WEBVTT - Stressing About All the Stress is Stressful 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.400 This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:08.399 to Grab and I Hear Radio podcast. Welcome to another 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:10.920 episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:14.760 and I'm super excited about this episode because we're going 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:20.720 to dive into stress and the handling and dealing of stress, 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:27.400 especially during a pandemic. This Wednesday is National Stress Awareness Day, 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:28.680 and so we're going to dive into this. We have 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:30.640 a great guest and we have a we have two 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:35.239 great guests. We have a wonderful young lady who has 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:38.880 been a big part of the How Men Think podcast 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:42.400 right from the very start. Hanna Nouga Bauer is with us. Hanna, 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:45.919 how are you? I miss your face. It's good to 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:49.159 see you, I know. So Hannah worked with the podcast 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:51.800 break from the very start. Um has been part of 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:54.800 the team. And Hannah is dealing with a lot of 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:57.720 stress in her life currently as we all are, and 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.360 then to to help her and assist her move through 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:04.800 this transition. We have a wonderful and talented guest with us. 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.000 She's going to be a co host with me today. 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:10.720 She is best known as dr V. She's a renowned 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:14.440 relationship expert media personality, former host of we tv s 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:18.399 Marriage boot Camp. You recently became a best selling author 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:20.360 that debuted at the number one on the l A 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:22.960 Times with the release of her very first book, Bad Advice, 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:26.560 How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bullshit. 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:29.800 I love it. Dr Venus Nicolino, Welcome to the show. 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:32.320 Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. I'm going to 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:34.600 keep you in my back pocket for for whenever I 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:38.800 need an intro. So yeah, just you can just look. Yeah, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:42.400 you can just loop that. Dr v um So, dr V. 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:46.600 I'm super excited to have you on because, uh so 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:49.280 much with the state of the world, with what's going 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:52.360 on with COVID and just how has not turned out 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:56.160 how anybody imagined it would. There's a tremendous amount of 0:01:56.200 --> 0:02:00.280 stress present in the world, and with the National Stress 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:02.800 Awareness Day, we want to open this up. In the 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:05.600 goal of this podcast, Hannah is going to be courageous 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:08.760 enough to share what she's going through, but the goal 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:13.279 is for Hanna's story to inspire others to have conversations 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:16.480 within their communities and hopefully receive from Hanna's story and 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:19.120 from your guidance, how we can move through this time 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.280 and deal with some stress. So Hannah, I want to 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:26.800 applaud you. You're courageous and brave and a lovely soul. Um. 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:28.920 And so Hannah, I'll let you take the lead and 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:31.359 maybe just let dr V know some of the things, 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.600 some of the stressful things that are present in your life. Yeah, 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:38.520 of course, Um, thank you dr V for talking to me. 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:42.200 I mean, I feel like right now everyone is dealing 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.079 with stress. Um. I'm a senior in college right now, 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.360 and I'm living in Pacific Beach in San Diego, and 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:52.120 I don't leave my house much, and it's hard for 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:54.080 me because I like to always stay busy. I like 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.240 to be outside, and I think that this shift of 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:01.360 online school and not having a lot of social interaction 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:04.959 has been really hard for me. Um. I studied abroad 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:09.960 in January in Barcelona for about three months through my school, 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:13.200 and that was something that was really scary for me, 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:15.680 and I kind of just went for it, and I 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:17.919 got out of my comfort zone and I was living 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:20.919 really far away from my family. I was on my own. 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:22.840 I was with a couple of friends, but it was 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:25.440 a super foreign experience and I felt like I made 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.320 so much personal growth being on my own and being 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:32.160 somewhere where they don't really speak English, and I was 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:36.040 pushing myself and then got set home because of the coronavirus. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:37.840 And now I feel like I'm kind of back at 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:42.200 square one, where I'm I have taken a lot of 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:45.240 steps backwards in my personal growth, and I'm feeling just 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.640 very frustrated in that sense, and also just feeling stressed 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:53.520 out in what's next for me and how I keep growing. Okay, 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:57.120 So I just want to address you had said that 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:02.400 you felt as though there's a personal grows setback, and 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:06.800 I'll tell you that that is a narrative and a 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:11.360 story and a lie that you're telling yourself, because by 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:15.360 being a part of what's happening today, by being aware 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:20.919 of what you're feeling, you have grown exponentially already. So 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:26.360 I know that it feels like that, but feelings aren't facts. 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:30.440 So I want to just say that straight, that personal 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:34.279 growth is happening as we speak right now. And I 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:37.279 also want to tell you that you are not alone. 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:44.760 Over sixty two of Americans. That's can you imagine, I'm 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:52.440 like that sixty of Americans are suffering with some kind 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:57.160 of mental health struggle. People who would otherwise not be 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:01.039 are now struggling. So just to give a snapshot of 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.680 you had brought up the virus, So let's have a 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:09.279 snapshot of that. In March it was about which is 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:12.920 still a very very large number. Now we're almost at 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:18.640 six five. So just imagine that something happens. We have 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:22.640 this enormous sphere right in March, we're all we're we 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:25.560 don't know what to do with ourselves. We're devastated, we 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:29.080 can't believe what's happening. You would think that that would 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:35.359 be the height of our mental illnesses, our mental fears, 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:38.680 our anxieties, are stresses. You would think it would be 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:46.039 then totally it isn't. It's actually has grown. So it's 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:54.040 not necessarily the virus that has helped us feel um 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:59.200 all sorts of negative feelings. But it's what goes around 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.720 that virus. Right, It's what you had said, a sense 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:07.680 of loneliness, a sense of isolation. We have job loss, 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.000 we have drug use, we have domestic violence. We could 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:15.520 go on and on and on about everything that has 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:20.080 been in this pressure cooker that is just getting exponentially 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:25.960 higher in statistics. And I'm glad you're here and not 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:31.760 a bunch of bros. Although that would be um, well, Hannah, 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:42.799 that women experience more psychological trauma. They're reporting more psychological trauma, 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:47.680 which begs the question are women bearing more of the 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:54.599 emotional labor of what's happening or are men under reporting 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:59.279 how they feel or both. It's a it's an interesting question, 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:04.719 you know something to your October podcast and you're talking, 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:07.240 you're answering all these different questions Brooks about you know, 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:10.040 you know what men think and how men feel, and 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:15.520 of course what you think. You know, I feel this 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:20.520 sucks for me, but you are answering these these these 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:25.000 really really great questions and answering them with a lot 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.240 of heart and a lot of humor. And it had 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:34.200 occurred to me that's so much of what goes on 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:37.160 with men goes unspoken. So I want to just really 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:41.360 put that out there as definitely that the statistic is 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:47.440 weighing heavily on women. Going back to you, you're not alone. Um, 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:51.320 I think some of the issues here is what can 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:54.960 you do about it? M hm? So let's start there. 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:57.400 Let's start there, what what can where are some starting 0:07:57.400 --> 0:07:59.840 points for Hanna or for anybody else who's going through this. 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.320 Aim sort of similarities where Hanna, where their life was 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:05.560 on a great trajectory and then COVID happened and things 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:07.720 have been shut down, and now they're finding themselves in 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:11.360 a foreign place where they're really isolated, really alone, may 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:16.160 be sad. Maybe some people are depressed, uncertain, unsure. All 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.440 of these things just a tidal wave coming at once. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.880 What are some things, uh, starting points for people to 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.600 start to deal with this amount of stress? Well, Hanna, 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:30.200 I want to ask you, what have you already tried? What? 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:34.160 What did it work? Yeah? I mean I feel like 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:38.360 I hold a lot in and that's something that I've 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.360 just done my whole life, and I've been really trying 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:44.520 to just let it all out reately. Am I on you? 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:48.160 In a way? I think that I put up a 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:51.200 really tough front, and I always like to be there 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.800 for other people. But then I don't allow myself to 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:57.920 feel what I'm feeling, or I don't even acknowledge that 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:00.840 I'm having a hard day. Sometimes then it just builds 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:04.240 and builds, and that's when it gets hard. So you 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:09.199 are the receptacle, the container of everybody else's feelings. Yeah, 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.880 and I and I totally like being that for my friends. 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:14.920 And the people around me. I genuinely like to be 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:17.520 there for them, and I want to know what's going 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:19.400 on in their life and I want to be that 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:25.800 support system. But at times I feel like I'm missing that. Mhm. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:30.640 Is there anyone that we want our relationships to be 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:37.280 equitable and for life, not just now, but now more 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:41.400 than ever. Our relationships need to be equitable. Do you 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:45.599 know what I mean when I say that? Yeah? Okay, 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:48.680 so so many of what I'm hearing, so many of 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:52.800 your relationships aren't equitable. I'm gonna be na because I 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:56.440 got a problem. And how doesn't listen all my because 0:09:56.520 --> 0:10:00.480 that's what Hannah does. She's my emotional container. Okay. And 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:03.320 at the end of the day, who are you able 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:08.800 to go to? Right? We need to make sure that 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:13.319 we have people in our lives where it is equitable, 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:17.440 where you are able to put your fears and your 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.320 stresses outside of you. And let me tell you the 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:24.480 power of that. Once ple we voice a fear out loud, 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:29.920 That fear has difficulty growing because it no longer has 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:34.200 a host. It's a parasite inside of you, right, So 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:37.079 you'll lay it out, you'll blurt out. It's so powerful 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:39.680 all of a sudden, it loses a little bit of power. 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:45.559 When you tell that fear and that anxiety to someone 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:50.400 who's actively listening, really wanting to take it from you 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:54.640 and hold it, it loses even more power. So now 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:59.600 your anxiety, now your stresses are even a little less. 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:07.600 So social distancing doesn't mean emotional distancing. I cannot stress 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:13.720 that enough. This is your personal growth. Where can you 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:18.400 how can you push yourself to rely on other people 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:23.760 to be listened to? This is your growth and by 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:26.559 the way, that is a lesson when you figure out 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:28.600 how to do it. Please tell me because I've been 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:34.760 almost fifty years so so you are you calling you 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:46.800 when when you figure out to Um, Hana, I have 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:49.439 a question for you. Do you believe do you believe 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:51.920 in your That's great advice, Dr be Us. I want 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.880 to acknowledge you for that that social distancing isn't emotional distancing. 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:59.200 That is wonderful, um and I want our listeners to 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:02.440 hear that in to receive that. Uh. And then my 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:05.720 question for you, Hannah is do you believe that you 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:10.560 have friends that you can or that can listen to 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:13.200 you and hear you and hear your fears and support 0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:15.840 you and love you and be that container for you, 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:19.200 and that you just haven't opened that up to share 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.120 with them, or do you feel like you just don't 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:24.280 have those people in your life You're willing to open up, 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.200 but you have, you just don't have the people to 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:30.280 do it right. I definitely have a strong support system 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.320 with my family and a lot of friends. I think 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:36.240 where I struggle is I don't want to be the 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:40.240 burden for other people. And that's something that I mean, 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:42.800 I feel like I've just done my whole life like 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.800 i just want to put up a front where everything's okay, 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.800 I'm okay, don't worry about me, like I'm here for you. 