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Speaker 1: Should you go no contact with toxic family.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 1: My father in law told my husband I cheated on him,

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Speaker 1: but it was a lie.

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Speaker 3: What do I do?

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Speaker 1: And this comes from sweet Salmon and they say my

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Speaker 1: husband and his dad are best friends. They work together,

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Speaker 1: hang out together. I've always known his dad and like me,

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Speaker 1: but things got worse after we moved out of his

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Speaker 1: house and got our own. He'll act nice to me

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Speaker 1: in front of my husband, except for some non funny

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Speaker 1: jokes or smart comments, but the minute my husband is

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Speaker 1: not around, he gets rude to me, like reminding me

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Speaker 1: that I come from a poor family, would never have

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Speaker 1: a big house or nice car if it wasn't for

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Speaker 1: his son. He just constantly insinuates that I married his

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Speaker 1: son for money, which is not true. I got tired

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Speaker 1: of mentioning it to my husband because he just brushes

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Speaker 1: it off. My father in law has told me a

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Speaker 1: couple times that I should divorce his son before he

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Speaker 1: tells me the truth.

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Speaker 3: That's ominous. What does that even? What's what truth? Also?

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Speaker 1: What a terrible friend in dad? I knew I haven't

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Speaker 1: done anything wrong, so I didn't know what to say.

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Speaker 1: I even asked my husband exactly two weeks ago. What

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Speaker 1: would happen if his dad made up some lies about me?

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Speaker 1: And he said his dad would never.

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Speaker 3: Do that, Well he did.

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Speaker 1: He told my husband that he has seen me around

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Speaker 1: town with a man multiple times, and that I was

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Speaker 1: seen getting a hotel room with the same man he

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Speaker 1: claims he's seen us kiss. I wasn't around when he

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Speaker 1: told my husband this. I told him it's a lie,

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Speaker 1: but I can tell he is now doubting my word.

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Speaker 1: I asked if his dad had some kind of proof

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Speaker 1: and he said no. Then he told me he needs

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Speaker 1: to be away from me for a few days to

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Speaker 1: clear his head straight to the layer of the cheating cheater. No,

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Speaker 1: I want the cheater, but the liar A liar. The

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Speaker 1: liar to me, that means he believes his dad's lie.

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Speaker 1: So why would his dad go out of his way

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Speaker 1: to do this and why would he just believe it?

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Speaker 1: This just seems so unfair. You'd think he would at

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Speaker 1: least expect some proof before shutting me out and treating

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Speaker 1: me like I did something wrong. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to beg him to come back or just

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Speaker 1: let his dad's plan work. I know, the longer he

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Speaker 1: stays there, the more he will just believe his lies. John,

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Speaker 1: what do you think OPE should do in this situation?

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Speaker 2: I think, I mean I'm trying to think, because one

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Speaker 2: you could be like if you say with like what

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Speaker 2: where's the evidence, you kind of sound like you're lying,

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Speaker 2: But truly that is at the cruxit of it's like okay,

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Speaker 2: where where is the actual evidence? Maybe maybe you could

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Speaker 2: sit down and be like, hey, I have literally nothing

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Speaker 2: to hide. Ask your father for the evidence, because I

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Speaker 2: think that, like if I were in your pysician, I

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Speaker 2: would want to do that and see, like, Okay, where's

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Speaker 2: the evidence and break it down for me. And it's

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Speaker 2: like the dad has uns But if OPI maybe encourages

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Speaker 2: him to do that and says like, hey, I have

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Speaker 2: nothing to hide. If you want to look in all

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Speaker 2: my phone records and everything and like have full access,

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Speaker 2: I would be thrilled to give you that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like I think, first, really sit down

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Speaker 1: with yourself and ask yourself, like if if this is

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Speaker 1: this a pattern with my husband, or is this a

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Speaker 1: one time thing? Is everything actually good in the relationship

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Speaker 1: or is this emblematic of a larger problem in the relationship?

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Speaker 1: If it is a one time thing. Then I think

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Speaker 1: you can like do what you said where it's where

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Speaker 1: you know, you get more information or you let him

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Speaker 1: investigate or whatever and be super open because like I

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Speaker 1: could see that, I could see I could see it

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Speaker 1: both ways really because it's like that's his dad and

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Speaker 1: best friend.

