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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some spectacular stories coming up, but

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Speaker 1: real quick we get a two minute break from our

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Speaker 1: lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing. My wife has had

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Speaker 1: a major glow up in the last year. I think

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Speaker 1: she's going to leave me. No, you need to work

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Speaker 1: on your insecurities. In the last year or so, my

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Speaker 1: wife has really had a glow up, as the younger

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Speaker 1: generation seems to call it these days. Ops thirty. I

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Speaker 1: love op already. I love him so much. She got

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Speaker 1: really in shape and kind of changed the way she dresses,

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Speaker 1: amongst other things. It really boosted her confidence and she's

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Speaker 1: come out of her shell in a major way around

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Speaker 1: friends and other groups. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: late Springer on the r slash Okay Storytime suffered it,

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Speaker 1: so obviously I'm not complaining, and I'm very happy to

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Speaker 1: have an attractive and upbeat.

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Speaker 2: Wife around all right.

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Speaker 1: However, I feel like it may have caused a few

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Speaker 1: side effects that neither of us may have anticipated. Because

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Speaker 1: we all know how very quick to judge and over

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Speaker 1: the top Reddit can be sometimes, I do want to

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Speaker 1: state that this is only from my perspective, and I

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Speaker 1: don't mean to magnify any of these issues beyond the

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Speaker 1: somewhat minor ones they are, but these things are on

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Speaker 1: my mind and I want some input and advice. Firstly,

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Speaker 1: I feel a little awkward because I feel like there's

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Speaker 1: a bit of pressure to keep up with her, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know that I can. Despite how much I

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Speaker 1: work out, watch what I eat, or change how I dress,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm limited on how attractive I can

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Speaker 1: ever realistically look or feel. I'm confident enough, but I

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Speaker 1: can't help but feel outclassed by her sometimes. Also, I

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Speaker 1: am unsure how to mentally deal with the attention she

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Speaker 1: gets and honestly seems to enjoy these days. She turns

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Speaker 1: heads and obviously is getting nicer and more attention from

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Speaker 1: others in recent months, and I can tell she relishes

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Speaker 1: in the attention. Suddenly, my compliments seem to mean less

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Speaker 1: and compliments from others seem to mean more to her.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to navigate this. There's many other

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Speaker 1: things too, but on those are the main things. I

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Speaker 1: do strongly feel like these are the things that we

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Speaker 1: and I can work on to navigate. But I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: like I don't right really have the right tools or

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Speaker 1: know how for that right now, since this is all

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Speaker 1: a little new to me, has anyone ever dealt with

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Speaker 1: similar situation? How did you handle it? And what would

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Speaker 1: you suggest? And there is an update to finish this story,

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Speaker 1: but what would you what would you tell op?

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Speaker 2: Right now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like all it is is just that

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Speaker 3: like before, she was insecure, but she knew that you

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Speaker 3: loved her exactly, and so like she knows you're gonna

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Speaker 3: give her all these compliments, but she probably still feels

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Speaker 3: like she doesn't like look good enough or something. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but then now that Rando's are complimenting her, then maybe

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Speaker 3: she's like, oh, okay, it's not just because you know

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Speaker 3: and love me, it's because I'm actually like a try generally,

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Speaker 3: you know, no.

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Speaker 1: I do Okay, this is obviously this is slightly different.

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Speaker 1: But you know, it's like when I was younger, my parents.

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Speaker 2: Were like you're beautiful, you're beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I went to college and people like

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Speaker 1: started liking me and it, and I was.

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Speaker 3: Like, I know, it's like any of those comments from

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Speaker 3: your parents, it's like you have to say.

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Speaker 2: That of my mom.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think that's all that's happened. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I would say for Op there could be a conversation

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Speaker 1: to be had with his girlfriend about like, Hey, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I I'm so happy that you're getting these compliments. I

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Speaker 1: also would like some from you, like hopefully she's giving

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Speaker 1: those to him as well. Yes, absolutely, yeah, because you

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Speaker 1: want to You know, if you're getting all that attention,

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Speaker 1: you got to make sure that you're.

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Speaker 3: Your blue is getting it too right right, and never

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Speaker 3: say never.

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Speaker 1: I believe that Op could show up for Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: believe it.

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Speaker 2: It really.

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Speaker 1: I think anyone can glow up the right attitude, the

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Speaker 1: right haircut, and the right outfit.

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Speaker 2: There you go again.

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Speaker 1: When I stopped having to wear a uniform, it it

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Speaker 1: changed everything. But let's get into this update. First off,

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Speaker 1: let me just say that Reddit is absolutely insane. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: don't know a portion of you clearly didn't read either

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Speaker 1: my opie or what I repeated many times in my comments.

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Speaker 1: A large number of you had advice that directly went

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Speaker 1: against the advice that another large number did. Some of

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Speaker 1: you had great advice, some of you had awful advice.

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Speaker 1: I want Ope you to like the name somebody's like

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Speaker 1: you specifically calm out you had the worst advice. If

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Speaker 1: you had something great to share, you're awesome. If you didn't,

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Speaker 1: you're not. If anyone comes across this post in the

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Speaker 1: future with a similar situation, I implore you to take

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Speaker 1: most of the replies and comments with a large grain

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Speaker 1: of salt. There are certainly some absolute gems with great

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Speaker 1: advice in the replies, but a large portion of them

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Speaker 1: are coming in with baggage, sexism, toxicity, probably more. And

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Speaker 1: that's Reddit for you. Welcome to the Internet. Now on

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Speaker 1: to my actual update. I did have a great talk

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Speaker 1: with my wife last night for well over an hour communication.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty confident I shared in a positive and constructive

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Speaker 1: way how I felt about us turning the page in

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Speaker 1: life recently, and things went great. I'm going to try

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Speaker 1: and cover how that went in terms of a lot

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Speaker 1: of a lot of the points and advice, good or bad,

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Speaker 1: that came up in this whole thread. Why the glow

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Speaker 1: up I suspected as much, but it was a combination

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Speaker 1: of her soon turning forty and a death on her

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Speaker 1: side of the family kind of ushering in a new

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Speaker 1: era for her. She wanted to go to a new

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Speaker 1: chapter in life. She recently got a great new job,

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Speaker 1: and she wanted to feel more confident as she was

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Speaker 1: coming into a lot of new changes. Is she turning heads? Absolutely?

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Speaker 1: But she had a good point that she hardly ever

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Speaker 1: goes anywhere where I'm not there, so who cares. She

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Speaker 1: does go out with some girlfriends sometimes, and they all

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Speaker 1: have their share of socially inept creeps say or do something,

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Speaker 1: but no more than usual.

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Speaker 2: That's sad.

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Speaker 1: Where's my confidence? Probably where hers should be.

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Speaker 2: Oh what.

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Speaker 1: We both had a lot of challenges and changes in

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Speaker 1: the last few years, and I think I realized after

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Speaker 1: our talk that I haven't approached them in as positive

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Speaker 1: a manner as she has. I've let life beat me

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Speaker 1: down a little bit, and while I have combatd it

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Speaker 1: in a lot of positive ways, I haven't fully And

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Speaker 1: my confidence is one area where I haven't. I think

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Speaker 1: I recognize that a bit better through her now, and

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Speaker 1: can kind of copycat what she's doing a bit as

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Speaker 1: I find my footing better. Maybe I turn heads like

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Speaker 1: she does, Maybe I don't. It might be a little

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Speaker 1: fun if I do, but if I don't, it's not

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Speaker 1: the end of the world. Bruh. You don't want to

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Speaker 1: be masculine Nope, that's not me. I don't really know

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Speaker 1: or really care if I'm partially bisexual or some level

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Speaker 1: of the LGBT rainbow in some matter or whatever, but

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Speaker 1: it's probably somewhere in there, somewhere in there waiting to

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Speaker 1: come out. Being some burly bearded lumberjack is not me.

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Speaker 1: Toxic masculinity is just gross to me. I grew up

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Speaker 1: around it and don't want to be it. And I

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Speaker 1: think this is probably in reply to like comments saying

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Speaker 1: that I'm assuming one of these comments was like, you need.

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Speaker 2: To work out right, right, You need to go to

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Speaker 2: the jew to the gym.

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Speaker 1: You'll feel much better. You'll get so much attention from

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Speaker 1: other men who are like, oh, look at your games. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can dial it up temporarily if that's what my

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Speaker 1: lady wants at the moment. But at the base, I'm color,

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Speaker 1: colorful and a little flamboyant when I'm in a good mood,

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Speaker 1: and I'd rather embrace that and be myself than pretending

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Speaker 1: to be some toxic Andrew Tait worshiping Giga Chad like

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Speaker 1: some of you toxic creeps in the comments. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: well it hello, hello, you should I mean you should

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't be that. You should be what you are, right,

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Speaker 1: But there is like a tiny little bit more to

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Speaker 1: this story. But before we go any any thoughts, commons, suggestions, kind.

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Speaker 2: Of just like it is what it is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, she turns heads, but they're just looking.

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Speaker 3: They're just looking, They're just they're just looking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean, as long as you trust your wife to like,

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Speaker 3: you know, not like entertain anyone else or any of

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Speaker 3: that looks story, totally different story. But if people are looking,

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Speaker 3: let them watch, let him listen, because you know who

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Speaker 3: she's coming home to. Yo, that guy, Yo, that guy

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Speaker 3: in the mirror.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I do think that if you do, you know,

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Speaker 1: if you want to be like, if you want to

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Speaker 1: be a head turner, it really is like I think

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Speaker 1: the first part of it is.

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Speaker 3: Confidence for sure, and you're not gonna get that unless

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Speaker 3: you are being your gesel. Yeah, exactly like trying to

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Speaker 3: be someone you're not trying to giga chat.

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Speaker 1: It's not gonna help. Hey, you don't have to fit

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Speaker 1: into that, just like be yourself and just like it.

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Speaker 1: She already likes to you. Yeah, you don't have to

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Speaker 1: worry about that, you don't. Yeah, you're good and you

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Speaker 1: guys should worry about joining us live every weekday at

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Speaker 1: three PMPSD. Just top our brothat and to finish the

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Speaker 1: story off, what's next? Honestly, I think I'm just going

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Speaker 1: to be the best me for my wife as much

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Speaker 1: as I can, which is literally what we say. Hey,

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Speaker 1: we love that she likes me being loud and colorful

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Speaker 1: and goofy, so I can lean into that. S I'm

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Speaker 1: also going to continue treating her like a queen and

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Speaker 1: don't plan on questioning her or pressuring pressuring her on anything.

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Speaker 1: I also want to find some of my own thing,

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Speaker 1: so I have some things planned or in the planning

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Speaker 1: process for the next few months. Again, thank you to

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Speaker 1: those who had great things to say, and please go

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Speaker 1: back to your holes to those that didn't. And that

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Speaker 1: is the end of that story. But I think it's

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Speaker 1: going well.

