able to critique it. Um, I don't think I'm allowed.
Speaker 1: Don't you know how to do that? How screenshot? Screenshot
Speaker 1: my own profile? Vanessa for the listeners out there, vans
Speaker 1: let regardless, I don't send it. If I do send it,
Speaker 1: Vanessa is so technologically inept. I like always send screen
Speaker 1: recordings on my phone and she's like, Hey, how do
Speaker 1: I post the link to the podcast on my Instagram
Speaker 1: story and I'll literally screen record. I'm like, Okay, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: for the third time, this is what you do. You
Speaker 1: go to the podcast app, you type in your name,
Speaker 1: you click on the link, you click share, and then
Speaker 1: every single time, hey, where's the links of the podcast?
Speaker 1: Can you send the link? Vanessa? I want to ask
Speaker 1: you one more thing before we let you off the hook.
Speaker 1: In your bio, your your profile on that app, does
Speaker 1: it say something about how you're super turned on by
Speaker 1: a guy who's funny? No, I just I think it's
Speaker 1: just my my number, my not my number, my age
Speaker 1: and my Instagram account. Okay, so you need to listen.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to use the app that well,
Speaker 1: that's why. Well, I think what you're you saying is
Speaker 1: you need to put that out into the universe so
Speaker 1: you can kind of receive it from other Yeah, of
Speaker 1: the guy's a hint about what it will take to
Speaker 1: win with you. Because this was a big thing I
Speaker 1: learned across um my didding career and from clients and
Speaker 1: and all the research out there that we want some vulnerability,
Speaker 1: we want some openness from a guy. Right, he wanted
Speaker 1: to show you interest. That's pursuing, um what a good
Speaker 1: guy would do pursuing. A good man is not gonna
Speaker 1: come in hot, and he's not gonna push and push
Speaker 1: and push. That's more of what we'll see from guys
Speaker 1: who are just trying to take from you or get
Speaker 1: from you what we might call a player. So if
Speaker 1: you want a good man, he's not going to pursue.
Speaker 1: He's going to honor you and your boundaries. He's going
Speaker 1: to feel into what you're open to. He's he's not
Speaker 1: going to come in hard. M hmm. That's great advice.
Speaker 1: That is great advice. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's it's
Speaker 1: hard for a lot of us who want a guy
Speaker 1: to make it easy for us because we want to
Speaker 1: know that we're liked or that we're that he's interested.
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you, like, the greatest guys will just
Speaker 1: come in and they won't play any games and they'll
Speaker 1: just tell you, hey, I really like you, and they'll
Speaker 1: be patient I get to see you again. I'm patient, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which can confuse us because we've been taught that, like
Speaker 1: you know, it's easier for us. It soothes our fears
Speaker 1: and our worries. If a guy comes in super clear
Speaker 1: and like you know, eager and pushes and like kind
Speaker 1: of makes it hard for us to say no, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: If a guy like comes on too strong, I'm like no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, like you need to. You wonder why guys
Speaker 1: struggle in the dating world. It's so hard. I want
Speaker 1: to be pursued, but don't come on too hard. But
Speaker 1: then if I send six ha haas, know that it's
Speaker 1: that I actually need it. But if I send two,
Speaker 1: I being sarcastic. So the hell is going on? That's
Speaker 1: why this podcast is so important. But you know what
Speaker 1: we're You're not alone. I'm dean, and I I'm sure
Speaker 1: the same that when when I was single, it was difficult,
Speaker 1: Like texta is hard. Texting is hard, and it's like
Speaker 1: it's all about tone and how somebody receives it. Because
Speaker 1: they've even talked about like if I'm sending a text
Speaker 1: message to Dean and I say something that's kind of sarcastic,
Speaker 1: but I'm in a good mood, so I know it's
Speaker 1: a joke. But if you're in a piss poor mood
Speaker 1: and you see what I said, you might just take
Speaker 1: it in a completely different direction. It's the same thing
Speaker 1: with so it's really just hard. It's difficult, Vanessa. I
Speaker 1: don't envy your position. I'm sorry. You're wonderful. You deserve
Speaker 1: a great guy, and I really hope that somebody very
Speaker 1: uh soon comes along, whether it be on this dating
Speaker 1: app or in real life and just sweeps you off
Speaker 1: your Dean. You're single, what the hell come on? I
Speaker 1: will say, please, I will say it's to Suri's points.
Speaker 1: Of the few days that I've been going on lately,
Speaker 1: one of the most common, I guess compliments that I've
Speaker 1: received is that I am patient with the person. So
Speaker 1: it's like to that point, and so, Vanessa, I guess
Speaker 1: you could take a lesson from that as well. As
Speaker 1: patients is a good thing, I feel like, especially when
Speaker 1: you're trying to get to know someone over the course
Speaker 1: of time, because it's not gonna happen all at once.
Speaker 1: It's gonna take time. It's like you've been on that
Speaker 1: for two weeks, but you know, in six months it
Speaker 1: might not you might not start reaping the dividends of it. Right.
Speaker 1: I agree with that, But I'm also at a point
Speaker 1: in my dating life where as soon as I start
Speaker 1: feeling something is a little bit off, if there's a
Speaker 1: red flag or whatever, I would be the type of
Speaker 1: person that would go all in and ignore all of
Speaker 1: that and it would end either way. Now I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like something is off. I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: I'm being a percent myself. I'm a little bit uncomfortable
Speaker 1: talking about some things. Why is that happening? Take a
Speaker 1: step back and reevaluate if you if I want to
Speaker 1: be getting this person or not. And it's it's so
Speaker 1: much more liberating being able to be so self aware
Speaker 1: of how you're feeling. And I'm only learning that now
Speaker 1: and I'm thirty one years old. Yeah, and you can
Speaker 1: share that. I think when you're off, I think we'd
Speaker 1: love to avoid it and pretend it's not there because
Speaker 1: we all want to feel good. But just to say,
Speaker 1: like I don't know what's up there, I am feeling
Speaker 1: a little off and put it on the table so
Speaker 1: you can talk about it. There you go, there we go.
Speaker 1: All right, So we're gonna jump into our next segment,
Speaker 1: which is Questions Asked by the Facebook group. But before
Speaker 1: we do that, I would love to share with you
Speaker 1: the best gift giving idea this holiday season, Dean. I agree,
Speaker 1: everybody's looking for the perfect gift this upcoming a holiday season.
Speaker 1: Holidays are right around the corner of Black Friday is
Speaker 1: literally what two weeks away. If that guys, I'm telling
Speaker 1: you we've been talking about in the podcast before. Go
Speaker 1: check out Legacy Box. It's a perfect place to take
Speaker 1: all your home videos, photos and tapes. You get them
Speaker 1: digitalized on a thumb drive, did a digital download or DVD.
Speaker 1: They'll send you a pre labeled box and all you
Speaker 1: have to do is fill it out with your old
Speaker 1: family memoirs, memories, and then you send it right back.
Speaker 1: I personally have a home video VHS that I go
Speaker 1: home and watch every holiday season, but I think it'd
Speaker 1: be really cool to have that digitalized on my computer
Speaker 1: so I can watch right now while I'm not living
Speaker 1: at home. And that's great to give to your parents.
Speaker 1: For President as well. I'm sure they would love that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they have so many old pictures. It's crazy
Speaker 1: because my mom has all the old photo albums and
Speaker 1: she just brings those out every holiday, and she has
Speaker 1: like four or five of them. But she's on Facebook
Speaker 1: now all the time because she just got on Facebook.
Speaker 1: She's a little behind the a ball. It's very understandable.
Speaker 1: My mom Instagram. Oh she's on Instagram. My mom. God,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm the day. My mom is on Instagram. Boy,
Speaker 1: here we go. But it would be really cool, exactly
Speaker 1: like Dean said, give that as a gift to your
Speaker 1: parents so they can digitalize all those old photo albums
Speaker 1: that they love looking at. Right, all those tapes sort
Speaker 1: of start to do great after like ten years, right, totally.
Speaker 1: So you can get personalized updates so you can rest
Speaker 1: knowing your old footage is being taken care of safely.
Speaker 1: Like we talked about, guys, holidays are just around the corner,
Speaker 1: and this is the best gift to give, um so
Speaker 1: and the good thing is too, you don't have to
Speaker 1: go shopping on Black Friday. This is a perfect way
Speaker 1: to give the perfect gift without the stress of parking lines,
Speaker 1: crowded balls, you guys do Black Friday, anybody in your
Speaker 1: I thought about it now. A buddy of mine did
Speaker 1: it one year and he waited in the line for
Speaker 1: four hours for a TV and he only got it
Speaker 1: for like off, Like is that worth it? Is it
Speaker 1: worth it? Um? But guys, also for Legacy Box for
Speaker 1: a limited tide offer. They're offering an exclusive discount for
Speaker 1: you guys are listeners. You go to Legacy Legacy Box
Speaker 1: dot com slash dean to get and off your first
Speaker 1: order or save up to two on the largest Legacy
Speaker 1: Box kit. Again, that's Legacy Legacy Box dot com slash
Speaker 1: dan d e A and you save yourself for today
Speaker 1: get started preserving your past Legacy Box. In addition to
Speaker 1: the Legacy Box, I want to talk about the growth collaborative.
Speaker 1: So Grove is the perfect place to get all your
Speaker 1: household products for clean and healthy home. Never run out
Speaker 1: of toilet paper again. I've had this issue many times.
Speaker 1: They have everything from Mrs Myers Cleaning supplies, tons of
Speaker 1: essential oils and Smarty Pits, aluminum free pre biotic dealtorant
Speaker 1: and they make sure this is my favorite thing. They
Speaker 1: make sure that all of their products are free from
Speaker 1: animal testing. Life is easier and cheaper. When I shop
Speaker 1: with grow dot Co. I get auto schedules, shipments right
Speaker 1: to my door, and I can even text a real
Speaker 1: person to get product recommendations, which is my biggest thing too.
Speaker 1: Is because I like to keep my house tidy, but
Speaker 1: I never really know what to buy, so it's nice
Speaker 1: to have those those live recommendations. This is one of
Speaker 1: my favorite websites right now because I'm really trying to
Speaker 1: use chemical free natural products in my house. You guys know,
Speaker 1: like I don't use soap, I don't like to use
Speaker 1: any of that stuff really, So anytime I can go organic,
Speaker 1: HUD jump on it right away. But with all my
Speaker 1: traveling lately, it's hard not to run into the closest
Speaker 1: market and buy right off the shelf. I live like
Speaker 1: a block away from a Rolphs and they don't have
Speaker 1: maybe the most organic natural selection. But now I have
Speaker 1: a shipment each month full of clean household products for
Speaker 1: a limited time. Our listeners who sign up get an
Speaker 1: amazing free thirty days supply of seed Link, which is
Speaker 1: Groves Tree free paper, towels, toilet paper in tissues, a
Speaker 1: free sixty d v I P membership in a surprise
Speaker 1: bonus gift just for you when you sign up in
Speaker 1: place in order of twenty dollars or more. What an
Speaker 1: incredible deal that is, you guys, hold it really is.
