WEBVTT - #34 Annie 0:00:15.210 --> 0:00:15.690 Pushkin. 0:00:21.450 --> 0:00:22.250 Hi, Dear, how are you? 0:00:22.650 --> 0:00:25.009 Do people ever approach you to tell you that you 0:00:25.090 --> 0:00:26.770 sound just like Jackie from Heavyweight? 0:00:27.450 --> 0:00:28.729 No, that can't happen. 0:00:28.970 --> 0:00:30.490 If they did, would you tell me or you would 0:00:30.490 --> 0:00:31.450 feel like it would? 0:00:31.570 --> 0:00:31.690 No? 0:00:31.810 --> 0:00:33.010 Of course I would not share it. 0:00:33.129 --> 0:00:34.769 So how do I know if someone has said it? 0:00:35.370 --> 0:00:39.330 You don't someone has said it, haven't they? No, Johnny, 0:00:39.769 --> 0:00:41.930 you paused before you said no, I'll. 0:00:42.769 --> 0:00:45.490 Like not but like been a long time from now. 0:00:45.370 --> 0:00:48.130 In a soon time from now, right soonish, I'm. 0:00:47.970 --> 0:00:50.449 Trying to break up john I'm trying to break up 0:00:50.450 --> 0:00:50.609 with you. 0:00:50.970 --> 0:00:52.730 Well, you can't break up with me because I'm breaking 0:00:52.849 --> 0:00:53.330 up with you. 0:00:53.569 --> 0:00:54.930 Do you want to see who hangs up first? 0:00:54.970 --> 0:01:05.569 I don't. It's like a duel rat from Gimblet Media. 0:01:06.090 --> 0:01:16.610 I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavy Wait Today's episode Annie. 0:01:19.210 --> 0:01:20.090 Right after the break. 0:01:26.850 --> 0:01:29.850 Every day I receive emails from people looking to make 0:01:29.890 --> 0:01:33.250 peace with the past, resolved some long standing hurt that 0:01:33.370 --> 0:01:36.690 still nags at them. These are emails filled with regret 0:01:36.810 --> 0:01:43.050 and reflection, carefully chosen words labored over sentences. Annie's email 0:01:43.410 --> 0:01:48.650 possessed none of these elements. Annie's email possessed a lot 0:01:48.690 --> 0:01:52.930 of exclamation points and words in all caps. The story 0:01:53.010 --> 0:01:55.530 she told was of her uncle in all the ways 0:01:55.530 --> 0:01:58.770 he had wronged her over the years. The infractions Annie 0:01:58.770 --> 0:02:03.050 described were really pretty small, but her anger was enormous. 0:02:03.810 --> 0:02:06.970 Annie was gearing up for a face off. She even 0:02:07.010 --> 0:02:12.970 signed her email let the conference begin, punctuated by two 0:02:13.250 --> 0:02:19.650 exclamation points. I was conflicted. On the one hand, I 0:02:19.730 --> 0:02:23.130 was horrified by Annie's willingness to cause such a royal stink, 0:02:23.810 --> 0:02:26.770 But on the other hand, I was delighted by Annie's 0:02:26.770 --> 0:02:30.770 willingness to cause such a royal stink. Who among us 0:02:30.810 --> 0:02:33.530 hasn't wished at some point that we could call people 0:02:33.570 --> 0:02:37.050 out on the little things that hurt us. After all, 0:02:37.410 --> 0:02:41.090 most often it's the mini bite sized betrayals and small 0:02:41.170 --> 0:02:44.490 slights that really eat us up. But for fear of 0:02:44.490 --> 0:02:47.090 being called petty, we pretend to let it all go. 0:02:48.050 --> 0:02:51.650 But not Annie. I did, indeed want to see someone 0:02:51.770 --> 0:02:55.130 join Annie on her healing journey of screaming and yelling. 0:02:55.890 --> 0:02:59.090 I just didn't want it to be me, my producer. 