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Speaker 1: The Nikki Glaser Podcasts. Nikki, Yeah here I am No. Uh,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much, besties, thank you so much for listening.

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Speaker 1: If this is your first show to listen to, welcome

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Speaker 1: to it. Um It's Niki Laser podcast. You're now a bestie. Um.

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Speaker 1: I'm in a pretty damn good mood. I missed you

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Speaker 1: all this weekend. No, I missed you as well. I

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Speaker 1: want to do this every day. Glad we don't. We

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Speaker 1: all need a break, but I do miss doing it.

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Speaker 1: It's good to be back this week. It's like, uh, listen,

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Speaker 1: I'm a little bit my. The show that I'm working

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Speaker 1: on here on location in the Cayman Islands is coming

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Speaker 1: to an end this week. I believe Thursday is our

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Speaker 1: last day of shooting and um, and I'm deciding to

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Speaker 1: stay a couple of extra days after that, just to

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Speaker 1: enjoy the Caymans without you know, having to get air

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Speaker 1: and makeup. And even though I like working more than

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Speaker 1: not working, the show has been a complete blast. I

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Speaker 1: love being on set. I love every pretty much every

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Speaker 1: scene I shoot. I've never been this happy in a

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Speaker 1: job in my life. And it's coming to an end,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very, very sad. I'm not good with endings.

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Speaker 1: I'm not getting good with goodbyes. UM. I used have

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Speaker 1: a therapist who told me that, uh, in order for

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Speaker 1: me to stop seeing her, I would have to have

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Speaker 1: three sessions in which we said goodbye because I wasn't

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Speaker 1: good at goodbyes. But it turns out she's not wrong,

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Speaker 1: but she also just wanted three sessions to talk me

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Speaker 1: into staying with her. UM. But I really just shut

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Speaker 1: down before goodbyes. I tend to start either, you know,

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Speaker 1: causing I don't do this. I think maybe I have

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Speaker 1: in my past, but like finding detaching from it and

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Speaker 1: being not as sentimental and not leaning into like I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna miss everyone. I'm like not feeling it, just being like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it just has to end, but like it's fine, just cold,

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Speaker 1: kind of cold, you know, because if I let the

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Speaker 1: feeling in of how sad I am that this thing that,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'll see the people again in different situations.

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Speaker 1: I'll have other jobs that are just as fulfilling and

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Speaker 1: fun and tropical locations. I hope this experience will never

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Speaker 1: happen again. The other shows that I've been on in

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Speaker 1: the past that I've had all ended pretty abruptly. Like

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Speaker 1: they were just canceled and it felt like, you know,

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Speaker 1: a magician pulling a tablecloth out from under me, and

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Speaker 1: I was like a little vase of flowers and I

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Speaker 1: stumbled a little bit, but I was still standing up

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Speaker 1: at the end of it, and it was just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: no more table cloth and it was like, Okay, well

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Speaker 1: that's over. It's like a death almost like a uh

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Speaker 1: and for me, that's almost better than a long like farewell,

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Speaker 1: you have this many you have four days to live

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Speaker 1: type of thing that I feel like on this show.

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Speaker 1: But what I'm trying to do is just be um present.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, being present is not like

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Speaker 1: being in denial that it's ending. Like I keep saying

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Speaker 1: to people like we only have this much left, and

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Speaker 1: they're like, let's just enjoy the moment instead of thinking

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Speaker 1: about how much we're gonna be sad. And it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: that for me is the moment, Like I'm feeling sad

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Speaker 1: right now, and so I want to talk about that

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Speaker 1: um and process it, but it's just goodbyes are hard

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Speaker 1: and I don't And I was talking to my friend

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Speaker 1: last night who's on the show, and he's like, I

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Speaker 1: don't like I like to like get out without I

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Speaker 1: like to kind of irish exit like these these shows,

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Speaker 1: because he tends to work on these shows a lot,

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Speaker 1: and he was saying I tend to He was like, I,

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Speaker 1: I like might cry if I like hug people goodbye,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I know, like that's nice, and I

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Speaker 1: get it, Like sometimes you cry and you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I am like it's embarrassing when tears come out. I

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Speaker 1: cried the other day and I didn't know it was

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Speaker 1: going to happen, and it was. It felt it felt

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Speaker 1: great because usually I feel like tears I've used to

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Speaker 1: as like a means to get people to give me

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Speaker 1: comfort when I need it, like to signal to my parents,

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Speaker 1: like I need you to feel sorry for me. I

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Speaker 1: need pity, I need sympathy, I need like gentleness. And

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Speaker 1: it didn't work a lot of times. It was just

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Speaker 1: like what do you now, this is ridiculous. You're throwing

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Speaker 1: yourself on the floor screaming, crying, Or when I start crying,

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Speaker 1: I just feel like it's just to get attention because

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Speaker 1: maybe I used it in the past like that, So

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Speaker 1: now when I cry, I like I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to get attention even if it doesn't happen. I

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Speaker 1: cried the other day. Someone said something to me that

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Speaker 1: I just took the wrong way and like instantly caused tears.

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Speaker 1: And the person was joking, but it just like hit

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Speaker 1: this like nerve and and I couldn't help it. Like

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Speaker 1: it was like involuntary, and I have not cried involuntarily.

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Speaker 1: I can't even remember the last time. Like it's always

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Speaker 1: a thing where I'm like, let yourself feel this, let's

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Speaker 1: go there, It's okay to cry. I give myself permission.

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Speaker 1: And then I squeeze out of tear, like I literally

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Speaker 1: like squeeze a tear out of my cold, dry eye.

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Speaker 1: But this was like and like hiding my face because

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Speaker 1: I was like I'm fine and like trying to like

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Speaker 1: change the subject. And something about that felt good, because

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Speaker 1: it felt like, okay, good, It's not my fault that

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Speaker 1: I'm crying, whereas I always feel like things are my

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Speaker 1: fault or that I'm like conjuring them. Even though there's

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Speaker 1: no free will and you don't have any power over

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Speaker 1: anything and you're not choosing anything, there's something about when

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Speaker 1: you cry. I just always feel guilty if I'm doing

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Speaker 1: something to get something else, even if it is just

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Speaker 1: love or sympathy, I don't I just I'd rather or

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Speaker 1: just be like, hey, well can you hug me right now?

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Speaker 1: Or can I cry right now? Then to cry and

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Speaker 1: have and make someone I don't know, does this make

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Speaker 1: any sense to you know? Would you ask for that

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Speaker 1: though of someone or is it something that you kind

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Speaker 1: of don't ask for? Well, I think it's like when

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Speaker 1: I need to cry and there's something that's really upsetting me,

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Speaker 1: I will say like I will just go and I

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Speaker 1: think I'm gonna cry and I think I just need to,

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Speaker 1: and then like I start talking and then I can

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Speaker 1: really get it out. But like, for instance, the other day,

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Speaker 1: when I started crying, I didn't want to, and then

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Speaker 1: the person said, it's okay, like you were hurt by

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Speaker 1: what I said accidentally, like I didn't mean to hurt you,

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Speaker 1: but that's okay that you're feeling that way. And then

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Speaker 1: like I just kept all these things kept coming into

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Speaker 1: my brain that made me want to cry more because

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Speaker 1: I was like the thing that was said was so

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Speaker 1: it was an ingest. It was like a guy teasing me,

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Speaker 1: but it was like the my biggest fear ever was

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Speaker 1: what he said to me, like the thing he said

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Speaker 1: was like my truly deepest, darkest fear, and he like

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Speaker 1: confirmed it, but he was being very sarcastic and very

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, and then I just let

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Speaker 1: in all the things that in my past that have

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Speaker 1: kind of made me believe that about myself, and I

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Speaker 1: just didn't stop them. And then I just got to

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Speaker 1: like sob and it was fine, and he like let

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Speaker 1: me sob in front of him, and and I felt

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Speaker 1: it felt good. But I just it felt good because

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I just I really struggle with it.

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Speaker 1: It just feels masturbatory crying. It just feels like, oh,

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Speaker 1: just someone feel bad for them. So your life is

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Speaker 1: so hard? You little, you know, privileged, oh semi celebrity

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Speaker 1: who you know. Someone the other day was like, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna head back to life and life is going to

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Speaker 1: be so different for you when you go to St. Louis.