Speaker 1: I realized how much toilet paper, paper, towels, all that
Speaker 1: adds up when I first moved out, because you never
Speaker 1: think about that. You're like, oh, rent all this stuff
Speaker 1: that adds up, and then you're like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 1: have to buy my own toilet paper. It's crazy. And
Speaker 1: what's great about this? Like I said, Seedling is Groves
Speaker 1: tree free, so tree free paper towels, toilet paper in tissues,
Speaker 1: which is just incredible, especially when everyone's to be environmental
Speaker 1: environmentally conscious nowadays. So check out Grove in our special
Speaker 1: offer at Grove dot ceo slash Dean that's Grove dot ceo,
Speaker 1: not CLM slash Dan. You'll get thirty days supply of
Speaker 1: Seedling sixty d v I P membership, and you get
Speaker 1: a special bonus offer when you get twenty dollars or more.
Speaker 1: And it's really good deal. Yeah, it's a great deal.
Speaker 1: I feel like I just talked for an hour. So
Speaker 1: let's drive into some questions on Facebook that we asked
Speaker 1: our listeners first and foremost, thank you for submitting some questions,
Speaker 1: because we always like to incorporate the listener in in
Speaker 1: as many ways as possible on the podcast, and obviously
Speaker 1: this is one of the most direct ways we have
Speaker 1: that we can do that. Um. And so we're just
Speaker 1: going to dive into some that were posted on the
Speaker 1: Facebook wall that have been d m to us through Instagram.
Speaker 1: I know Vanes has been getting some through her Instagram
Speaker 1: as well. UM. And if you don't follow us on Instagram,
Speaker 1: help I Suck at Dating and definitely join the Facebook
Speaker 1: Facebook group Help I Suck at Dating Podcast. It's really cool.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people on there that, uh, communicate
Speaker 1: with each other of each other advice. It really is
Speaker 1: a community on there. So if you guys are listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast, UM, definitely check out to help us
Speaker 1: Secred Dating podcast. Facebook Up. Do you think that anyone
Speaker 1: in the Facebook group has dated each other? Interesting? I
Speaker 1: was thinking if somebody met within the Facebook group, like
Speaker 1: if we kind of formed a relationship, Well, I don't
Speaker 1: know if we would necessarily be honest, but like, it
Speaker 1: is kind of cool that there's a forum that people
Speaker 1: go to to discuss dating I'm sure there are plenty
Speaker 1: of them, but it's because I sometimes see comments on
Speaker 1: the wall that's like, Hey, I just went to San Francisco,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to date. If anyone's in the area, I'd
Speaker 1: love to meet up like that kind of thing. And
Speaker 1: I'm always kind of like, I don't know, but at
Speaker 1: the same time, I'm like, oh, good luck, like that
Speaker 1: kind of thing. So hopefully it works. It might be
Speaker 1: better than one of the apps. It's true, you know,
Speaker 1: they are great taste and podcast I feel like people
Speaker 1: are that are listening to us or they want to
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and they want to have a genuine connection
Speaker 1: with people. So I would love to know if anyone
Speaker 1: is actually dating off of our Facebook group. Having said that,
Speaker 1: obviously go into the podcast Facebook group. If you're going
Speaker 1: to meet up with somebody with the same hesitation safety
Speaker 1: you would for an online dating app, meet in a
Speaker 1: public place. There you go, all right? So court first
Speaker 1: questions submitted is actually directed towards me, So I mean
Speaker 1: it's from Laura. Laura says I wanted to tell Dean
Speaker 1: offer even considering asking Leslie about South America because even
Speaker 1: the best intentions of texting or sliding into your x's
Speaker 1: d MS almost automatically get misinterpreted. I have been the
Speaker 1: one receiving these messages and have to remind both him
Speaker 1: and myself while we ended our relationship, just take Jared's
Speaker 1: advice and don't bother. So Shari your advice on this
Speaker 1: because last week I'm traveling to South America at the
Speaker 1: end of the month and my ex girlfriend lived in
Speaker 1: South America where I'm traveling to for two years, and
Speaker 1: so she and she's like a travel expert. I know
Speaker 1: she loves doling out the advice and giving recommendations, that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So I considered the idea of texting
Speaker 1: her and asking her to give me some recommendations while
Speaker 1: I'm down there. But do you think it's a bad
Speaker 1: idea to reopen that line of communication with an X,
Speaker 1: even if it's just purely platonic, purely for reasons of
Speaker 1: seeking advice and asking questions. How did it end? Not
Speaker 1: not the smoothest ending in a relationship, but not like horrible.
Speaker 1: It was was sad. We were both sad at the
Speaker 1: end of the relationship. Um it was they weren't going
Speaker 1: to be best friends after it, right, So and okay,
Speaker 1: so we broke up in April, haven't talks in April,
Speaker 1: and it'd be convenient for you to get her advice, right,
Speaker 1: because she's an expert. Well, it's I think it's kind
Speaker 1: of it's a win win because it would be great
Speaker 1: to get her advice because she's knowledgeable on the topic.
Speaker 1: And I know that she appreciates giving out travel recommendations
Speaker 1: to people because she's a travel blogger and that's kind
Speaker 1: of how she gets her livelihood what she enjoys doing.
Speaker 1: So it's like she likes to give advice, and I
Speaker 1: would like to receive very specific advice while I'm traveling
Speaker 1: as well. Right, if you could reach out to her
Speaker 1: with that boundary, like I just to give her a gift, right,
Speaker 1: if she enjoys giving that and you think it would
Speaker 1: be a kindness towards her, would we really call it
Speaker 1: giving a gift? She would listen, I wanted to give
Speaker 1: you a gift, I reached out to you. I agree
Speaker 1: with that. That sounds bad, Yeah, Like it's it's not
Speaker 1: like she I just know she likes giving advice on travel.
Speaker 1: I guess she wouldn't look at it as like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm so happy to be doing this. He's
Speaker 1: respecting me, he honors me. Yeah, I don't know if
Speaker 1: she would receive it that way. Do you think that
Speaker 1: you were reaching out maybe because you wanted to feel
Speaker 1: better about everything? Probably I don't like being disliked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And like I said, we haven't talked since April, But
Speaker 1: like I don't think we dislike each other. I think
Speaker 1: it's just one of those things where it might be
Speaker 1: better for us to have to have a conversation with
Speaker 1: each other. So I guess that kind of answers that question.
Speaker 1: And to thanks to Jared, Jared's and Vanessa's advice from
Speaker 1: last week, I did not reach out to her. I
Speaker 1: have no plan or intention to reach out to her
Speaker 1: because I've got some feedback and I realized that making
Speaker 1: out the best. Well, I was just going to say,
Speaker 1: Jared sort of zeroed in on something that I believe.
Speaker 1: There's always a good reason for everything that we do,
Speaker 1: and so there was a good reason for you reaching
Speaker 1: out that was kind of underneath just wanting advice about
Speaker 1: the trip, right that you kind of want to just
Speaker 1: make some peace. Yeah, And I feel I'm always kind
Speaker 1: of an advocate for staying friendly after breakups, as well,
Speaker 1: it would be great, like we could have a friendship.
Speaker 1: But I understand I want to stop you because you're
Speaker 1: the one that said that you block your ex is
Speaker 1: off of Instagram. Yeah. Sure, that's the point. Correlation between
Speaker 1: blocking them off of Instagram and then seeking out their attention.
Speaker 1: I think I'm more so blocked them so I didn't
Speaker 1: have to worry about seeing them pop up in my
Speaker 1: feet every once in a while. But you're still on
Speaker 1: good terms with them. I would like to be whether
Speaker 1: I am or I'm not currently I have a question,
Speaker 1: So reaching out to an ex like that for those maybe,
Speaker 1: even if it's only ten percent of the reason to
Speaker 1: try to like almost bury the hatch or you know,
Speaker 1: make you feel better about the situation. Do you think
Speaker 1: it's with good intention? Because I suffer from this as well.
Speaker 1: I don't want this just to be on Deane. I've
Speaker 1: done this before as well. Do you think it's with
Speaker 1: good intention or do you think it's selfish because at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, there is a part of
Speaker 1: me that's like, I don't want her to hate me,
Speaker 1: right right? And is that selfish with me? I don't
Speaker 1: know that it's entirely selfish because I think if there's
Speaker 1: a desire for a friendship, there's I want the peace.
Speaker 1: I'm knowing that I'm not a bad guy. But I
Speaker 1: think it all what kind of friendship would we possibly have? Well,
Speaker 1: that's the better question, right, is it going to be
Speaker 1: in the highest best interest of her and you to
Speaker 1: be back in contact. That's a good So she seems
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship now. So if if the
Speaker 1: exes are in relationships or are no longer clearly no
Speaker 1: longer interested in dating each other, don't you think that
Speaker 1: kind of adds it more healthy dynamic to it a
Speaker 1: healthy dynamic to being friends or not talking to friends,
Speaker 1: Like it's easier to be a friend with an X
Speaker 1: if both of the exes have moved on to someone else.
Speaker 1: I think not always. I think it depends. It depends
Speaker 1: on how the person is. Like, I'm someone that likes
Speaker 1: to be friends with my exes, but it will take
Speaker 1: me a while to get to that place where I
Speaker 1: can have where we can be on neutral grounds and
Speaker 1: it's really platonic between us, Like you can't ask me
Speaker 1: to be friends with you after a month of us
Speaker 1: breaking up. So I think it also depends if how
Speaker 1: the relationship ended, and if that person is a kind
Speaker 1: of person that's open to friendship after the end of
Speaker 1: a breakup. I don't think there are any ruled really.
Speaker 1: I think it's how we're wired, and there needs to
Speaker 1: be a conversation usually with the new person. That's exactly
Speaker 1: what I was gonna say, because when they're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: you can't just factor in the X anymore. You have
Speaker 1: to factor in their new partner. Because think about if
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship with someone and then one
Speaker 1: of your ex is reached out to you, how would
Speaker 1: your girlfriend feel at the time. Probably pretty uncofortable, especially
Speaker 1: if you were like, hey, no, I kind of want
Speaker 1: to try to recapture a friendship with this person. I
Speaker 1: think if I was your girlfriend, you'd be like, what
Speaker 1: are you doing? Exactly. So, I've been in a position
Speaker 1: before where not maybe like a year or two. However,
Speaker 1: long ago, I was at dinner with an ex girlfriend
Speaker 1: and I was dating someone new, and I remember talking
Speaker 1: to my ex girlfriend at the time and I was
Speaker 1: like asking for advice on the relationship that I was
Speaker 1: forming with someone new, and she was like, I'm glad
Speaker 1: that you're dating someone new because it allows us to
Speaker 1: have a purely friendly platonic conversation, and like it eliminates
Speaker 1: any type of physical like urge, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and so like I can see. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just kind of thought that it might make things a
Speaker 1: little bit better. Yeah, but I'd almost lead with that
Speaker 1: if you really want to recapture friendship, not South America.
