1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Danny and smitha and welcome stuff. I've 2 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: never told you, Protective, I heard you, And today we 3 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: have an episode that I have been hinting at in 4 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: recent episodes. This one's kind of a jumble of my thoughts, 5 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: but there has been some research done and I do 6 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 1: have some of that. That being said, there are going 7 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: to be some spoilers into some very recent media, and 8 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: I would say particularly all her. 9 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 2: Faults, which by the way, da Coda Fanning playing a 10 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 2: mom really threw me off. 11 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 3: I want that to be noted at the very top. 12 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, all right. Yeah. It has been interesting because she 13 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: was so young when she started as an actor. 14 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 2: Yes, like she grew up on the screen and I 15 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 2: feel like, as a person who was in my twenties 16 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,119 Speaker 2: seeing her as a child, this is not okay, I digress. 17 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,759 Speaker 1: Yes it was. It was kind of bizarre. Nothing we 18 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: talk about. None of them are sponsors currently. This is 19 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 1: just something that's been on my mind, and it feels 20 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 1: like it's been on a lot of people's minds, which 21 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: is sort of the point I'm going to make. But uh, 22 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: it is kind of related to the single mother trope 23 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: that we see in Horror that Samantha, you talked about 24 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: in our religious horror episodes, movies like Babaduck Conjuring two. 25 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: We didn't you know, I didn't even include the Exorcist 26 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 1: in that, but the Extioucist. 27 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well, because like she where was the father? 28 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 3: He wasn't. They weren't divorced, right. 29 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: He was like overseas, but he wouldn't even talk to 30 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: them on the phone. 31 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 3: Like yeah, absent father is a big yes. 32 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: Yes, So all of that is related. And this is 33 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 1: something I've been thinking about for a while because right now, 34 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 1: and by right now, I mean in the past like 35 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: two or three years, we are having some kind of 36 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: moment in entertainment around usually middle aged white mothers, usually 37 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:22,680 Speaker 1: pretty well off middle aged white mothers, having had enough, 38 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: like done with their husbands. They are done. So right now, 39 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 1: two of the movies that are inspiring big conversations around 40 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: this are If I Had Legs, I'DE Kick You and 41 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: Die My Love, which is also about postpardon depression. And 42 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: one of the biggest shows is All Her Fault. And 43 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 1: in recent times we've also had Pretty Little Liars and 44 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,799 Speaker 1: Night Bitch. And it's pretty striking how much of these 45 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 1: movies are pointing to the fact that moms which is 46 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 1: not okay, and their husbands suck and maybe we should 47 00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 1: murder them. Something is going on. I'm telling you so 48 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: I have I know what happens in all of these 49 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: movies and shows. I haven't seen if I had leg 50 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: Sidekick You or Die My Love, but I know what happens. 51 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 1: I kind of knew what happened in Die My Love 52 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: before I even knew they were making a movie about it. 53 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: But it is very When I was watching All Her Faults, 54 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:30,679 Speaker 1: which I did enjoy, I just I just was struck 55 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: by this is this is a something is going on. 56 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: This is a pattern I'm seeing, and yeah, the moms 57 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: are not okay, and the I do want to say also, 58 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: a lot of these movies are sometimes in good faith 59 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: and bad faith movies and shows they're very divisive about. 60 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like men being no, and other times it's 61 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: just like that wasn't for me. But I think they are. 62 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:08,400 Speaker 1: They're resonating with a lot of people, and they're causing 63 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: a lot of conversation. And I'm not a mother, and 64 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: it's amazing how often I connect them. Yeah. See, I've 65 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: been treated like that in a relationship. I've been treated 66 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 1: this way in a relationship with a man, and it 67 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: just feels like there's some kind of moment that's happening. 68 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: And oddly enough, I tried to look into it right 69 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: before this, and maybe I just wasn't using the right 70 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,840 Speaker 1: search terms, but it doesn't feel like there's been much 71 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: written about it. But I'm telling you there's something happening. 72 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 1: And I did find a couple of very recent studies. 