1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to stuff Mom Never Told You from how Stuff 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm 3 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: Kristen and I'm Caroline. And on our last episode we 4 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:23,119 Speaker 1: talked about wedding planning and the concept of feminist brides 5 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: and weddings and something Caroline, I've thought a lot about 6 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: during my engagement is Yes, the big day, the big event, 7 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 1: but also becoming a newlywed. Yeah, and how your life 8 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: might change. Oh my god, will it change? How do 9 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: you have a marriage that's like equal and egalitarian. There's 10 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: so much and you know what, as much of a 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: pain as wedding planning is and has been, what I 12 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: really tried to do with it partially to it's a 13 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: glass half full of the whole thing is see how 14 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: it has been this exercise of my fiance and I 15 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: establishing these skills that we will take into our marriage 16 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: in terms of divvying things up, of communicating, of merging 17 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: our families and the fun things that go along with that, 18 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: and sometimes having to be brutally honest. I mean, Caroline, 19 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,839 Speaker 1: I learned one night that he just you know, really 20 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,479 Speaker 1: can't stand Garland. And I was briefly offended by that. 21 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: Oh no, I know, but I'm serious. It's it's funny 22 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: how these small things. I mean, it's it's a nice 23 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: dress rehearsal because it's like, oh, we're talking about Garland. 24 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 1: We're not talking about daycare unless you name your child Garland. Yeah, 25 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: which we're planning to because we're a big Judy fans. 26 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: So in a way, I've been so selfishly excited about 27 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: talking to a practical wedding founder, Meg Key, as we 28 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: did in our last episode about wedding planning, um, and 29 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: talking to you are also about this newly wed phase 30 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: and what being a feminist wife looks like and means, 31 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: and what a feminist husband means, and the heteronormativity of 32 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: it all. Yeah, we did. We did definitely address the 33 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 1: heteronormativity of it all and like what we can stand 34 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: to learn from our same sex peers, which Meg's basically 35 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 1: saying everything, we can learn everything from them. Um. But 36 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: even I, as someone who is unmarried, I just felt 37 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: like I had so much to learn from Meg. She 38 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: had some really really great, reassuring, valuable perspective for just 39 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: people who are in serious relationships, screw the whole marriage thing, even, 40 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: like just valuable advice for people who are in committed, 41 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: long term, serious relationships and in case you didn't tune 42 00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: into our last episode, just to reintroduce who Meg is. 43 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: In two thousand eight, she founded a Practical Wedding dot com, 44 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: which started off as sort of a casual wedding blog 45 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: sharing her wedding planning and d I y um experiences. 46 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: That has now become one of the leading wedding resources 47 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: on the internet, and she recently published her second book, 48 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 1: A Practical Wedding Planner, a step by step guide to 49 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 1: cutting through the crazy and creating the wedding you want. 50 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 1: And A Practical Wedding is such a fantastic resource because 51 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: it not only focuses on, of course, the fundamentals of 52 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: planning a wedding, but they also spend a lot of 53 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: time on relationship advice. Um there's an entire essays series 54 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: on their about reclaiming wife and what that means. So 55 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: whether you're engaged or even single, if you go to 56 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: a Practical Wedding there are um so many great relationship 57 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: advice columns on there. So you wanted to tap into 58 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: that expertise that Meg has gleaned, but both in her 59 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: work and also in her personal life. So let's continue 60 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 1: our conversation with Meg Kane. Why don't we transition to 61 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,280 Speaker 1: newlywed life? Since we've we've planned the wedding, we've gotten 62 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: through it, the DJs told us everything that we're doing 63 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 1: as we're doing it. So what can we expect when 64 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,159 Speaker 1: we're expecting to be newlyweds Because during engagement we're planning 65 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 1: all this wedding stuff. But what about the marriage, right, 66 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: So let's just assume for the sake of argument that 67 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 1: you have slept together and you live together, because I 68 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: think if you haven't, that's like a it's a little 69 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: bit of a different ball of life. Um. So, I mean, 70 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is 71 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:57,239 Speaker 1: that it can change things, like it can be different. 72 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 1: If it doesn't, doesn't mean that there's anything wrong. But 73 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: I think in this sort of modern era, we all 74 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: assume that nothing's going to change that, um, like we're 75 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: just having a party and then we're coming back to 76 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:19,280 Speaker 1: our partent um. And I think that is often I mean, 77 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the majority or not, but 78 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: probably the majority of the time that that is not 79 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 1: the case, Like it does change something, um And so 80 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: sort of knowing that that might happen is I think important. 