1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is great to have 7 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:38,519 Speaker 1: you here. Back for another episode, Back for another topic. Today, 8 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: I think we're going to tackle a very important question 9 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: in the self help space, one that I think has 10 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: been coming up a lot more but is also the 11 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 1: source of a lot of criticism. And the question is 12 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: is it possible to be too self aware? I have 13 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: been thinking about this personally for a while, particularly as 14 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: someone who has a lot to do obviously with the 15 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: self help and the mental health space, and I really 16 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,959 Speaker 1: do love it. I have no complaints. It is the 17 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: thing I love most in the world. But the one 18 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: thing that I do sometimes find really draining is this 19 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: tendency and sometimes this need to be constantly assessing and 20 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: analyzing my own emotions and contemplating all the psychological and 21 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 1: internal explanations for my behavior, you know, week after week. 22 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,400 Speaker 1: And I think at times that has left me quite 23 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: mentally burnt out and perhaps thinking that maybe as humans 24 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: we are not meant to be constantly thinking about how 25 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: we feel who we are wile others perceive us. And 26 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: yet I think our increasing acknowledgment of our emotions and 27 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: our mental state is so beneficial. It's done wonders for 28 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: how we treat ourselves. We are so much more gentle 29 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: and kind to ourselves these days, and very much aware 30 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: of the people we are, of who we are becoming. 31 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 1: But at what point is that self reflection and contemplation 32 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: too much? At what point can that become even harmful 33 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: to some extent? So that is really what I want 34 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: to discuss today, That's what I want to dive into. 35 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,799 Speaker 1: Let's start at the basics, though, What exactly is self 36 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: awareness and why is it such I guess a celebrated 37 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,959 Speaker 1: trait and our idea in our society, something that I 38 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,399 Speaker 1: would say a lot of us who consume self help 39 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 1: content are striving towards self awareness from a very bird's 40 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: eye view, is essentially our ability to understand ourselves and 41 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: align our emotions, our thoughts, actions, desires, beliefs, and values 42 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: align them all together. It's almost about having an objective 43 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: view of who we are, why we are that way, 44 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: and how we want our future selves to be. You know, 45 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: for example, it's about understanding what maybe you are and 46 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: you are not good at, or how you act in 47 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,079 Speaker 1: front of certain people, Recognizing when something upsets you and 48 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: why that might be, Knowing what motivates you, knowing why 49 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: you think a certain way, all of these things, all 50 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: of these qualities of being someone who has higher self 51 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: awareness are really healthy, and they're really positive. I think 52 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: it means that we are not left feeling confused about 53 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: our behavior or alienated from ourselves, because we feel very 54 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 1: aligned and very stable in who we are. I think 55 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: there's also this very deep belief in our society that 56 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: by understanding ourselves we can live a better and more 57 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: meaningful life. And I do think that that is quite true, 58 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: because I don't think there is anyone who is going 59 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: to stand up and say that self awareness isn't something 60 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: that is incredibly positive. And that's because scientifically, psychologically it 61 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: does have so many benefits. There's been a lot of 62 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: research on this, especially in recent years and in positive 63 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: and organizational psychology, and according to the Harvard Business Review, 64 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 1: most of it, the majority of it suggests that when 65 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 1: we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident, we are 66 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: more creative, we make better decisions, we build stronger relationships, 67 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: and we communicate more effectively. We're also less likely to 68 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 1: do things that are seen as maybe immoral and legal 69 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 1: or counterproductive or antisocial, so things like lying, cheating, stealing, 70 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,919 Speaker 1: and I guess we also just feel generally more content 71 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: because it's in this psychological state whereby our self is 72 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: the focus of our intention that we can really dig 73 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 1: into things that are bothering us, and we can look 74 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: critically at our lives and our surroundings for solutions. And 75 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: that self awareness, that thing that we all really want, 76 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 1: we all really are striving for. It's really something that 77 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: we start to developing quite early on, at around eighteen 78 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: months or so. That is when we first see signs 79 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: of self awareness. We're able to identify