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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Sure,

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Speaker 1: he violated Judge mer Schawan's expanded gag order on day one,

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Speaker 1: and yes, he once again threatened that if he is

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Speaker 1: not elected, the country will cease to exist. And yes,

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Speaker 1: he called immigrants animals. Yet incredibly, Trump has done something worse.

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Speaker 1: He has threatened to federalize state and local police. His

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Speaker 1: persecution of minorities, starting with Latinos, moving on to Blacks

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Speaker 1: and Middle Easterners, and when he runs out of all

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Speaker 1: them Jews, that will be conducted at least in part

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Speaker 1: by cops, local cops, cops, you know. To make that possible,

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Speaker 1: Trump will have to take over the police everywhere. Promising

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Speaker 1: death and destruction and making a stochastic assassination threat against

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Speaker 1: President Biden is one kind of thing. This, This is

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Speaker 1: pure and immediate American dictatorship. Trump Grand Rapids, Michigan, surrounded

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Speaker 1: by cops at a fascist rally.

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Speaker 2: Somebody said, how will you get these criminals out? I say,

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Speaker 2: the sheriffs, the police, the police officers, the police, law enforcement.

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Speaker 1: In their local communities.

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Speaker 2: They know every bad kid, They know every bad person.

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Speaker 2: They know their first name, their middle name, they know

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Speaker 2: their phone numbers, they have their cell phones, they have

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Speaker 2: everything about them. They know exactly what to do and

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Speaker 2: how to do it. These guys know exactly what I'm

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Speaker 2: talking about. But we have to let them do their job.

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Speaker 2: And we're going to work out a federal immunity for

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Speaker 2: police so they're allowed to do their job without losing

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Speaker 2: their house and their pension everything else when when the

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Speaker 2: liberal governors and mayors don't back them.

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Speaker 1: The indemnify them thing is not new. He promised that

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Speaker 1: last December, and I'll circle back to its implications in

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Speaker 1: a moment. But one of those implications that by indemnifying

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Speaker 1: cops against prosecution for strong actions, he would be making

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Speaker 1: them personally loyal to him. That was only an implication,

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Speaker 1: and an unofficial implication at that. He has now said,

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Speaker 1: federal immunity the cops, the cops in your town, the

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Speaker 1: cops on your street, the cops in your family, would

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Speaker 1: be federalized and they would work for Trump. In putting

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Speaker 1: it into these terms, Trump has shown you as clearly

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Speaker 1: as ever before the America he intends to sentence the

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Speaker 1: rest of us to next January twentieth. There are no laws,

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Speaker 1: there are no governors. There are no mayors, there are

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Speaker 1: no local governments, there is no appeal. There is only him.

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Speaker 1: He has the military. He will use it on the

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Speaker 1: streets against protesters. He may declare a state of insurrection

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Speaker 1: during his inaugural address. Thus the protesters could be anybody

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Speaker 1: you me, a Democratic Speaker of the House, Joe Biden,

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Speaker 1: a news reporter. He doesn't like voters, he doesn't like

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Speaker 1: judges who try to stop him. He will usurp the

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Speaker 1: federal government and replace it with those personally loyal to him.

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Speaker 1: And the first show of force will be the purge

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Speaker 1: of minorities. And if you belong to any minority group,

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Speaker 1: and spoiler alert, we all belong to some minority group.

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Speaker 1: You may think you are here legally. But if your

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Speaker 1: local cop, your local Trump cop, federalized by Trump, indemnified

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Speaker 1: by Trump, beholden to Trump. If your local cop says no,

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Speaker 1: he thinks he heard somewhere that you are here illegally,

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Speaker 1: Guess where you are going. You are going to Trump Camp.

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Speaker 1: A judge is going to stop it. A judge Trump appointed.

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Speaker 1: A judge in a red state, a judge Trump didn't

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Speaker 1: appoint in a blue state. Who knows that if he

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Speaker 1: crosses Trump, he will be the next to go to

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Speaker 1: Trump camp and die there fast or slow. And this

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Speaker 1: nightmare all starts with the cops, because Trump's recitation of

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Speaker 1: their omniscience is a wild exaggeration, but not a total one.

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Speaker 1: And this nation, especially its Republicans and its magas, and

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Speaker 1: its fascists and its racists and its lunatics, is a

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Speaker 1: nation riddled with snitches and sadists and grudge holders and

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Speaker 1: people who do not value human life. And a lot

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Speaker 1: of them just happened to be not all of them,

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Speaker 1: not exclusively, it's not one hundred percent, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of them just happened to be cops right now. And

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Speaker 1: then there are also lots of non cop people who

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Speaker 1: you would now bet your life on being there to

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Speaker 1: defend you if they dragged you away and said, oh,

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Speaker 1: new rule, your grandmother can't prove her immigration here was documented.

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Speaker 1: That means you are no longer a citizen. Well surprised

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Speaker 1: those people you would bet your life on will first

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Speaker 1: worry about whether their grandmother can prove the same thing,

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Speaker 1: or if that cop there knows the unfortunate fact about them,

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Speaker 1: or their friend or their cousin, or or it all

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Speaker 1: arts with the cops. And Trump just said he would

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Speaker 1: federalize the cops. And again, this is only the second

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Speaker 1: time he has said, and said it obliquely enough that

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Speaker 1: nearly every reporter, every news outlet missed it that he

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Speaker 1: would be indemnifying all the police everywhere in the country.

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Speaker 1: They shoot somebody, they cannot be arrested, they cannot be sued,

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Speaker 1: they cannot be stopped. And for this they personally have

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Speaker 1: only one man to think Trump last December eighteenth, Durhma Hampshire, I.

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Speaker 2: Am also going to indemnify all police offices.

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Speaker 1: This is a big thing, and it's a brand new.

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Speaker 2: Thing, and I think it's so important. I'm going to indemnify,

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Speaker 2: through the federal government, all police officers and law enforcement

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Speaker 2: officials throughout.

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Speaker 1: The United States from being destroyed by the radical left

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Speaker 1: for taking.

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Speaker 2: Strong actions against crime.

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Speaker 1: Of all of Trump's threats, even the idea of imposing

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Speaker 1: the Insurrection Act on January twentieth and bringing the military

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Speaker 1: out to arrest Fannie Willis and Jack Smith and Gretchen

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Speaker 1: Whitmer and Joe Biden and Juan Merschan's daughter and whoever

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Speaker 1: else he really doesn't like that day, of all of

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Speaker 1: his threats. His many mortal dangers to representative government in

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Speaker 1: this country, the one about the cops is the most

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Speaker 1: dangerous because it is the one that is the most

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Speaker 1: immediately actionable. Give Trump the cops, and he will turn

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Speaker 1: every American cop into a lawless storm trooper, and every

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Speaker 1: domestic police force into a miniature SS. And he can

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Speaker 1: do it virtually overnight. He can co opt every law

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Speaker 1: officer in this country, seven hundred thousand of them, by

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Speaker 1: the way. They are all armed, and in the last

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Speaker 1: year nearly all of them have been equipped, if they

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Speaker 1: were not already, with military style weapons and vehicles and

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Speaker 1: surveillance equipment, and make each and every one of them,

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Speaker 1: in essence untouchable by law, beholden to no one responsibly,

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Speaker 1: ultimately only to the person who liberated them from all

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Speaker 1: of these annoying restraints. Trump and federalized so they can

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Speaker 1: raid homes in their own communities and drag out our

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Speaker 1: neighbors and our friends and our relatives off to the camps.

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Speaker 1: And when they are all in the camps, who's next.

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Speaker 1: The election of Donald Trump would not be a disaster

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Speaker 1: for democracy in this country. It would be a door

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Speaker 1: locking all of us except a chosen few chosen by

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Speaker 1: Trump locking us into a prison cell from which there

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Speaker 1: is not only no appeal and from which there is

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Speaker 1: not only no escape, but from which, the moment we

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Speaker 1: are inside, the doors are removed. Federalizing and indemnifying local police.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to indemnify, through the federal government, all police officers.

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Speaker 1: That was what he said in December. What do you

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Speaker 1: think that means? Indemnified, relieved of legal liability for their actions.

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Speaker 1: That means that the next Derek Chauvin who tortures George

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Speaker 1: Floyd to death on a Minneapolis city street with witnesses,

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Speaker 1: that cop cannot be arrested, cannot be prosecuted, cannot be sued,

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Speaker 1: cannot be stopped to try to would probably be breaking

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Speaker 1: a new Trump law. And if there are no longer

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Speaker 1: any means of stopping the cops from ha people or

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Speaker 1: beating people or killing people, cops will no longer have

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Speaker 1: any need to even pretend that the people they are

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Speaker 1: harassing or beating or killing are actually guilty of anything.

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Speaker 1: They are. Then the SS to use the fascists term

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Speaker 1: illegals trying to escape shot while trying to escape the police.

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Speaker 1: Where are you going next? After that? Happens to your

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Speaker 1: local police review board, the one the cops just abolished.

