WEBVTT - Sam Taylor-Johnson 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.320 Basically if you come from London, you know, if you 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:06.360 go like do you know Kevin in notting Hill, that 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:13.440 chances are people will I was in a Tinier island 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:17.440 off of Vancouver and we went hiking and we got lost, 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:20.360 and we were two hours wandering through the woods, and 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:22.520 we walked down to their own A car drove past 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:26.520 and they pulled over and I was completely lost. Do 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:29.480 you mind helping us back? And they said yeah, of course, 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.920 they get in. By the way, do you know Kira 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:36.800 Part And I said, yeah, that's my publicist in London. Yeah, 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:40.360 that was That's the weirdest thing ever. That was a 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:43.280 Canadian in the middle of the woods some remote island. 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:46.320 You know what. My boyfriend would say that that is 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.400 because we are tribal fundamentally, and that we will always 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.800 find each other, which I quite like the idea that 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:54.880 there's some sort of beacon inside us that draws us 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.920 towards the people that were meant to be with. Yes, 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:03.840 even random ch hiker pick her up as Hello, I'm 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:08.040 mini driver and welcome to many questions. I've always loved 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:11.760 prous questionnaire. It was originally an eighteenth century parlor game 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:15.200 meant to reveal an individual's true nature. But with so 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.880 many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.399 So I took the format of Pruce's questionnaire and adapted 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.080 What I think are seven of the most important questions 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:29.040 you could ever ask someone. They are when and where 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:32.920 were you happiest? What is the quality you like least 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:38.360 about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:44.080 What question would you most like answered, What person, place, 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:48.280 or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:52.120 your last meal? And can you tell me something in 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:55.160 your life that has grown out of a personal disaster. 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:58.880 The more people we ask, the more we begin to 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.920 see what makes us miller and what makes us individual. 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:06.000 I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.160 am honored and humbled to have had a chance to 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:13.519 engage with. Sam Taylor Johnson is an artist, a director, 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:16.760 an amazing mother and friend, and she has an o 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:20.360 b E for services to the arts. She also makes 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.880 the best sourdough bread I've ever eaten in my life. 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:25.919 I think one of the things I love most about 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:29.520 her is that she pours of herself into everything she does. 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:33.520 She goes all in into whatever projects she's focusing on, 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:36.240 and I think you see and feel the surety of 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:40.320 her commitment in everything she makes. She was part of 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.080 a whole movement of young artists in the nineties that 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:47.640 included Tracy Emmon, Chris Opheely, and Damien Hurst, starting out 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.280 as a mixed media artist but expanding pretty quickly into 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:55.760 directing movies. We're both English transplants in California, and there 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.399 is no one better to explore the wonder and opportunity 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:02.320 of America with while also being nostalgic for the rain 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:08.080 and a proper cup of tea. Someone once said, what 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:10.000 do you put on your passport when it says occupation? 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:14.920 And I said that I don't know. Actually I don't know. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:19.000 I think I put artists because artists can cover multidisciplines 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:23.440 and that that maybe covers everything. But then when I 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:26.760 write down director, I feel a little bit more proud 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.400 and and like I can sit up straighter. So I 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:33.639 sort of oscillate between the two of those. Actually, that's 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:37.080 a really good point the descriptors. I never put actress 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.880 when it says what you do for a living, But 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:42.560 when I put actor, I feel like I'm trying to 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.320 shove myself into a cookie cutter that shaped like a dude. 