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Speaker 1: If you want to have the energy, the excitement, the joy,

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Speaker 1: the creativity to be able to create all the things

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Speaker 1: that you want to do this year, you're going to

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Speaker 1: have to let go of the stuff that is completely

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Speaker 1: wiping you out and that isn't good for you, and

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Speaker 1: that's going to require you to really choose yourself.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, Emily, a body here. You are listening to

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Speaker 2: episode three hundred and thirty eight of Hurdle, a wellness

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Speaker 2: focused podcast where I talk to inspirational people about everything

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Speaker 2: from their highest ties and toughest moments to essential tips

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Speaker 2: on how to live a healthier, happier, more motivated life.

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Speaker 2: We all go through our fair share of hurdles. My

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Speaker 2: goal through these discussions is to empower you to better

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Speaker 2: navigate yours and move with intention so that you can

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Speaker 2: stride towards your own big potential and of course have

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Speaker 2: some fun along the way. You know, one of the

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Speaker 2: pieces of feedback I got going into season nineteen of

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Speaker 2: the show, which we are in right now, is that

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Speaker 2: y'all love a topiced episode. You love hearing stories from

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Speaker 2: athletes and founders, but you also love this actionable advice

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Speaker 2: that helps you get to where you want to be,

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Speaker 2: and so for today's episode, I am bringing in Yasmin Chaiamne.

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Speaker 2: She's a wellness coach, a self healing and wellness expert,

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Speaker 2: a two time author, one of the newest members of

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Speaker 2: the Start Today family, and we are chatting all about

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Speaker 2: fresh starts. It's something that's super relevant at the beginning

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Speaker 2: of a new year, so many of us after fresh beginnings,

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Speaker 2: and so in today's episode, Yasmin and I are talking

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Speaker 2: about how to meet yourself exactly where you're at to

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Speaker 2: get to where you want to be, the importance of

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Speaker 2: not judging your beginnings to harshly, how to get honest

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Speaker 2: with yourself without guilt or judgment about your current circumstance

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Speaker 2: in order to move forward and progress. When I tell

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Speaker 2: you I could sit down and listen to Yasmin talk

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Speaker 2: for hours, that is an understatement. I feel as though

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Speaker 2: I am calm when I am in her presence, and

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Speaker 2: I felt so lucky that we were able to connect

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Speaker 2: while she was in town. Like I said for that

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Speaker 2: Start Today launch, I'm going to link that new website

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Speaker 2: and app in the show notes, so definitely definitely check

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Speaker 2: it out. But yeah, amazing, amazing conversation today and I

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Speaker 2: am aiming to bring you more of what you want

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty five. Again, this show it's my baby,

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Speaker 2: but it's as much mine as it is yours. So

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Speaker 2: if there's a certain topic you're into, a certain expert,

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Speaker 2: you want me to chat with an athlete, you want

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Speaker 2: to hear their story, I am all ears. We're getting better,

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Speaker 2: We're moving forward in twenty twenty five, we are becoming

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Speaker 2: exactly who we want to be, and that happens together.

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Speaker 2: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social

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Speaker 2: It's at Hurdle Podcast. I am over at Emily a

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Speaker 2: body and with that, let's get to it. Let's get

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Speaker 2: to hurdling Today. I am sitting down with my friend

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Speaker 2: Yasmin Chayenne. She is a thought leader, a wellness expert,

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Speaker 2: a self care expert. She's also one of the newest

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Speaker 2: members of the Start Today family. How are we doing today?

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Speaker 3: I'm so good? How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm so good. I'm so excited for you. I'm a

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Speaker 2: buzz for you right now. Talk to us about Start Today.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm still like buzzing from that. I

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Speaker 1: just basically launched last night Start Today as a new app.

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Speaker 1: What I love about it is you know, I teach

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Speaker 1: meditation on the app, but there are so many people

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Speaker 1: teaching their like specific modality. There's somatic meditation, there's sound bowl,

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Speaker 1: there's every kind of fitness even if you have disabilities,

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Speaker 1: if you have if you need certain adjustments. They really

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Speaker 1: thought about everything and also the diversity. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you noticed last night because Emily was there. It's

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Speaker 1: just beautiful to see and be a part of.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I.

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Speaker 2: Love when a company pays attention a company, a brand

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Speaker 2: pays attention to the diversity the breath of individuals that

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Speaker 2: they want to work with. And to your point, it

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Speaker 2: was really clear at the launch event for this yesterday

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Speaker 2: that it was a priority.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely, And I mean it's NBC, right, so there's

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Speaker 1: this also experience of pinch me. It's so funny that

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Speaker 1: I'm here today, honestly because I'm in the kind of

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Speaker 1: the area where I grew up.

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Speaker 3: So it feels very full circle.

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Speaker 2: I love that idea. I love that, you know, Brooklyn

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Speaker 2: has that way about it. Yes, well, I'm happy that

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Speaker 2: it's a full circle moment. And it's kind of fun

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Speaker 2: because so much has happened for you since you and

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Speaker 2: I first connected.

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Speaker 3: I know so much.

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Speaker 2: You're now a two time author. Yes, does that ever

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Speaker 2: get old for you?

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Speaker 3: Never? Or never? Does it feel like I'm just so grateful?

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Speaker 2: This is it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it's not it. No, I'm writing books

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Speaker 3: for me right now.

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Speaker 2: You're like spoiler alert. There's so much more to be done. Well.

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Speaker 2: I am honored that we are able to find this

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Speaker 2: time to connect, especially at the beginning of this new year.

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Speaker 2: It was a no brainer to have someone that is

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Speaker 2: not only so compassionate but so dialed in to this

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Speaker 2: important topic of self care come in and talk to

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Speaker 2: us me about a topic that is, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: on everyone's mind right now, quote unquote, I need to

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Speaker 2: start over. Yeah, shutter, shutter. There's so much pressure that's

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Speaker 2: put on us at the start of a new year,

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Speaker 2: don't you agree?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: I think that I don't know how we got into

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Speaker 1: a It probably was marketing or something, but how we

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Speaker 1: got into this rhythm of it's January first, so now

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Speaker 1: we need to like redo our whole lives. But we

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Speaker 1: fall for it, and we fall for hard every single year.

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Speaker 1: For myself and for a lot of my friends, I

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Speaker 1: think that we're getting towards this age where and I

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Speaker 1: don't even know, you know, if you're in your late

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Speaker 1: thirties to like mid forties, you're starting to feel like

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Speaker 1: every year does feel like a big deal because time

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Speaker 1: is limited. And I think that that's a real thing

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Speaker 1: that a lot of us are contending with.

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Speaker 3: You see that, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, you know, I'm not going to get carted again,

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Speaker 1: Like life is changing, like you know, and it's I

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Speaker 1: think it's becoming very real to a lot of us.

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Speaker 1: I think that there's that pressure. But if you're younger,

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Speaker 1: if you're the gen Z folks that are you know,

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Speaker 1: continuing with the new year, I think they also seem

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Speaker 1: to have a pressure that we didn't as millennials to

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Speaker 1: like really get it right because they have different circumstances

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Speaker 1: that their world is going to require for them if

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Speaker 1: they want to be successful, if they want you know,

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Speaker 1: all of these things. So I'm saying that to say

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Speaker 1: I think there's a truth to the fact that we

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Speaker 1: do need to reevaluate what didn't work last year and

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Speaker 1: try to be more intentional. And then there's the other

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Speaker 1: part of maybe we can do it with compassion, Maybe

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Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be so incredibly perfectionistic.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And for these this next generation, so much of

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Speaker 2: what they're doing is online, right right, it's platformed, and

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Speaker 2: so these individuals feel this extra added pressure to show

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Speaker 2: up in some kind of way because there's such instant access,

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Speaker 2: a journey for instant gratification, instant everything, and it's a

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Speaker 2: lot to deal with.

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Speaker 3: It's a lot.

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Speaker 1: And I was just talking to someone who was twenty one.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know if that's still gen Z. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's a little bit young. I don't know, I've lost

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Speaker 1: the generation. But we were talking about the club, and

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Speaker 1: I know this is a hurdle podcast the club, the club,

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Speaker 1: but I could not imagine having been twenty one and

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Speaker 1: being watched and videoed in the club.

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Speaker 3: Could you imagine? That's literally my nightmarees I'm so grateful

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Speaker 3: that he didn't have phones.

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Speaker 1: And she was talking about how she doesn't feel like

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Speaker 1: her and her friends get to really have a good

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Speaker 1: time because you can't, right, And even from that like

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Speaker 1: very micro experience, I think that's the experience of what

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Speaker 1: it's like to have always been being watched, not just

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Speaker 1: by yourself and your own thoughts, which we all deal with,

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Speaker 1: but by your friends, your family, everyone, wants to know

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Speaker 1: what's next. That's what I think is. There was a

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Speaker 1: post I saw earlier before I got here. There was

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Speaker 1: this guy recording and trying to say new Year, New

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Speaker 1: fresh start, but he kept messing it up, so then

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Speaker 1: he's like angry, like typing it out again and then

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Speaker 1: setting it up and trying to find the right light.