ourselves in a mirror, 80 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 1: and then by four to five we develop self consciousness 81 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,840 Speaker 1: and we're aware of the idea that we can be 82 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: perceived by others and that we in turn can perceive them. 83 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: I think that development is both a blessing and a 84 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: curse in many ways, as we'll discuss later, Because although 85 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: that is normally the time when we begin to really 86 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 1: behave within social convention, we start to see that our 87 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 1: actions have cause and effect. It's also at this stage 88 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: where we begin to experience things like shame and embarrassment, 89 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: and if that is left unchecked, that can create a 90 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: lot of insecurities that stay with us into adulthood. The 91 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: other important thing to know about self awareness is also 92 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:02,560 Speaker 1: that it can be divided into two distinct types or versions. 93 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 1: We have our public self awareness, also known as external 94 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: self awareness, and then our private or internal self awareness. 95 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 1: So public self awareness, as the name kind of suggests, 96 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: it typically emerges in situations where we are around other 97 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,320 Speaker 1: people and we want to appear socially desirable and we 98 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: want to be accepted. It's the part of us that 99 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: worries what other people think, and it's sometimes very very 100 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 1: hypervigilant towards social cues that other people might be putting 101 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: out that maybe they don't like us, or that we're 102 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: behaving strangely, or that we need to be doing a 103 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: certain thing to fit in. Then we have our private 104 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: self awareness, which is basically kind of what we've been 105 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 1: talking about so far. It's where we are aware of 106 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: something about ourselves, maybe our feelings or our attitudes, our cognitions, 107 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: and the manner that is quite private that people from 108 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: the outside can't really judge or get into. It's really 109 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: our ability to introspect. It's our ability to put ourselves 110 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: in front of an internal mirror. But interestingly, it's actually 111 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 1: a combination of public and private self awareness that seems 112 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: to give us the greatest level of self consciousness. And 113 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: not self consciousness in the sense that you feel insecure, 114 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: but self consciousness in that you know yourself and you 115 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: know yourself well. I'm going to say this, I think 116 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: with most things that we talk about on this podcast. 117 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: In psychology, in general, self awareness is a spectrum. It 118 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: exists on a spectrum. There are some people who can 119 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: give you a very logical reason for their every action. 120 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 1: They understand exactly how they tick, what motivates them, why 121 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: they behave the way they do, all of their flaws. 122 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: They pathologize, they intellectualize everything. And then on the other 123 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 1: end is this other category of people who do things 124 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 1: really without having a reason or an explanation. They can't 125 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 1: really explain why they feel a certain way, or why 126 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: they do something a certain way, or who they kind 127 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 1: of truly are at their core people who lack self awareness. 128 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 1: They also typically are pretty low in empathy as well, 129 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: and that's not always the case, but I do think 130 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: that there is this group of people who we kind 131 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: of observe in public who just seem completely unaware that 132 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:39,079 Speaker 1: other people exist. And I saw this TikTok the other 133 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: day that I thought really represented this, and it was 134 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: this girl kind of holding up a line of I 135 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: would say twenty or thirty people, and she was taking 136 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 1: a photo at an art gallery, and she just seemed 137 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 1: so unaware that there were all of these other people 138 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: who were waiting in the line behind her for ten, fifteen, 139 00:08:56,040 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 1: twenty minutes. That is the kind of individual that we're 140 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: looking at here when we're talking about specifically low public awareness, 141 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: but it also links to low private awareness as well. 142 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: And the reason people like this exist is because they 143 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 1: are so unaware of their own emotions and feelings what 144 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: might make them feel annoyed or frustrated or angry, that 145 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: they are unable to really see how their own behavior 146 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: might create similar feelings within others. For people who possess 147 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 1: minimal self awareness, honestly, sometimes I think it would be 148 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: nice to never have to think about how other people 149 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 1: see you, to have fewer insecurities based on your public image, 150 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: or to not have to identify every emotion but just 151 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 1: feel it. But also these individuals, I think you know, 152 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: it's a balance, and often they struggle in other ways. 153 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 1: They have more personal conflict because they are not aware 154 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 1: of the people's emotional states. They make poor choices, they 155 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: often have trouble self correcting or accepting responsibility, but perhaps 156 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: most crucially, their emotions somewhat control them. I want to 157 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 1: shift to the other end of the spectrum now and 158 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:21,719 Speaker 1: really dig into that primary question that we have for today. 