0:02:59.170 --> 0:03:03.650 Khalila is not me. She is also quite possibly Annie's 0:03:03.690 --> 0:03:08.810 complete opposite. Khalila is undisposed to confrontation. She told me 0:03:08.930 --> 0:03:12.370 she once had a job where, rather than cause a fuss, 0:03:12.850 --> 0:03:16.210 she allowed her coworkers to mistakenly refer to her as 0:03:16.770 --> 0:03:22.530 Callie for four years. Khalila could help Annie and maybe 0:03:22.530 --> 0:03:25.370 along the way a little Annie would rub off on her, 0:03:26.010 --> 0:03:29.090 and even better, I wouldn't have to get involved in 0:03:29.130 --> 0:03:29.929 this mess at all. 0:03:30.330 --> 0:03:30.570 Yeah. 0:03:30.570 --> 0:03:32.530 I had a different thought about this one, and so 0:03:32.890 --> 0:03:35.690 I lay out the plan to Khalila. I will pass 0:03:35.730 --> 0:03:38.970 the baton to her so that both she and Annie 0:03:39.290 --> 0:03:42.850 can grow into their best selves. I was thinking, you know, 0:03:43.090 --> 0:03:45.210 I would sit this one out and allow you your 0:03:45.290 --> 0:03:47.250 chance to shine. 0:03:47.530 --> 0:03:51.170 So you want to send me into a cringy situation instead. 0:03:52.570 --> 0:03:55.090 I think so mm hmmm. 0:03:55.890 --> 0:04:00.130 I feel like an armchair colonel dispatching a foot soldier 0:04:00.450 --> 0:04:04.330 on my behalf. I have to stay behind and do paperwork. 0:04:03.930 --> 0:04:05.730 Right, and I have to go out there and get shot. 0:04:06.890 --> 0:04:10.930 I do feel like you can offer support and she can, 0:04:11.130 --> 0:04:12.730 like maybe teach you something as well. 0:04:14.050 --> 0:04:15.730 Here comes wellness. 0:04:16.170 --> 0:04:17.930 What did you just swallow? Is that saliva? 0:04:18.170 --> 0:04:29.609 Yeah? Really? Yeah? In spite of what Jonathan might think, 0:04:30.130 --> 0:04:32.329 Annie and I actually have a lot in common. 0:04:32.890 --> 0:04:34.849 My favorite food is breakfast. 0:04:35.010 --> 0:04:36.890 I mean too, I have a breakfast tattoo. 0:04:37.369 --> 0:04:39.890 Stop it, Yeah, I have breakfast. 0:04:40.729 --> 0:04:44.250 Annie goes by two different names, Annie and Andrea, and 0:04:44.330 --> 0:04:47.529 so do I, Khalila and Kaylee. While in for four 0:04:47.609 --> 0:04:50.810 years CALLI. My birthday is April fifth and her birthday 0:04:50.849 --> 0:04:53.890 is April sixth, And in our youth, we both harbored 0:04:53.890 --> 0:04:57.689 a weird obsession with cows. But of course there's the 0:04:57.729 --> 0:05:00.129 one key way in which Annie and I are different. 0:05:00.849 --> 0:05:04.250 Annie has no problem causing a fuss, and as for. 0:05:04.289 --> 0:05:06.609 Me, good morning, good morning? 0:05:06.690 --> 0:05:07.330 Is this Joe? 0:05:07.529 --> 0:05:07.969 It is? 0:05:08.690 --> 0:05:12.250 This is talking to Joe. Joe is the audio engineer 0:05:12.330 --> 0:05:15.809 I hired to record Annie's side of the conversation. Annie 0:05:15.810 --> 0:05:18.370 and I are talking over the phone. I'm in New York. 0:05:18.529 --> 0:05:21.650 Annie's at Joe's studio in Seattle. Are you guys all 0:05:21.650 --> 0:05:24.210 set up like you're recording and everything? 0:05:26.489 --> 0:05:28.209 Normally about five minutes? 0:05:28.810 --> 0:05:34.449 Okay? By okay, I mean this is not okay. The 0:05:34.489 --> 0:05:38.650 great Canadian documentarian Jonathan Goldstein once told me that the 0:05:38.650 --> 0:05:43.770 way one captures the magic is to abr always be recording. 0:05:44.609 --> 0:05:48.089 So when I booked studio time, I asked Joe repeatedly 0:05:48.570 --> 0:05:52.809 to start recording Annie the moment I phoned. Instead, he 0:05:52.849 --> 0:05:56.890 seems to be taking pictures of his dog Domino. But 0:06:02.570 --> 0:06:04.969 I would never confront Joe about this, because that is 0:06:05.010 --> 0:06:08.049 not the person I am. The person I am would 0:06:08.130 --> 0:06:11.210 rather take on huge amounts of discomfort myself than make 0:06:11.250 --> 0:06:15.009 anyone else even a little bit uncomfortable. Unless someone is 0:06:15.010 --> 