73 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:58,479 Speaker 1: They were done during the pandemic, and it was saying, yeah, 74 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: moms are not okay, like not doing well. Their mental 75 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 1: health is going down, their physical health is going down 76 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: in a noticeable, measurable way. And most all of the 77 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 1: things that I'm talking about here are set like in 78 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: our current times. So one of the big things that 79 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: comes up in these it's it's usually it goes like this. 80 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 1: In these things. A woman is, you know, happily married, 81 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 1: they have a kid, and then suddenly it's very much 82 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 1: on her to stay home and take care of the kid, 83 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,679 Speaker 1: or if she doesn't stay home, it's still she takes 84 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: care of the kid, whether that's finding a babysitter or 85 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: nanny or whatever it is. She's the one in charge 86 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: of the kid, and that's when the fractures and their 87 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: relationship start to show up. And then I really appreciate 88 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 1: how in a lot of these it's made clear they 89 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: you know, obviously they love their kids, but it's when 90 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: you're just at home with a kid who can't really 91 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: speak to you or can't really it's very isolating and 92 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,719 Speaker 1: almost I think in every example, they have a career, 93 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: so they're all working moms also, and so this is 94 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: you know, the husband kind of gets to keep his 95 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: job and not have the childcare impact it, but the 96 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,839 Speaker 1: mom either has to leave her job or the childcare 97 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 1: impacts her job, and at a certain point, the women 98 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 1: reach a breaking point and it can manifest in a 99 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: couple of ways, some of them being murdered, some of 100 00:06:53,839 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 1: them being divorce. But yeah, well you know, it's entertaining. 101 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: It's very a lot of this is very even me. 102 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: I'll be like, yes, that's right, I agree, But it 103 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: does still fill over the top sometimes like kind of 104 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 1: a soap opera kind of vibe, you know. So it's 105 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: not that I would necessarily cheer on, but it's something 106 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: about like the kind of dramatic yeah, yes, exactly, exactly, 107 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: And so it comes to an end that way. And 108 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: then usually there's a group of friends. Oh yeah, and 109 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 1: most of these except the two movies, it's a group 110 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: of friends women who come together and are you know, 111 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: airing their their complaints about how their husband never does 112 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: anything and they're so tired and they just want support 113 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: and all of this, and they bond over that, and 114 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: so it's a very the women are providing support to 115 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: each other, but the husband is not. The husband is 116 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: notably not only not providing support, gaslighting them, weaponized and 117 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: competence all the time. I think a lot of them 118 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: do what we were talking about recently now, where they 119 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: use therapy terms as like a I need my mean 120 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: time and they're like, you think I don't need buy me. 121 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: But having this friend group that really understands that of 122 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:43,000 Speaker 1: women and then coming to the realization that they're better 123 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:46,600 Speaker 1: off single and having this friend group of women. There's 124 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: a lot worse in some of these of a you know, 125 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: kind of abuse emotional or physical. But most of it 126 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: is that I feel like we're finally kind of maybe 127 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: not finally, but we're really having a moment where we're 128 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: discussing the difference of yeah, the mom is working so 129 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: hard and taking care of this kid and doing all 130 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:16,480 Speaker 1: of this stuff, and you are making her feel bad 131 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: about how she's messed up here, are not doing a 132 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: good enough job here, but you're not helping her at all, 133 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: and you get to enjoy the fun part of like 134 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: being the fun dad or being the dad that shows 135 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: up occasionally and doesn't do anything else, doesn't do any 136 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,439 Speaker 1: of the hard stuff, doesn't and then you tell her 137 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: but you're such a good mom. Though, no, no, and 138 00:09:46,480 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: I'm telling you. People have had enough. So I did 139 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: want to talk about This is where there's some spoilers 140 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 1: for not I'm trying to avoid the main spoiler for 141 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: all her fault, but I do think it had so 142 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 1: many that I was just like, this is what I'm 143 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 1: talking about, and they just they really hit it toll 144 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: of like, oh I do. I really enjoyed the show, 145 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: and it was in part because it was sadly so 146 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 1: refreshing that all of the women there was one kind 147 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: of woman who was a villain, the PTA mom, the 148 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: PTA mom who had the stay at home dad and 149 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 