1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,880
Speaker 1: Hey, oh, it's Ryley here, and this is Carly, your

2
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,200
Speaker 1: favorite Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories

3
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:06,600
Speaker 1: coming up.

4
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,200
Speaker 2: Before you gett these wild stories, we have a quick

5
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,120
Speaker 2: two minute break from the sponsors that keep the show going.

6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,520
Speaker 3: My best friend's boyfriend involves me in their mess and

7
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,919
Speaker 3: now he's lying about me. WHOA don't get involved in

8
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,799
Speaker 3: some you don't even know. I thirty three female, have

9
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:26,239
Speaker 3: been best friends with my best friend, also thirty three female,

10
00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:29,360
Speaker 3: for twenty years. We have been through everything together and

11
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:33,200
Speaker 3: are extremely close. Our boyfriend, thirty two male, has also

12
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,800
Speaker 3: been a good friend of mine for several years now.

13
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,560
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from just Okra thirteen seventy

14
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,240
Speaker 3: one and if you want to sumit your own stories,

15
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,320
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate. I'm Sophia

16
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,960
Speaker 3: and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice goofy,

17
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,159
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

18
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,320
Speaker 3: what we do, so let's know what you would do.

19
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,800
Speaker 3: In the comments and op says when they cannot seem

20
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,760
Speaker 3: to get along or understand each other, they sometimes both

21
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,400
Speaker 3: reach out to me to be a sounding board. I

22
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,720
Speaker 3: hear each of them out and try to be as

23
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,720
Speaker 3: unbiased as possible when offering advice, but only when they

24
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,360
Speaker 3: ask for it. Recently, they have been having petty arguments,

25
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,399
Speaker 3: and when she tells me the things he says or

26
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,840
Speaker 3: how he acts, it almost feels like I don't recognize him.

27
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,039
Speaker 3: I never knew him to be that way, which really sucks,

28
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,600
Speaker 3: because I strongly encourage her to give him a chance.

29
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,000
Speaker 3: When he was trying to date her, I had known

30
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,440
Speaker 3: him for years and he had always been nothing but

31
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,200
Speaker 3: a good friend to me. I genuinely thought they would

32
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,080
Speaker 3: be great together. As time has gone on in their relationship,

33
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,959
Speaker 3: I have started to feel like he is purposely trying

34
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 3: to drive a wedge between my best friend and meat.

35
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,360
Speaker 3: For example, years ago, before they were ever together, he

36
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,360
Speaker 3: asked me for an update on her life and whether

37
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,199
Speaker 3: she was seeing or talking to anyone. At the time,

38
00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:48,440
Speaker 3: she was texting one of her friend's brothers. Nothing serious,

39
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,280
Speaker 3: just getting to know each other. He held on to

40
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,080
Speaker 3: that information and recently told her that she does not

41
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,960
Speaker 3: really know me and that I tell him things about her,

42
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,760
Speaker 3: which is not true. He brought it up as if

43
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,559
Speaker 3: I I told him recently in a gossipy way without

44
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,600
Speaker 3: giving her any context. When she asked me about it

45
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,720
Speaker 3: and I explained how it actually happened, she agreed with

46
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,760
Speaker 3: me and said she felt like he was trying to

47
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,160
Speaker 3: drive a wedge as well. There was also another incident

48
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,360
Speaker 3: where a mutual friend asked me to go calughing but

49
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,720
Speaker 3: didn't invite my best friend. He messaged me saying it

50
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,760
Speaker 3: was messed up that I went without her and didn't

51
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,600
Speaker 3: even invite her, even though it wasn't to my outing

52
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,920
Speaker 3: to invite people to. He told me she was sad.

53
00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,760
Speaker 3: I immediately texted her, apologized and explained that the outing

54
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,040
Speaker 3: was not meant to hurt her feelings and that I

55
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,040
Speaker 3: should have thought about it and invited her anyway. She

56
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,280
Speaker 3: responded completely confused and said she had no idea what

57
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,639
Speaker 3: I was talking about. She never told him she felt

58
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,040
Speaker 3: upset at all. That felt like another attempt to plant

59
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,400
Speaker 3: a seed. At this point, if my best friend and

60
00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:50,560
Speaker 3: I wanted to go to brunch or do something together

61
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,079
Speaker 3: without him, it would be a problem for him. I'm

62
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,680
Speaker 3: not a party person and I would never encourage her

63
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,359
Speaker 3: to make bad decisions. She is also not the type

64
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 3: of person who would cheat. He's just a very insecure person,

65
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,680
Speaker 3: and for some reason he seems to have an issue

66
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,320
Speaker 3: with how close we are. Sorry if this is hard

67
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,160
Speaker 3: to follow, I'm not a great storyteller, and blah blah blah.

68
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,760
Speaker 3: About a month ago, they had been fighting a lot,

69
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,840
Speaker 3: although I did not know how bad it was at

70
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,760
Speaker 3: the time, it reached a boiling point where he told

71
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,520
Speaker 3: her he was miserable, called her names, and kept cursing

72
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,960
Speaker 3: at her. I was on my way out of town

73
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,600
Speaker 3: when I received a flood of text messages from her

74
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,760
Speaker 3: explaining what had happened. She even sent me voice recordings

75
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,720
Speaker 3: of parts of the argument. I was shocked. Still, I

76
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,480
Speaker 3: know people can be harsh when they're emotional and upset.

77
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,760
Speaker 3: Things did not get better throughout the day, and she

78
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,120
Speaker 3: asked if she could stay the night at my house.

79
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,080
Speaker 3: I immediately said yes. At the same time he started

80
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,480
Speaker 3: texting me. He told me he was done with her,

81
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,600
Speaker 3: that he was miserable, and that I should not believe

82
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,920
Speaker 3: what she was telling me because she never shares the

83
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,160
Speaker 3: part she plays in their fights. He also said he

84
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,800
Speaker 3: thought she had self absorbed tendency is stemming from her

85
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,040
Speaker 3: last relationship, and that he would explain everything to me

86
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,680
Speaker 3: later when I was back in town. Honestly, if these

87
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,680
Speaker 3: two people had this much to say about how bad

88
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,640
Speaker 3: the relationship was to me, I'd be like, guys, either

89
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,800
Speaker 3: break up or stop talking to me about this, or

90
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,200
Speaker 3: maybe about just in general, to stop talking to me.

91
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,800
Speaker 4: Honestly, that how That's how it was like towards the

92
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,279
Speaker 4: end of my last relationship. I would just complain, complain, complain.

93
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,919
Speaker 4: They're like, then why are you with them? I'm like,

94
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,120
Speaker 4: I don't know.

95
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,920
Speaker 3: Get a point. You got me, you got me. I

96
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,279
Speaker 3: was not able to talk to either of them much,

97
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,039
Speaker 3: but I ended up coming home that same night. My

98
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,120
Speaker 3: best friend was already at my house since she has

99
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,520
Speaker 3: a key. She brought her kids and dogs with her

100
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,400
Speaker 3: to get some space for the night. I never responded

101
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,960
Speaker 3: to her boyfriend about the self absorbed tendencies comment. When

102
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000
Speaker 3: I walked into my house, one of the first things

103
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,080
Speaker 3: my best friend asked me was whether he had reached

104
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,919
Speaker 3: out to me. I told her yes. She then asked

105
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,480
Speaker 3: what he said. I honestly had no intention of telling her.

106
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,280
Speaker 3: I believe people should not be crucified for things they

107
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,719
Speaker 3: say in anger, because a lot of the time it's

108
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,279
Speaker 3: just lashing out I also didn't want to add fuel

109
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:08,359
Speaker 3: to an already delicate situation, But when she directly asked me,

110
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,600
Speaker 3: I had to make a decision. I hesitated and told

111
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,800
Speaker 3: her I didn't want to show her, but in the end,

112
00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:16,120
Speaker 3: I chose to be loyal to my best friend of

113
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,520
Speaker 3: twenty years. I handed her my phone and let her

114
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,400
Speaker 3: read the messages. The comment about narcissm deeply affected her.

115
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,920
Speaker 3: I tried to remind her that emotions were running high

116
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,760
Speaker 3: on both sides. That doesn't make it okay that he

117
00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,760
Speaker 3: said it, but on a human level, I can understand

118
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,160
Speaker 3: someone lashing out when they're angry. We talked for hours

119
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,480
Speaker 3: that night and eventually went to sleep. The next day

120
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,320
Speaker 3: she went home. When they talked again, he was not

121
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,600
Speaker 3: receptive to what she was saying and had a completely

122
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,920
Speaker 3: different recollection of what happened. That's when she told him

123
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,320
Speaker 3: she had recorded their argument and that I had shown

124
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,120
Speaker 3: her the text he sent me. She didn't explain the

125
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,640
Speaker 3: full context. She just told them I showed her the messages.

126
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,880
Speaker 3: Is demetor immediately changed. He became apologetic, said he didn't

127
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,040
Speaker 3: said he didn't mean what he said, and told her

128
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,800
Speaker 3: he loved or but now he was angry at me. See,

129
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,560
Speaker 3: this is the issue you. You are allowing yourself to

130
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,800
Speaker 3: be may the middleman, and now they can just point

131
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,760
Speaker 3: the blame at you because you're the messenger when you

132
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,720
Speaker 3: shouldn't be involved in this relationship at all.

133
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,920
Speaker 4: It's just it's like a three way relationship. But I can't.

134
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:23,360
Speaker 3: I don't know.

135
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,480
Speaker 4: It's just it's really annoying. How like, sorry, I almost said,

136
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,159
Speaker 4: donut curse my song. It's really annoying, how like the

137
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,200
Speaker 4: my sock, how like of course it's going to come

138
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,440
Speaker 4: back on pete. Of course it is because you're getting

139
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,120
Speaker 4: involved in this thing. Obviously, you are friends with both

140
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,080
Speaker 4: of them. You want to help them, you know, do this,

141
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,960
Speaker 4: but you cannot be like the mediator.

142
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're not their best interest for you not to

143
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,880
Speaker 3: be this involved exactly. Yeah, it's just just too much,

144
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,560
Speaker 3: too much. He has not spoken to me in a month.

145
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 3: We have been around each other twice since then, and

146
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,680
Speaker 3: it has been incredibly awkward. I hate it. Last week,

147
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,640
Speaker 3: my best friend finally talked to him and explained how

148
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,400
Speaker 3: and why I showed her the messages and that it

149
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,159
Speaker 3: was not me being messy. I feel like all three

150
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,000
Speaker 3: of us played a role in what happened. They both

151
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,080
Speaker 3: involved me and my best friend outed me and I

152
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,720
Speaker 3: revealed what he said about her.

153
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:18,040
Speaker 4: That's just I just it's like they come to you

154
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,560
Speaker 4: and they're like yeah, but they say what they say

155
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,160
Speaker 4: and they're like, oh, she's my best friend. I can't

156
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,200
Speaker 4: here you go yeah. Like it just seems like it's

157
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,480
Speaker 4: always that repeating cycle of like, well, what she say,

158
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:25,960
Speaker 4: what she say.

159
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 3: It's like, you guys need to talk to each other. Stop,

160
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,000
Speaker 3: Like he's telling them to stop.

161
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,680
Speaker 4: Just talk to each other about it. Don't talk to

162
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,400
Speaker 4: me about it. I don't know what you want.

163
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,520
Speaker 3: I have not reached out to apologize because he has

164
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,760
Speaker 3: never told me why he is angry. It has just

165
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:44,840
Speaker 3: been completely radio silent. Also, I'm not sorry for telling her.

166
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,560
Speaker 3: I am sorry for betraying his trust, but it feels

167
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,760
Speaker 3: like being loyal to one means being disloyal to the other.

168
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,600
Speaker 3: I really wish they had kept me out of their

169
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,600
Speaker 3: relationship issues from the start. He does not have any

170
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,679
Speaker 3: other close friends, male or female. I am his only

171
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,800
Speaker 3: close friend. Make matters worse. When my best friend was

172
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,160
Speaker 3: explaining everything to him, he asked her if I also

173
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,840
Speaker 3: revealed what I supposedly said about her. He then claimed

174
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,480
Speaker 3: that I agreed with them and that I called her

175
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,640
Speaker 3: a self absorbed person too. I do not even use

176
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,360
Speaker 3: that word, and I absolutely do not think that she

177
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,080
Speaker 3: is that way. My best friend fully believes me, and

178
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,559
Speaker 3: our relationship is still solid, But now I am stuck

179
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,480
Speaker 3: between a rock and a hard place. He is allowed

180
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,440
Speaker 3: to be angry at me for telling the truth, but

181
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,720
Speaker 3: I'm apparently not allowed to be angry at him for

182
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:29,680
Speaker 3: lying about me.