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Speaker 1: You're here on the show, everyone's taking care of your

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Speaker 1: every need. Everyone is like, is nicky happy, They're waiting

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Speaker 1: on your hand and foot, and you're gonna go back

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Speaker 1: to And I was like, I don't feel like that

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Speaker 1: makes me sad that people think that that's how I

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Speaker 1: view this experience, because this was someone who doesn't I

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Speaker 1: don't think think of me that way. I I really

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Speaker 1: struggle with whether I think I'm better than I am,

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Speaker 1: and I and I'm like this person that needs to

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Speaker 1: be taken down a couple of notches because God, you

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Speaker 1: think you're so cool. You're always name dropping, you always

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Speaker 1: talking about all your accomplishments. You're such a bragger or

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Speaker 1: And then I have on the other side of people

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Speaker 1: always telling me you have such low self esteem. You

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Speaker 1: don't know how great you are, and like, so the

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Speaker 1: second I feel good about myself and I feel I

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Speaker 1: have the self esteem that I'm constantly being told I

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Speaker 1: don't have, then I have people being like, oh, we

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Speaker 1: get it, You're such a star. Everyone dotes on you.

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Speaker 1: Ever you don't get have to lift a finger, NICKI

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Speaker 1: needs this. Everyone quick run and get it. So it's like,

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Speaker 1: which one do I do? You know? Like should? And

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Speaker 1: then when I shoot on myself and self deprecates so

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Speaker 1: that people don't think that I think I'm better than anyone,

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Speaker 1: because I truly don't think I am, I'm told you

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Speaker 1: have such bad self esteem. That's a bad example for women.

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Speaker 1: You need to feel better about yourself. You know you

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Speaker 1: deserve so much better. You need to surround yourself with

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Speaker 1: better people. You deserve like, which is it? And I

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Speaker 1: think this This isn't just me. I think this is

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Speaker 1: every woman is told you can't think you're too pretty

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Speaker 1: if you have too much self esteem, you're a fucking

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Speaker 1: bitch who thinks she's pretty. Mean girls style. Oh so

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Speaker 1: you think you're pretty because you said thank you too

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Speaker 1: when I said you're really pretty? You know that like line,

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Speaker 1: and you're really pretty and she's like thank you and

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Speaker 1: she goes, So you agree, you think you're really pretty.

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Speaker 1: It's like, where where do we just get to like ourselves?

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Speaker 1: And it's not too much and it's not not enough.

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Speaker 1: And guess what, there's no someone will always give you

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Speaker 1: ship for either of them, and it's not fair. So

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Speaker 1: I've just started calling that out. You know, when people

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Speaker 1: say you have low self esteem, you don't you deserve better?

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Speaker 1: You don't know what kind of uh you know, in

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Speaker 1: terms of like men or something like you deserve you

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Speaker 1: could get anyone you want. I go, no, I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: I'm not being delusional and thinking I can't get anyone

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Speaker 1: I want. And by the way. The people I go

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Speaker 1: for are not me lowering myself. I want those people.

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Speaker 1: I'm not like, well, I can't have that person, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna go for this person. I think some of my

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Speaker 1: friends think, like, I just take whatever I can get?

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? I'm picky as fuck, and it

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Speaker 1: just so happens that sometimes those people aren't perfect. But

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Speaker 1: guess what neither is your husband? Like? Do you? Is

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Speaker 1: anyone have a perfect partner? So shut the funk up?

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Speaker 1: I mean that's me too. I I tell my friends

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Speaker 1: all the time their partners aren't good enough for them,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm like, actually, yeah, it's just there's just

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Speaker 1: no I'm I'm just trying to like myself but not

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Speaker 1: have an inflated sense of self. And that's a hard

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Speaker 1: thing to to to manage. And guess what, I'd rather

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Speaker 1: have an inflated sense of self than to feel the

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Speaker 1: way I used to feel about myself, which is hate

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Speaker 1: my body, hate my face, hate the fact that I'm aging,

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Speaker 1: hate my little crooked tooth in the front, hate my

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Speaker 1: skin texture, hate my boobs like you know, of the month,

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Speaker 1: except that when they're really popping off, you know, because

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Speaker 1: I'm ovulating. Hate like it's so boring to hate yourself

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Speaker 1: and I'm I'm my body is in good shape right now.

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Speaker 1: So I don't mean to say that, like it's so

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Speaker 1: easy to love your body because it ain't. It ain't.

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Speaker 1: But I do feel like I'm in a place of

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Speaker 1: acceptance over my body. I can say today that if

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Speaker 1: I gained some weight, I I really think that I

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Speaker 1: could be like that's the way I'm supposed to be

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Speaker 1: right now, and that's okay. It might change, because it will.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to stay this way, but for today,

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Speaker 1: I can accept it, and it could change tomorrow. So

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Speaker 1: whatever you're feeling about your body today, girls, I know

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Speaker 1: you hate that one thing about yourself. Oh I can't

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Speaker 1: get it. A swimsuit swimsuit seasons coming up? What am

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Speaker 1: I gonna do? What what I said again on the

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Speaker 1: podcast last week? Someone quoted it on Twitter. It made

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Speaker 1: me feel so good. You are not to blame for

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Speaker 1: your body. You did not choose. If you could snap

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Speaker 1: your finger, you would make that cellulate on your thigh

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Speaker 1: go away. So it's not like you're choosing to have

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Speaker 1: to cellulator. Well, you shouldn't have eaten that bag of

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Speaker 1: smart pop last night. You ate the whole damn thing

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Speaker 1: and then you opened another thing of cookies. Do you

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Speaker 1: think you chose to do that? Do you think you

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Speaker 1: wanted that smart pop to make your love handle stick

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Speaker 1: out so you feel bad in the swimsuit? No, you didn't.

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Speaker 1: You want what's best for yourself, so you had some

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Speaker 1: fucking smart pop. Forgive yourself. Everyone forgive themselves today for

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Speaker 1: however you look or feel. I don't know how I

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Speaker 1: came around to this, and I don't know why this

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Speaker 1: is turning into a self help podcast, but honestly, it's

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Speaker 1: just because I need it today. Just give yourself what

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Speaker 1: you need. Yeah, just just let's all just be nice

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Speaker 1: to ourselves. I know it's easier said than done, but um,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to try to be nice to myself and

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Speaker 1: a thing that's harder for me than anything be nice

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Speaker 1: to Andrew Colin because I can be mean to him sometimes.

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Speaker 1: I've heard the feedback on the podcast. Let's see how

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Speaker 1: I do today. Let's get him in here, alrighty Andrew, Um,

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Speaker 1: I just got done talking about being nicer to myself,

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Speaker 1: and also that extends to being nicer to you. So

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be really nice to you. Today, but

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Speaker 1: like also find a balance. I've been nice to you recently.

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Speaker 1: I mean I think you just answered that I do

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Speaker 1: I have a say in this. I do feel like

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Speaker 1: you've been very kind to me, and I think I've

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Speaker 1: been heard. My only concern sometimes is when I tell

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Speaker 1: you things you think like I'm like you said the

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Speaker 1: other day, like, oh, you're building up these like a

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Speaker 1: case for me, like over the week, like, but I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I'm really not, Like I'm not trying to know. I

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Speaker 1: don't think you're building a case. No, And I just

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Speaker 1: don't want you to. Like sometimes I'm worried that I'll

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Speaker 1: voice something and then I'll be like it will be

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Speaker 1: taken in and but then you'll resent the fact, like

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Speaker 1: later on that I brought it up that could happen.

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Speaker 1: But you know, I'm not perfect, and either are you. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm far from it. I'm far from it. I messed

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Speaker 1: up a lot. I slept good. Um, what did I do? What? No?

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Speaker 1: Actually I didn't. I didn't go to bed till about

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Speaker 1: two thirty last night. Yeah, I mean last night. I

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Speaker 1: left you here. Yesterday yesterday a day off. No, we

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Speaker 1: we worked all day yesterday. I can't even keep track

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Speaker 1: yesterday with such a fun day of work Jesus Christ

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Speaker 1: for me at least. Um, No, it's fun for me too,

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Speaker 1: I thought so. I thought we had a lot of

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Speaker 1: good laughs. I feel like a little bit sometimes that's

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Speaker 1: what it felt like. Yesterday was like, well, we watched

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Speaker 1: train Wreck the other day. I've learned how Jet Epitau

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Speaker 1: worked when I was on that movie, and it's like

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Speaker 1: he had a little speaker. So when train Wreck, I'm

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Speaker 1: in the scene where we're at Amy's sisters baby shower

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Speaker 1: and we're in this living room and a group of

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Speaker 1: people talking about how much like Amy needs to get

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Speaker 1: married and have babies, and we're like these these women

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Speaker 1: just being like, oh my god, children changed my life.

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Speaker 1: And Jet app out we we had the script that

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Speaker 1: we did, but then he had a little speaker, and

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Speaker 1: usually I think he's in the room, but in that

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Speaker 1: case he was like out in like a different section

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Speaker 1: because the house was so small for all the equipment,

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Speaker 1: and a little speaker where he could give us line

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Speaker 1: reads and like pitch us lines to say. And that's

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Speaker 1: kind of like the way it is on set, is

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Speaker 1: I like go off of a loose script. And then

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Speaker 1: Andrew and a couple other guys are off camera just

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Speaker 1: shouting fun lines for me to say, and it's kind

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Speaker 1: of open to everyone. I try to open it up

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Speaker 1: to everyone to like contribute jokes. But it was just

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Speaker 1: so fun. Yesterday I was playing like a drill sergeant.

