1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,279 Speaker 1: Our marriage counselor is making us divorce. But we found 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: out that he was lying to us. What do we 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,400 Speaker 1: do now? This is okayop, home of the Craziest stories 4 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 1: on Earth. 5 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 2: I'm Sophia and Riley. What should OPI do? 6 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 3: Turns out he's actually not not lying to you and 7 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 3: reverse psychology. You guys should divorce? 8 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yeah. 9 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 3: Therapists are never. 10 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: Wrong, the therapists historically, I've never been wrong. 11 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 3: How would you go through so much school and decide, 12 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 3: oh I should a lot of people now. 13 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just a waste of everyone's time, waste your money. 14 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 2: Maybe he didn't go to school. 15 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,519 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no way that he did that. Did he 16 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:33,879 Speaker 3: do that? 17 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 2: Throwaway nine nine nine says I want more unique Reddit usdams. 18 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 3: Guys, I understand you're trying to say anonymous. Yeah, should 19 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,519 Speaker 3: a throwaway at some like flavor? 20 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, like activity, you know, put your favorite dogs, your 21 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 1: favorite dog's name in, Put your maidens, your mom's made 22 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: of name. 23 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 3: Put your street road in. 24 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 2: You know, stuff like that. You need Claire. 25 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 3: Finish it with like the last four digits of your 26 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 3: Social Security. 27 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: Just something super super unionymous anonymous. Okay, anyway, So Throwaway 28 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 1: nine nine nine says my husband of seven months and 29 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 1: I had a rough time after we got married when 30 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: he came back from military deployment, screaming matches, a rectile dysfunction, 31 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: resentment from deployment, me feeling sexually unattractive, et cetera. We 32 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 1: went to a military funded marriage counselor for about two 33 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 1: months before the therapist suddenly disappeared, saying he was getting transferred. 34 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: So he didn't suddenly disappeared. He said he was getting transferred, 35 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: but it must have been like too quick, a sudden transfer. 36 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: But suddenly disappeared means like he's gone. 37 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 3: With that a trace, where'd he go? 38 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: And he said he continues seeing us once a week, 39 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: but suddenly his phone number changed and we had no 40 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: idea what happened. We just stopped counseling altogether due to 41 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: scheduling issues. Our last session was around February, or so 42 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: I thought. The marriage counseling helped as we'd been doing better, 43 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 1: or so I thought, But apparently my husband is still unhappy, 44 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 1: albeit for other reasons. Now. Our sex life still sucks, 45 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: and I feel horribly unwanted and undesirable despite being fit 46 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: and attractive. 47 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm sorry. 48 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: We had a flight last night, and finally the substance 49 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 1: of our individual counseling came out for the first time. 50 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,399 Speaker 1: We were shocked, to say the least. So we'd had 51 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: both individual and couples counseling. We'd met around once a 52 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,519 Speaker 1: week as a couple and would alternate weeks individually. 53 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: It came out last night. 54 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,079 Speaker 1: The counselor had been telling us individually that the problem 55 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: was all the other's faults. 56 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 3: Because that's what you want to hear in counseling. 57 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 2: Just pandering to whatever you want to hear. That's perfect. 58 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 2: That's what they teach you in law. No, not law school, 59 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 2: therapy school. 60 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 3: You go to therapy school. Yeah, wow, six years are 61 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 3: good at this? Yeah. 62 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 2: I didn't. Definitely didn't go to literature, writing theater school. 63 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 2: I went to therapy school. That was a truth or 64 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,079 Speaker 2: lie two truths. You have to come up with title. 65 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: Though he gave us both some of the same story, 66 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: but with some differences. He told us each that the 67 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: other was being very closed off and defensive and not 68 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 1: wanting to open up or discuss issues, that we. 69 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 2: Were each blaming the other. 70 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: This was while I was openly sharing with him my 71 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 1: abandonment and anger issues and feeling insecure sexually, and providing 72 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: him with background info from my previous therapy sessions with 73 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: other counselors. My husband claims he would try to offer 74 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,639 Speaker 1: stories from his past as well, but that the counselor 75 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: would actually cut him off and say he wasn't the problem. 