183
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,160
Speaker 4: I think just you just need to let them be

184
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,079
Speaker 4: in a Relationshipah, let them be in it, and you know,

185
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,079
Speaker 4: then nothing can fall back on you. Yeah, you don't

186
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,120
Speaker 4: have to feel bad. You don't have to you know whatever,

187
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,199
Speaker 4: Like you can, like I feel like there's you can

188
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,360
Speaker 4: be involved in a specific amount, but you don't need

189
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,959
Speaker 4: to be involved the entire time. You can be involved

190
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,600
Speaker 4: for just like little things like, oh we had a

191
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,160
Speaker 4: spat here and there, but it doesn't have to be

192
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,360
Speaker 4: every single argument you ever have. Let's go to this

193
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,920
Speaker 4: person and then after they message them, let's ask what

194
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:00,480
Speaker 4: they say.

195
00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:04,040
Speaker 3: Like that's very toxic. Yeah, And at this point, I

196
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 3: think in normal circumstances, I would agree, But at this

197
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,559
Speaker 3: point I feel like you should just go completely no involvement.

198
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,280
Speaker 3: Anytime they bring up the other person, you just say sorry,

199
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,120
Speaker 3: you know, I don't want to get involved. Yeah, it

200
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,920
Speaker 3: hasn't helped in the past. I'm not getting involved.

201
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that, and I think that that's fair.

202
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,000
Speaker 4: I think op, you shouldn't feel bad about being like, oh, well,

203
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,199
Speaker 4: now I don't know. You know, it's my best friend,

204
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,160
Speaker 4: it's one of myselfs. No, no, no, like that's not being

205
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,239
Speaker 4: a friend though. Yeah, involving you and their like relationship

206
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 4: drama and then expecting you to fix it all and

207
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,880
Speaker 4: all this stuff like, no, that's not your issue.

208
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,280
Speaker 3: You're not involved in the relationship.

209
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,560
Speaker 4: You may have started the relationship, but that doesn't mean

210
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,280
Speaker 4: you have to, you know, be involved the rest of

211
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,640
Speaker 4: the time. Yeah, Like they're adult, greed, they can do it.

212
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,600
Speaker 4: It makes me not want to fix things with them.

213
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,600
Speaker 4: But our families are so intertwined that not having a

214
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:50,200
Speaker 4: relationship with him would completely change the dynamic of my

215
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,120
Speaker 4: friendship with her.

216
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,640
Speaker 3: I can only assume it would also cause issues in

217
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,440
Speaker 3: their relationship. I do not want to lose my best friend,

218
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,840
Speaker 3: but I also cannot sit back and let someone lie

219
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,040
Speaker 3: about me. I'm not allowed to go unchecked. Am I

220
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,560
Speaker 3: the a hole? What do I do? Also, my best

221
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,400
Speaker 3: friend and I have had multiple conversations about this, and

222
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,520
Speaker 3: I told her that going forward, they both need to

223
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,760
Speaker 3: completely keep me out of their relationship issues. Obviously, girls

224
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:17,760
Speaker 3: need to vent to their girlfriends about their boyfriends. But well,

225
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,640
Speaker 3: I feel like you have a skewed understanding of that,

226
00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,520
Speaker 3: though I feel like you don't fully understand what that means. Though,

227
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,760
Speaker 3: this will be the last time I allow them to

228
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,560
Speaker 3: involve me in their relationship problems, and that's the end.

229
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,400
Speaker 4: I started a business with my best friend, and now

230
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,760
Speaker 4: I regret to everything.

231
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,840
Speaker 3: Never do business with your friends.

232
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,200
Speaker 4: So early this summer, my best friend and I, who

233
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,520
Speaker 4: I will call Emily, started a small business making handmade items.

234
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,199
Speaker 3: That take a lot of work.

235
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,640
Speaker 4: Overall, we have had a lot of fun, but we

236
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,960
Speaker 4: do butt heads on some things. By the way, this

237
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:55,560
Speaker 4: comes from Impressive Charge eighty four And if you want

238
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,480
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

239
00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:04,120
Speaker 4: Okay story Times subpret it. I am Savannah, I'm Sophia,

240
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:04,720
Speaker 4: and we.

241
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,040
Speaker 3: Are here to give you some good advice.

242
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,720
Speaker 4: Goofly, but obviously we don't have all the answers We

243
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,560
Speaker 4: don't only tell you what we would do in this situation,

244
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,760
Speaker 4: but we would love to know what you would do

245
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,800
Speaker 4: in the situation in the comments, as Opie says, some

246
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,080
Speaker 4: of the things I have gotten upset about are that

247
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,200
Speaker 4: I feel like she puts the business on the back

248
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 4: burner a lot until the last minute, no matter how

249
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,120
Speaker 4: much I beg her for us to work on things.

250
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,480
Speaker 4: She especially never prioritizes the events for selling the items

251
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,800
Speaker 4: and thinks it is okay for us to just show

252
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,280
Speaker 4: up whenever, which is often hours after the event has

253
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,120
Speaker 4: already started. She will get upset at me if I

254
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:42,240
Speaker 4: stop taking as much initiative, but this frustrates me because

255
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,480
Speaker 4: at the same time, I feel like she will not

256
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,480
Speaker 4: let me and instead just bosses me around. For contexts,

257
00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:50,719
Speaker 4: we work out of her house because she has a

258
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,400
Speaker 4: very large house and I live out of one room,

259
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,800
Speaker 4: so I often do not have much choice in these

260
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,000
Speaker 4: matters if she fights me on it. A few weeks ago,

261
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,840
Speaker 4: it was a small business Saturday. We had two important

262
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,000
Speaker 4: events we were signed up for, but she had gotten

263
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,400
Speaker 4: sick after Thanksgiving. I tried to take charge and do

264
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,640
Speaker 4: one of the events at our friend's shop because they

265
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:15,280
Speaker 4: could help me. However, she had her mom text me

266
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,440
Speaker 4: and tell me that they were not going to be

267
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,320
Speaker 4: doing the events that day. I had already stated I

268
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,760
Speaker 4: would be doing it alone, so I took this as

269
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,000
Speaker 4: her saying she was not allowing me to take charge

270
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,760
Speaker 4: without her. A few days later, when I finally heard

271
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:31,640
Speaker 4: from her, she said it was a miscommunication. Now fast

272
00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:33,199
Speaker 4: forward to the next Saturday.

273
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:33,840
Speaker 3: It was the.

274
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,240
Speaker 4: Town's biggest small business event of the year. I had

275
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,200
Speaker 4: barely heard from her that whole week, apart from that

276
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:44,080
Speaker 4: conversation and one other where she answered the phone said

277
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,600
Speaker 4: she could not talk and hung up on me. I

278
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,800
Speaker 4: was confused, but I did get a text from her

279
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:52,920
Speaker 4: the night before confirming we were going. For more context,

280
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,040
Speaker 4: I work another job and she currently does not. I

281
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,600
Speaker 4: am also disabled with chronic pain and walking problems. Given

282
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:02,160
Speaker 4: how the week had gone, the fact that she was

283
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,240
Speaker 4: always leaked to these business events, and that I worked

284
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,920
Speaker 4: the night before and after the event and was already

285
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,720
Speaker 4: in a lot of pain, I decided to let her

286
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,959
Speaker 4: take charge that morning and wait to hear from her.

287
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,160
Speaker 4: I watched her location because we both share it, just

288
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,880
Speaker 4: to make sure she did not leave without saying anything.

289
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,840
Speaker 4: She finally called me over an hour after we were

290
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:25,280
Speaker 4: supposed to be there and told me she was leaving. Hey,

291
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,679
Speaker 4: I went to borrow the keys from my mom because

292
00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 4: I have to borrow her car at the moment since

293
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,880
Speaker 4: mine broke down. I put my contacts in and called

294
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,240
Speaker 4: her to say I was leaving. She then said that

295
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,840
Speaker 4: the lady to check in was gone and she was

296
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,840
Speaker 4: not sure what to do because of how full it

297
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,360
Speaker 4: was that day. She told me not to leave until

298
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,319
Speaker 4: she could figure something out. I said I would wait

299
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 4: to hear from her. Hours later, she told me she

300
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,720
Speaker 4: had decided not to bother, which I had already pieced

301
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,840
Speaker 4: together on my own. A day or two later, I

302
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,600
Speaker 4: brought up the next weekend's events that Friday and Saturday.

303
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,440
Speaker 4: She then told me that she thought instead of me

304
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,760
Speaker 4: and her doing it, she and her husband were going

305
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,280
Speaker 4: to get a hotel room the nights in between so

306
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,240
Speaker 4: they could do what married couples do without their dogs around.

307
00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:12,760
Speaker 4: I was annoyed after how the other weekends before Christmas

308
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,200
Speaker 4: had gone, but I thought, whatever, I would stay home

309
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,200
Speaker 4: and try to pick up some shifts because she is

310
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,400
Speaker 4: not a fun person to argue with, and I knew

311
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,040
Speaker 4: she would not understand my point of view. Then Thursday night,

312
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 4: she said that her husband's friends were going to a

313
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,120
Speaker 4: little EDM show and that she actually wanted me to come.

314
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,200
Speaker 4: She said we would all stay in a hotel to

315
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,280
Speaker 4: be closer to both events. I thought it would be

316
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,720
Speaker 4: a little work and a little play and agreed. Friday morning,

317
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,440
Speaker 4: I asked what time the candle event was that day,

318
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,120
Speaker 4: because she handles the booking. She said she decided we

319
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 4: were not going to do Friday because there had not

320
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,120
Speaker 4: been enough time to prepare. Again, I was kind of annoyed,

321
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,520
Speaker 4: but at least we were doing Saturday together, so I

322
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,080
Speaker 4: went with the flow. We checked into the hotel and

323
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 4: her husband's friends came. Before the show, her husband and

324
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 4: his friends started doing party favors and she was taking

325
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 4: a lot of shots. I am sober, so I stayed

326
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,720
Speaker 4: in the bathroom getting ready. At that point I had

327
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,040
Speaker 4: a feeling that when morning came, they were not going

328
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,960
Speaker 4: to want to do business stuff. I asked what time

329
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,360
Speaker 4: we had to check in the next day. She replied,

330
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,240
Speaker 4: I don't care, it doesn't matter. Maybe we will show

331
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,200
Speaker 4: up when I am ready to show up. That feeling

332
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,960
Speaker 4: that this would be another wasted business opportunity grew more

333
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 4: and more as the night went on. By four am

334
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,400
Speaker 4: after the show, his friends were still doing their thing

335
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 4: in our room. I started getting annoyed and asked if

336
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,480
Speaker 4: they were going to bed at any point. She said

337
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,720
Speaker 4: she always goes to bed at some point, I said,

338
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,280
Speaker 4: I meant at a decent time. She asked if I

339
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,560
Speaker 4: could not go to bed. The room she got did

340
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,680
Speaker 4: not have a pull out bed for me, and even

341
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,080
Speaker 4: if it did, her husband and his friends were on

342
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,920
Speaker 4: that couch. I said no, I could not sleep with

343
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,120
Speaker 4: a room full of people doing party favors all night.

344
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 4: She replied that she could not make anyone do anything,

345
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:53,920
Speaker 4: but she.

346
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,600
Speaker 3: Was sure that they would leave soon.

347
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 4: At that point, I sent her a text because I

348
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,240
Speaker 4: did not want people to hear me. I said, I

349
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,600
Speaker 4: did not know why we put in so much work

350
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 4: if none of the events were going to be prioritized.

351
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,040
Speaker 4: I watched her swipe it away without a second glance.

352
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 4: Eventually they left. I tried to go to bed, but

353
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 4: they stayed up for hours after that, being very loud.

354
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 4: The next morning, as I suspected they slept past checkout.

355
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,960
Speaker 4: I eventually woke them up because I went outside to

356
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,520
Speaker 4: smoke and my key stopped working. They started saying we

357
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 4: did not have time to make check in and that

358
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,640
Speaker 4: there was no point in going. We went to check out,

359
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,440
Speaker 4: and her and I had to stay behind in the

360
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,840
Speaker 4: lobby coffee shop while her husband ran her other friend.

361
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 4: They picked up somewhere else because with all our business stuff,

362
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 4: there was not room for all of us. That is

363
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 4: when she brought up the text. She said that while

364
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,680
Speaker 4: she knew how I felt, I replied that she did

365
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,160
Speaker 4: not because I had not gotten to tell her. She said,

366
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,800
Speaker 4: she was talking right now that we were not going

367
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 4: to have this talk if I said anything, So I

368
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,480
Speaker 4: let her talk.

