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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress high

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Speaker 1: Whips Marties. Today we are joined by a guest who

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Speaker 1: has made some serious waves in reality TV, and I'm

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Speaker 1: just so excited to talk to her. Her life has

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Speaker 1: been wild and from an exterior that could look very

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Speaker 1: shiny and perfect to sharing experiences and an interior that

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Speaker 1: has been anything. But I really admire the way she's

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Speaker 1: chosen to be so upfront about her life. Today's guest

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Speaker 1: you might know is Macey Neely from Who is The

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Speaker 1: Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. The show has clearly taken

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Speaker 1: the world by storm, but in the beginning, in particular,

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Speaker 1: barely scratched the surface of Macy's personal story. She became

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Speaker 1: a mom at twenty, she lost her son's father in

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Speaker 1: a tragic car accident, she went back to college as

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Speaker 1: a single mother. She's given glimpses of these challenging things

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Speaker 1: that she's been through that eventually led to the show

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Speaker 1: she works on with her friends. But now she's telling

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Speaker 1: us everything in a memoir that honestly surprised me with

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Speaker 1: how both inspiring and darkly funny it is. She really

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Speaker 1: lifts the veil on what growing up in her culture

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Speaker 1: with strict standards, with athletic prowess, and then frankly blowing

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Speaker 1: it all up looked like. She talks about temptation and

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Speaker 1: an abusive relationship and dealing with pretty dark and dangerous things.

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Speaker 1: Her memoir is called That Told You So, and in it,

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Speaker 1: Macy captures the period from college to adulthood that really

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Speaker 1: shaped her and that made her into the woman we

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Speaker 1: met on Secret Lives. She did this with real brutal

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Speaker 1: honesty and great and humor, and I really appreciate that

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Speaker 1: she offers us a real heartfelt portrayal of a woman

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Speaker 1: who's finding her voice and binding her strengths by embracing

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Speaker 1: her scars instead of being ashamed of them. I actually

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Speaker 1: think that's a really universal thing for so many of us.

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Speaker 1: So let's dive in with Macy Neely. Obviously, you know,

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Speaker 1: when I sit down with somebody, they're always in the

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Speaker 1: middle of something, right, Like it's a promo thing, your

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Speaker 1: book is coming out, so when as a movie coming out, whatever,

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Speaker 1: it's all always so exciting. But I do think there's

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Speaker 1: a really interesting experience as a person who lives a

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Speaker 1: life in public in some way where people don't always

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Speaker 1: know about your life before. They don't always know about

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Speaker 1: your life in any real tote. It's always a cheese.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I'm really curious for you, especially as a mom,

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Speaker 1: I think a lot about the inner children that we

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Speaker 1: carry with us. Yes, And I wonder if you could

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Speaker 1: go back to before all of this and all of

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Speaker 1: the sort of ups and downs of life and hang

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Speaker 1: out with your younger self when you're you know, eight

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Speaker 1: or nine or ten years old. Do you feel like

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Speaker 1: you'd hang out with that little girl and be like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I see how she's me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly I think I would. I feel the one

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Speaker 2: thing I feel like is a little different is like

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Speaker 2: I was a really like sensitive, like shy child. So

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Speaker 2: then part of me is like, oh, that's weird that

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Speaker 2: like I do what I do now and like the

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Speaker 2: public eye and stuff. But I will say she's still

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Speaker 2: there though, because like I still get nervous, like I

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Speaker 2: do suf on camera or whatever, and I still sometimes

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Speaker 2: but it's like, oh, like ooh, Like you get like

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Speaker 2: a little nervous in the beginning sometimes like not filming

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Speaker 2: for like our show, but like if it's like an

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Speaker 2: interview or something. Every once in a while, but it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: look at the camera and say like this, and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: like oh, like I get like a little nervous still,

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Speaker 2: and so I think that's where like the ener mey

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Speaker 2: comes out. But like I think, yeah, I would definitely

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Speaker 2: still recognize that child because I think deep down I

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Speaker 2: do have like a very soft sensitive side, and like

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Speaker 2: I just don't show it like a ton like I

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Speaker 2: think it comes out, you know when you see it

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Speaker 2: in the book and stuff, but like I sometimes mask

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Speaker 2: it because I sometimes like I used to think that

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Speaker 2: being softer sensitive was like a weakness, but it's really not.

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Speaker 2: It's like a strength, because it's like a strength for

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Speaker 2: good kind of thing, you know. So yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I totally agree. And I think I think that's

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Speaker 1: a byproduct certainly of being not just living a life

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Speaker 1: in public, but feeling like you're always kind of on

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Speaker 1: the chopping block of public scrutiny. It does teach you

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Speaker 1: to withdraw a little bit. And I think though it's

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Speaker 1: it's good to talk about a because you're sensitivity really

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Speaker 1: is I think a superpower. And be I also have

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Speaker 1: to say that never goes away. The nervousness. People will say,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've been doing this for twenty years and

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Speaker 1: I'll be at something getting ready to present, you know,

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Speaker 1: an a word to someone or give a talk, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I always have that moment where I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: am I gonna have Oh my anxiety is kicking in.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have to do, I have to

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Speaker 1: be do I have time to be like a panic,

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Speaker 1: and people backstage at things will go you get nervous,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, I am nervous for every event.

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Speaker 1: I am nervous every time I have to do a

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Speaker 1: red carpet, every time I have to do an interview,

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Speaker 1: Like that doesn't go away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I offer that only to say.

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Speaker 2: I guess that's good to know, because I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean like it's like you get used to things,

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Speaker 2: but you still get nervous. And I'll say this is

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Speaker 2: the It's like the dumbest example. But I was at

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Speaker 2: this like lunch for like women business owners, and they

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Speaker 2: were going around and say like what's your name, and

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Speaker 2: like what do you do? Like what's your business and

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Speaker 2: like why is Like as I was getting close to me,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh, Like what am I gonna say,

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Speaker 2: like I my nerves even in this small setting, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: why am I anxious? Like and this just cozy, small setting,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know, Like so I feel like it's

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Speaker 2: still yeah, like definitely hits me even in the small situations.

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Speaker 2: It for sure does.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think that goes away, but I do

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Speaker 1: think if you can kind of zoom out a little

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Speaker 1: bit and say to yourself, oh, I'm just going to

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Speaker 1: carry this feeling. Yeah, it's just a thing you're carrying

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Speaker 1: instead of your whole experience, that would be my own. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: advice not to sound like I'm your mom, but you know.

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Speaker 2: No, But I love that because I feel like it's

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Speaker 2: like we're still just like navigating everything. Like we did

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Speaker 2: our first show in Vegas like mom talk stuff and

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Speaker 2: like all of us like we like we're nervous, but

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Speaker 2: like at least we got to do it like all together.

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Speaker 1: Wait, what was the show we did?

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Speaker 2: Like it was so random. It was like a Vegas

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Speaker 2: kind of like variety show where we went out there.

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Speaker 2: We did like we read like confessions because I have

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Speaker 2: a page called Dinner Sunday where I like people will

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Speaker 2: write in anonymous confessions and like we'll read them. They're

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Speaker 2: usually pretty like juicy or like sometimes people just like

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Speaker 2: want advice.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I didn't know you did a show

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Speaker 1: in Vegas.

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Speaker 2: Yes, like one show. We'll probably do another one. I

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Speaker 2: don't know exactly when, but like we were supposed to

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Speaker 2: do I think at least two or threes. We did one.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, it was kind of like a variety show.

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Speaker 2: We got the Chippendals there, for sure. It was fun.

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Speaker 2: It's like a mixture of like everything, like I guess

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Speaker 2: I can time and think of like the Ellen Show whatever,

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Speaker 2: like something similar to that where it's kind of like

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Speaker 2: just random. I guess, yeah, like a mixture, like we

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Speaker 2: played games with people and like we brought people on

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Speaker 2: stage and stuff, and then we had to contest and stuff.

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Speaker 2: It was really fun.

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Speaker 1: Actually, that good time so great. Oll wait wait wait, wait,

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Speaker 1: wait before we get too far, because I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 1: we're already back in the present. I have young life questions.

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Speaker 1: So when we think about that. You know, sweet sensitive

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Speaker 1: little girl, I know you were a tennis player. You

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Speaker 1: got a tennis scholarship to be right, you and obviously

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Speaker 1: that's when everything really shifted in your life. When you

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Speaker 1: were preparing for that and growing up in sport, Like,

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Speaker 1: as a young woman, what did you think your future

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Speaker 1: would look like? Because I would imagine you didn't think

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Speaker 1: it would be this.

