WEBVTT - The Most Dramatic Date Card Question Ever 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:08.080 --> 0:00:10.840 Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema with you on what has 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:14.440 been a very busy weekend and a busy week for 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:16.120 both of us. We've been at it. 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.080 We've been wedding planning. That's what at it means. 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:22.119 I feel like I took and I think this is 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:24.439 the case for a lot of people. We sort of 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.680 planned a few big things months ago and then took 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:31.200 a big pause, and then the other day I was thinking, 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:35.000 oh God, it's happening, and we need to get some 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.120 stuff done, and now I'm kind of rushing into it. 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:39.639 Although maybe that's maybe everybody. 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:43.199 Maybe other people are more scheduled with they're planning. I'm 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:47.120 a bit of a procrastinator, Like I think, I marinate 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:48.519 and then I just go for it. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:49.879 A friend of mine helped me the other day. 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:52.720 She said, no, no, no, you can just reframe the branding 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:55.680 on that You're not a procrastinator, you're a manifestor. 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.680 I'm like what she said. 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:03.319 It's it's just that you're marinating on these ideas, you're 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:05.759 figuring out what you want to do, and you're waiting 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:08.280 until you really feel good about it. And feel settled, 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.120 and then you move, and then you make moves and 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:10.959 you make things happen. 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:13.440 Yeah, I will say the good news with both of 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:18.399 us is we are very decisive people. I make very sharp, 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:21.640 gut instinct decisions. I think you're pretty much the same. 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.840 When we've made our mind up, we don't him in 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:25.840 haw about it. We just great moving on. 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:28.119 I love you saying that about me. I think you're 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:29.080 much better at them. 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:32.679 I'm definitely more. But I think we've done very well. 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:34.400 But you're right. We made those big decisions and then 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:37.480 we're like, oh, hey, this is coming up. We probably 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.639 need to like invite some people. 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:43.080 Yeah, we got to send out the invitations right now. 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:44.440 It's a wedding of two. 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:47.600 Well, we've texted some people, but we haven't done saved 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:49.040 the dates. And at this point, I'm just going to 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.279 go right to the wedding invite. 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.600 I'm not gonna Can I ask a question, do we 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:58.440 need to save the date today? In today's world? Shoot 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:01.320 a text? I don't know. I mean maybe if you've 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:02.240 got but I don't know. 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:04.800 Is it easier to do a mass text or to 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.160 send three hundred save the dates if you're doing a 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:07.520 big wedding. 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:09.680 And again, we're not doing a big wedding. I think 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.240 if you're doing two, three, four, five hundred people whatever, 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.240 that's that's not what we're going to do. Ours is 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:16.480 much smaller. So save the. 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:18.520 Date person regardless, I don't care. 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.320 I feel like it's one more thing. The invitation is 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:24.519 the save the date. Save the date is is it's 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.120 if you took the time to do that. Just tell 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:28.160 me what I'm going to. 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:30.200 I know, And then I feel bad through on the 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:32.520 save the date away because it's pretty and they spent 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:33.040 money on it. 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:34.520 If you don't want to give me all the details 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.840 because everything is not set yet, you can follow up 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.040 with more details. But hey, you were invited to our wedding, 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:44.360 our bar mitzvah our Kinsanira, whatever it is, details to follow, 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:45.320 that's fine. 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:46.520 Yeah. 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.200 I'm a big text person on this. I once had 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.440 a friend cancel a wedding via a group text. 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:52.280 I love that. 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:53.880 Well, it was very close to the date. What could 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.480 she do? You got to get the message out quickly. 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:57.880 You know that thing we were going to do in 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:00.359 a couple of weeks, right, don't worry about coming back 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:00.919 to Missouri. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:02.120 But it was fine. 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:05.519 I mean, you know, it was just, hey, we got 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:08.920 it done, and she sent the group text out and 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.000 what else could she do to communicate it? So don't 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:14.400 underestimate the power of a group text. This might be 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:14.840 a hot take. 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:15.160 I don't know. 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:17.320 People might disagree with me and like really get excited 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:19.160 about a say of the date, but I just don't 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.360 know what to do with it. I don't love getting 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:24.480 Christmas cards from people either, though I don't know what. 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:24.919 To do with them. 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:28.560 Look, I think today I'm following you on Instagram. I 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.560 see if you want to take a beautiful family Christmas photo, 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:33.680 put it on your Instagram. I'm going to see it, 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:37.080 like it, comment on it. We get to interact if 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:38.080 you send me the card. 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:40.760 Then I got to text you about the card. And 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.560 it just seem we're wasting a lot of paper. 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:44.880 Now you've got me down a rabbit hole. My pet 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:51.440 peeve is picture day. Sports leagues still to this day 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:55.320 have picture Day where you show up at eight am 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.480 on a Saturday or a Sunday where you're not playing 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:02.240 and you're fully drafted in their uniforms to line up 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:04.360 and have a photographer take a picture. 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:06.800 Oh you do that well? On day you're not even playing. 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.560 This was wonderful in the eighties and nineties when it 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:12.120 was difficult to find pictures and you could send it 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:16.280 to Grandma and grandpa and Uncle Bob. But guys who 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:19.000 doesn't have a camera on them twenty four to seven? 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:23.040 How many parents are taking videos, sometimes professional videos, of 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:26.560 their kids playing I see everybody's child twenty four to 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.120 seven playing sports. Do we need Picture Day? 