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Speaker 1: But what about people who are not quote illegal, but

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Speaker 1: just happen to be named, just to pick a few

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Speaker 1: names at random, say Nicholas Fuentes or Anna Paulina Luna

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Speaker 1: or Raphael Cruz or mark O Rubio or Michelle Tafoya

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Speaker 1: or Rachel Campos, Duffy or Ben Dominich. Somebody with a

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Speaker 1: name like that born here. We're near here, after whom

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Speaker 1: Trump sends his local cops and those people Fuente's Luna, Cruz, Rubio, Tafoya,

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Speaker 1: Campo s Duffy, Dominic any of them. Those people run

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Speaker 1: out of fear, out of panic, they run and they

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Speaker 1: get shot. Who investigates that. Let's mix in one more

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Speaker 1: degree of horror. What if they aren't quote illegal and

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Speaker 1: they did not run, but the cops Trump's cops say

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Speaker 1: they tried to run. Oh, we'll look at the body cameras. Now,

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Speaker 1: it's unfortunate. We shot mister Olderman, but we mistook him

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Speaker 1: for a suspect from Honduras who was wanted for being

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Speaker 1: here illegally. We already know wide swaths of the nation's

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Speaker 1: seven hundred thousand cops in eighteen thousand, state and local

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Speaker 1: police forces range from wild conservatism to full on fascism

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Speaker 1: and white supremacism and QAnon and election denialism and trump Ism.

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Speaker 1: We already know that since nine to eleven, the nation's

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Speaker 1: police forces have equipped themselves as if all of the

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Speaker 1: world's terrorists are going to descend on them personally late

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Speaker 1: this afternoon. I have previously cited the example of Franklin, Indiana,

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Speaker 1: population twenty five thousand, where the cops there bought themselves

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Speaker 1: an m RAP, a mine resistant armored vehicle for Franklin, Indiana,

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Speaker 1: an m RAP, just like a dozen other small county

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Speaker 1: police forces bought in the last decade, a dozen small

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Speaker 1: county police forces, just in Indiana. Trump's plan here is

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Speaker 1: not to get a little loose, a little lax on

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Speaker 1: reading suspects their miranda rights. It's detaining them without charge,

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Speaker 1: then detaining the judge who points out that they've been

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Speaker 1: detained without charge, then detaining the protesters who protest the

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Speaker 1: detention of the cop and the suspect and the judge

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Speaker 1: and anybody else who complained, and then if that doesn't work,

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Speaker 1: having the cops shoot them shoot us. This remember would

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Speaker 1: be in addition to using the National Guard to quell

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Speaker 1: peaceful political protests. This would be in addition to what

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Speaker 1: Trump staffers would not deny or at least considerations of

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Speaker 1: invoking the Insurrection Act on January twentieth, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 1: This would be in addition to Trump's jovial promise to

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Speaker 1: be a dictator, but only on day one. Haha, I'm

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Speaker 1: only kidding. No, I'm not, Yes, i am No, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, as if we needed one more

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Speaker 1: twist of this nightmare, remember who all this is being

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Speaker 1: done for. Trump doesn't give a rats ass if there

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Speaker 1: are people here without documentation and whether they are expelled

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Speaker 1: or not. Hell, he's employed hundreds building his buildings. He

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Speaker 1: has no interest in law or order except how to

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Speaker 1: evade both of them himself. This is all to keep

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Speaker 1: up a steady supply of minority people to victimize. This

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Speaker 1: is his Roman colosseum, his slaves fighting lions. This is

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Speaker 1: all because he long ago recognized his support is from

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Speaker 1: Satan lists and the mentally ill, and those who believe

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Speaker 1: in racial purity and the poisoning of the national blood

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Speaker 1: and all the other things. Trump read in that book

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Speaker 1: of Hitler's speeches that he used to keep in a

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Speaker 1: table by his bedside thirty five years ago, the book

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Speaker 1: Ivanna told us about because if you want to know

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Speaker 1: why Hitler's plan worked in a place like Germany and

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Speaker 1: why it can work here today next year, it's because,

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Speaker 1: as a memorable edition of the Twilight Zone show was titled,

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Speaker 1: sixty years ago, people are alike all over, federalized local

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Speaker 1: police indemnified federalized local Trump police stand by for the

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Speaker 1: Trump waff. Compared to that. Trump's legal stuff pales in comparison,

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Speaker 1: of course, but it merits mentioned. As noted yesterday, Judge

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Speaker 1: Marshan identify her he's the judge in the Stormy Daniel's

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Speaker 1: hush money election interference Trump trial. Judge Marschan did expand

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Speaker 1: the gag order in his case to include his own daughter,

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Speaker 1: who Trump kept attacking, and before the business day had

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Speaker 1: even begun yesterday, Trump posted pinned to the top of

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Speaker 1: his feed a six and a half minute video attack

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Speaker 1: on her by fire News by the impeccably stupid Brian Killmead,

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Speaker 1: repeating the lie that she was behind a Twitter feed

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Speaker 1: showing a picture of Trump behind bars. Kill Mead starting

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Speaker 1: with what he called some dispute about the photo, jumping

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Speaker 1: to if I'm Trump, I'm concerned about that, and finally

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Speaker 1: erasing any margin for error by stating by lying, by

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Speaker 1: jumping to the conclusion in about two seconds flat quote

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Speaker 1: the judge has a daughter who feels this way. We

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Speaker 1: know Trump was forbidden from personally commenting on the families

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Speaker 1: of court officials, like the judge's daughter and other members

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Speaker 1: of the family of the judge. Does repeating the comments

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Speaker 1: of others, the lies of others, the stochastic invitations to

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Speaker 1: attack the members of the judges family. Does just repeating

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Speaker 1: others doing that? Does that count as violating the gag order?

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Speaker 1: On the social media site, Trump bones Judge. Here's an idea.

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Speaker 1: Let's find out, cancel his bail, prepare for an onslaught

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Speaker 1: of legal actions to prevent what you're going to do.

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Speaker 1: But let's see. Let somebody stand up and see. Let's

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Speaker 1: find out what the law actually means in this country.

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Speaker 1: Let's see if we can drag Trump's useless, murderous, mass

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Speaker 1: murder fascist ass off to Rikers Island until further notice

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Speaker 1: and until he indemnifies the guards there. Once again, I

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Speaker 1: am compelled to offer comic relief, even if it's only

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Speaker 1: for myself. This this is from Trump's second stop yesterday,

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Speaker 1: the one after the one in which he promised to

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Speaker 1: federalize all the cops. This is from Green Bay, Wisconsin,

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Speaker 1: and the guy speaking before him the warm up act

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Speaker 1: is Glenn Grothman, Republican Congressman from the Wisconsin eighth Glenn

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Speaker 1: is only sixty eight years old, and Glenn has only

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Speaker 1: been a lawyer and a state and congressional legislator, So

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Speaker 1: he's never had a real job in his life, and

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Speaker 1: judging by what happens to him at the end of

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Speaker 1: this clip here, he's never going to have a real

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Speaker 1: job in his life. Who is the only person who

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Speaker 1: can continue to allow us to buy gas powered cars?

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Speaker 1: In twenty thirty two, Donald John Trump, for some reason,

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Speaker 1: one of the most powerful pieces of television art I

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Speaker 1: have ever seen in my life life immediately popped into

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Speaker 1: my head after that. It was an anti smoking public

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Speaker 1: service announcement that aired in nineteen eighty six. It begins

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Speaker 1: with the letters white on black in an otherwise blank screen.

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Speaker 1: You'll Wrinner nineteen twenty to nineteen eighty five. Ladies and gentlemen,

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Speaker 1: the late Yu'll Brinner, I really.

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Speaker 3: Wanted to make a commercial when I discovered that I

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Speaker 3: was that sick and my time was so limited. Wanted

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Speaker 3: to make that commercial that says simply not a time gone.

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Speaker 3: I tell you, don't smoke. Whatever you do, just don't.

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Speaker 1: Smoke Donald John Trump, As the late comic genius Bill

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Speaker 1: Hicks said about that You'll Brenner spot. But it can

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Speaker 1: also apply, I guess to Glenn Grothman coughing his way

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Speaker 1: through the atmosphere. He wants to make sure Trump keeps

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Speaker 1: poisoning anyone. Remember when you Brenner died and came out

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Speaker 1: with that commercial after he was dead. You remember that,

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Speaker 1: I'm Yil Brenner and I'm dead now? This guy Shalon?

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Speaker 1: What the F's this guy Sellen? Also of interest here

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Speaker 1: this ban on religious messages on the eggs at the

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Speaker 1: White House Easter egg roll, the one imposed by Gerald

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Speaker 1: Ford and the American egg Board of nineteen seventy six.

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Speaker 1: Even the Daily Caller has now acknowledged it got the

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Speaker 1: story wrong. President Biden had nothing to do with it,

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Speaker 1: retracted the story, apologized for the story. You know who

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Speaker 1: did not acknowledge he got it wrong, who did not retract?

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Speaker 1: Which Republican leader has a head that most looks like

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Speaker 1: an egg, only with less intelligence inside his head than

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Speaker 1: in the average egg. Think of an egg wearing horn

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Speaker 1: rimmed glasses and a perpetual look of condescension and the

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Speaker 1: habit of getting something this wrong, like every week you

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Speaker 1: got his identity, yet I'll confirm it for you. That's next.

