WEBVTT - Ron Burgundy's Guide to Camping 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:16.040 Ron Burguny Podcast. Hello and welcome to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Carolina, 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:20.800 how are you doing. I'm fine. I've just been waiting 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:25.320 here for two hours. I thought was everything okay, everything 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.720 was fine. We said twelve o'clock, didn't we Yeah, I 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:35.080 just um, it's two o'clock, is it? Oh? My watch 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:42.400 is two hours slow? Not my apologies, and I usually 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.680 remember when I wear this watch. Remember, Ronnie, this one's 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:50.199 two hours slow. So keep that in mind. I can 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.000 help me get that fixed, or we can get you 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.400 a new I don't know. It's kind of a a 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:56.800 little superstitious. I'm like a ball player, you know that 0:00:56.840 --> 0:01:02.280 way where hey, if it ain't broke, it is, it's 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:06.720 just runs slow, that's it. Because I'm afraid they're gonna 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:08.840 take a look underneath the hood, so to speak, and 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:15.080 replace it with Chinese parts or something. I don't know. Regardless, 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:20.360 we're here, we're queer. Get used right, which is a 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:24.959 classic classics saying from the revolutionary wartimes. Um, I'd like 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:27.400 to open up the old mail bag and pick out 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:30.240 some letters from our fans. We have a mail bag? 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:34.200 Did someone give us I didn't know that we have one? Hello, Carolina, 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.200 Back from the beach. Yes, we have a mail bag. 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:40.400 Of course, we have a mail bag. We've always had 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.920 a mail bag. This is a real podcast, you know. 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.720 I get a lot of letters about all kinds of subjects, 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:53.440 furniture repair, dog grooming, skincare, book binding, chemistry. I've been 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.920 asked how to pick combination locks, how to make your 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:00.000 own lumber mill, how to make love as a popular 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:02.720 a question of course, and how to be classy, just 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:04.880 to name a few. So I try and respond to 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.840 every letter I get with at least ten to fifteen pages. 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:11.560 But some subjects deserve a whole book, and believe me, 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:14.360 I'm working on it. When I'm done, i'll have a 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:19.200 whole encyclopedia, twenty volumes of information on just about everything 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:22.760 under the sun. Look out, Wiggy Waggy, I'm coming for you, 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.560 twenty eight or twenty nine volumes, weighing over a hundred 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:30.760 and forty pounds of solid book weight, leather bound and 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:35.040 available on the installment plan. The Ron Burgundy Encyclopedia will 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.000 have so much information you'll never need to look at 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:42.720 your phone again. I'm so sorry you're writing an encyclopedia. Yes, yes, 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:45.040 I am, okay, And how far have you gotten. I 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:49.040 don't know. Gosh, if I had to guess, maybe fifty 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:53.840 pages pages, Well, I mean they need to be typed up. 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.519 We're talking to my tape requorder almost every day while 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:00.240 I'm driving, or playing golf, or at the movie ease 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.600 in the supermarket, even even when I'm sleeping. You talk 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:07.239 into a tape recorder at the movies. Sure, you never 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:11.919 know when a great idea or or some knowledge is 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:13.240 going to pop into your brain. You have to be 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:16.640 ready to to get it down. And anyway, Yeah, so 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:21.320 I've recorded reams and reams of information and someone just 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:27.440 needs to type it up to Dada Encyclopedia. Yes, okay, 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:30.359 so but I'm getting off subject, which I hate to do. 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:34.960 Back to the mail bag, Um, okay, let's see here. 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:38.040 Here is a letter I got only last week from 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:42.800 one of my fan club Premium gold members. Do people 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:47.680 pay to be in your fan club? There's different levels. 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:53.000 There's Premium Gold is the top level. We may start 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:58.080 platinum uh next fall, but right now it's Premium Gold 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:01.720 and you can all the perks that come with Premium Gold. 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:06.480 Dear Ron, my name is Timmy Wilson and I'm eleven 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:09.120 years old and next week me and some of my 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:14.120 friends are going camping. That's adorable, right, I've never been camping. 