Speaker 1: I don't understand people's decision to refuse to wear I'm asked,
Speaker 1: I don't understand people who still are acting like this
Speaker 1: is fake news and acting as a business as usual,
Speaker 1: and it's not business as usually. It really is. Welcome
Speaker 1: to positively gam hosted by me Gammy. Today is a
Speaker 1: special episode where we're talking about experiencing loss during the
Speaker 1: time of COVID. I recently lost my mother in love.
Speaker 1: Some people would say mother in law, but in my
Speaker 1: family we say mother and love. And I thought that
Speaker 1: I was prepared, and it turns out that I wasn't.
Speaker 1: In the beginning of the pandemic, there was a lot
Speaker 1: of talk to how people were experiencing death and dying
Speaker 1: and not being able to be with their family members,
Speaker 1: and I knew at that time that that was going
Speaker 1: to be the experience for my family because my mother
Speaker 1: in love was in a nursing home. So joining me
Speaker 1: today is Mona Harris. She's a good friend of mine
Speaker 1: from my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland, and we realized that
Speaker 1: we had a commonality in this experience of loss. So
Speaker 1: tell me about your loss, Mona, because it was your
Speaker 1: mother in love as well, and they were both at
Speaker 1: the same facility. Correct, she was well taken care of
Speaker 1: at that nursing facility. She was actually in the memory
Speaker 1: care unit. So she had to mention in March they said, well,
Speaker 1: this is the last time you're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: come for right now because the pandemic is stopping all visits.
Speaker 1: How old was your mother in love to mine was too?
Speaker 1: She was mine too, I mean her health was good
Speaker 1: at other than that, and when that pandemic it hit
Speaker 1: like a tun of bridge because I mean, we couldn't
Speaker 1: go there. And one of the nurses was able to
Speaker 1: let us call her cell phone from time to time
Speaker 1: and do a FaceTime call, but her being not in
Speaker 1: her right mind, she didn't know what was going but
Speaker 1: it was just good for us to good eyes on
Speaker 1: her at the beginning. I don't believe that Merlin was
Speaker 1: requiring tests. I think in mid April they started testing.
Speaker 1: I think they tested her on the of April and
Speaker 1: found out the next day she was positive. And a
Speaker 1: week later, on a Saturday, they first, as a matter
Speaker 1: of fact, they called my sister in law and asked
Speaker 1: her if she wanted to have a face call, and
Speaker 1: they had never done that before. My sister in law
Speaker 1: took the call, and you know, my mom was a
Speaker 1: little unresponsive at that time. And the next day, which
Speaker 1: was made second, they called and said her heart ratehit
Speaker 1: went high and her person had drive. What should we do?
Speaker 1: And my husband said, send it to the arm and
Speaker 1: he went to the facility actually and met the ambulance,
Speaker 1: said couldn't go in, but he wanted to see her
Speaker 1: coming out. Upon her coming out, she wasn't responsible. Yelled,
Speaker 1: you know, he yelled her name, but she didn't respond.
Speaker 1: So he followed the it's up to the hospital, and
Speaker 1: of course he couldn't go in. So she was there
Speaker 1: a couple of days at the hospital and they called
Speaker 1: and said that there was one what they could do,
Speaker 1: He said, one person can come to see her. And
Speaker 1: my husband went and they covered him from him to
Speaker 1: tow in all the year and on his cell phone
Speaker 1: in the plastic bag so he could do a zoom
Speaker 1: call for his family members and that and for my family.
Speaker 1: I think that our experiences were quite similar. You know.
Speaker 1: First of all, let me just say that when you
Speaker 1: have to make the decision to put someone in a
Speaker 1: nursing care facility, it's well known that you know, you
Speaker 1: have to be really careful and thoughtful about the facility
Speaker 1: that you choose, and a lot of it is based
Speaker 1: on what the family can afford. So I feel blessed,
Speaker 1: like I said, that we were able to get her
Speaker 1: and a facility that we trusted and had confidence in.
