1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. Hey Dad, I knew you 3 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: were going to do that. We s off good. I 4 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:20,799 Speaker 1: am literally two weeks away from being forty and you 5 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: still call me the same nickname you've called me. My 6 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 1: whole life comes out yep. Well, you know what's interesting 7 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: I was thinking about. I was prepping for this podcast, 8 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,560 Speaker 1: and I mean I literally do to podcast a week, 9 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 1: which is what there's fifty something weeks in a fifty 10 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 1: two weeks in a year. How many weeks or in 11 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: a year fifty four You're right, You're right, You're right. 12 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: So I mean, give or take a few because we 13 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: do holidays and stuff. But I do about a hundred 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 1: podcasts a year, and every now and again, when I 15 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: sit down to prep a podcast, I can't fully, like 16 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: fully put together my thoughts, like what kind of questions 17 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: I want to ask or things like that. And I've 18 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: really started to kind of lean into that when it happens, 19 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: because it just turns out usually I'm supposed to get 20 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: out of the way and just have a conversation, and 21 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: so I sort of felt like that's maybe what we 22 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,679 Speaker 1: should do today, So I don't have a ton of 23 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: like outlined questions, and you actually asked me, you were like, well, 24 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 1: what do I need to prepare? And I was like, 25 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: I don't think this is something that we prepare. It's 26 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: sort of like you just tell your story and I 27 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 1: ask questions as it comes. But the reason I even 28 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 1: thought about this podcast was because obviously, like, I talk 29 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: a lot about my healing journey, and so the listeners 30 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: are very familiar with that and like my story and 31 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: you've given me permission to talk about the fact that 32 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: I grew up in an alcoholic home, and um, so 33 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: I do. And I think that that's, you know, it's 34 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: an important part of my story. It's kind of shaped 35 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: some of the things that I've worked through as an adult. 36 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: But it's weird to talk about too, because it's it's 37 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: a very different life. Like I feel like I've had 38 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: experience of having two different dads in some capacities, you know, 39 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: And so I sort of wanted to just give the 40 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: listeners the idea of how it is now, and um, 41 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: you know, that's a big part of the way people 42 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: tell their stories is what it was like, what happened, 43 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,959 Speaker 1: and how it is now. So maybe if you would 44 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: sort of guide us through that part of your story 45 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: and then we'll see what comes up. Now, what where 46 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: would you would you like to because my story is 47 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: basically two parts or three like you just described, it 48 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: is basically pre pre recovery from alcoholism. I was an 49 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: alcoholic looking back on it, but I didn't know I was, 50 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: you know, um, and then I got into recovery. So 51 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:52,399 Speaker 1: that's what happened. And then and then the last um 52 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: over thirty one years have been a totally different life, 53 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, So what would you like for me 54 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: to start at the beginning? I'd I didn't understand. Yeah, 55 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: I think so, I mean because I think a lot 56 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,679 Speaker 1: of it. You know, I was really young, and you 57 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: got sober when I was eight, and so like, I 58 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: remember it ish, but I think there's a lot that 59 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: I probably don't know. And so like, what was it? 60 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: Like you said, you didn't even realize you were an alcoholic. No, 61 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that an alcoholic at all. And that's 62 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: not that unusual. I mean I was the last I 63 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: was the last enough, you know, I mean I was 64 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: so when I did finally agree to get help, I 65 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: was like thinking everybody would be shocked. Actually thought I'd 66 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: get turned down, Kelly. I actually thought I was thinking, oh, 67 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: certainly these people, you know, I'm I'm so important, they'll 68 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: turn me away. You know they didn't. You know, that's 69 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: that was my my view. So keep in mind when 70 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: I give you this is my view. You know, like 71 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 1: if your mom was actually sitting next to me, she's 72 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: listening to me tell my story before, and it's not 73 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: real surprising that she sees it a little bit different 74 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: in some cases a lot different, you know, but I've 75 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: tried to listen to her. So, and I'm I'm really 76 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: interested in here in your side. You know. Um, we've 77 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: talked about some of it, you know, um and uh, 78 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: but I think this would be a good chance for 79 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 1: you because I had put Okay, so I'll give you 80 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: some back on you know, this is like the first 81 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 1: time ever told my story, you know, like you said, 82 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:21,919 Speaker 1: tell your story, okay. So, and I usually try to 83 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 1: start with my history, and you know that's like a 84 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: little about an hour long deal. But you know, I 85 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,280 Speaker 1: had put you know, at the beginning, I kind of 86 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: had an outline that I normally do just to kind 87 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 1: of remember because again I've been in recovery for thirty 88 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: one years, so you know, I'm older, you know, and 89 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: I don't remember some of the details at times, or 90 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: there's some important parts that I leave out, and um 91 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,479 Speaker 1: so I do it just to remind myself and whatever 92 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: ends up coming out is the story of the day. 93 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: But I had put on here at the top, you know, 94 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 1: let Kelly explain what it was like, you know, like 95 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 1: because I've never heard you say, I've heard I see it. 96 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: I heard your mom story, you know, and I had 97 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 1: to admit it's true. And it's never fun, you know, 98 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: but for me, but it's true and it's something that's 99 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: important for me to never forget, you know, what it 100 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: was like for those around me, because because another thing 101 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: that is just popped in my mind that that is 102 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 1: so was so true to me when I finally did 103 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 1: get in recovery and looking back everything that I know 104 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: about my pre recovery life, I couldn't see it until 105 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: I was looking back. I was in recovery looking back, 106 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: I could never see it when I was drinking, you know, 107 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: I just couldn't see it. And so, um, I what 108 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: what I really didn't see was that I did definitely 109 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: affect other people's life. You know, I thought I was 110 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 1: just affecting my life. And I was a great dad 111 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: in my view, you know, because I gave y'all stuff, 112 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: you know, like and that's that's really not what you needed. 113 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: But that's what I knew at the time. And you know, 114 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 1: so all I'm saying is I had a different perception. 115 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: And in recovery, you know, part of the big deal 116 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 1: is learning what's real. You know, we're learning the real meat, 117 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,039 Speaker 1: you know, like because because it's full I was in 118 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: full flight from reality. You know, what I really thought 119 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 1: about myself was just not true. You know. It didn't 120 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: mean that I'm just just a serial killer or horrible person. 121 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: It just meant that I really, I really didn't understand, 122 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,040 Speaker 1: you know, what was really going on and how other 123 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,280 Speaker 1: people were affected, and especially you and your mind, you know. 124 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 1: And then Zachary, you know, he was your brother. You know, 125 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: he was like in his first two years, you know, 126 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: um so he was affected then, you know, on the 127 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,679 Speaker 1: disease side. You know that the the untreated disease side. 128 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that I haven't been working on recovery 129 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 1: every day since, but um so, anyway, just a little 130 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: background that you know, you know you, I don't know, 131 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: you may never heard this part, but you obviously know 132 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,160 Speaker 1: my parents, you know, they were your grandparents. And so 133 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: so where I was born to street Port, Louisiana'm gonna 134 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 1: try to kind of go through it a little bit 135 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,840 Speaker 1: quicker than normal, but give you some background. And so 136 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: we lived in Streetport, Louisiana. And the reason I bring 137 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 1: that up is is North Louisiana and South Louisiana is 138 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,480 Speaker 1: like two different worlds, you know, especially back then it 139 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: was like Bible Belt versus let the Good Times role, 140 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: you know, Louisiana. So so my parents, our background was 141 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: North Louisiana, you know, like and my mom worked in 142 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: the church. Your grandmother, you know, like you knew that, 143 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: and she did that even um, you know, probably when 144 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: you were aware of that, maybe when you were she 145 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:30,679 Speaker 1: made not over I'm saying, is my mom at that time? 146 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: My mom was a teetotaller, you know, so I really 147 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: resented that, but I didn't really know. So when we 148 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: were in fourth grade, we moved to South Louisiana, and 149 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: I was like, um, it was a totally different culture. 150 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: And some of my new friends and I met their 151 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: parents would allow you to drink with them, you know, 152 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: and it's like and they had kegs of beer at 153 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: their birthday parties and stuff, and and my parents were 154 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: horrified by all that. I mean, I'm just saying. My 155 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 1: mom was a teetotler at that time. And my dad, 156 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: I think he had, you know, maybe drank when we 157 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 1: were younger, but he had stopped because my mom was like, 158 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 1: you know, you just said a good example for your 159 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: kids and stuff. So um, so we didn't, you know, 160 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: we I didn't had. I was kind of resentful that 161 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 1: my parents weren't like in my judgment, again, this is 162 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: my judgment. It's not meaning it's true. My judgment was 163 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: that everybody else's parents were having fun and you know, 164 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 1: and we didn't do that in my house. And so man, 165 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: I at first opportunity, you know, I did, but you know, 166 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: so I didn't really like the taste of alcohol, you know, 167 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: the first couple of times, and so I didn't have 168 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 1: a very positive impression of it. You know. But but 169 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: when I was a freshman in high school, you know, 170 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: my your grandmother and my mom had always said, you know, 171 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: never drink alcohol or riding fast cars, you know, like 172 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: and that was the things. You know. She would always 173 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: she tried her best. God blesses, she tried her best. 174 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: And I would like, okay, Mom, I want you know. 175 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: I was just and uh, first opportunity, the neighborhood, A 176 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: little bad guys and they're souped up. Car pulled up 177 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: and said hey, you want to go for a ride. 178 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I didn't stop and say no. My 179 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 1: mother said never to do that, and I was like yeah, 180 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: and I jumped in the I wanted to be belong 181 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,599 Speaker 1: you know. And uh, I got in the car and 182 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: they peeled out. You know, we were driving real fast 183 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: and or they were driving real fast. I was in 184 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 1: the vaccine. They handed me a bottle of Boone's Farm 185 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 1: Strawberry Hill wine, and I don't even if they still 186 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: make that, but man, I was so, here's the here's 187 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,959 Speaker 1: the bad guys, the big guys that I wanted to 188 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: be like. They handed me a bottle, and so I'm 189 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 1: thinking in my mind, this is gonna taste terrible, this 190 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: is gonna be horrible. And I opened it and I 191 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: took a sip and I was just like, oh, this 192 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: is good, you know, and I basically drank the whole bottle, 193 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: got so drunk. I went home threw up, and you know, 194 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 1: my mother is just going, oh my god, You're just 195 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: trying to get bake up my dad and it's just 196 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: just chaos, chaos in the family. You know that I'm 197 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: creating my first time ever to drink, and I wanted 198 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: to just you know, all I can think of is, uh, 199 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 1: when can I do it again? You know, I'm getting 200 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,840 Speaker 1: getting in trouble, and my Mom's going, what's gonna happen 201 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: with most time? He's that kind of thing. Anyway, longs 202 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: sory short in high school is I could have gotten 203 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: if I don't went hung with those guys. Some some 204 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: some of the guys I grew up with got in 205 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,719 Speaker 1: trouble early, went to like the juvenile detention. And I 206 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: was very susceptible that there was a coach in this 207 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: high school that took interest in me and um really 208 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,439 Speaker 1: saved me from myself and that you know, he got 209 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: me really involved in sports and that kept me out 210 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,199 Speaker 1: of trouble. And you know, and and when I the 211 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 1: only reason I bring up the sports thing is a 212 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: lot of people learned a lot of good and you 213 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: were big in sports and you learned a lot of 214 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: good lifelong lessons from that. And you know, there are 215 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,320 Speaker 1: those lessons to be learned. And it wasn't anything my 216 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: coach has taught me, but what I picked up, you 217 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 1: know what, and this is in recovery looking back at 218 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: my life. There were there were character defects or traits 219 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: in my that I exhibited early on that you normally 220 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,439 Speaker 1: associate with an alcoholic, you know. And one was that 221 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: I just figured the rules weren't for me really, and 222 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: I was special, you know, and and to a point 223 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: where I just didn't, Yeah, the rules are for other people, 224 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,320 Speaker 1: you know, and uh, that kind of thing, and and 225 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,720 Speaker 1: and they were That's not what anybody tried to you know. 226 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,319 Speaker 1: I've looked at it looking back, and I really don't 227 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: think anybody ever told me that. I think that's just 228 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: what I picked up. You know. I don't think I 229 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: can point a finger at anybody else. That's just the 230 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: kind of things that that um I noticed about myself 231 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: when I look back. And another thing was like I 232 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: always would go and I really my values were distorted. 