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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hi, Hello.

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Speaker 2: How are you.

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Speaker 1: Just chilling looking at the fucking ocean and just.

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Speaker 2: Chilling looking at the fucking ocean and drinking beer? Okay?

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Speaker 2: How many beers are you telling him?

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Speaker 1: And I am here what you said?

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Cody. It says here that, uh, you were

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Speaker 2: banned in my twitch chat and you you say here

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Speaker 2: that you would like to be redeemed.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I would like to be redeemed.

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Speaker 2: Okay. Do you remember what you were banned for?

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Speaker 1: For the most part?

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Speaker 2: Okay, well tell tell me, tell me the most of

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Speaker 2: that part.

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Speaker 1: Uh. I was just watching the stream one night, and

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Speaker 1: I wasn't only one in the chat that was getting upset.

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Speaker 1: Some some girl just kept going on and on and

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Speaker 1: I told her to shut the fuck up.

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Speaker 2: The band okay, Okay, So somebody was was talking on

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Speaker 2: the stream, you told them to shut the fuck up,

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Speaker 2: and you got bands okay. And now you are coming

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Speaker 2: to me for for for redemption. And I assume this

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Speaker 2: means that you've you've h regret do you look? So

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Speaker 2: let me ask you this. Do you regret saying that

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Speaker 2: in the chat?

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Speaker 1: I regret it saying it to that person.

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Speaker 2: You regretted by saying it to that person.

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Speaker 1: I regret it saying to that person, and individually.

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Speaker 2: You regret saying it to that person individually. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 2: why do you regret it?

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Speaker 1: Because I love you?

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Speaker 2: Okay, So because you love me, you regret typing in

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Speaker 2: the chats telling this person to shut up? Yes? Okay,

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Speaker 2: what's your user? What's your username? Is?

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Speaker 1: On my high Horse underscore?

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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna look you up right now. Hold on, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna is it. Okay if I read exactly what

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Speaker 2: you said.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can, because because I don't even remember what

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Speaker 1: I said.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, were you were you drunk when you

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Speaker 2: said it?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, here we go.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, okay.

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm not gonna you know, I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: read this. Okay, I'm not going to read this because

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Speaker 2: I'm it'll just perpetuated into the universe. Okay, you were

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Speaker 2: you were? You were banned a year ago. You were

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Speaker 2: banned a year ago.

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Speaker 1: I've been around for a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you're banned a year ago. Solid solid band. Deserved band.

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Speaker 2: It's deserve Okay, why do you feel like it's deserved?

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Speaker 1: It was just not nice?

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Speaker 2: Okay, because here here, here's the thing is you know,

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Speaker 2: and look, I am not I don't desire nor do

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Speaker 2: I feel qualified to be any kind of moral arbiter

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Speaker 2: in the universe. I'm here to tell you it was

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Speaker 2: bad and was good, but I mean it was a

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Speaker 2: pretty deserved band. So you feel like you you regret

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Speaker 2: it because you like me, but not because you feel

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Speaker 2: like it was a mean thing to say.

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Speaker 1: I think it was me. It was mean, but it's fun,

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Speaker 1: It's all. I don't know. Like, I just I'm a

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Speaker 1: very confrontational person and I don't really want to be.

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Speaker 1: But like I got pretty much. I got let go.

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Speaker 1: I didn't get fired, but I got let go of

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Speaker 1: my dream job. Okay, and it was in law enforcement,

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Speaker 1: that's all I will say.

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Speaker 3: M hm.

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Speaker 1: And I got let go of an incident that happened.

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Speaker 1: And ever since then, I have been just pissed off

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Speaker 1: at this fucking world, in every single body, and I

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Speaker 1: just like confrontation.

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Speaker 3: M hmm.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know what the fuck to do about it. Kay,

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Speaker 1: has turned me into just a complete asshole.

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Speaker 2: Okay, do you do you do you have a real therapist?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well here's the thing. You definitely need to go

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Speaker 2: to a real therapist, because it sounds like you, uh

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Speaker 2: you know, are having a difficult time and it is

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Speaker 2: causing you to uh deflect that out in ways they're

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Speaker 2: not amazing. And look, I think everyone's entitled to to

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Speaker 2: uh walk their path towards uh you know, becoming better

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Speaker 2: whatever that looks like you for themselves. Why Okay, when

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Speaker 2: did this thing happen that you say is the catalyst

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Speaker 2: for you being angry?

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Speaker 1: You talking about when I got fired from my law

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Speaker 1: enforcement job. Yes, it was about like it's been like

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Speaker 1: five years. Okay, Well, like there's there's a thing called

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Speaker 1: Post and Post is essentially like court for people in

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Speaker 1: law enforcement that I like have to go through to

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Speaker 1: get approved to eat like work in law enforcement again.

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Speaker 1: But it's like I can't go right now, Like even

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Speaker 1: if I do go, like, I don't know if I'll

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Speaker 1: have a job in law enforcement again. So I don't

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Speaker 1: even know if I want to go or not.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I just like it.

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Speaker 1: It'll be a waste of time for me to even go.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So you were fired from a law enforcement job.

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Speaker 3: I was.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't fired the sheriff. The sheriff where I worked

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Speaker 1: at she she was kind of like a family friend

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Speaker 1: kind of thing, and that's how I got the job

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Speaker 1: in the first place. And then I had I had

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Speaker 1: worked for about three years and the incident happened, and

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Speaker 1: then she essentially just told me just to kind of

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Speaker 1: head on out before I do get fired, you know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And you say there is some sort of a

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Speaker 2: court that people go to to to try to get

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Speaker 2: reassigned for jobs.

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Speaker 1: Pretty much, I mean, I pretty much I got fired.

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Speaker 1: I pretty much got fired, but but I didn't get

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Speaker 1: fired though. She kind of just told me to leave.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't get fired though. She just took like, okay,

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Speaker 1: all right everything.