76 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 3: Okay, question real quick, why is counselor doing this? 77 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: Uh? 78 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 2: Do you want conspiracy theory? 79 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 3: Yeah? Put the hat on. 80 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: You don't want a conspiracy theory. I don't know a 81 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 1: conspiracy theory. Where the conspiracy theory? But like you're you're giving. 82 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 3: I want to know what you think, Like why of 83 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 3: the therapist is doing this too? 84 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 2: I think the therapist does it for kicks. 85 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I like. 86 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 2: This would be really funny. I can't. 87 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: It's actually John and Sam ruined the hats that I 88 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: made and so they don't stay on your head anymore. Anyway. 89 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: The therapist is doing this for the kicks. 90 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think like he has a like a boring 91 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 3: home life, and he's like, you know, is how I'm 92 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 3: going to get the most out of my day, ruining 93 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 3: this marriage. 94 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 2: Ruining their marriage? 95 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 1: What if he's really good with like everyone else, like 96 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: everyone like his really good reviews. 97 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 2: Everyone's like, oh my god, this is the best therapist 98 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 2: I've ever seen. He really saved our marriage. 99 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: And he's like, Okay, I have such a good reputation. 100 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: What if it was just a little silly perfect conspiracy solved? 101 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,280 Speaker 1: He told my husband privately, I may have VPD and 102 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: likely needed meds. This coincides chronologically with my husband out 103 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,359 Speaker 1: of nowhere, yelling at me during arguments that I needed medication. 104 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 105 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: I asked her counselor if I should see a specialist 106 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: after these fights, whether I really was showing these signs, 107 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,479 Speaker 1: and said honestly that I would seek more intensive help 108 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: if he thought it would help her marriage. He laughed 109 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 1: at my husband in individual session, saying there was nothing 110 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 1: wrong with me. That my husband was deflecting by trying 111 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: to diagnose me. 112 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 2: Does he think he's a psychiatrist? 113 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: He would laugh, aha, his laugh. He told me privately 114 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: my husband was emotionally and sexually underdeveloped and would never 115 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: have a healthy relationship sexually or emotionally with anyone without 116 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 1: serious change, that I should move on. That he was 117 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 1: not willing to change or admit to any issues and 118 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 1: would run from all conflict. Maybe the counselor's trying to 119 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: try to be with one of them. Oh, he's trying 120 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: to ruin the relationship because he's in love with. 121 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 2: One of them. 122 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 3: Which one do you think he's going for? 123 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 2: But if he's going for both of them, but he 124 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 2: needs he needs them both out of. 125 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 3: The way, He needs to separate themselves individually. 126 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: Exactly individual sessions. 127 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder what the fibes are during the one 128 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 3: on ones. 129 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like talking to the wife. He's like, oh, no, 130 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 1: like it's not you at all. Your husband sounds like 131 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: a piece of work. 132 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 2: You should find a new husband. 133 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 3: Someone that's better and more emotionally intelligent. 134 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, it's me. It's me, Hi, he is the problem. 135 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: That was just a little side conspiracy that each time 136 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: the counselor tried to broach issues, my husband would clam 137 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 1: up and get defensive that he didn't know what it 138 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,359 Speaker 1: truly meant to be married, and that he suspected there 139 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 1: was something deeply rooted in my husband's past that was 140 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: the root of all our problems. That my husband just 141 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,039 Speaker 1: needed more therapy. No, we weren't paying for therapy. We 142 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: got it free due to military benefits. 143 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 2: That's good. Therapy is expensive. 144 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: He told me I was very smart and attractive and 145 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: deserved a partner more on my level. 146 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:13,160 Speaker 3: She called it. 147 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 1: The therapist is playing the long game. This also seems 148 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: like violating some patient. 149 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 2: Doctor coates. 150 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, my husband reports the counselor told him there was 151 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with him, that he was very mature and intelligent, 152 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: and all our problems stemmed from my psychosis. 