369
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,480
Speaker 3: We're not going to have this talk if you at

370
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 3: all talk. Yeah, it's more of a it's more of

371
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:13,480
Speaker 3: a modelogue, you will, it's not really a you know,

372
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:14,400
Speaker 3: got a scene.

373
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 4: She said I ruined the outing for her and that

374
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,200
Speaker 4: she needed it because everything had been all work and

375
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 4: no play. No, it hadn't because you hadn't worked. That's yeah,

376
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 4: she hadn't worked at all.

377
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you mean? She's like it had been

378
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,359
Speaker 3: all working, no play. I had to set up ed

379
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 3: m concerts. I had to do what married couples do.

380
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:40,360
Speaker 4: Like not once, did she actually do work like I

381
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 4: talking about work? Yeah, I think they like. I don't

382
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,200
Speaker 4: even know if they really even talked about it, because

383
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,000
Speaker 4: she just she literally said, let's talk about it, and

384
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,879
Speaker 4: what No. I asked if I could speak, and she said,

385
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 4: in a condescending voice, like a kindergarten teacher talking to toddler,

386
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,320
Speaker 4: I would love for you to talk now. I said,

387
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,359
Speaker 4: I had been frustrated that she had not cared about

388
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 4: any events for a while now, and that one of

389
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 4: our last big events before winter turned into her and

390
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,560
Speaker 4: her husband's romantic get away until it came to something

391
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:12,360
Speaker 4: with his friends. I said that the fact that we

392
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,639
Speaker 4: were supposed to be business partners did not seem to

393
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,640
Speaker 4: matter much, even when I'm willing to give up shifts

394
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,040
Speaker 4: at my actual job for this and break my back

395
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 4: doing long hours at both. She got offended and said

396
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,399
Speaker 4: she could not believe I would say she did not

397
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 4: care after how much money she has put in. I

398
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 4: said that was why I did not understand why she

399
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,080
Speaker 4: did not care about selling any of it, and how

400
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,480
Speaker 4: after what happened the weekend before, I thought she would

401
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 4: start taking it more seriously. She blamed me for not

402
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,120
Speaker 4: calling her over and over all morning, like every other time,

403
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,760
Speaker 4: I blame the fact that I do not have my

404
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,720
Speaker 4: own car right now, which did not make sense because

405
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 4: I had a car that day and she did not

406
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 4: have to come get me. I told her I had

407
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,160
Speaker 4: a car and that I had not even heard from

408
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,199
Speaker 4: her until the night before. I said that she had

409
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 4: not been letting me take charge, so I was waiting

410
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 4: for her to let me know what was going on.

411
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 4: She said I had told her the weekend before was

412
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,719
Speaker 4: a misunderstanding. He then said, I just did not understand

413
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:12,440
Speaker 4: mental health.

414
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 3: I hate that excuse. I that excuse who genuinely you know,

415
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 3: the mental health is like an explanation for why they

416
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 3: can't or they why they miscommunicated or why they weren't

417
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 3: able to do it in a certain way. But to

418
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,439
Speaker 3: use it as an excuse to just never talk to

419
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 3: someone on.

420
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, and also using it as like what and also

421
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,720
Speaker 4: op has like chronics yeah yeah, so to use like

422
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 4: physical pain against mental pain.

423
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 3: But the thing is girling.

424
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 4: You're not doing anything though, So like I don't understand

425
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 4: where the mental you know, get and I understand it's

426
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,679
Speaker 4: probably not all about work, yeah and whatnot, but like

427
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 4: still like you learn especially like in you know, like

428
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 4: acting and stuff.

429
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:53,639
Speaker 3: Like.

430
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,840
Speaker 4: The first thing I learned was like you leave your

431
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,160
Speaker 4: stuff at the door. You do not come in with

432
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 4: whatever drama happened with you. You don't come in with

433
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 4: ever any you know, like, you know, whatever thoughts you

434
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,520
Speaker 4: come in, you leave them at the door. You do

435
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 4: what you need to do, then you can deal with

436
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 4: it later.

437
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 3: Yeah. The thing is that you have to have two

438
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 3: separate relationships. You have to have the relationship with you

439
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 3: and your friend the friendship, and then you have the

440
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,239
Speaker 3: relationship between you and your business partner. When you were

441
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,400
Speaker 3: talking about business, it no longer is like, oh, well,

442
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 3: I have this thing that I'm doing and I couldn't

443
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 3: do like you know, I couldn't work on the business

444
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 3: because of this excuse and stuff. It's like, no, that

445
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 3: no longer matters when we're talking about the business. You

446
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 3: leave that behind. You don't give me your excuses. You

447
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 3: just say, hey, couldn't do it this time. Let's set

448
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,640
Speaker 3: up a time and talk about this.

449
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 4: I said, I do understand mental health because I have

450
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 4: to push through it along with chronic pain for both jobs. Yes,

451
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 4: I said it. That is why I tried to take

452
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 4: care of things anytime she got sick. But I did

453
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,119
Speaker 4: not understand throwing away every last event we had for

454
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 4: the season when there were other options, or prioritizing partying

455
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,919
Speaker 4: or doing her health. She then said, maybe we should

456
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 4: not be business partners. I replied that maybe we should

457
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 4: not be friends. She called me a witch, and I

458
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 4: left and got a different ride home.

459
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,479
Speaker 3: I think, honestly, I don't know if this friendship could survive.

460
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 3: It seems like she behaved pretty poorly. Uh, And it's

461
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,120
Speaker 3: just it's just, you know, a lesson for the future

462
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 3: that you gotta be very careful about who you start

463
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 3: a business with, because not everyone is meant to be

464
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 3: business partners exactly.

465
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 4: And you know, you live and you learn this. This

466
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,680
Speaker 4: is just another trial that you have to grow from,

467
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 4: and you know you'll figure it out. But I don't

468
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 4: want you to lose friends over this. I think that

469
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,440
Speaker 4: maybe she's just not a good business partner. But I mean,

470
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 4: I don't know how long they've been friends, did they sang?

471
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,679
Speaker 3: I don't remember. I know they did, think, But but

472
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 3: you know, it is hard to view people in the

473
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 3: same way when they because it does feel like a

474
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 3: betrayal when you know, if it's something that was very

475
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 3: dear to both of you, yeah, and just didn't work out.

476
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 4: And if it's also something that you know, you both

477
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 4: agreed on, you like were in it for the long

478
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 4: run and then all of a sudden it's just not working.

479
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 3: It's like, dude, what what do I have to do?

480
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 4: You know?

481
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 3: So I get it.

482
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 4: Anyway, here's a here's a little update. She offered to

483
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 4: talk that night, but I said I needed time because

484
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 4: I had picked up a shift after I got into

485
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 4: town and had not had time to eat or process

486
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 4: any everything. On my next day off, I said I

487
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 4: was ready to talk, and she said if things stay calm,

488
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 4: which I took sideways because it felt like she was

489
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 4: blaming everything on me. I did not reply and we

490
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 4: have not spoken since. So am I the a hole

491
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 4: for a getting upset with her for not prioritizing our business,

492
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 4: b bringing our friendship into the business because my other

493
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 4: friend said I should have not brought that into things,

494
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 4: and see not responding to her last texts? Am I

495
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 4: the a hole for getting mad at my best friend

496
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 4: slash business partner?

497
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 3: No, I don't think you're the a hole. Yeah, I

498
00:22:56,080 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 3: think it's just you know, kind of circumstances that let

499
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 3: it down this path, and you know, the friendships, Sometimes

500
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 3: friendships just don't last.

501
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 4: I don't think that you're the a hole because in

502
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 4: this circumstance, she wasn't doing anything. Yeah she was, you know,

503
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 4: she may have been financing the whole thing, but that

504
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 4: can only go so far. You know, if the original

505
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 4: agreement was to be like, we're both gonna do even

506
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 4: work or we're both gonna do this, then like, if

507
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 4: she's not fulfilling her part of it, then it's like, okay,

508
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,360
Speaker 4: you're not, Like, then you're not into it as much

509
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 4: as I am. And it I feel kind of, you know,

510
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 4: betrayed for that, which is a very valid feeling.

511
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 3: You're allowed to feel this way. So I don't know.

512
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 4: I don't I wouldn't go so far as to say

513
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 4: she's not.

514
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 3: A good friend because we don't know much. I don't. Yeah,

515
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 3: I don't know much about the friendship.

516
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 4: But as a business partner, I would think that it's

517
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 4: time to let go.

518
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story.

519
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna go to the next one.

520
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 3: I hosted my friend for a weekend and it exposed

521
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 3: her true colors. It only took a week. Yet for

522
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 3: some context, I twenty two female, moved out of my

523
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 3: mom's place after spending four years getting my undergrad I

524
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 3: used to live on campus, but all my stuff was

525
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 3: always at my mom's. I moved to one of the

526
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 3: big cities in the Midwest, and I couldn't be happier.

527
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 3: I got my dream job, but one of the biggest

528
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 3: accounting firms out there, and I am also working toward

529
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,239
Speaker 3: getting my master's degree right now. By the way, this

530
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 3: comes from tiny article two two five four, And if

531
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

532
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 3: r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah,

533
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice goofy. But we

534
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

535
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the

536
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 3: comments and op sets. So I met this girl, let's

537
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 3: call her Hannah, twenty two female, during sophomore year of

538
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 3: undergrad when we were both going through rough situations. I

539
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 3: met her through a finance class. She swore she was

540
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 3: retaking because she didn't like her great. I think the

541
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 3: other girls in our group and I knew she was lying,

542
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 3: but none of us questioned her. I'm only adding this

543
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 3: because it shows she was always loved pretending and lying. Anyway,

544
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 3: this past Thursday, my friend Hannah flew out here to

545
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 3: according to her, visit me. The first day was fine.

546
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 3: I took her downtown to see the touristy stuff so

547
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 3: she could take pictures and all that. The first thing

548
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 3: we did was get lunch. She flew in during the

549
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 3: middle of the day, so I skipped lunch to eat her.

550
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 3: While we were eating, she talked about how terrible her

551
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 3: manager is and how much she hates her job. She

552
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 3: emphasized a lot how her manager does not trust her

553
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 3: and micro manages her after she made a mistake that

554
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 3: cost her company about fifty K. I loved listening to people,

555
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 3: so I let her talk until she was finished. I

556
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 3: gave her some comforting words and told her she should

557
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 3: at least wait a year before quitting, and that she

558
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,120
Speaker 3: should start recruiting for another job as soon as possible.

559
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 3: We finished the day by having dinner kind of late.

560
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 3: I had to stay up late to do homework, but

561
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 3: I was fine with that because I thought my friend

562
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 3: was in town and I was willing to sacrifice some

563
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 3: of my time for her to have a good experience.

564
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 3: That was a bad decision. On Friday, we both woke

565
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 3: up late and I had a work call I needed

566
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,479
Speaker 3: to take, so I did not hang out with her

567
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 3: the entire day. My company was having a holiday party,

568
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 3: so I signed up for it and brought her as

569
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,400
Speaker 3: my guest. I told her to be back by five

570
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 3: the latest so we can make it to my team's pregame.

571
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 3: I am relatively new to my team, so this was

572
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 3: important to me. Even though she knew about the pregame,

573
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 3: she came back to my apartment way past five. She

574
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 3: also took at least thirty minutes to get ready, so

575
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 3: we ended up missing the pregame entirely. Even though we

576
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 3: were already late, I was still trying to get there.

577
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,159
Speaker 3: We did not make it because I was tired. I

578
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 3: thought the venue was close to where the pregame was held.

579
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 3: We ended up going to the wrong venue, then had

580
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 3: to take an uber. We were close to ending the

581
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 3: night on a good note, or so I thought. We

582
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 3: got to the venue and met a friend of mine

583
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 3: who works at the same company. That part was not

584
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 3: bad because my friend was there, but Hannah kept comparing

585
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 3: the company she works at to the company I work at.

586
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 3: She went all out explaining her situation to my work

587
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,479
Speaker 3: friend while also trying to get to know her. In

588
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 3: the end, it was not terrible. We walked around, had food,

589
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 3: drank some wine, and eventually my work friend and I

590
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 3: were ready to leave. That is when I remembered I

591
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 3: had told Hannah she could treat this holiday party as

592
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 3: a networking opportunity to get out of her terrible job.

593
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 3: I still do not know why I said that. I

594
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 3: do that.

595
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 4: I do that so much. This one girl was just

596
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 4: saying like, yeah, oh, like I don't know, like my

597
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 4: roommate's gonna leave, you know, do you think you could

598
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 4: take it to the least?