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Speaker 2: So so so I mean, listen, these I don't I

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Speaker 2: don't even Okay, So this happens. You no longer worked

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Speaker 2: your job, and you this is something that made you

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Speaker 2: very upset. It happened five years ago, and for the

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Speaker 2: past five years you have been upset. You have been angry,

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Speaker 2: and you say that, uh, wrestling with this anger, you

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Speaker 2: have taken it out on other people, and as you say,

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Speaker 2: you have become an asshole.

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Speaker 1: Yes, because I lost the job that that was my

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Speaker 1: dream job, and I don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

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Speaker 2: Okay, my dream job.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and then I don't give a fuck about anything

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Speaker 1: or anybody anymore.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, let me his thing. I'm gonna talk

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Speaker 2: to you about this. You also talk to this about

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Speaker 2: this with the real therapist. Let me ask you a question. Okay,

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Speaker 2: this job was your dream job? What? Why was it

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Speaker 2: your dream job?

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Speaker 1: To be like, I don't know what?

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Speaker 2: What? Like?

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Speaker 1: What made it my dream job?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like it literally they could call me

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Speaker 1: like I would work seven days a week if they were, like,

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Speaker 1: I just loved it, like okay, so let me dream

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Speaker 1: job like I just enjoyed it so much.

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Speaker 2: Tell me tell what did you enjoy about it?

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I guess like having power over people. I don't know that.

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Speaker 1: That sounds bad. That sounds bad for all I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: not speaking for all of them. No, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Well, I mean, let's get into it. Well, okay,

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Speaker 2: well let's hear it. Well here here, okay, hold on,

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Speaker 2: all right, let's get into that for a second. Let's

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Speaker 2: get into that for a second. Why did you like

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Speaker 2: having power over people?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I'm I'm kind of a

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Speaker 1: smaller built.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I don't know, and this is true. I mean,

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Speaker 2: are you You're not fucking with me? This is all No, Okay,

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Speaker 2: you liked having power over people because you are a

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Speaker 2: smaller guy. Throughout your life, do you feel as though

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Speaker 2: you did not have a lot of power?

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Speaker 1: I mean not really, but like you know what, it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't even power. It was more I take that back.

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Speaker 1: It wouldn't even the power over people. It was attention,

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Speaker 1: is what it was.

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Speaker 2: It mm hmm. You liked going around them, Okay, it

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Speaker 2: was attention and you felt as though when you had

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Speaker 2: a uniform on you and you were in this position,

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Speaker 2: you were getting attention.

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Speaker 1: Yes, uns that that's that's almost like that's that's exactly

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Speaker 1: what it was, is attention. When when people saw me

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Speaker 1: they would just like look at me and be like

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Speaker 1: ooh uh you know yeah.

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Speaker 2: What what was it that was so intoxicating to you

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Speaker 2: about this attention? I guess I guess. I mean same

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Speaker 2: question with the power thing. Like throughout your life you

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Speaker 2: felt as though you weren't you didn't get a lot

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Speaker 2: of attention.

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Speaker 1: No, Like in high school, like I was like hop pier,

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Speaker 1: Like I was like like one of the like soup,

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Speaker 1: like really popular kids. And I went to like a

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Speaker 1: huge high school and I like I was up there,

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Speaker 1: but like, I don't know, I just like attention.

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Speaker 2: Mkay do you and do you still like attention?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Why do you like attention so much?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I really I really don't. I have

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Speaker 1: no idea.

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Speaker 2: Okay hmm.

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Speaker 1: I like always wanted to be the center of attention

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Speaker 1: no matter what, and like there's no rhyme or reason

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Speaker 1: behind it.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Does does attention make you happy? Yes? Okay?

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Speaker 2: Do you have Do you have friends?

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Speaker 1: I just moved to Florida, so not really like moving

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Speaker 1: from out of state, Like I've only been here since August,

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Speaker 1: so like I'm still trying to meet people. Like I

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Speaker 1: had a ship ton of I don't want to say

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Speaker 1: a ship ton of friends. I had like one or

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Speaker 1: two people that I could call at any time of

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Speaker 1: day if I needed help and they would be there.

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Speaker 2: Okay. Do you what about your family down here?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 2: No many?

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Speaker 1: Like I love my parents?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay, do you've like I mean, this is

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Speaker 2: like you know, classic ship but like when you do

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Speaker 2: you feel like they gave you enough attention? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they do they have.

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Speaker 2: They have.

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Speaker 1: Like been in my baking call since I was born,

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Speaker 1: even now, like I'm twenty seven now, and like they're

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm to my parents, welcome to death.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So you're upset now because you lost the thing

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Speaker 2: that was giving you all this attention that was making

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Speaker 2: you happen. Yeah, okay, I have some thoughts. If you do,

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Speaker 2: you want to hear my thoughts, I do. Okay, first

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Speaker 2: one obvious one. I'm sure everyone in the chat is

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Speaker 2: talking about it. It's okay, listen, it's okay. It's okay

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Speaker 2: if you like attention. Lots of people like attention. By

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Speaker 2: the way, everyone likes attention. I don't care how cool

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Speaker 2: you think you are or whatever. Everyone likes that. People

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Speaker 2: type in chat because they want attention. I you know,

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Speaker 2: stream because I want to attention to. You have fred, you talk,

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Speaker 2: you text your friend because you want attention. Everyone wants attention.

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Speaker 2: That people post on social medi because they want attention.

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Speaker 2: People have always wanted attention. Attention has always been important

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Speaker 2: to people. It's okay that you want attention. However, that's

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Speaker 2: not a great reason to be in law enforcement. Uh

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Speaker 2: I would say that off the bat. Okay, I'm glad

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Speaker 2: to hear that you agree.

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Speaker 3: I agree.

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Speaker 2: Okay, good, glad to hear that you agree. So since

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Speaker 2: you okay, so how about that since you agree, you

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Speaker 2: you you're telling me you agree that attention is not

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Speaker 2: a good reason to be in law enforcements. So with

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Speaker 2: that said, now that you are no longer in law enforcements,

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Speaker 2: you are now no longer in a position that is

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Speaker 2: probably not great for you to be in in the

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Speaker 2: first place, considering your motives for being in it. Would

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Speaker 2: you agree with that?