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Speaker 2: It's tough and if when someone I think, when someone

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Speaker 2: says like, oh I saw her with a guy, like

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Speaker 2: you kind of implicitly trusted a bit, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean, especially if it's your dad. Yeah, it's like,

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Speaker 2: why would they lie to me dad and best friend exactly?

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Speaker 1: Dad and best friend, best friend.

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Speaker 3: I mean I I do kind of feel for the husband.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I understand why the husband would be a little

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Speaker 1: like jaky because it's like the most important person. When

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Speaker 1: you're the most important person in your life is saying

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Speaker 1: stuff like that, it's going to shake.

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Speaker 3: Your confidence totally for sure.

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Speaker 1: So I mean I guess, like, and like if you

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Speaker 1: were with a partner and they had their like mom

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Speaker 1: or dad and best friend, say tough, say like I

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Speaker 1: saw John sneaking around with some lady after CrossFit.

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Speaker 3: I'm not in CrossFit. You'll see it in the other episode.

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Speaker 1: Anyways, keep going inside joke, inside joke, But if if, if,

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Speaker 1: like what would you and and then your your partner's like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I just heard this from my dad. I don't even

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Speaker 1: know what to believe. I need some space.

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Speaker 3: What would you do?

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Speaker 2: I think, uh, expanding a little bit on what I

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Speaker 2: said before, Hey, take as much space as you need.

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Speaker 2: I would probably want space too. You should take as

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Speaker 2: much time and space as you need for yourself and

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Speaker 2: I when you're when slash, if you're ready, I'd be

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Speaker 2: happy to provide evidence or not provide evidence. You know,

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Speaker 2: if you want to look through the phone book.

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Speaker 1: I'd be happy to be an open book for whatever book, whatever.

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Speaker 3: You need, look through literally everything.

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Speaker 2: I want to be here and support you in this process,

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Speaker 2: both with that emotionally like literally whatever you need, and

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Speaker 2: probably best to leave it at that.

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Speaker 3: I'm a little bit tempted to be like, Hey, if.

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Speaker 2: I were in your position, I would I would ask

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Speaker 2: them for evidence, and I think that you know you

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Speaker 2: should have that with them saying that, But maybe that's

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Speaker 2: a little bit too far. Maybe you just maybe you

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Speaker 2: just you take the ultimate high road and you're just

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Speaker 2: like I will give you everything.

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Speaker 3: I'll be here to support you.

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Speaker 2: You can look through everything and then step back and

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Speaker 2: let them.

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Speaker 1: Do you blame uh op He's husband at all for

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Speaker 1: believing his dad.

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Speaker 3: I don't think so. So, I don't think so.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so either.

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Speaker 2: If my if my parents came to me and they

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Speaker 2: were like, hey, I saw so and so, especially if

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Speaker 2: like both of them.

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Speaker 1: Especially if you have like a good relationship with your

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Speaker 1: father or mother, like I like, I think it's different

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Speaker 1: if you know that your parent is a lying sack

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Speaker 1: of shit. Yeah, yeah, But if they aren't, then it's

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Speaker 1: or at least you know them as someone that is

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Speaker 1: a friend. That it makes it a lot harder.

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Speaker 3: It does.

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Speaker 2: But the op knows for sure that the father in

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Speaker 2: law is a stinky man. But I wonder if the

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Speaker 2: father has been able to hide that from It's kind

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Speaker 2: of up clear, It's kind of to me, it's a

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Speaker 2: little bit unclear. Of it seems like Opie's husband was

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Speaker 2: defending the father more than realizing this stink he's the

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Speaker 2: stinky man.

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Speaker 1: Ope Ope's Opie's husband, Well, yeah, because he doesn't know

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Speaker 1: the stink. Yeah, Like I think I think Opie's Opie's

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Speaker 1: husband's dad is able to uh uh withhold his stench

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Speaker 1: from his own son. He put he puts coloone on,

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Speaker 1: he puts coloone on, doesn't even know, but it wears

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Speaker 1: off when he's not around. I. J. P. Jamers says,

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Speaker 1: can't blame the hobby, which I agree with, mis killed it.

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Speaker 1: Pinky de Slayer says, yes, you can blame the husband.

