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Speaker 1: If I had my mother and my father at the

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Speaker 1: same house, I probably wouldn't be here. So I said,

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Speaker 1: I forgive you because just maybe God removed you out

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Speaker 1: of the house because I would have been a crackhead.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. By now you should know, I'm TD Jason. I

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Speaker 2: want to welcome you the next chapter, and I am very,

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Speaker 2: very excited about the guests that I'm going to present

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Speaker 2: to you today. A powerful man in his own rights

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Speaker 2: because he's a popular actor in Hollywood, not just one,

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Speaker 2: but two of the highest grossing film franchises of all times.

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Speaker 2: He's an iconic singer, a platinum selling songwriter, and an

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Speaker 2: award winning R and B veteran. He's also an accomplished producer,

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Speaker 2: a successful entrepreneur, a New York Times best selling author,

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Speaker 2: and above all, a devoted father. He remains a true

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Speaker 2: global superstar. Please help me welcome Ireese. We're glad to

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Speaker 2: have you here. Man, I want to welcome you.

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Speaker 1: The only uncomfortable part of the day so far as

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Speaker 1: hearing you, Bishop Jakes read off my Wikipedia page, I

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Speaker 1: am not worthy.

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Speaker 2: Oh you asked so much more to do. Oh God,

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Speaker 2: I want to fill in some of the blanks in

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Speaker 2: between the Mountaintops. We covered the mountaintops and the introduction,

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Speaker 2: but I want to talk about some of the other

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Speaker 2: things that you have learned along the way, about life,

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Speaker 2: about family, about self, and the complexities of all of it.

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Speaker 2: Chapter one, Recreating Yourself. I want to welcome you first

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Speaker 2: of all, to be a part of this great next

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Speaker 2: After podcasts, you've had many next chapters. You've had to

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Speaker 2: turn the page many times to recreate yourself and expose

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Speaker 2: different parts of yourself in order to have the longevity

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Speaker 2: and the career that you had, from author to R

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Speaker 2: and B singer to actor to action actor to all

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Speaker 2: the many, many things that we've seen you do. And

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Speaker 2: it's not easy to be able to be a chameleon

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Speaker 2: that can fit into various situations like that. What do

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Speaker 2: you attribute that to.

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Speaker 1: If you've never met a person with blind faith? I'm

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Speaker 1: right here, all right, no point of reference. See, I'm

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Speaker 1: not the son.

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Speaker 3: Of Barry Gordy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Anita Baker is not my mother, right, Gladys Knight.

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Speaker 1: I was not raised in a house with executives and

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Speaker 1: musicians and people.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't raised by Will Smith.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't raised by Sidney Poitier, Denzel is not my father.

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Speaker 1: I wish he was right, because you're being raised in

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Speaker 1: a house where it's not just the talent, it's the dialogue,

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Speaker 1: it's the business, it's the understanding, it's all of the

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Speaker 1: things that you would hope to say. Well, if you're

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Speaker 1: going to take this journey, you don't have to worry

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Speaker 1: about being blind sided about what's around the corner before

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Speaker 1: you get there, because Mommy and Daddy already had a

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Speaker 1: conversation with you about the traps, the things to avoid,

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Speaker 1: giving you the heads up, you know, and so blind faith.

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Speaker 1: I cannot believe that's my resume. I cannot believe that

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Speaker 1: I'm the first in my family to ever see or

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Speaker 1: achieve or accomplish the things that God has had in

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Speaker 1: mind for me, and the pressure that comes with being

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Speaker 1: the only The pressure is scary.

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Speaker 2: The pressure is scary, The pressure is real. Let me

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Speaker 2: before I ask you, I want to follow down that trail,

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Speaker 2: So hold that thought. We recently hooked up in Charleston,

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Speaker 2: South Carolina at a wedding. We've been knowing each other

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Speaker 2: for years and years, and we got together at the

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Speaker 2: wedding at a pretty tough time in your life. You

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Speaker 2: just lost your father, and we were able to minister

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Speaker 2: to you and encourage you. And I wondered in my

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Speaker 2: mind the guy who was sitting on the back of

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Speaker 2: the bus drinking a coke or pepsi or whatever it

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Speaker 2: was and got discovered and entered into a career that

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Speaker 2: was absolutely amazing. Never fully goes away. Money doesn't take

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Speaker 2: that away. Grammys doesn't take that away. You have to

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Speaker 2: live with who you were and who you are at

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Speaker 2: the same time and learn how to make a homogeneous

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Speaker 2: connection between the past and the present and the future.

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Speaker 2: How do you do that? I don't know. I is

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Speaker 2: it hard.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard it broken down in such a scientific way,

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Speaker 1: like you just went boom boom, boom boom, and you.

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Speaker 2: Can't get rid of My point is you can't get

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Speaker 2: rid of You can't totally dismiss your upbringing and your training.

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Speaker 2: And there's a part of you that you learn how

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Speaker 2: to survive in the world, in the streets, in the city,

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Speaker 2: and there's a part of you that had to learn

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Speaker 2: how to survive in California and Los Angeles in the

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Speaker 2: Hollywood scene. And there's a part of you that had

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Speaker 2: to learn how to do business. And all of them

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Speaker 2: come home with you at night, Yes, all of them. Yes,

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Speaker 2: you didn't leave the guy on the bus, He's still there.

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Speaker 2: And so a lot of people don't realize that, you

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Speaker 2: get it. A lot of people don't realize it. So

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Speaker 2: when you find yourself in a situation, it's which God

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Speaker 2: does to talking. Who's gonna drive the car? Is it

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Speaker 2: gonna be the guy from Philly? Is it gonna be

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Speaker 2: the guy from from Hollywood? Is it gonna be the writer?

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Speaker 2: How do you manage that? Well?

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Speaker 1: I think of myself as a black octopus. My arms

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Speaker 1: is in thirty different places and they're all working at

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Speaker 1: the same time at the same time, and so I'm

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Speaker 1: the head and I'm the heart, and then my arms

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Speaker 1: is this everywhere, and we're doing things and trying to

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Speaker 1: achieve things that are all happening in real time. And

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Speaker 1: each project, and it's each situation is in various different levels,

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Speaker 1: and you don't want to lose sight of any of them. Right,

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Speaker 1: And then what a blessing it's been that the singer

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Speaker 1: has helped audition and set up the success of the

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Speaker 1: right and then the actor, and the singer has given

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Speaker 1: birth to the entrepreneur. Yes, and then the Koch kid

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Speaker 1: is in the back of the bus. Yeah, and he's

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Speaker 1: riding the waves.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I started this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm on the bus and we got a

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Speaker 1: lot of seats and whatever version of tyres y'all ended

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Speaker 1: up seeing we're all headed that way and the bus

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Speaker 1: is being driven by God.

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Speaker 2: My problem is all my all of my tdjakess want

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Speaker 2: to talk at the same time. And so it just

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Speaker 2: depends on who asked me and what tone of voice

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Speaker 2: you asked me in which one you're gonna get? What environment? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and what environment I'm in, And I have to manage

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Speaker 2: those those people. The Apostle Paul said, when I would

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Speaker 2: do good, evil is present with me that which I

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Speaker 2: would not do. I do, old wretched man that I am,

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Speaker 2: who should deliver me from the body of this death,

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Speaker 2: this sin, this this human experience and all of those

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Speaker 2: people live with you. So you're in a mansion now,

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Speaker 2: and you and you eat something that you ate when

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Speaker 2: you were back on neck bones, Yes, right, neck bones

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Speaker 2: in a mass yes, okay, Chitlin's on China. The unique

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Speaker 2: experience we have as a people of having climbed up

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Speaker 2: and been colored. We've been negroes, we've been black we've

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Speaker 2: been darkies, we've been everything, to the point that there's

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Speaker 2: sometimes an identity crisis, not just through us corporately, but

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Speaker 2: individually in finding yourself. And I wondered, did anybody else

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Speaker 2: ever feel that way?

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, you know, you're I've had so many moments

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Speaker 1: in my life where I know that I had to

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Speaker 1: dig deep within me because the things that I have

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Speaker 1: in mind for me, you realize that other people don't have.

