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Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached

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Speaker 1: my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheeky's podcast. I'm here

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Speaker 1: to give you a device on anything and everything you

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Speaker 1: need help with. Whether you're going through a breakup or

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Speaker 1: having issues with your family, or maybe you have a

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Speaker 1: question about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I

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Speaker 1: want to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts

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Speaker 1: in my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious

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Speaker 1: issue or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.

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Speaker 1: All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at

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Speaker 1: the sound of the beeB.

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Speaker 2: Hi Cheeky's.

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Speaker 3: I hope you're having a great day. I just want

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Speaker 3: to start off by saying that I am a first

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Speaker 3: time momy of six months postpart and I recently had

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Speaker 3: an important conversation with my husband and I expressed my

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Speaker 3: feelings on how we've been prioritizing our daughter since she

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Speaker 3: was born and have forgotten our marriage. I've told him

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Speaker 3: that we haven't had sex and he hasn't been affectionate

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Speaker 3: towards me, and he pretty much told me, do you

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Speaker 3: want me to tell you a harsh way or a

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Speaker 3: nice way? And He's the type to say things how

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Speaker 3: they are and nothing that the way he says I

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Speaker 3: might hurt the other person. So he told me that

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Speaker 3: he finds me less attractive, that I've gained weight, that

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Speaker 3: I haven't been the same since we first started dating

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Speaker 3: seven years ago. So I can't help but to feel

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Speaker 3: insecure now and feel like I'm forcing sex and I

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Speaker 3: just don't want it to be forced. You pretty much

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Speaker 3: gave me an ultimatum. But what advice could he give me?

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Speaker 3: Because I feel like I'm stuck.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, my anonymous listener. Okay, men, not all men,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like a lot of men don't understand

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Speaker 1: what us women go through, especially a woman that carried

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Speaker 1: a baby for nine months. Your body changes, your hormones change,

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Speaker 1: It takes your body a year at least to get

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Speaker 1: back to quote unquote normal, and then again, you probably

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Speaker 1: won't ever be the same because you have just given

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Speaker 1: life to his child. You have given him the best

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Speaker 1: gift ever. And look, I appreciate the honesty from him

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Speaker 1: because he could have lied, and but I just feel

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Speaker 1: like it's very inconsiderate of him. I hope that you've

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Speaker 1: tried to explain to him what postpartum is if not

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Speaker 1: have him hopefully like google it and and read on

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Speaker 1: how true this is. And of course you're gonna gain

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Speaker 1: weight of course because you just had a baby. Look,

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Speaker 1: I think you should definitely put yourself first. Of course,

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Speaker 1: you have a child. I think it is important. I'm

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Speaker 1: glad that you brought it up, like, hey, things have changed,

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Speaker 1: like you're not as affectionate with me, et cetera, et cetera,

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Speaker 1: like since we had our daughter, because it is important

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Speaker 1: to make sure you cater to your relationship and not

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Speaker 1: forget about that. But if he's not willing to do

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Speaker 1: his part, and just because you've gained some weight and

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Speaker 1: understand that this is gonna it's gonna take some time,

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Speaker 1: then I think you also need to start thinking about

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Speaker 1: what your future may look like without him. If things

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Speaker 1: don't change, try having another conversation with him and letting

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Speaker 1: him know that you know, yes, you do your part

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Speaker 1: as well. You know, like now you're gonna start feeling

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Speaker 1: a little better and doing whatever you can energy wise

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Speaker 1: to you know, get on the treadmill and start losing weight,

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Speaker 1: like you have to do your part, you know, for

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Speaker 1: yourself first and foremost. But you also want to be

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Speaker 1: with the person that's gonna love you through thick and thin,

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Speaker 1: literally okay, and that's going to really understand you and

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Speaker 1: your process and appreciate you more than anything. I'm not

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Speaker 1: telling you to leave this person because you just had

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Speaker 1: a baby with them, but I just I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think I don't know if he's the right person,

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Speaker 1: because if he was, he would be there with you,

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Speaker 1: holding you and doing what he can to make you

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Speaker 1: feel better because you just gave him the best gift ever, priceless.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just I'm disappointed in him, to be honest,

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Speaker 1: and I don't want you to feel bad or feel like,

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Speaker 1: oh so I did something wrong? Like no, like this dude, No,

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Speaker 1: I hope you don't feel bad and don't question yourself

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Speaker 1: as a woman. You need a more supportive partner and

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Speaker 1: he needs to get hit shit together. To be honest,

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Speaker 1: I'm sending you a big ass hug, you got this,

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Speaker 1: do what you can to make yourself feel better, and

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Speaker 1: a y'aiell try checking his phone too. Sorry, I just

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I have this feeling, okay. Anyways, I'm

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Speaker 1: not trying to put things in your head. I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, this doesn't feel right in my heart,

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Speaker 1: but I could be wrong. Anyways, thank you for your question. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm sending you all the positive vibes. Okay, so let's

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Speaker 1: move on to the next question that comes from Alex.