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Speaker 1: Silver Clover says, what are your thoughts on his best

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Speaker 1: friend being his dad? I hear girls all the time

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Speaker 1: saying my best friend is my mom, So I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's like.

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Speaker 3: Oh, okay, So he was saying his dad is his

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Speaker 3: best friend.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, his best friend, his dad and his best friend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, his dad and best friend, his best friend.

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Speaker 2: I thought you were saying that his best friend, like

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Speaker 2: holy separate person.

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Speaker 3: His dad happens.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my husband and his dad are best friends.

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Speaker 3: Got it?

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Speaker 4: I was confused, d best friend.

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Speaker 2: I thought you were saying there was a Bob the

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Speaker 2: best friend and no Chad the dad.

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Speaker 1: No dad best friend? Right, So, like, I don't know, what,

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Speaker 1: what do you think?

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Speaker 2: Still still the same? Still like yeah, I mean you're

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Speaker 2: kind of like impartial to but.

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Speaker 1: Do you do you think there's anything weird about his

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Speaker 1: dad being his best friend?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't think so that's fine. Scooter Kid says,

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Speaker 1: not inherently sus to be friends with your dad. Kimberly

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Speaker 1: find says he's nose blind. I have you heard that term.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard that her. What does that means?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Fine, what does that mean?

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Speaker 3: Blue was saying that too.

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Speaker 4: I'm can't he can't see clearly.

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Speaker 3: You can't see passes.

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Speaker 5: That's what I was thinking, because like like this close, yes,

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Speaker 5: like like, oh, this is my dad, I trust him,

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Speaker 5: versus like, oh, hey, my dad has actually.

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Speaker 2: Like he's not looking further, he's not looking any further

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Speaker 2: of like, oh, like maybe my my wife has been

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Speaker 2: telling me that my dad has been mistreating her, and like, oh,

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Speaker 2: maybe he's like actually plotting to separate us. He's just like, no,

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Speaker 2: my dad is my best friend. That's all I can

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Speaker 2: only I can only see here.

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Speaker 4: There's my dad and my best friend.

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Speaker 1: Nose blind to the stink, loble can't smell the stink.

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Speaker 1: Nose blind, he can't smell the stink.

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Speaker 2: That's a cooln That's that's like another news in our community.

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Speaker 5: Maybe we have a whole dictionary on discord of like

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Speaker 5: terms that we've created.

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Speaker 3: So that's awesome. That's super sick. That's so sick.

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Speaker 2: That's a cool like introductory thing of like, here's all

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Speaker 2: the terms, so you it's part of the introductory stuff.

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Speaker 1: Man. Oh wait, there was a there was a a

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Speaker 1: good comic. He scroll ups of you. So I go up,

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Speaker 1: up up, Yes, I'm here here my so, Britney W says,

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend's mom is pretty much his best friend and

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Speaker 1: it's given us issues before. It makes the relationship so

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Speaker 1: much harder. So I sympathize with op. There is I

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Speaker 1: feel like an ick that I've seen at least online

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Speaker 1: is Mama's Boys.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, the the problem is when it's not bad on

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Speaker 2: its own that they have a close friendship. It's bad

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Speaker 2: when the parent is terrible to other people or the

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Speaker 2: partner and they're able to use their sway and influence

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Speaker 2: since they are both the parent and the best friend.

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Speaker 1: It's bad when they're being bad. It's bad when they're

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Speaker 1: being bad, Yes, And it's bad when they're being bad

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Speaker 1: and your partner doesn't hold them accountable.

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Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Katie lind says, I can't believe you guys have never

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Speaker 1: heard the term nose blind.

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Speaker 3: So if he had you hadn't heard it. I'm ear

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Speaker 3: blind because I haven't heard it.

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Speaker 1: I'm just dumb blind. Sorry, I'm brain blind. All right,

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Speaker 1: relevant comments, So Glittering Wonder thirty says, confront him and

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Speaker 1: record it, either video or an audio recording. Since he

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Speaker 1: goes out of his way to do this every time

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Speaker 1: Huppy is not around, that's a perfect chance for you

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Speaker 1: to catch him in his lies. Maybe record a phone call.