Speaker 1: Not South America. And yes, South America could come after,
Speaker 1: because I told you reaching out for a different reason really,
Speaker 1: and it's kind of underneath the South America. What if
Speaker 1: I wanted to travel to Spain? Is that off limit? Still?
Speaker 1: She studied South America in high school. She remembers reading
Speaker 1: about Argentina. I just want to bring it up now.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. No, that was a good answer. I'm glad. Well,
Speaker 1: we got to go through some other questions too, So Vanessa,
Speaker 1: let me ask you. This is from Linda. Um, we'll
Speaker 1: ask you first, if each of you could go back
Speaker 1: in time and give yourself self, give your younger self
Speaker 1: one piece of advice. What would it be and why? So, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: if you can go back in time, what would you
Speaker 1: tell yourself? And why? Wait? These questions from Linda. Linda,
Speaker 1: Linda think you were asking such a great question. Um,
Speaker 1: I think I would go back and tell myself to
Speaker 1: chill the out, mainly because I think it's like I said,
Speaker 1: I was always someone who was a hopeless romantic. I
Speaker 1: still am. I want to have a family, I want
Speaker 1: to have kids. And it's so funny. I remember Dean
Speaker 1: after we recorded an episode together, We're sitting We're sitting
Speaker 1: down together and I'm like, Dean, why do you think
Speaker 1: I'm still single? And you looked at me like, I
Speaker 1: think you're too are I'm like, what does that mean? Like,
Speaker 1: I think you're too intense, And I think my intentions
Speaker 1: do come off a little bit strong. Um, just because
Speaker 1: I know what I want and I don't want to
Speaker 1: waste my time with people that are trying to figure
Speaker 1: out what they want in a relationship or in their
Speaker 1: romantic life. So I think I would tell myself enjoy
Speaker 1: being single, Enjoy spending time by yourself and being with
Speaker 1: people you love and creating connections with people and those
Speaker 1: connections can be conturned into something greater and more romantic.
Speaker 1: But still putting so much pressure in finding someone to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with because it will
Speaker 1: happen when it happens, and looking back, I didn't think
Speaker 1: i'd be having this conversation with myself at thirty one
Speaker 1: years old. At thirty one, I thought I would be
Speaker 1: married with kids already, and I'm nowhere close to that.
Speaker 1: But I'm so happy with where I am in my
Speaker 1: life right now, and I'm finally at a place where
Speaker 1: i can say, yep, I'm enjoying being present, and I'm
Speaker 1: enjoying forming those connections with people and getting to know people.
Speaker 1: I want to know, what would you if you could
Speaker 1: tell yourself your younger self one thing, give yourself advice?
Speaker 1: What would it be? I don't worry so much because
Speaker 1: everything turns out okay, and uh, you should you should
Speaker 1: get up earlier. These are all pretty light answers, you, guys.
Speaker 1: I like the getting up earlier. There's there's one. If
Speaker 1: I were to give my younger self one piece of advice,
Speaker 1: it's seven letters long, one word, very simple. Bitcoin one
Speaker 1: pent Put all your money in bitcoin in two thou
Speaker 1: selling two thousand seventeen, and then happiness comes after that.
Speaker 1: Very simple stuff. You guys, not wake up earlier, not
Speaker 1: be more open minded, put less pressure on it, just
Speaker 1: be rich. I go back. Yeah, it's probably the year
Speaker 1: about two thousand and three, and then I would just
Speaker 1: bring a copy of the social network with me and
Speaker 1: show that to my own yourself and be like, just
Speaker 1: create this and you're fine. You're fine, Just create something
Speaker 1: called Facebook. You're good. Easy. Um, all right, what's the
Speaker 1: next question? What do you want to ask? Let's move
Speaker 1: on to this question for Jared. Jared, what's your dream
Speaker 1: career when you head back to Rhode Island. I'd like
Speaker 1: to open up my own bar. So Ashley and I
Speaker 1: have talked about that. We've talked about the potential of
Speaker 1: moving back east. Um and maybe five years depending on
Speaker 1: see where where our lives are out. But that's a
Speaker 1: tentative plan. And uh, I'd love to save up as
Speaker 1: much as I possibly can and open up a bar
Speaker 1: back home. I've always worked in the hospitality industry. To
Speaker 1: two things to two point question, because you guys are
Speaker 1: pretty friendly rooted in Los Angeles now right like with
Speaker 1: Ashley's career, Yeah, yeah, we're pretty rooted right now. So
Speaker 1: it obviously, like we said, is a tentative plan. We
Speaker 1: both want to head back east, especially when we settle
Speaker 1: we are settling down, but start a family because we
Speaker 1: don't want to be so far for away from our parents.
Speaker 1: And so are there have you guys talked to kids.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've talked it, but what's kind of what's
Speaker 1: the general hope for kids to start and then two
Speaker 1: or three? I mean this is knock on wood and
Speaker 1: every if everything goes according to plan, um, so that
Speaker 1: would be ideal. So we would have kids over here,
Speaker 1: at least have one kid over here, and then potentially
Speaker 1: it all depends on what we're twenty. That's a year
Speaker 1: and a half away. That's that's fourteen months away. I know, well,
Speaker 1: you know, Ashley's thirties is gonna be thirty one in March.
Speaker 1: I will be thirty here in a few days. So, uh,
Speaker 1: we're not getting any younger. We both know that this
Speaker 1: is something we want to move forward with. We love
Speaker 1: each other very much. We want to have kids together. Uh,
Speaker 1: so we want to get married first and enjoy that
Speaker 1: honeymoon phase and then potentially maybe like mid two twenty. Really, um,
Speaker 1: it's like it at it always see yourself opening up
Speaker 1: a bar? Was that something that you wanted to do? Kid?
Speaker 1: So I ran a couple of restaurants back home before
Speaker 1: I was on the Bachelorette. And I love the hospitality industry.
Speaker 1: I always worked it through college. I was bartending and serving,
Speaker 1: and then I really just love the hustle and bustle
Speaker 1: of it, and I learned how to how to run
Speaker 1: a restaurant um and so obviously didn't have the funds
Speaker 1: to really open up my own place. And so hopefully,
Speaker 1: you know, I'll try to save us save up and
Speaker 1: work as hard as I can over the next few years,
Speaker 1: both Ashley and I will, and she's very supportive of it,
Speaker 1: and maybe potentially open up a bar back east. I
Speaker 1: just know I I wouldn't want to open up a
Speaker 1: place over here in Los Angeles. I just know the
Speaker 1: clientele better in New England. Um, I have more connections
Speaker 1: over there, I know more people, I kind of know
Speaker 1: what people like over there, So I feel like I'd
Speaker 1: have a better idea of what to create, and I
Speaker 1: know exactly what I want to do. So it's more
Speaker 1: so just trying to put that into reality. I know
Speaker 1: you've put some thought into this, and I expect to
Speaker 1: have expect to be blown away by this answer. What's
Speaker 1: the name? Yes, well, I have. I'm not saying it's
Speaker 1: very plastic. I don't want anything crazy in the name.
Speaker 1: I don't want anything that it may start with an
Speaker 1: A it is not, actually, but it will be something
Speaker 1: that is a part of our family dynamic. It's a
Speaker 1: name that I'm a Mendolah. Yeah, so we're gonna call
Speaker 1: it Brady. So I don't know if you've ever heard
Speaker 1: of it, but um, so it's it's it's a name
Speaker 1: in the family that when she said it, when Ashley
Speaker 1: said it, uh, it was kind of perfect. So I
Speaker 1: think I would name it that. There you go, We'll
Speaker 1: be sure to be out there for the grand opening
Speaker 1: of it. If it want happened that I'll pay you guys.
Speaker 1: All right, moving on to the next question from Sam Ross,
Speaker 1: who is a guy who love the guy questions on
Speaker 1: here and Shari can I think weigh on this first
Speaker 1: and probably best, but between all of us, so Sam asks, uh,
Speaker 1: he would love to get some coverage on introverts and
Speaker 1: dating because we have a lot of extroverts, but the
Speaker 1: other side seems to be much less represented. So how
Speaker 1: do you think dating is different for introverted people? Well,
Speaker 1: introverts by definition get their energy by being alone, right right,
Speaker 1: So forward, dating and you know, going on this circuit
Speaker 1: like dating several times a week, that can be hugely dreaming. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I think to have small talk and conversation
Speaker 1: is also super draining. So just relating to anybody else's hard.
Speaker 1: So I think it's it's important to lead with that
Speaker 1: because I think dating an introvert, you could probably take
Speaker 1: a lot of their quiet or their need for a
Speaker 1: lone time personally and misunderstand and think they're not into me.
Speaker 1: You know, when I used to live with a buddy
Speaker 1: mine who's much more of an extrovert than I was,
Speaker 1: I would go in my room all the time, just
Speaker 1: close the door and just like play video games, watch
Speaker 1: tv um and then I remember there was one time
Speaker 1: he was talking to a friend of mine and he
Speaker 1: was like, does Jared just not like me? I was like, no,
Speaker 1: it's not that at all. Just sometimes I like just
Speaker 1: kind of being in my zone, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: I don't want to always hang out in the living room,
Speaker 1: and because that it is draining. It feels like I
Speaker 1: have to be on sometimes even with friends. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I can I can relate to that. Yeah, I've had
Speaker 1: to work on this and my partnership, right, now I'm
Speaker 1: dating somebody that I love very much. He wants to
Speaker 1: be with me all the time, all the time. I like,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to lay that down in a way that
Speaker 1: you know, we designed something together, you know, where he
Speaker 1: knows that when I'm alone, it's not because I don't
Speaker 1: want to be with him, but it's how I fell up.
Speaker 1: So I recently just started doing this with not just
Speaker 1: like people that I'm dating, but also friendships as well
Speaker 1: as I'll set because I'm an introvert as well ident
Speaker 1: toy chargeable. I'm by myself in my room doing whatever,
Speaker 1: like just laying there whatever. Um, I've started saying, I
Speaker 1: like you, we're friends. I like hanging out with you,
Speaker 1: but I can only spend one day a week with you.
Speaker 1: That's all you'll get, no matter what the week is,
Speaker 1: with someone that you're dating. Yes, and I'll always say,
Speaker 1: it's not a youth thing. It's like you're great. I
Speaker 1: like spending time with you. I enjoy being with you,
Speaker 1: but I just like need this time for myself. Did
Speaker 1: you just pull that it's not you the case? And honestly,
Speaker 1: it's it's been a good system. If you're dating someone,
Speaker 1: you'll only see them once a week, yes, once a week, yes,
Speaker 1: and that builds you up enough to be like, you
Speaker 1: don't have the urge to see them more, And I
Speaker 1: get it. I'm I think I'm like, I'm an introvert
Speaker 1: extrovert where I need to read. I give so much
Speaker 1: of my energy out, but I need to recharge my batteries.