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Speaker 2: No, no, no, I thought, Okay, so in my head,

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Speaker 2: I guess my life goal like growing up was like, okay,

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Speaker 2: like I'm going to get a tennis scholarship, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: go to BYU kind of thing. It's like the Mormon

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Speaker 2: thing to do. I'm going to meet the husband, have

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Speaker 2: the kids. But I was like if I have a career,

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Speaker 2: which I wasn't planning on doing growing up because I

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Speaker 2: was just like, you know, my mom was a stay

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Speaker 2: at home mom, so it's just kind of like one

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Speaker 2: to follow those footsteps, you know. I was like, if

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Speaker 2: I have a career, it's going to be like I

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Speaker 2: want to be like a pro tennis player, Like it's

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Speaker 2: what I was thinking of doing. And then you know,

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Speaker 2: when I got a little bit older, I thought it'd

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Speaker 2: be fun to do like e news or like be

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Speaker 2: like a broadcaster, like a sports broadcaster. Like it was

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Speaker 2: along the lines of those if I did have a career,

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Speaker 2: but like part of me was just like I just

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Speaker 2: want to be like a stay at home mom, you know,

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Speaker 2: which is fine, you know, but like that was what

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Speaker 2: I thought I was gonna do, and so I never

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Speaker 2: thought i'd be sitting here doing all I'm doing for sure,

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Speaker 2: which is super exciting, but like, yeah, no, I never

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Speaker 2: pictured myself having like a career outside of being a mom. Wow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So then what was your experience, Like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you go to college, you're thinking eventually you'll be a pairent.

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Speaker 1: Maybe maybe you know you'll be an athlete, and then

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Speaker 1: life shifts, You get pregnant, you go through tragedy, Like

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Speaker 1: can you walk me through kind of from the start

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Speaker 1: of your freshman year to everything shifting? What was that timeline?

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Speaker 2: Like it was all like really fast, I guess. So,

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Speaker 2: like I met my abusive boyfriend when I was a

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Speaker 2: senior in high school, so like I dated him through

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Speaker 2: like my senior year of high school and through like

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Speaker 2: like the first half of my freshman year. So it's

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Speaker 2: going through that. But I did an abusive relationship that

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Speaker 2: was like very toxic, like very I just felt like

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Speaker 2: very trapped, Like I didn't like I could get out

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Speaker 2: until he physically left the state. And that's when I decided, like, okay,

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Speaker 2: I can, like finally pull the plug and be done.

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Speaker 2: And at this point, if you did try to retaliate,

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Speaker 2: like and try to get me in trouble whatever, I

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Speaker 2: was like, I don't even care because I'm that miserable

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Speaker 2: that if I stand this relationship, like I don't even

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Speaker 2: want to be here kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: Oka, it was that bad, can you what do you

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Speaker 1: mean by that? Like if he tried to get you

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Speaker 1: in trouble.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because the BIU honor code and since I wasn't

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Speaker 2: following it, he kept blackmailing me. So he was like, hey,

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Speaker 2: well I have pictures of you drinking and I'm going

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Speaker 2: to send it to them and they're going to kick

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Speaker 2: you out. You know. It's like I was stuck because

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Speaker 2: like of that, you know, like I tried to break

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Speaker 2: up with him so many times, and I did, and

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Speaker 2: I went back partially because of like is it like

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Speaker 2: Stockholm syndrome, I can go back to your viewser and

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Speaker 2: like that, but also because like I was blackmailed for

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Speaker 2: a lot of the times that I like tried to

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Speaker 2: get out, So like I felt like I was stuck

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Speaker 2: until like he physically was leaving the state and I

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Speaker 2: was like, this is my shot.

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Speaker 1: Right almost like the shift in geography gave you the

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Speaker 1: mental and emotional space you needed. Yes, I mean, what

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Speaker 1: a crazy thing like, not to be the nerdiest person

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Speaker 1: you've ever talked to. But when you consider the fact

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Speaker 1: that our because I think about all the insane that

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Speaker 1: happened to me in my early twenties, this is the

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Speaker 1: reason I'm thinking about this. One of the things I'll

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Speaker 1: always say when reflecting is like, well, you know, our

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Speaker 1: frontal lobes aren't even developed till we're twenty six, right.

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Speaker 1: It's sort of my gallows humor for what I went through.

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Speaker 1: But it's also so crazy to think about. You were

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Speaker 1: a literal teenage girl and you were going through all

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Speaker 1: of this, and it's like nobody, I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: don't think. I think now the conversations around abusive relationships

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Speaker 1: are a little more pervasive, and especially you know how

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Speaker 1: to look out for those signs of emotional abuse narcissistic abuse.

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Speaker 1: But at least when I was twenty one, nobody was

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Speaker 1: having those conversations. And I remember the aha moment of

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Speaker 1: sitting down with an adult who handed me a literal

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Speaker 1: pamphlet and was like, I don't remember if it was

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Speaker 1: like twelve things or fifteen things, but let's say it

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Speaker 1: was twelve. It was like, there's twelve things on this checklist,

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Speaker 1: and I can check ten out of twelve for you,

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Speaker 1: but there were only two that this adult ye old

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Speaker 1: enough to be my parent, couldn't check off for me.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, wait what? And it did something

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Speaker 1: for me? Seeing it and writing did something for me.

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Speaker 1: Did you have a moment like that that coincided with

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Speaker 1: the geographic distance or was it really just he got

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Speaker 1: far enough away from you that you could see it?

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Speaker 2: What's so bizarre about you saying that? Is like, it's

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Speaker 2: pretty much the same thing that happened to me, except

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Speaker 2: for mine. I googled it, like so I was like

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Speaker 2: I didn't even know I was being abused, like it

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Speaker 2: was so bad. But I was like, this seems like

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Speaker 2: this is like weird, like something is off, Like I

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Speaker 2: because he just kept saying like manipulating me, being like, well,

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Speaker 2: you've never been a real girlfriend before, It's like you

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Speaker 2: don't know. And so I finally googled, like what are

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Speaker 2: like signs of abuse? And like I could check off

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Speaker 2: like pretty much every single one this list. It was

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Speaker 2: like this long list on Google, this like website, it

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Speaker 2: was like the d D hotline whatever it was, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh. Again, that's when it

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Speaker 2: like really hit me, like I am like being abused,

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Speaker 2: and I fel like I already kind of you know, subconscious,

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Speaker 2: so like something's not right, you know, yeah, but like

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Speaker 2: seeing it there, I'm like, Okay, I'm not crazy, Like

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Speaker 2: this is like really happening.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it's also funny too, because you talk about the brain.

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Speaker 2: I say that all the time because my dad told

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Speaker 2: me growing up, like and I was like kind of

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Speaker 2: making those decisions. He's like, well, once your brain's developed,

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Speaker 2: like come talk and like you'll understand. Yeah, you're so dumb.

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Speaker 2: And then like once I got older, I was like wait,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know. He's so right, Like.

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Speaker 1: You're like, is this a moment where I actually admit

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Speaker 1: to my dad that he was right? Or am I

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Speaker 1: going to regret saying that?

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Speaker 2: And I'll take it actually, And it is so true though,

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Speaker 2: because like the decisions or like things that you think

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Speaker 2: are like a good decision or like oh it's just

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Speaker 2: fun Like back then, I'm like, oh my gosh, like

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Speaker 2: the fact that I thought this was good or this

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Speaker 2: is Okay, you know, it's just crazy what you do

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Speaker 2: when you're younger compared to now.

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Speaker 1: Girl. Same. I'm like, we have some stories we need

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Speaker 1: to tell, not on this podcast. Oh my god. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll be back in just a minute. But here's a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. Okay, so you have your aha

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Speaker 1: moment looking at your computer, and then what like what

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Speaker 1: were your steps? How did you cut it off? Go

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Speaker 1: back home? Like what did that look like for you?

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Speaker 1: And I ask only because I mean, I obviously don't

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Speaker 1: want you to have to relive a very traumatic moment.