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Speaker 1: Well?

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, okay, okay, So listen. So now we're

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Speaker 2: in the present and you want attention, and we've established

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Speaker 2: that's okay. It's fine that people need attention in their lives.

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Speaker 2: So now that we know that your previous job was

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Speaker 2: not the best place for you to be serving this need,

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Speaker 2: what is the best place for you to be serving

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Speaker 2: this need? And have we I guess? Well, I guess.

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Speaker 2: I mean even more than that, I'm wondering like this attention,

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Speaker 2: Like where does the need come from? And I don't know.

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Speaker 2: This is why you should talk to a real therapist

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Speaker 2: to really figure out this shit, because what I'm wondering is, like,

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Speaker 2: is the need from attention, coming from a good place,

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Speaker 2: and I'm asking you, you know, these questions to try

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Speaker 2: to figure out that answer, sir, which again I'm not

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Speaker 2: qualified to do. I'm not a real therapist. I'm a

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Speaker 2: crazy guy in a geck with costume.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm trying to see like the cool guy

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Speaker 1: or something, you know, Like I don't like, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I was.

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Speaker 1: I had I worked in the jail where I lived

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Speaker 1: at you could you could work in the jail at eighteen,

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Speaker 1: and I had started working in the jail and then

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Speaker 1: you could get to work in the jail for like

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Speaker 1: two years and then they would put you to the

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Speaker 1: police academy for free. And then I've been like patrolling

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Speaker 1: on the road since I was twenty one, so it

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Speaker 1: was like a good three years. But like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I guess I was trying to I don't know, like

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Speaker 1: I love the work, but I, like I said, I

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Speaker 1: also like the attention, and I was just, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but like I I like the work,

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Speaker 1: though it wasn't all about the attention, but that was

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Speaker 1: like a big part of it.

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Speaker 2: All right, because listen, what I was going to say

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Speaker 2: is listen, if you want to be in I would

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Speaker 2: hope that if you want to be in law enforcement,

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Speaker 2: you want to do it because and listen, we you know,

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Speaker 2: obviously there's lots of like subtext to this that I

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Speaker 2: don't understand because I'm dumb, But I would hope at

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Speaker 2: least the intentions I'm just talking about intentions. I would

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Speaker 2: hope at least your intentions would be that you want

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Speaker 2: to help people.

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Speaker 1: That I mean that that is another part of it,

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Speaker 1: Like I do, like I really do, Like I do

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Speaker 1: enjoy helping people, like I did. I did volunteer fire

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Speaker 1: at EMS, like I went to EMS school, like I'm certified. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I do enjoy helping people because I mean most pops

289
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Speaker 1: where I'm at are like certified like bms, like they

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Speaker 1: have to be certified to do that. Like I do

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Speaker 1: enjoy helping people. But it's it's a lot about like status,

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Speaker 1: okay to like to me, I don't know, it's weird.

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Speaker 1: I'm typical. I mean a lot of a lot of

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Speaker 1: people will agree like it's typical. I know.

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Speaker 2: But okay, so now I'm like, okay, like we've said,

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Speaker 2: we've established that being in law enforcement for the desire

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Speaker 2: of status or of attention is probably not the best

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Speaker 2: idea for you. I think you've agreed to that. But

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Speaker 2: and so now can we at least like.

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: I guess what I would hope is that if you

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Speaker 2: have understood that, you can start to replace this anger

303
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Speaker 2: with some form of optimism or determination toward a better future,

304
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Speaker 2: where now that you've understood these underlying things that you're

305
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Speaker 2: trying to serve, a desire for status, a desire to

306
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Speaker 2: help people, you can go, Okay, I have a better

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Speaker 2: understanding of myself and what I want. And with that

308
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Speaker 2: better understanding, I'm actually learning that my previous position was

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Speaker 2: actually not the best way to serve these underlying desires

310
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Speaker 2: that I have. And so I shouldn't be so upset

311
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Speaker 2: that that's not my life anymore, and I should now

312
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Speaker 2: just focus one hundred percent on how can I, moving

313
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Speaker 2: forward best serve these underlying desires that I have. And

314
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Speaker 2: instead of being angry because I thought that my previous

315
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Speaker 2: position was the only way to serve these underlying desires,

316
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Speaker 2: I actually know now that not only was it not

317
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Speaker 2: a great way to serve those underlying desires, but that

318
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Speaker 2: there are in fact infinite different possibilities that I haven't

319
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Speaker 2: even thought of yet to serve these underlying desires. And now,

320
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Speaker 2: instead of being pissed off and angry and you know,

321
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Speaker 2: taking that out unproductively by you know, yelling in a

322
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Speaker 2: Twitch chat or being an asshole to someone or any

323
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Speaker 2: of the things that you're describing, instead you use all

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Speaker 2: that energy in exploring these infinite avenues and possibilities for

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Speaker 2: you to serve these underlying desires that we have uncovered

326
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Speaker 2: over the course of this phone call. And that's a

327
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Speaker 2: more productive way to use our time. What do you

328
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Speaker 2: think about all of that?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I've kind of like I've stepped away from

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Speaker 1: all that, and I like I don't even I don't

331
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Speaker 1: even want to do it anymore, like when I've kind

332
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Speaker 1: of moved down here to the Florida, like I'm I'm

333
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: pool boy now, but like I kind of enjoy this shit,

334
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: like it's kind of nice. Like I don't know, oh

335
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Speaker 1: I like it, but like I don't know, Uh, it's

336
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: just like attitude has really, I mean it's changed a

337
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Speaker 1: little bit, but like a lot of people.

338
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Speaker 3: Still notice it.

339
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Speaker 1: But like I enjoy what I'm doing now though, but

340
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Speaker 1: I still, I guess because I miss it a lot

341
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Speaker 1: is still the reason why my attitude is still the

342
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Speaker 1: way it is because I still kind of miss it.