599
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: And I'm like, ah no. And that was like worst

600
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 3: comes worse. You live with me?

601
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 4: And I was like, why can I say that? Yeah,

602
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 4: I can't even do that. I don't live like I live.

603
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 4: I live with people who pride for my house. There's

604
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 4: no way I could like bring someone in. I was like,

605
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 4: am I all right?

606
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 3: I don't know. I just I want to be nice

607
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 3: And then yeah, this fin is very nice too nice.

608
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 3: I knew his resolution get nice?

609
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 4: Oh oh yes, yeah, be less back, No no, have

610
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 4: a backbone more backbone be less nice?

611
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 3: Yes, there is. I still do not know why. I

612
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 3: said that she did not want to leave early because

613
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 3: she wanted to network. Normally I support my friends, but

614
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 3: this time she wanted to stay. When ubers get extremely

615
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 3: expensive after ten pm, Anna, the city is not safe

616
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 3: that late. Annah did not want to take an uber

617
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 3: because she did not want to spend money. Well, bummer.

618
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 3: She wanted to stay until the end and take the bus.

619
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 3: Taking the bus past ten pm in the city felt

620
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,719
Speaker 3: unsafe to me, especially since the commute would have been

621
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 3: about an hour. I would have dealt with it if

622
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 3: it were reasonable, but it was not. Thankfully, having my

623
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 3: work friend there helped because we ended up leaving together.

624
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 3: Hannah made me feel bad for leaving because she wanted

625
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: to network, but I reminded her that I had homework

626
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 3: to do. My company had a shuttle going downtown, so

627
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 3: we saved some money by taking that. Unfortunately, the night

628
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 3: was still not over. On the shuttle, we met a

629
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 3: couple who were extremely wasted. For some reason, they invited

630
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 3: us to the girls Team after party downtown. My team

631
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 3: was supposed to have one, but it was canceled because

632
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 3: nobody wanted to go. Hannah wanted to go to my

633
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 3: team's after party, and I had to tell her twice

634
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 3: that there was no after party. So when this couple

635
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 3: invited us to one, it felt like a miracle to her.

636
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 3: She told me she wanted to see what Ydika life

637
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 3: looked like. That was the first time she ever said

638
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 3: that to me. I gave in because she was my

639
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 3: friend and I wanted her to have a good experience.

640
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 3: That was another bad decision. We got there and nobody

641
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 3: kicked us out for not being on the team. We

642
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 3: met a really nice girl and talked to her to

643
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 3: the whole night. We talked about her team, her life,

644
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 3: my life, and Hannah talked again about how terrible her

645
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 3: job was. For the rest of the night, we talked

646
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 3: about anime and random topics, including the girl's trip to

647
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 3: Japan in March, which is her hometown. Throughout the entire night,

648
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 3: Hannah kept ordering cocktail after cocktail. I counted a glass

649
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 3: of wine at the venue and three cocktails at the

650
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 3: after party, and she might have had another while I

651
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 3: was in line for food. I wanted to leave right

652
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 3: after getting food, but I told her we were leaving

653
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 3: at eleven thirty. Assumed she knew how to handle her booze.

654
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 3: I was wrong. We ended up leaving past midnight because

655
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 3: she made me feel bad again when I tried to

656
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: leave at eleven thirty. We only left because the girl

657
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 3: we met was also leaving. We walked toward the train

658
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 3: because Hannah did not want to spend money on an uber.

659
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 3: I know her sister because I helped her get the

660
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 3: same full ride scholarship I had in undergrad. While we

661
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,719
Speaker 3: were walking, her sister texted me because Hannah was not responding.

662
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 3: I called her sister back and told her Hannah was

663
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 3: alive and with me. Hannah's phone had no service. After

664
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 3: I hung up, Hannah said this was the best night

665
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 3: of our life and she was happy. I was her friend.

666
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 3: That confused me because she constantly posts about traveling, especially Paris.

667
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 3: I assumed those were her best experiences. When she realized

668
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 3: her phone had no service, I gave her my phone

669
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: to call her sister. While she was on the phone,

670
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,719
Speaker 3: I overheard her say that should have been me. I

671
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 3: could have been a CEO girl. She lost fifty thousand dollars. Yeah,

672
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 3: you are not CEO material. You're not even c material. Yeah,

673
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 3: you're not even the first letter of that material. Her

674
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 3: sister said something I could not hear, and Hannah responded with,

675
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 3: of course, I love you monkey, referring to the scholarship

676
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 3: her sister had as someone with a younger sister. That

677
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 3: comment deeply bothered me. She ended the call by asking

678
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 3: your sister not to tell her to mom that she

679
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 3: had been drinking on the train. She said again that

680
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 3: it was the best day ever. I asked her about

681
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 3: New York in Paris, and she always talks about those trips.

682
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 3: She told me she had never been that wasted or

683
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 3: had that much fun before because drinks are expensive and

684
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 3: she usually only buys one. Wait, what were they given

685
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 3: up these drinks for free?

686
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 4: I don't know, because if they're New York, it's still expensive.

687
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. She started opening up about how unhappy she's been,

688
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,239
Speaker 3: how she never got the full college experience, how she

689
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 3: feels stuck in Utah with a job where she's not appreciated,

690
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 3: and how she does not have what everyone else has.

691
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 3: I told her she should go to therapy. We got

692
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 3: off the train. I tried to hype her up and

693
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 3: encouraged her to move out and do whatever she wants.

694
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 3: While we were walking to my apartment, she did something

695
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 3: extremely embarrassing that I will never forget, but I will

696
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 3: not describe it here. What happened? Would she do? What

697
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 3: would she do?

698
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 4: You cannot say because it's so embarrassing, But I can't say.

699
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would never forget this moment, but I could.

700
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: I couldn't possibly, but I I just can't tell you.

701
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 3: It's that bad. That is when I realized she had

702
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 3: never been that wasted before. I do not mind babysitting,

703
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 3: but I needed a heads up. I was not expecting

704
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 3: to deal with all of that when I had deadlines.

705
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 3: We got to my apartment around two am, and I

706
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,959
Speaker 3: went to bed past three because I still had homework

707
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 3: to do. On Saturday, I barely hung out with her

708
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 3: because I was exhausted and drained from listening to her

709
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 3: talk about her job. When she came back around four pm,

710
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 3: she made me feel like she did not trust me

711
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 3: because of what happened the night before. She wanted to

712
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 3: make sure I would not tell anyone. I responded sarcastically,

713
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 3: and that was the moment I realized we were no

714
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 3: longer friends. I did not hang out with her that night.

715
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 3: On Sunday, she treated me to brunch before she left.

716
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 3: I told her again to consider therapy and not to

717
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,719
Speaker 3: say things like that to her sister about the scholarship.

718
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 3: She said it was a joke and that she would

719
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: not say it again.

720
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like this girl like she just

721
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 4: wanted to have a fun time.

722
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, which I get it.

723
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 4: But also you're a guest and you know, like you

724
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 4: also went to what like a company party or something

725
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 4: like yeah, I don't know, so, like, you know, you

726
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 4: really shouldn't be good, especially if you know she's like,

727
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 4: oh you can you know, like, uh, what is it

728
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,479
Speaker 4: like network there? No, no, No, It's like okay, then why

729
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 4: are you getting like really really weird?

730
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is not a good look for you to

731
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 3: be drinking that much if you're trying to network with people.

732
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 4: And I really want to know what the horrible thing

733
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 4: she did was?

734
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 3: What did she do? What did she do? After reflecting,

735
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 3: I realized she might have been jealous of me and

736
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 3: my accomplishments. When I was preparing to study abroad in

737
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 3: South Korea and Japan. She once told me that should

738
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: have been me. Yeah, She's like, I should be a CEO.

739
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 3: I should be in Korea and Japan. God, you can't

740
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:16,439
Speaker 3: be any of these things. You lost fifty thousand dollars

741
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 3: and we'll never forget. At the time, that's the most

742
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: emarrazzing thing about the story. At the time, I brushed

743
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,800
Speaker 3: it off as a joke. Now I see the pattern.

744
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 3: I understand she had to work a lot to pay

745
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,760
Speaker 3: for undergrad but I do not think that excuses the envy.

746
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 3: I believe this comes from something deeper within her. But

747
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 3: I do not want to help her or be around

748
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 3: to see her get better. I am exhausted from balancing

749
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 3: work and school, and I cannot afford to be around

750
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 3: someone so draining. Is not reached out yet. But she

751
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,720
Speaker 3: said we would hang out when I fly home this Friday.

752
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 3: How should I tell her I don't want to hang

753
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 3: out with her anymore without being mean. She crossed my

754
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 3: boundaries this weekend, and I do not know what to say.

755
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 3: And that is the end of the story.

756
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's scar Kean's girlfriend here. We're gonna get back

757
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 1: to the stories.

758
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My

759
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,800
Speaker 3: boyfriend tore through the Thanksgiving Turkey, leaving nothing for my

760
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 3: whole family, not even the Wishbone. My boyfriend twenty eight

761
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 3: male and I twenty seven female, have been dating for

762
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 3: almost two years and living together for six months now.

763
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 3: I met him through a friend at a house party

764
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 3: and we immediately hit it off. He was almost exactly

765
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 3: like the guy I had always wanted, extremely tall and huge,

766
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 3: witty with jokes, kind and well dressed. He was also

767
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,720
Speaker 3: absolutely buff. We vibed throughout the party and exchanged numbers

768
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 3: at the end. By the way, this comes from a

769
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 3: shamed butterfly three seven to three, and if you want

770
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,839
Speaker 3: to smit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

771
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,320
Speaker 3: storytime suppered it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, I'm curly.

772
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 3: Then we're here to give good advice. Goofy. But we

773
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

774
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 3: so that's note you would do. In the comments and

775
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 3: OPI says he has met my family a couple of

776
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 3: times since we moved in together, and they absolutely loved him.

777
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 3: My grandparents' host thank Thanksgiving dinner almost every year and

778
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,240
Speaker 3: we were both invited. I thought it would be lovely

779
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 3: for him to meet my grandparents and the rest of

780
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,919
Speaker 3: my family. Since my uncle's family would be there too

781
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 3: that day. He had to drop his sister off at

782
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 3: his parents' house, which was a two hour drive, and

783
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 3: then he picked me up from our place. From there,

784
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 3: it was another one and a half hour drive to

785
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 3: my grandparents' house. Everyone was happy to meet him, and

786
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 3: it really seemed like they liked him until we sat

787
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 3: down for dinner. We said grace, and my grandpa carved

788
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 3: the turkey and started passing it around the table. It

789
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 3: was a regular sized turkey, like we have every Thanksgiving,

790
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 3: enough to feed twelve people and still have leftovers. There

791
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 3: were ten of us there. Both of us were sitting

792
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 3: at the end of the table next to my grandpa,

793
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 3: so my boyfriend was the last one to get the turkey.

794
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 3: There was still a lot left because everyone had only

795
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 3: taken a little and planned to go back for more later.

796
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 3: He placed the platter right next to him and started

797
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 3: digging through the entirety of it. I'm sorry, is he

798
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,399
Speaker 3: digging into a walle it's on the plate like he's

799
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 3: not even using his own plate. He's just going ham. Well,

800
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 3: I don't know what he's going to Turkey on the hand,

801
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 3: ham on the.

802
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 4: Tree when I have things. Giving dinner, I get the

803
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 4: leg and I eat it like a caveman.

804
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 3: I just don't eat turkey, so it's never an issue.

805
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 3: Mmmm yep, that makes sense. We make salmon instead. He

806
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 3: was so excessive that, as my nephew later said, he

807
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 3: was gobbling it up. I quietly told him to go easy,

808
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 3: but he didn't listen. You kept saying how good it was,

809
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 3: and my grandma had a huge smile on her face.

810
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 3: He was eating only the turkey, and my grandpa joked, boys,

811
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 3: someone really likes turkey. Everyone laughed, but it got to

812
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,760
Speaker 3: a point where everyone was talking about it. He did

813
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 3: not take the hint at all and just shrugged it

814
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 3: off like a teenager. My face turned red from embarrassment,

815
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 3: and I could feel everyone judging us. I could hear

816
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 3: my uncle and his wife making unfunny jokes about it.

817
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 3: What were the jokes, because it probably kind of funny.

818
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 3: They're unfunny, Yes, for sure. The turkey was finished without

819
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 3: being passed around again, and there were no leftovers. My

820
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 3: boyfriend is a gym freak. He has to get that brojein.