Speaker 1: But if I'm really into someone, I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I don't want to see them tonight. I want to
Speaker 1: see them tomorrow. But then in three weeks because you're
Speaker 1: exhausted from spending so much time with them. It's like,
Speaker 1: if you see them once a week, a look, let's
Speaker 1: you focus on the conversations that you're having instead of
Speaker 1: just being around them, which they're they're both important, but
Speaker 1: it also kind of like, lets you slow things down
Speaker 1: a little bit, and like we said that you need
Speaker 1: maybe you should be a little bit more of his patient,
Speaker 1: which I think can be good. I feel like, maybe
Speaker 1: you just you're not ready for something serious right now.
Speaker 1: Well that's true as well, or you just met the
Speaker 1: right person. Yeah. I was going to ask that if
Speaker 1: you've ever wanted to be with somebody more often than
Speaker 1: once in my past relationships, I'm like, I want to
Speaker 1: see you every single day, But then in two weeks,
Speaker 1: two weeks after that, I'm like, whoa, I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: going to create some space now. And if the space
Speaker 1: is created in the beginning, it like allows like a
Speaker 1: slow churn instead of like a like a dying star
Speaker 1: that explodes in and it self, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But I feel like that's also our younger self. When
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, I oh, my god, I
Speaker 1: would spend every waking second with a person, and I like,
Speaker 1: we would go to the same gym together, we do
Speaker 1: the same activities, and they became my friend, my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: my therapist, my everything, and it was way too much
Speaker 1: pressure on the relationship. Now I'm I think it's I
Speaker 1: don't know, Shari, give me your take on this. I
Speaker 1: think the older you get, the more set in your
Speaker 1: ways you are. You're happy with the way your house looks,
Speaker 1: You're happy with the way you you know, put your
Speaker 1: pillows on the couch, and you're happy with how much
Speaker 1: time you have to yourself and allocate time to your
Speaker 1: friends and family and work. So for me, I find
Speaker 1: it's also becoming hard to allow I guess that extra
Speaker 1: space that I extra time that I have in my
Speaker 1: personal life to someone that I'm dating because I don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of time off or time to myself,
Speaker 1: what kind of a Yeah, it's important to design it.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's no joke. I think people fall into
Speaker 1: relationships and they don't ever talk about what they actually envision,
Speaker 1: what they really want from their time with that person,
Speaker 1: and what would be ideal. You know, we just sort
Speaker 1: of adapt. I know for me as a woman, I
Speaker 1: know some guys who do this too. We lose ourselves
Speaker 1: in relationship pretty easily. So we just sort of contoured
Speaker 1: to whatever the other person wants. And it's important to
Speaker 1: speak up and say, in my ideal world, you know,
Speaker 1: if I had it all my way, this is what
Speaker 1: our relationship would look like. This is what I've dreamt of,
Speaker 1: Like you've been thinking about what this would look like,
Speaker 1: Vanessa since you were a kid, you know, so what's
Speaker 1: ideal and then knowing that that changes sometimes depending on
Speaker 1: what's going on in your life. So it's kind of
Speaker 1: got to be this fluid conversation that's ongoing around what
Speaker 1: you need. What if you don't know what you need,
Speaker 1: then you just have to figure it out. I guess
Speaker 1: as you go. It's a it's a moment by moment.
Speaker 1: You can wake up and say, you know what today
Speaker 1: I'm checking in myself and what I have on my plate,
Speaker 1: and it's going to be a day where an it space.
Speaker 1: But space is critical in the relationship. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: something that has as a man, you need to we
Speaker 1: need space just in our calendar. You know, they say
Speaker 1: like the definition of success is an empty calendar, you know,
Speaker 1: no commitment. I would say space to bounce off that,
Speaker 1: I'd say space and commitment are very um important within
Speaker 1: a relationship. Obviously that's a dumb statement because everybody knows that.
Speaker 1: But what I mean by that is I think that, yes,
Speaker 1: sometimes daily you wake up with different needs. Sometimes you
Speaker 1: need one thing and your partner doesn't know that, and
Speaker 1: you kind of gotta work through that. I just think
Speaker 1: that's where the commitment issue. I think people need to
Speaker 1: stick with commitment more because they have to realize that
Speaker 1: commit to commitment is what you're saying exactly, commitment, commitment.
Speaker 1: Don't think that just because you wake up one day
Speaker 1: and you feel differently and you're like, oh wow, is
Speaker 1: this the person for me after two years of dating.
Speaker 1: That doesn't necessarily mean they're not the person for you.
Speaker 1: I think doubts and hesitations are very normal to having
Speaker 1: a relationship. Even I was reading an article today about
Speaker 1: Barack Obama Michelle Obama, and they said they were like,
Speaker 1: because they always look happy, right, They were like, don't
Speaker 1: be mistaken. Marriage is hard. It's not easy. And so
Speaker 1: I think that's just something nice to reiterate, because I
Speaker 1: think space is very important in the idea of giving
Speaker 1: partners space within the relationship, but it's also under the
Speaker 1: umbrella of a committed relationship. Yeah, I'm committed to knowing
Speaker 1: you and learning about you and being here for you
Speaker 1: and whatever that takes, not not just sort of getting
Speaker 1: to a point where you think you've got a dialed,
Speaker 1: you know, and then everybody relaxes, because I think that's
Speaker 1: where romance dies over time. It's this this great vow
Speaker 1: that I heard at a wedding once I promised to
Speaker 1: never know you. You know, like, every day I wake
Speaker 1: up to who are you today? Yesterday? It was a
Speaker 1: whole lifetime. That's beautiful. Yeah, you know, so I think
Speaker 1: it's really just being committed to having the conversations like,
Speaker 1: my sweetheart is asking me every day, what tell me
Speaker 1: something that you need that I don't know about out
Speaker 1: which is so huge because every day I have to
Speaker 1: go like, oh man, it's a self awareness you were
Speaker 1: talking about Vanessa, you know, like getting to know yourself
Speaker 1: so well that you can say, holy cow, what do
Speaker 1: I need? I'm going to say that we will ask
Speaker 1: for it. I'm going to say that my vowels and
Speaker 1: take full credit for it. By the way, I'm just
Speaker 1: standing up there. I promised to never know you. Where
Speaker 1: did you hear that? I just made it up. I
Speaker 1: just came out to my head. I think it's also
Speaker 1: finding a partner who's like minded and understands that dynamic
Speaker 1: of a relationship, yeah, and has evolved into being able
Speaker 1: to want to be that person. So I think going
Speaker 1: back to some of these questions we had on Facebook, Bree,
Speaker 1: we answered that question thoughts on time away from your partner?
Speaker 1: Can't we move on to another question? All right? Before
Speaker 1: we continue with more questions? Uh, Deina and I want
Speaker 1: to talk a little bit, uh something about you guys
Speaker 1: all well know Thrive Market. We've talked about it numerous
Speaker 1: times on the podcast In Love thri I'm censoring myself.
Speaker 1: That's how excited I get about Thrive He's very excited,
Speaker 1: as you eyes know. Thrive Market is a revolutionary online
Speaker 1: marketplace on a mission to make healthy living easy and
Speaker 1: affordable for everyone. That includes Udine. You can shop for
Speaker 1: thousands of the best selling non gmo foods and natural products,
Speaker 1: always at twenty five to below traditional retail prices. But
Speaker 1: my favorite is Justin's. I said that before. Justin's actually
Speaker 1: reached out to me and offer me some peanut butter coops,
Speaker 1: which was incredible. I love these ones. Uh, they're chocolate,
Speaker 1: they're organic. Well, I'm kind of a I love chocolate,
Speaker 1: including the dark chocolate brownie ones. All these are organic.
Speaker 1: So even when I'm eating these brownies and Justin's, the
Speaker 1: Justin's peanut butter coups that I get from Thrive Market,
Speaker 1: I feel healthy because it's as organic and it is organic.
Speaker 1: It's it's funny how it works in your head. It
Speaker 1: says organic and you're like, I'm gonna eat as many
Speaker 1: of these as I want, and it's fine. It's like
Speaker 1: eating an apple. Really, you can get everything you need.
Speaker 1: Like we talked about non gmo food, you can't snacks, vitamins, supplements,
Speaker 1: personal care products. They have the Thrive organic mustard. Isn't
Speaker 1: it the worst when you go to the grocery store
Speaker 1: and you buy like everything you need for like either
Speaker 1: hand burger, and you forget the one thing you forget.
Speaker 1: I did the same thing, we get mustard. The other day.
Speaker 1: I made a pizza at home and I forgot to
Speaker 1: bring a ranch back. You always forget the condiments. It
Speaker 1: was pretty bad. Anyways, Thrive is so incredible and I
Speaker 1: love most. What I love most about Thrive is is
Speaker 1: this whole organic healthy movement that's been going on. So
Speaker 1: I just ordered some of my favorite products, like Dr
Speaker 1: Browner's organic lavender hand sanitizer. Not a big hand santor
Speaker 1: sanitizer guy, but the fact that it's organic makes me
Speaker 1: feel a little bit better about using it. I'm obviously
Speaker 1: not a big soap guy, but Mrs Myers Honeysuckle hand
Speaker 1: soap is making a comeback, and it's making a comeback
Speaker 1: in Dean. You don't want to get six for Thanksgiving,
Speaker 1: so you need these products. That's part of it. But
Speaker 1: what I really like is just how they're organic, how
Speaker 1: they're natural. Like you said earlier, non gmo foods, the snacks,
Speaker 1: vitamin supplements, personal care products, all that stuff. Um, so
Speaker 1: you talked about your favorite part. My favorite part of
Speaker 1: five market is the fact that I don't have to
Speaker 1: go to the grocery store anymore. Driving there, especially in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, I always have to find parking because there's
Speaker 1: there's never a parking lot anymore. Always gotta try to
Speaker 1: find parking or have to pay for it. So my
Speaker 1: favorite part is the fact that Thrive Market not only
Speaker 1: get to pick it online, but it's delivered right to
Speaker 1: your door. We're just getting our whole life delivered to
Speaker 1: us nowadays. It's great fantas most men thing in the world.
Speaker 1: Difficult to meet someone when that's happening. Maybe we'll meet
Speaker 1: the delivery person. Anyways, keep in mind that thrive markets
Speaker 1: prices are already up to fifty off and now they're
Speaker 1: giving you an extra off your very first order plus
Speaker 1: a free thirty day trial. So I head to thrive
Speaker 1: market dot com slash dean. That's thrive market dot com
Speaker 1: slash dean. I'm going to spell it for you. T
Speaker 1: h r I v E M A r k E
Speaker 1: t dot com slash d e A N and get
Speaker 1: off your first order plus of free thirty day trial.