153 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 2: Pikes the aftermath. I am horrified by how. 154 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: Many of our fights after the beginning of counseling were 155 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 1: colored by his statements. I was treating my husband like 156 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: a thirteen year old boy, and my husband kept telling 157 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: me I needed psychiatric treatment. Our marriage has actually improved 158 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: much after this time, but I now believe it's because 159 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 1: I worked on my anger issues and gave my husband 160 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,599 Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt. Well, my husband became a 161 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 1: better communicator in arguments. My husband now has different issues 162 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 1: with our marriage. Oh, but we were both still reeling 163 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,600 Speaker 1: from our conversation about the counselor last night and wondering 164 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: what kind of harm it may have cost. I don't 165 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: really know what I'm asking here. I had insomnia all 166 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 1: night about this and I just don't know what to do. Oh, 167 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: that's that really sucks. Not cool guy, Yeah, not cool. 168 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: I hope he gets fired and disbarred. But like the 169 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: the therapist equivalent. 170 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 2: To that, Yeah, no, I know that's a lot of 171 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 2: lawyer thing. But what's the the I think, lose your license? 172 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 3: You lose your license. You have to meet with another therapist, 173 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 3: another therapist as a narcissist, three times a week, and 174 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 3: then you have to go through that cycle for you know, 175 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 3: till the end. 176 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 2: Of time, until the end of this. Just tell however. 177 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 3: Long you marriage counseled them times too, because there's two. 178 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 2: People there, we go and then that's your punishment. 179 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 3: Yep, you just go crazy for the next however long. 180 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: I want to know how they brought up that conversation 181 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: the couple. 182 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 2: They were like, well, the. 183 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: Therapist said that you are crazy, and and then they're like, 184 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: wait a minute. 185 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 3: The therapisode, you're a thirteen year old boy. 186 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 2: The therapist you are a thirteen year old boy? Why? 187 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, have you gone to therapy before? 188 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: Yes? 189 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 3: How is it? 190 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 2: I like it? I just scheduling was hard, but I. 191 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 3: Don't know how does it go on. I usually use 192 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 3: friends for therapy. 193 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, don't do that. 194 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: Go to therapy, righty. Everyone should go to therapy if 195 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 1: you can and have the time and the funds to 196 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 1: do so. It's chill if you find a nice person. 197 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: And hopefully you don't get this therapist because he seems 198 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: not so great. 199 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 3: He does seem like fun. 200 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: But here's an edit direct question. 201 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: Oh, this is from OPI asking should I report the counselor? 202 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: And what are suggestions for how to move forward with 203 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: my husband? 204 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 2: In this? 205 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 3: How do you report a counselor? Do you go to 206 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 3: his boss? 207 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: I guess so, yeah, you go to like the you 208 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: go to the company, or I don't know what. 209 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,559 Speaker 2: Maybe well, if he's like individual, then maybe you go. 210 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 2: I don't know. 211 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 1: How do you report a therapist? Let us know in 212 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 1: the comments relevant comments. This one is from Acheron's hunt. 213 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 1: Perhaps man, that is some doctor lecture nonsense. I hope 214 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: you can get his license yanked. Brandon twenty three Z says, jesus, 215 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: what the f is wrong with this guy? His job 216 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 1: is to fix relationships. He is doing the exact opposite. 217 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,320 Speaker 1: This is something out of an m Night Shamalan film. 218 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 2: So true. 219 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,679 Speaker 1: Albricht Einstein says, what would happen during the joint sessions? 220 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 1: How did he manage to maintain the two sides of 221 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: the story simultaneously. 222 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 2: That's such a good point. 223 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: That's such a good point because he's lying to both 224 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: of them, and if they're together, how is he doing it? 225 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: Maybe he's just like really nice during though he's like, 226 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: oh wink wink, I'm going to pretend like you're both fine. 227 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like he's juggling a few things, which I 228 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 3: would ask you about. But you don't juggle. 229 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 2: I do. I do juggle, guys. I know what a juggle. 230 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 2: I don't have tennis balls yet. 231 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 3: Lemon. 232 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 2: Oh that's true. If you get me two more lemons. 233 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:41,559 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, just more issue? Wants more? Sorry. 