Speaker 1: I think if I was in a dress, I think
Speaker 1: it would be a it would be a body positivity past.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could see that.
Speaker 1: I'm sure.
Speaker 2: They're like, move over, Lizzo, here's a new star in time.
Speaker 1: There's a man doing it. Now.
Speaker 2: You want to see some butt sheets that need to
Speaker 2: be out?
Speaker 1: Yea a rhythmic clapping?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Jump the kidding.
Speaker 3: Your racists money stuff I can't tell me.
Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to another brand new episode of My
Speaker 1: Mama Told.
Speaker 2: Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the
Speaker 2: pockets of black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 1: And we were to prove that the k Y and
Speaker 1: k Y jelly does in fact stand for Kentucky and
Speaker 1: it is a proprietary blend invented by slaves. We want
Speaker 1: our money back. Wait.
Speaker 2: So if I'm understanding correctly, because boy, what an exciting
Speaker 2: journey we're on. You're saying that these slaves thought to
Speaker 2: use the chicken grease to fuck each other.
Speaker 1: Okay, you said chicken grease.
Speaker 2: Well you said Kentucky. I immediately went to Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Speaker 2: I thought you were making two branches happen at once.
Speaker 1: No, I just meant I guess I meant that there
Speaker 1: were slaves in Kentucky.
Speaker 2: I didn't hate, all right, all right, okay, no, but
Speaker 2: let's play. Let's play a game, alright. So in theory,
Speaker 2: there are slaves in Kentucky making sex grease there, I believe,
Speaker 2: is what it's traditionally called. They're making this sex grease.
Speaker 2: And you're saying that a slave owner an evil white,
Speaker 2: not like you good whites who listen to the podcast. Oh,
Speaker 2: you guys are the best whites, fine whites, some of
Speaker 2: my favorite whites. There's just people with with whites for
Speaker 2: Langston who signs behind me? Where are my whites? Where
Speaker 2: are my crackers? But you're saying that these evil whites
Speaker 2: stole that formula, stole that sex grease formula, and then
Speaker 2: and then turned it into their own product.
Speaker 1: Yes, hell yeah, Because I mean, what's the one place
Speaker 1: you would want to but chicken grease? Besides your mouth.
Speaker 2: Come on, it's got to taste good down there a
Speaker 2: little bit, you know it's gonna.
Speaker 1: Make it taste worse.
Speaker 2: It's gotta help. Well, I'm Lenggston Cartman, I'm David Bory
Speaker 2: and and you've come, You've come so far, you've come
Speaker 2: to a fantastic new episode and and specifically it is
Speaker 2: an e Lenggston and David episode David and Langston and
Speaker 2: you pick your poison and and just someone where we
Speaker 2: just talk ship and unpack a few emails. Maybe just
Speaker 2: let's figure out where our hearts lie in all of this.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the bottom of it. It's January, you know,
Speaker 1: New Year, New me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's god damn January.
Speaker 1: What are you are you? Are you like a a
Speaker 1: new year? Are you like a New Year's resolution person?
Speaker 2: Uh? Not in a way that uh would create any
Speaker 2: real accountability, if that makes sense. Yeah, It's like I
Speaker 2: make some resolutions in my head where I'm like, hell, yeah,
Speaker 2: come on, dog, you could get in shape this year. Hey,
Speaker 2: big man, let's just let's just in sugar always forever
Speaker 2: in your life what you need to And then sugar.
Speaker 1: Shit is fucking killing me. It's really so bad for you, sugar.
Speaker 1: For me, it's alcohol where I realized I'm like thirty five,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, nothing new is gonna happen if
Speaker 1: I get drunk, so I should probably get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's why weed started to like become
Speaker 2: a thing in my life. Was like, damn, these drunk
Speaker 2: knights are starting to repeat themselves in a way that
Speaker 2: that it's not even joyful anymore.
Speaker 1: No, there's nothing new and there's nothing new. You're just
Speaker 1: getting door dash.
Speaker 2: Late, like yeah, and then you get married and and
Speaker 2: that becomes so much of like a this is a
Speaker 2: guaranteed ending to your night that it's like.
Speaker 1: You can't even go out and get loose because it's
Speaker 1: like you got to go home right.
Speaker 2: I couldn't even possibly wake up somewhere I didn't expect
Speaker 2: like it. Truly, it is a non factor in my life,
Speaker 2: and I'm grateful to have a person that makes that
Speaker 2: a non factor. This is in no way resentful of
Speaker 2: my wife. But that said, fuck am I doing this for?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, you've stolen a joy that I can't get back.
Speaker 1: What's that a joy?
Speaker 3: Did you?
Speaker 1: Like, like waking up scared that you got robbed? Maybe?
Speaker 2: I I think there was a joy in the way
Speaker 2: that it feels like going through a haunted house, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 1: That's right?
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I think, But then you volunteer for that
Speaker 2: fear and you're like, oh, I signed up for this.