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:29.760 No? 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.800 Well, I mean we just sound like angry people who 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:36.480 hate memories and joy, and we don't feel that way. 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:40.880 But I just rewatched Clint Eastwood in Grand Terno. I 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:43.440 feel like I'm Clint Eastwood. Now get off my lawn. 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:46.240 Oh god, you're that But about children? 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:51.080 So about Children's Picture Day, I've never seen that movie. 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.000 Pretty good. God, he still just looked so good in 0:04:54.040 --> 0:04:54.320 that mind. 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:56.560 I read the other day he's going to direct another movie. 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:58.880 The man never stops saying in his nineties, well you 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.359 actually you always say a Clinice would quote that I 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:03.160 do like, which is Clinice. 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:05.680 Wood always has the quote don't let the old man in. 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:08.000 And he never let the old man in. And to 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.560 this day he still works. He still loves to all 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:13.560 his animals around his house, he stays busy. 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:17.039 It kind of means you don't let your age define you. 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:18.880 You choose your Yeah when. 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:22.280 You when you stop living, you let the old man in. 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:25.120 When you stop hitting the gym, when you stop your passions, 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:27.560 your hobbies or whatever it is, you let the old 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:29.480 man in. And he never has. He still works, he 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:33.280 still acts directs, as you said, So talk about an 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:35.440 American legend just well. 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:38.280 Gosh, let's invite him to the wedding. Yes, get the date? 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.000 One more, get him a save the date? Uh? 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.640 No? We okay, I am I was thinking. 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:46.919 Should we send imitations? Yes, I mean more than a 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:48.200 group text? 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:48.400 Ok. 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:50.159 Yes, let's be decisive about that. 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:51.400 We should send imitations. 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:53.680 Yes. The other thing we have to be decisive about 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:55.599 is what a great show this is today? Because this 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.600 show is actually all about you guys, something that Lauren 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:01.120 and I love and it's the main reason we started 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:03.440 this podcast was to talk to you, to hear from you. 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:07.240 So number one, if you have questions, comments, always leave them. 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:10.840 You can go to our instapage there the most dramatic 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:14.680 pod ever, and leave your questions and comments there. But 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:17.080 we already gathered some of your questions and comments and 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:21.240 today's show is all about taking your questions. So let's 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:21.720 get to it. 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:24.479 Okay, I'm going to start with a fun one here 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:28.400 because I just thought about about it. With the invitations, 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:31.120 somebody asked, because okay, look here's where my head is. 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:33.840 You can get you can just order invitations. You can 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:36.800 have them hand drawn and calligrapheed. You know, there's a 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:40.000 whole wide spectrum of what you could do. And I 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.120 don't know what we'll do. I'm probably going to go. 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:43.080 For an easy option. 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:49.160 But somebody asked, when it came to the Bachelor, all 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:51.359 those notes that you used to write, who was this 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:55.280 question from Terry From Terry. Terry asked who wrote the notes? 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.520 Did a calligrapher write the fantasy suite cards and the 0:06:58.640 --> 0:06:59.320 date cards? 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:00.000 Who wrote those? 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.120 I got those questions a lot. I've like that can't 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:05.200 because it always had my name on it and the well, one. 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:07.039 Time I kind of called you out because sometimes there'd 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:11.040 be bad grammar and I'm like, okay, it needs an apostrophe, 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:11.680 s he or sir? 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:13.800 Did you really write this? It signed Chris Harrison and. 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:15.640 It was very loopy, and you know, there's a heart 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:19.320 over the eye and stuff like that, so clearly everyone 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.760 laughed that this is not your handwriting. And no, by 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:24.480 the way, I write like a third grader, and that 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:27.680 is offensive to third graders. You cannot read my handwriting. 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:30.960 So I never wrote any of those dates, the notes 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:34.720 and all that. I was in on some of the puns, 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:36.600 because you know how much I love a good dad joke. 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:38.880 So several of us would gather and we would try 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:41.640 to come up with something kind of punny, as those 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:45.000 date cards usually were. But it wasn't anybody in particular. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:47.160 It was a producer, and. 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:48.360 It would change every time. 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:50.680 Not every time. Usually one person kind of did it 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:52.440 for the whole season. They were kind of the date 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:55.120 card person, and one person kind of did it for 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:58.120 very you know, for years, and then that person moved 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.600 on and then someone else jumped in. So it's sometimes 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:04.640 it's different people, but usually it's a female. Typically they 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:06.000 usually have pretty or handwriting. 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.360 Yeah, and so handwriting does. 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:11.480 No, it'd be ridiculous, it would not be romantic, would 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.920 not be sexy. So the answer is no. One. We 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:17.240 didn't hire anybody just to come in and do some calligraphy. 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:21.880 Next question comes from Michelle dating my boss. It's my 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:27.120 big secret, and it's been going on for a few years, 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:33.240 so this isn't just a tawdry little affair that's happening lately. 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:37.720 This has been a few years. Michelle's been dating her. 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:41.280 Boss, Michelle dating my boss, and it is a big secret. 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:44.160 Is it worth losing a good job? 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:45.400 Well? 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:48.440 I do wish I had more information because my first 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:53.880 thought on it not being worth losing your good job is, well, Michelle, 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:56.680 if this person isn't committing to you, if they're not 0:08:57.000 --> 0:08:59.840 worth or if they don't see your relationship as worth 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.320 being public with, then that's a red flag. And I 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:05.920 would also ask is it worth it to him to 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:09.280 lose his job? Like, have you had these discussions? Is 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:11.959 he like, hey, I'd leave this company for you because 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:14.480 he's the one in the position here where you know, 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:16.960 he's not supposed to be dating someone who's subordinate to him. 