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Speaker 3: Them in mind for you.

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Speaker 1: And so when someone makes it clear no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: we don't have that in mind for you, and I

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Speaker 1: have it in mind for myself, it won't go away

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Speaker 1: because this person or this room or this situation denied

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Speaker 1: you of what you feel like belongs to you. And

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Speaker 1: so the appetite, the determination, it's the self talk, the

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Speaker 1: self motivation, the speaking over yourself, the pouring over yourself.

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Speaker 2: The you know.

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Speaker 3: And the thing is, I want to say this.

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Speaker 1: I've been really struggling with how to put words to this,

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Speaker 1: because there's a chosen few that will hear a piece

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Speaker 1: of this and decide it goes over their head.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: Selfish starts with the word self, and they've made selfish

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Speaker 1: and being selfish and negative but most of us are giving,

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Speaker 1: doing showing up for people mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, psychologically,

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Speaker 1: and we're over extending ourselves and giving of ourselves and

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Speaker 1: we're depleted and we're tired, and we're sick, and we're

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Speaker 1: wiped out and we got nothing.

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Speaker 3: Left for ourselves.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate it.

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Speaker 3: And they don't care to notice.

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Speaker 2: They don't care.

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Speaker 1: You don't I'm here to get what I'm here to get,

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Speaker 1: and even if I wipe you completely out. And so

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Speaker 1: I have allowed myself to be more selfish and focus

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Speaker 1: on me and say I'm not returning that text to

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Speaker 1: that call because I don't have the time or the

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Speaker 1: bandwidth to be on the receiving end of what you're about.

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Speaker 3: The dumb on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So, and then especially when you know what the phone

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Speaker 1: call is going to be about. Right, So, now you

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Speaker 1: got to say, I'm not going to give you emotional

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Speaker 1: access to me because you're going to change the energy

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Speaker 1: of my day. So I'm going to make the selfish

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Speaker 1: decision to say, if I want my day to be better,

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Speaker 1: it's not going to include you.

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Speaker 2: Right, you will not want to miss as he shares

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Speaker 2: his personal experience with grief and losing parents. You know,

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Speaker 2: when you talked about somebody like Denzel was not your father.

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Speaker 2: You didn't grow up in an environment where you had

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Speaker 2: a model to fit where you ended up a blueprint. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: no blueprint, anything like that. I think every man and

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Speaker 2: probably every woman yearns to have in their parents some

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Speaker 2: sort of shape, measurement pattern, blueprint of what they're going

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Speaker 2: to and what they're going to be. We look from

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Speaker 2: that from our father. My father got sick when I

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Speaker 2: was ten. He died when I was sixteen. I realized

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Speaker 2: when I was thirty that as I wept for him,

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Speaker 2: I was weeping for me. I recognized that I wasn't

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Speaker 2: just weeping at the loss of him. I was weeping

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Speaker 2: at the questions I didn't have answered, at the things

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Speaker 2: that I didn't have resolved. Did you really love me?

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Speaker 2: What did you really think of me? Did you never

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Speaker 2: got to see me? When when you lost your father,

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Speaker 2: it's part of the pain coming from inside your own house.

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Speaker 3: This is what's interesting.

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Speaker 1: When my father passed away, rest in peace to that brother,

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Speaker 1: to that man. I went to Saint Louis to see

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Speaker 1: him stage four pancreatic cancer. Life was riddled with alcoholism

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Speaker 1: and crack cocaine and just never quite got his hands

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Speaker 1: around figuring it out. And and and I said to him,

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Speaker 1: I just want you to know I forgive you. And

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Speaker 1: I wanted him to know why. I said, I forgive

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Speaker 1: you for not being there to protect me, for not

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Speaker 1: giving me the heads up of what's around the corner.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that he would have been anybody that

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Speaker 1: would have changed my life in business or right changed.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that my father was ever a Berry

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Speaker 1: Gordy that could sit me down and say, son, don't

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Speaker 1: sign that deal. And here's why. But I said to him,

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Speaker 1: I forgive you. And then I realized that if my

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Speaker 1: mother rests in peace, messed my life up with the

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Speaker 1: twenty seven years of alcohol, the verbal, emotional, psychological, and

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Speaker 1: physical abuse, and all of the abuse that was in

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Speaker 1: my house, and it's still affected me to this day.

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Speaker 1: If I had my mother and my father at the

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Speaker 1: same house, I probably wouldn't be here. So I said,

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Speaker 1: I forgive you because just maybe God removed you out

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Speaker 1: of the house because I would have been a crackhead.

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Speaker 1: I would have been verbally and physically abusive to my

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Speaker 1: mother the way you were. There was other men that

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Speaker 1: came to my house that ended up doing it to

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Speaker 1: my mother ultimately. And so I was introduced to love,

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Speaker 1: and I was raised to believe that this is what

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Speaker 1: love is. Love is not kind, love is not gentle,

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Speaker 1: Love is verbally abusive, love is physically abusive. Love is

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Speaker 1: all of these things that I was raised in. And

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Speaker 1: so I would alway always find myself gravitating towards women

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Speaker 1: that I would be fighting and arguing, being dysfunctional with

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Speaker 1: right and anybody else that any other version of love

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Speaker 1: that I was in the present of felt soft, It

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Speaker 1: felt it felt boring. You ain't arguing, Yeah, well, she

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Speaker 1: must don't love you if you ain't willing to fight

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Speaker 1: and argue. And so that's and so I have to

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Speaker 1: I had to say to him, thank you for removing

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Speaker 1: yourself from my life, because if the crack cocaine and

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Speaker 1: the alcoholism and everything that you were doing, that would

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Speaker 1: have all been an impression that you would have made

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Speaker 1: on my life that as a grown man, I would

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Speaker 1: have still been deeply hurt by and affected by, because

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Speaker 1: I would have been raised by another.

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Speaker 3: Level of trauma.

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Speaker 1: Right, So, so as an example, you know, people love

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Speaker 1: to look at you. Bishop Jakes and say, look at

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Speaker 1: him in the megachurch, look at him, what he's driving,

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Speaker 1: what he's living in, look at him with his wife,

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Speaker 1: and look at him with his daughter who's now out

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Speaker 1: there on stage changing lives and Sarah Jakes, who I'm

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Speaker 1: so proud of and I know you are. But they

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Speaker 1: always look at the fruits and the outcome. And even

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Speaker 1: if you make them aware of the strife and the

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Speaker 1: struggles and the stuff that the family had to navigate

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Speaker 1: through when you mentioned you know, I remember I was

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Speaker 1: preaching and only had seventeen people in front of me,

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Speaker 1: they have no concept of really wrapping their heads around that.

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Speaker 1: Because the version of Jake's Bishop Jakes that they're looking

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Speaker 1: at is on the grounds of forty books and mega

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Speaker 1: church and where you are now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And they trap you in how they met you.

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Speaker 2: They don't recognize you wrote forty two books. They don't

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Speaker 2: recognize that you sold five hundred million dollars worth of movies.

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Speaker 2: They want to put you in a place where they

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Speaker 2: can assault you with their implications of you and.

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Speaker 3: You are how I met you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you are how I met you, and you are

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Speaker 2: who I met you, And that's what I meant earlier,

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Speaker 2: when I was talking about, you know, you have to

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Speaker 2: live with that guy who grew up in that Ballador home.

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Speaker 2: He's still in there, okay. And money didn't take him away,

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Speaker 2: and movies didn't take him away, and books didn't take

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Speaker 2: him away. He's still there. It bottled up somewhere inside.

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Speaker 2: And then this unresolved issue which I can relate to.

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Speaker 2: My father wasn't an alcoholic, but I can relate to an

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Speaker 2: unresolved issue with your father's complicated. Let me ask you this,

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Speaker 2: at what point or did you have a moment that

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Speaker 2: you recognized that you were an orphan?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that hit me a month ago, and how did

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Speaker 4: that feel? The idea of being an orphan.