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Speaker 1: You'll see it during the show, but I was getting

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Speaker 1: to do a character of like a drill sergeant and

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Speaker 1: just screw dreaming at I love seeing that side of

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Speaker 1: you because you tend to like stick to like like

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Speaker 1: you don't get too silly, and you really leaned into

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Speaker 1: to be a character. Because I was dressed as a character.

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Speaker 1: If I'm you know, another scene I did like a

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Speaker 1: therapist and I got to I wore some glasses and

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Speaker 1: if I just put on a costume, I can get

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Speaker 1: into character so much better. Yesterday was the first day

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Speaker 1: that I was like I would kill it on S

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Speaker 1: and L, Like straight up, I would fucking kill it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I always wanted to do SNL, but

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh god, I'd be kind of embarrassed

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Speaker 1: doing characters, and it just felt so natural yesterday. It

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Speaker 1: was so fun and something I've never done before. But

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Speaker 1: I would really have a blast doing it because when

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Speaker 1: you dressed the role, you really can act a totally

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Speaker 1: different way. Like I It does speak to the fact

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Speaker 1: that when women put on makeup and like do their hair,

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Speaker 1: it's not just so that they can like attract men

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Speaker 1: or like get people to like them more. That's part

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Speaker 1: of it. Obviously some them and we'll deny that, but

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Speaker 1: it's definitely a part of it. Even if you claim

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Speaker 1: it's for myself, well the culture, it's for yourself because

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Speaker 1: inherently you know that it attracts men and people like

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Speaker 1: you more. But whatever, it's like, when I put a

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Speaker 1: tuxedo on, I feel like I could have sex with

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Speaker 1: the fourth hottest bridesmaid. Yes, yeah, I'm not going to

330
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Speaker 1: shoot for the best woman or whatever for the second hottest.

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Speaker 1: At least this girl has a lot of friends. I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of for it seems like a lot um. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: just dressing, Oh yeah, it's such a good look in

334
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Speaker 1: such a good luck. W we wear them more often.

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Speaker 1: It's like Thanksgiving dinner. You only do it once a

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Speaker 1: year because I think it would take away the special

337
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,159
Speaker 1: mist of it and it is such a pain in

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Speaker 1: the ask to wear. And yeah, it's a good it's

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Speaker 1: a good look. And I think the Yeah, the rarity

340
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,399
Speaker 1: of it makes it. It is funny when you dress

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Speaker 1: like a piece of ship all the time and then

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Speaker 1: the one time you put a tie on and people

343
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Speaker 1: are like, WHOA, how shitty do I look in my

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Speaker 1: normal life that when I get dressed up once, people

345
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:11,120
Speaker 1: are like blown away, Yes, I mean really really shitty.

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Speaker 1: Uh No. I feel the same way when I put

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Speaker 1: on like a dress. Sometimes people are like whoa, hey

348
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Speaker 1: look at and I go, no, this is literally all

349
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Speaker 1: my clothes. This is laundry day. This is like the

350
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,800
Speaker 1: bottom of the barrel for me. I look like I'm

351
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,159
Speaker 1: this is a special occasion. But the occasion is I

352
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:31,480
Speaker 1: don't have any more shorts to where Jim look at

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Speaker 1: you with legs like, yeah, I've had legs this whole time. Yes. Yes.

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Speaker 1: I was telling someone the other day. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we lived together, but we lived usually like

356
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Speaker 1: in New York or St. Louis. I've seen you in

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Speaker 1: more sun dresses. And I was telling Luna and I

358
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,359
Speaker 1: was like, I see, I've never seen her with this

359
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 1: much skin, Like I've seen so much of your skin. Yeah,

360
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Speaker 1: You're like you've seen me. I could be naked in

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Speaker 1: front of you at this point. I think we reached

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Speaker 1: that point the other day where I was like, because Noah,

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Speaker 1: I'm like changing in front of people all the time.

364
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 1: I don't care about being naked. I really don't have

365
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Speaker 1: a problem with like people seeing me topless on set,

366
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Speaker 1: like I'll change, and it's it's more like the people

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Speaker 1: around me that are like, uh, And I don't want

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Speaker 1: to make anyone awkward, so I always do go in

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Speaker 1: the other room. But because you know, it's not just

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Speaker 1: the choice of the naked person. Yeah, I go in

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Speaker 1: the other room to like tweak my nipples and then

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Speaker 1: I come back in and take my shirt off. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm not Andrew Colling. Before I get in the pool

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Speaker 1: or in the shower by yourself or in bed by yourself,

375
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 1: or nipple's got to be hard. It makes it tis

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00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,120
Speaker 1: look so much better if I had. I always said,

377
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Speaker 1: if I had tiny nipples, I would look so jacked. Yeah,

378
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,520
Speaker 1: why don't just get nipple surgery? I might wait, wait,

379
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Speaker 1: what point I feel like I could get naked in

380
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Speaker 1: front of you? And it's like the way that I've

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Speaker 1: grown with you in terms of like because I tried

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Speaker 1: to have good boundaries about that stuff. Like throughout our

383
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,199
Speaker 1: friendship in terms of like because I'm still like a

384
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,160
Speaker 1: hot chick and men aren't. Like you can't turn off

385
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 1: that part of your brain. I mean I guess you can.

386
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: Like you had assist you don't have a sister, but

387
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 1: if you would, like she died in my mom's womb, well,

388
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 1: not to bring it down, but she did. Okay, Well,

389
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 1: if that sister would have survived your mom's um, she

390
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,280
Speaker 1: probably would. Good and you had a hot sister because

391
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Speaker 1: some people have hot sisters. Is there a time I

392
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,640
Speaker 1: used to have a joke of it where a guy

393
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 1: told me he's friend zoning me and he's like, you

394
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:21,920
Speaker 1: just remind me my sister, And I'm like, is it

395
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 1: the time on spring break when your sister took off

396
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: her shirt and she had like a swimsuit on. You

397
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:26,439
Speaker 1: didn't know it was her at first, and you were like,

398
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: whoa that girls taught oh ship, that's my sister. Wasn't

399
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 1: like that two seconds And he's like, no, like it

400
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,200
Speaker 1: more when she was eating spaghetti with her hands. Yeah,

401
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 1: that's funny. I'll use that, but that's like, do you

402
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like I never want to be

403
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Speaker 1: that sister for because I know we have like a

404
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 1: sister brother vibe and like I never want you like

405
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: to like make blood flow to your penis like accidentally,

406
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: because it's like a naked woman, you know, like a

407
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 1: guy in oncologist looking at someone, like like a doctor

408
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,240
Speaker 1: looking at a body that could also be like wow,

409
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 1: that's a that's a that's a nice specimen. So I'm

410
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Speaker 1: also looking at it scientifically like I thank you, like

411
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 1: I look at like and but I mean I also

412
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: can tell. I mean I don't want to like tell,

413
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 1: but I let you know when I when like, I

414
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 1: know you don't love this, but when you when whatever,

415
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: you're well put together, you look great, I want to

416
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 1: let you know, just like I would let my sister

417
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 1: no to that she looks great, and I want to yeah,

418
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: and then I close it out with a yeah, yeah,

419
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,479
Speaker 1: I know when you I know when you're when whenever

420
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,360
Speaker 1: you don't spread your cheeks like that's a there's two

421
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 1: different Nikki farts where she grabs her cheek and doesn't

422
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: let this I only in front of you, I only

423
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Speaker 1: grab my like make it silent if you're like on

424
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 1: Instagram live or right now when we were recording, but

425
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 1: like now with you. I never would hold in a fart.

426
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 1: It's like that, if anything, you put your cheeks tighter

427
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: together when we When I didn't fart in front of you.

428
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: Back in the day, I wasn't like doing like the sidewise.

429
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 1: I would just save it till I went to the

430
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 1: bathroom or like went to my room. But now, if

431
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 1: they're coming out, they're coming out. The only reason I

432
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: would make it silent around you now is if you

433
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: were on Instagram Live or were recording our podcast. Yeah.

434
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 1: I love that about yet, But let me just say

435
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 1: before we get to the news that last night, I

436
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 1: will say I have predicted you staying up all night

437
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 1: because I was socializing in the building. I went up

438
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: two flights to go hang out in Dan's room with

439
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 1: a couple of people, and uh we it would have

440
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: been such a fun hang but you stayed down here.