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Speaker 3: I agree. I loved Opie from the start. Yeah, this

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Speaker 3: that was great. Yeah, I love the little my wife's

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Speaker 3: had a glow up.

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Speaker 1: She's hot and a little down and then he had

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Speaker 1: an oversation with her and we're killing You're good.

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Speaker 2: We love it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, my wife is going to leave me for being

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Speaker 3: a terrible husband.

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Speaker 1: I just realized She's right all self reflection. There you go.

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Speaker 3: We do love to see it first and foremost. Let

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Speaker 3: me put this out there. This might be long, but

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Speaker 3: to add some backstory, my wife and I met through

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Speaker 3: the military. I was a military member stationed in Japan

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Speaker 3: and she is local born and was raised there her

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Speaker 3: entire life. Our values, morals and upbringing life were vastly different.

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Speaker 3: We dated for about two years and then have been

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Speaker 3: married for two more years. So we're going on five

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Speaker 3: years of being together and also expecting our first newborn

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Speaker 3: sometime next year.

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Speaker 2: Oh very exciting.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from you slash row away

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Speaker 3: underscore a terrible hubby on the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: So first I want to explain how she is. As

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Speaker 3: of right now. She is currently unemployed. I have always

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Speaker 3: told her she doesn't need to work because I make

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Speaker 3: more than enough money to live happily and comfortably. I

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Speaker 3: have no grudges against her not working at all. I

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Speaker 3: honestly want her to do what makes her happy. She,

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Speaker 3: in my eyes, is an amazing woman. She does all

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Speaker 3: the things that any man could possibly ask for. She

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Speaker 3: was raised well and it shows good with manners, money

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Speaker 3: and everything. Else related to housework and all that. She

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Speaker 3: never goes out or drinks and parties. I have never

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Speaker 3: doubted her faithfulness. I could always go to work knowing

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Speaker 3: that she's got my back one hundred percent. She would

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Speaker 3: wake up early to make my lunches so we would

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Speaker 3: spend less money. She would do all the house cleaning

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Speaker 3: and would make dinner happily. All of this and she

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Speaker 3: never complained about having to do it next myself. To

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Speaker 3: be as transparent as possible, I make about eighty five

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Speaker 3: K and it's set to raise here within the next

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Speaker 3: few months. I am the sole provider for the family,

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Speaker 3: as the military pays bills but also provides its benefits.

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Speaker 3: Without it, we'd be in some high water, as her

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Speaker 3: full time income in Japan before us leaving here leaving

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Speaker 3: there was less than two twenty five k USD. In

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Speaker 3: terms of my personality, I'm a pretty terrible person, not right.

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Speaker 3: I was raised my Asian parents, and their values and

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Speaker 3: morals were good, but also different than what people consider normal.

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Speaker 3: People have always told me that I'm a nice guy,

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Speaker 3: hardworking and very likable, But to be honest, I just

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Speaker 3: did that because I cared about people's image of me.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. Sounds like you're masking a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Ye, I'm still nice, but by nature I'm lazy and selfish,

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Speaker 3: and that's the reason why I've placed myself in this situation.

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Speaker 3: Despite knowing my own shortfalls as a human being, I

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Speaker 3: keep messing up when I attempt to change. The reason

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Speaker 3: why I want to change is for my wife and

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Speaker 3: future kid. I'm surprised she stayed for so long despite

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Speaker 3: my negligence as a husband. I used to hang out

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Speaker 3: with my friends on the weekend without her, spend a

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Speaker 3: ton of money for myself, go drinking, played video games

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Speaker 3: for hours and hours on end, and never make plans

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Speaker 3: to hang out with her. I would occasionally help out

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Speaker 3: with house chores, but not consistently. Yeah, totally great, he says. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm a total pos. We haven't even gotten to like

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Speaker 3: what the problem is.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it seems like the problem is.

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Speaker 1: He's like, oh, yeah, we had the perfect relationship, except

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Speaker 1: I never helped her with anything over hung out and

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Speaker 1: she did all of the chores and all of that

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Speaker 1: housework and never complained. This is just this is just

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Speaker 1: so funny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's really telling her.

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Speaker 1: I guess, okay, I guess so I guess you're being honest.

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Speaker 3: So the worst part about this is I thought that

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Speaker 3: life was perfectly fine. I was so foolish to think

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Speaker 3: that I had my life made. That was until she

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Speaker 3: made threats to leave and take our child with her. WHOA, Okay,

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Speaker 3: this is escalating. We have argued many times over my habits,

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Speaker 3: and after two years of marriage, I decided to change.

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Speaker 3: It's so selfish because, despite of how terrible of a

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Speaker 3: husband I am, I didn't want her to leave because

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Speaker 3: it's one of.

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Speaker 1: Those you don't know what you have until you lose

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Speaker 1: it moments. Okay, all right.

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Speaker 3: I stopped hanging out with friends every weekend and spend

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Speaker 3: more time with her. I stopped drinking going out, and

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Speaker 3: I played less video games. Despite this, I still make

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Speaker 3: terrible decisions that just hurt her.

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Speaker 2: Oh bless what it is? What do you do? God?

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's figure this out. Some examples.

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Speaker 3: Literally, yesterday she asked me to get off the PC

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Speaker 3: five minutes before a specific time because I proposed the

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Speaker 3: idea that we bake.

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Speaker 1: A cake and do a gender reveal to her family

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Speaker 1: in Japan. Okay, that's sweet, that's very sweet. You follow through, right,

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Speaker 1: I said, I can't get off yet.

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Speaker 3: I can't leave the other folks. Give me some time.

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Speaker 3: I'll be off as soon as possible. Yeah, she was furious,

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Speaker 3: All right, Okay, I don't know how to feel it.

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Speaker 3: The obvious solution get off the dang game. But why

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Speaker 3: didn't I just do it right away? Why couldn't I

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Speaker 3: just say screw the game? I ruined the night because

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Speaker 3: she was no longer in the mood to do the reveal,

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Speaker 3: and now her family has to wait because I messed

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Speaker 3: everything up.

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Speaker 1: He's really kicking it, like, yeah's kicking himself. He's I

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Speaker 1: feel like that wasn't the biggest deal. Also, I feel like, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I think it's I think I think

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Speaker 1: it probably was an ongoing issue of him always playing

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Speaker 1: games and stuff and it it. I think it can

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Speaker 1: be pretty annoying to have to treat your husband like

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Speaker 1: a child and say, hey, get off the game. That

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Speaker 1: makes sense, especially when he said let's make this cake true.

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Speaker 1: But I just think his attitude in this post is

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Speaker 1: like so funny. On the one hand, it's good that

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Speaker 1: he's self aware of but on the other hand, it's just, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like, I freaking shock. Biggest thing is.

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Speaker 3: I literally have no intentions of wanting to do this

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Speaker 3: to her, but my selfish and foolish nature always ends

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Speaker 3: up showing. Because of this, She's getting sick and tired

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Speaker 3: of me saying things but never showing it with actions.

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Speaker 3: I have actually improved as a husband, but always get

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Speaker 3: back to square one.

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Speaker 1: With these incidents.

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Speaker 3: I want to change my ways, but saying it and

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Speaker 3: doing it are two different things. It's true, what can

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Speaker 3: I do to actually hold myself accountable? I understand this

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Speaker 3: is a self improvement issue. All I need to do

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Speaker 3: is do it because obviously I'm aware, but I literally

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Speaker 3: keep messing up. I want some advice before I lose

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Speaker 3: my family.

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Speaker 1: It's unfair, this is crazy.

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Speaker 3: It's unfair that I've kept doing it for so long

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Speaker 3: to her. That's why I need to know what I

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Speaker 3: can do to make the rest of her life outshine

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Speaker 3: these years of her life.

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Speaker 1: I'm an awful person.

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Speaker 3: I know that people are going to be disgusted by

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Speaker 3: me reading this, but if I'm ever going to change,

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Speaker 3: I need to push my pride side. Please go ahead

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Speaker 3: and destroy me and tell me what I need to do.

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Speaker 3: What you can go ahead and do is you can

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Speaker 3: join us live on YouTube every weekday at three PMPs T.

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Speaker 3: Just top our profile tabits and there is an edit.

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Speaker 1: But what are we thinking? I think, first of all,

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Speaker 1: this this man is in need of an attitude change. Yes,

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Speaker 1: because again, on the one hand, it's good to be

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Speaker 1: self aware and to know where your problems live. But

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Speaker 1: I feel like he is very faate, like fatalistic in

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Speaker 1: his view of how he is as a husband. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What I mean by like, he's like, I'm a terrible person.

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Speaker 1: Inherently I can change because under this all I'm lazy

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Speaker 1: and I'm selfish. Right, He's like making it too big

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Speaker 1: of a deal. Well, I just think he's he's like,

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Speaker 1: if that is who I am at my core, how

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Speaker 1: could I possibly change that?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: And I think you have to kind of switch that

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Speaker 1: mindset of like, this is not who I am as

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Speaker 1: a person. This is who I am right now? Yes,

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Speaker 1: and I can change, right. So that's like I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's the first step. It's just not being so

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Speaker 1: negative about everything. Right, It's like, Okay, let's I want

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Speaker 1: to be this, yeah, so let's just focus on that.

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Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, So I think that's the first step.

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Speaker 1: That's not necessarily the like all of the steps on

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Speaker 1: how to get there right right.

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Speaker 3: I honestly wonder if this is the wife writing this post.

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Speaker 2: It's I mean, I am terrible, Like I wonder if.

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Speaker 3: She's gonna like get all the comments, like hoping that

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Speaker 3: they're all like really bad about the husband, and then

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Speaker 3: it's going to show him.

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Speaker 1: And be like, see, see, look what you can do better?

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, I think that would be hilarious.

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Speaker 2: But I think it like actionables.

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Speaker 1: I think therapy is always good, especially if this is

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Speaker 1: a military person. Yeah, so it's always you know, probably

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Speaker 1: gone forrue long kiods of time. I have a routine,

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Speaker 1: yeah something, Yeah, having a routine. I do you like

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Speaker 1: that saying like we're going to have us time scheduled

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Speaker 1: us time yeah, uh on on you know, on these

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Speaker 1: weekends or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just make baby steps.

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Speaker 3: It's all baby steps. It's not gonna change overnight. Just

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Speaker 3: one little actions that you're you know changing. Yeah, and

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Speaker 3: maybe stop promising things before you do it. Yes, you know,

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Speaker 3: just shut up. Yeah, just like when you're about to

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Speaker 3: do it. Yeah yeah, yeah, do it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It does kind of also feel like a little bit

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Speaker 1: of ADHD. I agree. You know, it's like that when,

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Speaker 1: because it kind of feels like, what's the what's the

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Speaker 1: term when you're trying to do something and you're just

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Speaker 1: sitting there and you're like something proles Yeah, yeah, what

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Speaker 1: is it called? I don't remember. I don't remember. Someone

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Speaker 1: comment that's that's called also give advice to pe?

