WEBVTT - Vacationing Without Your Partner 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.400 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.800 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.840 I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but I 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.560 was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama, 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:23.759 and a worker being. This is life in English, Carolina. 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:26.640 You know what time it is about It's about time 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:30.240 we start planning these summer trips. I knew you were 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:34.600 gonna talk about it, the vacation. I am dying. But 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.800 guess what stops me, Carolina, but having to book the 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:42.839 vacation for our household. Why don't we talk about vacation 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:45.280 in which significant other? Because that's the only person I 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.239 actually vacation with. Well, Okay, so here's the thing. I 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:53.840 wanted to talk about vacationing without your significant other because 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:57.000 oh without Well no, So I'm going to tell you 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.160 about the struggle that I have because I have a 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:05.040 friend who goes on these trips. Okay, has an incredible marriage, 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:09.640 three children, is like stay at home mom, and she 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:14.160 swears that these vacations give her life. But I told her, 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:18.160 after the pandemic, I blame everything on the pandemic. I 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:22.880 have never witnessed this type of codependency like I have 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:25.399 ever in my life, like on my husband. Before, I 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:27.720 was full lose, fancy free. I could get on a plane, 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:31.640 I could do whatever, no stress. But now even just 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:34.560 the thought of it, I'm not sure I can vacation 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.160 without my husband. Mark. And I know you and Noony 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:39.160 go out all the time. You know, it's crazy because 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:42.040 I've traveled without him, I traveled with him. We've never 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:45.679 had a real issue about traveling separately. I do know 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:48.440 some women that will not allow their husband or their 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:52.800 boyfriend to travel without them. They don't trust them about 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:56.480 guy's chip. That is absolutely a no no in some household. 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:58.880 I'm not opposed to it. I even let Noony go 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:02.080 to Japan for like two we one time stop. Yeah, 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.360 but they actually say it's good for you, and it's 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.120 good for your mental and it's good for your health 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:09.360 traveling without your significant other. Wait, Japan is on like 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:11.560 my bucket list, though, I really need to talk to 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:13.760 Noony about his trip to Japan because the boys and 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.240 I want to go so bad. I've heard it is 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.760 beyond dope, like it is super like just everything will 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.440 blow your mind. I've heard it's clean, I heard, it's safe. 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.640 I really want to go to Japan, so I have 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:30.400 like travel envyon I do call you boy, I haven't gone, 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:31.920 and he tells me all the time the one place 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.000 I want to take you to is Japan. But I 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:37.120 don't know why. It just feels like so far away. 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:39.600 I don't know why I'm like hesitant on doing. It's 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:41.040 like I feel like I need two weeks to go 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.880 there and fully submerge myself in it. So I guess 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:45.720 if I'm in between jobs at one point, maybe I'll 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:47.880 take two weeks to get to know Japan. But isn't 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.079 that a shame that that's what we have to rely 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:53.200 on is in order to live our lives? Like I 0:02:53.240 --> 0:02:56.119 feel like now, more than ever, I've been paying more 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:59.200 attention to just be in the moment, just treasure this, 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.520 you know, perish what is happening right now. There are 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:04.880 so many things that have happened as of late that 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.480 make me think that way, And that's the reason why 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:09.560 I don't want to stop. I don't know. I'm having 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:13.160 a really hard time with saying no to things that 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:15.600 I know will be great for my mental health and 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:19.680 for my spiritual health. Seriously, in the big, big picture 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:21.560 of life. I don't ever want to say, well, I 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:23.560 couldn't do that because you know I was working. But 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:25.880 that's the hamster wheel that we're on, that's what we 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:29.120 all are living in. That is me Like I still 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:32.800 work mostly remote, Carolina, and I will not leave my 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:35.240 workspace all day. And I know people, I'm gonna get 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:38.320 my my lashes done during lunch and I'm gonna get 0:03:38.360 --> 0:03:40.560 my toes done with my computer on my lap. I 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:43.200 gotta change my ways, Carolina, because people aut here living 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:47.840 the best remote life. And I am like you and 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:50.640 I both because if I'm not doing something for the kids, 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:52.800 I'm doing something for work. If I'm not doing something 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:55.320 for work, I'm doing another type of project. So I 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:58.480 feel the same way. But let's talk about it. Vacationing 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:02.120 without your significant other. I was very inspired by my 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:05.320 friend who has a very full life, and she was 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:08.200 giving me, giving me the reasoning behind it. She was saying, 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:11.160 as a woman, you need to fill your cup, and 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.360 