159 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: Is it possible to be too self aware? I think 160 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,319 Speaker 1: the answer is already pretty clear, But yes, I really 161 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: do think it's possible to be almost too conscious of 162 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: what we're feeling, to the point of encountering some pretty 163 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: counterproductive tendencies like perfectionism, overthinking, in decisiveness, intense self consciousness, 164 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: even loneliness to some extent. It's also this strange paradox 165 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: whereby the more we attempt to know ourselves, the more 166 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,200 Speaker 1: we can start to feel detached because our actions and 167 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: emotions they know no longer really feel like they're coming 168 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 1: from us, but from some outside external force that we're 169 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 1: watching and observing. Some people argue that at this point 170 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 1: we're kind of no longer actually experiencing self awareness, but 171 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 1: self evaluation or self obsession. However, I do think that 172 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 1: it's different, right. I think that the primary goal that 173 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: results in us getting to this point is wanting to 174 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: know ourselves better. But then it does start to almost 175 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,239 Speaker 1: look like self obsession because we can no longer control 176 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:35,319 Speaker 1: how much we are reflecting and introspecting. So if you're 177 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 1: someone who really doesn't remember the last time you felt 178 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: like there wasn't something you needed to work on or 179 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: improve about yourself, or who ruminates on every social interaction, 180 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: maybe you have gotten to the point of rationalizing every 181 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 1: emotional response, or really considering every word you say to 182 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: others or every slight gesture. I think that's a sign 183 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: that your efforts to know yourself better are actually separating 184 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: you more from your authentic self that they may have become, 185 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: as it would say in psychology, maladaptive. The crucial point 186 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: to make is that too much of a good thing 187 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 1: can still be harmful, and I think we see that here. 188 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: We see that in this circumstance I think also we 189 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: kind of fall into this trap when this is our 190 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: pattern of thought, when we are becoming consumed with analyzing 191 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,440 Speaker 1: rather than feeling our emotions or looking for answers or 192 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 1: really trying to problem solve every single thing that we're feeling. Firstly, 193 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: we're kind of faced with a lot of chronic indecisiveness, 194 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: but also the inability to focus on our responsibilities, not 195 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 1: actually feeling like we know who we are, and a 196 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:52,480 Speaker 1: failure to really see the bigger picture, which at times 197 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: is going to create social anxiety. Like we said before, 198 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 1: it's going to make it harder to make decisions, but 199 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: also that self absorbed And like I said before, I 200 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 1: don't necessarily think that is the case, because a lot 201 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: of the time when we overthink or overanalyze, we're actually 202 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: worried more about the reactions or feelings of others. But 203 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: when we spend too much time in our own thoughts, 204 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: sometimes it can be hard to get the perspective you 205 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: need to make the right decisions, the perspective that you know, 206 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: maybe not everyone really cares all that much, and that 207 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,959 Speaker 1: you're doing or making choices for people who don't matter 208 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,479 Speaker 1: because you are too a self aware be self conscious, 209 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: and I think it's kind of like this spectrum of 210 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: load to high awareness in which it's shaped like a horseshoe. 211 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: So being at either end of the extreme kind of 212 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,679 Speaker 1: results in the same outcomes here, So having too little 213 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 1: self awareness and too much self awareness is going to 214 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: result in the same thing, whereby we let our emotions 215 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: control us or our thoughts control us more than they 216 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: probably should. The other major sign of someone who is 217 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: perhaps bordering on being a little bit too self aware 218 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 1: is that need to intellectualize or rationalize everything that they 219 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: are feeling. And although I think that might feel like 220 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: we're working through our emotions or problem solving, when we 221 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: find ourselves intellectualizing every experience or feeling like we have 222 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: to understand everything that we're going through, we're actually separating 223 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: ourselves from our emotions by putting up this barrier between 224 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: us and the actual feeling. So an example I like 225 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 1: to think of is heartbreak. We've all been heartbroken, We've 226 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 1: all had our hearts absolutely shattered, and when we go 227 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: through something like a breakup or a betrayal, or just 228 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: the natural end of a long, meaningful relationship, we are 229 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: going to feel a really intense range of human emotions. 