1: was always kind of pressuring all the other women into 150 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: doing X, y Z and to feeling bad about whatever 151 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: job they were doing as a mom. She was the 152 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 1: one that they would often call if you needed to 153 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: back up babysitter because their husbands wouldn't do it. But yeah, 154 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: she was definitely like villainous, but I feel like every 155 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: other woman, they were so supportive of each other because 156 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: they all understood, yeah, we're not getting any support really, 157 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: and they do have there are there. Pretty much everybody 158 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: in here except one very notable exception, is very well off. 159 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: So they do have nanny's which is something most people 160 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: can't afford to have. But even so, outside of that, 161 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:37,959 Speaker 1: because they're working all day, it's still on them to 162 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 1: take care of the kid outside of those times. So 163 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: Dakota Fannings's character, she befriends Sarah Snoke's character, and Sarah 164 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: Snooke is the main character over kind of being annoyed 165 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: and tired of being coupled amazing and their husband's not 166 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: helping and all this stuff. And then Sarah Snooke's character 167 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 1: goes missing, her child goes missing, and Dakota fannings character 168 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: is the first suspect, but they kind of immediately are like, 169 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: I know, it wasn't you. And I really liked that 170 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 1: they stuck together and Dakota Fannings character has a scene 171 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,560 Speaker 1: that I just I was like, I love this feels 172 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: so good where she's like, I lost my son, I 173 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: can't do anything. I need help, and Dakota Fannings character 174 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: was like, how I'll help you. What is it? I'll 175 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 1: do it? Is it? And she helps her set up 176 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: a website and her husband wouldn't do it, like but 177 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: you know, having this friend who would, and so I 178 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: really enjoyed their relationship. And you just see all of 179 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: these dudes who are not good because you know the 180 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: name is about the women keep getting blamed for what 181 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 1: happened to this child and it guess what. It turns 182 00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,599 Speaker 1: out it was a man. 183 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 3: Behind the whole which violence. 184 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's it's the whole thing, and that guy 185 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: thinks he was perfectly in the right, but it's just 186 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: so much gas lighting. At one point, uh, Dakota Fannings 187 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 1: character learns that her husband has been lying to her 188 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: about an after school show program that he teaches because 189 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: he's a teacher and he just like takes that time 190 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 1: to sit in his car and be on his phone 191 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: and stuff. And she confronts him and it's like, you 192 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: think I wouldn't want this time you've been lying to me. 193 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 2: I think I saw that clip in TikTok because it 194 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 2: was a pretty good line about like, my outing is 195 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 2: me going to pick up groceries and these things, and 196 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 2: your outing is to do for you. My outing is 197 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 2: to take care of y'all. This is not the same, 198 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,199 Speaker 2: is that that scene? 199 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: Yeah? 200 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,839 Speaker 2: It was like I've never seen this show, y'all, so 201 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 2: I'm very coming in like huh. But like I saw that, 202 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,439 Speaker 2: I was like, oh damn okay Dakota being a. 203 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: Model, yeah, because she'd been lied to and she had 204 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 1: to interact with the PTA because of it. But it 205 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 1: was just really frustrating because he was so she was 206 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: taking care of him too. He keeps texting her and 207 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:16,400 Speaker 1: he'll be like, I don't know where to find the blanket. 208 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: I don't know where to find the bottle, and she says, 209 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: you know, just ask the kid. The kid knows, but 210 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: he's doing it, according to her, purposefully to make it 211 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: so difficult. She won't ask him to spend time with 212 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: their kid, and she says, I would rather. I don't 213 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 1: want our kid, who was a boy to grow up 214 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: thinking this is what love is or what support is 215 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: so I would rather get divorced than be with you. 216 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 3: Good on her, oh man, that is the correct answer. 217 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: Yes, hard to talk about the other relationship that's boiling 218 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: it majorly, but essentially like Sarah Snox's relationship with her husband. 219 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 1: By that way, that guy Jake Lacy, he just has 220 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: a punchable face. They even comment on it. 221 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 3: It it's the same thing, dude. 222 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 2: I think I rememb because again I think I saw 223 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 2: a little clip of it on TikTok. 