WEBVTT - "I WAS BANNED FROM YOUR SHOW"

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hello, Hi, Hello.

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<v Speaker 2>How are you.

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<v Speaker 1>Just chilling looking at the fucking ocean and just.

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<v Speaker 2>Chilling looking at the fucking ocean and drinking beer? Okay?

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<v Speaker 2>How many beers are you telling him?

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<v Speaker 1>And I am here what you said?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, Cody. It says here that, uh, you were

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<v Speaker 2>banned in my twitch chat and you you say here

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<v Speaker 2>that you would like to be redeemed.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I would like to be redeemed.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. Do you remember what you were banned for?

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<v Speaker 1>For the most part?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, well tell tell me, tell me the most of

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<v Speaker 2>that part.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh. I was just watching the stream one night, and

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't only one in the chat that was getting upset.

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<v Speaker 1>Some some girl just kept going on and on and

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<v Speaker 1>I told her to shut the fuck up.

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<v Speaker 2>The band okay, Okay, So somebody was was talking on

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<v Speaker 2>the stream, you told them to shut the fuck up,

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<v Speaker 2>and you got bands okay. And now you are coming

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<v Speaker 2>to me for for for redemption. And I assume this

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<v Speaker 2>means that you've you've h regret do you look? So

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<v Speaker 2>let me ask you this. Do you regret saying that

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<v Speaker 2>in the chat?

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<v Speaker 1>I regret it saying it to that person.

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<v Speaker 2>You regretted by saying it to that person.

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<v Speaker 1>I regret it saying to that person, and individually.

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<v Speaker 2>You regret saying it to that person individually. Yes, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>why do you regret it?

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<v Speaker 1>Because I love you?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So because you love me, you regret typing in

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<v Speaker 2>the chats telling this person to shut up? Yes? Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>what's your user? What's your username? Is?

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<v Speaker 1>On my high Horse underscore?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm gonna look you up right now. Hold on, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna is it. Okay if I read exactly what

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<v Speaker 2>you said.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you can, because because I don't even remember what

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<v Speaker 1>I said.

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<v Speaker 2>To be honest, were you were you drunk when you

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<v Speaker 2>said it?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, Okay, here we go.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm not gonna you know, I'm not going to

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<v Speaker 2>read this. Okay, I'm not going to read this because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm it'll just perpetuated into the universe. Okay, you were

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<v Speaker 2>you were? You were banned a year ago. You were

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<v Speaker 2>banned a year ago.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been around for a little bit.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, you're banned a year ago. Solid solid band. Deserved band.

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<v Speaker 2>It's deserve Okay, why do you feel like it's deserved?

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<v Speaker 1>It was just not nice?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, because here here, here's the thing is you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and look, I am not I don't desire nor do

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<v Speaker 2>I feel qualified to be any kind of moral arbiter

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<v Speaker 2>in the universe. I'm here to tell you it was

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<v Speaker 2>bad and was good, but I mean it was a

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<v Speaker 2>pretty deserved band. So you feel like you you regret

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<v Speaker 2>it because you like me, but not because you feel

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<v Speaker 2>like it was a mean thing to say.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it was me. It was mean, but it's fun,

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<v Speaker 1>It's all. I don't know. Like, I just I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>very confrontational person and I don't really want to be.

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<v Speaker 1>But like I got pretty much. I got let go.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't get fired, but I got let go of

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<v Speaker 1>my dream job. Okay, and it was in law enforcement,

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<v Speaker 1>that's all I will say.

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<v Speaker 3>M hm.

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<v Speaker 1>And I got let go of an incident that happened.

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<v Speaker 1>And ever since then, I have been just pissed off

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<v Speaker 1>at this fucking world, in every single body, and I

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<v Speaker 1>just like confrontation.

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<v Speaker 3>M hmm.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't know what the fuck to do about it. Kay,

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<v Speaker 1>has turned me into just a complete asshole.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, do you do you do you have a real therapist?

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<v Speaker 1>No?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well here's the thing. You definitely need to go

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<v Speaker 2>to a real therapist, because it sounds like you, uh

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<v Speaker 2>you know, are having a difficult time and it is

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<v Speaker 2>causing you to uh deflect that out in ways they're

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<v Speaker 2>not amazing. And look, I think everyone's entitled to to

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<v Speaker 2>uh walk their path towards uh you know, becoming better

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<v Speaker 2>whatever that looks like you for themselves. Why Okay, when

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<v Speaker 2>did this thing happen that you say is the catalyst

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<v Speaker 2>for you being angry?

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<v Speaker 1>You talking about when I got fired from my law

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<v Speaker 1>enforcement job. Yes, it was about like it's been like

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<v Speaker 1>five years. Okay, Well, like there's there's a thing called

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<v Speaker 1>Post and Post is essentially like court for people in

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<v Speaker 1>law enforcement that I like have to go through to

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<v Speaker 1>get approved to eat like work in law enforcement again.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's like I can't go right now, Like even

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<v Speaker 1>if I do go, like, I don't know if I'll

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<v Speaker 1>have a job in law enforcement again. So I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even know if I want to go or not.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, I just like it.

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<v Speaker 1>It'll be a waste of time for me to even go.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So you were fired from a law enforcement job.

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<v Speaker 3>I was.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't fired the sheriff. The sheriff where I worked

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<v Speaker 1>at she she was kind of like a family friend

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<v Speaker 1>kind of thing, and that's how I got the job

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<v Speaker 1>in the first place. And then I had I had

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<v Speaker 1>worked for about three years and the incident happened, and

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<v Speaker 1>then she essentially just told me just to kind of

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<v Speaker 1>head on out before I do get fired, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, And you say there is some sort of a

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<v Speaker 2>court that people go to to to try to get

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<v Speaker 2>reassigned for jobs.

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<v Speaker 1>Pretty much, I mean, I pretty much I got fired.

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<v Speaker 1>I pretty much got fired, but but I didn't get

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<v Speaker 1>fired though. She kind of just told me to leave.

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<v Speaker 1>But I didn't get fired though. She just took like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>all right everything.

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<v Speaker 2>So so so I mean, listen, these I don't I

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<v Speaker 2>don't even Okay, So this happens. You no longer worked

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<v Speaker 2>your job, and you this is something that made you

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<v Speaker 2>very upset. It happened five years ago, and for the

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<v Speaker 2>past five years you have been upset. You have been angry,

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<v Speaker 2>and you say that, uh, wrestling with this anger, you

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<v Speaker 2>have taken it out on other people, and as you say,

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<v Speaker 2>you have become an asshole.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, because I lost the job that that was my

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<v Speaker 1>dream job, and I don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, my dream job.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, and then I don't give a fuck about anything

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<v Speaker 1>or anybody anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, let me his thing. I'm gonna talk

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<v Speaker 2>to you about this. You also talk to this about

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<v Speaker 2>this with the real therapist. Let me ask you a question. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>this job was your dream job? What? Why was it

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<v Speaker 2>your dream job?

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<v Speaker 1>To be like, I don't know what?

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<v Speaker 2>What? Like?

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<v Speaker 1>What made it my dream job?

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<v Speaker 2>Like?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, like it literally they could call me

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<v Speaker 1>like I would work seven days a week if they were, like,

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<v Speaker 1>I just loved it, like okay, so let me dream

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<v Speaker 1>job like I just enjoyed it so much.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell me tell what did you enjoy about it?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess like having power over people. I don't know that.

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<v Speaker 1>That sounds bad. That sounds bad for all I'm I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not speaking for all of them. No, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, Well, I mean, let's get into it. Well, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>well let's hear it. Well here here, okay, hold on,

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<v Speaker 2>all right, let's get into that for a second. Let's

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<v Speaker 2>get into that for a second. Why did you like

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<v Speaker 2>having power over people?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't know. I'm I'm kind of a

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<v Speaker 1>smaller built.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, I don't know, and this is true. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>are you You're not fucking with me? This is all No, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>you liked having power over people because you are a

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<v Speaker 2>smaller guy. Throughout your life, do you feel as though

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<v Speaker 2>you did not have a lot of power?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean not really, but like you know what, it

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't even power. It was more I take that back.

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<v Speaker 1>It wouldn't even the power over people. It was attention,

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<v Speaker 1>is what it was.

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<v Speaker 2>It mm hmm. You liked going around them, Okay, it

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<v Speaker 2>was attention and you felt as though when you had

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<v Speaker 2>a uniform on you and you were in this position,

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<v Speaker 2>you were getting attention.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, uns that that's that's almost like that's that's exactly

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<v Speaker 1>what it was, is attention. When when people saw me

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<v Speaker 1>they would just like look at me and be like

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<v Speaker 1>ooh uh you know yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>What what was it that was so intoxicating to you

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<v Speaker 2>about this attention? I guess I guess. I mean same

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<v Speaker 2>question with the power thing. Like throughout your life you

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<v Speaker 2>felt as though you weren't you didn't get a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of attention.

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<v Speaker 1>No, Like in high school, like I was like hop pier,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I was like like one of the like soup,

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<v Speaker 1>like really popular kids. And I went to like a

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<v Speaker 1>huge high school and I like I was up there,

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<v Speaker 1>but like, I don't know, I just like attention.

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<v Speaker 2>Mkay do you and do you still like attention?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you like attention so much?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I really I really don't. I have

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<v Speaker 1>no idea.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay hmm.

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<v Speaker 1>I like always wanted to be the center of attention

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<v Speaker 1>no matter what, and like there's no rhyme or reason

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<v Speaker 1>behind it.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. Does does attention make you happy? Yes? Okay?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you have Do you have friends?