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Speaker 1: Smart Opie responds, I called him as soon as my

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Speaker 1: husband told me because I was trying to get some

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Speaker 1: proof that he's lying. He didn't say anything incriminating and

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Speaker 1: kept saying things like, I can't believe you'd do this

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Speaker 1: to him, as if he really believes that I cheated.

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Speaker 1: I'm wondering if he knew I was trying to record

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Speaker 1: him that or he's absolutely crazy.

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Speaker 4: The method actor Yeah.

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Speaker 1: OPI on her husband believing his father if there are

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Speaker 1: no proof op cheatd on him, Opi responds, especially when

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Speaker 1: he doesn't have any proof. Why is it easy for

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Speaker 1: him to believe his dad's word over mine? And affair

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Speaker 1: is so easy to prove If I'm having one and

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Speaker 1: I'm seeing around town, why can't he prove it? I

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Speaker 1: asked for all of that, and he kept saying that's

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Speaker 1: irrelevant because he trusts his dad. Then he said his

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Speaker 1: dad doesn't have proof because he never had time to

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Speaker 1: take a picture of me with the other guy. It's

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Speaker 1: literally his word against mine, and he decided to listen

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Speaker 1: to his dad. I'm thinking of giving up for sure.

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Speaker 1: This is so unfair. I never cheated on him. I've

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Speaker 1: never done anything wrong. His dad is accusing me with

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Speaker 1: absolutely no proof. And if it's that easy for him

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Speaker 1: to see me as an awful person who would do this,

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Speaker 1: then I guess he never trusted me. So I mean

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Speaker 1: it's good. It's a good point. It's like, how strong

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Speaker 1: was your relationship if he won't even hear you out.

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Speaker 2: This is a little crazy. But maybe you're like, let's

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Speaker 2: take a light detect you test me and your dad.

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Speaker 2: Let's freaking when just to just to embarrass the dad.

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Speaker 3: I want to do.

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Speaker 1: That, but I I feel like at this point, if

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Speaker 1: I was Opee, I think like I understand him wanting

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Speaker 1: to believe his dad, But at this point I would

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Speaker 1: be like, you haven't even given me a chance.

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Speaker 3: That's a red flag.

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Speaker 2: I don't even necessarily want to do it. For the relationship,

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Speaker 2: but just for this. It's just just so infuriating, Like

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Speaker 2: I am not lying and I will prove it to you.

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Speaker 3: It's just that's just my.

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Speaker 1: His dad is accusing me with absolutely no proof. And

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Speaker 1: if it's easy, and if it's that easy for him

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Speaker 1: to see me as awful person who would do this,

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Speaker 1: then I guess he never trusted me. He doesn't realize

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Speaker 1: how awful of a person's dad is. I've been trying

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Speaker 1: to tell him for so long, and at this point

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Speaker 1: it's just not worth it. Yep, his dad thinks I'm

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Speaker 1: just here for the money, and I don't know why.

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Speaker 1: I'm about to leave and start over on my own.

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Speaker 1: I don't need the car or the house. I'm here

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Speaker 1: because I love the guy. But obviously he doesn't love

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Speaker 1: me enough to at least ask for proof before seeing

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Speaker 1: me as a bad person. I'd rather be on my

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Speaker 1: own than continue to deal with this. If his dad

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Speaker 1: is willing to go this far, who knows what's coming

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Speaker 1: next and then op on finding a way to prove

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Speaker 1: the truth. You just reminded me that we do have

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Speaker 1: ring cameras. Now, I just need to know what days

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Speaker 1: in times I was supposedly out cheating at a hotel

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Speaker 1: because chances are I was home those days and maybe

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Speaker 1: I can use the rings to prove it.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: And there is an update three weeks later, but Bethany says,

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Speaker 1: at this point the relationship is wrecked.

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Speaker 3: I agree, why even so why he goes to trouble.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, like a relationship is all about trust,

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Speaker 1: and when the trust is broken, it's really hard to

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Speaker 1: come back from come back. And also, like the trust

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Speaker 1: goes so deep with a father and son bond, especially

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Speaker 1: if you have like a really strong relationship and a

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Speaker 1: friendship there and so like or the question at the

300
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Speaker 1: beginning of the episode is should you go no contact

301
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Speaker 1: with toxic family? Like should you cut off the people

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Speaker 1: you are seeing because of toxic family? And this might

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Speaker 1: be something that it's just too hard to get through.