821
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 3: Oh wow. He spends a ridiculous amount of time and

822
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,800
Speaker 3: money working out, eating protein rich meals, taking online courses

823
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 3: and more. He has a set protein limit he hits

824
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 3: every day, sometimes over it, but never under He gets

825
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 3: his protein only from meals, no supplements, so he is

826
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 3: used to eating large portions. It has never been a

827
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 3: problem for me, and I respect his lifestyle, if not

828
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 3: love it. We cook together all the time, and if

829
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 3: I'm not in the mood, he happily makes meals for me.

830
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 3: He will not even let me contribute to grocery expenses.

831
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 3: Because of him, I started eating healthier and felt much

832
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 3: better about my lifestyle. After dinner, we got into a

833
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 3: fight while driving home. He said he had been driving

834
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 3: all day and had not eaten anything since breakfast, so

835
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 3: we needed to hit his protein. He also said he

836
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 3: was not even enjoying it after a while and just

837
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 3: had to shove it down his throat. Dude, that just

838
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 3: don't stop. What That's insane when you get to like

839
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 3: the I don't know, when you get to that level

840
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 3: where you're literally just shoving food down your throat to

841
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 3: get a I don't know, like when you're a work

842
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 3: likagym rat and you're just trying to get the goal. Yeah,

843
00:38:58,800 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 3: does it feel super healthy?

844
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,919
Speaker 4: Always tried to be like, oh, yeah, dieting's great, dining's great.

845
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 4: I cannot limit myself to anything you can't tell me

846
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 4: not to eat, like sugar.

847
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 3: Or meat or cheese, especially cheese, like you can. I

848
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 3: don't know. I think those are dieting people like genuinely

849
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 3: like because you might be diabetic, or like certain things

850
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,919
Speaker 3: like that where it's like you actually have to cut

851
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 3: down on things because of your health. Yeah, but a

852
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 3: lot of those diets I think are not typically helpful. Fine.

853
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 4: The thing that my mom has always said, which is,

854
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 4: I guess what my grandpa used to always say, you

855
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 4: can eat anything as long as you're moving.

856
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. I told him that if he was

857
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 3: that hungry, I would have happily made him a meal

858
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 3: once we got home instead, Now my entire family is

859
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: going to talk about how he finished something that was

860
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 3: meant for everyone. He said he thought everyone had already

861
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: taken their share. What you got really mad and said

862
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 3: I was blowing things out of proportion and overreacting over

863
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 3: a simple meal. I snapped and asked how I was

864
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 3: overreacting when I was just trying to communicate about what

865
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 3: he did. It was an hour life, so things escalated

866
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 3: he kept saying I was calling him a pig for

867
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 3: eating like that, then I should probably get out of

868
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 3: his life if it was such a problem, because he

869
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 3: believes he did nothing wrong and is not going to

870
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 3: change himself. He kept pushing that narrative, even though that

871
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 3: was not my point. It got so bad that he

872
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 3: dropped me at a gas station in the middle of

873
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 3: the night and told me to think about what I

874
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 3: had just done. Wait, he immedia breakup.

875
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 4: That's crazy, Yeah, and I bet you. Then he's like,

876
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,359
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. I just was really mad, and he did, like,

877
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 4: you put my life in danger, you idiot, because I

878
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 4: said you were a little rude for eating all the

879
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 4: turkey at my family Thanksgiving.

880
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, media breakup. I was terrified. I'd pulled myself together,

881
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 3: called an uber to my sister's house, and sobbed the

882
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 3: entire night. I told myself that after a week things

883
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 3: would become clearer. He has not texted me, and I

884
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 3: have not texted him either. I can see how I

885
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 3: could have reacted differently, but I cannot get past the

886
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 3: fact that he left me stranded in the middle of

887
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 3: the night. Am I overreacting or should I make a

888
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 3: move to try to make things right. No, what, he

889
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 3: has broken up with you in the worst way possible.

890
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 3: But he has broken up with you, and let him

891
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 3: because that's the terrible, terrible thing to do.

892
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: It.

893
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 4: It's just the fact that, like the fact that you

894
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 4: can't even have a talk. You have to actually like

895
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 4: push some on like push them on a card, but

896
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 4: I mean you have to like put them somewhere else

897
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 4: and be like think about what you've done. Yeah, I'm

898
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,879
Speaker 4: gonna go home. I mean, no idea where you are,

899
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,399
Speaker 4: you know whatever, just at a gas station all the night,

900
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 4: Like that's crazy.

901
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, this is not a thing that uh, you're underreacting.

902
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: If you think that you should make things right, you know,

903
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 3: there's nothing to make right on your end. Top Bit

904
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 3: eighty five says you made him feel like a greedy

905
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 3: pig because that's how he behaved. You all tried to

906
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 3: tell him gently to stop. I guess you should have

907
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 3: been more direct, punted him to the curb, especially since

908
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 3: he dropped you at a gas station in the middle

909
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 3: of the night. Do you think he might be using

910
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: royds to get that angry? Oh, he says, I agree,

911
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 3: I should have been more direct, But my thinking at

912
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 3: the time was not to escalate it more and be

913
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 3: discreet about it. I am not one hundred percent of

914
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 3: good use. I ask him about how his workout was,

915
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 3: and sometimes give a massage if he is really sore.

916
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 3: But that's about it. But lately he is getting passive aggressive.

917
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 3: I just shrugged it off, thinking one of those long days.

918
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 3: Top comments for next five six o four says, girl,

919
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 3: he left you stranded. Let's use our brain here. No

920
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 3: matter how upset someone gets, you, don't just dump them

921
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: somewhere get out normal grand for seven oh two says

922
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 3: in in the middle of the night, kath Elizabeth says,

923
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 3: someone who doesn't take the whole family or all the

924
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 3: meals that will be made with turkey leftovers into account

925
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 3: is a selfish dud. Someone who force feeds himself half

926
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 3: a turkey so he can hit his macros or whatever,

927
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 3: even though he no longer wanted to and it was

928
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 3: making him feel sick likely has an eating disorder. Someone

929
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 3: who isn't going to change himself is a bad partner.

930
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 3: Someone who dumps you at a gas station in the

931
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 3: middle of the night on Thanksgiving is harmful. You are

932
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 3: totally in the right and you should stay far away

933
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 3: from him, even if he apologizes. So many red flags here.

934
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:08,280
Speaker 3: Glad you're safe from this dude. Maleficent Vision says reading

935
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 3: this reminded me of the six foot sub guy on

936
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 3: am I the A Hole a while back. Totally one

937
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 3: hundred percent selfish. A lot of people rely on leftovers

938
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 3: from Thanksgiving in the week after, and there is an

939
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 3: update two days later. But do you have any final thoughts?

940
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:27,240
Speaker 4: I just think that that's actually insane. No matter how

941
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 4: like mad I get, I'm not just gonna leave you on.

942
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 3: The side of the road.

943
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, No, It's just like I can tell you

944
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 4: to leave my house once we get there, but I'm

945
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 4: not gonna be like find your way home. That's insane.

946
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 3: That's just dangerous in any situation. That's unacceptable.

947
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 1: He also can't even tell her to leave the house

948
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:45,720
Speaker 1: because they live there together.

949
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Yeah, it's going to be another issue,

950
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 3: I'm sure. Two days later edit, thank you everyone for

951
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 3: all the comments. I called him to talk about what

952
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,760
Speaker 3: had happened, and the call was answered by a woman

953
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 3: whose voice I didn't recognize. It was not his sister.

954
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 3: I know her voice very well. When I asked if

955
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 3: I could talk to him, she replied, He's then a

956
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 3: cardio session. I'll tell him to call you later. I

957
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 3: was puzzled after this, so I waited for his call,

958
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,279
Speaker 3: imagining all the worst things, and it turned out to

959
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 3: be right. He was cheating on me. He told me

960
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 3: he had been seeing her for a couple of months.

961
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 3: She works as a coach in the gym that he

962
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 3: goes to. I don't understand people like this guy. Yeah,

963
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 3: same like goes and meets your whole family. Wally's cheating

964
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:32,719
Speaker 3: on you, Yeah, weird weirdo just to get what out

965
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 3: of it?

966
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 4: Get a nikey Yeah, he literally did that just to

967
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,319
Speaker 4: get Thanksgiving like food, and then was like.

968
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 3: All right, well back to cheating. Yeah, back to my

969
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 3: regularly scheduled cheating. Yeah. I searched her up on Instagram

970
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 3: and she is a fitness influencer with a lot of followers.

971
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 3: He said she is a better match for him and

972
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 3: will help him grow his career on social media. Wow,

973
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 3: that's a great reason to be with your partner. Yikes. Yes,

974
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 3: he has a fitness channel too, but with nowhere near

975
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 3: the amount of followers she has. She had a much

976
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 3: better body than me. Good riddance. Good writtance to this guy.

977
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 3: That was three strikes right there. Yeah, I mean, and

978
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 3: also it seems like he's breaking out with you. But yeah,

979
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 3: those guys stinks just the worst. And I don't think

980
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 3: this new relationship is gonna last very long if he's

981
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 3: literally only being with her because she'll get him more followers. Crazy,

982
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 3: but there is a little bit left to the story.

983
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 3: When asked why didn't he tell me earlier and ended

984
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 3: things right there, he said he knew I would overreact

985
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 3: to you cheating on her and act emotionally immature. Her

986
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,000
Speaker 3: being upset that you cheat on her is immature like

987
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 3: I'm doing right now, and wouldn't understand him. He has

988
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 3: packed my things in boxes and kept them in the

989
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 3: garage and told me to collect it or not. He

990
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,360
Speaker 3: doesn't care, and ended the call. I started sobbing uncontrollably.

991
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 3: My sister was beside me and comforted me. She said

992
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 3: his fitness influencer girlfriend might not even know that we

993
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 3: had been dating, and he is running after her followers,

994
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 3: not her. I started saying he couldn't do that, and

995
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 3: she replied that I'm inn and probably saw the opportunity

996
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 3: on Thanksgiving argument and got rid of me, making me

997
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,279
Speaker 3: think I was the one that caused the end of

998
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 3: our relationship. I'm taking my sister and her boyfriend to

999
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:14,839
Speaker 3: collect my things this week and probably get closure. Yeah,

1000
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 3: OPI just keep reminding yourself that you did literally nothing

1001
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:20,839
Speaker 3: wrong and he was looking for a reason to end

1002
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 3: the relationship so he could go pursue his relationship with

1003
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,879
Speaker 3: fitness girl. And that's it. I had nothing to do.

1004
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 1: With you, and that's the end of this story. We're

1005
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: going to go to the next one. I disagree with

1006
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 1: my girlfriend's son's behavior. Now I want to move out.

1007
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 3: We'll get out of there. Hello, I'm new to Reddit

1008
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 3: and I'm looking for advice. I don't want to bring

1009
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 3: this to any friends or family because I like to

1010
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 3: keep them out of my arguments with my girlfriend, So

1011
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,919
Speaker 3: let's share it with the entire internet instead. I don't

1012
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 3: know what to do, but the household is all over

1013
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 3: the place and it's having me consider moving out. By

1014
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Glass Guitar twenty eighty two,

1015
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 3: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

1016
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime subpared it. I'm Sophia

1017
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 3: and I'm Savannah.

1018
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 4: This is Donut and I'm Carly and we're here.

1019
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 3: To give good advice. Goofy, but we don't have all

1020
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,399
Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let's

1021
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments and op

1022
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 3: says I thirty four male, have been dating Sam thirty

1023
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: six female for almost three years now. She has three kids,

1024
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 3: ten male, eight female, six female, and I have two kids,

1025
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 3: nine female and five male. We met on our first

1026
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 3: day of work. We were in a group of people

1027
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 3: who got hired, and even though we worked in different departments,

1028
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 3: we hit it off immediately. Sam and I dated for

1029
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 3: nine months before we became a couple. We both agreed

1030
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: we wanted to be together and make sure we were

1031
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:41,399
Speaker 3: compatible before meeting each other's kids and having the kids meet.

1032
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 3: Five months went by and we all spent time together

1033
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 3: doing family activities. The kids got along great as well.

1034
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 3: Two months later, we found out Sam was pregnant. Y'all

1035
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 3: have a lot of kids. That's a lot of kids.

1036
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 3: She told me she wanted to keep the baby and

1037
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 3: I didn't have any issues or problems with that. Sam's

1038
00:47:58,239 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 3: house is bigger than the house the girls and I

1039
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 3: and we agreed to move together and after a year

1040
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,319
Speaker 3: of saving, we would start looking for a new home.

1041
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 3: Ten months went by, and when the baby was born,

1042
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 3: we moved in together. Two months into living together, I

1043
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 3: started noticing how the kids would speak to her, and

1044
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 3: now they handled things when she asked them to do something.