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:17.040 My father is a pussy who works in an office 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:20.320 making coffee and eating doughnuts and doesn't have time for 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:23.160 me or my sister. You can't even throw a football 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.040 or ride a bike or do anything. He mainly sits 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:28.200 in a chair at home and watches news. And I 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.600 guess I love him, but sometimes I think he's not 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:34.479 my real father because my mother is around a lot. Anyway, 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.800 if you have any tips on camping, I sure would 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.880 like it, because my dad is a real never mos 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:44.039 the lawn or fixes anything, and doesn't know a thing 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:49.480 about anything fun. Your friend Timmy Wilson, is he okay? 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:52.520 Oh my god, what was that letter? Well it was 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.920 in the Premium Gold He's a Premium Gold member, so 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:59.200 he's got to be doing pretty good. Uh well, Timmy, 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:02.920 you're in because I know just about everything you need 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:06.000 to know about camping an outdoor life, and today I'm 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:09.120 gonna give you some fast tips that'll make you look 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:12.279 like a real little outdoorsman. Your friends will think you 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.920 must have some kind of great father, even if you 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:17.920 and I know he's a real So, without further ado, 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:21.760 here's the Ron Burgundy Ultimate Short Guide to Camping. And 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.640 I say short guide because there's a book coming, but 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:31.880 it's several years away. Now. Today, I have a simplest 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:35.960 of five things you'll need for any camping trip. Carolina. 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:40.559 Are you ready? Yes? Okay, Well we'll be right back 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:46.160 with that after these messages. Right well, right back after 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:57.840 these messages left, and we are back on the Ron 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.000 Burgundy Podcast. Carolina, you got your head in the game. 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:02.960 I don't know why you keep checking on me doing 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:05.960 a camping to do list for one of our Premium 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:10.760 Gold Fan club members, Timmy Wilson. Yes, sorry, I thought 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.680 we were going to interview Richard Dreyfust today. Dry Fust 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:17.080 will have to wait. This Timmy Wilson camping situation needs 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:21.520 immediate attention called drive us up, and you know, do 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:25.720 one of your lies. Don't play dumb over there. You're 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:29.120 a classic liar. Your mouth is like a lying factory, 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.880 assembling lie after lie after lies. So don't play dumb 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:35.719 with me. Okay. Camping tips for a little Timmy Wilson 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:40.240 never said he was little. Camping Tip number one, Timmy, 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:42.599 if you're going to go camping. The first thing you'll 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:47.159 need to buy is a good RV, preferably a fter, 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:49.599 but you can go as small as fourteen and still 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:53.120 haul a boat trailer without too much trouble. Without a 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:59.760 solid recreational vehicle timmy camping will be a real yeah. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.839 Ok uh, No one wants to put up a tent 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:05.400 and sleep on the dirt. That's for long hairs and 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:09.120 Civil War reenactors, not for real campers. A good RV 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:13.040 will have at least eight power outlets for the usual 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:19.520 camping supplies stove, toaster, blender, emergency radio, pleasure radio, TV, 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:24.240 and wine refrigerator. I prefer the longer to fort r 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:27.120 vs because you get the large living room area for 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:30.360 entertaining and watching the game. Don't cheap out and look 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:32.960 for an old school bus. That's not camping. That's called 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.240 being in a rock and roll band, and it has 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:38.360 nothing to do with the appreciation of nature. I'm sorry. 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:43.720 What's pleasure radio? Pleasure radio is just for you know, 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:49.840 listening to music stations and then emergency radio. You just 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:54.080 keep dialed to more AM news stations, or you can 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:58.640 keep it on like an emergency frequency for emergency information, 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:04.800 or you can get a Bobcat scanner. All right, Tip 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:09.280 number two skip the big parks. As an American, I 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:12.760 couldn't be more proud of our great national park system 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:16.400 with all its many glorious parks, from Yellowstone to Big 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:20.080 ben from Sequoia to the Everglades. We live in the 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:24.400 eighth greatest country in the world, and I actually get 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:31.960 choked up thinking about our national parks. Run m Are 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:38.920 you okay? Is it? Is it the nature? Yeah, I'm okay. 