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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 1: So John, it's dump them week, which means we're gonna

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Speaker 1: be taking out some trash at least emotionally speaking.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, Sam, we have stories this week that will

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Speaker 2: make you say farewell the toxic relationship and hello to

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Speaker 2: red Flag for you living.

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Speaker 1: Speaking of hello, if you're new here looking for the

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Speaker 1: first story in this series titled my husband cheated but

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Speaker 1: he has cancer?

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Speaker 3: Should I stay?

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Speaker 1: Just click the link in the show notes slash description

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Speaker 1: or search dump him week, Okay story Time wherever you

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Speaker 1: get your podcasts.

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Speaker 3: All right, let's get in today's story.

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Speaker 4: I call my husband cheating with my sister in the

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Speaker 4: kitchen that I paid for.

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Speaker 3: I feel like there's a cook.

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Speaker 4: I can't move. If I move, it becomes real and

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Speaker 4: I have to accept what I saw and think of

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Speaker 4: what's next. I came home from work early and saw

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Speaker 4: my sister's car, thinking maybe she was dropping off some

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Speaker 4: food from her job.

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Speaker 5: But no.

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Speaker 4: I walk in and I see my husband and sister

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Speaker 4: in nick in the kitchen, the kitchen that I pay for.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from cheaters Suck twelve on

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Speaker 4: the r slash Okay storytime, supread it. As soon as

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Speaker 4: I registered what I saw, I got into my.

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Speaker 5: Car and left.

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Speaker 4: I kept driving, just driving, driving, driving, until I found

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Speaker 4: the hotel I'm at now.

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Speaker 5: I don't want to believe it. I don't know what

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Speaker 5: to do.

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Speaker 4: My sister, my only family, my best friend, the one

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Speaker 4: who's supposed to be there for me and support me,

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Speaker 4: my husband, my person, and my other half, the one

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Speaker 4: who's supposed to love and respect me. The two most

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Speaker 4: important people in my life have ruined everything.

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Speaker 5: I've blocked them both on my phone.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to hear any of the bs excuses

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Speaker 4: that they'll come up with. I don't want to confront this.

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Speaker 4: I want to go back to this morning when everything

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Speaker 4: was fine. There are comments already. X MC says, unblock

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Speaker 4: them and just let their calls go to voicemail. Turn

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Speaker 4: the ringer off for each of them in your contacts.

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Speaker 4: That way you can get recorded proof of their apologies

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Speaker 4: and excuses via voicemail. You may need that type of

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Speaker 4: proof for your divorce. That's a good point nine to

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Speaker 4: day is croak. If they leave voicemails, Opie will still

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Speaker 4: have those saved under blocked messages.

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Speaker 5: At least I know that is how it is with iPhone.

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Speaker 4: Just in case op may feel like they need to

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Speaker 4: keep them blocked for their own mental health. I feel

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Speaker 4: like if it was me personally, I.

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Speaker 5: Would need to And there is another update.

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Speaker 4: Sorry for not replying to comments and not updating if

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Speaker 4: things have been hectic. I didn't think I needed to

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Speaker 4: explicitly say this, but they were butt nikki and effing

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Speaker 4: in the kitchen. I admit mentioning that I paid for

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Speaker 4: the kitchen was odd and kind of funny, But anyone

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Speaker 4: that knows me knows that the kitchen is my pride

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Speaker 4: and joy. So yes, when I saw my sister and

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Speaker 4: my husband efing in my kitchen, it stuck with me,

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Speaker 4: and yes they did see me. When I got to

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Speaker 4: the hotel, I cried for a few hours, and then

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Speaker 4: I just wanted to tell someone, anyone. The two people

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Speaker 4: I would talk to when something happened in my life

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Speaker 4: were the two I needed to talk about.

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Speaker 5: And it was.

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Speaker 4: Eleven something in the evening, so I wasn't going to

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Speaker 4: disrupt my friend's evenings and burden them. So instead I

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Speaker 4: came to read it, thinking not many people would see it.

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Speaker 4: The response I received was overwhelming. I want to say

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Speaker 4: thank you to everyone that sent me kind words and advice.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much for all the virtual hugs. I

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Speaker 4: only commented once, that is because I had so much

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Speaker 4: to think about and do. I appreciate all the love

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Speaker 4: and support. There was so much amazing advice given in

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Speaker 4: the comments. Although a lot of it was American based,

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Speaker 4: I still appreciate it.

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Speaker 5: But one thing I did see.

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Speaker 4: A lot was to unblock them and keep the text

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Speaker 4: and calls as evidence.

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Speaker 5: So I did do that.

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Speaker 4: Nice after posting and another good cry, I knew that

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Speaker 4: I had to get my crap together and I didn't

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Speaker 4: have my sister or family to help, so I had

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Speaker 4: to do it myself. I started researching what my next

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Speaker 4: steps were. In the morning, my friend called me saying

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Speaker 4: my sister contacted her wondering if I had been in

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Speaker 4: contact with the friend. I told her what happened, and

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Speaker 4: she very kindly offered her spare room and her day

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Speaker 4: off work to help me sort stuff out. That's a

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Speaker 4: good friend, right there, friend. I called in sick. My

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Speaker 4: job and my friend helped get things done. I got

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Speaker 4: in contact with my friend who works at a bank,

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Speaker 4: and she helps me start sorting my financials. My friend

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Speaker 4: also found me a lawyer to consult with. After my

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Speaker 4: phone consolation with the lawyer, I was so overwhelmed. I

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Speaker 4: now know why so many women don't divorce their cheating husbands.

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Speaker 5: Dang, just because of the paperwork.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's such a lengthy, expensive and emotionally draining process.

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Speaker 4: I fortunately make a stable income and can support myself,

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Speaker 4: and we fortunately don't have kids. I have to remember

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Speaker 4: that things aren't going.

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Speaker 5: To happen in one day. It will all take time.

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Speaker 4: As for the house, unfortunately, his parents bought it for us,

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Speaker 4: and to be honest, after what I saw, I don't

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Speaker 4: want it. I will try to get reimbursed from my

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Speaker 4: beloved kitchen, otherwise it can burn for all I care.

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Speaker 4: This has been super draining, but I knew I had

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Speaker 4: to talk to them. I already knew that there was

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Speaker 4: no coming back for my husband, and when I checked

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Speaker 4: his messages, they said exactly what I thought they would say.

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry, it's not what it looks like. We didn't

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Speaker 4: mean for it to happen. Please come home, I love you,

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Speaker 4: blah blah blah, just absolute b s. A small part

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Speaker 4: of me thought maybe I could find it in me

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Speaker 4: to forgive my sister, as we only have each other,

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Speaker 4: But after I opened her messages, all hope was lost.

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Speaker 4: She used the same excuses we heard our father use

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Speaker 4: when he cheated on our mother. She said the same

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Speaker 4: things our mother would say when she would excuse her

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Speaker 4: dad's behavior. I spoke to her this morning and asked

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Speaker 4: her to tell me straight up, who, what, where, when

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Speaker 4: and why. She told me back in July, when I

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Speaker 4: went on a girl's trip, she was at her house

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Speaker 4: and joked to my husband that I would cheat on

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Speaker 4: him on the girl's.

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Speaker 5: Trip because that's what always happens. He said nah, And.

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Speaker 4: They joked about it, but she said he could even

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Speaker 4: get with her, and they ended up doing it once

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Speaker 4: one time, led to two to three, then to whenever

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Speaker 4: they could. There was never any evidence or signs or

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Speaker 4: anything that I was going to or even thinking of cheating.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's crazy.

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Speaker 4: This is all off of like a hypothetical joke slash stereotype,

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Speaker 4: you know, of like what happens and then she's nah.

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Speaker 6: Think she wanted him and try to find a way

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Speaker 6: to get him.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 4: I told her we were done and there is nothing

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Speaker 4: she could do to bring us back together.

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Speaker 5: I later received a call from an unknown number. Spooky.

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Speaker 4: It was my mother, who I haven't spoken to in

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Speaker 4: seven years.

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, this is getting juicy.

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Speaker 4: Turns out my sister had been in contact with her

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Speaker 4: and told her what had happened, and my pos mother

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Speaker 4: had the audacity to say, this is what I get

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Speaker 4: for taking.

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Speaker 5: Her daughters away from her girl.

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Speaker 4: What this has opened up family drama?

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Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, it hurts so much.

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Speaker 4: I know things are going to get messier and this

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Speaker 4: is going to be a long few years. I've now

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Speaker 4: lost all my blood relations. I need to get all

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Speaker 4: my crap and find a new place.

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Speaker 5: I want to show.

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Speaker 4: Them that I can and will thrive without them again.

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Speaker 4: Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for

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Speaker 4: all the love and advice, And to all the people

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Speaker 4: in the comments saying that they could relate to me,

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Speaker 4: I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 5: We need to like debrief that for just a second.

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Speaker 6: That is wild that you know the two people you're

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Speaker 6: having your life did this. It seems like everyone's owning

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Speaker 6: up to doing it. But bringing your mom back into this,

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Speaker 6: this mom was as person.

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Speaker 4: And then that also almost brings me to my point

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Speaker 4: with like the last story that we read where it's like,

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Speaker 4: you know, the sister is cheating or like you know,

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Speaker 4: being a homewrecker or whatever, and the dad also cheated

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Speaker 4: and then the mom defended it.

