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Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer. Yes, here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's

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Speaker 1: a Nicki Glazer podcast. Nicky Glazer, Hi, guys, it is

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Speaker 1: what what are we looking at? Wednesday? It feels like

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Speaker 1: a Wednesday. It's Wednesday somewhere, Dicky, it definitely is here today.

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Speaker 1: It's Wednesday, and we're actually recording this on a Wednesday.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like we're kind of acting like we're not.

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Speaker 1: But it's Wednesday morning. It's an early morning on Wednesday's

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Speaker 1: early morning. You guys, it feels so early, so much earlier.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we're up late last night. We were and

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Speaker 1: do you know what you were to hold late late?

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Speaker 1: I was up. I could guess, take a guess. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you fell asleep, am. Try seven o'clock.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know, I got a half hour, Nikki, dude, Noah,

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Speaker 1: I slept two nights ago. I slept for seventeen hours.

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Speaker 1: Last night I slept for sixteen hours. So like I

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Speaker 1: just you were doing for half an hour, I would

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Speaker 1: do for a halfy you know, like it's the opposite

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Speaker 1: of a coma awake. I'm trying to think of what's

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Speaker 1: coma backwards am mock. Last night I am mocked hard.

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Speaker 1: I mean, how was that a great? Thirty? Though? It

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Speaker 1: was a pretty good Whenever I struggle with that last

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Speaker 1: little sliver of sleep that you get and you go,

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Speaker 1: oh fuck, I always just go, this is a nap

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Speaker 1: treated as a nap. If I'm getting a half hour nap,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy about that nap. So I'm feeling good, feeling right,

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Speaker 1: feeling tight. I got a little I got a short

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Speaker 1: enough day today. In terms of my sketgy, it's when

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Speaker 1: it's when you get a half hour sleep and you're

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Speaker 1: looking at like a a nine hour work day. That's

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Speaker 1: when I start to feel sad for myself. But I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be loopy and and what were you doing that?

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Speaker 1: Let's say, if I great question, Andrew, I was no Reddit.

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Speaker 1: I had given up on Reddit. See that's like a

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Speaker 1: right when I get in bet, so I wouldn't bet it.

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Speaker 1: Like maybe, let's say twelve thirty. I go on Reddit

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Speaker 1: until like one thirty, and then I'm just like, my

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Speaker 1: eyes can't take it anymore. Then I read uh oh,

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Speaker 1: and then I read like Then I was on Instagram

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Speaker 1: going around. Then I read a New New Yorker article

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Speaker 1: that takes like fourteen years of your life. It was

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Speaker 1: about what we were talking about the other day. It

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Speaker 1: was about how these monks they found can there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: these fucking three monks are no. These monks do this practice.

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Speaker 1: There's three monks that live, like you know, up in

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Speaker 1: the fucking mountains when it is freezing cold, and they

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Speaker 1: only wear like a thin use of wool and they

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Speaker 1: stay they don't freeze to death, and they sit all

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Speaker 1: day and meditate, and they studied them and they do

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Speaker 1: this type of meditation that keeps them warm. And we're

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Speaker 1: talking the other day when we went um swimming with

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Speaker 1: the whales about I reminded everyone about this thing that

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Speaker 1: Ben Gleebe, who I've talked about before in the show.

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Speaker 1: He he was also the one that recommended that insane

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Speaker 1: Lorenzo guy to me. But he also said that if

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Speaker 1: you focus on the fact that there's ninety eight point

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Speaker 1: six degree blood pulsing through your veins at all times,

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Speaker 1: it can warm you when you're feeling really cold. Just

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Speaker 1: focus on the blood. And I was like, oh, so,

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Speaker 1: first of all, I afford that I saw the article

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Speaker 1: on Instagram, on the New Yorker Instagram. I forwarded it

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Speaker 1: to Ben because he's a night out too. He's always

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Speaker 1: texting me at like four in the morning, like how

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Speaker 1: are you friend? Like I always wake up to text

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Speaker 1: like four am from him. Are you know in the morning.

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Speaker 1: I keep my phone on silent. But so I went

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Speaker 1: and read it. And there's a type of meditation that

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Speaker 1: these all these scientists were scoffing at and thinking like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can do this mindfulness of like picturing your core

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Speaker 1: being like like bend stuff, and it does make you

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Speaker 1: think that you're hotter, but your your temperature doesn't rise.

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Speaker 1: It's just the way your mind actually thinks about it.

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Speaker 1: But then they hooked all these devices up to these

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Speaker 1: monks and they studied their core temperature, which is like

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Speaker 1: kind of impossible or their thoughts was impossible to do yourself,

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Speaker 1: and they were able to heat themselves up in their

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Speaker 1: core temperature. One of these monks was able to give

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Speaker 1: themselves a fever in like normal temperature like a hundred

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Speaker 1: and something to degree feither. That's a good point they

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Speaker 1: do talk about how like when you get menopause or

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Speaker 1: when you're fighting off a fever, like your body does

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Speaker 1: have a way of finding a way to heat up itself.

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Speaker 1: But we haven't tapped into that as human beings to

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Speaker 1: be able to control it, much like I never even

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Speaker 1: thought about does heat help? Is that a reason when

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Speaker 1: we get hot? I thought, I thought it was the

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Speaker 1: other way around. I thought the disease made us hot.

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Speaker 1: I was thought that too, And it's I think it's

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Speaker 1: in our our immune system heating up the disease like

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Speaker 1: a boil, like it boils like you boiled chicken. Our

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Speaker 1: bodies are boiling to get rid of the Salmonella um.

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Speaker 1: And they found that there was like a type of bumblebee.

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Speaker 1: That's really cool. They do this thing if they have

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Speaker 1: like an intruder, they all swarm in. The bumblebees will

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Speaker 1: just flutter their wings really really fast and it creates

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Speaker 1: but they gather together to make heat too, then burn

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Speaker 1: this intruding insect alive from all the heat generated from

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Speaker 1: buzzing together. And then they were talking about this fucking

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Speaker 1: little squirrel. They were talking about all these different animals

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Speaker 1: and how they heat themselves up. A squirrel that hibernates

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Speaker 1: in the Antarctic and it reaches uh like blow freezing

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Speaker 1: levels and it's still and it hibernates and it gets

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Speaker 1: blow freezing and its body temperature gets blow freezing, and

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Speaker 1: it's like, how does that work? Because it's the only

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Speaker 1: warm blooded animal that can actually stay in frozen like

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Speaker 1: can freeze essentially and still have its blood moving, like

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Speaker 1: if your blood stops moving. But they studied it and

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Speaker 1: it has created this way to have its blood flow

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Speaker 1: like almost like you know how like a stream sometimes

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Speaker 1: when it's frozen over, that's trickling beneath the ice sheet.

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Speaker 1: So it's like it creates little paths. And it was

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Speaker 1: the most funked up part of this article was that

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Speaker 1: they tested these squirrels scientific so many scientific tests on

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Speaker 1: these little Arctic squirrels where they would take them when

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Speaker 1: they were in hibernation, which we're talking about bears in hibernation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that they don't actually go into the cave. What they

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Speaker 1: don't like just sit in the cave the whole time. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're not just like eating snacks and for six months.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think that they they

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Speaker 1: go into a thing called toporp topor t O p

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Speaker 1: O R. Yeah, where it's like it's a state of

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Speaker 1: it's it's deeper than sleep actually, but it it's they

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Speaker 1: can't rouse in the same way that sleep would be

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Speaker 1: able to rouse because when animals are put into a poor.

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Speaker 1: So they took these little squirrels that would put in topor,

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Speaker 1: and I swear to God, these scientists said they would

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Speaker 1: take them out. It was very scientific. They would take

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Speaker 1: them out of topor and they take they burrow in

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Speaker 1: and get and grab them. And these little mice, squirrel

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Speaker 1: mice that would be like baled up, they would take

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Speaker 1: them and they would throw them in the air. That

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Speaker 1: these scientists were throwing these squirrels in the air, and

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Speaker 1: they never made a like a comment like of how

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Speaker 1: this seems like rather unscientific. And they said some of

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Speaker 1: these squirrels would not go out of topor when they

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Speaker 1: threw them a hundred times in the air. And I

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Speaker 1: just pictured the site, like these tiny little squirrels that

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Speaker 1: are just like trying to sleep. And the squirrels don't

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Speaker 1: don't wake up at all. So hibernation is like a

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Speaker 1: different kind of thing, but they're alive. It's the same

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Speaker 1: way whales breathe when they sleep at night. Because you go,

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Speaker 1: how's a whale fucking going up? And four? Because I

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Speaker 1: remember reading and I was very everyone has an idea.

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Speaker 1: We were all taught, and it's the winter months, you know,

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Speaker 1: four months or so. They don't just like you think

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Speaker 1: they just sleep for four months straight like you did

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Speaker 1: the other day. Yeah, you're like a bear. You're either

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Speaker 1: hibernating or you're fighting for your laugh. Wait, bears, I

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Speaker 1: think they go in topa, which is going to be

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Speaker 1: the next WORDLD. It's torpor TiO rpore where we go?