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:52.920 And I've had to learn to get over that hump 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.880 of accepting that it's okay for me to have feelings 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.760 to everyone has feelings, like I'm able to feel things 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:03.360 to share that with others, Hana, for a second, I 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:06.440 want to reframe that for you and maybe our listeners. 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:10.640 I'm sorry to interrupt you for listeners to to think 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:17.520 about this as well. Um by you not having that 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:21.560 relationship be equitable, by feeling like you're a burden, I 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:25.600 want to reframe that for you. It's a selfish way 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:33.880 to be actually quite selfish because you now control that relationship. 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:39.160 You now are the power dynamic of that relationship by 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:44.160 holding back and by everybody giving to you. It's a 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.400 powerful place to be. So it's gonna take a lot 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:53.520 of your vulnerability to step forward. So so many times 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:58.000 when we feel like we are the person, we are, 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:01.280 the backbone of everybody we are, that is true. I'm 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:05.560 just giving you another version that that is not that 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:11.280 that is very selfish, because other people deserve your vulnerabilities too, 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:15.080 So I just kind of wanted to reframe it and 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:19.200 hopefully like like what I'm really doing is using what 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:25.360 you think is helpful against you. So I don't know, 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.240 and I sure you're trying to be selfless, and I'm 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:31.760 trying to tell you that's a selfish way to be. Yeah, 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:35.240 And I think that's I think that's a really good point. 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:38.120 And it does like, if I'm being honest, I'm such 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:40.880 a control freak and that kind of goes with what 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:44.560 you just kind of like, I know I completely am 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.280 and just looking back where I am. I'm a senior 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:50.320 in college, and up until this point, I've kind of 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.400 known what is coming next after middle school you go 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:58.440 to high school. After high school, it's called and coronavirus 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:01.360 or not. This stage in life, I feel like it's 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:03.720 kind of unsettling for some people because I don't know 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.880 what's next, and not having that control or not knowing 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.920 what's coming next scares me so much, and I just 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.120 try and get all the control and other areas that 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:18.920 I possibly can, If that makes sense. Well, yeah, I 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:23.520 mean it's so when we know what's coming next, and 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:26.600 particularly someone like you, you remind me of it. Would 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:28.880 it be wrong to say that you're a planner? I 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:32.480 am a complete planner. She's and it makes her excellent 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:35.960 at many parts of her job, and like like she's 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:41.400 so good at that. Yes, these things that make us 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:48.040 uh successful and wonderful, and certain areas can be our 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:56.120 achilles heel in others. M I'm sure Brooks, as an athlete, 0:15:56.840 --> 0:16:00.160 you probably have had this as well, right, Like, like, 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.840 what makes you strong in one area was your achilles 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:06.200 heel in another time it was a shadow. It was 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:10.200 a shadow of the light. So what made you great 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.240 on the ice may have made you I don't know. 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:17.560 I'm just I'm just unemotional in a personal relationship exactly. 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:22.440 So it's what makes us accomplished in one area can 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:25.800 be our our Achilles heel in another. So this idea 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:29.360 that you're a planner and that I got the sense 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.160 that you are control for you, I'm so glad that 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:33.440 you sort of brought that to like to say it 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:38.680 for you. Um, it's good to know about yourself. And 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:43.360 so what does this mean? This means that number one, 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.880 you're going to have to continue that growth of being 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:50.200 a good planner, right So you don't want to stop that, 0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:53.720 you want to continue that. How do you do that? 