Speaker 1: That's incredible. We're giving you basically your entire life for
Speaker 1: free at least for the next thirty days through Thrive
Speaker 1: Market and some of our other sponsors, so be sure
Speaker 1: to check them out now, Vanessa, would you like to
Speaker 1: tell us about your favorite luggage company? Oh? I want
Speaker 1: it well, first fall. As you guys know, I travel
Speaker 1: a lot. Dean, you travel a lot too, But I'll
Speaker 1: be having like a backpack. I was in Toronto, got
Speaker 1: back my suitcase busted. I was in Bobby, got back
Speaker 1: my other suitcase is busted. So then I discovered this
Speaker 1: company called Away Luggage. Is also the perfect time right
Speaker 1: now because the holidays around the corner and everyone kind
Speaker 1: of wants to get away um for whatever reason. So
Speaker 1: Away Luggage is the perfect way to travel with their
Speaker 1: universal pieces. Everything Away Luggage makes is designed to solve
Speaker 1: real travel problems for real life and work. Right now,
Speaker 1: all I travel with is the Aluminium Edition carry on suitcase.
Speaker 1: It has an unbreakable aluminum shell. I am a little,
Speaker 1: actually very clumsy when it comes to putting in my
Speaker 1: luggage in and out of my cars, and so this
Speaker 1: is this is great so far. It's it's it's pretty durable.
Speaker 1: Um so it's awesome because we know how rough our
Speaker 1: luggages are being handled at the airport or if it's
Speaker 1: handled by me. It comes with the removable laundry bag,
Speaker 1: so when I get home, I just throw the laundry
Speaker 1: bag in the wash and I'm done. It saves me
Speaker 1: so much time when I'm trying to unpack at home,
Speaker 1: which not is not always a funnest thing to do.
Speaker 1: After Um, a nice little getaway. And the best part
Speaker 1: get this. This is the first time I actually have
Speaker 1: a luggage like this. It charges your cell phone. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you guys know that there are luggages
Speaker 1: now that have the cell phone charger. This is completely
Speaker 1: new to me. It's fantastic. It's one of the best
Speaker 1: things that are amazing. Yeah. So it has a portable
Speaker 1: charging battery built into the suitcase. You just plug your
Speaker 1: cord into the luggage and it charges. It charges a
Speaker 1: for you while you're at the airport, which is great
Speaker 1: because sometimes you're on smaller flights and they have no
Speaker 1: um charger for your phone, especially if there's no TVs
Speaker 1: on the flight, then you want to watch photos stuff
Speaker 1: on your phone. So this is great. Every suitcase comes
Speaker 1: with a hundred day trial that gives any traveler getting
Speaker 1: away plenty of time to decide on the perfect size
Speaker 1: and color, which means you can gift with confidence because
Speaker 1: this holiday season, everyone wants to get away. So for
Speaker 1: twenty dollars off the suitcase, visit away dot com slash
Speaker 1: dating that's a W A Y t R a v
Speaker 1: L dot com slash d A t i n G,
Speaker 1: and use Almo code dating that's d A t I
Speaker 1: n G during checkout. Again, that's twenty dollars off the suitcase,
Speaker 1: visit away travel dot com slash dating and use Promo
Speaker 1: code dating during your checkouts. They are incredible, they are
Speaker 1: I'm I'm very happy to have a durable suitcase right now.
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna jump back into the questions a
Speaker 1: few more here right. I wanted to ask one by
Speaker 1: let me just scroll up here here. While you're scrolling,
Speaker 1: I want to I wanna talk about one question real quick.
Speaker 1: We don't really have to discuss it too much. But
Speaker 1: Shannon Scardeccio says, oh, that's the one I talk to
Speaker 1: talk about. Perfect. It's perfect, perfect, So she says, I've
Speaker 1: been with my man for four years. It's coming January.
Speaker 1: We're currently saving to buy a home, but I'm still
Speaker 1: waiting for him to pop the question. We talked about
Speaker 1: getting married all the time. We basically have the wedding plan,
Speaker 1: but I have no ring. Should I be worried or
Speaker 1: just keep waiting? And the reason I double started that question, Shannon,
Speaker 1: is because my brother and his girlfriend of five years,
Speaker 1: they've been dating each other for five years. Boyfriend girl
Speaker 1: friend just got engaged yesterday, And so that said, I
Speaker 1: don't think four years is too long. Granted, there are
Speaker 1: like a lot of long relationships that can tend to
Speaker 1: lead to nothing, But I do want to point out
Speaker 1: that my brother's relationship, love him to death, love his
Speaker 1: fiance to death. Now, they were dating boyfriend girlfriend for
Speaker 1: five whole years, and maybe even dating a little bit
Speaker 1: before that. So just because it's four years into it
Speaker 1: and you're not engaged yet doesn't mean it's impossible. That
Speaker 1: was my That was my input on that. I agree,
Speaker 1: But just to play Devil's advocate, please play away. What's
Speaker 1: he waiting for? That's the question. They've talked about wedding
Speaker 1: for so long, and the only thing I can maybe
Speaker 1: assume is that he doesn't have enough as much money
Speaker 1: as he wants saved up for the ring. I think
Speaker 1: say it took to be honest about it. Damn Vanessa,
Speaker 1: and listen, especially if they're being open about it. Seems
Speaker 1: like they're they're being open about talking about getting married
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. As a man, wouldn't I be like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is a situation. No. As a man, you're more insecure,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't want her to know that
Speaker 1: I can't afford the ring that I want to give her,
Speaker 1: and they're talking about marriage. If they're talking openly about marriage,
Speaker 1: I feel like he wants it. It's just a matter
Speaker 1: of time. Maybe he needs to get some other things
Speaker 1: in line in his life before he's willing to There's
Speaker 1: boxes he hasn't checked yet. Didn't you have to have
Speaker 1: some things dialed Jared before you felt like you were
Speaker 1: ready to ask the question? No, I just kind of
Speaker 1: flew into it. No, I agree. I think I got
Speaker 1: lucky because I kind of went through those boxes. It's
Speaker 1: a long story, but I knew when I proposed to, actually,
Speaker 1: this is the person I want to spend the rest
Speaker 1: of my life with Yeah, so I was just lucky,
Speaker 1: I think honestly, though, do you think you need all
Speaker 1: your boxes checked off before you get engaged? I don't think.
Speaker 1: But what I've learned about men so far, and it's
Speaker 1: hard to generalize an entire gender, well, it's easy too,
Speaker 1: but it's it's maybe not the best thing too. It's
Speaker 1: not right, it's not the best thing. But generally, um,
Speaker 1: there are some boxes that need to get checked for
Speaker 1: someone to feel ready. I think that can be said
Speaker 1: for women as well. I think it's for both genders.
Speaker 1: The reason I bring this up is because my cousin
Speaker 1: great guy. Uh, he's in his late thirties now single, UM,
Speaker 1: good looking guy, as many girlfriends, but like a lot
Speaker 1: of the time when he was with a girl, he
Speaker 1: was in long relationships, but he never proposed or wanted
Speaker 1: to get married because he was like, I'm not ready,
Speaker 1: I'm not in a place, I'm not in a place,
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to get engaged. So he went on
Speaker 1: and did his own thing, blah blah blah. And now
Speaker 1: he's in up his thirties and like he's kind of
Speaker 1: looking back. And I was talking to him about this,
Speaker 1: and he said I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna
Speaker 1: be ready. He's like, I think I was just kind
Speaker 1: of not making excuses. But I look back and I
Speaker 1: realized that maybe there was never going to a point
Speaker 1: where I thought to myself, now I'm ready to get engaged,
Speaker 1: because I think he regrets some of those relationships and
Speaker 1: letting go of them because he thought, no, I'm not
Speaker 1: ready yet. So how do they were? So how does
Speaker 1: this pretend to Shannon? Do you think? Do you think
Speaker 1: that sure? Did he ever talk to his girlfriends about
Speaker 1: getting married even though never would be ready? It doesn't
Speaker 1: pretend to Shannon, And Shannon, I'm sorry about that. The
Speaker 1: only reason I brought it up was because you bring
Speaker 1: maybe this guy didn't have his boxes checked off. In
Speaker 1: my suggestion would be, Shannon, if that is the case
Speaker 1: for your man and he doesn't have his boxes checked
Speaker 1: off and that's why he's not proposing, then he just
Speaker 1: needs to get over that and realized there's never gonna
Speaker 1: be a point when in your life when you're like,
Speaker 1: now I'm ready. How do we feel about how do
Speaker 1: we feel about gender reversal? The woman asking the man
Speaker 1: to marry her, Well, that's the thing I think that
Speaker 1: we have this issue because it's generally more often the
Speaker 1: man who does the proposing. And I know plenty of
Speaker 1: a woman now who are starting to propose, and I
Speaker 1: think that it could be on Channon if she's ready
Speaker 1: to say I want this and put it on the table,
Speaker 1: or there's saying that I love. When you found the
Speaker 1: person that you're going to spend the rest of your
Speaker 1: life with, there's no more rush. And I don't wonder
Speaker 1: what Shannon is in a hurry to have right. I
Speaker 1: have a hard time. I have a hard time digesting that,
Speaker 1: only because I feel like women are way more I
Speaker 1: think they are more ready to fully commit than men.
Speaker 1: And so when the men reach that point of wanting
Speaker 1: to fully commit, that's when they take charge and get
Speaker 1: down on one need. But what's the difference between fully
Speaker 1: committing if your boyfriend girlfriend versus fully committing if your
Speaker 1: husband wife? What's the full commitment mean just the rest
Speaker 1: of eternity? Yeah, but these it's like buying a condo
Speaker 1: versus renting a condo. When you're renting it, you're not
Speaker 1: as invested. If you're buying it, you're going to fix
Speaker 1: the walls that you break, You're gonna make sure that
Speaker 1: the floors aren't. You're not gonna wear your heels on
Speaker 1: wooden floors because you don't want them to scratch. You're
Speaker 1: gonna be way more invested. So I don't suggest that
Speaker 1: Shannon goes out and proposes to her man. I think
Speaker 1: the biggest thing in relationships that we're lacking and we're
Speaker 1: maybe afraid of is just openly communicating what we're feeling
Speaker 1: to say it. You know, I wish Shannon I'd want
Speaker 1: to ask the question, just ask what's what's up? How
Speaker 1: are you feeling? When do you see this happening? And
Speaker 1: to Ry's point, it's like, what's the rush, right, unless
Speaker 1: unless you're planning on having kids. I think kids are
Speaker 1: the one kiding that brings you to like be like, okay,
Speaker 1: now we need to get married in terms of time constraints,
Speaker 1: Like obviously a lot of people like to get married
Speaker 1: and not wait and have kids and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. But other than that, it's like, what's wrong
Speaker 1: with going through your rest of your life and like
Speaker 1: a very civil domestic partnership with the love of your
Speaker 1: life and there's nothing wrong with it, But there is
Speaker 1: wrong with something in relationship if one person wants to
Speaker 1: get married another person doesn't, because that does create tension. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: if one if the guy's like, no, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: with you for the rest of my life, but I
Speaker 1: don't ever want to get married. I think for the
Speaker 1: woman or whichever, you know, we're gender, one person in
Speaker 1: the in the relationship says I never want to get married,
Speaker 1: and the other person does that crazy cause attention Because
Speaker 1: then my question would be for the person who doesn't
Speaker 1: want to get married but wants to be with that
Speaker 1: person for the rest of their life, my question would be,
Speaker 1: why don't you want to get married? Yeah, just don't
Speaker 1: want to sign something. There are a lot of people
Speaker 1: who don't want to get married now who who find
Speaker 1: just having a civil relationship enough, And I think that's
Speaker 1: perfect it, says Shannon, saying that they're both talking about
Speaker 1: getting married all the time, so it sounds like he
Speaker 1: does so I just think, yeah, it's an honest question.