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Speaker 1: I really feel like that's the simulation that we're in.

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Speaker 2: I love that he's putting that out there, though, but

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Speaker 2: that's the stuff that we need. That's the vulnerability, because

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Speaker 2: vulnerability and imperfection is relatable perfection, and this aesthetic idealism

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Speaker 2: is not no and it's not real, it's not real

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Speaker 2: on the slightest. Well, before we dive into talking about

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Speaker 2: a fresh start, two things. One, I gotta know, we

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Speaker 2: just talked about the launch of Start today, But how

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Speaker 2: are you doing really at the top of this new year?

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Speaker 1: Genuinely, I am a little tired. I cannot hang like

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Speaker 1: I used to, but I am actually really good. I

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Speaker 1: feel excited about everything that I'm working on. I feel

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Speaker 1: excited about just going home and getting back into the

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Speaker 1: routine of school and all that stuff with my kids.

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Speaker 1: I really had to Last year was a big year

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Speaker 1: for me, letting go of a lot of what the

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Speaker 1: pressures that I would put on myself and getting very

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Speaker 1: clear about what my purpose is, which I feel is

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Speaker 1: very important because if I am thinking about success from

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Speaker 1: what I am seeing online or what people or even

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Speaker 1: like my team or whatever what I do someone else

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Speaker 1: thinks successes, then I can get caught up and be

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Speaker 1: in a pattern of striving and never actually be able

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Speaker 1: to sit with the fact that this is actually the

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Speaker 1: path that.

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Speaker 3: I need to be on.

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Speaker 1: I don't need to be doing everything. I just want

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Speaker 1: to be doing these things. And if I'm doing these

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Speaker 1: things and I am doing what is best for me,

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Speaker 1: so that has helped me like reclaim so much of

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Speaker 1: my energy. And I think that's why even on like

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Speaker 1: five hours of sleep for the past two weeks, that

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Speaker 1: I feel just really good right now, accumulative five hours

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Speaker 1: of sleep for the past doing How do you let

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Speaker 1: go of the should? It sounds so airy and wonderful

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Speaker 1: and something to be a tad envious of when I

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Speaker 1: hear that, right it's I'm in this place where I've

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Speaker 1: been able to let it go. But how does one

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Speaker 1: let it go and focus on the things that truly

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Speaker 1: serve them rather than what they feel as though they

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Speaker 1: should be doing. I think it's really important to I'm glad.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that, because I don't want

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Speaker 1: to make it. I am not the you know, you

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Speaker 1: just let go and then open your heart like that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: I have to choose it every day personally, I am

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Speaker 1: a recovering perfectionist. I think that's going to be a

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Speaker 1: lifelong journey of mine. I think I'm constantly going to

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Speaker 1: be coming back to a place of choosing myself again

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Speaker 1: and choosing what's real versus the stories that play in

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Speaker 1: my head. And so every day I have to remind myself,

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Speaker 1: especially you know you probably relate with this when you

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Speaker 1: go online and you see like all the things we

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Speaker 1: see immediately like that starts turning in my mind and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm not doing enough. I'm not being enough,

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Speaker 1: I'm not showing up enough. I need to start doing tiktoks,

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Speaker 1: I need to start doing dances whatever all of it starts,

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Speaker 1: and then I have to come back to myself. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes I get caught on the story and like mid

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Speaker 1: way through learning a TikTok dance, I'm like, what the

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Speaker 1: hell are you doing yasmin? This is not a part

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Speaker 1: of I'm kidding, I'm not learning your TikTok dance, but like,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: This isn't a part of what So I think to

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Speaker 1: answer your question concisely, I constantly am coming back to

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Speaker 1: myself and having that internal conversation and reminding myself, this

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Speaker 1: isn't what you said you wanted, so let it go.

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Speaker 1: This isn't even a part of what is important for you.

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Speaker 1: This isn't one of your values, This isn't something that

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Speaker 1: matters to you. So you you gotta release it, gotta

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Speaker 1: release it.

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Speaker 2: I love that idea of don't start doing a TikTok

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Speaker 2: dance just because you feel like you should be doing

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Speaker 2: a TikTok dance in your house. Obviously the TikTok dance

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Speaker 2: isn't the thing, but it's an example of the bag, right,

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Speaker 2: And so to get clear on what feels good right?

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Speaker 2: That was a question that I was asking myself a

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Speaker 2: lot in twenty twenty four. It was what feels good

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Speaker 2: for Emily in this moment, and being able to get

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Speaker 2: clear on that and be honest about that. That honesty

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Speaker 2: is the first barrier to seeking what it is that

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Speaker 2: you truly are aligned with, what you truly quote unquote

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Speaker 2: should be doing is asking yourself what feels good here?

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Speaker 2: And that felt good for me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I saw that difference. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: watching your I mean obviously not watching in real life,

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Speaker 1: but watching you on your page. It just you can

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Speaker 1: tell when so one's sharing from a really intentional place.

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Speaker 1: And it felt like that, it just.

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Speaker 3: Seemed like you. And that's an example before.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. And in the something that

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Speaker 2: Robin ar Song said to me a couple of weeks

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Speaker 2: ago when we sat down for the show, she said

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Speaker 2: that so often, as we are creating, doing living, we

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Speaker 2: have an inclination to compare ourselves to someone that is

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Speaker 2: on the mountaintop. Right, So maybe you are writing your

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Speaker 2: first book and you're looking on social media and comparing

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Speaker 2: yourself to someone who's a twenty two time New York

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Speaker 2: Times bestselling author, and understandable, right, there's a goal there.

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Speaker 2: Maybe there is some shininess to that, but you cannot

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Speaker 2: compare yourself on the draft of page one of your

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Speaker 2: first book to this person who's done it twenty two

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Speaker 2: times before. And it's challenging, not to do that, but

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Speaker 2: it happens more often than so many of us would

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Speaker 2: like to admit. Before we go any farther, further farther,

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Speaker 2: I think that we should get a little grounded. Perhaps

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Speaker 2: I was so inspired and in all of you in

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Speaker 2: the room last night, commanding this room of hundreds of people,

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Speaker 2: and there's so much happening. We're truly like right above

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Speaker 2: Union Square, there's the noise from the street, and yet

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Speaker 2: we were still able to slow down for just a second,

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Speaker 2: a few minutes maybe and do that really beautiful breathwork exercise.

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Speaker 2: So maybe for us in this room right now, you

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Speaker 2: and I and then also those listening to this wherever

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Speaker 2: they may be, maybe they're on their commute right now,

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Speaker 2: let's just get intentional for a second. And I love that,

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Speaker 2: and do a little breath So you want to lead

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Speaker 2: me in a little breath.

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Speaker 1: For sure, Let's close our eyes for a minute and

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Speaker 1: take a deep breath in through your nose, exhaling out

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Speaker 1: through your mouth. And I just realized that my breath

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Speaker 1: was really tight. And if you ever feel that, you

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Speaker 1: can put your hand on your heart space again, take

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Speaker 1: it deep breath in through your nose, exhaling out through

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Speaker 1: your mouth, and just taking a moment to think about

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Speaker 1: perhaps any thoughts that have come up since we've been

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Speaker 1: talking about these very triggering topics around success and showing

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Speaker 1: up and who we are or who everyone thinks we

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Speaker 1: should be, and just feeling where there may be any tightness.

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Speaker 3: Or tension.

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Speaker 1: Or fear, and maybe getting a little curious about what

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Speaker 1: you could do to just be present to it, not

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Speaker 1: shift it, not change it, not judge it, just hold

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Speaker 1: space for it again, breathing in through your nose, exhaling

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Speaker 1: out through your mouth, dropping your shoulders a little further,

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Speaker 1: and again just feeling how being present to the tension,

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Speaker 1: being curious about the triggers, just sitting with it can

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Speaker 1: help it to dissipate within the body and maybe make

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Speaker 1: it just a little bit easier to shift, change, transform

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Speaker 1: witness in the future. We're just going to take one

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Speaker 1: more deep breath in and we're going to hold at

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Speaker 1: the top, exhaling out through the mouth, reminding yourself in

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Speaker 1: this moment that anytime you take time to come back

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Speaker 1: to yourself, even for a few minutes, it matters, and

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Speaker 1: gently opening your eyes.

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Speaker 3: It matters.

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Speaker 2: I needed that, I needed that, and it's so true

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Speaker 2: because as we get into this conversation about this desire

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Speaker 2: for a fresh start, at first, before you do anything,

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Speaker 2: you have to come back into your body.

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Speaker 1: You have to yeah, the presence of being connected to

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Speaker 1: yourself and how that allows you to really witness. There

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Speaker 1: is no what do I want? Without being present? There

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Speaker 1: is no how can I move forward unless you're going

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Speaker 1: to be willing to be present. Presence is the hardest thing.