224 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 3: This is how I get my previews. 225 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 2: He is the most generic looking dude because he was 226 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 2: in a movie with Jenny Slat and I remember when 227 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: I first saw him, like he his whole character was 228 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 2: being kind of like what you would expect is a uptight, 229 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 2: mid level corporate job that kind of doesn't climb like that. 230 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 3: Kind of handsome. But you're kind of staring like, but 231 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 3: is he or is he just plane? 232 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: I think he's in the office. He I think he 233 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 1: was Pete. He was like they just random young. 234 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 2: People at the very end that had the random relationship 235 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 2: with a Okay, okay, Aaron Hemp. 236 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's him. I can't remember. 237 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: I think he might be right again, though he might 238 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 2: be white dude, like kind of blends in with that 239 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 2: other generic white dude. 240 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: Sorry, yeah, no, no, he's They comment on it a 241 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: couple of times. But he is like, he is a 242 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 1: very he's a very gaslighting character. He's a very controlling character. 243 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: He's very quick to blame his wife for everything while 244 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: also not knowing kind of anything at all. And I 245 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 1: just he has a lot of skeletons in his closet 246 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 1: that come out that you're just you can see who 247 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: he is and it's gross. And he thinks he's on 248 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: the on the like he's the good one. He's the 249 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: one who's been taking care of everybody, protecting everybody, and 250 00:16:56,280 --> 00:17:02,680 Speaker 1: he's very judgmental about how you should what is the 251 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,200 Speaker 1: good way to be? Uh. He has a line at 252 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 1: some point where he says, well, it's clear she didn't 253 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 1: have a man in her life, so she shouldn't have 254 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: been raising a child, or like he's a he's that 255 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 1: kind of guy, and it all comes out through this 256 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: traumatic event of raising raising a kid. I think there's 257 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 1: only one good dude character in the whole thing, because 258 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: even like the father of one of the fathers of 259 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,639 Speaker 1: one of the characters is presented as somebody who might be, 260 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 1: you know, not perfect, but someone who cares about about 261 00:17:52,119 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: her No, no, it's really sad. And there's a lot 262 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: of other themes around apologizing for what men did, like 263 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,440 Speaker 1: women feeling like they have to apologize for what men did. 264 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,920 Speaker 1: The pta mom and her husband at one point say well, 265 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,399 Speaker 1: you only have one child, so you have plenty of 266 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: time to have volunteered. Yep. And then a lot of 267 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 1: other comments and I've thought about this, We've talked about 268 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: it in several episodes because I've heard this before, but 269 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 1: a lot of other comments around towards women, why didn't 270 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: you sense anything? Why didn't you sense anything was wrong? 271 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 1: Because at one point the nanny is suspected, so they're like, 272 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,880 Speaker 1: why didn't you You should have known, and the man 273 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 1: can't even name who it is, but she's getting grilled 274 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:04,879 Speaker 1: on you should have sensed it. And another thing is 275 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:10,920 Speaker 1: the only reason the male detectives caught who did it 276 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 1: is that one of them is actually an engaged parent. 277 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:31,880 Speaker 1: That's the only reason otherwise yep, yep. This is kind 278 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:36,760 Speaker 1: of a personal note because there's a scene where the 279 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:42,399 Speaker 1: husband is not happy with his wife's promotion our job success. 280 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,359 Speaker 1: And I remember once I was telling my ex that 281 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: I'd gotten a promotion and he immediately said, well, I 282 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: think I'm about to get a promotion. Like he didn't 283 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 1: even give me a space to say, oh, congrats or 284 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: comparing right immediately, and it just struck me as such 285 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: a like okay, well congrats to you. Yeah. And then 286 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 1: there's one line I believe it's in that Dakota Fannings 287 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 1: scene where they break up, but he says I should 288 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:22,879 Speaker 1: still be allowed to be me. It's like, oh, you 289 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: think I shouldn't be allowed to be me? Right? There's 290 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,640 Speaker 1: also there is a great line that I can't say 291 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: with us puiling it completely, but it is about It's 292 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:38,679 Speaker 1: about how these a lot of these women were caring 293 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: for their husbands too, as if they were kids. They 294 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 1: were like they were taking care of their family, of 295 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 1: their lunches, of any any appointments that they might have, 296 