1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 12 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: No matter what the situation, you have to be the 13 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: person in control. So you have to run the show 14 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: and not just the show. Every show, you have to 15 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: be the person in charge. Where you struggle with sharing 16 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: and delegating, and you may have some mean girl tendencies. 17 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 18 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 19 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 20 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 21 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 22 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our 23 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 24 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:39,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 25 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard, a 26 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,759 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 27 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 28 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 29 00:01:55,440 --> 00:02:00,919 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything vibroids 30 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 2: to fake friends, and create a safe space where black 31 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 2: women can just be. 32 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: Hey, Lady's doctor Dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. 33 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get 34 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 1: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a 35 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatingheirspace dot com and 36 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: click ask doctor dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday, 37 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random. 38 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,799 Speaker 1: Our quote of the day. With any kind of mean 39 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: girl or anyone who bullies anyone, there's always a reason 40 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: for it. There's that sadness in them or insecurity that 41 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: makes them feel like they need to act out or 42 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,080 Speaker 1: hurt other people. And this quote comes to us from 43 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: my era Walsh Team. I mean, just reading that quote, 44 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: I already had a million thoughts or running through my head. 45 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: When you hear that quote, what comes up for you? 46 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 2: You know what? Dom a lot comes up for me. 47 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 2: I think it's spot on, honestly, And I think that 48 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 2: this topic in general could be a loaded topic for 49 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 2: some because I think that many of us, you know, 50 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 2: we are wrong women listening to the podcast, right, we 51 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 2: have a lot of grown women that are listening, and 52 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 2: so there may have been times in our lives where 53 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: we were mean girls, and so this may be a 54 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 2: little reminder of, like, girl, remember when you used to 55 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 2: do this, did that? Or maybe you still a mean 56 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 2: girl you're trying to recover, or maybe you're one of 57 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 2: those women who were treated wrongly by mean girls, And 58 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: so it could be a little triggering thinking about, you know, 59 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 2: sometime in school where you know people were meaning to 60 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 2: you and girls just did you wrong. And so it 61 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 2: kind of reminds me of what they say about bullies 62 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 2: right in school. It's like they were usually molded at 63 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 2: home or they had something going on with them that 64 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 2: impacted the way that they treated other people. And so 65 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 2: I'm actually really excited to talk about this topic because 66 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: I think that people have been talking about it on 67 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,480 Speaker 2: social media a bit. And when you think about mean Girl, 68 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 2: many of us have seen the movie Mean Girls, right, 69 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 2: But the label mean Girls is an expression used to 70 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 2: describe girls or women who exhibit anti social behavior known 71 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 2: as relational aggression. Now, I's going to tell us a 72 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 2: little bit more about relational aggression. And this term was 73 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 2: popularized by the movie Mean Girls. So down, let's just 74 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 2: talk about relational aggression. What exactly is that? 75 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: So relational aggression is really about how you interact in 76 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: your interpersonal relationships, right, So what are the dynamics involved 77 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: in how you interact with other people? Right? And so 78 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:15,280 Speaker 1: relational aggression is truly about when you are intentionally harmful 79 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 1: or hurtful towards someone else within the context of your relationship. 80 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 2: Okay, now you know I'm going to ask for example, 81 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 2: can you give us an example, like, what does that 82 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 2: look like in action relational aggression? 83 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: So if we reference the movie Mean Girls, right, that's it. 84 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,599 Speaker 1: I think adolescent relational aggression is one that we can 85 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:43,160 Speaker 1: easily call to mind. So, like in the movie Mean Girls, 86 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 1: when you have this group of girls and they say, okay, 87 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: you can't sit at this table with us because you're 88 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,160 Speaker 1: not dressed a certain way or you don't talk a 89 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: certain way, right, So we are intentionally pushing you away. 90 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: We are intentionally shutting you out from this level of 91 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: social status and the ability to interact with us. That's 92 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:19,159 Speaker 1: one form of relational aggression, right, other ways in which 93 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: we may see it in grown women, because you know, 94 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: we want to talk of now about like what that 95 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 1: looks like for us as grown women, because in adolescence 96 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 1: we can easily look at that and say, well, I'm 97 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,679 Speaker 1: not going to do that in real life as an adult, right, 98 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: But the reality is that in grown women, what that 99 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 1: looks like is saying we're not inviting so and so 100 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 1: to brunch because they didn't fulfill X, Y, and Z requirements. 