1045
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 3: For example, when we would go places as a family,

1046
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 3: one of the younger two wouldn't want to put a

1047
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 3: seat belt on. When Sam would say, hey, put your

1048
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 3: seat belt on, one of the kids would respond with no,

1049
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 3: I don't feel like wearing that. Sam would just pull

1050
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 3: off and not say anything or make them put the

1051
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 3: belt on. When it's time for bed, she stands at

1052
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 3: the bottom of the stairs yelling up for them to

1053
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 3: get into bed. There are times it takes five or

1054
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 3: six times of her yelling. Some of those times have

1055
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 3: woken the baby, and still they wouldn't get into bed.

1056
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,919
Speaker 3: The kids don't listen to what she says to them,

1057
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,879
Speaker 3: even if it's something like brushing their teeth. You'll hear ugh,

1058
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 3: oh my god, followed by stomping many times. This week's

1059
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 3: the baby. This isn't necessarily how I would want my

1060
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 3: kids to treat Sam, or even their own mother, but

1061
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 3: I didn't want to say too much. The first time

1062
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 3: I sat her down to talk was when her ten

1063
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 3: male punched his eight female sister in the chest. No. No,

1064
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 3: someone's gotta freaking be a parent. Yeah. The kids were

1065
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 3: having dinner and the eight year old finished first and

1066
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 3: said I won, I won dancing. While she put her

1067
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 3: plate in the sink, her brother walked up to her

1068
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 3: and chaos happened. As she cried out. He told her

1069
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 3: that's what you get. Don't smile on my face. It's

1070
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 3: a little crazy, okay. It scary, curious thing for a

1071
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 3: ten year old to say, and then he went upstairs.

1072
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 3: As I helped eight female, their mom went upstairs and

1073
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 3: reprimanded her son. You could hear him say yeah, yeah.

1074
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 3: She told them he can't do stuff like that. When

1075
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 3: I spoke with her afterward, I asked if this had

1076
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 3: happened before, and she said no. I asked if I

1077
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 3: could help, and she said no, that she would talk

1078
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 3: with his dad again. I left it alone because I

1079
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 3: wasn't trying to add anything. No, it seems like she

1080
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 3: can't handle her kids and isn't willing to admit that.

1081
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 3: And your I don't know, like you feel bad butting

1082
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 3: in or questioning her parenting, but you have to this

1083
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 3: blended family. This sounds exactly like my situation. I'm a living.

1084
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 4: Nanny and there's two eight year old boys, twins, and

1085
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 4: the dads don't don't do much too, like they keep

1086
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 4: forgetting their homework, for example, at school, and I'm like, well,

1087
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 4: if you forgot your homework at school, you just didn't

1088
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 4: do it, or you try to get it done before

1089
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 4: that class, you know that was it. But they're like,

1090
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,839
Speaker 4: it's okay, it's all right, we'll print it out, we'll

1091
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 4: get this, we'll ask the other parents. They do that

1092
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 4: every day every week for their kids. I'm like, they're

1093
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 4: never gonna learn. Let them take the zero like you know,

1094
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 4: then they'll be like, oh, let me not forget my

1095
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 4: homework because I remembered last time that didn't make me

1096
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 4: feel good. Instead they're just like, oh, Donny King, put

1097
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 4: this out, Oh Donny King put this out?

1098
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 3: Can you do that? Can you do that?

1099
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 4: And it's like they don't, you don't learn anything, So

1100
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 4: like I don't know, just give them whenever they want.

1101
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 3: I can you do have to start like putting up

1102
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 3: these boundaries and say you can't act like that. And

1103
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 3: if you know Opie's wife or partner isn't able to

1104
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 3: do that, and it's affecting your kids. Yeah, that's an

1105
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 3: issue again. I left it alone because I wasn't trying

1106
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 3: to add to anything. A couple of weeks later, I

1107
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:09,760
Speaker 3: came home from work and she was yelling at ten Mail,

1108
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,720
Speaker 3: telling him to lose his attitude. When I came around

1109
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 3: the corner, I saw him standing there with his fistsballed up, angry,

1110
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 3: staring at her. He told her, I'm sick of you

1111
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 3: always telling me to be nice to them. If they

1112
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,959
Speaker 3: want to keep saying jokes about me, then I'll keep

1113
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 3: being mean to them. Sam told them that wasn't the answer,

1114
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 3: and she wanted him to go apologize. That was it,

1115
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:33,080
Speaker 3: nothing more, nothing less. I talked with her about how

1116
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 3: things were starting to make me uncomfortable. I was beginning

1117
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 3: to worry about when my kids came over and whether

1118
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 3: they would be all right around him. I started to

1119
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 3: worry that if we couldn't figure out what was going

1120
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 3: on or impose some type of discipline, one of my

1121
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 3: kids would be affected in some way. She blew up

1122
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:50,479
Speaker 3: at me, telling me she didn't want to hear this again,

1123
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:52,319
Speaker 3: and that she didn't want to be a hard nosed parent.

1124
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 3: She said the kids would be all right. We went

1125
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,240
Speaker 3: back and forth, and I dropped it when the baby

1126
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 3: woke up. Yesterday, she went to a birthday brunch with

1127
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 3: friends and asked me to watch all the kids. Within

1128
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 3: the first hour of her gone, her ten male was

1129
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,719
Speaker 3: upstairs throwing his tablet at the wall because his app

1130
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,359
Speaker 3: kept crashing. Sounds like he has anger isshoes. I kept

1131
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:11,320
Speaker 3: telling him to stop and told him I was calling

1132
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 3: his mom to see if the tablet should be taken.

1133
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,799
Speaker 3: When I come downstairs, my nine female daughters said six

1134
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 3: female went outside. I ran to the door and saw

1135
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 3: her in the front yard. I called her back in

1136
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,320
Speaker 3: and asked why she was outside. She didn't say anything.

1137
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 3: I asked again how she got outside without an adult.

1138
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 3: She still didn't say anything and walked back inside. I

1139
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:33,240
Speaker 3: called Sam and told her what happened, and she blew

1140
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 3: up at me. She said I wasn't watching the kids

1141
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 3: and that if I wasn't focused on trying to say

1142
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,800
Speaker 3: something to ten male, then she wouldn't have gone outside.

1143
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:44,640
Speaker 3: This guy's watching freaking like six kids and one of

1144
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 3: them has behavioral isshoes. Yeah, she left the brunch early

1145
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 3: and we argued again. When she came home, I told

1146
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,800
Speaker 3: her exactly what happened, and she kept saying, I can't

1147
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 3: effing believe you. I told her I didn't understand why.

1148
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,840
Speaker 3: She was saying that it's a house rule that the

1149
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 3: kids can't go outside without an adult, and she broke

1150
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 3: that rule while I was trying to handle an issue

1151
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 3: with her son. Sam was livid. There had been an

1152
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 3: argument after argument about the kids, and I'm getting really

1153
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 3: tired of it. I've started having talks with my kids

1154
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 3: when I drive them home, telling them I don't want

1155
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 3: them copying things they've seen or heard from her kids. Dude, Like,

1156
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 3: if you have to tell your kids not to, you know,

1157
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:24,919
Speaker 3: behave how she her kids are behaving, and you're also

1158
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 3: not seeing her actually do anything to pair in her kids,

1159
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,240
Speaker 3: maybe this partnership is not meant to last.

1160
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, because you're just gonna keep getting into problems if

1161
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 4: she doesn't want to change, and that's how she wants

1162
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 4: her kids, you know, like to grow up in this

1163
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 4: world or whatever, Like she just doesn't want them to

1164
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:42,400
Speaker 4: be disciplined or something, or you know, just empty threats,

1165
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 4: and that's not what you're about it's gonna be the

1166
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 4: most frustrating relationship ever because it's it's not like you're

1167
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:51,200
Speaker 4: ever gonna not have these kids, you know, that's something tragic,

1168
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,359
Speaker 4: but like it's around forever. Yeah, it's like they you know,

1169
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 4: and even when they grow up, Like, I don't know.

1170
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 4: It's just that's hard, especially when you're like on the

1171
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 4: out side just watching it.

1172
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 3: I completely understand. Because so when one of them seems

1173
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 3: to have anger issues, yeah, like he's hitting your kids.

1174
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's hitting your kids and destroying things, there's like, Okay,

1175
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,759
Speaker 4: there needs to be like a time out thing or

1176
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:15,399
Speaker 4: like a go to your room type of thing.

1177
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 3: Something. Things weren't like this before I moved in, at

1178
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:21,359
Speaker 3: least from what I saw and heard. I grew up

1179
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 3: in a house of chaos, and I've worked hard to

1180
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 3: keep that from being part of my own household. I

1181
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 3: don't know what to do. I love Sam and I

1182
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 3: love the kids, but every time I bring up concerns,

1183
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 3: she gets mad and we argue. When I tell the

1184
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,359
Speaker 3: kids to go back and wash their hands after using

1185
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 3: the bathroom, they'll stop and yell, which causes Sam to

1186
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 3: come see what's going on. When I tell her someone

1187
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 3: didn't wash their hands. She rolls her eyes and goes

1188
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 3: to sit back down.

1189
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 4: But that's like etiquette, Like they have to you have

1190
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:50,359
Speaker 4: to teach them that. Like, I know it's annoying, but lady,

1191
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 4: kids don't wash their hands. Yeah, and guess what, they

1192
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 4: get sick or they you know, touch something else, then

1193
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 4: someone else gets sick.

1194
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 3: Then it's just like you know, you just have to.

1195
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 4: That's just a hygiene and you're gonna have to do

1196
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 4: that the rest of your life. Sorry, are they wash

1197
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 4: your hands when you're young? They gotta get to a

1198
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 4: point where they don't want to take baths or showers.

1199
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is there are like, you know, times, I

1200
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 3: feel like there's an age where a lot of kids

1201
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 3: are like I don't want to take a bath. Yeah,

1202
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 3: don't want to take a shower, and you have to,

1203
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 3: as their guardians say, well too bad. As you know

1204
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 3: a person in society, you have to smell nice. If

1205
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 3: I ask why she reacts like that, she says things

1206
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 3: like something as petty is washing hands as simple staff

1207
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 3: and kids don't do it from time to time. Stop

1208
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 3: looking for things to be upset about, and that's that

1209
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 3: this is not a relationship. That's gonna work out.

1210
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, no, literally arguing about like hand washing like

1211
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:40,640
Speaker 4: I don't know, just you have to wash your hands.

1212
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, Like especially if you're outside playing and now

1213
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 4: it's time for dinner, like you want to eat dirt?

1214
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 3: I don't know. When I explain that it's gross for

1215
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,239
Speaker 3: them to touch the baby's hands or food after not

1216
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,879
Speaker 3: washing up, she tells me to stop looking for things

1217
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 3: to be upset about. I feel out of place here.

1218
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 3: My nine year old has told me she doesn't like

1219
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 3: how Sam's kids speak to her or treat her.

1220
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:03,280
Speaker 4: I don't think that it's going to get solved, because

1221
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 4: it seems like you're just going to keep complaining.

1222
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 3: She's going to keep complaining.

1223
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 4: You're both on complete opposite ends of like discipline and everything.

1224
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 3: It's just, yeah, you just gotta bite the bullet on

1225
00:56:14,440 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 3: this one. Be done.

1226
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 4: And it stinks because obviously, you know, you love her,

1227
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:21,360
Speaker 4: love the kids and everything, and you know, but ultimately

1228
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 4: what's going to be best.

1229
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 3: Is if you get out of this.

1230
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 4: For your sanity, yeah, agreed, And for your kids.

1231
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 3: True, you don't want them to have to keep dealing

1232
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 3: with this, It's true. You don't want them to learn

1233
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 3: bad behavior, but you also don't want them to have

1234
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 3: to deal with bad behavior for sure. Our daughter is

1235
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,279
Speaker 3: now a year old, and at her small birthday party,

1236
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 3: Sam yelled at the older three kids most of the time.

1237
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 3: The six year old threw a huge fit because she

1238
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 3: couldn't smash the cake with the baby. Eventually, Sam let

1239
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 3: her smash it, and the baby barely got to participate.

1240
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know if

1241
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 3: I'm trying to control things too much or if I

1242
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:58,359
Speaker 3: should move out and have my own place. This all

1243
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 3: feels overwhelming and I really need help figuring out what

1244
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 3: to do. Common one says, leave and separately support your child.