81 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 1: And the other thing to think about is that, um, 82 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: while most of us have lived together and slept together, uh, 83 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 1: many of us have not combined our finances um. And 84 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: so that's sort of the final frontier I think. Um, 85 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: my husband and I didn't combine our finances held the 86 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: week before the wedding, which I do not recommend that 87 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,599 Speaker 1: that that was. That was when I found out he'd 88 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: accidentally spend the money he was the post us for 89 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: as his like living money for the last year of 90 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: law school. Bless his spendthrift heart and nearly died of 91 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,720 Speaker 1: shock because I was the the only breadwinner. UM. So 92 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: you know that was a little bit stressful the week 93 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: before the wedding. UM. So maybe I had that conversation before. Uh, 94 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:30,160 Speaker 1: But that combining finances UM or fighting about combining finances, 95 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: or trying to figure out how and if you're going 96 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: to combine finances um is it's big. It's emotional. And 97 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:44,480 Speaker 1: for us, suddenly we were planning for a joint future 98 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: and living a joint present in a really real way, um, 99 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: in terms of money and checking accounts UM. And that 100 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: was a really, really big transition for us and a 101 00:06:55,960 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: good month, but big, well, how what are some good 102 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: healthy ways during the engagement? So you're you're you've been 103 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: planning for this wedding, you have the wedding, are there 104 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: also some good healthy ways during that time that you 105 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: can plan a healthy marriage and healthy sort of egalitarian 106 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: division of household duties on the last one? Good luck? No, 107 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: not good luck. But I think you may be fighting 108 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: about that for the end of time and he should be. Um. 109 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: But uh, I'm a big fan of premarital counseling. UM. 110 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: If you if you have a religious service, you often 111 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: get it as sort of part of the deal. UM. 112 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: And we did UM and it was really helpful. And UM, 113 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: if you have a secular service, you can find therapists 114 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 1: that do it. UM. What I found that was interesting 115 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: is it was less like a couple's therapy session, which 116 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: we've done and whatever. Those are like driving pencils through 117 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: your eyes. But it is more it's usually when done 118 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: if you don't have like huge outstanding issues. UM, it's 119 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: it's usually more about like asking questions, like we committed 120 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: to going to a couples therapy if either of us 121 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: even ever asked for it. UM. During pre marital counseling, 122 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: which is a really good thing to do. UM. We 123 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: talked about like final wishes and death and finances and 124 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: what we might do if we found out that, you know, 125 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: someone was unfaithful and you know, all those sort of 126 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:40,079 Speaker 1: big questions that you haven't always talked about. UM. And 127 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 1: then this isn't even a shameless plug. This is just 128 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: sort of like funny for me. UM. I put together 129 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: a couple of pages in my first book for questions 130 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: to ask before you get married, UM, and I like 131 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: threw it together in an hour. I was like, Okay, 132 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: let me just do this, UM. And then every single 133 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 1: friend of mine that has gotten married and use the 134 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: book UM has been to come up to me that's 135 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,440 Speaker 1: my favorite part of the book. And I was like, 136 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: I couldn't done the whole book in an hour, that 137 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: that's all anyone wants. UM. And then therapists have come 138 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: to me and said, like, people bring it into them 139 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: and are like, we need to cover all of these questions, 140 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 1: and they're like, we we cannot cover all of these 141 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 1: questions because it's like every question you could ever ask 142 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 1: in the history of a relationship. But maybe let's pick 143 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: a couple, um, but doing something like that, you know, 144 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: whether it's from my book or some other book. Um. 145 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: I'm actually looking at a book on the shelf of 146 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 1: my office called one thousand and one Questions to Ask 147 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 1: Before You Get Married, which is kind of a lot 148 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: of questions. And I haven't read the books, so I 149 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: don't know if it's good, But there are you know 150 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: a lot of books and resources like that that that 151 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: you can, um look at. And I think it's good 152 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: to do during planning because it's good to take a 153 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 1: little bit of time out of like planning what is 154 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: basically an event, um, to think about why you're doing it. 155 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: What are a couple of those questions from your book 156 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: that kind of stand out as maybe some of the 157 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:08,319 Speaker 1: tougher ones are more unexpected questions you might not even 158 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: think to ask. There's sort of two kinds of questions. 159 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 1: I think, Um, we're sort of consistently shocked as a staff, 160 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: right because we both get a lot of questions written 161 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: in and we're able to observe a whole lot of comments, um, 162 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 1: and people discussing marriage. And you know, in my case, 163 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,560 Speaker 1: I've been doing it for almost a decade, so I've 164 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,439 Speaker 1: sort of had a bird's eye view on what people 165 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:40,839 Speaker 1: are thinking about and talking about UM for a long time. UM, 166 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 1: and I'm consistently surprised how often people are ignoring really 167 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: big issues, really big questions, UM that like you can't 168 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,959 Speaker 1: sort anything out for forever, but like you probably need 169 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: to have a grip on like I don't know what 170 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 1: do you want kids? Do not want kids? Where do 171 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 1: you see on that? UM? What religion do you you 172 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: know want in your family if you're not the same religion? UM? 173 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 1: Is one if this is something I've seen come up 174 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: more and more actually is like is one of you 175 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: essentially monogamous? And it is one of you maybe not 176 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: essentially monogamous. We've we've had commentars, you know, talking about 177 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: like how do I go to my husband and talk 178 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: about opening my marriage? Um? And you know that's tough. 