234 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,319 Speaker 1: He would request an update of our status since last meeting. 235 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: We would both give our perspectives on the latest fight 236 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: or on why we thought we resolved an issue successfully. 237 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 1: Then he would provide suggestions, but a lot of it 238 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: seemed fluffy. I always resented him not confronting my husband 239 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: on his issues, and I now know my husband was angry. 240 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 1: The counselor wasn't suggesting I get evaluated for BPD. Honestly, 241 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: I did have issues with rage, and he didn't help 242 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: me at all, even when I tried to bring them 243 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: up individually. I read a lot of self help books 244 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: specific to managing anger and did a lot of introspection 245 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: and practice techniques on calming down. I also read some 246 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: books on marriage. Our relationship has improved greatly, but I 247 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: think it's because both my husband and I did a 248 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: lot of self help. 249 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good that they were working on themselves. 250 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 3: Your little homework outside of the therapy sessions. 251 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,679 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the way to go. Work on yourselves and 252 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 1: don't rely on that therapist. I guess I had no 253 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,679 Speaker 1: idea what couples incapable of such introspection and self awareness 254 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 1: would have done with someone like him. 255 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 2: She's like, we're just so self aware, we're so introspective. 256 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 3: It's what the homework that you did. That's how they 257 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 3: figured it out. 258 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, they were like, we're working on ourselves. And then 259 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: they would be like, hey, let's sit down, let's have 260 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: a conversation. They pieced it together like a puzzle. 261 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,959 Speaker 2: It was that moment. And is it always sunny when 262 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 2: he's like the oh yeah. 263 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was that moment. The strangest secret says, 264 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: by law, aren't therapists supposed to keep notes or recordings 265 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,680 Speaker 1: of each session. OPI says there were no notes. He 266 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: explained it was all kept confidential as per military policy. 267 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: This made sense to me at the time, because a 268 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: lot of military veterans don't want documentation that might hurt 269 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: their careers and such, so I explained it as a 270 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 1: policy issue meant to encourage soldiers to attend counseling instead 271 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:23,239 Speaker 1: of bottling it all up. He is covering his tracks. 272 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: He's tricky, tricky, tricky therapist. Additional info from OPI. I 273 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: feel so stupid. I felt like something was off. I 274 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 1: didn't include this in my post. But he would propose 275 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,199 Speaker 1: strategies for getting my husband to come out of his 276 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: shell at the next joint session, but he wouldn't follow through. 277 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: My husband says he said the same thing to him 278 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: and would be flabbergasted at joint sessions when the counselor 279 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:42,959 Speaker 1: did a. 280 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 2: One eighty on him. Oh my goodness, that's a lot. 281 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 3: That's a lot. This is a lot. I'm kind of 282 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 3: happy that one that I have to pay for it. 283 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, like, at least you weren't losing a giant amount 284 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 1: of money. 285 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 3: But they did lose a lot of time, time and trust. 286 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, so true, So maybe that Yeah, maybe that's worse. 287 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 3: Drill lose money or time and trust? 288 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 2: Would you rather lose? 289 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: How much is like an average therapy session. Let's just 290 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: say maybe they're spending around over two thousand dollars a 291 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: month on therapy. 292 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 3: From February to May, four months, so times four. 293 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 1: Would you rather spend eighty four hundred dollars or lose 294 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: time and trust? 295 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 3: Or lose four months of time and trust with your 296 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 3: marriage in a very new marriage. 297 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: In a very new marriage, husband of seven months, let 298 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: us know. Let us know in the comments. Juicy update 299 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: though this is. 300 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:34,840 Speaker 2: Four years later. 301 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: Oh wow, this is the juiciest of updates. I hope 302 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: this is allowed. No, not allowed. 303 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 2: I used to throw away and don't remember my password. 304 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: A lot happened since then, and it occurred to me 305 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: that maybe I should post an update in case anyone 306 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: here was around for that. 307 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 2: Oh thanks, thank you that we are around for that. Well, 308 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 2: fast forward to today. My husband and I are doing 309 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 2: great now. Yay, congratulations. 