101 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 1: So they're no longer at the same company as us, 102 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 1: they don't make the same amount of money as us, 103 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: they don't live in the same neighborhood as us. Whatever 104 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 1: criteria you're putting social status, criteria you're putting forth, and 105 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: you're saying, no, we don't want this person to be 106 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: around us. We are intentionally saying you cannot be around 107 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:33,000 Speaker 1: us anymore, you cannot join our social circle. And we're 108 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: saying we're making it clear to that person, intentionally shutting 109 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: them out, intentionally causing them harm. Right. Another way that 110 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: that may look is, let's say that you are on 111 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: the job and you have a coworker. Relational aggression could 112 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: look like saying to this code work or saying to 113 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: your boss, I don't want so and so in this 114 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: space because they can't do X, Y, and Z behavior 115 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: in the same way or task in the same way 116 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: that I do. Wow, I'm shutting this person out. So 117 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: I am intentionally saying I don't want this person here. 118 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: I am intentionally trying to prevent this person from gaining 119 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: some level of social status or having some type of 120 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: relational interaction. 121 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: Those are good examples, and that's tricky because I'm thinking 122 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 2: imagine mixing and I'm sure people have experienced this. Imagine 123 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 2: mixing the relational aggression with the passive aggressiveness and like gaslighting. 124 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 2: So now you notice that someone is like treating you 125 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,719 Speaker 2: a little different, and you're you're like, this feels like 126 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 2: relational aggression, and then you confront them and they're like, 127 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 2: oh no, like we forgot you or we didn't think 128 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 2: you'd want to go right if it's brunch or something 129 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 2: like that. Now, I saw this quote on social media 130 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,200 Speaker 2: and Lady you may have seen this as well. But 131 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 2: this woman named Tamika Newhouse posted this quote that went 132 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 2: viral and it really sparked up a conversation about mean 133 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 2: girl culture. And what she said was, ladies, stop growing 134 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 2: women empowerment events when you are a mean girl in 135 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 2: real life. And I was like, oh, people were really 136 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:26,199 Speaker 2: really triggered by this. Some people were really agreeing with it, 137 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,839 Speaker 2: and there were some other I want to say, some 138 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 2: other feedback that people share that I want to dive 139 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 2: into with you, don but a lot of women were like, yeah, 140 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 2: I can resonate with that. You know, you got these 141 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 2: women online who talk about, oh yeah, I'm all about 142 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 2: women empowerment, and then they host these events and they're 143 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 2: mean girls. They're talking about other women at the event, right, 144 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 2: They're drama. They're all this drama in their lives and 145 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 2: they're just really mean and nasty. And one of the 146 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 2: women had commented and said, well, what's wrong if they're 147 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 2: trying to become better and maybe they want to make 148 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 2: a change from being the mean girls. Maybe you're like 149 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,199 Speaker 2: a mean girl in transition but you still want to 150 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 2: host these women empowerment events. What are your thoughts on 151 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 2: that whole concept? 152 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: Wooh okay, So that does happen, right, And there's a 153 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 1: lot of relational aggression within that, right. So, like, like 154 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: you the example you gave of, like you're hosting these 155 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: women empowerment events and you're saying that you know you're 156 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 1: coming in and you're being caddy and you're gossiping about 157 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,199 Speaker 1: other friends or other women at these events. And then 158 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,199 Speaker 1: what you're also doing is when you're asking the women 159 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: at those events to kind of choose a side, that's 160 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: a form of relational aggression, right, Like you are telling 161 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: these other women who are there, I need you to 162 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: choose me and forget the other person, right Like you 163 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: have me, you have this other person, you have to 164 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: choose one of us. That's a form of relational aggression 165 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: as well, right, And to me, that is one of 166 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,440 Speaker 1: them the main ways that that mean girl status can 167 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: perpetuate and it goes against women