179 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: Uh if if you've never floated it before, UM, your 180 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,720 Speaker 1: husband might be like, oh my god, what are you 181 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: talking about? UM. So there are those really sort of 182 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: fundamental questions that I think people often, especially if you 183 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: have not been together for forever and ever and ever 184 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: before you get married, I think people sort of want 185 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:50,559 Speaker 1: to say we love each other so it'll be okay. Um, 186 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: But in my experience now having been coupled for more 187 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: than a decade and married for half of that, Um, 188 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 1: there's sort of two parts of marriage, and one is 189 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: a relationship part, and one is also this sort of 190 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,840 Speaker 1: like life management part, like your co workers and household 191 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: management and life management. And if you really are far 192 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 1: apart on some issue around life management, it's gonna come up. 193 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,440 Speaker 1: It's going to be a problem. Um. And then the 194 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: most sort of not unexpected but the question people don't 195 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: think to ask, which I think is important, is about 196 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 1: your views on aging parents and on family um. Because 197 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: that comes up, right, parents get sick and die, parents 198 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: get sick and don't die. Um, parents need to go 199 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: into retirement homes. Parents might want to move into your home. Um. 200 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,439 Speaker 1: So it really starts coming up for people, and it 201 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: can be really shocking to discover that. Like, Oh, my 202 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: partner's assumption was that his mom would just move into 203 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:53,840 Speaker 1: our house, right, And he just assumed that was fine, 204 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 1: And that is not fine at all. UM. So I 205 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: think that's an important thing to discuss, along with sort 206 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,959 Speaker 1: of financial ramifications around that, like if your parents or 207 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: family needed money, would you expect you and your partner 208 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 1: to anti up or now now you mentioned, um, just 209 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 1: a minute ago, the issue of one partner being monogamous 210 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 1: and maybe the other not so much. And I was 211 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: curious whether you hear very much from a practical wedding 212 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: UM visitors about that transition, the newlywed sex life transition, 213 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: and whether that's the thing, because I mean, it's kind 214 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: of funny. We're like, as brides were often gifted all 215 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: of this lingerie, and there's all the expectations about the 216 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 1: first night together, which is funny because of course it's 217 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,559 Speaker 1: probably not the first night. And so I was wondering 218 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:52,440 Speaker 1: if that is another unexpected thing. I don't know if 219 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: it is. I mean whatever, I think married sex is hot. 220 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: I do though, like that was surprising for me. I 221 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: was like, oh, it's sexy, um, but like something about 222 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: the concept of it. Uh, But yeah, I don't know. 223 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: I don't hear a lot. I don't think it's a 224 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 1: big transition point for for most people, UM, the way 225 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: I think you do sometimes come across that like, oh, 226 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: We've been together for X amount of time and suddenly 227 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm realizing I want this different thing, um, And and 228 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: that could be legitimately quite stressful. I think, well, that's 229 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: good to know that's kind of comforting that it's not. 230 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 1: But it's not. It's just it's sexy. It's fine, Caroline. 231 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: I have a personal website and I gotta admit it 232 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: doesn't look all that great because I haven't redesigned it 233 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: using square Space. And get on that. Well, I will 234 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 1: because Caroline sites that you square Space look professionally designed, 235 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: regardless of your Christen Conger skill level, and no coding 236 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: is required. On top of that, they give you intuitive 237 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: and easy to use tools, and you get a free 238 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: domain if you sign up for a year, So Caroline 239 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: sandwiches could be yours. Finally, and when you decide to 240 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 1: sign up for square space, make sure to use the 241 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: offera code mom stuff to get ten percent off your 242 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: first purchase square Space. Build it beautiful. And now back 243 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: to the show. Well, a couple of years now ago, 244 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: Kristen and I didn't episode on the division of household labor, 245 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 1: and we were mainly focusing on the fact that according 246 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: to Academia, uh, it looked like same sex couples were 247 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: away on the ball. Men living with men and women 248 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: living with women pretty much had it down in terms 249 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: of splitting things up equally. It wasn't a huge fight 250 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 1: as to who's gonna mow the lawn versus who's going 251 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: to do the dishes. It was more like, let's do 252 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 1: things fairly simply because there aren't traditional gender roles to 253 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: fall into. If you both are the social planner and 254 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: no one's mowing the lawn, nothing will get done. Well. Actually, 255 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 1: you might have a lot of parties. You just will 256 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: have an overgrown law. So you have to like weed 257 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 1: whack to get through the door. Yeah, jeez, yeah, every 258 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: every person to bring your own beer and you're own 259 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: weed whacker. Um. So A, I want to ask you 260 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: what can opposite sex couples stand to learn from same 261 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: sex couples once they're in the marriage, But also like 262 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: how can people in general learn to strike that balance 263 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: in their marriage? I think we can learn everything from Um. 264 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 1: We we live in Oakland, and Oakland is like the 265 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: lesbian capital of the universe now or something. I think 266 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 1: I think we have a special crown. Um. You know, 267 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: the per capita lesbian population is really high, um, which 268 