1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to divide and conquer streamline household and 4 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 1: family tasks by deciding once who handles whole areas of responsibility. 5 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: Then you can do your jobs as you best see fit, 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: and you can stop worrying about other people's fears of influence. 7 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: Maintaining a home and raising a family are huge jobs 8 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: that encompass myriad responsibilities. Lawn care, home maintenance, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, 9 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: check ups and the like for you and your kids. 10 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: Managing children's special needs or therapies, pet care, birthday gifts 11 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: and celebrations, car maintenance, financial management, arranging child care either 12 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 1: full time or after school and in the summers. Keeping 13 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: up with what's happening in your neighborhood or your religious 14 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: community or your kids schools. Troubleshooting cable and internet issues, 15 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: taking out the trash and recycling. I bet you could 16 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: list at least a dozen more areas of ongoing responsibility. 17 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: We all feel like we are doing a lot, and 18 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 1: when we do, it is easy to feel that maybe 19 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: other people aren't doing a lot. Such is the stuff 20 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: of so many household arguments. This is especially true because 21 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: sometimes labor isn't immediately visible. One party might resent spending 22 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: time cooking dinner if he or she just signed a 23 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: bunch of kids up for summer camps. But how is 24 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: any one else in the household supposed to know that 25 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: this project just consumed the last two hours. So here 26 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: is one approach to making the logistics run more smoothly 27 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: and to limit everyone's mental load. Divide and conquer list 28 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 1: household responsibilities and then assign full responsibility for these tasks 29 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: to adults and older children in the household. So, for instance, 30 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: one person might be in charge of grocery shopping. One 31 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: person could be in charge of trash and recycling. One 32 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,920 Speaker 1: person could be in charge of bill paying. One person 33 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,639 Speaker 1: could be in charge of all veterinary care. You get 34 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: this idea. The division of labor is efficient because people 35 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: develop expertise. When the sink springs a leak, there is 36 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 1: one person in charge of plumbing who knows exactly which 37 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: plumber to call and what is a reasonable amount to 38 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: pay for this service. The party in charge of summer 39 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: camp planning knows exactly how to fill out all the forms, 40 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 1: and when the deadlines are people can relax about the 41 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: areas that aren't their jobs as well they aren't their jobs. 42 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 1: No need to worry about whether the trash that normally 43 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: goes out on Mondays needs to go out on a 44 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: different night because of an upcoming holiday. The person in 45 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: charge of trash and recycling, we'll deal with that now. 46 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 1: Of course, this might not all run completely smoothly. Perhaps 47 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: one sphere becomes utterly overwhelming, in which case roles might 48 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: need to be renegotiated. Certain spheres are probably best split 49 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: for emotional and relationship building reasons, such as taking care 50 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: of small kids during non school and work hours. All 51 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 1: parties should know at least something about family finances, even 52 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 1: if one person handles the logistics. So not everything is 53 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: going to be completely divided and conquered. And of course 54 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: there's this common question what do you do when someone 55 00:03:54,560 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 1: appears to just not do their stuff every and suffers 56 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: if the trash doesn't go out to the curb on 57 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: trash Day in the garage reeks for the entire next week. 58 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: Someone once left a comment on my blog mentioning that 59 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: in the two parents in this family had decided that 60 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: Party A would always bring the kids to school since 61 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: Party b's jobs started at the crack of dawn. Net result, 62 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: the children had fifty tardies in the course of a year. Yikes. 63 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: It is hard to know what's going on in any 64 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: given situation. I mean there may need to be some 65 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: tough conversations, though in general it's best for people to 66 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: select the jobs that they are most drawn to, or 67 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: that they care most about or have the highest standards for. 68 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: If one party barely loves cooking and the other doesn't, 69 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 1: the non cooking party is best off being assigned to, say, 70 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: dish duty, rather than having constant fights over a meal 71 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: rotation involving frozen pizzas or take out. There should also 72 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: be a con or station about what constitutes done. In 73 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: an upcoming episode, I'll talk about how there is a 74 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: difference between doing something yourself and making it happen. Even 75 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:16,359 Speaker 1: if one party loves cooking, general household standards need not 76 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: require a cooked from scratch dinner every single night. There 77 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: also needs to be some grace and no micromanaging. Fifty 78 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: tardis does seem a bit much to me. On the 79 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: other hand, if one party agrees to do children's baths, 80 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: and that party thinks three times a week is just 81 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: fine for children too young to wash themselves. The other 82 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 1: party's belief that five times a week is right is 83 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:46,359 Speaker 1: not really relevant. The stakes about this are low so 84 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: but out in general, though, most people who choose to 85 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: share a household want to make things run smoothly. If 86 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: someone who hates grocery shopping knows that taking out the 87 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: trash mean he or she is never going to have 88 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: to visit a grocery store again, well this can make 89 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: for a very attractive trade off. So if you are 90 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: looking for ways to reduce the mental load, consider listing 91 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 1: out duties and divvying them up, assigning full responsibility for completion. 92 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 1: You just might make everyone a little happier in the meantime. 93 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making 94 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to 95 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions, 96 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook 97 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:50,719 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the 98 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: number four then Breakfast p o D. You can also 99 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast Podcast at iHeart 100 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,840 Speaker 1: media dot com. Before breakfast is spelled out with all 101 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying 102 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. 103 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i 104 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 105 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.