you can't fill your cup all the time when you're 0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:16.240 surrounded by the same people. And I said, well, no, 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:20.520 I understand that vacationing without kids is different than vacationing 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.360 with your significant other. I get that, but I said, 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:25.839 I don't know. I went to Nashville. Honey, this is 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:29.080 so embarrassing. After you know, once things were good with 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:33.760 the pandemic, you would have thought I would have been ready, ready, Okay, 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.320 the streets were not ready for this. Mother. I planned, 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:42.040 I had my outfits. Honey, when I tell you how 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:45.440 embarrassing this is. So we get to the airport. It's 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:50.440 Mimosa's Girls Weekend. Yeah, everybody's super excited. We go. We 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:53.080 have this great plan. We're gonna stay at the Virgin 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.200 Hotel in Nashville. I've never been in Nashville. This is 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:59.520 gonna be an experience. The drinks are flowing. We get there, 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.920 we go to lunch, we have some more drinks. Your 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:08.200 girl had a panic attack at ten o'clock at night, 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:12.120 where in the middle of the streets, I all of 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:16.080 a sudden started like hyperventilating, and I could laugh about 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:20.719 it now. I don't know what it was, but somebody 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:24.839 mentioned my husband, and all of a sudden, my tears start. 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:26.559 I was like, I need to go home. I can't 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:28.599 do this. I need to be with my man. I 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.240 need to be with my family, and yes there were 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:34.159 drinks involved, so I definitely think that had something to 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:36.120 do with it. I was just going to ask you that, 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.400 did you feel like guilt at that moment? Like what 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.880 am I doing? I have a husband, I have children? 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.159 Like why am I here? Well, it wasn't even that 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.320 I was doing anything crazy or solation. I think it 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.560 was just that reality, like, wait a minute, what am 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:52.360 I doing? We're still in a pandemic. Why did who 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:54.440 do I think? I am going to these bars where 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:57.200 there are well, really people were still wearing masks and 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.520 I was still wearing a mask, and then I'm out 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:02.360 in these ours and these people were not wearing masks 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.760 at all, and I was It was the first time 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:06.760 that I was ever in an environment where there were 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:10.000 more than you know, five to ten people, I guess, 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:12.280 and I think that that's when it really hit me. 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:16.760 So here I am talking a big game, swearing that 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:18.520 this is the best thing, that this is what I 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.719 needed after home schooling and being home and working remote 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:24.679 and all this stuff. Your girl had a panic attack 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:26.880 at ten o'clock at night. They had to take me 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:31.040 back to the hotel, put my ass to bed. They 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.719 were saying, they went out actually, which I loved. I said, 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:35.560 I'm so glad that I did not ruin the night 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:37.240 for the rest of you guys. They ended up going 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.080 back out into like two o'clock in the morning and 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.520 having a grand old time. You know. But I think 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:46.760 that when you travel with somebody, you have that comfort, 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:49.120 you have that sense of home with you all the time. 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:51.239 So when you don't have it and it's ripped away, 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:54.239 it's it's an adjustment. I wouldn't say that I wouldn't 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:56.920 do it again, but I would actually be more hesitant 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:58.919 to do it now, only because of what happened to 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:06.320 me on this one trip. Yeah, oh totally, I'm not 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:10.440 even like I'm serious. And that was and then after 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.560 it was so embarrassing because they were like, oh, you 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:14.800 were just drunk, and I said, no, girls like that 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:18.320 was a full blown panic attack. But it also taught 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:22.480 me something. It made me realize how attached I am 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:25.360 to my husband and that maybe I do need to 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.120 make a little bit more space for myself and for 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.000 my friends, because isn't that really what a full life 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:33.000 is all about. It is And you know, they say 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:35.240 traveling is good for the soul, and I feel like 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.680 it just makes you, you know, your way your significant 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:41.760 others elsewhere. It makes you gain like a new sense 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.920 of appreciation. You're like thinking, You're like, where is he? 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.480 What is he doing? Is he okay? You know I 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:50.400 love him. I hope he's now I'll get cheating on me, 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.920 you know, all that good stuff. I worry about that. 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:54.800 I was like, how many days we're gonna be gone? 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.200 This man gonna be texting all his excess? Do you 0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:01.040 really worry about that? Sometimes I'm just like, oh, stop it, 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.160 get out of here. Do you let yourself go to 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:06.600 that place? Um? Sometimes it just gives like I don't know, 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:09.600 it gives like ample opportunity. You know. It's I think like, 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:11.880 even though they say it takes five minutes to cheat, 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:13.560 but if you know your spouse is going to be 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:16.200 Let's say I went to Spain for like a week 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:19.800 with Bella and another friend. For those seven days, he 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.800 knew I was on the other side of the world, right, 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:25.280 he could have re sparked the whole relationship with somebody 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:27.400 and be like, oh my life, my wife is gone. 