233 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: Like in Lafayette, you know, in high school, we could 234 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:42,560 Speaker 1: go to a it was like a drive in like 235 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: the Sonic. But it wasn't that it was a family 236 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 1: owned business and and we could go in the in 237 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: the kids that worked there, you know, it was their 238 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: families that owned it, and you know, they were our 239 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: friends and they would service beer, so we could drink 240 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: like that every you know, weekend at high school. And 241 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: I just remember seeing like some of the older guys 242 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: and they would be flat action money, you know. So 243 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 1: I was going, that's what I want to be, you know. 244 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I just wanted to be like that. And um, 245 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: so that was my values growing up and and and 246 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: I ended up doing you know, and I completely give 247 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 1: the credit to this coach that was just could just 248 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: bring it out in me. He somehow he's somehow tapped 249 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: into that defiant type personality I had and channeled it 250 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 1: in the right way. And I think there's a big message, 251 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 1: you know, of recovery and there for me, and that 252 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 1: there's a there's a strong little person and it's it's 253 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 1: getting that will channel in the right direction. That that 254 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 1: seems to be the best idea because because before recovery, 255 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: my mind just kind of drifted off. And um, but 256 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:46,559 Speaker 1: he was very inspirational and big at at any success 257 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 1: I had, and and ended up getting a scholarship you know, 258 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: um uh at um when I graduated from high school. 259 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,920 Speaker 1: But you know, during high school, after that weekend, if 260 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,440 Speaker 1: you know, almost every week in I was um going 261 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: to that drive in that we're talking about in drinking, 262 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: you know that I look forward to it looking back 263 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: on it, that's a big sign of alcoholis or that 264 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 1: that obsession that I thought everybody had. That's my perception. 265 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: I thought everybody was looking forward to the drink like 266 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,679 Speaker 1: I did, you know, But but that's really not true. 267 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 1: Not everybody does. And and one of the things that 268 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,560 Speaker 1: surprised me when I grew up, when I sobered up, 269 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: was that one of my best friends growing up, you know, 270 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: like he was with me every step of the way, 271 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,560 Speaker 1: but he didn't have that obsession, you know. And and 272 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,719 Speaker 1: and that's that was hard to accept that that I 273 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,680 Speaker 1: was actually different, you know, and that I did look 274 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 1: forward to it, you know. That's that's a big part 275 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 1: of it. Is it's the two the two part deal 276 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: of where you have that obsession of the mind that 277 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: being non alcohol doesn't have, and then and then you 278 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: have the the what the what's called the allergy, which 279 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 1: is even harder to understand. But basically what it means is, 280 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: once you start, it becomes almost impossible to start stop. 281 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: I mean, you really there's something biologically different, you know. 282 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 1: And I didn't see either one of those. I never 283 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 1: had the perception that I was any different than anybody else. 284 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 1: But so I was a weekend drinker in high school, 285 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,839 Speaker 1: you know, got a scholarship to play football at L 286 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: s U and that was like a lifetime dream for me. 287 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:18,719 Speaker 1: And um, another thing I've noticed about myself is I'm 288 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: a really good starter. You know, this is this is 289 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: personality defects that I've had to deal with and recovery 290 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 1: and in that, um, a self sabotager, you know, Like, 291 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: so I had achieved this deal and in a certain 292 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: amount of success and had we should pause. That's a 293 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: huge deal in Louisiana. Like that's the biggest deal to 294 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 1: go to play football at L s U and you've 295 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: got a scholarship to be a quarterback. That was That's 296 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure it was like I was on the top 297 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: of the world at eighteen years old. I was on 298 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: I was pretty much of a legend at eighteen, you know, 299 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 1: and you know, I mean is it's took my ego. 300 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: And there's the big you know, the big you were 301 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: with alcoholics is that inflated ego and that you know, 302 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: that little success I had just really um inflated my ego. 303 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I love I could hear people talking about me, 304 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 1: you know, and I just like I didn't hear and 305 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: that was so it was all you know, it was 306 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: all an ego thing, and I ate up every bit 307 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: of it. But but I really didn't um have any 308 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: clue with the challenge that I had just just gotten 309 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: involved and you just got myself into. So again it's 310 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: it's looking back, I can see this self sabotage things starting. 311 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 1: So when I got there, I mean they had rules 312 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: and I was in college, I was like, you can't 313 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 1: have rules. And they wanted me to have a curfew 314 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: and I had to break the rules. I had to 315 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: sneak out after curfew, you know, and that kind of thing. 316 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: And and and my drinking really took off, you know, 317 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:47,120 Speaker 1: because my mom was not there. You know, your grandmother 318 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: could no longer. You know, she did her best. I'm 319 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: just giving her credit. You know, she did her best, 320 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 1: but it I just couldn't seem to you know, to uh, 321 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: the answer that tune. So anyway, my drinking took off 322 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: and also um picked up. I started smoking weed you 323 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: know too, and that became a big part of my story. Actually, 324 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 1: it just it just helped me get to the bottom 325 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: earlier in my opinion, you know, and looking back on it, 326 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: for me, it's alcohols. So I knew I was doing something. 327 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: I could tell this is a difference for me and 328 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: I qualified for either group, either an alcoholic or a 329 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: drug addict or both. Um, I believe I'm both, but 330 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 1: my primary recovery has to be with alcohol for me, 331 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 1: because it's so much more subtle than drugs. Right. I 332 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 1: knew I was doing something wrong with drugs. I knew 333 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: I was doing something wrong with drugs. But um, oh, 334 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 1: and what I missed, uh telling you was that when 335 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: I was eighteen, right before I left to go to school, 336 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: I had a spiritual awakening in a church in in Lafayette, Louisiana. 337 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: And it was looking back on it was the real thing. 338 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: It was really a spiritual awaking. I didn't drink for like, 339 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: I stopped drinking completly for like two weeks, I mean 340 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: two years. That was huge, I mean, but I'm just 341 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 1: giving you my story, you know, because that's part of it, 342 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: you know, like and and so I was impressed with myself. 343 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 1: You know, I didn't drink it my senior prom, you know, 344 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,800 Speaker 1: I mean that, you know in laugh yet But so anyway, 345 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 1: so so that was But but I look at like, 346 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: I don't think it was I was any different from me. Else. 347 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 1: What I did was pick up the first drink. That 348 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: was what I can see in my life now, which 349 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 1: I never ever dreamed that was an issue at all 350 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,360 Speaker 1: back then. You know, I always thought I could social drink. 351 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,200 Speaker 1: That was my big deal. You know. I knew at 352 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 1: times I needed to stop the drugs. That's not you know, 353 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 1: that's not a good thing. But uh, and I think 354 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,960 Speaker 1: it helped play a direct part in things not going 355 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: well for me. You know, I mean when you in school, 356 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 1: I mean going to going to class and in smoking 357 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: weed before. That's really not a good way to make 358 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: you know. I mean, my grades were just really really 359 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 1: on the tank until I met your mom. That's the 360 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: story that pick up here lately. Um, Thank god for her. 361 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,880 Speaker 1: My parents were very impressed with how my grades picked 362 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: up when I started dating her. But anyway, so I 363 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 1: went to l s U. Long story short, I didn't 364 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 1: do my best. I mean, and and that doesn't mean 365 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: anything would have been different, but I wasn't getting the 366 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,159 Speaker 1: playing time and people were passing me up, and I 367 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 1: got mad at him. I didn't see my part in 368 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 1: any of that. And you know, I just was gonna 369 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: get back at him, so I quit, you know, and 370 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: I was I was going to go somewhere else. So 371 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: I went somewhere else, and they just loved me because 372 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 1: I was somebody from L s U, you know. And 373 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,159 Speaker 1: and my roommate came to and he was from L 374 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,119 Speaker 1: s U. And you know, we were like just the 375 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: fair hair boys, and and he did fine. But you know, 376 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: by the time long story short, by the time that 377 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,800 Speaker 1: I left that school three years later, I was like, 378 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 1: you know, he's got a bad attitude. Don't hang around 379 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: with him, you know. So we can see some clear 380 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: when you when you look for alcoholic you know, personalities 381 00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 1: or defects in my development of character, um which my 382 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: which ironically my mother used to always talk about, you know, 383 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 1: She's like to say, that's good for character building. I'm like, 384 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,159 Speaker 1: I don't want any character, you know. And I was like, 385 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to try a shitty car to build 386 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 1: more character, dad, I know. And I was like, I'm 387 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: just telling you that because my mother told me that. 388 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:25,719 Speaker 1: I don't want any either, you know. But anyway, I 389 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,160 Speaker 1: hate it, but it's it's it is squired to grow spiritually, 390 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: you know, So anyway, so I try to go with it. 391 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,879 Speaker 1: But anyway, that's the best thing about that whole deal 392 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,560 Speaker 1: was I not only stopped drinking, but I met your 393 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,640 Speaker 1: mom and that was so so about a four year 394 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 1: period at the end of that and you were born 395 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: during that period. When you were born, I wasn't drinking, 396 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 1: you know, for for four years. I had no clue 397 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: I stopped drinking because you know that I was an 398 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: alcoholic or alcoholism had anything to do with it, you know. 399 00:19:56,359 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 1: I had no clue at that time that um that 400 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: was an issue, uh, because I stopped drinking, you know, 401 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: And and I really deep inside wanted to be like 402 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: my mom wanted me to be, you know, I mean, 403 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 1: I really wanted to be a decent Christian dad or whatever. 404 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,120 Speaker 1: And we were. We ended up being like that. I mean, Kelly, 405 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 1: when you were young a little like there was people 406 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 1: that would say to your mom, y'all have like the 407 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: perfect little family, you know, and and and that it 408 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,200 Speaker 1: was until I was out of town on a business trip. Um, 409 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: after four years of not drinking, I had the perfect 410 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 1: little life, you know. I had a good job and 411 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: and and you and your mom, and it's like, uh, 412 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: I don't remember exactly what set it off, but I 413 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: bought some beer and took it back to my hotel room. 414 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 1: I was by myself, drinking by myself, and got totally 415 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,680 Speaker 1: drunk and didn't think anything of it. Especially what didn't 416 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 1: hit me is you're by yourself. You know, you're drinking 417 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: by yourself. That didn't even that went right over my head. 418 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 1: I didn't think of it that at all. You know, 419 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: I'm just giving you the progression of what's going on there. 420 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: So not drinking for four years, I mean, I um, 421 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,160 Speaker 1: I just didn't think, how can anybody have a problem 422 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:10,680 Speaker 1: that doesn't drink and so and so. I don't remember 423 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,959 Speaker 1: how long it took me, but but for me, drinking 424 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: or drugs, one always leads me back to the other. 