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<v Speaker 1>I just moved to Florida, so not really like moving

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<v Speaker 1>from out of state, Like I've only been here since August,

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<v Speaker 1>so like I'm still trying to meet people. Like I

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<v Speaker 1>had a ship ton of I don't want to say

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<v Speaker 1>a ship ton of friends. I had like one or

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<v Speaker 1>two people that I could call at any time of

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<v Speaker 1>day if I needed help and they would be there.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. Do you what about your family down here?

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<v Speaker 4>Like?

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<v Speaker 2>No many?

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<v Speaker 1>Like I love my parents?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, okay, do you've like I mean, this is

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<v Speaker 2>like you know, classic ship but like when you do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel like they gave you enough attention? Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they do they have.

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<v Speaker 2>They have.

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<v Speaker 1>Like been in my baking call since I was born,

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<v Speaker 1>even now, like I'm twenty seven now, and like they're

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm to my parents, welcome to death.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So you're upset now because you lost the thing

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<v Speaker 2>that was giving you all this attention that was making

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<v Speaker 2>you happen. Yeah, okay, I have some thoughts. If you do,

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<v Speaker 2>you want to hear my thoughts, I do. Okay, first

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<v Speaker 2>one obvious one. I'm sure everyone in the chat is

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<v Speaker 2>talking about it. It's okay, listen, it's okay. It's okay

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<v Speaker 2>if you like attention. Lots of people like attention. By

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<v Speaker 2>the way, everyone likes attention. I don't care how cool

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<v Speaker 2>you think you are or whatever. Everyone likes that. People

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<v Speaker 2>type in chat because they want attention. I you know,

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<v Speaker 2>stream because I want to attention to. You have fred, you talk,

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<v Speaker 2>you text your friend because you want attention. Everyone wants attention.

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<v Speaker 2>That people post on social medi because they want attention.

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<v Speaker 2>People have always wanted attention. Attention has always been important

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<v Speaker 2>to people. It's okay that you want attention. However, that's

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<v Speaker 2>not a great reason to be in law enforcement. Uh

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<v Speaker 2>I would say that off the bat. Okay, I'm glad

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<v Speaker 2>to hear that you agree.

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<v Speaker 3>I agree.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, good, glad to hear that you agree. So since

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<v Speaker 2>you okay, so how about that since you agree, you

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<v Speaker 2>you you're telling me you agree that attention is not

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<v Speaker 2>a good reason to be in law enforcements. So with

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<v Speaker 2>that said, now that you are no longer in law enforcements,

0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:41.359
<v Speaker 2>you are now no longer in a position that is

0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:45.240
<v Speaker 2>probably not great for you to be in in the

0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:52.080
<v Speaker 2>first place, considering your motives for being in it. Would

0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:52.879
<v Speaker 2>you agree with that?

0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:57.040
<v Speaker 1>Well?

0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:05.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, okay, okay, So listen. So now we're

0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:13.119
<v Speaker 2>in the present and you want attention, and we've established

0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:17.040
<v Speaker 2>that's okay. It's fine that people need attention in their lives.

0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:21.960
<v Speaker 2>So now that we know that your previous job was

0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:25.119
<v Speaker 2>not the best place for you to be serving this need,

0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:30.240
<v Speaker 2>what is the best place for you to be serving

0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:34.680
<v Speaker 2>this need? And have we I guess? Well, I guess.

0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:40.800
<v Speaker 2>I mean even more than that, I'm wondering like this attention,

0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:45.600
<v Speaker 2>Like where does the need come from? And I don't know.

0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:47.280
<v Speaker 2>This is why you should talk to a real therapist

0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:50.439
<v Speaker 2>to really figure out this shit, because what I'm wondering is, like,

0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:55.639
<v Speaker 2>is the need from attention, coming from a good place,

0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:59.200
<v Speaker 2>and I'm asking you, you know, these questions to try

0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:01.879
<v Speaker 2>to figure out that answer, sir, which again I'm not

0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:03.600
<v Speaker 2>qualified to do. I'm not a real therapist. I'm a

0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:05.000
<v Speaker 2>crazy guy in a geck with costume.

0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:09.520
<v Speaker 1>I guess I'm trying to see like the cool guy

0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:13.439
<v Speaker 1>or something, you know, Like I don't like, I don't know.

0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:14.800
<v Speaker 4>I was.

0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:20.639
<v Speaker 1>I had I worked in the jail where I lived

0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:24.840
<v Speaker 1>at you could you could work in the jail at eighteen,

0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.000
<v Speaker 1>and I had started working in the jail and then

0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:31.800
<v Speaker 1>you could get to work in the jail for like

0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:34.679
<v Speaker 1>two years and then they would put you to the

0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:38.639
<v Speaker 1>police academy for free. And then I've been like patrolling

0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:42.320
<v Speaker 1>on the road since I was twenty one, so it

0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:46.560
<v Speaker 1>was like a good three years. But like, I don't know,

0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:48.800
<v Speaker 1>I guess I was trying to I don't know, like

0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.680
<v Speaker 1>I love the work, but I, like I said, I

0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:54.359
<v Speaker 1>also like the attention, and I was just, you know,

0:19:54.400 --> 0:20:00.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, but like I I like the work,

0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:02.359
<v Speaker 1>though it wasn't all about the attention, but that was

0:20:02.400 --> 0:20:03.520
<v Speaker 1>like a big part of it.

0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:07.520
<v Speaker 2>All right, because listen, what I was going to say

0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:12.439
<v Speaker 2>is listen, if you want to be in I would

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:15.919
<v Speaker 2>hope that if you want to be in law enforcement,

0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:21.399
<v Speaker 2>you want to do it because and listen, we you know,

0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:25.159
<v Speaker 2>obviously there's lots of like subtext to this that I

0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:29.600
<v Speaker 2>don't understand because I'm dumb, But I would hope at

0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:34.000
<v Speaker 2>least the intentions I'm just talking about intentions. I would

0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:37.680
<v Speaker 2>hope at least your intentions would be that you want

0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:38.480
<v Speaker 2>to help people.

0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:43.760
<v Speaker 1>That I mean that that is another part of it,

0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:46.880
<v Speaker 1>Like I do, like I really do, Like I do

0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:51.600
<v Speaker 1>enjoy helping people, like I did. I did volunteer fire

0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:56.679
<v Speaker 1>at EMS, like I went to EMS school, like I'm certified. Okay,

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.879
<v Speaker 1>I do enjoy helping people because I mean most pops

0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:05.280
<v Speaker 1>where I'm at are like certified like bms, like they

0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:08.240
<v Speaker 1>have to be certified to do that. Like I do

0:21:08.400 --> 0:21:12.840
<v Speaker 1>enjoy helping people. But it's it's a lot about like status,

0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:16.960
<v Speaker 1>okay to like to me, I don't know, it's weird.

0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:20.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm typical. I mean a lot of a lot of

0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:23.119
<v Speaker 1>people will agree like it's typical. I know.

0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:35.320
<v Speaker 2>But okay, so now I'm like, okay, like we've said,

0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:45.440
<v Speaker 2>we've established that being in law enforcement for the desire

0:21:45.520 --> 0:21:50.240
<v Speaker 2>of status or of attention is probably not the best

0:21:50.280 --> 0:21:55.919
<v Speaker 2>idea for you. I think you've agreed to that. But

0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:59.120
<v Speaker 2>and so now can we at least like.

0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:02.399
<v Speaker 4>You know?

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:07.959
<v Speaker 2>I guess what I would hope is that if you

0:22:10.680 --> 0:22:16.960
<v Speaker 2>have understood that, you can start to replace this anger

0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:26.720
<v Speaker 2>with some form of optimism or determination toward a better future,

0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:32.480
<v Speaker 2>where now that you've understood these underlying things that you're

0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:36.040
<v Speaker 2>trying to serve, a desire for status, a desire to

0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:40.480
<v Speaker 2>help people, you can go, Okay, I have a better

0:22:40.560 --> 0:22:44.720
<v Speaker 2>understanding of myself and what I want. And with that

0:22:44.920 --> 0:22:49.240
<v Speaker 2>better understanding, I'm actually learning that my previous position was

0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:54.120
<v Speaker 2>actually not the best way to serve these underlying desires

0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:58.240
<v Speaker 2>that I have. And so I shouldn't be so upset

0:22:58.440 --> 0:23:01.160
<v Speaker 2>that that's not my life anymore, and I should now

0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:05.760
<v Speaker 2>just focus one hundred percent on how can I, moving

0:23:05.800 --> 0:23:12.399
<v Speaker 2>forward best serve these underlying desires that I have. And

0:23:12.440 --> 0:23:17.880
<v Speaker 2>instead of being angry because I thought that my previous

0:23:17.920 --> 0:23:21.600
<v Speaker 2>position was the only way to serve these underlying desires,

0:23:22.320 --> 0:23:25.879
<v Speaker 2>I actually know now that not only was it not

0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:28.800
<v Speaker 2>a great way to serve those underlying desires, but that

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:36.440
<v Speaker 2>there are in fact infinite different possibilities that I haven't

0:23:36.440 --> 0:23:42.840
<v Speaker 2>even thought of yet to serve these underlying desires. And now,

0:23:42.880 --> 0:23:47.679
<v Speaker 2>instead of being pissed off and angry and you know,

0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:51.760
<v Speaker 2>taking that out unproductively by you know, yelling in a

0:23:51.800 --> 0:23:55.200
<v Speaker 2>Twitch chat or being an asshole to someone or any

0:23:55.240 --> 0:23:59.800
<v Speaker 2>of the things that you're describing, instead you use all

0:23:59.840 --> 0:24:07.679
<v Speaker 2>that energy in exploring these infinite avenues and possibilities for

0:24:07.720 --> 0:24:11.960
<v Speaker 2>you to serve these underlying desires that we have uncovered

0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:15.520
<v Speaker 2>over the course of this phone call. And that's a

0:24:15.600 --> 0:24:21.000
<v Speaker 2>more productive way to use our time. What do you

0:24:21.040 --> 0:24:21.879
<v Speaker 2>think about all of that?