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Speaker 1: This is countdown. That's a tease. This is countdown with

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Speaker 1: Keith Oberman still ahead of us on this editionive countdown.

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Speaker 1: How much would they have to pay you to fall

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Speaker 1: off a cliff? I mean a small cliff. Let me

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Speaker 1: ratchet up the proposition just a little bit. What if

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Speaker 1: it's a small cliff and you don't get seriously hurt,

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Speaker 1: although you will be sore for a month and twenty

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Speaker 1: years later, the whole left side of your body will

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Speaker 1: start having painful but not exactly crippling problems. Oh and

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Speaker 1: you won't know that you're going to fall off the

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Speaker 1: small cliff until like ten seconds before you fall off

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Speaker 1: the small cliff. For me, the answer turned out to

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Speaker 1: be like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars up front,

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Speaker 1: and an addition one hundred and fifty grand later, the

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Speaker 1: saga of cliff diving, unintentional cliff diving in things I

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Speaker 1: promised not to tell. Next first, still more idiots to

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Speaker 1: talk about in this case besides me, the daily roundup

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Speaker 1: of the miscreants, morons and Dunning Krueger effects specimens who

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Speaker 1: constitute two days worst persons in the I Fell.

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Speaker 4: Off a cliff worsesplat.

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Speaker 1: We start with the bronze worse speaker, Mike Johnson. It's

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Speaker 1: not that creepy look on his face that stop me. Lord,

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Speaker 1: I fear I'm going to do it again. And Lord,

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Speaker 1: I have also mangleth the anti porn app that look.

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Speaker 1: It's not that, it's not the fake piousness. It's not

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Speaker 1: the farm he owns where he seemingly grows rakes and

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Speaker 1: raises them from seedlings to full glorious heights and then

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Speaker 1: steps on every single last one of them. It's the

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Speaker 1: fact that he never wears a rhetorical seat belt. There

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Speaker 1: is no front windshield. He has not gone through as

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Speaker 1: Speaker of the House eleven thirty six yesterday morning, and

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Speaker 1: he subtweets Sean Hannity. This guy follows Sean Hannity, even

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Speaker 1: though all the Speakers of the House since Newt Gingrich

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Speaker 1: who have followed Sean Hannity have gone down in flames.

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Speaker 1: Literally every one of them except Bayner has been fired

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Speaker 1: from the job. In any event, he's following Hannity about

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Speaker 1: this fabricated story about Biden's trans Day proclamation and the

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Speaker 1: phony Easter egg no religious symbols crisis, the only thing

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Speaker 1: the Republicans are worried about. Mike Johnson writes, Biden is

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Speaker 1: either more than happy to offend millions of Christians, or

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Speaker 1: he has no idea what he is signing, which is

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Speaker 1: more alarming. One hour later, the Daily Caller, the Tucker

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Speaker 1: Carlson invention, which started this invention, this crap by literally

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Speaker 1: published a lie that Biden had ordered that there be

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Speaker 1: no religious symbols on the eggs at the White House

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Speaker 1: Easter event, like eggs have the slightest thing to do

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Speaker 1: with the story of the Resurrection of Christ. As the

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Speaker 1: Great Bill Hicks once said, could you have not come

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Speaker 1: up with something a little bit more creative, at least

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Speaker 1: something wondrous, like a worm carrying Lincoln logs across my

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Speaker 1: sock drawer? In any event, the Daily Caller was it

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Speaker 1: made up? This story that Biden had ordered that there

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Speaker 1: be no religious symbols on the eggs at the White

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Speaker 1: House Easter egg roll. We're on day four of this imbecility,

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Speaker 1: which continues The Daily Caller an hour after Mike Johnson

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Speaker 1: wrote that the Daily Caller retracted its story and apologized

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Speaker 1: for it. The Daily Caller, to my knowledge, has never

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Speaker 1: retracted nor apologized for or anything in its existence, including

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Speaker 1: that time that Tucker Carlson stole my identity and pretended

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Speaker 1: to be me in an interview in what was probably

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Speaker 1: an actual lawbreaking event. The Daily Caller retracted this story.

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Speaker 1: It said it had no idea that the no symbols

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Speaker 1: rule for the eggs in the National egg roll was

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Speaker 1: established in nineteen seventy six during Gerald Ford's Easter egg

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Speaker 1: roll at the behest of the National egg Board. The

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Speaker 1: Daily Caller bright bart news for dumb people, not well

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Speaker 1: dumber people, retracted and apologized. Speaker Johnson he has not,

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Speaker 1: and that was his third post about this non existent story.

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Speaker 1: The President has called Mike Johnson thoroughly uninformed. And it

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Speaker 1: is the most succinct destriction of this nerd yet and

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Speaker 1: I say nerd as a nerd. This nerd embarrasses other nerds.

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Speaker 1: He's an eleven year old trying to rule over a

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Speaker 1: bunch of fifteen year olds. The silver worser Fox quote

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Speaker 1: News unquote, which also hasn't retracted the story yet. Per

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Speaker 1: the website The Intercept, Fox has just issued a job

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Speaker 1: posting seeking to hire a corporate trust and safety behavioral

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Speaker 1: analyst responsible for identifying misinformation and disinformation throughout the entire

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Speaker 1: Fox company misinformation and disinformation wait for or against against?

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Speaker 1: A Fox employee is going to be in charge of

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Speaker 1: rooting out stuff that's wrong at Fox. Stuff that's incorrect, disinformation, misinformation, murdoc,

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Speaker 1: information that's unpossible. Does Maria Bartiromo know about this? Does

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Speaker 1: Ingram know? My god?

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Speaker 4: What about Jesse Waters? Won't anybody think about the children?

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Speaker 4: Won't anybody think about the children like Jesse Waters. Fox

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Speaker 4: does not identify a salary for its miss in misinformation

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Speaker 4: data analyst, but it does note one extraordinary job benefit

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Speaker 4: of the new job. You do not actually have to

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Speaker 4: work in any Fox office. But our winner the Worst

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Speaker 4: the Worst Person's Hall of Famer class of twenty twenty two,

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Speaker 4: Tall Sea Gabbard. It's been a tough week for Robert F.

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Speaker 4: Kennedy Junior. He picked a running mate who turned out

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Speaker 4: last year to have suggested at a medical conference that

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Speaker 4: you could maybe replace in vitro fertilization, which she called

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Speaker 4: a lie with two hours a day of exposure to sunshine,

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Speaker 4: and because she got like a million dollars in her

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Speaker 4: divorce settlement from the co founder of Google. None of

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Speaker 4: the medical professionals then hooted her off the stage, nor

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Speaker 4: did they throw rocks at the stage or anything anyway.

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Speaker 4: That was the new vice president. Then RFK Junior posed

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Speaker 4: with Mike Flynn. Yet the fascist propaganda media all turned

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Speaker 4: on him and they said nobody should vote for him.

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Speaker 4: This is the first bipartisan agreement on politics in this

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Speaker 4: country in seven.

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Speaker 1: Hundred and forty eight years. And now Talca Gabbard says,

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Speaker 1: Robert F. Kennedy Junior asked her to be his vice president.

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Speaker 1: I met with Kennedy several times and we have become

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Speaker 1: good friends. He asked if I would be his rendingmate.

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Speaker 1: After your careful consideration, I respectfully declined. Now there's a

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Speaker 1: reason to suspect this might not be true. The reason well,

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Speaker 1: Tlsey Gabbard issued a statement about it, as if anybody

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Speaker 1: had asked her. So while we are here, not only

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Speaker 1: did Tulci Gabbard turn down RFK Junior's offer to be

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Speaker 1: his running mate, but so did I. And when I

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Speaker 1: say I turned down is offered to be his vice president.

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Speaker 1: There was no offer from Kennedy and I didn't turn

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Speaker 1: it down. On the other hand, Robert F. Kennedy Junior

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Speaker 1: would not have been coherent long enough to have any

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Speaker 1: idea what did or didn't happen on this topic? Would he? Tulsey?

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Speaker 1: He offered to make me vice president and to make

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Speaker 1: me missus Junior as well. Gabbard two days worst person

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Speaker 1: and to the number one story on the countdown and

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Speaker 1: my favorite topic, me and things I promised not to tell.

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Speaker 1: And it was this time of year in nineteen ninety

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Speaker 1: six when my agent called me at ESPN. There's an

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Speaker 1: ad agency in Santa Monica. They just called me, would

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00:32:14,035 --> 00:32:17,515
Speaker 1: you like to do two commercials for Boston Market? I answered,

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Speaker 1: with profound indifference, Okay, would you like to do two

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Speaker 1: commercials for Boston Market for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars?

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Speaker 1: I believe my next words were, well, I can't do

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Speaker 1: them today, but sure they faxed me the scripts. They're

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Speaker 1: actually pretty funny, very well done. I think you like them,

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00:32:35,675 --> 00:32:38,235
Speaker 1: I believe. My next next words were, if I don't

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Speaker 1: have to kill anybody in them, call them back and

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00:32:40,595 --> 00:32:44,915
Speaker 1: say yes and get the money. Since the idea was

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Speaker 1: these ads would run on sports telecasts, most of them

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Speaker 1: on ESPN. My yes got back to management at ESPN

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Speaker 1: pretty quickly. You can't do these, one of the executives explained, dismissively.