425 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 1: You know. That's what I didn't see until I was 426 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,720 Speaker 1: in recovery, is that hold on, You're not just you 427 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: don't need to just get rid of the drugs you know, 428 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: I never did. For me. Actually, alcohol was the most 429 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: subtle of the two because I really just wanted to 430 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: be a social drinker, you know. I really just wanted 431 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 1: to fit in, you know. And actually when I was 432 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 1: just drinking, I did fit in and I felt very 433 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: good about myself. I mean I was hanging around you know, 434 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 1: church people doing that. I mean I felt okay, you know, 435 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,159 Speaker 1: but but I never could stay like that. That was 436 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: my my big deal and and so, um it just 437 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: it was really you know, the irony is, so I 438 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,200 Speaker 1: left college. I was really kind of you know, uh 439 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,640 Speaker 1: mad at the world, basically disappointed, you know, very very 440 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 1: um underachieving career you know in college. But so so 441 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: it rather than stop and say, okay, let me see 442 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,880 Speaker 1: what's going on with me, you know, can I can 443 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 1: I correct anything? And I just threw myself into work. 444 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 1: I mean, at the time I started working, Uh, I 445 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,239 Speaker 1: fell into a job that was very very busy, you know. 446 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: So I just worked all the time, you know, and 447 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,440 Speaker 1: I kind of could work as much as I wanted. 448 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: So I just worked all the time and that started 449 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,680 Speaker 1: going well. And then um, I started working for a guy. 450 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 1: This was really interesting. Um that after I started drinking. 451 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,920 Speaker 1: I did not see how, you know. I just would 452 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 1: start with people after work and stuff, going to drinks, 453 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,239 Speaker 1: and in my judgment, there was nothing wrong, you know. 454 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,439 Speaker 1: And and I mean, I don't even know if at 455 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,639 Speaker 1: that point your mom thought that anything was wrong. But 456 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 1: but when it started out, it seemed like we were 457 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 1: just like everybody else and we had the perfect little family. 458 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: But but but I can't hang with that, you know. 459 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 1: And and so I'm sure I started, you know, uh 460 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: somehow smoking weed again or whatever and kind of mixing 461 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,919 Speaker 1: it and and that just you know, and and for 462 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: y'all's part, the reason I wanted to kind of hear 463 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 1: from you is, um, what your mom would tell me is, 464 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 1: y'all never knew what to expect. You know, when when 465 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,399 Speaker 1: I would come home, is he just drinking or is 466 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 1: he doing you know, is he drinking and smoking weed? 467 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: Or or is he not going to be doing anything either? 468 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 1: You know, So there's there's these options that you just 469 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 1: didn't know. So, you know, the chaos of of living 470 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 1: with somebody that you never know how they're gonna show up. 471 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,439 Speaker 1: And and and you were always like my biggest cheerleader regardless, 472 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: you know, I mean from the beginning. I'd come in 473 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 1: and it's like if I just laugh at this, this 474 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 1: was I mean the classic. You'd run up to me 475 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: and you climb up me like I was some tree 476 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: or something Europe, and you grab onto me. And one 477 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,640 Speaker 1: time you grab my things and you're like, mom, daddy's 478 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 1: drinking beard again. God heard you said, Daddy, And you 479 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,639 Speaker 1: would point to that he's taking it. Air it again, 480 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 1: you know what? Because I smell it. I don't know, 481 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: but you knew it. So you knew you know, I mean, 482 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: I guess you could sense it. But um, anyway, that 483 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 1: so I didn't work out. So so the bottom line 484 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,719 Speaker 1: is my work. I was working for a guy. This 485 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 1: is what's so ironic about it. I was working for 486 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: a guy that had this huge contract, you know, with 487 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,800 Speaker 1: a huge oil company at fourth largest in the world 488 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 1: at the time. And he was like, uh, just making 489 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,280 Speaker 1: tounch of money. But he had he had gotten to 490 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,200 Speaker 1: where he would show up at the office and lead 491 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: by nine and go drink every day and we would, 492 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: you know, we would make fun of him. You know, 493 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: he had built up this big thing and he was 494 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: about to lose it. He ended up losing it to me. 495 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: They ended up, you know, kind of giving me the deal. 496 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,360 Speaker 1: So I was thirty something years old and I had 497 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 1: this business, and I was thriving and had people working 498 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: for me that were older than me. And in my judgment, 499 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,920 Speaker 1: I was like this boy, wonder you know. I mean, 500 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 1: I was like, that's what I viewed myself as. Um, 501 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:03,679 Speaker 1: I don't anybody working with me, did, you know? But 502 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 1: but I viewed that, you know. And it's that exaggerated 503 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,239 Speaker 1: sense of you know, self and ego and and that 504 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:13,000 Speaker 1: kind of deal. Um. Obviously I was doing pretty good, 505 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 1: you know. Um So in my eyes, it wasn't affecting 506 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,120 Speaker 1: my job. I'm looking back at I could have done 507 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 1: better without it, you know. But but but I the 508 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,720 Speaker 1: reason that was more of my values were that was 509 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 1: what was important. It was definitely affecting the time. I 510 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,920 Speaker 1: would use that as an excuse to stay away from home, 511 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: you know, give them what they need, but don't show up. 512 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,359 Speaker 1: That was one of my big deals, you know. And 513 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,200 Speaker 1: um that was um so I couldn't see it, but 514 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 1: it was definitely affecting my relationship with y'all, especially your mom, 515 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,119 Speaker 1: you know. And and it was a school, it was 516 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,360 Speaker 1: one of the it was I can't remember the name 517 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: of it. Maybe children's community school that you went to, 518 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,399 Speaker 1: is no one, Yeah, that you were going to that 519 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 1: mom taught at. And and there was a drug and 520 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:03,199 Speaker 1: alcohol uh counselor that came to speak and showed a 521 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: film or something I think showed a film, and um, 522 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 1: your teacher was a was a a spouse of a 523 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,400 Speaker 1: recovering alcoholic, you know, and so she was in recovery 524 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 1: and um she uh it was like your teacher, you know. 525 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,680 Speaker 1: And Mom, she started crying during that because I was 526 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 1: coming home every I was a daily drinker, you know. 527 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I was definitely gonna be drinking every day. 528 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 1: But I went I was a businessman, you know, it 529 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 1: was my job to take that. I just knew my 530 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 1: you know, whole success depending on me being able to 531 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,479 Speaker 1: take people out drinking and party and you know, and 532 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: that was my job, you know. So I was, um 533 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,239 Speaker 1: that I just knew it was necessary, you know, and 534 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: that I needed to do it. And that was just work, 535 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: you know, and to me. But anyway, it was definitely 536 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: affecting your mom, you know. And she started, you know, 537 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: going to a counselor and trying to get me to 538 00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: go and oh, man, it just was, you know it 539 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: that's when trouble started. You know, my story is when 540 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 1: my wife got to recovery, it ruined my life. So 541 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: really that that was the way I few did, honestly, 542 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: and that just got more and more attension. We ended 543 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,399 Speaker 1: up going to marital counsel This is funny. You know 544 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:21,440 Speaker 1: it was marital counseling. Yeah, okay, I'm just saying, yeah, 545 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,600 Speaker 1: uh that it was marital conscious about after a month 546 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,720 Speaker 1: into it, like Ron and I Ron, your mom came 547 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 1: with me the first time, and then he was just 548 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,679 Speaker 1: he just wanted me to come back. I talked to 549 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,680 Speaker 1: just love talking about myself. I was just talking, talking, talking, 550 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,440 Speaker 1: you know, and and and at some point, it was 551 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 1: weeks into it, I said, she doesn't have to come. 552 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: He goes, no, no, no, let's let's just talk about you. 553 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: I didn't know, man, they all knew, you know. And 554 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 1: so anyway, I guess it's a miracle that I talked 555 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 1: to him. And um, so that kept going on, and 556 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,439 Speaker 1: I would always get mad. I go like, talking to 557 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: the counselor. I said, well, she thinks, you know, she's 558 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 1: going to this stuff thinking like telling everybody. And I said, 559 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 1: I would I would. I would say, like she was 560 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 1: telling you what I mean, I was really blowing my anenemity. 561 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: But you know, I was worried about her telling everybody, 562 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:12,920 Speaker 1: but um, falling off bar stools will blow your anonymity, 563 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: you know, pretty pretty, And I didn't really need to 564 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: blame you, but I was your mom. I was like, 565 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: your mom, you know you're telling everybody. I got so 566 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: mad at her and um So anyway, at one point 567 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 1: he goes the councilor goes, uh, well, I said, she 568 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,640 Speaker 1: thinks I'm an alcoholic? What do you think? And he wouldn't. 569 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:35,400 Speaker 1: He would not, you know, he would not diagnose me 570 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 1: as an alcoholic at all time. He just said, let's 571 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 1: just let's just keep talking about She goes, because let 572 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 1: me ask, let me make a suggestion. She said, why 573 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 1: we're doing this, you know, why don't you just stop 574 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,880 Speaker 1: drinking while we're doing this? And I was like, what, 575 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 1: you know, he goes, what she just stopped? Think? I'm 576 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 1: going like I was going stop drinking? I said, for 577 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 1: how long? I didn't realize I just flunked the test 578 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 1: right there. I mean, here's I'm having marital trouble. Actually, 579 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 1: your mom and I were legally separated. You know, we 580 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,400 Speaker 1: ended up there. We ended up y'all living in Baton 581 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: Rouge and me and Lafayette, you know, I mean, it 582 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:08,239 Speaker 1: ended up being in severely affecting my family life. And 583 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, how long? You know that was what was 584 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 1: important to me? You know how long? And and looking back, Kelly, 585 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: it broke my heart the first time in recovery. And 586 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 1: it was early on, at some point when I could 587 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: look back and see things clearly, that I realized that 588 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 1: alcohol was the most important thing to me, you know. 589 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: I mean if that I never if you would have 590 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: told me that, I wouldn't have believed it. It broke 591 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: my own heart when I realized that. I just thought 592 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 1: that nobody could be forgiven for that, you know, like, 593 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: how could you be that selfish? But that's the truth, 594 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 1: you know. I mean I had to start there. I 595 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: had to realize that I had basically ruined my family 596 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: life because I valued alcohol more, you know, And that 597 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 1: was hard to see. I didn't that was clueless about 598 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 1: that until I stopped drinking long enough to look back 599 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,600 Speaker 1: and see that, Yeah, that's exactly what what I was doing, 600 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 1: you know. So so I flunked that test. When I 601 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: was talking a guy, you know, that was big red flag. 602 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 1: He wants to know he's losing his family. He wants 603 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 1: to know how long. You know, I mean most non 604 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 1: alcoholics would say, okay, that's what I do, whatever it takes. Exactly. 605 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: It's like if you're not if you're not in our pot, 606 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 1: so what Yeah, you know I've had like your mom 607 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,000 Speaker 1: when I when I saw it, I was like, oh, 608 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: stop to a big deal. You know, it's just not 609 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 1: that big of a deal to her. That's That's what 610 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: I didn't understand, is that I'm bodily mentally different, you 611 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,800 Speaker 1: know than a nonalcoholic. You know that that's that it's 612 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,280 Speaker 1: not my fault, but it is my responsibility. You know. 613 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 1: It's like that is um, that is the facts. But 614 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,120 Speaker 1: I didn't know that first. So anyway, I'm still going 615 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 1: through this guy. It gets to be around Thanksgiving of nineteen. 