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but there is an edit.

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Speaker 1: Let's get we read on.

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Speaker 3: I read through the comments, good and bad, and I've

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Speaker 3: scheduled an appointment with the hospital to get some counseling

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Speaker 3: and therapy.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, but.

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Speaker 3: I know that alone isn't going to fix it. I

404
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Speaker 3: got a lot more things to work on, and just

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Speaker 3: because I do better, it doesn't mean all the wrongs

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Speaker 3: will go away. I've also spoken to her. She's also

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Speaker 3: fed up with it. Of course. She just simply wants

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Speaker 3: peace and for us to be a normal family, and

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Speaker 3: I've failed to give her even that. It starts by

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Speaker 3: actually doing I'm going to seek counseling and therapy. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to contribute my time to more meaningful things, and

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Speaker 3: I'm going to stop terrorizing my wife. Okay that's a

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Speaker 3: big word I feel, but you know it's thank you

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Speaker 3: all for helping even the most brutal comments. I'll update

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Speaker 3: again in time.

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Speaker 1: With the results of everything, and then I have it.

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Speaker 1: That is all. That's all. Wow.

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Speaker 3: Boy, oh boy, that just sounds like so stressful to

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Speaker 3: have that mindset.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like it's the wife because I really hope

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Speaker 1: this is not the case. Yeah, but I think sometimes

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Speaker 1: when you have like I've known people who have this

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Speaker 1: really negative mindset about them elves and hearing that all

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Speaker 1: the time and having to be the person who's like, no,

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Speaker 1: you're not. Yeah, it's exhausting. So I'm hoping he's not

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Speaker 1: putting this on his wife.

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Speaker 2: Mm.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's see, he's just putting it on Reddit. It's

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Speaker 1: just he's like, I talk, I'm wow, my husband is

430
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Speaker 1: depressed because his affair partner.

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Speaker 2: Dumped him A lot to tell you love man. Wow.

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Speaker 1: When my husband twenty nine male, and I twenty seven female,

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Speaker 1: decided to have a kid, I thought we had a

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Speaker 1: happy marriage and a financially stable future. My pregnancy was

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Speaker 1: high risk and with the health complications, I was going

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Speaker 1: to end up using a good chunk of my medical

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Speaker 1: leave before the kid was born, So we together decided

438
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 1: that I'd quit my job and be a stay at

439
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 1: home mom. For a few years and then go back

440
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,640
Speaker 1: into the workforce. By the way, this comes from emotional

441
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 1: Suffer on the r slash oaky storytime subreddit. So after

442
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 1: our son was born, I had PPD and severe anxiety.

443
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 1: I had complications in recovery and no help from my family.

444
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 1: I am low contact from my family, and my mother

445
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 1: in law has passed away and father in law has

446
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: no interest in helping. Ooh, so no supports stuff at all.

447
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 1: My husband expected me to be a full housewife as

448
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 1: soon as we got home with the baby and stopped

449
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 1: helping with anything home or baby related because it was

450
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: my job. Now. As soon as you got home with

451
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 1: the baby, he was like, we're back from Nashpittle, that's your.

452
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 2: Job, now figure it out. Oh wow.

453
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,120
Speaker 1: I was lucky to get involved with a mom's group

454
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,400
Speaker 1: that helped me a lot, because otherwise I was very

455
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: lonely unstressed. When our son was ten months old, I

456
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: saw some messages on my husband's phone indicating that he

457
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 1: was having an affair ten months after your son was born.

458
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,159
Speaker 3: My gosh, well your wife is doing all of the childcare.

459
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: Oh man. I don't know when it started, but a

460
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: lot of his working late was because of that. At

461
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 1: that time, my mental health was not good, and I

462
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 1: became scared that he'd divorced me and take my baby.

463
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,959
Speaker 1: My reaction wasn't even anger at him. It was as

464
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 1: if my love for him had disappeared and was replaced

465
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 1: by abject fear. I didn't confront him, and he didn't

466
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: realize that I knew. I ignored it and tried to

467
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,360
Speaker 1: deal with all my issues myself while living in constant

468
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: fear of getting kicked out without without my son. I

469
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 1: know that wasn't a reasonable assumption, and I have rights,

470
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 1: but I can't explain why my head was stuck in

471
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 1: that mode Back then. I moved into my son's room,

472
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: separated myself from my husband, but kept on being a

473
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 1: good stay at home mom. The sad thing is that

474
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,719
Speaker 1: he didn't even realize that I wasn't living in our

475
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 1: room anymore. He got home cooked meals, a clean house,

476
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: and got to play with our son whenever he was

477
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: home and didn't care about me at all. When our

478
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: son was two, I got a job and needed to

479
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: put him in daycare. My husband was opposed to that

480
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 1: because he liked how things were and wasn't willing to

481
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,439
Speaker 1: pay for it. Oh my god, I went ahead with

482
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: getting employed good and the majority of my paycheck goes

483
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,120
Speaker 1: to pay for the daycare. The rest is my car

484
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 1: payment and a very little bit for savings. Over the

485
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: last few weeks, my husband has been home more and

486
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 1: acting depressed, and I found out that his affair partner

487
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: has dumped him.

488
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 2: Oh boo freaking who poor thing.

489
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: Now he's acting like the past three years were normal

490
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: and wants intimacy and regular relations with him. I told

491
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 1: him that our marriage, that our relationship was over when

492
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: he stepped out of his marriage, and he can go

493
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 1: start a different affair if the first one didn't pan out.

494
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,160
Speaker 1: He got angry about that and accuse me of being

495
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 1: a cold hearted gold digger.

496
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, what you don't even want her to get

497
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:39,160
Speaker 2: a job.

498
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: She's like, she's like, you cheated on me, And he's like,

499
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 1: you're a gold.

500
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 2: Diggerlike like what, Oh my god?

501
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 1: He put me through agony and hell, and I am

502
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: here because I love my son and want to be

503
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,640
Speaker 1: with him every day, not fifty percent of custody, So

504
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 1: I am dealing. But he believes he's the wronged party here.

505
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 1: How does he figure that?

506
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 2: Yeah?

507
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 1: What I have become accustomed to the situation, and I

508
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: am okay with us living separately like roommates and raising

509
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,719
Speaker 1: our son. I don't care who he dates or loves

510
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: or f's If things change down the line where my

511
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: son is going to school and is less dependent on me,

512
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 1: or if I fall in love with someone, then yeah,

513
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 1: I'll file for divorce. If he wants a divorce, that's

514
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 1: okay too. I have consulted with a divorce lawyer already,

515
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: and I know I'll get half of the equity in

516
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,120
Speaker 1: our house, half of his boro one K, and either

517
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: child support or shared expenses into our son's needs period. Loness,

518
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: living in this house with our son is more convenient

519
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 1: for me Right now, he's arguing that because I didn't

520
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: say anything when I found out about the affair, I

521
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 1: have no right to bring it up now that it

522
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 1: is over. My parents agree with him. This is what

523
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 1: you're on limited contact. We've already established that you have

524
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: limited contact with your family.

525
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 2: This this makes sense.

526
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: Why and say that since I chose to ignore the

527
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 1: affair and has no bearing on a relationship.

528
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 2: Now, No, that is so not true.

529
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,360
Speaker 1: Not how that works. My husband wants to go into

530
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,400
Speaker 1: marriage counseling. But I don't see a point to that.

531
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 1: The only two options acceptable to me are the status

532
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 1: quo is as is or divorce. Does that make me

533
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: an a hole? And there is an update to finish

534
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 1: this story off. And but Angie will what's who's.

535
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 2: In the right here? It's pretty tricky, you know.

536
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 3: What, it's real, ster tell, I don't know if you

537
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 3: were not just you know hazard, I mean, like maybe ope,

538
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 3: he's not in the wrong.

539
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: I guess maybe she's right here. I know.

540
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 3: That's just that's so insane because it all happened ten

541
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 3: months after maybe it was born.

542
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: Well, like that's what we think. Well, that's that's what

543
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: she's that's when she found out been going on earlier

544
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 1: for sure, for sure, that's just what she found out.

545
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 3: But at that point, like when she's already dealing with

546
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 3: the baby all by herself and she has postpartum disorder

547
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 3: like that or depressed.

548
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 1: Like that gets you. It gets I've heard that gets

549
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: We've heard from secondary sources resources. Does that gets you?

550
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: That gets you? And for him to have the odd

551
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: and her parents to say that you should just get

552
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: over it. But also, I mean, I think she's being

553
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:29,719
Speaker 1: pretty forgiving and reasonable in this situation. You know what,

554
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 1: I am fine with just doing co parenting, living in

555
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: the same house, uh for the time being, or divorce,

556
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 1: whatever you want. But those are the situations. Yeah, Like

557
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: that's just crazy to think that.

558
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 3: Like like I'm like trying to see it from their perspective,

559
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 3: like maybe how they're explaining it, like they're definitely not

560
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 3: right like everyone else.

561
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 1: But it's like I.

562
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 3: Don't know, because it's like they're thinking, you know, oh, well,

563
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 3: if you've been fine this whole time, like you're okay

564
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 3: with it, But it's like, no, that's not what it means.

565
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: Does not mean I'm okay with it, just means I was.

566
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 3: Too emotionally distraught and taking care of a ten month

567
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 3: year old baby. Yeah, to a ten year old ten

568
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 3: month old, Like that's just so much to deal with.

569
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 2: You can't deal with that.

570
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like no, and oh he's not even Like the

571
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: thing is that they're saying, oh, you were fine with it.

572
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 1: Opie was never seeing her us, but she wasn't living

573
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: in the same room. She's just saying, let's keep doing

574
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,640
Speaker 1: what we've been doing. You can go date whoever you want.

575
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 1: We're just gonna live in the same house and parent

576
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: our child right. But then when the divorce comes she

577
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 1: gets that she excuse money.

578
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 2: Update.

579
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: We have been having NonStop arguments. I tried disengaging and

580
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: gray rocking, but that didn't help. He swings between love

581
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 1: bombing and being around all the time to yelling and

582
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 1: raging at me. Ugh, honestly, maybe we do we need

583
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 1: to divorce. I agreed to couples counseling no, with the

584
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: goal of having a better co parenting arrangement. There. He

585
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: told the counselor he still wants the marriage to work out.

586
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 1: We've had some proper organized discussions, so that was useful.