343
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Speaker 1: You know, Hm, I would I would like to do

344
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Speaker 1: it again, but I also enjoy what I'm doing now

345
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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 2: Okay, good, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying what

347
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 2: you're doing now. Well listen, Cody, Thanks for sharing all

348
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 2: of this. It definitely sounds like if you can, if

349
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 2: you have the resources too, you should go and try

350
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Speaker 2: to talk to a real therapist. And I hope that

351
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Speaker 2: you continue to find the ways in your life to

352
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Speaker 2: serve those those underlying desires that we've kind of talked

353
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Speaker 2: about over the course of this call. Uh, is there

354
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Speaker 2: anything else you want to say to the people of

355
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 2: the computer before we go?

356
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Speaker 1: I'm going to try to love everybody in the chat

357
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Speaker 1: instead of hating ho them.

358
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Speaker 2: Good. I had to hear that.

359
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Speaker 1: I appreciate you taking my call. I listen to you

360
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Speaker 1: every single day while I'm cleaning pools.

361
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Speaker 2: But I'm gonna imagine myself as a leaf that you're

362
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 2: picking up with that net thing. I don't know why

363
00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 2: I said that, but thank you for calling code shit.

364
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 2: You have a good night. I love you, Take care man.

365
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 2: So yeah, So, uh, I mean, look, I I I

366
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 2: fucking I. I'm pretty sure everything I said to that

367
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 2: guy made sense. I'm glad to hear that. Uh. Over

368
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: the it sounds it sounded like some of this resonated

369
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 2: with him. I I I'm glad that he seems as

370
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 2: though at least he has this understanding that his previous

371
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 2: position did not, you know what, was not the best

372
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 2: way to serve his his desires for status and attention.

373
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Speaker 2: I don't think that those desires are necessarily bad, but I,

374
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:08,640
Speaker 2: like I, you know, obviously, law enforcement is not the

375
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 2: best way to serve them. And so I'm glad to

376
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 2: hear he's doing something else, and I hope he's glad

377
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:22,400
Speaker 2: he's doing something else too. Hello. Hi, Hi, Who is this?

378
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 4: My name is Kayla. Hi, therapy Gecko. How are you tonight?

379
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 2: I'm doing all right? How are you? I?

380
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 4: I'm really struggling over here. I don't know if you've

381
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 4: read my prompt and I can go over that.

382
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 2: Uh. Well, yeah, what's going on?

383
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 3: So?

384
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 4: I've been with my husband for five years now, since

385
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 4: we're fifteen, so I'm twenty now, and we've just been

386
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 4: kind of like best friends on healthily ghosts for those

387
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 4: five years, I would say, And then in September of

388
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 4: this season year, he accidentally came out to me as transgender,

389
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 4: which was a complete shock. I had no idea. I

390
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 4: thought I knew him very closely and intimately. And ever

391
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 4: since then, it's just been a constant kind of battle

392
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 4: within myself of whether I'm staying in this relationship, if

393
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 4: I'm leaving this relationship other means like if I leave,

394
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 4: I'm a transfer, but absolutely not. I love all LGBTQ people.

395
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 4: I just am that one myself.

396
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,479
Speaker 2: So tell me, in what way did did this person

397
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 2: accidentally come out to you? What does that mean?

398
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, we actual or we had both agreed to lay

399
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 4: off our kind of take a hiatus from marijuana for

400
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 4: a while, I included, And one night I smelled it

401
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 4: on his breast and so I just like said, hey,

402
00:29:58,600 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 4: what are you smoking?

403
00:29:59,640 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 2: Like?

404
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 4: And I'm understand I had all this stuff that we

405
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 4: used in my in my personal tour or whatever, and

406
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 4: he kept trying to like hide it from me whatever.

407
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 4: He finally admitted to it and I'm like, so, what

408
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 4: are you smoking?

409
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 3: Like?

410
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 4: Where is it? He just would not tell me for

411
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 4: the life of me. We have a one bedroom apartment,

412
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 4: and so I just started getting like really mad, what

413
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 4: do you need to hide from me? That's disimportant, you know,

414
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 4: and he wouldn't tell me whatever. I went to bed

415
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 4: for the night, just really confused, and the next day

416
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 4: I come home from work and he had wrote me

417
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 4: a letter basically saying the reason I wouldn't show you

418
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 4: where it was is because I have these supplements. And

419
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 4: this is the reason why I'm taking these supplements is

420
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 4: I want to.

421
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 2: Go okay, all right. So they're on some kind of

422
00:30:52,560 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 2: like a like a hormone therapy, not quite.

423
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 4: Like a prescribed hormone, but it was like like an

424
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 4: over the counter supplement. It was really okay.

425
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 2: So I mean, listen, they didn't accidentally come out to you.

426
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 2: You know, they they they you know, told that you know,

427
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 2: there was a situation where you know, they were like,

428
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want you to go in here,

429
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 2: and then eventually they're like, you know, I can't keep

430
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 2: the cigarette anymore. I'm gonna tell you what's up. That's

431
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: and that's why they wrote that letter. Hi. So h okay,

432
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 2: you know, we actually we've talked about this on on

433
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 2: this podcast before, but let's let's let's let's talk about

434
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: it again. Uh, tell me how you're how you're feeling

435
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 2: in this situation.

436
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 4: Well, our relationship Artie wasn't great from the start. I'm

437
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 4: about to be twenty one, and I'm kind of coming

438
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 4: into a new era of myself and it's just I

439
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 4: don't know if my heart's necessarily there anymore. And then

440
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 4: also just all the things that come with being transgender.

441
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 4: I've been learning a lot of new information and what

442
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 4: it really takes to transition, and just being so closely

443
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 4: intimate with that, I'm not I'm not really comfortable with it.

444
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 4: Like I totally support trans to what you got to

445
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 4: do body, but in my life, I just it's not

446
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 4: the most comfortable situation.

447
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 2: Okay, So if I could just make an observation here,

448
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 2: it sounds like there are multiple, uh different angles that

449
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 2: you're exploring as to why you might want to move

450
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 2: on from this relationship. Uh, you know, legitimate angles, right.