616 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: Several things started happening, But one was y'all were living 617 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,479 Speaker 1: in Baton Rouge. If you remember, can you remember any 618 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,320 Speaker 1: of that? Okay that so I would, but I would 619 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: so I would come over all the time, you know, 620 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: and um, and it's like your mom was going to 621 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: therapy and or recovery group, you know, for for family 622 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 1: members about alcoholics, and you know, so she was getting 623 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,840 Speaker 1: all this new you know, this good information about the 624 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:21,400 Speaker 1: disease and how it was going. And um, I went 625 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 1: to seeing you know, my work life made me believe 626 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,200 Speaker 1: I wasn't an alcoholic. My exercise, you know, and I was. 627 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 1: I've always worked out and stayed in shape, and I 628 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,000 Speaker 1: would run in road races, you know, and so so 629 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: I'm kind of getting to the end. Several things happened 630 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 1: at the same time. But but there was a road 631 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,800 Speaker 1: race I think it was in New Orleans. I went 632 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,480 Speaker 1: to running it and I had stopped by the way 633 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 1: for two weeks, you know, the over two weeks thinking 634 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 1: I'm the only person in America not drinking. Why am 635 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: I doing this? You know, That's what it felt like 636 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,480 Speaker 1: to me. And um, I went to that race and 637 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 1: I was going rob you know, I just quit for 638 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 1: two weeks. And after the ace, at the finish line, 639 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 1: somebody handed me a beer because they have kegs. A 640 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: beer at the finish line it's like nine in the morning. Well, I, 641 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 1: you know, proceeded to drink the way I normally drank, 642 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 1: and I got really drunk. And I drove to Baton 643 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,760 Speaker 1: Rouge on the way you know, back, and stopped at 644 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: y'all's house, and um, your mom was just like, that 645 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 1: was it. You know, she had been talking in this 646 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,320 Speaker 1: council of looking back on it. I mean, she can 647 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,840 Speaker 1: tell you this story much better than live it in 648 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,640 Speaker 1: her in her recovery, she had been told that at 649 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 1: some point, you know, she's probably gonna have to pick 650 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: her and y'all over me, you know, and it's and 651 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 1: and that was that was the lowest point. I can't 652 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:45,120 Speaker 1: even tell you. It was right before Thanksgiving because she 653 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,080 Speaker 1: what she said was, you know, I shood up drunk 654 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 1: and I'm just thinking everybody's gonna be happy to see me, 655 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,360 Speaker 1: and she's just like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. 656 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 1: This is what really stunned me. She just goes because 657 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,480 Speaker 1: we had a lot of heated arguments about me being 658 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 1: an alcoholic, whether or whether I was or not. And 659 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: you know, I never I always fought back. I always 660 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,000 Speaker 1: told her how many reasons why I gave her all 661 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,200 Speaker 1: the reasons why I wasn't an alcoholic. You know, look 662 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 1: how important I am, you know, in my mind, that's 663 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,719 Speaker 1: what I thought, and Um, I just had pressure on me. 664 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,120 Speaker 1: That's why I just had a lot of pressure, you know. 665 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 1: So um, that's why I drink, you know, like I do. 666 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: And but I showed up and at the wrong time, 667 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 1: you know, and I've been drinking. She's just like, um, 668 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 1: because you don't have to stop. I just can't be 669 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 1: around you anymore. And then the wait what and then 670 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 1: she goes, Okay, let's go Crystal shopping for the kids. 671 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 1: It was like Thanksgiving herself and we went shopping together. 672 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,080 Speaker 1: We saw these friends. I was like, I'm sitting there going, man, 673 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,840 Speaker 1: she just dumped me. You know, I'm going, this is 674 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: my life. I said, what. What was so weird, Kelly 675 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: is that she wasn't fighting me anymore. She really didn't 676 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 1: want to response, if you follow what I'm saying, she 677 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 1: didn't She was not waiting for me to say, oh 678 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 1: okay or you know, let's she just said, do what 679 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: you wanna do. That stunned me when she wasn't gonna 680 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: fight with me anymore. And it really is only a point, 681 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,800 Speaker 1: you know, looking back on, like the alcoholic has to 682 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 1: hit bottom, so do the people around him, you know, 683 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: Like that's that's what I or her you know I've noticed, 684 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,200 Speaker 1: um is that your mom just had to get where 685 00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: you need to get. And the main reason, I don't 686 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,520 Speaker 1: know if you ever know the story, is because she 687 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,839 Speaker 1: the a therapist had told her, if you stay around him, 688 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,719 Speaker 1: you're gonna set your daughter up for a lag time 689 00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:33,479 Speaker 1: of pain. Yeah, and that was true. And it's like, man, 690 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,200 Speaker 1: that's hurts so bad when I heard that, but it 691 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 1: was true. And I used to get so mad at 692 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,440 Speaker 1: your mom and I hated her for doing that, but 693 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,319 Speaker 1: I loved her the most after I was obered up. 694 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 1: I mean, because I knew it. That takes so much 695 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: to do that. But she really just got to a point, 696 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,839 Speaker 1: in my judgment, to where the best thing you can 697 00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,439 Speaker 1: do is take care of yourself around a person. If 698 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 1: you have a family or a love loved one who's 699 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,600 Speaker 1: who's drinking like that, the best thing you can do 700 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 1: is take care of yourself. Because if if I could 701 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,799 Speaker 1: fight somebody, I did, you know, I mean, that's that's 702 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 1: what was normal for me. That's that was um what 703 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,440 Speaker 1: uh it It always kept me from looking at myself, 704 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,960 Speaker 1: but she didn't care, you know, here, go do whatever. 705 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: So I had to look at myself, you know, And 706 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 1: so that was just like this oh it was this hole. 707 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:29,360 Speaker 1: It was really just deflating, and I, of course drawback 708 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 1: to Lafayette got really drunk. This was the night before Thanksgiving. 709 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,400 Speaker 1: Woke up Thanksgiving morning. They didn't have Starbucks that back then, 710 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 1: I don't think. Or they had the one in Seattle, 711 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 1: but not not all over you know, the place like 712 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,840 Speaker 1: they do now. And there was a Kettle restaurant. I 713 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:48,000 Speaker 1: was going to your grandparents house for Thanksgiving, and you know, 714 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,360 Speaker 1: I needed to kind of sober up to get presentable 715 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,400 Speaker 1: because I really had a hangover. And I walked into 716 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 1: the Kettle restaurant and nobody is at the at any 717 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,440 Speaker 1: restaurant on Thanksgiving morning, everybody's with their family, you know. 718 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 1: And I walk in and I'm this guy. I'm thinking, 719 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,400 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I always wore a tie. I 720 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,800 Speaker 1: was like, you know, Mr businessman and stuff. And I 721 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,839 Speaker 1: walk in and it's just me, and there's these three 722 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,760 Speaker 1: guys sitting up at the bar. I'm in a booth 723 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 1: and they're drinking coffee. And I noticed one of his 724 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,319 Speaker 1: hands starts taking. They were like these what I call 725 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 1: low bottom alcoholics. They were street guys, you know, And 726 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: I recognized one of them. You know, the guy sitting 727 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 1: in the middle, I've recognized him. I had grown up 728 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:33,080 Speaker 1: with his kids. He had two little kids, you know. 729 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,240 Speaker 1: I mean he had two kids. I was in between 730 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 1: them in school, so you know, they both had blind hair, 731 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 1: and it's like I had grown up with them. I 732 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,919 Speaker 1: knew what it was like when your dad showed up 733 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,759 Speaker 1: at a baseball game or or an auditorium, you know, 734 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: something some program at school drunk. I could see it 735 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,879 Speaker 1: in their eyes. I had, you know, I had grown 736 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,840 Speaker 1: up with him, you know, and their mom had to 737 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:56,719 Speaker 1: be the breadwinner of the family, that kind of thing. 738 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 1: You know. It's like, and this guy he did what 739 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 1: I used to do for a living. I mean it 740 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,960 Speaker 1: was like you know the Christmas Carol, that movie It's 741 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,200 Speaker 1: your mom used to always say the guy that I 742 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,440 Speaker 1: worked for, that I inherit his business, you know, like 743 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,319 Speaker 1: she'd always say, you're just like him. And I get 744 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,440 Speaker 1: so mad because I was young and strong. I was 745 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: thirty three years old, you know, it's like, and um 746 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,480 Speaker 1: and so that I saw that guy and it just 747 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 1: hit me. I said, the only difference in me and 748 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,960 Speaker 1: him is twenty five years, you know, because because I 749 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:27,840 Speaker 1: had two little ones, you know, and it's like I 750 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,839 Speaker 1: could see y'all. You know, it's like I'll go, oh 751 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,480 Speaker 1: my god, that's what I'm gonna do to my children. 752 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 1: I couldn't see that at all before that day. So 753 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:36,839 Speaker 1: that to me, and I got friends to this day 754 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:40,880 Speaker 1: that called me up around Thanksgiving safe and they say, remember, like, ye, 755 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 1: it's very important that I remember. It's still there by 756 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: the way, you know it. I don't know if it's 757 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,919 Speaker 1: still open. We passed by this last time we went 758 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:54,760 Speaker 1: to laugh yet. But anyway, so so that was really 759 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,200 Speaker 1: I don't know, it was one of those I call 760 00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,600 Speaker 1: it God things, you know that for some reason, why eyes, 761 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: I could see that, I could see my future you know, 762 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,920 Speaker 1: and I've got thirty one years today, and I know 763 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,239 Speaker 1: what I would be like, you know, if that, if 764 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,640 Speaker 1: that turning point hadn't come, you know. And so the 765 00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,879 Speaker 1: miracle is I went. It was a Monday after that 766 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:19,480 Speaker 1: I went to see that counselor again. And what happened was, now, 767 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,040 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It was Wednesday that I saw him, but 768 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 1: I started on money. I said, I'm just gonna stop 769 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,480 Speaker 1: drinking again, you know, quit for two weeks. Have just 770 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:31,480 Speaker 1: a weekend of drinking. Uh you know, and and my 771 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,000 Speaker 1: judgment is actually more than a little weekend. But it's 772 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,640 Speaker 1: like I was gonna stop again that Monday, and when 773 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,759 Speaker 1: five o'clock came, it's like somebody turned the light on. 774 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: It's like, oh man, I could I really could use 775 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 1: beer or something. And but I didn't. I didn't drink 776 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,799 Speaker 1: for two days. And I went back to him on 777 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:50,120 Speaker 1: the next day, Wednesday, and I'm talking, I'm sitting in 778 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 1: this office, and he was, walk, how are you doing. 779 00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,600 Speaker 1: It's a great guy, save my life, really, you know, 780 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,880 Speaker 1: just a wonderful guy. And I was sitting across him 781 00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,920 Speaker 1: and he goes, he goes, well, how are you you know? 782 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 1: How you doing? How's it going? And I said, uh, well, 783 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,200 Speaker 1: this is weird, you know, I said, you remember when 784 00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,000 Speaker 1: you told me the stuff I stopped? You know, I 785 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,800 Speaker 1: didn't do it. I didn't drink. I was I was 786 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,080 Speaker 1: running for I was training for a race anyway, you know. 787 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,200 Speaker 1: And I didn't drink, you know, for two weeks. I said. 788 00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 1: But but Monday, when I tried to do that stop again, 789 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 1: it really um I said, it was really hard. And 790 00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:24,919 Speaker 1: then Tuesday it was really hard again. And he looked 791 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,399 Speaker 1: at me he goes, well, a lot of alcoholics can 792 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:34,600 Speaker 1: stop drinking for like six months. When he said those words, 793 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: I have been fighting so hard to prove that I 794 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,360 Speaker 1: was not an alcoholic, he said, but not many alcoholics 795 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:47,000 Speaker 1: can stay sober without a recovery program. Why don't you go? 796 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:51,040 Speaker 1: And I'm like, he was including me in that statement, 797 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: you know, and it just I can't tell you. I 798 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,040 Speaker 1: was so shocked that he was. But I also felt 799 00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,080 Speaker 1: like a guy who had been holding onto the side 800 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,800 Speaker 1: of a cliff, fighting to hold on, and I couldn't anymore. 801 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,520 Speaker 1: I just fell off backwards and I was free falling, 802 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:10,080 Speaker 1: you know. Um, And I said, you know, he goes, 803 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:11,839 Speaker 1: you know, why don't you Why don't you do that? 804 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:16,160 Speaker 1: You know? And and and and the miracle is Uh. After 805 00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:18,320 Speaker 1: I left his office, I went and called my buddy. 806 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,560 Speaker 1: I went, you know where Lafond's restaurant is. I met 807 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,680 Speaker 1: one of my best drinking buddies restaurant. I don't know 808 00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:27,600 Speaker 1: if you remember, Mr Peter, my buddy. Okay, So, so 809 00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,880 Speaker 1: I was sitting across and I still laugh about this, 810 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,120 Speaker 1: but so I said, I'm going in. I'm yeah, I'm 811 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,839 Speaker 1: doing it. And uh, He's sitting across me. I'm just 812 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,240 Speaker 1: pouring him down and it's not even affected me anymore. 813 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,919 Speaker 1: It's yeahah, yeah, yeah. I was it. I was going 814 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,480 Speaker 1: into treatment. I was going I didn't actually go to treatment, 815 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:46,960 Speaker 1: but I went to get help. I was going to 816 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,480 Speaker 1: get help, you know. And I made a decision I'm 817 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:53,160 Speaker 1: gonna do it no matter what. And so get dropped. 818 00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:57,759 Speaker 1: That's what isn't that what you do? Like? It wasn't 819 00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 1: a good I thought that was normal, you know. It's 820 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,480 Speaker 1: like so I was like one. I called my buddy 821 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,480 Speaker 1: and we sat there. I said, Pete, this is it 822 00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,480 Speaker 1: and he looked at me. I said, this is it. 823 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:13,800 Speaker 1: I'm going in. This is like November twenty eight n 824 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 1: you know, and um, he goes, he looked at me, goes, well, 825 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,080 Speaker 1: I got a grandmother who's and you know, who's a 826 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 1: recovered alcoholic, and um, you don't crave it, do you. 827 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,839 Speaker 1: He looked at me like that in his mouth. He goes, 828 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: you don't crave it, do you? And I was like, stop, Pete, 829 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,279 Speaker 1: don't confuse me. I don't I'm going this is it, 830 00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,200 Speaker 1: so let's do it, you know, and and uh, I 831 00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:38,920 Speaker 1: was like, you know, the miracle ist. I woke up 832 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,480 Speaker 1: the next day and and drove to Baton Rouge and 833 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,239 Speaker 1: and did it. You know, I joined the club, you know, 834 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:46,319 Speaker 1: and I was like, I asked for help, you know, 835 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,720 Speaker 1: and it's like and I joined in with some guys 836 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:54,840 Speaker 1: that can help me. Um, and I got so lucky 837 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,520 Speaker 1: that day. Well, let me give you the mindset. I'm 838 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,239 Speaker 1: driving there and before I left, I told you Mom, 839 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,479 Speaker 1: I said I'm gonna do it. You know. I didn't 840 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:05,840 Speaker 1: go get drunk with her. I just told her. I 841 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:07,840 Speaker 1: said I'm gonna do it, you know. And I was like, 842 00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,480 Speaker 1: give me a chance, you know, I'm gonna do it. 843 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,759 Speaker 1: And I said, I'm doing this. I said, but I 844 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,000 Speaker 1: don't know why I want to live. You know, I'm 845 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:15,840 Speaker 1: thirty three. Why would you want to live if you 846 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 1: can't drink? You know, I'm sitting here. I'm losing my family. 