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Speaker 1: Was something that we've seen on television documentaries specifically throughout Africa, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, like, oh, this is village of kids that

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Speaker 1: are orphans because their mother and father died of hiva,

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Speaker 1: or you know a bunch of bad guys came in

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Speaker 1: and killed a bunch of people, and now here's these

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Speaker 1: foundations raising kids as orphans. And so when they delivered

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Speaker 1: my father's ashes to my house and I was able

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Speaker 1: to put my father's ashes next to my mother's ashes,

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Speaker 1: I said my mother and father haven't lived under the

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Speaker 1: same roof since they divorced. Wow, and now they're here.

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Speaker 1: My mother and my father never even made it to

294
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Speaker 1: my house that I've been living in Atlanta for nine years,

295
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Speaker 1: so this is their first time living under the same

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Speaker 1: roof with their son.

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Speaker 3: And then I thought, well, at least they're here. Yeah, And.

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Speaker 1: Then I'm a bit of a junkie for the sense

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Speaker 1: of humor of God. So I'm thinking to myself, my

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Speaker 1: mother and father are finally under the same roof with

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Speaker 1: they baby boy. Right, and my mother died on Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day after giving birth to an R and B singer.

303
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Speaker 1: If you if you're not booked do any concerts throughout

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Speaker 1: the year as a singer, You're likely going to get

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Speaker 1: booked on Valentine's Day. And so there's a sense of

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Speaker 1: humor in that. And then I always have my mother

307
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Speaker 1: and father's ashes. I don't always announce it to everybody,

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Speaker 1: but every meeting and conversation that I have, I always

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Speaker 1: have my mother and father's ashes in the room with

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Speaker 1: me because I want them to know how proud I

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Speaker 1: am of them for doing the best they could.

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Speaker 2: And nobody's around. Do you ever talk to them.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I do.

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Speaker 2: It's form of therapy. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I always say, Mama, I don't know what's about to happen,

316
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Speaker 1: but they pulling up right now, and and and just

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Speaker 1: cover me. I know you was always a praying mama,

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Speaker 1: and I know you're still with me, Mom, So just

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Speaker 1: pray for me. I might not have the words in

320
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Speaker 1: this meeting, but I want it to be something. And

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Speaker 1: then the biggest thing is I don't have it all

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Speaker 1: figured out. That I don't and that scares me.

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Speaker 2: Chapter three. You may not even know what to name it,

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Speaker 2: but you may be feeling it. It's called survivors remorse.

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Speaker 1: What God is doing right now. I've always had this

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Speaker 1: big appetite for success, never driven by money, driven by impact,

327
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Speaker 1: and what God is doing right now with visions and

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Speaker 1: ideas and dreams and the things that keep me up

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Speaker 1: at night. I've had this in my mind. And God,

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Speaker 1: when you pray, I always say, pray specific prayers so

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Speaker 1: that God can specifically bless you and cover you for

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Speaker 1: the things that you're.

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Speaker 3: Vulnerable about, vulnerable about.

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Speaker 1: And so I'm in a place right now where I

335
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Speaker 1: am sure that God is about to take me into

336
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Speaker 1: these levels and this level of stratosphere in my career,

337
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Speaker 1: and I don't feel prepared for what God is about

338
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Speaker 1: to do, even though I know He's about to do it.

339
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Speaker 1: So now I'm on this mission where I'm saying I

340
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Speaker 1: am very specific about I got to surround myself with

341
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Speaker 1: people to cover me spiritually with the wisdom and the

342
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Speaker 1: knowledge and the blueprint and pour into me to say, Okay,

343
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Speaker 1: let's not talk about the winds and what happened. Talk

344
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Speaker 1: about the moments where you almost wanted to give up.

345
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Speaker 1: Talk about the moments that where you had to push

346
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Speaker 1: through the trauma and the stress and the press or

347
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: the social media attacks or the accusations, or talk about

348
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Speaker 1: how you got through that. What prayer did you pray

349
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Speaker 1: to get through that? Because and I say this in

350
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Speaker 1: my own way respectfully, I feel like where I love

351
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Speaker 1: you Bishop as you have always been transparent about the

352
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Speaker 1: moments that you wanted to quit and give up and

353
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Speaker 1: the struggles, because it's almost like survival's remorse, where it's

354
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Speaker 1: like everybody looks at me as being so successful, and

355
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Speaker 1: all I want to do is make y'all aware of

356
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Speaker 1: how hard and how challenging it has been and how

357
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 1: challenging it. It's and you feel this overwhelming sense of

358
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: wanting to really break it all down, and breaking it

359
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: all down ultimately gives folks permission to say, Okay, I

360
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: could achieve it. People are focused on the net worth

361
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: and the plane and the shiny building and how big

362
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Speaker 1: the church is.

363
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Speaker 2: But I go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Maybe that's property,

364
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 2: maybe it's nobody both. I welcome it. Yeah, he welcomes it.

365
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Speaker 3: Yeah.

366
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Speaker 1: So it's it's you know, there's there's people that think

367
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Speaker 1: of survivors, or more so when they think of that,

368
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Speaker 1: and it's usually like, you know, my friend died and

369
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Speaker 1: we were in the same car and I survived, and

370
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: so there's survivals. But the other version of survivals was

371
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 1: morse is I'm more successful than everybody in my family.

372
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I knew you whin I knew you when you

373
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Speaker 2: ain't all of that. I knew you when you win

374
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Speaker 2: da da da. You know, there's a scripture in the

375
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Speaker 2: Bible that says I will give you treasures in the darkness.

376
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Speaker 2: And at first I thought we made it in life

377
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 2: in spite of adversity. Now I think we made it

378
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 2: because of adversity. If there had not been tension, there

379
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 2: would be no muscles. Okay, if there had not been obstacles,

380
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 2: if there had not been something to prove, if you

381
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,919
Speaker 2: hadn't felt invisible, you wouldn't have screamed out, I'm over here,

382
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,679
Speaker 2: see me, hear me, feel me? That those sorts of

383
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 2: things become of paramount importance. And also I wanted to

384
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 2: say to you because you said something. I think it's

385
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 2: on Facebook or on social media somewhere where you talked

386
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 2: about my wife and I talking about marriage and how

387
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 2: it helped you child.

388
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: Yes, I see that was like almost thirty five years ago.

389
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think God gives us surrogate

390
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 2: fathers and mothers to replace what we didn't have. Yes,

391
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 2: Chapter number four, finding the right partner. Oh yeah, you

392
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 2: want to get this. What was that like thirty five

393
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 2: years ago? To get some counsel as if I were

394
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 2: talking to you, even though I were talking to a screen.

395
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Speaker 1: You were talking to me. Yeah, I seen it on YouTube,

396
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: but you were talking to me. Yeah, And that is

397
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: that is why we love you and we are so

398
00:26:55,800 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: moved by you and your transparency, the way you unpacked

399
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 1: that conversation and dialogue and went into specifics about the working,

400
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 1: functioning dynamics of your marriage. And then whenever your wife spoke,

401
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: I mean to see you sit back. You know, it

402
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,959
Speaker 1: was just really like wow, you know, to just feel

403
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 1: like this alpha, strong, dominant kind of man of God

404
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 1: sits back and he holds his wife at such a

405
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: high level of regard.

406
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 3: So when she speaks, you like.

407
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:47,479
Speaker 1: You disappear and you want nobody to be focused on

408
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: you while the queen is speaking.

409
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 3: Oh it was.

410
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 2: She is the leather and lace, and don't let the

411
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 2: lace fool you. Don't let the lace fool you. Recently,

412
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 2: when I went through that health malady and I had

413
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: a heart attack, my wife never left me for three

414
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 2: days or nights. She never left my side. Every time

415
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 2: I woke up, she was staring at me. She has

416
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: a tenacity. She had just gotten over a knee surgery.

417
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 2: We were dealing with all of those things at the

418
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 2: same time. What was really amazing she paid her knee

419
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 2: no mind. She hadn't walked on a cane or a

420
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 2: walk or anything since when I collapsed on that stage,

421
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 2: she ran over to where I was. She is leather

422
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 2: and lace. So when I sit back, one of the greatest,

423
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 2: one of the greatest choices we get to make in

424
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 2: life is who we are going to partner with, my God,

425
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 2: and that choice needs to be taken real seriously because

426
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: you're going to be in the fox hole with that person. Yes,

427
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 2: and you need to know that when hell breaks loose,

428
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 2: they're going to be there. They're going to be back

429
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: to back and shoulder to shoulder with you, and you're

430
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 2: going to be comfortable with that closeness, you know. Yeah,

431
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 2: because all of us bring baggage. All of us had

432
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: a bus moment. All of us came out of some

433
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 2: sort of pit or hole or trouble. Even wealthy, successful people.