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Speaker 5: So it makes sense.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it makes sense that that sister would think like, oh,

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Speaker 4: it's not that bad because like they were fine, you

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Speaker 4: know what I mean, when meanwhile, the other sister is like, hang.

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Speaker 7: On, yeah, that's that's crazy, but there aren't some relevant comments,

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Speaker 7: so let's get on into it. That is crazy, says,

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Speaker 7: your sister basically instigated the whole thing, and you had

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Speaker 7: best believe this was very intentional on her part. She

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Speaker 7: waited until you were gone and then went around to

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Speaker 7: your husband and.

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Speaker 4: Told him that you would cheat on him, and he

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Speaker 4: was stupid enough to go along with it. I'm not

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Speaker 4: condoning your husband at all. He's definitely trash, but your

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Speaker 4: sister is definitely the worst here. You sound like you

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Speaker 4: have great friends around you, and I hope that you

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Speaker 4: can get in for some therapy as well. As this

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Speaker 4: level of betrayal is huge and devastating. Make sure you

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Speaker 4: tell everyone exactly what happened and shame both of them.

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Speaker 5: No one will think the worst of you. They will

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Speaker 5: see them for the disgusting a holes they both are.

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Speaker 4: Oh and there's an update. There's an update number two.

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Speaker 4: Oh my goodness. I actually forgot about this account until recently.

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Speaker 4: When I longed back in, I saw so many people

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Speaker 4: still commenting, messaging me, and checking up on me.

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Speaker 5: Yet, to those people, thank you for your kindness.

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Speaker 4: Since so many of you still ask for an update,

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Speaker 4: and I've already shared such a big part.

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Speaker 5: Of my life, I may as well give a small update.

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Speaker 4: Back in October, my life was in chaos, but I

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Speaker 4: was determined to soldier through it and show them that

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Speaker 4: I can make it without them and sex seed. I

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Speaker 4: had to meet with my ex to talk about the

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Speaker 4: house and he kind of gave up and we decided

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Speaker 4: to sell the house.

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Speaker 5: I was reimbursed from my beloved kitchen.

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Speaker 4: At first, my sister would show up at my job

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Speaker 4: and maybe friend's house, and once I told her that

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Speaker 4: I would get the police involved.

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Speaker 3: She stopped.

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Speaker 5: I haven't seen her since February.

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Speaker 4: I did hear from my pathetic excuse of a mother again,

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Speaker 4: but that was also shut down and I have not

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Speaker 4: heard from her since the end of last year. I'm

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Speaker 4: from New Zealand, so my ex and I have to

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Speaker 4: be living separately for two years before we can divorce.

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Speaker 4: Although I want nothing to do with him, I'm not

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Speaker 4: too fussed. One year is almost done. But we wouldn't

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Speaker 4: be too fussed if you joined us live on YouTube

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Speaker 4: and on Facebook and on TikTok every single week day

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Speaker 4: three pm PSD.

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Speaker 5: Just hop our profile. That's all I gotta do.

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Speaker 6: She got reversed for the kitchen.

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Speaker 4: W's she got the money back for the kitchen that

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Speaker 4: was the crime.

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Speaker 5: Scene of this whole thing.

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Speaker 4: That's right, that's awesome, and her beloved, her beloved kitchen.

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Speaker 5: But OHP has a little bit left. So let's see.

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Speaker 4: I started therapy, which has been healing. I wish I

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Speaker 4: had gone earlier. I have moved into my apartment and

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Speaker 4: was promoted at work. I have also gone on two

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Speaker 4: girls trips and have some extra fun these times as

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Speaker 4: I was a single woman, and I've also just started

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Speaker 4: seeing someone. He has been very kind. Thank you again

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Speaker 4: for all your kindness. Hope this is an update you

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Speaker 4: were waiting for and there is a quick comment additional

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Speaker 4: Way one three four six says I'm glad you updated,

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Speaker 4: You're happier. Never introduced the man to your family. Wouldn't

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Speaker 4: put it past your sister to repeat her behavior. Cutting

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Speaker 4: the toxic people in your life brings so much mental freedom.

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Speaker 4: Living a happy single life after divorce is kindness to yourself.

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Speaker 5: Best update so far, and that's, my friends, is the

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Speaker 5: end of that story.

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Speaker 4: So I'm just so glad for op me too. I

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Speaker 4: think you handle things great. You are surviving and thriving

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Speaker 4: living your life.

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Speaker 5: My mother in law spread lies about me, so I'm

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Speaker 5: going no contact with her.

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Speaker 8: Mama, Why you lion, Why.

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Speaker 5: You always lie in? My partner male twenty six and

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Speaker 5: I female twenty two have been engaged for about a

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Speaker 5: year and a half. We have spoken about wedding plans,

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Speaker 5: but my partner's mother has been more than disagreeable about

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Speaker 5: what we want, who we invite, so forth and so forth.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Accomplished Sale three twenty

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Speaker 5: eight on the r slash Ookey storytime suffered it. So

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Speaker 5: she has made numerous comments about inviting her whole family

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Speaker 5: extended and beyond, while I was only inviting close family parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents,

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Speaker 5: while she was adding family friends their children, even though

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Speaker 5: we want a child free wedding. I could go on,

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Speaker 5: but her guest list was over twice the amount of

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Speaker 5: my family. With the small intimate venue we want, her

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Speaker 5: guests would mean we weren't able to invite friends. She

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Speaker 5: made comments to me that she was paying for the

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Speaker 5: people she wanted and if I wanted more family or friends,

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Speaker 5: then my parents can pay for them. Okay, I think

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Speaker 5: you guys just need to have a longer talk about

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Speaker 5: what your expectations for this wedding are. When we went home,

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Speaker 5: I told my partner that he should be inviting the

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Speaker 5: people he actually wants to be there. In their family,

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Speaker 5: there is numerous family members that they consider dead to them. Oh,

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Speaker 5: they constantly have issues with family members who go too

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Speaker 5: far and they won't speak for months years, and there's

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Speaker 5: a lot of hostility. Anyways, my partner and I went

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Speaker 5: over to the in law's home for family gathering. I

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Speaker 5: was sitting outside with my partner's grandmother and his mom

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Speaker 5: while he was inside with his dad, and they asked

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Speaker 5: me about wedding plans and asked me about what family

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Speaker 5: I was inviting. I told him I was only inviting

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Speaker 5: family members that were consistent in my life, and I

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Speaker 5: wouldn't want my partner or my mother demanding I invite

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Speaker 5: people I haven't seen since I was a child. They

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Speaker 5: collectively told me that their family though, and I should

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Speaker 5: invite them. I replied that it's my family and it's

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Speaker 5: my choice, and that my partner gets the same from me.

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Speaker 5: If he didn't want to invite certain family members, then

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Speaker 5: that's his choice, and I wouldn't force him to invite

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Speaker 5: anyone he didn't want. On our way home, my partner

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Speaker 5: received a phone call from his mother. She was in

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Speaker 5: a full meltdown to telling him that his grandmothers are

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Speaker 5: furious with me because I told them that I'm not

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Speaker 5: inviting them to the wedding. Ooh. My partner said that

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Speaker 5: I would never say that, and he doesn't understand what

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Speaker 5: she would be talking about. And then she tells him

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Speaker 5: that she was there when I said it, and the

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Speaker 5: grandmothers both heard it too, and why would they be

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Speaker 5: lying for context. I don't really drink, so I was

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Speaker 5: sober while they had two bottles of champagne a bottle

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Speaker 5: of wine and some other drinks.

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Speaker 8: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 5: We arrived home and I was confused on what they

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Speaker 5: could have been talking about. I told him everything I

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Speaker 5: remembered of the conversation and said maybe me saying that

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Speaker 5: it's up to him on who he invited could have

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Speaker 5: been misinterpreted. He called his mother and explained what I

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Speaker 5: told him. She doubled down and says she knows what

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Speaker 5: I said, and I wasn't welcome back in her home

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Speaker 5: until I apologized to her and the grandmothers.

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Speaker 8: WHOA, it's so much drama. Didn't the sun already tell

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Speaker 8: him like, yeah, don't invite everyone?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: No, I mean it doesn't seem like anyone said that

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Speaker 5: the mother in law came to invite all of these people,

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Speaker 5: just that Opee wouldn't be doing the same.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very strange.

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Speaker 5: The phone was on loud speaker and I had stayed quiet,

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Speaker 5: but in a moment of anger, I spoke up to

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Speaker 5: say that I never said anything like that, and I

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Speaker 5: don't even have an issue with the grandmother's being invited

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Speaker 5: as long as my partner actually wanted them there. So

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Speaker 5: why would I have said such a thing? She screamed

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Speaker 5: back into the phone, clearly upset or crying that I

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Speaker 5: was calling her and the grandmother's liars.

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Speaker 8: Are they still a little crunky?

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Speaker 5: They're still a little cranky.

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Speaker 8: I would be like, we should have this conversation when

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Speaker 8: you guys are not in this state. Yeah, you need

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Speaker 8: to eat some food, need some grandma.