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:30.280 Let's get this popping again. He could be in her 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.160 house like five or six days in a row. If 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.720 he wanted to Andy and then been like, Okay, this 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:36.760 is not working and gone to pick me up at 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:38.559 the airport. So yeah, in the back of my mind, 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:40.920 I guess it is there. It's like, if I'm gone 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:43.240 for a whole week, if this man got that itch, 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.760 this is the time to go for it. Oh wow. See, 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:49.960 First of all, you know I'm team Noony. I love him. 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:51.960 I love you too. But I don't feel like he 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:54.760 would ever ever ever at this. I really don't, but 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.160 like for it would never know. No, I think he's 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:02.280 smarter than that. But I guess from my perspective, I 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.600 don't worry about Mark being alone. I will say this. 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:11.960 So Mark has always enjoyed seeing me having fun, and 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:15.439 I think that is a really beautiful thing. Whenever I'm out, 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.640 whenever I'm with my girlfriends. If I face time him, 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:22.040 he's not bothered. He actually giggles and he laughs and 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:23.800 he's like, oh my gosh, what is this bit chop too? 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:26.000 Now you know what I mean. So he is very 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:29.600 much a supporter of me letting loose and having fun 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:31.040 because he knows that I don't get to do it 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:33.960 as much anymore. Well, we were planning this trip to 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:37.360 New Orleans, which we just took back in April, and 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.160 there was a lot of moving parts. I had to 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:41.080 get somebody to come in to help take care of 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:44.000 the kids, and it was just a lot. And so 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.640 I looked at him at one point and I said, honey, 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.839 I love you. If you want to do this, if 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:51.600 you want to be with your friends, because it was 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:55.520 all of his friends. I said, go have a good time. 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:58.600 I trust you. I'll be here with the kids. It's 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:00.959 not looking like we We just couldn't arrange for somebody 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:02.360 to come and take care of the children. It was 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:05.040 a mess. And he he looked at me and he said, no, 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:07.720 it won't be the same without you. So there was 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:10.560 never a question in my mind of and I don't 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.360 want to say allowing him, because this isn't like ownership. 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.360 But there was never an issue for me to allow 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.560 him to go on his own because number one, I 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:20.840 know who he is. Number Two, I know who his 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:23.400 friends are. I know that if he was going to 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:27.080 try to act messy, his friends would remind him in 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:30.200 a second, what are you doing. So I think that 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.920 there are a lot of layers to maybe taking these 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:36.360 vacations without your significant other, you really have to evaluate 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.959 where are we in our relationship, how am I feeling 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:42.000 about my significant other? How do I feel like they 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:43.960 will take care of the house while I'm away. There 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:51.000 are just so many things that go into it. Some men, 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:57.760 a Latino man, let's say, it might be like, so 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:01.360 I know women that are married that there would never 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.680 they would rather divorce them than let them take a 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:05.680 girl's trip. So it has a lot to do, you know, 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:09.680 with culture, trust and where your relationship stands. Because I 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:13.760 know some women that would never ever ever let their 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:17.000 husband take trips to certain countries. Ever, they'd rather just 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:26.160 leave him. But I see Colombia hence beautiful women never 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:28.320 And you know, my husband took a trip to Dominican 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.600 Republic with a group of his friends. This was like 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:34.080 ten years ago before we were married. And I remember thinking, 0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:36.959 this is not a good idea. These guys are gonna 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.000 go out there, They're just gonna have fun, They're gonna 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:41.240 go to strip clubs. This could be very bad from 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.760 my relationship. And I remember when he came back, I 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:45.800 kept trying to like go through his computer. I kept 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:47.320 trying to go through his phone. I kept trying to 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:49.920 see if he connected with someone, and you know when 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:52.480 you go back to these countries. Let's say I'm Dominican. 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:54.400 If you go back to this country and you're an 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.960 American man, and you're an attractive American man, you're gonna 0:11:57.960 --> 0:11:59.480 meet a whole bunch of women that are gonna want 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:01.760 to become pen pals with the hope that they might 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:05.280 end up on nine. Like any girl to stress, be 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:07.360 real when your man won't go to these countries and 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.760 as latinas is how he had talked about who ordering 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.160 the bottles. You know, different lifestyles. This is why I 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:16.199 mean you work so well, Caroly, because I'm gonna be 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.679 a stressed about the Domini Kanas taking my man, and 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.480 you're like, Mark, go have fun. Your friends will check you. 