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Speaker 4: Hi girl, I'm a huge fan. I listen to your music,

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Speaker 4: your podcast, I see everything. But my question to you is,

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Speaker 4: I lost my mom about three years ago to cancer,

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Speaker 4: and I thought I was at a good spot. I

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Speaker 4: am at a good spot. I've accepted everything, and you know,

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Speaker 4: I'm happy that she's not in this world suffering from

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Speaker 4: her disease anymore. But recently, my dad has moved on

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Speaker 4: and he has a partner, and I'm really struggling to

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Speaker 4: grasp with that reality now. And it's kind of like

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Speaker 4: stirred up new emotions that I didn't even know were there.

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Speaker 4: I thought I was over it. You know, I'm very

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Speaker 4: happy for him, but I feel like some resentment. I

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Speaker 4: feel like I've been putting him at a distance. I

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Speaker 4: just feel like supporting him any further would kind of

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Speaker 4: be like backstabbing my mom. So I just wanted to

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Speaker 4: see what you would recommend for me in my situation.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Alex, I hear the pain in your voice,

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Speaker 1: and it actually made my like, I don't know, my

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Speaker 1: eyes are getting watery because I can hear the pain

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Speaker 1: in your voice. But look, I know that you feel

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Speaker 1: like I need to defend my mom. I have to

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Speaker 1: have her and I can't let this new person in

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Speaker 1: or support my dad because that's kind of like, like

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Speaker 1: you said, turning my back on my mom. But that's

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Speaker 1: not the case. And I know this is hard. I

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Speaker 1: know it's hard, but what I've realized is that men

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Speaker 1: can't be alone. No sabin is that's hollows and you

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Speaker 1: can't hold that against your dad. It's going to take

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Speaker 1: some time, and I think that you should start by first,

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Speaker 1: not if you don't want to welcome her into your

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Speaker 1: heart yet or get to know her or any of

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Speaker 1: that yet that I respect that, and I think you

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Speaker 1: need to do that when you're ready, but I definitely

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Speaker 1: feel that you need to start praying for strength and

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Speaker 1: understanding and wisdom to understand also that your dad does

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Speaker 1: need a partner. And it's okay, you know, because your

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Speaker 1: mom is in heaven and she's in a better place,

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Speaker 1: and she's probably super happy, and she probably has a

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Speaker 1: boyfriend of her own in heaven, and it's okay for

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Speaker 1: your dad. He's not doing anything wrong. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like if you don't find it in your heart to

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Speaker 1: support him, it's going to cause more space, more distance

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Speaker 1: between you guys, and then that's ultimately going to hurt you.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of like leaning into your dad

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Speaker 1: and that's the parent that you have here, and loving

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Speaker 1: him and supporting him through this decision is definitely going

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Speaker 1: to take a weight off your shoulders and also a

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Speaker 1: weight off his. So it's going to take time. Don't

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Speaker 1: force it, don't pressure yourself to do anything that you

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Speaker 1: don't want to do. But just know that your mom

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Speaker 1: is fine, and I'm sure she's happy for your dad

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Speaker 1: because she wants him to be happy. You know, ultimately,

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Speaker 1: I truly believe that. So again, just take your time

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Speaker 1: and have a conversation with your dad. I know it's

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Speaker 1: probably difficult, but just tell him. You know, it hurts

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Speaker 1: my feelings for my mom, but I want to be

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Speaker 1: there for you, and you know, just if you can

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Speaker 1: just also give me grace in my process, but hopefully

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Speaker 1: that helps. And I'm like, oh, I want to hug

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Speaker 1: you right now. You keep me in, you know, keep

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Speaker 1: me updated, let us know what you decided. But don't

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Speaker 1: feel like you're doing anything to backstab your mom because

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Speaker 1: that's not the case. I'm pretty sure she she wants

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Speaker 1: your daddy to be happy. Kay, okay, guys, next question

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Speaker 1: comes from Natalia.