empowerment. It feels very 168 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: hypocritical because the point of at least from my perspective, 169 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: the point of having a women empowerment or anything where 170 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: you're bringing women together with the mission of supporting and 171 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:31,439 Speaker 1: uplifting does not involve tearing other women down. So if 172 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: you are empowering other women, it should not require tearing 173 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: someone else down to lift yourself up. But to me, 174 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: I think that kind of goes back to our quote 175 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: of the day where it talked about you know that 176 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: this mean girl thing stems from insecurity, right or it 177 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: stems from sadness, And it makes me think about that 178 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: phrase hurts people, hurt. 179 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 2: People, that's a fact. I'm glad that you brought that 180 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 2: at down because I often think about people who are 181 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 2: in the comment section on social media. A lot of 182 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 2: us are in the common section these days because of 183 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 2: the state of the world that we're in. Things are 184 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 2: not quite totally opened up where we are, so a 185 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 2: lot of people are online. But I think about people 186 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 2: that are in the comment section of being shady and 187 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 2: stuff like that if we're being honest. Okay, let me 188 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 2: speak from my experience. I know, for me personally, when 189 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 2: I am feeling amazing, when I'm feeling really good about 190 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 2: myself and my life and I'm happy, I'm not inclined 191 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,319 Speaker 2: to talk about someone or to be me like I'm 192 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,480 Speaker 2: just really in a good space. So I really want 193 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 2: to put out good energy. However, there are times where 194 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 2: I'm feeling really bad about myself, or I'm feeling shitty, 195 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 2: or I'm having a rough day, and that's when I'm more 196 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 2: inclined to share that energy. Right, Misery loves company, right, 197 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,199 Speaker 2: or misery loves miserable company. So that's where I'm more 198 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 2: inclined to give that energy back out. Like I've had 199 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 2: times where I'm feeling really bad. I'm just having a 200 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 2: rough day, y'all. Now I'll go down social media and 201 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 2: I'll see something power and I'm like, fuck that shit, 202 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,319 Speaker 2: you know what i mean. Like, I'm just like, you 203 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 2: know what I mean. So I'm like, Okay, you need 204 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 2: to get on social media. Get yourself together, girl, have 205 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 2: a moment. Because it's okay to feel those feelings, but 206 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 2: it's like what do you do with them? And so 207 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 2: that makes perfect sense. I do want to ask a 208 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 2: few questions, and lady, let's all just think about what 209 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 2: we believe to be true about this, right, And the 210 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 2: first two questions are, are black women caddy? And if so, 211 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 2: why is this such a popular narrative? Ooh ooh? 212 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: I would say, generally speaking, no, we're not, No, we 213 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: are not. Generally speaking, black women are some of your 214 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: biggest supporters, right, Like I think about how we show 215 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 1: up for one another. Like I think about you're walking 216 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: down the. 217 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 2: Street, yes, and you. 218 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: Are wearing like a flower in your hair and walking 219 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 1: down the street and another black woman you don't even know, 220 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:16,400 Speaker 1: you've never seen her in life, and she's like, yes, 221 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: orange flower, I see you, orange flower, and we show 222 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: up for each other, right. I think about recently I 223 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: had to go to the doctor's office and because I 224 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: was having some blood work done to like look at 225 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: my nutrition levels, and the woman who was drawing my blood, 226 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 1: she was like, since, I just want to point something 227 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 1: out to you, like when we're done, you might want 228 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: to go in the bathroom and fix your brow. And 229 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, she was like, yeah, there's a smear, 230 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 1: and you know I can't. As queens, we supposed to 231 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 1: lift one other up. You know, if we see your 232 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 1: crown slipping, I'm gonna reach in and help you lift 233 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 1: that crown back up. And I was like, damn, yes, 234 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: thank you, sis. I appreciate you because I had been 235 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 1: walking around and nobody pointed out that my eyebrow that 236 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 1: I had taken time to pencil. 237 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 2: In that board. 238 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 3: It had a smear, right, But I was so appreciative 239 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 3: of this woman who I didn't even know, pointing that 240 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 3: out to me so that I could fix my brow, right, fix. 241 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: Just my crown. 