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Speaker 1: But I think sometimes when we talk about these things,

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Speaker 1: other people that are going through it, who maybe haven't

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Speaker 1: been handed the pamphlet or looked at the website can

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Speaker 1: go like, oh, that's my story, or oh maybe I

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Speaker 1: could call my parents and ask to come home, or

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Speaker 1: maybe I could tell a friend, you know, like how

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Speaker 1: did you start to make sense of it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So when he left, because we were in Utah

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Speaker 2: and he was from California, just like I was, and

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Speaker 2: so he went back to California. I'm still in Utah.

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Speaker 2: I have like about almost two months left of school

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Speaker 2: before this semester ends, and so I feel like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: like the the change of him leaving was very helpful

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Speaker 2: for me because he's not physically here, so I don't

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Speaker 2: have to worry about him. But I think too, like

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Speaker 2: even after he left, it's like you are so manipulated

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Speaker 2: and like brainwashed that I was like, I think I

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Speaker 2: texted him such a great person. Like part of it

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Speaker 2: was because I don't want to retaliate. It was like

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Speaker 2: it was two reasons. Second, I was like I started

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Speaker 2: believing it. I was like, oh my gosh, because he's

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Speaker 2: always saying like you'll never get any better than me,

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Speaker 2: no one's gonna want you, and like all these things

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Speaker 2: and like and you believe it, right, And it's like

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Speaker 2: when he left, it was like a full week of

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Speaker 2: like I didn't go out with friends. I stayed in

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Speaker 2: my dorm room. I was like sad, like all the

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Speaker 2: things right. And then it's like I met my son's

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Speaker 2: father right after that, so it was like back to back,

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Speaker 2: like I met guys, and I feel like I like

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Speaker 2: was able to kind of move on from that relationship

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Speaker 2: because I met someone different, but also because it was

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Speaker 2: like I just started going out having fun, like this

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Speaker 2: is what life is about. Like I was so I

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Speaker 2: felt like a captive, like I feel like I was

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Speaker 2: like in prison when I was like dating him, and

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Speaker 2: once he left, like I started going out with friends,

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Speaker 2: I like, wait, like this is so fun, Like this

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Speaker 2: is what I was missing. And then shortly after I

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Speaker 2: met my son's father and so we weren't in a relationship,

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Speaker 2: but we started like dating, and I was like, this

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Speaker 2: is like, ye, what it should feel like, and she'd

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Speaker 2: feel fun, like I shouldn't have to worry about like

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Speaker 2: what I'm wearing, and like all the different things that

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Speaker 2: I would get.

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Speaker 1: Yes, well, that's the crazy thing when you're in a

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Speaker 1: relationship where you're getting in trouble. I remember the shift

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Speaker 1: for me of getting out of my version of this

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Speaker 1: situation and the person I eventually started dating, like we

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Speaker 1: were going out with friends and he stopped me to

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Speaker 1: be like you look so beautiful, and I caught myself

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Speaker 1: kind of jump because I was I was waiting for

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Speaker 1: the butt now. He looked at me and I was like,

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Speaker 1: and he goes, what, And I said, You're not going

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Speaker 1: to like tell me to change my clothes or that

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't wear outside of the house. And he goes,

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Speaker 1: why would I ever do that? I'm so proud to

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Speaker 1: go out with you exactly. And it was this shift

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Speaker 1: of like, oh, I'm not supposed to be demeaned. I'm

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Speaker 1: not supposed to be demeaned for the things that attracted

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Speaker 1: you to me. Now that you have me, It's like

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Speaker 1: it's such a bait and switch. It is, And I

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Speaker 1: think it's really amazing that you could even identify that

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Speaker 1: you know obviously now but at the time and realize, oh,

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Speaker 1: I deserve to feel light in the in the presence

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Speaker 1: of someone instead of scared.

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Speaker 2: Yes, no exactly, And I was like, wait, like I

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Speaker 2: should be having fun, Like I should shouldn't feel this

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Speaker 2: like guilt even when I was doing nothing wrong, because

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Speaker 2: like I would't feel that because I would get in

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Speaker 2: trouble for like everything, like I'd be at a tennis

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Speaker 2: practice and like my laptop was as apartment and he

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Speaker 2: would go through like all my texts from before I

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Speaker 2: met him, and then he would send me screenshots and

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Speaker 2: be like fu and I'm like, this is before I

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Speaker 2: even knew who you were, Like just the craziest stuff

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Speaker 2: that like I can't like when I say a lot,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, was that not so obvious? But like when

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Speaker 2: you're eighteen and you're young, you're just like and you're

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Speaker 2: so manipulated, you're you just don't even know any better. Honestly.

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Speaker 1: It also doesn't start there.

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Speaker 2: It's no, it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: When I've spoken to other people about this, I think

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Speaker 1: it's important to remember the dynamic is very much like

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Speaker 1: you know, the classic cartoon snowball. It starts really small,

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Speaker 1: and as it rolls down the hill, as time passes,

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Speaker 1: it gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: But you're not really tracking how big this snowball is

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Speaker 1: from here to here. You only really see how giant

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Speaker 1: it is when you compare it like where it started

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Speaker 1: to where it gets. And I think people who haven't

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Speaker 1: been through it miss that it is a slow build

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Speaker 1: and by the time you can't ignore it anymore and

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Speaker 1: you feel like a prisoner in your own home or

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Speaker 1: in your own body or both.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: You can't even fathom how it got that bad yep,

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Speaker 1: because if it started there, you'd be like, you psycho,

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Speaker 1: get away from me, exactly. You bail on this like

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Speaker 1: crazy stranger. But it doesn't start there.

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Speaker 2: And like, that's what's so smart to talk about, because

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Speaker 2: people sometimes don't understand it unless they've been through it,

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Speaker 2: because they're like, well, like, why did you just get out?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, if you only knew, Like they

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Speaker 2: just don't understand, like it it's so obvious on the outside

401
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 2: looking in, but when you're in it, you don't realize

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Speaker 2: it until it's like too late, or until like it

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Speaker 2: hits you like a ton of bricks.

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Speaker 1: It really draws a parallel for me because you've talked

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Speaker 1: on You've talked in a few interviews about how Told

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Speaker 1: You So, which, for our friends at home is the

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Speaker 1: title of the new memoir. Yep, has actually been ten

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Speaker 1: years in the making. Yes, and I think about that.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's sort of similar like Told You So

410
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 1: is your snowball. Yeah, it's complete, but it's ten years

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Speaker 1: for you to get there.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: So obviously we're hinging on this big life altering moment,

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Speaker 1: but your story is so much larger than that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I would imagine a lot of people assume that this

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Speaker 1: event at nineteen is where the story starts. But where

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Speaker 1: do you feel like it really begins.

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Speaker 2: I feel like the story begins, like I mean, I

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Speaker 2: touch on my childhood a little bit in the book,

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Speaker 2: not a ton, because like I know, people want to

422
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Speaker 2: hear like the juicy stuff are the interesting stuff that

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00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,199
Speaker 2: like really like impacted my life, you know. But I

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Speaker 2: think like I read a little bit about the childhood.

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Speaker 2: But that's where I feel like my story starts. Because

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Speaker 2: people watch the show, right the Secret Lives more wives,

427
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 2: and they see us and Stead, but they have no

428
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Speaker 2: idea that like my whole life was like tennis, like

429
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Speaker 2: ingrained in me is like tennis, Like that is like

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Speaker 2: my upbringing. I tell people, like I never got grounded

431
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Speaker 2: growing up, or I didn't do anything bad. I never

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Speaker 2: s I out like nothing. It was only for tennis.

433
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,119
Speaker 2: Like if I played maybe like really bad or like

434
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 2: had a bad attitude whatever, get grounded and stuff like that.

435
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 2: But like I was just like a chill kid like

436
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 2: and then tennis was just like ingrained in me. And

437
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,199
Speaker 2: it's like I have a very competitive nature and it

438
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,200
Speaker 2: doesn't really come out like his career wise, I don't.

439
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 2: I'm always against like the competitive sides, like don't compete

440
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 2: like me, Like when you want to celebrate people's opportunities

441
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 2: and like know like have an abundance mindset that like whatever,

442
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 2: it'll all come back to you, you know, like cheer

443
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 2: people on so I feel like I don't like saying

444
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 2: like like oh, we're really competitive, but yeah, but not

445
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 2: in my career, Like that's different.

446
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 1: You know.