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Speaker 1: We don't let anybody do commercials. I laughed. Every one

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Speaker 1: of us has done the this is Sports Center commercials.

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Speaker 1: Some of us have written that this is Sports Center commercials.

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Speaker 1: You don't even give us days off for making them,

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Speaker 1: let alone give us money. This is money I don't

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Speaker 1: have to ask you for. The executive shook his head.

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Speaker 1: Those aren't commercials. Those are promotional announcements. They're in your contract.

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Speaker 1: Nobody here does commercials, I said. Chris Berman has done

427
00:33:23,075 --> 00:33:26,075
Speaker 1: a beer commercial in three out of the last five

428
00:33:26,155 --> 00:33:30,555
Speaker 1: Super Bowls. My commercial is just for food. Well, he's Berman,

429
00:33:31,315 --> 00:33:33,875
Speaker 1: I pointed out. I went to high school with him,

430
00:33:33,995 --> 00:33:36,155
Speaker 1: and I was the star of their most popular program,

431
00:33:36,195 --> 00:33:38,555
Speaker 1: a little thing called Sports Center TV. Guiy had just

432
00:33:38,715 --> 00:33:41,395
Speaker 1: named us one of the top ten shows on TV shows,

433
00:33:41,515 --> 00:33:46,555
Speaker 1: not sports shows. Austin Seinfeld. Sorry, well, now I got

434
00:33:46,595 --> 00:33:49,795
Speaker 1: a little angry, which never happened to me at ESPN,

435
00:33:50,075 --> 00:33:53,235
Speaker 1: and I went to my ace in the hole. My

436
00:33:53,315 --> 00:33:55,955
Speaker 1: contract expires in like ten months, and you know I

437
00:33:55,995 --> 00:33:58,795
Speaker 1: intend to leave, and during those ten months, you're going

438
00:33:58,835 --> 00:34:01,355
Speaker 1: to pay me about two hundred and sixty thousand dollars.

439
00:34:01,595 --> 00:34:03,475
Speaker 1: So Boston Market is going to pay me two hundred

440
00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:07,075
Speaker 1: and fifty thousand dollars for two days work instead of

441
00:34:07,115 --> 00:34:10,555
Speaker 1: ten month's work. Plus they're going to take me out

442
00:34:10,555 --> 00:34:13,315
Speaker 1: first class to LA for a couple of days, and

443
00:34:13,395 --> 00:34:15,435
Speaker 1: they're probably going to do some radio spots and I'll

444
00:34:15,435 --> 00:34:18,115
Speaker 1: make another twenty five grant. So you're giving me a choice,

445
00:34:18,835 --> 00:34:24,075
Speaker 1: make say, two hundred and seventy five thousand dollars in

446
00:34:24,195 --> 00:34:26,115
Speaker 1: like five days for them, or make two hundred and

447
00:34:26,115 --> 00:34:29,155
Speaker 1: sixty thousand dollars here between now and next September when

448
00:34:29,155 --> 00:34:32,075
Speaker 1: I'm planning and leaving. Anyway, if you make me choose

449
00:34:32,115 --> 00:34:34,595
Speaker 1: between those two, which do you expect me to choose?

450
00:34:35,995 --> 00:34:39,635
Speaker 1: The executive coughed. We'll get back to an hour later.

451
00:34:39,635 --> 00:34:41,755
Speaker 1: He got back to me by phone. Okay, we see

452
00:34:41,795 --> 00:34:44,075
Speaker 1: your point, But there's still two problems. We can't just

453
00:34:44,155 --> 00:34:47,395
Speaker 1: let everybody do commercials. I said, well, you know, why

454
00:34:47,395 --> 00:34:49,635
Speaker 1: don't you just let anybody who went to the high

455
00:34:49,635 --> 00:34:52,355
Speaker 1: school that Berman and I went to do commercials. He

456
00:34:52,395 --> 00:34:55,675
Speaker 1: did not laugh at that. Well, how about only your

457
00:34:55,715 --> 00:34:59,235
Speaker 1: regular weekday sports center anchors get to do commercials. There

458
00:34:59,315 --> 00:35:02,435
Speaker 1: was a grunt and a maybe. Then we got to

459
00:35:02,555 --> 00:35:06,595
Speaker 1: the gist of the real problem. Here's the real problem.

460
00:35:06,835 --> 00:35:10,915
Speaker 1: People on your show, they'll be resentful. And I said,

461
00:35:11,235 --> 00:35:13,955
Speaker 1: why will they be resentful? Because the production assistants are

462
00:35:13,995 --> 00:35:16,195
Speaker 1: expecting that they're going to get their own commercials too.

463
00:35:16,835 --> 00:35:19,755
Speaker 1: And I said, how about this, the day I'm out

464
00:35:19,795 --> 00:35:23,355
Speaker 1: there actually shooting the commercial, I will get Boston Market

465
00:35:23,355 --> 00:35:27,155
Speaker 1: to like cater dinner for the show staff, even if

466
00:35:27,195 --> 00:35:29,675
Speaker 1: I have to pay for it myself. There was a

467
00:35:29,715 --> 00:35:34,875
Speaker 1: long silence. Would management be included in that? And can

468
00:35:34,915 --> 00:35:37,675
Speaker 1: we get all the side dishes too? I swear to

469
00:35:37,715 --> 00:35:42,755
Speaker 1: God so off. I flew at the beginning of December,

470
00:35:42,995 --> 00:35:46,515
Speaker 1: during a winter that had gone frigid in October in Bristol, Connecticut,

471
00:35:46,515 --> 00:35:48,115
Speaker 1: and the next thing I knew, I was on the

472
00:35:48,155 --> 00:35:53,715
Speaker 1: beach in Malibu at Leo Corrio State Park. The crew

473
00:35:54,435 --> 00:35:57,115
Speaker 1: is complaining because it is raining lightly and only about

474
00:35:57,115 --> 00:36:01,595
Speaker 1: fifty five degrees. To me, fresh from the hinterlands and

475
00:36:01,675 --> 00:36:03,755
Speaker 1: having not been back to la since I had moved

476
00:36:03,795 --> 00:36:05,995
Speaker 1: out in nineteen ninety too, it's like I'm in Tahiti

477
00:36:07,075 --> 00:36:09,675
Speaker 1: and my agent was right. The scripts were funny and original.

478
00:36:09,875 --> 00:36:12,355
Speaker 1: They were as send up of the old Calvin Kleine

479
00:36:12,395 --> 00:36:17,435
Speaker 1: obsession perfume commercials. There are two extremely thin models and

480
00:36:17,475 --> 00:36:21,355
Speaker 1: they are filmed writhing in frustration on the beach on

481
00:36:21,395 --> 00:36:25,395
Speaker 1: the big rock outcroppings at Leo Correo State Park. She

482
00:36:25,755 --> 00:36:29,315
Speaker 1: is supposed to say, emptiness, How can I fill this

483
00:36:29,355 --> 00:36:32,875
Speaker 1: empty void of emptiness? They are in black and white,

484
00:36:33,235 --> 00:36:37,555
Speaker 1: but I emerge from behind a rock or wherever I'm

485
00:36:37,635 --> 00:36:40,155
Speaker 1: in color. They are in black and white, and I

486
00:36:40,195 --> 00:36:42,075
Speaker 1: say when they say, don't know what to do about

487
00:36:42,115 --> 00:36:47,555
Speaker 1: this emptiness, I say eat something. I then sell the sandwich.

488
00:36:47,595 --> 00:36:49,395
Speaker 1: Then it cuts to a shot of me walking them

489
00:36:49,435 --> 00:36:53,155
Speaker 1: down the beach with my arm over each of their shoulders,

490
00:36:53,475 --> 00:36:56,115
Speaker 1: telling them eating is a good thing, and who's wearing

491
00:36:56,155 --> 00:36:59,515
Speaker 1: cologne or who likes sports or other stupid things like that.

492
00:37:01,955 --> 00:37:04,835
Speaker 1: For a quarter of a million dollars, well we start

493
00:37:04,675 --> 00:37:06,475
Speaker 1: at this at eight am, and the producer and the

494
00:37:06,515 --> 00:37:08,875
Speaker 1: director John say to me and the two models and

495
00:37:08,915 --> 00:37:10,795
Speaker 1: the crew, look, this rain is just going to get

496
00:37:10,835 --> 00:37:13,195
Speaker 1: heavier as the day goes on. So what we want

497
00:37:13,235 --> 00:37:15,475
Speaker 1: to do is not take a break for lunch. We'll

498
00:37:15,555 --> 00:37:18,355
Speaker 1: just shoot until like two pm, and then you can

499
00:37:18,395 --> 00:37:20,155
Speaker 1: have lunch, or you can take your lunch with you,

500
00:37:20,395 --> 00:37:22,195
Speaker 1: and you'll all get paid for a full day. And

501
00:37:22,235 --> 00:37:26,715
Speaker 1: everybody agrees. The actress agrees, and she swears as she agrees.