434
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 2: We have a tendency to think that if people went

435
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 2: to Ivy League schools and if they went to private schools,

436
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 2: they had no trauma. That's not true. No trauma knocks

437
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 2: on every door. Yes, And when you get your trauma

438
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 2: and my trauma mixed together, they either find a way

439
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: to fit together and it becomes a key in the lock,

440
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 2: or they clash together and we spend the next ten

441
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: years fighting each other like we're in the Vietnam War.

442
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 3: How did you know?

443
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 2: That's a good question.

444
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 1: Because and my question is coming from this place. I've

445
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: been married in divorce twice. My divorce sadly has played

446
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: out for the world to see, child support, baby mama

447
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 1: drama on full display. I'm almost like the poster child

448
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: at this point, and I've been proud to be able

449
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: to speak up and speak out about you know, family law,

450
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: court systems, and if you were born a man, you

451
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: walk in the court room, they've already had a preset

452
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: menu as to what the outcome of this situation is

453
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 1: going to be. It does not matter what you say

454
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: or do, or how fascy your lawyer is. But how

455
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: many relationships were you in that allowed for you to say, okay,

456
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: well that was not it, and then that one was

457
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: not it? And then when you got to the presence

458
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: of your wife, how did you know she was the one?

459
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I was a Christian, I had

460
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 2: the Holy Spirit, I had the inkling. That doesn't mean

461
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 2: I floated around the room and had halos over my head.

462
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 2: I was man okay, okay. I used to tell my wife,

463
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 2: there's a man up under this road. Okay. But the

464
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 2: reality is there is a knowing that it's spiritual and

465
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 2: this is what you know. It's not she fined though

466
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 2: she is. It's not her voice, so she's got the

467
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 2: voice of velvet. It is that we will always be friends,

468
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 2: that I will always be for you, that you will

469
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 2: always before me. I might screw up, you might mess up,

470
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 2: we might go through hell, we might be on an

471
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 2: a dialysist machine. But if you're on a dialysis machine,

472
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 2: I will have your back. That feeling of connection, especially

473
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 2: when you grew up without it, Yes, it becomes extremely

474
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: important to know that you're not connected to my job,

475
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 2: my career, and my name, my money, my fortune, my education,

476
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 2: my intellect or whatever it is that you really hire

477
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 2: into me. And the problem is when you've never had

478
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: that a lot of times you will repel it because

479
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 2: you're not used to it. Wow, you will repel it

480
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: and give it up for somebody who fights, like you said,

481
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 2: and give it up for somebody who gives conflict. Because

482
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 2: we tend to be creatures of habit and recreate situations

483
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 2: that we grew up in. Because we're at home in hell.

484
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 2: If you were born in hell, when you go to hell,

485
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 2: you're at home. Okay, So the first thing that has

486
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 2: to be broken, and you have to break this is

487
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 2: the hell you were birthed in. And when you break

488
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 2: out of that, and you finally decide that I deserve

489
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: to be loved, and I deserve to be treated well,

490
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 2: and I deserve to have good things in my life.

491
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 2: And you stop self sabotaging anybody who cares about you

492
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 2: because you have this inner conflict going on that they

493
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 2: had nothing to do with, but they inherited when they

494
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 2: got you. When you get real with you and you

495
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 2: find somebody who will sit there and listen at you

496
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 2: and talk to you and talk you down and get

497
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 2: you together and know, I'm not talking to the star,

498
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 2: I'm not talking to the actor. I'm talking to the

499
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 2: guy on the back of the bus, because he's still

500
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 2: in there. Whoever marries you marries all nine versions of you. Yeah,

501
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 2: because you can't act all the time. Pretty soon you

502
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 2: have to take off the masket when with no lines,

503
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 2: you have to be who you are, who you really are,

504
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 2: and finding somebody who can embrace all sides of you,

505
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 2: and then learning the language to be able to explain

506
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 2: yourself to the person who is confused by your behavior.

507
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 2: When you learn the language to say, I know this

508
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: is crazy about me, and I may not always be

509
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 2: this way, and I may outgrow it, but when you

510
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 2: do such and such a thing, it scares me. It

511
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 2: triggers me, It triggers me. Yeah. That that that's what

512
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 2: therapy gives you is language. Yes, it doesn't always give

513
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,480
Speaker 2: you cures, but it does give you language. Me.

514
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,720
Speaker 3: Let me verbalize what I'm feeling.

515
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, because until you verbalize it, you can't get it out. Yeah. Okay,

516
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: that's so you've got me counseling with No.

517
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 3: No, no, this is this is I came here just

518
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 3: for this.

519
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 2: It's really oh my god. You know.

520
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 1: One of the things I want you to know that

521
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: I'm like literally inspired by and I can speak for

522
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 1: me and everybody when it comes to you and your

523
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: first lady, the level of regard that y'all have for

524
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: you each other, the level of nurturing, and like, while

525
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,280
Speaker 1: you're preaching, your wife is at full attention.

526
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 2: Yeah.

527
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, as if.

528
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 1: She didn't just arrive with this man that's up here preaching,

529
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,919
Speaker 1: and she ain't going home with this man preaching. She's

530
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: on the front row, on high alert. Like I never

531
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like neither one of you guys have

532
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 1: allowed yourself to get too familiar. No, no, And there's

533
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: such an honor and decency and respect and covering around that,

534
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 1: and and so what you just shared about when you

535
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: had that moment on stage and she had just had

536
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: her own knee surgery. Every time you open your eyes,

537
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 1: she was away. I'm not even surprised. She threw that

538
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 1: caine and ran out to meet me. She ran, And

539
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: I give her the credit because.

540
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 2: You know, generally when you get married, one of you

541
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 2: is gifted, the other is crazy one. I'm the crazy one,

542
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 2: but there's got to be somebody's stable who's consistent. But

543
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 2: you know, most creative people are a little bit weird, okay.

544
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 2: And so that creativity that makes you walk into an

545
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,320
Speaker 2: empty room and see it with brick on the wall

546
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 2: and stone on that wall and this painted over here,

547
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 2: that creativity, that imagination works for and against you. Yeah,

548
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 2: it gives you an idealism that it's hard for people

549
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 2: to reckon with. Because my wife can't see it till

550
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:36,919
Speaker 2: it's there. I can walk into a dump and see

551
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 2: a palace. I'm going to put the pool over there.

552
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put this over here. I'm gonna do you know,

553
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,440
Speaker 2: I got it in my head. What was Yeah, I

554
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 2: addressed mysel Yeah, I can see I know how I

555
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: wanted to go so opposite's attract but the very thing

556
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 2: that attracts you later repels you because their steadiness starts

557
00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 2: to feel like boring, and you excitement starts to feel

558
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 2: like wow. And if you make it over that hurdle,

559
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,919
Speaker 2: if you make it over the hump, I figured out

560
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 2: that we're losing each other in the turns of life.

561
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 2: If you make it over at menopause and men life crisis,

562
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 2: and make it over surgeries, and make it over grief

563
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 2: and make it over accidents, that grief you went through,

564
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 2: that's got side effects. Oh you know, it's like.

565
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 1: The only person that's it, Yeah, the only person experiencing

566
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 1: that is the person that's intimately with you every single day.

567
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 2: Every day, and all the versions of you and how

568
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 2: it expresses itself in anger and fear and tears and

569
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 2: can you afford to break down and still be respected

570
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 2: in the morning. Those are the kinds of things we

571
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 2: gotta do. But I gotta get I gotta get through

572
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 2: this because.

573
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: I wanted to say one last thing, if you don't

574
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 1: mind say it, if you want, I just want to

575
00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: say thank you. I want to say thank you. I

576
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: want you to know how often I actually pray for you.