0:06:18.370 being outright cruel to me, it always feels like, well, 0:06:18.489 --> 0:06:22.289 their intentions are probably good, and so I tell myself 0:06:22.369 --> 0:06:25.129 Joe's just doing his best, and I wait a few 0:06:25.130 --> 0:06:31.650 more minutes, Hello, are you recording? Joe? No machines are 0:06:31.650 --> 0:06:35.609 firing up right now, which for listeners unfamiliar with the 0:06:35.650 --> 0:06:39.929 more technical aspects of podcasting, the process of going from 0:06:40.049 --> 0:06:45.569 not recording to recording consists of raising your forefinger and 0:06:45.609 --> 0:06:51.890 then lowering it onto the record button. Yet ten minutes in, 0:06:52.289 --> 0:06:54.729 I'm still just listening to Joe rustle around in a 0:06:54.770 --> 0:07:01.050 mysterious way, and rather than yelling press the stupid button, 0:07:01.729 --> 0:07:05.570 I make small talk about the weather, about how it's February, 0:07:05.609 --> 0:07:09.169 tewod a lotitudes and zero's in the date today. 0:07:10.250 --> 0:07:10.850 I am sorry? 0:07:11.610 --> 0:07:13.929 Who am I talking to on the phone? 0:07:14.250 --> 0:07:15.810 Khalila Khalia? 0:07:16.050 --> 0:07:18.770 Could you speak for just a few moments and just 0:07:18.810 --> 0:07:19.090 have a. 0:07:19.650 --> 0:07:21.850 Sure are you recording? Uh? 0:07:22.050 --> 0:07:24.129 Just about I'm just kind of focusing the mic and 0:07:24.330 --> 0:07:24.850 getting it. 0:07:32.210 --> 0:07:34.850 Well. I make problems worse by pretending that there is 0:07:34.890 --> 0:07:39.090 no problem. Annie makes problems worse by flying off the handle. 0:07:40.210 --> 0:07:42.930 Oh great, thank you, Joe. And once we can finally 0:07:42.970 --> 0:07:47.130 start talking, Annie explains how this is precisely what happened 0:07:47.330 --> 0:07:48.010 with her uncle. 0:07:48.929 --> 0:07:52.530 I really look up and admire my uncle. 0:07:53.530 --> 0:07:57.250 Annie's uncle Tim is like an old fashioned cowboy out 0:07:57.290 --> 0:08:00.170 of a Western. When she was a kid, her family 0:08:00.170 --> 0:08:03.450 would drive from Seattle to Utah every summer to visit 0:08:03.489 --> 0:08:04.290 his dairy farm. 0:08:04.890 --> 0:08:08.450 I loved going to Utah. I loved it. I couldn't 0:08:08.450 --> 0:08:10.369 even wait to be dropped off at Uncle Tim's. Like 0:08:10.410 --> 0:08:13.009 everybody else was staying at Grandma's down the street, and 0:08:13.050 --> 0:08:15.249 I just couldn't even be bothered to put my bags down, 0:08:15.890 --> 0:08:19.650 Just drop me off at Uncle Tim's. 0:08:21.570 --> 0:08:24.450 Him teaching me how to milk cows. 0:08:24.530 --> 0:08:28.410 And I got a special title when all the cows 0:08:28.450 --> 0:08:31.129 line up and you you know, you have to sanitize 0:08:31.410 --> 0:08:35.770 and clean their utters and everything before you start milking them. 0:08:35.810 --> 0:08:37.010 I was the dippy girl. 0:08:39.690 --> 0:08:42.330 Tim only became more important to Annie as her other 0:08:42.370 --> 0:08:45.810 family dwindled. Her dad died when she was a teenager, 0:08:46.330 --> 0:08:48.330 and then she lost a cousin she was close with 0:08:48.690 --> 0:08:52.530 to a traumatic accident. It made her realize how abruptly 0:08:52.610 --> 0:08:55.610 people could be taken from you. She wanted to hold 0:08:55.610 --> 0:08:58.650 on tight to the family she still had. She wanted 0:08:58.650 --> 0:09:04.690 to hold on to Tim. All through her teen years. 0:09:04.850 --> 0:09:07.850 Annie continued to visit Tim on the farm, and after 0:09:07.890 --> 0:09:10.730 he retired, Tim and his wife would make regular visits 0:09:10.770 --> 0:09:14.650 to Seattle, where Annie's whole family lives. The whole gang 0:09:14.690 --> 0:09:18.130 would go out to eat, attend baseball games together. But 0:09:18.210 --> 0:09:20.650 in recent years something's changed. 