230 00:14:55,400 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: Heartbreak is such a profound experience, one that really cuts 231 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: us deeply and causes a lot of real pain, and 232 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: our instinct as humans as animals is to avoid pain 233 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: at any cost, not just physical but mental as well. 234 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: So one way of doing that is by overrationalizing every 235 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: little twinge and moment of sadness, by saying, you know, okay, 236 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: the reason I'm feeling sad right now is because of X, 237 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: Y and Z. I felt bonded to this person. It's 238 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: because of the biological addiction to the neurotransmitters that they 239 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: released in my brain. And I know that that's going 240 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 1: to wear off, and I know that the only reason 241 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: I'm feeling sad is because I'm feeling lonely for some people. 242 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 1: That might make you feel better, right, But there's something 243 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: really crucial missing here, and that is that at no 244 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: point are you actually feeling that emotion. You are intellectualizing 245 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:58,479 Speaker 1: it almost as a subconscious form of avoidance. Of emotional 246 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: avoidance and intellectualization. It does come from a place a 247 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: very deep self awareness, but it's also important to recognize that, 248 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 1: like I said before, it is a defense mechanism. At 249 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: the end of the day, by which we use reasoning 250 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: to prevent us from having to confront uncomfortable emotions, and 251 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 1: some studies, including one conducted back in twenty twelve one 252 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: in twenty fourteen, they suggested that this act of intellectualizing 253 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: our problems, our emotions, our feelings that can be just 254 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 1: as harmful as completely ignoring uncomfortable emotions altogether. I think 255 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: that it can also make it really hard to live 256 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: in the moment. And whilst I do sometimes think that 257 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: living in the moment is a little bit overrated and 258 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:51,280 Speaker 1: let's face it, very difficult if you're someone who is anxious, 259 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: there is an important point to be made that when 260 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 1: we spend too much time in our own minds, and 261 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: we get stuck in our own heads and thoughts, self 262 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: refine introspecting, you're not going to be able to enjoy 263 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 1: the present moment as much. And I'm sure many of us, 264 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:12,719 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this episode, have found ourselves staring 265 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,879 Speaker 1: at a wall or completely blanking in a conversation because 266 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: we are too absorbed in trying to think over our 267 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 1: emotions or our actions, or some experience or what we're 268 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 1: going to do next. That can be really alienating and isolating, 269 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,399 Speaker 1: but it also reduces not only our enjoyment of life, 270 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,439 Speaker 1: but also our ability to really connect with the person 271 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: sitting across from us. There's also the additional consequences that 272 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 1: arise from extreme public or external self awareness. And I 273 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: know we've spoken a little bit about social anxiety, but 274 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: I want to dive into that further. When we have 275 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: very high public self awareness, often that can make us 276 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: really charismatic, it can make us really agreeable and friendly, 277 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 1: which is all incredible, incredible traits to have. But also 278 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: we tend to focus more on how other people view 279 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,119 Speaker 1: us in certain situations than doing what makes us happy 280 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 1: or acting in a manner that is aligned with our 281 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 1: true selves, our authentic selves, mainly out of this fear 282 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 1: of being judged and a heightened acknowledgment of other people's 283 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:28,120 Speaker 1: perceptions at the end of the day. So as a result, 284 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,919 Speaker 1: we tend to stick to group norms. We try to 285 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 1: avoid situations in which we might embarrass ourselves or step 286 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: out of line, and we take less risks, even though, 287 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: like we said before, it's unlikely that anyone is even noticing. 