447
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, of course I want to succeed, but

448
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 2: it is different from sports where you feel that there's

449
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,479
Speaker 2: just like the drive like that. I love the feeling

450
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 2: of like sweating and like going home and getting my

451
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 2: bed like with sore muscles, and I actually haven't had

452
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 2: that feeling a long time. I'm going to kind of

453
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 2: miss this, like it's I'm like probably so passionate about

454
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 2: it right now. And I actually just put a pick

455
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 2: a ball court in my backyard, so I gotta get

456
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 2: out there and just release some endorphins.

457
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: But so fun.

458
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 2: I thought, that's kind of where my story starts, is

459
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 2: like the upbringing of just like my family's a big

460
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,879
Speaker 2: tennis family, and like, yeah, that's why I went to

461
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 2: BYU and like a full ride tennis scholarship is because

462
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 2: like that's what I was working for my whole life.

463
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 2: And that's why going through that abusive relationship was so

464
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 2: impactful and like everything I went through because I felt

465
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 2: like I was losing everything with my tennis career. It's

466
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 2: just a big part of my identity, like the competitive

467
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 2: side and like the athlete indeed, I guess.

468
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, also how regimented you can be. And you know,

469
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 1: not for nothing. Athletes grow up being raised to be coachable,

470
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: which I think is such a skill but also can

471
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 1: be a hindrance in terms of a person who wants

472
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 1: to control you in a negative way. Yeah, Like, I

473
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: think a lot about it. There's I've learned because my

474
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 1: partner was a professional athlete, and in the time that

475
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 1: we've been together, I've learned so much about that, like

476
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: perform at all costs thing that athletes have, which also

477
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: actors have when you are a performance athlete or a

478
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 1: performance artist, and so many people's jobs and schedules ride

479
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: on your ability to do what you're told when you're

480
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 1: trying to do it. It's a gift, but it also

481
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: can really make you lose yourself, and you really can.

482
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: You can be so good at performing that you forget

483
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 1: to check in with how you actually feel. And I

484
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: think there's something really interesting about that. Especially it makes

485
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: me especially curious for you because not only did you

486
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: grow up in the in the athletic arena of performance,

487
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: but now being on your show you know, at least

488
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 1: when I'm on a show, I'm playing somebody else, Like

489
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: it makes me feel so uncomfortable that when I actually

490
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 1: go out and have to promote my work, people want

491
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 1: to talk to me about my life. I'm like, can't

492
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: we just talk about the work? Like yeah, And like

493
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: every time I've ever talked about my life, I'm like,

494
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,399
Speaker 1: do I regret this? I don't like this, you know,

495
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: like really trigger it really triggers all my anxiety. So

496
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm sort of fascinated for you because I've heard that,

497
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,400
Speaker 1: especially in you know, the world of reality, like people

498
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 1: who do it obviously love it, but that it can

499
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 1: also be hard because the way the shows are produced,

500
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 1: everyone kind of gets given a role. Yeah, So, how

501
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:37,880
Speaker 1: much of yourself do you feel is properly or authentically

502
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: represented on the show? Like does the show make you

503
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: feel more like you can be yourself? Or has has

504
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 1: being on a show where you get clipped and edited

505
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: made you a little more nervous to be yourself?

506
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think it goes both ways. I think I

507
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 2: was more of this for the first season because I

508
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 2: was like, I don't know how this is edited. I

509
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: don't know what it looks like. I thought that everything

510
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 2: we filmed was in the show, and so I get

511
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 2: There's some times where I'd go home at night and

512
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 2: I'd be like I couldn't sleep because I'm like, what

513
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 2: if like it looks like this or what like I'll

514
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 2: get like so stressed about it. And then once I

515
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 2: saw how much was cut out, I was like, oh,

516
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,360
Speaker 2: like we're chilling, Like I wasn't.

517
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: That word anymore, but oh that's nice to know.

518
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 2: So like yes and know because I feel like I'm

519
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 2: always myself like when I film, but like obviously so

520
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 2: much gets cut. Then I'm like, wait, like you cut

521
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 2: my humor here, like the funny things like so that's

522
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 2: the only thing that I sometimes get annoyed about beause

523
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 2: like wait, like because we get crisis in the line

524
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 2: and be like they're all mean girls, and it's not like, well,

525
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 2: it's because this fun stuff gets cut, like I can't

526
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 2: control that edit, you know, and it does scare me, honestly,

527
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 2: like putting my life out there, I think, so I

528
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 2: like got a little more cautious about like what I

529
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 2: share on social media now because my life is getting

530
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 2: like more public, right and I do action value privacy,

531
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 2: like I'm someone who like in Utahs like a dumb comparison,

532
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 2: but like these houses don't come with fences. You have

533
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 2: to like pay for your own fences, like it's not

534
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 2: part of the house. And then like no one has hedges.

535
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 2: It's like he's like like, hey, neighbor, and I being Californic,

536
00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 2: I hate that, Like I do not want to see

537
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 2: my neighbors. That's me where they're great. But like I

538
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 2: love privacy like in my own home too, and like

539
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 2: and it's becoming more like that in my life now

540
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 2: that it's more public, and so I think it's yeah,

541
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 2: it's feel like a hard balance. Like for the most part,

542
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 2: I think that's what works for me, just being myself.

543
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 2: And I also my parents watch the show and they're like, well,

544
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 2: I's like the reason why I like people like you

545
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: because like you just yourself, like that's who you are,

546
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 2: Like it's not describe you as like how you are

547
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: on the show. Like obviously there are moments that like, yeah,

548
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 2: maybe are edited like a different context. There's like a

549
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: couple here and there, but like, for the most part,

550
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 2: I feel like it's pretty true too, like who I

551
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 2: am that could change my perception could change. She's in

552
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: the season. You never know what's gonna happen. But yeah,

553
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 2: for the most part, Yeah, yeah, I am not sure

554
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 2: about now, and the beginning I was, and now it's

555
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 2: a little more chill.

556
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: I'm glad. I'm glad that it feels easier.

557
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

558
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 1: You know, you mentioned social media, and I think that's

559
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 1: I think it's all really related because only a fraction

560
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 1: of you is going to get shown to an audience

561
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: on TV, and we show such a fraction of our

562
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: lives on social media. And let's be real, most people

563
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 1: are sharing the great moments, you know, they're not sharing

564
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 1: like the worst day or when things are insane at

565
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: home or you know, whatever you've talked about, you know

566
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,880
Speaker 1: how social media is obviously a part of your life

567
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: with the show, But I thought it was really I

568
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: just thought it was really special that in the book

569
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: you admit that there's there's been there at least was

570
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 1: a time when you were concealing a lot of pain

571
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 1: and struggling with depression behind this Instagram that looked so positive.

572
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: How have you Do you think that the show has

573
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: helped you navigate showing up with a little more of

574
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: the hard stuff publicly or did you have to learn

575
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: to exercise that muscle, even to prepare to be on

576
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: the show in the first place.

577
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was the lather of the two.

578
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,640
Speaker 2: I like, that's kind of how I built my platform

579
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 2: before I joined mom Talk before the show was based

580
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 2: off of like telling parts of my story because I

581
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 2: never saw it before. It was like everyone online is

582
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 2: so perfect and these perfect families and like the cute

583
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 2: house and the dogs. It's like perfect, and I just

584
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: felt like this like loser, and I was like this,

585
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 2: and I like I know that, Like I like, I

586
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 2: can't pick this for everyone, but I was going through it.

587
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 2: That's how I felt. And so once I kind of

588
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 2: started like, oh my, well that's a little bit halfier

589
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 2: and I like started talking about my life online, I

590
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 2: was like, no, I want to share the bad stuff

591
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: because I know that other people go through it too.

592
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 2: And that's kind of how I actually built my whole

593
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 2: platform to like join mom talk was through sharing like

594
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 2: my story and like the very low lows and obviously

595
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 2: like the highs and stuff. And I I feel like

596
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: I'm someone who tries not to show a polished life

597
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 2: because it's not real, and like, so I tried to

598
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 2: show that like even by accident. Like I think it

599
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 2: was right before I gave birth, Like my whole house

600
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 2: was upside down because we decided we're gonna READO all

601
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 2: the floor ing like a week before I gave birth.

602
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: Don't ask me why, and like so like like literally

603
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 2: and so my whole couch and everything was kind of

604
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 2: like a pile. But you should how like you walk.