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Speaker 2: I think so at this point that I feel like

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Speaker 2: the boyfriend should have at least been conflicted exactly, Like

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Speaker 2: I trust both of you so equally that I don't

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Speaker 2: know what to do.

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Speaker 1: And the fact that there is no hesitation is a

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Speaker 1: red flag.

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Speaker 6: Yep.

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Speaker 1: But Blue Alki twelve says, yeah, I hope his dad

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Speaker 1: can satisfy all his needs. Now, Oh god, that was

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Speaker 1: a good Oh god? All right? Update three weeks later.

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Speaker 1: I posted a few weeks ago after my father in law,

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Speaker 1: who hates me, lied to my husband that I was cheating. Also,

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Speaker 1: for anyone who has had to deal with a close

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Speaker 1: relationship with their partner and the partner's mom or dad

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Speaker 1: and it's gotten in the way of the relationship, go

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Speaker 1: DM Riley on Discord right now and we'll bring you

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Speaker 1: up on stage and get your perspective. So go do

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Speaker 1: it if you have one of those stories. But getting

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Speaker 1: back to this story, my husband just fell for the

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Speaker 1: lives without even asking for proof. Then things got crazy.

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Speaker 1: He assumed his dad was telling the truth and left

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Speaker 1: our house to go stay at his dad's. I kept

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Speaker 1: telling him, if his dad is telling the truth, then

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Speaker 1: he has to be able to show some kind of proof.

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing that didn't happen because my husband came back

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Speaker 1: and apologized for not trusting me more.

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Speaker 3: Hmm, bring that back from me one more time.

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Speaker 1: Basically, the husband came back and he apologized for not

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Speaker 1: trusting her more.

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Speaker 3: That's good. That's good, because is it too late? It

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Speaker 3: just might be I think it might be.

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Speaker 1: How long was he well, how long was he there?

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Speaker 1: Like a week or two, it's a long time.

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Speaker 3: I could see after a week possibly.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he's getting to the bottom of the relationship with

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Speaker 1: his dad. He didn't say he didn't trust her, necessary

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00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,560
Speaker 1: say that I needed time. He did say that, he

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Speaker 1: did say he needed time.

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Speaker 2: I think I think he was cited, like like if

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Speaker 2: there's a spectrum. He was like closer on this, on

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Speaker 2: siding with his dad, but he maybe didn't go all

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Speaker 2: past the point of no return.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but ever since he's been back, he's been obsessed

347
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Speaker 1: with the idea of getting pregnant. That went from zero

348
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 1: to one hundred.

349
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Speaker 3: Oh my, talking.

350
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Speaker 1: About it constantly, physically trying. I keep telling him I'm

351
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Speaker 1: twenty three, I'm not ready. Of course we'll have babies,

352
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Speaker 1: but I just want to keep working on us, especially

353
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Speaker 1: with what just happened. He doesn't like my answers. Now

354
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,960
Speaker 1: he's calling me suspicious and says my answers don't make

355
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,040
Speaker 1: sense to him. It feels like we're back to him

356
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 1: not trusting me. I don't know what's going on. I

357
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,320
Speaker 1: just want some kind of outside endpoint. I just want

358
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 1: some kind of outside input because I'm starting to really

359
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:16,919
Speaker 1: wonder if this relationship is even working. Yeah, what the

360
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,760
Speaker 1: f kerassa? What the f tiny cactus.

361
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:24,199
Speaker 3: Yuck, baby trapping? Wow, yeah, I think it.

362
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,760
Speaker 2: Maybe this is the apple not falling far from the tree,

363
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:28,359
Speaker 2: Ara Ago.

364
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,720
Speaker 3: The son is crazy like the dad. Yeah, that is

365
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,440
Speaker 3: that is crazy.

366
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 2: Maybe the son is getting exposed that like he's actually just.

367
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:47,920
Speaker 1: Not toxic toxic topic fox sick comments Lasa Apps. So

368
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,440
Speaker 1: Smile says he wants you pregnant so you are tied

369
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,160
Speaker 1: to him. He is deeply insecure and suspicious. I'd sit

370
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 1: him down and say that what his father did deeply

371
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 1: hurt you. Ask him if he is sorry about that,

372
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,400
Speaker 1: then say that partners make big discs visions like babies together.