1245
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 3: This isn't getting any better, and you're clearly differing in

1246
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 3: opinions on child raising. I'd be scared for your kids

1247
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 3: around her ten year old's snot nosed kid. Reply says,

1248
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 3: your responsibility is to your children. Do not let your

1249
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:21,240
Speaker 3: kids in that house again. Take the baby with you

1250
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 3: and get your own place. Try to get full custody.

1251
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 3: Her visits need to be supervised. Her son hasn't even

1252
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 3: reached puberty and is out of control. She needs intensive

1253
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 3: parenting instruction, and her kids need behavior modification. Good luck.

1254
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 3: What a mess. Yeah, it's mostly just people saying and

1255
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 3: the relationship and that is the end of the story.

1256
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 2: Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern Bale. We're gonna

1257
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 2: get back to these stories, but here's three minutes worth

1258
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 2: of that form our sponsors.

1259
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:53,959
Speaker 4: My boyfriend's sister is extremely clingy and it made me uncomfortable.

1260
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 3: Give me some space.

1261
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 4: I nineteen female am honestly not sure how I should

1262
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 4: deal with this. My boyfriend twenty mail and I have

1263
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 4: been daying more about two and a half years, and

1264
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 4: during the last year it became increasingly clear to me

1265
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 4: that he and his sister, let's call her Anna twenty

1266
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,960
Speaker 4: two female, do not have a healthy relationship. By the way,

1267
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 4: this comes from Throwaway one nine four eight two nine

1268
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 4: three eight two, and if you want to submit your

1269
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the archlash Okay story time sub reddit.

1270
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 4: I am Savannah, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we are

1271
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:28,320
Speaker 4: here to give good advice goofy, but obviously we don't

1272
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 4: have all the answers. We'd only tell you what we

1273
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,320
Speaker 4: would do in this situation, but we would love to

1274
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 4: know what you would do in this situation.

1275
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 3: In the comments below.

1276
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 4: As Opie says, I am not sure if we even

1277
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:42,560
Speaker 4: had a single date to ourselves until September, when both

1278
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 4: Anna and I went to different cities for college. She

1279
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 4: went to the other side of the country while I

1280
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 4: was just a city away. I traveled every weekend to

1281
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 4: see him, and that was when we finally had some

1282
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:54,919
Speaker 4: quality time with just the two of us. A few

1283
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 4: months ago, he told me that he was pretty sure

1284
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:00,440
Speaker 4: Anna was jealous of me. She often complained that he

1285
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 4: would do things for me that he would not do

1286
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 4: for her, and that it was not fair. He tried

1287
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 4: establishing boundaries a few times, but he could never stand

1288
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 4: his ground because she would bother him constantly if he

1289
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 4: tried insisting and complaining. It does not help that their

1290
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 4: dad is on Anna's side, while their mom understands that

1291
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 4: a romantic relationship is and should be different from a

1292
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 4: sibling relationship.

1293
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 3: There is honestly a lot.

1294
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 4: More more often than not, I would not even know

1295
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,200
Speaker 4: she was coming along with us until he came to

1296
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 4: pick me up and I received a we're here text

1297
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 4: instead of an I'm here one. There is also what

1298
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 4: I personally consider excessive physical contact. I can understand giving

1299
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 4: a BackRub, when your back is itchy, even though I

1300
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 4: have never asked my family for that. However, I find

1301
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:47,720
Speaker 4: kissing your brother's bear back after a BackRub is quite weird.

1302
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,280
Speaker 3: Uh. Yeah.

1303
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 4: There is also Anna's profile picture, which is of my

1304
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:58,000
Speaker 4: boyfriend kissing her cheek. It genuinely looks like a photo

1305
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 4: of a couple. On top of that, there are excessive

1306
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 4: phone calls. She called him ten consecutive times when he

1307
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 4: was out with friends during the week because he was

1308
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 4: out later than usual. He got home at about twelve

1309
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 4: thirty am. She also calls now when we are hanging

1310
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 4: out without her, just to check in and keep us

1311
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:16,800
Speaker 4: company until we get to our destination.

1312
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:20,280
Speaker 3: It seems like you are in a relationship of three. Yeah,

1313
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 3: and you gotta set some boundaries and doctor partner and say, hey,

1314
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 3: I didn't choose to be in a little polyamorous relationship. Well,

1315
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 3: I'm in a relationship with you, not your sister. Yeah.

1316
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 4: And that's so hard to do because some people are

1317
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 4: like liking relationship that's not weird.

1318
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:36,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like it's weird, dude. And I don't think

1319
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 3: you have to necessarily come from it from the standpoint

1320
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:40,960
Speaker 3: of being like, hey, you have a weird relationship with

1321
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 3: your sister because he might be defensive with about that,

1322
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,439
Speaker 3: but I think you come from it from the standpoint of, hey,

1323
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 3: I feel like our time is being interrupted and I

1324
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 3: want to be able to spend time with you as

1325
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:52,960
Speaker 3: my partner, not you know, free.

1326
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:56,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, person, I don't want a third wheel with your sisters.

1327
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:56,920
Speaker 3: That's weird.

1328
01:00:57,480 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 4: I broke down to him about this a while ago

1329
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,000
Speaker 4: because because I cannot deal with feeling like I am

1330
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:03,040
Speaker 4: competing with his.

1331
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 3: Sister, which is such a weird statement.

1332
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 4: I honestly thought about breaking up with him because I

1333
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 4: genuinely felt like the third wheel in my own relationship.

1334
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 4: It got better for the last couple of months, but

1335
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 4: she just came back from college and I am honestly

1336
01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 4: scared of things going back to how they were before.

1337
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 4: Now to the incident at hand, I accidentally found out

1338
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 4: what my boyfriend's gift will be for Christmas. It is

1339
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 4: a Christmas hair bow. He also got a Christmas bow tie,

1340
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 4: so we can match.

1341
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:26,920
Speaker 3: Okay.

1342
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 4: A couple days ago, we were out and he asked

1343
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:31,200
Speaker 4: me if there was anything I would like because he

1344
01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:33,200
Speaker 4: felt like maybe his gift would not be enough. I

1345
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 4: asked him how much he spent on it, because I

1346
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 4: thought he might feel like he did not spend enough,

1347
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,640
Speaker 4: and I wanted to reassure him that it was okay

1348
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 4: no matter the amount. I am going to write out

1349
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:45,040
Speaker 4: the rest of our interaction as rough dialogue for simplicity,

1350
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 4: This is more or less how it went.

1351
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 3: Uh, for your boat, my bow tie, and my sister's bow.

1352
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 3: I spent your sister's bow. Yeah, you got her one

1353
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 3: two for Christmas? Yeah? Is it the exact same one,

1354
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 3: same pattern? Two? Yeah, so you got us the same gift. Why?

1355
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,720
Speaker 3: She says she wanted one too, so we could all match.

1356
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:07,959
Speaker 3: Even if I didn't get it for her, she would

1357
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 3: have gotten herself. At that point, I told him that

1358
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:15,280
Speaker 3: this was weird. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. And also, just

1359
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 3: you got your girlfriend a bow?

1360
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:19,480
Speaker 4: See if I did that, like if not, say my

1361
01:02:19,840 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 4: sister and her boyfriend, like you know, they're they've been

1362
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:25,080
Speaker 4: doning for what like five six months?

1363
01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:25,480
Speaker 3: Whatever?

1364
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 4: If I got us all like matching like hair ties

1365
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 4: and him like a bow, it would be a joke

1366
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 4: and I'd be.

1367
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:33,439
Speaker 3: Like, guys, look we're matching, we're twins, blah blah blah.

1368
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, like what is wrong with you? And they would

1369
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:37,200
Speaker 4: laugh about it exactly. I feel like I'm not doing

1370
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 4: it seriously.

1371
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:40,880
Speaker 3: Though, Yeah, but for him to get it, and also

1372
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:43,000
Speaker 3: it's not even just like a joke gift. This is

1373
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 3: like the only gift he got her. Yeah, which is

1374
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,320
Speaker 3: also crazy to me because I understand needing to you know,

1375
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 3: sometimes people need a budget or just like agreed upon

1376
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:55,880
Speaker 3: a small amount for Christmas gifts, but like you only

1377
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:59,880
Speaker 3: got her a bow for her hair. Yeah, I can't

1378
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 3: imagine that is more than ten dollars. Yeah, like at

1379
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 3: most ten dollars, at least two dollars.

1380
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I don't know, and that just doesn't Like

1381
01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:12,040
Speaker 4: hairtie is not a lot. You can literally go to

1382
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:15,240
Speaker 4: the dollar store and get one. Couples match. The only

1383
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,680
Speaker 4: time I ever matched with my brother and his girlfriend

1384
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:20,360
Speaker 4: was when the whole family matched with similar Christmas sweaters.

1385
01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 4: It was not me intruding. I could maybe understand Anna

1386
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 4: wanting to match with him, even if I personally think

1387
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 4: that is too much, But matching with both of us

1388
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 4: feels wrong, probably because it is wrong.

1389
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 3: It's just weird. In my opinion.

1390
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 4: The only time it is reasonable to match with a

1391
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 4: couple is if you are the child of that couple.

1392
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 4: I think it is weird for her to want to

1393
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:42,440
Speaker 4: match with us, and I believe it crosses another line.

1394
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:44,680
Speaker 4: I also told him that I understand it is the

1395
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 4: thought that counts when it comes to gifts, but I

1396
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:49,520
Speaker 4: am honestly not sure I can appreciate the thought behind

1397
01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:53,160
Speaker 4: this gift given the situation. He got extremely quiet. He

1398
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 4: let me ramble for a bit, but it was clear

1399
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 4: he was going nonverbal and needed space somewhere quiet. He

1400
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 4: was upset, not at me, but because he thought that

1401
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 4: my gift was now ruined. I did not have the

1402
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 4: heart to tell him that, honestly, yes, it kind of was.

1403
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:09,280
Speaker 4: I have not seen his sister yet. I am invited

1404
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 4: to his aunt's sisters for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

1405
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:14,960
Speaker 4: like every year, but I am not sure I can go.

1406
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:17,520
Speaker 4: I do not think I will be able to hide

1407
01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 4: the disappointment on my face. I genuinely hate talking about

1408
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 4: this because I feel like it paints him in a

1409
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 4: bad light. It is not his fault that he grew

1410
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 4: up in an environment where this kind of unhealthy attachment

1411
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 4: was normal and encouraged. He is slowly understanding that this

1412
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,480
Speaker 4: bond is not okay, and I understand that he is

1413
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:36,919
Speaker 4: still processing that realization on his own since it came

1414
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:38,760
Speaker 4: as a shock when I talk to him about it,

1415
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,880
Speaker 4: I am not sure what to do and I.

1416
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:41,680
Speaker 3: Really need advice.

1417
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:44,120
Speaker 4: Thank you for reading, and there's an update.

1418
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 3: But what we think A Yeah, you gotta have a big,

1419
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 3: long conversation with him and say that it's affecting your guys'

1420
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:54,560
Speaker 3: relationship and you feel like a third wheel.

1421
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:58,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just I don't like how it's very much

1422
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:02,440
Speaker 4: like a weird dying. But like you, it's hard to

1423
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:03,480
Speaker 4: say something when it's like.

1424
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 3: Family, yeah, because you like, you know, they get defensive.

1425
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, and like that's the way they grew up. They

1426
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:10,000
Speaker 4: think that that's normal. But it's like I want to

1427
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:12,640
Speaker 4: be in a relationship with you, not your entire family. Yeah,

1428
01:05:12,680 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 4: and like this isn't what I had in mind. Like

1429
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 4: you're a great person, but like I don't really want

1430
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:18,800
Speaker 4: to do that.

1431
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:20,120
Speaker 3: Like that's I.

1432
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 4: Don't know, weird, weird or weird don't like, don't like agreed,

1433
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:25,760
Speaker 4: there's an update. Thank you for all your advice and

1434
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 4: kind words.

1435
01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:27,520
Speaker 3: I really appreciated it.

1436
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 4: I asked him to meet up after he was done

1437
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,640
Speaker 4: with work so we could talk face to face. He

1438
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 4: picked me up and parked around the neighborhood so we

1439
01:05:33,440 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 4: could talk privately in the car. It might honestly have

1440
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 4: been the first time we talked about an issue face

1441
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:40,200
Speaker 4: to face. I'm proud of myself for being able to

1442
01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 4: speak up and make myself understood. I made sure he

1443
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 4: understood how upsetting and unhealthy the situation is. I brought

1444
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:49,280
Speaker 4: up many of your points, including helping him recognize that

1445
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:54,320
Speaker 4: this is emotional genetic copy pasting. He had to take

1446
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 4: on a caregiver role and give up a lot of

1447
01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:00,160
Speaker 4: his childhood because of it. Due to their parents not

1448
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:02,800
Speaker 4: being home often because of work and financial issues. That

1449
01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 4: was neglect on their part, and even if it was involuntarily,

1450
01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 4: it led to Anna being harmful toward him. I talked

1451
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 4: to him about how in most cases it is not

1452
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:15,160
Speaker 4: appropriate to gift your girlfriend and sister the same thing.