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:26.920 My friends will order the whole husband. That's a fact, Carolina. 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.640 I like, I've always traveled. I've always traveled on my own. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:32.800 My husband's never been one to be like, Na, you 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:34.800 can't do a girl's trip. But I do know men 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.560 that be like, hell, nah, you're going to men's trip. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.120 On an all girls trip. You're just gonna try to 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.120 meet men and try to while out and be crazy, 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:47.079 and some men equate women on vacation with you letting 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:50.600 your looser side out, girls gone wild. Yeah, exactly, because 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.079 you know what I've go on vacation. I wear different 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:54.520 things that then I would wear New York. It's like, 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:56.240 if something is a little see through, I'm like, yeah, 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:58.600 it's okay, it doesn't matter if the base iss here 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:02.080 for it. Exactly when I'm on vacation. When I'm home 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.719 and in my local area, I'm very covered up, I 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.760 very buttoned up. I would never girl, if my nipples 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.880 got hard, I would be like, oh my god. When 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:14.840 I girl, it is different. Who want to play beach volleyball? 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.280 Don't worry about my my my bikini bottom going in 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.680 my ask girl, I'm a serve and I'm like, no betaking, 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:24.920 honey said, I said, come on, Mangha like whenever your home, 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:27.000 you're like a little nun. And then after it's like 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.319 when you out, you are wild and out letting them 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.880 tats show. Baby, I'm here for it. No, you know 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:37.080 where you know what's great? Carolina. I was off a 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:39.920 Memorial Day weekend and that was the first time I 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.880 ever wore a throng bathing suit and noone he didn't care. 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:46.000 I thought, wait, first of all we must discuss. You 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.360 were one of those like, well, but they're very popular 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:50.280 right now. So you were showing them cheeks, girl, you 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:52.560 would letting them cheeks out. I was in Miami and 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:54.840 I felt so left out. Last time I went to 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.000 Miami and like, wait, hold on, but the got the 0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:59.520 thong and the flag has got the thongs and the 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.880 ball that's at the thong. What I So I went 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.360 back home. I ordered me a couple and next time 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.719 we went down the memorial that we get, I said, oh, 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.320 look what I got, and you know what he said. 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.080 He was like, don't worry about it where in Miami. Hence, 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:15.760 when you're away and in different spaces, you act a 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.640 little different. That was my thoughty moment, and I loved it. 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.000 I need to bring out my inner thought. E honey, 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:23.560 you have to help me bring her out because I'm 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:27.240 always too concerned. And you're absolutely right. I went to Miami. 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:29.520 I think it was back like in March or something, 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:31.320 just this past year. You know, my parents lived there, 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.760 and you are right at the beach. It is a 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:38.480 free for all, and here I am in my granny 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:42.320 bikini underwear, you know, or bikini bathing suit at full 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:45.800 coverage because I've got two kids, and meanwhile there are 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:49.360 women with kids wearing them thongs. They don't care. They're 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:51.520 bending over picking up all of the sand toys, but 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.640 not me. I'm here trying to be like super conservative. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:56.960 I need to let go of that. I need to 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:59.880 shed that inner judgment of like what are people going 0:14:59.920 --> 0:15:01.720 to say to me, and just let loose. You know, 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:05.200 it was cheeks everywhere, girl, I'm telling you, cheeks everywhere. 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.560 It was like Donga Land. I swear to god. I 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:11.200 was like, da, I am not gonna be the only 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.880 one with the grandma bikini. I'm buying me a little 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.760 throng situation. But I but I sat on my back, 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:18.920 on my butt most of the time. I'm never gonna 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:20.280 alle you. It's not like I was walking up and 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.960 down the beach, you know, cheeks clapping and nothing. I 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:25.520 was still very self conscious, but I went for it. 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:28.480 That's the first Yeah, yeah, try it. Well, let's go 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.800 back to Let's go back to the guys traveling on 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:32.680 their own though, because I feel like you touched on 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.760 something that is really interesting that never entered my mind. 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:42.280 Locations that are restricted for your significant other to go to. 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:46.520 So for example, UM, I will say this. I've I've 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:50.320 discussed at length with Mark, my husband, how I feel 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:54.920 about strip clubs. I am not here to shame anybody. 