310 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 1: We went on a vacation, both of us changed jobs, moved, 311 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: and we are very happily married. 312 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:00,319 Speaker 2: Now. 313 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: Four years later, we travel adopted a couple of kiddies, 314 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 1: and bought a house in a place we both love. 315 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: How we got here, we both read some self health books, 316 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 1: started giving each other the benefit of the doubt, got 317 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: better at communicating. I left my super high stressed job. 318 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: He changed careers, and everything sort of did a one eighty. 319 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: Funny enough, my old job had been killing me, and 320 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: when I'd mentioned to the counselor that I thought maybe 321 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,079 Speaker 1: I should find another job since it was so dysfunctional, 322 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 1: he protested against it. Therapist strikes again. My husband and 323 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,199 Speaker 1: I did not report him at the time. We were 324 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: concerned he would retaliate against my husband in some way, 325 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,679 Speaker 1: as my husband was in the Armed forces for a 326 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 1: year and a half. After all this, I am embarrassed 327 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,719 Speaker 1: that we did not report him. We were scared and overwhelmed. 328 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: I am considering calling the Basis Family Services now and 329 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: filing an official report. Not sure if it'll matter, so 330 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,679 Speaker 1: much time has passed. I think definitely do it, because 331 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: you know, you never know who else he is trying 332 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: to break up. 333 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 2: That's all. 334 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 1: Really. 335 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 2: You all were such a great help. 336 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: Then I thought I might as well post this in 337 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: case anyone around here remembered. 338 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: Ps. 339 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,320 Speaker 1: I thought to post this after we went night Shamalan 340 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: movie recently. One of the commenters had mentioned this sounding 341 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,000 Speaker 1: like a film he'd make. I still laugh at the 342 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: comment years later, So thank you, Brandon twenty three Z 343 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: and Acheron's hunt for that. There's more relevant comments from op. 344 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: It's hard, but I actually ended up seeing another licensed 345 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: and well reviewed therapist when I lost someone very important 346 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: to me. 347 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: This counselor was wonderful and really helped me. Yay, good therapist. 348 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 3: It actually made my life better. 349 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 2: That's what you supposed to do. That. 350 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: We love when a therapist actually does their job. I 351 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: did my research and paid out of pocket for her. 352 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 1: She was an angel and worth every penny. I think 353 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: finding a good therapist is a lot like dating. There 354 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 1: are some crazies, some a holes, and some you just 355 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 1: don't click it. Also, maybe you get what you pay for, 356 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: and doctor Lecter was free with the military. 357 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,680 Speaker 3: I see, so money equals quality. 358 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: Yeah one time, Oh, this is story time, but this 359 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: is about lawyers. 360 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 3: Ooh yes, okay, story time, Okay. 361 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: Story time about lawyers. It really would The one good 362 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 1: thing doctor Lecter did tell tell me was your husband 363 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: says some stupid things and arguments he doesn't actually mean 364 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: to hurt you. 365 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 2: That's the one good thing. 366 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 3: Doctor Lecter said, Hey, I mean if you went through 367 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 3: all that just to get that piece of gold nugget. 368 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 3: I don't know. 369 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: This blew my mind because as someone very good with words, 370 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: I couldn't understand how someone could say such hurtful things 371 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: without harboring malice. But I followed his advice and was 372 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: more patient when my husband would say something ridiculous. Also, 373 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 1: finding a new job helped me a ton. I didn't 374 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: recognize how much of a nervous wreck I was. Thanks 375 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: to the god forsake in office, I became much more 376 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: even keeled overnight. This did wonders. This is on why 377 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: the counselor played games. Ohpi says, I've thought a lot 378 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: about it. I think he was honestly at the end 379 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: of his career and decided we were both good people 380 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: with personal issues that brought out the worst in each other. 381 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 2: My hypothesis is he didn't want to do. 382 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 1: The work and figured he'd just get us to break 383 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: up and move on with our lives, rather than take 384 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 1: months to get us to realize we were just incompatible. 