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:56.480 I'm sure you have a million in one ways. You're 0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:00.760 the planner. You look, you write down your a Like 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.400 how do you cope with making sure you have a 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.200 plan for your days? Because I bet you this could 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.119 help our listeners and like in terms of how you 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:12.320 plan right well, I mean I'm sitting at my desk 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:13.879 right now and I'm looking at my wall and I 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:17.720 have sticky notes everywhere, like in rows of like Monday, 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:21.399 Tuesday months. Yeah, I mean, I'm such a visual person 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.880 who I like to see things and envision things, and 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:28.760 that's how I just plan and get organized. But the 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:31.399 second that anything comes into my life where I can't 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:36.200 plan on it happening, or I can't control how it's 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:39.480 going to pan out, then I freak out. That's when 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.720 I just like lose control and I don't know how 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:45.439 to deal with that. No, again, going back to this 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:49.600 being an incredible telling for your personal growth, Living in 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:53.880 the moment is something that you're going to have to 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:59.160 figure out how to do your entire life to experience joy. 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:03.920 How that's how we experience joy is that we live 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:07.360 in moments to moments, Like when we laugh, it's an 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:12.159 involuntary response. We're living in that moment. We were able 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:16.200 to bottle just a little bit of joy. And when 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:21.520 you're unable to live in the present, you're unable to 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:25.960 experience joy. And guess what that does. That that magnifies 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:31.920 on itself, begins to tap into all like trauma bonds. 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:35.760 It begins to tap into the miserable gland in your brain. 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:41.199 Because when we biologically, when we smile, we send muscle memory. 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:45.000 You're you're an athlete, Brooks. You know all about muscle memory, 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:48.080 the memory to our brain that makes us happy. And 0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:50.760 when we're laughing, and then the quality of our life 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:53.320 gets better. The more we laugh, the more we experience joy. 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:58.760 The less we do that, the worst we feel. So 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:03.400 how do you think again, I want to ask you, 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:08.080 how do you think you could better live in the present? 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:15.440 I think just starting to let go of the control 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:19.000 that I have on the little things that don't really matter. 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:21.159 I don't want to let go of the control of 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:24.720 the big things that are important, Like if I have 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:27.280 something coming up, then I want to do everything that 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:31.080 I can to control the outcome is really amazing, But 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:33.640 the little things that I really don't need to control, 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:37.440 Like I'm such a perfectionist and I won't want everything 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:41.240 to be perfect. In acknowledging the fact that it's okay 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:45.760 for things to not be absolutely perfect and letting go 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:49.320 of that control, I think is a start. It scares me, 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:53.760 but it's at And that's that's the shadow side of 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:55.920 like your drive, like because no one you and having 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.359 worked with you, you are you are fantastic at what 0:19:58.400 --> 0:20:02.199 you drop. Our pull We're looking after five guys our 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:05.000 podcast when we started had five guys and we all 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:08.240 felt absolutely looked after because Hannah Hada like we could 0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:10.080 show up and it was just like we were taken 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:12.320 care of, Like you are amazing at your drop And 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:15.080 then this is the shadow part of it, where it's 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:17.480 where it's um what you were talking about, Dr B 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:19.959 about how the blessing can also show up in your 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:22.640 life as a curse, where this doesn't set you free 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:28.159 and causes you anxiety and drama and like nervousness and 0:20:28.280 --> 0:20:31.600 stress over things that are actually maybe out of your control. 0:20:32.440 --> 0:20:34.879 It's just it's being aware of that and then having 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:38.440 the subtle dance to acknowledge that, Okay, I can't control 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:40.960 this so much. This I really can, and I'm gonna 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:42.840 champion it, but this is maybe an element that I 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:46.160 need to leave a little grace in it for I'm 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:54.440 going to ask you now how you feel in this moment, 0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:58.040 and by the way, how you felt before just changed 0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:04.680 and it changed again, and it changed again. I mean, 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:08.120 I think that even just letting this out and talking 0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:13.280 to Booth the view makes me feel a lot better. 