373
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,359
Speaker 1: Is he ready to be a partner and keep your

374
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,800
Speaker 1: birth control in a lock cabinet or getting a QUD.

375
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,040
Speaker 1: I feel like this is I don't know, this is

376
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,400
Speaker 1: the very Yeah, this is getting a little too much.

377
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,680
Speaker 1: And also like I don't know what she means by

378
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:20,919
Speaker 1: physically trying, but that feels weird. I don't know what

379
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,199
Speaker 1: that that means. Yeah, I feel like it would mean

380
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 1: a whole slew of things. Yeah, but even that sentence

381
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:32,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, hold up, hold up, let's right, Like, yeah,

382
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,639
Speaker 1: now deserve some space. Yeah yeah, I feel like this

383
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 1: is bad Jemimah Aslana says, I don't trust for a

384
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,399
Speaker 1: second that he has let go of his dad's ideas.

385
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,679
Speaker 1: Getting you pregnant will prevent you from cheating in the

386
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,119
Speaker 1: minds of some men, but even worse, it will bind

387
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,160
Speaker 1: you to him through the baby. Be very, very mindful

388
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 1: of your birth control. When he's insistent and has no

389
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 1: respect for your wishes, he may try to sabotage your

390
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,080
Speaker 1: birth control. Do not make do with condoms. They are

391
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,879
Speaker 1: easy to sabotage or slip off. Pills can be messed with.

392
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 1: Make sure you either get the shot, implant or an IUD.

393
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,719
Speaker 1: Don't let him baby trap you get counseling, get him

394
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 1: to come clean about whatever bs his dad's been spewing

395
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,679
Speaker 1: about how to ensure your loyalty. And usually I like,

396
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, whoa who run a comment that's way too far,

397
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,080
Speaker 1: But in this situation, like I kind of agree, I

398
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:20,639
Speaker 1: think not.

399
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,639
Speaker 4: Far enough in that comment.

400
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 2: I think they should be saying leave yeah, like like

401
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 2: a grade like basically op should say, hey, I don't

402
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,640
Speaker 2: want to have intercourse right now, and like we need

403
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 2: time and you need to.

404
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,719
Speaker 3: Just respect that.

405
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 2: If he has any answer other than absolutely, of course,

406
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 2: you're totally right.

407
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,600
Speaker 3: Let me give you all the space you need.

408
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, then that then any anything that isn't as good

409
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 2: as that answer is grounds for like all right, I'm

410
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 2: I'm staying at a friend's house. But whatever whatever response

411
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 2: you want and whatever space you need, one percent.

412
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 1: She needs one thousand percent needs to leave. This is

413
00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 1: like it's it was already like it when we were starting.

414
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 1: It was venturing into uncomfortable territory, and now it's like

415
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: get out.

416
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundred percent.

417
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 1: But I'm curious what y'all would do? Would you uh

418
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 1: stay or would you go? That's the question, would you

419
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 1: stay or would you go? And also let's say I

420
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 1: feel like it's more obvious that ope should go in

421
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:26,719
Speaker 1: this situation. But on the first update, would is the

422
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 1: toxic father enough to just cut off?

423
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 3: Like is a Yeah?

424
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: Going back to the question, you know, using this story

425
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:37,720
Speaker 1: as a as a data point, is a toxic family

426
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: member enough to cut off a relationship?

427
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 3: Yeah?

428
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 1: I feel like this poll is going to be one

429
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:50,640
Speaker 1: hundred percent. Yeah, all right, Yeah, I feel like most

430
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: people are going to say, go, yeah, yeah, one hundred,

431
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 1: but do we have anyone from the discord that wants

432
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 1: to talk about their weird familiar relationships and also if

433
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: o pieche of cutoff contact in the first update for

434
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 1: just being a little little, little weird relationship with between

435
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,160
Speaker 1: the dad and the husband.

436
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:19,679
Speaker 2: We do indeed hold on, We are holding on. Radish says,

437
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,680
Speaker 2: who is saying stay? Good question, there's there's a two

438
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 2: percent out there?

439
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 3: Is that just one vote?