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:48.040 And I mean, there really isn't a good word for 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.680 artists who do more than one thing. Maybe it is 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:54.200 just artists, but people think of paintbrushes when you say that, 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:57.360 it's a good question. It's funny because I feel like 0:03:57.400 --> 0:04:00.960 we've known each other for a hundred years, and you 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.360 love the beach like I do, especially right now. It's 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.240 just a solace in times of madness. It's a way 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.760 of just putting your feet in some cold water and 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:12.760 staring out and just thinking, as long as this is here, 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.279 I can sort of get back to the madness and 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:19.360 somehow navigate it. I couldn't agree with you more. I 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:23.200 don't miss an enormous amount about Los Angeles, but I 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:30.640 do miss the Pacific Ocean with a solid ache, all right, darling, 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:36.159 So listen the first question, when and where were you happiest? 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:41.280 You know, when you reflect on a question about happiness 0:04:41.360 --> 0:04:46.360 or contentment or a state of well being, it's it's 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:49.480 hard to sort of reflect and think, well, I was happy, 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:52.200 then does that mean I'm not happy now? So in 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:55.279 order to answer that, I was thinking about my state 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:59.240 of mind and sense of contentment and everything now. And 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.920 it's hard to say this is one of my happier 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:07.360 moments in a lockdown pandemic. You know, no work, no travel, 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:11.960 no friends, no evenings out, but there is I have 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:16.080 to admit a level of happiness and contentment in the 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:20.679 fact that I have everyone close to me at home 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:25.680 with me around me, and as much as we're all 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:28.440 kind of clambering over each other trying to sort of 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.040 get air and space from each other and be able 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:36.120 to I know I'll reflect upon this with positive memory. 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:40.960 Within our pod of well being. I would say that 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:45.280 my obvious ones are, you know, the birth of each 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:48.040 of my children. The day Aaron and I got married 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:52.160 was a pretty spectacularly happy day. But I'm quite sort 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:56.920 of positive about where we are right now, even though 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:00.359 the outside world is scary, even though each day is 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:02.760 met with a lot of fear. I think if I 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:08.800 can just sort of remain lighthearted and happy, then it 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.720 keeps the dynamic of the family that way. So that's 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:15.800 a complicated way to answer that happy moment. It's funny 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.760 this question. I'm sort of annoyed with Proust having asked 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:22.200 it first, and also for myself being so attracted to 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.159 it because we put such a pressure on ourselves to 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:29.240 be happy. And I do think that this pandemic and 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:33.040 this experience has really forced us to look at the 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:38.320 qualitative idea of happiness and what that is. Our scope 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:42.640 got so much smaller, and I don't know, I like 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.679 the distillation. I like in a way, how how small 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:48.599 everything had to become, because it makes you reconnect, like 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:54.080 this gigantic reboot of the way in which we interact 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.520 with the world. I mean, for me, looking at you 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:01.240 in your life, I don't know that I've ever known 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:04.719 you so relaxed and in the flow of what you're 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:08.200 doing creatively and in family, without having the pressure to 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.720 constantly be thinking about the next job and where it's 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.160 going and where it's happening. Beyond the zoom meetings that 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:16.680 we have setting stuff up. It feels like there's a fluidity. 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:21.480 It does, and that's sort of myopic distilled life that 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:25.280 we're living right now. Also reflects on how much we 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:28.280 took for granted and how spoiled we work before, and 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:34.239 how everything that for me feels valuable, important and true 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.560 to my happiness is actually outside the door. You know, 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.640 it's it's everyone and the dogs and the chickens and 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:43.280 and everything just sort of being content. And if we 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.760 can keep the fear and the anxiety and everything that 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:49.760 all that pertains to outside of it, then I'd say 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:55.440 this is a pretty clear, distilled happy space. Mm hmm, 0:07:56.160 --> 0:08:00.520 I'm very glad. I think that's also in emmic of 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:04.640 the pandemic is that one really has cut away the 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:08.560 fat from all the stuff that is meaningful, and I 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:12.200 find myself not even interrogating or interacting with stuff that 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:16.560 I'm only vaguely interested in or don't want to relive, 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:19.400 or there was nothing to take on into this journey 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:21.840 of life. It's weird. It's been like throwing sandbags out 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:26.240 of a hot a balin and gaining altitude. You're so right. 