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: is great because it means that now that we have kids, 269 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: were raising our kids around a lot of um same 270 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: sex Uh. Parents. UM. So I just feel like there's 271 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: all this stuff that we're not going to have to 272 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,919 Speaker 1: undo with our kids because they're going to see that 273 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: from the beginning. But it does mean that we get 274 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 1: to watch, you know, how other couples are doing things, 275 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,280 Speaker 1: and how same sex couples are doing things. UM. And 276 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 1: I tend to think that we're reasonably good. Um, but 277 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: we're not that good ever, because we do still we 278 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 1: are still fighting the good fight, as opposed to as 279 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 1: being like, well, how are we going to divide this up? Um? 280 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: I think that I mean other than the more. If 281 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,639 Speaker 1: you have same sex couples in your life, ask them 282 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: how they do it? Seriously, like, get all the advice 283 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: you can get. But um, I think as a woman, 284 00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: it's really about fighting for what matters and fighting for 285 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 1: what matters over and over and over again. UM. I 286 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 1: have a stafford who says, um, if it's worth yelling about, 287 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,760 Speaker 1: it's worth yelling about every time. It's not. It's not easy. 288 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 1: It doesn't become easy. Um. In my experience, if you 289 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: have kids, it becomes way harder, real fast, especially if 290 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,400 Speaker 1: you have biological kids. Right, because guess what, I had 291 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: to be pregnant twice. UM. And we have uh lesbian 292 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,959 Speaker 1: couple at UM school at our school, our kids school, 293 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: and so envious they their pregnancies were like at the 294 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 1: same time, right and um they switched off and I 295 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,159 Speaker 1: was like, oh, oh, I hate that so much that 296 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 1: I have to do it twice. UM. But then I 297 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:52,359 Speaker 1: was nursing. Um, I'm nursing UM, so that there was 298 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,679 Speaker 1: like an even division of labor that can can't be 299 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: undone UM. So there was a lot of conflict around that, 300 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 1: and a lot of conflict around also like societal roles. 301 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,400 Speaker 1: Once you're both really entrenched in your careers and then 302 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 1: possibly have kids, UM, that's when it stops being about 303 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: like what you theoretically thought you were going to do, 304 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 1: and about you know, I have to nurse and you 305 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 1: feel like your career will be impacted if you tell 306 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 1: your male boss that you are going to part time 307 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,159 Speaker 1: because of kids, right, Like just all this stuff that 308 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: gets layered on UM. But I just think you have 309 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 1: to fight about it over and over and over and 310 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: over and over again because it's important. UM. So you know, 311 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,480 Speaker 1: my husband and I just had another big blowout about 312 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 1: daycare pickup and our oldest is three, and I would 313 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,920 Speaker 1: say within the last He's three and he's been going 314 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,200 Speaker 1: to Dake care since eight weeks, and I would say 315 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,400 Speaker 1: within the last month, we have finally started to work 316 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 1: at out daycare pickups. So that's a lot of like 317 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,760 Speaker 1: hitting it over the head over and over and over again. UM. 318 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: So yeah, you just gotta like work at it for 319 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 1: forever well, taking it a couple of steps back from motherhood. UM. 320 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: One thing that you've written about a lot, and is 321 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,920 Speaker 1: also um a hallmark of practical wedding is the concept 322 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: of reclaiming wife and the whole wife identity. So I 323 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: was wondering if you could speak to that because wife 324 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 1: is such a loaded term. God, it's so loaded. Yeah. 325 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: I realized the day after we got married, like I 326 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: vividly remember where, like crossing the Bay Bridge, like I 327 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 1: remember where we were. Um, Dave used the word wife 328 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 1: for the first time, which is like intense when it happens, right, 329 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: because I felt like he was. I think that everyone 330 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: does this, like you feel like they're lying and then 331 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,200 Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, it's really true. Um. And 332 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,960 Speaker 1: like remember looking at his wedding ring and looking at 333 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 1: my wedding ring, UM, and just realizing that like him 334 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: having a wedding ring on meant that he now had 335 00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 1: like more job security, like more respects, was going to 336 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:05,719 Speaker 1: get promotions easier. Um. And the inverse was true for me. 337 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,440 Speaker 1: It would be harder for me to get jobs, It 338 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 1: would be harder for me to move up in the ranks. Um, 339 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have in many ways last respect. Um, certain 340 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: things would be expected of me, like giving up my 341 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:23,479 Speaker 1: career or for kids, right. Um. And so it was 342 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:27,119 Speaker 1: just like heavy and tough. And I took off my 343 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:31,160 Speaker 1: engagement ring at that point. Um. It's since been stolen 344 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 1: and replaced. So now I wear my engagement ring everywhere, 345 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: but it's a new ring. Um. And just wore a 346 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 1: band because the band was like it didn't visibly look like, oh, 347 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: that's a wedding band. Um, because I just sort of 348 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: had this feeling that like it wasn't the public's business 349 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,639 Speaker 1: that I was married. Um. So, God, it's just a 350 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 1: lot of time pack. I wish I had some easy 351 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 1: answer like let's just reclaim wife and it's awesome and done. 352 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: But oh oh, and so when you first get married, 353 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,359 Speaker 1: I think it's just like heavy and a lot and 354 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 1: trying to figure out what it means to you and um, 355 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,600 