502
00:37:26,955 --> 00:37:30,315
Speaker 1: The actress is named Una. Una is from Chicago, and

503
00:37:30,395 --> 00:37:34,795
Speaker 1: it will soon prove Una swears more than a long shortman.

504
00:37:35,635 --> 00:37:40,875
Speaker 1: This blanking cold can blank my blanking blank. To be fair,

505
00:37:41,915 --> 00:37:44,755
Speaker 1: Una and the guy are dressed in Calvin Klein rags

506
00:37:44,795 --> 00:37:47,235
Speaker 1: and they are there and they are from there, and

507
00:37:47,275 --> 00:37:50,395
Speaker 1: they are freezing while I am wearing a production company

508
00:37:50,395 --> 00:37:53,395
Speaker 1: brand new suit and shoes, and to me it feels

509
00:37:53,395 --> 00:37:56,635
Speaker 1: like it's Tahiti. We take a couple of hours where

510
00:37:56,675 --> 00:37:59,075
Speaker 1: we do all the shots where I emerge from behind

511
00:37:59,115 --> 00:38:01,555
Speaker 1: the rocks, or go around the rocks, or over the rocks,

512
00:38:01,675 --> 00:38:04,875
Speaker 1: or I look over the rocks, and the director finally says, okay,

513
00:38:04,875 --> 00:38:07,155
Speaker 1: we got five good options. Let's set up for the

514
00:38:07,195 --> 00:38:10,995
Speaker 1: walk down the beach with your arms around each other's shoulders.

515
00:38:11,955 --> 00:38:15,395
Speaker 1: By now it's noon or twelve thirty. And as they

516
00:38:15,435 --> 00:38:18,035
Speaker 1: move the cameras and the rain starts to move from

517
00:38:18,035 --> 00:38:21,875
Speaker 1: a mist to like a light rain, two prop guys

518
00:38:21,955 --> 00:38:25,235
Speaker 1: bring out rakes and I'm sitting with the crew and

519
00:38:25,275 --> 00:38:27,675
Speaker 1: I've been asking them questions all morning, in between takes

520
00:38:27,675 --> 00:38:30,755
Speaker 1: about how this is all being arranged and made and lit.

521
00:38:30,795 --> 00:38:34,275
Speaker 1: And I say, rakes, what do you need rakes for

522
00:38:34,435 --> 00:38:37,555
Speaker 1: on a commercial? And they say you'll see. And then

523
00:38:37,595 --> 00:38:39,715
Speaker 1: each time me and Una and the guy walk down

524
00:38:39,795 --> 00:38:41,755
Speaker 1: the beach and the director says cut, we go back

525
00:38:41,795 --> 00:38:44,635
Speaker 1: to the starting point. Now out come two stage hands

526
00:38:44,675 --> 00:38:49,675
Speaker 1: with rakes and they rake the sand on the beach smooth,

527
00:38:50,555 --> 00:38:55,875
Speaker 1: and I say, oh, footprints. So each time I walk

528
00:38:55,955 --> 00:38:58,595
Speaker 1: down this damp beach with the range just a little

529
00:38:58,595 --> 00:39:01,195
Speaker 1: harder than it was the take before, in my brand

530
00:39:01,235 --> 00:39:05,195
Speaker 1: new dress shoes, what I'm basically doing is polling the

531
00:39:05,195 --> 00:39:08,355
Speaker 1: soles of these brand new shoes on damp sand. I mean,

532
00:39:08,395 --> 00:39:10,835
Speaker 1: by the time the director John says we are done,

533
00:39:10,995 --> 00:39:13,955
Speaker 1: these soles of these shoes are so shiny I could

534
00:39:13,995 --> 00:39:18,155
Speaker 1: go ice skating in these shoes. And John comes over

535
00:39:18,235 --> 00:39:20,555
Speaker 1: and he says, listen, we got another half an hour.

536
00:39:20,635 --> 00:39:22,275
Speaker 1: Can we go back and try a new way for

537
00:39:22,355 --> 00:39:24,315
Speaker 1: you to appear on the rocks? I mean, can you

538
00:39:24,595 --> 00:39:27,995
Speaker 1: Can you climb rocks at all? And I say, yeah, actually,

539
00:39:28,155 --> 00:39:30,315
Speaker 1: I'm surprisingly good at it. You wouldn't think so, but

540
00:39:30,355 --> 00:39:33,235
Speaker 1: I can climb rocks. And he points to one rock

541
00:39:33,235 --> 00:39:36,675
Speaker 1: out cropping on the beach. Maybe it's eighteen twenty feet high,

542
00:39:36,715 --> 00:39:39,075
Speaker 1: and he says, try to climb up that and go

543
00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:41,315
Speaker 1: as high as you can. If there's nothing that will

544
00:39:41,315 --> 00:39:43,995
Speaker 1: support you, we'll forget it. And I try, and sure enough,

545
00:39:44,035 --> 00:39:45,555
Speaker 1: I get up near the top and there is a

546
00:39:45,555 --> 00:39:48,395
Speaker 1: perfect little shelf in the rock that I can comfortably

547
00:39:48,435 --> 00:39:51,515
Speaker 1: stand on. And the director points the camera up and

548
00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:54,515
Speaker 1: he says, oh, damn, the angle's too tough. I can't

549
00:39:54,515 --> 00:39:57,355
Speaker 1: swing the camera down fast enough for when you say

550
00:39:57,355 --> 00:40:00,595
Speaker 1: eat something, so I refocus on the models. It won't work.

551
00:40:01,035 --> 00:40:03,715
Speaker 1: Is there anything lower on the rock where you could stand?

552
00:40:03,875 --> 00:40:07,955
Speaker 1: Can you come down? And I said, I think so.

553
00:40:08,035 --> 00:40:10,635
Speaker 1: I think I can come down a little bit. Well,

554
00:40:10,715 --> 00:40:15,115
Speaker 1: little did I know. Sure enough, maybe nine ten feet

555
00:40:15,315 --> 00:40:19,235
Speaker 1: from the beach, up in the sky, there is another

556
00:40:19,275 --> 00:40:23,075
Speaker 1: little foothold on this rock outcropping. It is not big

557
00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:25,235
Speaker 1: enough for me to put both my feet on it.

558
00:40:25,275 --> 00:40:27,555
Speaker 1: But I say, if you don't mind me holding onto

559
00:40:27,555 --> 00:40:29,875
Speaker 1: the rock as I say, eat something, I can do

560
00:40:29,875 --> 00:40:32,915
Speaker 1: it from here. And the director says, okay, let's try it.

561
00:40:33,355 --> 00:40:36,075
Speaker 1: And I climb down the rock and he's moving the

562
00:40:36,115 --> 00:40:39,075
Speaker 1: camera and I put my left foot on this flat part,

563
00:40:39,115 --> 00:40:41,115
Speaker 1: which is nine or ten feet up from the beach,

564
00:40:41,395 --> 00:40:44,275
Speaker 1: and for a couple of seconds everything is fine. I'm good.

565
00:40:45,715 --> 00:40:49,875
Speaker 1: And that's when I feel that my left shoe, my

566
00:40:50,035 --> 00:40:54,355
Speaker 1: brand new left shoe, straight from the floor, shiine catalog,

567
00:40:54,675 --> 00:40:58,355
Speaker 1: bright and shiny and now having been polished by four

568
00:40:58,435 --> 00:41:00,635
Speaker 1: hours of walking up and down on a wet beach,

569
00:41:00,675 --> 00:41:03,555
Speaker 1: complete with two guys there to rake the beach and

570
00:41:03,675 --> 00:41:06,355
Speaker 1: make sure it is as shy as it possibly can be.

571
00:41:08,155 --> 00:41:12,795
Speaker 1: My left shoe, slipperier than a diamond, is now moving

572
00:41:12,875 --> 00:41:18,195
Speaker 1: of its own accord. I'm holding. I'm doing a good

573
00:41:18,315 --> 00:41:22,875
Speaker 1: rock climbing job, but the shoe, the shoe is not holding. Hey,

574
00:41:23,355 --> 00:41:26,595
Speaker 1: I say, with some alarm, I'm about to fall off.

575
00:41:28,355 --> 00:41:31,315
Speaker 1: I hit the sand no more than five seconds later,

576
00:41:32,035 --> 00:41:35,875
Speaker 1: so that's about a sixteen foot drop. From my head

577
00:41:35,915 --> 00:41:39,875
Speaker 1: to the beach, and for weeks, for years still to

578
00:41:39,915 --> 00:41:42,675
Speaker 1: this day, it has amazed me more than anything else

579
00:41:42,675 --> 00:41:45,875
Speaker 1: that happened. It has amazed me how much went through

580
00:41:45,915 --> 00:41:50,115
Speaker 1: my mind before I crashed. In fact, before I actually fell.