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:41.880 I just get a little choked up. What they think 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:45.760 about a majestic bald eagle soaring on the wings of 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:51.240 freedom or large mouth bass? Is it leaps from a 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:55.200 cool lake? The call of the wolves and the cry 0:08:55.280 --> 0:09:05.120 of the bobcat. We live in a great country. You 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:07.520 said it was the eighth greatest country in the world. 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:17.640 Eighth greatest country, Yes, but number eight is pretty high up. However, 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.880 it's better to park the RV in a state park 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:24.440 where there are a few rules and regulations. If you 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.920 get my drift your you're gonna want to keep the 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:30.520 music and wine flowing late into the night. And those 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.280 national parks can be a real wet blanket for fun. 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:36.920 Sometimes I'll park in a Walmart parking lot. That way, 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.560 you're right next to supplies, and you you tend to 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.400 meet all kinds of interesting folks in a Walmart parking 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:45.000 lot late at night. And I can tell you from 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:48.240 experience though, do not start a fire in a Walmart 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:50.920 parking lot. That that's a big no no. Just something 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:54.760 to keep in mind. Tip number three. If you're gonna 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:58.920 steal picnic baskets, look out for those sneaky park rangers. 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.200 The number one crime in all national and state parks, 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:06.080 and people don't know this is picnic basket theft. And 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:09.400 as fun as it is to snag a picnic basket 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:12.960 and run from a ranger, the consequence can be fatal. 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.320 Gun happy park rangers are taught to shoot first and 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:20.199 ask questions later if they suspect a basket robbery. That said, 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:23.800 there's nothing more exhilarating than grabbing a basket of sandwiches 0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:27.440 and potatoes salad making a break for it. I've probably 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.640 stolen over a hundred baskets in it. It never gets old. 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:38.480 Picnic baskets. One hundred at least picnic baskets. Yes. In fact, 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:42.280 there's one family I target every July when they go 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:45.800 up to Yosemite for their family reunion. So see you soon, 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:52.120 Mr and Mrs Anderson. Uh. Tip number four, wear a suit. 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:56.160 Most people who go camping think camping means never looking good. 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:59.240 I've seen men and women out there wearing the same 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:03.160 pair of shorts for days. No socks, no vests, no jackets, 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:07.120 just t shirts and shorts. Sometimes they're they're barefoot. If 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.120 you can believe it, it's probably the way you dress 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:11.480 when you go camping. Carolina. Well, yeah, I mean I 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:15.040 like camping, and I dressed pretty casual because you're you're 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:17.559 gonna get dirty anyway, So why get all do all that? 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:21.280 You know, boy, no one is listening out there. Don't 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:24.280 listen to Carolina. Camping is no time to skimp on 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:27.680 style and class. You You can wear a suit. They 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.319 make nice leisure suits with plenty of stretch and bold 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:32.800 colors for outdoor living. It doesn't have to be a 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:36.079 three piece suit, although I prefer all three pieces. But 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.719 you really should wear a suit. The only time you 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.080 wouldn't wear a suit, of course, is when you go 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:43.400 for a swim in the lake or the other of 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:46.360 you wear a bathing suit. Wrong again, young lady. Tip 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:48.760 number four always swim in the nude when you're out 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:53.560 in the wild always, it's invigorating and liberating and makes 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:57.120 you feel it one with nature. When you're hitting parts 0:11:57.120 --> 0:12:00.400 are free, you feel free. It's that simple. It's probably 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:03.920 illegal though, you know this. Um, we just have to 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:06.240 keep in mind what we're telling Timmy because he's eleven, 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:08.240 and we told him to buy an RV and to 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.720 wear a suit free p suit, and now we're telling 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.199 him to you know, get naked in National Park. Okay, well, 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.880 then I'm also happy to tell Timmy this. If it's 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.520 illegal to be free and wild, then what kind of 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:25.200 constitution did George Washington? Right? Does he say we're supposed 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:29.320 to be free and wild? I'm pretty sure because I 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.320 you know, I don't know how you feel, but I 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:34.000 don't want to live in a country where men and 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.240 women can't swim in the nude and sunbathe in the 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:40.120 nude and walk through town nude. I just don't. And Timmy, 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:42.760 if you're listening, and I know you are, you're listening 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:44.880 out there, never be afraid to take your clothes off 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.880 and walk around town. It's the best advice I can give. 