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Speaker 1: All of us have been in a situation where we

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Speaker 1: were with a friend and we're like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: she is ignoring this red flag. It is blaring. We

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Speaker 1: do the same thing, and so honesty is hard. Honesty

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Speaker 1: is rigid, and once we know the truth, most of

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Speaker 1: us cannot live with, you know, just allowing it to

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Speaker 1: be not what we should be doing for ourselves. We're

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Speaker 1: going to have to make a change, And so we

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Speaker 1: ignore it so that we can stay kind of in

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Speaker 1: the ignorant bliss of whatever story, whatever hope, whatever we're

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Speaker 1: hoping will be. But when we're honest with ourselves, we

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Speaker 1: have to we usually make a change. So if you're

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Speaker 1: brave enough to witness yourself like that in itself is

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Speaker 1: major work. I think sometimes we're too hard on ourselves.

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Speaker 1: We think that, oh, I should have been further by now.

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Speaker 1: It might take you two years just to be honest

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Speaker 1: and witness It might take you that much time to

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Speaker 1: be willing. Some people live their whole lives and never

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Speaker 1: tell the truth.

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Speaker 2: Witnessing yourself can be truly challenging because in this self

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Speaker 2: inquiry you start to see things that maybe you don't

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Speaker 2: want to see right and so understandably so at the

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Speaker 2: turn of a new year, when we're doing all this

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Speaker 2: self reflection, it can feel really turbulent. Also understandable that

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Speaker 2: there are so many people that finally feel like they

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Speaker 2: are in a place that they can say, I recognize

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Speaker 2: these things I'm doing. Maybe it's a pattern. Maybe it's

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Speaker 2: certain relationships that we have, certain company that we keep,

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Speaker 2: certain practices that we do that we're not so proud

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Speaker 2: of that don't make us feel so shiny and beautiful

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Speaker 2: and excited. So as we step into this place of

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Speaker 2: desiring a fresh start, the question arises, how can we

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Speaker 2: not judge ourselves for this past behavior.

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Speaker 1: I honestly think this is where community comes in because

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Speaker 1: to be very clear, like we're talking about self reflection,

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Speaker 1: and yes, a lot of it is done alone. But

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Speaker 1: I think what really freed me and what really frees

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Speaker 1: a lot of people as I've been on this journey

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Speaker 1: and the work that I do working with people is

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Speaker 1: when you are witnessed by someone else and they can

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Speaker 1: mirror your light and what you really are versus what

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Speaker 1: you tell yourself you are or what society tells you

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Speaker 1: you are. So I never want anyone to think that

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Speaker 1: this work is a solo journey. If you're not in

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Speaker 1: the healing work or your journey for connection, I want

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Speaker 1: you to get really curious about why you're doing it

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Speaker 1: in the first place, because I hope that you're doing

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Speaker 1: it for vulnerability, for you know, community, for building and

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Speaker 1: being held and being able to hold in reciprocity. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's where we find out we're not really

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Speaker 1: so different, that I'm not really wrong. Everyone's going through

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Speaker 1: some version of this. That's I think where we really

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Speaker 1: stand in our power, and that in that moment of

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Speaker 1: sharing it with someone and they say like, maybe not

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Speaker 1: me too, but I so get that, or they reflect

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Speaker 1: to you, you know, are you really right about that?

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Speaker 1: Because I watched you last year and you kicked asks

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Speaker 1: last year. You know, they really allow you to come

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Speaker 1: out of whatever cycle you might be and stand more

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Speaker 1: firmly and a truth that again, when I say the truth,

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Speaker 1: the truth is not always bad. Sometimes the truth is

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Speaker 1: I've been so hard on myself for five years and

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Speaker 1: actually I've done everything that I wanted to do, and

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Speaker 1: I've just been in striving mode because you know, I've

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Speaker 1: never been taught how to love myself. I've never been

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Speaker 1: taught how to celebrate myself. Sometimes that's the truth that

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Speaker 1: you are winning, but you would never even admit that

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Speaker 1: because that has never been your norm. Sometimes the truth

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Speaker 1: is I don't know how to let love in. And

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Speaker 1: those truths can hurt, and they can also reflect that

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Speaker 1: the success is already there. So I hope that makes

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Speaker 1: sense for people who are listening that you may go

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Speaker 1: into it thinking this is what I'm going to learn

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Speaker 1: about myself, and then when you have somebody else reflect

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Speaker 1: to you, you realize, oh my gosh, to Nursing, that

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Speaker 1: there's so.

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Speaker 2: Much power in what you mentioned about community, and also

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Speaker 2: so much importance to the validating of personal experience. When

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Speaker 2: you are going at something alone, it can feel like

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Speaker 2: you are on a small lifeboat in the middle of

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Speaker 2: the biggest ocean that there is right and to open

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Speaker 2: yourself up not only to recognize where you're at and

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Speaker 2: start to get honest about that, but then to community

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Speaker 2: to help you navigate this experience. You realize and remember

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Speaker 2: and are reminded that you are not alone, not only

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Speaker 2: in whatever it is that you're going through, but also

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Speaker 2: likely in how you feel.

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Speaker 1: I don't think people realize how powerful that's why, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you know this with the Hurtler's community.

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Speaker 3: When you have this is this.

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Speaker 1: Is a perfect example for this ons podcast. When I

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Speaker 1: watch people finish marathons, I am in shambles, like because

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Speaker 1: we know what it took just to decide to go

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Speaker 1: for the first mile, like that first step is so hard,

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Speaker 1: and then to get injured and come back. And you

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Speaker 1: know that is why when we sign up for things

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Speaker 1: or when we do things and we think, oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: just running out, you know, a marathon, we'll see what happens. No,

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Speaker 1: it is a trans as you know and everyone listening

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Speaker 1: probably knows. It's a transformation. You're never the same again

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Speaker 1: because in community, you watched people, some people don't finish.

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Speaker 1: You never know what's going to happen. Like that's like

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Speaker 1: a very much metaphor for life, like you're on this

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Speaker 1: journey and you don't know how it's going to turn out,

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Speaker 1: But there's everyone else around you that has the same

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Speaker 1: vulnerability too. If you're willing to be in it and

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Speaker 1: be witnessed and you know, maybe you need to walk

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Speaker 1: the rest of the way, Maybe you when you allow

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Speaker 1: yourself to be held. That is what happens when we

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Speaker 1: say yes to leaning in, And that same analogy can

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Speaker 1: be applied to this self reflection to starting this new year.

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Speaker 1: If you don't remember anything else I've said today, I

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Speaker 1: hope that you remember to lean into your community. And

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Speaker 1: if you're listening and you're thinking, I don't have community,

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Speaker 1: I hope this is an invitation to you to really

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Speaker 1: begin to put yourselves in those rooms with people with

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Speaker 1: like minded ideas and beliefs and hobbies so that you

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Speaker 1: can find it. Because that could also just be the

436
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 1: very thing that you're missing this year. That might be

437
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 1: the one thing that you do and you will have

438
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 1: a transformation in your life if that's all you do

439
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: this year.

440
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 2: What does community look like for you in practice? Right now?

441
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 1: Oh, it's so freaking beautiful. I feel really grateful because

442
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: it wasn't always that way. Friday. This Friday, I'm going

443
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 1: to a friend's house and we're all coming together and

444
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: we're bringing a bunch of skincare products that none of

445
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 1: us have used that we're going to swap. We're writing

446
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 1: down our goals for the year, and then we're all

447
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 1: going to mail it to each other at the start

448
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 1: of next year.

449
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with this. Everyone lovestening to us is now

450
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 2: about to get their own skincare party together.

451
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: Yes, And it's like, you know how it is when

452
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: you get older, like and people have families and stuff

453
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 1: like that, you don't do stuff like this anymore. And

454
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 1: I think we really need that. We're really missing that

455
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: kind of connection. Like maybe we're not getting dressed up

456
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: and going out, you know, to so and going to dinner.

457
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 1: We're just going over to your house and we're all

458
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: wearing pajamas and we're hanging out. I think the easy normal,

459
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: you know, we don't have to film this kind of

460
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: community is what people are really really missing.

461
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 3: Gen Z.

462
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 2: I hope you're listening to this if you are a

463
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 2: member of gen Z and beyond. I don't even know

464
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:41,439
Speaker 2: what's beyond gen Z.

465
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,919
Speaker 3: Danafa and Bravo. Bravo just started.

466
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 2: Oh bravo. If you identify as any of these generations,

467
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 2: I encourage you to say, let's put the phones down.

468
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 2: And I actually believe that that is something that isn't

469
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: often spoken about when it comes to individuals that are

470
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 2: in pursuit of community. Yes, right, it's if we go

471
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 2: back to that example of running. If you're going to

472
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 2: go to a new run club and this is you

473
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 2: putting yourself out there, congrats, that's so exciting that you

474
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,959
Speaker 2: are now in this place where you have both recognized

475
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 2: I am seeking community, this is a like minded interest.

476
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to show up and do that. That is

477
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,679
Speaker 2: step one. But step two, beyond arriving at said destination,

478
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 2: is being at the destination, being where your feet are,

479
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 2: being present with those around you, because you cannot form

480
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 2: relationships if you are one foot in and one foot out.