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Speaker 5: Hi Cheek's I literally love you. I'm currently on episode

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Speaker 5: six of CHIK. I had to pay for the subscription

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Speaker 5: just to watch your TV show, but I do it

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Speaker 5: all over again. So my question for you is I

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Speaker 5: am watching on the TV show that you know you

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Speaker 5: drink with your girlfriends at your concerts. I've also been

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Speaker 5: to many of your concerts as well, and you're pretty

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Speaker 5: wasted at the concert. I still had so much fun, though,

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Speaker 5: So my question is how do you consume that amount

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Speaker 5: of alcohol without even looking like you do when I drink,

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Speaker 5: I need like a full week to recover. But you

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Speaker 5: your skin is flawless, it's clear, it's beautiful, your body

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Speaker 5: is tea. So how do you maintain your parents your

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Speaker 5: figure while still consuming alcohol? Because I mean, we all

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Speaker 5: know that alcohol is not the greatest for our bodies,

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Speaker 5: but how do you do it so well? I love you?

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Speaker 2: Bye?

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Speaker 1: Oh Natalia, You're so cute. Thank you so much. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate your support and your love. This is a great

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Speaker 1: question because this is something I've been battling with for

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Speaker 1: a long time because the truth is that for a

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Speaker 1: long time I didn't drink as much, and then I

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Speaker 1: started getting on stage, and then I really really, really

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Speaker 1: like tequila. I'm not a type of I'm not the

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Speaker 1: type of girl to drink like sweet drinks or anything

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Speaker 1: like that. I kind of drink like a dude, So

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Speaker 1: I think that's why I'm able to kind of hold

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Speaker 1: my own and I drink a lot of water in between.

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Speaker 1: So I again, straight up tequila a shot taker, and

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Speaker 1: that helps me with not gaining that much weight. Although

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Speaker 1: alcohol does stop you from burning fat for forty eight hours,

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Speaker 1: I believe it is after you consume it. So yes,

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Speaker 1: it's not the best for our bodies. It's not the

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Speaker 1: best for our brains. And this is why I've been

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Speaker 1: struggling because I'm like, I know this, but I like

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Speaker 1: how I feel temporarily, but then I'm like, I need

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Speaker 1: to love myself more because long term it's not good

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Speaker 1: for me. That's a whole other conversation, a whole other

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Speaker 1: episode that we'll get into, but definitely drink a lot

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Speaker 1: of water in between before you go to sleep. This

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Speaker 1: is one thing I do. I take my multi vitamin

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Speaker 1: and a vitamin B twelve and that helps me just

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Speaker 1: you know, nourish my body while I'm sleeping and I

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Speaker 1: feel better. It's rare when I have a hangover, and

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Speaker 1: I think, as far as me looking like I'm not

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Speaker 1: that drunk, it's because here's a secret in my bottle,

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Speaker 1: especially on stage, because I want to be present as

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Speaker 1: much as possible. I water down my tequila. So I'm

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Speaker 1: drinking tequila, but I water it down so I can

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Speaker 1: hydrate myself at the same time. And of course I

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Speaker 1: have my little bottle of water there. So it's I

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Speaker 1: think more than anything, it's staying hydrated and you know,

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Speaker 1: knowing like what your limit is. And then I try

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Speaker 1: not to drink every day unless I you know, for work.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, it's kind of part of my job,

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Speaker 1: so I kind of have to, you know, because I

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Speaker 1: have that fun with you guys. But during the week

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that, I'm not like a huge, huge drinker.

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Speaker 1: I'll have a drink here and there. But yeah, my

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Speaker 1: long term goal, short term goal long term forever or

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Again, we'll get into it later, but

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Speaker 1: I want to stop drinking completely. Yeah I know how,

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Speaker 1: I don't know because I love tequila. But anyways, thank

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Speaker 1: you for your question, Natalia, and yeah, hydrate girl, hydrate

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Speaker 1: and drink your multivitamin is very important. Okay. Last question,

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Speaker 1: guys comes from Sasha.