587
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: We were both asked to lay out our resentments. Mine

588
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: was the year's long affair. Obviously, I don't think anything

589
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: beyond that needs to be said. But of course there's

590
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 1: the neglect, the lack of help, the absence from home,

591
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 1: and that I have to pay for our son's daycare

592
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 1: without any contribution from him. His list of resentments were

593
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 1: a doozy. He says that I ruined his experience of

594
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: becoming a father because I was difficult and neurotic. I

595
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: have no words, that's crazy. My painful pregnancy and medical

596
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: complications were unnecessary drama to him. When we agreed that

597
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 1: I'd be a stay at home mom till our son

598
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 1: started school, he was envisioning a picture perfect home with

599
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 1: a beautiful wife and a child who caters to him.

600
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 2: He's like the.

601
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: Baby waits on behind and foot bring me a beer.

602
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: He's upset that reality was nothing like that, and is

603
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 1: convinced that I tricked him. He's a selfish, but he

604
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: was also encouraged and enabled by people around him who

605
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: talked this up, including my parents. I've always known that

606
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: my parents didn't love me much, but I have come

607
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: to realize that they resent me and look down on me.

608
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: That's a that's not a fun result other issue. The

609
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 1: first year of our son's life, he was a bit

610
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: sickly pre MEI and had acid reflux, so was clinging

611
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: to me. He resents me for that too. Now that

612
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: Soun's a healthy toddler that can run around and throw ball,

613
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: he's more interested in engaging with them. The whole thing

614
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: was a pretty painful exercise for me. I restarted my

615
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: own individual therapy. I had made myself numb to his actions.

616
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: I grew up that way, thankful to my thanks to

617
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 1: my neglectful parents and was ignoring issues to focus on

618
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 1: my son and my husband. But my husband did a

619
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: good job of opening up all the scabs. I learned

620
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 1: a lot more than I wanted to about his affair

621
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: partner too. You can learn a lot more about us

622
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: by joining us Live every week to add three PMPST

623
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: just to have her profile that I I am physically recovered,

624
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: lost a lot of weight ironically from stress, and look

625
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: well put together. I am good enough to be his

626
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 1: partner again. Anyway, I filed for divorce. Oh, yes, you're free. Yes,

627
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: I think it'll take a year and then some for

628
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: it to go through. I'll stay here and not move

629
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: out till we sell the house and to bite assets.

630
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story. But do

631
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: you have any closing thoughts for us?

632
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 3: I just I just want to talk because I talk.

633
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 3: I just want to talk to this man.

634
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: Because what who are you? Who are you? What is this?

635
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: How dare you?

636
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 3: How dare you? Thank God? Op, he is divorcing? Oh

637
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 3: my goodness, yes.

638
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: Because I mean, I mean it's it's admirable that she

639
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: was trying to live together just for co parenting. So yeah, yeah,

640
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: but you know, you got to protect your own mental

641
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 1: health and became parent effectively. If you're in an environment

642
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: where your husband is, you know, raging, pelling at you

643
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 1: and blaming everything on you, and blame is a fair

644
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 1: on you, right, I mean, like the fact that he

645
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: said that the distress, like that his mental health and

646
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 1: problems with pregnancy, and like.

647
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 3: The fact that she deprived him of like the fatherhood

648
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 3: experience when he wasn't even there there offering to do anything.

649
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 1: He didn't even notice she was gone when she moved

650
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: out of the room. So sad, crazy, Oh yeah, yo,

651
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.

652
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: Sam.

653
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's

654
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 1: three of us bads from our sponsors. My husband demanded

655
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: we open our relationship, then got another woman pregnant. That's

656
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: a pretty open relationshiph My husband and I have been

657
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: married for six years, together for eight. My husband, i'll

658
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: call him Eric, has always been a really intense person,

659
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: but he's a good man. When we got together, I

660
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 1: noticed he had a much higher spicy sleep drive than

661
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: I did. But I would usually have spicy sleep with

662
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 1: him when I wasn't in mood anyway, because I loved him.

663
00:31:55,960 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 1: He never vocalized any problems until somewhat recently. By the way,

664
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: this comes from specialist arm on the r slash shokey

665
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 1: Storytime severed it. I should also mention just before we

666
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: got married we talked about having kids. I'm indifferent to kids,

667
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: whereas he doesn't want them, so we agreed not to

668
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: have them. Over the last year, my spicy sleep drive

669
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: has been almost nonexistent. I've been checked by doctors and

670
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: they say nothing is wrong physically, but I should talk

671
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: to a therapist, which I haven't done yet. I haven't

672
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: even been able to just have spicy sleep with him

673
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: like I was doing about four months ago. He sat

674
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: me down and we talked about all of this, and

675
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: he said he needs spicy sleep, which I told him

676
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: I understood, but I can't give that to him right now.

677
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: We argued for a bit and he ended up sleeping

678
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: on the couch. In the morning, he suggested we open

679
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: the relationship. I was heartbroken. He explained that we either

680
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 1: give this a try or end the relationship, so I agreed.

681
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: We set boundaries. No bringing the person to our house ever,

682
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: no talking about it, always use protection and regularly get tested.

683
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: He agreed to all of this. I was actually surprised

684
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 1: how okay I was with this as the months moved on.

685
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: Even when he texts me that he's going to be late,

686
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: or when he kissed me and tell me he had

687
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: plans that night, it almost felt like a burden was

688
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 1: lifted from me. Well, yesterday, my husband sat me down

689
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: again and said he had something really difficult to tell me.

690
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: For the last couple of months. He's been seeing this

691
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: one girl and she's pregnant. I think I dissociated a

692
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: little bit because I heard him talking but couldn't understand

693
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: the words he was saying. When I came back to reality,

694
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: I asked if it was his and is she keeping it?

695
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 3: Yes?

696
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: And yes, and he plans on being in this child's

697
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,479
Speaker 1: life actively. WHOA I asked him who she was and

698
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 1: he told me it's someone I know not well, but

699
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: I do know who she is. I'm utterly heartbroken. I

700
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 1: haven't told family or friends yet. I asked him not to.

701
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: I asked him if he wants a divorce. He didn't

702
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 1: say no. He's basically leaving it up to me. So

703
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: I guess my question is do I cut my losses

704
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: and move on or give this marriage another try and

705
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: there is an update, but we can.

706
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 2: Talk a lot.

707
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 3: There was my goodness, boy, oh my goodness. I don't

708
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 3: even know where to start.

709
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 1: Well first, okay, first we have just opening up the marriage. Yes,

710
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: I I kind of am conflicted on this because on one,

711
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 1: on the one hand, you should only you know, an

712
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 1: open marriage should be kind of both people being enthusiastic

713
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 1: about the decision, right. But I also understand that when

714
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 1: you have kind of a spicy sleep, like incompatibility, it

715
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 1: can make a relationship very hard and it doesn't make

716
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:43,240
Speaker 1: one person more right than the other. And it seems

717
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 1: like she was, you know, trying to fix that for

718
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: or not fix it, but like trying to increase her

719
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 1: drive for like a year, oh wow, or like at

720
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 1: least a couple of months, right, right, right, So at

721
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 1: that point, if if if she I mean like she

722
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 1: shouldn't be forced to have spicy sleep if she does not, Right, So,

723
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 1: I feel like, if you have that incompatibility, it's it's

724
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 1: maybe time to think about ending the relationship. Yeah, I

725
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 1: guess so. Yeah, But but then they had at no

726
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 1: but relationship they didn't and they.

727
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:23,720
Speaker 3: It someone's pregnant, someone that she knows that's really hard.

728
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: And they had a lot of it seems like they

729
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 1: had a lot of rules, but a lot of rules,

730
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: a lot of rules, but one of them that that

731
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 1: shocked me.

732
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 3: It was like normal things like never come over in

733
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 3: the uncertain days and then we don't talk about it.

734
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 3: Like that seemed so weird to me. They just like

735
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 3: slipped that one in there.

736
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 4: Well, I feel like that might have been I mean,

737
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 4: I'm guessing, but it might have been her rule of

738
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 4: like I you know, I don't want to I don't

739
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 4: want this open relationship, so I don't want to hear

740
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 4: about it. Yeah, Like I could see that. I could

741
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 4: see that where it's like I don't want to know details,

742
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 4: but I feel like you should still be able to

743
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 4: like have conversations about about it just the fact that

744
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 4: you're relationship is open.

745
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: I do like you got to have communication. No, I

746
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 1: think that if you're not communicating like as much as

747
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,879
Speaker 1: possible during an open relationship, it's not going to end

748
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 1: well as seen here. Yeah, yeah, I think honestly, when

749
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,720
Speaker 1: he broached the open relationship, I think that they should

750
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 1: have divorced.

751
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:20,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

752
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, it kind of seems to be the theme in

753
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 3: like any relationship, like any open relationship.

754
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I I do think that open relationships obviously.

755
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 1: I mean open relationships are very different from like polyamorous relationship, true,

756
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: which can be very very successful, right. I think open

757
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 1: relationships it's a little bit harder because they often come

758
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 1: at a point where your relationship is the weakest. Yeah.

759
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 3: I think if it started as an open relationship would

760
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:49,720
Speaker 3: have a lot less problems, yeah, than it came through.

761
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, when they were especially when they were at their

762
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 1: lowest point of the relationships week already. Yeah yeah, yeah,

763
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 1: but there is an update.

764
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,280
Speaker 2: We're getting into shocking shock.

765
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: He came home yesterday afternoon and we had a long,

766
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: very emotional talk. I asked him questions that I never

767
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 1: asked when he told me she was pregnant. He admitted

768
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 1: to not using protection. That is that is an open marriage. No, no, yeah,

769
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,759
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Come on doing? He says he

770
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 1: never slept with her before we opened the relationship, but

771
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: he did kiss her, so heje did. Wow, this guy.

772
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 3: Sucks and this is why he probably wanted it really Yeah,

773
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,720
Speaker 3: for that she knows.

774
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

775
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:34,839
Speaker 3: Uh.

776
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: He said she's the only one he slept with. He

777
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: said the night before he gave me the open or

778
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 1: divorce ultimatum when we argued about spicy sleep was a

779
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,320
Speaker 1: last ditch effort to get me to work on things.

780
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:46,800
Speaker 1: He admitted that he should have just asked for a

781
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: divorce instead of asking to open the relationship, which I

782
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: think is true. Yeah, because op like, was you know,

783
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 1: going to these therapists or not therapists, but was going

784
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: to doctors and stuff. But you know, it also could

785
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: be that it's not something that needs to be fixed.

786
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: You know, it could just be it's just you know,

787
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 1: you went different times in your life, right. He also said,

788
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,280
Speaker 1: I share some of the blame in this marriage falling apart,

789
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,280
Speaker 1: which I agree with. I asked him if he remembers

790
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: if I was always like this. He said, in the

791
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: first one to three years of our relationship, I was

792
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: enthusiastic about having spicy sleep, even if my spicy sleep

793
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: drive was low. He admitted he hasn't been in love

794
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: with me for a while, and he is in love

795
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: with this other woman.

796
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 3: WHOA, that's that's a whole other issue, so hard to hear.

797
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, and now he's starting a family with her. Oh.