Speaker 1: I guess it's exciting because I'm single as hell. It's
Speaker 1: I guess it's exciting.
Speaker 2: Are you still waking up places you didn't know? Are you?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: You know, I've been thinking about it because I did
Speaker 1: a drinking contest last night. I did a drinking contest
Speaker 1: live show, and I haven't really been drinking like that
Speaker 1: for a while. And I woke up today with no
Speaker 1: memory of how the night ended. And I woke up
Speaker 1: and I came I came into the kitchen, man, and
Speaker 1: there was I fried up spam. Oh no, And it's like, bro,
Speaker 1: what is this? What is this? Isn't even that couldn't
Speaker 1: have been a good time?
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, man, that's not even the best thing
Speaker 2: you could have fried.
Speaker 1: Not even I have a fridge food of food. I
Speaker 1: have leafy greens in that. I don't even know where
Speaker 1: I got the spam.
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So you didn't just have spam on hand?
Speaker 1: I assume I mustard.
Speaker 2: Oh man, that's that's haunting in either direction.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, like, like, this is a.
Speaker 2: New apartment for you, You don't you don't have to have spam. No,
Speaker 2: I know you have a good amount of money. Spam
Speaker 2: is a choice you're making. And then on top of that,
Speaker 2: if it isn't a choice you're making, if you didn't
Speaker 2: already have the spam, you were like, I need fucking
Speaker 2: spam in my blood right now, And then you went
Speaker 2: and got that.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's I live above a seven to eleven. So
Speaker 1: I think that was the last one because I remember
Speaker 1: coming home. Yeah. Then what I'm saying is you don't
Speaker 1: want these problems spam.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I hear you, and I
Speaker 2: sort of believe you, and uh and I couldn't be
Speaker 2: more grateful for what I have and couldn't be more
Speaker 2: uh mournful for what I've lost, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, I get it. I get because it's always like,
Speaker 1: you know, hindsight is twenty twenty, right. It looks beautiful
Speaker 1: in the rear view, these exciting days waking up. Did
Speaker 1: I eat spam? Did I not? Who's this lady?
Speaker 2: Hell?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Come on, man? The best We all love the finale
Speaker 2: episode where they start playing the recap of the stuff
Speaker 2: that happened all throughout the years. You know what I mean,
Speaker 2: When you look up in the sky and you remember
Speaker 2: all the things that happened in Martin's apartment before he
Speaker 2: leaves come on. That's that's the best part of the finale.
Speaker 1: That was the saddest one was that the one where
Speaker 1: he wrote I'll miss you on the wall.
Speaker 2: I think he wrote love or like peace and love.
Speaker 2: It was something like more like uh whatever, but maybe
Speaker 2: it was I'll miss you. But either way, it was
Speaker 2: definitely he wrote on the wall, which I think was improvised.
Speaker 1: I have to assume was more. I don't think Martin
Speaker 1: was heavily scripted. I'm gonna I'm going on record right now.
Speaker 1: I think they had the plot points of every episode
Speaker 1: and then they just kind of like point and shoot.
Speaker 2: I don't I will say I cannot think of a
Speaker 2: sitcom where you can physically visibly see people breaking more
Speaker 2: often than Martin.
Speaker 1: Like, nobody was funnier than Martin in the dress.
Speaker 2: They could not keep it together to save their lives,
Speaker 2: and they were constantly fucking laughing at whatever this motherfucker
Speaker 2: was doing.
Speaker 1: He was so funny. He did everything wid I here's
Speaker 1: what I say. I don't think Dave Chappelle would be
Speaker 1: funny in a dress as funny as Martin. Whoa I
Speaker 1: said it.
Speaker 2: I don't think you got whoa. Okay, So you're saying
Speaker 2: that Chappelle denying the dress like being like black men
Speaker 2: in dress. This is the evil that they put on us.
Speaker 2: Was less about him like trying to save black men
Speaker 2: and more about him basically being like, fuck that niggas
Speaker 2: so much funnier than me in a dress. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: sabotage the the bit entirely.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen nu Professor is the funniest thing
Speaker 1: in the world.
Speaker 2: I truly I I I mean, but that was that Hee,
Speaker 2: That wasn't Martin, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying like that there's a long line.
Speaker 2: Of people really that even in the line of succession,
Speaker 2: Martin is ahead of him. But Martin may not even
Speaker 2: be the master of that right that space, whereas stand
Speaker 2: up Chappelle has a real chance of out shining both
Speaker 2: of them, all of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was better at writing jokes
Speaker 1: for sure. Wow, we're talking about just like nitty gritty
Speaker 1: getting to a dress and make it happen. Bro. I
Speaker 1: saw I saw the Nutting Professor in a movie theater
Speaker 1: in Atlanta, and it was like, I've never seen anything
Speaker 1: that happened like that in my life. Sure, because you
Speaker 1: you remember the movie, but you don't remember the first
Speaker 1: time at the table with a movie theater full of
Speaker 1: black people. People were throwing like drinks at no. Yeah
Speaker 1: you it was.