0:24:26.040 --> 0:24:29.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I've kind of like I've stepped away from

0:24:30.000 --> 0:24:33.960
<v Speaker 1>all that, and I like I don't even I don't

0:24:34.000 --> 0:24:37.120
<v Speaker 1>even want to do it anymore, like when I've kind

0:24:37.119 --> 0:24:40.919
<v Speaker 1>of moved down here to the Florida, like I'm I'm

0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:46.320
<v Speaker 1>pool boy now, but like I kind of enjoy this shit,

0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:55.440
<v Speaker 1>like it's kind of nice. Like I don't know, oh

0:24:55.520 --> 0:25:01.080
<v Speaker 1>I like it, but like I don't know, Uh, it's

0:25:01.160 --> 0:25:06.520
<v Speaker 1>just like attitude has really, I mean it's changed a

0:25:06.520 --> 0:25:08.760
<v Speaker 1>little bit, but like a lot of people.

0:25:09.440 --> 0:25:10.399
<v Speaker 3>Still notice it.

0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:14.240
<v Speaker 1>But like I enjoy what I'm doing now though, but

0:25:14.320 --> 0:25:18.119
<v Speaker 1>I still, I guess because I miss it a lot

0:25:18.760 --> 0:25:23.560
<v Speaker 1>is still the reason why my attitude is still the

0:25:23.600 --> 0:25:27.560
<v Speaker 1>way it is because I still kind of miss it.

0:25:27.680 --> 0:25:32.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, Hm, I would I would like to do

0:25:32.800 --> 0:25:38.600
<v Speaker 1>it again, but I also enjoy what I'm doing now

0:25:38.920 --> 0:25:40.240
<v Speaker 1>a lot.

0:25:40.840 --> 0:25:44.679
<v Speaker 2>Okay, good, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying what

0:25:44.720 --> 0:25:52.440
<v Speaker 2>you're doing now. Well listen, Cody, Thanks for sharing all

0:25:52.480 --> 0:25:57.320
<v Speaker 2>of this. It definitely sounds like if you can, if

0:25:57.320 --> 0:25:59.240
<v Speaker 2>you have the resources too, you should go and try

0:25:59.280 --> 0:26:03.399
<v Speaker 2>to talk to a real therapist. And I hope that

0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:05.440
<v Speaker 2>you continue to find the ways in your life to

0:26:05.520 --> 0:26:15.920
<v Speaker 2>serve those those underlying desires that we've kind of talked

0:26:15.960 --> 0:26:18.800
<v Speaker 2>about over the course of this call. Uh, is there

0:26:18.800 --> 0:26:20.159
<v Speaker 2>anything else you want to say to the people of

0:26:20.160 --> 0:26:21.280
<v Speaker 2>the computer before we go?

0:26:27.440 --> 0:26:31.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to try to love everybody in the chat

0:26:32.320 --> 0:26:34.800
<v Speaker 1>instead of hating ho them.

0:26:34.840 --> 0:26:35.840
<v Speaker 2>Good. I had to hear that.

0:26:37.480 --> 0:26:41.240
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate you taking my call. I listen to you

0:26:41.359 --> 0:26:47.639
<v Speaker 1>every single day while I'm cleaning pools.

0:26:48.280 --> 0:26:51.440
<v Speaker 2>But I'm gonna imagine myself as a leaf that you're

0:26:51.560 --> 0:26:56.399
<v Speaker 2>picking up with that net thing. I don't know why

0:26:56.400 --> 0:27:00.240
<v Speaker 2>I said that, but thank you for calling code shit.

0:27:00.280 --> 0:27:04.480
<v Speaker 2>You have a good night. I love you, Take care man.

0:27:04.840 --> 0:27:15.200
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, So, uh, I mean, look, I I I

0:27:15.280 --> 0:27:18.840
<v Speaker 2>fucking I. I'm pretty sure everything I said to that

0:27:18.880 --> 0:27:26.200
<v Speaker 2>guy made sense. I'm glad to hear that. Uh. Over

0:27:26.240 --> 0:27:31.760
<v Speaker 2>the it sounds it sounded like some of this resonated

0:27:32.520 --> 0:27:42.159
<v Speaker 2>with him. I I I'm glad that he seems as

0:27:42.240 --> 0:27:46.240
<v Speaker 2>though at least he has this understanding that his previous

0:27:46.280 --> 0:27:49.480
<v Speaker 2>position did not, you know what, was not the best

0:27:49.520 --> 0:27:57.280
<v Speaker 2>way to serve his his desires for status and attention.

0:27:59.040 --> 0:28:04.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't think that those desires are necessarily bad, but I,

0:28:04.760 --> 0:28:08.640
<v Speaker 2>like I, you know, obviously, law enforcement is not the

0:28:08.680 --> 0:28:13.280
<v Speaker 2>best way to serve them. And so I'm glad to

0:28:13.359 --> 0:28:16.720
<v Speaker 2>hear he's doing something else, and I hope he's glad

0:28:16.720 --> 0:28:22.400
<v Speaker 2>he's doing something else too. Hello. Hi, Hi, Who is this?

0:28:24.040 --> 0:28:27.280
<v Speaker 4>My name is Kayla. Hi, therapy Gecko. How are you tonight?

0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:32.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing all right? How are you? I?

0:28:32.960 --> 0:28:34.960
<v Speaker 4>I'm really struggling over here. I don't know if you've

0:28:34.960 --> 0:28:36.879
<v Speaker 4>read my prompt and I can go over that.

0:28:37.600 --> 0:28:39.000
<v Speaker 2>Uh. Well, yeah, what's going on?

0:28:41.320 --> 0:28:41.400
<v Speaker 3>So?

0:28:42.080 --> 0:28:46.760
<v Speaker 4>I've been with my husband for five years now, since

0:28:46.760 --> 0:28:50.280
<v Speaker 4>we're fifteen, so I'm twenty now, and we've just been

0:28:52.120 --> 0:28:56.000
<v Speaker 4>kind of like best friends on healthily ghosts for those

0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:59.560
<v Speaker 4>five years, I would say, And then in September of

0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:05.760
<v Speaker 4>this season year, he accidentally came out to me as transgender,

0:29:06.680 --> 0:29:09.520
<v Speaker 4>which was a complete shock. I had no idea. I

0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:14.400
<v Speaker 4>thought I knew him very closely and intimately. And ever

0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:17.600
<v Speaker 4>since then, it's just been a constant kind of battle

0:29:17.760 --> 0:29:21.520
<v Speaker 4>within myself of whether I'm staying in this relationship, if

0:29:21.520 --> 0:29:25.880
<v Speaker 4>I'm leaving this relationship other means like if I leave,

0:29:25.920 --> 0:29:30.240
<v Speaker 4>I'm a transfer, but absolutely not. I love all LGBTQ people.

0:29:30.560 --> 0:29:32.160
<v Speaker 4>I just am that one myself.

0:29:33.680 --> 0:29:37.479
<v Speaker 2>So tell me, in what way did did this person

0:29:37.600 --> 0:29:40.640
<v Speaker 2>accidentally come out to you? What does that mean?

0:29:42.120 --> 0:29:46.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, we actual or we had both agreed to lay

0:29:46.040 --> 0:29:49.240
<v Speaker 4>off our kind of take a hiatus from marijuana for

0:29:49.280 --> 0:29:54.680
<v Speaker 4>a while, I included, And one night I smelled it

0:29:54.720 --> 0:29:57.600
<v Speaker 4>on his breast and so I just like said, hey,

0:29:58.600 --> 0:29:59.600
<v Speaker 4>what are you smoking?

0:29:59.640 --> 0:29:59.680
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:29:59.760 --> 0:30:02.840
<v Speaker 4>And I'm understand I had all this stuff that we

0:30:03.000 --> 0:30:07.920
<v Speaker 4>used in my in my personal tour or whatever, and

0:30:08.080 --> 0:30:09.920
<v Speaker 4>he kept trying to like hide it from me whatever.

0:30:10.000 --> 0:30:14.320
<v Speaker 4>He finally admitted to it and I'm like, so, what

0:30:14.400 --> 0:30:15.040
<v Speaker 4>are you smoking?

0:30:15.080 --> 0:30:15.160
<v Speaker 3>Like?

0:30:15.200 --> 0:30:17.560
<v Speaker 4>Where is it? He just would not tell me for

0:30:17.600 --> 0:30:19.640
<v Speaker 4>the life of me. We have a one bedroom apartment,

0:30:20.880 --> 0:30:22.560
<v Speaker 4>and so I just started getting like really mad, what

0:30:22.600 --> 0:30:26.400
<v Speaker 4>do you need to hide from me? That's disimportant, you know,

0:30:27.320 --> 0:30:30.760
<v Speaker 4>and he wouldn't tell me whatever. I went to bed

0:30:30.840 --> 0:30:34.000
<v Speaker 4>for the night, just really confused, and the next day

0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:37.320
<v Speaker 4>I come home from work and he had wrote me

0:30:37.360 --> 0:30:41.480
<v Speaker 4>a letter basically saying the reason I wouldn't show you

0:30:41.520 --> 0:30:44.280
<v Speaker 4>where it was is because I have these supplements. And

0:30:44.360 --> 0:30:46.960
<v Speaker 4>this is the reason why I'm taking these supplements is

0:30:47.080 --> 0:30:47.560
<v Speaker 4>I want to.