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Speaker 5: My partner believes me. He doesn't think I would say

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Speaker 5: such a heinous thing and knows that I don't have

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Speaker 5: an issue with his grandmother's being invited to the wedding.

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Speaker 5: I only had an issue with all the extra extended

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Speaker 5: family that he doesn't get along with being invited by

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Speaker 5: his mother's demands. But he thinks I should just apologize

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Speaker 5: because his mother will hold a grudge. So am I

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Speaker 5: the a hole for telling my mother in law I

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Speaker 5: won't be inviting her family? And should I just apologize

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Speaker 5: to keep the peace and edit. While my partner was

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Speaker 5: on the phone to mother in law explaining the situation,

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Speaker 5: I chimed in and told her what I remembered. I

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Speaker 5: didn't call anyone a liar, but I tried to politely

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Speaker 5: tell her that maybe they misinterpreted what I had said.

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Speaker 5: She said that I've verbatim told the grandmother they aren't

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Speaker 5: invited to the wedding because I didn't want them there.

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Speaker 8: WHOA no, which is not true. You didn't say that.

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Speaker 5: You never said that. But there is an update to

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Speaker 5: finish this story off. But what do we do here?

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Speaker 8: I think one, apologize just I know you don't want

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Speaker 8: to apologize, but like, before things get more tense, I guess, Okay,

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Speaker 8: I'm sorry. This is definitely miscommunicated. You're assuming something I

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Speaker 8: said something, and now you're putting wizard in my mouth. Yeah,

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Speaker 8: let's start fresh here before this gets way more tense,

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Speaker 8: before this starts ruining relationships.

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Speaker 5: And maybe it's just you go to her and you

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Speaker 5: say like, hey, I'm so sorry that that's what you thought.

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Speaker 5: I said.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, but have your fiance, because you aren't married yet,

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Speaker 8: your fiance there and be like, let's settle this.

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Speaker 5: Your fiance needs to back you up a little bit more.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, especially because one again, the conversation is not a

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Speaker 8: great state for the grandma and the mother in law

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Speaker 8: to be in to have this conversation. I think you'd

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Speaker 8: be like, all right, let's actually have a star fresh. Hey,

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Speaker 8: this is what I said. I know you think I

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Speaker 8: said this, but this is what I said. I want

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Speaker 8: to make it clear.

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Speaker 5: I want you all to come to the wedding. Yes,

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Speaker 5: we just have limits on how many people can come.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: This was like a double not necessarily double standard. It

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Speaker 8: was just like both my fiance and I agreed to this. Yes,

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Speaker 8: and if he's there, like, yes, mom, we agreed to this.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I think the husband, oh, he's partner, just needs to

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Speaker 5: be more active in this conversation.

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Speaker 8: I would say I'm sorry, but but I'm not. Don't

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Speaker 8: jump to conclusions here.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but there's an update. Partner had to go to

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Speaker 5: mother in law's house to collect some things. Mother in

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Speaker 5: law was fairly again oh, and began arguing with him.

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Speaker 5: He can't remember all the things she said, but here's

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Speaker 5: what he does. Remember. She called me a liar, a

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Speaker 5: be a lling c that I'm trying to take him

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Speaker 5: away from his family, a selfish. He didn't argue with her,

391
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Speaker 5: left the room, got what he needed to collect, and

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Speaker 5: then got in his car and drove home. At this point,

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Speaker 5: I wouldn't invite her to the wedding. Yeah, at this point,

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Speaker 5: now she's not she can't come to the wedding.

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Speaker 8: Now she's doubling down.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, now she's just being really awful.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, for no reason, But why didn't the sun Like

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Speaker 8: I kind.

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Speaker 5: Of wait, wait, I honestly kind of understand why he didn't,

400
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Speaker 5: because it's kind of engaging with a person who is

401
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 5: just so out of it and not even gonna yeah this,

402
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,919
Speaker 5: like screaming at him, and he's like, you know what,

403
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,639
Speaker 5: just gonna leave, not even gonna talk to her.

404
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, I gave you the light of day.

405
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Speaker 3: Yeah bye.

406
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Speaker 5: But I'd really worried that if she drinks at this

407
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Speaker 5: wedding that she would act like this. So I don't

408
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Speaker 5: know if she should come to the wedding anymore.

409
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Speaker 8: This is the second strike, a second strike.

410
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Speaker 5: I don't know if we give her a third.

411
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Speaker 8: I don't think we should.

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Speaker 5: She proceeded to constantly call him while he was driving,

413
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Speaker 5: so he didn't answer. When he got home, his dad

414
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,479
Speaker 5: called him. From what I understood, his dad told him

415
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Speaker 5: that he needs to fix things with his mom and

416
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Speaker 5: his grandmother's and the only way to do that is

417
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Speaker 5: for me to admit what I did and apologize.

418
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Speaker 8: Oh my goodness, uh yeesh.

419
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Speaker 5: My partner said that I will not be apologizing to

420
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Speaker 5: his mom after the way she disrespected me in front

421
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Speaker 5: of him.

422
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 8: There we go there you go now he's standing up

423
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:13,520
Speaker 8: for you.

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00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that they can lose his number until she's

425
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 5: ready to apologize to me, But he makes no promises

426
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Speaker 5: that I will forgive her. Me and him, I've spoken

427
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Speaker 5: and we have decided to postpone any wedding plans until

428
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 5: we're both in bettermental spaces since the last eight months

429
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,679
Speaker 5: have been painful and stressful. He's going no contact with

430
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Speaker 5: mother in law and father in law now as he

431
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 5: realized that father in law is enabling her. Partner. Is

432
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 5: apologized to me for suggesting I apologize to her, as

433
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Speaker 5: he didn't realize how far she had actually gone. Yeah,

434
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,199
Speaker 5: but you can go far with us by joining us

435
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 5: live every weekday at three pmvs. Two just to have

436
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,680
Speaker 5: our profile Staastafi, there is a little bit more. Yeah,

437
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,440
Speaker 5: I done inviter, don't invite her. I think it's a

438
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,080
Speaker 5: great idea to also postpone the wedding because it seems

439
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 5: like a lot's going on in.

440
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Speaker 8: Their lives and you want to do this with a

441
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Speaker 8: clear head.

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Speaker 5: You want it to be like a great day, not

443
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,840
Speaker 5: where you worried about your mother and your father being awful.

444
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 8: Good on both of you, like we should postpone it.

445
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,399
Speaker 8: Let's get a clearer mindset. We want this to be

446
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 8: the best day ever. And that's fair.

447
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 3: It just and put it.

448
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,160
Speaker 5: Your mother and your father the worst.

449
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,159
Speaker 8: To be cut out. But I mean you it was

450
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,520
Speaker 8: said earlier. Yeah, they just cut ties with a lot

451
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 8: of family members, so.

452
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 5: Sometimes you gotta do it. Yeah, but there's a little

453
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 5: bit left to the story. He has received some messages

454
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 5: from her, apologizing and asking him if he's gonna be

455
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 5: coming to her birthday. He didn't respond, and then she

456
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,800
Speaker 5: sent messages saying about how little time his dad has left.

457
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 5: What's happening with his dad? Do we learn that he

458
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,120
Speaker 5: was sick?

459
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 8: Don't use as I go?

460
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, why are you trying to guilt trip him? And

461
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 5: he shouldn't want to be on these terms when the

462
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 5: time comes. Her most recent message was her telling him

463
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 5: that she paid fifteen hundred dollars off a bill he

464
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 5: had that was delivered to her house, followed by the

465
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 5: words I know you probably don't care, but your dad

466
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,400
Speaker 5: and I do so much for you. Thankfully. He's staying

467
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,000
Speaker 5: very strong and said he will not be entertaining her

468
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 5: until she admits to lying and apologizes to me and

469
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,399
Speaker 5: sets the story straight with the rest of the family.

470
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 5: Good on Opie's partner for holding.

471
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 8: His ground, Good on the fiance. Great on fiance. I'd

472
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 8: call her out like, how dare you use dad's life Yeah,

473
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 8: as like a weapon, Yeah, to.

474
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 5: Try and guilp me into talking to you guys who

475
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 5: have been mistreating me. Yeah, and my partner.

476
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

477
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 5: You don't get to act like that and still come

478
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 5: to the wedding.

479
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, the fact that choose the rules.

480
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:26,919
Speaker 5: But that's the end of that story.

481
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 2: My best friend suddenly ended our friendship, so I refuse

482
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 2: to pay for the wedding cost, even though I promised.

483
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,879
Speaker 2: Amy and I a both twenty six female, have been

484
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 2: friends for almost twenty years. Dude, longtime friendship, and until

485
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,159
Speaker 2: a couple of months ago, I would have said our

486
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 2: friendship was bulletproof. I would lie if I said we

487
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 2: haven't had our disagreements or arguments, but we have always

488
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,359
Speaker 2: been on the best terms through it all, and none

489
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: of those have lasted more than a week before we would.

490
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 3: Talk it out.

491
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,200
Speaker 2: Oh that's really nice, right, But it comes from Liz

492
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 2: Liswig on the r shashow. Okay, three times that read it.

493
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 2: So last summer she got engaged. She asked me to

494
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 2: be her maid of honor. I said yes and offered

495
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: to pay for all the floor arrangements and bachelor laurette

496
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 2: party favors for her.