847 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,440 Speaker 1: You know. I had the best family, most beautiful little family, 848 00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:24,680 Speaker 1: you know, the best thing that anybody could have. And 849 00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,279 Speaker 1: I'm giving that up for alcohol. Oh I could think about, 850 00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,600 Speaker 1: is I can't ever drink again. You know That's what 851 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:33,480 Speaker 1: I thought. You know, that wouldn't surprise any alcoholic, you 852 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,920 Speaker 1: know what I mean that that's just that every time 853 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,000 Speaker 1: I've ready told that story. They're all, you know, we're 854 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,000 Speaker 1: not in their head. Yeah, and you know, so, uh 855 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,839 Speaker 1: that was my mentality or my uh my view of 856 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,080 Speaker 1: life when I was driving that long fifty miles, you know, 857 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,799 Speaker 1: so that nobody would know that I was, you know, 858 00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:54,439 Speaker 1: getting help for my alcoholism. And I found out later 859 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,400 Speaker 1: that I'm the only one who was surprised I was 860 00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,080 Speaker 1: getting help for alcoholism, you know, but I thought it 861 00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,319 Speaker 1: was all a secret, you know, except for the ones 862 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,960 Speaker 1: your mom was telling. You know. That's I kind of 863 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,080 Speaker 1: would blame her, but that was all her fault and 864 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,040 Speaker 1: in my judgment. But so I went. And when I 865 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:12,200 Speaker 1: got there, you know, and met these these men and 866 00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,239 Speaker 1: women who were in recovery, I was expecting people living 867 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:23,280 Speaker 1: under a bridge, and they were like very very you know, professional, um, 868 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:28,839 Speaker 1: nice looking, well dressed people, you know, confidence they were like, um, 869 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,400 Speaker 1: they were just you know speaking. When they started talking, 870 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,560 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my goodness, where have these people been? 871 00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,799 Speaker 1: You know, And that all happened and and and looking back, 872 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 1: and I tell you that was just so lucky because 873 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,080 Speaker 1: I've had so many friends that go in and and 874 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,680 Speaker 1: and think I'm not like them, you know, that's the 875 00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:49,960 Speaker 1: worst thing that you can do as a person teetering. 876 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:51,640 Speaker 1: You asked me early, and we'll get to that later. 877 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,239 Speaker 1: Whenever you want to about the turning point or the 878 00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,800 Speaker 1: the big you know, change or event that happened to 879 00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,880 Speaker 1: set your soul free, it's all that. It's that huge 880 00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:06,200 Speaker 1: turning point. That was the most positive consequential decision I've 881 00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:09,680 Speaker 1: ever made in my life. You know. Uh, Prior to that, 882 00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,360 Speaker 1: you would have asked me, what's the best thing that 883 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,080 Speaker 1: never happened you. I just said, I married your mom, 884 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,120 Speaker 1: I had you know, we had you, and then we 885 00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,040 Speaker 1: had Zachary, And those are the best things that I've 886 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,200 Speaker 1: ever happened to me. But if I don't have sobriety, 887 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,520 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna have any of those things, you know. 888 00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,040 Speaker 1: So if I wouldn't have sobered up, I know you 889 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,160 Speaker 1: wouldn't be in my life, you know, and I know 890 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,920 Speaker 1: your brother wouldn't be and I definitely know you wouldn't 891 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,479 Speaker 1: have been. You know, it's like I would have missed 892 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:39,040 Speaker 1: it all. You know, It's like in um that is Uh. 893 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,840 Speaker 1: That was a turning point, that was a huge tournament, 894 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,920 Speaker 1: and all I did was keep keep moving forward. You know. 895 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:47,440 Speaker 1: It's a spiritual program of action. It's a spiritual workout program. 896 00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,440 Speaker 1: And I could identify with that because I had been 897 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 1: working out physically, and that's what that's consort. Tony said, 898 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:56,200 Speaker 1: you're in good shape physically, but spiritually, you know, you're bankrupt. 899 00:44:56,320 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 1: You've got nothing there, you know, and um, and I 900 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,800 Speaker 1: realized it's a lifetime deal. But I only have to 901 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,360 Speaker 1: deal with it today, you know, because I my first 902 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:07,960 Speaker 1: thought was, you know, how am I gonna drink at 903 00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,480 Speaker 1: my daughter's wedding? Your age? You know that that's the 904 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,600 Speaker 1: stuff that we see. I'm lucky for you we live 905 00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:17,160 Speaker 1: across that bridge. I was just one like, yeah, I 906 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,000 Speaker 1: haven't been timpted in that way yet, you know, so 907 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,560 Speaker 1: you shouldn't even been worrieds. But yeah, that's what I'm saying. 908 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:28,800 Speaker 1: It just you know, I'm so fortunate that, um, that 909 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,200 Speaker 1: that turn happened, and that I liked them, you know 910 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,080 Speaker 1: that that I look at that that was all grace 911 00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,040 Speaker 1: and then a lot the rest of it's all a 912 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,319 Speaker 1: whole lot of effort on my part, you know. And 913 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,880 Speaker 1: that that's true. And there was an old guy I 914 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,600 Speaker 1: used to know. He used to he used to introduce 915 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,120 Speaker 1: himself and he'd say, by the grace of God, and 916 00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 1: a whole lot of effort on my part. You know, 917 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,279 Speaker 1: I'm sober, and so I got that that, you know, 918 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,880 Speaker 1: could all all your I mean, we know what the 919 00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:56,359 Speaker 1: problem is. Now here's the solution, you know, And and 920 00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:00,200 Speaker 1: that takes a lot of effort. But but not after 921 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,719 Speaker 1: the effort even that drinking took. Because to wrap up 922 00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:07,920 Speaker 1: my drinking story, um, which qualified me for recovery is 923 00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:11,000 Speaker 1: that in the beginning, alcohol gave me wings to fly, 924 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,879 Speaker 1: and then it took away the sky. And it's never 925 00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,920 Speaker 1: gonna be good for me again, you know, going back. 926 00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,000 Speaker 1: Once I crossed the line, it's not gonna be good. 927 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:20,759 Speaker 1: It's not gonna be like it was when I was 928 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:24,320 Speaker 1: a teenager and just thought the world changed and became 929 00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:29,000 Speaker 1: wonderful when I drank, you know. But that's been my experience. 930 00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:32,640 Speaker 1: That's what I've heard from others and and learned, um. 931 00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,440 Speaker 1: And then in every other area of my life has 932 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:39,120 Speaker 1: just been so much better because I said, here's the problem. 933 00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,920 Speaker 1: You know that again, if you would have asked me 934 00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:43,479 Speaker 1: for a list of what I didn't want to be, 935 00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:51,080 Speaker 1: alcoholic would have been number one, you know, I mean, yeah, yeah, 936 00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,839 Speaker 1: I mean, I just felt like alcoholics, are you kidding me? 937 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,080 Speaker 1: You know, it's just who you know, what do you 938 00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,399 Speaker 1: have to live for? That's the place to look at those. 939 00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,440 Speaker 1: I knew one guy in recovery, and I was just like, 940 00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:04,440 Speaker 1: why how is he so happy? You know, It's like, 941 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:06,719 Speaker 1: how can he be enjoying life? You know, It's like 942 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,319 Speaker 1: and now I go, here's the miracle for me? Kell 943 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,000 Speaker 1: about recovery is I like I told you, I just 944 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:15,080 Speaker 1: wanted to die. Literally that was my mindset. Why what's 945 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:17,800 Speaker 1: the use of living? And you know the real reason 946 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,880 Speaker 1: was I had stopped drinking in the past. I just 947 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,640 Speaker 1: didn't like being sober. I never liked it. You know. 948 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:25,359 Speaker 1: Once I started drinking and felt that, I always wanted 949 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,440 Speaker 1: to and I always did go back to it, you know, 950 00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,839 Speaker 1: but I like, you know, there's tools and recovery that 951 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:34,399 Speaker 1: can help me like being sober. Yeah, I like it, man, 952 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,839 Speaker 1: I really do. I prefer to be And I remember this, 953 00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:39,760 Speaker 1: you know, so many people have helped me so many ways. 954 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,000 Speaker 1: But I remember this lady, you know that in Baton Rouge, 955 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,920 Speaker 1: you know, just you know telling me. I can't imagine 956 00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,040 Speaker 1: I was thinking I was so deprived, you know, like oh, 957 00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:53,040 Speaker 1: everybody's a party and you know, I'm young guy, just 958 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,520 Speaker 1: me and you people, you know, and that kind of thing. 959 00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:57,719 Speaker 1: And this lady goes, he goes. I can't think of 960 00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:01,600 Speaker 1: anything more boring than drink, being on people that are drinking. 961 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,439 Speaker 1: And I'm going like what wait, wait, I'm missing out. 962 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:06,960 Speaker 1: You know that's not and and and now I was 963 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,000 Speaker 1: just like, you know, if you want to drink, it's 964 00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,920 Speaker 1: your business. If you want to help stopping, I can 965 00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:13,719 Speaker 1: help you with that. You know, that's and that that's 966 00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:16,600 Speaker 1: another part of our recovery is is not everybody's like me, 967 00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,000 Speaker 1: you know, and and and and part of the base 968 00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,759 Speaker 1: of my recovery is to realize that this is the 969 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,040 Speaker 1: program I need and it's not for everybody, and it's 970 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,319 Speaker 1: perfect okay for other people to drink. And but if 971 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,560 Speaker 1: anybody ever wants help stop and I can do this. 972 00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,160 Speaker 1: I can share my story if you know they want 973 00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:37,880 Speaker 1: to hear it. And um if not, uh, I know 974 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:40,440 Speaker 1: that there is a way to life being sober. I mean, honestly, 975 00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,120 Speaker 1: I'd prefer it. I've had from my life. I definitely 976 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,080 Speaker 1: would prefer it almost all the time. You know, there's 977 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:49,360 Speaker 1: there's sometimes I feel a little left out or whatever. 978 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,959 Speaker 1: But that doesn't last. I mean, it's not it would 979 00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:53,680 Speaker 1: never be worked it. For me, this life has just 980 00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:56,919 Speaker 1: been so good. And as you know, when I after 981 00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,080 Speaker 1: a year, I got to come back and live with y'all, 982 00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:01,360 Speaker 1: you know, and and in my view, I was you know, 983 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,160 Speaker 1: I used to share that with people. I'd say, I'm 984 00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:06,640 Speaker 1: getting back with my family, and they would say, like, well, 985 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,279 Speaker 1: your wife is taking you back. There's a difference, you know, 986 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,040 Speaker 1: and it's like, that's what happened, you know, if your 987 00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:16,000 Speaker 1: mom let me have a chance, and um and uh, 988 00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,280 Speaker 1: next August will have forty two years, will be married, 989 00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:22,200 Speaker 1: forty two years, not in a row. Always clarify that 990 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:30,880 Speaker 1: forty two cumulative years of marriage, you know. So anyway, 991 00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,680 Speaker 1: that's kind of my story pumping you if you can 992 00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:40,600 Speaker 1: get something out of that, Well you did actually just 993 00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,800 Speaker 1: piece together so much for me, Like I've heard bits 994 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,239 Speaker 1: and pieces of all of that, I think, but I 995 00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:48,839 Speaker 1: don't know that I've ever heard it back to back 996 00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:53,040 Speaker 1: to back. And the interesting thing about when you asked me, 997 00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,600 Speaker 1: like what it was like for me, you know, it's 998 00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:59,560 Speaker 1: like even when I've been in therapy, Um, there's parts 999 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,520 Speaker 1: of much. How do I just like don't remember, and 1000 00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,479 Speaker 1: so I don't know if I've like blocked it out 1001 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,600 Speaker 1: or what it is about that. You know, maybe I 1002 00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:09,680 Speaker 1: was too young and so kind of hearing some of that, 1003 00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,080 Speaker 1: even what you said about when I would tell Mom 1004 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,279 Speaker 1: that you had a beard or whatever because you've been 1005 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,520 Speaker 1: drinking beer. But the weird thing is, I mean, it's funny, 1006 00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:22,000 Speaker 1: but it's also like I have had a trigger too 1007 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,839 Speaker 1: when like I've had boyfriends come home and they've been 1008 00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:29,040 Speaker 1: drinking beer and the smell it's like a flashback moment 1009 00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:31,800 Speaker 1: for me, and it always makes me sick in my stomach. 