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:18.199 And I don't mean that as judgment. 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.120 I mean this might be a really wonderful relationship and 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:23.200 maybe now you're both torn on what do we do, 0:09:23.280 --> 0:09:25.240 we need our jobs and how do we kind of 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:27.640 navigate this? But I think you should be on equal 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:32.679 grounding and really having clear communicative discussions about Okay, who 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:35.040 is giving up their job here? Who's finding another job 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.760 if it's worth it? And the question of leaving or 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:41.160 losing the job is like, are you both willing to 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:42.200 take that step? 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:44.360 I think? And is the relationship with it? Is he 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.560 willing to be public with it? Or is everything about 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:47.240 this a secret? 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:52.360 Yeah? All, look all HR issues aside. We'll leave that 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:54.679 there because we don't have the HR department sitting here 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:59.000 about you know, a boss dating a subordinate. I would 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.920 take a little more aggress of lying on this and say, 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:08.720 Michelle Buyer, beware if it hits the fan, which means 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:11.880 you break up, this thing goes south, someone finds out, 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:16.760 you need to understand there is a very real chance 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:20.440 that it's you that will lose your job, that it 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:25.520 is you that will take the fall. And that's just percentages. 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.640 That's just the real world that and it's not just 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:31.160 this guy, just the boss. This could be either way. 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:33.640 If it was a female boss, male boss, doesn't matter. 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.280 But the boss there's a better chance is going to 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:40.040 keep their job than the subordinate. That's just history and 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:44.360 the way it's going to go. So I would just say, Michelle, yeah, 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:46.760 it's good to find out how he stands and all that, 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:50.760 but you need to make that decision yourself. Is it 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:54.200 worth your job? And if it is to you and hey, 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:56.520 after a few years you may absolutely be head over 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:59.000 heels in love and you don't care, then so be it. 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:02.360 But I would you say, buyer beware, and this one 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:04.400 is on you to make that decision. 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:08.040 Yeah, it worries me that she says it's my big 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:10.360 secret and it's been going on for years. I mean, 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.320 I'll take it to you and I we kept our 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.600 relationship a secret in the beginning. Now, Chris wasn't my boss. 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:19.520 We are obviously, I interviewed him and we worked together, 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.000 but we kept it a secret in the beginning because 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:26.960 I was And I told you, I think when we 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:29.800 go public with this, I'm the one who potentially looks 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.439 worse here because it looks like maybe I'm trying to 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.960 date you to get further in my career or something. 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:37.679 And I didn't want to take it public until we 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:41.080 knew for sure that it was really serious. Now, you 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.280 were always I mean, you were all in on the 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.440 relationship from the beginning. I was never worried as he 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.040 committed to me or not, but I wanted to know 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:49.720 it was a really serious, long term relationship. 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:54.040 I understood the dynamic that this was going to affect 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:55.880 you more than it was going to affect me. I 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.280 was very cognizant of that. Nobody was going to get 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:00.199 mad at me. It's Hollywood. No one's going to get 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:03.880 mad at me for dating a beautiful young woman. But thanks, 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.400 you were dating a guy that was hosting a show 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:09.760 you were covering, So for you, it was I knew 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:13.679 it was much more complicated, and that was something I 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:17.000 was aware of. Wanted to make you aware that I understood, 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:20.320 and we proceeded with caution for quite some time, six months. 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.120 We kept it under wraps because I knew when this 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.080 went out it was going to be a thing, and 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:28.040 it was. But by then we were so prepared and 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:30.960 love that it was okay, and we were ready to 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.200 go through the battle together and come what may, we 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:36.360 knew we had made this choice to be together. And 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.560 so Michelle, I don't know if you can link that 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:42.760 back to you, but those are serious discussions that need 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:45.000 to be had because I don't know this guy. He 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.000 might be the greatest guy in the world, and maybe 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:49.400 he is looking out for you, but maybe he's not 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:53.040 maybe he's not cognizant of Hey, if this goes south, 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.520 guess who's not going to get fired. Probably the boss 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:57.480 it would be you. Is he okay with that? And 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:58.920 that tells you a lot about this guy. 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:03.240 One note overall on secret relationships always a big red 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.000 flag if only one person wants it to be a secret. 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:08.960 That's very true, and honestly, you know, it's funny. The 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:11.560 reason I went public, or wanted to go public with 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.040 you is it got to the point where I felt 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.600 like I was lying to people I love, people that 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:18.560 I was very close with and was traveling with on 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:21.520 the show for quite some time. Some of my dearest 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.680 and closest friends, you know, some of them knew clearly 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:26.600 we would go out with them, But there were people 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:28.480 kind of I guess in that second circle that I 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:32.440 hadn't told, and I thought I'm done lying and saying 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:35.040 I'm not seeing someone or not. I was so excited 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:38.000 about us in our relationship, I wanted to start screaming 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:41.559 it from the rooftops, and so it felt right for 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:44.240 me to come to you and say, hey, I want 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:44.840 to go public. 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:47.079 And I think for me it was maybe this is 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:50.240 a little of what Michelle's talking about I realized I 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.960 was in love with you and I saw a real 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:54.680 future for you. Because when I said I wanted to 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.600 know how serious the relationship was, I meant for myself. 