481
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 2: You cannot build a house without a foundation. And in

482
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 2: order to lay that foundation, you need to be present.

483
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: Yes, and it's not easy to have community. You have

484
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 1: to be you have to show up. It's not always

485
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,479
Speaker 1: going to be parties and events, and sometimes it's going

486
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 1: to be divorce and breakups and you know, heartbreaking things

487
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 1: that are that are happening, and being in community means

488
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: that we show up for all of it, the ugly

489
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: the great. I think you really need to be the

490
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,879
Speaker 1: person that you're hoping to find.

491
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 2: Amen.

492
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 3: Amen.

493
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 2: You can do good times with everyone, but you can't

494
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 2: do bad times with everyone. And if you're seeking long

495
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 2: lasting relationships and solid community, then you need to pay

496
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 2: attention to what it is that you are indulging in doing.

497
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 2: Living in together, breathing in together.

498
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: Absolutely, absolutely, and be honest with yourself. You might know

499
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: that there's some people in your life that are not

500
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: your people. They're not your people, and everybody doesn't have

501
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: to be your closest friend. You know. This can just

502
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: be like your party friend, or this could just be

503
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,959
Speaker 1: or we go out for drink's friend. They don't have

504
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,399
Speaker 1: to turn into your close connection. I'm going to be

505
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 1: vulnerable with you and expect you to show up for

506
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 1: a person like I'm not saying compartmentalize people, but be

507
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:52,919
Speaker 1: honest with yourself about who people are to you.

508
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,640
Speaker 3: It will save us a lot of heartbreak.

509
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, because you can't put someone into a box

510
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 2: that they don't want to be in necessarily, and when

511
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 2: you do. It does result in that heartbreak difficulty and

512
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 2: that unsettling like center of your chest feeling when you're

513
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,959
Speaker 2: seeking something from someone who doesn't want to be sought.

514
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it's so true.

515
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: This is especially true with dating too, Like we want

516
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: people to be someone that they don't want to be.

517
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: And I think this is something that we do long term.

518
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 1: We do this with our parents. We do oh my god,

519
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: we do it with our kids. If you have kids,

520
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,919
Speaker 1: we do it with everyone. The most honest thing that

521
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: we can do is accept people and like say to ourselves,

522
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: this is obviously who they are. Obviously you know, sometimes

523
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: there's going to be compromised, it's going to be boundaries,

524
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: but people will really let you know if they are

525
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: interested in what you are interested in. If they're not interested,

526
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: then you know it's time for you to like vote

527
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: with your feet.

528
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 2: Vote with your feet. Ooh, we're laying down the truths

529
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 2: here today. Speaking of truths, I want to get honest

530
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 2: about values. Core values. Articulating what your value alues are

531
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 2: when you are feeling as though you want a fresh

532
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 2: start can be a really helpful way to set yourself

533
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 2: in the right direction. For so many individuals. They come

534
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 2: to me when I say the word values, and they're like,

535
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: how do I know what my values are?

536
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: This is a hard one, right, because I think most

537
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: of our values are given to us, and then we

538
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: have to discern whether that's actually true with who we

539
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: are as we grow. I think that and this is

540
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: a hot take, I think, but anger is such a

541
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: good teacher for what our values are. And what I

542
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 1: mean by that is when you're in relationship, like if

543
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 1: you're waiting for a friend and they're forty five minutes

544
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 1: late and your blood is boiling. I've had people who

545
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: are like, I don't care if people are late, It's

546
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: no big deal to me. And then I've had other

547
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: people who are like, this is the rudest thing that

548
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: I've ever experienced.

549
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 3: So this is a.

550
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 1: Example, an example that isn't necessarily the best in terms

551
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,479
Speaker 1: of values. But one of your values might be respect

552
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 1: my time. Like if you don't respect my time and

553
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 1: you don't respect the attention that we put toward each

554
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: other and you're late every time, that you might not

555
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: be the person for me. One of your values might

556
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: be you know, respect, And so if you meet someone

557
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 1: or if you're a relationship with someone who's showing you

558
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 1: that they're not going to be willing to do that.

559
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 1: That's a value. That's something that's a and it's also

560
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: a boundary. So when I say anger is a teacher,

561
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: I want you to pay attention to the relationships you

562
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: already have, the community you already have, or you might

563
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 1: be noticing, okay, this is something that isn't working for me.

564
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: I think it's easier. We're always able to really be

565
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: clear on what isn't working for us faster. I like

566
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: to start there. Let's just do that first. Once you

567
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: get clear on what isn't going to be okay, then

568
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: I want you to think about what makes your heart

569
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: really saying so like for me, having friends who are

570
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: like come over less swap products, that is such a

571
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 1: value for me. It feels like intentional connection is very

572
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: intentional and it's heart warming and it's easy. I also

573
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: think getting really curious about ways that you have pretended

574
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: performed said yes when you really didn't want to it

575
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: is another way for you to Again, this is like

576
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 1: the no list, But most of us are doing things

577
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 1: that we don't want to do. And so when I

578
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: hear somebody say I don't know what my values are.

579
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: It's it makes me feel like there are things in

580
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: your life that you're doing that aren't aligned. Because if

581
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: I asked you, like, what are your values? Or maybe

582
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: if you ask me what are my values? I think

583
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 1: I'd be able to name a few. But then in

584
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 1: certain areas of my life, if you said, what do

585
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: you value? Like I remember there was a time in

586
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: my career where people would say, what is your goal

587
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 1: long term? And I'd be like, I don't know. I'm

588
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,239
Speaker 1: really just trying to make it through this year. So

589
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: get really clear about what those areas are. Separate. So

590
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to just give you steps because I kind

591
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: of rambled just now. First step, separate personal and career.

592
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: If you don't have a career, and maybe you're stay

593
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: at home mom or you're in school, use that for

594
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: your personal self, for your personal side. Three goals or

595
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: three areas, three values, three things that matter to you.

596
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: Don't do more than three because more than three is

597
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 1: overwhelming and we will never look at this list again,

598
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: nor will we remember it. So three things personally, your

599
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: personal friendships, your personal time, your personal values, your dating,

600
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: you're romantic. Three things that matter to you just the

601
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: first three that come to mind for your career. If

602
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: you have one three things that really light you up,

603
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 1: even if you have to continue to work, if you

604
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: feel like you have a crap job, even if you

605
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: have to continue to work the crap job that you're at,

606
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: how can you turn it into When I come here,

607
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: this is the way that I find my light, those

608
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: three things, and that's where we have to put our energy.

609
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: And that's what's going to help us be able to

610
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 1: completely be clear on what our nose are. And this

611
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: is a really small way to start, and I think

612
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 1: the small ways are the most powerful. We're not going

613
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 1: to and this is again going back to this new year,

614
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: New me kind of vibe. We're not going to transform

615
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: in one day.

616
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 3: Some people do. Usually it's like a life or death experience.

617
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 3: We don't want that.

618
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: Let's just be a lot more easeful with this and

619
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: start small and watch how it begins to ripple into

620
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: something massive.

621
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love

622
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 2: to my partner at Element. Element helps anyone stay hydrated

623
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 2: without the sugar and other dodgy ingredients found in popular

624
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Speaker 2: electrolyte and sports drinks. It's my go to electrolyte drink

625
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,719
Speaker 2: mix and sparkling electrolyte water that's born from a growing

626
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 2: body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at

627
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:46,959
Speaker 2: sodium levels two to three times government recommendations. There is

628
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 2: nothing like an afternoon pick me up of some ice

629
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 2: cold Element. I am big on their raspberry or orange

630
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:58,719
Speaker 2: flavors lately, and aside from loving it because it's delicious,

631
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 2: I love what it does for my body. We want

632
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 2: to be hydrated in twenty twenty five. It is a

633
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 2: priority regardless of what your physical pursuits are. Right. We

634
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,399
Speaker 2: deserve to feel good in our bodies and that's what

635
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 2: you can expect by adding Element into your routine. Stave

636
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 2: off an electrolyte deficiency or imbalance that can cause things

637
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 2: like headaches or cramps, fatigue, brain fog, and weakness. By

638
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 2: adding this in, trust me, you won't regret it. Head

639
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,640
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640
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,800
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641
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 2: with your order today. Again, that is drink Element dot com.

642
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 2: Drink lmnt dot com slash hurdle to get a free

643
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 2: sample pack today. I love the sentiment of articulating your nose,

644
00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 2: articulating your hard stops, because oftentimes it can feel hard

645
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 2: to dial in on those three things. Right. We're saying,

646
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 2: let's make a reasonable list of our core values, right,

647
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: and you start writing and you're like, wait, but I

648
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 2: care about all of these things, right, So coming to

649
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,439
Speaker 2: a place where you can be like, well that's out,

650
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 2: that's out, that's out, It's like, okay, if that's easier

651
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 2: for you, start there and then transition into this place

652
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: where we are really getting intentional about what we're putting

653
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 2: on our yes list.