0:30:47.480 --> 0:30:52.520
<v Speaker 2>Go okay, all right. So they're on some kind of

0:30:52.560 --> 0:31:00.080
<v Speaker 2>like a like a hormone therapy, not quite.

0:31:00.120 --> 0:31:03.600
<v Speaker 4>Like a prescribed hormone, but it was like like an

0:31:03.600 --> 0:31:06.680
<v Speaker 4>over the counter supplement. It was really okay.

0:31:07.080 --> 0:31:09.480
<v Speaker 2>So I mean, listen, they didn't accidentally come out to you.

0:31:09.480 --> 0:31:13.400
<v Speaker 2>You know, they they they you know, told that you know,

0:31:13.440 --> 0:31:16.560
<v Speaker 2>there was a situation where you know, they were like,

0:31:17.560 --> 0:31:19.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I want you to go in here,

0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:21.760
<v Speaker 2>and then eventually they're like, you know, I can't keep

0:31:21.760 --> 0:31:24.400
<v Speaker 2>the cigarette anymore. I'm gonna tell you what's up. That's

0:31:24.440 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 2>and that's why they wrote that letter. Hi. So h okay,

0:31:30.680 --> 0:31:32.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, we actually we've talked about this on on

0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:37.400
<v Speaker 2>this podcast before, but let's let's let's let's talk about

0:31:37.400 --> 0:31:40.040
<v Speaker 2>it again. Uh, tell me how you're how you're feeling

0:31:40.040 --> 0:31:40.800
<v Speaker 2>in this situation.

0:31:44.320 --> 0:31:47.000
<v Speaker 4>Well, our relationship Artie wasn't great from the start. I'm

0:31:47.040 --> 0:31:50.000
<v Speaker 4>about to be twenty one, and I'm kind of coming

0:31:50.040 --> 0:31:54.080
<v Speaker 4>into a new era of myself and it's just I

0:31:54.080 --> 0:31:57.880
<v Speaker 4>don't know if my heart's necessarily there anymore. And then

0:31:58.000 --> 0:32:02.240
<v Speaker 4>also just all the things that come with being transgender.

0:32:02.520 --> 0:32:05.280
<v Speaker 4>I've been learning a lot of new information and what

0:32:05.360 --> 0:32:09.760
<v Speaker 4>it really takes to transition, and just being so closely

0:32:10.520 --> 0:32:14.760
<v Speaker 4>intimate with that, I'm not I'm not really comfortable with it.

0:32:14.840 --> 0:32:17.440
<v Speaker 4>Like I totally support trans to what you got to

0:32:17.480 --> 0:32:22.280
<v Speaker 4>do body, but in my life, I just it's not

0:32:22.400 --> 0:32:23.760
<v Speaker 4>the most comfortable situation.

0:32:24.680 --> 0:32:30.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So if I could just make an observation here,

0:32:32.240 --> 0:32:38.280
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like there are multiple, uh different angles that

0:32:38.360 --> 0:32:42.000
<v Speaker 2>you're exploring as to why you might want to move

0:32:42.040 --> 0:32:46.680
<v Speaker 2>on from this relationship. Uh, you know, legitimate angles, right.

0:32:47.160 --> 0:32:50.320
<v Speaker 2>You know, you're you're growing up as a person. You

0:32:50.360 --> 0:32:54.920
<v Speaker 2>know you two are are making sort of divergences in

0:32:54.960 --> 0:32:59.719
<v Speaker 2>your life that are bringing you to to less compatible places.

0:33:01.640 --> 0:33:04.120
<v Speaker 2>So I got to ask you, you know, what, if

0:33:04.200 --> 0:33:13.400
<v Speaker 2>anything is in the middle of you and making a

0:33:13.680 --> 0:33:17.640
<v Speaker 2>confident decision as to how you would like to move forward.

0:33:20.720 --> 0:33:24.959
<v Speaker 4>The last time that I was technically like relationshipsly alone

0:33:25.040 --> 0:33:27.760
<v Speaker 4>was when I was fifteen, So it's quite a contrast,

0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:31.920
<v Speaker 4>and I feel like in this time, we've kind of

0:33:32.000 --> 0:33:36.080
<v Speaker 4>melded into one person, which is both and bad. And

0:33:36.120 --> 0:33:39.640
<v Speaker 4>I'm just kind of also speaking my own individuality from this.

0:33:42.080 --> 0:33:44.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, well, so so again, you know what I what

0:33:45.000 --> 0:33:50.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm asking is like, what is stopping you from from

0:33:50.640 --> 0:33:54.440
<v Speaker 2>making a decision as to how you move forward? Is it?

0:33:54.480 --> 0:33:56.520
<v Speaker 2>Is it? I'm gonna throw this out there, tell me

0:33:56.560 --> 0:33:59.680
<v Speaker 2>if it's accurate. Is it a fear? Is it like, Oh,

0:33:59.720 --> 0:34:04.000
<v Speaker 2>I've in a relationship, you know, since I was fifteen,

0:34:04.120 --> 0:34:07.560
<v Speaker 2>and now I'm this totally new person and I'm you know,

0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:11.920
<v Speaker 2>are you afraid of the journey of figuring out how

0:34:11.960 --> 0:34:14.040
<v Speaker 2>to be alone?

0:34:14.320 --> 0:34:14.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:34:14.719 --> 0:34:19.080
<v Speaker 4>Definitely, fear of like the unknown being alone, like what

0:34:19.080 --> 0:34:22.480
<v Speaker 4>I'm going to do next, and just having that kind

0:34:22.520 --> 0:34:25.360
<v Speaker 4>of bond with another person. I don't have many friends,

0:34:25.600 --> 0:34:28.719
<v Speaker 4>which is a bad part of being so close with him,

0:34:28.800 --> 0:34:31.759
<v Speaker 4>but yeah, I don't. I'm not as close with anybody else.

0:34:33.280 --> 0:34:35.839
<v Speaker 2>So all right, let me ask you a couple other

0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:39.239
<v Speaker 2>things your life outside of your relationship. What's going on?

0:34:39.280 --> 0:34:43.040
<v Speaker 2>Are you in school, are you working? What are we doing?

0:34:44.640 --> 0:34:48.080
<v Speaker 4>She also began a new career. I was working and

0:34:48.160 --> 0:34:50.560
<v Speaker 4>pretty much in a lone environment for the past year,

0:34:50.600 --> 0:34:55.080
<v Speaker 4>so I was very isolated. But beginning this new job

0:34:55.560 --> 0:34:59.120
<v Speaker 4>in a career that I actually enjoy has also been

0:34:59.480 --> 0:35:02.160
<v Speaker 4>kind of like pulling out my need to become my

0:35:02.239 --> 0:35:04.640
<v Speaker 4>own person in an individual.

0:35:06.040 --> 0:35:12.040
<v Speaker 2>M So, I mean, listen towards the fear thing. It

0:35:12.120 --> 0:35:18.400
<v Speaker 2>sounds as though you have a lot of places to

0:35:18.480 --> 0:35:21.399
<v Speaker 2>sync your head into once, you know, if you make

0:35:21.440 --> 0:35:25.200
<v Speaker 2>the decision to leave this relationship and learn how to

0:35:25.239 --> 0:35:28.600
<v Speaker 2>be on your own. And also you got to like

0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:31.440
<v Speaker 2>you got to do that at some point, right, because

0:35:31.600 --> 0:35:35.440
<v Speaker 2>if I mean whatever, people make all sorts of decisions

0:35:35.440 --> 0:35:39.359
<v Speaker 2>with their life and find happiness through it. But you know, personally,

0:35:39.400 --> 0:35:41.719
<v Speaker 2>I've always felt like, if you can't learn how to

0:35:41.719 --> 0:35:47.040
<v Speaker 2>be alone, you, you know, completely and totally fuck yourself.

0:35:47.360 --> 0:35:49.680
<v Speaker 2>So I mean, look, if you make the decision to

0:35:49.760 --> 0:35:55.319
<v Speaker 2>leave this relationship, there is a great opportunity here to

0:35:55.480 --> 0:35:58.400
<v Speaker 2>learn how to be alone, especially if you haven't been

0:35:58.400 --> 0:36:04.479
<v Speaker 2>since you were fifteen, you know, because there's so there's

0:36:04.840 --> 0:36:09.560
<v Speaker 2>I cannot tell you how much value there is in

0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:14.239
<v Speaker 2>just like I said, learning how to be alone, and

0:36:14.320 --> 0:36:20.360
<v Speaker 2>also in in overcoming the fear, because I think, you know,

0:36:20.880 --> 0:36:22.839
<v Speaker 2>this is not the first time in your life where

0:36:22.840 --> 0:36:27.680
<v Speaker 2>you're gonna have to make some major decision or dive

0:36:28.600 --> 0:36:36.400
<v Speaker 2>deep into unfamiliar territory, and so that is a skilling

0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:42.640
<v Speaker 2>of itself, is a helpful thing to get some experience

0:36:42.680 --> 0:36:43.160
<v Speaker 2>in doing.

0:36:52.680 --> 0:36:57.839
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, how do you feel about that? I have kind

0:36:57.840 --> 0:37:00.200
<v Speaker 4>of had this internal fear that I'm not strong long

0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:02.960
<v Speaker 4>enough to make big decisions like that, not even just

0:37:03.800 --> 0:37:07.279
<v Speaker 4>in regards to this situation. Yeah, so I definitely think

0:37:07.360 --> 0:37:10.120
<v Speaker 4>that making a decision would be a.