0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.559 I always felt from you like you were on a 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.680 serious path. But I was thinking, I want to be 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.679 really serious about this guy before I would risk. 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:05.520 Anything to my career. 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:08.040 And I got to that point where I thought, Okay, 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:11.120 I'm I love him and I'm okay with like what happens, 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.199 what happens, and I want to take that step. 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.400 So Michelle, hope that helps Michelle. 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.240 We're a team, Michelle, no matter what in this just 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:19.320 so you know very much. 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:23.000 So this next one is anonymous, and probably anonymous for 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:29.320 a reason because they say, if a guy says he's 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.000 not ready to date, is it ever okay to circle 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.960 back later and see if anything has changed. 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:39.160 Let's say our one word answer on three one two three. 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:41.440 No, absolutely not. 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:41.720 No. 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:45.600 Here's the thing, and I'm just going to be blunt 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:47.880 and candid with you. You know, I don't have to beat 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:49.640 around the bush anymore. I'm not on TV. I don't 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:53.040 have to mislead you in these relationship questions and answers. 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:57.000 If a guy says he's not ready to date, he's 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:00.280 also saying he's not ready to date you, And I 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:03.240 know that sucks to hear, and I know that might hurt, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.160 But I'm just telling you the truth because he may 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:09.080 step to the next relationship and all of a sudden 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:14.800 he gets married, and so you never know if it's 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:16.880 about you or the relationship. But I can honestly tell 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:20.360 you in this situation, he's not ready to date and 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:22.200 also not ready to date you, right. 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:25.200 And the question is should I circle back and find 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:26.080 you know, find out later. 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:29.480 No, if he had, if he'd gotten ready, he'd come 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:29.920 find you. 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:30.240 Yeah. 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:31.760 If he's not doing a U turn for you, why 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.080 are you turning the car around? Yes, And that's the thing, 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.520 he should come to you. It's there's so many phrases 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.920 that go with this, from the more recent he if 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.840 he wanted to, he would going back to the years ago, 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:44.040 from sex and the City. 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:45.680 He's just not that into you. 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.400 I am the biggest proponent of Like, Look, relationships in 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.240 life are going to throw a lot of crap at 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:53.560 you that you're going to have to figure out with 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:56.080 your partners. So it needs to be simple in the beginning. 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:57.440 Right, And it may not be that he's not just 0:15:57.480 --> 0:15:59.200 that into you. It might be he's an f boy, 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:03.800 it might be he's damaged and relationship. There's a lot 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:04.240 of things. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.000 It is he's just not that into you, because if 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:07.320 he was into you, he'd want to be dating you 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.480 right now. And you know, honestly, Oh, I see what 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:09.880 you're saying. 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:13.640 Like some might like some guys are really dumb animals 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:15.840 and they just don't figure it out, and they will 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:21.200 plow through one amazing woman after the other, ruining great 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:23.200 relationship out. We know people like this. 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.680 Let me just he's just not that into a relationship 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:27.080 with you. 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:30.560 Right, because he's not he's not aware enough of himself. 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:33.280 And that this goes both ways, he or herb But 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:35.720 in this case, clearly we're talking about a guy he 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:38.080 just isn't that aware of what he wants in life 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:42.840 yet either. And so take that is a beautiful red flag. 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.480 Red flags are a good thing sometimes if you pay 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:48.960 attention to it and just keep on driving, keep on going. 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:51.320 Yeah, I think in the beginning, it needs to be clear, 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.160 it needs to be you're being pursued, you're both pursuing 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:55.960 each other. You're both into each other because a lot 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:58.200 of other hard stuff's going to come later. And yeah, 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.520 don't circle back on him. If he's not calling you, 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:15.399 do not call him. Next question from new Beginnings to 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:18.840 old standards, this question is how do you get out 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:20.879 of a relationship rut? 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:22.320 What do you think? 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:22.600 Bam? 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.400 It takes work And I know that's an old cliche, 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:35.480 but relationships, love, dating, marriage, especially when kids are involved, 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:39.520 it takes work. And if you're in a relationship rut, 0:17:39.960 --> 0:17:43.000 and I'm going to assume your years into this, because 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.560 usually if you're already in a rut in the honeymoon phase. 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:47.840 Yeah, that's a red flag. 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:49.520 That's a red flag. That's another issue we'll have to 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:52.600 deal with. I'm going to assume this is a established relationship, 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.359 even a marriage, and that is just you gotta work 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:58.240 out it. You got to form a date night. You 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:04.400 have to push each other to be aggressive about this. 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.560 It's a job to take care of each other. And look, 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:10.000 we all don't have money to go travel to go 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:13.760 to great dinners or whatever. So honestly, if you have 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.240 nothing else, go set up a picnic in the backyard, 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.439 Go set up some sort of special candlelight dinner, a 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.640 bubble bath, whatever, you get the picture, but work at 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:25.080 it and make it something different than what you do 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:27.800 every day. It's not let's pick another show on Netflix 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:28.560 and watch it together. 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:30.560 Oh it's so easy to get into those ruts. That's 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:30.840 the thing. 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:32.840 We all feel that it's so easy to get in 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.960 our bubble of going to the same restaurants or our 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.320 nightly routines of doing the same thing. So I think 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:39.320 what's important to note is it doesn't mean there's something 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.760 wrong in your relationship. A rut doesn't mean something bad. 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:45.240 In fact, it means you're comfortable and you love each 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.680 other and you rely on each other. But you let 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:49.760 that rut go too long and it keeps getting deeper 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:51.439 and it becomes a problem. So I do think you 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:54.280 have to constantly be checking in on it, aware of it. 