577
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 1: Thank you, and I'm saying thank you because you have

578
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: literally changed this place. You have decided, and God has

579
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 1: been so present over your life.

580
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:31,240
Speaker 3: You have been a vessel the messages.

581
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: That got your cell phone tower, and the Jesus is

582
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,839
Speaker 1: so strong. I'm sure that at this point, when you

583
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: get out on stage and you speak, you probably have

584
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 1: a couple of bulletnotes on the topic and everything that

585
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:50,240
Speaker 1: happens in between them bulletnotes. You're channeling in real time

586
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 1: on stage, and everybody in the audience leaves a very

587
00:38:56,000 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 1: different person than they showed up as because you have

588
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 1: allowed God to speak through you and and display the

589
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:09,399
Speaker 1: fullness of you, the good, the transparency, the challenges, the ups,

590
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: the downs, even your daughter having a child at a

591
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:13,840
Speaker 1: young age.

592
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 3: I mean, what do we do? And you you have, you.

593
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: Have reinvented yourself over and over and over in front

594
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 1: of us, and I want you to know.

595
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 3: That I pose this question all the time.

596
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I'm ready, I'm ready. Chapter number five.

597
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 2: Material possessions. Are they all going corcked up to be?

598
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 2: Let's see what Tyre says to say.

599
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 1: When I'm speaking front of folks. I say, by a

600
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 1: show of hands. Can anybody in here that's behind the

601
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,320
Speaker 1: cameras in this interview, can anybody in here right now

602
00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: if you know what was the next worth of doctor

603
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: Martin Luther King when he was assassinated? Can anybody tell

604
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 1: me what was in his bank? Don't google it, don't

605
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: chat GPT, anybody know, no hands?

606
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 3: What was the square footage.

607
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: Of doctor Martin Luther King's house when he was assassinated

608
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,280
Speaker 1: the day he died?

609
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 3: What was the rim size on his car?

610
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: Anybody know the brand of car he was driving or

611
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 1: how many cars he had? Okay, So in my mind,

612
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: we are not here to inspire people.

613
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 3: From materialistic possessions.

614
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: Or net worth what we drive in the square footage

615
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 1: of our house. We are here to empty ourselves of

616
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: everything that we can to give people permission to be great,

617
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: to pull them up, to pour into them, to activate

618
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: something inside of them that could give them purpose, To

619
00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 1: pour into a prison inmate and say, I'm gonna get

620
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 1: out of here one day, and I'm gonna decide to

621
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: be great when i get out of here. Because Bishop

622
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 1: td Jake showed up with the prison ministry and poured

623
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 1: into me what God has.

624
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 3: Done through you through it all, I just have to

625
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 3: say thank you.

626
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 2: I often have a saying. The real message that I

627
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,720
Speaker 2: bring to you is that God can do so much

628
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 2: with so little. Honestly, that's the that's the story, that

629
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 2: He can do so much with so little, that everybody

630
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 2: is eligible because hip he can use me, He could

631
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 2: use anybody. Okay, I honestly trust me this truth before God,

632
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 2: if he could, you know how our grandmothers and great

633
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 2: grandmothers could could make corn bread without eggs and then

634
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 2: take powdered milk and make pancakes and stuff like that.

635
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 2: That's what he did. He took nothing, He took mud

636
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 2: and made a man. And he's still shaping and he's

637
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 2: still forming, and he's still blowing and he's still breathing.

638
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 2: And the reason that I am a Christian is not

639
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 2: because I have perfected being christ Like. It is that

640
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 2: my only hope of being formed into something usable was

641
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 2: the nostrils of the God that breathed the breath of

642
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 2: life into me. So please know that, please know that

643
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 2: I am not this exceptional person. I had the same pain, trauma,

644
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 2: life crisis, confusion that you do, same exact thing.

645
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 1: But you're able to verbalize it, I can verbalize it

646
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: and not give a verbalizing yes, but understanding if we're

647
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 1: talking about a teleprompter, Yeah, go read those same words

648
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 1: on that teleprompter, and I promise it won't have the same.

649
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 3: Have the same Bishop TD Jake's for to read it.

650
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 2: Because I am in touch with myself, Praise God. I

651
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 2: am definitely in touch with all oil and most people.

652
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,840
Speaker 2: Most people lie to themselves and they present the version

653
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 2: of themselves they wish they were, and they're not in

654
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 2: touch with all of themselves. So you can't do it

655
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 2: three sixty if you're determined to be a one to eighty.

656
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 2: Chapter number six gets real personal when he starts to

657
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 2: talk about a public divorce. Can you imagine Dion and

658
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 2: Tyrese's daughter, your daughter living with you? I understand Dion

659
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 2: tweeted something in response to fathers raising daughters that impacted you.

660
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:03,320
Speaker 2: Have you you ever talk to Dion about raising kids

661
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 2: after a divorce and being a single father.

662
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 1: Yes, we've had conversations. You know, there's a lot of

663
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 1: single fathers, a lot of single mothers, and so it's

664
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 1: what's always interesting for me is.

665
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:29,879
Speaker 2: I know what.

666
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: I want to talk to my daughter about. I struggle

667
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 1: with when M.

668
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 2: Right.

669
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 1: So when when you know that certain things are being

670
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 1: said about you, when you know that you're being put

671
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 1: in a certain light, when you know what's being written

672
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 1: in court documents that will end up being posted on CMZ,

673
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:04,600
Speaker 1: you have to live with that. And now social media

674
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: and people in their comments. My goal is, Okay, this

675
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,760
Speaker 1: is what's being said. But I just got to figure

676
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 1: out when I'm going to have the conversation with my

677
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 1: daughter because I got to mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically

678
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 1: protect you. And so We've been having a lot of

679
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 1: fun with the stuff that looks a certain way. And

680
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: then once I do my part as a father and

681
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 1: I set her down, I had these conversations.

682
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 3: Then she looks at things to a totally different lens.

683
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 2: There's nothing like loving a daughter that changes how you

684
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 2: handle a woman. Wow, there's nothing like it. There's nothing

685
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 2: like it that your girlfriend is somebody's daughter, that your

686
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:02,760
Speaker 2: wife is somebody's daughter. You don't really get it until

687
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 2: you have a daughter and allow that daughter to speak

688
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 2: into your life. No, I don't want to put you

689
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 2: on the spot. I'm very protective of people. You know

690
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:15,360
Speaker 2: anything about me at all, I'm extremely protective of people.

691
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,760
Speaker 2: But I understand you had a conversation with Holly Berry

692
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 2: about divorce and about child support as much as you

693
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 2: are comfortable with talking about that. Yeah, can you share

694
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 2: something with you?

695
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I what I said to her. It was

696
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: on my Instagram. I posted it, okay, and so it

697
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: is public knowledge what I posted. But it was actually

698
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: on the topic most recently. It was about her saying

699
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: that her current better have has been asking her to

700
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 1: marry her because they've been together for a while now

701
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:02,959
Speaker 1: and she has been struggling with the idea of ever

702
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:09,440
Speaker 1: you know, allowing herself to marry again. So and I said, well,

703
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: I could relate to that. You know, I've been in

704
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: a relationship now with my lady Zelli for five years

705
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:18,640
Speaker 1: and she's always hinting at marriage. And some people will say, oh,

706
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:21,320
Speaker 1: you're a band aid. You're just filling in the blanks,

707
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: and you know, you know, at a certain point he's

708
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 1: going to dispose of you and then go find the

709
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: woman that he actually wants to marry. But people don't

710
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: understand is that your opinion is formulating from things that

711
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: you have never experienced. You don't know what it's like

712
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 1: to wake up, get married, have a prenuptial agreement in place,

713
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 1: have the prenupt to get cracked where you end up

714
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,399
Speaker 1: paying all of her.

715
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 3: Legal fees and my legal fees.

716
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 1: And now I'm paying all this money to attorneys trying

717
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 1: to protect what I have. And then you realize that

718
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: somebody marries you, and then they said I don't want

719
00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 1: to be here anymore, and then they trying to take

720
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 1: every thing that belongs to you with them, and it

721
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: is really a painful process. And so well, hey, if

722
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 1: we could be happy and we could be together and

723
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: we could not get married, because if you ever decide

724
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: that you don't want to be married anymore, now you're

725
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: going to be another person trying to take everything that

726
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: I've worked my butt off for for the last thirty years.