0:09:21.690 --> 0:09:26.450 Now they'll come a couple times a year, and they 0:09:26.490 --> 0:09:29.210 don't tell me, and I don't hear from my mom 0:09:29.290 --> 0:09:33.890 when they're coming. This isn't something that happens like occasionally. 0:09:34.130 --> 0:09:36.490 This is now every time they come here. 0:09:36.810 --> 0:09:38.090 How long has what been going on for? 0:09:38.250 --> 0:09:38.410 Now? 0:09:38.450 --> 0:09:39.090 Like years? 0:09:39.810 --> 0:09:42.850 I would have to say at least ten. 0:09:43.970 --> 0:09:46.890 For ten years now. When Tim and his wife come to town, 0:09:47.210 --> 0:09:50.770 they always hang out with Annie's mom, but not with Annie. 0:09:51.490 --> 0:09:54.770 Annie has countless stories of being left out, each more 0:09:54.850 --> 0:09:55.970 hurtful than the last. 0:09:56.410 --> 0:09:57.490 Got a couple of favorites. 0:09:57.610 --> 0:10:00.610 Yeah please, Okay, So I'd. 0:10:00.370 --> 0:10:03.810 Called my mom and I'm on Fourth Avenue. 0:10:03.970 --> 0:10:07.490 The details of these stories are convoluted, and understanding the 0:10:07.530 --> 0:10:10.370 true extent of each slight requires a greater knowledge of 0:10:10.410 --> 0:10:15.010 Seattle geography than this reporter possesses. There was a time 0:10:15.050 --> 0:10:17.130 Tim and his wife went to some big ferris wheel 0:10:17.130 --> 0:10:20.090 called the Great Wheel, and Annie was not invited, even 0:10:20.090 --> 0:10:22.050 though it's only two blocks from her office. 0:10:22.130 --> 0:10:24.929 I can see it out the window of my office. 0:10:25.170 --> 0:10:27.050 But then there was the night they said they were 0:10:27.050 --> 0:10:29.970 eating dinner too far away for Annie to join, when 0:10:29.970 --> 0:10:32.050 it turned out that really they were all eating right 0:10:32.090 --> 0:10:35.890 around the corner at the Space Needle. But the final straw, 0:10:36.330 --> 0:10:39.010 the incident that made Annie write into the show, occurred 0:10:39.090 --> 0:10:39.730 last summer. 0:10:39.970 --> 0:10:40.130 Well. 0:10:40.130 --> 0:10:44.050 Annie's mom was visiting Tim in Utah. One morning, Annie 0:10:44.130 --> 0:10:45.690 called her mom to chat. 0:10:45.850 --> 0:10:48.890 And she's, oh, oh, yeah, no, we're all at breakfast 0:10:48.970 --> 0:10:50.170 And I was like, oh, that's fun. 0:10:50.250 --> 0:10:53.890 Are you guys at Maddox Maddox being a restaurant in Utah. 0:10:54.650 --> 0:10:59.050 Annie's mom didn't answer. Instead, she put Annie on speakerphone 0:10:59.290 --> 0:11:01.890 so Annie could chat with her cousin Tyler, And I 0:11:02.010 --> 0:11:02.370 was like. 0:11:02.290 --> 0:11:04.250 Oh, you guys at Maddocks, What are you guys doing? 0:11:05.490 --> 0:11:06.890 And He's like, no, we came. 0:11:06.770 --> 0:11:14.250 Here here being not Utah, here being Seattle. It turned 0:11:14.250 --> 0:11:16.810 out the whole family had flung back to Seattle together 0:11:17.010 --> 0:11:20.650 the day before, and no one had told Annie. 0:11:20.890 --> 0:11:25.290 I said, what now, I said, we're here, We're at 0:11:25.450 --> 0:11:27.330 We're with your mom. I'm on her phone. We're at 0:11:27.290 --> 0:11:30.370 Patty's Egg's Nest. In the background, I hear my mom 0:11:30.450 --> 0:11:31.370 tell her we call her back. 0:11:31.410 --> 0:11:31.970 We're eating. 0:11:33.330 --> 0:11:36.250 I am like twelve minutes away from these people. I 0:11:36.370 --> 0:11:40.450 was even like more offended, more hurt that it was breakfast. 