441
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: I came back in to go get Like I made

442
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 1: a snack last night. I came back in to make

443
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 1: a snack. I walk in the TV is on Andrew's

444
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: on the couch in the dark. Soccer is on on Mute,

445
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 1: and and Andrew is listening to John Mayer slow dancing

446
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: in a burning room on his phone by himself in

447
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 1: the dark at like this was probably eleven thirty at night. Yeah,

448
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: going on with you. Not Honestly, I've had moments where

449
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 1: I've been listening to music when I'm very sad and

450
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 1: like introspective and whatever. Last night it just John Mayer

451
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: came up on TikTok. He's on TikTok now, and uh,

452
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 1: that burning Room song? He he do edit it? So

453
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 1: I tried to do edit with it, like funny, but

454
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: it doesn't come out whatever. I just stumbled into and

455
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 1: I was like, God, I really liked the song. And

456
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 1: then I put it on. I was like, wow, John

457
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: Mayor is fucking great. And then I kind of went

458
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: on a John Mayor a little kick. But I have

459
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: know that John Mayer, that's funny that you didn't know

460
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: it was so great. And that song slow Dancing in

461
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,640
Speaker 1: a Burning Room, it's about he wrote it. I think

462
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 1: when about Jennifer Aniston. That's why I like it even more.

463
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,959
Speaker 1: But you bring that up and I had a moment

464
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: when I got and this is why we're friends. I

465
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 1: got that age test when I was still a virgin,

466
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,239
Speaker 1: because you know, I fingered a girl and I by

467
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,239
Speaker 1: my nails uh. And this was freshman year and I

468
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: took the test and I didn't get the results, or

469
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: it might have just got the results. And I went

470
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 1: back to my dorm room and I was listening to

471
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,959
Speaker 1: Cats Stevens, which is like listen to to the wind

472
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 1: of muscle. So my roommate came in, comes into my door.

473
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: Really knows he comes into my dorm and thin because

474
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 1: to sad music. You just listening to that song. It

475
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: was more father and son. I think it's I bet

476
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 1: it was. Let's get to the news Andrew Hey here comes. Yes,

477
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,439
Speaker 1: oh boy, oh man. First of all, you heard it

478
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: here first, thank you so much. To one of our listeners.

479
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: He sent in, Oh my god, we love this so much.

480
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: Someone sent a clip from Veep in which Mike McClintock,

481
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: who I believe is more like Andrew than he probably

482
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 1: would ever want to admit, but he definitely does admit that.

483
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: It's I'd love to be Mike. He's a great job. Yes,

484
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: he's an actor. He they sent. Yeah, he's a great actor.

485
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 1: Um No, not the character Mike McClinton in a Veep.

486
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: He is doing a blog. He does a blog called

487
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: uh Mike mcclint talk. It's after he's been fired from

488
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: Selena's uh you know campaign. But Mike McLintock is literally

489
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: like one of our favorite characters of all time. He

490
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: has played by UMT Matt Walsh, Thank you. He's played

491
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,159
Speaker 1: by Matt Walsh as amazing comedic actor. But he's one

492
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: of my favorite characters of all time. On delay out,

493
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: Yes for sure. No, this is so this is the

494
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: clip from it. Okay, someone send it in. This is

495
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 1: This is a clip from v Amanda sent it Amanda,

496
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Amanda, one of our besties sent

497
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: in this clip from VEEP where it's a clip from

498
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 1: Mike McClintock show Mike from mclinn talk with Mike McLintock.

499
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: And this is he's in his living room doing a

500
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: blog alive like podcast and he says, you heard it

501
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: here first, and it's so funny because that is who

502
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 1: you are. I've always said it's who you are, and

503
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: it's actually is. Look, hey, look, brilliant minds think alike.

504
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 1: You know me and Mike mcley Andrew Colin talk. Oh okay,

505
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:16,120
Speaker 1: well let's get into it. Man. I flipped that one. Yeah,

506
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: McCall alright, this first story. First of all, I want

507
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 1: everyone I thought you were going to forget. I was.

508
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: I was gonna get you so bad if you forgot it.

509
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: I hope everyone's having fun out there for sure, even

510
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: you guys out there and girls. Um also have all

511
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: the swells today, everyone, all of you there. Um, So

512
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: here we go. That was a weird. That was a

513
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: good one. Yeah, I'm trying to switch and guys like, okay, yeah,

514
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: I'm trying to keep them on their toes and fingers.

515
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: Didn't include a non binary but that's fine, go on,

516
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 1: they and them too. Um. Okay, A baby in Iraq

517
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: is the first ever you ready for this Nikki to

518
00:26:55,720 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: be born with three penises? Okay? All right, I mean

519
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: really take that in. I mean a guy like a

520
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 1: Medusa's head of Yeah, yes, but three, I mean three.

521
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: I mean great things come in threes, just not penises.

522
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 1: There they come, all right, all right. He underwent surgery

523
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,439
Speaker 1: to remove two of the fallacies. Surgery. Okay, Yeah. The

524
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: three of them had a rectal tissue but did not

525
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: have a eurether, so they had no hole. Um extra

526
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 1: or suit. You didn't have the eurethe run did one

527
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 1: was in the right spot. It would be funny if

528
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 1: the one with the urethro was like on his shoulder,

529
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 1: but okay, or the one with the smallest one is

530
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: just like, um, do we have to the Dad's like,

531
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 1: do we have to lose those other two that seemed

532
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 1: to be about, you know, an inch longer than that one? Well, sir,

533
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: it's the only one with a hole for semen and

534
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: pe to come out of if you want your son to, uh,

535
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 1: you know, have sepsis within days of being born. But

536
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: it's so, is there like a way to drill a

537
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 1: hole in the other sir? That would be a very

538
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 1: life threatening surgery. Um, it would be much easier just

539
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: cut off these two huge dicks and leave the small

540
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: one with the whole that functions. I'd rather kill them,

541
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: you know what. Honestly, let's just let's risk it. Let's

542
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: just murder the baby. I would take out the baby.

543
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: I mean this one. This an article is interesting to

544
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: me because you are a man who is obsessed with

545
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: I love how open you, how you open you are

546
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 1: about talking about penises and how you wish you had

547
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: a different one. And I have three. I first of all,

548
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: I would take all three and put them together like

549
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: a megatron dick like legost yes um extra or supernumerary

550
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 1: numerary penises are rare congenital condition, occurring only once every

551
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: five million to six million live verse, which is wild

552
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 1: because you would think the more dicks the better in

553
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: a way, like I wonder if we ever had a

554
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: ton of dicks, you know, duck A ton ducks I

555
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: think have like like they have a it's kind of

556
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: funked up. They have a dick for uh wait, what

557
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 1: is it they have? I think they have multiple dicks

558
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: because the female duck has multiple vaginas, and one vagina

559
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: or a couple of them are for if they get raped,

560
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: and then the other one is for if they really

561
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: want to have a baby with the one duck. So

562
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: the duck has a I'm surprised women haven't come up

563
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 1: with rape vaginas with all the raping we've had throughout

564
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 1: the species. But then a guy like this guy in

565
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 1: Iraq would have grown three dicks. Maybe he's onto something, right, Okay,

566
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: so a duck has a dick that will fake out

567
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: the other vagina. I could be completely wrong. I mean,

568
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: I am definitely possive that this information is false and

569
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 1: Noah's scrambl about. I don't know why I trusted you.

570
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: I almost wanted you to build your own, take your own,

571
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: you know, tricked into going into and like a duck.

572
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: I don't think i'm completely I fell into that hole. No,

573
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: can you look this up and we can maybe at

574
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: the end of the story. All I'm finding is that

575
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: ducks have corkscrew shaped penises. Okay, that is not anything

576
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: many dicks andrew, what the fun here? Let me share? Okay,

577
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 1: let me share this. We'll learn here. That's a duck dick.

578
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: Oh man, I'd rather Oh my god, that looks like

579
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: a worm is wrapped around a dick, squeezing the life

580
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: out of it like a bow instrictor. Yea, like a

581
00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 1: duck penis and is squeezing it wrapped on like a

582
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: snake in anaconda. Okay, um oh, I really don't want

583
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 1: to look at that anymore. I feel ducks have more

584
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: than one vagina though. Do ducks have a secret vagina

585
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: like a rape vagina and a regular vagina? Oh God?

586
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's probably some animal, but duck

587
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: was maybe not the right one. I don't put it

588
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: past science and biology to have some creature that is

589
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: multiple va sing rays have two I think No, dude,

590
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 1: sing rays have two vaginas. I don't know. And they

591
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: got a mouth too. I know that it bit me, um, Andrew.

592
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 1: But the thing I want to ask you a question.

593
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 1: Would you rather be two inches three inches taller or

594
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: have half an inch added to your penis? Three inches taller?