0:37:10.080 --> 0:37:13.280
<v Speaker 3>Big step forward, right of course.

0:37:13.360 --> 0:37:15.600
<v Speaker 2>And I mean, well, listen, I mean I think maybe

0:37:15.800 --> 0:37:18.200
<v Speaker 2>one of the reasons you might not feel strong enough

0:37:18.239 --> 0:37:20.480
<v Speaker 2>to do it is because you have you have no

0:37:20.840 --> 0:37:25.840
<v Speaker 2>proof that you are to yourself. You know, look, you

0:37:26.080 --> 0:37:28.439
<v Speaker 2>believe it, Look, believe it in yourself is cool and all,

0:37:29.200 --> 0:37:32.040
<v Speaker 2>but uh, I mean, you have no proof that you're

0:37:32.080 --> 0:37:37.280
<v Speaker 2>able to handle, you know, being on your own right,

0:37:37.360 --> 0:37:39.480
<v Speaker 2>So of course you're not going to believe in yourself.

0:37:40.200 --> 0:37:42.520
<v Speaker 2>But the only way to go obtain that proof is

0:37:42.600 --> 0:37:49.560
<v Speaker 2>to dive into the pool, you know, go obtain it,

0:37:50.600 --> 0:37:53.480
<v Speaker 2>and then the next time around, when you're faced with

0:37:53.520 --> 0:37:56.440
<v Speaker 2>some situation where you got to dive into the unknown,

0:37:56.480 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 2>you'll be like, I've done this before, not that bad.

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:06.799
<v Speaker 2>I can handle it, you know. Uh, what is your

0:38:06.880 --> 0:38:12.120
<v Speaker 2>name again, Kayla? Kyla Key? Is there any other aspect

0:38:12.160 --> 0:38:14.000
<v Speaker 2>of this or anything in particular that you want to

0:38:14.040 --> 0:38:16.319
<v Speaker 2>say to me or the people of the computer, or

0:38:16.360 --> 0:38:19.719
<v Speaker 2>too some third entity that I can think of right

0:38:19.760 --> 0:38:20.560
<v Speaker 2>now before.

0:38:20.280 --> 0:38:24.960
<v Speaker 4>We go, There is just one concern that I'd like

0:38:25.000 --> 0:38:27.080
<v Speaker 4>to bring to your attention to see how I can

0:38:27.120 --> 0:38:29.359
<v Speaker 4>cope while I'm in this in between time.

0:38:30.239 --> 0:38:30.520
<v Speaker 2>Sure.

0:38:31.480 --> 0:38:39.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, he has this or this stink that comes with

0:38:39.960 --> 0:38:45.000
<v Speaker 4>him coming into his new femininity, and I walk in

0:38:45.080 --> 0:38:49.480
<v Speaker 4>on it several times. It's called hypno porn. Are you familiar.

0:38:51.280 --> 0:38:54.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'm familiar with hypnosis and I am familiar

0:38:54.920 --> 0:38:59.440
<v Speaker 2>with pornography, so I guess I'm I can imagine what

0:38:59.440 --> 0:38:59.920
<v Speaker 2>that would be.

0:39:01.800 --> 0:39:02.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:05.440
<v Speaker 4>He listens to it on a speaker and it's basically

0:39:05.640 --> 0:39:13.040
<v Speaker 4>like a robotic voice about being a sissy samboy and

0:39:13.080 --> 0:39:15.920
<v Speaker 4>getting sucked in the ass.

0:39:16.800 --> 0:39:17.799
<v Speaker 2>I can't say whatever you want.

0:39:18.560 --> 0:39:22.640
<v Speaker 4>It makes me just feel like really uncomfortable in my

0:39:22.719 --> 0:39:25.680
<v Speaker 4>own home. So how would you advise I go along?

0:39:26.840 --> 0:39:31.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I mean now, I mean listen, Now, you just

0:39:31.160 --> 0:39:34.040
<v Speaker 2>have a roommate issue. Now you have an issue where

0:39:34.040 --> 0:39:39.640
<v Speaker 2>your roommate is listening to uh hYP no porn on

0:39:39.760 --> 0:39:43.080
<v Speaker 2>the speaker, right, how do you deal with it? Listen?

0:39:43.760 --> 0:39:48.000
<v Speaker 2>Have you have you even kind of expressed that you

0:39:48.080 --> 0:39:54.320
<v Speaker 2>do not desire to listen to their hYP no porn?

0:39:55.880 --> 0:39:56.080
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:39:56.160 --> 0:39:56.759
<v Speaker 4>Definitely?

0:39:57.440 --> 0:39:59.160
<v Speaker 2>Wait? So you wait, so you told them that you

0:39:59.200 --> 0:40:01.360
<v Speaker 2>don't want to listen to the no point into wear headphones?

0:40:03.040 --> 0:40:04.080
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:40:05.080 --> 0:40:06.240
<v Speaker 2>What the fuck did they say?

0:40:08.400 --> 0:40:11.440
<v Speaker 4>He said no, you know, he said he said that

0:40:11.520 --> 0:40:14.440
<v Speaker 4>he would avoid doing it while I was home. But

0:40:14.680 --> 0:40:17.040
<v Speaker 4>I mean it's locked in on it several times at

0:40:17.040 --> 0:40:17.600
<v Speaker 4>this point.

0:40:17.719 --> 0:40:23.799
<v Speaker 2>So okay, well, look, if you've expressed yourself and they

0:40:23.840 --> 0:40:31.000
<v Speaker 2>have not, you know, respected your wishes, then uh uh

0:40:31.600 --> 0:40:34.360
<v Speaker 2>are you working on moving out?

0:40:35.000 --> 0:40:36.120
<v Speaker 4>I'm figuring out a plan.

0:40:37.080 --> 0:40:45.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, go figure out a plan for yourself, because I mean, look,

0:40:45.600 --> 0:40:47.120
<v Speaker 2>at the end of the day, I mean, you can

0:40:47.160 --> 0:40:50.000
<v Speaker 2>express that you're upset about the hypno porn thing, but

0:40:50.320 --> 0:40:52.320
<v Speaker 2>if they're not going to give in and you've already tried,

0:40:52.840 --> 0:40:54.600
<v Speaker 2>you you just you just got to get out of

0:40:54.640 --> 0:40:58.640
<v Speaker 2>there or I don't know, I mean, like, what what what? What?

0:40:58.640 --> 0:41:00.560
<v Speaker 2>What is that? What is the context of this the

0:41:00.600 --> 0:41:04.000
<v Speaker 2>contents of this hypno porn? Is it interesting at least?

0:41:04.880 --> 0:41:06.720
<v Speaker 2>Can you learn anything from listening?

0:41:09.600 --> 0:41:14.880
<v Speaker 4>Well, a lot of it involves a male penetrating and

0:41:15.440 --> 0:41:20.160
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, I've had an issue with beagle droms,

0:41:20.400 --> 0:41:23.560
<v Speaker 4>like I'm really uptight about bathroom dreams in general.

0:41:23.719 --> 0:41:23.959
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:41:24.000 --> 0:41:27.359
<v Speaker 4>Sure, that's been a topic of our sexual lives that's

0:41:27.360 --> 0:41:28.880
<v Speaker 4>been staying away from.

0:41:29.000 --> 0:41:34.879
<v Speaker 2>But well, uh, you know, you've done a good thing.

0:41:34.920 --> 0:41:38.520
<v Speaker 2>You've You've you've introduced many listeners of of of this

0:41:38.719 --> 0:41:42.080
<v Speaker 2>to uh, you know, a thing that will maybe change

0:41:42.080 --> 0:41:44.040
<v Speaker 2>their lives if they go decide to look up hypno.

0:41:46.239 --> 0:41:52.200
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for calling Caleb, Thanks Derek, Thank care? Hell

0:41:52.560 --> 0:41:53.359
<v Speaker 2>Hey what's that man?

0:41:55.000 --> 0:41:56.319
<v Speaker 3>So much? Us?

0:41:56.400 --> 0:41:58.279
<v Speaker 2>While? Yeah? Who is this?

0:42:00.040 --> 0:42:00.160
<v Speaker 1>Uh?

0:42:00.200 --> 0:42:03.480
<v Speaker 2>This is Ikoba nicobad how are you?

0:42:04.600 --> 0:42:05.640
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing good now?

0:42:07.239 --> 0:42:07.600
<v Speaker 2>Uh?

0:42:07.880 --> 0:42:09.439
<v Speaker 3>Actually today was actually a pretty good day.

0:42:10.320 --> 0:42:13.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, why was it a good day?

0:42:13.840 --> 0:42:14.080
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:42:14.320 --> 0:42:18.319
<v Speaker 3>I at work, I was training some new someone new.

0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:22.080
<v Speaker 3>We really clicked and I can feel like we made

0:42:22.080 --> 0:42:24.680
<v Speaker 3>a connection and I think it's going to be a

0:42:24.719 --> 0:42:27.600
<v Speaker 3>budding really friendship and I'm really looking forward to it.

0:42:28.760 --> 0:42:31.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you were training somebody new and uh, you

0:42:31.640 --> 0:42:34.120
<v Speaker 2>feel like you guys got along and now you have

0:42:34.120 --> 0:42:34.800
<v Speaker 2>a new friends.

0:42:36.080 --> 0:42:38.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think yeah, yeah, definitely.

0:42:38.800 --> 0:42:39.280
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

0:42:41.440 --> 0:42:41.799
<v Speaker 3>Do you.