798
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: I asked why he suddenly wants kids. He said he

799
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,359
Speaker 1: slowly changed his mind about kids over the years, but

800
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:46,320
Speaker 1: never said anything because our relationship has been so broken

801
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,320
Speaker 1: that it wouldn't have mattered. Oh my gosh, over years.

802
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 1: That is on if he did not communicate that, that

803
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 1: is a like, that's yeah, that's part of his partially

804
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 1: his fault, right. He thinks I didn't go to therapy

805
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: because of my parents. They're very conservative and religious and

806
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 1: believe if you pray hard enough, God will give you

807
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: the answer, and he thinks I subconsciously have an aversion

808
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: to therapy because of them. I asked him, if he

809
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: hasn't been in love with me for a while, why

810
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 1: not divorce me? When he realized that exactly, he told

811
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: me he loves me, and he was in love with

812
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: me once and he wanted to make his marriage work.

813
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,479
Speaker 1: When he kissed her, he realized it was probably too late,

814
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: but said there was a part of him that didn't

815
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: want to leave me. He never expected to fall in

816
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: love with her. He asked me if I was still

817
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: in love with him, and I said I didn't know.

818
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you've thrown so much at her over the

819
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: past four months, and now this she's like, that's a lot, right,

820
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: he said that probably means no. We agree to divorce

821
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: is the best thing we can do for ourselves and

822
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: each other. We also agreed to make the divorce as

823
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 1: painless as possible. I want to sell the house. He

824
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: agreed and said he'll move out. In the meantime. He said,

825
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: whatever he doesn't take with him, I can keep or sell.

826
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 1: We didn't talk about alimony or any I let my

827
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 1: lawyer and his lawyer deal with that. But I'm not

828
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: sure I am I'm entitled to it since I work

829
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 1: a decent job, and from what I've heard in my state,

830
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,359
Speaker 1: that might be enough for a judge to say no.

831
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: And there is a little bit more to the story

832
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: to finish it off. But what are your final final

833
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: thoughts on this?

834
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 3: I just like, I know this has been happening for

835
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 3: like four months, but it feels like this is all

836
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 3: just crashing down on her runs. That's like a lot

837
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 3: of information to process, I think.

838
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: I mean, it may the open marriage has been happening

839
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 1: for months, but all of the reasoning behind him is

840
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 1: just you know, like just getting that right, like his

841
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 1: actual feelings on it and this other woman and having kids,

842
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 1: like all of it. It's just it's all change and

843
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 1: she hasn't known about it. No, And I think that,

844
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 1: like op is part of the reason that their relationship

845
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,359
Speaker 1: didn't work. But for him to say it's her fault

846
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: when he didn't bring any of this up when he

847
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: was feeling it years ago and that he wasn't in

848
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: love with her is kind of Yeah, I don't love

849
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: I don't love that.

850
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, or even just like using it as an excuse. Yeah,

851
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 3: it's like cheat on your wife.

852
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then like break all of the rules that

853
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 1: you had in the open marriage. Yeah. I think that

854
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 1: if you are feeling like you were falling out of

855
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 1: love with someone, or if there's something going on in

856
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: your marriage, bring it up. Yes, either you know, break up,

857
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 1: divorce or try and work on it marriage counseling. But

858
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 1: don't just you know, don't just push.

859
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 3: It down until it blows up, right, I mean, especially

860
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 3: if it's been happening for years.

861
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 1: Yeah too. No, the Year's thing is crazy, it's crazy.

862
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what else is crazy?

863
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: Yeah? You can join us live on YouTube every week

864
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: to at three pm PSD.

865
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 2: Just half our profile. No way, here we go.

866
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: I feel pretty numb right now. I don't think I

867
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 1: have the energy to cry anymore. I still haven't told anyone.

868
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 1: He said he'll wait to tell people until we got

869
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 1: lawyers involved, because it's going to be a mess with

870
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 1: family and friends once they find out. Anyway, that's all.

871
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: He's gone, and I'm laying in bed still processing everything.

872
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Surprisingly I don't hate him. I'm not mad.

873
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 1: I made a promise to myself to contact a therapist

874
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 1: on Monday, and I'm holding myself to that this time.

875
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: I want to thank everyone for the advice, as harsh

876
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 1: as some of it was, and just you know, closing thought,

877
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,319
Speaker 1: there is a chance that Op is asexual or on

878
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: that spectrum, in which case, you know, she I hope

879
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: that she finds a partner who matches that right because

880
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 1: you know, maybe this person just wasn't right for you,

881
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,959
Speaker 1: which it seems like he wasn't. Yeah, they didn't match

882
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 1: each other's freak.

883
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 3: They didn't match each other's free I want to give

884
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 3: my coworker an expensive gift, but my husband forbid me.

885
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 1: Well, your husband's mean what a mean? I'll just jump

886
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 1: right into this.

887
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 3: We'll pretend my husband's name is Jared, my coworker's name

888
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,240
Speaker 3: is Russell. My husband, Jared, and I both all work together.

889
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 3: I was trained by Russell when I started, and you've

890
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 3: become good friends. I'm aware that we're both heterosexual and

891
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,359
Speaker 3: of the opposite sex, but I mean that we are

892
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 3: strictly work friends profession that's all.

893
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: We don't hang out outside of work at all and

894
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: never have.

895
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,720
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from you slash husband's gift

896
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 3: on the r slash Okay story time sub read it.

897
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 3: So been out of training for a while now, but

898
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 3: since getting married, Russell has done a ton for me

899
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 3: job wise. He keeps a good lookout for positions and

900
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 3: will recommend me to higher ups. I've since gained a

901
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 3: position where I've moved up a bit, which I'm thrilled about.

902
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 3: Six months ago, my husband and I got married and

903
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 3: got tons of wedding gifts, which is great. We did

904
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,840
Speaker 3: happen to receive two coffee makers, though bummer.

905
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:49,760
Speaker 1: Bummery he too present what the list is for right.

906
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 3: One is the fancy type that grinds or beans for

907
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 3: you and then makes your coffee. We kept this one

908
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 3: and use it every day. And the other is a

909
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 3: key rig that my aunt. I hate to say it,

910
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,800
Speaker 3: but I really hate your eggs. All right, they're incredibly

911
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 3: wasteful and the coffee isn't fresh. I didn't receive a

912
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 3: gift receipt with this one, and it wasn't even on

913
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 3: my registry. I'm not complaining, just making it apparent that

914
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:13,280
Speaker 3: I didn't even.

915
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: Ask or want this. All right, we get it.

916
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 3: Well, it's been six months and Jared and I haven't

917
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 3: even opened the box. I've brought it up that we

918
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 3: should donate it since it's worth over one hundred dollars,

919
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 3: but he keeps shooting down that idea. He mentioned selling

920
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 3: it on Craigslist, which I've said is fine, but of

921
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:31,399
Speaker 3: course he never gets around to it.

922
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: Procrastinator's like me.

923
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 3: The other day at work, Russell mentioned that he is

924
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,320
Speaker 3: going to buy a coffee maker because he doesn't have one.

925
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: I let him know that I.

926
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 3: Had one I wasn't even using and he could probably

927
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 3: have it, and that I had to talk to my

928
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 3: husband about it first.

929
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 1: Okay, little regifting action going on.

930
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 3: I'll just admit that I shouldn't have offered this without

931
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 3: talking to Jared, but I didn't really think about it,

932
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 3: as I consider Russell a friend.

933
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: At this point.

934
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 3: Well, I bring it up to my husband that we

935
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 3: could give ushold this as a Christmas gift, and he

936
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 3: shoots it down immediately. I'm super confused and ask him

937
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 3: why it's sitting and collecting dusts, but he says that

938
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 3: it's worth over one hundred dollars and that is an

939
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,240
Speaker 3: outrageous gift to give someone.

940
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: Okay, but you didn't buy it.

941
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 3: Exactly is It's like it's worth of one hundred dollars

942
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 3: but you didn't buy it, right right? I explained to

943
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 3: him that it's kind of perfect. We don't need it

944
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 3: or want it, and someone else that has been really

945
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 3: helpful to me needs a coffee maker read it. What

946
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 3: the heck do I do? I don't want to argue

947
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,319
Speaker 3: with my husband about this, but I feel like he's

948
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 3: being totally unreasonable. What do we think?

949
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 1: And there are there any relevant comments or an update?

950
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:44,720
Speaker 3: There's three edits excellent update and some relevant comments.

951
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 1: All right, well we'll get into those, but first we'll chat. Yeah,

952
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 1: I ah, I think you should give the curing to

953
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: your friend. I feel like it doesn't matter. I also

954
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 1: feel like it's so I understand in some way how

955
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: it looks to give a really expensive, you know, gift

956
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: to maybe you know, like an opposite sex friend. However,

957
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: especially in a workplace, if you have kind of a mentor,

958
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 1: maybe maybe he's not a mentor, but like helpful friend,

959
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 1: helpful friend who's you know, really made a lot of

960
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, helped you through the workplace, right, I

961
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: think it makes a lot of sense to give a

962
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: really nice gift. I mean, my mom has done that

963
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: for and my dad has done that for colleagues who

964
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,400
Speaker 1: were helpful. So I don't know, I think that I

965
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 1: think Jared's overreacting. Me. I agree, because I feel.

966
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 3: Like if you don't want to send a signal to

967
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 3: Robert was it the coworker Russell?

968
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 1: Russell never minds her.

969
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 3: If you don't want to send like a message to Russell,

970
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 3: if that's what Jared's afraid of, then like you could

971
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,720
Speaker 3: just say like, ah, we just had this for a while.

972
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 3: I we never used it, so here you go. You

973
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 3: know what I mean, you're kind of undercutting your gift

974
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:58,360
Speaker 3: just a little. Yeah, exactly.

975
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,359
Speaker 1: But I also think it's so normal to give get

976
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: like get nice gifts in a work you know situation.

977
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: It totally was related in scenario, right, And.

978
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 3: I mean, like Jared's a coworker too, like they all

979
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 3: work together, all work together, everyone knows each other.

980
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: It'll be from both of you.

981
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 3: That's another thing that's not gonna send signals. It's from

982
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 3: both of you, like come on, come on. So yeah,

983
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 3: now there's three edits. So the first one. I'd also

984
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 3: like to add that nothing is going on with Russell,

985
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 3: and my husband knows this.

986
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 1: Between Russell and my husband, all your comments, I could

987
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: picture them now.

988
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 3: He lived together, work together, et cetera, husband and op.

989
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 3: He would know if I were cheating, but he also

990
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 3: knows that I never would.

991
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 1: All right, that's number one. Number two edit.