Speaker 2: You literally went to Mecca to pray. You know what
Speaker 2: I mean like that is it.
Speaker 1: Was nobody's ever killed his art. I love Dave Chappelle.
Speaker 1: He's never done anything as funny as Eddie Murphy did
Speaker 1: in that movie Theater.
Speaker 2: I listen, I'm not I don't disagree with this premise
Speaker 2: at all. I don't to me. When David was at
Speaker 2: his funniest as certainly as an actor, and we might
Speaker 2: be able to debate even as a stand up, was
Speaker 2: when he was gangly sort of like silly Chappelle in
Speaker 2: his youth as an actor, when he was like more
Speaker 2: of like a you kick me in the dick and
Speaker 2: I fall down Chappelle. And then at some point he
Speaker 2: elevated beyond being just a get kicked in the dick
Speaker 2: guy and more of like a buff dude and then
Speaker 2: a fat dude, and then whatever's in between those two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a DayWalker for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he wears the long coats to match the aesthetic.
Speaker 1: He wears weird clothes, but there's a stand up thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I still respect a stand up who's
Speaker 2: a bad dresser, So I'm not Yeah. Yeah, if you're
Speaker 2: a stand up and you're a bad dresser, you work
Speaker 2: hard at the craft and I like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, keep on. I'm not a great dresser. I get it.
Speaker 1: I get it. I'm just saying, yeah, man, it's like
Speaker 1: not a you can't just put a suit. You can
Speaker 1: just put a dress on and be funny. There's like.
Speaker 2: If I put on a dress, I don't think it's
Speaker 2: that funny.
Speaker 1: I mean you'd be for you could be. You know.
Speaker 1: What I would worry about you in a dress is
Speaker 1: that it would be taken too seriously.
Speaker 2: That's and that's what I'm saying. I don't think I
Speaker 2: would end up being as funny as as I would
Speaker 2: want it to be.
Speaker 1: Like you and a sun dress would just be like
Speaker 1: a fashion choice.
Speaker 2: I think somebody would write a think piece. I think
Speaker 2: I would make a whole episode.
Speaker 1: On me wearing a dress or a show.
Speaker 2: And then somebody would write a think piece about how
Speaker 2: important that work and effort was and how it was dress. Yes, like,
Speaker 2: and this is related to the relationship between black and
Speaker 2: Asian people coming together. It's like, bro, I just wanted
Speaker 2: you to see my dick print in a sun dress.
Speaker 2: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Yeah, your body is too serious for dresses. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's that's that's you know, across you up to bear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think I think it's uh, it's a
Speaker 2: everybody ain't funny in address to your point, And so
Speaker 2: I think Chappelle in a dress, wasn't it? They could
Speaker 2: really do it? And I do think to the grander conspiracy,
Speaker 2: I don't like the way Chappelle tanked that for for
Speaker 2: some motherfuckers that could really shine in dresses.
Speaker 1: Some of the greatest comedy ever been done in dresses.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, we we really fell in love with comedy
Speaker 2: because of niggas interresses. And then this old, old, fucking
Speaker 2: why Wise motherfucker was like, I wonder if that is
Speaker 2: because of racism. It's like, of course it is, David, you.
Speaker 1: Should read the things I text my mom.
Speaker 2: All of it's because of racism. But what parts of
Speaker 2: it are funny and not funny? Let's yes, there's a
Speaker 2: core of it.
Speaker 1: That's all I care about. Put that dress on. But
Speaker 1: there's a young Canadian listening to this God, put that dress.
Speaker 2: Slip on that red dress and some high he do it.
Speaker 1: For those of us who can't, come on, man, hashtag,
Speaker 1: put that dress on.
Speaker 2: Put that hashtag. Put that dress on. This will blow up, right,
Speaker 2: this will turn into some sort of challenge. You're getting.
Speaker 1: Put that dress on.
Speaker 2: Put that dress on. Challenge brought to you by Ma.
Speaker 2: Mama told me. We we challenge you to be, to
Speaker 2: be a pioneer and and uh in black retraction and
Speaker 2: put that dress on.
Speaker 1: Put that dress on, you, beautiful man.
Speaker 2: Only if it's funny. Only if it's funny, or if
Speaker 2: that's who you are, It doesn't matter. We're truly not
Speaker 2: gonna decide. But for the funny people, put that dress on.
Speaker 1: No buff, dudes, you gotta be soft buff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, big old muscles pop out the dress.
Speaker 1: That's not anybody's gonna focus on.
Speaker 2: Should we should we do an emails?
Speaker 1: Just oh yeah, let's do an email. I got I
Speaker 1: got I got lost in the dress of it all.
Speaker 2: We we before we started, we were we were debating
Speaker 2: which email to take on. And we have a number.
Speaker 2: We've been getting a fuck ton of emails from you guys,
Speaker 2: and they've been amazing and We're super grateful for him.