Speaker 1: That being said, though, knowing that the elderly are vulnerable
Speaker 1: and at risk, it's imperative that we have somebton there
Speaker 1: every day, and we were lucky enough to be able
Speaker 1: to do that. We have family members, so somebody in
Speaker 1: the family was there every single day. Rodney's sister brought
Speaker 1: her mother dinner every day and it was a schedule
Speaker 1: for us. At three o'clock every day we went to
Speaker 1: see Miss Jeans. So having her be able to see us,
Speaker 1: touch us, talk with us, sit down, and spend time
Speaker 1: with us on a daily basis, and to go from
Speaker 1: that to absolutely nothing was devastating for us. And I
Speaker 1: just can't imagine what that was like for her, you know,
Speaker 1: because they don't quite understand exactly what's going on. Rodney's
Speaker 1: mom was of sound mind. She wasn't of sound body,
Speaker 1: but she was of sound mind. But still there's a
Speaker 1: bit of confusion when you know everybody is coming, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, nobody is right, you know,
Speaker 1: And it took the facility a minute to figure out,
Speaker 1: how can we involve the family because we know that
Speaker 1: that is needed. And then they started join the the
Speaker 1: weekly FaceTime calls that you mentioned, but it was once
Speaker 1: a week and it was for couple of minutes. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure we even got up to a half an
Speaker 1: hour of time because they're having to go around to
Speaker 1: each person, each bed and do this. So I can
Speaker 1: imagine the task that it was to to do that,
Speaker 1: but it was really, really, really something. First, let me
Speaker 1: ask you, let me go back and ask how are
Speaker 1: you guys doing? How are you and Eric coping? How?
Speaker 1: I think everybody is doing as best they can. Everybody
Speaker 1: has their moments. I know, lass his moments, you know,
Speaker 1: when he would when he was talking about it yesterday,
Speaker 1: he was having some moments that hit hard because she
Speaker 1: and I were pretty close as well, well, we were
Speaker 1: very close, not pretty close even though, like Eric would say,
Speaker 1: sometimes she's really not here, because she had to mention,
Speaker 1: but I said, but physically she is here, you know,
Speaker 1: and we still could touch it, We still could see her,
Speaker 1: you know, So it's it's it's very devastating. Yeah. Let
Speaker 1: me clarify for the audience to that, Eric, your husband,
Speaker 1: she was my mother in love as well. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Rodney is my husband. So we just want to
Speaker 1: clarify who we're talking about. So do you feel like
Speaker 1: the loss of your mom was more red to the
Speaker 1: COVID or was it just more related to It was
Speaker 1: definitely the COVID, Yeah, because she was going fine before that, exactly.
Speaker 1: I talked to a matter of fact, we saw a
Speaker 1: nurse in the market a couple of weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: I guess it was about thirty about thirty patients in
Speaker 1: her particularly unit, and we were asking how they were doing,
Speaker 1: and she said, my mother Loves unit. Out of safe
Speaker 1: thirty all passed but two. Wow. So and it sounds
Speaker 1: like your mother, your mother in love, her illness progressed quickly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if those patients on that unit were
Speaker 1: more vulnerable, you know, because I don't know who of
Speaker 1: those patients had other issues other than dementia. You know,
Speaker 1: they could have had other issues, and well, my mother
Speaker 1: lauded she didn't, she didn't have any other underlying issues. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my mother in love was down sound mind, but she
Speaker 1: was weakened. Her body was weakened. She couldn't get out
Speaker 1: of the bed, you know, on her own, and you know,
Speaker 1: she was she was pretty frail. But I still feel
Speaker 1: like if I mean like, I'm not God, but I
Speaker 1: just feel like if she, you know, hadn't succumbed to
Speaker 1: two the pandemic, that she would still be be with
Speaker 1: us today. I believe that as well too, you know,
Speaker 1: because I said she was still fine. She was still
Speaker 1: eating on her own. Some of the patients were not.