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.240 I just want to know that Timmy is okay, I 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:55.280 mean his dad's his mom's number five. When telling ghost 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:59.360 stories around the fire at night, remember the sound effects. 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:04.800 Ghost stories are not scary without proper sound effects. Here's 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:10.120 an example. I could hear each footstep as the headless 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:16.440 man slowly comes up the stairwell towards my room. Great, 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:23.520 great squeak, craig. See. With the proper sound effect, the 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:27.000 storytelling is elevated. It puts you right in the scene. 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:35.520 You try, you try, airline, do the footsteps cree cree 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:42.120 c Holy, that's terrible. It sounds like you're singing. I'm sorry, 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:48.200 it's not scary at all. Here's one inside the walls. 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:52.840 I could hear the ideous sound of the cold beating heart. 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:59.160 But but dump, but dump, but dump? Huh? Pretty scary, right, 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.480 It's not just the storytelling, it's the sound effects. People 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:05.400 will jump out of their skin. Here's a cat sound. 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:15.559 I make me tell me that doesn't scare the Carolina. Okay, 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:20.640 you try a cat's okay? Oh my god, not to sell. 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:24.440 Do not invite Carolina to the ghost storytelling time around 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:28.000 the fire. Seriously about this. You call out the ghost 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.600 story sound effect you want to hear and I'll give 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.520 it to you. Okay, I'll give it to you. Good um. Okay, 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:43.200 creaky door here which I'm an old witch and I 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:53.120 need to children. Demon dog howl, oh good one um, 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:59.400 rattling chains, scantle scantle skins, gettle scantle skills, blood curdling scream, 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:17.080 oh um, eating human flesh, ghost noise. Okay, I need 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:21.320 to stuff this. Stuffs getting too scary. But I think 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.680 you see what I mean, right, Yeah, I was terrifying. 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:27.760 We had great sound effects to your ghost stories. I 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:30.520 mean it really will make you the hit of the 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:35.720 camp and and you know that's about it for camping tips. Now, Timmy, 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:39.680 get out there and have fun, all right, Carolina, what's 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.120 next from the old mail bag? Okay, so the thing 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:43.640 is that we don't have a mail bag or a 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:45.480 fan club. I don't even know where you got that 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:48.160 letter from that little kid, because that's such a messed 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:52.920 up life from Timmy. Yeah, well, then it's on to 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:56.600 the next segment. Let's say the podcast is humming along 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:59.960 just fine. When we get back, we'll play our celebrated 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:15.000 animal names song and welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.600 Let me just take a pause here and ask Carolina 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:25.920 a question. Have you ever thought that some animal names 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.440 were just stupid? What do you mean, like the names 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:34.360 we call animals like dog and moves and shark? Like 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:37.920 like who came up with these names? I don't know 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:39.920 who came up with any names. You know, they're just 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.480 part of the language. I guess, Yeah, that's what I'm 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:45.240 talking about. It's pretty pretty random, you know. I mean, 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:50.440 why don't we call dogs squinks? Have you been? Are 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.560 you smoking pot? I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on? 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:57.520 Or sharks wouldn't wouldn't a better name be dragoons? I 0:16:57.560 --> 0:16:59.920 just feel like if you called sharks dragoons, people wouldn't 0:16:59.960 --> 0:17:02.200 know what you were talking about. And well that's why 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.280 we have to change things to get it right. Raccoon 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:09.920 isn't right at all, but double wins, that is, See 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:13.240 what I'm saying. I don't really name an animal with 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:18.080 a bad name. Um, woodpecker. Oh right, that's a terrible name. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.800 It should be called a lanceer ROI okay, how about 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:25.120 an elephant? Um, I wouldn't want to change that one. 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:28.080 They nailed that one. But an eagle, I mean, give 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:31.639 me a break. An eagle should be called a Tanta Martin. See, 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:36.360 this is fun. What about a coyote? Awful name, just awful. 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.960 We should be calling coyotes char nips. That's what they 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.320 look like. You try one. How about a cat? I 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.600 would call a cat a gravel t it wonderful, Carolina, 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:48.720 A gravel t it is the best name ever for 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.600 a cat. How about a pig? My new name for 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:54.880 a pig is a gorrant. Nice. We'll start calling pigs 0:17:54.960 --> 0:18:00.520 gorrants today. There are so many names we can change. 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:06.960 Animals have stupid names. Let's make them new. It's a 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:11.199 fun thing to do. Let's change the names of animals 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:19.720 like pan or lizard or even a vampire bath. Let's 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:23.320 change all the names. It's a fun, fun game. Let's 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:34.280 change the names of animals. Wasn't that fun? Uh, we'll 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:47.919 be right back after this. Alright, we're back to the 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:52.280 Ron Burgundy podcast. Well, Carolina, we've done it again. No guests, 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:55.960 me talking, you listening a complete show. Actually we're a 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:58.879 little short run short. No, it's impossible. I got a 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:02.919 custom made real Lex Aviation special edition time piece that 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:07.320 hasn't missed a second of its life guaranteed. See is 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:11.199 not the watch that says that yeah, two hours. Yeah, 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:14.520 it's a rule X. Role x is spelled with one 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:17.919 L and an X at the end. So what's not mine? 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:21.880 Mine is spelled r O L l e k S. 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:23.800 So that's not a rule X. That's actually some kind 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.919 of knockoff. Dare you? I bought this legitimately from a 0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:29.880 guy who desperately needed a bus ticket to get back 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:32.159 to his wife and kids who were being held at 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:37.040 gunpoint by Russian agents. That sounds like a scam, Carolina, 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.720 Who in their right mind would make up a story 0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:42.560 like that to just try and get two thousand dollars? 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:45.560 You paid two thou dollars for that watch? I did, 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:49.280 and I lend in my car. The situation seemed pretty desperate, 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.200 I mean, Russian agents. Can you imagine your family being 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:55.960 held by Russian agents and not being able to help? You? 0:19:56.080 --> 0:19:59.159 Lent this guy your car? When was this about? Oh, 0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:02.040 let's see eight years ago? Um? And has he returned 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:05.040 the car? Not yet? You will? Okay? He left me 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:07.720 his name and number and it's right here in my wallet, 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:15.480 let's hear Justin Blieber four nine six seven three. Okay, Yes, 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:17.720 that sounds legit. You did not get taken for two 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.320 thou dollars in your car. I am sorry. No need 0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:23.879 to apologize to me. It's Mr Blieber. You should apologize 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:26.080 to well. Even though that's a legit role X watch. 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:28.879 We are still short on time. I've got an idea. 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:32.800 Let's show our listeners my one of a kind legendary 0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:35.640 knife collection. It's a podcast, so we can't really show 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:38.000 them anything. Well, you describe the knives and I'll tell 0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:40.600 people a little bit about each one. When I worked 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:42.880 in radio, we had to paint pictures for our audience 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:45.680 all the time. So you can do it. It'll be fun. Okay, sure, 0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:48.400 I guess if it gets us through the show. Um, 0:20:48.480 --> 0:20:51.200 where is this one of a kind knife collection? Where 0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:54.520 I always keep it in the trunk of my car? 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:57.520 So I'll just I'll just go get it and we 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:12.400 can we can take a Breakay, here we go. Oh 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:19.040 my god, Oh my god, you keep all of those 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.360 knives in the trunk of your car? Yes, I do. 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:23.320 I need them in the trunk because I have to 0:21:24.160 --> 0:21:27.240 take them to knife shows all over Southern California to 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:30.439 display and trade with other knife collectors. It's it's a 0:21:30.480 --> 0:21:34.440 hobby and I enjoy it. Pick one anyone. Okay that one? 