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Speaker 1: I was close and it said it can last a

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Speaker 1: few weeks and warmer parts of North America to six

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Speaker 1: months for bears in Alaska. Okay, but what are they doing?

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Speaker 1: Are they just out described to us what torpor is?

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Speaker 1: Are they just out cold because we're going to learn

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Speaker 1: something today, because I could have swore it's actually deeper

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Speaker 1: than sleep. Yo, No, I get that, but I just

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Speaker 1: I know I read something where we all think bears

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Speaker 1: just going to a cave for now. I think you

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Speaker 1: were talking about the Mandela effect, and it's a Baron's bears,

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Speaker 1: Baron cave bear, Baron cave bear. Um. So that got

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Speaker 1: you to probably thirty And then I started reading another

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Speaker 1: New York article that disturbed the funk out of me.

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Speaker 1: But I was thinking about this real quick that the

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Speaker 1: the them getting warmer. There's there's people. There's like a

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Speaker 1: whole village that is fishing, like a fishing village, and

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Speaker 1: they don't have snorkelqui. They don't have scuba equipment and

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Speaker 1: the deep deep dive and they actually through evolution has

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Speaker 1: like made their like spleen bigger or whatever we're gonna say.

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Speaker 1: They got gills. Yeah, they have Vince Gill. He carry

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Speaker 1: country artists plays. They slow him down, he relaxed. You

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Speaker 1: asked me the other day if you had gills. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I ate bad fish. And then you go don't

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Speaker 1: go there because you're going to go spiral of like

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Speaker 1: because you started going like, yeah, well, my dad's allergic

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Speaker 1: to one fish. And I think he put it in

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Speaker 1: our mind, like don't touch this one fish. Every mind

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Speaker 1: you have arrested development like this one fish will get you.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's a swordfish, which is the scariest

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Speaker 1: fish because I don't only get to kill you with

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Speaker 1: his mouth, they can I do. I know that you

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Speaker 1: don't eat sortfish of all the fish on the menu,

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Speaker 1: you don't eat it because it's the most endangered and

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Speaker 1: it's fishing practices are the most detrimental to, I just

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Speaker 1: always know that's the one to avoid. And also orange ruffy.

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Speaker 1: But orange ruffy I do believe poses as other. Like

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Speaker 1: people say it's orange ruffy when it's really just another.

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Speaker 1: Does that sound like this the tuxedo Christmas sounds like

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Speaker 1: remember it was orange? Sounds like um sex act a

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Speaker 1: Russian process? Who would offer after she was with Trump?

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Speaker 1: You want the ruff and I he's wearing the orange ducks.

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Speaker 1: Oh so these guys that they can swim because they

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Speaker 1: have like a larger splint, like they could dive for

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Speaker 1: like fifteen minute like something on her. We our brain, well,

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Speaker 1: we we adapt. You think it takes thousands of years

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Speaker 1: to kind of evolve, but we start doing things within

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Speaker 1: a few generations in some places. And I think that

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Speaker 1: even like our attention spans and stuff like that is

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Speaker 1: changing now with phones and technology. I think that I

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Speaker 1: could be wrong about this, but I think that I

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Speaker 1: always thought that it took thousands of years for humans

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Speaker 1: to evolve any type of new feature that would help

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Speaker 1: them survive. But I think it only it doesn't take that.

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Speaker 1: I think one is adaptation and one is genetic ah nurturing.

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Speaker 1: So so the genetic one takes like millions of years.

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Speaker 1: But adaptation is the one that you're talking about. Does

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Speaker 1: adaptation lead to genetic Yeah, I think because of like um,

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Speaker 1: but the survival yes, Darwin, we get it. We're so smart.

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Speaker 1: This is a turning into a science podcast murder. Does

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Speaker 1: anyone know about the glass of us? Because your boy

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Speaker 1: did a deep dive night? Did you really? Yeah? What

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Speaker 1: do you get into? It's like there's lizards there? Oh God.

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Speaker 1: Andrew was posing as a scientist the other day on

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Speaker 1: the boat telling us about the topography of I can

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Speaker 1: throw a different than what I was saying. It was

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite bits ever. I was just asking

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Speaker 1: him about the genealogy of different you know, uh yeah,

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Speaker 1: vegetative species. He asked me anything, asked me anything on time.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I would really love to hear what how?

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Speaker 1: What what is threatening the coral reefs right now? Like,

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Speaker 1: what's what's going on with coral? A lot of people

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Speaker 1: think it's climate change because the water is warming up,

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Speaker 1: which actually then affects everything down there. But it's not

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Speaker 1: that really. Yeah, what's happening is the reefs are all

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Speaker 1: they all had a meeting. It's like NATO, but for reefs. Wait,

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Speaker 1: who's going to these but what who's representing the reefs?

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Speaker 1: The reefs are like, don't they can't show up to

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Speaker 1: Oh so this is all you are blowing my mind.

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Speaker 1: It's wild. Originally I thought it was the warm water

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Speaker 1: and you blew my mind with that. But now you're

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Speaker 1: telling me there's a NATO of reefs, and reefs actually

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Speaker 1: are things that can join together and show up and meet. Okay,

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Speaker 1: well they meet, but they don't mean in person, you

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Speaker 1: know the internet. Yeah, okay, so it's similar to that.

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Speaker 1: So one the Great Barrier reef, they have the most scientists,

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Speaker 1: fish and coral that they actually developed this thing that

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Speaker 1: reaches out to the other day, send out a signal,

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Speaker 1: the other reefs go, they send back. It's kind of like, so,

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Speaker 1: what's going on? What's wrong? Then? Oh so they're all

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Speaker 1: like this, I'm sick of I'm sick of this fucking Wait,

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Speaker 1: so the reefs are revolting. The reefs are revolting by

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Speaker 1: killing themselves. We're not fucking with the reefs. The reefs

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Speaker 1: are fucking themselves. Yes, that's what a lot of people

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Speaker 1: don't know. I just figured out your bit. What's that you?

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Speaker 1: I give you a subject and you go, A lot

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Speaker 1: of people think this thing and you describe the way

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Speaker 1: it is, which is an easier thing to describe than

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Speaker 1: the thing you're gonna make up. But you use the

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Speaker 1: time where you're describing the thing and we think we

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Speaker 1: know to think about the other you're about to disprove.

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Speaker 1: Is that is that it all true? A lot of

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Speaker 1: people have you know, it's it's like the Edge character

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Speaker 1: like and it's and why I love the Edge character

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Speaker 1: is that it actually is exactly what edgy comedians do,

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Speaker 1: which is stall stall on purpose by going na, you

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Speaker 1: can't take it. All that bullshit of that like no man,

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Speaker 1: I can't know, you can't I can't say I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: get in trouble. All of that is to give them

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Speaker 1: time to think of what the funk they're going to say.

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Speaker 1: My best part is even the after pause where they go, oh,

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Speaker 1: you can't handle that, and then it gets quiet. It

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Speaker 1: gets quiet because the joke doesn't hit because they get

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Speaker 1: it the time I said, do you know how many

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Speaker 1: times I'm in the back of the room and I

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Speaker 1: see a comedian that I will know and like and

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Speaker 1: they will do the thing of like, oh you guys,

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Speaker 1: do you guys understand that what the joke was, right,

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Speaker 1: Oh you don't get that joke, and I just know

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Speaker 1: we get it. It's just not funny. I've said it

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Speaker 1: so many times because I mean, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: this is if I've done it before, I've maybe done it.

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Speaker 1: It's a crutch that you used to protect yourself to

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Speaker 1: make the audience dumb. It's not that you weren't funny,

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Speaker 1: that the audience didn't get it. My least favorite thing,

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Speaker 1: it's absolutely come on now, ham drop, who's here? I

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Speaker 1: am illo? Reefsh my god, who's here? I just like

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Speaker 1: I there are some things that comics do that I

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Speaker 1: just want to call out and looking up of like

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Speaker 1: my brain, My all my thoughts are in my brain,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to go get them for you, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: pretending like they're coming up with it in the moment um.

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Speaker 1: You know, there are some theatrical things that go into

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Speaker 1: my performance, like even watching myself in the edit, there

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Speaker 1: are sometimes where I go, um, like, there's a joke.