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 1: or anything they might need. And we talked about that 297 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: in our emotional labor episode or that is something that 298 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,199 Speaker 1: comes up a lot. And my mom definitely she was 299 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: doing all that for my dad. She was the one 300 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 1: contacting his family and sending presents to his family. This 301 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 1: was another job she had to take on, And so 302 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:21,679 Speaker 1: I think, and you know, maybe my mom is a 303 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: good parallel because I've said before she after my dad died, 304 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 1: She's told me, like I she'll ask me these questions 305 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:36,119 Speaker 1: that I'm sometimes so sad. She's just asking them now 306 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: about being not having a man and having this extra 307 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: time and all all of these things. And I feel 308 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 1: like there's some moment that's happening where moms are they 309 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,959 Speaker 1: don't want to do this anymore. 310 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 2: Right, I mean, honestly, I wonder of like again, like 311 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 2: as influence, that's what he can be. But going back 312 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,919 Speaker 2: on social media and seeing how other people live, and 313 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 2: again we know we have to come back with the 314 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 2: reality that a lot of the is you know, glamorized 315 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 2: or glossed over, whether it's to get that appeal to 316 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 2: look like that you have the perfect life, or you know, 317 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: finally understanding from everyone else, like the amount of comments 318 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 2: that I see on incompetent moments of like there was 319 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:25,880 Speaker 2: a big one. I don't know Annie, if you saw 320 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 2: dude apparently went duck hunting and when he comes back, 321 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 2: he sees everything's clean, but also everything's empty and gets 322 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 2: a note with the ring saying because he was supposed 323 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 2: to Apparently he was like, I was going for a 324 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 2: couple of days, and that's how he wrote it. And 325 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 2: then you find out that he was supposed to be 326 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 2: home two days before, but he extended the trip with 327 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 2: her taking care of the kids and her being there 328 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 2: without him whatever, and he does as often. As she 329 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,640 Speaker 2: finally was done, she was like, you know what, I've 330 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,439 Speaker 2: taken care of the house. I've taken care of this. 331 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,399 Speaker 2: Me and the kids are gone. We're done. And the 332 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,160 Speaker 2: amount of people were like, yeah, yeah, that's what happened, 333 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 2: like and every single person being like, we know what 334 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 2: you did. Dude, don't act like she just left you. 335 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 2: And men came to the being like it's not that 336 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 2: hard to communicate, it's not that hard to understand that 337 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,560 Speaker 2: maybe she needs an outing too, like again, this may 338 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,920 Speaker 2: be on the again the very the lowest standard of 339 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 2: standards than just understanding it, and some men coming back 340 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 2: this happened to me and I didn't know it was 341 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 2: too late, like so many of those comments and coming 342 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 2: through social media and not really realizing, oh, women have 343 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 2: actually left and women coming back like this was hard, 344 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 2: but this is better, like type of conversations and being 345 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 2: kind of be like, oh, okay, So I wonder if 346 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 2: finally like being able to recognize and naming things like 347 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 2: weaponizing competence and like seeing that level being like, oh, 348 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:52,959 Speaker 2: this is not normal because all we had lean on 349 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 2: was generational trauma. So like four years we saw what 350 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 2: the parents went through and that they were in a 351 00:23:58,840 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 2: really bad relationship. 352 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,400 Speaker 3: But you were taught you just stick it out, it's 353 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 3: not to you part. 354 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden you see these other 355 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 2: examples of like now we broke that, we broke that cycle. 356 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 1: Like yeah, And I think that it's interesting too that 357 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:19,439 Speaker 1: in like the boomer days of getting married, women didn't 358 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,639 Speaker 1: have you know, you couldn't get a credit card and 359 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 1: you might not be able to leave the house easily, 360 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,680 Speaker 1: and you didn't you were isolated in a lot of cases. 361 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 1: And so that's been one of my things that I've 362 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: really picked up on on these is that there are 363 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: there's a group of women that usually they come together 364 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 1: with and they all start complaining, and in at least 365 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 1: several of these cases of the examples I pointed out 366 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 1: in the ender, like I would rather have this group 367 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: of friends, they're more supportive if I am taking care 368 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: of not only the kid while I have a job, 369 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:06,560 Speaker 1: but also I'm taking care of you and the house, 370 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 1: then that is more work actually in being single. But 371 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: we had been told for so long you've got to 372 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 1: have this nuclear family or else what else, what are 373 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: you gonna do? But now it's like, actually, it would. 