727
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 3: And what does that look like? And how long is

728
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 3: this going to.

729
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:36,840
Speaker 1: Last before the judge decides this is my final judgment.

730
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:41,320
Speaker 1: So everything about my last divorce took four and a

731
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 1: half years. I lost all of my appeals in the

732
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 1: lower courts, then I lost all of my appeals in

733
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 1: the Supreme courts, and so I had like three weeks

734
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,360
Speaker 1: to cough up almost one point two million dollars that

735
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 1: I did not have to give, and then who do

736
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 1: I turn to when I'm financially depleted. I was doing

737
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 1: all right financially until this divorce turned into four and

738
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: a half years.

739
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 2: I got this calculator in my head, this adding up

740
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 2: all the trauma we have talked about, and it's smoking.

741
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 2: It's smoking the batteries of Bernie. From the experience you

742
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:33,720
Speaker 2: went through with your mother, to the death of your father,

743
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 2: to the crisis of three relationships, to trying to figure

744
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,280
Speaker 2: out how to raise your daughter, two daughters, two daughters

745
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 2: while you're trying to heal you yourself. How do you

746
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 2: cope with feeling and everybody having an opinion about all

747
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 2: the stuff you're doing, your crying on the internet and

748
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:59,799
Speaker 2: everybody's making fun and every How do you cope with

749
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 2: being misunderstood?

750
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 1: I've gotten comfortable with being misunderstood, and I've been the

751
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 1: beneficiary of being misunderstood, because when people don't understand you,

752
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 1: they want to stay away from you.

753
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,359
Speaker 2: Okay, oh he weird? He is he dad?

754
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:28,319
Speaker 3: Oh thank you.

755
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: I would rather be at dinner for three hours for

756
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: Bishop td Jakes because at this point, I value my time,

757
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: I value my mental health, I value the people that

758
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 1: I allow in my space. And so I have this

759
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 1: very simple saying, if I do a lunch or a

760
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 1: dinner with you and I leave the same person that

761
00:50:57,040 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 1: I showed up as, give me my three hours back.

762
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

763
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: My goal in life at this point is to become

764
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:13,240
Speaker 1: very intentional about who I allow in my personal space,

765
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 1: who I allow myself to exchange with.

766
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:19,840
Speaker 3: And this is not money.

767
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,839
Speaker 1: This is not about, like you know, everything about who

768
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 1: I spend time with has to be connected to a mission.

769
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:29,359
Speaker 3: How we gonna get to the money now?

770
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 1: Because most of the most life changing moments and exchanges

771
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:39,240
Speaker 1: that I've had over my forty six years has nothing

772
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: to do with having conversations about how to get to

773
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 1: the money. You know, I don't know what I don't know,

774
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 1: and I am afraid at this point of what I

775
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 1: don't know. I need somebody to love me and to

776
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,839
Speaker 1: a better me. Give me the heads up of what's

777
00:51:55,880 --> 00:52:00,360
Speaker 1: around the corner. Talk to me in great detail, the

778
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: choices and the mistakes, the shortcomings, the things that you

779
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 1: are blind sided by. The charm, the charisma, the undiscovered

780
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 1: magicians that know how to create all the smoke and

781
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 1: get you to think and believe that they are what

782
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 1: they appear to be, and then when the smoke clears,

783
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: this is what their intentions were. Love me in a

784
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 1: way that's connected to protecting me, because I'm tired of crying.

785
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 1: I'm tired of coming close to losing it all. I'm

786
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: tired of living and being on edge. I'm tired. I'm

787
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 1: afraid of what I don't know. And who's gonna love

788
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 1: me enough? Who's going to make me a choice and say,

789
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: let me love you to protect you from all the

790
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 1: things that you don't know.

791
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 2: Chapter number seven deals with life after divorce. It deals

792
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 2: with current relationships. So if you didn't have a point

793
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:07,399
Speaker 2: of reference at home in the arms of a mother

794
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 2: or sitting on the lafe of a father, and you

795
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 2: didn't have a point of reference in the three relationships,

796
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,919
Speaker 2: not saying it's their fault, but it didn't work out,

797
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 2: what's different about this one that gives you the hope

798
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 2: of finding the love that little boy? I'm not talking

799
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:31,400
Speaker 2: about the grown man, the actor who's fast, driving, fast

800
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 2: and furious that has anybody ever loved your little boy?

801
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 2: And do you think you found that person?

802
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:51,759
Speaker 1: What's interesting? Here's the best way I could answer that.

803
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 2: Because you're speaking for a lot of men. There are

804
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 2: a lot of men who feel the way you do.

805
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 3: Wow, I.

806
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:05,360
Speaker 1: Don't know how much I could connect to the current

807
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:16,720
Speaker 1: relationship that I'm in and this capacity. I'm actually surprised

808
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 1: and shocked that my relationship had lasted this long because

809
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:28,280
Speaker 1: it started with flirting, that it went into trauma bonding,

810
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 1: and then it became just maybe God made you an

811
00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 1: assignment over my life and I'm an assignment over yours.

812
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 3: I showed up broken, she showed up broken. We showed

813
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:43,799
Speaker 3: up with.

814
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:49,319
Speaker 1: Baggage, lots of baggage, but we made the decision that

815
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: we're gonna love each other enough to stand here and

816
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:56,360
Speaker 1: help each other unpack. I'm not gonna judge you with

817
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:59,200
Speaker 1: the baggage that you showed up with, don't judge me

818
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 1: with mine. We might argue and disagree about some of

819
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:06,439
Speaker 1: the stuff that's pre existing traumas that we've brought into

820
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:12,240
Speaker 1: the relationship, right, and so what do we do about

821
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: where we are and what we have? And guess what

822
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:20,840
Speaker 1: if we ultimately have made each other better? Were we

823
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:23,879
Speaker 1: supposed to be in each other's life for just this

824
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:29,280
Speaker 1: period because we were here to prepare ourselves for who else.

825
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 3: Is supposed to be here? Or did we go through.

826
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 1: All of this live unraveling your parenting issues, my parenting issues,

827
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 1: relationships that have put triggers and boundaries and trauma. Nobody

828
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: ever talks to me that way, no one ever makes

829
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 1: me feel So now I'm now moving and operating within

830
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:57,800
Speaker 1: the comforts and discomforts of your past experiences.

831
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:03,360
Speaker 2: I call it mirroring your nurse. I call it marrying

832
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 2: your nurse, the person that you went to to get well.

833
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 2: You don't recognize that there's scaffolding and not the building, okay,

834
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 2: and you walk off tearing up the building and living

835
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 2: in the scaffolding, and it's hard to determine which one

836
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 2: is which. A lot of prayer, a lot of discernment.

837
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,560
Speaker 2: I took every I took my wife to every old

838
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 2: woman I could find, including my grandmother. Let the smoke,

839
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 2: because nobody knows a woman like a woman. Yeah, nobody

840
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:43,479
Speaker 2: knows a woman like a woman. And there are women

841
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 2: who have the same kind of trauma stories that you have,

842
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:50,919
Speaker 2: and have been through the abuse that you have. And

843
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 2: when those traumas clash, the house burns down, sometimes with

844
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,080
Speaker 2: the kids in it, So you can't afford to marry.

845
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 2: Read the scaffolding after you built the house. Wow. Yeah, Yeah.

846
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:09,799
Speaker 2: Some people are in your life for a season. Some

847
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,359
Speaker 2: people are in your life for a reason, and some

848
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 2: people are in your life for a lifetime. I don't

849
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 2: know what category she fits in, but you gotta figure

850
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,520
Speaker 2: that out, and you gotta figure that out some because

851
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:25,959
Speaker 2: you're getting older, yes, sir, and you're running out of time.

852
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 2: And I say that with a face full of gray hair,

853
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 2: that if you don't figure it out quick, it ain't

854
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 2: gonna matter in a minute.