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Speaker 1: But I know that you know that this is an

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Speaker 1: act out. I'm not trying to make you think that

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking of it right now. I know that my

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Speaker 1: delivery is part of the agreement we have as an

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Speaker 1: audience and a performer that you're not dumb and thinking

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Speaker 1: I'm coming up with this on my own. But there

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Speaker 1: are some comedians that really do try. First of all,

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Speaker 1: they laughed so hard at all of their jokes, which

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Speaker 1: I get it. Sometimes my own jokes that I've heard

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Speaker 1: before will make me laugh. Sometimes it's it's it's it's

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Speaker 1: something that happens, but it doesn't happen every time, and

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Speaker 1: if it does for comic There's another thing I was

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Speaker 1: thinking of before you went on that refront. But there's

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Speaker 1: another thing that comedians do that really bothers me. What

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Speaker 1: the funk is? It? Just the acknowledging, the telling the

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Speaker 1: crowd that they don't get something because of they said

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Speaker 1: something that didn't work, or oh when comedians go, um,

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Speaker 1: so I was on tinder. Uh, do you guys know

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Speaker 1: what tender is? Well, for those of you who don't know,

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Speaker 1: tender is an app where you pretty much and they

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Speaker 1: explain something, but everyone else because they have a joke

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Speaker 1: within the explanation. Now here's the thing. Just do the joke.

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Speaker 1: Don't set up this false like, uh pretense for why

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Speaker 1: you knew you need to explain what like do you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about? It's all I also love

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Speaker 1: the just tell it. Don't waste our time by going

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Speaker 1: for those of you who don't know um and I

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Speaker 1: hate the joke. Give me a punch line, Just tell

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Speaker 1: me a punch line. She sucked my dick, and she

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Speaker 1: sucked my dick. I'll say that again, she sucked my dick.

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Speaker 1: It's like we heard it the first time. You have

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Speaker 1: a microphone. A lot of comics dude that too. And

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Speaker 1: it is all fluff. It's all filler. And then like

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Speaker 1: the profound thing when they thought, when they're like, we

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Speaker 1: gotta go to break, they say something like and then

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Speaker 1: the cheese was in all of us. Well, that is

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Speaker 1: just another thing altogether of like hitting, like patting yourself

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Speaker 1: on the back for some profundity that you bestowed upon

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Speaker 1: us peasants. And then it made me realize people they're fragile. Well,

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Speaker 1: the way you just pause just then, it made me

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Speaker 1: feel like you were telling me a secret that was

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Speaker 1: just for me, you know it, And you know the

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Speaker 1: way I feel about it is maybe we all should

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Speaker 1: just go to break. We'll be right back with the news.

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Speaker 1: Speaking of jokes, yeah, um, you walked in today to

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Speaker 1: start the pod. Thank you for getting me a coffee.

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Speaker 1: By the way, don't tell the people that I did that.

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Speaker 1: It was really nice of you. Know. I don't want

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Speaker 1: people to drive over to my hotel in the morning

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Speaker 1: to do the podcast and I and you get me

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Speaker 1: a coffee before you go, and it's just nice and

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Well, you, I was showing you a

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Speaker 1: TikTok and then I looked at your phone and I

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Speaker 1: could see you were in the middle of writing out

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Speaker 1: a bit. And I know when you're writing a bit

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Speaker 1: because it's on your notes, and I know going to

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Speaker 1: see it on Instagram pretty soon, maybe unless I know

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do it. Literally, you've never once, God,

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Speaker 1: I haven't really, Yeah, I have if I really feel

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Speaker 1: like it's definitely gonna make the act h and I

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Speaker 1: already know that. I think it's funny. I won't test it.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I just go to Instagram to test it and

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Speaker 1: then I take it down. You don't get to go

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Speaker 1: on stage for so long. How are you going to

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Speaker 1: sit on that it'll be to Yeah, I I know

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Speaker 1: you too. Well. I'm not posting this one really, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to well, can you tell us about it? Sure? Okay,

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Speaker 1: well let's just keep it for the podcast listeners and

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Speaker 1: then like it at home. Yeah, I just like it

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Speaker 1: and just double tap the screen right now. No, I

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Speaker 1: have an idea. My grandma. So we all know my

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Speaker 1: grandma died. She was a hundred, Grandma Shirley. I think

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Speaker 1: a quick joke there could be something like my grandma

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Speaker 1: she she died, she was a hundred. I know, it's

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Speaker 1: wild she was around when Blockbuster was here or something

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Speaker 1: like not that long ago. You know, it could be

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Speaker 1: funny like she was around when the Crown nut for

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Speaker 1: came out. That's good. Then it might maybe it's bad.

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Speaker 1: Do you mind if I just mentioned things like as

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Speaker 1: if we brainstorm as we go, is it it would be?

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Speaker 1: I would if I would to do that joke, which

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Speaker 1: I love, I would think I would go, my grandma's

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Speaker 1: a hundred. She was around when the first autumoble, like

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Speaker 1: like a real one, and then then start listening. It

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Speaker 1: might not even be. That might not even be the

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Speaker 1: right way to do it. You might be right to

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Speaker 1: just go right into it. You know what I should

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Speaker 1: do is say she was around when cars are around?

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Speaker 1: Do you guys know cars? Do you guys know who

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Speaker 1: cars are? Like? Cars have wheels like you're doing. I

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Speaker 1: was like, who's this guy? I don't like this at all.

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Speaker 1: I go, cars, man, fucking they're just us with wheels.

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Speaker 1: Engines are like our hearts and fucking the computer in there.

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Speaker 1: It's like our brains and are sucking. They're like a um.

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Speaker 1: I was kind of trying to think of the goddamn

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Speaker 1: thing that I said before, that that's the catalytic converter.

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Speaker 1: In the catalytic converter, it's just like our souls. Man, man, dude,

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Speaker 1: you just believe my fucking dick off. Um so so

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Speaker 1: um so. Yeah, that could be No, that could be funny.

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Speaker 1: Like I agree with that. I like, she was around

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Speaker 1: when fucking World War two and the invention the crow nut.

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Speaker 1: I love Blockbuster. Yeah, it's really funny. She was around

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Speaker 1: when the first Blockbuster, you know, just like she like,

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Speaker 1: she was around when Blockbuster was like I think just

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Speaker 1: because first Blockbuster kind actually like really lean into it

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Speaker 1: because the hundreds insanely old. I mean, what does that

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Speaker 1: place her when she was born in the nineteen twenties,

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Speaker 1: which is like a common time. I remember grandma's always

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Speaker 1: are born in nies like my grandma's were. But my

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Speaker 1: grandma's died so long ago they didn't reach it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what a loser. Okay, keep going with your joke. Someone's day.

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Speaker 1: My grandma lived thirty years too long, but she was

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Speaker 1: fucking until seven or am, like the whole night she

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Speaker 1: she fucked, I think until she stop breathing. Well, there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of things about my grandma. She would fuck

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Speaker 1: a guy to death pretty much. Uh, and then and

400
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Speaker 1: then she would start taking a guy that looks exactly

401
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Speaker 1: like or make him look exactly like the guy that

402
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Speaker 1: she was sucking before, make him grow a white mustache.

403
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Speaker 1: I think she had one guy diet it was, or

404
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Speaker 1: maybe became white for me in that old ass. I

405
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Speaker 1: don't know. Oh my god, I'm really worried. I'm worried

406
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Speaker 1: about your grandmother staying wet, Like did your grandmother use lube?

407
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Speaker 1: You think? Because how are you getting wet at that age?

408
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: I mean, it just seems impossible to me. But it

409
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Speaker 1: also makes me sad to think of a grandma being

410
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Speaker 1: like can I get that lube? Like waing to the

411
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Speaker 1: pharmacist for lou But the guys like for your pussy. No,

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Speaker 1: my wrists, oh my arthritis, Oh no, my pussy is

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00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,440
Speaker 1: still good. Just like like lube always has like hard

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Speaker 1: packaging and she would have to like unscrew it and

415
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Speaker 1: like squirt it in her hand. It just makes me

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Speaker 1: sad scissors out of that plastic. My friend Lizzie used

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Speaker 1: to have a bit about um I said, I think

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Speaker 1: I did. Lizzie Kuberman tooke the other day too, about

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Speaker 1: she gets really sad when she sees things on menus

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Speaker 1: that old people have to read, like she gets nervous

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Speaker 1: for them, like if she sees like she just doesn't

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Speaker 1: ever want to witness an elderly person being like I'll

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Speaker 1: have the Hollepenio papers. Like she doesn't want the like

424
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: waste their life saying something dumb. Oh I see, I

425
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: thought they were worried that it would kill her. She

426
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: just doesn't like the like the dumb names that like that,

427
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 1: you know, like I would feel embarrassed for my grand

428
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: mother to like be like, um, can I have one

429
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 1: ticket to spike kids? Three three D? We expect more,

430
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: like you have to say the whole name and you're

431
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 1: just like, oh, it's so embarrassing. They have to like

432
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 1: even read this thing, like they should be like spending

433
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: their time doing other things than having to like do

434
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 1: our stupid modern lingo or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, it's like

435
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 1: me saying like fucking fire fired in fire fire. Yeah.

436
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 1: Like there was a guy on Perfect Strangers three who

437
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 1: said or two, God damn it, this is what happens

438
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: when Yeah, he said he said some girl was fire,

439
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: and I thought he said fine, like I'm old, Oh okay,

440
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 1: she's fine. He was like fire and I was like,

441
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 1: oh god, I'm fucking old. Everyone was like fire Lady

442
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: was big for a while. Yeah, there's some words now

443
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 1: that yeah, they don't you know, you don't hit It's okay.