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:56.639 I'll often say to you, hey, I feel like we 0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:59.200 need a date night, Like if I don't feel connected, 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.400 or I feel like maybe we've both been traveling too much, 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:03.680 or we're in it's like, let's go out. Let's go 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:05.719 out and go to a restaurant we've never been before, 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:08.320 just to switch it up a little bit. Instead of 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.240 our neighborhood haunts. And I love what you just said 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:14.720 about relationships take work, But an important distinction to me 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:18.719 is always relationships take work, but they shouldn't be work like. 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:21.239 You shouldn't feel you should be putting an effort for 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:24.639 each other. You shouldn't feel like you're working at it 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:27.440 more than the other person is. And you shouldn't feel like, God, 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:31.240 this feels like work. But keep dating each other. Always 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:32.560 put that effort in. 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:36.000 Always and sometimes though, and this is going to move 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:37.800 me to another quoest. I'm going to piggyback a question 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:41.320 on here from Hannah who asked, how do I connect 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.720 with my husband after having our first baby? I feel 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:48.720 that I have only had time for my son. So again, 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:53.080 this just piggybacks on that because sometimes one person will 0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:56.040 be pulling harder on that rope, and true, that's a 0:19:56.040 --> 0:20:00.359 good relationship. Someone has anxiety, someone's going through something, whatever 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:04.719 suffered a loss. You may have to step up and 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:06.960 just pull the rope a little bit more than the 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:10.480 other person in your relationship. And you know, a while back, 0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:12.600 I talked to Ari and Lauren and they talked about 0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:15.520 this when they had the twins. Arian Lauren Leindyke from 0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:19.600 the show that Lauren said, Ari had to really push 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:21.199 me out of my comfort zone and get us on 0:20:21.280 --> 0:20:24.159 date nights. I just wanted to be home. I just 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.280 wanted to be with the kids. And I get that 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:29.760 having had kids, I get that poll of you don't 0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:32.679 want to miss a night. These are special times, and 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:36.800 you get that attachment. But remember that your kids are 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:40.520 losing if you are not happy as well. If you're 0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:43.840 not taking care of yourself as far as your mental 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:47.480 strength and stability and your love life, then your kids 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:49.720 aren't gaining everything from you. They're not getting one hundred 0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:53.000 percent anyway. So take a little time out for yourself 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:57.320 and for your relationship. I think the hardest job in 0:20:57.359 --> 0:20:59.560 the world is raising kids. I think it's harder than anything. 0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:01.159 I have the most respect for it. 0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:03.160 And you once said to me, which really helps put 0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:05.600 parenting in perspective for me, since I've never raised young 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:09.320 kids that you said, well, having kids has never made 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:10.720 a relationship easier. 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:13.960 No, And I've never understood the hey we're about to 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:15.919 break up, let's have a kid. This may save us. 0:21:16.080 --> 0:21:18.120 Baby is not a band abe, A baby is. 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:20.959 A you know. Well, I won't say, I won't put 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:22.600 in those terms I was going to say something negative. 0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:24.879 It's not a negative. Please don't get me wrong. I 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:28.840 have two beautiful children. I wouldn't change anything. But it 0:21:29.119 --> 0:21:33.600 never will ever make your life easier. It is stressful, 0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:36.680 it is difficult. You will be tired, you are sleep deprived, 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:39.760 you are your life is no longer your own, and 0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:42.639 your life with and I mean your relationship is no 0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:46.440 longer your own either. You now share everything with these 0:21:46.440 --> 0:21:48.639 one or two or however many kids you have, so 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:53.440 you have to really work at it. Finding that babysitter, 0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:56.080 finally the family member that'll come over, and just even 0:21:56.119 --> 0:21:59.720 if it's not a night, an hour, two hours to 0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:03.480 just go walk, go to the park, anything, just get 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:07.040 some fresh air so you guys can have adult time. 0:22:07.080 --> 0:22:12.040 And here's my other little tidbit for Hannah. Kids, Oh kids. 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:14.359 You know, when you have kids, when you get that 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:20.639 alone time, don't talk only about the kids. Don't only 0:22:20.680 --> 0:22:23.880 talk about parenting. Don't talk about the PTA meeting tomorrow. 0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:27.000 Don't talk about how much we got to drive tomorrow 0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:29.919 for soccer and dancing and all that you got that, 0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:32.880 don't worry about it. Talk about each other. Find out 0:22:32.960 --> 0:22:36.080 what's going on, babe. How is your day at work. 0:22:36.680 --> 0:22:38.280 What are you into these days? What do you read 0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:41.479 it like? What movies anything? Just bring up a topic 0:22:41.680 --> 0:22:44.560 that you guys used to love. Dive into that. Just 0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:47.920 make it something other than about your kids when you're 0:22:47.920 --> 0:22:48.920 getting that alone time. 0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:52.200 Yeah, I mean, and it's Hannah. It was Hannah's question, 0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:54.359 how do I connect with my husband after having our 0:22:54.400 --> 0:22:56.159 first baby? I feel I only have had time for 0:22:56.240 --> 0:22:59.720 my son. Going back to something you said, which I 0:22:59.720 --> 0:23:02.440 guess I'll speak to as a as a kid, an adult, 0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:06.479 but a kid, I am so glad you said your 0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:08.840 kids will you know, aren't your kids are losing if 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:12.240 you're not happy. My parents were always so big on 0:23:12.359 --> 0:23:14.560 having date nights with each other, like I'm sure when 0:23:14.560 --> 0:23:15.160 we were. 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:16.200 Super little it was harder. 0:23:16.240 --> 0:23:18.480 Of course, I was the oldest of three, so I 0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:20.560 started babysitting as I got older, and then they really 0:23:20.600 --> 0:23:24.440 went out. But I look back on that and I'm 0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:28.400 so glad that they had those connections with each other. 0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:30.880 I never felt abandoned. I never felt like, oh, why 0:23:30.880 --> 0:23:33.320 are you spending time without me? And it made them 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:35.679 better and it set a good example for me and 0:23:35.760 --> 0:23:40.320 my relationships later. It made me prioritize like, you know, 0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:45.160 a healthy romantic partnership instead of seeing parents that were 0:23:45.160 --> 0:23:48.320 like frazzled and lost, and so it made me a 0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:50.800 better adult that they did that when I was young. 0:23:50.960 --> 0:23:54.040 Well, and that leads us to another question that is 0:23:54.080 --> 0:23:56.800 anonymous that I find very interesting is how do you 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:59.760 show love to your partner in front of your kids 0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:01.240 that's appropriate? 