1 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: Cal Zone Media book Club, book Club, book Club, book Club, 2 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,200 Speaker 1: Solstice book. 3 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 2: Club, that's what people always call this. It's a Solstale 4 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:16,239 Speaker 2: book Club. 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,599 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to Cool Zone Media book Club, the 6 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: only podcast where you don't have to do the reading 7 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: because I do it for you. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy. 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: And this week and next week I have a story 9 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: that I wrote. Happy Solstice, everyone, to honor the dark, 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: to celebrate the return of the light, and to indulge 11 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: yourselves in the legacy of storytelling and gift giving. I'm 12 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: going to share first of two parts of one of 13 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: my own stories. Next week you'll get the second half. 14 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 1: And this story means a lot to me. This story 15 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: is called Everything that Isn't Winter, which is a okay, 16 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: look it takes place in Beltane, but it's called Everything 17 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: that Isn't Winter and it's about how one relates to 18 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 1: the season of winter. And I don't know this one. 19 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: It means a lot to me because I wrote it 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,680 Speaker 1: at the end of the Clarion West Workshop for Short 21 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: story Writing and it was kind of my like, I 22 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: have learned so much about craft and I've been writing 23 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:16,679 Speaker 1: at a somewhat professional level for a little while before that, 24 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: but this story was still, like on a craft level, 25 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: really important to me. And also it was one of 26 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,399 Speaker 1: my first big short story sales. It sold to tour 27 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,759 Speaker 1: dot com in I think twenty fifteen and really kind 28 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: of helped set my career up. So this is a 29 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,960 Speaker 1: different kind of Christmas story, But what are we here 30 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 1: if non traditional? It's still got found family, It's got 31 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:46,320 Speaker 1: self actualization and enough winter to justify the choice, and 32 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: I hope you all enjoy it. Everything that Isn't Winter 33 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: by Margaret Kiljoy. The evening sky was a spring gray, 34 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: which is different than a winter gray, and the soft 35 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 1: light that came down through the clouds lit up the festival. 36 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: Fires danced and people danced, and my boyfriend was dancing 37 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,959 Speaker 1: with a woman who was there to work the harvest. 38 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: They were hitting it off. It looked like everything was 39 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: perfect in what was left of the world. At the 40 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: in Between Lodge, we picked most of our tea leaves 41 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: on beltane. Traditionally, the first flush is in March and 42 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: the second is in June. But traditionally tea was imported 43 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: from Asia, and obviously we hadn't had contact with anywhere 44 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: that far away in decades, so While we do a 45 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: modest first flush and second flush, most of what we 46 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: grow is what you'd call jarling in between. We grow 47 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: it in the middle of what used to be called 48 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 1: Washington State, so it's not really jarling at all. Just 49 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: in between. I sipped from a ceramic cup of mushroom 50 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,679 Speaker 1: tea weak enough that it just sharpened me up, made 51 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: me aware of patterns of bodies and light. I wasn't 52 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: on duty, but I was on call, and my rifle 53 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: was stacked at the guard post by the eastern gate, 54 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: so I didn't get any further into another realm than 55 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: just the one cup of tea. We'd adulterated the mushroom 56 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 1: with oolong from the first flush, and the pleasant and 57 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:20,679 Speaker 1: revolting tastes fought in my throat a little war between 58 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: caffeine and psilocybin. The band played war songs on guitars 59 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: and fiddles and drums. The handsome men of the choir 60 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: sang the songs I'd fought to, songs I relish, songs 61 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 1: that transport us from the world of the living to 62 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: that liminal space of both battle and sex where we 63 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 1: make and take life. My bare feet were in earth, 64 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: the mountain wind in my hair. My boyfriend's dance partner 65 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: wandered to the edge of the crowd, and I went 66 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 1: to stand beside her. You must be aiden, She turned 67 00:03:56,120 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 1: toward me. I am, Khalil was just talking about you. You. 68 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: Khalil was still dancing, now alone, thick legs kicking out 69 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,400 Speaker 1: as he spun. He was awkward and completely in his element. 