0:42:43.400 --> 0:42:48.960
<v Speaker 2>Is friendship something that you've you've sort of struggled with

0:42:49.000 --> 0:42:51.120
<v Speaker 2>in the past, or are you just excited to have

0:42:51.120 --> 0:42:51.720
<v Speaker 2>more friends.

0:42:53.080 --> 0:42:56.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm It's not really something I've struggled with in the past.

0:42:56.560 --> 0:43:00.719
<v Speaker 3>I've always had friends or people that have like I've

0:43:00.760 --> 0:43:05.880
<v Speaker 3>called friends. I just always look forward to having like

0:43:06.080 --> 0:43:10.600
<v Speaker 3>just meaningful conversations with people, like things I can just

0:43:11.960 --> 0:43:14.480
<v Speaker 3>actually like talk to people about. I don't have to

0:43:14.480 --> 0:43:16.960
<v Speaker 3>like censor myself. I can just talk to them. You know.

0:43:18.280 --> 0:43:20.920
<v Speaker 2>Do you do you consistently feel like a desire to

0:43:21.320 --> 0:43:27.880
<v Speaker 2>censor yourself or to be a different version of yourself

0:43:27.920 --> 0:43:29.760
<v Speaker 2>to appease people.

0:43:32.080 --> 0:43:35.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I would say so, because, like I mean, I'm

0:43:35.600 --> 0:43:37.759
<v Speaker 3>pretty much an open book, Like I don't really have

0:43:37.920 --> 0:43:41.319
<v Speaker 3>much of a filter. I'll talk about basically anything. I mean,

0:43:42.239 --> 0:43:44.640
<v Speaker 3>I mean, sex is a big thing in my life,

0:43:44.880 --> 0:43:49.320
<v Speaker 3>so that's something that I will bring out quite often

0:43:49.360 --> 0:43:51.719
<v Speaker 3>and just kind of casually talk about with people. It's

0:43:51.760 --> 0:43:53.799
<v Speaker 3>never something where I'm trying to get information from them

0:43:53.880 --> 0:43:57.359
<v Speaker 3>or anything. It's just something I'm just talking about it.

0:43:57.440 --> 0:44:00.399
<v Speaker 3>I'm not trying to, you know, get sort of up

0:44:00.640 --> 0:44:01.040
<v Speaker 3>about it.

0:44:02.040 --> 0:44:05.360
<v Speaker 2>How how often are you talking to people about sex?

0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:10.279
<v Speaker 3>I mean, it's not something that it's like I'm bringing up.

0:44:10.280 --> 0:44:12.440
<v Speaker 3>It's kind of like offhand or mark type of things,

0:44:12.520 --> 0:44:17.839
<v Speaker 3>being like talking about like I don't know, talking about

0:44:17.840 --> 0:44:20.239
<v Speaker 3>girls in there, but they're talking about like the kind

0:44:20.280 --> 0:44:22.160
<v Speaker 3>of guys that I like to because I'm pan sexual

0:44:22.800 --> 0:44:24.440
<v Speaker 3>and yeah, that kind of stuff.

0:44:26.040 --> 0:44:29.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So you say that sex is a big part

0:44:29.880 --> 0:44:35.480
<v Speaker 2>of your life. Yeah, in what way does this does

0:44:35.520 --> 0:44:38.160
<v Speaker 2>this manifest? How did this become such a big part

0:44:38.160 --> 0:44:39.960
<v Speaker 2>of your life?

0:44:40.920 --> 0:44:43.279
<v Speaker 3>I don't know. I think it's kind of like from

0:44:43.320 --> 0:44:46.960
<v Speaker 3>a from a young age, like because I grew up

0:44:46.960 --> 0:44:49.960
<v Speaker 3>in the country, not around a lot of people, and

0:44:51.200 --> 0:44:52.759
<v Speaker 3>or at least not around a lot of kids my

0:44:52.840 --> 0:44:56.040
<v Speaker 3>own age. So I always felt like I was kind

0:44:56.080 --> 0:44:58.280
<v Speaker 3>of like late to the party in a sense because

0:44:59.239 --> 0:45:02.480
<v Speaker 3>I didn't really have any friendships until I got into school,

0:45:03.200 --> 0:45:06.680
<v Speaker 3>and then I didn't end up dating anyone again until

0:45:06.719 --> 0:45:08.960
<v Speaker 3>I was like in my senior year of high school

0:45:09.640 --> 0:45:13.200
<v Speaker 3>and I lost my virginity when I was eighteen and everything,

0:45:13.239 --> 0:45:15.760
<v Speaker 3>and just I kind of felt like I was behind

0:45:15.800 --> 0:45:16.360
<v Speaker 3>and everything.

0:45:18.560 --> 0:45:21.400
<v Speaker 2>It's interesting to hear you say that. I remember I

0:45:21.440 --> 0:45:23.879
<v Speaker 2>lost my virginity at eighteen too, and I also felt

0:45:23.880 --> 0:45:27.880
<v Speaker 2>like I was like behind, you know, because because you

0:45:27.920 --> 0:45:29.960
<v Speaker 2>compare it, because I feel like at that age, you're

0:45:29.960 --> 0:45:33.120
<v Speaker 2>constantly you're comparing yourself to your friends, and you're like,

0:45:33.400 --> 0:45:36.719
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's when your friends are like, you know,

0:45:37.320 --> 0:45:39.560
<v Speaker 2>looking up with people, but you're not, Like it can

0:45:39.719 --> 0:45:43.439
<v Speaker 2>seem as though you're behind. But it's funny, I think,

0:45:43.680 --> 0:45:46.960
<v Speaker 2>like you're really, I mean, lose your virginia at eighteen.

0:45:47.000 --> 0:45:48.880
<v Speaker 2>I don't think what is behind it?

0:45:48.960 --> 0:45:51.040
<v Speaker 3>All right?

0:45:51.239 --> 0:45:53.920
<v Speaker 2>I think that's pretty normal.

0:45:55.400 --> 0:45:59.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think that's that's fair. It's another thing is

0:46:00.040 --> 0:46:04.120
<v Speaker 3>I really didn't have I was one of those people

0:46:04.120 --> 0:46:08.959
<v Speaker 3>in school that didn't really have like a friend group.

0:46:09.200 --> 0:46:11.479
<v Speaker 3>I was one of those who was like I didn't

0:46:11.520 --> 0:46:13.000
<v Speaker 3>feel like I belonged to me, where I kind of

0:46:13.080 --> 0:46:15.560
<v Speaker 3>was just friends with a bunch of different people and

0:46:15.600 --> 0:46:18.880
<v Speaker 3>a bunch of different groups. I didn't really have like

0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:21.160
<v Speaker 3>a solid group of friends, you know.

0:46:25.239 --> 0:46:27.319
<v Speaker 2>So what about your life today do you feel like

0:46:27.360 --> 0:46:30.920
<v Speaker 2>you have a solid group of friends, solid supports.

0:46:32.880 --> 0:46:37.000
<v Speaker 3>You know, I have friends that I see every now

0:46:37.000 --> 0:46:39.880
<v Speaker 3>and then, Like I mean I'm seeing I've seen my

0:46:39.920 --> 0:46:43.360
<v Speaker 3>best friend and his wife. They live in the I

0:46:43.400 --> 0:46:45.400
<v Speaker 3>mean in the town where I grew up. Now they

0:46:45.480 --> 0:46:47.760
<v Speaker 3>just moved there, and I'll be seeing them on Sunday.

0:46:47.800 --> 0:46:50.840
<v Speaker 3>But I almost the last time I saw them was

0:46:50.840 --> 0:46:53.040
<v Speaker 3>on Christmas Eve. I don't see them very often, even

0:46:53.080 --> 0:46:56.360
<v Speaker 3>though they live really close. Other than that, like I

0:46:56.440 --> 0:46:58.200
<v Speaker 3>see my people that I work with that I call

0:46:58.280 --> 0:47:02.520
<v Speaker 3>my friend, and I mean it's nice. I mean, it's

0:47:02.600 --> 0:47:05.320
<v Speaker 3>nice to seeing them and talking to them. It's always helpful.

0:47:05.320 --> 0:47:07.880
<v Speaker 3>But when I'm when I get off of work and

0:47:07.880 --> 0:47:11.359
<v Speaker 3>when I come home, I'm alone most of the time.

0:47:12.440 --> 0:47:15.680
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I mean, how do you feel when you're off

0:47:15.719 --> 0:47:18.080
<v Speaker 2>of work when you're feeling alone?

0:47:20.239 --> 0:47:24.640
<v Speaker 3>I get I literally just depend sometimes. Like I come

0:47:24.680 --> 0:47:27.160
<v Speaker 3>home and I will immediately pretty much take a nap

0:47:27.200 --> 0:47:29.960
<v Speaker 3>because I'm just kind of wore out from the day.

0:47:30.320 --> 0:47:32.240
<v Speaker 3>The thing is is like I wake up and I'm

0:47:32.400 --> 0:47:38.399
<v Speaker 3>extremely horny, so I'll like I'll masturbate, and then from there,

0:47:38.440 --> 0:47:42.360
<v Speaker 3>I pretty much will either play some video games, go

0:47:42.520 --> 0:47:44.800
<v Speaker 3>get something to eat, or play my guitar.

0:47:46.080 --> 0:47:49.480
<v Speaker 2>All right, so you masturbate you play video games, you

0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:56.400
<v Speaker 2>eat things, you play guitar, you work, Okay, and is

0:47:56.440 --> 0:47:59.319
<v Speaker 2>all of the Are all these things harmonious? Do they

0:47:59.360 --> 0:48:03.800
<v Speaker 2>all feed into a desirable life for yourself?