288 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: So that external self awareness it can lead to evaluation anxiety, 289 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: in which we become distressed, anxious, worried about the opinions 290 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 1: of others, and put a lot more importance on them, 291 00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: therefore almost becoming quite hyghper, vigilant in social situations, less authentic, 292 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: enjoying ourselves less and also sometimes even leading to the 293 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: development of things like a social anxiety disorder. So we 294 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 1: have that additional component, that social component, and then sometimes 295 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 1: there's a reality that we are not going to have 296 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 1: the answers for everything. Some emotions will just emerge spontaneously 297 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: with no reasons. Sometimes we are irrational creatures and we 298 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:32,239 Speaker 1: act in ways that we don't really necessarily need an 299 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: explanation for. Hyper intellectualizing or rationalizing everything may mean that 300 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: life actually becomes almost too complex for us to actually 301 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 1: enjoy it, and we kind of also become that annoying 302 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: person at the party, as I have been many times, 303 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 1: who really needs to psychoanalyze everything, you know, everything that 304 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 1: we're doing, everything that others are doing, rather than just 305 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 1: being there, rather than just having fun. It's not going 306 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,360 Speaker 1: to make you someone's favorite person to hang out with. 307 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: It's not always actually going to make you happier either. 308 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,199 Speaker 1: So we've kind of outlined some of the risks some 309 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: of the ways to discern whether you are perhaps too 310 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:18,439 Speaker 1: self aware? So why does this happen? Where does this 311 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: come from? Why are some of us bordering kind of 312 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: on the precipice of dangerous territory here? I think it's 313 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: a really interesting interaction between quite a few things and 314 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,919 Speaker 1: one of the main culporates. And I know I'll be 315 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 1: stabbing myself in the back here, but it's consuming too 316 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: much self help content, and not just that, but also 317 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 1: contradictory self help content. So what I want to discuss 318 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: next is some of the reasons, the origins explanations for 319 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 1: why we have become perhaps too self aware, some of 320 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 1: the other arguments that maybe we aren't even at that 321 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 1: point yet where we could be gaining more knowledge about ourselves, 322 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 1: so much more, all of that and more after this shortbreak, 323 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: So we're going to explore a few reasons why we 324 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 1: can kind of tip over to the extreme of the 325 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: self awareness spectrum continuum, whatever you would like to call it. Now, 326 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,200 Speaker 1: I want to make a quick disclaim me here. I 327 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 1: am in no ways advocating for you to go and 328 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,159 Speaker 1: check out all of your self help books that you 329 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: spent really good money on or to quit therapy or 330 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 1: to never examine your feelings. I think that's totally against 331 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 1: my ethos and highly unethical to suggest. But what I 332 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: do want to explore is how can we become more 333 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,359 Speaker 1: balanced such that we can still have a bit of 334 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 1: surprise in our life, live in the moment, and have 335 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,400 Speaker 1: an authentic human experience without being tied up by our thoughts, 336 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 1: and also having that level of self understanding that makes 337 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: life just that little bit easier. So let's kind of 338 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: look at where this comes from. The first explanation has 339 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 1: to do with overthinking and a higher degree of perfectionism, 340 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: which is a personality trait. This has also interestingly been 341 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: linked in numerous studies to a higher IQ. So if 342 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,399 Speaker 1: you are someone who is highly intelligent, the chances that 343 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: you are also highly self aware is going to be 344 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 1: pretty high. So the hypothesis or the logic kind of 345 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: follows that people who are more intelligent, they have a 346 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 1: greater propensity for self examination and self reflection, which can 347 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,399 Speaker 1: make them more prone to things like overthinking or the 348 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: reverse relationship. People with a high IQ spend more time 349 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 1: overthinking and therefore naturally have a greater level of self awareness. 350 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 1: So it is the overthinking that makes them more intelligent, 351 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 1: both in a traditional way but also in an emotional 352 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:03,640 Speaker 1: way as well. So overthinking occurs when we repeatedly dwell 353 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,360 Speaker 1: or worry about the same thing, the same event, the 354 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:11,879 Speaker 1: same thought, for an extended period of time. Like, you know, 355 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,679 Speaker 1: did I say something that was embarrassing? That is a 356 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 1: sign of high public self awareness? Or why am I 357 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: feeling so upset or sad? Why am I not over 358 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 1: this by now? That would be a high private self awareness. However, 359 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,720 Speaker 1: I think the fallacy of overthinking, and as a result 360 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,400 Speaker 1: this high level of self awareness is that we kind 361 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:38,160 Speaker 1: of convince ourselves that thinking about something repeatedly will mean 362 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 1: that we are better able to solve the problem, or 363 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 1: that we are somehow with all of this mulling over 364 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,359 Speaker 1: and you know, reflection and introspection, that we're going to 365 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: find some hidden answer that we hadn't previously considered. We 366 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 1: use overthinking almost as a way to self soothe or 367 00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 1: regulate our emotions, but we also to minimize anxiety in 368 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,679 Speaker 1: the short term, because overthinking, as we know, gives us 369 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,360 Speaker 1: what we call an illusion of control. However, it can 370 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:15,359 Speaker 1: also be incredibly mentally exhausting and contrary to what we expect. 