595
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: Half an inch different? But I've just made it at

596
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: half an inch. No, I'd rather be three inches tall Okay,

597
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: an inch added to your hard erect penis, one penis,

598
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: single penis, or three inches taller to your height. They're

599
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: doing anything to the girth. Every guy listening to podcast,

600
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: please tell us what you do. And and this doesn't

601
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: count if you gotta be five nine or under to

602
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 1: answer this question. Three inches will really change a five

603
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: nine guys live, or so they think. Okay, so three

604
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: inches of hyper it's one inch of penis. I would

605
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 1: go with. Fuck, it's so tough. What about this? You

606
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: have a choice. You either lose half an inch of

607
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: dick or you get three inches shorter, which one oh h.

608
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 1: The time of running out on this segment, Andrew, make

609
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 1: a choice. Okay, first of all, I'd rather have an

610
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: inch longer of penis because there's some moves that I

611
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: really want to do, and I know, just one more inch,

612
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: I could fuck them. And I'm already I'm five nine,

613
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 1: which is okay, You're either gonna be five six or

614
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 1: have an inch shorter penis. What's it going to be?

615
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: Half in shorter penis penis? Because if you're five six,

616
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: that eliminates so much pussy for you. You think there's

617
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: a good guy on the show with that's five three

618
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: who gets plenty of puss. He's yeah, that's true too,

619
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: and penis is probably pretty long. I don't know all right.

620
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: Next story, William Shatner uh says getting older is terrifying

621
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: as the world celebrates his ninety birthday. William Schattner's ninety.

622
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 1: I really liked some of these quotes about dying and

623
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: getting older, because you always think that when you get

624
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: older you just accept it and everything's fine, and but

625
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: he had some really tragic quotes that I think are

626
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: just like, well, this one. Loneliness is endemic to human beings.

627
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: We are essentially alone. As much as we are with

628
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: other people, we are alone. Now people who are religious say, well,

629
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: there's God, and God is with you and is the

630
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 1: father figure. And I don't happen to believe that I

631
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: envied those who do. I think we die and our

632
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 1: bodies are consumed and we enter the universe. Damn spoken

633
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: like a true man who has never seen one episode

634
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 1: of Star Trek. Do you know that he's never watched

635
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 1: a single episode of Star Trek? I mean, I think

636
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: he's right, I um, I Like, I liked reading this

637
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:18,479
Speaker 1: because he was just like, I'm very lonely. The best

638
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 1: you know what the best part of this he got

639
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: divorced a year ago. Yeah, so he's talking about loneliness

640
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: or whatever. But even at nine year old man, he's

641
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 1: like I can I still do better? Or like, I mean,

642
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 1: what an idiot? Yeah, that's a good point. That was

643
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: like you realizing, like you go, oh, I definitely Adam wait,

644
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 1: I'd never wait. Yeah, it's just like, so he got

645
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: divorce last year, so he's dealing with loneliness, and I

646
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: do think about that, Like the longer you live, the

647
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 1: more people in your life you lose. I was at

648
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: a graveyard the other day, like trying to honor the

649
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 1: people I've lost in my life that have meant the

650
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 1: most to me. And I only had five names to

651
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: right in the sand of like deaths to me that

652
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: have like really made my life difficult at times. That's

653
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: such a low number. And the names none of them

654
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: were like if you died, if Noah died, if Anya died,

655
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: if my parents died, if my sister. I have so

656
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: many people to lose and to suffer through losing them

657
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: that it seems almost worse to keep living because and

658
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: then by the end of it, you have no friends left.

659
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: Like if you get to be nine, most of your friends,

660
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: if you're cool and you're like a freshman who hung

661
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: out with mostly seniors, they're fucking older than you and

662
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: they're gone. I know. But by the time if we're

663
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: still friends and I die, you're gonna it's gonna be

664
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 1: the best two years here. You're gonna be You don't

665
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: want to be your friends around to the end. And

666
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 1: that's why you have to keep making friends and make

667
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,479
Speaker 1: friends with younger people throughout your life to keep you

668
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,399
Speaker 1: young and just I mean, loneliness is my biggest fear.

669
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 1: There was one more quote he had in this that

670
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: I liked a lot, Did you get it? No? That

671
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 1: was the only one written there, But no, there wasn't.

672
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:05,360
Speaker 1: There was tons more, but that's fine. Um this I

673
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 1: try to focus on the beauty of life, which is

674
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: eggs in the mountains, the horses, love dogs, tea, and

675
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: the taste of orange, which the taste of an orange,

676
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 1: which I just had, The sensory and philosophical beauty of life,

677
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 1: the connection that I know that all of life has,

678
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: is something so profoundly moving that I think of it

679
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 1: a lot. I mean, the taste of an orange to

680
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,320
Speaker 1: be ninety and be like, wow, the taste of an orange,

681
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 1: and and just the idea of like love, like I

682
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:39,919
Speaker 1: I think that just I think, Uh, I'm trying to think,

683
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 1: Like I am in a dilemma right now where it's

684
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: like I really want to just like feel like I

685
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 1: want to I want to live my life in a

686
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: way that I know it can't last. And I'm like,

687
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: I just want to give into this feeling because even

688
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,759
Speaker 1: though it's short lived, I just want to like live

689
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 1: it at its utmost. But I'm also scared because, oh

690
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 1: my god, if I really give in to it, when

691
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: it goes away, I'm going to be that much sadder.

692
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I'm like, what is a

693
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: life worth living? If you always are just keeping everything

694
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,839
Speaker 1: muted because you're so scared of getting hurt, You're so

695
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: scared of the pain. On the other side, I feel

696
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 1: like I want to just like I want to if

697
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: I have those connections or those like moments to like,

698
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: oh my god, I there's this dog. I don't want

699
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 1: to get that dog. It only has three months to live,

700
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: and and I'll just be sad when it's gone. Like Okay,

701
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna like not get that dog and

702
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: not love something just because it's gonna go away. We're

703
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 1: all gonna go away in the end. So I'm like,

704
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,439
Speaker 1: I want to kind of live my life not so

705
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 1: scared of like the hurt that follows it, because I

706
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 1: can always go to therapy. I always I have tools

707
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 1: to process my emotions and my pains. That um it's

708
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 1: I don't wanna try to mute feelings and like the

709
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,919
Speaker 1: taste of things, and like I don't want to eat

710
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: things that don't taste good. I want to taste an

711
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: orange and like taste it and be like, you know what,

712
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: this tastes so fucking good. Instead of like keeping myself

713
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: from things or changing on something that binging on a

714
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: bunch of oranges is not and not really tasting them

715
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 1: at all. That makes sense, Yes, I just I think

716
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: like sometimes, like you know, if we think about stand

717
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 1: up for instance, you don't get too excited after shows,

718
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 1: because if you get so excited to come down of it,

719
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 1: it's gonna be even darker. Like it's like when you're

720
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,879
Speaker 1: when you when you love something too much when it's gone.

721
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: I don't not get excited for stand up Shows's scared

722
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: of that you do? Oh, I don't know. I'm just

723
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: thinking about Like, but I'm saying that could transfer over

724
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 1: to your life, Like you don't do that with stand up,

725
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: So maybe you condition your brain after twenty years to

726
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: not get excited about anything because if it goes away,

727
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: you don't want to feel I don't ye know that

728
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 1: makes sense. Like with Conan, I try to keep it tempered.

729
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: But that's just more so that I can actually do

730
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 1: a good job and not be like I'm about to

731
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: be Conan instead of like I got to write a

732
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: joke for Conan. But like when I'm in it, I'm

733
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: trying to like, I just celebrate this. This is a

734
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: major and it won't be forever because someday I'll be

735
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:06,399
Speaker 1: old and not as funny and not as relevant, and

736
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: I won't get to go on Conan. Yeah, it's sad when,

737
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:13,320
Speaker 1: like you, you decide I'm gonna like first girlfriend whatever

738
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 1: or the first boyfriend, and you're like you love them

739
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: with everything in your heart because you watch so many

740
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: romantic comedies and you're like, this is it, I'm gonna

741
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 1: marry this person, and then they hurt you, and then

742
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,800
Speaker 1: you get so afraid of ever feeling that pain again

743
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: that you don't ever go close to the sun. And

744
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: I want to lay on the sun. I want to

745
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 1: freak hang out in the sun as well. I agree

746
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 1: with that. I my friends last night were like, don't

747
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: like the pain that follows this if you do this thing,

748
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: and I go, I've been through it before, I've survived

749
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 1: it all and it's led to amazing comedy specials. I'll

750
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 1: take that pain and I'll write a fucking song with it,

751
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 1: like I will Taylor Swift that pain. I don't want

752
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 1: to live a life where I never put myself in

753
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: a position to get hurt, because hurt makes you be

754
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 1: able to love later, and it makes you makes you

755
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 1: able to create dope ass podcast that everyone fucking resonates

756
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 1: with and go ahead, nate that dope as podcast. Dope

757
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 1: as podcast which people resonate with. I hate when people

758
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: say I resonate with something. It's like you're not resonating

759
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 1: with it. It's resonating with you. Okay, next story. And

760
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 1: you can always yell at me yeah, fuck you, I can.