0:11:40.810 --> 0:11:42.450 Yeah, I completely understand that. 0:11:43.210 --> 0:11:47.610 And I totally listen. I think I blacked out. I 0:11:47.650 --> 0:11:50.530 don't know what happened, but something inside me snapped. 0:11:50.650 --> 0:11:51.530 I was so. 0:11:53.330 --> 0:11:59.530 Mad that I said, listen, you tell her that if 0:11:59.570 --> 0:12:04.210 you are indeed out at breakfast at the Patty's Eggs Nest, 0:12:05.050 --> 0:12:07.410 do not bother calling me back. 0:12:08.290 --> 0:12:09.010 And I hung up. 0:12:17.050 --> 0:12:20.450 When she gets angry like this, Annie's family dismisses her 0:12:20.610 --> 0:12:25.730 as just being dramatic, which makes Annie even angrier. After 0:12:26.090 --> 0:12:31.530 this breakfast situation, I had an absolute temper tantrum on Facebook. 0:12:32.010 --> 0:12:32.890 What did you say? 0:12:34.370 --> 0:12:39.090 Oh God, I'm cringing because this is what I did. 0:12:40.290 --> 0:12:47.210 I make a post that says, PSA, uh, if you 0:12:47.850 --> 0:12:52.210 are at a gathering with family and not all your 0:12:52.250 --> 0:12:54.050 family in the area has been invited. 0:12:56.210 --> 0:13:01.610 You are an asshole. I can see that. 0:13:01.690 --> 0:13:04.410 When I'm hurt like this, like just so deeply that 0:13:04.490 --> 0:13:06.250 it really manifest is anger. 0:13:07.850 --> 0:13:10.810 I never allow myself luxury of that kind of anger. 0:13:11.410 --> 0:13:15.050 I've had family vacations planned with no consideration for my schedule, 0:13:15.490 --> 0:13:19.010 a family portrait taken without me, And while I'm genuinely 0:13:19.050 --> 0:13:22.570 hurt by these things, I'd never make a scene. So 0:13:22.650 --> 0:13:25.130 I admire the way Annie is so willing to call 0:13:25.170 --> 0:13:29.650 people out, no matter how great the consequences. In the 0:13:29.730 --> 0:13:33.610 days following the breakfast incident, a new thought dawned on Annie. 0:13:34.290 --> 0:13:38.410 Maybe she wasn't being excluded accidentally. Maybe Tim and the 0:13:38.450 --> 0:13:42.570 family just didn't want her around. And now Annie wants 0:13:42.650 --> 0:13:45.490 to know why don't they want her around? 0:13:46.210 --> 0:13:48.090 I just want to know what it is. 0:13:49.010 --> 0:13:52.370 Do you have any like theories about what? 0:13:52.530 --> 0:13:56.250 I have a million theories a million You know, I 0:13:57.050 --> 0:14:01.210 was raised Mormon, I'm not Mormon anymore. I got pregnant 0:14:01.210 --> 0:14:05.770 with my daughter at seventeen years old. I am gay, 0:14:06.610 --> 0:14:12.610 and I am loud, and and I. 0:14:11.330 --> 0:14:14.890 Say off the cuff and out of pocket shit. 0:14:15.730 --> 0:14:18.210 Have you ever asked some point blank, like what's going on? 0:14:20.530 --> 0:14:23.170 No, I haven't asked them directly. I mean, and now 0:14:23.210 --> 0:14:25.050 we're at a point where I haven't talked to them 0:14:25.090 --> 0:14:28.850 at all, and I can't talk about this without it just. 0:14:28.810 --> 0:14:34.450 Blowing up, and so it just doesn't get anywhere, you know, 0:14:34.570 --> 0:14:35.370 no resolution. 0:14:37.930 --> 0:14:39.650 This is where I come in. 0:14:41.130 --> 0:14:46.090 I think I think it would help having somebody else 0:14:46.210 --> 0:14:48.690 ask why for. 0:14:48.650 --> 0:14:52.330 All her bluster, Annie's anger hasn't led to anything constructive. 0:14:53.050 --> 0:14:55.530 So all the old host of this program thinks Annie 0:14:55.570 --> 0:14:58.410 has all these lessons to teach me, Maybe I have 0:14:58.530 --> 0:15:06.250 lessons to teach her too. So maybe like a combination 0:15:06.370 --> 0:15:11.610 of your directness and my extreme head giness together would 0:15:11.690 --> 0:15:17.130 form a reasonable person who could find something out, I think. 