992
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 3: I would also like to add that last month, while

993
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 3: I was going through our list of Christmas gifts, I

994
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,839
Speaker 3: was trying to find people to regift this too, But

995
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 3: everyone I know either already has a car, egg or

996
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 3: a coffee maker already. The third edit says, my husband

997
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,799
Speaker 3: and I are in an open relationship. We have very

998
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: healthy relationship where we are not jealous of others and

999
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 3: views spicy sleep as something that we can enjoy outside

1000
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 3: of marriage. I would, never, however, mess this up by

1001
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 3: sleeping with someone at work.

1002
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 1: We'd so they already have like an open marriage and

1003
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: really healthy views around Yeah, like going outside of their

1004
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:26,760
Speaker 1: own relationships.

1005
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 2: So I don't know why.

1006
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it would be jealous when it's not. That's not

1007
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 1: even what's happening, right.

1008
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 3: It does say that open relationships are not a free

1009
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:34,839
Speaker 3: for all.

1010
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 1: Coworkers in this case are off limits.

1011
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 3: My husband also has a work friend who is a

1012
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 3: female that he will give gifts to and talk to often.

1013
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so what's up the double standard? Yeah?

1014
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 3: So like, yes, coworkers are off limits to spicy sleep. Yeah,

1015
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 3: but you can give gifts to coworkers but op, he

1016
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 3: can't double standards out like it.

1017
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 1: But there is an update posted this yesterday while at work.

1018
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,879
Speaker 3: I actually talked to my husband yesterday after work about

1019
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:05,240
Speaker 3: the whole thing, but I haven't.

1020
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: I've had quite a few responses since then. When Jared

1021
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:08,839
Speaker 1: and I.

1022
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 3: Got home from Mark, I told him I wanted to

1023
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,280
Speaker 3: talk to him again about the curegg thing. He said sure,

1024
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,839
Speaker 3: So we sat down on the couch and I let

1025
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 3: him know that he's a procrastinator, call him out communication.

1026
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 3: I told him I loved him no matter what, but

1027
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 3: that he puts things off like crazy. We have an

1028
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 3: entire dresser drawer full of electronic items he says he'll

1029
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 3: sell on Craigslist, but never does.

1030
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 1: My husband looked so sad.

1031
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 3: He doesn't like admitting his laws, but agreed that he

1032
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 3: does put things off too much. So my husband agreed

1033
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 3: it would be best to give the curegg to Russell.

1034
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: Okay, go, proper communication, go. Yeah.

1035
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 3: We wrapped it up and then we actually all hung

1036
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 3: out last night so we could give him the cureg

1037
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 3: Russell also happens to be an artist, and since we

1038
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 3: have no art on our walls we just recently moved,

1039
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 3: then he's going to make us something.

1040
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 1: Oh my god, and a gift anymore, it's a trade exactly.

1041
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 3: Even better, Jared looked at some of the stuff Russell

1042
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 3: has done and he thought it was.

1043
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: Actually really good. Period. Guess fine, this is fine, this

1044
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: is cool. Yeah he kicks a rock, Yeah exactly. Jared

1045
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: and I also made a new agreement.

1046
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 3: If we have an item like clothing or electronics or

1047
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 3: whatever that we have not used in six months, it's

1048
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 3: going to Goodwill or charity, no questions asked. As I

1049
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 3: commented in my original post, I used to have a

1050
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 3: very severe obsessive compulsive disorder. It has since gotten better,

1051
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 3: but every day is a battle. I don't like clutter

1052
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 3: in our home, but my husband is a bit of

1053
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 3: a pack rat, so six months time is our solution.

1054
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 3: It lets me keep the clutter away, but I also

1055
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,359
Speaker 3: don't have the ability to go overboard and throw things

1056
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 3: away like I used to.

1057
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:51,879
Speaker 1: This is lovely, so.

1058
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 3: You know what a healthy relationship, right, So I'm extremely

1059
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 3: happy that my husband and I are able to address

1060
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 3: the clutter, which really was a huge.

1061
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 1: And also give something to Russell to say thank you.

1062
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 3: And yes, my husband genuinely was on board with Russell

1063
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 3: taking the Cure Egg from us.

1064
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: It's a kind of win win for everyone. That's the

1065
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,760
Speaker 1: end of the update. But there are some relevant comments.

1066
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: I love this. This is so positive. I don't have

1067
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 1: any suggestions. I feel like they figured it out.

1068
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 3: So for the relevant comments, cnd redditor says, it's not

1069
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:26,800
Speaker 3: about the Cure Egg, it's about Russell. But ope, he responded, yeah,

1070
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:28,920
Speaker 3: that's what I figured. I'm not sure if he's jealous

1071
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 3: or something, but he has.

1072
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 1: No reason to be.

1073
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 3: By the way, you can join us live on YouTube

1074
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:36,880
Speaker 3: every weekday at three pm PST.

1075
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 2: Just tap our profile.

1076
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 3: Never have to be jealous, never have to be jealous,

1077
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 3: because we'll hang out.

1078
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 2: We're here for you.

1079
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 3: Flighty Twitey says, you're hubby exactly how helpful the coworker

1080
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 3: has been to you, like with explicit examples. Point out

1081
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 3: that you had already decided to give the coworker a

1082
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:02,280
Speaker 3: gift costing X point out that said Kregg is essentially

1083
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 3: a regift that will cost you nothing. But after all that,

1084
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 3: if he still doesn't see a reason I would drop it.

1085
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 3: No reason to die on this hill. It does strike

1086
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:14,800
Speaker 3: me as ungenerous, though. I mean, I'm in the uncluttering

1087
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 3: phase of life, and that Kreig would have gone to

1088
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,240
Speaker 3: Goodwill six months ago.

1089
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,720
Speaker 1: Well, then that is the end of the story.

1090
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1091
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like those commenters may have commented before

1092
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:27,359
Speaker 1: they read the update. Hope he didn't even need it.

1093
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: Opie's got it locked down. Yeah, gotta figure it out.

1094
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have no advice for OPI you're doing great,

1095
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:35,359
Speaker 3: and I.

1096
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: Hope Russell likes his curic. Yeah, me too.

1097
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 3: And Jared, good job, you're working on nice yourself. Everyone's

1098
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:43,800
Speaker 3: a winner.

1099
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1100
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:48,959
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

1101
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:52,839
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors. My husband insisted we

1102
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: open our marriage. We did, and I found someone better.

1103
00:52:56,360 --> 00:53:00,760
Speaker 1: Oh that's how the cookie crumbles. My husband, Leo thirty

1104
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 1: four male, and I thirty female, have been together for

1105
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 1: seven years, married for four of them. We don't have

1106
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:09,359
Speaker 1: any kids and we don't intend to. Two years ago,

1107
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 1: Leo asked me for an open marriage. I was devastated.

1108
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 2: At the time.

1109
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 1: I couldn't understand why he didn't just want me. I

1110
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 1: couldn't even comprehend the idea of sharing him either. He

1111
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 1: gave me the same song and dance a lot of

1112
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: men give their spouses. Swore up and down that he

1113
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: loved me. I just wasn't fulfilling his needs. He needed

1114
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 1: more than what I could give. It was just to

1115
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: spice up our life. It was just spicy sleep, etcetera, etcetera.

1116
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,239
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Throwaway four, three, seven, eight, nine,

1117
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 1: and three on the Best of Redditor updates subrittit. So

1118
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 1: I did ask if there was someone else.

1119
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 2: He said no.

1120
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 1: To this day, I'm not sure if I believed him,

1121
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 1: But at the time I was angry and hurt and

1122
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 1: said no. He pestered me to change my mind for

1123
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: a week before giving me an ultimatum open marriage or divorce.

1124
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 1: That's not a good sign. Wow, I chose the open marriage.

1125
00:54:05,320 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 1: I just couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me

1126
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:09,799
Speaker 1: at the time. We have rules. We can't bring any

1127
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:12,919
Speaker 1: partners home. We have to get tested for SDDS every

1128
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 1: three months. One weekeet out of the month must be

1129
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 1: left free for us time. Any money we spent on

1130
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 1: slash with our partners must come from our personal accounts.

1131
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: I didn't partake in the open marriage myself for the

1132
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 1: first three months. Leo obviously did right away. He seemed

1133
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 1: to be gone or out late almost all the time,

1134
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: but he always acted so happy and loving towards me,

1135
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 1: while I felt like I was dying inside. This is

1136
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 1: I think you just have to divorce. Yeah, this is

1137
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:40,719
Speaker 1: really sad.

1138
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 3: This isn't saving the marriage, like it makes sense that

1139
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 3: you found someone better. Honestly, it killed me to think

1140
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 3: he was sleeping with other women, and I felt so

1141
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:51,160
Speaker 3: lonely and unattractive and not good enough.

1142
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:56,040
Speaker 1: That's so small. I told my sister Katie twenty six female,

1143
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 1: and a few close friends everything. Katie told me to

1144
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,840
Speaker 1: just play his game and be part of the open

1145
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 1: marriage too. If he can sleep around, so could I.

1146
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 1: I honestly didn't have much confidence in myself at the time.

1147
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,720
Speaker 1: I'm a bit overweight and I've never considered myself conventionally pretty.

1148
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 1: I was afraid this would just humiliate me further. Katie

1149
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: and my best friend Jesse thirty female set up my

1150
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:22,360
Speaker 1: online dating profiles for me, and I got so many

1151
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 1: matches that it was overwhelming. Yeah, you did, commodity. You

1152
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:34,799
Speaker 1: need this trash yo man. Yeah. When I told Leo,

1153
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 1: he was surprised but told me to do whatever I

1154
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 1: thought was best. Why is he surprised? Does he not? Wait?

1155
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 1: Is how hot you are? Yeah?

1156
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 2: Hello?

1157
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,520
Speaker 1: Jesse helped me choose my first date and I actually

1158
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 1: had a great time. He didn't pressure me for spicy

1159
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: sleep and took me out to drinks and dinner. We

1160
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,279
Speaker 1: did have spicy sleep eventually, but it was all just

1161
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 1: casual and we didn't see each other. After a couple

1162
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 1: months of casual dating. The first guy really made me

1163
00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 1: feel more confident in myself, so I kept going on

1164
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 1: dates with men. A lot of them wanted to treat me,

1165
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,479
Speaker 1: so I didn't have to spend much of my own money.

1166
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 1: Ough amazing positives. Yeah, not only that, but some of

1167
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 1: the men have given me the best spicy sleep I

1168
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 1: have ever had in my life. Take that, Leo.

1169
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:20,840
Speaker 2: You need to know Leo.

1170
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 1: Almost like the kind of spicy sleep you read in

1171
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: romance novels. It's been amazing. I am currently seeing two

1172
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 1: different men alongside Leo. One Mark thirty eight male is

1173
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,080
Speaker 1: more of a steady boyfriend I've been with for about

1174
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: six months, and the one, Steven twenty five mail is

1175
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,920
Speaker 1: very casual and mostly just hanging out in spicy sleep.