761
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 1: I mean, fun yeah, I can, hell yeah, And I

762
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 1: wouldn't even be upset, Okay, I mean I was going

763
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 1: to try not to say the effort on this podcast

764
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:28,479
Speaker 1: anymore because I want people to be able to listen

765
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: in to the car with their kids and not be

766
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,840
Speaker 1: like mommy, she said the ffort. Worry about that. Howard

767
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 1: starting your favorite person on Earth and his stuff can't

768
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,720
Speaker 1: pay in front of terrestrial radio forever and was able

769
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:43,439
Speaker 1: to talk about, you know, really edgy things without using

770
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,800
Speaker 1: foul language. I don't like fo language words that well,

771
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: I'm just going to be more choosy with it and

772
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 1: more cognizant of the fact. Was watching interview from last

773
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,800
Speaker 1: night actually, and he was saying wrong words on like Letterman. Okay.

774
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 1: A couple with the rest after cops found their four

775
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: year old son unsupervised in a car while they were

776
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 1: shopping in a sex store. Troopers went into the amazing intimate,

777
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 1: essential adult store and found the mother of the unattended

778
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 1: boy and her partner who were in the store for

779
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. It was two women year old women were arrested.

780
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: Bail set at five thousand. So they loved it in

781
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: the car for four minutes. Fifteen minutes. And where was

782
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 1: this in a sex store? Oh? New York. Okay, so

783
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 1: it wasn't too Connecticut, ypology, it wasn't too hot. The

784
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: kid was alone fifteen months. My mom used to go

785
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: into the store to get cigarettes and like maybe a

786
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 1: scratch her ticket or you know, and the grocery store

787
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: and leave us in the car. That wouldn't take fifteen minutes.

788
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,479
Speaker 1: Yeah maybe, I mean, any store could be a sex store.

789
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 1: You can put anything in yourself, not funk yourself by

790
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: We don't say funk here. We want to, don't. We

791
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 1: never will say again, you guys, And it's just ridiculous.

792
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: Why in regards to your own mother fucking or something

793
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 1: that would be disgusting, And we don't want your kids

794
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 1: hearing I was talking. I already feel bad about this. Yeah, okay,

795
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 1: so this was a couple that and they were arrested. Yeah,

796
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 1: you should have been. That is neglect. You shouldn't be

797
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 1: by the way because you know they're going to bring

798
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: back in the toys and talk about it. That means

799
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: that's that's a that's a group of Uh that's a

800
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 1: couple who probably has sex and talks about sex a

801
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: little too openly around their kids. Here's the thing. Your

802
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 1: mom knew exactly what kind of cigarettes you wanted to buy,

803
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: so she was in and out in three minutes. Yeah,

804
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 1: if you're going to go to a porn store, just

805
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: know what dildo. Pick it out online before, know exactly

806
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 1: what you want. Those camel unfiltered vibrators, Yeah, what's like

807
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: a looks like a camel? And get me the candy

808
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 1: dildos so I can pretend like I'm like mom and

809
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: and and you know me, little chalk stuff comes out. Story. Yeah, like,

810
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 1: oh candy cigarettes were so delicious. I love them so much.

811
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: But they did definitely make me feel cool like I

812
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 1: was smoking and probably led to me smoking later on.

813
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 1: It's all propaganda built by uh, well, we both have

814
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: a d D. We started smoking a cigarette and then

815
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 1: you take one little bite and then next thing you

816
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: know you eat to hold cigarette before you even smoke.

817
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god, fun dip. I don't even the er

818
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 1: got eaten. It was with one of those big, like

819
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: one of those big jawbreaker balls. You can't imagine your

820
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: tongue would be bleeding. It bled so much. Andrew, I

821
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 1: literally I had to have it only for good. Okay,

822
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: we have one minute to get to Why do I care?

823
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 1: Why do I care? Okay, Grimes? Who is dating Elon Musk? Anything?

824
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 1: Grimes does fool back tad to done with white ink

825
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,280
Speaker 1: that stunts fame. Let me see this. It's just it's

826
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:44,880
Speaker 1: it's interesting, it's it looks like, oh no, this is

827
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 1: it looks like a girl. Just looks like both Man

828
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:51,840
Speaker 1: prophecies poster. Does anyone know that when you bang like

829
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 1: a girl and she scratches your back banger really well,

830
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 1: that's what I mean. This looks like someone who It

831
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: looks like one of those spider webs where it's like

832
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,280
Speaker 1: this spider was on weed. This spider was on LSD.

833
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,919
Speaker 1: The spider was on coke. Have you ever seen that? Yes,

834
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: this looks like a spider that was on um uh,

835
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of like and this looks like

836
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 1: this looks like a spider that was on Heroin like design.

837
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: It like it's just completely it looks like, um, well

838
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 1: actually it's kind of a cool design. Yeah, you know what,

839
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: the more I look at it, the more I could

840
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: kind of looks like a ring worm gone awry and

841
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 1: someone's skin because it's like a white tattoo. But it

842
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: just looks like scratches. It's bad as it's it's as

843
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 1: bad as her baby's name. And that's uh. I think

844
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: that's what we learned here is that these people are

845
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: crazy and and as someone who's crazy, Elon Musk and

846
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 1: Grimes are both people that are crazy. Elon's obviously brilliant,

847
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 1: but he's um, he's got personality disorders and should not

848
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: be um. You know what's the word put on this

849
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: pedestal of like I want to be like him. I'd

850
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 1: like to hear her and Ben Affleck talk about their

851
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 1: what they were going through this. I love to talk

852
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: to Ben Affleck about that back tattoo. I mean, it's

853
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: the same kind of thing answers to that. That is

854
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,280
Speaker 1: what I learned from this is that someday my goal

855
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: as a celebrity entertainer is to interview Ben Affleck about

856
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: his back tattoo and then maybe turn it into a

857
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: little like let's talk about this more after the podcast,

858
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 1: and then I started dating him. Let's get to our segment,

859
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: Finish my Sentence. This is where Andrew and I take

860
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 1: a sentence constructed by Noah and then we try to

861
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: finish it for each other and then we see who

862
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 1: gets it right. And it's a fun game you can

863
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: play with your friends, um, just to see how well

864
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: you think you know each other. So it's like the

865
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: newly co host game. Um, Noah, what's the sentence that

866
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 1: we're gonna finish for each other today? All right? The

867
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 1: last one was about deep oh security. Oh my god.

868
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,240
Speaker 1: This segment is so scary. It led to our big

869
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 1: fight last time. But let's see what would it leads

870
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 1: to today. No, I hope you picked a good one. Okay.

871
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 1: The sentence is I'm about to make out with my

872
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 1: date on the couch, but their breath is kicking I okay,

873
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: So no, what can I just ask you a couple

874
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: of questions about this Leaden, Is this someone you really like?

875
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,280
Speaker 1: Because for me, breath is like one of the first

876
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: things I can smell on someone and I would not

877
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: even make it to the couch with someone whose breath

878
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: was bad. But let's just say, like really into this.

879
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: I'm really into this person. I just haven't had a

880
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 1: chance to smell their breath until right now. Okay, and

881
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 1: we had a really fun date. And this is someone

882
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 1: I could like potentially see myself like being with and Andrew.

883
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,439
Speaker 1: This is for Andrew's case, this is someone he could

884
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 1: he wants to have sex with. Yeah, you're very much

885
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,800
Speaker 1: attracted to this person. Okay, and you're having a great time. Okay,

886
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 1: can I go first? So I'm about to make out.

887
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 1: I'm about to make out with my date on the

888
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 1: couch for the first time, but their breath, their breath

889
00:46:53,360 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: is kicking, So I just don't say anything and just

890
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 1: kiss their neck a lot and kind of try to

891
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: not think about it, and pretty soon I will rely

892
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 1: on the fact that I have such a herd on

893
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 1: and want to I this girl so much that the

894
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,799
Speaker 1: breath thing won't bother me, and I'll go through with

895
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 1: it and just try to avoid kissing this person from

896
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: now on and maybe bring up the breath thing like

897
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: when it's time. But also never really broached that because

898
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: it's so awkward, but um, it wouldn't have Ultimately, it

899
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 1: wouldn't affect whether or not I tried to bang that

900
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:37,479
Speaker 1: girl on the couch. Um that night. The end, I mean,

901
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: I think the exact thing has happened. So she nailed.

902
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,399
Speaker 1: That was very good. I would definitely kiss on the night.

903
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 1: It's like morning sex when you don't get too close

904
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: to the face. Yeah, okay, And then for Nikki a second,

905
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 1: you're not going to elaborate this happened to you. Yeah, well,

906
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 1: anytime you have morning sex, I think it goes both ways.

907
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: We both have an understanding. Sex is different. It's like

908
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: I find that more sex is just everyone has it.