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.800 It's the reassurance side of making me feel like I'm 0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:20.920 not alone and that it is normal, because I get 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:23.440 so in my head and wrapped up about oh my gosh, 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:26.440 I feel so stressed and anxious and overwhelmed, and how 0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:29.720 come no one else feels like this? But they do, 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:33.480 And it's normal, and I don't let myself acknowledge that 0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:36.440 it's normal. I pretend like everything's fine all the time. 0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:41.840 While I'm happy you said that, I actually was attempting 0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:47.199 to have you live in the moment, which would be 0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:55.160 too understand what you feel in that moment. I feel sad, 0:21:56.359 --> 0:22:04.040 I feel angry, I feel I feel annoyed, I feel sad, 0:22:04.480 --> 0:22:06.480 any one of those, I feel happy, any one of 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:11.480 those things that if you're able the pinpoint to stop 0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:16.919 your day and really ask yourself, what am I feeling 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:21.240 right now? That the tool that grounds you in the 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:26.439 moment that takes two seconds of your time, So I 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:32.359 ask you again without planner kind of explanation and go 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:33.960 on and on and on, because it's what it's what 0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:35.879 to do. So I want to stop you from doing it, 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:40.600 like I wanted either to really help you. So I 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:45.919 don't need to be uh hard ass, but I I 0:22:45.960 --> 0:22:49.399 want to help you in this moment. So I love it, 0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:53.280 like even towards me or or or any what is 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:56.160 it that you're feeling right now in the moment without thought? 0:22:57.280 --> 0:23:03.960 I feel overwhelmed? Yeah, yeah, very overwhelmed because I think, 0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:06.600 for the first time in a really long time, I'm 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:12.280 acknowledging what I've been feeling, and it's really overwhelming. Is 0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:15.760 it over Can we dive? Can we unpack that a little? Honea? 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:19.080 Is it overwhelming with I have so many projects and 0:23:19.119 --> 0:23:21.080 things that I have to work on right now I'll 0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:23.639 do at the same time, like, these are things in 0:23:23.640 --> 0:23:25.919 front of me that are overwhelming me right now? Or 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:30.480 is it I'm overwhelmed because I'm not sure what's coming 0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:34.360 and the weight of that uncertainty is really making me 0:23:34.440 --> 0:23:38.480 feel overwhelmed. Yeah, I think it's a mixture of things. 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:43.399 I'm overwhelmed with school. I also have been living I 0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:46.000 feel like with a lot of guilt and feeling like 0:23:46.160 --> 0:23:49.960 I should be spending more time with my grandparents or 0:23:49.960 --> 0:23:52.680 my family. And that's something that I struggle with a lot. 0:23:52.680 --> 0:23:56.000 I think to myself, why am I down here when 0:23:56.040 --> 0:24:00.280 my parents are north northern California and so are my grandparents, 0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:01.840 When I could be up there and I could be 0:24:02.119 --> 0:24:05.760 using this time to have quality time with them. It 0:24:05.880 --> 0:24:08.240 just puts a lot of things into perspective for me. 0:24:08.640 --> 0:24:14.560 Right now, when you had you, because I can see 0:24:14.600 --> 0:24:16.680 you are our listeners, I don't know if they will 0:24:16.720 --> 0:24:21.439 be able to see you. You almost looked like you 0:24:21.520 --> 0:24:24.440 were going to cry. I have been on the verge 0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:27.600 of tears for like a week straight. Yeah, this week 0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:29.600 has been hard for me, and it's perfect timing that 0:24:30.040 --> 0:24:32.280 I'm able to talk to you. But yeah, I'm very 0:24:32.280 --> 0:24:34.879 emotional right now, and I don't like to cry. I 0:24:34.920 --> 0:24:38.199 don't like to let things out, but I try and 0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:40.000 hold it in as you can see. But yeah, I'm 0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:42.359 very emotional right now, and I'm just overwhelmed and I 0:24:42.400 --> 0:24:45.160 don't really know how to deal with it. Would happened, 0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:47.359 What do you think would happen if you cried and 0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:51.600 let it all out? I'd probably feel really good. But 0:24:51.760 --> 0:24:54.600 I don't allow myself to do that much. And I'm 0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:57.280 completely aware of it. I'm very self aware and I 0:24:57.320 --> 0:25:01.400 know exactly what I'm doing. I'm telling myself not to cry, 0:25:01.480 --> 0:25:05.840 but it would probably feel really good, and I'm in 0:25:05.840 --> 0:25:08.199 need of a good cry. You're a little bit of 0:25:08.200 --> 0:25:11.320 a massa chist to yourself. You don know what you 0:25:11.359 --> 0:25:16.399 need and eletely well good? Why wait from it? Our self? 0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:21.280 Sabotage myself all the time. Yeah, I know exactly what 0:25:21.320 --> 0:25:24.440 I need, but I don't. I cry all the time, 0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:28.160 and it's wonderful. Yeah, it's a great It's something I've 0:25:28.200 --> 0:25:31.240 like recently learned since the passing of our two dogs. 0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:35.679 I've learned like how to honor emotions in the moment 0:25:35.880 --> 0:25:39.280 and let them come up and through me and out 0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:42.720 of me. And a lot of times that's through crying, 0:25:43.520 --> 0:25:46.320