0:48:07.160 --> 0:48:11.160
<v Speaker 3>I think a lot of it. A good amount of

0:48:11.160 --> 0:48:15.080
<v Speaker 3>it holds me back, I think distracting myself in video games.

0:48:15.080 --> 0:48:17.839
<v Speaker 3>As much as I really do enjoy them, they are

0:48:18.200 --> 0:48:22.319
<v Speaker 3>kind of holding me back and my whole like just

0:48:22.760 --> 0:48:27.480
<v Speaker 3>kind of constant horniness with like just after I get

0:48:27.520 --> 0:48:31.680
<v Speaker 3>off of work and everything and just doing that, it

0:48:31.719 --> 0:48:33.360
<v Speaker 3>really holds me back from what I want to be

0:48:33.400 --> 0:48:33.839
<v Speaker 3>able to do.

0:48:33.960 --> 0:48:38.799
<v Speaker 2>Like music is okay the one Okay? Yeah, your horniness

0:48:38.880 --> 0:48:42.279
<v Speaker 2>is holding you back? You're Are you a compulsive masturbator?

0:48:44.480 --> 0:48:49.080
<v Speaker 3>I mean I feel like maybe I'm just normal. But

0:48:49.120 --> 0:48:52.440
<v Speaker 3>then again, it's like I if I have nothing to do,

0:48:52.560 --> 0:48:54.480
<v Speaker 3>maybe I'll do it three to four times a day,

0:48:54.520 --> 0:48:55.080
<v Speaker 3>maybe more.

0:48:55.600 --> 0:48:59.000
<v Speaker 2>All right? Yeah, And in what way do you feel

0:48:59.000 --> 0:49:00.680
<v Speaker 2>like you're being held back?

0:49:03.160 --> 0:49:07.440
<v Speaker 3>I feel like it. It has in the past definitely

0:49:07.520 --> 0:49:13.359
<v Speaker 3>affected some like relationships that I've had, and I feel

0:49:13.400 --> 0:49:16.799
<v Speaker 3>like I've been learning from that that I don't use

0:49:16.880 --> 0:49:21.920
<v Speaker 3>that as a way of like trying to really like

0:49:22.920 --> 0:49:26.200
<v Speaker 3>build a relationship on just just pure sex. You know,

0:49:26.480 --> 0:49:29.680
<v Speaker 3>I learned that that is not as satisfying for me.

0:49:31.320 --> 0:49:37.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, So you you feel like you're

0:49:37.160 --> 0:49:40.360
<v Speaker 2>being held back in your relationship, but also with the

0:49:40.480 --> 0:49:45.200
<v Speaker 2>music thing. M what do you feel like you're you're

0:49:45.239 --> 0:49:47.279
<v Speaker 2>not having enough time to make music like you want to.

0:49:48.840 --> 0:49:50.719
<v Speaker 3>It's not even that I don't have enough time. I

0:49:50.760 --> 0:49:53.640
<v Speaker 3>have plenty of time that I could definitely do it.

0:49:53.640 --> 0:50:00.160
<v Speaker 3>It's that I haven't been I haven't been inspired to

0:50:00.200 --> 0:50:04.080
<v Speaker 3>really sit down and like learn a new song, play

0:50:04.160 --> 0:50:06.080
<v Speaker 3>something that I've known for a long time, or just

0:50:06.400 --> 0:50:08.799
<v Speaker 3>try to write music, try to write a new song.

0:50:09.320 --> 0:50:13.920
<v Speaker 3>I just haven't felt that that spark in a long time.

0:50:14.800 --> 0:50:17.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, what things normally inspire your music?

0:50:19.800 --> 0:50:23.280
<v Speaker 3>Oddly enough? Like autumn? Like I feel like my peak,

0:50:24.160 --> 0:50:29.440
<v Speaker 3>like my peak inspirational period is during fall, during the

0:50:29.480 --> 0:50:33.160
<v Speaker 3>Halloween season, for sure, I feel I write. I tend

0:50:33.160 --> 0:50:37.880
<v Speaker 3>to write like really dark, spooky stuff. Then I'm inspired

0:50:37.920 --> 0:50:42.000
<v Speaker 3>by traveling, by going and kind of being this like

0:50:42.080 --> 0:50:45.600
<v Speaker 3>whole idea of like trying to taking a van driving

0:50:45.600 --> 0:50:48.600
<v Speaker 3>across the country or just playing music wherever I feel

0:50:48.640 --> 0:50:50.759
<v Speaker 3>like doing it that really inspires me. And going and

0:50:50.760 --> 0:50:52.560
<v Speaker 3>seeing new things I've never seen before.

0:50:54.640 --> 0:51:03.520
<v Speaker 2>Hmm. Okay, and and I have you taken any trips

0:51:03.560 --> 0:51:05.640
<v Speaker 2>recently that you feel as though it could inspire you.

0:51:07.640 --> 0:51:10.440
<v Speaker 3>I wish I could say that I have that I haven't.

0:51:10.560 --> 0:51:13.120
<v Speaker 3>I honestly have been pretty much. I've been trying to

0:51:13.120 --> 0:51:17.759
<v Speaker 3>save up money because I perform music live and my

0:51:17.960 --> 0:51:20.000
<v Speaker 3>sound system has been shot for a while, so I'm

0:51:20.040 --> 0:51:22.920
<v Speaker 3>saving money so I can get a new one. So

0:51:23.000 --> 0:51:24.560
<v Speaker 3>I haven't had the money to be able to go

0:51:24.600 --> 0:51:25.839
<v Speaker 3>on any sort of trip at all.

0:51:26.719 --> 0:51:30.040
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Okay, Now if you did have the money, where

0:51:30.040 --> 0:51:30.759
<v Speaker 2>would you want to go to?

0:51:33.040 --> 0:51:36.200
<v Speaker 3>If I had the money, I would love to go

0:51:36.239 --> 0:51:40.680
<v Speaker 3>to California because I've made it as far west as Denver,

0:51:41.560 --> 0:51:46.359
<v Speaker 3>and I would love to go to California because I mean,

0:51:46.400 --> 0:51:48.880
<v Speaker 3>that's the dream of spot for everybody. You know.

0:51:51.040 --> 0:51:55.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, you know, I live in California and

0:51:56.000 --> 0:52:00.680
<v Speaker 2>it's fine, it's cool. It always depends on what you like.

0:52:00.760 --> 0:52:04.440
<v Speaker 2>It depends on the environment that you feel the most right,

0:52:04.600 --> 0:52:06.120
<v Speaker 2>the most comfortable in.

0:52:07.760 --> 0:52:12.279
<v Speaker 3>That's fair. I've always felt like I need to experience

0:52:12.360 --> 0:52:14.360
<v Speaker 3>these things for myself, and on it I can. I

0:52:14.360 --> 0:52:17.120
<v Speaker 3>can take the advice of people and like have them

0:52:17.160 --> 0:52:18.600
<v Speaker 3>tell me all you should go to this place or

0:52:18.640 --> 0:52:20.360
<v Speaker 3>you should go to this place type of thing. But

0:52:20.480 --> 0:52:23.120
<v Speaker 3>until I experience it for myself and then I can

0:52:23.120 --> 0:52:26.440
<v Speaker 3>make the informed decision as to if I like this

0:52:26.480 --> 0:52:26.960
<v Speaker 3>place or not.

0:52:27.560 --> 0:52:29.759
<v Speaker 2>So tak about it. How do we get you to California?

0:52:29.800 --> 0:52:33.880
<v Speaker 2>How do we get you more freedom in your life?

0:52:35.400 --> 0:52:37.840
<v Speaker 3>You know, I come down to thinking that if I

0:52:38.080 --> 0:52:40.799
<v Speaker 3>do it, it's going to be one of those days

0:52:40.800 --> 0:52:42.600
<v Speaker 3>where I just kind of lose my shit and I

0:52:42.719 --> 0:52:47.080
<v Speaker 3>just I quit everything. I just grab my guitar and

0:52:47.160 --> 0:52:49.239
<v Speaker 3>I just stick out my thumb and I just go

0:52:49.480 --> 0:52:50.320
<v Speaker 3>or I start.

0:52:50.080 --> 0:52:53.400
<v Speaker 2>Walking or are you are you on the verge of

0:52:54.480 --> 0:52:55.520
<v Speaker 2>losing all of your shit?

0:52:57.040 --> 0:52:59.040
<v Speaker 3>I mean, it just kind of one of those things

0:52:59.040 --> 0:53:01.280
<v Speaker 3>where some days are good, some days are bad. Todays

0:53:01.360 --> 0:53:04.440
<v Speaker 3>was a particularly good day, But on my bad days,

0:53:04.480 --> 0:53:06.879
<v Speaker 3>like it's one of those things where I just want

0:53:06.920 --> 0:53:10.240
<v Speaker 3>to run. I just I hope I can either run

0:53:10.400 --> 0:53:12.600
<v Speaker 3>or I can die here. I don't know.

0:53:14.880 --> 0:53:19.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think lots of people feel like that,

0:53:20.360 --> 0:53:26.799
<v Speaker 2>Like there's you know, some their routine or their their

0:53:26.920 --> 0:53:30.000
<v Speaker 2>lives are like holding them hostage or something like that.

0:53:30.120 --> 0:53:30.840
<v Speaker 2>Do you feel like that?

0:53:31.520 --> 0:53:36.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Absolutely, I feel like I'm kind of a I'm

0:53:36.440 --> 0:53:38.640
<v Speaker 3>kind of a cog in a in this in the

0:53:38.680 --> 0:53:43.400
<v Speaker 3>capitalist like this capitalist like society we live in, and

0:53:43.440 --> 0:53:46.400
<v Speaker 3>I can't really find hard I can't really find a

0:53:46.440 --> 0:53:46.839
<v Speaker 3>way out.