497
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 3: Wedding coming in November.

498
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,240
Speaker 2: The deal we came to was that the budget for

499
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,199
Speaker 2: the flowers and the favors was four grand tops, and

500
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 2: we would put it on her fiance's card and I

501
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 2: would make the payments. She made the initial transaction for

502
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 2: most of the things that I bought for her during

503
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,400
Speaker 2: the spring, about thirty seven hundred dollars. During summer break,

504
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 2: my girlfriend and I took a trip to see her

505
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 2: family out of the country, so we had to quarantine.

506
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 3: Before and after travel.

507
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 2: This made it so I didn't really see Amy for

508
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 2: almost one and a half months. We texted here and there,

509
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,399
Speaker 2: and I didn't really notice anything weird going on because

510
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,439
Speaker 2: I've been so busy with the new school year. But

511
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,440
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago, it dawned on me that

512
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 2: Amy was hard on ghosting me and it had started

513
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 2: to affect me. I wonder why, what's going on? My

514
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 2: girlfriend and my therapist recommended that I ask her about

515
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,879
Speaker 2: it because it wasn't healthy for it to be affecting

516
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 2: me so much, so I sent her a text asking

517
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,679
Speaker 2: her what's up, and she responded saying, I'm done with

518
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 2: our friendship.

519
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 6: No context, just like I'm done.

520
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 3: No, are you kidding me? I'm done over. Get out

521
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 3: of my face. Okay.

522
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 2: This caught me off guard and I called her, but

523
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,360
Speaker 2: she didn't respond. I drove to her house and asked

524
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 2: for an explanation, and she basically said that our friendship

525
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 2: consisted mainly on her doing things for me. Her coldness

526
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 2: is what hurt me the most. She added that I

527
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 2: wouldn't be her maid of honor anymore. I was only

528
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 2: invited to the bachelorette party, and that only because of

529
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,119
Speaker 2: our families being friends. I was still invited to the wedding.

530
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 2: I asked her what made her be this rash, and

531
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 2: she said that this has been on her mind for

532
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 2: a while. As much as it hurts me, I get

533
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,199
Speaker 2: her wanting a clean breakup, and even though I feel

534
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,679
Speaker 2: like there's more, she isn't telling me.

535
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 3: It's not my place to pry.

536
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 2: After that convo, I reflected on our friendship and I

537
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 2: recognize I did ask her for favors and more than

538
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 2: she did for me. And even if I didn't go

539
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,959
Speaker 2: about it that way, it's not my place to dictate

540
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 2: how she felt about it, Okay, I mean, I guess

541
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 2: if you're me, yeah, maybe you do a lot of

542
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 2: favors for her, but also or she does.

543
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:00,639
Speaker 3: A lot of favors for you. But I don't know.

544
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 2: You were down to pay thirty seven hundred bucks and

545
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 2: organize this thing.

546
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 3: I don't know if that's fair to you, magre my bro.

547
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 2: I bolted off crying, and after a couple of days

548
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: I apologized to her and she said she accepted it,

549
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 2: but her decision was final. I then told her that

550
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,360
Speaker 2: I get it, but I would stop making payments going forward.

551
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,199
Speaker 2: She flipped and called me an, ungrateful, jealous b and

552
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 2: I should be paying for those things as reparations, reparations

553
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 2: for what my mom told me that I had made

554
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 2: a promise to Amy and I need to see it through.

555
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 2: I am sorry to leave twenty five hundred plus dollars

556
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 2: in outstanding payments to her and her fiance, but I

557
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 2: really don't know what to do. So am I the

558
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: ahle whoa? Okay, so there is an update, so stick

559
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 2: around for that. But so basically, going back, I mean, dude,

560
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 2: she's not even telling you why. You don't even know,

561
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,479
Speaker 2: like what's happening here. So like I would say, if

562
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 2: you did have such a close friendship, then it's like, hey,

563
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 2: look I understand, But like if I don't even get

564
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 2: to know what why you don't want to be friends anymore,

565
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 2: it's like, then what are we talking about?

566
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 3: I don't know. I guess maybe conspiracy theory.

567
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 2: She tried to use her for the money, but that's correct,

568
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 2: like thirty seven in the grand scheme of things, thirty

569
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 2: seven hundred dollars is a lot of money. But in

570
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 2: the grand scheme of things, just like doing all this

571
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 2: stuff for thirty seven hundred dollars, like that would be

572
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 2: so whack.

573
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 3: And insane if that's what's happening.

574
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 2: But we're gonna keep going because we got this up

575
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 2: before I get to the rundown of how that crap

576
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 2: went down. A couple of things. Yes, I will look

577
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 2: into building my credit. A gas card seems like a

578
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 2: good start. But thanks for all the advice, I'll make

579
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 2: sure to take it. I have an amazing support system

580
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 2: who stuck by my side, including my brother, my girlfriend,

581
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,160
Speaker 2: and my best friend from college who when I asked

582
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 2: her if I asked for too many favors, told me

583
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 2: straight to my face, Op, I can't remember a single

584
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 2: favor you ever, asked me? Like, what is this favors thing? Like,

585
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you can. You can abuse your your

586
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,640
Speaker 2: your friendship by you know, asking for too much.

587
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,360
Speaker 3: I don't, I don't know. It's where are the favors? Then?

588
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,360
Speaker 2: Where are the favors that were asked? Seems like there

589
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 2: weren't really many any now to the Jews. We met

590
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 2: at a local outdoor cafe. My girlfriend came with me

591
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 2: and refused to leave my side, and Amy came alone.

592
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 2: As soon as we sat down, I knew she was

593
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 2: going to ask me for the money. After service pleasantries,

594
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 2: She fall and asked me to continue with the payments

595
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,680
Speaker 2: and that her dad would reimburse me.

596
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 3: When he gets his Christmas bonus. Yeah right, yeah right.

597
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 2: My girlfriend and I had talked beforehand about a request

598
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,439
Speaker 2: of the sort, so I told Amy I couldn't do

599
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 2: that unless she is willing to put it in writing

600
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 2: for my protection. She scoffed and mentioned the reparations line again.

601
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 8: For what for what there is?

602
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,400
Speaker 2: You've literally told us nothing? I calmly as I read

603
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 2: this out loud to my girlfriend. She said, I was

604
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 2: deaf about to cry. Lil asked her about what I

605
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 2: had done that was so atrocious that I had to

606
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: pay back for. Turns out me always calling her to

607
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 2: hang out, accepting her offer to dog sit before my

608
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 2: puppy passed, and asking her to always call me a

609
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: cab when Uber banned me. That's another story was her

610
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 2: definition of too much for her. God, even though I

611
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 2: had thought more of those things to throw up my face,

612
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 2: but she couldn't even bother to make it believable.

613
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, this is ridiculous.

614
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,199
Speaker 2: After some back and forth, she finally said that it

615
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,479
Speaker 2: was because I had abused her into becoming my friend.

616
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 2: I was surprised by this, mainly because we met in

617
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 2: first grade, but she explained that when I came out,

618
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 2: I always made everything about me and my struggle and woe.

619
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 3: Was me as a sad queer. Oh dude.

620
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 2: This made my girlfriend livid, so she intervened for the

621
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 2: first time to tell her to watch her mouth, to

622
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 2: which Amy replied, it's pretty obvious, OPI dates you because

623
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,679
Speaker 2: you look so much like me. At this comment, I

624
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 2: was pretty clear what many of y'all said, either she

625
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 2: has always been a homophobe or someone poisoned it for her,

626
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 2: because of course the gay girl is pining for her

627
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 2: bestiees not the case bestie. After all of this, I

628
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 2: told her she was not my type to consider herself lucky,

629
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 2: that I won't ask for my money back, and that

630
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 2: ghosting and nuke in the friendship just because is fed

631
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 2: up by the way, you know, it's never fed up

632
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 2: is joining our live stream every weekend at three pm

633
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 2: just because because why the frick not. But before we

634
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 2: finish out the story here, yeah, I think again, it

635
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 2: was obvious before the update that the friend was just

636
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 2: like making up some bs excuse just once the money,

637
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 2: and probably was horrible the whole time. But it was

638
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 2: the reality to storting glasses childhood friend. We've seen it

639
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 2: happen a trillion times here on the show. It sucks,

640
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 2: you know, but hey, what are you gonna do again?

641
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 2: I left crying. I kept crying on the way home,

642
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 2: and a couple more hours. I blocked her, and I

643
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: kindly let my mom know that if she ever mentions

644
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 2: Amy or anything to do.

645
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 3: With all of this, I would cut her off for good.

646
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 2: I know the reason is still be yes, and I

647
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 2: may never know, but I am officially done with someone

648
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 2: who can be so hateful. As I lay in bed

649
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,199
Speaker 2: after hours of sobbing, a cold shower, and coming to

650
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 2: terms with the end of the longest non familiar relationship

651
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 2: I have in my life, my girlfriend and I are

652
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 2: looking for vacation spots for the second week of November

653
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: for my brother, his girlfriend, and us.

654
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 3: With that two thousand dollars we now have in our

655
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 3: extra budget, nearly.

656
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 6: The best way to use it.

657
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 3: I want to thank everyone for the support and kind words.