242 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 2: Yes. 243 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,160 Speaker 1: So to me, those are the examples that I resonate 244 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 1: with that I choose to identify with when I think 245 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: about black women. But I'm also aware that what sells 246 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: on TV is drama, right, Yeah, And so to me, 247 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: the cattiness is what sells on TV, and I don't 248 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 1: think that that's a true reflection of what happens in 249 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: real life. Like a lot of the reality TV shows 250 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: like The Housewives and things like that sell because it's 251 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 1: based on creating this narrative of women being caddy, particularly 252 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 1: Black women. I personally have stopped watching those shows because 253 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: I don't want to feed that narrative into my life 254 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: because I know that that's not reflective of what my 255 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: life is like or what I choose to have around me. 256 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: But I know that that's what sells, right. But I'm 257 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: also not going to negate the fact that we have conflict. Yeah, 258 00:16:51,280 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: having conflict is a normal part of any relationship. Hattiness 259 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: is not. 260 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, you hit the nail on the head with that. Dom. 261 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 2: I love the example that you use. I'm so glad 262 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 2: that you shared the example about how we tend to 263 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 2: compliment one another because I've definitely experienced that, and I 264 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 2: am if I see a five black woman or something 265 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 2: I like about a certain black woman, I will definitely 266 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,879 Speaker 2: let her know, like just y' like why not you know, 267 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 2: compliment the sister, right, And so I love that example, 268 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 2: And I love the eyebaw example too because I've had 269 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 2: moments like that as well. But we just look out 270 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 2: for one another, and I'm with you. I get annoyed 271 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 2: when people generalize groups because we are all so unique 272 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,639 Speaker 2: and different, and I think there are community in particular. 273 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,440 Speaker 2: We are often presented as a monolist, right, Like, We're 274 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 2: often presented as just all having the same characteristics, being 275 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 2: the same type of people with the same experiences, and 276 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 2: it's not true. And so I don't believe that black 277 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 2: women are catty. I think that there are different situations 278 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,240 Speaker 2: where you might experience one black woman or a group 279 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 2: of Black women, and there might be some cattiness within 280 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 2: that particular group. That's not representative of all black women, right. 281 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 2: And I do believe that all communities have certain characteristics. 282 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 2: You have certain groups of women that are in white community, 283 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 2: they may be CADDY. In the Asian community, they might 284 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 2: like It just depends on which group of specific Black 285 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,239 Speaker 2: women you are around, right, But I've had experiences with 286 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,159 Speaker 2: you know, incredible black women that have been supportive, and 287 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 2: I'm with you. I think that it's a popular narrative 288 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 2: because it's presented in the media. The media controls perception 289 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,280 Speaker 2: in a lot of cases, and so I think that 290 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 2: is the case. But I do think it's important to 291 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 2: address both sides, right, like the have there been experiences 292 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,199 Speaker 2: where we've you know, interacted with Black women or girls 293 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 2: and it was positive, and then we have to be 294 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 2: real about the instances where maybe it wasn't very positive, right, 295 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 2: Because I think that many of us have had experiences 296 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 2: from both sides. When I think about I'll start with 297 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,359 Speaker 2: the positive experience that I've had with women in our 298 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 2: community that super positive. I would probably say the first 299 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 2: thing that comes to mind for me dom is probably 300 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 2: over the past year with my book launch. So I 301 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 2: launched my book How to Glow Up as You Grow 302 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,119 Speaker 2: Up to develop on MSN Ladies, so you can go 303 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 2: to what is my what is my website? 304 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: Wait, we could do either one. You got both. 305 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 2: Domb go ahead girl with it, Go ahead girl those two. 306 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 2: But there's wrong for the book. God have I've been 307 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 2: on attorney leave, so don't judge me. But it's called 308 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 2: glow upbook dot com. 309 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: Y'all. 310 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 2: Okay, it's been it's been a long time coming. But 311 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 2: I've definitely had instances where black women came out and 312 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 2: drove to support. They messaged me, they support it online, 313 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 2: they re shared my book. And that was an example 314 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 2: of my women coming out to support me. And I 315 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: think that was so amazing. And I think that when 316 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 2: you have your community and women that look like you 317 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 2: that support you, it just does something special. Like I 318 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,119 Speaker 2: had support across the board. But when I think about 319 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 2: the most the memory of black women coming out to 320 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 2: support and show genuine love, that is one example that 321 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 