654
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I think if you know what your nose are,

655
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: that's one of the most that's the hardest part. A

656
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: lot of us are just out here floating, you know,

657
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: not really understanding what our nose are because our family,

658
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: our friends, society has kind of dictated you're a woman,

659
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: this is what you should do. You're a mom, this

660
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: is what you should do. You're my partner, this is

661
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: what you should do. And I have conversations with people,

662
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you've had them where you're like, you're

663
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 1: catching up with someone maybe you don't speak to a lot,

664
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, you know, but that's just you

665
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 1: know the way tim is, and that's how it is.

666
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: And they do this uncomfortable laugh where it's like we

667
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: both know you don't you don't you're laughing and this

668
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,439
Speaker 1: isn't funny to you, that to know, but we don't

669
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying it, and so we're uncomfortably sharing it

670
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:09,399
Speaker 1: with you.

671
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 3: And now you walk away with their slime.

672
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: And you know, but that's what we do in relationship.

673
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 1: We don't know how to be honest, so we just

674
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 1: kind of laugh it off. Those are the moments that

675
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: you know that this isn't really for me, and you've

676
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,160
Speaker 1: got to have those uncomfortable conversations with yourself and with others.

677
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: A lot of people are waiting to meet you. I

678
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: know we often talk about get that personality of your life.

679
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:31,720
Speaker 1: They don't really care about you, they don't meet your boundary.

680
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 1: That's true for some people, but I have found that

681
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: most people would be interested in meeting you if they

682
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: knew how to meet you. But that is your work

683
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 1: to share how to meet you.

684
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 2: That is your work to do. Now, why is it

685
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 2: important that someone has an understanding or perhaps begins to

686
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 2: articulate their values before they lay the groundwork for some

687
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 2: goal setting, Right, what is it about being able to

688
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 2: say I have a value rooted in community or I

689
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 2: have a value rooted in family, to then be able

690
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 2: to write down an important actionable goal.

691
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,280
Speaker 1: This is so good. So I'll give myself as an example.

692
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 1: My word for the year is abundance.

693
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 2: I knew that I wrote it down. I wrote it down.

694
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 1: Yes, So if that's the through line of what I

695
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: want my experiences to be, the first thing that I

696
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 1: need to do is first define what abundance is for me.

697
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 3: What does that look like? What does that feel like?

698
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 1: So I live in an area that's like by the water,

699
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: and I can walk by the water pretty much within

700
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, and that to me is abundance. If I

701
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: get twenty five minutes to walk past the water and

702
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: see it and walk back to my house, that's abundance

703
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 1: to me because I own my time. And that's something

704
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: that I mean, I don't think that I think is priceless.

705
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: It has a price, but it feels priceless to me.

706
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: And so if I get asked to do something that

707
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 1: interferes with that, and that also doesn't align with abundance

708
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: and health money resources connection, then it might be a no.

709
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: And I think, I know that might sound like that's

710
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: a lot of steps. No, it was like really quick

711
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:16,919
Speaker 1: kind of flow chart.

712
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,359
Speaker 3: Abundance. Is it leading towards what makes me feel good? Yes?

713
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 1: How does it? Because it's an abundance in health? Okay,

714
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: great abundance. I don't really want to do this. It

715
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good to me.

716
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 3: It's a no.

717
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: When we get clear about that initial energy we want

718
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 1: to bring in, then you can set the framework for

719
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 1: what you want.

720
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 3: Those goals to be.

721
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 1: So all of my three personal my three career are

722
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 1: fueled by the word abundance. If you ask me what

723
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,239
Speaker 1: my three personal goals for the year are and my

724
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: three career goals, I honestly cannot tell you right now.

725
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 3: It's in my bag.

726
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: But if you ask me the energy, I remember that

727
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: one word, that abundance, And so when I'm getting asked

728
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: those questions, I know to keep that with me.

729
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny is that yesterday I was

730
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 2: talking about out what some of my goals were for

731
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 2: the year are for the year, and my life coach

732
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: that I sat down with she said to me, perhaps

733
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 2: we get a little bit more broad, And I said,

734
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 2: but if it's more broad. How am I going to

735
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: accomplish my goals? And she said, it's not that you're

736
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 2: not going to accomplish those specific goals, but if you

737
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 2: make it more broad, then you may surprise yourself on

738
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 2: what happens next. And that really resonated with me, right

739
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 2: because I believe that there is both a time and

740
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 2: a place to set a smart goal specific, measurable, attainable, relevant,

741
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 2: time bound, but then also be able to say, but

742
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: I am open to whatever the universe has in store

743
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 2: for me.

744
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

745
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 1: We have to human, we have to adult, we need

746
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 1: to pay our bills, we need to do all these things.

747
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 1: Like those smart goals are important sometimes, but in the

748
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: way that I teach and I usually work with people

749
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: who are like the smart goal types, I'm like, we're

750
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 1: going to throw our smart goals out today, and it's hard.

751
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 1: Like I used to be in a government and legal

752
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: and a project manager, Honey, I like lived my life

753
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 1: by smart goals. But when you free yourself and you

754
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: allow yourself to think, Okay, what if I just trusted

755
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 1: and again, I run a business, right, So I'm still

756
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,720
Speaker 1: making business decisions, I'm still being strategic, I'm still budgeting

757
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: I'm still planning. I'm not saying like, let's just throw

758
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: it to the wind and see what happens. No, But

759
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 1: it's bringing that energy with you and trusting that you

760
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 1: will know if this is the right decision based on

761
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:34,439
Speaker 1: what you said, you want to be available in your

762
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: life as you're living it this year, and there's going

763
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: to be hard times. I come up and there are

764
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,240
Speaker 1: going to be moments where I'm like, this isn't feeling

765
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: really abundant right now, and I'm going to decide how

766
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,839
Speaker 1: I can do the next best thing that will bring

767
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: some of that energy into my life and also focus

768
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 1: on the areas that are very abundant. But I think

769
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: that it frees us the specific and to your point,

770
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: last year, my goals were really specific, very specific. It

771
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: was a lot of fun to be very intentional and

772
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: do those specific things. I was like, I'm going to

773
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 1: go surfing, even though I don't know how to swim

774
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: in the ocean. That was a very specific goal. So

775
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: I think it can be very powerful to set those too.

776
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: And also I think we have to free ourselves a

777
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 1: little bit to allow the magic.

778
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,320
Speaker 2: It's a yes and yes, and it's a yes both

779
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 2: right and I love that you had a specific goal

780
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 2: about surfing in the ocean, right, because sometimes when we

781
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 2: integrate things like that into our bigger picture goal setting,

782
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 2: you're reminded that not every goal needs to be so

783
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:39,280
Speaker 2: dang serious.

784
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 3: Right, It's so freaking true.

785
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 2: It's so true because yes, like I certainly have goals

786
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 2: in different categories that I like to dig into, whether

787
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 2: it be work, career, mindfulness, financial, personal, right, relationships, I

788
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 2: have goals in all of those categories. But for me,

789
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 2: a huge goal overall is to seek new experiences this year.

790
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: And so then I ask myself, Okay, if you are

791
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,760
Speaker 2: creving new experiences, what does that look like in practice? Okay, cool?

792
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 2: What that looks like in practice? For me this year

793
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: is trying one new experience every single week. So on

794
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 2: Sunday morning, when I am I have this page in

795
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 2: a journal that I like to use, and yes, I'll

796
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 2: link it in the show notes. But I have a

797
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,959
Speaker 2: page where I plan out my activities for the week,

798
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 2: and most of those are rooted in like my personal

799
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 2: health and well being. So I'll write out what days

800
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 2: I'm string training, what days I'm doing yoga. What does

801
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 2: this look like? By the way, you're killing it. Oh,

802
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 2: you're so sweet to me. But I know that this

803
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 2: has worked for me in my health and wellness routine.

804
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 2: So let's go back to my emotional health. My emotional

805
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 2: health hinges on bringing myself these new experiences.

806
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 3: Now.

807
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:55,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm like, okay, on Wednesday this evening, actually

808
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 2: I'm going to a pottery studio for the first time.

809
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 3: I love it. You're gonna love it.

810
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 2: I'm so excited. I didn't when I was younger, but

811
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 2: not like as a grown woman living in Brooklyn. So

812
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take myself over to green Point and go

813
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 2: with a girlfriend. And also that was me in addition

814
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 2: boundary setting because when my girlfriend said, why don't we

815
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 2: go to a workout on Wednesday night? I said, Emily

816
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty five needs to socialize in a way

817
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 2: that's not always me burning calories. I mean, I'm sure

818
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 2: there's calorie burn in some sort of like pottery real

819
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 2: moment for me, but I'm just saying that, like, I

820
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,720
Speaker 2: need to find activities that are me fueling myself, giving

821
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 2: to myself in a way that I'm not just everyone's

822
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 2: fitness friend.

823
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 1: So my first pottery class was last year. I'm so

824
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,240
Speaker 1: special about it is you can't be on your phone

825
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: and you have to wear crap clothes because you don't

826
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 1: want to get the stuff on your clothes.

827
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a good tip because I was not

828
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,919
Speaker 2: thinking about that. So I will not show up to pottery.