605
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 2: It was that messy, and I think I took a

606
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 2: story of my cat like sitting in the middle of that.

607
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 2: But I honestly didn't even realize it was that messy

608
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: because I was just living in it. And people were like,

609
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 2: thank you so much for showing this, and I was like, oh,

610
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 2: I didn't even like realize, like that was a big two,

611
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 2: like the amount of DMS I got that were like

612
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 2: so positive, like thank you for showing this, because like

613
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 2: people don't show this, and we just feel like we're

614
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 2: like bad moms because our houses are perfect, and I'm like, no,

615
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 2: like so it almost gonna be sads. So like people

616
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 2: like think like.

617
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: You're like, no, you're doing great.

618
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, We're all trying our best, and so I

619
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,479
Speaker 2: do you try to show those authentic moments, but there

620
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 2: are times where the show did help I guess, like

621
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 2: in season two, I went to my son's father's crash

622
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 2: site where he died and like that, Yeah, I like

623
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 2: I never had been before, right, and so I didn't

624
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 2: want to go, but like part of me knew I

625
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: needed to at some point, like to help me feel

626
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 2: and like base my trauma to like to even write

627
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 2: the book. And I will say that that was a

628
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 2: moment where like, yeah, the show did help with that

629
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: because it's like I had that extra push of them

630
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: being be like, hey, like producers, be like this would

631
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 2: be so impactful for your audience to see and to

632
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,479
Speaker 2: help people who are going through some more things get

633
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 2: through this too. And I was like, oh, like you're right,

634
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 2: Like that was like the hardest thing you have to do,

635
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: like especially on camera. Like and I'm someone who like

636
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 2: does not like prying on camera, Like I don't know,

637
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 2: Like it's hard, it's vulnerable, Like I don't know.

638
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: It's also a really interesting thing. I mean what you

639
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: point out so often, especially because of the way things

640
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: are in our world today, social media a little it.

641
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: When you're going through something, especially as a public person,

642
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: you go through it privately until the last moment. Yeah,

643
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: and you share when you like have something to share,

644
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: when you have thoughts like whatever, and it's it's a

645
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: pretty wild thing to process in real time with strangers. Yeah,

646
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: but I also think you know, it can lead to

647
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 1: it can lead to bravery, it can lead to vulnerability

648
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: in a way, and it can really help people, you know,

649
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: when you tell your story. It's like I built this

650
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 1: sort of picture perfect life for myself and then it wasn't.

651
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 1: And it was really hard to have to go through

652
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 1: that publicly. But when I was able to reflect on

653
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: it and share about it and write about it and

654
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: publish a piece about it, like the number of people

655
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: who said, thank you so much for sharing this, like

656
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 1: I feel this, I have felt this. I have been

657
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: too scared to say. I made what I thought was

658
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: the right decision and it was the wrong one for me,

659
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: And I didn't want to go through that publicly, like

660
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: I was going through it privately in my little cocoon,

661
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: like walking around pretending things were fine like everybody does,

662
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: wearing the wedding ring through like all the nightmare of

663
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 1: what's going on behind the scenes. I was so scared

664
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: for that little cocoon to break, you know, I was

665
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: so scared for everyone to know, But weirdly when everyone knew,

666
00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: it made it easier.

667
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's almost like a weight is like lift

668
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 2: it up your shoulder. Is there something like knowing that

669
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 2: it's impacting other people and helping other people because you

670
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 2: don't want them to know how you did it, Like

671
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 2: it's yeah, it's just yeah, it's a lot. Like I

672
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: feel like it makes it makes sense because sometimes when

673
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: you go through these horrible things, you're like why, Like

674
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 2: I don't get like why you know? And so sometimes

675
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 2: when I look at the bigger picture in the purpose,

676
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, maybe this is why this had to

677
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 2: happen to me, Not that it makes it okay, but

678
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 2: then I can help so many more people if I

679
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 2: had to go through this one these things, maybe this

680
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 2: me taking this sacrifice can help so many people to

681
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 2: prevent it even happening to them to begin with. I

682
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 2: don't know, Like I don't know, Like I just try

683
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 2: to make sense of it sometimes and like I think

684
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 2: maybe I had to go through it to help other people.

685
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, we'll be back in just a

686
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors. When

687
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: you reflect on that now, especially you know, just having

688
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: visits the site on the last season of the show

689
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 1: you mentioned earlier, you know, we were talking about getting

690
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,479
Speaker 1: out of something abusive, how hard that is. And then

691
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: you met your son's father, you said, really soon after,

692
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: and things were just starting to get serious, and you

693
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:22,719
Speaker 1: got pregnant, and you know, they're those sorts of things

694
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: you're not planning, but they feel like probably were pretty

695
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: exciting when they sat in and then this car crash happens, Like,

696
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 1: how did you that is so much to process, the

697
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: emotional whiplash of all of those things happening in the

698
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: same year. How did you deal with that?

699
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 2: I just, honestly, I don't even know if I really

700
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 2: did deal with it. I just like had to survive,

701
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 2: Like I literally just had to wake up in the

702
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 2: morning because that's how like severely depressed I was, especially

703
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 2: being pregnant, Like it was hard to like want to

704
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 2: do anything, like and as I had to really like,

705
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 2: I'm really grateful for my parents because like my mom

706
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 2: was the one who's like shelcome my room. But I thought,

707
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 2: obviously thought she was like so annoying, Like I'm like young,

708
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 2: and she's like opening my shutters, like good morning, like

709
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 2: we're gonna go do that, Like she was very good

710
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 2: at giving me out a house and like distracting me,

711
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 2: yes exactly, like yeah, Grass basically, so like I feel

712
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 2: very grateful for my parents because I'm like I don't know,

713
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 2: like and then obviously like my son, like that's what

714
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 2: kept me going and that's how my book is dedicated

715
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 2: to him, is because I'm like he like saved me,

716
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 2: Like I don't know if I would be here, like

717
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 2: it was up for him. And then also just like

718
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 2: the way he changed my life, Like I went from

719
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 2: you know, kind of just like coasting in life like

720
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 2: to like I obviously now I'm a mom, Like I

721
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 2: had to know I had to be a provider, like

722
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 2: I needed to really focus, and I feel like it

723
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 2: helped my motivation, my drive, Like I became a better

724
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 2: person a lot more empathetic and understanding of other people's struggles,

725
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 2: and like he changed my life like for the better.

726
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 2: I can't even I don't even know who I would

727
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: be if if that didn't happen. Honestly, it's crazy.

728
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: That's so special, yeah is it?

729
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 2: Is?

730
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: It sort of surreal to look back now because clearly

731
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,320
Speaker 1: such a hard time but your son was such a gift,

732
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: and you've just had another baby and you are remarried.

733
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 2: You know.

734
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 1: How. I know that it's a really specific experience that

735
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: you wouldn't you wouldn't wish on another person, but it

736
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 1: is profoundly capable of growing your heart. Yes, to lose

737
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 1: someone that you love and then have to figure out

738
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: how to how to grieve and hold space for that

739
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: person and make space for a new person and integrate

740
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: those experiences for yourself and for your new person. So

741
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 1: what was it like meeting Jacob? You know what do

742
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: you think had really made you equipped for something that,

743
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 1: I mean, at least from outside, seems so lovely and healthy,

744
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 1: and yeah, how did you let yourself lean into this

745
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: kind of love? I think?

746
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 2: And I think I said this before, but it's like,

747
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 2: and this is the thing that people say all the time,

748
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 2: but it's like you accept the love that you feel

749
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 2: like you deserve, right, And so I feel like for me,

750
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 2: he was coming around in the beginning, and I kind

751
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 2: of just kept pushing him off after a while because

752
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: I was like, ah, like I don't know, like he

753
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 2: likes me too much. Like it was like almost like

754
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 2: he was too much of a green flag where I

755
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 2: was like, he's too good and it feels weird to me,

756
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 2: like to have that kind of love, and so I

757
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 2: pushed him off and pushed him off until I was like,

758
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 2: he like is by far the best person I've dated,

759
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 2: Like he cares so much for me, he cares for

760
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 2: my child, And I think like I had to really

761
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,399
Speaker 2: like learn how to love myself to accept his love too,

762
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 2: you know, like you have to be able to love

763
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 2: yourself and feel like you deserve that. So it's like

764
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 2: maybe I was pushing him off so much because I

765
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,479
Speaker 2: didn't feel like I fully deserved it. And I also

766
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 2: feel like I I mean, I also like want to date,

767
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: like I had boyfriend after boyfriend like during that time,

768
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 2: and so it's like I wanted to like know for

769
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 2: sure what I've wanted, you know, like you kind of

770
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 2: to make sure. I like, I don't want to make

771
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 2: getting mistakes again, Like I was like, I want to

772
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 2: have a v one and that is the one I'm

773
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 2: going to be with. I don't want to like change,

774
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 2: and so I was also like cautious, but yeah, again,

775
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,800
Speaker 2: I think I had to learn how to love myself.