Speaker 2: So please continue to send your messages. They are not
Speaker 2: going unnoticed, even if it takes a little while for
Speaker 2: us to get back to you. But we got an
Speaker 2: email from a person named Carly. Carly sent us an
Speaker 2: email that I would argue is bordering on smut. I
Speaker 2: would say that, certainly the subject line of this of
Speaker 2: this conspiracy theory, I think is smut ish. If I'm
Speaker 2: not mistaken, I know you do, and so I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to say it with any judgment, but
Speaker 2: I did want to point out we're getting smut here.
Speaker 2: But the subject of the line is poop in the
Speaker 2: mouth conspiracy theory. And we all heard that and we
Speaker 2: were like, yeah, we should probably do. Do you have
Speaker 2: any as to what this this relates to?
Speaker 1: Do you?
Speaker 2: Does poop in the mouth conspiracy theory trigger anything for you?
Speaker 1: Not? No, there's no conversations I've had or like, no,
Speaker 1: you're in that corner of the internet.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The only thing, the only thing that it immediately
Speaker 2: triggered for me was thinking about like two girls, one
Speaker 2: cup and that fake I have no clue, And frankly,
Speaker 2: I never made it far enough into the video to
Speaker 2: be able to like go like, hey, those those poops
Speaker 2: don't match colors. Something ain't right here. Yeah, it looks
Speaker 2: very real, and I can't I can't go back to
Speaker 2: whatever that was even talking about it now, bad time.
Speaker 2: I want to vomit.
Speaker 1: Yeah eight something like that.
Speaker 2: Oh, seven eight something.
Speaker 1: We didn't know what to do with the Internet yet.
Speaker 2: No, And and frankly, if the fact that people didn't
Speaker 2: shut it down right then tells you that they did
Speaker 2: not have good plans for us.
Speaker 1: No, No, it was unregular. It was the wild wild
Speaker 1: West back then.
Speaker 2: Cause like, all right, not for nothing that that's some
Speaker 2: black market shit, right, Like I don't even know who
Speaker 2: made it, but that's what I'm saying. I think, like,
Speaker 2: for a while in the world that we understood, in
Speaker 2: the Windows ninety five world that we lived in, the
Speaker 2: presumption was that if you wanted to see two girls
Speaker 2: each shit out of a cuff you paid you, you
Speaker 2: had to go to like a black market dark web space.
Speaker 2: And then at some point around two thousand and seven,
Speaker 2: the black market became the regular ass Internet where they
Speaker 2: were just like fuck it, release the you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, the archives, and then we just started going
Speaker 2: on YouTube seeing black market shit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that was like because it was like I've
Speaker 1: seen gross stuff since, but I had not seen anything
Speaker 1: grosser at the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that it was that broke a seal for like,
Speaker 2: I would say eighty percent of us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because once now that you know that that's out there,
Speaker 1: you're like there.
Speaker 2: I got and some of us had to know, and
Speaker 2: some of us were like, I'm good, I'm going to
Speaker 2: like join a church and turn in the opposite direction.
Speaker 2: And that fucking video, I would say holds holds a
Speaker 2: lot of weight in that responsibility.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would like to find them. I wonder if
Speaker 1: they know what they do. They had two girls, they
Speaker 1: know they know.
Speaker 2: I guess that's weird for me to ask, as if
Speaker 2: you were I gotta find that cup? What you did?
Speaker 1: They burned the cup.
Speaker 2: Imagine the intern that had to wash out that cup
Speaker 2: after the mess that was made.
Speaker 1: Where is that true crime documentary? They're fucking talking about
Speaker 1: everything else? Why don't we have a two girls, one
Speaker 1: cup video history. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The fact that they haven't come forward and said like
Speaker 2: this was abuse, this, this was a violation tells you
Speaker 2: something something crazy you had to have had They had
Speaker 2: to have been murdered.
Speaker 1: I think that they I don't know, maybe they're maybe
Speaker 1: they're proud of it.
Speaker 2: Okay, but but great.
Speaker 1: The word great is not a moral word. It's just
Speaker 1: a word for a size.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess where I start to worry or worry wonder?
Speaker 2: I guess is something that popular? They couldn't have been
Speaker 2: paid that much, right, So it becomes that.
Speaker 1: As much as it was seen, no.
Speaker 2: So so why haven't we heard of any of them
Speaker 2: coming forward and being like, hey, we never saw enough
Speaker 2: money on what became truly a worldwide phenomenon. Dog, where
Speaker 2: are the two girls one Cup Girl?
Speaker 1: Where they at? Where's the cameraman? Girls?
Speaker 2: And specifically the two girls one cup girl? Dog? We
Speaker 2: gotta make the tea that's a perfect goddamn T shirt
Speaker 2: is bring Back our Girl hashtag bring back our Girls,
Speaker 2: And it's just the image of the two girls one
Speaker 2: cup ladies right beneath it.
Speaker 1: Bro. You know what's crazy is they could walk into
Speaker 1: my apartment right now. I would not recognize them.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't recognize them because they're not covered in poop.