451
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 2: You know, you're you're growing up as a person. You

452
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 2: know you two are are making sort of divergences in

453
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:59,719
Speaker 2: your life that are bringing you to to less compatible places.

454
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 2: So I got to ask you, you know, what, if

455
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 2: anything is in the middle of you and making a

456
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 2: confident decision as to how you would like to move forward.

457
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,959
Speaker 4: The last time that I was technically like relationshipsly alone

458
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 4: was when I was fifteen, So it's quite a contrast,

459
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 4: and I feel like in this time, we've kind of

460
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 4: melded into one person, which is both and bad. And

461
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 4: I'm just kind of also speaking my own individuality from this.

462
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 2: Okay, well, so so again, you know what I what

463
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 2: I'm asking is like, what is stopping you from from

464
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 2: making a decision as to how you move forward? Is it?

465
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 2: Is it? I'm gonna throw this out there, tell me

466
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 2: if it's accurate. Is it a fear? Is it like, Oh,

467
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 2: I've in a relationship, you know, since I was fifteen,

468
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 2: and now I'm this totally new person and I'm you know,

469
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 2: are you afraid of the journey of figuring out how

470
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 2: to be alone?

471
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: Yeah?

472
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 4: Definitely, fear of like the unknown being alone, like what

473
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 4: I'm going to do next, and just having that kind

474
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 4: of bond with another person. I don't have many friends,

475
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 4: which is a bad part of being so close with him,

476
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 4: but yeah, I don't. I'm not as close with anybody else.

477
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,839
Speaker 2: So all right, let me ask you a couple other

478
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 2: things your life outside of your relationship. What's going on?

479
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 2: Are you in school, are you working? What are we doing?

480
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 4: She also began a new career. I was working and

481
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 4: pretty much in a lone environment for the past year,

482
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 4: so I was very isolated. But beginning this new job

483
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 4: in a career that I actually enjoy has also been

484
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 4: kind of like pulling out my need to become my

485
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 4: own person in an individual.

486
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 2: M So, I mean, listen towards the fear thing. It

487
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 2: sounds as though you have a lot of places to

488
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,399
Speaker 2: sync your head into once, you know, if you make

489
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 2: the decision to leave this relationship and learn how to

490
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 2: be on your own. And also you got to like

491
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 2: you got to do that at some point, right, because

492
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 2: if I mean whatever, people make all sorts of decisions

493
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,359
Speaker 2: with their life and find happiness through it. But you know, personally,

494
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 2: I've always felt like, if you can't learn how to

495
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 2: be alone, you, you know, completely and totally fuck yourself.

496
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 2: So I mean, look, if you make the decision to

497
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 2: leave this relationship, there is a great opportunity here to

498
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 2: learn how to be alone, especially if you haven't been

499
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:04,479
Speaker 2: since you were fifteen, you know, because there's so there's

500
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 2: I cannot tell you how much value there is in

501
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 2: just like I said, learning how to be alone, and

502
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 2: also in in overcoming the fear, because I think, you know,

503
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 2: this is not the first time in your life where

504
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 2: you're gonna have to make some major decision or dive

505
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 2: deep into unfamiliar territory, and so that is a skilling

506
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 2: of itself, is a helpful thing to get some experience

507
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 2: in doing.

508
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:57,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, how do you feel about that? I have kind

509
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 4: of had this internal fear that I'm not strong long

510
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 4: enough to make big decisions like that, not even just

511
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 4: in regards to this situation. Yeah, so I definitely think

512
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 4: that making a decision would be a.

513
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,280
Speaker 3: Big step forward, right of course.

514
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 2: And I mean, well, listen, I mean I think maybe

515
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 2: one of the reasons you might not feel strong enough

516
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 2: to do it is because you have you have no

517
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 2: proof that you are to yourself. You know, look, you

518
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,439
Speaker 2: believe it, Look, believe it in yourself is cool and all,

519
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 2: but uh, I mean, you have no proof that you're

520
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 2: able to handle, you know, being on your own right,

521
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 2: So of course you're not going to believe in yourself.

522
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 2: But the only way to go obtain that proof is

523
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: to dive into the pool, you know, go obtain it,

524
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 2: and then the next time around, when you're faced with

525
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 2: some situation where you got to dive into the unknown,

526
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 2: you'll be like, I've done this before, not that bad.

527
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:06,799
Speaker 2: I can handle it, you know. Uh, what is your

528
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 2: name again, Kayla? Kyla Key? Is there any other aspect

529
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 2: of this or anything in particular that you want to

530
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 2: say to me or the people of the computer, or

531
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 2: too some third entity that I can think of right

532
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 2: now before.

533
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 4: We go, There is just one concern that I'd like

534
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 4: to bring to your attention to see how I can

535
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,359
Speaker 4: cope while I'm in this in between time.

536
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 2: Sure.

537
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, he has this or this stink that comes with

538
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 4: him coming into his new femininity, and I walk in

539
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 4: on it several times. It's called hypno porn. Are you familiar.

540
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm familiar with hypnosis and I am familiar

541
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 2: with pornography, so I guess I'm I can imagine what

542
00:38:59,440 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 2: that would be.

543
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

544
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 4: He listens to it on a speaker and it's basically

545
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 4: like a robotic voice about being a sissy samboy and

546
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 4: getting sucked in the ass.

547
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 2: I can't say whatever you want.

548
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 4: It makes me just feel like really uncomfortable in my

549
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 4: own home. So how would you advise I go along?

550
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean now, I mean listen, Now, you just

551
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 2: have a roommate issue. Now you have an issue where

552
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 2: your roommate is listening to uh hYP no porn on

553
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 2: the speaker, right, how do you deal with it? Listen?

554
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: Have you have you even kind of expressed that you

555
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 2: do not desire to listen to their hYP no porn?

556
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 3: Oh?

557
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 4: Definitely?

558
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 2: Wait? So you wait, so you told them that you

559
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 2: don't want to listen to the no point into wear headphones?