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:28.960 I mean, on the flip side, it's hard to say 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:31.720 that this would be my happiest moment because the freedom 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:35.240 to work, the freedom to travel, the freedom to be 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:38.360 with friends also reflects upon happy, happy moments. But if 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.000 I go too far down that as those are my 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:43.640 happiest times, then I'm just going to get really depressed. 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:45.959 So there's also a level of me saying I am 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:49.520 the happiest right now. Saying it really loudly and planting 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:53.520 a flag in that happiness. I am happy now exactly. 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:56.040 I am happy now, and I'm going to be here now, 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:58.679 and I'm not going to reflect on, you know, happier 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:02.080 supposed times. I think it's good and it's interesting to 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:06.679 stop tethering our own sense of place with circumstance and 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.720 our own happiness with circumstance, but rather look at what's 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:11.520 right in front of you and connect with that, which 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:15.920 is your children, your husband, your health, your dogs. It's 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.240 interesting when you take away the circumstances of what we 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.000 believe creates our happiness, and it really comes back to 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.400 the choices that we make and the people that we love. 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:41.760 What person, place, or experience most altered your life, so 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.400 you know, along the path, I would say there's been 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:48.520 a few people, because obviously meeting Aron was a huge 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:52.320 significant change in my life that created what we have 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:55.440 now in the family. But I feel like, let's put 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:58.640 that aside, so I would say that are the people 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:01.120 who have come into my life. I have come into 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:04.800 my life in a very profoundly spiritual way. One was 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:09.800 a friend of my mom's, and he was very much 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:12.600 a healing person, and I met him when I was fourteen. 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:17.679 Life at home was pretty turbulent, and he sort of 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:22.280 came in, sort of sweeped in a bit, like a godfather, father, 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:27.320 grandfather figure. And his name was Max. He's no longer here. 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:30.120 I met him probably in his seventies and knew him 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:33.160 until he was nineties something maybe, but he was so 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:36.120 significant in my life in a very spiritual way, and 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:39.240 he was very much one ft in this world and 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:43.000 one ft in another. Did he qualify you're wanting to 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.160 be an artist? Oh my god, that's so strange that 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.760 you should say that, because when I was fourteen, I 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:50.760 I did this drawing of a swan. It took me 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:53.800 a long time. It was, you know, achingly painfully done, 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.680 but I sort of dismissed it. And then I met 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.400 him and he said, you know, I was and talked 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:03.320 to a silent teenager and he said, you know, what 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.680 do you enjoy doing? And I think I just said, 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:08.240 I've just drawn a swan and he said, show it 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.800 to me, and he looked at it and he said, 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:13.120 you're going to be an artist. You're gonna be a 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:16.679 very interesting artist when you grow up. But there were 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:23.080 significant moments through very interesting times and dark days where 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:27.800 he would just keep me held in a space of 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.520 light rather than allow me to descend into darkness. It 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.640 is probably the best way of putting it. And I 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:37.400 would say the other person would be Anthony Manguela, because 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.840 he reached out of the blue and told me I 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.840 was a filmmaker and that I should be making films. 