1176
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 1: They know about my open marriage slash other relationships and

1177
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:48,080
Speaker 1: are fine with it. My husband has not been so

1178
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:52,279
Speaker 1: lucky ooh, because he has a bad personality. Wow. In

1179
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:54,880
Speaker 1: the beginning, he definitely was. He was always out and

1180
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 1: about and didn't seem to care even when I started

1181
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 1: dating too. But now he just complains a lot and

1182
00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 1: hasn't been going out much. He whinds about how he's

1183
00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:05,879
Speaker 1: usually the one spending money. A lot of the women

1184
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 1: he tries to be with want an emotional connection before

1185
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 1: spicy sleep. I mean, it's usually how it goes, Oh, buddy.

1186
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:17,000
Speaker 1: He often wants to be with younger women, but they

1187
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 1: want younger men. He's also been upset that I go

1188
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 1: out with the random guys so often while he's at

1189
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 1: home alone all the time. He's just mad that he

1190
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,919
Speaker 1: can't do it. He hasn't asked to close the marriage yet,

1191
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 1: but I feel like he will soon. He keeps saying

1192
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 1: he misses us and wants to spend more time together.

1193
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 1: He tried to initiate Spicy Sleep a lot more too.

1194
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:40,720
Speaker 1: He wants to go on dates and go on vacations

1195
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 1: and all that stuff more and more, and he gets

1196
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:45,520
Speaker 1: upset when I tell him I can't because I've already

1197
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 1: scheduled to do stuff with my partners mostly smart up.

1198
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 1: That's so good?

1199
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 2: Oh mad?

1200
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 1: Ohpi, he's busy, Opie's get a packed calendar. Yeah. Honestly,

1201
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 1: I don't think I love Leo anymore. I care about,

1202
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 1: but I just don't love him. I'm not saying I

1203
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 1: love Mark or Steven, but I honestly feel closer to

1204
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 1: Mark nowadays than I do Leo. Mark makes me feel

1205
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 1: comfortable and safe, and I love spending time with him

1206
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 1: more than my own husband. Steven is funny and sweet

1207
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:21,919
Speaker 1: and really good at spicy sleep. That's the casual relationship. Right.

1208
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 1: I think Mark is the serious one and Steven is

1209
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: the casual one. Yeah, Katie and Jesse have been wanting

1210
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:30,320
Speaker 1: me to divorce for a year, but I was afraid

1211
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: of hurting him and thought I still loved him. But

1212
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 1: I think my love for him died when he asked

1213
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 1: for this open marriage in the first place. Seeing him

1214
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 1: get all pissy about it now just because he's not

1215
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 1: benefiting from it is also a turn off for me too.

1216
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 1: But I don't know if divorce is the best option.

1217
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,880
Speaker 1: I still care about him and I still don't want

1218
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 1: to hurt him. Maybe if he finally asked to close

1219
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 1: the marriage, we can talk about it then. And there

1220
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 1: are some relevant comments and an update. So this story

1221
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 1: is not This story is not over. Boy, oh boy,

1222
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 1: There's more to this story. But let's let's chat. What

1223
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 1: do you think oh should do?

1224
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 3: I think she should just go off living her best

1225
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 3: life with Steven and Mark, Steven and Mark, Stephen and Mark.

1226
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 1: I think she needs to drop the dead weight because

1227
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 1: he doesn't care about her feelings. He just feels inadequate

1228
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 1: because he's not getting the same amount of partners that

1229
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 1: she is. And now he's like, I'm jealous. You have

1230
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:32,080
Speaker 1: to stop, right, She's stupid because you don't like him anyway.

1231
00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:33,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like he doesn't want it to be an

1232
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:37,919
Speaker 3: open relationship because he can't, yeah, anymore. Exactly, it has

1233
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 3: to close it because he's not getting anything else.

1234
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 1: And also, I just feel like you've already kind of

1235
00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: moved on from him, So I think it's just time

1236
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 1: to yeah, officially, just out of there. You've got some

1237
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 1: other better options, god Mark and Steven, and Mark is

1238
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 1: looking pretty pretty good. Yeah. Bent Bent twelve says, divorce agreed.

1239
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,080
Speaker 1: You're happy, You're happier without him. He would only want

1240
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 1: to close the marriage because he can't get laid, not

1241
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 1: that he only loves you. Opie says, we've just been

1242
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 1: together for so long that the idea of him not

1243
01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 1: being there feels weird, which sounds stupid since I have

1244
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 1: two other partners, so it's not like I'll be lonely.

1245
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 1: But Leo is a part of my life for so

1246
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 1: long that for him to not be there just doesn't

1247
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:24,080
Speaker 1: feel right. But you're probably right. Yeah. I think they've

1248
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,560
Speaker 1: been together for seven seven years, yeah, and married for four.

1249
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:29,800
Speaker 1: That's a big change. Yeah, that is a big change,

1250
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 1: big loss. Yeah, Opi on her husband dismissing her feelings

1251
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 1: regarding the open marriage. Opie says, I really do think

1252
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: Leo does love me in his own way. Even when

1253
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 1: he was more active in the open marriage, he still

1254
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 1: made time for me and still did a lot with

1255
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 1: him slash for me. But you're probably right on the divorce.

1256
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:50,000
Speaker 1: J Palm says, part of the issue is the main

1257
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 1: relationship is supposed to be the most important one, So

1258
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:57,320
Speaker 1: the whole one weekend a month for us time wasn't enough. Yeah,

1259
01:00:57,360 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 1: it seems like he was just out all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1260
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 1: I don't think one weekend a month is enough to

1261
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:04,919
Speaker 1: maintain a healthy relationship.

1262
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,480
Speaker 3: I know, I was wondering that when she was like

1263
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 3: talking about her little adventures, like when I don't know,

1264
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 3: that just feels like weird, Like how do you go

1265
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 3: back to your husband that you have this open relationship

1266
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:17,880
Speaker 3: with and like act normal.

1267
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't know. I mean, like, I think

1268
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:22,880
Speaker 1: that open relationships can work for people, But I think

1269
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 1: that if you want to maintain if you have like

1270
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 1: a base partner, yeah yeah, default, Yeah, if you have

1271
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:31,360
Speaker 1: your default partner, you need to spend a lot of

1272
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 1: time tending to that relationship so that it doesn't kind

1273
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,200
Speaker 1: of fade away, right yeah, which is not what that

1274
01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 1: makes sense? That makes sense, Opie says. I actually did

1275
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:42,640
Speaker 1: argue that in the beginning, but he insisted that he

1276
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 1: needs to keep his weekends free. He did spend a

1277
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 1: lot of time at home during the weekdays, so in

1278
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,200
Speaker 1: his mind that made up for it. Opportunity to Calm says,

1279
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 1: what if he finds evidence of your open marriage and

1280
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:55,440
Speaker 1: frames you as a cheater and then brings you to

1281
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:58,439
Speaker 1: the cleaners? What at this point, I wouldn't trust Leo.

1282
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 1: What your experience is normalcy. You're used to his presence

1283
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 1: in your life, But how long are you going to

1284
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 1: live like this? Opie says. Jesse had the same train

1285
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 1: of thought as you, and actually took screenshots of his

1286
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:14,120
Speaker 1: dating profiles during the beginning of the open marriage. She

1287
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 1: also told me to save screenshots of any text we

1288
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:19,120
Speaker 1: had about the open marriage. I don't think Leo would

1289
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 1: ever do that, but I also didn't think he'd ever

1290
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 1: asked for an open marriage, So what do I know?

1291
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 1: That's an A plus friend, right, Yeah, so I think

1292
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:28,440
Speaker 1: it's awesome. What she was saying is make sure you

1293
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 1: have evidence that he asked for the open marriage, right,

1294
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 1: and that you both agree to it, so we can't

1295
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,320
Speaker 1: like go back to your partners and say, like, she.

1296
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 2: Is cheating on me, what are you doing?

1297
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:38,720
Speaker 3: And I think like if they got a divorce, then

1298
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:42,240
Speaker 3: they can't say anything about like adults exactly, there's no infidelity.

1299
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:44,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's very smart to have a paper trail.

1300
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:48,920
Speaker 1: Get your real smart friends. Yeah, there is an update.

1301
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think Opie's got like, I don't think

1302
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 1: that she'll be lacking if she left Leo. Yeah, she

1303
01:02:55,440 --> 01:03:00,160
Speaker 1: got her friends, She's got Steven and yeah, Mark. I

1304
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:03,320
Speaker 1: think it'll be weird, yeah, because it's a weird situation.

1305
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:07,439
Speaker 1: But she'll be good, yes, be bad. She'll follow me, yeah,

1306
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:10,640
Speaker 1: right on her feet. Yeah, but there's an update. Hi everyone,

1307
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:13,600
Speaker 1: I got so many comments and messages on my last post,

1308
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 1: which got deleted for some reason that I was a

1309
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 1: bit overwhelmed, especially when a lot of you kept saying

1310
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:24,560
Speaker 1: the same thing, divorce, divorce, divorce. Agreed. Yeah, but the

1311
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 1: thing is, I think a part of me does still

1312
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:28,720
Speaker 1: love my husband. I know in my last post that

1313
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:31,160
Speaker 1: I didn't think I loved him anymore, but I can't

1314
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:33,440
Speaker 1: just forget about the things that I do love. I

1315
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 1: love when he sings in the shower. I love when

1316
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:38,320
Speaker 1: he laughs so hard he snorts. I love when he

1317
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,880
Speaker 1: kisses my forehead when I've had a bad day. I

1318
01:03:40,880 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 1: love when he holds my hand when when we watch

1319
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:46,640
Speaker 1: TV together. Leo has done a lot of crappy things,

1320
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:48,959
Speaker 1: but he really isn't the big a hole. People think

1321
01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 1: maybe that was my faults. But even if I do

1322
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:54,920
Speaker 1: still love him, I'm not in love with him anymore.

1323
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:57,280
Speaker 1: I don't think I have been for a while. I

1324
01:03:57,360 --> 01:03:59,640
Speaker 1: care about him. A part of me does still love him.

1325
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:03,280
Speaker 1: But you were all right, I should have just divorced

1326
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,360
Speaker 1: him when he gave me that ultimatum in the first place. Yeah,

1327
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: and open marriage can only work at both sides are

1328
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: completely on board. You never want to like bully someone

1329
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:15,680
Speaker 1: into it right right. This past Saturday we had the

1330
01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 1: big talk. I initiated it, but he didn't seem too surprised.

1331
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,120
Speaker 1: I just told him that I noticed he didn't seem

1332
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 1: to like me going out with Mark and Stephen and

1333
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:28,480
Speaker 1: asked if there was a problem. He said there was,

1334
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:32,400
Speaker 1: but he didn't ask me to close the marriage. Oh,

1335
01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:36,240
Speaker 1: he just asked me if I still loved him. Oh

1336
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 1: oh man, youchh.