0:15:17.170 --> 0:15:20.930 So Annie tells me that no one in her family 0:15:21.090 --> 0:15:25.410 knows she's contacted heavyweight about this, and so you're gonna 0:15:25.410 --> 0:15:31.090 have to cold call. I hate cold calling, but what 0:15:31.170 --> 0:15:34.690 I do not hate is advertisements. So brand is your 0:15:34.730 --> 0:15:38.330 toilet plunger, because here comes a crap ton of savings 0:15:38.410 --> 0:15:42.490 about to overflow the toilet onto the toilet floor of 0:15:42.530 --> 0:15:50.810 your bank account. Jonathan made me say that I start 0:15:50.850 --> 0:15:54.890 my cold calls with Annie's mom Angie. Annie's mom is 0:15:54.930 --> 0:15:57.730 the person Tim always reaches out to when he's in Seattle. 0:15:58.610 --> 0:16:01.650 In all of Annie's stories about being left out, her 0:16:01.690 --> 0:16:04.090 mom Angie is a key player. 0:16:07.890 --> 0:16:08.170 For me. 0:16:08.410 --> 0:16:11.690 A cold call is a terrible trap of anxiety and dread. 0:16:12.490 --> 0:16:17.170 As the phone rings, I pray it will go to voicemail. Hello, 0:16:18.290 --> 0:16:21.730 it does not go to voicemail. So to convey we're 0:16:21.770 --> 0:16:24.690 all pals here and you shouldn't yell at me, I 0:16:24.810 --> 0:16:27.890 raise my voice several octaves. Hi is this Angie? 0:16:28.210 --> 0:16:28.690 Yes it is. 0:16:29.410 --> 0:16:32.250 I try to put Angie at her ease, explaining how 0:16:32.250 --> 0:16:35.130 I work on this podcast about helping people, and it's 0:16:35.210 --> 0:16:38.410 usually hosted by this guy, Jonathan. But Jonathan handed me 0:16:38.450 --> 0:16:40.890 Annie's case because he thinks it's high time I learned 0:16:40.890 --> 0:16:48.570 a good lesson about personal resilience or something, possibly the 0:16:48.650 --> 0:16:53.330 value of a dollar. Finally, much to my relief, Angie 0:16:53.330 --> 0:16:54.050 cuts me off. 0:16:54.250 --> 0:16:57.570 Yeah, okay, Well, do you want to hear my side 0:16:57.570 --> 0:16:59.170 of the story? You're not really your yes? 0:16:59.930 --> 0:17:00.730 Yeah, yeah, please? 0:17:00.930 --> 0:17:01.290 Okay. 0:17:01.450 --> 0:17:04.889 So to Angie, this whole breakfast blow up was, to 0:17:04.970 --> 0:17:09.490 quote Billy Shakespeare, much ado about nothing. She explained that, 0:17:09.889 --> 0:17:14.090 to quote Billy Joel, she didn't start this fire. Tim 0:17:14.169 --> 0:17:16.810 was going on a cruise that sailed from Seattle, and 0:17:16.850 --> 0:17:19.210 so he and his family spent one night at Angie's 0:17:19.250 --> 0:17:21.330 house so she could drive them to the dock in 0:17:21.369 --> 0:17:21.850 the morning. 0:17:22.570 --> 0:17:24.609 You know, this is a mad dash rush to get 0:17:24.649 --> 0:17:27.249 them to the cruise ship. It wasn't like we had 0:17:27.330 --> 0:17:29.850 planned a breakfast we had decided that morning. Are we 0:17:29.889 --> 0:17:31.609 gonna go grab something at Jack in the Box or 0:17:31.609 --> 0:17:34.290 do we have time to go to the restaurant? 0:17:34.609 --> 0:17:36.729 In her telling like she didn't even know that the 0:17:36.730 --> 0:17:38.369 family was stopping in Seattle. 0:17:39.010 --> 0:17:43.170 Oh yes she did, yes, Oh yeah, Okay, then there 0:17:43.209 --> 0:17:46.090 was another incident while we were all in Seattle. 