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:46.480 And yes, I'm an artist, but come on, let's give 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:48.920 it a go and I'll produce your first short film 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:52.160 and from there you will leap and bound into the 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:54.440 world of filmmaking. And that's just off the back of 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:57.920 him seeing artwork and having a sort of sixth sense 0:11:57.920 --> 0:11:59.760 and not knowing me at all. He didn't know, we 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:04.160 didn't know each other, and so he produced my first 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:06.160 short film, Love You More, that set me on the 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:10.920 road to becoming a filmmaker, and that was everything. But 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:15.040 there was so much in the relationship that I had 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:19.600 with him that was so significantly life altering. When my 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:23.280 short film gained a certain amount of success, he just said, 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:25.160 don't lay back on your laurels, get up and get 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.360 on with the next one. And that has been a 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:30.640 sort of mini mantra in the back of my mind 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:33.400 every time I do anything, really, don't leg it back 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:34.880 on your laurels. Just get on with the next one, 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.360 you know, Just keep going, keep pushing forward. Don't sort 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:39.760 of revel in the glory and the success too much 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:43.280 because it diminishes. And then we went on to shoot 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:47.800 nowhere boy and the next one, whose name we shall 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.560 not mention, Yeah we shall fifty shades of great because 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:57.320 oh my god, I lived through that, and shades of nightmares, 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.600 fifty shades of misery. Yeah it was. That was two 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:07.640 years of discomfort, and I would daily suffer through the mechanations, 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.240 if that's the right word of madness. And then and 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:13.560 sort of thing, why why does I decide to become 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:18.800 a filmmaker? This is just pure hell? But within that 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:21.600 there is I don't know. I can't say anything positive 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:24.040 about that these days. It's interesting, but I do think 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:27.520 you could probably stand to revel slightly more in the 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:32.960 extraordinary achievements and the hardship that you suffer through sort 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.040 of physically and emaginally. And I know lots of people 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:37.079 go through things like that, but you you don't give 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.959 yourself enough credit, I don't think for the amazing achievements. 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:46.400 I mean, however, turbulent fifty Shades was you navigated it. 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:48.000 It might not have been the film that you wanted 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.480 to make, but they're incredibly beautiful moments in that and 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:53.079 you were quite right not to make the second one. Yeah, 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:55.640 and I did learn. I learned a huge amount, not 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:59.120 necessarily things I wanted to learn. So sometimes those lessons 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:02.000 are hard, and I think that you know they're they're valuable, 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:04.720 but they're really difficult. And it was funny after the 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:07.679 movie came out. I was walking across a car park 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.000 and some guy shouted from the other side of the 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:15.960 parking lot. It's like, hey, hey, you congratulations, congratulations on 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.360 that film you just and I was like, you don't 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:21.280 know how hard that was. You have no idea why 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:23.680 I went through making that film. And Aaron was like, 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:31.040 just say thanks, just say thank you. You might just 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:33.320 sit there and watch it. Blah blah blah blah blah. 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:36.920 But that was two years of blah blah blah. You 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:38.640 know that not the wind out of me, and took 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.960 me a good year or so to recover and put 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.520 my faith back in the filmmaking process. That was a 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:48.600 tough one. But anyway that that's taken away from talking 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:51.320 about the positive of someone's influence in my life. And 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:53.720 I think, you know, going back to Anthony, that was 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:59.880 that was a life changing interaction with somebody very extra, 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:04.680 very extremely special, and I I only regret that he's 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:09.000 not here to continue a friendship and a relationship that 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:13.160 was so strong. He was indelible on anyone who knew him. 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:17.200 He was he left an indelible mark for sure. Throughout 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.800 the process of a difficult filmmaking experience, I would sort of, 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:28.080 you know, quietly, sort of say in my head to Anthony, 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.320 what do I do in this situation? You know, where 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:33.920 are you to help me? Guide me, give me a sign, 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.720 you know, pleading send something through that tells me how 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:41.600 to manage this? How do I wrangle this? And I'd 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:44.000 sort of sit quietly, and you think, I've got to 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:47.280 do it with myself and no help from beyond. And 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.160 I would say this often. And I got through to 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:52.280 the end of making the movie, and then there were 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:57.320 some reshoots which were really painful a year later, and 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:01.240 they were really challenging. And then when I finished the reshoot, 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:05.080 I thought I've done it. I finished I've actually I've 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:12.200 gotten through this incredibly intensely difficult, challenging filmmaking process. And 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:15.880 I was in Vancouver and Aaron said to me, Carmel, 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.320 let's you and me just go for a really quiet dinner. 