371 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,440 Speaker 1: It can call us to fall into a pattern known 372 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: as analysis paralysis, whereby the more we think about a 373 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: problem or a situation, the less clear a solution actually becomes. 374 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: There's also a pretty strong link between self awareness, overthinking, 375 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 1: and then perfectionism. So a perfectionism occurs when we set 376 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: incredibly high standards for ourselves that are at times extremely difficult, 377 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: almost impossible to meet, and we also feel an accompanying 378 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,160 Speaker 1: sense of self doubt and shame and also blame when 379 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 1: we feel that we cannot meet our own personal expectations. 380 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 1: When you are highly self aware, you are often more 381 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 1: attune to your failures and the ways in which perhaps 382 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 1: your actions may not be aligned with your intentions. And 383 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,960 Speaker 1: so you set increasingly higher goals and standards for yourself, 384 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,720 Speaker 1: and then you are constantly reflecting on how to achieve them, 385 00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 1: and you are highly aware of what happens when you don't. 386 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: You feel the emotional consequences of that so deeply, because 387 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,159 Speaker 1: you are not someone who can step away from a 388 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 1: hard feeling. You are not someone who can encounter something 389 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 1: like failure and not examine the causes, the effects, everything 390 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: That kind of exists in that ecosystem. I also read 391 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 1: this really interesting article whilst I was researching this that 392 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 1: explained how people who were only children growing up are 393 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 1: also more likely to have that higher propensity to spend 394 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: a lot of time self examining. And when we think 395 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 1: about the logic and context behind this, that makes a 396 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,880 Speaker 1: lot of sense. First, most only children they didn't have 397 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,679 Speaker 1: other children around the house to play with and interact 398 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,680 Speaker 1: with and to create little games together, so they kind 399 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: of had to become really good at self entertaining and 400 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 1: spending a lot of time with their own thoughts. They 401 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,680 Speaker 1: also probably spend a lot more time around adults their parents, 402 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 1: for one, but then also their parents' friends or colleagues, 403 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: and so they gain a lot of those reasoning skills 404 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 1: a lot earlier. They perhaps are quicker to intellectualize, and 405 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: that makes it more likely that they will apply those 406 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 1: cognitive skills not only at an earlier age, but with 407 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:46,399 Speaker 1: more frequency because of that alone time, leading to a 408 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 1: high degree of self awareness, not just as a child, 409 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,440 Speaker 1: but then again as an adult. But then there's this 410 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: final almost cultural societal explanation that I think we really 411 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: need to discuss. And like I said, for I'm kind 412 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 1: of undermining my own authority by discussing this. But I 413 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 1: also think it's important because the increasing consumption of self 414 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 1: help content I think may actually be causing us to 415 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: not be as present at times, or to be constantly 416 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 1: bombarded about messaging across social media, in our friendships, relationships, 417 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: even the workplace, that we need to spend a lot 418 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 1: more time in our own thoughts and perhaps getting into 419 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 1: psychological practices that may not actually be that evidence based 420 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 1: or that fruitful, And in many ways that is important, right. 421 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 1: Being more in touch with our emotions is important. Having 422 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: any kind of exposure to clinical work, therapy, psychology, I 423 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:55,400 Speaker 1: think that is so valuable, especially in the last few decades. 424 00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: You know, we've seen these enormous strides towards normal not 425 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: only conversations around mental health and mental illness, but just 426 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 1: emotional wellbeing in general, which I think is a huge 427 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: change from the environment we would have encountered some fifty 428 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,160 Speaker 1: years ago, where talking about your feelings, examining your behaviors, 429 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 1: looking for internal explanations was seen as quite odd, was 430 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 1: almost stigmatized or made you the weird person in town. 431 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 1: And you know, I grew up and I still live 432 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,879 Speaker 1: in Australia, and even these days when you travel to 433 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 1: some rural or regional areas, there's still this really big 434 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 1: taboo around speaking about your feelings. Things like journaling or 435 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 1: therapy or mindfulness or meditation. They're just seen