0:17:46.409 --> 0:17:50.209 One by one, Angie refutes each of Annie's stories of exclusion, 0:17:50.889 --> 0:17:53.490 and hearing Angie's take on the whole thing, it does 0:17:53.530 --> 0:17:56.929 all sound like a big overreaction. It makes me wonder 0:17:56.929 --> 0:18:00.609 whether Annie, to quote Billy Eilish, is the bad guy. 0:18:01.850 --> 0:18:06.970 There's always drama surrounding Annie. She's really got in her 0:18:07.010 --> 0:18:10.570 mind that we just are totally cutting her out, when 0:18:10.970 --> 0:18:13.609 from my perspective, we're not cutting her out. 0:18:20.889 --> 0:18:23.209 After getting off the phone, I don't know whether to 0:18:23.250 --> 0:18:26.609 believe what Annie said or what Annie said, I would 0:18:26.609 --> 0:18:29.690 need some sort of tiebreaker. I'd need to hear from 0:18:29.730 --> 0:18:32.969 more family. So to turn this she said, she said 0:18:33.129 --> 0:18:35.609 into what she said she said? She said? She said, 0:18:36.090 --> 0:18:38.689 I call Annie's daughter Savannah. 0:18:38.730 --> 0:18:40.969 I'm at work, but I'm totally free right now. But 0:18:41.010 --> 0:18:42.210 if someone comes in only to. 0:18:42.689 --> 0:18:46.090 Take care of them and Annie's sister Jamie. 0:18:46.010 --> 0:18:48.649 Dealing with my own drama over here, my fiance of 0:18:48.730 --> 0:18:49.970 nine and a half years. 0:18:49.689 --> 0:18:50.530 Has moved out. 0:18:50.770 --> 0:18:52.330 Oh god, I'm sorry to hear that. 0:18:53.090 --> 0:18:53.690 Well, I'm not. 0:18:56.449 --> 0:19:00.169 My sister's drama. Everyone in Nannie's family speaks of a 0:19:00.169 --> 0:19:03.489 similar affect. Talking to them feels a bit like watching 0:19:03.530 --> 0:19:06.210 one of those movies where Jim Carrey plays eight roles. 0:19:07.169 --> 0:19:11.530 I asked, Savannah, is this happening or not? Is any 0:19:11.570 --> 0:19:13.689 being excluded from plans with Tim? 0:19:14.010 --> 0:19:14.170 Oh? 0:19:14.250 --> 0:19:19.850 Definitely. I asked Jamie the same question. 0:19:20.449 --> 0:19:23.450 They come out a lot and they don't invite her. 0:19:24.050 --> 0:19:25.889 Are you getting invited to this stuff? 0:19:26.649 --> 0:19:28.650 Nope, not even a little bit. 0:19:29.090 --> 0:19:31.490 Do you? Does it bother you? 0:19:31.530 --> 0:19:31.770 No? 0:19:32.330 --> 0:19:36.170 I do not care. I definitely have one of those 0:19:36.169 --> 0:19:39.850 personalities that if if someone doesn't want to involve me, 0:19:40.090 --> 0:19:42.010 I'm just kind of like, okay, don't with the door 0:19:42.050 --> 0:19:44.570 hit you or the good Lord split yet, but my 0:19:44.730 --> 0:19:48.330 mom kind of gets like, hey, wait, but but why not? 0:19:48.530 --> 0:19:50.050 Why why don't you want to hang. 0:19:49.970 --> 0:19:50.330 Out with me? 0:19:50.449 --> 0:19:54.169 Or like what what's going on? Hold on, have a 0:19:54.169 --> 0:19:55.209 good one. 0:19:55.850 --> 0:19:58.369 Where do you work? By the way, Seattle sun tan 0:19:59.730 --> 0:20:06.810 Oh it's it like a tanning place. Yes, it's Seattle 0:20:06.889 --> 0:20:10.609 Suntana tanning place. I can't. I believe this family's happiness 0:20:10.689 --> 0:20:16.970 rests in my hands. As for Jamie, she says she's 0:20:16.970 --> 0:20:18.810 too busy for any additional plans. 0:20:19.209 --> 0:20:20.649 Somebody called me and said, hey, you want to go 0:20:20.689 --> 0:20:22.649 to great well, I'd be like, no, not to day, 0:20:22.850 --> 0:20:27.409 definitely not tomorrow. It's like I'm chasing kids through hockey games. 0:20:27.770 --> 0:20:30.410 I want to be and have been that mom who 0:20:30.449 --> 0:20:35.290 has been to every hockey game, and me and other moms, 0:20:35.369 --> 0:20:38.290 we will tell you like, there's no family like hockey family. 0:20:39.330 --> 0:20:42.770 But unfortunately for Annie, she doesn't have a hockey family. 0:20:43.369 --> 0:20:46.730 She's stuck with just a boring, old family family. Her 0:20:46.730 --> 0:20:51.009 siblings have spouses, little kids, whole sports teams of community. 