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:22.080 I've booked this little tiny restaurant with like six tables 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:24.720 in at this tiny little Italian restaurant in one of 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:27.280 the little sort of side streets. He said, just you 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:30.480 and me will go and sit and celebrate this huge 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:36.440 achievement you've finished. Now, when Anthony was around, he would 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:39.760 he would have these big hands and he would lay 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.320 them on your shoulder and squeeze them like and you'd 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:46.640 always like but you know, it was a comforting sort 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.720 of you know, hey, you and you know, all those 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.360 around him will talk about this big hands and on 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:56.480 your shoulder, reassuring squeezing and and you know, and I 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.760 kind of missed that, and I think about it anyway. 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.280 Then I went for this dinner and I was just, 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.280 you know, like so relieved. And I sat down and 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:07.040 I kind of put my head in my hands, just 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:11.760 to process the fact I finished. And this big hand 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:16.040 came on my shoulder and squeezed it. My hairs on 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:18.080 my neck and even now telling it went up on 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:22.080 end and I thought Oh my god, that's Anthony squeezed. 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:25.439 Oh my god, what's happening? And I felt it and 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:29.920 it felt harder, and I turned around and this voice 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:33.520 went hello, and I looked up and it was Maximum 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:37.479 Gala no. And I looked at him and I burst 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.520 into tears. And I don't know him that well. I 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.480 didn't know him. I do now. I burst into tears 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:47.480 and I literally everything of those two years, of all 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:51.120 that time of filmmaking, hardship, everything just like poured down 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:54.439 my face like tears and snot, and I couldn't speak, 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.880 and Aaron was looking at me like somehow that's happening, 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:00.360 and Max is looking at me like what the fun 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:03.480 is happening? And I couldn't speak, and I was just like, 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:12.040 finally there's a sign. And it was that feeling where 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:14.680 I was just like that was the squeeze of you've 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.879 done it, well done, you didn't need me. And Aaron 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:19.560 was looking at Max just like, I don't know what's 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:21.560 going to I'm really sorry. I think it's something to 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:23.920 do with your dad And I'm really sorry. That's really 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:29.440 awkward and difficult, and I couldn't pull myself together and 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:34.520 it was that weird thing where I don't know, read 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.399 into it what you will, I'll take from it what 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:39.040 you will, or nothing at all. But it was extremely 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:43.760 overwhelmingly powerful and God bless Max. Oh, God bless Max. 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:45.919 He must have been quite shocked at the snart and 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:49.120 the sobbing lady. I don't think it's the first time, 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.879 because I think his father had that effect on people that, 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:57.400 you know, something like that familiarity and sense of him 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:00.720 just brought everything flooding back here. It's like a big 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.439 hug as a person. That's how I remember him. I 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:05.359 love that you felt that when it was all said 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.040 and done, and that's actually perfect, not to come in 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.280 the moment when you go help, but to let you 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:13.560 figure it out and at the end to squeeze you 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:17.440 and say well done. That's what it felt like, exactly that, 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:20.520 which is why I kind of fell to pieces and 0:19:20.600 --> 0:19:24.880 in such a kind of completely embarrassing way. I mean, 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:28.080 it's very awkward for other people falling to pieces in public, 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:34.800 but I've always found it remarkably energizing. It's very unlikely. 