658
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 2: Some of you have really given me food for thought,

659
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 2: and I never thought my story would reach so many.

660
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 6: Oh well, and.

661
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 2: Now you're an okay story time and you reach the world.

662
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 2: All's well, that endsil Yep, that feels good.

663
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 3: That was good.

664
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 6: I'm glad you figured that out. And you cut off

665
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 6: that friend, like come on, yeah, screwer, you got he

666
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 6: and friend. Try to take her to court.

667
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 3: Go ahead, do your best. Yeah yeah please? Uh uh.

668
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 3: She wanted to hang out with me. Run her so much.

669
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 3: He was so thirsty your honor. Here we go, here

670
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 3: we go, yep, sue her.

671
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 6: She sues you reverse sue her mental damages Boom.

672
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 3: Got him love that mister Krabs money hands crams.

673
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 8: I want to go no contact with my boyfriend's family

674
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 8: because they're toxic, but we live with them.

675
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 5: Ooh, that's tough. Maybe you can just give them the

676
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 5: silent treatment in the hallways.

677
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 8: I twenty four female, have been in a relationship with

678
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 8: my boyfriend twenty six mail let's call him Brian, for

679
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 8: just over two and a half years now. By the way,

680
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 8: this comes from user Little Effective forty on the r

681
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 8: slash Okay Storytime subrenden. So we've had a pretty good relationship,

682
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 8: but I've struggled with how emotionally underdeveloped and non communicative

683
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 8: he can be.

684
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 5: Sounds like a little baby.

685
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 8: Little tight knit close family. We've been working together to

686
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 8: try to improve our communication and get him acclimated to

687
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 8: sharing his emotions and handling tough conversations. We are in

688
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 8: couple's therapy and he's been putting in good effort recently.

689
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 8: There's a lot of love in our relationship. I know

690
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 8: he loves me so much and he does treat me

691
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 8: very well. Our issues really just amount to communication related things.

692
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 8: As you can imagine, he is the way he is

693
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 8: because of how he was raised. His parents also have

694
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 8: very difficult traits like emotional immaturity, inability to take accountability

695
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 8: for anything hurtful they've said or done, the inability to

696
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 8: communicate in an honest way, and the inability to have

697
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 8: difficult or significant conversations. I'll also mention they are pretty

698
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 8: high functioning, like a bottle of wine per night is

699
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 8: the norm. This is how Brian grew up, so whenever

700
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 8: something hurtful is said or done, the norm is to

701
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 8: brush it off, not acknowledge it at all, and just

702
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 8: move on. As you can imagine, I can't operate like that,

703
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 8: which brings me to the event that triggered this situation.

704
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 8: I have lived with Brian at home his family's home

705
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 8: for the last year, primarily because Brian and I don't

706
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 8: make enough money to afford the ridiculous rent in our state.

707
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 8: A few weeks ago, late in the evening, like around

708
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 8: ten PM, my boyfriend's mom instigated a conflict with me

709
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,719
Speaker 8: in Instagram DMS by responding to a story I had posted.

710
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 3: I wonder what it was.

711
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 8: It was just some arbitrary thing about politics or the election.

712
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 8: In no way did it have anything to do with

713
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 8: her Brian's parents are very conservative and we've always had

714
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 8: a fundamental disconnect based on that. So Brian's mom starts

715
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 8: popping off in my DMS pretty hostily, coming at me

716
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 8: for my beliefs in a belittling and disrespectful way, completely unprovoked.

717
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 8: Obviously an appropriate thing to do to your son's girlfriend

718
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 8: who lives with you. Brian went to address his mom. Unsurprisingly,

719
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 8: he was met with nothing but defensiveness, lack of accountability,

720
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 8: and deflection. His parents pretty much at a united front

721
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 8: on everything, use this opportunity to tear into Brian about

722
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 8: all the things they take issue with about me. It

723
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 8: turned into a heated argument about how they've been taken

724
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 8: advantage of by me living with them, and how I

725
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 8: am ungrateful, don't contribute anything to the household, and am

726
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 8: cool to them. I could feel attention in the house

727
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 8: rising over the past couple months, with Brian's mom being

728
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 8: needlessly hostile or passive aggressive on several occasions, so hearing

729
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 8: these complaints felt like she was probably looking for any

730
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 8: excuse to shout them from the rooftop.

731
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, they said before that the parents have

732
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 5: a problem with taking accountability, so it seems like whenever

733
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 5: the fingers pointed at them, they're like, ah, it's not

734
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 5: my fault.

735
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 8: I'm never wrong, And.

736
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 5: So they're coming up with all of these excuses.

737
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 8: It wasn't my fault. Before we go back this, what

738
00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 8: would you do?

739
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 5: I mean, the obvious solution is to move out, but

740
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 5: it seems like maybe for financial reasons they can't. Yeah, Unfortunately,

741
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 5: you'd kind of just have to figure out a way

742
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 5: to live with them. If you can't move out, I.

743
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 8: Would try and find like maybe a sublet something like, oh,

744
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 8: especially since there's two of you, even a studio, which

745
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 8: but I would rather take a small studio rather than

746
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 8: living in a very hostile, hostile and very tense environment

747
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 8: where I'm being scrutinized. Yeah, and I can't. I would

748
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 8: be so uncomfortable. I would not even be able to sleep. Yeah,

749
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 8: if you don't have a good environment where you're living in,

750
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 8: because home is where the heart is.

751
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 5: Home is where the heart is, and there's no heart

752
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 5: in that home.

753
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 8: There's no heart in that home. The simple fact is

754
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 8: that none of these complaints are true, and I'll address

755
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 8: them just so readers, have all the information been taken

756
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 8: advantage of, They graciously allowed me to live with them

757
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 8: and refused. Brian and Ice offered for financial support. So

758
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 8: again they're deflecting. How then can they turn around and

759
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 8: say we've taken advantage. Important to note that Brian's sister,

760
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 8: twenty five female, also still lives in the house rent free.

761
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 8: Ungrateful when they let me move in. I had a

762
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 8: heart to heart sit down with them to express how

763
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 8: eternally grateful I was that they allowed me to move in.

764
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 8: Tears were shed by all.

765
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 5: It seems like they want you in debt to them, yeah,

766
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 5: so that they can then turn around and put it

767
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 5: on you.

768
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 8: I feel like they're like, we have this over your head. Literally,

769
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 8: we have our roof over your head, and if we're

770
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 8: going to use this against you. I also express gratitude

771
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 8: for every meal they put on the table. His dad

772
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 8: loves to cook and makes dinner for everyone a few

773
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 8: times a week. Don't contribute. If we're talking money, yes,

774
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 8: because they told us we didn't have to pay anything

775
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 8: and never let us know if that stance has changed.

776
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 8: We followed up some months in instill nothing amounted. I

777
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 8: always clean up after myself, replace things I use, do

778
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 8: the dishes on a regular basis, do my own laundry,

779
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 8: buy my own toilet, paper, food supplies, walk slash, feed

780
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 8: the dogs, cook dinner for the family once in a while,

781
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 8: express gratitude for every meal put on the table, like

782
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 8: you said, and I'm always respectful. There's a long list.

783
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 5: Oh, he's doing the best they can.

784
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 8: You're doing what you should be doing. Be just very grateful,

785
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 8: which it seems like I do more in the house

786
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 8: than both Brian and his sister. And this conversation would

787
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 8: never be happening to anyone but me.

788
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 5: Well, it's because you're not part of the family in

789
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,399
Speaker 5: the same way, and you're there othering you.

790
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 8: Again, they're just using anything they can against you. Cold

791
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 8: to them, I'm a naturally introverted person and I tend

792
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 8: to keep to myself and try not to disturb anyone

793
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 8: with my presence. This does not, however, prevent me from

794
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 8: greeting people, having nice conversations over dinner, talking about our days,

795
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 8: laughing together, and spending family time together here and there.

796
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 8: So this statement that I'm cold, sadly feels like a

797
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 8: huge over generalization that doesn't take into account any of

798
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 8: the positive contact we do have. With all these complaints

799
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 8: from Brian's parents attacks on my character and the intentional

800
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 8: disrespect displayed by his mom. I decided to leave Brian's

801
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 8: house and go stay at my mom's for a while.

802
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 8: With help from Brian and my therapist, we decided the

803
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 8: best path forward was for me to handwrite a letter

804
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 8: telling them how I feel. I did this, and it

805
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 8: resulted in a gently worded letter that expressed my discomfort

806
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 8: and also address their complaints. I made it all about

807
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 8: how I feel in a stept to make Brian's parents

808
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 8: feel any shred of humanity or empathy about all this.

809
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 8: As you can probably guess, they did not receive the letter.

810
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 5: Well, they send you another Instagram DM, did you start

811
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 5: as posting screenshots of the letter.

812
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 8: They told Brian it was a combative and disrespectful and

813
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 8: that I was still ungrateful, even though there was a

814
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 8: part of the letter that thoughtfully restated how eternally grateful

815
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 8: I am for them letting me live with them and

816
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 8: generously declining our offer to pay. They want me to

817
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,280
Speaker 8: sing their praises and address nothing else. This is obviously

818
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 8: how they have always functioned, and my existence challenges that.

819
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 8: I'm also well aware that people who have no accountability

820
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 8: will always take even gentle criticism as combative really quick.