444
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's gonna be some things on the menu

445
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 1: one day. It's like the eminem skillet. I don't know

446
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 1: something I can't think. Yeah, but like even sometimes I

447
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: go to a comedy club and they're like, we might

448
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: name a drink after you, like the Glazers Surprised or

449
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: like Glazer or something like it's just come on the rocks.

450
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: And I just would be so embarrassed that someone would

451
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: have to the drink they want. They would have to say,

452
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: I'll have the Nikki Glazer barely nowhere, like they have

453
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:34,360
Speaker 1: to say the whole name is just like let them

454
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: just order the fucking vodka soda drink. It should just

455
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 1: be the one drink, not on the like like the

456
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: one not even an adult I'm talking just straight said

457
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: diet coke. Yeah, straight celts straight from the gun. It

458
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: would be like two lemons with celts and like maybe

459
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 1: a scirt of like some cram. If you simple all

460
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: these sandwiches after people, they throw in things that shouldn't

461
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: even be in the sandwich just to make it original.

462
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: I think I could make a pretty good thing for

463
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 1: a menu, like a drinkerwich. You definitely have taken so

464
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: many of my food probivities and said that they they

465
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 1: work my dream sandwich. Actually your food, Yeah, your food. Yeah,

466
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 1: what's okay? If you do a sandwich, what's you're on

467
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 1: your sand Let me and I'm thinking about the people,

468
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,360
Speaker 1: because for me, I'm not really for you. It's a

469
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 1: piece of lettuce sucking some dogship. Okay, I'll make a sandwich.

470
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: That's an impossible burger. Okay, yesterday you were not like it.

471
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: You didn't know because it was too meaty. I didn't

472
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 1: like that hair on there. I couldn't. I don't I

473
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 1: want to know that my meat is not meat. I

474
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: don't like it to made me taste test that you

475
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 1: didn't know because it was, and I could I couldn't

476
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: go back to it because I was like, I don't

477
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 1: believe it. It's just it's it's impossible that this one

478
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 1: you thought it was a possible burger. It made me

479
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 1: feel like animals had to have been harmed. I said,

480
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: someone at least kicked a dog when they put together

481
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 1: this veggie patty. An animal was hurt in making this.

482
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: It tastes too good to not be that the animals

483
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 1: made Jed was like yeah, and I was like, well,

484
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: they got a job, don't they. But they're but they're

485
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: child animals. Oh yeah, yeah, they're little baby calfs. So okay,

486
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 1: I guess my sandwich would be. Um, I mean, do

487
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: you want Can I just do my fucking quiz nos order? Yeah,

488
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: but give it a little bit of yeah, okay, so

489
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 1: quiz nos right, you go there, Yeah, but don't white

490
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: bread okay, or wheat, but go with white and you're

491
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: gonna get it toasted, of course, because it's quiz nos.

492
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 1: Um No, you're not going to quizz nos. What mean

493
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 1: you swich? Okay, my bad, I'm sorry, you're like a

494
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: deli or something. Okay, white bread, Um, let's do. I'm

495
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: gonna put on some Swiss cheese. I like a Swiss.

496
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: I know that's not you don't. No, I don't like

497
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: holes together close together. P phobia. Trypophobia Swiss cheese. Then

498
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 1: we're gonna put some turkey that has like the brown

499
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 1: on the outside so that you can see that it's

500
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: been carved. Right. Then we are going, yeah, peppery turkey Swiss.

501
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: We're gonna fucking load some enough let us on there.

502
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: That looks like a goddamn salad on top. So much

503
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,479
Speaker 1: this hasn't been done. I've seen brand on top of

504
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 1: the salad. You're telling me there's gonna be a salad.

505
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: I used to tell the guy I used to go

506
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: to Quizmas, and I'd say, I know this sound put

507
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: more let us on the salad, on the sandwich than

508
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 1: you think anyone would ever want. And they used to

509
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: laugh at me. I'd say, put your hand in the tub,

510
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 1: open it like a claw, like a claw game that

511
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: like where you're getting toys. I'd say, now, put your

512
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: hand all the way in. Now close it, and then

513
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 1: he would have a huge lump and I'd be like,

514
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: now do that three times and I was like, I

515
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: know you're gonna have to get more salad out. I'm

516
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: really sorry. But or lettuce, Oh yeah, so everyone knows.

517
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 1: I like shredded let so much shred let, and then

518
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: any kind of Italian dressing. And then I want you

519
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 1: to sprinkle a significant dusting of a regano and then

520
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: and then I think that's it. I mean, and also

521
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 1: some pepper chinis, banana peppers, if you will, um, some

522
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: purple onions. Myn is that this sandwich was already from

523
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: what I remember was on the menu except for the

524
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: extra sal I'm putting on so much a regano that

525
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: it's criminal you forgot. You didn't get me too. I'm

526
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: putting on so much a regano that the whole thing

527
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: like they you know, when they sprinkled on. I say,

528
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: it's Christmas, It's Christmas Eve, and you want the ground

529
00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: to be like sing jingle bells as you sprinkled the regano. Okay,

530
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: I want to extra like spicy like that, and then

531
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: um is watering so much even thinking about it. The bread,

532
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: and I want you to take the olives and I

533
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: want you to throw them out in the alley because

534
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,959
Speaker 1: I don't even want my sandwich made around the smell

535
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 1: or concept of an olive. But you like olive oil, sure,

536
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: because it doesn't taste like olives. I know, isn't that weird?

537
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: It's very weird, is it really? You know? I don't

538
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: want my olive oil fucked hard. I don't want to.

539
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: I want it to be slutty as fuck, slotty olive oil.

540
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: What was her name? Yeah, she slutty olive oil. She

541
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: was very Yeah, I'm worried about her. She definitely wasn't

542
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: eating anything of her. Popeye fisted her with those four arms.

543
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: Oh my god, stretch that bitch out. Um. Anyways, Yes,

544
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: and my grandma, No, we don't think, but I like

545
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: I came. No, I got two jokes out of it,

546
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 1: the blackbuster and the and what's your grandma died before

547
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: we get to the news. Okay, So then my grandma

548
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: the dementia. So my grandma had dementia right before she died,

549
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 1: and then she had sex with a guy that was

550
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: married who also had dementia. So it was the perfect crime.

551
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: They could do it every day. It was like groundhog Day.

552
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: It was like we could do a joke on Groundhog Day.

553
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: You were a great you were kind of working. You

554
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: didn't This was came up in conversation the other day,

555
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 1: but you said something like, perfect, you cheated. You cheated,

556
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 1: and you go did I like, if you get accused

557
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: of it, you just go. Did I really know what?

558
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: I caught you in that room three minutes ago? You did?

559
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 1: Who are you? What's my dame? I used to say that, Mike.

560
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 1: I used to have a joke about my about how

561
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: when I get black out drunk, I forget everything and

562
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: my my grandma got black out old or something about dementia,

563
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 1: being like we feel so bad for like when you

564
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 1: get black out when you're drinking, people are like you

565
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: piece of ship. But when your grandma's like, I don't

566
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: remember what happened last night, You're just like, we don't

567
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: talk to grandma about what happened last night. We act

568
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: like it's it's she sucked a frat guy at sucking

569
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: game with samba. Yeah, my my, yeah, she has blackout demand.

570
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: There's some kind of joke I had about that. Um yeah,

571
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: I love that joke and then um the perfect crime,

572
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: and then the idea of being like, so my grandma died.