440
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 2: Though?

441
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 3: I could yeah, that could be literaty Can I see vote?

442
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,200
Speaker 1: Can can you? Can you look? Look if uh I

443
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,199
Speaker 1: guess we sixty five votes? Okay, yeah, so that was

444
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 1: it's one person. Nine percent of you are saying, go,

445
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 1: who is the one person that is saying.

446
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 3: Troll on the poll? The poll?

447
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 1: You're a polltroll exactly, You're a poltrol right now?

448
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,360
Speaker 2: That just Casanda says, at the very least, i'd leave

449
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,200
Speaker 2: the house and prep for the eventuality, for the eventuality

450
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 2: of divorce, so kind of pre divorse, kind of like

451
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: I'm gonna leave to give myself space and kind of

452
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 2: like get my ducks in a row for the possibility

453
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 2: of divorce.

454
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 4: You're also ready when you were.

455
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 3: Oh, let's let's do it. Woo, spin that wheel, Spin

456
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 3: that wheel. Also think Riley could help us with the proportions.

457
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,959
Speaker 3: Oh ye, that's if you're gonna do the whole wheel. Pigeon.

458
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 1: General, All right, General, pulling you up right now?

459
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 3: I like the clap sound effects.

460
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 1: I know it makes me feel like we won something. Hello, Hello,

461
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: Bidge in general, are you with a Hey? How's it going?

462
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 6: Good?

463
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 5: Good?

464
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 1: Awesome?

465
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 3: Awesome?

466
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: So uh starting with have you had a situation where

467
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: you or a partner was a little bit too close

468
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 1: to one of their parents and it made things weird

469
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 1: in the relationship. To get a little context and before

470
00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 1: we go into this story.

471
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 6: I can't say too much because relationships I'm kind of

472
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 6: more new into that field. My current relationship I'm in

473
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 6: right now. She's really close for mom, but that's for

474
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 6: the good reason she has, like medical issues and stuff

475
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 6: like that. It's all of it, like, has good reasons

476
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 6: behind it.

477
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: So it sounds like, okay, so sounds like it in

478
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,359
Speaker 1: your case, it's a good thing. But I guess going

479
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:30,400
Speaker 1: now to the story, so do you think And before

480
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 1: the second update where things got a little bit more

481
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: sketchy with the first update. Do you think toxic family

482
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: member was enough to cut some like a relationship completely.

483
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 1: So it's like like if the husband was totally in

484
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: the clear doing everything up like you know by the

485
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 1: board and was was a good partner, but the but

486
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: he was still close to the dad who was a

487
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 1: total like terrible wild card enough to cut off the

488
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,880
Speaker 1: relationship completely because it's like you don't want to deal

489
00:23:58,920 --> 00:23:59,119
Speaker 1: with that.

490
00:23:59,200 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 3: Also, feel free.

491
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 2: I saw your note about that you've had to cut

492
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: out a toxic family member, So if that's informed anything.

493
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, let us know and feel free to use that

494
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,479
Speaker 1: experience to give your opinion of the story.

495
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:16,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, sorry, it was a big question there. So my

496
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 6: experience from my was my brother. He did a lot

497
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 6: of things to me. He stole from me, He abused

498
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,680
Speaker 6: me when I was younger, so there was a lot

499
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 6: of negative things there, and my parents never really chose

500
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 6: to do much serious punishment for him, so he just

501
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 6: kept doing it and finally, after a good couple of years,

502
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 6: I ended up just we ended up just kind of

503
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 6: drifting apart, and then he came back into my life

504
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 6: like a good couple of years ago, like I think

505
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 6: like five years ago and two years ago when I

506
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 6: was in like laid up in my bed from being

507
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 6: hit by a car. He ended up stealing from me

508
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,360
Speaker 6: during a time when I need money the most.

509
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

510
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,959
Speaker 6: So at that point I ended up just cutting them

511
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 6: off there and I was pretty much done.

512
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: Was it a hard Was it hard for you to

513
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 1: cut them off in that moment or did it feel

514
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: like the obvious decision? Because like, you know, I regardless

515
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 1: of how you know, bad relationship gets Like, I know

516
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: it can be tough to cut a family member out,

517
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 1: but also maybe it was just so much hurt and pain,

518
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: it's like it's easy.