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to do all these things? That 356 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 1: do you want to do these things? And and then 357 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 1: everyone's asking you about kids, and um, it's tough, man. 358 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: I mean, even the answer, well, even though it's not 359 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:26,399 Speaker 1: an easy answer, it's comforting to know that those kinds 360 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: of emotions can happen because similar to motherhood, I think, 361 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,560 Speaker 1: you know, we expect women to be overjoyed at becoming 362 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 1: wives and becoming mothers, and our complexity of our emotions 363 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,320 Speaker 1: and identity are often marginalized. Yeah. And I also just 364 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:49,359 Speaker 1: want to take an intersectional feminist time out, um to 365 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 1: say that I was saying all of that as a 366 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:55,000 Speaker 1: white feminist, and um, it is not always the same 367 00:22:55,119 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 1: for black feminists certainly, who have you know, there's a 368 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,120 Speaker 1: whole history there of stripping family rights away from black 369 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: people in this country. UM. So I'm not the sort 370 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: of anything like an authority on that, um and shouldn't 371 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 1: be the one to speak to it. But I do 372 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 1: want to like take a time out to say, like, hey, 373 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: this is I can only speak for I can only 374 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,880 Speaker 1: speak for white ladies. Well, I have a friend who 375 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 1: got married a couple of years ago and even I 376 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 1: mean up to the wedding, and I think even after 377 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: they got married, her mother in law was still sort 378 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 1: of ignoring the fact that her brand new daughter in 379 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 1: law wanted to keep her maiden name, did not want 380 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,880 Speaker 1: to change her name and take her husband's last name. 381 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: And so her mother in law kept making all these comments. 382 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 1: And even I think had a tote bag monogramed, and 383 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: that's fun. So if not that uncommon, like it happens, 384 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I didn't have a toebag, 385 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,120 Speaker 1: but I have a lot of mail. Yeah, well, yeah, 386 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:02,960 Speaker 1: what's the big deal. What's what's going on with the 387 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 1: name changing? And have you dealt with any of that? 388 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 1: And and what do people tell you? Um? I mean 389 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: like at first I should be blunt. I have, again 390 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 1: as a white feminist, need to be really clear about that. 391 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 1: But like I have a pretty unapologetic point of view 392 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 1: where I'm like, ladies, don't change your names, um, and 393 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: give your kids your name, which I did. Um. And 394 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: I feel really strongly about I'm like it, right, we're 395 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 1: wiping off match, We're literally wiping matrilineal lines off the 396 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 1: face of the world. Um. So I feel strongly about it, 397 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,360 Speaker 1: and that really is sort of one of my big, big, 398 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:46,719 Speaker 1: big feminist fights. Um and uh, it's not easy. And 399 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 1: I don't know what goes on with the older generation. 400 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:54,560 Speaker 1: I think they're sort of it's the whole women policing 401 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 1: women thing, right. I think there's psychological theory up once 402 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,399 Speaker 1: I and then the other about this, but that you know, 403 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 1: marginalized groups end up enforcing the norms, like self enforcing norms. Um. 404 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,480 Speaker 1: So I think it's you know, if you change your name, 405 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: then you like sort of have a dog in that 406 00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:18,679 Speaker 1: fight and want to enforce that code. Um. But and 407 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: then there's this other idea that if you um don't 408 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,360 Speaker 1: have one name of your Plat family, which I find 409 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:32,719 Speaker 1: to be like just profoundly ridiculous and um, apologies if 410 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,159 Speaker 1: you think that, but I find to be sort of 411 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:42,160 Speaker 1: profoundly ridiculous and really entrenched. Um. And we don't, right, 412 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,639 Speaker 1: My husband has the names worn with, I have the 413 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 1: name I was born with. Our kids have hyphenated names 414 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: with my math um, so we don't have a family 415 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 1: name at all, and we don't use the hyperennated name 416 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: as a family name because neither of us use it 417 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:59,160 Speaker 1: at all, even socially. Um, like it's just not even 418 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:04,160 Speaker 1: a thing. Like it's just not even a thing. Um. 419 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 1: So yeah, the world really pushes back. And I think 420 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: that if you have made the stand of taking your 421 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: name or of keeping your name, um, it's you kind 422 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,960 Speaker 1: of write like best that you picked the fight, um, 423 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: which is great, but that means to kind of push 424 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: that right because otherwise you didn't pick the bite. So yeah, 425 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,359 Speaker 1: there's a lot of correct thing that goes on. For me, 426 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: it went on for like five years. It keep didn't 427 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: die easily. Wow, like five years post wedding. Oh yeah, 428 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,439 Speaker 1: oh yeah. And then also then we had the kid thing, right, 429 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 1: where then people really want to enforce the kid having 430 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 1: me the dad's last name only. So like I've already 431 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: taught my kid who speaks to um correct people, uh 432 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: and tell them what his name is it really is. Um. 433 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:59,959 Speaker 1: So yeah, God, it's intense. It's intense. The patriarchy does 434 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 1: not die quietly, ladies. So in terms of what a 435 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: feminist marriage looks like, it sounds like it looks like 436 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:14,919 Speaker 1: a continual work in progress and a constant negotiation in 437 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: a way. Yeah. I mean, I think it's one of 438 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,119 Speaker 1: those things where it's like a continual struggle, but in 439 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,960 Speaker 1: my opinion, better than the alternative. Right, Like, I'd rather 440 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 1: have a blow up with my husband about gender rules 441 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,439 Speaker 1: once a month. Then I have to do everything. So 442 