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:05.200 And well, say that question again, we process that synonymous. 0:24:05.280 --> 0:24:07.399 Yes, how do you show love to your partner in 0:24:07.440 --> 0:24:12.640 front of your kids that is appropriate? And I what 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:16.160 you just said is so important. I remember my parents 0:24:16.240 --> 0:24:19.800 are divorced now, but I do remember growing up and 0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:24.520 seeing them date and seeing my grandparents so much in 0:24:24.640 --> 0:24:27.680 love and we you know, we had It was kind 0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:29.640 of this little thing on my grandmother's wall that said 0:24:29.640 --> 0:24:32.280 love is spoken here. We were very outwardly loving. Not 0:24:32.359 --> 0:24:34.720 every family is like that. We would always say I 0:24:34.840 --> 0:24:38.520 love you. We're very touchy feely, we hug, we kiss, 0:24:38.600 --> 0:24:44.400 all that stuff. I think it's so vital, so important 0:24:44.400 --> 0:24:47.560 for your kids to see love and feel love to 0:24:47.640 --> 0:24:51.720 be told. Obviously, but that goes along with date night. 0:24:52.560 --> 0:24:55.199 I love seeing my parents go out. First of all, 0:24:55.400 --> 0:24:57.440 I loved having a baby center over at was always 0:24:57.480 --> 0:24:59.960 an exciting night you could get away with everything. 0:25:00.000 --> 0:25:01.600 I'm sure the kids get like a night of if 0:25:01.640 --> 0:25:02.959 you go out, the kids get like, oh, we get 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:04.720 ice cream tonight and we're having fun and we're like 0:25:04.840 --> 0:25:05.840 escaping mom and dad too. 0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:08.879 It makes them get to miss you in a very safe, 0:25:09.000 --> 0:25:11.320 you know way for just a few hours. Maybe they 0:25:11.320 --> 0:25:14.040 appreciate mom and dad more, but they Yeah, but they 0:25:14.080 --> 0:25:16.000 need to see that you're dating. They need to see 0:25:16.040 --> 0:25:19.440 why are mom and dad together? These these two bots 0:25:19.560 --> 0:25:21.879 that live in the house that aren't real humans and 0:25:21.920 --> 0:25:23.840 they just drive us and feed us and take care 0:25:23.880 --> 0:25:25.760 of us and yell at us and all that. Like, 0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:29.400 they need to see that humanity in you. The romance 0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:32.800 and you know, the kissing and you know the appropriate 0:25:32.840 --> 0:25:35.680 part is what questions kind of? I mean, everything's the 0:25:35.760 --> 0:25:38.680 reason we're not groping each other or whatever. But even 0:25:38.760 --> 0:25:43.080 my kids now, who are older, they're adults, my son's 0:25:43.119 --> 0:25:46.840 twenty one, Taylor nineteen, I want them to see me. 0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:51.880 I want them to see their mom in happy, functional relationships. 0:25:52.400 --> 0:25:54.960 When we're together, I want to see you know, us 0:25:55.040 --> 0:25:57.680 holding hands and us kissing each other or giving each 0:25:57.680 --> 0:26:00.119 other a hug. I want them to feel that, hey, 0:26:00.200 --> 0:26:03.800 dad's in love and this is what I aspire to. 0:26:04.640 --> 0:26:07.359 Yes, I know, I keep going back to it because 0:26:07.680 --> 0:26:09.320 what was the question? It was, how do you show love? 0:26:09.359 --> 0:26:10.119 That's appropriate? 0:26:10.240 --> 0:26:10.440 Right? 0:26:10.520 --> 0:26:12.400 I mean, we don't make out in front of your kids, no, 0:26:12.600 --> 0:26:15.760 but we hold hands, we put our arms around each other, 0:26:15.880 --> 0:26:17.959 we put our arms around them. I mean, yeah, So 0:26:18.000 --> 0:26:23.159 it's I have to say, the most damaged people that 0:26:23.240 --> 0:26:27.879 I know now are people who didn't feel love and 0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:31.159 see love from their parents or in their homes. Like 0:26:31.240 --> 0:26:33.040 that is what's going to mess a hit up more 0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:35.560 than anything, I think is not growing up with love. 0:26:36.119 --> 0:26:39.480 So show that love and not everybody's like that. Don't 0:26:39.480 --> 0:26:41.400 slip them the tongue exactly. 0:26:41.760 --> 0:26:45.720 Yeah, within reason, but yeah, not every family is that 0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:49.080 open love. And by the way, if you grew up 0:26:49.080 --> 0:26:51.760 in that kind of a world, try to change that. 0:26:51.880 --> 0:26:53.439 Try to be the change in your family, Be the 0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:55.840 one that's different, be the one that changes. 0:26:55.960 --> 0:26:56.639 Break the cycle. 0:26:56.720 --> 0:26:57.760 Yeah, break that cycle. 0:26:58.359 --> 0:26:59.280 I should also. 0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:00.760 Note, you know, we keep I think we're just we're 0:27:00.800 --> 0:27:03.080 talking about ourselves. So we're saying mom and dad, all 0:27:03.080 --> 0:27:05.040 the love to the moms and moms out there, to 0:27:05.119 --> 0:27:08.360 the dads and dads, to all parents yes. 0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:12.200 It's not easy, and I've been in those trenches with 0:27:12.280 --> 0:27:15.359 you and I get it. I mean, there are it 0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:19.520 just it pushes you and you know, like again I 0:27:19.560 --> 0:27:22.680 go back to you know, recently Ari and Lauren Lyindyke, 0:27:22.720 --> 0:27:25.119 who were like when we had the twins, we're sleeping 0:27:25.119 --> 0:27:28.560 in separate rooms. Oftentimes when you have a baby, the 0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:31.879 baby's in the basinet next to the bed. So life 0:27:31.920 --> 0:27:36.320 isn't sexy anymore. It's tough, there's it's just not what 0:27:36.400 --> 0:27:38.480 it used to be. Your life has changed dramatically on 0:27:38.520 --> 0:27:40.959 so many levels. Again, it's not about you anymore, so 0:27:41.040 --> 0:27:43.359 you have to find that time to make it about you. 0:27:55.040 --> 0:27:56.360 Well, let's switch it up a little bit. 0:27:56.440 --> 0:28:01.720 Let's go from married and kids to someone who asks 0:28:01.760 --> 0:28:05.440 the question, Kylie asks, how do you get over the 0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:08.080 fear of going on a first date? 0:28:09.160 --> 0:28:10.560 Taking ourselves back. 0:28:10.359 --> 0:28:12.320 To when we're dating and we're going on a first 0:28:12.400 --> 0:28:15.200 date with someone, Kylie, here's my advice on that. 0:28:16.800 --> 0:28:17.040 One. 0:28:17.400 --> 0:28:20.120 I think the fear's okay, Like, isn't it exciting when 0:28:20.160 --> 0:28:21.359 you think you're going to go on a date with 0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:23.159 somebody and maybe you have a crush on them and 0:28:23.200 --> 0:28:26.480 you feel those butterflies so embrace the fear. The nerves 0:28:26.480 --> 0:28:30.840 are good, it means you care. And two, if you 0:28:30.920 --> 0:28:33.119 need to let go of a certain amount of that fear, 0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:35.520 I would say what I used to tell myself, and 0:28:35.560 --> 0:28:39.480 what I always think is really in most interactions with people, 0:28:39.560 --> 0:28:41.920 is you know, what do you have to lose here? 0:28:42.240 --> 0:28:44.840 You might never see this person again. If the date 0:28:44.880 --> 0:28:47.480 doesn't go well, you won't have to see them again. 0:28:47.520 --> 0:28:49.240 You won't have to worry about it, and you get 0:28:49.280 --> 0:28:50.400 a great story out of it. 0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:51.920 So the stakes are low. 0:28:52.400 --> 0:28:55.080 Don't stress yourself out, and remind yourself as you walk 0:28:55.120 --> 0:28:57.760 out the door that this person is lucky to be 0:28:57.800 --> 0:29:00.840 going on a date with you, So you're in that 0:29:01.000 --> 0:29:03.520 confident power position and they are blessed to be in 0:29:03.560 --> 0:29:04.120 your presence. 0:29:04.640 --> 0:29:08.560 And just remember it makes for great stories, exactly. 0:29:08.760 --> 0:29:10.800 I always say more pages for the memoir. 0:29:11.200 --> 0:29:15.440 I when I finally got to being ready to date 0:29:15.480 --> 0:29:18.880 again post divorce, and I'm like, okay again. You got 0:29:18.880 --> 0:29:20.479 to treat it a little bit like a job, you know, 0:29:20.520 --> 0:29:22.480 if you're single and you're out there, it's like you've 0:29:22.480 --> 0:29:24.000 got to put yourself out there. I wasn't on the 0:29:24.080 --> 0:29:26.640 dating apps, but I was getting set up with people etc. 0:29:27.040 --> 0:29:30.280 So I went on a bunch of first dates, and 0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:33.520 a lot of them were awkward, a lot of them 0:29:33.560 --> 0:29:36.680 did not end well, meaning there was a second date. 0:29:37.240 --> 0:29:39.880 Not that they were terrible, but I came away with 0:29:40.000 --> 0:29:44.800 so many great stories, some really funny stories, some horrific moments. 0:29:45.080 --> 0:29:49.160 But at the same time, you learn what to do, 0:29:49.360 --> 0:29:51.600 what not to do. You're finding out what you like 0:29:51.680 --> 0:29:53.840 what you dislike. Again, you find out a lot about 0:29:53.880 --> 0:29:56.239 yourself in those moments, and so take it just as 0:29:56.240 --> 0:29:59.240 an experiment. You know, you're just learning. 0:29:59.080 --> 0:30:02.080 Totally, research exactly, and you're finding out what you like 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:03.040 and what you don't like. 0:30:03.240 --> 0:30:04.320 And that's the thing too. 0:30:04.600 --> 0:30:07.080 We tell Taylor this, our daughter, all the time, like 0:30:07.960 --> 0:30:10.040 this is all part of the learning process. Just like 0:30:10.080 --> 0:30:12.280 you get educated in school, you have to get educated 0:30:12.280 --> 0:30:15.720 on relationships, and that means real life research and experimentation. 