1337
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:43,000
Speaker 3: I mean at least he's not, you know, being defensive

1338
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 3: necessarily in this moment. It's just like, I've noticed that

1339
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 3: our relationship has changed, and we need to address that

1340
01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 3: rather than me shutting down the open marriage, then right right,

1341
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:56,200
Speaker 3: I said something like not like I used to ouch.

1342
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 1: He broke down crying, which made me cry. I guess

1343
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,040
Speaker 1: he had no I own for a while that I

1344
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,720
Speaker 1: wasn't in love anymore, but he had hoped he could

1345
01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:06,320
Speaker 1: win me back if he funneled all of his energy

1346
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:09,440
Speaker 1: into me. I was honest and told him that during

1347
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:12,600
Speaker 1: those first three months of our open marriage, I think

1348
01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 1: my love for him died and I just couldn't get

1349
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 1: it back. I did tell him that I still cared

1350
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,560
Speaker 1: about him and that I did love him, but it's

1351
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:22,080
Speaker 1: not the same as it was. He asked if I

1352
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:25,800
Speaker 1: loved Mark or Steven, and I said no. I liked

1353
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:27,480
Speaker 1: being with them and I care about them a lot,

1354
01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:29,800
Speaker 1: but I can't say I'm in love with either of them.

1355
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:32,600
Speaker 1: But also those are I mean, those are newer relationships,

1356
01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 1: so I don't think op he necessarily has to you know,

1357
01:05:35,480 --> 01:05:37,480
Speaker 1: like be in love nor I mean nor does she

1358
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:39,640
Speaker 1: even have to be in love in the future, Like

1359
01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 1: these can just be kind of flings, I guess, or

1360
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 1: you know, casual relationships that are for this time in

1361
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:46,360
Speaker 1: her life.

1362
01:05:46,360 --> 01:05:48,400
Speaker 3: Right, And I mean, I'm sure like with how it

1363
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:51,960
Speaker 3: all started being like married and then these guys like

1364
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 3: on the side, kind of like, that's gotta affect how

1365
01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:58,200
Speaker 3: you approach that relationship and how you like fall for

1366
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 3: them and stuff. Absolutely, and I also think that maybe

1367
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:03,280
Speaker 3: it it's I mean, it's important to note, you know,

1368
01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:05,919
Speaker 3: what do they want, what Mark and Steven want, because

1369
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 3: they might not even want a serious relationship, true, true,

1370
01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:12,000
Speaker 3: if they're going for someone who is in an open relationship.

1371
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 1: Right right. I also finally asked him why he wanted

1372
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,520
Speaker 1: the open marriage in the first place. A lot of

1373
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:20,919
Speaker 1: you in the comments said he already had someone lined up,

1374
01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:24,120
Speaker 1: and you were right. He had someone at work he

1375
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 1: was interested in, and she wanted him to. The open

1376
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:31,720
Speaker 1: marriage was just to get permission. He honestly never expected

1377
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:33,800
Speaker 1: me to also get my own partners because of how

1378
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:36,919
Speaker 1: unconfident I was. But he didn't want to stop me either,

1379
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:39,680
Speaker 1: because he thought nothing would come of it. He didn't

1380
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:41,800
Speaker 1: really like me seeing other men but he knew it

1381
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been fair to tell me no when I

1382
01:06:43,920 --> 01:06:52,400
Speaker 1: gave him permission. First, This guy sucks. Wow, so hypocritical. Wow,

1383
01:06:53,160 --> 01:06:56,440
Speaker 1: that's so insult. That's your why insult? Yeah, Like, oh,

1384
01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:58,680
Speaker 1: she can't get with anyone, Yeah, like you should think that.

1385
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:02,280
Speaker 3: Like, no, my wife is so special, so attractive that

1386
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 3: like she I have to hold on to her block. Yeah,

1387
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:09,280
Speaker 3: but he was like, no, you can cheat because you won't.

1388
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:14,400
Speaker 1: But look at look at where we're at now. You

1389
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:16,520
Speaker 1: don't have that girl from your office anymore to do.

1390
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 1: You freaking loser. I guess Mark and Stephen made him

1391
01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:23,560
Speaker 1: insecure because I was spending so much time with them

1392
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:26,800
Speaker 1: on a regular basis. The open marriage was just spicy

1393
01:07:26,840 --> 01:07:29,320
Speaker 1: sleep on the side for him. He only did hookups

1394
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:33,000
Speaker 1: and they never lasted long. You genuinely always just loved

1395
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:35,640
Speaker 1: only me. But he thought I was falling in love

1396
01:07:35,680 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 1: with my partners and he was losing me and wanted

1397
01:07:38,120 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 1: to win me back. Which also, if this was a

1398
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:43,720
Speaker 1: proper open marriage and they had kind of gone through

1399
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:46,560
Speaker 1: the right channels, they could have said, you know, we

1400
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:49,840
Speaker 1: don't want any no emotional connections, yeah, or try and

1401
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:52,800
Speaker 1: prevent those, right and you have like conversations. I think

1402
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,760
Speaker 1: there could have been way more rules put in place

1403
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 1: and more guidelines. I think they just didn't really know

1404
01:07:57,440 --> 01:08:00,200
Speaker 1: what they were getting into. Yeah, we cried a lot

1405
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:03,840
Speaker 1: and talked a lot. We've decided to get a divorce.

1406
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:06,480
Speaker 1: Since the house isn't his name, I'm going to move

1407
01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:09,240
Speaker 1: out and live with Katie for a while. He told

1408
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:11,000
Speaker 1: me I didn't have to, and I could stay until

1409
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:15,240
Speaker 1: the divorce finalized, but I just can't. It's too hard

1410
01:08:15,280 --> 01:08:17,200
Speaker 1: to even look at him sometimes. I don't know how

1411
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:19,280
Speaker 1: I feel, to be honest, I thought I would be

1412
01:08:19,320 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 1: relieved or sad, but I'm just tired. I wish I

1413
01:08:22,800 --> 01:08:24,439
Speaker 1: could have been like you all wanted me to be,

1414
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:28,439
Speaker 1: clapping back or being sarcastic and snarky, or rubbing in

1415
01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:31,639
Speaker 1: his face. But I don't feel like I've won anything.

1416
01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 1: I just feel lost.

1417
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:35,719
Speaker 2: But we can help.

1418
01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:38,840
Speaker 1: You find us every weekday at three pm just.

1419
01:08:38,840 --> 01:08:39,760
Speaker 2: Tap our profile.

1420
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:42,160
Speaker 1: I gotta do all you gotta do. There are some

1421
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:46,280
Speaker 1: relement comments to finish this story off, but before we

1422
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:51,080
Speaker 1: do any final thoughts, I just I just hope she

1423
01:08:51,120 --> 01:08:53,920
Speaker 1: can get some rests. Just want her to have a

1424
01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:58,759
Speaker 1: good night sleep. Yeah, she's done too much work trying

1425
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:03,200
Speaker 1: to manage all of these a big cobboy boys.

1426
01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:06,599
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think divorce is definitely the right.

1427
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:08,920
Speaker 1: I think so too, and I think she knows that.

1428
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:09,519
Speaker 2: I think yeah.

1429
01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:12,360
Speaker 1: But there are some other comments. The unpolitical says, I'm

1430
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 1: wondering if that maybe the other woman ended it. So

1431
01:09:15,120 --> 01:09:17,840
Speaker 1: now he was back to what he was comfortable with

1432
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 1: his wife. He went and had his fun and when

1433
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:22,439
Speaker 1: that died out, he was not left with the wife

1434
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:25,200
Speaker 1: waiting for him at home. Opie says he and his

1435
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:28,040
Speaker 1: coworker were only sleeping together for maybe a month. She

1436
01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:31,000
Speaker 1: fulfilled his kinks that I never liked indulging in. That's

1437
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 1: why he was with most of his partners, because I

1438
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:37,439
Speaker 1: wasn't interested in his kinks much. Recording nine four four

1439
01:09:37,520 --> 01:09:40,240
Speaker 1: four says he stepped out of this marriage first and

1440
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:42,519
Speaker 1: tried to have his cake and eat it too. The

1441
01:09:42,560 --> 01:09:45,360
Speaker 1: thing with open marriages is that you can never count

1442
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:48,599
Speaker 1: on how emotions will change. Spicy sleep is a very

1443
01:09:48,640 --> 01:09:53,040
Speaker 1: intimate action, and many people will develop emotional connections. Those

1444
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:56,000
Speaker 1: connections come at a price. He placed a bet and

1445
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:58,559
Speaker 1: he lost. At least he's man enough to acknowledge it

1446
01:09:58,600 --> 01:10:01,400
Speaker 1: and own up to it. There is no easy answer,

1447
01:10:01,439 --> 01:10:04,559
Speaker 1: op I wish you healing, and Opie says, thank you.

1448
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:06,920
Speaker 1: Leo just thought the open marriage would be a way

1449
01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:08,639
Speaker 1: for him to get all of his kinks he couldn't

1450
01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:11,240
Speaker 1: do with me because I wasn't into it. He knew

1451
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:14,080
Speaker 1: how unconfident I was, which wasn't because of him. A

1452
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:16,400
Speaker 1: lot of people seem to think that he eroded my

1453
01:10:16,439 --> 01:10:19,559
Speaker 1: self esteem, but he didn't. We can thank my mother

1454
01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 1: for that, but that's a whole other can of worms.

1455
01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:24,960
Speaker 1: So he never expected me to partake in the open

1456
01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:29,120
Speaker 1: marriage either. And finally, Environmental Art says, so he never

1457
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:31,360
Speaker 1: expected me to partake in the open mariage either. They

1458
01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:35,240
Speaker 1: say so Basically, while he asked for a mutually open marriage,

1459
01:10:35,280 --> 01:10:37,559
Speaker 1: he expected it to be only his side open and

1460
01:10:37,600 --> 01:10:40,520
Speaker 1: then got hurt that the reality didn't meet his expectations,

1461
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:44,960
Speaker 1: Opie says. Leo admitted that he did uh and only

1462
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,760
Speaker 1: expected his side to be open. He was never going

1463
01:10:47,760 --> 01:10:49,920
Speaker 1: to stop me from opening my side, but like I said,

1464
01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:52,559
Speaker 1: he didn't think I would. To be honest, I don't

1465
01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:54,880
Speaker 1: think I would have either if it wasn't for Jesse

1466
01:10:54,960 --> 01:10:58,519
Speaker 1: and Katie pushing me and making profiles. For me, moral

1467
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:02,280
Speaker 1: of the story is that Opie's friends are the best. Yeah,

1468
01:11:02,320 --> 01:11:04,960
Speaker 1: maybe you should just date them. Yeah, well, we don't

1469
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:08,280
Speaker 1: need these men in the near the story. But that

1470
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 1: I'm I tell Yeah, but that is the end of

1471
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:13,599
Speaker 1: the story.