Speaker 2: They were covered in poop. People.
Speaker 4: I know you, Oh, I recognized you.
Speaker 1: Wait, so why were we talk. We're talking about poop
Speaker 1: and mouth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the poop and mouth conspiracy. There is what what
Speaker 2: Carly sent us. Carly sent us this email and she said, Hey,
Speaker 2: Langston and David, I love your show. I've been talking
Speaker 2: shit to my husband forever, swearing I will email my
Speaker 2: own conspiracy and finally making it happen. So here we go.
Speaker 2: I am biracialal My black mom and her extended family
Speaker 2: are responsible for most of my upbringing. As kids, my
Speaker 2: cousins and I were always pushing to finish our plates
Speaker 2: at meal time, whether you liked what you would you
Speaker 2: were being served or not. At some point us kids
Speaker 2: started this thing. We thought we were being slick. I
Speaker 2: just by just holding a big mouthful of food forever
Speaker 2: without swallowing, presumably in hopes that dinner would end at
Speaker 2: the and the adults would give up on making us
Speaker 2: finish our plates. When the adults caught onto this ruse,
Speaker 2: my mama told me that if we kept food in
Speaker 2: our mouths for too long, it will automatically turn to shit,
Speaker 2: like actual physical poop in your mouth. It was devious
Speaker 2: and insanely effective. Where you at so far? Where what
Speaker 2: are your feelings? I'll finish the email. Let's let's gauge
Speaker 2: your immediate responses inside of this.
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm not a doctor. Okay, here's what I got.
Speaker 1: Poop is made out of food.
Speaker 2: That's rights as.
Speaker 1: Far as I can go on. That's as far as
Speaker 1: I can do. I think that like if I just
Speaker 1: kept food in my mouth for a long time, it
Speaker 1: would turn the poop. No, I think it would smell bad.
Speaker 2: Mmmm.
Speaker 1: But do I think it would turn turn it in
Speaker 1: the same poop that comes out of my butt?
Speaker 2: Do you think it would smell bad? Like poop bad
Speaker 2: or like just like like old oats and hot breath
Speaker 2: type bad? Like do you think it's.
Speaker 1: It's like, have you ever like douse those little the
Speaker 1: tooth the dentax strips? Do you ever eat these things?
Speaker 1: I got them?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, those the things that people are are throwing
Speaker 2: on the street constantly for something.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Sometimes I'll pull like a
Speaker 1: piece of steak or something out with one of these,
Speaker 1: and it smells pretty bad, and that SIT's just been
Speaker 1: in there for like twenty minutes, because like if I
Speaker 1: get a big one, you know, I'll sniff it and
Speaker 1: like yeah, so like extrapolate that over time. I think,
Speaker 1: I think that's something happened. I don't know. This is
Speaker 1: a difficult one.
Speaker 2: It is. I guess where my brain originally went. Is
Speaker 2: holding food you don't like in your mouth. It would
Speaker 2: taste like shit. Yeah, it seems like at the point
Speaker 2: that you've put it in your mouth, you've you've already
Speaker 2: crossed the threshold. You don't just finished the motherfucker.
Speaker 1: That's what I mean. Children are stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the craziest part of this to me, is
Speaker 2: like I'll just hold these chitlings in my mouth and
Speaker 2: that way I don't have to experience them. It's like, no,
Speaker 2: that's the worst part. Also, that's crazy to me because
Speaker 2: like maybe I'm crazy. My mom can cook. That's like
Speaker 2: one thing we never had, like nasty meals in my mouth,
Speaker 2: Like are you pants cook? My mom could cook. She
Speaker 2: didn't love doing it, but she could cook. My dad
Speaker 2: I think had like four meals that he knew how
Speaker 2: to handle, and like we would have those pretty consistently.
Speaker 2: They hit for for my palette then and and I'm
Speaker 2: a big fan of my Daddy's a good man, good
Speaker 2: man good But I wouldn't say that. I I'd like
Speaker 2: go to somebody else's house and be like, man, you
Speaker 2: gotta try my dad's tomato chicken. It's like, I don't
Speaker 2: I enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: What it was?
Speaker 2: Chicken with tomatoes all over it? I don't know. Again,
Speaker 2: good man.
Speaker 1: I don't put those two words together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you want from me?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, I'm a victim too, So I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna say, like, you know, great chef, but
Speaker 2: I enjoyed what we had growing up and and have
Speaker 2: zero regrets about having ate it. Do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, tomato chicken. But that's big. That's like
Speaker 1: prison's parents food was nasty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that part's pretty clear. Was like, this is
Speaker 2: nasty food, but apparently also nasty because it was so
Speaker 2: unseasoned and so sort of like blank that it was.
Speaker 2: You could keep it in your mouth for for sometimes
Speaker 2: hours at a time to escape responsibility of finishing your plate.
Speaker 1: Yeah I don't. But do I think you Okay, So
Speaker 1: back to this conspiracy beery. Yeah, no, I don't think
Speaker 1: it would turn anoop mm hmm.