1010 00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:34,719 Speaker 1: So it's really interesting because that must have had a 1011 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,880 Speaker 1: big impact on me, and I didn't know. The things 1012 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,760 Speaker 1: I do remember, um are like I do remember hearing 1013 00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,160 Speaker 1: like the click of a beer can is very familiar 1014 00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,680 Speaker 1: to me, and I would be in bed but I 1015 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:51,560 Speaker 1: heard it, and I remember you and Mom arguing like 1016 00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:54,360 Speaker 1: about do you have to drink tonight? And I was 1017 00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:59,120 Speaker 1: probably like five, but I remember, Um, I remember us 1018 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:01,719 Speaker 1: being at like New big festivals a lot. I don't know, 1019 00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,480 Speaker 1: or maybe it was like just festivals and laugh yette, 1020 00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,040 Speaker 1: but like there's always was just alcohol and that was 1021 00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:10,239 Speaker 1: like it's weird because, as you said, in South Louisiana, 1022 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:13,839 Speaker 1: that's like a part of life. And um, so there's 1023 00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:15,840 Speaker 1: a part of me growing up that that was like 1024 00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,239 Speaker 1: really familiar and I was. I liked it, you know, 1025 00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:22,239 Speaker 1: because it was what I knew. Um, But now like 1026 00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:24,200 Speaker 1: looking back, I can be like, yeah, there there was 1027 00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:27,640 Speaker 1: a lot of activities that probably revolved around alcohol, you 1028 00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:31,719 Speaker 1: know or whatever it was. Um, but listening to you 1029 00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:35,040 Speaker 1: and mom's dynamic is the thing that really just stuck 1030 00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,160 Speaker 1: out to me the most because it's what I've repeated 1031 00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:41,240 Speaker 1: so many times. I mean, it's just like that therapists 1032 00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:45,080 Speaker 1: nailed it when they said, uh, you know, like that 1033 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:47,360 Speaker 1: your daughter's gonna affected. I think I still you know, 1034 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:50,920 Speaker 1: I still was. And again it's like I wanna when 1035 00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,200 Speaker 1: I think about listeners hearing this, like you and I 1036 00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:55,080 Speaker 1: have talked about this in upset where I think we 1037 00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:58,560 Speaker 1: know there's not like I don't sit here and blame 1038 00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:00,640 Speaker 1: you for the troubles I've had us an adult or 1039 00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,000 Speaker 1: in relationships or anything like that. I have to look 1040 00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,319 Speaker 1: at it or else I can't change it. But it 1041 00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:11,320 Speaker 1: is my responsibility now and so I take that and um, 1042 00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:15,480 Speaker 1: but yeah, definitely I've repeated it, you know, it makes 1043 00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:21,200 Speaker 1: me a little emotional. Mm hmm, yeah, I was remembered 1044 00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:23,239 Speaker 1: one last thing. I was thinking. You know, you were 1045 00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:26,080 Speaker 1: always my little cheerleader one way or the other. When 1046 00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:30,200 Speaker 1: I sobered up, you were so proud of me. And 1047 00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:31,880 Speaker 1: I go to live with y'all too, you know. But 1048 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,719 Speaker 1: like when I got my six months chip, you know, 1049 00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,640 Speaker 1: like amid chip to indicate I got six months, and 1050 00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:38,359 Speaker 1: you know, I came and showed it to y'all, and 1051 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:41,920 Speaker 1: and it's like, um, you ran around the neighborhood, you know, 1052 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,239 Speaker 1: so proud. Just tell everybody my daddy got a six 1053 00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:55,040 Speaker 1: month chip, and talk about again again. My my nanimity 1054 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,640 Speaker 1: was broken when I fell off barstools or you know, 1055 00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,680 Speaker 1: bumped into the ran in the car, into the trash 1056 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,799 Speaker 1: can or whatever coming home. You know, it's like, uh, 1057 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,880 Speaker 1: nobody did that to me. But that was so cute, 1058 00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,880 Speaker 1: you know, just like I mean, somehow we got through it, 1059 00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,520 Speaker 1: and and and the other thing is, uh, so I 1060 00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:15,120 Speaker 1: can validate your growing up. So I stopped drinking. My 1061 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:19,359 Speaker 1: recovery started when you were eight. You actually and your 1062 00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:22,080 Speaker 1: mom and I were talking about this. It's like, um, 1063 00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:24,560 Speaker 1: you know the alcoholic. When you start drinking, you don't 1064 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,560 Speaker 1: grow emotionally, you know. And so despite me thinking I 1065 00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,000 Speaker 1: was so mr important and all that stuff, I was 1066 00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:34,560 Speaker 1: really a child. I was very childless, immature, and um, 1067 00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,360 Speaker 1: you know, so I had to grow up with y'all, 1068 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,480 Speaker 1: you know, I had to grow and one thing, like 1069 00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:41,440 Speaker 1: one of them again, my friends, you know, like they 1070 00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,840 Speaker 1: would go like, hey, don't be afraid to be authentic, 1071 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,480 Speaker 1: and then you use that word. At the time, there 1072 00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,040 Speaker 1: was like, don't be afraid to let your children see 1073 00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,600 Speaker 1: you struggle, you know, don't don't lie to them, just 1074 00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,200 Speaker 1: to let them know I'm struggling. And I made a mistake, 1075 00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:55,920 Speaker 1: you know, and and and we gotta we got a 1076 00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,360 Speaker 1: way to do that as part of our program is 1077 00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,359 Speaker 1: to you know, clean up the messes we make now, 1078 00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,200 Speaker 1: you know, and but do that in front of him, 1079 00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:08,400 Speaker 1: don't hide it, you know. And that was huge for me, uh, 1080 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,080 Speaker 1: to make mistakes. And your mom and I were laughing 1081 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:14,279 Speaker 1: because you know, it was hard growing up being a 1082 00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:16,360 Speaker 1: grown man, growing up with you and you were probably 1083 00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:19,200 Speaker 1: in most cases more and I remember you saying this, 1084 00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,000 Speaker 1: you know that I was more like a friend than 1085 00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:25,720 Speaker 1: our brother than a you know, a dad. Uh you know, Uh, 1086 00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:27,560 Speaker 1: that's the truth. You know. It's like I had to 1087 00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,160 Speaker 1: grow up with you. And I remember one time, you know, 1088 00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:33,760 Speaker 1: you had it. You're you know, throwing a little tantum 1089 00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:38,040 Speaker 1: or whatever, like like thirteen year old kids. Dude. It's like, 1090 00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,160 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, you had quite a strong young lady. 1091 00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,960 Speaker 1: But you know, um, but your mom had to DISSI one, 1092 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:46,200 Speaker 1: you know. So anyway, Uh, I just remember saying to 1093 00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:49,080 Speaker 1: your mom and said, look, she does it too, you know, 1094 00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:50,560 Speaker 1: and you want to look at me, And she goes, 1095 00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:54,640 Speaker 1: it's age appropriate. She's thirteen, it's age appropriate for her 1096 00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:56,520 Speaker 1: to do it. And I was, you know, I was going, 1097 00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,319 Speaker 1: I was looking, you know. I mean, I had to 1098 00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:05,520 Speaker 1: grow up with y'all. You know, and um, that is 1099 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,200 Speaker 1: what it is. But that's the truth, you know. And 1100 00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:12,200 Speaker 1: and it's one thing probably the best medicine, you know, 1101 00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:15,160 Speaker 1: and it talks about that, and in the recovery literature 1102 00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,920 Speaker 1: for alcoholics is you know, the mess the capacity to 1103 00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,920 Speaker 1: be honest. And I did not know I was living 1104 00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:24,279 Speaker 1: a lot when I came in, you know. But it's 1105 00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,279 Speaker 1: been a process. It's not an event. It's a daily deal, 1106 00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:31,360 Speaker 1: you know, it's a daily workout. You know, uh spiritual 1107 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,080 Speaker 1: program for me that has to be just as important 1108 00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:38,640 Speaker 1: as my physical one because uh um, as you know 1109 00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:40,960 Speaker 1: you've lived with me, you know, we make mistakes as 1110 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,799 Speaker 1: we go along. We gotta you know, not brush them 1111 00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,359 Speaker 1: under the rug, you know, just be willing to look 1112 00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,080 Speaker 1: at it. And some of them are hard to look at. 1113 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:51,239 Speaker 1: I remember this conversation came up at twenty two years 1114 00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:54,040 Speaker 1: that I had been you know, in my view, a 1115 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,479 Speaker 1: great father for twenty two years, you know, and and 1116 00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:58,879 Speaker 1: you were going through some stuff in your recovery and 1117 00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:02,319 Speaker 1: you needed to talk about stuff. So um. You know, 1118 00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:06,200 Speaker 1: I've had people tell me both ways on that no, 1119 00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:07,560 Speaker 1: you made a manage you don't have to make and 1120 00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:09,680 Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, I never really have made 1121 00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:12,719 Speaker 1: direct amends to Kelly. I tried to be different, you know. 1122 00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,160 Speaker 1: I went to I went to child raising classes at 1123 00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:18,200 Speaker 1: this at this therapist clinic. You know. I mean I 1124 00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:20,799 Speaker 1: did everything my mentors told me to do, you know, 1125 00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:22,560 Speaker 1: but I had a long way to go. You know. 1126 00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:27,240 Speaker 1: It's like, um, but anyway that you know, I had 1127 00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:28,560 Speaker 1: and I had to learn a lot of stuff with you. 1128 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,160 Speaker 1: But that was big for me and that I needed 1129 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:36,880 Speaker 1: to validate what you went through, you know, because I think, um, 1130 00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:38,920 Speaker 1: you know, family members love each other and so we 1131 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,400 Speaker 1: don't you know sometimes and I didn't want to go 1132 00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:43,799 Speaker 1: back to that, you know, in my judgment, I've been 1133 00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,279 Speaker 1: different for twenty two years at the time, you know, 1134 00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:49,360 Speaker 1: but I knew it was important anyway, and and I 1135 00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,439 Speaker 1: don't you know, I guess that's why part of our 1136 00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,879 Speaker 1: recovery is to just to talk about what it was like, 1137 00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,560 Speaker 1: you know, just to remember and and uh, you know 1138 00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,520 Speaker 1: that I don't want to go back there and that. 1139 00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:03,240 Speaker 1: But I'm also very capable and on a regular basis 1140 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,839 Speaker 1: make mistakes, you know, as I go along, and and 1141 00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,760 Speaker 1: there's ways to try to clean those up, you know, yeah, 1142 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,239 Speaker 1: if I can when they happened, rather than letting them 1143 00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:13,440 Speaker 1: linger and that kind of thing. So it's great tools 1144 00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:16,920 Speaker 1: for living. But it's not like, uh, we're the perfect 1145 00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:21,960 Speaker 1: little family, you know. But actually the thing, the couple 1146 00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:25,000 Speaker 1: of notes that I did make was, um, you know, 1147 00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:29,160 Speaker 1: like when my life did fall apart a decade ago, 1148 00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:32,600 Speaker 1: like when I hit my first I think real bottom. Um, 1149 00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,360 Speaker 1: you mom were the first people I called. I will 1150 00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:37,680 Speaker 1: never forget it. It It was like I waited until the 1151 00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:40,240 Speaker 1: clock took six o'clock because I had been up all 1152 00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:44,240 Speaker 1: night and I didn't I didn't I didn't know what 1153 00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:47,800 Speaker 1: to do necessarily, but I knew exactly where to go 1154 00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,160 Speaker 1: because I had seen you guys do it. And so 1155 00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,160 Speaker 1: that though I look back or I tell my friends 1156 00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:58,320 Speaker 1: that story, even my recovery friends, and there in all 1157 00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:00,760 Speaker 1: all the time, just like what a if that is? 1158 00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,200 Speaker 1: And I probably took it for granted for a long time. 1159 00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,600 Speaker 1: But even but as I'm getting like older and more 1160 00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,960 Speaker 1: into this, I'm realizing it is a true gift that 1161 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,440 Speaker 1: I've been modeled. Like I think we are what we 1162 00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:15,080 Speaker 1: see and so no, I didn't have the perfect childhood 1163 00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:18,880 Speaker 1: or whatever, but nobody does. And so the greatest gift 1164 00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:22,720 Speaker 1: that you guys gave me was the gift of owning 1165 00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:27,160 Speaker 1: your mistakes, doing the work to make it right and 1166 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,720 Speaker 1: do something different, and to to always know that like, 1167 00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:33,520 Speaker 1: no matter what happens, there are places to go and 1168 00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:37,320 Speaker 1: people to help, and like unconditional love that's out there 1169 00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:41,720 Speaker 1: and um and it's yeah, it's just like it's there 1170 00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:44,240 Speaker 1: for you if you want it. And so those are 1171 00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,960 Speaker 1: the things that you guys gave me. And like I 1172 00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,560 Speaker 1: said to this was a gift just now because I can, 1173 00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,400 Speaker 1: like I don't look at the stuff in the story 1174 00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,240 Speaker 1: that's maybe not like stuff you're product or whatever and 1175 00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,440 Speaker 1: go like, oh my dad sucked. I'm like very much like, 1176 00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,960 Speaker 1: oh that makes sense, no wonder I've like like I 1177 00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,760 Speaker 1: was your biggest cheerleader. Well you know, jigs out. That's 1178 00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:09,920 Speaker 1: what I'm do in relationships too, like the biggest cheerleader 1179 00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:13,560 Speaker 1: for people who don't deserve it necessarily, and so that's mine. 1180 00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:15,600 Speaker 1: It's like what you said, the people around you have 1181 00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:18,160 Speaker 1: to hit a bottom too, Like that is very true. 1182 00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:23,560 Speaker 1: And it's hard, especially when someone you love is you know, 1183 00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:27,360 Speaker 1: destructive or like hurting themselves or hurting you, like you 1184 00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:29,800 Speaker 1: just want to help. If you're wired the way that 1185 00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:31,919 Speaker 1: I'm wired, and I think Mom's wired, it's just like 1186 00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,760 Speaker 1: it's the hardest thing to put down, Like I have 1187 00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:38,200 Speaker 1: to walk away from them, and I feel so cruel, 1188 00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:42,040 Speaker 1: you know, but it's ground grateful that you've told me 1189 00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:44,000 Speaker 1: that's the most loving thing to do. It's helped me 1190 00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:48,280 Speaker 1: in so many scenarios. Yeah, it's interesting that you bring 1191 00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:51,800 Speaker 1: up that call because I remember, you know, as a parent, 1192 00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,680 Speaker 1: well you know, in recovery, I get to be a parent. 