573
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: Everyone says when their grandparents dies, right or like someone dies,

574
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: they start seeing them in things like, Oh, I saw

575
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 1: my grandpa in the clouds and it made me think, oh,

576
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: a butterfly landing on my shoulder and my annoying and

577
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: help me when I was sad. It's always positive a

578
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: one time. I just want to be like, Oh, I

579
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 1: saw my grandma's initials and a ship I took. I

580
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: think she was saying, don't flush me, let's hang out

581
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: a while, like something like just like it's always something

582
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: like profound and I'm just like, and it could be ship,

583
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: it could be something else, like something. It would be

584
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: funny if your grandma's name was like like if it

585
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: was ship, like what could the ship be? Like every

586
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 1: ship looks like some kind of letter. It could be

587
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 1: like it was just a bunch of it was dots,

588
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: like it was Dottie was her name, Like her name

589
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: was log yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, Dortharea. Her name

590
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: was Shirley. And I was like, surely this ship is

591
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:38,399
Speaker 1: big or you can just say her name was ship,

592
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 1: but yeah, no, I like that, Yeah, like some because

593
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: a lot of times people see it and things that

594
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: aren't even like oh this yes, And the weirdest thing

595
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: is so I fucking I was talking about this bit

596
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 1: with Ari last night, actually, just randomly. I was like,

597
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: we remember we used to run bits on each other,

598
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 1: Like that's something that was really fun when you an

599
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: open micer you just talked about before your friends with Nier. Yeah, yeah,

600
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 1: I forget. Yeah, I haven't read a joke in six years,

601
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 1: so um no you run jokes by me. I'm very

602
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:15,439
Speaker 1: I'm better about it now. So fucking two minutes later,

603
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: I get an article that's in my feet about a

604
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 1: butterfly of a woman saying I'm always wanted to be

605
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: a yellow butterfly and the guy is sitting there with

606
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: a yellow butterfly on his shoulder, and I swear to god,

607
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 1: I didn't see that article when I write, and it's like,

608
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 1: to do you think it was your phone listening to

609
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: trying to sell you a butterfly? I guess it was

610
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 1: telling me and ruined this guy for his mom in

611
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: a yellow butterfly. Now I love that. I love when

612
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 1: people die and you can look for things because it's

613
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 1: almost like tarot cards, you know, like I don't believe

614
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 1: in psychics and all that stuff, but it just it

615
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 1: allows you to process your feelings, even if it like

616
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 1: I used to, I used to be very skeptical about it,

617
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 1: in cynical and just like, oh really, so every time

618
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: you see a penny, you think your dad's talking to

619
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,480
Speaker 1: you because there's a penny on the ground. It's just like,

620
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: but you know what, what a beautiful thing to be

621
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: able to look at the world that way and be

622
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: reminded of someone who's lost and like have and you

623
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 1: know it's not your dad talking to you. But guess what,

624
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 1: you get to think about your dad? So what's the

625
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 1: harm in that? It could be a quarter? Though? You

626
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, that's also the joke. The

627
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: joke is like, like why don't we make it a

628
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 1: better like a piece of money or like something bigger

629
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: than a button. The dad's name is always like the

630
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 1: mom's name's penny or something. You know what I'm saying,

631
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: it should be God. Cynical is so funny though, you

632
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Just being cynical. Yeah, yeah, I

633
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: mean that's what being a comedian is, being cynical. But

634
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: I just remember when Conan left the Tonight show, he

635
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: did this really poignant speech about like how everyone's so

636
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: upset about him getting sucked over by Jay Leno and

637
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: all this stuff, and he's like, I don't of of everything,

638
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 1: like I'm grateful for this, please if I'm like, he

639
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: just made the same and he said, don't be cynical.

640
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,359
Speaker 1: No one needs more cynics. It's one of the most

641
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 1: boring things you can be. And I've always remembered that

642
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 1: and been like, when I find myself being too cynical,

643
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: and I love Conan so much. He could tell me

644
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,439
Speaker 1: to fucking do anything, and I would you know, he's

645
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 1: like Sam Harris of comedy for yeah, he would have said,

646
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,919
Speaker 1: like being cynical is the coolest thing ever. I would

647
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 1: have been I would be saying singing a different tune

648
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:24,280
Speaker 1: right now. But I just I just trust his judgment,

649
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:26,240
Speaker 1: and he says, I think he can be a fairly

650
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 1: cynical guy at times, and I think that it's in

651
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: your best interests to try to stay out of that lane,

652
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 1: even though much like another thing that I love doing

653
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 1: that I really wish I could just completely expunge from

654
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: my being is gossiping, is talking about someone when they're

655
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 1: not there in a way that I wouldn't talk about

656
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 1: when they're there, because it's like lying. If you never gossip,

657
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,280
Speaker 1: you never have to worry about getting caught for saying

658
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: something about someone or getting you know, like, you just

659
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: live an authentic life. And I never thought I'd want

660
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: to live a life where you don't gossip, because gossiping

661
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 1: is so fun. It's like connects me to so many people.

662
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: It's what like actually has been. Gossip is such a

663
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: currency to be like do you like me? I have

664
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 1: this really juicy thing? Will will you like me more

665
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:09,919
Speaker 1: if we talk about about this thing that we both

666
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: hate and you can bond with people over that. And

667
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: it's just like such a sad way to connect with people,

668
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 1: but it's something that I have a tendency to rely on.

669
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 1: When I get insecure about making connections with people, I go,

670
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: if someone really intimidates me, I'm like, I know that

671
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: I can connect with this person because usually the person

672
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: that's intimidating to me is someone who's probably very scary

673
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: and not nice. They're usually not a nice person, So

674
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 1: I go, oh, I guess what they will probably want

675
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: to do? Talk some fucking ship. Now let me find

676
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: a common enemy with that person and we create a

677
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 1: bond and it's a it's a it's a trait that

678
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to like get out of my system. But

679
00:38:48,960 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 1: let's take a break and we're backs. You heard it

680
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 1: your first, folks, not late, not for the second first

681
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 1: you heard you know the song. Sometimes I'm hearing this

682
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 1: news for the third time from from us. About every

683
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 1: article today, I saw someone else I can't wait to

684
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:21,359
Speaker 1: comment about. Honestly, no I have been kind of like

685
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: earmuffs on that because it's so upsetting. So I hope

686
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: we're not talking about it today because I'd like to

687
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: stay in the dark because there's something I can do

688
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 1: about it, and I feel out of control and I'm

689
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: really really sad for everyone. Know, everything's fine. Oh god, Okay,

690
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: it's Wednesday, folks. You know what that means. It is Wednesday.

691
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 1: I hope you're having all the swells out there because

692
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: of my speech impediment and my ability not to put

693
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: words or sentences together or know what letters are. Noah's

694
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 1: going to take it away, take away your ability and

695
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: my job. Thanks a lout. Noah, that is not the bath.

696
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: That is absolutely not why I'm doing the news. This

697
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: is going to be a temporary thing. No, it's not.

698
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: Fields pretty permanent alright, First, okay, a high speed chase

699
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 1: of a stolen San Diego party bus ends in a

700
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: crash on an l A freeway. I did not hear this.

701
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: Did you hear the story? I saw the actual scene.

702
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:26,720
Speaker 1: Really it would be funny. Was it one man driving

703
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 1: a party bus? I don't know. I didn't look into

704
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: it because I felt like this might be a story.

705
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: So here's what happened. A woman who allegedly stole the

706
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 1: party bus in San Diego County let authorities on a

707
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 1: freeway chase for over an hour. It ended when she

708
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 1: slammed into the rear of a sedan, then quickly surrendered.

709
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: The owner of the limo company said that a driver

710
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 1: was picking up a client and when he got out,

711
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 1: this woman jumped in and stole the party bus. Is

712
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 1: it a party bus if the party's not there? And

713
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: I'm not bigging it, I know that sounds like a

714
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,399
Speaker 1: regular bus. If it's just empty, it's just a woman

715
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 1: in a car at the end of the day. But

716
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:12,439
Speaker 1: it's funny. But it's funnier party size hummus by yourself. Yeah,

717
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: it's sad. It doesn't feel like or a family size,

718
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 1: and it's just a reminder that you don't have one.

719
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: My buddy Casey had a joke about that about how

720
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: pancakes cooking them alone it's the saddest food because it's

721
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: like it's not even there's not even a direction on

722
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 1: the back of if you're making pancakes for one, it's

723
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:35,839
Speaker 1: always two to four. I guess, I guess I'll just

724
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: cut it in a half. I forget his joke. It

725
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: was really but well, it's we're funnier to think of

726
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 1: like a bachelor party or bad party to do what

727
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: she wanted to get away from, Like what was her goal?

728
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:50,879
Speaker 1: I feel like this woman just some people just are

729
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: our cuckoo and she just saw an opportunity right place,

730
00:41:55,160 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 1: right time, party bus she Yeah, I mean it's possible.

731
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 1: She's just crazy. She stumbles in doesn't even really why

732
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: would they do a high speech chase. Just let her

733
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: go and find it later because hide speech chases. When

734
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: they follow these people, it causes so much mayhem and

735
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: also like other people getting hurt, you know, and when

736
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: you chase someone, they start going through stop lights and

737
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,919
Speaker 1: we have helicopters like over them there we know where

738
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 1: they're going, like, what are we doing? What are we like?

739
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 1: There's a lot of those in l A. And you

740
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 1: whenever there's one, I'm in l A and I am

741
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,399
Speaker 1: somewhere where I see it going down live like I'll

742
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 1: be enough, and I don't know bank or something, and

743
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 1: it's on the TV. I look away because you oftentimes

744
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 1: you see those people do some really gruesome things. And

745
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of live footage of people either

746
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 1: killing themselves or being flowed. There was one recently where

747
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 1: a guy got flung off and his body flew like

748
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 1: a fucking rag dollar. Yes, did you see that one? Yeah?