Speaker 1: What's going on for you? My sister and I had
Speaker 1: this conversation the other day. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: talked about this last week on the podcast, but she's married.
Speaker 1: She's been married for three years to her husband who
Speaker 1: is a I think he's a citizen of I can't
Speaker 1: remember some Central American country. So he wasn't a US citizen.
Speaker 1: He was here on green card, and she loved him
Speaker 1: and was in a relationship with him for a couple
Speaker 1: of years, and she's like, I married him because I
Speaker 1: wanted to give him citizenship to the country. If if
Speaker 1: he was an American citizen, I would have just been
Speaker 1: his girlfriend for the rest of my life. Like I'd
Speaker 1: had no real interest in getting married for the for
Speaker 1: the legality of it, but more so to grant him
Speaker 1: the citizenship. And so she ran or I guess contrary
Speaker 1: to how it typically is, she was the one that
Speaker 1: was open and wanted to just be in a relationship
Speaker 1: forever but not necessarily put a label on it as
Speaker 1: an husband wife. Um, And so I think it goes
Speaker 1: both ways. I think that's becoming more and more popular nowadays.
Speaker 1: Nowadays two is of just just two people being in
Speaker 1: a relationship forever instead of getting married. Yeah, apstially, there's
Speaker 1: like no kids or anything coming into the right and
Speaker 1: you could wake up every morning and make it amazing
Speaker 1: and say I choose you today, I choose you every day.
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be that we legalize it to
Speaker 1: have something amazing. Bring the government. But just yeah, the
Speaker 1: two people though, like you said, Jared need ton't want
Speaker 1: the same thing. Yeah, exactly. I think that's the biggest
Speaker 1: thing of ven S. I want to bounce off a
Speaker 1: point they made earlier about, um, you don't think a
Speaker 1: girl should propose because a guy needs to propose when
Speaker 1: he feels ready. Because I feel like, and I agree
Speaker 1: with you, I feel like guys take a little bit
Speaker 1: longer to feel like they're ready to be in a
Speaker 1: committed relationship than women do. But I think my advice
Speaker 1: for guys would be that I'm not sure if you're
Speaker 1: ever going to truly feel ready, you kind of have
Speaker 1: to take a little bit of a leap of faith.
Speaker 1: Um and UM. I think with guys, and you know,
Speaker 1: just everybody in general, complacency prevents progress. And I think
Speaker 1: especially when you're in a kind of a long relationship,
Speaker 1: maybe like Shannon and her Man four years, there's like, well,
Speaker 1: what's the need to like, why would I have to
Speaker 1: progress it? It's good, it's fine. We don't need to
Speaker 1: make it any better than it already is. Um. And
Speaker 1: I think people react to it like a dramatic event
Speaker 1: happening in their life. And sometimes when you feel like
Speaker 1: you're about to lose something, that's what really causes you
Speaker 1: to act, because that's what kicks you into gear and
Speaker 1: kicks your ass into being ready in that moment. So
Speaker 1: I don't know that's a hard thing to do. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying Shannon should, like you know, say I'm gonna
Speaker 1: break up with you. But I think Shannon wouldn't be
Speaker 1: the worst idea to have a conversation with your guy
Speaker 1: and say, listen, this is what I want. What are
Speaker 1: your thoughts about it? Because this is what I need. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and just share a vision, this is what I see,
Speaker 1: and this is how I see us together long term
Speaker 1: and compare notes because he just may have a different
Speaker 1: timeline and that could be just enough to have Shannon
Speaker 1: feel good again. But I don't think you should be worried.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's any no reason to worry. Like
Speaker 1: I said, my brother and his girlfriend just got engaged
Speaker 1: after five years. It's it can happen. Should we do
Speaker 1: like a rapid fire saying well, yeah, yeah, we need
Speaker 1: to get through his question a little bit faster. But Dan,
Speaker 1: I want to ask you one from Raquel. She goes Dan,
Speaker 1: Vanessa and Vanessa you can obviously this. Yeah, what are
Speaker 1: your feelings on deleting pictures, comments, posts of your ex
Speaker 1: is on your social media? Did you delete everything that
Speaker 1: includes your exes so your new significant other doesn't have
Speaker 1: to see them? Um Na, go first, Yes, go first. Okay,
Speaker 1: I had this issue when I was younger. I would
Speaker 1: be a little bit I guess, I would say insecure
Speaker 1: and territorial, and I would question the level of that
Speaker 1: person's ability to get over their ex if they still
Speaker 1: had pictures of them on social media, etcetera, etcetera. I
Speaker 1: still have pictures of Nick and I on social media,
Speaker 1: and I mean, you really have to scroll down to
Speaker 1: see our pictures. But it was a big part of
Speaker 1: my my past, and I still very much respect him
Speaker 1: in the relationship that we had, so I don't feel
Speaker 1: the need to delete any of that. Um and I
Speaker 1: want to be able to invite the person that I
Speaker 1: will be dating into my life and someone that is
Speaker 1: um I guess emotionally I don't like using this word
Speaker 1: after the show, but emotionally intelligent enough to understand that
Speaker 1: people do have of past past relationships and past lives
Speaker 1: and people can um completely get over their relationship and
Speaker 1: be on neutral terms with their ex partner. UM. So
Speaker 1: I think I think it's a level of respect for
Speaker 1: the people that you've dated. UM. But I can totally
Speaker 1: understand how some people can see it as a oh
Speaker 1: my god, for sure they're still in love with their
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend or their ex skull front. Yeah, that's my take.
Speaker 1: I can see that as well. It's funny because actually
Speaker 1: I was randomly, I was like a partner with a brand,
Speaker 1: maybe not too long ago, and they're like, all right,
Speaker 1: send us the highlights of your Instagram posts through the
Speaker 1: past year that have the most engagement and send us
Speaker 1: a screenshot of your top. That's why I just said
Speaker 1: out there, you got too much engagement. Of the fifteen
Speaker 1: pictures were with a girl that I was dating at
Speaker 1: the time, whether it was Christina, Rachel Leslie. Gosh, that
Speaker 1: sounds so bad to say all of those names out
Speaker 1: and it's it's obviously like we're not going to not
Speaker 1: delete something for the sake of engagement, but it's like
Speaker 1: it's just funny to see that those ones do well.
Speaker 1: And it's always especially depending on how the relationship ended, right,
Speaker 1: if it ended in bad on bad blood, on bad terms,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, then maybe you could delete them. But
Speaker 1: I've never deleted other than before going on the show
Speaker 1: to spare my ex the the publicity of being on
Speaker 1: my very public Instagram before going on the show. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that makes sense. But other other than that, I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever deleted anything except maybe in college, I
Speaker 1: broke up with a girlfriend and I took that breakup
Speaker 1: pretty hard, and I deleted a lot of pictures. I
Speaker 1: think for the most part, it's fine. You don't have
Speaker 1: to delete. I'm with you, guys, all right, this this
Speaker 1: is from Betsy somebody we should do a little bit
Speaker 1: more rapid fire. What is the dumbest reason someone broke
Speaker 1: up with you or you broke up with them. We're
Speaker 1: not necessarily dumb, but crazy. Sure. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I have a dumb breakup. No dumb breakups. It's just
Speaker 1: consistently like, oh, I don't know if I want anything
Speaker 1: serious right now? Ye never do just tell me you're
Speaker 1: not into me, Like come on, yeah, I never broke
Speaker 1: up with somebody because like they're pinky toe is bigger
Speaker 1: than I got broken up because I don't you soap.
Speaker 1: I'm making that up, but that would be a good story,
Speaker 1: should have win with it. Um. I feel like I
Speaker 1: have a hard time answering that one because I can
Speaker 1: always find the good reason for thing, you know, like
Speaker 1: every every reason is validated. I mean, Deason's got one
Speaker 1: for us. This wasn't the main reason. But I was
Speaker 1: told a young lady broke up with me because I
Speaker 1: can't be with someone whose favorite restaurant is the cheesecake Factory.
Speaker 1: I broke my heart because cheese cake Factory is amazing. Yeah. Good,
Speaker 1: We sorted her out quickly. God. I hope I pray
Speaker 1: that she went on a date with some of the
Speaker 1: dude and the first date he took her to cheesecake
Speaker 1: Factory happen and she marries that man and they go
Speaker 1: there on their honeymoon. I will say I've been opened
Speaker 1: up about this before, like I used to not have
Speaker 1: very much money, and I've I've definitely been broken up
Speaker 1: with because I wasn't well enough, like rich enough, essentially,
Speaker 1: like I can buy enough things, Which is fine, because
Speaker 1: if that's why you're gonna break up with me, and that
Speaker 1: that I don't want to be with you in the
Speaker 1: first place, you don't want to be with them. But
Speaker 1: I've heard through other people, like third party sources, like
Speaker 1: oh this girl stopped talking to you because you didn't
Speaker 1: have enough money for her. It's like okay, good, Like, UM,
Speaker 1: I have a question on my Instagram. How do you
Speaker 1: tell the difference between infatuation and love and a relationship? Uh? Time, Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you can, if you don't be around that person
Speaker 1: all the time, but you still appreciate that. And I
Speaker 1: think if you're infatuated with them, if you're still dating
Speaker 1: them a year until the relationship, then that's probably love
Speaker 1: and not infatuation. You know, infatuation I think wears off quickly,
Speaker 1: so the more time you spend with them in terms
Speaker 1: of you know, months or years, I think that is love,
Speaker 1: not infatuation. That's why I think it's so important to
Speaker 1: build a friendship too before going into relationship with someone,
Speaker 1: because then you know it's not infatuation, which you still
Speaker 1: want to have, but it's also that you really enjoy
Speaker 1: just being around them. Yeah, and it's different levels. Infatuation
Speaker 1: is really more about taking from someone, you know, it's
Speaker 1: about being around them for yourself. When you're in love,
Speaker 1: it's about giving interesting what can they do for you? Infatuation? Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's more of it. I want to take care of
Speaker 1: you and make you happy. Vibe. That's where you're here.
Speaker 1: Sure you're aren't You're so intelligent. This is interesting what
Speaker 1: I wanted us to touch on because we don't have
Speaker 1: much of a of a voice from this side of things.
Speaker 1: What would you guys do if you were into the
Speaker 1: same sex and your mom knows them, but it's told
Speaker 1: you not to date them, but you love them. This
Speaker 1: is a very There's a lot of moving parts in
Speaker 1: this one. And now you're now you're secretly engaged while
Speaker 1: you're still living with your mom. Holy crap. McKenzie is
Speaker 1: struggling because she just wants to be yourself but scared
Speaker 1: her mom will disown her like she had talked about.