0:20:51.810 --> 0:20:55.569 Annie's a single mom. Her daughter is twenty now, already 0:20:55.570 --> 0:20:58.770 out of the house and forging her own life. One 0:20:58.810 --> 0:21:01.129 of the few people Annie's always had to turn to 0:21:01.570 --> 0:21:05.210 is Tim, and now it feels like she doesn't even 0:21:05.250 --> 0:21:12.409 have him. Baseball season is starting soon, and Tim always 0:21:12.490 --> 0:21:15.689 visits Seattle to see the Mariners play. So I decide 0:21:15.689 --> 0:21:18.649 I'll fight to Seattle at the same time, coordinate a plan. 0:21:18.689 --> 0:21:20.810 Annie is a part of I mean, the whole gang 0:21:20.850 --> 0:21:23.169 can get together for a nice breakfast at Patty's Egg's 0:21:23.250 --> 0:21:26.009 Nest where I can order a Fortata with hash Browns 0:21:26.010 --> 0:21:28.689 and an English muffin. I just have to coordinate the 0:21:28.730 --> 0:21:30.850 timing with Annie and book my plane. 0:21:30.609 --> 0:21:32.210 Ticket right travel plan. 0:21:32.409 --> 0:21:35.290 I'm a little paranoid. I'm like gonna get stuck there 0:21:35.330 --> 0:21:39.530 with all this virus stuff going on. Oh ho ho, 0:21:39.689 --> 0:21:43.969 this virus stuff. That conversation was recorded at the end 0:21:44.010 --> 0:21:52.250 of February twenty twenty. A month and a half later, 0:21:52.290 --> 0:21:54.889 and I've purchased an office chair for my bedroom, hoarded 0:21:54.929 --> 0:21:57.769 cant goods and toilet paper, texted all my contacts how 0:21:57.770 --> 0:22:00.210 are you holding up? Learned what zoom is, started having 0:22:00.250 --> 0:22:02.930 my groceries delivered, stopped doing laundry, cried in every room 0:22:02.929 --> 0:22:05.810 of my apartment, and finally, I, along with everyone else, 0:22:05.889 --> 0:22:07.889 I'm realizing this is not going to go away. In 0:22:07.929 --> 0:22:10.249 a week or a month or even a year, and 0:22:10.290 --> 0:22:12.689 in the meantime we have to continue to exist, and 0:22:12.770 --> 0:22:15.489 part of existing is sorting through the important issues like 0:22:15.490 --> 0:22:18.290 why you weren't invited to breakfast at Patty's Egg's Nest. 0:22:23.129 --> 0:22:25.689 And so I email Annie and ask for her uncle's 0:22:25.689 --> 0:22:28.689 phone number. It's time to go directly to the source 0:22:28.730 --> 0:22:31.690 of her troubles. I figure if I call Tim alone 0:22:31.889 --> 0:22:33.930 without Annie on the line, to blow up at him, 0:22:34.290 --> 0:22:36.529 I can get him to speak candidly about why he 0:22:36.570 --> 0:22:40.330 hasn't been including Annie. Annie sends me the number and 0:22:40.369 --> 0:22:42.650 says that Tim is hard of hearing, so I might 0:22:42.689 --> 0:22:47.010 have to shout for a while. I do nothing. Every 0:22:47.010 --> 0:22:49.489 time I think about calling an elderly dairy farmer to 0:22:49.570 --> 0:22:52.850 yell at him, I feel sick. But as the weeks 0:22:52.889 --> 0:22:56.369 go by, not calling just makes me feel worse, and finally, 0:22:56.609 --> 0:22:59.570 when my anxiety reaches an absolute fever, pitch. 0:23:04.810 --> 0:23:05.090 Hello. 0:23:06.129 --> 0:23:10.530 Hi Is this Tim? Yes, Hi, this is I try 0:23:10.530 --> 0:23:13.050 to put Tim at his ease, explaining how I work 0:23:13.090 --> 0:23:16.249 on this podcast about helping people, and it's usually hosted 0:23:16.250 --> 0:23:18.730 by this guy, Jonathan. But Jonathan thinks it's high time 0:23:18.730 --> 0:23:21.130 I learned a good lesson about personal resilience, and as 0:23:21.129 --> 0:23:23.770 I bother on, I keep hoping Tim will cut me off, 0:23:24.850 --> 0:23:30.090 but he does not. Yeah. So, like, so, your niece 0:23:30.409 --> 0:23:33.570