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:37.320 Oh boy, did you? Did you not understand me? You 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:40.240 need to paint a picture of the knife you're pointing 0:21:40.240 --> 0:21:43.640 at and then I'll talk about it. Okay, yes, right, 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:46.240 talk about that one. It doesn't even have a blade, 0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:51.720 and um, it's kind of wooden looking, but it doesn't 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:53.520 have a blade and there's a metal ring on it. 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:56.440 This is going to be rough. Yikes. Okay, say it's 0:21:56.480 --> 0:21:59.280 wooden and has a ring on it. It does, however, 0:21:59.520 --> 0:22:03.840 have a aid. It's a Boy Scout pocket knife. See 0:22:04.119 --> 0:22:10.000 the blade folds out like this, I cut myself. I'm 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.600 gonna need a band aid. No, biggie, are you okay? 0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:16.320 It's nothing, barely got the skinned? Keep going. Uh? So 0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:18.359 you were in the Boy Scouts. Of course I was. 0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:22.879 It's a wonderful, time honored institution that teaches young boys 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:27.200 to be men through camping and woodcraft and first aid 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:30.240 and bird watching. I was an Eagle Scout for your information, 0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:33.679 Is that special? It's a very big deal. Yes. So 0:22:33.760 --> 0:22:36.439 that's not really a rare knife, not really, but it 0:22:36.520 --> 0:22:39.560 does have an interesting story behind it. I joined the 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:42.760 Boy Scouts when I was about nine. I had been 0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:46.000 a Cub Scout of course, so the transition was fairly easy. 0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:50.159 I waited with heart pounding anticipation all summer long for 0:22:50.240 --> 0:22:54.280 our first big inter troop jamboree. Every troop from the 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:56.919 whole state would be there, and not just the twenty 0:22:56.960 --> 0:23:00.119 boys in my troop, but thousands of eager young scouts. 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:03.840 Our scout master was a man's man who knew everything 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:07.359 about camping and boating and making fires. We we called 0:23:07.440 --> 0:23:12.640 him Mr Safely because if you ever were doing something dangerous, 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:14.760 he would come up from behind and hug you real 0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:18.159 tight to keep you safe. Anyway, one night, after we 0:23:18.200 --> 0:23:22.280 had roasted marshmallows and told scary stories, everyone went to bed. 0:23:22.960 --> 0:23:25.400 Mr Safely asked if I could come to his tent 0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:28.040 before going to bed. It was something a lot of 0:23:28.080 --> 0:23:30.360 the boys did and was considered a real honor. There 0:23:30.440 --> 0:23:34.159 was something you wanted to show me. Um, maybe we 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:36.160 can cut the story short. It doesn't seem like such 0:23:36.160 --> 0:23:38.399 a good idea. Anyway, I got my PGS and I 0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:41.320 went off to Mr. Safely's tent. He had a big 0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:43.840 tent filled with candy and magazines and cool stuff, and 0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:45.760 he offered me a candy and asked if I had 0:23:45.760 --> 0:23:48.879 a girlfriend. Then he said he had something he wanted 0:23:48.920 --> 0:23:51.680 to show me, something he was hiding in his shorts. 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:53.840 He told me to close my eyes, and then I 0:23:54.160 --> 0:23:56.639 heard some rustling. When I opened my eyes, guess what 0:23:56.920 --> 0:24:04.320 was sticking right in my face? Um? A wiener? Huh 0:24:04.520 --> 0:24:09.399 what a wiener? No, no, you dummy? This pocket knife? 0:24:09.520 --> 0:24:12.920 Oh my god, a wiener. Where did you get that from? No? 0:24:13.119 --> 0:24:17.040 He gave me my very first pocket knife. Yeah, he 0:24:17.080 --> 0:24:19.160 gave him out to all the boys that we're doing good, 0:24:19.400 --> 0:24:22.080 a weener. It's just you hear these stories about these 0:24:22.119 --> 0:24:24.360 scout masters. I don't know what kind of stories you're 0:24:24.400 --> 0:24:30.440 talking about. Pick another knife, weener, really, mr safely, seriously, here, 0:24:31.280 --> 0:24:37.399 pick another knife. Describe it. Um, it's long, has leather, 0:24:37.640 --> 0:24:44.800 and it's some jewels. Carolina. You really cannot paint a picture, 0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:48.720 can you. That's called a gladius, and it's actually a 0:24:48.760 --> 0:24:53.320 short Roman sword, or sometimes referred to incorrectly as a dagger. 0:24:54.080 --> 0:24:58.480 I have daggers, hundreds of daggers, and this is no dagger. 0:25:00.200 --> 0:25:03.359 The leather case is called a scabbard. And believe me, 0:25:03.680 --> 0:25:06.640 you need the case because these things are two sided 0:25:06.720 --> 0:25:09.840 and very sharp. This one I paid a pretty penny 0:25:09.840 --> 0:25:13.560 for how much I bought it for around four dollars. 0:25:14.560 --> 0:25:18.439 The jewels encrusted on the handles alone are worth maybe 0:25:18.480 --> 0:25:21.760 a million dollars. A million dollars, I said, maybe, who knows. 0:25:22.280 --> 0:25:24.920 But pay attention to the intricate details on the blade 0:25:25.359 --> 0:25:29.240 when I when I take it out of the scabbard. 0:25:28.520 --> 0:25:33.000 Oh my gosh, darn it, I cut myself again. It's smart, 0:25:33.640 --> 0:25:40.280 really does anyway. Ah, that's a beautiful knife and very sharp. 0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:44.840 That's a sharp knife. Pick another one. What's the rusty 0:25:44.920 --> 0:25:48.119 old one there? Don't just point well, it's long and 0:25:48.200 --> 0:25:50.840 kind of rusty and has a weird, crooked looking handle. 0:25:51.600 --> 0:25:54.800 What you're looking at is not the handle, but a 0:25:54.840 --> 0:25:57.800 clip for sticking on the end of a gun. It's 0:25:57.840 --> 0:26:02.560 called a bannet and was used in this nation's bloodiest war, 0:26:03.160 --> 0:26:05.840 the Civil War. Why would you put a knife on 0:26:05.880 --> 0:26:08.159 a gun? Wouldn't you just shoot the gun? It was 0:26:08.320 --> 0:26:11.680 used in tight hand to hand combat when men were 0:26:11.720 --> 0:26:14.560 upon each other so thick in battle that a loaded 0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:18.639 gun was useless. Many men died from the steel of 0:26:18.680 --> 0:26:25.400 a bayonet like this one. Oh Carolina, The vengeance that 0:26:25.520 --> 0:26:31.919