Speaker 1: It makes me sad. It makes me so sad. Well,
Speaker 1: congratulations you're engaged. Congratulations is in order. Thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing that with us. It's hard. It's obviously hard for
Speaker 1: us to give advice on this stuff too, because it
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily directly affect us. Yeah, it's tough, um, and
Speaker 1: so it's always easy to give like unbiased, unconsequential advice.
Speaker 1: But what do you guys think, Well, what I would
Speaker 1: say is I'm not a fan of holding back in
Speaker 1: relationship or hiding in any way, and that includes your mom.
Speaker 1: You know, an honest, open hearted relationship is what we're
Speaker 1: here to have with our parents and whoever we're with.
Speaker 1: So there's some fear that your mom has that we
Speaker 1: want to honor and and I think there's a like
Speaker 1: this is the theme of our podcast today, right that
Speaker 1: having a brave conversation with mom to say this is
Speaker 1: who I am, this is what I want. Do you
Speaker 1: think that it's more respectful for her to tell her
Speaker 1: mom or do you think it's more respectful to honor
Speaker 1: her feelings and not like freak her out by telling
Speaker 1: her wellings? No, she's doing a disservice by not telling her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but to what she just said, her mom would be
Speaker 1: like off put and freaked out if she found this out.
Speaker 1: And so don't you think you're kind of helping her
Speaker 1: by not well, then how would you want to live
Speaker 1: in a lie? For? Yeah, it maybe come down to
Speaker 1: a shelter thing, like she needs this house, she needs
Speaker 1: to live with her mom. It could be a resources issue.
Speaker 1: But in that case, I think if mom can't accept
Speaker 1: Mackenzie for who she truly is, then then you know,
Speaker 1: this is one of those moments where you give mom
Speaker 1: love from afar. I think that's where you take your
Speaker 1: your love and your sweetheart that you're going to live
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with, and you continue to
Speaker 1: love mom and talk through it. But maybe not in
Speaker 1: the same house if she if she can't take that
Speaker 1: because she said her mom threatened disowning her right, well,
Speaker 1: so so Jared. Then Uh, a exercise for you say
Speaker 1: that you have a bit of knowledge about me that
Speaker 1: would absolutely crush me, but it's true to yourself. Would
Speaker 1: you tell me that and devastate me? Or would you
Speaker 1: keep it to yourself and allow me to keep on
Speaker 1: living my life? Well, I think that's different. Well, I
Speaker 1: think that's a different question though, because you're talking about Mackenzie,
Speaker 1: who's just truly being herself, you know, And there's a
Speaker 1: differ relationship between you and I and a mother and
Speaker 1: a daughter relationship. I'm not living under you a room fight. Well,
Speaker 1: and you're also didn't raise me or I was not
Speaker 1: born from you as far as I know. Um, But
Speaker 1: I think with this, obviously it's hard, Like Dean said,
Speaker 1: for us to give you any advice on this, because
Speaker 1: we can't imagine what you're going through. For me, I
Speaker 1: think you're scared that your mom will disown you. That
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean that she will disown you. One of
Speaker 1: my good friends is gay, and I remember he was
Speaker 1: telling me the story about when he came out in
Speaker 1: high school and he saw his dad would hate him,
Speaker 1: and you know, it was an adjustment period for his dad,
Speaker 1: but you know, he loved it more than anything. He
Speaker 1: accepted him for who he was. He never disowned him. Um,
Speaker 1: but I remember him telling me the story how freaked
Speaker 1: out he was, that like the same thing you're going through, Mackenzie,
Speaker 1: where he thought his dad was just gonna never talked
Speaker 1: to him again. UM. So it's a scary time. But
Speaker 1: if you well, when parents say things like this, they're
Speaker 1: usually coming from a place of fear for their children.
Speaker 1: But the only thing is her mom's not saying it.
Speaker 1: She's nervous that her mom will say it. I thought
Speaker 1: she had said that she had threatened it once before
Speaker 1: and now used to she talked about before. Yeah, at
Speaker 1: the very you guys do if you're in the same
Speaker 1: sex and your mom knows them, but has told you
Speaker 1: not to date them, but you love them. Oh, so
Speaker 1: this might not even be It might just be the
Speaker 1: person that might be the person. So I think that
Speaker 1: was interpreting the question right. Okay, but listen, if we
Speaker 1: look at that too, and and mom or dad, any
Speaker 1: one of our parents told us not to marry the
Speaker 1: person we wanted to marry, it makes us wanted more.
Speaker 1: You think that has happened. It's I mean, that's a
Speaker 1: little psychology one on one right there. Usually you want
Speaker 1: what you can't have. Yeah, you want your We have
Speaker 1: free will, and we want what we want, and we
Speaker 1: want our parents to support us. So anything, there's like
Speaker 1: an urge within us to make our parents happy at
Speaker 1: the end of the day too. So it's like if
Speaker 1: we don't want to be in a relationship with someone
Speaker 1: that would make them mone happy. It's so complicated because, yeah,
Speaker 1: you want everybody to be happy with your decision. Parents.
Speaker 1: If you found somebody that you loved or jared with Ashley,
Speaker 1: if somebody you know that you love one of your
Speaker 1: parents told you you couldn't puts you in a real bind. Oh,
Speaker 1: of course, I couldn't imagine. One of the things I've
Speaker 1: always said, it's a very obvious thing. But the person
Speaker 1: I'm with I want my family to love. I want
Speaker 1: my family to want to hang out with them more
Speaker 1: than me. UM. So I couldn't imagine being a relationship
Speaker 1: where my parents did not approve of that person. That's
Speaker 1: a really difficult position to be in. UM. The way
Speaker 1: to get around a conflict like this, though, is to
Speaker 1: know that there's always something that the two of them
Speaker 1: want that's the same. So Mom and Mackenzie probably both
Speaker 1: want Mackenzie to be happy. Mom and Mackenzie both want
Speaker 1: Mackenzie to be loved. So that's the ground to start at, Mackenzie,
Speaker 1: to talk to your mom about the fact that you
Speaker 1: both want the same thing and that maybe it's not
Speaker 1: with the right same person. But start that brave conversation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and maybe bring this other person into it. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: what would it look like do you? You know? I
Speaker 1: think there's a question to mom, what do you need
Speaker 1: in order to feel better about this decision? Because the
Speaker 1: mom is probably thinking about her future and how hard
Speaker 1: it's going to be for her if this person we
Speaker 1: don't know what why mom doesn't like that person? Well,
Speaker 1: there we go, all right, we should do one more
Speaker 1: question and then so off for the for the week.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna go to Natalie Joseph. Sorry, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm anopolizing all the questions over here. But Natalie asks,
Speaker 1: do any of you believe that in relationships it's important
Speaker 1: for one person to love the other one more? Obviously
Speaker 1: this is hard to define, but usually the one who
Speaker 1: will be less subborn slash go further than the other person.
Speaker 1: I totally feel this way about a lot of the
Speaker 1: successful marriages and relationships I've been exposed to. So what
Speaker 1: she's asking is, in relationships, it seems like there's always
Speaker 1: one person that likes the other more so than the
Speaker 1: other person. Do you think that that's necessary in successful relationships? Vanessa?
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts about it? And then I'll go, Um,
Speaker 1: I feel naturally in relationships kind of like our shoes, right,
Speaker 1: there's one foot that's always bigger than the other. So
Speaker 1: I feel like in relationships to there's someone that's going
Speaker 1: to be a little bit more committed or into the
Speaker 1: relationship than some than someone else at one stage. But
Speaker 1: I do think that it it alters depending on what
Speaker 1: stage of relationship is in. I know, going into relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm someone that's fully committed UM, and so at times
Speaker 1: I am someone that maybe a little bit more into
Speaker 1: it than my partner. UM. And I actually don't mind that.
Speaker 1: I actually like being in control, I guess, and being
Speaker 1: able to UM give. I'm I'm a giver, so I
Speaker 1: like to be able to provide. If I find providing
Speaker 1: emotion or love or communication to that person, I like
Speaker 1: doing that. UM. I don't know if it's necessarily important
Speaker 1: to find someone that loves you more or loves more
Speaker 1: than the other person. I think it'll in different stages,
Speaker 1: it will come in waves. UM. So I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm looking like if I'm talking personally, I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm looking for someone that loves me more than I
Speaker 1: love them. I think I want to find at an
Speaker 1: equal partnership. And of course within that partnership there's going
Speaker 1: to be moments where someone might be more committed than
Speaker 1: the other. But I think it's important to have an
Speaker 1: evil even playing field. It does kind of suck in
Speaker 1: dating how it always seems like the person with the
Speaker 1: most power is the person that cares the least. Have
Speaker 1: noticed that? And I say, and I also say, as
Speaker 1: happy as at least happiest person, because when someone is miserable,
Speaker 1: it brings that, like that level of love down and
Speaker 1: you're like starting to requestion, You're starting to question where
Speaker 1: your relationship is at. So do you think that's necessary
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship? Then the like the push
Speaker 1: and pull, give and take. No. I think what we're
Speaker 1: seeing is a lot of relationships where one person is
Speaker 1: kind of taking the role as being the bigger person,
Speaker 1: the one who's more willing to take the high road.
Speaker 1: And I think in an ideal relationship, you don't know
Speaker 1: who's leading or who's following that that that dances is
Speaker 1: back and forth. On a day when I'm depleted and
Speaker 1: I'm tired, you know, hopefully my man picks up my
Speaker 1: slack and has got my back and understands, and on
Speaker 1: other days he's going to spin out. I'm going to
Speaker 1: be there for him. And and if we get stuck
Speaker 1: in one role or the other, that's a red flag.
Speaker 1: I think we also have to remember that people show
Speaker 1: their love in different ways. So if you see a
Speaker 1: couple that's out and one person is more tough she
Speaker 1: or vocal about their feelings and the other, I don't
Speaker 1: think that necessarily correlates to one person loving the other
Speaker 1: person more. Um, I think I can talk about this.
Speaker 1: Ashley's parents are the two most loving people you ever meet,
Speaker 1: and they're madly in love. But if you just saw
Speaker 1: them afar, you would say, oh my god, her dad
Speaker 1: is way more in love with than a mom than
Speaker 1: she is back. But that's just not true. Um. They
Speaker 1: just show their love differently, Like he's far more outwardly
Speaker 1: about it and how much he loves and cares for
Speaker 1: and he knows that she loves him back. Um, but
Speaker 1: it's just it's just she shows it in a different way.
Speaker 1: So I think that's also something to remember when talking
Speaker 1: about this. You know, I have a question before we
Speaker 1: end off, and this is a personal question, something that
Speaker 1: happened to me and a couple of questions that have
Speaker 1: been sent to me. Um today, age a g do
Speaker 1: you think from men age is a factor when dating women?