776
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,280
Speaker 2: I don't think when I met him. I was heels

777
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 2: by any means, you know, because I needed had some

778
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 2: work to do, and I talk about in the book

779
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: about was like we were engaged and I was like

780
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 2: kind of having mental breakdowns and like what's happening. It's

781
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 2: because the trum was still like hitting new years later

782
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 2: because I rushed her under the rug, thinking like, oh,

783
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 2: like it's been a couple of years, like it's gone.

784
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, and it definitely just doesn't go away. So

785
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:38,280
Speaker 2: like went to therapy and that definitely helped and stuff

786
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 2: and like putting me in the right direction. But like

787
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 2: he even now, like he's just like my rock, like

788
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 2: my biggest supporter. Like obviously next my parents are always

789
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 2: like my number one fans, but like my husband is

790
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 2: like he makes everything go round in this world for me,

791
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 2: Like I don't think I could pursue this career and

792
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 2: all these things without his support because it's like having

793
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 2: the kids and all the things, like the to do

794
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 2: list is like this long. So it's like he helps

795
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 2: everything work right and he's just like so supportive and

796
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 2: it always has been and I just I couldn't be

797
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 2: more grateful like that it all worked out, you know.

798
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that I think. I think when the

799
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: right love finds you, especially when you've had all sorts

800
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 1: of versions of the wrong one, like yeah, it doesn't

801
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: just give you love, it really does kill you.

802
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,320
Speaker 2: In a way. Yeah, no, it does for sure. And

803
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 2: I think that's what happened. Was like I want to

804
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 2: be like I didn't lead therapy because always say did,

805
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 2: and I still do, but like I think we all do. Yeah,

806
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 2: I know, I'm like this world we live in, but

807
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 2: like I think when you have like someone just like

808
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 2: love and like I also feel like positive energy, like

809
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,400
Speaker 2: I like I'm a true believer and like those who

810
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,320
Speaker 2: you surround yourself with, it's like how you're gonna be

811
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 2: like you need that positive energy and like I yeah,

812
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 2: like I feel like again like even going through what

813
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 2: I went through, like you didn't have like the positive

814
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 2: energy you're being like it will get better, like just

815
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 2: hold on, you know, you know, like yeah, like you

816
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 2: have to stay pause or else it's like it's just

817
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 2: the life will just strain out of you. And I

818
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 2: think that's like he's always just been a happy, go

819
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 2: lucky like guy, and like that's like kind of what

820
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 2: I need is so nice. You need a balance, you know.

821
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you think that desire to focus on the

822
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: positive even when it's hard was a motivator to share

823
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: your IVF journey because IVF is so hard, it's the

824
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: most awful thing. And I feel like, only in the

825
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 1: last like two or three years does anyone even really

826
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:34,320
Speaker 1: want to talk about it out in the world.

827
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it, Like, I feel like people don't

828
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 2: want to talk about it carsion too, because it's very

829
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 2: vulnerable and it's like hard to be like, oh, like

830
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 2: I'm doing this like to have a kid, and then

831
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 2: you get criticism because even when I was doing it,

832
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,280
Speaker 2: I get people being like, well, why don't you adopt?

833
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, hello, I'm telling you like doing this,

834
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 2: and now you're saying, like, do that, and I'm like,

835
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 2: and I don't think people realize too, it is hard

836
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 2: to adopt kids. Like it's not easy, like and it's

837
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 2: very expensive, and people don't realize that. They think it's like, oh,

838
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 2: I can just go to the store and adopt a kid.

839
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 2: That's not how it works, and like people were just

840
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 2: kind of uneducated on all, like the whole process, right,

841
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 2: And so I mean, I think it's hard to share,

842
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 2: but I again, like I built my platform off of

843
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 2: sharing things that are uncomfortable and like hard because I

844
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: know they can help other people. And like, and I

845
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 2: think it is because when you're going through IVF, it's

846
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,879
Speaker 2: lonely too, Like it really is. It's hard because it's

847
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 2: like I didn't realize how much of a mental battle

848
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 2: it would be. I thought it'd be a physical battle.

849
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 2: I was like, it's gonna be so painful, and I'm

850
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: like the pain, the physical pain, I feel like compared

851
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 2: to the mental pain is like very different, like the hormones, right,

852
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 2: Like the hormones you like you're moody, you don't feel good,

853
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 2: like you're nauseous, Like it's even going through my last

854
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 2: because I did the IVF process, like the first half

855
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 2: game the eggs and stuff a couple of years, like

856
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 2: two and a half years ago, and like because it

857
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 2: took such a mental toll on me, I was like,

858
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,280
Speaker 2: I'm not transferring this embryo until I'm like mentally okay.

859
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 2: And that took a while. So like that's why might

860
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 2: have a pretty big age gap again, And because I

861
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 2: needed time and even doing that process, like doing the

862
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 2: hormones to do the transfer, like I was doing it

863
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 2: while filming, and I was like, I was having migraines

864
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 2: from this one medication I was on and goes like lupron.

865
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 2: I was for five days. I was like, my head

866
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 2: is killing me. I don't think I've ever had a

867
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 2: headache this bad in my entire life. And like and

868
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 2: it's just kind of like, oh whatever, like that's just.

869
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: The process, like people to deal with it.

870
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel like it's like if it was

871
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,399
Speaker 2: men going through it, they'd be like, oh my gosh,

872
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,760
Speaker 2: let's like put you in a coma for this thing always.

873
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: Never.

874
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 2: It like makes me okay, it makes me so Yeah,

875
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 2: Like sometimes I love my husband, but I'm like, what

876
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 2: do we have men for? Like I genuinely sometimes like

877
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 2: don't understand. I'm like, because if we have the babies

878
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 2: like we do all this, I'm like, you guys don't

879
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 2: have to don't have periods, you don't have like nothing

880
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 2: like anything.

881
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: They don't have to do anything.

882
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 2: It's very I'm very salty about it.

883
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 1: Actually, I think you can't have been through that process

884
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 1: and not be a little salty about it, especially because

885
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:55,240
Speaker 1: the medical double standard, like they don't include us in research,

886
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: they don't care about women's pain. They don't take women's

887
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: pain seriously. And then like you know, suddenly these ding

888
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 1: dongs who don't even have medical degrees are telling pregnant

889
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: women not to take thailand all. And I'm like, guess what.

890
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: Thailand all is not dangerous, but a fever could kill

891
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: your baby. No, literally, please stop telling women to tough

892
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 1: it out. You could literally never.

893
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 2: And it's horrible too, because then it's like they say

894
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 2: something like that, and then you feel guilt, like wait,

895
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,399
Speaker 2: I did, yeahil all, like like I'm sorry, I took

896
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 2: thailand all my first prenancy almost every night and like

897
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 2: assume me I took talent ol PM because I couldn't sleep,

898
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 2: so like.

899
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,959
Speaker 1: I and by the way, that's okay and my son's fine,

900
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 1: so perfect. Like everybody needs to take a breath and

901
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: just like leave women, not only leave women alone, like

902
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 1: actually offer women a little bit of support.

903
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, no exactly. It's honestly so crazy to me like that. Yeah,

904
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: it just looks like where is the male birth control too?

905
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 2: Like please be for real right now.

906
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 1: Oh, they couldn't take it because it made them gnawshit, Yeah.

907
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 2: There was a study right and like it made them Yeah, sick.

908
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I feel so bad.

909
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:56,800
Speaker 1: Are you kidding?

910
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I can talk about this all day.

911
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 2: I cannot handle it, Like it makes me so salty,

912
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: like even being pregnant out of like marriage, right and

913
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 2: like getting pregnant going home. It's like no one's looking

914
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,839
Speaker 2: at the man being like oh my gosh, like oh

915
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: never bad. It's like they just get off Scott Freed

916
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 2: and I'm over here and you're looking at you like, oh,

917
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: like what a what a hell?