560
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:04,080
Speaker 4: Yeah?

561
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:06,240
Speaker 2: What the fuck did they say?

562
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 4: He said no, you know, he said he said that

563
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 4: he would avoid doing it while I was home. But

564
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 4: I mean it's locked in on it several times at

565
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 4: this point.

566
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 2: So okay, well, look, if you've expressed yourself and they

567
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 2: have not, you know, respected your wishes, then uh uh

568
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 2: are you working on moving out?

569
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 4: I'm figuring out a plan.

570
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 2: Okay, go figure out a plan for yourself, because I mean, look,

571
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I mean, you can

572
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 2: express that you're upset about the hypno porn thing, but

573
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 2: if they're not going to give in and you've already tried,

574
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 2: you you just you just got to get out of

575
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 2: there or I don't know, I mean, like, what what what? What?

576
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 2: What is that? What is the context of this the

577
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 2: contents of this hypno porn? Is it interesting at least?

578
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:06,720
Speaker 2: Can you learn anything from listening?

579
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 4: Well, a lot of it involves a male penetrating and

580
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 4: I don't know, I've had an issue with beagle droms,

581
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 4: like I'm really uptight about bathroom dreams in general.

582
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:23,959
Speaker 2: Yeah.

583
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 4: Sure, that's been a topic of our sexual lives that's

584
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:28,880
Speaker 4: been staying away from.

585
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:34,879
Speaker 2: But well, uh, you know, you've done a good thing.

586
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 2: You've You've you've introduced many listeners of of of this

587
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 2: to uh, you know, a thing that will maybe change

588
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 2: their lives if they go decide to look up hypno.

589
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 2: Thank you for calling Caleb, Thanks Derek, Thank care? Hell

590
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:53,359
Speaker 2: Hey what's that man?

591
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 3: So much? Us?

592
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 2: While? Yeah? Who is this?

593
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 1: Uh?

594
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 2: This is Ikoba nicobad how are you?

595
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 3: I'm doing good now?

596
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 2: Uh?

597
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,439
Speaker 3: Actually today was actually a pretty good day.

598
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,760
Speaker 2: Okay, why was it a good day?

599
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: You know?

600
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 3: I at work, I was training some new someone new.

601
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 3: We really clicked and I can feel like we made

602
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 3: a connection and I think it's going to be a

603
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 3: budding really friendship and I'm really looking forward to it.

604
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 2: Okay, so you were training somebody new and uh, you

605
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 2: feel like you guys got along and now you have

606
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:34,800
Speaker 2: a new friends.

607
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think yeah, yeah, definitely.

608
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:39,280
Speaker 2: Okay.

609
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 3: Do you.

610
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 2: Is friendship something that you've you've sort of struggled with

611
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 2: in the past, or are you just excited to have

612
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:51,720
Speaker 2: more friends.

613
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 3: I'm It's not really something I've struggled with in the past.

614
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 3: I've always had friends or people that have like I've

615
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 3: called friends. I just always look forward to having like

616
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 3: just meaningful conversations with people, like things I can just

617
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 3: actually like talk to people about. I don't have to

618
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 3: like censor myself. I can just talk to them. You know.

619
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 2: Do you do you consistently feel like a desire to

620
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 2: censor yourself or to be a different version of yourself

621
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:29,760
Speaker 2: to appease people.

622
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say so, because, like I mean, I'm

623
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 3: pretty much an open book, Like I don't really have

624
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 3: much of a filter. I'll talk about basically anything. I mean,

625
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 3: I mean, sex is a big thing in my life,

626
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:49,320
Speaker 3: so that's something that I will bring out quite often

627
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 3: and just kind of casually talk about with people. It's

628
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 3: never something where I'm trying to get information from them

629
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,359
Speaker 3: or anything. It's just something I'm just talking about it.

630
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to, you know, get sort of up

631
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 3: about it.

632
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 2: How how often are you talking to people about sex?

633
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not something that it's like I'm bringing up.

634
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 3: It's kind of like offhand or mark type of things,

635
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:17,839
Speaker 3: being like talking about like I don't know, talking about

636
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 3: girls in there, but they're talking about like the kind

637
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 3: of guys that I like to because I'm pan sexual

638
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 3: and yeah, that kind of stuff.

639
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 2: Okay, So you say that sex is a big part

640
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 2: of your life. Yeah, in what way does this does

641
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 2: this manifest? How did this become such a big part

642
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 2: of your life?

643
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think it's kind of like from

644
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 3: a from a young age, like because I grew up

645
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 3: in the country, not around a lot of people, and

646
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 3: or at least not around a lot of kids my

647
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: own age. So I always felt like I was kind

648
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,280
Speaker 3: of like late to the party in a sense because

649
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 3: I didn't really have any friendships until I got into school,

650
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 3: and then I didn't end up dating anyone again until

651
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 3: I was like in my senior year of high school

652
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 3: and I lost my virginity when I was eighteen and everything,

653
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:15,760
Speaker 3: and just I kind of felt like I was behind

654
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 3: and everything.

655
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 2: It's interesting to hear you say that. I remember I

656
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 2: lost my virginity at eighteen too, and I also felt

657
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,880
Speaker 2: like I was like behind, you know, because because you

658
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 2: compare it, because I feel like at that age, you're

659
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 2: constantly you're comparing yourself to your friends, and you're like,

660
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 2: you know, it's when your friends are like, you know,

661
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 2: looking up with people, but you're not, Like it can

662
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:43,439
Speaker 2: seem as though you're behind. But it's funny, I think,

663
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 2: like you're really, I mean, lose your virginia at eighteen.

664
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 2: I don't think what is behind it?

665
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 3: All right?

666
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 2: I think that's pretty normal.

667
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's that's fair. It's another thing is

668
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 3: I really didn't have I was one of those people

669
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:08,959
Speaker 3: in school that didn't really have like a friend group.

670
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,479
Speaker 3: I was one of those who was like I didn't

671
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 3: feel like I belonged to me, where I kind of

672
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 3: was just friends with a bunch of different people and

673
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 3: a bunch of different groups. I didn't really have like

674
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 3: a solid group of friends, you know.