581
00:41:51,195 --> 00:41:53,835
Speaker 1: I know, I did a quick height calculation. Yeah, fifteen

582
00:41:53,875 --> 00:41:57,475
Speaker 1: sixteen feet. I recognized that the outcropping was so vertical

583
00:41:57,475 --> 00:41:59,715
Speaker 1: that I was unlikely to hit any of the rock

584
00:42:00,035 --> 00:42:03,275
Speaker 1: on the way down. But just the same, I remember

585
00:42:03,355 --> 00:42:07,955
Speaker 1: that the rocks continue under the sand. See. I took

586
00:42:07,955 --> 00:42:10,675
Speaker 1: two years of geology, and this was going to be

587
00:42:10,795 --> 00:42:14,995
Speaker 1: a hard landing. More amazingly than all that, Though I

588
00:42:15,035 --> 00:42:18,835
Speaker 1: had taken judo as a kid, I hated every minute

589
00:42:18,875 --> 00:42:23,395
Speaker 1: of judo. Nineteen sixty five, nineteen sixty six, so twenty

590
00:42:23,435 --> 00:42:26,715
Speaker 1: six and twenty seven years before we shot this commercial,

591
00:42:27,475 --> 00:42:32,635
Speaker 1: I was in the studio, the Judo studio in White Plains,

592
00:42:32,675 --> 00:42:37,075
Speaker 1: New York, the day of the nineteen sixty five Northeast blackout,

593
00:42:37,835 --> 00:42:40,875
Speaker 1: and the only happy memory of the entire judo experience

594
00:42:40,915 --> 00:42:45,635
Speaker 1: I had was one hour instructor Bob Durocher locked us

595
00:42:45,675 --> 00:42:48,515
Speaker 1: in the dojo that had been converted from a store

596
00:42:48,515 --> 00:42:51,075
Speaker 1: that had a front door that was set in several

597
00:42:51,075 --> 00:42:53,755
Speaker 1: feet from the street so they could put display cases up.

598
00:42:54,595 --> 00:42:56,355
Speaker 1: And now it's pitch black. So he went out and

599
00:42:56,355 --> 00:42:59,755
Speaker 1: got his Volkswagen Carmen Gia drove it up over the

600
00:42:59,835 --> 00:43:04,115
Speaker 1: sidewalk into that set in entryway of this converted storefront.

601
00:43:04,195 --> 00:43:07,355
Speaker 1: He put his beams on. He flooded the dojo with

602
00:43:07,515 --> 00:43:09,595
Speaker 1: enough light that we kids could change out of our

603
00:43:09,675 --> 00:43:12,995
Speaker 1: judo stuff and back into our regular clothes and wait

604
00:43:13,035 --> 00:43:15,915
Speaker 1: for our parents to come get us. He did a

605
00:43:15,915 --> 00:43:19,635
Speaker 1: great job. I didn't like the judo so much, but

606
00:43:19,795 --> 00:43:25,475
Speaker 1: his blackout operations practice was superb. So now, with all

607
00:43:25,515 --> 00:43:27,675
Speaker 1: of this having gone through my head in a second,

608
00:43:27,755 --> 00:43:30,915
Speaker 1: I began to fall, and everything else from that year

609
00:43:30,955 --> 00:43:34,075
Speaker 1: of once a week judo classes comes back to me. Relax,

610
00:43:34,195 --> 00:43:36,755
Speaker 1: as you drop, the more of your body that hits,

611
00:43:36,955 --> 00:43:40,635
Speaker 1: the less you'll get hurt. Hands protect the head. Drop

612
00:43:40,795 --> 00:43:44,755
Speaker 1: like a sack of sand. I did not hit the sand,

613
00:43:44,835 --> 00:43:47,395
Speaker 1: per se. I kind of splattered on my left side

614
00:43:48,035 --> 00:43:52,155
Speaker 1: swap as I rolled over onto my back and took

615
00:43:52,195 --> 00:43:56,035
Speaker 1: a breath and sat up. Of all people, Una was

616
00:43:56,075 --> 00:43:58,315
Speaker 1: the first to race over to me. You want some

617
00:43:58,355 --> 00:44:02,675
Speaker 1: blank and tea, I said, no, thanks, Let me see

618
00:44:02,675 --> 00:44:05,955
Speaker 1: if I'm dead. Tried to help me to my feet,

619
00:44:05,955 --> 00:44:09,035
Speaker 1: but I felt some very sharp pain, which suggested we

620
00:44:09,035 --> 00:44:12,435
Speaker 1: should slow down. The problem was, though, even if I

621
00:44:12,515 --> 00:44:14,635
Speaker 1: needed an ambulance, there was no way to get one

622
00:44:14,675 --> 00:44:17,395
Speaker 1: down to where we were shooting, As that rock out

623
00:44:17,435 --> 00:44:21,755
Speaker 1: cropping that I had just fallen from suggested, I like

624
00:44:21,835 --> 00:44:24,195
Speaker 1: to call it a cliff every now and again. Leo

625
00:44:24,355 --> 00:44:28,115
Speaker 1: Correo State Park had a real cliff in it and

626
00:44:28,155 --> 00:44:30,355
Speaker 1: a flight of stairs, I mean one hundred steps, two

627
00:44:30,435 --> 00:44:33,755
Speaker 1: hundred steps up to the Pacific Coast Highway and a park.

628
00:44:34,755 --> 00:44:37,395
Speaker 1: Sure enough, I was able to stand, but I couldn't

629
00:44:37,435 --> 00:44:41,315
Speaker 1: move easily. Everything hurt. So the two biggest members of

630
00:44:41,355 --> 00:44:43,915
Speaker 1: the crew let me drape my arms over their shoulders,

631
00:44:44,115 --> 00:44:47,075
Speaker 1: exactly the way I had draped my arms over their

632
00:44:47,115 --> 00:44:51,475
Speaker 1: shoulders of the models during the beach shot. I stopped

633
00:44:51,515 --> 00:44:55,555
Speaker 1: for a second. Hey, Ona, you sure you don't want

634
00:44:55,595 --> 00:45:00,075
Speaker 1: to Frankin carry me up the stairs, she said, with

635
00:45:00,275 --> 00:45:05,795
Speaker 1: genuine sincerity. Now that's blank and funny. Seemed to me

636
00:45:05,955 --> 00:45:08,195
Speaker 1: like it took about a month to get up those stairs.

637
00:45:08,755 --> 00:45:12,035
Speaker 1: I assumed there would be an ambulance waiting by this point. Instead,

638
00:45:12,075 --> 00:45:16,195
Speaker 1: there was a park ranger. This is a state park.

639
00:45:16,235 --> 00:45:17,755
Speaker 1: I have to see you first, then I have to

640
00:45:17,755 --> 00:45:20,875
Speaker 1: call the fire department. I said, well, this pain on

641
00:45:20,955 --> 00:45:22,915
Speaker 1: my side here, this feels like fire, but I don't

642
00:45:22,915 --> 00:45:25,755
Speaker 1: think it's actually fire. He called the fire department. They

643
00:45:25,755 --> 00:45:29,355
Speaker 1: showed up, They assessed me. They called the ambulance. At

644
00:45:29,355 --> 00:45:31,915
Speaker 1: some point, probably when I was being half dragged up

645
00:45:31,995 --> 00:45:36,755
Speaker 1: the steps, something happened on the impact side. If I

646
00:45:36,835 --> 00:45:39,875
Speaker 1: now tried to lower my left arm from way above

647
00:45:39,915 --> 00:45:44,595
Speaker 1: my head, I got severe shooting, burning pain from my

648
00:45:44,755 --> 00:45:48,955
Speaker 1: left arm pit to about my left knee. Cleverly, I

649
00:45:49,035 --> 00:45:53,075
Speaker 1: figured out not to do that. Keep your left arm

650
00:45:53,115 --> 00:45:58,075
Speaker 1: above your head and it won't hurt. I use the

651
00:45:58,115 --> 00:46:00,275
Speaker 1: restroom in the ranger station. There was no blood, so

652
00:46:00,475 --> 00:46:05,155
Speaker 1: no kidney damage. I'm okay. It does, however, hurt, and

653
00:46:05,235 --> 00:46:08,875
Speaker 1: something could be broken. Now I go back outside, my

654
00:46:09,035 --> 00:46:11,635
Speaker 1: arm above my head like I'm signaling for a cab

655
00:46:11,715 --> 00:46:14,755
Speaker 1: on the streets of New York City. And the ambulance

656
00:46:14,795 --> 00:46:16,915
Speaker 1: shows up and the AMTS tell me to get on

657
00:46:16,995 --> 00:46:20,315
Speaker 1: there gurney, and I said, I can't. I can't lower

658
00:46:20,395 --> 00:46:24,955
Speaker 1: my arm unless I want excruciating pain. I can't move

659
00:46:24,995 --> 00:46:28,635
Speaker 1: my arm. I have to stay in this position. Looking

660
00:46:28,675 --> 00:46:33,275
Speaker 1: like a Flamenco dancer. But I said, listen, can you

661
00:46:33,355 --> 00:46:35,675
Speaker 1: lock the wheels on this gurney? And they said, sure

662
00:46:35,715 --> 00:46:37,355
Speaker 1: we can, of course we can. And I said, just

663
00:46:37,395 --> 00:46:40,755
Speaker 1: lock the wheels and I'll just back up onto the

664
00:46:40,875 --> 00:46:44,755
Speaker 1: end of it and I'll fall backwards. And it worked,

665
00:46:45,075 --> 00:46:47,515
Speaker 1: and so with my left arm still extended over my head,

666
00:46:47,515 --> 00:46:51,235
Speaker 1: they loaded me into the ambulance. Apparently, when I fell

667
00:46:51,275 --> 00:46:54,355
Speaker 1: from that rock or cliff as I call it, it

668
00:46:54,395 --> 00:46:58,075
Speaker 1: looked like I had been shot. Fifty sixty people on

669
00:46:58,155 --> 00:47:01,795
Speaker 1: a commercial crew. The shooting day is over. They have

670
00:47:01,875 --> 00:47:05,195
Speaker 1: missed lunch. There is a very nice catered lunch sitting there.