Speaker 2: I I guess I kind of do. I guess, if
Speaker 2: I'm being completely honest, I don't think that it's necessarily
Speaker 2: gonna take the form that poop does. I think you
Speaker 2: gotta make it all the way down to the end
Speaker 2: of the train to to to get that blackened uh cajun, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that Cajun flavoring that that ends up with poop. But
Speaker 2: I do think that that's It's like the difference between
Speaker 2: like black and salmon and like and like sushi, do
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like theyre's still both fish.
Speaker 2: It's just like, oh, okay, this is poop. This is
Speaker 2: like gross fucking mush that like is to your point,
Speaker 2: gonna stink and like be vile in a way. That's
Speaker 2: like pretty close to poop. If we if we like
Speaker 2: had a scientist in a in a glass, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean.
Speaker 1: I mean, But isn't poop, man, we're talking so much
Speaker 1: about is it? It's like, but poop is also stripped
Speaker 1: of all the nutrients. It's like you take all the
Speaker 1: nutrients out and then your body pushes out the rest. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think that at least in my understanding, that
Speaker 2: the more that we cook something right, the more that
Speaker 2: we heat it, the more that we uh that the
Speaker 2: more nutrients are lost into the atmosphere or I guess
Speaker 2: into the fire, whatever the fuck it is. And similarly,
Speaker 2: I think when you leave something soaking in a saliva
Speaker 2: or around bacteria, that's gonna be eating up those nutrients.
Speaker 2: I think in this case, we're just not absorbing them
Speaker 2: the way that we would. They're just being dissolved in
Speaker 2: our bullshit mouths. Okay, I mean you don't you have no,
Speaker 2: I have no, I have no.
Speaker 1: This is the weirdest conspiracy theory because it's not based
Speaker 1: in race. So I have no like, I have no
Speaker 1: like people I want to win or lose.
Speaker 2: You, I got you. Let's read on because maybe, and
Speaker 2: it's worth noting that I do believe Carly said that
Speaker 2: she was raised by her black mom, yes, and extended family,
Speaker 2: and so it sounds like they were doing this in
Speaker 2: a black household, and subsequently it came from a black
Speaker 2: parent that that you got shit in your mouth if
Speaker 2: you hold it in your face. I need proof with
Speaker 2: like that, I got you. You need somebody to poop
Speaker 2: out their mouth and then you're like, God, I got you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 2: She goes on to say, So I'll be the first
Speaker 2: to admit that this isn't a textbook conspiracy theory per se,
Speaker 2: but I certainly believed it and was deceived by it
Speaker 2: for an embarrassingly long time. I also came to realize
Speaker 2: there's some poignant themes in there that I didn't really
Speaker 2: process until I was an adult, something about not letting
Speaker 2: anything go to waste and not taking food for granted,
Speaker 2: especially when so many others in our community of lower
Speaker 2: income black and brown families went without Anyhow, over the years,
Speaker 2: I always get a good laugh when I tell people
Speaker 2: about this lie. Or is it that my mama told
Speaker 2: me that I thought you guys would get a laugh
Speaker 2: too much? Love Carly, Yeah, Carly, your mama is a liar. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she lied to you.
Speaker 1: Probably you didn't want to eat a nasty as food.
Speaker 2: I get it, But you know what I see the vision,
Speaker 2: my ma. I think that whatever's been whatever's been kept
Speaker 2: in your face is equivalent to shit at the point
Speaker 2: that you would spit it out, and it is not
Speaker 2: only harmful and wasteful, but it also is basically poopish.
Speaker 2: It's poop, It's it's Kenny Barus brings to all of
Speaker 2: us poopish. It's a lighter poop, it's.
Speaker 1: A biracial poop.
Speaker 2: It's a biracial poop, but it's it's got its own
Speaker 2: struggles that we were unaware of twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: Poopish starring Tracy Yellen is wrong.
Speaker 2: She's back back.
Speaker 1: Baby. You can't can't give a good man? Damn? Do
Speaker 1: you want to come see my mama told me live
Speaker 1: at the Allegiant Theater on February sixteenth. But you don't
Speaker 1: live in Los Angeles? Have we got an offer for you?
Speaker 1: We're live streaming it be a moment. What do you
Speaker 1: in Q and A's you can see me, you can
Speaker 1: see Langston. Tell them about it, Langston.
Speaker 2: Please purchase tickets at moment dot co slash. My mama
Speaker 2: told me again February sixteenth at the Aleician Theater, but
Speaker 2: in your homes for the live stream or the next
Speaker 2: five days after, so buy those tickets. Olivia mentioned that
Speaker 2: there is apparently a disease, a disorder of sorts.
Speaker 1: Oh, because if you hold it for too long when
Speaker 1: it comes at your mouth.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, so well apparently there's something uh yeah, feculent vomiting,
Speaker 2: fecal being the root word there. If anybody was wondering
Speaker 2: where people throw up poop out of their mouths, I
Speaker 2: guess unexpectedly.