675
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 2: So what about your life today do you feel like

676
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 2: you have a solid group of friends, solid supports.

677
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 3: You know, I have friends that I see every now

678
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 3: and then, Like I mean I'm seeing I've seen my

679
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 3: best friend and his wife. They live in the I

680
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 3: mean in the town where I grew up. Now they

681
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:47,760
Speaker 3: just moved there, and I'll be seeing them on Sunday.

682
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 3: But I almost the last time I saw them was

683
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 3: on Christmas Eve. I don't see them very often, even

684
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 3: though they live really close. Other than that, like I

685
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 3: see my people that I work with that I call

686
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 3: my friend, and I mean it's nice. I mean, it's

687
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,320
Speaker 3: nice to seeing them and talking to them. It's always helpful.

688
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 3: But when I'm when I get off of work and

689
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:11,359
Speaker 3: when I come home, I'm alone most of the time.

690
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean, how do you feel when you're off

691
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 2: of work when you're feeling alone?

692
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 3: I get I literally just depend sometimes. Like I come

693
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 3: home and I will immediately pretty much take a nap

694
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 3: because I'm just kind of wore out from the day.

695
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:32,240
Speaker 3: The thing is is like I wake up and I'm

696
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:38,399
Speaker 3: extremely horny, so I'll like I'll masturbate, and then from there,

697
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 3: I pretty much will either play some video games, go

698
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:44,800
Speaker 3: get something to eat, or play my guitar.

699
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 2: All right, so you masturbate you play video games, you

700
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 2: eat things, you play guitar, you work, Okay, and is

701
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 2: all of the Are all these things harmonious? Do they

702
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 2: all feed into a desirable life for yourself?

703
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 3: I think a lot of it. A good amount of

704
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 3: it holds me back, I think distracting myself in video games.

705
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 3: As much as I really do enjoy them, they are

706
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 3: kind of holding me back and my whole like just

707
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 3: kind of constant horniness with like just after I get

708
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 3: off of work and everything and just doing that, it

709
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 3: really holds me back from what I want to be

710
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 3: able to do.

711
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 2: Like music is okay the one Okay? Yeah, your horniness

712
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 2: is holding you back? You're Are you a compulsive masturbator?

713
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 3: I mean I feel like maybe I'm just normal. But

714
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 3: then again, it's like I if I have nothing to do,

715
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 3: maybe I'll do it three to four times a day,

716
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 3: maybe more.

717
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 2: All right? Yeah, And in what way do you feel

718
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 2: like you're being held back?

719
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 3: I feel like it. It has in the past definitely

720
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:13,359
Speaker 3: affected some like relationships that I've had, and I feel

721
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 3: like I've been learning from that that I don't use

722
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 3: that as a way of like trying to really like

723
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 3: build a relationship on just just pure sex. You know,

724
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 3: I learned that that is not as satisfying for me.

725
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, So you you feel like you're

726
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 2: being held back in your relationship, but also with the

727
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: music thing. M what do you feel like you're you're

728
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 2: not having enough time to make music like you want to.

729
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 3: It's not even that I don't have enough time. I

730
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 3: have plenty of time that I could definitely do it.

731
00:49:53,640 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 3: It's that I haven't been I haven't been inspired to

732
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: really sit down and like learn a new song, play

733
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 3: something that I've known for a long time, or just

734
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 3: try to write music, try to write a new song.

735
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 3: I just haven't felt that that spark in a long time.

736
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 2: Okay, what things normally inspire your music?

737
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 3: Oddly enough? Like autumn? Like I feel like my peak,

738
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 3: like my peak inspirational period is during fall, during the

739
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 3: Halloween season, for sure, I feel I write. I tend

740
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 3: to write like really dark, spooky stuff. Then I'm inspired

741
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 3: by traveling, by going and kind of being this like

742
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 3: whole idea of like trying to taking a van driving

743
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,600
Speaker 3: across the country or just playing music wherever I feel

744
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 3: like doing it that really inspires me. And going and

745
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 3: seeing new things I've never seen before.

746
00:50:54,640 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 2: Hmm. Okay, and and I have you taken any trips

747
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 2: recently that you feel as though it could inspire you.

748
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 3: I wish I could say that I have that I haven't.

749
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 3: I honestly have been pretty much. I've been trying to

750
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 3: save up money because I perform music live and my

751
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 3: sound system has been shot for a while, so I'm

752
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 3: saving money so I can get a new one. So

753
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 3: I haven't had the money to be able to go

754
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 3: on any sort of trip at all.

755
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, Now if you did have the money, where

756
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 2: would you want to go to?

757
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 3: If I had the money, I would love to go

758
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 3: to California because I've made it as far west as Denver,

759
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:46,359
Speaker 3: and I would love to go to California because I mean,

760
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 3: that's the dream of spot for everybody. You know.

761
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:55,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know, I live in California and

762
00:51:56,000 --> 00:52:00,680
Speaker 2: it's fine, it's cool. It always depends on what you like.

763
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 2: It depends on the environment that you feel the most right,

764
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 2: the most comfortable in.

765
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 3: That's fair. I've always felt like I need to experience

766
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 3: these things for myself, and on it I can. I

767
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 3: can take the advice of people and like have them

768
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 3: tell me all you should go to this place or

769
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:20,360
Speaker 3: you should go to this place type of thing. But

770
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 3: until I experience it for myself and then I can

771
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 3: make the informed decision as to if I like this

772
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:26,960
Speaker 3: place or not.

773
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 2: So tak about it. How do we get you to California?

774
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 2: How do we get you more freedom in your life?

775
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 3: You know, I come down to thinking that if I

776
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:40,799
Speaker 3: do it, it's going to be one of those days

777
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 3: where I just kind of lose my shit and I

778
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 3: just I quit everything. I just grab my guitar and

779
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 3: I just stick out my thumb and I just go

780
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 3: or I start.