749
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 1: I didn't even I couldn't watch the end of it

750
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 1: because it was so horrific. But um, you joining the

751
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 1: police force they let him in different different ending Yeah,

752
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,240
Speaker 1: um okay, Well I like the story. I think it's

753
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 1: um right place, right time. Okay, let's say this. You're

754
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,760
Speaker 1: in the party bus, you're drinking, you're having some fucking

755
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: some glazers but actually with liquor in there. You see

756
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: his lady take over. How do you get the lady

757
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: to stop the But what do you do? Do you

758
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: try to do you try to fucking knock her out

759
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:30,439
Speaker 1: and take over the bus. Um. She just she's she's

760
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: just going crazy and like being in the gas. Yeah,

761
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 1: I don't know what you do. I mean, honestly, I

762
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: would keep partying and let it. For a woman, I

763
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: gotta say i'd be feel like a little bit more

764
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 1: inclined to knock her out, try to like physically over

765
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: take her because as a man, men's strength scares the

766
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: funk out of me. And I just don't I don't

767
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 1: understand it. It's different than ours and a woman. I

768
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 1: just feel like, Okay, I'm dealing with someone who has

769
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,879
Speaker 1: like the same kind of equipment I've got. Probably try

770
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: to like blindfold her so that she would then like

771
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: feel so like she couldn't keep driving fast, right, Because

772
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: I feel like if you're driving and someone blindfolds you,

773
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 1: you're gonna just like take your foot off the gas

774
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: because you're like, oh, I can't see Suddenly you're like,

775
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 1: guess who do you know? Me? From Netflix? It's like

776
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 1: we're dying here. I put on jar rules, living it up,

777
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 1: and I blasted roll out dude, uh, because there's nothing

778
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,799
Speaker 1: more embarrassing than punching like if you went to save

779
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: the day and you hit a man and he just goes, thanks,

780
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 1: you got me more redd up, Like like that's so embarrassed.

781
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: I'd rather die almost in the embarrassed. Why when women,

782
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't mean to get grim, but when

783
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 1: you're like the the idea of a man trying to

784
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 1: overpower me to do something to me, me trying to

785
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 1: bite him or hurt him in any way is terrifying

786
00:44:53,520 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: because you might land one good like annoying punch. Just

787
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 1: ignore it. No One's like a bath Noah is like

788
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 1: getting attacked by a ghost. I think she's running an

789
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 1: experiment with tossing flying squirrel. I have no idea what

790
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: happened to Noah, but she ended up in a bathtub

791
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 1: with a ridiculous angle. I don't know what's going on

792
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,959
Speaker 1: with you. Are you okay, dude? This is I'm coming

793
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 1: in here with my phone because my internet is out.

794
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 1: So she's keep you guys on track and monitoring hard

795
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 1: right now, like just like very close up weird angle

796
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: like breathing if you're on the if you're on YouTube's bus,

797
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,399
Speaker 1: I mean, it's wild. Just keep going like that woman

798
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,359
Speaker 1: in the party bus Okay, let's go to the next

799
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: news story. All right, this one I picked specifically for Andrew. Thanks,

800
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 1: thanks for taking my job. And a teenager has legs

801
00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 1: and all of his fingers amputated at the eating leftover

802
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 1: noodles that triggered a potentially fatal condition that one fish

803
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: his legs and all of his fingers. He had sepsis, right,

804
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 1: which is a tough word for me to die from.

805
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 1: It's called I can't say it's called. I think it's

806
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: called mening gititis, which caused meningitis. Meningitis, Are you okay?

807
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 1: You know there's a tea in there too, Okay, okay, meningtingitis,

808
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: It's okay. So it caused the stiff neck, nausea, respiratory collapse, shock,

809
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 1: and multi and multi organ failure in a skin rush.

810
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 1: What was in the noodles? What's going on with these

811
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: news His roommate also threw up after eating the leftover food,

812
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: but fingers fall off, so one throughout the other one's

813
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: limbs started falling off. Oh ship, God, damn, I mean

814
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 1: you hear of all this is? I remember reading one

815
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: story about someone's zip blinding in Mexico and they like

816
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: nicked their knee, like just got a little cut and

817
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,839
Speaker 1: then went jumping in a lake or something and they

818
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:08,840
Speaker 1: got back to your infection and then their skin starts

819
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: rotting quickly and then they die of like some all.

820
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 1: I mean, I watched all these YouTube videos that are

821
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 1: completely geared towards me, of like the woman with no thumbs,

822
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: and the man who can't the man who is allergic

823
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 1: to light, and just all the like the sisters who

824
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,879
Speaker 1: can't see the color red, and it's just all these

825
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: stories about people who just one day they ate some

826
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 1: fucking noodles and all and last time I thought of it,

827
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 1: I was having some kind of like pain, like a

828
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 1: very acute pain in the back of my head that

829
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 1: felt like it was so acute, like a little cutie pain.

830
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 1: I was really proud of using the word a cute,

831
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 1: by the way, because it was so perfectly what I

832
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,239
Speaker 1: was describing. And then you fucked it up. But it

833
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: was a good joke. But I I gotta say, no,

834
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: it's no, no, I wasn't doing it. I was just

835
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 1: proud of myself because I described it in a way

836
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: that it really was. So why did I make you

837
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: think of me? Because I thought I would think they

838
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: had the thought of, like, oh, because it was a

839
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 1: new pain that I've never felt, you know, like I'm

840
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 1: used to getting fucking migraines and acute pain all over

841
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 1: my face in different places and it's fine. But it

842
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 1: was on the back of my head, and I thought,

843
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 1: I can see how this would cause you to go,

844
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 1: what the funk is this? This is the beginning of

845
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: a new stage of my life. This is the this

846
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: is the little thing that makes me go hut and

847
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 1: then cut two months later, I have a fucking cancer,

848
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: you know, like that because there wasn't to be one.

849
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: Of course, knock on wood for sucking all of this.

850
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: Knock on woodknock on one. But um, but there Isn't

851
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 1: it weird to me that I guess it's not weird?

852
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 1: But I always think when it comes to I guess

853
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 1: cancer really, like what's the first sign? You know, Like,

854
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 1: is it just you get up fast, too fast and

855
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: you're a little bit dizzy? Is it? Oh? My arm

856
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: kind of like I brew like there's a bruise there

857
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 1: that I don't recognize, like it does. It does have

858
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 1: to start minor. There's it's rare that something starts just huge.

859
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 1: That's why you get it earlier, And it made me realize,

860
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: Oh if this, if I were slightly different when it

861
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: comes to my anxieties, this would be really hard to

862
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 1: deal with because it would make me like the way

863
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 1: that I kind of catastrophize being in a car and

864
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 1: on a two lane highway, and imagine all the things

865
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 1: that could happen are the same way your brain goes

866
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: to when you're starting to feel like a new pain. Yeah,

867
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 1: like is that what it used to be? Like? What

868
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: if it ends up being terminal brain cancer that you

869
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: could have caught but you ignored it because you're cynic

870
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: about checking it out? I but do you feel like

871
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: an idiot? Would you would? You're no, I'm not saying

872
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 1: you because I don't think that you would get this

873
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 1: looked at, Like every pain that you get, do you

874
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 1: get looked at? Now? Well, I'm afraid that's I would

875
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 1: rather live a life that of those little things that

876
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:22,879
Speaker 1: I get all day long, a little like following up

877
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 1: on all of those would rob me of a life

878
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 1: being waiting rooms. I would be on hold with doctors

879
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 1: and insurance companies. I would rather wait till something is

880
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,399
Speaker 1: you know, I'm aware enough of my body that like, yeah,

881
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 1: if I'm shipping blood for like four weeks, I'm gonna

882
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 1: go probably call some or Google. I'm just kidding now

883
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: if I'm you know, if it's I feel like I

884
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't let something go so far that I'm like, oh

885
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: my god, if I would have just caught it. Now

886
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 1: that being said, I do think that there are things

887
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,280
Speaker 1: that don't even show pain that you should be getting

888
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 1: checked up on that I wouldn't be able to know

889
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 1: unless I did go to the doctor and get checked.

890
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 1: But I think for breast, when do you start have

891
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 1: to get your boobs put in the flattening machine, the

892
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:14,960
Speaker 1: pancake machine, I think, yeah, I think it's forty. And

893
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: then colonoscopies. Aren't those forty? Are you? I've had already

894
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: three of them. Have you had one since you turned forty? No,

895
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,879
Speaker 1: I gotta get I'm due probably pretty soon here. When

896
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 1: you when you get a clean bill, the more you

897
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:32,799
Speaker 1: get clean, the longer you can wait. But yeah, I mean,

898
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: you know all these things, A lot of these things

899
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 1: are preventative. What will you do if you get a

900
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 1: weird new pain? Now? I just want to ask, and

901
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 1: with no judgment, like, if you get do you google

902
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:45,719
Speaker 1: it first, what do you do? I don't know at

903
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 1: this point. I don't go down that rabbit hole that

904
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 1: I used to I used to fucking web m D things.