918
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: Like she's pregnant, you know, like you're like I didn't

919
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: do this to myself exactly.

920
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 2: It's like the double standard there that like kills me.

921
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 2: It's like the hypocrisy, like I just can't handle. I'm

922
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,359
Speaker 2: also like, if anyone deserves the judgment, it's them. You're

923
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,319
Speaker 2: literally making a human you should be being worshiped. It's

924
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 2: fully inverted. It's so exactly like we can't get ourselves

925
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 2: pregnant over here like hello, hello, Yeah, I love it.

926
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: See this is why the people are like she is

927
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: America's sweetheart. I'm like, yes, I'm trying. No, it's so

928
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 1: good though. I think it's like such a sweet thing

929
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 1: to see in the you know, in the overarching feedback

930
00:42:51,840 --> 00:43:01,240
Speaker 1: of the show. Yeah, and now for our sponsors, obviously,

931
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 1: the negative feedback on social media is really hard. It's

932
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 1: the worst. I mean, the innergy is successful. Everyone just

933
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 1: wants to be mean all the time. But does the

934
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,760
Speaker 1: does the really positive stuff ever make you nervous because

935
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, is that gonna is that gonna make

936
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: the mean people meaner? Like how do you kind of

937
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:22,919
Speaker 1: cope with viewer opinions? It's whether they're good or bad.

938
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 2: I feel like if it's really good, sometimes I'm worried.

939
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, they had this certain expectation now for me,

940
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 2: And if I have a bad moment, I think, like

941
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 2: why you were who I thought you were? So I

942
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 2: like that righttimes worries me a little bit because like, yeah,

943
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 2: I have like obviously the reputation of being very kind

944
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 2: at all these things, and like that's that is who

945
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 2: I am. But that doesn't mean that we don't have

946
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:41,959
Speaker 2: like moment.

947
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: I'm also human though, yeah exactly.

948
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 2: And it's like I think it's because in season three

949
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 2: I'm like a little worried because I was pregnant, Like

950
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 2: I was like for sure a little bitchy, Okay, like

951
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 2: give me a break, and like Episode one, I like

952
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 2: definitely was I was like piss at Leila in it,

953
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,799
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I like, I wasn't like that mean,

954
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 2: but like there is definitely some looks like whoa, that's

955
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:01,320
Speaker 2: about little off brand for her, but I'm like, I

956
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 2: had a moment, okay. So sometimes I'm like, oh, they

957
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 2: get to watch that and be like, oh, like she

958
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 2: was hiding behind that, you know. I just like we're

959
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 2: like that. But at the same time, I don't care,

960
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 2: because like you can think what you want, like I

961
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 2: am who I am. So sometimes I go back and

962
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 2: forth that and being like we are they gonna think

963
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 2: I'm like mean because I'm not mean, like you know,

964
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 2: But overall, negative comments don't really affect me a ton,

965
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 2: Like I think if it's like it's just like not

966
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,399
Speaker 2: accurate at all, then I'm like that's wrong. But like, yeah,

967
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 2: There's been so many times where I start writing a

968
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 2: response and I have it and then I like, yes,

969
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:31,319
Speaker 2: I almost feels good to like write it out, even

970
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 2: if you don't send it, so you cite it and

971
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 2: then I'll like backspace and like, Okay, it's fine.

972
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 1: I do it all the time. I'm like this is

973
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: everything I want to say, and then I have to yeah,

974
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: this is not worth my time, but I got I

975
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 1: got to get it out otherwise it's in.

976
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's nice to do that sometimes. And my

977
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: husband's like, don't like if I ever like complain about

978
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 2: He's like, don't even worry about it, like, don't respond

979
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 2: to them, like he always gets like Madge, it is like,

980
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 2: don't worry about like who cares. And I'm like, Okay,

981
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 2: easy for you to say because.

982
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: You're like, well it's not you that it's incoming out.

983
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, but it's honestly good, Like he's honestly the

984
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 2: greatest if we balanced each other out so much where

985
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 2: I like, I think he's maybe a more understanding and

986
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 2: kind person as well. So I'm grateful for him because

987
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 2: I have those moments of weakness. I'm like, no, I

988
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 2: want to say this and you're not gonna stop me.

989
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 2: And then he's like, look at the bigger picture.

990
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: Here, like maybe stop yourself exactly.

991
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 2: So I feel like I've been pretty good at like

992
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 2: not letting it get to me. But yeah, the backspace

993
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 2: teck works great for me, just like writing it out.

994
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 2: I'm like, and then and then like just to live

995
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 2: it and it's great.

996
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: What aside from you know, the the snans of pregnancy,

997
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 1: what what can we expect from next season? I'm like,

998
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 1: what what does everyone have in store?

999
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,040
Speaker 2: I would say I'm definitely, at least for me, I'm

1000
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 2: a little bit bitchier for sure, because you know, pregnancy

1001
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 2: hormones be raging. You probably will see me stuffing my

1002
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:50,879
Speaker 2: face all season as well.

1003
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: But good for you.

1004
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 2: That's like the lighthearted part of it, I would say.

1005
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 2: I will say there's more moments where they do keep

1006
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,400
Speaker 2: some of them are like funny stuff in it normally

1007
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 2: come out like I feel like there is more some

1008
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 2: light hard moments, and I think that it needs that

1009
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,439
Speaker 2: because there's a lot of heavy topics in it as well.

1010
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,839
Speaker 2: So it's like there's heavy topics like Mikhaela talks about

1011
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 2: her story, which is really impactful. So like hearing that

1012
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 2: was really awesome because I like, great, like we're leaving

1013
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 2: in this stuff that like matters, you know, it's not

1014
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 2: just like the drama. It's like the real stuff, you know.

1015
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 2: I love that. And then obviously your heal about Jesse,

1016
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 2: like it's left in a cliffhanger, so everyone's gonna get

1017
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 2: answers to exactly what happened, like and I mean like

1018
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: you will get exactly what happened, Like everything is there.

1019
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 2: People when the show first started, they're like they didn't

1020
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 2: even like talk all about the swing drama, like they

1021
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 2: tease it too much and tell it like whatever this,

1022
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 2: You're gonna get all of that and more. My goodness,

1023
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 2: and I think there is a lot of like iPhone

1024
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,360
Speaker 2: footage in certain parts, and like that's how you know

1025
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 2: it's like real, because like producers weren't even there sometimes

1026
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 2: she is going down and so you had to you

1027
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 2: have random people filming on iPhones. Maybe we're there, So

1028
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 2: it's like you have moments like that like that are

1029
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: sometimes I'm like I can't believe that's happening. And like

1030
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 2: there's been a couple of times even with this this

1031
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 2: last season where I signed my husband, Like I went

1032
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 2: home at night and I was like, I don't know

1033
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 2: if I'm cut out for this, Like I don't know,

1034
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 2: you know, because like I'm not. I have opinions, right,

1035
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 2: but like sometimes I'm like, keep the peace. It's worth

1036
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,360
Speaker 2: keeping the piece just for my own personal gain to

1037
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 2: just be peaceful. But there are times where the girls

1038
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,240
Speaker 2: are like shut the f up to each other, like pissed,

1039
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 2: and I'm like whoa, whoa, Like this is this is

1040
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 2: like a little bit much, you know, and that sometimes

1041
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 2: those moments where I'm like ooh, I don't know, like

1042
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 2: am I made for this world? There, like I'm just

1043
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 2: in a sense of like ah, just makes me feel

1044
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 2: sad inside, you know. Sometimes when like it's just like

1045
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 2: the hostility, like it's not fun anymore. If it was

1046
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: like us yelling at the men or the men yelling

1047
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 2: at each other, I'm like, yeah, I get the popcorn,

1048
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,919
Speaker 2: let's go, you know, like with like our friend group,

1049
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, ooh, I don't know, I don't like this.

1050
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:49,880
Speaker 1: It's like you're like, guys, this is actually sort of

1051
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 1: hard for me emotionally.