781
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 2: Walking or are you are you on the verge of

782
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 2: losing all of your shit?

783
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 3: I mean, it just kind of one of those things

784
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:01,280
Speaker 3: where some days are good, some days are bad. Todays

785
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 3: was a particularly good day, But on my bad days,

786
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 3: like it's one of those things where I just want

787
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:10,240
Speaker 3: to run. I just I hope I can either run

788
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 3: or I can die here. I don't know.

789
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:19,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think lots of people feel like that,

790
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 2: Like there's you know, some their routine or their their

791
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 2: lives are like holding them hostage or something like that.

792
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 2: Do you feel like that?

793
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 3: Yeah? Absolutely, I feel like I'm kind of a I'm

794
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 3: kind of a cog in a in this in the

795
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 3: capitalist like this capitalist like society we live in, and

796
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 3: I can't really find hard I can't really find a

797
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 3: way out.

798
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 2: You know, it's hard to navigate the situations. I've been

799
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 2: thinking about this as a ton right, because well, you

800
00:53:56,360 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 2: need to keep yourself alive by eating food and uh not.

801
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 2: You just have to not die. That's like the very

802
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 2: bare minimum requirement. And I feel like there's a good

803
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:16,239
Speaker 2: amount of ways to do that. And I think, uh,

804
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 2: you know, someone who who's old and bitter has worked

805
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 2: all their life would probably say, you know, to be realistic,

806
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 2: but uh, and there would be legitimacy to a lot

807
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 2: of the things that they would they would tell you.

808
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 2: But also I think about the fact that we only

809
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 2: I think about this a lot. I think about the

810
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 2: fact that we only have one life, and uh, you know,

811
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 2: the the the really the greatest truth that nobody can

812
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:53,879
Speaker 2: argue is that you're gonna die, right, you know, That's

813
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 2: an undeniable thing, and and I think it's a compelling,

814
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 2: uh driver for a person's actions in their life. Now

815
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 2: here's the problem. You're not going to hold of you

816
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 2: right now. I'm thirty, all right, So you're not gonna

817
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,359
Speaker 2: let's say you're trying to not die for at least

818
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 2: another fifty years. That's fifty years that you've got to

819
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 2: account for yourself being able to eat food and live

820
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:30,439
Speaker 2: in a place. And the best way to be able

821
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 2: to eat food and live in a place in America

822
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 2: is to have money. So you need to figure out

823
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 2: a way to get at least enough money to eat

824
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:45,200
Speaker 2: food and live in a place. But you also have

825
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 2: to weigh that amongst amongst the fact that you're going

826
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 2: to die and you have a very short amount of

827
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 2: time on this planet with nothing guaranteed afterwards. So how

828
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:08,919
Speaker 2: can you best serve that truth while being able to eat,

829
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 2: eat food and not die? Do you understand?

830
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 3: I get that it sounds honestly, this is this is

831
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: it's gonna sound like it almost sounds like the whole

832
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,840
Speaker 3: cliche of like you know that the snls get with

833
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 3: living in a van down by the river. That's honestly,

834
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 3: what it sounds like to me is I want to

835
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 3: live in a van and just live on a steady

836
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:32,280
Speaker 3: a government cheese.

837
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 2: That's what you want to do is live in a

838
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:37,760
Speaker 2: van on what is government cheese?

839
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 3: It's uh, it's an old Chris Farley bit from S

840
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 3: n L. It's the classic h what is his name?

841
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 3: Matt Foley talking a bit from that, but he talks

842
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:52,800
Speaker 3: about how if you don't if you don't do good,

843
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,239
Speaker 3: you're you're gonna end up living in a van down

844
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 3: by the river and suciding on a steady dyeing government cheese.

845
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 2: That it doesn't sound that bad. It doesn't sound that

846
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,319
Speaker 2: bad living down by the river and eaton government cheese.

847
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 2: And that's the thing.

848
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,839
Speaker 3: It's like in the nineties, that was like a thing

849
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:09,440
Speaker 3: that was like, oh, you don't want to do that,

850
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 3: But now it's like, you know what kind of van

851
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 3: were talking about here though?

852
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 2: Right right? I mean, okay, when you think about all

853
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 2: these things that we've been talking about, what do you

854
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 2: what does it inspire within you?

855
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 3: It inspires me to really try and just trying to

856
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 3: find the spark again, trying to find the inspiration because,

857
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 3: like I mean, as much as I enjoy my alone

858
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 3: time to being in my room and everything, I need

859
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 3: to get out there and just find the inspiration again

860
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:51,439
Speaker 3: to start playing and start writing and finding a way

861
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 3: to get myself back on the road again as well.

862
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 2: I would say, yeah, well listen nick about I'll say

863
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:03,400
Speaker 2: this before we go. And I don't know, dude, I'm

864
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 2: trying not to be like a fucking bullshit or I'm

865
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 2: trying not to be like a empty motivational guy or whatever.

866
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:16,000
Speaker 2: But I fight God damn my bone marrow, and maybe

867
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 2: one day i'll be I'll be forced to, you know,

868
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 2: face this head on. But I really believe in my

869
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 2: bone marrow that uh, you know, the world is an

870
00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 2: infinite place of lots of people and lots of places,

871
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 2: more than you could even visit in a lifetime. And

872
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 2: if you desire to make something, if you desire to

873
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 2: make to to do something outside of the norm, then

874
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 2: please do it. Absolutely don't talk to people about sex

875
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 2: at work, fair enough.

876
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 3: I will don't go. Definitely stop doing that.

877
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 2: Okay, right, I'll talk to you Sonic about.

878
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Wule have a good one.

879
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 2: I don't want Akobye getting caught jacking off in the

880
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 2: bathroom of the grocery store, but I don't know, maybe

881
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:12,800
Speaker 2: that will compel him onto his onto his new beautiful life.

882
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 2: Beg goes on the line making your phone calls every night,

883
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 2: there Beacon goes to and his eye, who's teaching you

884
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 2: aloud in the mid of your life, But he's not

885
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 2: read me. An expert