905
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,600
Speaker 1: I used to be that guy like I'd be like,

906
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: oh my god, my you know, I still I get

907
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:59,280
Speaker 1: numbness here when I sleep, you know, along my hand, Okay,

908
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: along the like pinky sad your hand, and sometimes it

909
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 1: would be my pointer finger. I remember in college. I

910
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 1: still remember like when it started happening. I like smoked

911
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 1: weed one night, and then the next day I started

912
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 1: getting numbness in my butt and then started in my hand,

913
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 1: and I didn't attribute it to like I attribute it

914
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:20,800
Speaker 1: all to the weed. Then, oh my god, this is

915
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 1: a crazy So I was hazing this kid by like

916
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 1: yelling at him, and was hazing this kid, and I

917
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 1: noticed I wasn't even hate him hard. I'm not. I

918
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 1: wasn't a big hat and I'm not just saying that.

919
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 1: I really was stomic wedgie. And I noticed my left

920
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: uh pinky was slightly numb. Listen how crazy my brain was.

921
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 1: So I'm yelling at him, but I'm not even yelling.

922
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 1: I'm probably like being like, hey, you like pretending to

923
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:50,919
Speaker 1: people think I'm tough. So he blows a snot rocket right,

924
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: and some of it goes in my mouth, which hates me.

925
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 1: Oh he got me good. That's a good move if

926
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:01,439
Speaker 1: you're getting hazed snot in someone's off. Then my brain

927
00:53:01,560 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 1: goes this guy has aids aids because I knew that

928
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 1: four girls or whatever. So my brain went to my

929
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 1: numbness isn't from the weed or from having a horrible

930
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 1: it's from the snot from this dirty kids wearing my

931
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,879
Speaker 1: high school class ring too tight. And that's and that's

932
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,760
Speaker 1: where my and then my brain and then for fucking

933
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 1: that makes sense, I mean, but that's just you know,

934
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: and then I just went down that rabbit hole for

935
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: fifteen years. You know, used to want diseases so badly

936
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 1: when I was a kid and want to be what

937
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: to give you sick or to be injured, or to

938
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: get a cast or to be go to the hospital.

939
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 1: I wanted. I wanted stuff so badly that now I

940
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: think that that's never gonna work, Like the things I

941
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 1: always hoped were going to be like really consequential and

942
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 1: have me get a lot of attention for being the

943
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 1: sick kid, or have a bunch of kids in my

944
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 1: class write a card. You know. I didn't think these

945
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 1: things through of like what the ramifications could be to

946
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 1: have leukemia, but I kind of was like, man, it

947
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:08,840
Speaker 1: would be cool to get that much attention because I

948
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: was starved for it as a kid. Clearly um that

949
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 1: now I think the disappointment of never it being as

950
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,359
Speaker 1: serious as I wanted to be. I just don't even

951
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: look up things anymore because I'm like, I do love

952
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,399
Speaker 1: the idea of like you getting cancer, now you do,

953
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 1: That's that's it, and and going to going to make

954
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 1: a wish. I mean, like so I would really I'd

955
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:36,439
Speaker 1: love to like they're like ma'am, like you're I mean,

956
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 1: am I too old? You're I hate to say this,

957
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 1: but year off by like five years, like like like

958
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,800
Speaker 1: just because like no, that is the saddest part about

959
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:48,720
Speaker 1: like what you're saying, Like the attention, Like the later

960
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:51,399
Speaker 1: on you get a disease, the less people really care. Yeah,

961
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:55,879
Speaker 1: I mean, how many times as a grandparents got oh,

962
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: well you're seventy years It's like no, I still don't

963
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 1: want yes, yes, it's yeah, and I it's been rare

964
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 1: that I've ever and so I still have that. It's

965
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:07,879
Speaker 1: it's a weird thing where I just go, it's never

966
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,759
Speaker 1: gonna be what it is because it never was. So

967
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 1: I just kind of assumed that I'm always going to

968
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 1: be kind of okay, and thank God for that. But

969
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: also I think there's somewhere in between the two of

970
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 1: us have like not checking up on things and being

971
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:24,839
Speaker 1: completely get blood work done like once every two years,

972
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:26,759
Speaker 1: and you should probably be able to figure out like

973
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 1: that's not a big thing, and then you don't have

974
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 1: to go what's this? You know, it kind of will

975
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,399
Speaker 1: tell you what's going on. Really never think what's this? Ever,

976
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 1: And last night I literally just thought I didn't think

977
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 1: what's this. I thought, oh, this is when Andrew says

978
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: what's this? I didn't even think what's this? But let's

979
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:47,120
Speaker 1: get out to our Wednesday wild Card segment. It's answer

980
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: the Internet. Let's do it. This is the game from

981
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: you know, bar stool, It's the kiss game you'll ever play.

982
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 1: This is a bunch of would you would you rather? Okay,

983
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:00,560
Speaker 1: here we go? You want to do of this just

984
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 1: this one time? Let's play it like like really really

985
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: play it, like we're on the show, like as fucking

986
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 1: serious as possible. I kind of want to see what

987
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 1: our answers would be. Okay, if you had to get

988
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 1: a lip tattoo, what would it say? That's actually kind

989
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 1: of a cool question. If I had to get a

990
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 1: lip tato, I'd get a lip. What I'd have lip?

991
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: The word lip? Yeah, Oh, that's kind of funny. I

992
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:32,279
Speaker 1: like that. I mean, I guess you could do that

993
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 1: with edging party part. I feel like it would say

994
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,240
Speaker 1: if lip, would you have lips? So it red lip?

995
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,799
Speaker 1: To someone who was reading it, when you pulled down

996
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,799
Speaker 1: your lip forward to you, would it say bill because

997
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 1: it would look like it would look like a lower

998
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 1: kisp actually or a low case D. I don't really

999
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 1: know which way we're looking at it. Lip is funny. Honestly,

1000
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 1: you should get that because the inside of the lip

1001
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 1: tattoo is the best tattoo to get because no one's

1002
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:00,040
Speaker 1: seeing it. That's never gonna be in in style to

1003
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 1: show the inside of your lip. I was always worried

1004
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 1: about tattoos on a red carpet if I was ever famous.

1005
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 1: What if I'm on a red carpet and I wanted

1006
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 1: that that part of your body is in style to show,

1007
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 1: and then I have a fucking you know, Dave Matthew's

1008
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 1: Spirit Dancer or whatever the funk that thing was. Um

1009
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: inside my lip, I would have vegan, ah because maybe

1010
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:23,959
Speaker 1: I would remind you some kind of Taylor swift lyric,

1011
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 1: but probably vegan because it would make me really commit

1012
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 1: to it when I start to go and I want

1013
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 1: to do this thing, and it's just I mean, who

1014
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 1: cares what you right in there? Really? I mean no,

1015
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 1: what would you have in there? I guess i'd have

1016
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 1: the word pointless. It's very long for your the n

1017
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 1: T L S puntless. I love that. I always just

1018
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 1: wanted to get the Chinese symbol for unoriginal. I wanted

1019
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: to get Chinese symbol, Chinese symbol, the Chinese symbol for

1020
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 1: Chinese symbol. Oh my god, we were kind of the

1021
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 1: same way. I actually went to a Chinese restaurant once

1022
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: and asked them, someone who spoke whatever version of Chinese

1023
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: Mandarin or whatever, what the symbol was for un original,

1024
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 1: and that we could not what it was everyone's doing.

1025
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 1: And I don't know. Um, okay, if you could have

1026
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 1: an endless supply of anything, what would it be? And

1027
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 1: let's let's say you can't say money. We know, um

1028
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 1: endless supply of anything. Yeah, m m hmmm. I would

1029
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 1: say I almost just said Oliplex conditioner because it's really

1030
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 1: but I and I ran out today, and I'm like,

1031
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 1: that's always something that I run out of. And then

1032
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:44,960
Speaker 1: I go by like the Walgreen's Best conditioner, which is

1033
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 1: all full of sulf faiths and ship that's bad for

1034
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 1: your hair. But then the other day, Robin, my hair girl,

1035
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 1: tells me that Olplex has like a fucking class action

1036
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 1: lawsuit of women, being like, my hair's fallen out, so

1037
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 1: I don't even know what's up. My favorite thing about

1038
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 1: you sometimes is that like your your Julie Glazer shows

1039
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:02,360
Speaker 1: and like could you have money? And then but like

1040
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 1: a question like this is like you're gonna want something

1041
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:09,960
Speaker 1: that's two dollars and ninety like forever, like like bucks

1042
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 1: for a little thing of that. Are you telling me

1043
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: that all the Bucks isn't expensive, because I'll tell you

1044
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 1: it's goddamn expensive. You are you so you think that

1045
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 1: no matter if I swear to God answer if I

1046
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 1: had a million dollars, I don't even think i'd buy

1047
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 1: all the Bucks that it's that ship is that's ridiculous. Nick,

1048
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 1: You just just dressing me. Who gives a ship? You know?