1193 00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,560 Speaker 1: I'm certain I wouldn't have been available or if I'm 1194 00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,560 Speaker 1: may be dead, you know, because because your mom has 1195 01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:05,920 Speaker 1: friends who's uh x is don't have the same story 1196 01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:09,040 Speaker 1: I have, you know, and it's and it's so anyway, 1197 01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,760 Speaker 1: I remember that call coming in and I can't tell 1198 01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:14,360 Speaker 1: you at six am in the morning, when you see 1199 01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:18,840 Speaker 1: your daughter's name pop up on your phone, that's not 1200 01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:22,840 Speaker 1: a good feeling. No, I mean I knew something wasn't good, 1201 01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:28,600 Speaker 1: but I was so glad you called. Yeah, that's you 1202 01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:31,320 Speaker 1: could call me, you know. I was like, that's and 1203 01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:38,160 Speaker 1: I bragged about that. That's what we do. Other people 1204 01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:40,040 Speaker 1: might not think that's a big deal. That's a big 1205 01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:45,320 Speaker 1: deal deal, you know my kind. I didn't want to 1206 01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,640 Speaker 1: be my kind at all. But I remember the first 1207 01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:52,320 Speaker 1: time I ever said that our kind, I'm like, that's 1208 01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:55,680 Speaker 1: your kind, that's not my kind. Well, it's not a 1209 01:00:55,720 --> 01:00:57,320 Speaker 1: club you ever are, like, you know what, I want 1210 01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:01,840 Speaker 1: to know the house on the block. Nobody wants to 1211 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:05,080 Speaker 1: join it, you know, But but I am our kind. 1212 01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:07,640 Speaker 1: And that's a big deal. If your daughter calls you, 1213 01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:10,480 Speaker 1: you know, on that when she needs help, because because you, 1214 01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:12,480 Speaker 1: you wouldn't have been able to rely on me if 1215 01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:14,840 Speaker 1: I was still alive. You know, it's like there's a 1216 01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:17,520 Speaker 1: there's a good chance. I mean, you know, mine's got 1217 01:01:17,560 --> 01:01:20,200 Speaker 1: some friends like their stories are totally different, you know, 1218 01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:24,600 Speaker 1: and that's a sad deal. I mean, what's weird to 1219 01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:27,240 Speaker 1: me is I've had so many and I've told you 1220 01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:29,040 Speaker 1: some of these through the years, and you may or 1221 01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:30,880 Speaker 1: may not remember. When we're living in a Baton Rouge, 1222 01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,280 Speaker 1: there's some high profile folks, you know, that are affected 1223 01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:37,240 Speaker 1: by alcoholism. And I never ceased to be amazed at 1224 01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:40,120 Speaker 1: the people I run into, you know. But but but 1225 01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,680 Speaker 1: we're all the same, you know. I mean I used gonna, 1226 01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:47,840 Speaker 1: you know, to meet with others alcoholics downtown Baton Rouge, 1227 01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:50,400 Speaker 1: and you had businessmen and you had people out the streets, 1228 01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:55,000 Speaker 1: and really for those times together, that one hour spent together, 1229 01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:57,240 Speaker 1: there's no difference, you know. I mean that's why you 1230 01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,480 Speaker 1: see people nodding their heads, both in the streets and 1231 01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:02,000 Speaker 1: from the busy. This thing we got this stuff, you know, 1232 01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,920 Speaker 1: this stuff amongst us, that's you know, this thing among us, 1233 01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,320 Speaker 1: it's it's you know, it's the common problem. But we 1234 01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:10,680 Speaker 1: have a solution for it. And I'm so grateful because 1235 01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:13,040 Speaker 1: there's been so many people I can honestly say, you 1236 01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:16,880 Speaker 1: know this coming from somebody who was too important, you know, 1237 01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:19,840 Speaker 1: to be an alcoholic. Literally, I thought I was too important. 1238 01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:23,880 Speaker 1: You know. Um, there's been of the people I've seen 1239 01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,880 Speaker 1: die of alcoholism. Most of them are more educated than 1240 01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:28,720 Speaker 1: I am, most of them are smarter than I am, 1241 01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:30,840 Speaker 1: and most of them have more money than me. You know, 1242 01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:32,880 Speaker 1: all things that used to make a lot of mean 1243 01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:36,400 Speaker 1: a lot to me. You know, it's like that is, uh, 1244 01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:40,200 Speaker 1: that doesn't matter. You know, this thing that perfect little 1245 01:02:40,240 --> 01:02:42,640 Speaker 1: family in a lot of cases doesn't exist. You know. 1246 01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,680 Speaker 1: It's like there's people that talking about your mom always 1247 01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:49,919 Speaker 1: talks about judging your outs, your other people's outside, about 1248 01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:54,960 Speaker 1: your insides or I'm not sure the right comparing I 1249 01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:58,000 Speaker 1: comp Yeah, that's what I do. And you know that's 1250 01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,959 Speaker 1: I'm just telling you. When that call came, I knew 1251 01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,840 Speaker 1: it was not good, but I was so grateful. That's 1252 01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,160 Speaker 1: kind of the it's kind of the paradox of this 1253 01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,960 Speaker 1: whole deal. I was so grateful that you would call me, 1254 01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:13,520 Speaker 1: and I just I did. I told I had talked 1255 01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:17,080 Speaker 1: to people since that time, Um that are new to 1256 01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:19,360 Speaker 1: recovery and stuff, I said, you know, and I know, 1257 01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:21,240 Speaker 1: and when I always hold in on when when I 1258 01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:23,280 Speaker 1: see they have kids, because I said, you know, I 1259 01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:25,400 Speaker 1: wouldn't be a part of my children's life, you know. 1260 01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:27,800 Speaker 1: And now when we talk all the time, you know. 1261 01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,440 Speaker 1: And and my daughter called me when she was out 1262 01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:32,880 Speaker 1: of his low spots so I can get to you know. 1263 01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:36,360 Speaker 1: I said, that's amazing, because I'm quite certain if I 1264 01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:41,720 Speaker 1: was alive, you would hate me. Well. The other reason 1265 01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:43,959 Speaker 1: I even thought to do this podcast in the first 1266 01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,600 Speaker 1: place was, UM, I had posted a while back, I 1267 01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:49,360 Speaker 1: told you about this on my Instagram, and I was 1268 01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:54,760 Speaker 1: giving people what you give me every day, which is, UM, 1269 01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,000 Speaker 1: what to focus on on a hard time, which is 1270 01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:59,680 Speaker 1: the sun came up. And I said, my dad text 1271 01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:02,800 Speaker 1: me I every morning and says, the sun came up. 1272 01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:06,040 Speaker 1: And it's just like this amazing way to start my 1273 01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:09,560 Speaker 1: day to remember no matter what I'm going through, and 1274 01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:11,680 Speaker 1: I've been going through a hard time that we started 1275 01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:13,320 Speaker 1: this probably it was like eight months ago and I 1276 01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:15,160 Speaker 1: was in a pretty dark place and so you just 1277 01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:18,040 Speaker 1: started texting me every morning and you say that, and 1278 01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:22,120 Speaker 1: it was like something about that consistency from my dad 1279 01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:26,680 Speaker 1: as like a foundation. Um. The listeners would be like, 1280 01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:31,720 Speaker 1: they're so emotional, they're used to it from me. But 1281 01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:35,040 Speaker 1: it's like that was something I began to rely on 1282 01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:37,760 Speaker 1: and like it really did help me in my healing 1283 01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:41,440 Speaker 1: process to remember, you know, kind of the safety and 1284 01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:43,760 Speaker 1: that and what it feels like, and so then I 1285 01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,000 Speaker 1: could go about my day and take the next right 1286 01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:48,360 Speaker 1: step and do all the things and also just have 1287 01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:51,040 Speaker 1: the hope, like the sun came up, and it's another 1288 01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:55,320 Speaker 1: gift of your sobriety is that one that we have 1289 01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:58,800 Speaker 1: the relationship that we have now, but to that you know, 1290 01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:01,560 Speaker 1: you can show up for me and that way emotionally. 1291 01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,760 Speaker 1: I think a lot of my friends who even their 1292 01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:06,200 Speaker 1: dads maybe aren't alcoholics, so they're like, I'm just shocked 1293 01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:09,640 Speaker 1: your dad can be so emotionally vulnerable about stuff like that, 1294 01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:11,960 Speaker 1: Like that you can talk to your dad about that. 1295 01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:16,800 Speaker 1: That's crazy, um, and it's just so great. It's it's 1296 01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:19,480 Speaker 1: truly such a gift. And so that was another thing 1297 01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:21,520 Speaker 1: that I had thought, was like, Oh, it's because I'm 1298 01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:23,080 Speaker 1: sitting here telling the story and I'm like, yeah, I 1299 01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,160 Speaker 1: grew up an alcoholic home. But I'm like, yeah, but 1300 01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:27,400 Speaker 1: now my dad texts me every day and says, hey, 1301 01:05:27,440 --> 01:05:29,760 Speaker 1: the sun came up, like smell the roses. What are 1302 01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:31,840 Speaker 1: you gonna get out and do today? Or you know whatever, 1303 01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:35,880 Speaker 1: and so it looks a lot different. So with that said, 1304 01:05:35,960 --> 01:05:40,000 Speaker 1: what does life look like now? What life looks like now? 1305 01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:43,880 Speaker 1: You mean like today or in the second half of recovery, 1306 01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:47,600 Speaker 1: I mean, all of it great. I mean, well, I'm 1307 01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:49,880 Speaker 1: I'm retired. If I want to be, I do some 1308 01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:54,400 Speaker 1: some side work from time to time. But um, I'm retired, 1309 01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:57,200 Speaker 1: which is miraculous. You know, that's that probably wouldn't have 1310 01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:59,840 Speaker 1: been able to happen either, you know. I mean you 1311 01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:04,000 Speaker 1: I must have somehow learned to stop self destructing, you know, 1312 01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:06,640 Speaker 1: and I find that, you know, just to make sure 1313 01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:11,200 Speaker 1: I'm full disclosure, I found self sabotaging habits. I've had 1314 01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:13,400 Speaker 1: to deal with that in recovery, you know, like I mean, 1315 01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:15,960 Speaker 1: after I made this thing, I'm gonna get help for this. 1316 01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:18,439 Speaker 1: It's not the end, you know, just right off into 1317 01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:21,600 Speaker 1: the sunset. It's not. When you become aware of those 1318 01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:26,440 Speaker 1: habits and those those reactions and those involuntary responses to 1319 01:06:26,840 --> 01:06:33,640 Speaker 1: things that you know, um, they can change your life. Um. 1320 01:06:33,640 --> 01:06:37,720 Speaker 1: Sorry about that. That was on um, But anyway, Uh, 1321 01:06:37,920 --> 01:06:41,760 Speaker 1: that um kind of got thrown off? Can you delete this? 1322 01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:47,600 Speaker 1: You were just saying like that, you it's not like 1323 01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:50,160 Speaker 1: you get in recovery and right off into the sunset. 1324 01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:54,520 Speaker 1: It's just like I mean, also, I had this this 1325 01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:57,960 Speaker 1: um perception maybe of getting help that like life was 1326 01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:01,720 Speaker 1: supposed to get easy then, and like life still happens, 1327 01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:04,520 Speaker 1: life on life's terms, right, Like it's like life still happens, 1328 01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:08,240 Speaker 1: and the human condition is painful. It just is. I 1329 01:07:08,320 --> 01:07:11,920 Speaker 1: have found tools that helped me deal with it in relationships, 1330 01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:14,400 Speaker 1: you know, even including going to have with you that 1331 01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,000 Speaker 1: helped me get through the hard times that have been 1332 01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:21,440 Speaker 1: gifts because of of the nature of this kind of stuff. 1333 01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:24,680 Speaker 1: Does that put you back on track to what you thought? Yeah? 1334 01:07:24,760 --> 01:07:27,040 Speaker 1: So well. I mean I can just say that nothing 1335 01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:30,440 Speaker 1: that you get from me is original. If it's good, 1336 01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:34,200 Speaker 1: it's not original from me. It comes from somebody. And 1337 01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,760 Speaker 1: there's there's so many people that I owe such a 1338 01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:41,080 Speaker 1: debt of gratitude too. And I've heard that gratitude is 1339 01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:43,120 Speaker 1: an action, you know, and I try to pass it 1340 01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:45,280 Speaker 1: on if anybody wants to. And now you invited me 1341 01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:47,360 Speaker 1: to do that. Let's make that clear. If somebody's listening, 1342 01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:52,280 Speaker 1: because I was. I started texting you with encouragement when 1343 01:07:52,320 --> 01:07:55,520 Speaker 1: you had COVID this last time, because it was Christmas 1344 01:07:55,560 --> 01:07:58,640 Speaker 1: and I knew to try to mind my own business 1345 01:07:58,640 --> 01:08:01,840 Speaker 1: when I'm supposed to also know. But it's like, um, 1346 01:08:01,960 --> 01:08:04,600 Speaker 1: and you got over COVID and you're by yourself in 1347 01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:07,760 Speaker 1: the hall of just a very down experience for anybody, 1348 01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:11,360 Speaker 1: you know. And so that's what and and then and 1349 01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:13,040 Speaker 1: then you asked me after that, I remember maybe I 1350 01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:15,000 Speaker 1: stopped something, said, hey, you keep doing that, you know 1351 01:08:15,040 --> 01:08:18,559 Speaker 1: what I mean. All I'm saying is when somebody asks you, 1352 01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:21,320 Speaker 1: if somebody wants me to be you know, I like 1353 01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,519 Speaker 1: to pass along. But it's all you know, Honestly, I 1354 01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:28,800 Speaker 1: had nothing when I got to to recovery. I had 1355 01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:31,719 Speaker 1: absolutely nothing but disease, you know. But but the ways 1356 01:08:32,240 --> 01:08:33,560 Speaker 1: and he told me, you know, they said, if you 1357 01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:36,320 Speaker 1: don't know what to do, Champ, just do the opposite, 1358 01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,960 Speaker 1: through the opposite of what comes natural to you, because 1359 01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,080 Speaker 1: you know that's what got you where you are. You 1360 01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:43,880 Speaker 1: know you need to you need to learn a different 1361 01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:46,320 Speaker 1: way life. And it is and so if it's if 1362 01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:49,679 Speaker 1: if I ever pass along something that it's really meaningful. 1363 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,120 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be honest and give credit where 1364 01:08:52,160 --> 01:08:54,240 Speaker 1: it's due. It did not come from me. It comes 1365 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:57,000 Speaker 1: from so many people who will never be on a 1366 01:08:57,120 --> 01:08:59,920 Speaker 1: podcast or any kind of you know, get any kind 1367 01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:04,040 Speaker 1: of recognition for anything, but they have just changed so 1368 01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:08,880 Speaker 1: many lives just by being authentic and being willing to, 1369 01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:12,439 Speaker 1: you know, to pass along what they've learned and what 1370 01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:15,720 Speaker 1: I The main thing I've learned is nothing's wasted, you know, 1371 01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,519 Speaker 1: And and nothing in recovery is this perfect game. You know, 1372 01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:21,840 Speaker 1: there's a there's a particular action I can take when 1373 01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:25,120 Speaker 1: I make mistakes. It assumes you make mistakes, you know, 1374 01:09:25,360 --> 01:09:29,920 Speaker 1: there's steps, there's there's there's there's specific you know, exercises 1375 01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:32,400 Speaker 1: to do. When I find myself that I've made a mistake. 1376 01:09:32,479 --> 01:09:34,439 Speaker 1: The first is to recognize that I've made a mistake, 1377 01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:37,240 Speaker 1: because I went through my life not recognizing any mistakes, 1378 01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:40,960 Speaker 1: you know. So it's just it's just a better way 1379 01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,920 Speaker 1: of life. And and and I never have to beat 1380 01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:45,720 Speaker 1: myself up. That's I don't know about you, but me, 1381 01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:49,679 Speaker 1: one of my biggest flaws is that I just think 1382 01:09:49,720 --> 01:09:53,519 Speaker 1: I'm irredeemable. When I first found out that I had 1383 01:09:53,600 --> 01:09:56,400 Speaker 1: hurt my family, you and your mom and your brother 1384 01:09:57,120 --> 01:10:00,040 Speaker 1: so bad, and and put alcohol before y'all. I I 1385 01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:02,320 Speaker 1: want to just crawling a hole and die. And I 1386 01:10:02,400 --> 01:10:04,599 Speaker 1: thought I was just my life was over and everything, 1387 01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:06,680 Speaker 1: and they didn't let me. The people that helped me 1388 01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,360 Speaker 1: didn't wouldn't let me stay there. They're like, get off 1389 01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:11,920 Speaker 1: the cross, but we need the would Let's go you can, 1390 01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:14,400 Speaker 1: Let's clean up what you can, and then let's leave 1391 01:10:14,479 --> 01:10:16,759 Speaker 1: that in the past and learn from it and share 1392 01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:19,599 Speaker 1: it with somebody else. And I had a lady, actually, 1393 01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:21,880 Speaker 1: I've had people share with me stories that about there. 