909
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 1: Like Gisel has morning breath, but like morning breath in

910
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 1: the morning for someone I already like, it doesn't smell bad,

911
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 1: whereas bad breath after like just bad breath naturally is

912
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 1: like a Well, now, I'm like kind of, I'm already

913
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 1: giving you too many clues to finish my sentence, so

914
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: I guess go into mine. I'm about to make out

915
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,720
Speaker 1: with my day on the couch, but their breath is kicking.

916
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: I think, did we eat the same thing. Maybe my

917
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 1: breath might smell too, and maybe I'll bring it up

918
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 1: to the person in a very nice way where I'll say, hey,

919
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: does my breath smell, which will then be like, you

920
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: know what, I think I should brush my teeth because

921
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 1: we ate something bad. And then maybe I'll offer him

922
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 1: a toothbrush too, without exactly saying that his breasting so

923
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 1: he doesn't feel bad. And then I'll slowly unbuckle his

924
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 1: pants and start blowing him until um he started, and

925
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 1: then he's choking these so hard, and then andrew, what's up?

926
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 1: Why can't I I would never blow someone on a

927
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,919
Speaker 1: first date. This isn't the first date. Yesterday, I'm about

928
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,359
Speaker 1: to make out with my date. It was the first

929
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,759
Speaker 1: day we established right now, you're making out with them

930
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: for the first time. Okay, Okay, So I go down,

931
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 1: I unbuckle his pants, I keep his boxers on, and

932
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 1: I start blowing him on top of his boxers. Like no,

933
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: I do that on like a fifth date. Like I

934
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,919
Speaker 1: ease into the blow job, Like you don't just get

935
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 1: me to like you have to earn me putting your

936
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 1: mouth on your penis, and I have to like get

937
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 1: there in a way that I'm like and it's not

938
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 1: for me to like tempt you. I just want to

939
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: see what I'm dealing with through the pants, and then

940
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 1: maybe eventually I'll put my mouth on it if I

941
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: trust you or not, and then maybe i'll like do

942
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 1: it to completion if I trust you not from there,

943
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 1: and then maybe it can go in other places. But

944
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: like there's a process, but you do believe in the

945
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,439
Speaker 1: over the pants. Over the pants blow job is something

946
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: I came up with recently. It is a great way

947
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 1: to not expose yourself to someone's skin or potential herpes,

948
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 1: although that like or whatever they might have there on

949
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: the other penis that's not even why I came up

950
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: with it, but it is probably a safer way. Not

951
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 1: not totally full proof, but you get the sense of

952
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: what they're on the shaft? Are you throwing that you're

953
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: gonna just like rub your face on it. You kind

954
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 1: of joke about it too, like I'm not gonna do

955
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,400
Speaker 1: this yet, I'm not ready to. And it's not to tease.

956
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: It's not to be a cock tease and to make

957
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 1: him like have blue balls. It's just like feel it

958
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 1: out for yourself and to like be kind of funny

959
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 1: and be like you get some stuff done and it

960
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 1: excites him, doesn't feel bad. You know. It's like, do

961
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 1: you ever give them a little bit of heat, like

962
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 1: just blow out? Yeah, you breathe into it like you're

963
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: cleaning your glasses. You put your mouth around it like

964
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: your glasses frames, and you go like like you're getting

965
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 1: a Nintendo game to work. Yes, yes, exactly. Wait are

966
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 1: you putting the cotons or the cottons in your mouth? Yeah,

967
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 1: but it's like, you know, you do it like a

968
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 1: corn on the gobli on the side, but you just

969
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 1: like kind of just like roll up your face on

970
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: it and just be funny. Look, I ate out a

971
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 1: girl in college with her jeans still on. I get it,

972
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 1: I'm not ding. But back to the breath, then, can

973
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: I nice about it? I would. I'll tell you what

974
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 1: I would really do if their breath was kicking and

975
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: it was not like and it was like deep within

976
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 1: their soul kind of like bad smell, and it was

977
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 1: very repulsive to me. It would make me lose my

978
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 1: boner for them as um if I was even on

979
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:33,839
Speaker 1: the fence. If I'm kissing them on a first date,

980
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 1: that means I'm probably not like fully into them yet. Um.

981
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 1: And so it would be something that could like turn

982
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 1: me off completely, But if it's like a bad taste

983
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:47,600
Speaker 1: from like dinner, I would go, you need to brush

984
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 1: your teeth. And yeah, because if I'm kissing someone, I'm

985
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:54,279
Speaker 1: already comfortable enough with them because I'm not someone who

986
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: just kisses someone easily. It takes me several nights of

987
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 1: being like I want to kiss this person so bad,

988
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: I can't help it. It's not something I just do

989
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:04,319
Speaker 1: willie nilly. So at that point I'm comfortable enough with

990
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:07,359
Speaker 1: them to be like, dude, whatever you ate, it's like

991
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 1: on you, and then they brush your teeth and then

992
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:10,760
Speaker 1: it's out of the way, and it's it's not their fault.

993
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 1: It's something they ate. And as someone who can have

994
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 1: bad breath from things I eat, I don't take offense

995
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 1: to it when people are like like my makeup artist,

996
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 1: Robin is always like, oh my god, you need a minute,

997
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,720
Speaker 1: like it's the tofu or something, And I'm not offended.

998
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: It's not like me inherently being like a stinky person.

999
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 1: It's just like I like stinky food sometimes. But can

1000
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: I ask you, if it's a first date and they're

1001
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: at your place, per se, do you let them use

1002
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,240
Speaker 1: your toothbrush on the first date. Yeah, I'd let I

1003
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: I don't mind sharing toothbrushes. I know that's gross and

1004
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: people are going, oh, nicky will, but I would just

1005
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, you can. Or I'd be like, here's

1006
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 1: a mouthwash or something. Let's see if that helps. And

1007
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: if it doesn't help, I'd be like, I'm sorry that.

1008
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go through with anything. I just like I wouldn't.

1009
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 1: I maybe wouldn't say like, you have halitosis, and like

1010
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: your smell is naturally repulsive to me and I don't

1011
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 1: think I could ever be with you again. But that

1012
00:52:57,719 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 1: would be the case, and I would kind of like

1013
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 1: a sport them out, but not in a mean way.

1014
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: They wouldn't feel they wouldn't know or feel bad about it.

1015
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,279
Speaker 1: I'd rather write a rap song about it later on.

1016
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 1: Just kidding. That's what my ex boyfriend did to me. Um.

1017
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 1: I do think like you can kind of tell if

1018
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:15,879
Speaker 1: someone has how what is it holitosis? You can't because

1019
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: there have been several people in our social circle that

1020
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: I've like, have you ever smelled his breath? And you're

1021
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: like no, And I'm like, dude, you can smell it

1022
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 1: from three feet away. It's like sometimes I just smell

1023
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 1: a thing, like someone smell could be terrible. Like there's

1024
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:30,759
Speaker 1: certain people you smell their breath and you go, how

1025
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 1: did how is anyone ever going to love them? But

1026
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 1: I'm saying that there are people that, like you can

1027
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: tell that they actually work on it and and they're

1028
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 1: trying to take steps to correct it. And then people

1029
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 1: that just lean into and their you know, their breath smells,

1030
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 1: like the way their armpits look like just discutt like

1031
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: everything's disgusting. Well they I think that people truly don't

1032
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 1: know how bad they smell. Let's move into final thought

1033
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:57,319
Speaker 1: for the show today. I think that, um, the good

1034
00:53:57,360 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 1: news is people who have bad breath or halitos. There

1035
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:02,840
Speaker 1: are some people that just don't have a sense of

1036
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,239
Speaker 1: smell due to COVID. So you're that's good news for

1037
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 1: you guys. That's lingered for some people. And that's a

1038
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: true thing. I dated a guy who didn't have a

1039
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 1: sense of smell, and it was interesting, How was that

1040
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:15,840
Speaker 1: when he would go down on you? Would you be

1041
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 1: less self conscious? Honestly? Yes, but I'm that was because

1042
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,359
Speaker 1: I was Now I wouldn't care. I know that like

1043
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:25,919
Speaker 1: if I smell bad down there. It's because he chose

1044
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: to go down on me knowing I wasn't ready for it,

1045
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 1: So it's not my fault. Like someone was talking about

1046
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 1: eating ass last night, eating a last night and likes

1047
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:41,480
Speaker 1: there should be like little Listerine strips that would be

1048
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 1: like the dissolvable strips. You could probably put one in

1049
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,879
Speaker 1: if you're wet enough, and it would dissolve, but it'd

1050
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 1: probably give you some kind of like that probably would

1051
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:54,799
Speaker 1: I think that's yeah, yeah, but like maybe just a

1052
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: little listening pocketback that if you go to the bathroom

1053
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: before hook up, you could just slip in a little

1054
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 1: strip though that would dissolve and it would just taste

1055
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 1: like nothing, you know, like unscented pussy. Yeah, because you

1056
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 1: don't want to You could throw a mint in your

1057
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 1: mouth without brushing your whole teeth. You don't want to

1058
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: have to do yours right right right, shark nicky, have

1059
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 1: you ever washed with like Dr Brauner's peppermints? I can't

1060
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:23,479
Speaker 1: handle it. It's like some it's like someone's going down

1061
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:25,799
Speaker 1: on you. It's like there's like there's like it's like

1062
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: pop rocks in your pus and there's a lot of

1063
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:33,879
Speaker 1: writing on that bottle and it's just intimidating. There's so

1064
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 1: much what the like a trader Joe's frequent flyer is

1065
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 1: on one of those things. No, it's um eating as things.