821
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 5: I don't think you can give not because you shouldn't,

822
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 5: but I don't think if you want your time to

823
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 5: be good and just easy, I don't think you can

824
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 5: give gentle criticism to people who are housing you for free. Yeah,

825
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,359
Speaker 5: not because like they don't deserve it. I think they

826
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 5: do deserve it, and they seem kind of awful. But

827
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 5: I think that when you're living in the house rent free.

828
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 8: That thing over your head that they have, they're just

829
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 8: that is going to be literally over you every single time,

830
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 8: and you cannot criticize. You can at least be you

831
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 8: respond to them like, hey, this is not right, but

832
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 8: calling them out again, you say, I got out of

833
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 8: that house.

834
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 5: Yeah. I think once you're out of the house you

835
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 5: can call them out till the cows come home. But

836
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 5: right now, because you're still living in the house, it's like,

837
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,359
Speaker 5: h yeah. It just makes everything really difficult for.

838
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 8: You because at the end of the day, whatever you say,

839
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 8: you could have all the facts, you can literally have

840
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 8: all the proof.

841
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 5: They don't care about the facts.

842
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 8: They're not going to care. Yeah, which, but that's just

843
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 8: the facts. It's just the case here, Brian's mom very

844
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 8: clearly asserted that she did nothing wrong and that it's

845
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 8: pathetic I even left the house over this, and that

846
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 8: I should just be able to get over it, just

847
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 8: leave the house. So I'm in a classic case of

848
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 8: toxic parent and laws who don't respect me, my feelings,

849
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 8: my boundaries, or even their own son enough to not

850
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 8: treat their partner like crap. Brian is also too much

851
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 8: of a peace maker to set real boundaries with his

852
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,320
Speaker 8: parents or competently defend me. Definitely has some unhealed childhood

853
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,800
Speaker 8: trauma and residual fear of his parents, which I get now.

854
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,759
Speaker 8: I'm just thinking, how can I go on to sign

855
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 8: up for a life with a family like this? How

856
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,839
Speaker 8: can I expect that they will ever just magically start

857
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 8: respecting me? What will I have to deal with when

858
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,799
Speaker 8: we get married or even have children. So I want

859
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 8: these kind of people being grandparents to my children. You

860
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 8: get the picture.

861
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 5: I think it will greatly improve if you're not actively

862
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 5: living with them, they'll still probably be kind of key.

863
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 8: If you guys want to see me or Sophia or

864
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 8: Riley or any of us, you can join us live

865
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,959
Speaker 8: on YouTube every weekday at three pm PST. Just tap

866
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 8: our profiles pop it.

867
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,479
Speaker 5: I think bad in laws is a tale as old

868
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 5: as time. A lot of people have to deal with

869
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 5: bad in laws. I think the thing that you need

870
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 5: to look at is less your in laws and their

871
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 5: actions and more is your partner willing to stand up

872
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 5: for you and back you up, which it doesn't seem

873
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 5: like he is. It seems like he's more wanting to

874
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 5: be a peacemaker and not back you up.

875
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 8: You can't baby that, so let's go and finish up

876
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 8: the story. I love Brian so much enough to not

877
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 8: want to immediately ender our relationship over this, despite how

878
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 8: upsetting and painful it is. The patience and optimism in

879
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,919
Speaker 8: me hope something could improve, and that once we move out,

880
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 8: Brian would be able to develop the confidence and independence

881
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 8: from his parents that he's never had before. Should I

882
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,239
Speaker 8: just find my own piece and let go of the

883
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 8: expectations of having a good relationship with them? I know

884
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 8: this kind of dynamic is so common, so I guess

885
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,280
Speaker 8: I'm curious how other people deal with it. For others

886
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 8: who have had a similar experience, what did you do?

887
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,760
Speaker 8: That's the end of the story. There's no update, nothing,

888
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:45,360
Speaker 8: I think.

889
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 5: Now you are moved out, it will improve somewhat. You

890
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 5: might you know, not have the best of relationships with

891
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 5: your in laws ever. But there's no mirror that you

892
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 5: can put in front of them that help them recognize

893
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 5: what they're doing.

894
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, they'll never be wrong.

895
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 5: But that's the end of that story.

896
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,879
Speaker 2: I told my best friend's new girlfriend that my best

897
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,280
Speaker 2: friend was emotionally on the table.

898
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 3: Now she's furious with me.

899
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,240
Speaker 6: Oh, a little crazy and a memory.

900
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 3: Let me apologize in advance. For how long this will be?

901
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,359
Speaker 2: I twenty seven female, was friends with Meredith twenty six

902
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 2: females since college.

903
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 3: We met our freshman year twenty fifteen.

904
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 2: We're roommates junior and senior year, and then became roommates

905
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 2: one year after graduation. By the way, this comes from

906
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 2: Cloudy Woody on the our side. Okay, storytime, Stobert. So,

907
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 2: Meredith is one of the most loving people I know.

908
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 2: She's funny, smart, talented. She supported me through an abusive

909
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 2: four year relationship and during that fallout when it ended.

910
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 2: When I came out as bisexual two years later, she

911
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 2: gave me pride flags and helped me find the words

912
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,280
Speaker 2: to tell people about my girlfriend.

913
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:43,280
Speaker 6: Oh, sweet Wow.

914
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: She was the first person I called crying. When it

915
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,880
Speaker 2: later ended, she referred to me as her soulmate example

916
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 2: the Christina Yang to her Meredith Gray. I met Izzie

917
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: at work and we quickly became friends. Meredith and I

918
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: were apartment hunting and moved into the same apartment building

919
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 2: as Izzy.

920
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 3: We started hanging out.

921
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 2: All the time, and this was in the beginning of

922
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 2: the pandemic, and living a floor two away from each

923
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: other led to many late night conversations, labs and sharing

924
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 2: fears as he worked through the crazy.

925
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,320
Speaker 3: Vid uh oh, get those claws off of me crabs.

926
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 2: Slowly, Meredith and I became best friends, and Izzy in

927
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 2: her later roommate CALLI. So fast forward to June of

928
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three. So it's the four of us now

929
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 2: as best friends. So Me twenty seven female, Meredith, the

930
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 2: og friend twenty six female, Isy twenty eight female, and

931
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 2: Calli twenty eight female. Meredith comes to my apartment and

932
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: tells me she has big news. She's been struggling for

933
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 2: over a year. She's in love with Izzy. I mean,

934
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:38,359
Speaker 2: wait this win for a ride, boy, as long as

935
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 2: she's about it, I told her I wasn't surprised. I

936
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 2: saw how they were together. What surprised me was she

937
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 2: moved into Izzy's house in twenty twenty two knowing she

938
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 2: was in love with her.

939
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 3: The only problem is he straight?

940
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 6: How did we turn her?

941
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 3: Dude? Just be hot, be so hot, You're undeniable.

942
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 6: That's true.

943
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 3: So back to the story.

944
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 2: Meredith spent the next couple of myn relaying all the

945
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,719
Speaker 2: reasons she believed Izzy was actually a lesbian uh oh,

946
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,800
Speaker 2: going so far as to send me the lesbian Google

947
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 2: doc on compulsory heterosexuality and pointing out all the things

948
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 2: that Izzy does. I repeatedly told her I understood where

949
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 2: she was coming from, but she felt she needed to

950
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 2: tell Izzy how she felt. Despite seeing the signs that

951
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 2: Meredith was seeing, Izzy's sexuality was her own to decide.

952
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 2: Meredith did eventually tell Izzy how she felt, and Izzy

953
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 2: told her.

954
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 3: It wasn't reciprocated. That's always hate that dude. It's tough man.

955
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 2: Meredith asserted Izzy could take all the time she needed

956
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 2: to figure things out. After this, I met with Izzy

957
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 2: for breakfast and we talked about her feelings. She affirmed

958
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 2: that she believed she was straight, but conceded she understood

959
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 2: how she could see where Meredith was coming from. They

960
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,359
Speaker 2: split all the household chores, cuddled on the couch, took

961
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 2: vacations together. But she stood firm.

962
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 3: But she was straight.

963
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 6: Okay, I love my homies, and me and John due

964
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 6: like cut on the couch here and there when his

965
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 6: girlfriend's on around.

966
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 3: Oh ay yo, Look if we were doing that all

967
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 3: the time, dude, I as well.

968
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 2: Just too much, bro I told Izzy she needed to

969
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 2: express to Meredith how she felt, and they needed boundaries

970
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 2: between one another to help preserve their friendship.

971
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:10,839
Speaker 3: Meredith was devastated.

972
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: We texted a lot during this time, and she vented

973
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 2: a lot, sometimes not speaking so highly of Iusy. In

974
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,879
Speaker 2: one instance, Meredith shared with me an argument they had

975
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 2: about their lawnmower that left them both in tears.

976
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:22,959
Speaker 3: Oh no, that shouldn't happen.

977
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 2: While trying to let her feel her feelings, I also

978
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 2: needed to stick up for Izzy.

979
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 3: When the venting turned into mean comments.

980
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 2: About Izzy's character, I called Izzy to check on her,

981
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 2: which backfired. During the conversation, I didn't discuss the fight

982
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 2: I knew about, but made small talk and asked her

983
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 2: if she wanted to hang out. So Meredith became angry

984
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 2: because now is he might infer I knew they fought.