1049
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 1: You do? You know the stuff I get at t

1050
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:39,720
Speaker 1: J Max. That stuff is marked on I get on

1051
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 1: that tack. I'll tell you what, marshals, Yeah, you get

1052
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 1: you get some deals. Why did you not end up

1053
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 1: with your mother's voice? Because this is the best I

1054
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 1: am going to end up with my mother's place. You

1055
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 1: kidding me? It's going that way. If I just smoke

1056
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 1: a little bit more and just get a little bit

1057
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:01,000
Speaker 1: more tired of all the bullshit or around here, I'm

1058
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 1: gonna get it. You think I'm not gonna get my

1059
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 1: mother's voice, She's going to be a star. Bitches. You

1060
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: don't even understand. All right, let's keep going. What what

1061
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 1: would you have an endles supply of andrew um ship?

1062
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I wouldn't want it to be unhealthy. Uh

1063
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: m hmm. I guess, uh god? What do I? Oh?

1064
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 1: Golf fucking golf balls? Either golf balls or supply of

1065
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:34,120
Speaker 1: like of of Oh yeah, unlimited supply, unlimited supply of

1066
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 1: getting onto courses I would love to get on. Okay,

1067
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:38,560
Speaker 1: I don't even know that that's a thing, but okay,

1068
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 1: like a movie pass for golf courses and a flight

1069
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 1: pass and in a hotel. Know what, what about you?

1070
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 1: The first thing that came to mind, and now that

1071
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 1: I've had time to think of it, it's probably not

1072
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 1: a good idea. But the first thing that came to

1073
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 1: my mind was pets. And let's supply of pets. I

1074
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:01,360
Speaker 1: need to tell you, honey, but there are and you

1075
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 1: can go to any shelter and they will never stop

1076
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:11,800
Speaker 1: arriving exactly, or like I just want a lot of

1077
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 1: animals as pets. But that might be a bad idea.

1078
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:19,640
Speaker 1: I mean your house will turn like anyone that has

1079
01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 1: more than like four dogs your houses your Yeah, you're

1080
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:27,120
Speaker 1: not thinking that's really annoying to buy, like to go

1081
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 1: out and resupply and it just you could just like

1082
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:33,400
Speaker 1: Amazon Amazon, is this? You know? You're so right if

1083
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 1: you're like toilet paper, like anything that you need over

1084
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 1: and over again is annoying. I would say an endless

1085
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 1: supply of um because there's such a pain and they

1086
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 1: ask to go get and there they are not like

1087
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 1: they're they're good. Ones are expensive. I got one another

1088
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:55,400
Speaker 1: day that's lasted so long. It's so good. I've been

1089
01:01:55,400 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 1: doing it for a while. You know, A hundred bucks

1090
01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 1: and it's gonna last for today is probably the LAS

1091
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 1: day I'll get anything out of it. And I gotta,

1092
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:04,280
Speaker 1: you know, a supplement with salad hands and spray on,

1093
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 1: so I would say spray tans. Final thought, would you

1094
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 1: rather have cheeto fingers or wet socks for the next

1095
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:15,320
Speaker 1: twenty four hours? Have we done this one? It's familiar.

1096
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:19,800
Speaker 1: I don't think it depends if I'm gonna be fucking okay,

1097
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 1: you know, because you don't want to finger girl with

1098
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 1: cheeto hands, but um, although it tastes better when you

1099
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: go down on her, I don't know. I'm having weird

1100
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 1: thoughts over here. Uh. I would say I hate wet socks.

1101
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:35,720
Speaker 1: I fucking hate them. It sucks. It's disgusting. It sucks.

1102
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:39,080
Speaker 1: Cheeto fingers, that really sucks. And I gotta say that

1103
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 1: it's not just cheeto fingers. It's any kind of dusted cheesy,

1104
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 1: so you as finger sucker of your own fingers after

1105
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 1: you're used to be sure sure, but you know what,

1106
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,919
Speaker 1: you never really get that cheeto grime off. It's really

1107
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 1: like it's sometimes calcifies and then your fingers are wet

1108
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 1: and then you gotta wipe them on something and you're

1109
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:02,200
Speaker 1: gonna get that residue. It's so bad you think it over.

1110
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 1: That's gonna make me talk like this. Oh no, che

1111
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:14,160
Speaker 1: wet cheeto socks. Okay, one more question. If you could

1112
01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:16,320
Speaker 1: fight one person to the death and switch lives with

1113
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:19,720
Speaker 1: them if you win, who would you fight Giselle? Okay,

1114
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:23,240
Speaker 1: final answer, guys, thank you. So there's a new and

1115
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:25,360
Speaker 1: there's a new video of her doing jiu jitsu and

1116
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, this bitch could do everything. Yeah, man, she's Gizelle.

1117
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:32,919
Speaker 1: But now I want to today I just saw her

1118
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:34,920
Speaker 1: rolling around in a gee and I'm like, I want

1119
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 1: to know what you feel good. I guarantee she was

1120
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 1: called Gazelle when she was younger. Yeah, I would love

1121
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:44,120
Speaker 1: to be called a gazelle. Someone once said that to me,

1122
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 1: that I was a gazelle, like, and I was like,

1123
01:03:46,760 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 1: thank you, And I even said it makes me think

1124
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:51,960
Speaker 1: of Giselle, and they were like, no, that's not what

1125
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 1: I meant. Just Giselle is Gazelle. Who fucking like Giselle?

1126
01:03:57,560 --> 01:04:00,480
Speaker 1: I know It's like, I mean, I just Giselle just

1127
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 1: I think a perfect human. Yeah, and she's married to

1128
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 1: a guy that seems to really love her a lot

1129
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:06,000
Speaker 1: and now he's retired, has a lot of time to

1130
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 1: like hang out with her. He's not stressed all the time.

1131
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 1: It did watch her on that you know that that

1132
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 1: seventy three questions thing, where like the guys like, hey,

1133
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 1: so show me around your house. It's just like this

1134
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 1: pervy idiot was asking these dumb questions. And at one

1135
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:31,120
Speaker 1: point in the video she plays guitar. She's not good,

1136
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:33,960
Speaker 1: and it's like a model thinking she's good at like

1137
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 1: she's someone there's just certain people who get told they're

1138
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:42,439
Speaker 1: great at everything they do. And it was like, there's

1139
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 1: like this model confidence of playing guitar where she you

1140
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 1: can tell people have been like you're great. And then

1141
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:51,000
Speaker 1: it was just such a breath of fresh air to

1142
01:04:51,040 --> 01:04:55,840
Speaker 1: see her really just sucks so bad that it's like you, honestly,

1143
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 1: don't share this with anyone yet, have a little self awareness.

1144
01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 1: This is not something you should be proud of. And

1145
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 1: I say that as someone who's who knows. Every time

1146
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:07,160
Speaker 1: I go on Instagram live with people, I apologize the

1147
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:09,120
Speaker 1: whole time for being bad a guitar and I'm much

1148
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:12,680
Speaker 1: better than Gisel. Wasn't this video, But that's what it's

1149
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 1: like being a model and beautiful. Everyone just tells you

1150
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:17,160
Speaker 1: created everything. You don't really have a perception. So it's

1151
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,200
Speaker 1: not her fault. It's not. But I heard she's really

1152
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 1: good at banjo. I honestly, I cannot wait to show

1153
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:27,360
Speaker 1: Noah the jiu jitsu clip because I have a feeling

1154
01:05:27,440 --> 01:05:29,640
Speaker 1: she she also took one class and was like, this

1155
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:36,760
Speaker 1: is my new thing. Everyone very annoying. I can't wait.

1156
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 1: Can I know what? Can I just send it to

1157
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:41,120
Speaker 1: you and get your reaction right now, live on the

1158
01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 1: pod because I think it'll be worth I love the

1159
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 1: new thing person that is their person, Like, ah, no,

1160
01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:50,440
Speaker 1: I'm sending it to you in an Instagram. You ready?

1161
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:59,120
Speaker 1: I just sent it? Okay? I think it's jujitsu. God?

1162
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:08,120
Speaker 1: Any good? Well, she's probably flexible. It's like it's a

1163
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:12,800
Speaker 1: buzzy decord, right, Like this isn't It looks like she

1164
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:16,760
Speaker 1: has choo strips, so she does have some training going on.

1165
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:20,000
Speaker 1: I hate that her hair looks so good. That's what

1166
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:21,480
Speaker 1: bothered me too. I was like, oh my god, I

1167
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:23,240
Speaker 1: guess you can have long hair doing jiu jitsu. She

1168
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:27,560
Speaker 1: has like this fun, like beautiful, like soft braid, and

1169
01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:30,000
Speaker 1: the way they that they edited just shows her doing

1170
01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:32,120
Speaker 1: the move, not the transition to it, which is where

1171
01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 1: the awkwardness is. So okay, so oh no, it's not impressed.

1172
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:40,240
Speaker 1: Love it alright, guys, that was the show. Thank you

1173
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:48,360
Speaker 1: for listening, Don't be cut and Jacky Jack