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,879 Speaker 1: maybe it's just laziness, but um, I don't want to 443 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 1: do everything. Um, I don't want to have to go 444 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: to work and then come home and do all of 445 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: the cleaning and all of the cooking and you know, 446 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,040 Speaker 1: like I don't want to have to do everything that 447 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: I stayed at home you know wife did once upon 448 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: a time, A work full time. Um, I don't want 449 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,560 Speaker 1: to be both, So it's worth fighting for me. Yeah, 450 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,719 Speaker 1: my boy, and and I just made I'm not kidding 451 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: a short chart for the house because well because we 452 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 1: found it. Because he cooks a lot, which is great 453 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,800 Speaker 1: because I am nowhere near a great cook. But I 454 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 1: can do some laundry and too. Yeah right, So like 455 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,080 Speaker 1: I love laundry. It's so satisfying. There's a pile and 456 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 1: there's not a pile, and then it smells good and 457 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,680 Speaker 1: so like that's so satisfying. Um, And so that's fine. Great, 458 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: you cook, I'll clean up after you cook, and I'll 459 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,959 Speaker 1: do laundry and then fold it. And it's it's everything's great, um, 460 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 1: but there were just the outlying stuff. Basically, anything that 461 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 1: wasn't cooking or laundry could potentially turn into a fight. 462 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 1: Oh there's two things I think studies have actually shown 463 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: maybe or maybe making that up. And it's a made 464 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 1: up city in my head, um, But according to the 465 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 1: made up city in my head, um, I think that 466 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: you have less fights and less stress if you have 467 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 1: defined roles, right, and then it's like, my job is 468 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: to do the laundry, and if you do the laundry 469 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: for some reason, you're that's great and you're doing me 470 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: a favor, but we both know that you're doing me 471 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: a favor kind of thing, um than like the undefined 472 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: gray area. And then I also will say that if 473 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 1: you get to a point where you can and like 474 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: feel like you can do it ethically, etcetera, hiring helps. 475 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,800 Speaker 1: We've only done that really recently, but um, having someone 476 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: come in and clean the house once a month and 477 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 1: do like the deep clean has removed a lot of 478 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 1: fights and a lot of filth from our our lives. Yeah, 479 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 1: we that's something that's on the table. We haven't made 480 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 1: a decision about that, um, but that's definitely something that 481 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 1: we've talked about too, just because then I mean, that's 482 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 1: one less thing to fight over, honestly, and like the 483 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 1: deep cleaning than it really is, like the laundry, there's 484 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 1: like these discrete tasks. And also I should say that 485 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 1: having been in this for a while, I had kids 486 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: and had my marriage changed with that and stuff. Um, 487 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: things change, and I think things change more than we 488 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 1: expected them to um, And I think it can be 489 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 1: hard to be like, but no, you said you'd do 490 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 1: the dishes always and forever. We signed that contract, um, 491 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: and you know, stuff changes and there's like different needs 492 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:20,960 Speaker 1: at different times, and when I was heavily pregnant there 493 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 1: was stuff I just couldn't do and um. Yeah, so 494 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,360 Speaker 1: it's just like you're just always like negotiating and renegotiating 495 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,960 Speaker 1: for forever. But that's why you should marry someone you 496 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,840 Speaker 1: can talk to communicate with. And yeah, I mean that's 497 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 1: what I'm hearing between the lines of everything you've said. Honestly, 498 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: when it comes to engagement, wedding planning, having the wedding, 499 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,600 Speaker 1: and then going home the day after. You know, everything 500 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,479 Speaker 1: that I'm hearing is how important communication is and just 501 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 1: picking a partner or looking out with your partner that 502 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 1: you really can communicate with each other. Yeah, and picking 503 00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:00,560 Speaker 1: someone that can be a partner and not just a 504 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,720 Speaker 1: boyfriend or a girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? 505 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: Because like I really have thought a lot in the 506 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 1: past few months since having a second kid, So like 507 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,240 Speaker 1: there's all that extra layers of stuff going on, and 508 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: we've had just a really hard few months with deaths 509 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 1: and the works. Um, but so life's getting really complicated 510 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,959 Speaker 1: and just realizing like how much of our lives together 511 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: are like who's doing what? And is this getting done? 512 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 1: And also managing investments and do you know what anything? 513 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: But like the stuff that you do together ranges from 514 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:39,320 Speaker 1: like sex to financial maintenement helps keeping um, and like 515 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 1: the sex heart falls well in the realm of relationships. 