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.680 I think you gotta do what you gotta do. I 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:00.200 just let him know. Look, it makes me uncomfort while 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.720 thinking about you touching another woman. And I laid it 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.160 out at the very beginning of our relationship. I said, 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:08.840 I know you're going to be in situations where your 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.040 friends are gonna go and you're going to be a 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:12.960 part of the crowd. I'm not expecting you to be 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.200 the guy who stays back at the hotel, because you're 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:18.280 your own man, but I expect you to hold yourself 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.320 to the standard that I think of you. Right, And 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:23.400 Mark and I discussed it and he said, look, it's 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:26.040 not my style, Like, it's not my vibe. Yes, well 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:28.600 I go, I'll be the guy that has drinks, I'll 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.880 hang out. He's like, but I'm not trying to get 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:34.720 lap dances or you know, do anything of that nature, 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:37.160 because he knows what it means to me. On the 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.880 flip side, I also think that, like you mentioned, there 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.720 are women that get wild out there that they order 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.040 a stripper or they want to go to the clubs, 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.720 or they want to flirt and dance and be you know, 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:52.480 wild and crazy. I'm not putting myself in that position. 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:56.720 So more often than not, whenever we're out. For example, 0:16:56.720 --> 0:16:59.840 when we were in Tennessee, a young guy came up 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:02.640 to me, a little young Harry Styles look alike, and 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:07.639 he came up you stopping kid out of here, A 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:10.240 little a little young Harry Styles look like And he 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:11.520 came up to me and I looked at me and 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:13.160 I said, baby, how old are you? And he said 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.000 I'm twenty six And I said, honey, I could have 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:17.320 birthed you. And then I started talking about said what's 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.679 your style? And then I started being his like mama 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:24.879 wing woman. Instead of me getting all of that, you know, 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.240 because some women really crave that attention or they want 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:31.520 that feedback from a younger man and makes them feel 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:34.360 like they still got it, I went the other direction. 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:37.480 I said, Okay, let's see who at this bar could 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:39.560 be your girlfriend. You need a younger woman. And we 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.119 started talking. Do you know that this kid on Instagram 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:45.280 still follows me a messages me. He is adorable? He 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:47.439 was like his couga mentor youre like I got you 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.280 don't care about it. Point these cool gas out. I'm 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:52.840 gonna tell you which one you're gonna go. Absolutely, I 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:55.879 love that I became his marina and the club I 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:57.960 was like looking for girls and I was like, hey, ladies, 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:00.320 do you look at this man? He is adorable. What's 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:02.119 your name? Where are you from? And I was just 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:05.240 connecting him. I'm I became the connector. So I think 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:07.520 that when you look at your relationship and when you 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:10.359 value it and you respect it, you know, yes, was 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:12.720 I flattered that this kid came up to me? Sure? 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.360 I mean, who isn't I'm a mother of two that 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:18.720 works from home. I barely get out. I'm always at Target, 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:20.359 Like give me a break, you know, Like it's a 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.959 good little ego snack. But it depends on what you 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:25.320 do with it. From that point of course, you're not 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:28.480 going to act on it. Some women might act on it, Carolyn. 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:32.640 And you know, let's say you're in a marriage, sexless marriage, 0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:36.440 not getting much attention that girls trip boom, you're at 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:40.639 the resort, You're in this dominicano over here serving you 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:44.479 to drinks. Talk about you know what I'm saying. If 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:46.800 you're missing that attention and you don't have that mental 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:49.320 fortitude or maybe that connection with your husband, and you're 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:52.119 just looking for something vast and quick. It might go down. 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:54.560 It might go down, and not in the best way, 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.359 if you know what I mean. Um, I always think 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.840 that whenever I am away from my husband, though it 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:04.160 gets me more excited to be with him, I think 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:08.040 about that first night when I come back. Hey, hey, 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:12.440 then it's all versacchi on the floor. And that's because 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:14.879 you're you still you're still hot over your husband, you 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:16.560 still love him, and you're like, when I get back, 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:18.919 this man gonna get the ride of his life. But 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.960 that's not that every relationship. So we gotta be careful 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:25.560 with you know, those whole those separate vacations. You've got 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:28.440 to make sure that your relationship isn't a good space 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:32.120 and that one person is not itching they got that itch. 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:33.560 You know. I'm saying, if you've gone more than a 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:38.000 few months without having sex, you'll know how. I don't know, Carolyn. 0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:42.600 I know people. I know people married people that they're like, Okay, 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.399 my marriage is sexless. Now at this point, we're just married, 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:47.159 but we don't really have sex, and sex is not 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:51.560