Speaker 1: She wasn't walking, she was in a wheelchair, but she
Speaker 1: still was able to eat. You know. The conversations were,
Speaker 1: you know, of course way out there, but we were
Speaker 1: still laugh and still talking. You know, just had a
Speaker 1: good time. So this COVID really, really, am really took
Speaker 1: her right. I thought that I was prepared because I
Speaker 1: knew that this was going to be the case. You know,
Speaker 1: dealing with loss is such a difficult journey. And no
Speaker 1: matter what you tell yourself, because I tell myself all
Speaker 1: the time, well it's it's just part of the life cycle. Everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody is gonna die. You're never prepared trying to navigate
Speaker 1: those emotions during during this pandemic. When you you cannot
Speaker 1: be with family and friends to celebrate the life was
Speaker 1: very different. Let me ask you, did you and and
Speaker 1: your family plan a service? Did you have a funeral
Speaker 1: and people could come? And he's got three siblings so
Speaker 1: their spouses. That was eight. It couldn't have been in
Speaker 1: her church where she has been all her life, so
Speaker 1: she couldn't even they couldn't even celebrate her there. So
Speaker 1: it really has taken a toll, you know, because she
Speaker 1: couldn't celebrate her life the way she really should have
Speaker 1: been celebrate But you know, it was a blessing. It
Speaker 1: was only ten, but it was a blessing. So you
Speaker 1: didn't have any kind of repass or gathering after the
Speaker 1: funeral either, right, did you have a few reviewing And
Speaker 1: a lot of people came for that, So that was
Speaker 1: a blessing. A lot of people were able to come
Speaker 1: and we were able to communicate and and have a
Speaker 1: little fellowship with them because the funeral home allowed us
Speaker 1: to communicate on the outside. So the people went through
Speaker 1: viewed her body and then came outside. Yeah, well for us,
Speaker 1: we you know, we were able to have the viewing.
Speaker 1: I mean, even the simple thing is like, you know,
Speaker 1: how you have the guest book where everybody's fine. Didn't
Speaker 1: have that, and it's just like everybody having the mask
Speaker 1: and not being able to hug people. And then for
Speaker 1: the funeral it was the same. I felt like we
Speaker 1: were allowed to have more people than ten, but it's
Speaker 1: not even what you're allowed. People are graid. We didn't
Speaker 1: even expect people to come out, because you know, we're
Speaker 1: trying to protect and keep people safe as well. But
Speaker 1: anybody that did take the time to come, you want
Speaker 1: to be able to thank them, and and that's what
Speaker 1: the repasses for. But it's also you know, an opportunity
Speaker 1: to just continue the celebration and share stories and have
Speaker 1: some joy about your loved one's life. And the idea
Speaker 1: for me, the idea of not knowing of no family
Speaker 1: member being able to to be with her in her
Speaker 1: last hours, all the family members that didn't get an
Speaker 1: opportunity to come and visit her one more time, you know,
Speaker 1: you don't you don't know whether, well, did she pass
Speaker 1: and they just came in the room and found her
Speaker 1: or with somebody with her. It's a difficult time and
Speaker 1: it's a really dreamely difficult time, and I think that's
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why I wanted to bring it
Speaker 1: up again, because, like I said in the beginning, there
Speaker 1: were a lot of stories that you saw on CNN
Speaker 1: when the pandemic first hit, but we have kind of
Speaker 1: moved away from that part of this travesty, you know,
Speaker 1: and I just kind of wanted to remind people because
Speaker 1: I don't understand people's decision to refuse to wear a mask.
Speaker 1: I don't understand people who still are acting like this
Speaker 1: is fake news and acting as a business as usual,
Speaker 1: its issues responsibility at the top. Well, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: people have their own way of saying goodbye when there's
Speaker 1: a loss. But is there anything that kind of stands
Speaker 1: out in your mind that you maybe would have done
Speaker 1: had you been able to have a funeral in a
Speaker 1: normal time without the pandemic. I think the biggest thing
Speaker 1: because she was a lifetime member of Evane's, a Batist church.
Speaker 1: Great grandfather founded the church, so she's been there since
Speaker 1: a child, so you know a lot of memories are
Speaker 1: in that church. She was spent her life there literally,
Speaker 1: that alone, it's pretty hard. Church members couldn't be there,
Speaker 1: a pastor couldn't be there, you know, the celebration that
Speaker 1: they would they would have had and they said they'll
Speaker 1: do a memorial service once this is over, but it's
Speaker 1: really not the same, you know, a memorial service. Yes,
Speaker 1: to me, it will be a little different doing it
Speaker 1: that way, And I agree. I think it is the gathering.