1453
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 4: I also explained how this sets a precedent. What if

1454
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 4: one day he wants to give me something more intimate,

1455
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:24,439
Speaker 4: like a perfume. What if she asks him to get

1456
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:27,600
Speaker 4: her the same one or buys it herself. If he refuses,

1457
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 4: that feels like too much. I also brought up the

1458
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:34,280
Speaker 4: excessive phone calls and texts and guess what that happened again?

1459
01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 3: Today?

1460
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,360
Speaker 4: We met up at about five thirty pm. He always

1461
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:39,800
Speaker 4: calls his mom to let her know he arrives safely

1462
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 4: wherever he is going, and he did that today before

1463
01:06:42,720 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 4: telling me he had arrived. His sisters started calling us

1464
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 4: at about six fifty five pm. He usually answers, but

1465
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:50,600
Speaker 4: this time he declined the call and told me she

1466
01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 4: could ask their mother where he was. She called three

1467
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,800
Speaker 4: more times, he declined every time. Then she called him

1468
01:06:55,840 --> 01:06:59,200
Speaker 4: on WhatsApp around seven to ten pm. He declined that too.

1469
01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 4: When that did not work, I worried she might call

1470
01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 4: me instead. She called him using their mom's phone because

1471
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 4: she knew he would answer, since his mom only calls

1472
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 4: for important things. Okay, why does she feel the need

1473
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 4: to be involved? I don't understand, Like, does she not

1474
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:16,680
Speaker 4: getting enough attention?

1475
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 3: Is she not? Like maybe something's happening, probably just like

1476
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 3: the way they were raised, And she expects him to

1477
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 3: come through on everything now and like expects that he

1478
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:32,160
Speaker 3: will cater to all of her attention needs. Yeah yeah, yeah,

1479
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 3: and until he starts putting up pretty firm boundaries, that'll

1480
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:36,000
Speaker 3: probably get to me.

1481
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 4: I think once he starts putting up boundaries with her,

1482
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,760
Speaker 4: like everything's gonna change, obviously. But he picked up, heard

1483
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:45,360
Speaker 4: her voice sounding offended and poudy because he was ignoring

1484
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 4: her and she just wanted to know how he was.

1485
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 4: He was reasonably pissed off. He told her everything was

1486
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:53,600
Speaker 4: fine and to stop calling. Then he hung up. That

1487
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:56,400
Speaker 4: was a total of six calls in about fifteen minutes.

1488
01:07:56,680 --> 01:07:58,840
Speaker 4: We went back to talking. He agreed with everything I

1489
01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:01,920
Speaker 4: said and told me it was getting extremely frustrated and exhausting.

1490
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,840
Speaker 4: He had always thought this was just how things were

1491
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:07,280
Speaker 4: and that he had to deal with it. I also

1492
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:10,240
Speaker 4: brought up the physical contact. He admitted that he really

1493
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:13,400
Speaker 4: wants space from her. He admitted that he really wanted

1494
01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:16,439
Speaker 4: space from her. Anna is the only one seeking physical affection.

1495
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 4: For context, I am diagnosed autistic, and we are fairly

1496
01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:23,000
Speaker 4: sure he is as well. He is very uncomfortable with

1497
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:26,120
Speaker 4: physical contact unless he is the one initiating it. His

1498
01:08:26,200 --> 01:08:28,559
Speaker 4: sister and father do not seem to care. He told

1499
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 4: me that just yesterday he hugged his mom, and Anna

1500
01:08:31,680 --> 01:08:34,400
Speaker 4: complained that he was nice to their mom but mean

1501
01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:36,920
Speaker 4: to her. Their father scolded him and went to give

1502
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:37,719
Speaker 4: kisses to Anna.

1503
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 3: Instead.

1504
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 4: I truly believe both of them are the reason he

1505
01:08:40,720 --> 01:08:43,600
Speaker 4: never thought anything was strange and believed his own feelings

1506
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,840
Speaker 4: did not matter. There is a lot more to it.

1507
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:49,320
Speaker 4: Anna was their miracle baby while he was an accident.

1508
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:51,920
Speaker 4: There is so much more that led to him sacrificing

1509
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:54,320
Speaker 4: himself for whatever his family wanted, but that is not

1510
01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:56,880
Speaker 4: my story to tell. He told me he wants things

1511
01:08:56,920 --> 01:08:59,160
Speaker 4: to change, but he does not know how to make

1512
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:02,200
Speaker 4: them happen. We wrote a message to my former therapist

1513
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:05,439
Speaker 4: who helped Meda with family issues, depression and social anxiety.

1514
01:09:05,840 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 4: I can absolutely vouch for her if nothing else comes up.

1515
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:11,680
Speaker 4: He has an appointment this Friday, and I will be

1516
01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 4: there with him because he wants my support. He went

1517
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,840
Speaker 4: home for dinner, and about ten minutes after texting me

1518
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:18,920
Speaker 4: that he got home, he told me he finally had

1519
01:09:19,040 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 4: enough and blew up at his sister and dad.

1520
01:09:21,280 --> 01:09:23,479
Speaker 3: Oh no, yeah, I mean, when you keep it all

1521
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:25,640
Speaker 3: inside for years and years and years and then you

1522
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 3: finally just can't take it anymore, doesn't usually come out

1523
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:30,160
Speaker 3: in like the healthiest way.

1524
01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:34,000
Speaker 4: It's true, It's like, yeah, he just bubbled it up

1525
01:09:34,040 --> 01:09:36,720
Speaker 4: and just was like but he also didn't realize, and

1526
01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:41,360
Speaker 4: then when he got validated and his feelings, yeah, oohoo,

1527
01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:44,400
Speaker 4: so this isn't normal for everyone, so I can feel

1528
01:09:44,479 --> 01:09:46,360
Speaker 4: uncomfortable when this happens.

1529
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:49,000
Speaker 3: So now he's just like, oh, I've got to let

1530
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:50,120
Speaker 3: it all out now.

1531
01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:53,120
Speaker 4: Oh, poor guy. When he got home, his dad did

1532
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:56,240
Speaker 4: not even greet him. He sarcastically asked if he had

1533
01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:58,840
Speaker 4: called his sister back, and that was the breaking point.

1534
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:00,760
Speaker 4: He told his dad that she needs to stop. She

1535
01:10:00,840 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 4: called six times in fifteen minutes, and if he is

1536
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:06,160
Speaker 4: out doing something, she cannot bombard him with calls. She

1537
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:08,519
Speaker 4: hurt him. She was in the bathroom washing her face

1538
01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:11,599
Speaker 4: because she was crying. She claimed it was not true

1539
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 4: and that she did not call.

1540
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:13,799
Speaker 3: Him that many times.

1541
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:16,600
Speaker 4: He showed his call log and told their dad to

1542
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:18,080
Speaker 4: stop defending everything she does.

1543
01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:21,600
Speaker 3: Yet, what a terrible lie, something so easily disproved. I

1544
01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:25,080
Speaker 3: did not call that many times. Seventeen miss calls, right,

1545
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:25,720
Speaker 3: those were me?

1546
01:10:26,160 --> 01:10:29,840
Speaker 4: You literally called on your mom's phone. Yeah, Like, how

1547
01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:31,960
Speaker 4: do you cover that up? She started crying again, and

1548
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,760
Speaker 4: their dad tried to scold him, saying she had been

1549
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:37,920
Speaker 4: crying since earlier because of him. Anna went to their mom,

1550
01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:39,960
Speaker 4: who told her she needs to learn not to call

1551
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 4: him so much. He is not a child and she

1552
01:10:42,280 --> 01:10:45,120
Speaker 4: cannot be all over him. Later, their dad told him

1553
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:48,880
Speaker 4: something that roughly translates to giving her more confidence. He

1554
01:10:48,960 --> 01:10:52,120
Speaker 4: meant that my boyfriend needs to stop being cold and distant,

1555
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:55,360
Speaker 4: and that Anna was crying because he did not answer.

1556
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:58,280
Speaker 4: He stood his ground and said she needs therapy for

1557
01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:00,720
Speaker 4: her anxiety and cannot stress him out because of it.

1558
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:02,800
Speaker 4: Their dad said it would not cost him anything to

1559
01:11:02,840 --> 01:11:05,439
Speaker 4: answer her calls, but my boyfriend told him he does

1560
01:11:05,479 --> 01:11:08,120
Speaker 4: not have to answer her or explain everything he does.

1561
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:10,639
Speaker 4: From now on, when he is out, he will only

1562
01:11:10,640 --> 01:11:13,960
Speaker 4: answer his mom's calls. If anyone else calls from her phone,

1563
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,240
Speaker 4: he will hang up. That is where things stand for now.

1564
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:18,800
Speaker 4: I'm really proud of him, and I made sure he

1565
01:11:18,880 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 4: knew that. Later he told me he was happy that

1566
01:11:20,840 --> 01:11:23,720
Speaker 4: I finally felt comfortable speaking up freely around him. I

1567
01:11:23,720 --> 01:11:26,400
Speaker 4: do struggle with communication, especially face to face, and this

1568
01:11:26,560 --> 01:11:28,639
Speaker 4: was the first time we talked about a serious issue

1569
01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:32,040
Speaker 4: in person. I am happy with how everything went for Christmas.

1570
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:34,519
Speaker 4: We might even celebrate at my house for the first time.

1571
01:11:34,920 --> 01:11:36,919
Speaker 4: Thank you all again for helping well.

1572
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,360
Speaker 3: It seems like it's heading in the right direction. It

1573
01:11:39,400 --> 01:11:43,000
Speaker 3: seems like your boyfriend was pretty in mesh within his family,

1574
01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:45,920
Speaker 3: but like not on his side. He just kind of

1575
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:49,040
Speaker 3: thought this was the norm, and they pressured him to

1576
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:53,639
Speaker 3: not create any boundaries with them. And now you've helped

1577
01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:56,240
Speaker 3: them realize that this is not normal. And I think

1578
01:11:56,280 --> 01:11:57,800
Speaker 3: you guys are on a good path. Yeah.

1579
01:11:57,840 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 4: I think that it's gonna work out because I think

1580
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:02,640
Speaker 4: he also realized that this is unhealthy and that this

1581
01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:04,960
Speaker 4: is not a good behavior. It's the first have with

1582
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:08,400
Speaker 4: your family, especially with like your sibling, and he finally

1583
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:10,479
Speaker 4: stood up for himself. And I think that it's only

1584
01:12:10,479 --> 01:12:12,400
Speaker 4: going to go up from here. I hope, Like you know,

1585
01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:14,880
Speaker 4: obviously there's gonna be probably a little bit of regression,

1586
01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:17,040
Speaker 4: and you know, he's probably gonna feel bad and have

1587
01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:20,120
Speaker 4: a little guilt whatever along the way. That's perfectly normal.

1588
01:12:20,240 --> 01:12:23,320
Speaker 4: But I just think that, Yeah, I think that, Okay,

1589
01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:24,040
Speaker 4: you're doing well.

1590
01:12:24,280 --> 01:12:24,719
Speaker 3: Agreed.

1591
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:27,759
Speaker 4: I will end with a small tidbit he shared earlier

1592
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:31,000
Speaker 4: two days ago, we went out. Since I started college

1593
01:12:31,040 --> 01:12:33,439
Speaker 4: and come home on breaks, we have been hanging out

1594
01:12:33,439 --> 01:12:36,640
Speaker 4: for entire days instead of just afternoons and evenings. Apparently

1595
01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:39,559
Speaker 4: his sister did not know that. She called before dinner

1596
01:12:39,600 --> 01:12:41,479
Speaker 4: to ask if we wanted to go to their house

1597
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:43,759
Speaker 4: for a bit because their mom made a Christmas dish.

1598
01:12:43,920 --> 01:12:46,479
Speaker 4: We politely declined because we are already heading back to

1599
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:49,160
Speaker 4: my house to eat yesterday. She was apparently offended and

1600
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:51,400
Speaker 4: upset because we did not want to hang out with her.

1601
01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:54,160
Speaker 4: Just hearing that made me want to bang my head

1602
01:12:54,160 --> 01:12:54,960
Speaker 4: against a wall.

1603
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:58,000
Speaker 3: That's and that's it, and that's where we're gonna end.