1066
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:42,960
Speaker 1: Someone said last night like they don't like it because

1067
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 1: they're so nervous that there might be stuff down there.

1068
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 1: And the thing is, if someone decides to go and

1069
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 1: do that to you without warning, let's say in a

1070
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 1: consensual way, but like kind of like just yeah, a

1071
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 1: little bit and you're totally down for it. It It is

1072
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: don't be nervous about that on yourself that if they

1073
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:06,239
Speaker 1: encounter anything that is their fault, they know what they're

1074
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: going into. Much like the joke I did about um

1075
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 1: having anal sex and I accidentally like there was a

1076
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,399
Speaker 1: little bit of a mess. I felt so embarrassed when

1077
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,239
Speaker 1: that happened to me the first time, and my ex

1078
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 1: boyfriend handled it so beautifully by saying like, listen, don't

1079
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:23,799
Speaker 1: be don't be embarrassed. Like I knew the drill. You

1080
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 1: play with fire sometimes if you play with fire, eventually

1081
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 1: you're gonna get burned. And it's like, yeah, you when

1082
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: a guy does something like so many women are scared

1083
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 1: of shitting or like oh, I'm gonna get poop on

1084
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: her his finger or guys are scared of that. It's like, well,

1085
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:39,799
Speaker 1: she went back there knowing that's where it comes from.

1086
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: She's not a fucking idiot. So if you get a

1087
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: little poop on her, that's her, that's on her. I

1088
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 1: just I want people to feel less. I wanted myself

1089
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 1: to feel less insecure, Like when I'm doing sexual things

1090
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 1: that I'm like, oh my god, I might fart or

1091
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 1: I might um, he might see my asshole and I

1092
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 1: don't even know if I like clear it well enough

1093
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 1: forgot the hair. It's like, well, he's putting me in

1094
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 1: a position that I'm not being, like look into my

1095
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,759
Speaker 1: asshole and tell me all about it, like it's not

1096
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:12,359
Speaker 1: I'm not. It's okay if I'm not like perfect in

1097
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,879
Speaker 1: every little way and like I don't. But you can

1098
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 1: tell how old you are by the rings on your asshole,

1099
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 1: which is yeah, so if you lie, it's kind of

1100
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 1: it's like a tree, right and you can see like

1101
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:28,320
Speaker 1: when there's been a lightning storm sometimes or when there

1102
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 1: was like yeah, there was a massive Well there is

1103
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: a TikTok that's going around, Like women just realizing that

1104
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 1: guys see their butt hole from doggy style. Really yeah, yeah,

1105
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 1: guy's sea bottle all the time. It's like, yeah, we're

1106
00:57:42,800 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: looking at It's great. Like, are some buttles like I've

1107
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 1: never seen, Like I've seen only like a couple of

1108
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 1: my friends buttles just because I've like we've revealed them

1109
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 1: to each other just to be like, let's see what's

1110
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:57,160
Speaker 1: going on. What have you seen buttles that have made

1111
00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 1: you go? Whoa? There was a butt hole I think

1112
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 1: two thousand seven. I was during today. It was like

1113
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: a three pm sex and we did doggy style and

1114
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: she was just like there was a lot of light

1115
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: in the room, so I saw, Yeah, there was a

1116
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 1: decent amount of hair and it was what it is

1117
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: what nowadays I wouldn't be as quite, but back then

1118
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 1: I was a little bit more superficial. So you know,

1119
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,280
Speaker 1: And if girls have a lot of a lot of asks,

1120
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 1: then it's harder to see your buttle because you've got

1121
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 1: like a lot of crack and a lot to get

1122
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 1: through before your butt hole is revealed. But someone with

1123
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 1: like a skinny but like me like a like no ask,

1124
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 1: Like my butt hole is like very much like accessible. Yeah,

1125
00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: it's protruding if anything. Yeah, it's like an Audie great car. No,

1126
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 1: do you shave your butt hole? I had it lasered?

1127
00:58:47,520 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 1: How long does that last? Forever? Uh? A lot? I

1128
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 1: mean I've had to have a couple of treatments, but

1129
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: it's pretty good. And then I do have to I

1130
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,600
Speaker 1: mean for personal hygiene, I just don't like to keep

1131
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,280
Speaker 1: It's really easy to shave your asshole. And as long

1132
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 1: as you're doing it, and like you you use a razor,

1133
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 1: it's just the it's the easiest one to do. You

1134
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 1: kind of go. That's interesting that that that you would

1135
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 1: think a butt hole being covered by hair would actually

1136
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 1: be a good thing because you don't see the whole

1137
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 1: but hole. Yeah, but people just hair is like so

1138
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:25,360
Speaker 1: repulsive to why it's so weird because of cultural Yeah,

1139
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: just like you know, ducks have nineteen buttholes yea, and

1140
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 1: like what are they shaped like? Man, They're they're all little. Yeah.

1141
00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:46,960
Speaker 1: I feel really I feel almost just as bad about

1142
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: that then when I messed up March Madness. So if

1143
00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:53,440
Speaker 1: all you duck heads out there that want to come

1144
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 1: at me, I apologize. I just want to I just

1145
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:58,000
Speaker 1: want to close you mallard mavens out there who know

1146
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 1: all about how the ducks reproductive system. If you were

1147
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 1: listening to that and screaming at your radio or your

1148
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:09,479
Speaker 1: I pod, I'm really thinking about old your your CD,

1149
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 1: ROM cassette player and thinking like what the fuck Andrew,

1150
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 1: get it right, Um, we really apologize to you because

1151
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 1: I really let that go way longer than I should have.

1152
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,280
Speaker 1: And in the future, I will like get on these

1153
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:28,520
Speaker 1: kind of like misrepresentations of animal anatomy as quickly as

1154
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 1: I can. I do feel like though people will say

1155
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 1: the opposite and want you to let me go when

1156
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:36,919
Speaker 1: I think when I'm going to let you go because

1157
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: it's hilarious how long you were and you were so

1158
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,400
Speaker 1: confident and I actually did trust you that time. I'm

1159
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 1: never going to trust you again. But I will not

1160
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:48,040
Speaker 1: uh stop you from you know, filling yourself as Yeah,

1161
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 1: you're a real uh Steve or Lose. But you know what,

1162
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:57,439
Speaker 1: if anyone got my Steve or Lose joke congratulations because

1163
01:00:57,440 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 1: it was missed by both Noah Andrew and even me,

1164
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:04,120
Speaker 1: well it's it's what you means, Steve. Yeah, but Steve

1165
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 1: rlus No, you are Steve R lose, not a win

1166
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 1: you're lose the opposite. I mean it's bad, it was bad,

1167
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: but people who got it, I think the same four

1168
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 1: people who were like dust don't have six dicks pretty

1169
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:25,439
Speaker 1: much loved that Steve or lose joke. Yeah, I mean,

1170
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:30,600
Speaker 1: let's let's go. We'll see you tomorrow and all this

1171
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 1: week on the pod, and make sure you keep sharing

1172
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:34,160
Speaker 1: it with your friends. Tell people to get in on it.

1173
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:38,200
Speaker 1: Become a bestie. Right. A review for the podcast, which

1174
01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 1: I did on my iTunes, give us five stars if

1175
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,320
Speaker 1: you love the show, don't give us four, like five

1176
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 1: or nothing. I don't want to hear from if you

1177
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 1: don't give us five, just that's just me like doing

1178
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 1: bad reviews. We don't. We're not going to read the

1179
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 1: bad ones. We read the good ones though. We love

1180
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 1: your support, um and follow us on Nikki Glazer Pod.

1181
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 1: Follow Noah and Noah Injection on Instagram. Follow Andrew Blue,

1182
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 1: Checkmark Andrew T. Colin on and Sagram. Follow me Nicki Glazer.

1183
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna announce a tour pretty soon coming up this summer.

1184
01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 1: I can't wait to share it with you guys. You

1185
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 1: can come. I can see my best seas in person.

1186
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 1: I love you so much and we'll see you this week. Okay, okay,