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Speaker 2: Hi Tikis, just want to say that you've been a

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Speaker 2: really big inspiration to me. I read like both of

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Speaker 2: your books within like two weeks of each other, and

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Speaker 2: I just want to say thank you for you know,

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Speaker 2: being my inspiration. You've kind of helping me try and

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Speaker 2: let go to you know, forgive some people, but I

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Speaker 2: kind of just wanted some advice. I feel like I've

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Speaker 2: forgiven my mom, but I feel like I haven't. So

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Speaker 2: my mom was addicted to drugs and she was in

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Speaker 2: and out of my life a lot, and you know,

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Speaker 2: it wasn't really there for me growing up, and I

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Speaker 2: just had my dad and my brothers, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like I have forgiven her, but at the same time,

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Speaker 2: I haven't, just because I feel like I mean to

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Speaker 2: her sometimes for no reason, and I just she gets

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Speaker 2: on my nerves a lot, and I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: just nice to her because you know, I have my son,

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Speaker 2: and I just want to see, like what kind of

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Speaker 2: advice you have to give me, like as to like

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Speaker 2: how to like really truly forgive her and just be

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Speaker 2: like nicer to her, you know. But I just want

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Speaker 2: to say thank you so much for being an inspiration.

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Speaker 2: I love your music. I listen to you every morning

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Speaker 2: on the way to work. Thank you by.

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Speaker 1: Oh, thank you Sasha. Thank you for your loving your support,

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Speaker 1: especially with my music and my podcasts and all that

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Speaker 1: good stuff. Okay, So in regards to your mama, it

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Speaker 1: feels to me, it sounds to me that you may

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Speaker 1: have to heal your inner child because I think as

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Speaker 1: an adult, like, you know, Okay, I forgive my mom,

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Speaker 1: I'm good, But then it's your inner child that still

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Speaker 1: holds a little bit of resentment because you probably didn't

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Speaker 1: have the best childhood because your mom was addicted to drugs.

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Speaker 1: You can't hold that against her, though, because that's not

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Speaker 1: going to help you move forward in your life either.

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Speaker 1: I know it's a lot easier said than done. I understand,

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Speaker 1: I get it, but that resentment is toxic for you,

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Speaker 1: and you have to tap in and pray for that

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Speaker 1: inner child that was neglected, and be compassionate with your mother,

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Speaker 1: be compassionate with yourself. And it's going to take some time,

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Speaker 1: but I think the more you practice it the better,

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Speaker 1: because living in the past, one foot in the past,

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Speaker 1: one foot forward is not going to help you move

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Speaker 1: forward faster or as fast as you could. You get me,

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Speaker 1: so it's like it's kind of keeping you stagnant. So

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Speaker 1: I think you kind of just have to tell yourself,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm willing. I want to start fresh.

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Speaker 1: It's a new slate with my mom and I because

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Speaker 1: I think you probably snap at her because you're angry,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I get that, but that's still your mom,

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Speaker 1: especially if she's apologized and if she's clean now, like

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Speaker 1: everyone deserves a second chance and a second opportunity, and

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Speaker 1: especially from her children, you know, especially if she wants

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Speaker 1: to be in your life and she's trying to correct things.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, these are the questions that you have

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Speaker 1: to answer. But I always say this, forgiving is a

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Speaker 1: gift for yourself and not holding that resentment, holding that

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Speaker 1: baggage for the rest of your life, Like you know,

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Speaker 1: you have to be like, you know what, have compassion

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Speaker 1: for your mom. You don't know what she was going through,

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Speaker 1: the things that she needs to heal, and if she

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Speaker 1: wasn't the best mom to you, then now she can be.

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Speaker 1: You have to give her that opportunity and that clean slate.

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Speaker 1: That's my suggestion. Just pray and pray for that little

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Speaker 1: girl inside of you and just hug her and say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, everything's fine. Your mom wasn't there, but now

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Speaker 1: she is, and little by little you can work on that,

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Speaker 1: on that relationship. I think it's possible. So anyways, keep

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Speaker 1: me updated. Okay, all of you, thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for your questions and I hope that I was able

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Speaker 1: to help in some way. And I love you guys. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and for those of you that have a question or

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Speaker 1: a comment or you need some advice, please leave your

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Speaker 1: question at speakpipe dot com slash Cheekys and Chill podcast.

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Speaker 1: That is speakpipe dot com slash cheeks and Chill podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'll catch you here on the next episode of Dear Cheeky.

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Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and the micro Blap

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Speaker 1: podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michaeldura Podcasts and

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Speaker 1: follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.

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