385 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,680 Speaker 1: But yeah, I decided to call the base Monday and report. 386 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: Like he says, awful, But what if this was his 387 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: reverse psychology? He's like, what if I give them a 388 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: person to hate, like a third party? All of this 389 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: is leading up they have to figure out that I'm 390 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: the bad guy. Oh yeah, so it's like teamwork and 391 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: then they have to end goal is they reported me 392 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 1: and I save their marriage. 393 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 3: Wow? And if that was the case, he definitely did it. 394 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 2: It works. 395 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 3: Here's what I thought. Okay, what do you think he 396 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 3: was out of a job and or he was about 397 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 3: to be out of a job, and he's like the 398 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 3: only way for them to come see me is if 399 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 3: I ruin their marriage. They don't have like clients Yeah yeah, yeah. 400 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 2: They keep coming. 401 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 3: But good on them. 402 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 2: Yeah sounds good. I'm happy for you. 403 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 3: Crazy Yeah. And a lot of people have that realization 404 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 3: and do something about it. Yeah. 405 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 2: It seems like you did a lot of work. And 406 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 2: that's cool. Nice is all. 407 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 3: That's it. That's all of it. 408 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 2: Okay, story time. 409 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, so this was just about because like 410 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: if you have these lawyers, yeah, like. 411 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 2: Not because they were saying, oh he was saying, you know, 412 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 2: you get what you paid for. 413 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,760 Speaker 1: And one time I was on a jury it was Yeah, 414 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: when I was nineteen, I got picked for jury duty. 415 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 3: And I was on the jury. 416 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. 417 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: So really, I don't know, I'm gonna talk about him anyway. Well, 418 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: I don't have to get I won't give the deets 419 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: of the case. Okay, basically it was it was this case. 420 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: It was a vandalism case where this one guy was 421 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:16,119 Speaker 1: accused of damaging this other guy's bike and basically the 422 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: guy accused. His lawyer was like a state lawyer, so 423 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 1: he wasn't paying and he was just horrible. Like I 424 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: felt so bad for the guy because it was they 425 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: had a lot of proof that he did do it. 426 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,439 Speaker 2: There was eight minutes of footage of him doing it. 427 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,439 Speaker 1: But his lawyer was so bad and he kept like 428 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,360 Speaker 1: admitting that the guy did it. 429 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, he'd be like and so what. 430 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,879 Speaker 1: We're not trying to prove or like we already know 431 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: that he did it, but we're trying to prove something else. 432 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 2: And we're like, wait, you just didn't that he did it. 433 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, so that Yeah, when you don't have the money 434 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 1: to pay for the lawyer or you need it for free, 435 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: they don't. 436 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 2: Usually do the best work. 437 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 3: But like they had video proof, do you. 438 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 1: No it looked like him? They had, But do you 439 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: want another crazy thing? It was a hung jury because 440 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 1: one guy on the jury. 441 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,119 Speaker 2: It was like like I don't think it's fair. That 442 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 2: was literally his argument. We were like, do you believe 443 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 2: that he damaged the bike? And he was like yeah, 444 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,240 Speaker 2: like it was a motorbike, not just a bicycle. 445 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 1: And we're like do you believe that? And then do 446 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 1: you believe that the bike belonged to this other guy? 447 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,640 Speaker 1: And he was like yeah, And I was like, what's 448 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 1: the issue here? 449 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,359 Speaker 2: Is like I don't know, I just don't agree with 450 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,159 Speaker 2: like the definitions of things. It was crazy. So it 451 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 2: was a hung jury. 452 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 1: Does that mean like he got off, No, it just 453 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,359 Speaker 1: means that he goes to it goes to another like 454 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: it goes that's annoying, which is annoying because it's time 455 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: and money out of everyone. Yeah, like he has to 456 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: go do this again, not go to work and be 457 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 1: you know, and it was a hung jury. 458 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,160 Speaker 3: That's crazy. 459 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 2: Yeah I know. 460 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, Well I'm kind of hung that that's our last story. 461 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,199 Speaker 2: You're kind of hung when it hung up. 462 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 3: I'm pretty hung up. This is the end of the story. Man, 463 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 3: I'm pretty hung up. This is the end of the story. 464 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 2: But don't worry. There's another story coming up.