70 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: I love him, I said, I gathered as much. 71 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 2: She said. 72 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: She was watching him the same way I watched him. 73 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: You should sleep with him, I said. She turned toward me. 74 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: The spark's gone, I said, has been for years. I 75 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: can get late easily enough, but it isn't as easy 76 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:30,480 Speaker 1: for him. She was just staring at me. I've never 77 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: been good with reading faces. I saw myself and the 78 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: firelight reflected and dancing in her green eyes. That's how 79 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,039 Speaker 1: it works for me, anyway, I went on. Whenever I 80 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: sleep with someone else, it just makes me want him 81 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: all the more. You should sleep with him. An autumnal 82 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: smell broke my train of thought. Autumnal smells had no 83 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 1: place during Beltane, but there it was, amidst the ambient 84 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 1: scent of the tea fields, the iron sweat of the dancers, 85 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: the pines smoke. A voice carried through the evening sense 86 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: fire burning tea plants. The smell was burning tea plants. 87 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 1: I ran for my rifle, snatched it up, and went 88 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: into the rows toward the growing pillar of smoke. It 89 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: started off as a Doric column, shifting to Atlas holding 90 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: the world on his shoulders. 91 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 2: By the time I reached it. 92 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: It was yigdrassil, the world tree, thick and ropey and 93 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,479 Speaker 1: holding up every one of the worlds. There was no lightning, 94 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: no likely cause, but arson. I ran toward the edge 95 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: of the forest, beyond the fields, to search for culprits. 96 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: At night we see movement. In the day, we see shape, 97 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 1: but in the gloaming we see nothing. I saw nothing. 98 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: It took fifty of us to cut a fire break 99 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,720 Speaker 1: to keep the blaze from spreading, tearing into tea plants 100 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: with machetes while the fire tore into our livelihood. The 101 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: band played because what else can you do? Of the 102 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 1: hundred rooms in the lodge, ours was in the northeast corner, 103 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: closest to the fields in the forest. The poster bed 104 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: was ancient, had been ancient before the apocalypse. It had 105 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: been through worse than we ever had. The tea had 106 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: worn off, but spring nights of their own magic. I'll 107 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: never understand or forgive. And there was no cell in 108 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 1: my body that was feeling sober or responsible. Calil was 109 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: on his side, staring out the window at the burned 110 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,719 Speaker 1: fields lit by the moon and the dark woods. The 111 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: moon couldn't light. I stood in the door. I'm sorry, 112 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: he said, it's fine. I said, it wasn't. It's just 113 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: that it's bell tine, it's spring, sex and flowers and 114 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,479 Speaker 1: all that shit. I should want you. It's fine, I said, 115 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: it wasn't. I've never much cared for spring. 116 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 2: That part was true. 117 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: You look beautiful tonight, he said, But he was looking 118 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: at the forest. He didn't look at me much anymore. 119 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: What about that woman, the one you were dancing with, 120 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: I asked, the one who avoided me after you scared 121 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: her off? 122 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 2: That one? 123 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: It's fine, he said. There wasn't much more to say. 124 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: I left our room and I left him there, and 125 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: I went to go sleep at the guard post. But 126 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: do you know what won't leave you on a cold 127 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: night to go to sleep alone in the barracks and 128 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: deal with their attachment issues? Because they are loving and 129 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: steadfast and forever. 130 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 2: That's right. 131 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: It's the goods and services advertised on this show, unless 132 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: it's gambling. Please don't do that. Gambling does not love 133 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 1: you back, and we're back. First light found me in 134 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: the forest with Barley, our scout. Sword fern grew up 135 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: from the ground. Maidenhair fern grew out of the rock 136 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: walls of gullies, and Usnia hung from every limb of 137 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: every tree in handsome gouts of green. We walked along 138 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: down cedared trees in the wet fog. I didn't follow 139 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: Bartley's footsteps, not exactly, because one person leaves tracks, but 140 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: two people leave trails. The forest is something I know. 141 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:33,840 Speaker 1: A rifle is something I know. Violence I know. We 142 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: stopped to break our fast under the boughs of an 143 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: old growth black cottonwood that towered over much of the 144 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: rest of the forest. We ate jerky, tough but fresh, 145 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 1: and we passed a thermas of tea, just tea. You 146 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: lost the trail, didn't you, I asked, Never was one, 147 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,439 Speaker 1: Bartley said. Bartley had a lazy eye, was always looking 148 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: out to the side, like she was a prey animal. 149 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: Gray and white ran through her. Otherwise black hair, and 150 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 1: she was old enough that she should have remembered the 151 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: old world. She always swore she didn't that. The first 152 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 1: thing she remembered was being alone in the woods, barely 153 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 1: post pupessant, as she cut up a deer. Her life 154 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,319 Speaker 1: had begun at the same time, so many lives had ended. 