829
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: In my line, you really don't want to bring your jewelry, okay,

830
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 1: because you don't want to get so it's like it

831
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 1: makes you take all the arm off and just come

832
00:43:59,000 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: have a good time.

833
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 2: I love that. I'm ready to have a good time.

834
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:01,919
Speaker 3: Yeah.

835
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 2: I mentioned going with their girlfriend tonight, which brings me

836
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 2: back to this idea of bringing in your community, finding

837
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 2: community in the pursuit of your goals, knowing that not

838
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 2: only can community help you stay accountable to the things

839
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 2: that excite you, but they can also support you knowing

840
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 2: that some of these things might be you stepping out

841
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:22,879
Speaker 2: a little bit from your comfort zone. Now, when we're

842
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 2: talking about a fresh start, oftentimes that requires that we

843
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:33,479
Speaker 2: do an inventory of our circle. Another really challenging thing

844
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 2: because oftentimes you are confronted with some hard truths. For

845
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 2: those that are looking to do an inventory of their

846
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 2: circle when they're thinking about this fresh start, what should

847
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:45,360
Speaker 2: they know?

848
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: The first thing that I want to say is let

849
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 1: the people that you're holding on too, who have been

850
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 1: trying to walk away, walk away.

851
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 3: I think that's the easiest first step.

852
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 2: I just gave like a sorority snap over here. I

853
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 2: was like, let them.

854
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 1: Go, let them we've been holding and if we just released,

855
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 1: that's the first easy. Ones that are going to walk away, like,

856
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 1: they will not call you back, they're not going to

857
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 1: text you back. Okay, We're going to move on. The

858
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: next thing is look at the people who have been

859
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: trying to hang out with you and for whatever reason.

860
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 1: You know how when you're in middle school and there's

861
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 1: like the people that want to hang out with you,

862
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,800
Speaker 1: but for some reason, you keep trying to be around

863
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 1: the people who are quote unquote cool or whatever, like

864
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,399
Speaker 1: you're trying to make it work with someone else when

865
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 1: there's like a much easier person to hang out with.

866
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: I want you to look at your circle and your

867
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 1: life and say, who are the people that I could

868
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,399
Speaker 1: really be having a good time with and hanging out

869
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: with that for some reason I'm not paying attention to

870
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to make it work with these other

871
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: folks over here who are rescheduling or not shown, you know,

872
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 1: not coming through. I think the last thing is look

873
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: at the folks who you had a great time with

874
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 1: last year or in the last few months, and really

875
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,959
Speaker 1: ask yourself, how can I be with them more?

876
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 3: Often say it.

877
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 1: There's a few friends of mine we've actually said, can

878
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: we spend more time together this year? Platonic romance is

879
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 1: such an important part of relationships, and I don't think

880
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: that we put enough attention on it. And we want

881
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 1: to hear that people want to spend time with us.

882
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 1: I know, I'm sure you want to hear it like

883
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: it was great being with you. I'm sure your friend

884
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: who you're going to pottery with is probably excited and

885
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: wouldn't have normally chose it were we think sometimes you know,

886
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: will they want to do this or will they see

887
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: me like this? And often people are like that sounds amazing.

888
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have chosen that. Yes, I'm supporting you, and

889
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 1: also this is fun for me too, So you'll be

890
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: surprised by what choosing yourself will open up you and

891
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: your relationships and the people who care about you to

892
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: do with you, be with you, and show up for you.

893
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,920
Speaker 2: The biggest word in that for me and the biggest

894
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 2: word that I have focused on over the last three

895
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: sixty five is ease. Easy. When you spend time with

896
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 2: someone and it feels easy, that is a relationship that's

897
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 2: in alignment. And there are going to be times in

898
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:06,919
Speaker 2: life where relationships feel easy and they feel difficult. I'm

899
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,240
Speaker 2: not saying that you must walk away from the difficult

900
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 2: feeling relationships. What I am saying is have the awareness

901
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 2: to recognize when something feels like you're trying to put

902
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 2: a round peg into a square hole. You have to

903
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: respect the relationship enough and yourself enough to know when

904
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,320
Speaker 2: to walk away. And that's not easy.

905
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 3: Or sometimes it's very easy.

906
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, well true exactly.

907
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, oh God, thank you, I'm so glad

908
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 1: this is done because it's so uncomfortable. But most times

909
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:40,839
Speaker 1: it's not easy, and I really feel like that's another thing,

910
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 1: Like I know I mentioned earlier, If you don't remember

911
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 1: anything else, lean into your community.

912
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 3: This would be the second big thing.

913
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 1: If you don't remember any of the other things, let

914
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 1: people either draining you. You wake up in the morning

915
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 1: or you go to bed at night and you're like,

916
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 1: I just feel like I literally ran a marathon and

917
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: I've done nothing today, it's the people in your life.

918
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,439
Speaker 1: Often it's the people in your life. We can't control work.

919
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 1: There's going to be coworkers, our boss, all of that stuff.

920
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 1: There's going to be things that we but you can

921
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 1: control your personal relationships or even your family that maybe

922
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 1: you don't need to be having as close of a

923
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 1: relationship with because it's not healthy for you and it's

924
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: not healthy for them.

925
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 3: And so.

926
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: If you want to have the energy, the excitement, the joy,

927
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: the creativity to be able to create all the things

928
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 1: that you want to do this year, you're going to

929
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:29,280
Speaker 1: have to let go of the stuff that is completely

930
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 1: wiping you out and that isn't good for you, and

931
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 1: that's going to require you to really choose yourself.

932
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 2: It's like when you may unknowingly have mold in your apartment.

933
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, you.

934
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 2: Don't know that there's mold there, But every day at

935
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 2: the end of the day you're like, why do I

936
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,240
Speaker 2: feel more tired today at six thirty pm than I should?

937
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 2: M h And one day someone walks in and they say,

938
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 2: something feels often here and then you find out that

939
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 2: this was there the whole time. Yeah, this is something

940
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 2: truly that I can really relate to over the past year.

941
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 2: I mean, there was so much personal work that I

942
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 2: was doing emotionally that went with a lot of the

943
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 2: changes that I was making within my personal wellness routine.

944
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 2: And I believe that that emotional work and what it

945
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 2: freed up for me is truly the most priceless aspect

946
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 2: of this journey that I've been on over the last

947
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:22,919
Speaker 2: three sixty five.

948
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 3: Yeah.

949
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also think that, like to your point,

950
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 1: a lot of us think that we don't have community

951
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 1: and we don't have anyone that wants to show up

952
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 1: with us for us and be there with us. But

953
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:37,280
Speaker 1: actually it's just that we are looking for those particular

954
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: people to be something that they're not. That goes back

955
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 1: to that same thing. And so when we release them

956
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: and we stop trying to shift or change the relationship

957
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 1: or make it something that it's not, we're honest with ourselves,

958
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:51,240
Speaker 1: then we can really have that connection with the people

959
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 1: that we want to be with, or we have the

960
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 1: space to meet The new people who you have around

961
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 1: you is so important. And I know everyone hears everyone

962
00:49:58,600 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: say that, and they say, oh, it's you know, it's

963
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 1: very cliche.

964
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 3: It's everything.

965
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 1: If you're trying to achieve things, you need to have

966
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: people around you who love you, see you, respect you.

967
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: If you're trying to change transform, if you want to

968
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: date new people, like even people friends of mine who

969
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: are dating, it's like, you know, I can't find any

970
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,759
Speaker 1: good guys. I keep getting hooked up with all these

971
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 1: you know, wild guys.

972
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,439
Speaker 3: Well, who who are your friends? Why are they sending

973
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 3: you on these wild dates?

974
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 1: Obviously we can't know everyone, but like, it's really being

975
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: intentional about the energy that you have around you, and

976
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 1: they may it's not that your friend is bad, it's

977
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 1: just they may have something that's a yes for them,

978
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,760
Speaker 1: that's a no for you. Stop expecting people to bring

979
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 1: you the fruit that's for your tree when they're a

980
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: completely different tree. Like they're avocado, you're apple. It's not

981
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 1: gonna happen.

982
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 2: It ain't gonna happen. I'm a live tree. It's not

983
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 2: gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Yeah, that's super relatable.

984
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 2: And we are a sum of the people that we

985
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:00,479
Speaker 2: keep around us, whether or not that we are willing

986
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 2: to admit that right, and when there are people that

987
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:06,319
Speaker 2: are in your life that are perhaps cuing you to

988
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 2: go right when you are on a path to go left,

989
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 2: then you need to ask yourself, why am I still

990
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 2: willing to listen to them if we are going in

991
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 2: separate directions.

992
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: Absolutely, this goes back to the honesty and the maybe

993
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 1: being honest about the ways you people please perform do

994
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 1: things because you're afraid to lose a relationship. And I

995
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: think this is the last thing you know that I'll

996
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: mention on the like friendship thing. But if you find

997
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: yourself performing to be in a relationship because you're afraid

998
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 1: that you're going to lose a relationship, that is not

999
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 1: a healthy attribute of being in community. People should be

1000
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 1: willing to see you and love you for who you are.