1394 01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:24,240 Speaker 1: Just one of this lady, you know, her son had 1395 01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:27,600 Speaker 1: a birth effect because she was drinking while pregnant, you know. 1396 01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:29,760 Speaker 1: And it's like and she said, every day I wake 1397 01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:32,559 Speaker 1: up and I do I see the damage that I've done. 1398 01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:35,080 Speaker 1: And she said, what I've learned is the best thing 1399 01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:37,280 Speaker 1: I can do about that is to stay sober today, 1400 01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:40,120 Speaker 1: you know. And and that is the solution, you know, Like, 1401 01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:43,240 Speaker 1: I don't be beating yourself up and and just learn 1402 01:10:43,439 --> 01:10:45,679 Speaker 1: that's it's amazing. It's taking me. I don't know whether 1403 01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:50,240 Speaker 1: it's serenity or senility. Just turned sixty five. As you knew, 1404 01:10:50,439 --> 01:10:55,280 Speaker 1: but it's like I made the mistake. I'm commenting on 1405 01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:57,200 Speaker 1: a picture that he had. My mom said this begin 1406 01:10:57,280 --> 01:10:59,519 Speaker 1: when my dad turned sixty five. Look how cute you 1407 01:10:59,520 --> 01:11:05,920 Speaker 1: guys are? He said, Oh, we're we're cute. Cute stage 1408 01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:12,679 Speaker 1: we've made. Anyway, all I've ever asked to do is learn. 1409 01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:15,960 Speaker 1: You know, that's that's pretty amazing. And again that maybe 1410 01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:19,280 Speaker 1: that's just age. Who knows, but um, it's there's no 1411 01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:21,600 Speaker 1: need to spend to waste. Wait. I don't have to 1412 01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:23,360 Speaker 1: go to time out. I don't have to go to 1413 01:11:23,400 --> 01:11:26,120 Speaker 1: punish you know, go to punished work, or go be 1414 01:11:26,160 --> 01:11:29,120 Speaker 1: a you know, sitting time out, go to jail whatever, 1415 01:11:29,240 --> 01:11:32,200 Speaker 1: Thank God, because I drink um. But I can just 1416 01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:35,080 Speaker 1: learn from mistakes, I said, and and and and I 1417 01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:37,880 Speaker 1: know I'll have a chance to pass those along like 1418 01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:40,320 Speaker 1: so many people have passed along with their experience with me. 1419 01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:43,559 Speaker 1: You know, there's nothing better. What the big key for 1420 01:11:43,600 --> 01:11:46,320 Speaker 1: me in recovery, Kelly, from the very beginning is I 1421 01:11:46,439 --> 01:11:49,320 Speaker 1: knew that they knew. They weren't looking down on me, 1422 01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:52,639 Speaker 1: they weren't preaching to me. You know, God bless everybody 1423 01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,559 Speaker 1: who doesn't know who can afford to do it. I'm 1424 01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:57,960 Speaker 1: just saying for us, I needed somebody who understood, you know, 1425 01:11:58,200 --> 01:12:02,960 Speaker 1: and and they understood and and I got that connection immediately, 1426 01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:06,120 Speaker 1: and that has been so fortunate. The rest of it 1427 01:12:06,200 --> 01:12:09,400 Speaker 1: I've had to work for, you know, including and promptly 1428 01:12:09,439 --> 01:12:12,360 Speaker 1: admitting your your mom, you know, admitting when I'm wrong. 1429 01:12:12,479 --> 01:12:17,200 Speaker 1: Your mom, you know, tends to remind well how long 1430 01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:21,559 Speaker 1: it's properly you know what. I'm like, I've never learning 1431 01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:23,400 Speaker 1: something in a in a in a group. It was like, 1432 01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:25,559 Speaker 1: you know, you may be right that statement, you know, 1433 01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:28,080 Speaker 1: when your house was saying something. So I think your 1434 01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:29,920 Speaker 1: mom had used it on me about ten times. But 1435 01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:32,280 Speaker 1: it's like, and I knew she knew. I knew that 1436 01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:34,080 Speaker 1: she didn't think I was right, but she just said that. 1437 01:12:34,200 --> 01:12:36,040 Speaker 1: So I tried it on her one time. She goes, 1438 01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:39,880 Speaker 1: I am right. It doesn't work, so dang, she is right. 1439 01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:42,200 Speaker 1: You know, where where's the book I need to That 1440 01:12:42,320 --> 01:12:45,479 Speaker 1: trick is just is when you to avoid an argument, 1441 01:12:45,520 --> 01:12:48,280 Speaker 1: maybe that's not I need to happen. You're like, oh, 1442 01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:54,559 Speaker 1: you may be right, because everybody has their opinion supposed 1443 01:12:54,600 --> 01:12:56,519 Speaker 1: to use it when they're actually wrong. But you know 1444 01:12:56,560 --> 01:12:58,080 Speaker 1: your mom was right. And I was like I thought 1445 01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:02,840 Speaker 1: it was my big chance. And you know that far well. 1446 01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,479 Speaker 1: I've told you before we talked that the theme for 1447 01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:08,679 Speaker 1: this month on the podcast is set Yourself Free, which 1448 01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:12,519 Speaker 1: I did not know. This was such a like higher 1449 01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:15,800 Speaker 1: power moment or universe whatever you want to call it. God, 1450 01:13:16,240 --> 01:13:19,160 Speaker 1: I lost the piece of paper that I wrote all 1451 01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:21,840 Speaker 1: these themes down on, and Chip keeps telling me like, 1452 01:13:21,840 --> 01:13:23,600 Speaker 1: can you type them up in a spreadsheet? And I'm like, 1453 01:13:23,680 --> 01:13:25,840 Speaker 1: I don't do spreadsheets. That'sn't really want my brain work. 1454 01:13:26,160 --> 01:13:29,479 Speaker 1: So although maybe no I should. I have this like 1455 01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:32,160 Speaker 1: old envelope that I've written everything down on in like 1456 01:13:32,280 --> 01:13:35,840 Speaker 1: scribbled notes. It's about sums me up. But anyway, I've 1457 01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:38,840 Speaker 1: found it today. It's been missing for like a month 1458 01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:42,080 Speaker 1: and I found it and it said June set Yourself Free. 1459 01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:44,600 Speaker 1: And I was like, what are the odds that I 1460 01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:48,080 Speaker 1: had scheduled this with you during this month of set 1461 01:13:48,120 --> 01:13:51,320 Speaker 1: Yourself Free? Because to me, this whole story is a 1462 01:13:51,479 --> 01:13:54,320 Speaker 1: version of that. So I was gonna ask you, do 1463 01:13:54,439 --> 01:13:58,320 Speaker 1: you how do you feel like that applies to your life? 1464 01:13:58,360 --> 01:14:02,280 Speaker 1: Like there is there a moment or um, a thing 1465 01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:04,479 Speaker 1: that you could say like you feel has been the 1466 01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:08,920 Speaker 1: moment that you set yourself free. You know, you had 1467 01:14:08,960 --> 01:14:10,599 Speaker 1: given me a heads up on that part of the 1468 01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:13,640 Speaker 1: phone call, and and you know, I have to go 1469 01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,200 Speaker 1: back to the turning point, Kelly, because nothing, none of 1470 01:14:16,240 --> 01:14:20,240 Speaker 1: this would have been happening. But I remember when the when, 1471 01:14:20,280 --> 01:14:22,680 Speaker 1: when I was talking go back to that counselor, you know, 1472 01:14:22,840 --> 01:14:25,040 Speaker 1: saying alcoholics can't you know when I when I when 1473 01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:27,280 Speaker 1: it dawned on me and I fell off the cliff backwards. 1474 01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:32,680 Speaker 1: I remember saying something to him like I feel so 1475 01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:36,120 Speaker 1: stupid because I've been talking to him from nine months. Man, 1476 01:14:36,160 --> 01:14:39,040 Speaker 1: I've been paying this guy nine He's a wonderful guy. 1477 01:14:39,280 --> 01:14:41,720 Speaker 1: I didn't looking back on it. His job once he 1478 01:14:41,800 --> 01:14:45,000 Speaker 1: recognized I'm an alcoholic was to slowly break down my 1479 01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:48,560 Speaker 1: defenses because if he would have given me a full assault, 1480 01:14:48,640 --> 01:14:50,720 Speaker 1: I would have run, you know, But he did his 1481 01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:53,960 Speaker 1: job perfectly. He did it. He would he saved my life. 1482 01:14:54,280 --> 01:14:57,240 Speaker 1: But but so so I was when it dawned on 1483 01:14:57,400 --> 01:15:00,719 Speaker 1: me that you know, I was just going it. Oh 1484 01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:03,960 Speaker 1: my gosh, I feel like I've traveled all over the world. 1485 01:15:04,439 --> 01:15:06,519 Speaker 1: Just across the street. All I had to do is 1486 01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:10,360 Speaker 1: crossed the street. And once again he goes, but you're across, 1487 01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:13,000 Speaker 1: and I can remember him leaning for and said, you're across. 1488 01:15:13,479 --> 01:15:16,000 Speaker 1: Don't beat yourself up. You made it across the street 1489 01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:18,559 Speaker 1: that so many people don't and they don't you know. 1490 01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:21,400 Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, it's that was the turning point, 1491 01:15:21,439 --> 01:15:24,000 Speaker 1: and that's what's given me a chance of freedom going 1492 01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:26,599 Speaker 1: forward in every area of my life. You know. It's 1493 01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:31,960 Speaker 1: like that's there's a I've gotten, I've inherited that day. 1494 01:15:32,560 --> 01:15:37,360 Speaker 1: At that moment, uh freedom, you know, a new life 1495 01:15:37,640 --> 01:15:39,680 Speaker 1: was given to me. But it had to start with that. 1496 01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:42,679 Speaker 1: I can't tell you how important that is because keep 1497 01:15:42,720 --> 01:15:48,920 Speaker 1: in mind, that was um November, right after Thanksgiving. You 1498 01:15:48,920 --> 01:15:52,120 Speaker 1: know what happens during between Thanksgiving Christmas? It's party time, 1499 01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:55,439 Speaker 1: you know. And I had this huge party every year 1500 01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:57,400 Speaker 1: from my business that I thought everybody in the South 1501 01:15:57,520 --> 01:15:59,840 Speaker 1: wanted to go to and how are they going to 1502 01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:01,679 Speaker 1: get by without me? You know that kind of thing. 1503 01:16:02,160 --> 01:16:06,040 Speaker 1: And I was like, can I just wait until January? 1504 01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:08,559 Speaker 1: You know? And your mom is like, not with me? 1505 01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:12,439 Speaker 1: And I'm so glad that, you know. I mean, she 1506 01:16:12,520 --> 01:16:15,000 Speaker 1: wasn't going back. She had made the turn, and she 1507 01:16:15,120 --> 01:16:17,320 Speaker 1: was in her life. She knew she you know, she 1508 01:16:17,360 --> 01:16:18,840 Speaker 1: got to the point where she was gonna die and 1509 01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,479 Speaker 1: she was trying to protect you all, you know. So 1510 01:16:20,520 --> 01:16:23,120 Speaker 1: it's like, um, thank god she didn't wear it, because 1511 01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:26,640 Speaker 1: I see that, Kelly as just a little window. You know. 1512 01:16:26,680 --> 01:16:30,680 Speaker 1: I've seen so many, like I said, smart, intelligent, successful, 1513 01:16:30,920 --> 01:16:35,160 Speaker 1: good people dive this disease and they didn't make that window. 1514 01:16:35,360 --> 01:16:38,439 Speaker 1: When the window opens up, somebody's gotta push you in, 1515 01:16:38,479 --> 01:16:40,639 Speaker 1: and you gotta push something somehow, you gotta go through 1516 01:16:40,640 --> 01:16:43,280 Speaker 1: and I shudder, you know, And I'm glad my friends 1517 01:16:43,320 --> 01:16:46,280 Speaker 1: called me and say, remember the cattle, you know, because 1518 01:16:46,320 --> 01:16:48,759 Speaker 1: I don't need to forget that. I need to remember 1519 01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:51,600 Speaker 1: that that is my big turning point and that it 1520 01:16:51,720 --> 01:16:53,720 Speaker 1: was not gonna get better for me. You know, I 1521 01:16:53,760 --> 01:16:57,320 Speaker 1: had passed the good times that I needed to be 1522 01:16:57,439 --> 01:16:59,840 Speaker 1: in recovery to have a life. And I have had 1523 01:16:59,840 --> 01:17:02,559 Speaker 1: a life, and I've had a great life. So it's 1524 01:17:02,640 --> 01:17:06,280 Speaker 1: enabled me to do so many other things, not the 1525 01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:08,559 Speaker 1: least of which is to have a relationship with you, 1526 01:17:08,600 --> 01:17:13,320 Speaker 1: because that is what goes first, and alcoholism it destroys 1527 01:17:13,439 --> 01:17:17,120 Speaker 1: relationships first. And that was my experience anyway, and that's 1528 01:17:17,160 --> 01:17:20,160 Speaker 1: what I've heard so many people that's the same story. 1529 01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:22,040 Speaker 1: You know, it's like the same story, you hear it again. 1530 01:17:22,120 --> 01:17:24,120 Speaker 1: It's like you think we'd get tired of hearing this story, 1531 01:17:24,520 --> 01:17:26,960 Speaker 1: but it's it never makes me tired, you know. It 1532 01:17:27,360 --> 01:17:31,400 Speaker 1: makes me because I'm free, and I'm so appreciate the 1533 01:17:31,439 --> 01:17:33,679 Speaker 1: new life I've been given that I was gonna miss, man, 1534 01:17:33,800 --> 01:17:36,360 Speaker 1: I was gonna miss it, you know, there's no question 1535 01:17:36,400 --> 01:17:38,720 Speaker 1: about it. And I look back all the time and 1536 01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:41,479 Speaker 1: think about what that would have been like, you know, 1537 01:17:41,640 --> 01:17:44,640 Speaker 1: and like you said, life is not always uh you 1538 01:17:44,680 --> 01:17:48,559 Speaker 1: know better, Roses. There's some definite difficulties, you know, Um, 1539 01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:52,320 Speaker 1: turning sixty five, there's something that just go through you 1540 01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:53,960 Speaker 1: get to the cute stage. You know. It's like that 1541 01:17:54,160 --> 01:17:59,479 Speaker 1: you Medica card, he said, I've got my Medicare card. Well, 1542 01:18:00,080 --> 01:18:02,040 Speaker 1: glad that you walked to the other side of the 1543 01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:04,240 Speaker 1: street and that we can have their relationship that we 1544 01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:09,240 Speaker 1: have now. I'm grateful for it every day every morning. Um, 1545 01:18:09,280 --> 01:18:12,080 Speaker 1: And I'm glad that you did this podcast with me. See, 1546 01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:13,679 Speaker 1: I knew I just needed to get out of the way. 1547 01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:16,200 Speaker 1: You know, you didn't ask me why I called you bunking. 1548 01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:18,840 Speaker 1: That's that's one thing you didn't ask me. Why did 1549 01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:22,000 Speaker 1: you wait? I don't know so sort you. I think 1550 01:18:22,040 --> 01:18:23,760 Speaker 1: this has come up before, but I don't know if 1551 01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:27,040 Speaker 1: you remember. Like I was on a summer job that 1552 01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:29,639 Speaker 1: that that oh you know, so it was a summer 1553 01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:32,479 Speaker 1: job that makes you not want to leave college and 1554 01:18:32,520 --> 01:18:34,040 Speaker 1: make sure you get a degree, you know, because it's 1555 01:18:34,040 --> 01:18:36,000 Speaker 1: one of those bad jobs. But I was working with 1556 01:18:36,080 --> 01:18:39,160 Speaker 1: a man who was that was gonna be his life, 1557 01:18:39,200 --> 01:18:40,960 Speaker 1: you know, for the rest of his life. And you 1558 01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:42,720 Speaker 1: would think you have a bad age and stuff, but 1559 01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:45,200 Speaker 1: he was just the happiest guy. And his wife used 1560 01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:48,200 Speaker 1: to come pick him up every day. And they were 1561 01:18:48,240 --> 01:18:50,240 Speaker 1: young people. They were they were not you know, my 1562 01:18:50,280 --> 01:18:52,000 Speaker 1: age something. They were like probably your age and it's 1563 01:18:52,040 --> 01:18:54,600 Speaker 1: like or younger, and they were young people. But she, 1564 01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:56,000 Speaker 1: his wife would pick him up and then had a 1565 01:18:56,040 --> 01:18:59,360 Speaker 1: little girl, like about four or five years old, and 1566 01:18:59,479 --> 01:19:01,920 Speaker 1: she up to him so much. There I've never seen 1567 01:19:01,960 --> 01:19:05,519 Speaker 1: a little family that loved each other as much as them. 1568 01:19:05,640 --> 01:19:08,360 Speaker 1: And he used to call her punking. I never knew 1569 01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:11,280 Speaker 1: that story. When I have a daughter, I'm gonna call 1570 01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:14,200 Speaker 1: her Punking. And when you were born, you were crying 1571 01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:16,960 Speaker 1: and they handed you to me and you stopped crying, 1572 01:19:17,200 --> 01:19:19,160 Speaker 1: you know, and we started calling your puking right then 1573 01:19:19,880 --> 01:19:27,840 Speaker 1: it's yeah, just like hell, it's always I know I'm 1574 01:19:27,880 --> 01:19:30,759 Speaker 1: in trouble when you guys call me Kelly actually like whoa, 1575 01:19:30,960 --> 01:19:38,120 Speaker 1: whoa whoay Nicole yea double name is a big, big one. Well, Dad, 1576 01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:41,000 Speaker 1: thank you for sharing your story with all my listeners 1577 01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:43,240 Speaker 1: and with me. It did help me to piece some 1578 01:19:43,360 --> 01:19:46,000 Speaker 1: things together for myself as well. That we're really helpful, 1579 01:19:46,120 --> 01:19:49,759 Speaker 1: so I needed that, Dad, hopefully. Yeah, that's good. Thanks 1580 01:19:49,760 --> 01:19:52,800 Speaker 1: for having me. This was fun. Good. I'm glad. Well, 1581 01:19:52,800 --> 01:19:54,880 Speaker 1: thank you guys for listening, And you can always hit 1582 01:19:54,920 --> 01:19:58,000 Speaker 1: me up with any questions at Velvet Edge on Insta 1583 01:19:58,439 --> 01:20:01,240 Speaker 1: or Kelly at velvets Edge Shop. Calm and I'll put 1584 01:20:01,360 --> 01:20:04,639 Speaker 1: links to some interesting articles. I actually found a Burnet 1585 01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:07,559 Speaker 1: Brown article that basically said, a lot of the stuff 1586 01:20:07,560 --> 01:20:09,720 Speaker 1: you said, you know, she's sober. I didn't realize that, 1587 01:20:09,840 --> 01:20:12,680 Speaker 1: but yeah, it kind of makes a lot of her 1588 01:20:12,760 --> 01:20:16,080 Speaker 1: stuff makes sense. I mean when you see I mean, 1589 01:20:16,360 --> 01:20:19,240 Speaker 1: and I'm just saying like only because alcoholics, you know, 1590 01:20:19,640 --> 01:20:22,040 Speaker 1: usually look down on or whatever. It's like some of 1591 01:20:22,040 --> 01:20:24,200 Speaker 1: the I can always kind of tell when somebody starts 1592 01:20:24,200 --> 01:20:26,519 Speaker 1: talking it's the death anybody who's been through a lot 1593 01:20:26,560 --> 01:20:29,680 Speaker 1: of pain on either side of alcoholism. You know, it's 1594 01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:33,840 Speaker 1: very painful, but but it also causes, if I guess, 1595 01:20:33,880 --> 01:20:36,000 Speaker 1: if all out too tremendous growth, you know, I mean, 1596 01:20:36,800 --> 01:20:39,000 Speaker 1: I just you can tell in somebody's voice the death 1597 01:20:39,280 --> 01:20:42,439 Speaker 1: you know they're sharing, you know, if they if they 1598 01:20:42,520 --> 01:20:46,639 Speaker 1: have been on either side of this deal. So um again, 1599 01:20:46,800 --> 01:20:49,680 Speaker 1: Oh my, remember I told you my misfortune. So I 1600 01:20:49,760 --> 01:20:53,200 Speaker 1: heard somebody else say my misfortune has become my good fortune, 1601 01:20:53,320 --> 01:20:55,240 Speaker 1: and that is so true. I thought my life was 1602 01:20:55,320 --> 01:20:57,559 Speaker 1: over and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 1603 01:20:57,640 --> 01:21:03,120 Speaker 1: So thank you for having me on fucking well, thanks 1604 01:21:03,160 --> 01:21:05,360 Speaker 1: for being here, and thank you guys for listening. Thanks 1605 01:21:05,360 --> 01:21:08,080 Speaker 1: for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, 1606 01:21:08,280 --> 01:21:10,760 Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet and a 1607 01:21:10,800 --> 01:21:14,920 Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty 1608 01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:18,720 Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.