155 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: A lot of people her age are like that. Khalil 156 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: and I, our lives had begun with our berths. The 157 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 1: next year, in the post collapse baby boom, a lot 158 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: of danger meant a lot of kids got born. What 159 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,679 Speaker 1: are we doing, then, I asked, If I was going 160 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,559 Speaker 1: to raid us, i'd have camped up this hill. Bartley said, 161 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 1: there's a spring up there, one you can drink from, 162 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: and a few open cliff faces that let you spy 163 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: on us. Why do you think they did it, I asked, 164 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: Bartley shrugged. People don't like it when other people have 165 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 1: nice things. The in Between Lodge was nice. There was 166 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: no denying that we were a collective of fifty five adults, 167 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: forty children, and another sixteen people half way between those 168 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 1: two categories. We'd raised up the lodge ten years back, 169 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 1: just as the New World settled into place and drew 170 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: its political borders, just as I'd left my teenaged years. 171 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: We grew tea, and we played our part in the 172 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: New World's mutual aid network of a few interdependent city states, communes, 173 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: and hamlets. We sold, gave or traded provisions to people 174 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: passing through the old railway tunnel, and we guarded Stampede 175 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: Pass the eastern edge of the New World. Well, mostly 176 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: Bartley and I guarded Stampede Pass. Everyone could fight, everyone 177 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 1: stood watch in rotation, but Bartley handled terrain and tracking 178 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: while I ran tactics. Who made this jerky? Bartley asked, 179 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 1: And what the hell kind of not tasty animal died. 180 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 2: To make it? 181 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: You grumpy? I asked, damn right? Bartley said, I'm hungover 182 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: and I didn't even get to sleep between drunken. Now 183 00:10:55,520 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: she shook the thermos and we're out of tea. We caught 184 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: him with his dick in the wind. It wasn't luck. 185 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 1: We'd been waiting around for almost an hour for him 186 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: to do something like fall asleep or get up to piss. 187 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 1: Bartley had been right. He'd been camped up on the ledge, 188 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: camouflaged by a bush, watching the in between with glare 189 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 1: free binoculars. He was under fed, or maybe he was 190 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: just built that way, and he kept scratching at his 191 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,719 Speaker 1: scalp like he was lousy, younger than me, less than 192 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,640 Speaker 1: half Bartley's age, and he had all the bushcraft of 193 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: a city kid. His clothes were wrong for the west 194 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: side of the mountains, too urban, too old world. There 195 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 1: he was pissing off the cliff when I walked out 196 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,359 Speaker 1: from behind the tree with a rifle leveled at him. 197 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: I saw him think about dropping his dick and going 198 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 1: for his rifle, and I saw him realize that wasn't 199 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,679 Speaker 1: going to work. He put his hands in the air. 200 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: If he was smart and his gang could afford it, 201 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 1: he had a radio set to automatic voice activated transmission, 202 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: and there was someone listening on the other end, but 203 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: he was too dumb to shave his lice infested hair. 204 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: I was pretty sure we'd got him cold. You're going 205 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 1: to tell me a lot of things, I said, You 206 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,960 Speaker 1: tell me those things and you'll get supplies and a 207 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: one way trip on whatever caravan you want. I wouldn't 208 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: tell you the color of the lips of your mother's cunt. 209 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: I shot him. The rifle slammed into my shoulder. The 210 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: report scattered birds and hurt my ears. 211 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 2: The bullet hit. 212 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: Him in the neck and sent him tumbling over the 213 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 1: edge of the cliff. You kidding me, Bartley asked. Well, 214 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to torture the kid, and he didn't 215 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: want to talk nice. Bartley shook her head. Now we've 216 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:44,079 Speaker 1: got to go find him, you know, she said, search 217 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:49,680 Speaker 1: his body. Maybe I'll have some tea. We eventually found 218 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 1: the wreckage of the man at the base of the cliff, 219 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,560 Speaker 1: his ribs sprouting from his chest. The noon sun and 220 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: I both kept watch over the forest while Bartley combed 221 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: over the body. Help me lift him, Bartley said, I 222 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: got my hands under what was left of the bandit's 223 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:10,199 Speaker 1: armpits and lifted his inside stripped down my leg. I'm 224 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: getting too old for this. The New world is getting 225 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: too old for this. I said it because it was 226 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: what people were supposed to think, but I didn't really 227 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:23,560 Speaker 1: feel it. Peace didn't work for me. Battle is a 228 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 1: thing that gets into my gut, makes me desperate to live. 229 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: Love is a thing that gets into my gut makes 230 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,559 Speaker 1: me wish I were dead. Bartley went through his pockets. 231 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: She pulled out a pack of cheap Naked Lady cards. 