1001
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,719
Speaker 1: The first thing, though, is check in with yourself and

1002
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 1: ask yourself if you're doing this and no one's asking

1003
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: you to do this. It might be learned behavior from

1004
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: your family from growing up, where performing was what you

1005
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:56,839
Speaker 1: had to do to be safe and to be seen.

1006
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 1: So it might just be a you thing. But if

1007
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 1: it's not just a thing and people are expecting this

1008
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 1: version of you, it's kind of like when everyone knows

1009
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 1: that you're not drinking anymore, but they keep pressuring you

1010
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 1: to have a drink, because that's what they need for

1011
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 1: you to for them to feel comfortable. It's not a match.

1012
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 1: And so just be honest with yourself in those moments,

1013
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: because those are easy ones to walk not easy in

1014
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: terms of letting go, but easy ones to realize and

1015
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: walk away from.

1016
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:27,359
Speaker 2: You mentioned the word like scary or intimidating, right, and

1017
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:31,799
Speaker 2: change can be really scary and really intimidating. What we

1018
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 2: know is that oftentimes change happens not when we're ready,

1019
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:39,719
Speaker 2: but more so when we are willing to take the

1020
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 2: first step. For me personally, change has really really settled

1021
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 2: with me when staying where I was was harder than

1022
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 2: making the change where it got so quote unquote bad

1023
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 2: that I had a moment looking in the mirror and

1024
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 2: I said, I can't live this way anymore. Knowing that

1025
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:08,000
Speaker 2: change can still be really intimidating, how do we get

1026
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:10,320
Speaker 2: over that intimidation factor.

1027
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 1: I actually don't think we get over it. I think

1028
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,720
Speaker 1: we have to lean into it. Discomfort is a teacher.

1029
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 1: When we see how uncomfortable we are then and we

1030
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: feel into it, that's where we learn, Okay, this is who,

1031
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 1: this is why they're making me uncomfortable, this is what

1032
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 1: they said that makes me uncomfortable. This is what they

1033
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 1: do when I'm around, like offering me the drinks if

1034
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 1: I don't want, you know whatever. This is when I

1035
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 1: learn what's a boundary for me, what's a no for me?

1036
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 1: What I need from my friends? And I think the

1037
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 1: only thing that we can do in terms of maybe

1038
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 1: not getting over the intimidation or the fear or I

1039
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: think these are normal emotions we're supposed to have. We're

1040
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 1: supposed to like like, if there's a bear, it's like, whoa,

1041
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: it's a freaking bear.

1042
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 2: WHOA.

1043
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 1: We're supposed to feel that. But I do think that

1044
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 1: we're supposed to also at some point decide to run

1045
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: or decide to move, or decide to make a decision.

1046
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 1: And so how can I feel afraid, scared, worried, you know,

1047
00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: even the little thing which is really a big thing

1048
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 1: where we're like what are they going to tell everybody else?

1049
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 2: Like?

1050
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 1: What are other people are going to think about me

1051
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 1: when I choose myself? What are people going to sit

1052
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: there and say, Oh, she changed, she's not the same

1053
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: person she used to be. Oh she got she thinks

1054
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 1: she's you know whatever. That alone is the reason a

1055
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 1: lot of people don't shift or change, and so those

1056
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: are all us things. Though we can't control what other

1057
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: people are going to think about us, we have to

1058
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 1: be willing to allow them to kind of run their

1059
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 1: mouths and choose ourselves anyway. So I know that sounds

1060
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 1: like not the best answer, but I do think it's

1061
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 1: the truth I have not ever seen, because in my

1062
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:54,160
Speaker 1: experience in teaching, when we get rid of intimidation, we're

1063
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: performing because you're still scared, but you're just performing. It's like,

1064
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 1: and you've been on stage, you know how you no

1065
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 1: matter how many times you get on stage, before you

1066
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:03,879
Speaker 1: get on stage, you're like, whow, I hope this goes well.

1067
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 1: I hope this is okay. I hope I remember what

1068
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to say.

1069
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 3: I hope you know. I hope I'm grounded.

1070
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,879
Speaker 1: We've done it hundreds of times and you still feel it.

1071
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 1: I think that's a part of the experience, and.

1072
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,239
Speaker 2: As a part of the experience, and then you owe

1073
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 2: it to yourself to find the tools that help you

1074
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 2: show up despite the fact that you're intimidated. For me, personally,

1075
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 2: I really rely and lean heavily into I AM statements,

1076
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 2: and I've spoken about these on the show before, but

1077
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 2: writing down a simple list which might take me literally

1078
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:35,359
Speaker 2: thirty seconds to a minute, on things I know to

1079
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 2: be true despite the stories that might be spinning in

1080
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:41,319
Speaker 2: my brain. Right So perhaps in that I'm about to

1081
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:45,399
Speaker 2: get on stage, example, it is I am confident, I

1082
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:48,320
Speaker 2: am sure of myself, I know what I'm talking about,

1083
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 2: just listing out things that I know to be true,

1084
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 2: so that the anxieties that I'm feeling, that narration that

1085
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: might be playing in my mind, I can quiet that

1086
00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 2: a bit to know that I've.

1087
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:04,600
Speaker 1: Got it's so true. And actually, affirmations have changed my life.

1088
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,480
Speaker 1: I have affirmations on the voice note section of my phone,

1089
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 1: so I record them, so I have them labeled imposter syndrome,

1090
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,719
Speaker 1: fear you don't belong like you know, whatever the thought

1091
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:21,399
Speaker 1: might be. And then when I get afraid, I play them.

1092
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 1: They do help me to remember that I belong, my power,

1093
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,279
Speaker 1: all of those amazing things. And I do play them

1094
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:29,480
Speaker 1: before I go on stage or before I have tough conversations.

1095
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:31,160
Speaker 3: But I don't know.

1096
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:32,799
Speaker 1: I just want people to know that, like, if you're

1097
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: still feeling the feelings, that that's okay too, and that

1098
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:40,399
Speaker 1: even though affirmations are beautiful, and they help me come

1099
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:44,320
Speaker 1: back to myself. They don't erase the knee jerk reaction

1100
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: of the emotion. Oh, I'm about to have a scary

1101
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 1: conversation and I don't know what's going to happen. I

1102
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,799
Speaker 1: will say that in my life now and maybe feel

1103
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 1: this way too. Most of the conversations I'm afraid to

1104
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: have are not as bad. The story is way bigger

1105
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 1: and the person is way more willing to see, and

1106
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 1: it's easier. But that's after the rooting out. Yeah, of

1107
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:09,279
Speaker 1: all of the relationships that weren't working.

1108
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:13,400
Speaker 2: Can you give us an example or a quote unquote

1109
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 2: live read of what the affirmations would be for I'm

1110
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 2: about to go in and have a really scary conversation.

1111
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love this. So I would have

1112
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 1: statements like, no matter the outcome, I'm still worthy. On

1113
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 1: the other side of this, I will still have community.

1114
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 1: I belong despite what they think about me. No matter

1115
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 1: what they say about me, I can still choose myself like.

1116
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 1: Those are the kinds of things that I would write

1117
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 1: out or I would have in the voice note section.

1118
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 1: And the reason why I think voice is so powerful

1119
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 1: is because when you hear yourself saying it. I believe

1120
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 1: it reprograms our nervous system. Sometimes when I have a

1121
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 1: thought that's like, oh, I don't know what's going to happen,

1122
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: and I hear myself say it, I'll hear myself in

1123
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 1: my head say it because I've heard myself say it.

1124
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:00,640
Speaker 3: Affirmation.

1125
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 1: If we've never heard ourselves or other people around us

1126
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 1: say those loving things, you might need to hear it,

1127
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 1: not just say it, but here it's said to you

1128
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 1: by you.

1129
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 2: One of the few gifts of being a podcaster is

1130
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 2: that my voice is readily available to me in a

1131
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 2: frightening way all of the time, right, So I can

1132
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:25,360
Speaker 2: certainly relate to that the power of knowing that there

1133
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 2: is something within you. You have the opportunity to help

1134
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 2: yourself along the way, and we owe it to ourselves

1135
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 2: to grab hold of that help whenever we can, Yes,

1136
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 2: whenever we can. Okay, we're getting over the intimidation factor.

1137
00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 2: We're really at a place now where we are making

1138
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 2: positive changes for ourselves. We're quote unquote starting fresh. We

1139
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 2: know that on the journey to change, it is so

1140
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 2: so important to celebrate yourself along the way. Why is that?

1141
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 2: Why is it important to wreckgnize those small wins, especially

1142
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 2: when you're staring up at quite a large summit ahead

1143
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 2: of you.

1144
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, because it's the thing that keeps us going.

1145
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:13,240
Speaker 1: When we talked about the marathon earlier, the first time

1146
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: you do that mile, you might be thinking that's nothing.

1147
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: You know, I still have, you know, twenty five more

1148
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 1: to learn how to do, but actually that there's so

1149
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 1: many people that can't run a mile or walk a mile.