Speaker 1: Which truly sounds like the worst day. There's no what
Speaker 1: do you do?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, let's say you're at dinner. Right, Let's say
Speaker 2: let's say you're at a fine Lebanese restaurant and and
Speaker 2: you you feculent vomit out of your face or do
Speaker 2: you wait for the check? Do you how do you
Speaker 2: proceed after that?
Speaker 1: I'm out? Are you kidding? No, fucking you?
Speaker 2: You vomit out of your you vomit ship out of
Speaker 2: your face, and then you just stand up and you
Speaker 2: you just walk. You just meeting you.
Speaker 1: Again, probably not even on that side of town, to
Speaker 1: be honest, I won't come back.
Speaker 2: So you're not moving cities. But you are like a
Speaker 2: New Borough kind of dude.
Speaker 1: I'm off that street.
Speaker 2: I got you?
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Ship out of my mouths Now,
Speaker 1: I'm gone brover.
Speaker 2: Well, this is a very real thing that apparently exists,
Speaker 2: and the American Journal of Surgery I'm reading now looks
Speaker 2: specifically at feculent bombing. Researchers found that throwing up poop,
Speaker 2: while not common, was associated with some type of intestinal obstruction,
Speaker 2: including either of the following mechanical intestinal obstruction a partial
Speaker 2: or complete blockage of the intestine that's more common in
Speaker 2: the small bow paralytic obstruction. With this condition, muscle or
Speaker 2: nerve problems disrupt the normal muscle contractions of the intestines.
Speaker 2: A paralytic can can cause symptoms of an intestinal blockage,
Speaker 2: but there's not a physical blockage. So it sounds like
Speaker 2: most of this has to do with the intestine more
Speaker 2: than just you holding it in your mouth and then
Speaker 2: becoming poop.
Speaker 1: Right, this is your testings is fucked up. It's gotta
Speaker 1: come out.
Speaker 2: And they're like, we're going back, baby.
Speaker 1: Staking ass bread. I miss bad breath jokes. Remember when
Speaker 1: there used to be so many bad breath jokes? When
Speaker 1: did we stopped doing that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say that that one of Uh it's
Speaker 2: a bad breath joke that lives in my head forever,
Speaker 2: and it's a it's it happened to a very funny
Speaker 2: comedian and a friend. So I won't name names, but uh,
Speaker 2: one time we were leaving we were leaving a concert.
Speaker 2: It was me, Jack and a few others and this
Speaker 2: comedian and uh, at one point, out of nowhere, Jack
Speaker 2: just turned to this dude and was like, donk your
Speaker 2: breath is fucking like shit. It's like and we've all
Speaker 2: been talking about it. Everybody knows that, come on, man,
Speaker 2: we gotta do something. And then walked him into a
Speaker 2: convenience store and bought him gum in front of like
Speaker 2: ten people and like made this big announcement. It was
Speaker 2: one of the meanest, most effective things that he could
Speaker 2: have possibly do done in that moment.
Speaker 1: But like, did his did you see this guy later?
Speaker 1: And or was his breath?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: He kept hanging out with us and and it helped.
Speaker 2: The gum definitely helped. And I feel ashamed even bringing
Speaker 2: it up, but it was so much funny but is insane.
Speaker 2: It was truly one of the funniest things that that
Speaker 2: has ever happened where because he was talking, he was
Speaker 2: happening a good night, we have been to a concert,
Speaker 2: We were just enjoying some shit, and Jack was just like,
Speaker 2: bro your breath. Everybody, look the secrets out, man. Everybody knows.
Speaker 2: We've already had private conversations about it.
Speaker 1: You got it. That's that's the beauty of Jack. Though
Speaker 1: It's like you do have to like, he could have
Speaker 1: not done it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I wasn't gonna do it.
Speaker 1: That's the big.
Speaker 2: It was just gonna be. You know, I was just
Speaker 2: gonna have a rough night. I was like, Man, if
Speaker 2: I drink enough, maybe this will You don't smell nothing
Speaker 2: when you drunk. Yeah yeah, walk the man into a
Speaker 2: bodega and said here fix this. So to your point,
Speaker 2: I think there's still some bad breath jokes out there.
Speaker 4: They just think good hidden as often as they used to.
Speaker 4: It was the mainstay of my childhood. The problem with
Speaker 4: bad breath is like people could lie about it. Whoa
Speaker 4: people could be like, oh, he's breast stinks, and then
Speaker 4: it's like, but does it? Are you just being me?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Meaning like if I if I say your breast stinks,
Speaker 2: but you're not nearby to prove it, I'm just I'm
Speaker 2: just saying a random thing about you.
Speaker 1: Like if a woman says that your breath staying, there's
Speaker 1: no you can't, there's no rebuttal.
Speaker 2: Yeah she's just a hater.
Speaker 1: But but there's no like you coming and being like no,
Speaker 1: actually I brushed my teeth. She just didn't like me.