855
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 1: You just said something. Some people are in your life

856
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 1: for a reason. Others are there for a season, and

857
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 1: it's important to recognize when people's seasons are over. There's

858
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 1: an expiration date on loyalty. Some of us want to

859
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 1: hold on and hold on and hold on, and you

860
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: know that this will relatelationship is that capacity. It's hit

861
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 1: a wall and nothing about this season that you're in

862
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:09,360
Speaker 1: right now makes sense to proceed with this person. But

863
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 1: you want to hold on because you're familiar with it.

864
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 3: And so I've wrestled with all of those things.

865
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 1: But it all goes back to this, and I'll put

866
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 1: a button on this irregardless of what we all may

867
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 1: think or believe. We've created a checklist what she looked like,

868
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:44,920
Speaker 1: the boom Boom and the Kyle Kyle, and you know

869
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 1: what she dressed like, what she look like, what her

870
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 1: networth is. You know, women, they call them a checklist.

871
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:56,320
Speaker 1: Men have checklists too, And I've went into this relationship

872
00:58:56,360 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 1: and I said, this woman does not check off a

873
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: lot of boxes for me. And yet for the women

874
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 1: that I did say have the majority of those checklists

875
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 1: where they are now.

876
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 3: Right, I could not have been more wrong.

877
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 2: Right.

878
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 1: And so maybe God in the equation of this woman,

879
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 1: has said, you thought you had it all figured out,

880
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna send you something that doesn't look, doesn't walk,

881
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: doesn't talk, doesn't have any of these things according to

882
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 1: this checklist that I've created. Next thing, you know where

883
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 1: at five years and I'm with this woman right now

884
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: in a relationship that lasted longer than my last marriage.

885
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 2: Wow, Chapter number eight. Do you think it's just a

886
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 2: movie or a show, but it's really a business show business.

887
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,080
Speaker 2: Tell me about the role you wish you to took,

888
00:59:53,200 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 2: be you did TV, film, whatever, and you look back

889
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 2: at it and say I should have took that.

890
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:08,920
Speaker 3: Well, I don't really know if there's a role I

891
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 3: should have took.

892
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: That I struggle with over the role that I'm determined

893
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: to still do. Okay, the life story of Teddy Pendergrass. Okay,

894
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 1: that's the movie that keeps me up at night. I

895
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 1: was the Paul bar at his funeral. I was with

896
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 1: him for at least six years prior to him passing away,

897
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 1: and he said, you're the only person that could play

898
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 1: me in a movie, because even though you sing and

899
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:48,800
Speaker 1: you act, you never wanted to be me. And He's like,

900
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 1: I would never want anybody to play a role of

901
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 1: me as Teddy Pendergras who groomed and nurtured and tried

902
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,680
Speaker 1: to sound like me, look like me, perform like me.

903
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 1: You were you the whole time, and that's why I

904
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 1: want you to play me in the movie. So Lee

905
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 1: Daniels is attached to direct it because him and Teddy

906
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:14,200
Speaker 1: are both from Philadelphia, and so you know, it's in

907
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 1: a gray area right now. There's some stuff that's going

908
01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 1: on creatively that's kind of put the project on hold.

909
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: But I hope and I pray that I'm able to

910
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:28,920
Speaker 1: keep my word that I gave him that I'm going

911
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 1: to tell his story.

912
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:32,880
Speaker 2: What kind of man was Teddy Pendergrass?

913
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 3: He was a good man.

914
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 2: I grew up. My brother used to have these eight

915
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 2: tracks with Teddy Pendergrass on him, and he would turn

916
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:42,880
Speaker 2: them up all the way to ten yes and play them.

917
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:46,360
Speaker 2: And he was the man. Yes, famous incidentally for wearing

918
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:48,560
Speaker 2: white Susan you got on a white jacket.

919
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 3: And he performed with his cowboy Yeah.

920
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 2: When I met him, he was in a wheelchair during

921
01:01:54,800 --> 01:02:04,440
Speaker 2: gospel plays. You watched his deteriors. There's nothing like deterioration

922
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 2: to show your inner ingredients in a word or two

923
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 2: without divulging anything private or personal. What kind of man

924
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 2: was he?

925
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,800
Speaker 3: Charm charming, charismatic.

926
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 1: You know, I've been around my share of people that

927
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:36,600
Speaker 1: are in a wheelchair or living with some type of

928
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:41,840
Speaker 1: terminal illness, and you be surprised at how often they

929
01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:44,000
Speaker 1: go out of their way to make sure that nobody

930
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 1: feel sorry for them. Right, And Teddy was that guy.

931
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:49,440
Speaker 1: Don't feel sorry for me?

932
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 2: What's going on? Are you doing? Yeah?

933
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 1: You know, whatever you're going through. I mean, you ain't

934
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 1: going through this right, you know, So he'll be the

935
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 1: one to give you some perspective while he's laying in

936
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:02,400
Speaker 1: the bed quadripolice to paralyze from the neck down right,

937
01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 1: And then you leave there and you go, well, yeah,

938
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:07,520
Speaker 1: you know, he gave me some perspectives that I did

939
01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:10,439
Speaker 1: not have. But yeah, he didn't want anybody to feel

940
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:13,360
Speaker 1: sorry for him in his condition and his situation.

941
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:17,800
Speaker 3: He'll have conversations with you about it, but he never.

942
01:03:17,640 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 1: Wanted you to leave feeling sorry for him, because he

943
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 1: found strength and the choice that God kept him alive

944
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:29,240
Speaker 1: as long as he kept him alive, because he could

945
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:30,720
Speaker 1: have died in that accident.

946
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 2: There is a certain fraternity that seems to exist amongst

947
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 2: talented actors, singers, what have you. Either it's a very

948
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:43,520
Speaker 2: good fraternity or they're beefing at each other. You've seem

949
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 2: to have had a great fraternity. And what about the rock?

950
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 2: Tell me about the right sixty pounds? He lost sixty pounds?

951
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm on TV. I almost didn't recognize him.

952
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:57,920
Speaker 2: Tell me about that number one? How hard is it?

953
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 2: And uh is he gonna gain it back? I don't.

954
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:08,640
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about his weight loss. I seen

955
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:12,560
Speaker 1: it online like everybody else. I'm not in touch with him.

956
01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:15,240
Speaker 1: To call him and have a conversation with him about

957
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:18,680
Speaker 1: but it's my understanding that he lost all the weight

958
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 1: for a movie role playing a wrestler or some sort.

959
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:26,400
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm sure if he'd lost all that weight

960
01:04:26,440 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 1: for the role, then he'll probably be putting it back on.

961
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 2: Pres You probably don't remember this, but that's one of

962
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 2: the first things you told me in California when we

963
01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 2: were going out to eat. How you eat sometimes and

964
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:41,560
Speaker 2: gain weight and do what you gotta do and then

965
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:45,000
Speaker 2: go in the gym and work it out. So sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

966
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 2: that's back in your baby boy. Yeah. Yeah, we ain't

967
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 2: even going there. We're gonna stay out here where the

968
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 2: air is fresh. What was Will Smith's advice to you?

969
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 1: Will have said, you can often tell how far your

970
01:05:05,840 --> 01:05:09,920
Speaker 1: life and career will go based on the five people

971
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 1: you spend the most time with. Wow, So if you

972
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:18,520
Speaker 1: have a problem with your life, you should have a

973
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:21,919
Speaker 1: problem with the five people that you have surrounded your

974
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 1: life with. If you're out of shape, you likely reflect

975
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 1: the group of people that allowed for you to look

976
01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:34,360
Speaker 1: that bad. What you're doing, what you're not doing, the

977
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 1: direction you're going in, what direction you're not going on

978
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:41,600
Speaker 1: going in is all a reflection of the five people

979
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:43,360
Speaker 1: that you spend the most time with.

980
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 2: That's a profound statement. Oh yeah, so it was right

981
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 2: down and remembering because sometimes it is easier to see

982
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,160
Speaker 2: your brother than it is to see yourself.

983
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:54,920
Speaker 3: That's it.

984
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 2: And sometimes seeing him helps you to see yourself. I

985
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 2: only got one more card and I'll be done chapter

986
01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 2: number nine. I couldn't let Tyree's go without asking him,

987
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 2: how's your mental health? How is your mental health today?