519
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 6: It felt like the final nail in the coffin. Yeah,

520
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 6: Like it felt like the grave was there and all

521
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 6: we just needed was just one more thing to be done.

522
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 6: And it was finally done, and I was like, I

523
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 6: can't deal with this anymore. So I just before even

524
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,479
Speaker 6: doing it, I want to be sure with my decision.

525
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 6: So I ended up actually seeing a therapist and talking

526
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,200
Speaker 6: to one for a little bit just to make my decision.

527
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: Which literally is the advice that we give on this

528
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 1: show all the time before any big decision. Rather it's

529
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: you know, changing a relationship, tendue relationship with a significant

530
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: other or a family member or a friend, like any

531
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: significant relationship that you have, really like talk to someone

532
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: like through it first to make sure that you're seeing

533
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 1: all angle. So really smart of you to do that.

534
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 2: And what do you think with your experience, Like, what

535
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 2: do you think OP should do in their scenario?

536
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 6: OP scenario is a whole lot different compared to mine.

537
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:30,360
Speaker 6: OPI has someone actively lying about them, which is definitely

538
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 6: I think is a very dangerous situation. Yeah, because she

539
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 6: I think I saw it was a comment or she

540
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 6: mentioned what would happen if this plan that the dad

541
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 6: was trying to do didn't work?

542
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 3: What would you do next?

543
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 6: Considering he was buying about something that big?

544
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 3: What would be his next step that?

545
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, so I feel like in her shoes, I would

546
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 6: be a little afraid for myself, want to get out

547
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 6: of the situation at least temporarily and then try to

548
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 6: figure out what's going on.

549
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: So would you wings with the partner?

550
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 6: I would say, take a break, go to maybe go

551
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 6: to therapy if that's if that's up for discussion. At

552
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,919
Speaker 6: the very least, have like a sit down with with

553
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 6: OP and the dad and see if he's still saying

554
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 6: those exact same things. Well, Op is right there and

555
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 6: the Op's son husband. Yeah, and if he is, I

556
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 6: think at that point it might be not worth saving anymore.

557
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's like, all right, have a sit down

558
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: with your husband and the dad, see if there's you

559
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:43,640
Speaker 1: can resolve anything there regardless, take a step back, get

560
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: some therapy, tell your your husband why you're step like,

561
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: you're why you're stepping back, and then hopefully with the

562
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: therapy and the time, you can make a decision that

563
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: is as well informed as possible. But it seems like

564
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: there's this leaning towards ope leaving completely, even in the

565
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,400
Speaker 1: situation where we don't know. This second update that we got.

566
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, it seems things are starting to take a more serious,

567
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 6: serious turn. So I think eving should be the first thing.

568
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 6: Getting somewhere safe should be like the first priority.

569
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 3: Yeah.

570
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 1: Well, Pigeon General, thank you so much for calling in

571
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: with your perspective, and thanks for sharing your story.

572
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 6: At any time, and thanks.

573
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: For being part of the Pigeon army.

574
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:33,680
Speaker 2: Of course, see you later, dude, thanks for chatting. Wow,

575
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,439
Speaker 2: Well there we have it.

576
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 3: Yeah.

577
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: I always like when people have, like have experienced this.

578
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, I think it really it really adds.

579
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: Well, I don't like that general had to have that experience.

580
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 1: It helps no way. It helps having his perspective to

581
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: understand how to navigate this situation, I.

582
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: Think, And I feel like like they always bring a

583
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 2: aspect of it that we wouldn't because we haven't been

584
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 2: through that scenario exactly.

585
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 3: So always appreciate it when you guys.

586
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 1: Also shout out Pigeon General for doing therapy before making

587
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: a life changing decision.

588
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 3: Shout just let's.

589
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: Let's a model Okay story Time community citizen, Yeah, citizen, Yes,

590
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: citizen of Okay story Times.

591
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 3: Well, shout out you.

592
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: Olivia Gray says I really enjoyed him as a caller. Well,

593
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: Pigeon General is the best, so breaking awesome? Is breaking

594
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: awesome part of the Okay fans give some pigeons in

595
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: the chat for Pigeon Generals is.

596
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 4: The very model of a modern major general.

597
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 3: He is is