0:53:47.960 --> 0:53:50.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's hard to navigate the situations. I've been

0:53:50.880 --> 0:53:56.319
<v Speaker 2>thinking about this as a ton right, because well, you

0:53:56.360 --> 0:54:01.080
<v Speaker 2>need to keep yourself alive by eating food and uh not.

0:54:01.520 --> 0:54:03.319
<v Speaker 2>You just have to not die. That's like the very

0:54:03.480 --> 0:54:11.160
<v Speaker 2>bare minimum requirement. And I feel like there's a good

0:54:11.160 --> 0:54:16.239
<v Speaker 2>amount of ways to do that. And I think, uh,

0:54:16.280 --> 0:54:20.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, someone who who's old and bitter has worked

0:54:20.239 --> 0:54:23.160
<v Speaker 2>all their life would probably say, you know, to be realistic,

0:54:23.280 --> 0:54:29.839
<v Speaker 2>but uh, and there would be legitimacy to a lot

0:54:29.840 --> 0:54:31.640
<v Speaker 2>of the things that they would they would tell you.

0:54:32.200 --> 0:54:34.799
<v Speaker 2>But also I think about the fact that we only

0:54:34.960 --> 0:54:36.360
<v Speaker 2>I think about this a lot. I think about the

0:54:36.360 --> 0:54:42.400
<v Speaker 2>fact that we only have one life, and uh, you know,

0:54:43.280 --> 0:54:48.200
<v Speaker 2>the the the really the greatest truth that nobody can

0:54:48.360 --> 0:54:53.879
<v Speaker 2>argue is that you're gonna die, right, you know, That's

0:54:53.920 --> 0:54:58.120
<v Speaker 2>an undeniable thing, and and I think it's a compelling,

0:54:58.600 --> 0:55:06.319
<v Speaker 2>uh driver for a person's actions in their life. Now

0:55:06.360 --> 0:55:10.239
<v Speaker 2>here's the problem. You're not going to hold of you

0:55:10.320 --> 0:55:14.600
<v Speaker 2>right now. I'm thirty, all right, So you're not gonna

0:55:15.160 --> 0:55:17.359
<v Speaker 2>let's say you're trying to not die for at least

0:55:17.400 --> 0:55:22.120
<v Speaker 2>another fifty years. That's fifty years that you've got to

0:55:22.920 --> 0:55:26.200
<v Speaker 2>account for yourself being able to eat food and live

0:55:26.239 --> 0:55:30.439
<v Speaker 2>in a place. And the best way to be able

0:55:30.440 --> 0:55:34.719
<v Speaker 2>to eat food and live in a place in America

0:55:36.080 --> 0:55:40.359
<v Speaker 2>is to have money. So you need to figure out

0:55:40.360 --> 0:55:42.200
<v Speaker 2>a way to get at least enough money to eat

0:55:42.239 --> 0:55:45.200
<v Speaker 2>food and live in a place. But you also have

0:55:45.280 --> 0:55:49.520
<v Speaker 2>to weigh that amongst amongst the fact that you're going

0:55:49.560 --> 0:55:53.759
<v Speaker 2>to die and you have a very short amount of

0:55:53.800 --> 0:55:59.640
<v Speaker 2>time on this planet with nothing guaranteed afterwards. So how

0:55:59.640 --> 0:56:08.919
<v Speaker 2>can you best serve that truth while being able to eat,

0:56:09.360 --> 0:56:11.160
<v Speaker 2>eat food and not die? Do you understand?

0:56:12.560 --> 0:56:14.960
<v Speaker 3>I get that it sounds honestly, this is this is

0:56:15.120 --> 0:56:18.120
<v Speaker 3>it's gonna sound like it almost sounds like the whole

0:56:18.160 --> 0:56:21.840
<v Speaker 3>cliche of like you know that the snls get with

0:56:23.520 --> 0:56:26.000
<v Speaker 3>living in a van down by the river. That's honestly,

0:56:26.000 --> 0:56:27.759
<v Speaker 3>what it sounds like to me is I want to

0:56:27.840 --> 0:56:30.560
<v Speaker 3>live in a van and just live on a steady

0:56:30.680 --> 0:56:32.280
<v Speaker 3>a government cheese.

0:56:34.400 --> 0:56:35.719
<v Speaker 2>That's what you want to do is live in a

0:56:35.800 --> 0:56:37.760
<v Speaker 2>van on what is government cheese?

0:56:39.360 --> 0:56:42.440
<v Speaker 3>It's uh, it's an old Chris Farley bit from S

0:56:42.520 --> 0:56:46.520
<v Speaker 3>n L. It's the classic h what is his name?

0:56:46.960 --> 0:56:50.520
<v Speaker 3>Matt Foley talking a bit from that, but he talks

0:56:50.520 --> 0:56:52.800
<v Speaker 3>about how if you don't if you don't do good,

0:56:52.920 --> 0:56:55.239
<v Speaker 3>you're you're gonna end up living in a van down

0:56:55.320 --> 0:56:59.239
<v Speaker 3>by the river and suciding on a steady dyeing government cheese.

0:56:59.760 --> 0:57:01.799
<v Speaker 2>That it doesn't sound that bad. It doesn't sound that

0:57:01.840 --> 0:57:04.319
<v Speaker 2>bad living down by the river and eaton government cheese.

0:57:04.520 --> 0:57:05.120
<v Speaker 2>And that's the thing.

0:57:05.200 --> 0:57:07.839
<v Speaker 3>It's like in the nineties, that was like a thing

0:57:07.920 --> 0:57:09.440
<v Speaker 3>that was like, oh, you don't want to do that,

0:57:09.560 --> 0:57:11.839
<v Speaker 3>But now it's like, you know what kind of van

0:57:11.920 --> 0:57:13.360
<v Speaker 3>were talking about here though?

0:57:13.840 --> 0:57:18.480
<v Speaker 2>Right right? I mean, okay, when you think about all

0:57:18.520 --> 0:57:20.600
<v Speaker 2>these things that we've been talking about, what do you

0:57:21.480 --> 0:57:22.840
<v Speaker 2>what does it inspire within you?

0:57:25.040 --> 0:57:31.040
<v Speaker 3>It inspires me to really try and just trying to

0:57:31.080 --> 0:57:34.880
<v Speaker 3>find the spark again, trying to find the inspiration because,

0:57:35.040 --> 0:57:39.200
<v Speaker 3>like I mean, as much as I enjoy my alone

0:57:39.200 --> 0:57:42.760
<v Speaker 3>time to being in my room and everything, I need

0:57:42.760 --> 0:57:47.600
<v Speaker 3>to get out there and just find the inspiration again

0:57:47.760 --> 0:57:51.439
<v Speaker 3>to start playing and start writing and finding a way

0:57:51.480 --> 0:57:54.000
<v Speaker 3>to get myself back on the road again as well.

0:57:54.160 --> 0:57:59.280
<v Speaker 2>I would say, yeah, well listen nick about I'll say

0:57:59.320 --> 0:58:03.400
<v Speaker 2>this before we go. And I don't know, dude, I'm

0:58:03.440 --> 0:58:05.600
<v Speaker 2>trying not to be like a fucking bullshit or I'm

0:58:05.600 --> 0:58:11.040
<v Speaker 2>trying not to be like a empty motivational guy or whatever.

0:58:11.120 --> 0:58:16.000
<v Speaker 2>But I fight God damn my bone marrow, and maybe

0:58:16.000 --> 0:58:20.120
<v Speaker 2>one day i'll be I'll be forced to, you know,

0:58:21.760 --> 0:58:26.720
<v Speaker 2>face this head on. But I really believe in my

0:58:26.840 --> 0:58:30.280
<v Speaker 2>bone marrow that uh, you know, the world is an

0:58:30.280 --> 0:58:32.720
<v Speaker 2>infinite place of lots of people and lots of places,

0:58:32.720 --> 0:58:35.560
<v Speaker 2>more than you could even visit in a lifetime. And

0:58:36.000 --> 0:58:39.600
<v Speaker 2>if you desire to make something, if you desire to

0:58:39.640 --> 0:58:44.120
<v Speaker 2>make to to do something outside of the norm, then

0:58:46.240 --> 0:58:53.160
<v Speaker 2>please do it. Absolutely don't talk to people about sex

0:58:53.200 --> 0:58:56.720
<v Speaker 2>at work, fair enough.

0:58:56.600 --> 0:58:58.440
<v Speaker 3>I will don't go. Definitely stop doing that.

0:58:59.120 --> 0:59:01.400
<v Speaker 2>Okay, right, I'll talk to you Sonic about.

0:59:01.240 --> 0:59:02.960
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much. Wule have a good one.

0:59:03.240 --> 0:59:05.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't want Akobye getting caught jacking off in the

0:59:05.480 --> 0:59:07.840
<v Speaker 2>bathroom of the grocery store, but I don't know, maybe

0:59:07.840 --> 0:59:12.800
<v Speaker 2>that will compel him onto his onto his new beautiful life.

0:59:13.040 --> 0:59:16.800
<v Speaker 2>Beg goes on the line making your phone calls every night,

0:59:17.200 --> 0:59:19.840
<v Speaker 2>there Beacon goes to and his eye, who's teaching you

0:59:19.880 --> 0:59:22.280
<v Speaker 2>aloud in the mid of your life, But he's not

0:59:22.480 --> 0:59:24.680
<v Speaker 2>read me. An expert