516 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: But I think we're conditioned to think about like relationships 517 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: is like are you in love? Love? And that they 518 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: make you feel angly and like that stuff comes and 519 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 1: goes right and sometimes you feel like that and sometimes 520 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: you feel like I would like to murder you, um, 521 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: but I will carry on because we're living a life together, 522 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: and um, then you and you come back around. Um. 523 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: But yeah, you've got to be able to manage. It's 524 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: like it's like managing a company, which I also do right. Like, 525 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:15,080 Speaker 1: there's two companies, my company and my household, um, and 526 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: they both have remarkably similar tasks. I will say, So, Meg, 527 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 1: I feel like you're in the like planning stages of 528 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 1: your next website, A Practical Marriage, which I totally visit 529 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,600 Speaker 1: all the time. I think it's gonna be like a 530 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 1: lifestyle site. So, Meg, where can people go to learn 531 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 1: more about you? And A practical wedding? And the book? Uh, 532 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 1: the book is a practical wedding planner and you can 533 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 1: find it on Amazon or the side part of my 534 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 1: site A Practical Wedding. You will notice that it is 535 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,239 Speaker 1: uniform and consistent and easy to find me. You can 536 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,880 Speaker 1: find us on Instagram and a Practical Wedding. Um. And 537 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,719 Speaker 1: if you want to find out more about me for 538 00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 1: some reason, um, I m at mag Keen dot com. 539 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 1: But I'd really live in a practical wedding That's probably 540 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,239 Speaker 1: the best place to find me. Well, Meg, thank you 541 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: so much for spending so much time with us and 542 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 1: giving us so much insight, and also thank you for 543 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 1: making a practical wedding, which I'm not exaggerating when I 544 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: stay has helped keep me saying for the past year. 545 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,760 Speaker 1: Thanks ladies, it was really fun. Yeah, thank you so much. 546 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,280 Speaker 1: You are a joy. It was so it was so 547 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: good to talk to you. Well. Thank you again so 548 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 1: much to Meg for spending so much fabulous time talking 549 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,720 Speaker 1: to us. We had so much fun. Honestly, again, it's 550 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,000 Speaker 1: worth saying. I just want to talk to her all 551 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 1: the time and would love to just have her be 552 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,960 Speaker 1: the third person on the podcast. She doesn't even have 553 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,000 Speaker 1: to talk if she didn't want to. She's just so funny. 554 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: I just love her. I agree. I mean, you and 555 00:33:56,200 --> 00:34:00,280 Speaker 1: I uh talked about that interview outside the ste video 556 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 1: for like thirty minutes after she just to like digest 557 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 1: all of the great stuff and insight that Meg shared 558 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:10,480 Speaker 1: with us, um and so honestly and openly, which we 559 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 1: really appreciated. Well. I think she's a very valuable voice, 560 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: whether it's in terms of your engagement planning, a wedding planning, 561 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 1: a marriage planning, a life with your partner. Um, because 562 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 1: she's there's no fruit for to her, There's there's nothing 563 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:27,800 Speaker 1: that she's trying to like sugarcoat anything about relationships or 564 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:31,840 Speaker 1: marriage or weddings or parenting. It's just nice to talk 565 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:35,840 Speaker 1: to a fellow lady about these things honestly and openly. 566 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: She's just one of those great people who helps you, 567 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 1: or I hope helped you realize like you're not alone 568 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,399 Speaker 1: and these things making you feel like you're crazy. Yeah, 569 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: and that some of this relationship stuff is really hard, 570 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,920 Speaker 1: you know. I mean, there's a reason why not to 571 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,480 Speaker 1: be dismal. But a third of marriages dissolved within the 572 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 1: first five years, and I think it's because we don't 573 00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:02,840 Speaker 1: walk into these relationships with full tool sets, because it 574 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,840 Speaker 1: can be really easy to get distracted by the wedding 575 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 1: or just by problems are negativity in general, if you 576 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,400 Speaker 1: get too swept up in any of that instead of 577 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:16,960 Speaker 1: working through it. Yea. So definitely head over to A 578 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:21,400 Speaker 1: Practical Wedding and check out everything that Meg's about, and 579 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:26,720 Speaker 1: we also highly recommend if you are engaged like I am, 580 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 1: definitely check out their two books, which are fantastic resources. 581 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 1: A Practical Wedding, Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, affordable 582 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 1: and meaningful Celebration, and most recently A Practical Wedding Planner, 583 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,200 Speaker 1: A step by step guy to cutting through the crazy 584 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,359 Speaker 1: and creating the wedding you want, and we'll have links 585 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 1: to those over at our website Stuff I've Never told 586 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,560 Speaker 1: you dot Com. And now, of course, listeners, we want 587 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,960 Speaker 1: to hear from you because a lot of you are 588 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:55,440 Speaker 1: in relationships or have been in them. Some of you 589 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 1: might be wives, husbands. We want to know what your 590 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:03,720 Speaker 1: insight and ad ices as well for having a long 591 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:07,080 Speaker 1: term feminist relationship and the work that that takes mom. 592 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,760 Speaker 1: Stuff at how stuff works dot Com is our email address, 593 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:11,840 Speaker 1: and we've got a couple of messages to share with 594 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:19,759 Speaker 1: you right now. I have a letter here from a 595 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 1: listener who said that she wanted to share a personal 596 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 1: story as a military member serving in Europe during the nineties. 597 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,520 Speaker 1: She says a junior enlisted friend of mine found herself pregnant. 598 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:33,040 Speaker 1: After consulting with her boyfriend, another junior enlisted service member, 599 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,440 Speaker 1: the decision was made to terminate the pregnancy. After consulting 600 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,759 Speaker 1: with a male military doctor, it was explained that the 601 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,640 Speaker 1: procedure could not take place on base. She would need 602 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,440 Speaker 1: to have the male hospital commander and her male squadron 603 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,719 Speaker 1: commander signed off on her to receive care at a 604 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,719 Speaker 1: local civilian facility. Take leave time and pay for out 605 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,600 Speaker 1: of her own pocket. For the record, abortion was legal 606 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 1: in the country where we were stationed. The doctor assured 607 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,719 Speaker 1: her the paperworkers a formality and to come back in 608 00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,239 Speaker 1: a week to go over the process. Two days later, 609 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 1: the service member was summoned to her male squadron commander's 610 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,040 Speaker 1: office and interrogated at length as to her decision. Her 611 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 1: boyfriend escaped any such interrogation. This went on daily for 