as quote 436 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: unquote and I think completely factually incorrect, but they're seen 437 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 1: as weak, They're seen as quite strange. And so we've 438 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 1: attempted to really counter this by normalizing how we approach 439 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: how we're feeling and the when, the where, the why, 440 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 1: the how, normalizing understanding yourself better. That, of course, that 441 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 1: movement has really trickled and filtered into the fast media 442 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 1: that we're consuming. There are hundreds, if not thousands of 443 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: creators and public figures and social media accounts who have 444 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: really popularized and tried to make mental health content a 445 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: lot more accessible. And that is wonderful, But how do 446 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 1: we know that what we are kind of consuming is 447 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:40,959 Speaker 1: a real or be actually helpful. I think you can 448 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,080 Speaker 1: kind of find a podcast or an Instagram reel or 449 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: a TikTok about literally anything you're going through, and someone 450 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 1: people like myself, we are going to give you an 451 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,720 Speaker 1: explanation for exactly why you're feeling a certain way, and 452 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,120 Speaker 1: whilst I don't want to deny that that is really 453 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 1: really useful and valuable, obviously that's why I'm doing it. 454 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 1: I see that as really purposeful and important. I think 455 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 1: the issue arises at three major times. Firstly, when the 456 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 1: advice or the information we're receiving is contradictory, so one 457 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 1: person is telling you to do one thing, another person 458 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 1: is telling you to do another. Secondly, when it's inaccurate 459 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 1: or the information that we're consuming is not exactly scientific. 460 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 1: I think that happens all the time, where people are 461 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 1: going to try and give you a simple explanation for 462 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 1: something that and it's not actually correct, and that can 463 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,640 Speaker 1: leave us feeling more confused. And then finally, when we 464 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 1: can't separate our reality from looking for an internal explanation, 465 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,720 Speaker 1: This is when we fall into the trap of being 466 00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: too self aware to the point where we really can't 467 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 1: escape the tendency to overthink and excessively self examine, and 468 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: I think worse, if we have been provided with the 469 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 1: wrong information, sometimes the conclusion that we're going to reach 470 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,720 Speaker 1: is incorrect, and that's just going to leave us more stuck, 471 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: more confused, and in some ways spiraling. Also, I think 472 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 1: let's be honest here. It can be incredibly mentally draining 473 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: to be completely self aware of your existence and your 474 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 1: actions and how other people perceive you at all times, 475 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: and even quite existential to feel like everything you do 476 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 1: needs to have a reason or be aligned with some 477 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 1: version of yourself. It is a very delicate balancing act. 478 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 1: But like I said before, there is something to be 479 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:45,800 Speaker 1: said for the occasional moment of ignorance and the opportunity 480 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 1: to just be free of your thoughts and enjoy your 481 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: life for what it is. So how do we go 482 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,280 Speaker 1: about striking that balance. We do not want to give 483 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: up our self awareness. We don't want to be someone 484 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,720 Speaker 1: who is completely unconscious of how we behave or who 485 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,800 Speaker 1: we are. But also we want to be able to 486 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:08,880 Speaker 1: actually enjoy our lives. I think firstly, we have to 487 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:14,240 Speaker 1: recognize when we are overthinking or self examining, perhaps excessively, 488 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 1: and the reason why that is is the thing that 489 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 1: you're thinking about necessary for you to become a better 490 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 1: person or to feel more like yourself, or are you 491 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 1: just using this as a coping strategy to perhaps actually 492 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 1: avoid feeling your emotions and just staying with them until 493 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: they pass. I think be really conscious of whether the 494 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:43,360 Speaker 1: practices that you are partaking in are they actually making 495 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 1: you feel better or are they just getting you more 496 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,960 Speaker 1: and more stuck in a bit of a cycle, less 497 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:52,160 Speaker 1: and less connected with who you really are. Secondly, I 498 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 1: would say be conscious of the media that you are consuming, 499 00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,240 Speaker 1: whether or not it is actually sound information. That is 500 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: something that I think is really crucial, because the thing 501 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,719 Speaker 1: about social media that I think we all kind of 502 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 1: implicitly know but not many people really speak on, is 503 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 1: that anytime you view something, especially from a content creator, 504 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:19,360 Speaker 1: those views are engagement, and engagement is money. So people 505 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,720 Speaker 1: are trying to get your attention, and sometimes the thing 506 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 1: that