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:38.960 I'm quite I'm so stoic. You are really stoic. You're 0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:41.600 really good. When I feel like i've fallen apart in 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:44.640 your kitchen on many occasions, and you're very good at 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:49.280 carrying on needing the sour dough, and you think just 0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:54.200 the right amount of solace without wanting to add too 0:19:54.320 --> 0:20:04.880 much gasoline to the fire. Oh god, well wait, speaking 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:07.920 of Saturday, that is this is the most brilliant segue. 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:11.600 What would be your last meal? Because you're a brilliant 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:14.160 cook and sols arand and you make the most delicious 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:16.359 food whenever you have parties. I don't know how you 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:18.800 do it for so many people, but there are just 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:21.720 platters of the most delicious food that just keep coming 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:24.600 out of the kitchen. I think I would have to 0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:28.040 go for something which has mashed potato. I would have 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:30.960 to have an enormous amount of mashed potato and gravy 0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:35.719 and peas and working backwards, and it would be fish fingers, 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:38.600 mashed pototo and peas, which was my favorite kind of 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:44.560 childhood food with ketchup. Hate catcher, Oh Jesus, hate catcher. 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:48.520 Can you eat fish fingers and peas and mash without ketchup? 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:51.159 It just the glue that literally holds it on your fork. 0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:56.879 You know, the awful thing. It's it's it's mayonnaise. Oh, 0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:03.680 oh my god, I'm really thinking a whole friendship my kids. 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.200 My kids love ketch Up and I can't. I've got 0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:08.840 this sort of almost phobia against ketch Up. I can't 0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:11.160 put it on the table. I can't open the lid 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:14.760 with the crusty bits of Ketchup around. I just cannot. 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.639 So I won't buy ketch Up. And they're always like, 0:21:18.320 --> 0:21:20.239 we need some Ketchups, So Dad has to buy ketch Up. 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:23.480 That's the Ketchup buyer. So you put mayonnaise on your 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:27.680 fish fingers and peas and mash. Yeah, fish fingers, pieas 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:31.040 and mash, but it would have to be something, you know, 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:34.600 big and comforting like that. Do you imagine yourself in 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:37.440 a cell? Because when I asked that question, I often 0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:41.159 see myself like in a cell awaiting execution. Now I 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:43.160 try not to put my head in that space because 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:45.560 that is so frightening. But then no, I like to 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:48.280 sort of think little old lady being spoon fed at 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:50.879 a hundred three? Do you you'd have a job getting 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:55.399 these peas down they get stuck in your denches in 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:58.320 a blender? Actually, you're right, the mash would go down 0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:01.240 a tree. Do you know, my dear friend Lindsay Daria, 0:22:01.359 --> 0:22:06.359 who's an incredible war photographer. Her grandmother just died a 0:22:06.440 --> 0:22:10.040 hundred and seven, and she was a hundred and seven 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:15.760 and cooking Sunday roasts and big dinners right up until 0:22:15.840 --> 0:22:20.440 the end. Wow. And her big thing about longevity was 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:27.040 lived without grievances or feelings of hate, and that is 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:31.040 the answer to a long life. Holy moly, I know 0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:34.199 it's quite good one. Yeah, it's really true because with 0:22:34.320 --> 0:22:37.080 it that said, I think it was Carrie Fisher no grudges, 0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:40.959 should say no grudges. Feeling grudges and resentment is like 0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:44.840 drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Yeah, 0:22:45.320 --> 0:23:01.880 that's so true. It's corrosive. So in your life, can 0:23:01.960 --> 0:23:05.520 you tell me about something that has grown out of 0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:12.360 a personal disaster? I would say having having experienced cancer 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:21.840 age thirty three, colon cancer, breast cancer, mostectomy, chemotherapy. Those 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:32.320 were life altering, obviously, experiences that were catastrophic that made 0:23:32.960 --> 0:23:39.199 my entire being shift away from the person I was 0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:43.639 pre that. I guess looking into the void and the 0:23:43.720 --> 0:23:47.960 darkness and not knowing, you know, there was no choice 0:23:47.960 --> 0:23:50.399 that it wasn't about leaping into the void. It was 0:23:50.920 --> 0:23:53.560 more falling in and how do I find my way out? 0:23:54.200 --> 0:23:59.520 And I'd say that that catastrophic is probably the right 0:23:59.520 --> 0:24:05.600 word rather than disaster. Was utterly life changing. And one 0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:08.560 doctor said to me, you'll come out of this grateful 0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:11.159 for the experience. I wanted to fucking punch that man 0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:14.199 so hard in the face. That feeling of you have 0:24:14.640 --> 0:24:17.359 no idea what it feels to be a parent to 0:24:17.520 --> 0:24:20.520 a baby, and to be told I'm going to be 0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:24.040 grateful for losing a breast and having half my insights 0:24:24.040 --> 0:24:33.520 cut up. But having said that, there are certainly things 0:24:34.000 --> 0:24:38.119 that I radically shifted away from that were toxic in 0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:43.399 my life. I would say that my entire outlook and 0:24:43.920 --> 0:24:46.800