612 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,799 Speaker 1: a week. The base male chaplain, who was not of 613 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,280 Speaker 1: her faith, was brought in to persuade her to change 614 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:20,080 Speaker 1: her mind. Mostly the sessions were about guilting, shaming, and 615 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:25,040 Speaker 1: bribing her with better assignments. When the first two tactics failed, finally, 616 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:28,040 Speaker 1: the commander said he refused to sign the paperwork allowing 617 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,160 Speaker 1: her to seek medical treatment off base because he was 618 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: a family man and against abortion. After a week of 619 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 1: these interrogations, she returned to the military hospital to meet 620 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,719 Speaker 1: with her mail doctor, who was shocked and horrified at 621 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 1: her treatment. The hospital commander had signed his part of 622 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,760 Speaker 1: the paperwork, but the squadrons commander still refused. Talk about 623 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:48,600 Speaker 1: men controlling women's bodies, my friend chose to defy her 624 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,920 Speaker 1: squadron commander. She joked leave, drove herself to a civilian facility, 625 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,480 Speaker 1: had the procedure, stayed two days in the hospital, which 626 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,480 Speaker 1: was a hospital requirement, and then drove herself home. She 627 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,120 Speaker 1: spent the next several months in fear, year of retaliation 628 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,600 Speaker 1: and the possibility of punishment up to a court martial 629 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 1: for essentially disobeying her squadron commander. I now live in Texas, 630 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 1: where it seems not a day goes by that the 631 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,840 Speaker 1: state legislature is not chipping away at the women's access 632 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,480 Speaker 1: to legal abortion. This is all under the guise of 633 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: keeping women safe. So today when someone asks me how 634 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,160 Speaker 1: I can be pro choice, I just tell them I 635 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,680 Speaker 1: have my reasons. As for my fellow service member, she 636 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,960 Speaker 1: left the service at the end of her enlistment. Today 637 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,680 Speaker 1: she's a happily married mother with three college degrees. So 638 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,160 Speaker 1: thank you for writing in Well, I gotta let her 639 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:38,880 Speaker 1: hear from Amy about our recent beauty and fashion episodes 640 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: from the end of she writes, in your episodes on 641 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,000 Speaker 1: beauty and fashion blogging or vlogging, as the case may be, 642 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 1: you commented about the lack of mail equivalence to this 643 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:53,759 Speaker 1: kind of emotional work. Briefly, mentioning sports shows, I think 644 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,399 Speaker 1: there's a better comparison to be made to video game 645 00:38:56,440 --> 00:39:01,560 Speaker 1: reviewers and let's play commentaries. Like ashen bloggers, let's play 646 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:05,560 Speaker 1: videos portray a desirable lifestyle to their audience, earning money 647 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,960 Speaker 1: playing video games. What could be more fun? However, there's 648 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,400 Speaker 1: a lot of unseen work setting up cameras and audio, 649 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,840 Speaker 1: playing and replaying through levels, cutting and editing videos, creating 650 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: title cards, et cetera. Let's play videos must simultaneously provide 651 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:23,040 Speaker 1: interesting live commentary while playing the game. Their personality sells 652 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,719 Speaker 1: the video even more than actual skills. This is intensive 653 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:30,640 Speaker 1: behind the scenes as well as performative work, combining improv comedy, 654 00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:35,600 Speaker 1: expert commentary, and likable personality. Furthermore, the market is similar 655 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,240 Speaker 1: to fashion blogging in that there are a few elite 656 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,080 Speaker 1: let's play groups that make the real cash money by 657 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:45,279 Speaker 1: charging subscription fees to join their live chat, YouTube ads, merchandise, 658 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:50,000 Speaker 1: and donations. Examples include, but aren't limited to, yoggs cast 659 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 1: that might be yos cast, y'all don't know what how 660 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:58,200 Speaker 1: it is actually pronounced video game awesome, and the omnipresent 661 00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:01,960 Speaker 1: beauty Pie. However, were making a living wage is difficult 662 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,759 Speaker 1: in the market is staturated by amateurs doing their best 663 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,279 Speaker 1: to break in. It's difficult to know how much or 664 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,400 Speaker 1: how little some of the pros and quotes make. Some 665 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,439 Speaker 1: make a point of buying their own games. Others get 666 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,520 Speaker 1: copies sent to them as well as gadgets to try. 667 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,080 Speaker 1: I think that let's play sector differs from fashion blogging 668 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,120 Speaker 1: and that the players maintain a level of personal privacy. However, 669 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,600 Speaker 1: there's a certain false intimacy that develops on the viewer's side. 670 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,279 Speaker 1: I've spent hours listening to a couple of strangers play 671 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:28,839 Speaker 1: a video game on the other side of the world, 672 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:30,719 Speaker 1: and it starts to feel like I know them and 673 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:35,080 Speaker 1: I'm actually just quietly chilling in on their couch. It's 674 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,680 Speaker 1: an odd feeling, and I'd like to clarify that while 675 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,360 Speaker 1: I think Let's Play have more male than female creators, 676 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,719 Speaker 1: it's not completely exclusive to the ladies. Nor do I 677 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 1: speak from direct experience as an actual creator of Let's 678 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:49,880 Speaker 1: play videos, just an occasional viewer. So thank you Amy 679 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,479 Speaker 1: for that insight, and I think your comparison is spot on. 680 00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: And to yags or yogs cast fans, my hypologies and 681 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,680 Speaker 1: if you've got letter us to send our way Mom's 682 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,560 Speaker 1: seven hell. Stuff works dot com is where you can 683 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,920 Speaker 1: do it every links to all of our social media 684 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,600 Speaker 1: as well as all of our blogs, videos, and podcasts 685 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:12,160 Speaker 1: with our sources so you can learn more about what 686 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,120 Speaker 1: it means to be a feminist wife, or just you know, 687 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,360 Speaker 1: like of a human person. Head on over to stuff 688 00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:25,000 Speaker 1: Bob Never Told You dot com for more on this 689 00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,720 Speaker 1: and thousands of other topics. Does it has stuff works 690 00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:35,920 Speaker 1: dot com