Speaker 1: Oh you know what I'm saying. It's just like your breastinks.
Speaker 2: Then oh you're saying that at the point there's no
Speaker 2: rebuttal for the receiver of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no there's no you can't you can't beat that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it does it. It sucks when they're I think
Speaker 2: it got overused in the nineties, right, There was a
Speaker 2: point where like they were constantly telling people their breast things,
Speaker 2: and it was like, yeah, but you're nowhere near them.
Speaker 2: We don't even how do you know?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I got watered down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it got super watered down. But then there was
Speaker 2: a point to your point where it was like, oh,
Speaker 2: if somebody said it to you and they were close
Speaker 2: enough and or like had a context to be able
Speaker 2: to point it out, it became a thing that you
Speaker 2: was like a challenge for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: Right right, right, right, right, right, man, we gotta bring
Speaker 1: that back.
Speaker 2: I used to carry banaka just out of fear of.
Speaker 1: I don't works that well.
Speaker 2: I don't think it does either. I think you're truly
Speaker 2: just getting kind of buzzed off of of a listerine.
Speaker 1: Do they even make it anymore?
Speaker 2: I think they still make banaka.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, that was some fresh shirt to do. Though
Speaker 1: it's under twenty and you had banaka. That was pretty fresh.
Speaker 2: You just sprayed a couple of times, and it was
Speaker 2: like a cool as hell. Yeah, you end up at
Speaker 2: a girl's house and you know that that part of
Speaker 2: the night where you got to empty your pockets and
Speaker 2: you pull some knockout.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she knows you're on point.
Speaker 2: She knows you're playing this. This is.
Speaker 1: This girl.
Speaker 2: I was always ready for you, shorty later today. Yeah, man,
Speaker 2: you know what, don't buy it. I'm gonna send you
Speaker 2: some knock I'm gonna send you a big old case
Speaker 2: of man so you can get back to whatever whatever
Speaker 2: that is for you. Keep some on the bedside, keep
Speaker 2: some in your sock like an extra gun. You got
Speaker 2: a little bit knock a holester right on your sock.
Speaker 1: I like to put it in the little pocket, you know,
Speaker 1: the fifth pocket on the that's where goes just in
Speaker 1: case don't go out your soul. You gotta have cash run.
Speaker 2: You gotta have one hundred dollars in your little pocket.
Speaker 2: Come on, man. So so it doesn't sound, it doesn't
Speaker 2: sound like you're you're even still convinced that this is
Speaker 2: one and.
Speaker 1: This was complicated because this one was not. This isn't
Speaker 1: a that's not a typical conspiracy theory. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: I think in this case, it feels like your mom
Speaker 2: was writing her own contemporary allegories, like in the same
Speaker 2: way that like Jonas in the Whale, ain't that his name?
Speaker 2: Jonah Jonah and the Whale is he didn't really get
Speaker 2: swallowed by a whale and then come out of it.
Speaker 2: But it's a lesson about like faithfulness.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my mom used to tell me. My mom told
Speaker 1: me if you swallowed chewing gum, and this is a
Speaker 1: direct quote, it will rub against your gut and.
Speaker 2: You will die.
Speaker 1: And then and I thought it was just me. I
Speaker 1: talked to my little brother about it recently. She told
Speaker 1: him the same thing, not basing anything other than don't
Speaker 1: eat gum.
Speaker 2: What you shouldn't eat gum. It's really really bad for you, That's.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying. And I think that's where it came from.
Speaker 1: She was like, if you eat because you know, I
Speaker 1: was a kid, I was fucking housing big weak chu.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll take your thickest pack, sir.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, and the bubble tape to go. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think I think that's one of those where it's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: technically you will die, but it's not just because of
Speaker 2: the one piece of bubble gum. You would have to
Speaker 2: be doing that constantly for a long, active period of
Speaker 2: time for this to start to have its residual effects.
Speaker 1: And the point is that it worked to this day.
Speaker 1: I don't swallow gum, and I think Carly eats all
Speaker 1: her food.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, Carly, we hope that you are finishing your plate.
Speaker 2: We hope you have a big old pile of unseasoned
Speaker 2: pasta in front of you right now, and and you
Speaker 2: finish it anyway because of fear that you might be
Speaker 2: shitting out your.
Speaker 1: Face eat all that tomato chicken.
Speaker 2: I did, and I like it. Bory, do you want
Speaker 2: to tell the people where they can find you and
Speaker 2: what cool should you have going on?
Speaker 1: You can find me a cool guy Jokes eighty seven
Speaker 1: on Instagram.
Speaker 2: And as always you can. You can follow me at
Speaker 2: Langston Kerman and go subscribe to our YouTube hang Out
Speaker 2: Bullshit whatever that is. And uh, all right, that's it, bye, bitch.
Speaker 3: The government babies grow chips in your bees. All Kuala
Speaker 3: bears are racist. The Old Slayer wholesale money many turkey stuff.
Speaker 3: I can't tell me