671
00:47:05,715 --> 00:47:09,035
Speaker 1: And they told me later that everybody was so disturbed

672
00:47:09,075 --> 00:47:11,875
Speaker 1: by what happened to me that only three people even

673
00:47:11,955 --> 00:47:15,355
Speaker 1: took something to go and know. The director was not

674
00:47:15,635 --> 00:47:19,995
Speaker 1: filming as I fell. Sadly, so we hit every pothole

675
00:47:20,155 --> 00:47:22,915
Speaker 1: on Pacific Coast Highway on the trip from the beach

676
00:47:22,955 --> 00:47:27,555
Speaker 1: to the hospital. Oh ah, ooh, I call my agent

677
00:47:27,675 --> 00:47:31,515
Speaker 1: from my cell phone, she laughed. I called ESPN actually

678
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:33,475
Speaker 1: to check on the catered dinner. Oh what's new? Oh,

679
00:47:33,475 --> 00:47:35,995
Speaker 1: I fell off a cliff shooting the commercial, They laughed,

680
00:47:36,595 --> 00:47:38,715
Speaker 1: and I'm lying there in the emergency room waiting for

681
00:47:38,875 --> 00:47:41,555
Speaker 1: X rays when my cell phone rings again and I

682
00:47:41,635 --> 00:47:43,995
Speaker 1: reach into my left pocket and I had the phone

683
00:47:44,075 --> 00:47:46,715
Speaker 1: halfway to my ear when I realized my left side

684
00:47:46,795 --> 00:47:50,875
Speaker 1: does not hurt anymore at all. It does not hurt

685
00:47:50,915 --> 00:47:55,755
Speaker 1: at all. Well, that was a quick recovery. I sat up.

686
00:47:55,955 --> 00:47:58,555
Speaker 1: My left side felt fine. In fact, it felt great,

687
00:47:59,075 --> 00:48:01,115
Speaker 1: and a nurse came over and suggested I should lie

688
00:48:01,155 --> 00:48:04,315
Speaker 1: back down again. I said, why, somehow I got better

689
00:48:04,395 --> 00:48:06,835
Speaker 1: on the trip from all the potholes and just lying here.

690
00:48:07,395 --> 00:48:09,915
Speaker 1: In fact, I feel great. Did you guys remove my

691
00:48:10,075 --> 00:48:12,635
Speaker 1: left leg while I wasn't looking? Did you replace it

692
00:48:12,635 --> 00:48:14,315
Speaker 1: with the left leg that I had when I was twelve?

693
00:48:14,355 --> 00:48:16,395
Speaker 1: Because I could hop back to Connecticut on my left

694
00:48:16,435 --> 00:48:20,955
Speaker 1: leg right now. Just cancel the flight, she laughed. She said, no,

695
00:48:21,595 --> 00:48:23,715
Speaker 1: what I was feeling would be the morphine they gave

696
00:48:23,755 --> 00:48:25,755
Speaker 1: me so they could twist me around and take the

697
00:48:25,915 --> 00:48:29,035
Speaker 1: X rays they needed. And I said, please never ever

698
00:48:29,235 --> 00:48:32,275
Speaker 1: give me any more of that ever again. Thank you.

699
00:48:33,835 --> 00:48:36,715
Speaker 1: My Judo flashback, as it turned out, had done the job.

700
00:48:36,755 --> 00:48:40,395
Speaker 1: I had broken nothing. The er doctor complimented me on

701
00:48:40,435 --> 00:48:43,195
Speaker 1: my fall, and he said I probably had six or

702
00:48:43,235 --> 00:48:46,835
Speaker 1: eight different sprains on my left side. It would hurt,

703
00:48:46,995 --> 00:48:49,275
Speaker 1: but it would keep getting better and I'd be able

704
00:48:49,275 --> 00:48:51,635
Speaker 1: to make my flight home the day after next. He

705
00:48:51,715 --> 00:48:55,035
Speaker 1: was completely right, although I now I found twenty five

706
00:48:55,115 --> 00:48:57,755
Speaker 1: years later that it's beginning to hurt like I just

707
00:48:57,835 --> 00:49:01,075
Speaker 1: fell off the cliff. Anyway, I went back to the hotel.

708
00:49:01,195 --> 00:49:03,195
Speaker 1: I ate well, I slept well, I managed to walk

709
00:49:03,235 --> 00:49:05,075
Speaker 1: around with the help of a cane. I went back

710
00:49:05,115 --> 00:49:07,795
Speaker 1: for day two of the commercial shoot. This one is

711
00:49:07,835 --> 00:49:11,435
Speaker 1: in a mansion in Pasadena, a room teeming full of

712
00:49:11,555 --> 00:49:16,235
Speaker 1: UNA's lying on the floor. They're photographs through chandeliers. They're lazy,

713
00:49:16,315 --> 00:49:18,875
Speaker 1: rich kids who also need to be told to eat something.

714
00:49:20,515 --> 00:49:24,235
Speaker 1: I arrived and walked into applause from the crew, and

715
00:49:24,355 --> 00:49:27,595
Speaker 1: I delivered a well rehearsed line. And now for my

716
00:49:27,755 --> 00:49:30,555
Speaker 1: next trick, which is when the director John came over

717
00:49:30,595 --> 00:49:33,955
Speaker 1: and apologized, and he said he thought this entry into

718
00:49:34,075 --> 00:49:36,435
Speaker 1: shot for me would be way easier. What I had

719
00:49:36,435 --> 00:49:38,795
Speaker 1: to do is lie on the floor, then sit up

720
00:49:39,395 --> 00:49:43,875
Speaker 1: and deliver the line eat something. If you can sit up,

721
00:49:43,995 --> 00:49:46,235
Speaker 1: he said, that is. If you can't, we can do

722
00:49:46,275 --> 00:49:48,635
Speaker 1: something else. Can you sit up? And I thought about

723
00:49:48,675 --> 00:49:50,435
Speaker 1: it and I rubbed my lower back, and I said,

724
00:49:50,475 --> 00:49:53,075
Speaker 1: based on the day so far, yeah, I could, but

725
00:49:53,235 --> 00:49:57,955
Speaker 1: probably only six or seven times. And I said, while

726
00:49:58,275 --> 00:50:01,315
Speaker 1: I can sit up, it's clear to me one of

727
00:50:01,355 --> 00:50:04,035
Speaker 1: those bad sprains was in the muscles somewhere of my

728
00:50:04,115 --> 00:50:06,955
Speaker 1: lower back. And if I try to lay back down,

729
00:50:07,315 --> 00:50:09,915
Speaker 1: I lose control. I'll just crash back to the floor.

730
00:50:09,955 --> 00:50:13,235
Speaker 1: That actually happened getting out of bed this morning. So

731
00:50:13,435 --> 00:50:17,235
Speaker 1: after each take, the same two guys who had walked

732
00:50:17,275 --> 00:50:19,395
Speaker 1: me up the stairs after I fell at the beach

733
00:50:19,675 --> 00:50:23,115
Speaker 1: gently held my arms and shoulders and lowered me back

734
00:50:23,915 --> 00:50:27,515
Speaker 1: to lying on the floor. We got what we needed.

735
00:50:27,675 --> 00:50:29,995
Speaker 1: I went back to the hotel. I had dinner with

736
00:50:30,035 --> 00:50:32,235
Speaker 1: some friends. The next day. I was a little sore,

737
00:50:32,315 --> 00:50:34,435
Speaker 1: but perfectly fine to get back on the plane east,

738
00:50:34,475 --> 00:50:37,595
Speaker 1: and sure enough, only time ever I had a west

739
00:50:37,595 --> 00:50:40,795
Speaker 1: to east tailwind. The flight from lax to Newark took

740
00:50:40,835 --> 00:50:44,155
Speaker 1: three hours and forty eight minutes. We traversed the country

741
00:50:44,235 --> 00:50:47,395
Speaker 1: like a dart shot from a gun or an Olderman

742
00:50:47,555 --> 00:50:51,995
Speaker 1: falling from a rock out cropping. Oh, by the way,

743
00:50:52,035 --> 00:50:56,995
Speaker 1: the commercial was an immediate success, unlike any that Boston

744
00:50:57,035 --> 00:51:00,075
Speaker 1: Market had ever done before. In those days, they were

745
00:51:00,155 --> 00:51:04,075
Speaker 1: packed each night for dinner at every location, selling half

746
00:51:04,235 --> 00:51:08,955
Speaker 1: chicken and full meals with potatoes and salads, and they

747
00:51:08,955 --> 00:51:11,675
Speaker 1: were getting an average of twelve dollars out of every customer.