2: comes to mind for me. Do you have any other 322 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 2: examples time? I know you share one instance about the 323 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 2: other day when you went to the doctor's office. Is 324 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,639 Speaker 2: there another situation where like black women just showed you 325 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,360 Speaker 2: some love and you were like yes, So. 326 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: I mean that was an example of like a total 327 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 1: stranger showing one. Right, But I think about just in 328 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:29,240 Speaker 1: my various circles in general, where we are intentional about 329 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 1: uplifting one another. So if someone like has an accomplishment, 330 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 1: then we all come through and show love for that person. Right. So, 331 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: someone has a baby, you know, someone gets licensed, someone 332 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: opens up a business, someone shares an accomplishment with their child, 333 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 1: right like, we are constantly in the habit of lifting 334 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: one another up and so so for me, I think 335 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,840 Speaker 1: that that has been something that has been really important 336 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 1: is to constantly surround myself with other black women who 337 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: want to lift each other up. Right. 338 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,879 Speaker 2: Who you want. 339 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: To say, Okay, since you out here about to buy 340 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,160 Speaker 1: a house, like, how can we support. 341 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here, and I want to interrupt 342 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 2: the conversation quickly with an exciting opportunity. If you're a 343 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 2: busy woman trying to manage many hats, you need to 344 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 2: know about asauna. Asauna is a project management tool and 345 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,640 Speaker 2: it helps you manage your work and take action effortlessly. 346 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 2: We use asauna to manage the podcast. I use it 347 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 2: for my book launch, fertility treatments, groceries, and everyday tasks. 348 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 2: Asama is hosting Focus and Flow Summit on June ninth 349 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,440 Speaker 2: at ten am Pacific time. It's a virtual tech talk 350 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 2: style event features experts in the space of mindset, focus, habits, 351 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 2: and more. The event is free and you can register 352 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 2: at Summit dot asauna dot com. That's s U, M 353 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:17,159 Speaker 2: M I T dot Asauna A s A n A 354 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 2: dot com. You'll walk away feeling inspire by speakers, but 355 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 2: also with practical steps to tune out distractions and find 356 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 2: your own focus and flow. All right, lady, let's dive 357 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 2: back into the conversation. 358 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: You know, since you out here about to launch this business, 359 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,239 Speaker 1: like you're applying for this business license? Like what do 360 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: I need to do to show you support? All right? 361 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 1: Like how can I be there for you? Right? And 362 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,360 Speaker 1: then when you get through this thing that you are 363 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 1: striving for? All right, how are we going to celebrate? 364 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: Like do I need to send you? Do I need 365 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 1: to send you a bottle of champagne? Send you some flowers, 366 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 1: send you some cookies? Like what you want? Like I 367 00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:58,640 Speaker 1: got you? 368 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 2: You know it all sounds reason right? 369 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:08,880 Speaker 1: What are ways in which we can constantly celebrate, acknowledge 370 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 1: and uplift one another? And I think that I can 371 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:17,639 Speaker 1: also think of instances where I've had friends say celebrate 372 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 1: the little things too, right, So, Okay, you got through 373 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 1: this week without any drama, Right, celebrate that, you know, like, 374 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,919 Speaker 1: think about like those little things, because if you knew that, 375 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: you've been going through like this the last month and 376 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 1: the last month has been incredibly stressful, and you've been 377 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 1: dealing with drama either with your partner or with your kids, 378 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,119 Speaker 1: or at work, whatever it is, you've been dealing with 379 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,719 Speaker 1: a lot of stress. And then you get through that 380 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 1: week and it was no drama. You celebrate that, right. 381 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 1: So just and when you have that community of women 382 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: who are aware of the things that are happening in 383 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 1: your life, they are there for you to support an uplift. 384 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,359 Speaker 2: I love that. It's all about being intentional about who 385 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,399 Speaker 2: you allow onto that circle and who you keep in 386 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,879 Speaker 2: that circle as well. Like, I love, love, love that, 387 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,399 Speaker 2: And it sounds like you all have a nice, healthy 388 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,359 Speaker 2: group there. Now, I do want to talk about the 389 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,800 Speaker 2: other instances of the other side of that, right, And 390 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 2: I want to ask you, have you ever been in 391 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 2: a situation where for me, it's typically entering into a 392 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 2: new room or a new group of women that I 393 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 2: don't know where I might feel that weird tension. Now, 394 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,360 Speaker 2: I will say I typically will try to go into 395 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 2: these spaces, especially with women. I try to go in 396 