232 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,839 Speaker 1: Threw them off into the forest. In another pocket, she 233 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: found a topo map. Last, she pulled out a radio. 234 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,719 Speaker 1: She clicked it off. Hell, I said, they heard all 235 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: of that. Hell, indeed, what's the map? Tell us? I asked, 236 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: nothing's marked on it, but it's pretty zoomed in. Doesn't 237 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 1: cover more than a thirty five square kilometers. Since the 238 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: in between isn't the center of it, I figure there 239 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,079 Speaker 1: camp might be. Puts it halfway between here and the tunnel. 240 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 1: They know where we are, I said, but we don't 241 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,319 Speaker 1: know where they are. And do you know who else 242 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: knows where you are? It's the third parties that sell 243 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: ads on our podcast. And just a reminder, you can 244 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: sign up for Coolers on media at any time for 245 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 1: an ad free listening experience. 246 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 2: Here's ads and we're back. 247 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: They might hit us tonight. I bet the fire was 248 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: just to flush us out. 249 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 2: I said. 250 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 1: They set this kid here to see how we organized 251 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 1: our defense. What's the plan? You know, I'd hate for 252 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: you to go out alone, but maybe I've got to 253 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 1: go out alone. Bartley said, I'll go warn everyone, set patrols, 254 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: get children to shelter, and I'll make it back up 255 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: here and to range and call it in. Once I 256 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: figured out where they are, we started down the hill. 257 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: The sun was halfway to the horizon. It was cutting 258 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: into my eyes and baking that kid's blood into my clothes. 259 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: We stepped out from the trees and scrambled down to 260 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: the railroad tracks about a kilometer east of the in between. 261 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 1: Bartley came with me. The half a kilometer or so, 262 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:33,720 Speaker 1: our paths overlapped. I always liked walking tracks, Bartley said, yeah, 263 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 1: I asked. I wasn't really curious, but I preferred to 264 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: listen to her speak, then listen to my heart beat 265 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: a rhythmically, like it always did after I shot somebody. 266 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: Doc says it's just jitters what some of the old 267 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 1: books called generalized anxiety. 268 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,120 Speaker 2: I say, it's me getting off light. 269 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: Karmically speaking, Roads are hell, Bartley said, because they're easy. 270 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 1: It's easy to make a road, right, You just get 271 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: a bunch of people to walk somewhere a lot. 272 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 2: That'll make a road. You walk a road, it's easy. 273 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: Lulls you to sleep, and there's some asshole hiding with 274 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 1: a gun, and you don't even notice it because you're 275 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: lost in your head. Roads are hell. Sounds like me 276 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: and Khalil. We fell into habit made a road railroads. 277 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: Though railroads are great, Bartley went on, they're hard to make, 278 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: they're hard to walk. They're so specialized, and the best 279 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: part is that they're specialized for something that doesn't exist anymore. 280 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: These things weren't made for our cow drawn box cars 281 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: or our little rail bikes. They were made for kilometer 282 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: long chains of cars pulled by the sheer strength of coal. 283 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: When you're using something specialized and you're using it wrong, 284 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: that's the beauty in life. 285 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 2: I thought you were grumpy. 286 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 1: I said, I was grumpy, and Bartley said, but now 287 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: I'm walking on railroad tracks. We built the in between 288 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: in the narrow valley below the pass. The Green River 289 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: guarded our north, the mountains are south. A road from 290 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 1: the west met its end at the door to the lodge, 291 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,440 Speaker 1: and a railroad ran the whole of our land. We 292 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 1: were unwalled. We were unwalled for a thousand reasons. We 293 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: were unwalled because we were peaceful. We were unwalled because, 294 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,120 Speaker 1: though increasingly rare, mortars and grenades and rockets were still 295 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,479 Speaker 1: a part of this world. Even some helicopters had survived 296 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,640 Speaker 1: the electromagnetic waves that had wiped so much technology from 297 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: the earth, as I had heard it, and such vehicles 298 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: have no respect for walls. We were unwalled, because a 299 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: stone wall blinds the defender as much as the attacker. 300 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: We gated the road and the railway, but those gates 301 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 1: remained open during daylight. Khalil was waiting by the gate 302 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 1: for me when I got back. He had that pick 303 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,600 Speaker 1: in his short afro. The one the trader had told 304 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: me was tortoiseshell, and who was I to say it 305 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 1: wasn't the one Khalil had told me it was lucky, 306 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: And who was I to say it wasn't. He saw 307 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: me coming, and a smile split across's beard. The smile 308 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 1: got bigger the closer I got, until I was in 309 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: his arms. We heard a shot, he said, hours ago, 310 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: I shot somebody. I said, I was so small in 311 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: his embrace, he was one of the only people in 312 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: the world who was large enough to make me small. 