985
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because now Opie let Meredith vent to her

986
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 2: all the time, But now she could turn around and

987
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 2: be like, I was complaining to op and OPI knows

988
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 2: how terribly you are. No, look, I've been texting her.

989
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 2: I was complaining to op and OPI knows how terribly

990
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 2: you are. Look, I've been texting.

991
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 6: Her, how weaponizing, weaponizing when I would be just trying

992
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 6: to listen to her, but put what the heck, dude,

993
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 6: I know, just because you're heart does.

994
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 3: Mean you have to hurt others exactly, but her people

995
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 3: hurt people. Dude, It's sad, just like bucket ooh nice

996
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 3: po po.

997
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 2: Ultimately, I got the impression that they didn't want my

998
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 2: input but wanted event they both apologized for putting me

999
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,839
Speaker 2: in the middle of the situation. All during this time,

1000
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 2: they still lived with another and continue to travel and

1001
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 2: do activities as friends. In August, all four of us

1002
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: went to a beach vacation that started the beginning of

1003
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 2: the end. I won't go into it too much, but

1004
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,760
Speaker 2: one night Meredith got drunk and spend the night crying

1005
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 2: about Izzy in the bathroom.

1006
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 3: While Calli was consoling her.

1007
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 2: Izzy came to me that night and asked me about

1008
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 2: my journey in finding my sexuality.

1009
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,720
Speaker 6: If I can't get her, oh my gay you.

1010
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 3: That would be crazy. Oh no.

1011
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 2: She shared that she was looking back in her past

1012
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 2: actions and her upbringing and how she was beginning to

1013
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 2: consider that she might be clear. I told her instead

1014
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 2: of focusing on trying to label herself perfectly, to try

1015
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 2: and focus on how she felt about Meredith and start there.

1016
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:04,280
Speaker 2: I told her I loved her and whatever she decided

1017
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 2: to do that I would be there for her. That night,

1018
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 2: Meredith drank excessively, again giving easy drinks, and ultimately attempted

1019
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 2: to leave the group to walk twelve blocks back to

1020
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 2: the car to drive us back to the hotel at

1021
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 2: two am.

1022
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 3: Wow weird.

1023
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 2: We got into a heated argument in the street and

1024
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 2: I tried to stop her, and Calli, while trying to

1025
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 2: diffuse the situation, also ended up arguing with Meredith.

1026
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 3: We all walked back to the hotel in tears.

1027
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 2: The next morning, Meredith stated her actions or reactions were

1028
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 2: rooted in her problems with hyper independence. Whatever that means,

1029
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 2: here's where I might be the ahle, though I had

1030
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 2: a conversation with Izzy about Meredith. I told Izzy to

1031
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 2: be careful because Meredith's actions over the summer, culminating the

1032
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 2: previous night were unhealthy. I said, I was concerned about

1033
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 2: her excessive use of drinking and excessive use of the

1034
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 2: Devil's let us to cope with her emotions, and because

1035
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 2: they lived together, it would be a very precarious situation,

1036
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 2: which I think is all fair advice to be given.

1037
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 2: I told her I was concerned about potential love bombing.

1038
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 2: When Meredith found out that Izzy did reciprocate, she stopped

1039
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 2: doing a lot of things for her in a way

1040
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 2: that felt like punishment. Although I didn't say this, I

1041
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 2: also thought moving in together while she knew she was

1042
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 2: in love with Izzy could be a form of manipulation.

1043
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 2: You're basically like, oh, I will just work her until

1044
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 2: she loves me. Yeah, you know the slow burn. Well, also,

1045
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 2: why would you put yourself in it? You literally go

1046
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 2: into a situation where you know someone is not sexually

1047
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,919
Speaker 2: attracted to your entire gender. During the conversation, Izzy also

1048
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 2: shared concern she had and what concerns others have expressed

1049
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 2: to her. The next week, they officially started dating. It's

1050
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 2: finally happened.

1051
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 3: It word you.

1052
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:38,800
Speaker 6: Put all your mind power to it, and dare that happen?

1053
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 3: I am stunned.

1054
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 6: It's crazy.

1055
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,320
Speaker 2: Okay, So all of this context to ultimately ask you

1056
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 2: for your help. Callie asked me to be a bridesmaid

1057
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 2: in her wedding in June of twenty twenty four, not Ezzy,

1058
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 2: your Meredith's wedding. Meredith became angry that I was in

1059
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 2: the brill party and revealed that she had been secretly

1060
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,720
Speaker 2: angry with me for over six months because Izzy shared

1061
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 2: the conversation with her, the one where Opie said hey

1062
00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 2: watch out basically maybe dat.

1063
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 3: She said that I was a.

1064
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 2: Bad friend for speaking to Izzy about her, saying that

1065
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:05,240
Speaker 2: she could have been a love bomber and I should

1066
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 2: have come to her with her concerns.

1067
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 3: By the way, if you're ever concerned.

1068
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 2: You can tap our profile to join our live stream

1069
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 2: every single weekday at.

1070
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:17,760
Speaker 3: Three pm PST. They just feel betrayed. Yeah, makes sense.

1071
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 3: My friendships was all imploded.

1072
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 2: I haven't been able to talk to Izzy without feeling

1073
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 2: as though I might say something wrong and it will

1074
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 2: be shared with Meredith. I haven't been able to reconcile

1075
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 2: with Meredith, things seem so heated. She apologized to me

1076
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 2: at Callie's wedding, but it felt like there was more

1077
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 2: that needed to be said. Meredith and Izzy both want

1078
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 2: to move forward with our friendship, but I find myself

1079
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 2: stuck in all of the things said over the last year.

1080
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 2: Can my friendships recover from this? Should they?

1081
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 3: And? Am I the a hole? No? You're not the

1082
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 3: a hole? So to close things out quickly, can my

1083
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 3: friendships recover from this? I'm gonna be honest and you

1084
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 3: tell me, what do you think?

1085
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 5: Riley?

1086
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 3: I think that this friend group has just it's just

1087
00:46:58,760 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 3: so mess.

1088
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,440
Speaker 2: They're going on vacations together and crying and yelling at

1089
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 2: each other, wasted in the streets.

1090
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:05,760
Speaker 3: Do you want to be a part of this friend group?

1091
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 3: I feel like so far Cali is literally Cali's just.

1092
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 2: Like living her life, like doing her thing, just getting

1093
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 2: married and like causing no drama. It defends with Cali

1094
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:20,760
Speaker 2: if any of the like I think at this point,

1095
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 2: it's just like, hey, this is kind of becoming a lot.

1096
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 2: I need some time to If.

1097
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 6: They're upset at you for trying to be a mediator

1098
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 6: that you put them in, that they put you in

1099
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,760
Speaker 6: the situation more. You don't need be friends.

1100
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, agreed, agreed. Yeah, I hosted my friend from

1101
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,359
Speaker 2: another country. But I don't think he's going to pay

1102
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 2: me back for anything. Hey get on his currency. A

1103
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 2: friend game to visit my country for ten days and

1104
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 2: stayed with me and my partner. To show his gratitude,

1105
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 2: he bought us four bottles of Veno around six to

1106
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,320
Speaker 2: eight dollars each. By the way, this comes from Dancy

1107
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 2: you from our sash Okay story time Separate. We drove

1108
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 2: him over a thousand kilometers for a few days to

1109
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 2: take him on adventurous trips around the country. It's usually

1110
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 2: expensive to rent a four x four and hire a

1111
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 2: tour guide. Here four x four is like four bedo

1112
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 2: four bath. We were essentially his driver, tour guide, and host.

1113
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 2: We prepared a guest room for him with toiletries in

1114
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 2: his own bathroom, made all the bookings, prepared the camping

1115
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 2: gear for him. I thought the wine he brought would

1116
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 2: even out our service for him, and we picked him

1117
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 2: up at the airport at four thirty am. To be

1118
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: a good host. They're putting in the.

1119
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 6: Work, dude, This guy would have been like uber.

1120
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 2: However, every time I took my card out to pay

1121
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 2: for our meals, he sat silently. I was happy to

1122
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 2: treat him for the first meal or two as a host,

1123
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 2: but after six days, like seven meals, his silence unsettled me.

1124
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 2: His silence was violence, the same one we had to

1125
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 2: pay for attractions, gas groceries. No thank you, no offering, nothing,

1126
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,800
Speaker 2: just sitting silently. Dude, he cares.

1127
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 3: About money more than you, mister crabs.

1128
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 6: I got car.

1129
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 2: I admit I was never upfront with him about finances.

1130
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 2: I just assumed as an adult in his thirties with

1131
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,879
Speaker 2: a professional job in Germany, he would offer to pay

1132
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 2: for his share, chip in or taken's paying meals. He

1133
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 2: also never mentioned paying us back for the hotels we

1134
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:06,240
Speaker 2: paid for him. I consulted him on the prices before booking,

1135
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 2: so he should know he had to pay. He only

1136
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 2: brought two hundred dollars cash here, and his hotels were

1137
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 2: already over two hundred dollars. He didn't seem to plan

1138
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 2: to pay us back in cash.

1139
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 3: I was antsy.