is most correct, logical, has the most evidence, is 507 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 1: not going to be the most popular. So you really 508 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 1: have to make sure that what we are looking at, 509 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,400 Speaker 1: what we are consuming, is factual. I think also sometimes 510 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 1: we can become almost like emotional hypochondriacs, where we need 511 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: to google and examine every little thought to determine whether 512 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 1: it's healthy, unhealthy, useful not useful. And honestly, I'm kind 513 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,720 Speaker 1: of the opinion that every emotion has a purpose. No 514 00:33:55,560 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: emotion is inherently bad, it's just what happens when you 515 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,680 Speaker 1: let that emotion control you. Your emotions are just there 516 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 1: to tell you something about how you're feeling. They are 517 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 1: not there to be your whole reality, right. They are 518 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:16,759 Speaker 1: not always going to be correct, So I think don't 519 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: let the need for self awareness minimize what you're going through. 520 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 1: If you've had a particularly hard week, It's okay to 521 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,799 Speaker 1: be upset and angry and not need to integrate that 522 00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:32,359 Speaker 1: right away. In fact, I think it's probably better for 523 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,200 Speaker 1: you mentally to have an emotional outlet at times that 524 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:41,359 Speaker 1: doesn't feel entirely rational. We also know that overthinking and 525 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: with that excessive self awareness has a very deep relationship 526 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: and a strong correlation to anxiety. So finding ways to 527 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:56,840 Speaker 1: manage your anxiety and your stress it may also allow 528 00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,600 Speaker 1: you to better regulate the amount of time you spend 529 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,759 Speaker 1: in your own thoughts and not let that time get 530 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: in the way of other meaningful, important things. One thing 531 00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 1: I like to do for myself is just give myself 532 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 1: twenty minutes every day to feel really worried about something, 533 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,080 Speaker 1: or to feel anxious about the things that are on 534 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 1: my mind. Twenty minutes to just let myself process what's 535 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,400 Speaker 1: been going on in my life. Potential explanations for my 536 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,759 Speaker 1: behavior where I feel like I fit in relation to 537 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 1: others or in relation to my environment, and in that moment, 538 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,840 Speaker 1: I'm not suppressing that feeling. I'm not ignoring that feeling. 539 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:41,439 Speaker 1: What I'm doing is acknowledging it and recognizing it's part 540 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: of my life, but also containing it to just one 541 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 1: part of my day so that it's manageable. Honestly, I 542 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,400 Speaker 1: want to say it just one more time here. Self 543 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 1: awareness is not a bad thing, and I think it 544 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,799 Speaker 1: is highly subjective when our level of self awareness has 545 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 1: been perhaps become harmful. So please just use this as 546 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 1: a guide or even as a thought exercise if nothing else, 547 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,919 Speaker 1: and come to your own conclusions. Do you actually think 548 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,759 Speaker 1: it's possible to be too self aware? And if you 549 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,040 Speaker 1: have a different answer, or if you agree with me, 550 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 1: let me know. I would honestly love to hear it. 551 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 1: I don't think that there has been enough research into 552 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: this in the broader psychology space, but I think it's 553 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 1: going to be really interesting to see how this trend 554 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:32,000 Speaker 1: might develop over time, and how we might see kind 555 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,319 Speaker 1: of a separation between different groups in society, one group 556 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,239 Speaker 1: who has had access to this information and who is 557 00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:43,600 Speaker 1: reaching these higher levels of introspection and self consciousness, and 558 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,440 Speaker 1: then other people who might not be as accepting of 559 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,320 Speaker 1: some of these theories and ideas, and how that difference 560 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:53,560 Speaker 1: kind of manifests in our lives. So I think it's 561 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 1: super interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts. If 562 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,759 Speaker 1: you don't already follow me on Instagram, it is at 563 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 1: that psychology podcast, so follow me over there, shoot me 564 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,760 Speaker 1: a DM if you have an opinion, and as always, 565 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,879 Speaker 1: if you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to give 566 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 1: it a five star review whatever you are listening. I 567 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 1: know that I say this all the time, but it 568 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:20,040 Speaker 1: still stands true. I read every single one of your reviews. 569 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: I read every single one of your dms, and it's 570 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,920 Speaker 1: really honestly mind blowing. Honestly, how many of you are 571 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: out there, all the different countries that you're from this 572 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,560 Speaker 1: community is just insanely cool. So thank you so much 573 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:37,120 Speaker 1: for following along and supporting me. I really hope you 574 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,400 Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode and we will be back next week 575 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,520 Speaker 1: with another one.