1150
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 1: I remember when I couldn't run a mile I joined

1151
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 1: the military. Running a mile and a half was like

1152
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that that was something people were doing

1153
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 1: on a regular basis. And so I personally know the

1154
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 1: experience of how amazing it is to achieve something that

1155
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 1: you didn't think your body could do. And whether it's

1156
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: marathoning or having a hard conversation with people, or sending

1157
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: the email for the job, or asking for the raise

1158
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:50,880
Speaker 1: or the promotion, no matter what it is, or saying

1159
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 1: I like you would you like to go out all

1160
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 1: of those vulnerable moments. I think celebrating I sent it.

1161
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 1: I don't know what they're going to say, but I'm

1162
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: just going to celebrate that I was brave enough to

1163
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,080
Speaker 1: send it because the hardest thing that we're afraid of

1164
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 1: is disappointment rejection. What if they don't feel the same

1165
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 1: way as me, What if they say no? What if

1166
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:11,920
Speaker 1: I do forget what I was going to say and

1167
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,760
Speaker 1: everybody's looking at me, and I know it fails, but

1168
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:16,919
Speaker 1: it's so brave to get up and do it again.

1169
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 1: And I think this is why when we're on social

1170
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,440
Speaker 1: media and we see people making negative comments about people,

1171
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 1: I think that is and it can get to you.

1172
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 1: But I think one of the reasons that it hasn't

1173
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:32,040
Speaker 1: gotten to me too much is I think about what

1174
01:00:32,120 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 1: you have to have going on in your life to

1175
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 1: say negative things about someone you've never met, and that

1176
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:40,880
Speaker 1: that's how you're spending your time.

1177
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:41,919
Speaker 3: And so.

1178
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 1: The shift for that is, look at how brave I

1179
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 1: was to put this out there, and if I celebrate that,

1180
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 1: it empowers me to keep going despite what people think.

1181
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 1: And you probably know this. There was a time, I'm

1182
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 1: sure when just your ten closest people were the only

1183
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: people listening to this podcast. Yeah, there was a time

1184
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 1: where only my five friends were liking my posts, right,

1185
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:09,160
Speaker 1: And so I was celebrating that that felt huge to me, like,

1186
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 1: oh my god, I got one hundred.

1187
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 3: Likes as major that is.

1188
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 1: You know, those are the most special moments, and I

1189
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 1: think it helps us to be able to have capacity

1190
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 1: for the bigger ones when they come.

1191
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 2: You have to be your own biggest hype man or

1192
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:28,800
Speaker 2: a woman. Yeah whoever. First you mentioned your time in

1193
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 2: the military, and at the top of this we mentioned

1194
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 2: your newest gig with start today. You are no stranger

1195
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 2: to frush starts. What has the willingness to start again

1196
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 2: provided for you?

1197
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:49,959
Speaker 3: I am not afraid to quit.

1198
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 1: I am not afraid to walk away from something because

1199
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:58,000
Speaker 1: I think I have enough muscle memory now that I

1200
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 1: can do it again, and I can start again. I

1201
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:02,920
Speaker 1: do believe that many of us need to learn how

1202
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 1: to be better quitters. There's nothing more powerful than deciding

1203
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 1: this isn't working anymore. I'm going to close that chapter

1204
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: and do something else. And I think that we have

1205
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 1: such an association to quitting being a failure. It's not

1206
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 1: a failure. It was just a chapter. It's time to

1207
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:22,440
Speaker 1: move on, it's time to move forward, it's time to

1208
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 1: try something different. It's not easy, and I know that

1209
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 1: there's something in me that makes this something that feels

1210
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 1: like a challenge that for other people feels like a nightmare.

1211
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 1: If starting again doesn't feel as exciting and invigorating, and

1212
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 1: let's be honest, like at my age today, starting again

1213
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 1: does not feel very exciting and vigorating.

1214
01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:44,959
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm kind.

1215
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 1: Of good where I am and I'd like to just

1216
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:49,920
Speaker 1: ride this and not have to start again. But if

1217
01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:54,920
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel exciting and invigorating, then don't and find

1218
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 1: a small micro way to make where you are work

1219
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: better for you. And if you can't do that, how

1220
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:03,120
Speaker 1: can you take one small step towards something that will

1221
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:05,040
Speaker 1: work for you? I think sometimes we think, oh, I

1222
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:06,760
Speaker 1: have to you know, I want to refresh. I just

1223
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:08,640
Speaker 1: want a new energy. A new energy doesn't mean you

1224
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 1: have to like completely wrecking ball your life. It can

1225
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:13,920
Speaker 1: just be one small thing that that shifts everything for you.

1226
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:18,920
Speaker 2: We've deemed this on the show before breaking the Matrix.

1227
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:23,440
Speaker 2: What that means is that sometimes that small change is

1228
01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 2: simply taking a different route to the yoga class that

1229
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 2: you already love. Right, You've found something that you enjoy,

1230
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 2: but you're feeling a little bit stagnant, So how can

1231
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 2: I mix it up today? How can I break the matrix? Right?

1232
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:41,479
Speaker 2: And so, although we've talked today a lot about how

1233
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 2: to get a fresh start, how to rejuvenate things, how

1234
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 2: to feel more comfortable in who it is that you are,

1235
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 2: own your circumstance, identify your values, then move into the

1236
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:53,760
Speaker 2: goal setting, et cetera. We've identified all of these things,

1237
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,440
Speaker 2: but at the end of the day, it is at

1238
01:03:56,480 --> 01:04:01,560
Speaker 2: the root of what's best for insert your name here, Yeah, right,

1239
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:04,720
Speaker 2: what's best for Emily today, what's best for Yasmin today?

1240
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:07,760
Speaker 2: How can we move forward in a way that feels fulfilling,

1241
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 2: and at the most important part, that feels good. Right.

1242
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:15,760
Speaker 2: It doesn't need to be an overhaul. It can be

1243
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 2: if that's what feels good for you. Yeah, But owning it,

1244
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:23,320
Speaker 2: being willing to fail, that's also just so integral to

1245
01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 2: being able to move forward in a way that is good.

1246
01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 1: And I hope that you are excited in this. I

1247
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,680
Speaker 1: posted about this the other day. But you work so

1248
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 1: hard for what you're doing in your life you sometimes

1249
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 1: don't even get to enjoy it. I really hope that

1250
01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 1: you make space to enjoy what you work so hard for.

1251
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:48,240
Speaker 1: It's we got into a place where unless you're having

1252
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 1: a baby, getting married, that's it's like that's it. It's

1253
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:54,000
Speaker 1: like we don't even like really make a big deal

1254
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:56,479
Speaker 1: for birthdays, Like can we go all out?

1255
01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:59,160
Speaker 2: Yes? I mean I did before, I did this already.

1256
01:04:59,200 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 3: Snap.

1257
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,680
Speaker 2: Now I just the eye roll. Like as a single

1258
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,480
Speaker 2: woman in my mid thirties, I'm like, can I celebrate anything?

1259
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 2: Am I entitled? Am I entitled?

1260
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:08,480
Speaker 3: I totally agree.

1261
01:05:08,520 --> 01:05:11,240
Speaker 1: I think it's just we really have got to get

1262
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:15,640
Speaker 1: away from like this. I want to say patriarchal. I

1263
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:17,720
Speaker 1: don't even know if it's patriarchal, but like the societal

1264
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 1: idea of these are the only milestones that matter after

1265
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 1: twenty five, and it's just ridiculous. And I think that

1266
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 1: that's why community can be so powerful, especially if you're

1267
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 1: one of the married friends in your group. Girl, you know,

1268
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:34,720
Speaker 1: leave your kids at home, show up for your single

1269
01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:36,920
Speaker 1: friends and do something that they want to do. Like,

1270
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:38,920
Speaker 1: I think, we really just have to be that for

1271
01:05:39,040 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 1: each other otherwise the cycles won't break.

1272
01:05:41,320 --> 01:05:43,520
Speaker 2: Girl. We could go into a whole other podcast about this,

1273
01:05:43,600 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 2: so I'm about to wrap it. But I'm so so

1274
01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:50,360
Speaker 2: happy that this all aligned and it's so easy yes

1275
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 2: to sit down together. I'm sure so many women individuals

1276
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:57,240
Speaker 2: listening to this right now, they follow along with you,

1277
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:59,520
Speaker 2: but if they don't give us the deeds, how do

1278
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:01,640
Speaker 2: they keep up with you on the socials.

1279
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:04,080
Speaker 1: So you can follow me at Yasmin Cheyenne, and if

1280
01:06:04,120 --> 01:06:07,760
Speaker 1: you're interested in my books, they're available everywhere books are sold,

1281
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 1: The Sugar Jar and Wisdom of the Path. And then

1282
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,439
Speaker 1: obviously you can find me on the Start Today at

1283
01:06:12,760 --> 01:06:14,400
Speaker 1: Teaching Meditations.

1284
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:16,560
Speaker 2: Beautiful, I'm Over, at Emily a Body, and at Hurdle

1285
01:06:16,600 --> 01:06:20,200
Speaker 2: Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. Catch you guys next time.