1140
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 2: He also rented a sedan for the city site seeing

1141
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,280
Speaker 2: in between, but the car rental was at the airport.

1142
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: We gave him a ride to the airport at first,

1143
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: and he hinted he wanted more rides from us to

1144
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,759
Speaker 2: take him home. After he dropped off the car and

1145
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 2: a ride to the airport for his flight at four

1146
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 2: to twenty am, I told him to take a taxi.

1147
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:37,479
Speaker 2: It was less than six dollars. I'm sorry, take the taxi. Yeah,

1148
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 2: especially him after not paying the cool of.

1149
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 6: John just be like we'll split this, Like as soon

1150
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 6: as the check approaches the table, just be like, oh yeah,

1151
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 6: we're all gonna split this.

1152
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 3: It's true eight ways. Why would we not come on

1153
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 3: on his last day?

1154
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 2: A few hours before he flew, he still mentioned nothing.

1155
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 2: We presented him with a bill for his hotel, meals

1156
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 2: and groceries. He seemed taken aback. We told him we

1157
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 2: spared the gas in exchange for his wine. A hole

1158
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 2: for giving him a bill that listed out all his

1159
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 2: expenses as a host. I should be more gracious or

1160
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,359
Speaker 2: upfront if I were transactional, But it's silence, not even

1161
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 2: a thank you, upset me and made me give him

1162
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: a bill. This person is not as close to me.

1163
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:15,439
Speaker 2: We met on a trip eight years ago and hadn't

1164
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 2: seen each other for six years. He wasn't interested in

1165
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:22,320
Speaker 2: seeing my country. There is an edit. There is an update,

1166
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 2: but before we get into the edit, I mean, yeah, not.

1167
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 6: A close friend. See, like it looks like John and

1168
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 6: I I'm like fifty, he's like, you know, eighty. He

1169
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,440
Speaker 6: wills to see North Carolina for the last time, and

1170
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 6: I take him around. I would pay for him because

1171
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 6: he's my close friend, and I would expect the same

1172
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:40,399
Speaker 6: thing from him.

1173
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like if I came.

1174
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:46,840
Speaker 6: To like, yeah, yeah, let me, but I'd be like,

1175
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 6: like put his elderly asked down, I'd be like, I

1176
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 6: got you break, Yeah, but like that that's kind of

1177
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,919
Speaker 6: like what i'd expect. Like whatever I do for you,

1178
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 6: I would expect you do for me. But exactly do

1179
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 6: you think if OP went to visit him, they would

1180
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 6: do the own, dude?

1181
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 2: Not even plus they wouldn't they wouldn't pick them up

1182
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,880
Speaker 2: in the airport, they wouldn't pay for anything.

1183
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 3: They'd be like, oh, hey.

1184
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 2: There's this like spot on the floor you can like

1185
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 2: crawl onto if you want, And like I'm gonna be

1186
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 2: like working and like not spending any time with you,

1187
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 2: but like you know, you can like walk around my

1188
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 2: neighborhood and you know, just check it out and stuff,

1189
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,160
Speaker 2: but like if you could just like basically not exist,

1190
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 2: So just like you know, anytime I'm like up, like

1191
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 2: if I'm up, you just have to leave. Oh my god,

1192
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 2: We've got it. At Las and gentlemen, oh boys. A

1193
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,240
Speaker 2: lot of you asked why I paid for his hotel

1194
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 2: up front. We got special discounts as residents, so it

1195
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 2: had to be under our name, and in another booking,

1196
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 2: we not only got a resident discount, but also added

1197
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,399
Speaker 2: him to our room in extra bed so that way

1198
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 2: he could say war Op. He was trying to save

1199
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 2: him money. Literally, I communicated clearly, told him we got

1200
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 2: a discount, and he asked how much the rooms cost.

1201
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 3: He knew he had to pay, So yeah, it wasn't.

1202
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 2: It wasn't a case of like, oh, did Op just

1203
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 2: like pay for everything expecting him. Yeah, they he did

1204
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 2: communicate the costs and all that stuff. So on days

1205
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 2: we asked him how he would pay us back the hotels,

1206
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 2: after knowing he didn't have the cash for us, He

1207
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 2: said a transfer.

1208
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 3: Ever heard of dogecoin.

1209
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:11,279
Speaker 2: We hoped that he would take the initiative to make

1210
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 2: the transfer before he left, but he stayed silent the

1211
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,919
Speaker 2: whole time until we asked again on his last day.

1212
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 2: My partner and I felt that his bad manners to

1213
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 2: make the host ask you twice about payment, so we

1214
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 2: ended up being blunt with him about the bill to

1215
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 2: draw boundaries, which I mean at this point.

1216
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:26,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally called for.

1217
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1218
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 2: As for meals, we often ordered a family plate slash

1219
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 2: of few dishes to share, so it's hard to have

1220
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 2: a separate bill.

1221
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:33,959
Speaker 3: I didn't invite him to come.

1222
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 2: He saw my photos on social media and planned to

1223
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: come with his girlfriend, but then they broke up and

1224
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 2: he came alone. If there were two people coming, it's

1225
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 2: more obvious that we would split bills fifty to fifty,

1226
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 2: and they wouldn't have stayed with us for this long.

1227
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 2: We felt pity for him after this breakup and wanted

1228
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 2: to be nice. Now we have the update. Do you

1229
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,879
Speaker 2: predict that OPI will get paid back?

1230
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:58,399
Speaker 6: Oh heck no, dude, Yeah, which is so sad. He's

1231
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 6: gonna block him on every That's tough.

1232
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 3: That's tough. But we have an update, so ooh him too, fash,

1233
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 3: Let's find out what happens.

1234
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:08,840
Speaker 2: So I can't believe I'm the a hole here after

1235
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,359
Speaker 2: going above and beyond for a person We saved him

1236
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 2: probably three to four hundred dollars for the strip and

1237
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 2: did numerous favors for him. This person did not offer

1238
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,360
Speaker 2: once to share gas for a long road trip, to

1239
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 2: share anything with us, or at least pay for his

1240
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 2: own expenses. The hotels shouldn't have been assumed.

1241
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 3: As a gift. It's obvious.

1242
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:29,240
Speaker 2: We also told him about the prices of everything upfront.

1243
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 2: Yet when he heard something cost X dollars and we

1244
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 2: had to pay, he sat silently. We decided to give

1245
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 2: him that bill because we reminded him on day six

1246
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:39,240
Speaker 2: to pay for his hotel.

1247
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 3: He did nothing.

1248
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 2: We went camping on day eight and he prepared note

1249
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 2: food or drinks to share and only ate what he brought.

1250
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 2: At this point, this was very poor manners. That's crazy.

1251
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:50,280
Speaker 2: He's just like only eating his own food. We the hosts,

1252
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 2: shouldn't have had to ask twice for hotel payments. We

1253
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 2: also saved him quite a bit with our resident discount,

1254
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 2: and we can save you quite a bit every day

1255
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 2: by tapping our pro while enjoining us live every weekday

1256
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 2: at three pm PST.

1257
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:06,800
Speaker 3: You know what to do. Click it with the claws,

1258
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 3: click click.

1259
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 2: Okay, the bill was less than fifty dollars excluding the hotel.

1260
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,360
Speaker 2: He's on a budget, so we only took him to

1261
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 2: dirt cheap places to eat. I was going to let

1262
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 2: that slide to pay that fifty dollars if he was grateful,

1263
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 2: but not a token of gratitude really upset me.

1264
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 3: Hence the bill.

1265
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 2: He could have picked up an eight dollar meal just

1266
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 2: once out of the seven meals, you know, and the

1267
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,239
Speaker 2: gall to ask us for rides to the airport on

1268
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 2: his last day when a taxi ride would be just.

1269
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 3: Five dollars five dollars. Bro.

1270
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 6: Hey, he's on a budget.

1271
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 3: I understand, dude. I think I was that guy.

1272
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 2: If you're this cheap and ungrateful, I would give you

1273
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 2: a bill and make you reimburse us. He came here

1274
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 2: as sad as a puppy after his breakup, and we

1275
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 2: were extra nice to him and tried to distract.

1276
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 3: Him with our amazing nature here. If he came with

1277
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 3: a partner, they'd mostly be on their own. That's the it.

1278
00:54:56,760 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 3: That's it. Wow. I think that's whack. That's wow. Dude.

1279
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 6: Did you get the money?

1280
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 8: No?

1281
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:04,399
Speaker 3: You know how much?

1282
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 5: Dude.

1283
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 2: I haven't shut up about the the fifty dollars dinner.

1284
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 3: Like sixty years ago. Oh my god, maybe back. I

1285
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 3: will remember that. I will hold that in my in

1286
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 3: my every three months. You really do this. One time this.

1287
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 6: Girl wanted me to buy her at a friend dinner

1288
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:23,399
Speaker 6: and a friend didn't even eat it.

1289
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 3: Oh he did it, bro It pissed me off. I

1290
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 3: will make a lot of money back then, man. Yeah.

1291
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 2: So anyways, yeah, thanks, good riddance, and just move on

1292
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 2: with your life with this.

1293
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 3: Sounds like you got cool nt. Go on walks, go

1294
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,480
Speaker 3: on walk Yeah, enjoy your life easy, that's it.