988
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 3: Fragile?

989
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:29,760
Speaker 1: Okay, I that's a terribly honest answer. It's fragile. It's

990
01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:44,760
Speaker 1: fragile because I'm still processing my divorce. I don't like

991
01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:47,840
Speaker 1: where I am financially because of a four and a

992
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:57,400
Speaker 1: half year legal with all it's it's bad. And at

993
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:05,920
Speaker 1: the same time, my life could only I I feel like,

994
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:10,600
Speaker 1: how could I say this? I I really wanna encourage

995
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:15,640
Speaker 1: somebody with what I'm about to say, So, uh.

996
01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:18,200
Speaker 3: Think of me as a rock.

997
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 2: Kay.

998
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 1: And then there's this, h what do you call those

999
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:24,600
Speaker 1: things that poof you.

1000
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:27,160
Speaker 3: Know, the the the the slicker, Yeah, sling shot?

1001
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 2: Right.

1002
01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 1: So in most cases, the sling shot is a stick

1003
01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:35,400
Speaker 1: and two things that go at the top, and then

1004
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:37,919
Speaker 1: there's a rubber band on each side, and then the rock.

1005
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:43,560
Speaker 1: So I feel like my life right now. Literally, I'm stressed,

1006
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:50,040
Speaker 1: I'm on edge anxiety, I'm unsure, I'm praying, I'm certain,

1007
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:53,680
Speaker 1: I'm I'm inspired, I'm motivated.

1008
01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:54,440
Speaker 3: I got all.

1009
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:57,920
Speaker 1: I got this cocktail of all of these different things

1010
01:07:58,600 --> 01:08:04,840
Speaker 1: that I am feeling, And I'm the rock that's inside

1011
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:09,360
Speaker 1: of this sling shot, and the rubber band is Jesus

1012
01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:18,640
Speaker 1: stretching me all the way back. And then when he

1013
01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:26,040
Speaker 1: lets go, I'm gonna get thrusted into a level that

1014
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:29,360
Speaker 1: I've been praying for. My heart has been desired, so

1015
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:37,880
Speaker 1: being stretched to the level of depletion mentally, emotionally, financially, psychologically,

1016
01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 1: I'm in that exact place right now.

1017
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 2: Ten years from now. What does success look right for you?

1018
01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:47,880
Speaker 3: Impact?

1019
01:08:48,520 --> 01:08:48,960
Speaker 2: Impact?

1020
01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:51,759
Speaker 3: I'm not motivated by nothing else.

1021
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:53,760
Speaker 2: But impact, impact, defining.

1022
01:08:56,520 --> 01:09:02,800
Speaker 1: Before I take my last breath, I have this overwhelming

1023
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:09,360
Speaker 1: sense of getting all these visions and ideas out because

1024
01:09:09,400 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 1: they belong to me, yes their mind, these are my assignments,

1025
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:19,080
Speaker 1: and I'm supposed to empty myself of all of these

1026
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:22,559
Speaker 1: things and all of these experiences that I want to

1027
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:26,880
Speaker 1: create for the world. And that's what keeps me up

1028
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:30,160
Speaker 1: at night. And so I wanna open a movie studio

1029
01:09:31,439 --> 01:09:34,639
Speaker 1: here in Atlanta, I think one and only studio that's

1030
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:41,640
Speaker 1: actually open to the public. On the charitable front, I

1031
01:09:41,680 --> 01:09:44,680
Speaker 1: got so many more things that I wanna do to

1032
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:49,679
Speaker 1: impact the world. From giving and nothing temporary, something that's

1033
01:09:49,720 --> 01:09:55,200
Speaker 1: gonna be in place. I wanna put trades uh in

1034
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:58,920
Speaker 1: place for prison inmates when they get out. Teach them

1035
01:09:58,920 --> 01:10:02,960
Speaker 1: a trade that sort of the concept of them winging

1036
01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:07,479
Speaker 1: it once they get out, because there's so many of

1037
01:10:07,560 --> 01:10:10,880
Speaker 1: us that are capable of doing it, but we just

1038
01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:15,200
Speaker 1: don't have any trades. Like teach me something that's connected

1039
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:18,240
Speaker 1: to how I can survive. So as the market continues

1040
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:21,760
Speaker 1: to go up and down, I'm something that's self sufficient

1041
01:10:21,800 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 1: and independent of a bitcoin.

1042
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:30,240
Speaker 2: Our re Injury program has seen over forty thousand formerly

1043
01:10:30,280 --> 01:10:33,800
Speaker 2: incarcerated people go through our programs, most of which who

1044
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:39,680
Speaker 2: came out with jobs, had the records expunge, did family reunification,

1045
01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:44,320
Speaker 2: anger management, everything was necessary to keep them from going back.

1046
01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:47,840
Speaker 2: The rate of recidivism is amazing, one of the best

1047
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:51,599
Speaker 2: in the country because we took the time to walk

1048
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:55,800
Speaker 2: them through a two year process to help them to acclimate.

1049
01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:59,200
Speaker 2: One of them, I was talking to one of them myself. Yeah, yeah,

1050
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 2: you're talking to the right God. Yeah. I was talking

1051
01:11:02,400 --> 01:11:04,920
Speaker 2: to one of them, and he says, show me how

1052
01:11:04,920 --> 01:11:08,640
Speaker 2: to use a phone, because when he went in, we

1053
01:11:08,680 --> 01:11:12,840
Speaker 2: had payphones. When he came out, we had ourplephones. You know,

1054
01:11:14,280 --> 01:11:19,080
Speaker 2: there's so many simple things. When he went in, he

1055
01:11:19,200 --> 01:11:21,840
Speaker 2: was married. When he came out, he was divorced and

1056
01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 2: she was remarried. When he went in, the world was

1057
01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:29,559
Speaker 2: totally different. You know, we were busting and training. When

1058
01:11:29,560 --> 01:11:32,840
Speaker 2: he came out, we were flying. And now our cards

1059
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:36,040
Speaker 2: are being driven with our people in him. The world

1060
01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:39,320
Speaker 2: is changing so fast, so fast. In the midst of

1061
01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 2: the change, I want to say this year and pray

1062
01:11:45,640 --> 01:11:52,599
Speaker 2: you find everything that God has for you that gives

1063
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:57,440
Speaker 2: you peace, It gives you joy, that gives you wholeness,

1064
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:04,080
Speaker 2: that gives you mental health, that gives you peace, that

1065
01:12:04,240 --> 01:12:09,320
Speaker 2: makes you dance in the rain to kind of happy.

1066
01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:15,400
Speaker 2: That not a scene in a movie, just a happy

1067
01:12:15,520 --> 01:12:28,000
Speaker 2: man dancing in the rain. Thank you for this time together. Yeah,

1068
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:31,920
Speaker 2: I really mean it. I really mean that for you.

1069
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:36,400
Speaker 2: I really want you to have that. Thank you sir.

1070
01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:44,120
Speaker 2: That was amazing, That was amazing, That was powerful, Thank

1071
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:49,200
Speaker 2: you sir. That was powerful and it was real. It

1072
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:57,599
Speaker 2: was real, My honor sir, give me another year. Thank you.

1073
01:12:58,520 --> 01:12:59,799
Speaker 2: I hope you got something out.

1074
01:12:59,680 --> 01:13:02,799
Speaker 3: Of oh yeah, beyond my life changed.

1075
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:07,240
Speaker 2: You spoke for so many men. Hey everybody, I want

1076
01:13:07,280 --> 01:13:09,639
Speaker 2: to take this time to thank you for watching the

1077
01:13:09,680 --> 01:13:14,880
Speaker 2: Next Chapter podcast. If this conversation inspired you, helped you

1078
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:20,000
Speaker 2: reflect on an idea, or spark something new inside of you,

1079
01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:24,840
Speaker 2: make sure to like, comment, and subscribe so you don't

1080
01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:31,120
Speaker 2: miss future episodes. Remember, life isn't about how you begin,

1081
01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:36,080
Speaker 2: it's about how you finished strong. So start your next

1082
01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:40,880
Speaker 2: chapter with us right here every week