313 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 1: He kissed my forehead, and I tilted my neck up 314 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 1: and looked in those black brown eyes behind his glasses, 315 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 1: those eyes the same color as mine, And I kissed 316 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 1: him on the mouth. You all right, he asked, at last, 317 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,719 Speaker 1: I'm all right. It took hours. I've been waiting for 318 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: you for hours. I pulled away, set my rifle down 319 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: at the guard post. The crows stood sentinel on the gate. 320 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: I can't handle you worrying about me. I said it 321 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:53,680 Speaker 1: was the right thing to say, because it was true. 322 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: It was the wrong thing to say, because I loved him. 323 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: He lifted his glasses, rubbed at his eyes. 324 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 2: I know, he said. He walked away. 325 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: My eyes lingered on his back, and I still felt small. 326 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 1: The wind wailed across the fields of Tea. I got 327 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: the children and the infirm into the bomb shelter, a 328 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 1: one hundred year old relic of a paranoid generation that 329 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: had been right about the apocalypse, just wrong about its timing. 330 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: Then set out organizing an all hands watch. Fifteen people 331 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: were on at all times, no able bodied adults exempted 332 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 1: from taking a shift. No one liked it, but no 333 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,200 Speaker 1: one complained. I don't tell the cooks what to feed us, 334 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,479 Speaker 1: and I don't tell Doc how to sew us up, 335 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: and I don't tell Khalil or the other horticulturalists when 336 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 1: to conscript us into the fields for a harvest. It 337 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 1: was late enough in spring that the sun lingered low 338 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: in the sky, and I found myself cleaning rifles and 339 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: counting bullets, which left me with nothing to do with 340 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,440 Speaker 1: my brain but to run my conversation with Khalil over 341 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: and over in my mind. Like I was locked in 342 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: the computer room in the basement with a video running 343 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 1: on an endless loop. I could turn my head away, 344 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: but I could still hear everything watching a video. Though 345 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 1: I could wait until the sun went down and the 346 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,679 Speaker 1: solar stopped and the computer died. There wasn't such an 347 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 1: easy way out of my head. 348 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,959 Speaker 2: Done Dun, dun. 349 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 1: What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen to the in between lodge? 350 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 1: There's people who are maybe attacking it or was it 351 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:34,199 Speaker 1: just the one kid who knowss You'll know? In a 352 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,919 Speaker 1: week there were of you go and find this story 353 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,639 Speaker 1: and read it elsewhere, like for example, in my book 354 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 1: we Won't Be Here Tomorrow and other stories available from 355 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: ak Press, or honestly it's free on tour dot com, 356 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,119 Speaker 1: who first published it. But you could also wait for 357 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,120 Speaker 1: a week. And Hazel, who helps me pick out the stories, 358 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: suggested we do this one this week because it's one 359 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 1: of their favorites and they relate a lot to Aiden 360 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 1: trying to navigate love and hypervigilance. Quote to quote, Hazel. 361 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 1: I know this one is set during the springtime, but 362 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy the world building and that the 363 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: story still feels on brand for the season, and tune 364 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,520 Speaker 1: back in next week for the second half of the 365 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 1: story as we finish everything that isn't Winter by me, 366 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: margor Kiljoy. You can find me online searching my name 367 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,639 Speaker 1: on Blue Sky and Instagram. Those are the only social 368 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,440 Speaker 1: media as I still have. I dream of the day 369 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: where you go and look and I'm not there because 370 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: I've quit, but I haven't yet. And you can also 371 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,199 Speaker 1: find me on substack. I have a newsletter there I 372 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: post almost every week and almost all the posts are 373 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: free and from all of us here at cool Zone. 374 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: We hope you have a cool, good holiday season and 375 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,920 Speaker 1: that you stay warm, stay safe, and stay on your 376 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,239 Speaker 1: in laws, good sides. Happy Solstice, glad tidings and med 377 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 1: the coming light find you with peace and solace for 378 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,120 Speaker 1: the new year. All right bye. 379 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 2: It could happen here as a production of cool Zone 380 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 2: Media podcast from cool Zone Media. 381 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,199 Speaker 1: Visit our website cool Zonemedia dot com or check us 382 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you 383 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,880 Speaker 1: listen to podcasts. You can find sources where it could 384 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,919 Speaker 1: happen here, updated monthly at coolzonemedia dot com slash sources. 385 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.