1052
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, wait, this is yead. But then like again, luckily,

1053
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 2: like it's not directly involving me, so I can if

1054
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 2: I couldn't sleep at night, they'd be story. But I'm

1055
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 2: like I'm good, So like as long as that is

1056
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 2: working out for me, then like I can give it

1057
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 2: because I don't want to like go to bed and

1058
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 2: feel like anxious, so like, you know, I don't want

1059
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 2: to have that feeling, you know, and I lovely like

1060
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 2: right now I don't. And I did a little bit

1061
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 2: sharing my story on the last season just because I'm like,

1062
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 2: it is very vulnerable, it's scary, you know, and it's

1063
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 2: like just stuff that you don't want to do or

1064
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 2: you want to avoid. But again, I knew it was

1065
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 2: more impactful to share it. So yeah, those of those

1066
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:27,759
Speaker 2: moments that are hard, but like I did it. That's

1067
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,919
Speaker 2: the way. I'm not doing that again. And I watched

1068
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 2: the season. I'm like, I watched it once and I

1069
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 2: will not be watching that again. It's just too much.

1070
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 2: It's heavy for me, you know, it's like reliving it

1071
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:41,760
Speaker 2: all over againes actually seeing it, you know, so totally.

1072
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 2: But this season I feel like, I listen my opinion

1073
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 2: because I have seen it is probably my favorite one

1074
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 2: so far. But who knows, Like I could do it

1075
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 2: every season and I just wouldn't know, But I feel like,

1076
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 2: so far it has been my favorite.

1077
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 1: Wat you want that to be the goal every year

1078
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 1: you do it? Yeah, I like it more. It's it's

1079
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 1: interesting to see how across you know, the group of

1080
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,399
Speaker 1: your castmates, people are branching out into all these other spaces. Yeah,

1081
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,280
Speaker 1: you've written your book, Jenny Whinney, are going on Janzing

1082
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: with the Stars. Taylor's going to be the new Bachelorette, Like, yeah,

1083
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 1: how does that feel? What are your expectations for the

1084
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 1: things they're going out to do? Like, are you excited

1085
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:17,839
Speaker 1: for them?

1086
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 2: Yes? Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. I feel like

1087
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 2: we went to Dancing with the Stars opening night and

1088
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: I literally had like tears. I was like, I just

1089
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 2: like feel like a proud mother. Like it's the weirdest say,

1090
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,840
Speaker 2: like seeing your friends like accomplish their goals and their dreams.

1091
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 2: It's just like not only so powerful, but like impactful.

1092
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,719
Speaker 2: It's just like so special. And like I'm obviously so

1093
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 2: excited to watch Bachelorette. I am a little worried for Taylor,

1094
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 2: just because I'm like, scares me. Yeah, bring me on

1095
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:45,839
Speaker 2: to help you out, because we aren't the best at

1096
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 2: catching the red flag, so let me help you out there.

1097
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 2: I think that's why I learned from experiences though, And

1098
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: she's obviously better now than she was in the past.

1099
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 2: It you know, snipping out the bad ones. But no,

1100
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 2: it's honestly just so crazy to see and it still

1101
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 2: blows my mind. I know that, like the show has

1102
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,359
Speaker 2: been this successful because I'm like, like, and it's your

1103
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 2: normal life. It's just what you're living. It doesn't seem,

1104
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 2: you know, any different, Like how is this like entertaining?

1105
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,839
Speaker 2: You know, Like I think we were all shocked at

1106
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 2: how well it's done, like how many opportunities we're getting

1107
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,759
Speaker 2: from it, Like it's actually crazy, Like it's the show

1108
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 2: has been out for like one year and like now

1109
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 2: we had Dancing with the Star's Bachelorette, Like I've written

1110
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 2: a book, Like it's just crazy.

1111
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 1: You know, it's incredible.

1112
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, very grateful.

1113
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: It's obviously so much to reflect on and you've done

1114
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: so much. And I'm not going to be the person

1115
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 1: who asks you what's next by any means, because you're

1116
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 1: in the middle of what is now. Yeah, but when

1117
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: you look sort of at the landscape of where you've

1118
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:43,279
Speaker 1: been and you know how good things feel, what what

1119
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 1: in your life, whether it's a personal goal or a

1120
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 1: professional goal, like what feels like your big work in progress?

1121
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 2: I think it's kind of discovering like what I want

1122
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:55,800
Speaker 2: to do, you know, Like I think I if you

1123
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:57,400
Speaker 2: asked me like five years ago and said as we

1124
00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 2: be on reality show. I would have thought you were lying,

1125
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 2: Like I never in my life like wanting to do

1126
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 2: reality TV. Yeah, it kind of just so happened that way.

1127
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 2: So I think it's just like for me, like kind

1128
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 2: of discovering more of like what Macie wants and who

1129
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 2: she wants to be, Like what are my passions like now?

1130
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:14,479
Speaker 2: You know, because I think when you become a mommy

1131
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 2: sometimes lose yourself and motherhood a bit. And it's like

1132
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 2: for me, it's like the passions were tennis, right, and

1133
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 2: then once that's over, it's like what now? And I

1134
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:24,320
Speaker 2: feel like you a lot of athletes go through like

1135
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,719
Speaker 2: identity crisis when they're done with their sport, because it's like, well,

1136
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 2: what do I do now? Like what do I have

1137
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 2: to look forward to? How do I feel that feeling

1138
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 2: of like winning, you know, and like succeeding. And that's

1139
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 2: one thing I that's why I do have a lot

1140
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 2: of drive. It comes from the athletes side where it's

1141
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 2: like I need to constantly be like winning or having

1142
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 2: like wins in my life, right, And so I think

1143
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 2: it's like I just want to kind of discover like

1144
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: what I'm passionate about, Like in like a new project

1145
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 2: that I want to do or a new business like

1146
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 2: things like that, but also like I want to just

1147
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 2: chill out too, and like be a mom and like

1148
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 2: enjoy it and like soak it in and not just

1149
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,919
Speaker 2: be like working on my phone while I'm with my kids.

1150
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 2: And I've been a lot better at that in the

1151
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 2: last year, because the past is what I have to

1152
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 2: work and I have to do these things. And like

1153
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 2: I feel like now I've been very good at prioritizing,

1154
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 2: like no, I'm not filming because i have my son's

1155
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 2: baseball game and I'm not missing it. I'm sorry, like

1156
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 2: it's just not happening. Like I've been very good about that,

1157
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:13,840
Speaker 2: and like good for you. You know. They've asked to

1158
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 2: film stuff like that, like the baseball games my kids,

1159
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 2: and I'm like no, like I'm trying to get my

1160
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 2: kids out of it, and I want to just have

1161
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 2: that and have that. I want my kids to have

1162
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 2: a normal childhood too, you know. I don't want them

1163
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 2: to be like, well, my mom was like working all

1164
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 2: the time, you know. So I feel like I'm very

1165
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 2: cautious about that. So I think I'm just navigating it

1166
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 2: at all. So like I think be work in progress

1167
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 2: is what it's going to be.

1168
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, I get it. I

1169
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: think if you're not careful about your time, all your

1170
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:47,319
Speaker 1: time goes to work, kids, things, admins. Yeah, and then

1171
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 1: the work keeps encroaching. And I don't know, I think

1172
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:55,799
Speaker 1: it's really important just to block time for you, time

1173
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 1: to your family. Like it's it's just as worthy as anything.

1174
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: And I think, at least for me, I feel like

1175
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 1: the balance of it all is constantly and in progress

1176
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: thing as well. But I can feel when I'm getting

1177
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 1: it more right because I feel later, yeah, and that's

1178
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 1: a hice feeling.

1179
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just want to feel like that relaxed feeling

1180
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 2: where it's like, yes, like this is what you know

1181
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 2: because I have a baby and I'm like this is

1182
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:23,840
Speaker 2: like I truly am like this is what I was

1183
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 2: made for. Like I have my daughter and I'm like

1184
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 2: I just want to be a mom and I have

1185
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 2: those moments, you know, but I want the current and

1186
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 2: I want you know, you always want it all, Like

1187
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 2: I think I just want to learn how to balance

1188
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 2: that and just pursue things. And I'm also passionate, like

1189
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 2: outside of like the show and like motherhood you know,

1190
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 2: just like for me, you know, so I'm still working

1191
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:42,799
Speaker 2: on it. I guess we'll find out.

1192
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,320
Speaker 1: I love that for you. Well, congratulations on everything. The

1193
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:49,879
Speaker 1: book is beautiful. Thank you so much. I can't wait

1194
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,040
Speaker 1: to see how it all goes this year.

1195
00:53:52,560 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 2: Thank you, oh