748
00:51:11,715 --> 00:51:14,675
Speaker 1: The rest of the day the place was empty. The

749
00:51:14,715 --> 00:51:17,555
Speaker 1: idea behind my commercials. They were designed to bring in

750
00:51:17,595 --> 00:51:19,675
Speaker 1: a lunch crowd a sandwich and a soda and a

751
00:51:19,675 --> 00:51:24,235
Speaker 1: bag of chips for four dollars. Soon they were swamped

752
00:51:24,275 --> 00:51:28,235
Speaker 1: at lunchtime. Boston Market ordered three more commercials, these to

753
00:51:28,275 --> 00:51:30,115
Speaker 1: be shot in a studio in New York. They offered

754
00:51:30,155 --> 00:51:35,035
Speaker 1: me fifty grand a day. An entire new career vista

755
00:51:35,115 --> 00:51:37,475
Speaker 1: was opening in front of me. I was, for a

756
00:51:37,475 --> 00:51:40,995
Speaker 1: week or two in early nineteen ninety seven the most

757
00:51:41,195 --> 00:51:45,955
Speaker 1: successful male commercial actor in the country. We shot those

758
00:51:46,035 --> 00:51:50,075
Speaker 1: three spots. I interrupted a grunge concert to shout eat

759
00:51:50,115 --> 00:51:52,755
Speaker 1: something at the band, and then I got carried off

760
00:51:52,755 --> 00:51:55,715
Speaker 1: by the crowd in a mosh pit. And I interrupted

761
00:51:55,715 --> 00:51:58,635
Speaker 1: a Romeo soap opera surgeon coming on to his nurse

762
00:51:58,835 --> 00:52:02,075
Speaker 1: by rising from the operating table to shout eat something.

763
00:52:02,595 --> 00:52:05,235
Speaker 1: And then we did something with ballplayers at stadium on

764
00:52:05,355 --> 00:52:07,835
Speaker 1: Randall's Island. And I remember nothing of that because, unlike

765
00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:12,035
Speaker 1: the first two. They never edited the film because that's

766
00:52:12,275 --> 00:52:16,595
Speaker 1: when it happened, their equivalent of falling off the cliff.

767
00:52:18,475 --> 00:52:21,075
Speaker 1: I will confess it had not occurred to me. Then again,

768
00:52:21,115 --> 00:52:24,395
Speaker 1: I did not own Boston Market. I did not work

769
00:52:24,435 --> 00:52:27,115
Speaker 1: for their marketing department. I did not run the ad

770
00:52:27,155 --> 00:52:30,955
Speaker 1: agency they employed. But none of them anticipated it either.

771
00:52:31,635 --> 00:52:33,915
Speaker 1: After the first few weeks of giddy glee about the

772
00:52:33,995 --> 00:52:38,235
Speaker 1: lunch crowds I had brought them, somebody noticed something unfortunate

773
00:52:38,275 --> 00:52:42,515
Speaker 1: and unexpected. Basically, for every four dollar lunch they were

774
00:52:42,595 --> 00:52:46,675
Speaker 1: now selling, they were selling one fewer twelve dollars dinner.

775
00:52:47,355 --> 00:52:50,715
Speaker 1: They had not gained any new customers. They had just

776
00:52:50,835 --> 00:52:54,395
Speaker 1: managed to get their customers to each spend eight dollars less.

777
00:52:56,035 --> 00:53:00,515
Speaker 1: These very well made, very memorable commercials worked very very well.

778
00:53:01,155 --> 00:53:03,915
Speaker 1: And the problem with that was each time they did work,

779
00:53:03,955 --> 00:53:07,875
Speaker 1: it costs by Boston Market eight dollars. By the end

780
00:53:07,915 --> 00:53:10,835
Speaker 1: of nineteen ninety seven, Boston Market was something like nine

781
00:53:10,955 --> 00:53:14,955
Speaker 1: hundred million dollars in debt. It had filed for bankruptcy

782
00:53:15,195 --> 00:53:18,795
Speaker 1: and had been taken over by McDonald's. On the other hand,

783
00:53:19,955 --> 00:53:23,195
Speaker 1: I got my money, and in the twenty five years

784
00:53:23,235 --> 00:53:26,475
Speaker 1: plus since Boston Market has not once used a celebrity

785
00:53:26,515 --> 00:53:30,275
Speaker 1: endorser to try to sell their food. Oh and there

786
00:53:30,355 --> 00:53:34,035
Speaker 1: was one other positive outcome from my header off that

787
00:53:34,195 --> 00:53:39,755
Speaker 1: cliff that December, so many Decembers ago. The AD Agency

788
00:53:39,875 --> 00:53:42,795
Speaker 1: actually received the award. I did not, so I can't

789
00:53:42,875 --> 00:53:45,595
Speaker 1: quote the title of it for you. I don't know

790
00:53:45,675 --> 00:53:48,475
Speaker 1: which group gave it to us, but the Eat Something

791
00:53:48,595 --> 00:53:53,435
Speaker 1: campaign it actually won an award because apparently my shouting

792
00:53:53,555 --> 00:53:57,315
Speaker 1: eat something at Una and the others that somehow cuts

793
00:53:57,395 --> 00:54:01,515
Speaker 1: through to some victims of some eating disorders. What I

794
00:54:01,595 --> 00:54:06,115
Speaker 1: was told was we got an award from a national

795
00:54:06,155 --> 00:54:23,475
Speaker 1: Bolimia association. As the years go by, my one regret

796
00:54:23,555 --> 00:54:27,875
Speaker 1: about this, other than the slight resistance I get when

797
00:54:27,875 --> 00:54:29,955
Speaker 1: I try to turn my head to the left, my

798
00:54:30,075 --> 00:54:33,875
Speaker 1: one real regret is it's not on film. I've done

799
00:54:33,875 --> 00:54:36,275
Speaker 1: all the damage I can do here in this case. Literally,

800
00:54:36,915 --> 00:54:39,675
Speaker 1: thank you for listening. Countdown. Musical directors Brian Ray and

801
00:54:39,715 --> 00:54:43,715
Speaker 1: John Phillip Schanel arranged, produced and performed most of our music.

802
00:54:44,075 --> 00:54:47,835
Speaker 1: Mister Ray on guitars, bass and drums. Mister Chanale handled

803
00:54:47,955 --> 00:54:52,355
Speaker 1: orchestration and keyboards. It was produced by Tko Brothers. Other music,

804
00:54:52,435 --> 00:54:56,075
Speaker 1: including some of the Beethoven compositions were arranged and performed

805
00:54:56,115 --> 00:54:59,115
Speaker 1: by the group No Horns Allowed. The sports music is

806
00:54:59,155 --> 00:55:03,115
Speaker 1: the Olderman theme from ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren Davis,

807
00:55:03,115 --> 00:55:07,355
Speaker 1: courtesy of ESPN Inc. Our satirical and pithy musical comments

808
00:55:07,475 --> 00:55:10,475
Speaker 1: are by Nancy Fauss. The best baseball stadium organist ever.

809
00:55:10,875 --> 00:55:13,955
Speaker 1: Our announcer today was my friend Howard Feineman. Everything else

810
00:55:14,075 --> 00:55:17,995
Speaker 1: was pretty much my fault, including falling off that got

811
00:55:18,995 --> 00:55:22,835
Speaker 1: blank rock. So that's countdown for this the two hundred

812
00:55:22,835 --> 00:55:26,595
Speaker 1: and seventeenth day until the twenty twenty four presidential election,

813
00:55:26,955 --> 00:55:31,115
Speaker 1: the one and eighty fourth day since dementia Jay Trump's

814
00:55:31,155 --> 00:55:34,435
Speaker 1: first attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the

815
00:55:34,555 --> 00:55:38,915
Speaker 1: United States. Use the Fourteenth Amendment, use the not regularly

816
00:55:38,955 --> 00:55:42,795
Speaker 1: given elector objection option. The Supreme Court hath given us,

817
00:55:43,795 --> 00:55:47,315
Speaker 1: use the Insurrection Act to use the justice system, use

818
00:55:47,355 --> 00:55:51,235
Speaker 1: the mental health system in order to stop him from

819
00:55:51,275 --> 00:55:57,075
Speaker 1: doing it again while we still can. The next scheduled

820
00:55:57,075 --> 00:56:00,915
Speaker 1: countdown is tomorrow, and again that might not happen. It

821
00:56:01,075 --> 00:56:04,875
Speaker 1: might be abridged. That's the likelier outcome depending on a

822
00:56:04,995 --> 00:56:10,595
Speaker 1: routine medical procedure. Bulletins as the news warrants. Hopefully none

823
00:56:10,635 --> 00:56:14,355
Speaker 1: of them boughtins are about me. Till then, I'm Keith Olberman.

824
00:56:14,435 --> 00:56:28,115
Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck the fs.

825
00:56:28,195 --> 00:56:33,995
Speaker 1: This guy shallon. Countdown with Keith Olberman is a production

826
00:56:34,235 --> 00:56:39,515
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

827
00:56:39,595 --> 00:56:42,995
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.