Speaker 1: And I don't even think I realized just how important
Speaker 1: that gathering and that repassed is. It's like your miss
Speaker 1: the water until the well runs dry, right, And I
Speaker 1: didn't realize just how important that celebration after the actual
Speaker 1: funeral it really is. You know, sometimes I think people think, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just you're just going to eat. It's so much
Speaker 1: more than that, much more, much more, so, much more
Speaker 1: than that, And there's so much comfort that you get
Speaker 1: from sharing stories and celebration of the life of the
Speaker 1: person who has transitioned. Where did you find comfort during
Speaker 1: this time and not being able to do that, well, Adrian,
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I found comforting. I think
Speaker 1: I'll we just have to accept where we are, because
Speaker 1: if you really think about it, you know, all her nieces,
Speaker 1: her nephews, her grands they all couldn't be present. She
Speaker 1: was well loved, so you just had to accept it
Speaker 1: for what it is. That's no real closure. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: a key word, Mona. That that's how I felt. I
Speaker 1: felt like there was no real closure, you know. And
Speaker 1: my husband days after it was like, what's going on?
Speaker 1: And I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly what
Speaker 1: it was. What It's almost like it was the whole
Speaker 1: process was rushed. Yes, we're able to take your time
Speaker 1: and just reminisce on the memories and reminisce on how
Speaker 1: people are celebrating her. Yeah. So yeah, you know, and
Speaker 1: once again recognizing that it's not the fault of anyone,
Speaker 1: recognizing that this is just what is needed during these
Speaker 1: times to try to keep people safe, you know, and
Speaker 1: and protect it. So I want to end this conversation
Speaker 1: on a positive note. If we can tell me something
Speaker 1: really good or maybe a sweet memory about your miss Katherine.
Speaker 1: Miss Katherine, I'm gonna tell you Miss Katherine was. She
Speaker 1: was a type the type of lady that she didn't
Speaker 1: hold back what she wanted to tell you. Yes, and
Speaker 1: she and I would just laugh. My husband would say, Mike,
Speaker 1: you can't say that. You can't say that, you know,
Speaker 1: but you know, she would just say how she felt
Speaker 1: and I would laugh because it was funny to me.
Speaker 1: With Earth said don't laugh because it's not funny. Yes
Speaker 1: it is, it really is. She's been on this earth
Speaker 1: ninety two years. Let her say and let her do
Speaker 1: what she wants. But that's just how she was. She
Speaker 1: just said said how she felt, and it was funny
Speaker 1: to me, you know, because she liked to laugh and
Speaker 1: so do I. Yeah, that was that was a good
Speaker 1: memory for me. Yeah, my mother and Misschi was the
Speaker 1: same way as she always would say what was on
Speaker 1: her mind. But I think the thing that really will
Speaker 1: stick with me so much is how much she loved
Speaker 1: her family. She loved her family, loved her grandkids and
Speaker 1: her extended family, and she was just such a giving woman.
Speaker 1: You know. Another thing that that sticks out for me
Speaker 1: is that she was a wonderful cook. And we don't
Speaker 1: have that. Yeah, no, we don't share my family because
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not good cook, you know. She was
Speaker 1: was always a good cook, and that was that was
Speaker 1: her way of showing love to her family, was was
Speaker 1: cooking a good old meal. So even though we we
Speaker 1: had such a devastating laws during the pandemic mona, we
Speaker 1: we had these wonderful memories. Right yeah, yeah, So my
Speaker 1: best to Eric, and thank you so much for being
Speaker 1: willing to come on and share your story. Not a problem,
Speaker 1: not a problem. Hopefully somebody will will hear it and
Speaker 1: it'll help them to know that we get we'll get
Speaker 1: through it. We're getting through it, you know, as hard
Speaker 1: as it is, as hard as as it was, we're
Speaker 1: getting through it. Right. I just want to remind people
Speaker 1: that the pandemic it's not over. Please please please wear
Speaker 1: a mask, if not to protect you, then to protect
Speaker 1: your somebody else, somebody else. Wash your hands, wear a mask, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. All right, take care. The only
Speaker 1: takeaway that I have is that this for now is
Speaker 1: the new normal, and everyone's journey to find enclosure and
Speaker 1: peace will be different. Please remember to the guidelines for
Speaker 1: safe distancing, Wash your hands, and please please please wear
Speaker 1: a mask positively. GAM is produced by Westbrook Audio Exact.
Speaker 1: The producers Adrian Vanfield, Narris, Jada Pinkett Smith, Amanda Brown
Speaker 1: and Fallon jethro Co. Executive producer sim Hoti, Segment producer
Speaker 1: Ash Francis, Associate producer Erica Ron, editor and mixer Calvin
Speaker 1: Bayliss positively. Gam is in partnership with Art nineteen