0:30:16.120 --> 0:30:18.680 So you're doing all the practice and rehearsing right now 0:30:18.720 --> 0:30:21.280 for when that great relationship comes along. You want to 0:30:21.320 --> 0:30:23.400 be ready for that great relationship. You want to have 0:30:23.440 --> 0:30:25.280 put in your time and done your laps. 0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:27.920 I was married in my twenties. I wasn't dating. I 0:30:27.920 --> 0:30:31.760 didn't have my roaring twenties, so I had to do 0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:36.080 that later post divorce, to figure this stuff out, and 0:30:36.120 --> 0:30:38.320 so that it takes you know what time you got 0:30:38.320 --> 0:30:39.680 to build up the data bank. 0:30:39.880 --> 0:30:41.360 I'm going to add in a question of my own 0:30:41.400 --> 0:30:43.560 for you, because I just just when you said, right, 0:30:44.400 --> 0:30:47.160 you said that sometimes it didn't go well, there wasn't 0:30:47.160 --> 0:30:50.680 even a second date. I am someone who I always 0:30:50.720 --> 0:30:53.240 encourage my friends, because I do think a lot of 0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:55.000 my friends who've been single for a while, I think 0:30:55.040 --> 0:30:58.200 the biggest mistake they're making is they're putting too many 0:30:58.560 --> 0:31:01.680 boxes and labels on what they want, and they'll be like, oh, 0:31:01.760 --> 0:31:04.040 he's got to be thirty seven to forty two, and 0:31:04.120 --> 0:31:05.320 he needs to be a doctor. 0:31:05.360 --> 0:31:06.560 I need to have met him at church. 0:31:06.600 --> 0:31:09.920 And if I had done all that, I don't think 0:31:09.960 --> 0:31:12.000 you and I would be sitting here because I don't 0:31:12.000 --> 0:31:13.800 know if i'd pictured the perfect guy. 0:31:14.240 --> 0:31:16.000 I don't know if you would have fit in all 0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:18.520 those boxes. I love you this Sunday. 0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:20.800 No, I agree. 0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:21.680 I wouldn't have necessary. 0:31:21.680 --> 0:31:23.280 I wouldn't have said, oh, I'm going to date someone 0:31:23.320 --> 0:31:26.280 who's fifteen years older than me. That wouldn't have been 0:31:26.400 --> 0:31:28.280 my box. And you may might not have said someone 0:31:28.320 --> 0:31:32.200 fifteen years younger than you. But so I'm a big 0:31:32.280 --> 0:31:36.800 encourager of look, be open, like go on a second date. 0:31:36.840 --> 0:31:39.840 People are nervous on the first date. If it went okay, 0:31:39.960 --> 0:31:41.680 you know, maybe give him a second one if he's 0:31:41.720 --> 0:31:44.960 reaching out or him or her? But what for you 0:31:45.120 --> 0:31:49.840 became the biggest My question is the biggest indicator that 0:31:49.920 --> 0:31:51.520 a second date was not a good idea? 0:31:51.640 --> 0:31:52.560 What made you know? 0:31:53.240 --> 0:31:56.160 No, Like, let's not even bother with a second date here, 0:31:56.280 --> 0:31:57.000 this was a Now. 0:31:57.160 --> 0:31:59.640 So many red flags and there are so many. 0:32:00.160 --> 0:32:01.440 I know my number one thing. 0:32:01.440 --> 0:32:06.280 I'm a big I mean, there's there's some standout things. 0:32:07.160 --> 0:32:10.560 I'm a conversationalist. I love good conversation. But if that 0:32:10.640 --> 0:32:14.920 conversation is one sided, if if there's just not that 0:32:15.080 --> 0:32:18.240 chemistry and that blend where you feel like you could 0:32:18.320 --> 0:32:23.120 just talk for hours, that that's tough for me. 0:32:23.800 --> 0:32:24.400 That is exactly. 0:32:24.400 --> 0:32:27.120 If I'm sitting at dinner and I this is I 0:32:27.160 --> 0:32:31.640 had a date in Brentwood and I sat there the 0:32:31.840 --> 0:32:36.520 entire dinner and this person didn't ask me one question. 0:32:36.800 --> 0:32:39.320 They didn't ask me it was really weird. So they 0:32:39.320 --> 0:32:41.960 didn't ask me one question about what I do, who 0:32:42.000 --> 0:32:46.400 I am anything. So two things either they knew, and 0:32:46.440 --> 0:32:48.760 they just didn't want to act like they knew. 0:32:50.160 --> 0:32:53.880 Or like it was like she was like, what's your name, Chris? Oh, okay, 0:32:54.240 --> 0:32:54.760 by the way. 0:32:54.680 --> 0:32:57.960 Fine, yeah, it's like you would either okay, well, if 0:32:58.200 --> 0:33:00.200 if I'm dating you or thinking about dating you, I'd 0:33:00.560 --> 0:33:03.600 surely ask at some point, hey, what do you do? 0:33:03.600 --> 0:33:07.360 Do you have a job? Do you stay at home? Parents? Job? 0:33:07.600 --> 0:33:07.959 Yeah? 0:33:08.000 --> 0:33:11.120 Anything? But nothing? Nothing. And this was the best part. 0:33:11.800 --> 0:33:14.720 We got to dessert, and so they took our plates away, 0:33:14.960 --> 0:33:17.479 and there was it was a very tight table, and 0:33:17.560 --> 0:33:20.760 so this group, this this date going on next to us, 0:33:20.800 --> 0:33:23.400 this other couple they leaned over after they cleared our 0:33:23.400 --> 0:33:25.160 plates and said, hey, we didn't want to interrupt in 0:33:25.200 --> 0:33:27.920 the middle of dinner, but just want to say we 0:33:28.000 --> 0:33:31.160 love the show always, you know, appreciate your hosting whatever 0:33:31.400 --> 0:33:34.120 big box or fans. And so I said, hey, thank 0:33:34.120 --> 0:33:35.680 you so much for waiting for dinner to be over, 0:33:35.840 --> 0:33:38.600 by the way, you know, thank you so much. So 0:33:38.960 --> 0:33:41.360 I get back to my date and I said, I 0:33:41.640 --> 0:33:44.040 apologize for the interruption, and she just said oh no 0:33:44.360 --> 0:33:48.280 and just kept going. So still never jumped into it's 0:33:48.280 --> 0:33:50.200 almost getting weird at the space. It was just weird 0:33:50.800 --> 0:33:55.240 and so if no one ever asked about you or 0:33:55.320 --> 0:33:56.960 repeats a question to you, it's just. 0:33:57.000 --> 0:33:59.680 It's my biggest indicator, not just in dating, but in 0:33:59.720 --> 0:34:02.760 front chips, in whether I want to work with somebody. 0:34:03.080 --> 0:34:06.280 I think every relationship is two sided if and I'm 0:34:06.280 --> 0:34:08.840 not saying look when I'm sometimes I have to watch myself. 0:34:08.840 --> 0:34:11.319 I go into interview mode when I first like you 0:34:11.360 --> 0:34:12.560 and I are to our first date. 0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:13.359 We did have. 0:34:13.920 --> 0:34:15.919 We met for drinks, and we did have that first 0:34:16.000 --> 0:34:18.719 date where we talked for hours, but afterwards I was 0:34:18.760 --> 0:34:21.360 a little bit like, oh, he asked me some questions 0:34:21.400 --> 0:34:24.040 about myself, but I it was more me. But then 0:34:24.080 --> 0:34:26.360 it's funny because I said I liked him enough for 0:34:26.360 --> 0:34:28.120 that second date, and you told me later, well, I 0:34:28.120 --> 0:34:29.319 felt like you were grueling. 0:34:29.080 --> 0:34:30.360 Me the whole night. I felt like you were in 0:34:30.400 --> 0:34:33.480 Barbara Walters modes. I was just trying to answer your question. 0:34:33.719 --> 0:34:36.399 When Lauren gets in a new situation and this could 0:34:36.400 --> 0:34:38.320 be on a date, this could be just in a group, 0:34:38.960 --> 0:34:41.480 she goes into I. 0:34:41.400 --> 0:34:42.960 Want to get to know everybody. I want to know 0:34:42.960 --> 0:34:43.799 other stories. 0:34:44.000 --> 0:34:45.960 You just want to make everybody feel comfortable, and you 0:34:46.000 --> 0:34:49.160 want to make everybody feel heard and seen, but it 0:34:49.160 --> 0:34:52.000 can often be to the detriment of yourself because you 0:34:52.080 --> 0:34:55.160 will keep throwing out questions. Throwing out questions true, and 0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:56.640 you don't allow the ball to back bounce. 0:34:56.680 --> 0:34:57.160 It's true. 0:34:57.160 --> 0:34:58.640 So I have to watch that with myself. So I 0:34:58.640 --> 0:35:01.120 don't want to judge somebody on Oh they didn't ask 0:35:01.160 --> 0:35:03.719 me enough about myself. But if I don't get one, 0:35:04.160 --> 0:35:08.279 how are you? How's your day? What do you do 0:35:08.360 --> 0:35:10.520 for a living? If there's not one question back, that's 0:35:10.560 --> 0:35:11.040 the indication. 0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:12.920 By the way, I will reiterate, you made a very 0:35:12.920 --> 0:35:14.719 good point off the top, and it didn't really have 0:35:15.080 --> 0:35:17.839 to do with that specific question, but you were right 0:35:19.400 --> 0:35:26.000 putting up hurdles before you ever meet anybody. They have 0:35:26.040 --> 0:35:28.040 to be Catholic, they have to be Jewish, they have 0:35:28.080 --> 0:35:29.680 to be six foot four, they have to make this 0:35:29.960 --> 0:35:35.600 like you are narrowing the field so much. Push yourself 0:35:35.680 --> 0:35:39.040 into trying new things, whether you're at a restaurant, whether 0:35:39.040 --> 0:35:42.040 you're dating, you need to try new things and pushing 0:35:42.040 --> 0:35:45.960 yourself to date different types of people. I just it's 0:35:46.000 --> 0:35:50.120 hard enough to find love, to find something meaningful with 0:35:50.160 --> 0:35:54.160 somebody on this planet without cutting out half of them. 0:35:54.200 --> 0:35:57.080 Well, people talk about deal breakers a lot, and I 0:35:57.120 --> 0:35:59.480 think what we have to be careful about is our 0:35:59.600 --> 0:36:04.000 dealers should more so be things about someone's character and 0:36:04.280 --> 0:36:07.920 about how they want to live their life, not about 0:36:07.960 --> 0:36:10.200 who they are on paper, not about their age, or 0:36:10.239 --> 0:36:12.600 their job or their you know. I mean, I know 0:36:12.680 --> 0:36:14.840 things like religion can be a big thing, but you 0:36:14.840 --> 0:36:17.080 don't know if someone's flexible. I know people who've converted 0:36:17.080 --> 0:36:19.360 for other people, and you know, be open to that 0:36:19.400 --> 0:36:21.600 discussion and give it time to see if it is 0:36:21.960 --> 0:36:24.120 a too big of it of a hurdle, but don't 0:36:24.160 --> 0:36:25.520 set up those hurdles in the beginning. 0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:29.640 And who are the people around this person? I you 0:36:29.680 --> 0:36:32.040 know that that's pretty that's a pretty early question for me. 0:36:32.640 --> 0:36:34.880 Tell me the five most important people in your life? 0:36:35.280 --> 0:36:37.960 Is it family? Is it friends? Do they have any friends? 0:36:38.320 --> 0:36:41.800 As as a woman, do you have other female friends. 0:36:42.520 --> 0:36:43.640 That's a huge one. 0:36:43.600 --> 0:36:46.040 Oh for me, for anybody to have friends peria. 0:36:45.880 --> 0:36:48.879 And you know obviously never dated many guys, but I'm 0:36:48.920 --> 0:36:51.200 sure that's the same of like for me, who are 0:36:51.239 --> 0:36:53.319 your friends? Where do they come from? How long have 0:36:53.320 --> 0:36:55.279 they been in your life? Who are these people that 0:36:55.840 --> 0:36:57.600 you know that I just think that the five or 0:36:57.640 --> 0:37:00.520 so people closest to you say a lot of about you. 0:37:00.640 --> 0:37:02.480 You were the total that people around you. 0:37:02.800 --> 0:37:04.920 I've said so many times, A big part of the 0:37:04.960 --> 0:37:06.680 reason I fell more in love with you is because 0:37:06.719 --> 0:37:09.680 I loved your friends. Does this person have not just 0:37:09.719 --> 0:37:12.400 acquaintances but good friends? And do you like those people? 