Speaker 1: And I will tell you a story. I bump Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you a story. I bumped into someone
Speaker 1: at justin Cole He's wedding in California, and he came
Speaker 1: up to me and he's like, oh, Vanessa, it's so
Speaker 1: good to see it's been It's has been such a
Speaker 1: long time, like, yeah, you know. And then we're talking
Speaker 1: about he's like, oh, I'm going to stay in l
Speaker 1: A for a couple of years. I'm like, oh, well
Speaker 1: until when he's like, oh, thirty five and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: how old are you now? He's like twenty seven. I'm like, oh, dude,
Speaker 1: that's not a couple. That's a few years. He's like,
Speaker 1: why how old are you. I'm like, I'm thirty one.
Speaker 1: He's like, wow, Vanessa, good for you. You You look twenty five.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, thank you. And then he puts his
Speaker 1: hand on my shoulder and he's like, well, it's been
Speaker 1: nice catching up and he just walks away, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't think it is super important in my opinion.
Speaker 1: I don't think super portant, but it's absolutely a factor. Okay,
Speaker 1: so if you met a nineteen year old right now
Speaker 1: that you're madly in love with, it would not matter
Speaker 1: that she's nineteen. Uh you know I I was madly
Speaker 1: in love with her, But I'm not saying that it
Speaker 1: would have told you back, how did I meet this
Speaker 1: nineteen year old? Instagram? I'm not going to respond to
Speaker 1: a nineteen year olds Instagram. Okay, you're walking, you're is
Speaker 1: she's underage at a bar and you didn't know it. No,
Speaker 1: I'm the point that I'm making. The point that I'm
Speaker 1: making is is that guy in Vanessa's case is just sucks.
Speaker 1: That guy just sucks basically what it is. I think
Speaker 1: we've talked about age two further extens and in previous podcast,
Speaker 1: but I feel like there's like a buffer. You can
Speaker 1: go either six years up, six years down, but even
Speaker 1: that that those are like loose terms. Like I went
Speaker 1: on a date not too long ago with like a
Speaker 1: thirty seven year old and she was the most like,
Speaker 1: like energetic, expressive person I've met in a long long time.
Speaker 1: I like literally thought that she was twenty four, and
Speaker 1: then she told me she just celebrated like her thirty
Speaker 1: seventh birthday. I'm like, wow, that's crazy. It's like, in
Speaker 1: my opinion, it's not the most important thing in the world,
Speaker 1: and I think that we can all kind of agree
Speaker 1: on that too. Granted, is like extreme lengths like, of
Speaker 1: course it's not the most important thing, nor should it be.
Speaker 1: But the idea that it doesn't matter when people are
Speaker 1: like age doesn't matter, I can't get down with. I
Speaker 1: think it does matter to a certain extent. If you
Speaker 1: see a seventy five year old dating a twenty four
Speaker 1: year old, you're not going to look twice at that.
Speaker 1: That's just gonna be like, oh no, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Let him. Let the Patriots date like a twenty six
Speaker 1: year old. Well, Robert Kraft owner has like a little
Speaker 1: bit younger girlfriend. His wife passed away fe years ago. Tragic.
Speaker 1: It's interesting to me what age equals, like you said,
Speaker 1: energetic and expressive. Usually people equate a younger age with
Speaker 1: more energy, right, And it depends she just had a
Speaker 1: very youthful look about her. And I would never like
Speaker 1: ask someone's age, but she just like said something longline.
Speaker 1: So I just celebrated my three seventh birthday and I
Speaker 1: like stopped dead in my tracks and I was like, what,
Speaker 1: that's crazy to me? So Vanessa, like I said, I
Speaker 1: think it's just that guy is just that guy that's crazy.
Speaker 1: That's crazy to me. I was blown away. And I've
Speaker 1: known this girl for a while too, like we've been
Speaker 1: friends for like a long time, and I guess I've
Speaker 1: just never inquired about her age. And it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: someone for what six not eight? Seven months? And you're like,
Speaker 1: you have this one thought of how old you think
Speaker 1: they are. It turns out there a decade you went
Speaker 1: on a date with this girl. Yeah it was purely platonic,
Speaker 1: like it was a friend date. But it was one
Speaker 1: of those things where like we're friends. Should we she
Speaker 1: a part of Bachelor Nation? No? Who? No, I was
Speaker 1: just trying to narrow it down. I don't know, you
Speaker 1: don't know. It's it's it's a huh. I agree with
Speaker 1: you in the world. Yeah, it's a factor, but I
Speaker 1: see on Paradise next year, Dean, Vanessa. It depends on
Speaker 1: where the age factors in on the list of requirements. Right.
Speaker 1: If it's at the very top along with looks, you know,
Speaker 1: then you're going to get a certain date official though, right,
Speaker 1: I don't agree if it's not at the top. So
Speaker 1: you're saying, Vanessa, that looks is not a part of
Speaker 1: your resume at all. So looks has nothing? Okay, So
Speaker 1: on a dating app, hold on, hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, wait wait wait wait wait wait, I I'm
Speaker 1: into it. It's weird because if you're okay to say
Speaker 1: you can care about somebody won't Listen. If I if
Speaker 1: you put a supermodel in front of me, I'll be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's cute, but I'm not. I'm just not attracted to
Speaker 1: like guys with six packs and I'm not. No, but
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like the guy that most people will find attractive,
Speaker 1: I'm like, next, that's fine, you have a different attraction
Speaker 1: like you find on the list. No, I'm not even
Speaker 1: talking about further down the list what most people find attractive.
Speaker 1: You don't. But you still find things physically attractive Vanessa,
Speaker 1: And that's quite all right, and that is a part.
Speaker 1: But that's that's not first. That's maybe secondary because first
Speaker 1: fine could make me laugh, then yes, then I'll find
Speaker 1: you more attractive. It's not my first, right, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it should be. It's not my first. But the
Speaker 1: idea that like people are like, looks don't matter, age
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. I'm like, I don't believe you. I think
Speaker 1: you're lying. I think it's a factor, even if it's
Speaker 1: a five percent factor. It's a part of finding the
Speaker 1: person you're gonna spend. But it's not like the top
Speaker 1: five things. That's what I mean. Like, for me, looks
Speaker 1: is not is not the first thing that I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I find this guy. That's the way the apps are.
Speaker 1: I'll set up to do. That's you were going to
Speaker 1: go up to someone at a bar that you find
Speaker 1: physically attractive, you know, exactly the same premises and like,
Speaker 1: for me, physical attraction not is not just looks, but
Speaker 1: it's an aroma, you know, like you are just like
Speaker 1: attracted to that person. Yeah, yeah, that's a connection. Which
Speaker 1: do you think you can get that off in an app?
Speaker 1: Can you feel that aroma? I'm not going to discourage
Speaker 1: people if they try, I'm not sure if they can. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to tell someone that they can't.
Speaker 1: You know, my sister met her husband on an online
Speaker 1: dating app, um, you know, and so they're married. Uh,
Speaker 1: they actually just got married in September. Very exciting. She's wonderful,
Speaker 1: he's wonderful. But so, you know, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: really say is it easy. No, it's hard, but it's
Speaker 1: worth it. Yeah, if you do find that someone, it's
Speaker 1: worth it. Yeah. Alright, Well, I think we answered most
Speaker 1: of the questions. Obviously we didn't. We're able to get
Speaker 1: to all of them. I feel like we would answer
Speaker 1: a question and go off on some crazy tangent. Hours later,
Speaker 1: we circled all day. You could do this all day.
Speaker 1: Maybe we should have a week where we record a
Speaker 1: podcast every day of the week, because I feel like
Speaker 1: we just freaking ramble on forever. Anyways, that'll do it
Speaker 1: for this week's episode. Before we go, though, I do
Speaker 1: want to give one quick shout out to The pie Hole.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have heard of the
Speaker 1: pie Hole, but they have been introducing these small, round,
Speaker 1: two bite pies, perfect for a quick snack and eating
Speaker 1: on the go, and four flavors caramel, apple, blueberry crumble,
Speaker 1: Mexican chocolate, and the Tela. Pie Hole makes the perfect
Speaker 1: host gift for holiday party dessert. The pie Hole has
Speaker 1: restaurants in Hollywood, Venice, Long Beach, Pasadena, Orange County, and
Speaker 1: more so if you're in l A, check them out.
Speaker 1: Stay out to date with the pie Hole by following
Speaker 1: at the pie Hole l A on social media. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for the delicious pie today, pie Hole. Um,
Speaker 1: big big thank you to Sharie Heally got it right
Speaker 1: that time. Be sure to check her out because you
Speaker 1: have a website, right Yeah, okay, so plug the website
Speaker 1: real quick, Shy dot com in Instagram, Sure the Luminaries
Speaker 1: the Luminaries on the Luminaries. Be sure to check her
Speaker 1: out life coach, slash possible, militarian, What other labels? What
Speaker 1: other designations? Wonderful, amazing, beautiful, smart, intellectual, It's funny, loves
Speaker 1: her some I Suck at Dating podcast, Love Love Love
Speaker 1: you make. Thank you to our sponsors, the Growth Collaborative
Speaker 1: being one of them. Be sure to go to Grow
Speaker 1: dot co slash dean Um. Big thank you to Thrive Market.
Speaker 1: Be sure to go to Thrive market dot com slash
Speaker 1: Dean for next off your first order and thirty day
Speaker 1: free trial. Big thank you to Away Luggage for twenty
Speaker 1: dollars off suitcase. You can visit away travel dot com
Speaker 1: slash Dating and use promo code dating during check out.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to Amazon fire Tv. Be sure to
Speaker 1: go to Amazon dot com slash I Suck Podcast to
Speaker 1: order a fire TV for your very own today. Great
Speaker 1: Christmas gift right there as well. And a big thank
Speaker 1: you to the Legacy Box. Go to Legacy Box dot
Speaker 1: com slash Dean and you save yourself for today. Biggest
Speaker 1: thank you of all to everyone that submitted a question
Speaker 1: on the Facebook page Instagram email, whatever it might be. Again,
Speaker 1: don't forget to subscribe on to the Facebook Help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating group because that's what we tend to
Speaker 1: check the most. I see Jared's pretty active in there too.
Speaker 1: That's basically only reason I get on Facebook anymore. UM,
Speaker 1: be sure to send your emails questions. We love the
Speaker 1: drama stories. Actually, someone d Emilier day that said you
Speaker 1: should take more emails because I need some more drama
Speaker 1: in my life. So if you've got a dramatic dating story,
Speaker 1: please email us spell that to help I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating at iHeart media dot com. Give us your juiciest
Speaker 1: dating story and we'll be sure to feature it next
Speaker 1: week on the podcast. I think. Actually next week it's
Speaker 1: gonna be justin S and I UM, and they're gonna
Speaker 1: take a week off for Thanksgiving and then we'll be
Speaker 1: back first thing at the end of the month. UM.
Speaker 1: If you haven't already followed the Help I Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating I Instagram page, and check out shriek Healey all
Speaker 1: over the Internet and making lives better one life at
Speaker 1: a time the best. UM. Anyways, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening to this week's episode of Help I suck
Speaker 1: at Dating. Be sure to tune in next week. Maybe
Speaker 1: we'll suck a little bit less. Follow how by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio or wherever you listen to podcast h