374 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 2: Be easier to be one less person and one less 375 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 2: person to be screamed at by and I could do 376 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 2: Anything's my standard. 377 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,359 Speaker 3: There's and again I think we're gonna. 378 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 2: Have We definitely will talk about this because there's so 379 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 2: many rollbacks when we see with women's rights. A lot 380 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 2: of people in those same comments that I was talking about, 381 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 2: will say, this is why the Republicans and the Conservatives 382 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,720 Speaker 2: and the Christian nationalists want to roll back no fault divorce. 383 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, so they can keep women trapped for longer. 384 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely absolutely. And I did want to go back 385 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: to another point you made in that scene where Dakota 386 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 1: Fanning breaks up with her husband. He basically is like, well, 387 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,760 Speaker 1: you should have said something, and she said I did, 388 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 1: and I showed it to you all of the time. 389 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: You just didn't want to see it. Because I think 390 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,120 Speaker 1: a lot of people do say that of like, well, 391 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 1: you never said something, there were no signs, but there were, right. 392 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,880 Speaker 2: I mean, that's the realization when people start saying that 393 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 2: more people have come back with like no, I bet 394 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 2: you she'd already said it, and she just when she 395 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,680 Speaker 2: finally gave up, you thought she's quit. You thought that's 396 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 2: oh good, the nagging stops. She has learned that I'm 397 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 2: not gonna change. But what really happened was she no 398 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,280 Speaker 2: longer cared and was finding an exit. 399 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,919 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because you weren't listening to her exactly. And 400 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:46,320 Speaker 1: so I I've been enjoying these movies, I what movies 401 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 1: and shows, and I was reading a couple of articles 402 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: that were really interesting about them before I came in, 403 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,480 Speaker 1: but they were kind of a different topic. I more 404 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 1: wanted to focus on what is this right that's happening 405 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 1: right now? And I think it relates to something we 406 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 1: talked about in your recent happy hours that where I 407 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 1: just people are women, especially are done with being asked 408 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: to do all of this and getting no reward and 409 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: often having to lose something because of it, and being 410 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 1: blamed for everything that could go wrong. So something's happening. 411 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:33,480 Speaker 1: Some of you have written in about specifically night about 412 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: your kind of torn thoughts on how it's presented. And 413 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 1: I think a lot of these have that, like I 414 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: said at the top, like they're kind of divisive in 415 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: some ways, but I do think that they have resonated 416 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,719 Speaker 1: with a lot of people, whether you liked it or not, 417 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: but maybe there was a message in and they were like, 418 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 1: oh yeah that but just yeah. I know some of 419 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,880 Speaker 1: you have written in about some of these, so I've 420 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,719 Speaker 1: read those. I am really behind on listener responding. I've read, 421 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 1: but the response is behind, But I would love to 422 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,199 Speaker 1: hear from all of you. I'm kind of hoping to 423 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 1: come back and uh do a bigger episode on this. 424 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,760 Speaker 1: I'm hoping I can find some more research than I did, 425 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:27,400 Speaker 1: than I could find, but there's, in my opinion, clearly 426 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: something going on. Well, Listeners. If you would like to 427 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 1: contact us, you can. You can email us at hello 428 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 1: at Stuffnever Told You dot com. You can find us 429 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 1: on blue Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram 430 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,400 Speaker 1: and TikTok at stuff I Never Told You. We're also 431 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: on YouTube and rory. You have new merchandise on comm Bureau, 432 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 1: and we have a book you can get where if 433 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 1: you get your books. Thanks as always, to our super 434 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: producer Costenior Executive ducer, My Ander, contributor Joey, thank you 435 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,520 Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Stuff Never Told You 436 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: is production by Heart Radio. For more podcast from my 437 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: Heart Radio, you can check out the heart Radio app, 438 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 1: a podcast where you listen to your favorite shows,