0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:13.439 Are those people who. 0:37:13.360 --> 0:37:16.680 Are going to support that person being in a relationship, 0:37:16.719 --> 0:37:19.080 Like it's a red flag for me? Or it was 0:37:19.160 --> 0:37:22.080 if a guy like didn't have good friends who he 0:37:22.160 --> 0:37:25.000 also confided in and who just had like people he 0:37:25.080 --> 0:37:28.160 partied with, like right, that that says a lot. So okay, 0:37:28.200 --> 0:37:31.160 we've gone off, by the way, one more question. How 0:37:31.160 --> 0:37:33.880 many dates do you think you went on post divorce? 0:37:34.360 --> 0:37:34.440 Like? 0:37:34.480 --> 0:37:37.760 How many? How many? 0:37:38.000 --> 0:37:40.799 How many years did you? Well, I guess you got 0:37:40.800 --> 0:37:41.880 divorced in twenty it. 0:37:41.920 --> 0:37:43.160 Was almost eleven years. 0:37:43.239 --> 0:37:44.719 Wow, probably a lot there was. 0:37:44.880 --> 0:37:45.399 It was a lot. 0:37:45.560 --> 0:37:49.600 I was this podcast because I learned even more. Never 0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:51.319 asked him then, how many dates did you. 0:37:53.560 --> 0:37:56.480 Dozens? And as you know, there were a few relationships 0:37:56.480 --> 0:38:01.200 in there that took time where I wasn't dating I 0:38:01.280 --> 0:38:04.840 was just dating one person. So there were some relationships, 0:38:05.280 --> 0:38:08.279 but there were a lot of dates and there were 0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:10.960 a lot of those you know, those semi relationships where 0:38:11.000 --> 0:38:13.160 you kind of dated a little bit and then it 0:38:13.200 --> 0:38:15.680 stopped and you kind of rekindled and it was like, yeah, 0:38:15.760 --> 0:38:18.359 we know this isn't right. But so those that kind 0:38:18.360 --> 0:38:21.839 of petered out, but there were I would say dozens. 0:38:22.200 --> 0:38:25.600 Well, let's take this to a question from Claire. Claire 0:38:25.640 --> 0:38:28.480 says she's in a very similar situation to you. I've 0:38:28.480 --> 0:38:30.680 been out of the game for a while, and I 0:38:30.719 --> 0:38:35.799 am terrified about getting back into dating. Any advice, any 0:38:35.800 --> 0:38:37.919 advice for Claire on jumping back in. 0:38:39.800 --> 0:38:43.719 I get the trepidation Claire, and I don't know her situation. 0:38:45.000 --> 0:38:47.080 I can relate it to myself where I had been 0:38:47.080 --> 0:38:49.799 married for almost twenty years. I didn't, as I said, 0:38:49.800 --> 0:38:52.600 have my twenties. So all of a sudden I was 0:38:52.719 --> 0:38:55.560 dating for the first time in a couple decades. Life 0:38:55.560 --> 0:38:59.320 had changed, The world had changed dramatically, even just little 0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:03.680 stupid thing like people don't call each other anymore. You text, 0:39:04.000 --> 0:39:06.400 People don't pick each other up for dates anymore. First 0:39:06.440 --> 0:39:09.320 dates you meet at the restaurant or wherever you're going. 0:39:09.600 --> 0:39:11.920 Some people don't even like to have meals as that 0:39:12.040 --> 0:39:14.560 first date. There's the code of we just meet for 0:39:14.640 --> 0:39:16.480 drinks or coffee, so I can pull the plug if 0:39:16.480 --> 0:39:18.200 I don't like you or don't like the way you look. 0:39:18.400 --> 0:39:20.640 So there were a lot of different rules I had 0:39:20.680 --> 0:39:24.200 to learn from where I came from, and so I 0:39:24.239 --> 0:39:27.800 get the trepidation I was. I was out of my game, 0:39:27.840 --> 0:39:31.680 I was out of shape. I was out of dating shape, 0:39:31.760 --> 0:39:33.520 and so I had to get back into it. But 0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:36.360 the only way I could do it was date was 0:39:36.400 --> 0:39:38.440 to treat it like a bit of a job, or 0:39:38.440 --> 0:39:41.120 treat it like I was actually working out, which was 0:39:41.680 --> 0:39:45.279 go on dates, fail, fall down on your face, make 0:39:45.320 --> 0:39:48.480 an ass of yourself. So be it, you know, And 0:39:48.520 --> 0:39:50.160 I'm sure if you went back and talked to a 0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:51.960 lot of the women that I was dating early on, 0:39:52.440 --> 0:39:56.120 they would just say, yeah, it was like dating an infant. 0:39:56.560 --> 0:39:59.560 He just was not he was crawling and not ready 0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:02.200 to walk yet. I'm sure. I'm sure that was the 0:40:02.280 --> 0:40:04.280 perspective because I was so out of my element. 0:40:05.239 --> 0:40:08.000 I go back to that same advice on being afraid 0:40:08.000 --> 0:40:10.560 to go on a first date. It's like, this is 0:40:10.600 --> 0:40:13.040 so if you really pull yourself back, this is so 0:40:13.120 --> 0:40:15.359 low stakes. This person you're going on a date with, 0:40:15.680 --> 0:40:17.960 they don't matter in your life, you might never see 0:40:17.960 --> 0:40:20.640 them again. These are not the people who who you 0:40:20.760 --> 0:40:23.000 feel like define you as a person and where their 0:40:23.120 --> 0:40:24.600 judgment and opinion of you matters. 0:40:24.600 --> 0:40:27.000 Who cares? Look at it that way, who cares? 0:40:27.080 --> 0:40:29.920 And they are lucky to be going on a date 0:40:29.960 --> 0:40:30.440 with you at all. 0:40:30.560 --> 0:40:33.360 And I don't know if this is Claire's situation, but 0:40:33.840 --> 0:40:38.480 people are often afraid of change. And yeah, change can 0:40:38.560 --> 0:40:43.120 be bad sometimes, but it can be great, change can 0:40:43.160 --> 0:40:47.600 be amazing. People change for the good and for the better. 0:40:48.400 --> 0:40:50.680 Every bit is often, if not more than when things 0:40:50.719 --> 0:40:54.400 go bad. And so don't take a bad date. Oh 0:40:54.440 --> 0:40:56.720 I've been on so many first dates. I'm so tired 0:40:56.760 --> 0:40:59.040 of and I'm tired of repeating my resume and I'm 0:40:59.040 --> 0:41:01.920 tired of this, those first conversations you got to have 0:41:02.160 --> 0:41:05.600 over and over. Yes, these are my kids. Yes I 0:41:05.800 --> 0:41:08.759 was married, this is what I do. I know, it 0:41:08.760 --> 0:41:13.040 gets exhausted, that first date talk is exhausting after you've 0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:15.920 done it for a while. But man, when you finally 0:41:15.960 --> 0:41:19.600 spark a connection with somebody and it works, you forget 0:41:20.600 --> 0:41:23.600 how bad it was and how exhausting it is, and 0:41:23.640 --> 0:41:26.920 then it just feels great. And so Claire, you just 0:41:26.960 --> 0:41:28.560 got to jump back in. You got to rip that 0:41:28.640 --> 0:41:30.880 band aid off and don't be afraid of change. 0:41:32.200 --> 0:41:34.759 That You have a quote on your a quote I 0:41:34.800 --> 0:41:36.440 think it's from your grandfather and you have it on 0:41:36.480 --> 0:41:38.560 our desk that I always that I think applies to 0:41:38.640 --> 0:41:42.200 like work and relationships, which is, what would you dare 0:41:42.280 --> 0:41:44.040 to do if you knew you could not fail? 0:41:44.200 --> 0:41:45.759 Yeah? What would you attempt to do if you knew 0:41:45.760 --> 0:41:46.480 you could not fail? 0:41:46.600 --> 0:41:47.720 Yeah? So go into thinking? 0:41:48.080 --> 0:41:50.680 You know, gosh, I think I think I got this 0:41:50.760 --> 0:41:53.560 quote from Mel Robbins, so I follow on Instagram. I 0:41:53.560 --> 0:41:55.719 love her, which is and I don't know if she 0:41:56.200 --> 0:42:00.360 originated it, but we always think about what if it 0:42:00.360 --> 0:42:02.560 goes wrong? We worry what if it goes wrong? We 0:42:02.640 --> 0:42:04.719 have to change this in our brain. But what if 0:42:04.760 --> 0:42:08.200 it goes right? What if the date's great? So you know, 0:42:08.320 --> 0:42:10.560 why are we afraid when it is it's just as 0:42:10.680 --> 0:42:14.000 likely to go awesome as it is to be hilarious. 0:42:14.000 --> 0:42:17.320 And I get, and I get we all build scar tissue, 0:42:17.400 --> 0:42:20.560 And so I understand that you get that. I guess 0:42:20.640 --> 0:42:26.480 pessimistic attitude. I'm so annoyingly optimistic that I just don't 0:42:26.560 --> 0:42:29.000 have that mindset and I never have whether it's business 0:42:29.280 --> 0:42:35.120 relationships of what if on the bad side, because you know, 0:42:35.400 --> 0:42:37.040 and I guess if you want to ask that question, 0:42:37.320 --> 0:42:39.600 just ask what is the worst thing that can happen? Here? 0:42:40.000 --> 0:42:42.640 What's the worst thing that can happen on a horrible 0:42:42.719 --> 0:42:46.040 first date? And again I'm saying, you know, barring something 0:42:46.080 --> 0:42:49.360 really tragic happening, I just mean in the normal realm, 0:42:49.719 --> 0:42:53.719 and that is nothing like you wasted a couple of 0:42:53.719 --> 0:42:57.400 hours on someone that's a complete tool or he's useless 0:42:57.400 --> 0:42:59.480 and you're never going to talk to me, And that's fine. 0:43:00.000 --> 0:43:02.840 So you wasted a Wednesday or Thursday night, You're okay, 0:43:03.640 --> 0:43:06.520 try it again. What's the worst thing that could happen? 0:43:06.640 --> 0:43:10.200 Bottom line, I always remember that the most important relationship 0:43:10.239 --> 0:43:13.120 we have is the one we have with ourselves. It's 0:43:13.160 --> 0:43:15.600 my favorite quote from Sex and the City. And I 0:43:15.640 --> 0:43:19.759 think for everybody who's dating, who's in a relationship, you 0:43:19.880 --> 0:43:22.680 have to prioritize that relationship with yourself. And that's going 0:43:22.719 --> 0:43:25.480 to put you out as a confident, ready to go 0:43:25.600 --> 0:43:28.440 person for being in your relationship or getting into one. 0:43:28.520 --> 0:43:30.520 And thank you guys for these questions, and just. 0:43:30.560 --> 0:43:34.120 Know, at the end of the day, we love you 0:43:34.200 --> 0:43:37.480 here and You are all welcome here, and no matter 0:43:37.520 --> 0:43:41.680 what happens on that date or in that relationship, you 0:43:41.760 --> 0:43:45.040 can always bring it to the Most Dramatic Podcast Ever. 0:43:45.560 --> 0:43:47.799 We'll see you next time because we have a lot 0:43:47.840 --> 0:43:50.400 more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on 0:43:50.440 --> 0:43:53.359 Instagram at the Most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure 0:43:53.360 --> 0:43:55.560 to write us a review and leave us five stars. 0:43:56.000 --> 0:43:57.080 I'll talk to you next time.