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 2: with good energy and good vibe so you know, get 397 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,719 Speaker 2: my energy together at home. I'll go into the space 398 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 2: really offering love and light. Right, Like, I'm not about 399 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 2: the drama and all that. But have you ever been 400 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 2: in a situation where you've gone into a space with 401 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,160 Speaker 2: other black women and you're like, ooh, something that is off, 402 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 2: Like I feel like people or either judging me or 403 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 2: looking at me in a certain way, or they're just 404 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 2: kind of giving me that mean girl energy. Have you 405 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:06,119 Speaker 2: ever experienced that? 406 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: I can't actually recall where that was the reality, but 407 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 1: what I can recall our instances where I was the 408 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 1: one who projected that onto them. Right, So, Okay, I 409 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 1: was feeling insecure about myself, right, so like I was unsure, 410 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: I was lacking confidence in what I was bringing into 411 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 1: that space. Wow, And I projected onto them that they 412 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: were feeling this negative judge cattiness about me, right when 413 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:55,399 Speaker 1: in reality, they weren't thinking about me. They didn't know 414 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 1: my story, they had no clue, right, there was no 415 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 1: judge on their part whatsoever. I was in my own 416 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:10,400 Speaker 1: stuff and assumed that those around me were fully aware 417 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: of my stuff and they were judging me when that 418 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,440 Speaker 1: wasn't the case at all. 419 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,639 Speaker 2: Interesting. I think many of us have been there. I 420 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 2: know I have been there. Don did you have a 421 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 2: chance to link with any of the women that were 422 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 2: there to sort of like confirm your experience or validate 423 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,440 Speaker 2: the experience? Like, oh, wow, I was able to click 424 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 2: with this woman and she was fine, Like it was 425 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,280 Speaker 2: all my head. Did you have that? Like, did you 426 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 2: have a chance to do that? 427 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 1: So I'm recalling multiple instances of like my younger self 428 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 1: where that was the case, right, So like, yeah, Like 429 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: I can think about friends that I have now when 430 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: I first met them, because of the stuff that I 431 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,919 Speaker 1: was bringing in, I thought that they were judging me, 432 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: they weren't going to try and be my friend and 433 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,879 Speaker 1: all of that. So I was keeping a distance and 434 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,200 Speaker 1: I was coming across. The feedback that I got later 435 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: on was that I was coming across as standolfish. 436 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 2: Really, Oh, that's so interesting. 437 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: And the reality is I could see where I was 438 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:15,359 Speaker 1: presenting at standolphish because I was insecure and projecting that 439 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 1: they didn't like me, right, and so you see how 440 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 1: that ends up. Unless you lean into it, and we'll 441 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 1: talk later in the episode of how to dive into that. 442 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:31,120 Speaker 1: But unless you lean into addressing like what's really happening, 443 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: you won't ever know. And chances are both sides are 444 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,760 Speaker 1: misperceiving what's happening, right Like my friend was perceiving that 445 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: I was being standoffish and I was being stuck up 446 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,640 Speaker 1: and I didn't want anything to do with them, when 447 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 1: in reality, I assume that they didn't want anything to 448 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,640 Speaker 1: do with me, that they were judging me. And right now, 449 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 1: I honestly can't even recall how we started talking, but 450 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:05,640 Speaker 1: once we did, there was this instant clique and we've 451 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:06,400 Speaker 1: been for instance. 452 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,880 Speaker 2: That is so powerful because I think that happens a lot. 453 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 2: And like you said, I mean you factor and let's 454 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,640 Speaker 2: say someone has resting bitch face and it's like you're 455 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 2: not even a caddy person, but your facial expression you 456 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,560 Speaker 2: just be on too. You add that into it, and 457 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,960 Speaker 2: then it's just like you are perceiving this person to 458 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,960 Speaker 2: be one way, You're perceiving her to be this way, 459 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 2: and then it's like a self fulfilling prophecy. So I 460 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 2: think that does happen a lot. I know, I've chatted 461 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 2: with other women and I've also had an experience where 462 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 2: I have gone into a space and I'm like, just 463 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,360 Speaker 2: ain't right right, You just feel like the energy's off. 464 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,800 Speaker 2: And in those instances, I still, you know, continue to 465 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 2: show up as myself with good energy, but yeah, it 466 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 2: can be uncomfortable, you know what I mean. So I 467 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:50,120 Speaker 2: guess we should dive into the signs that someone is 468 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: a mean girl so that we can kind of understand 469 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 2: the mean girl experience, and then we'll talk about how 470 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 2: to stop being a mean girl. Maybe you're like, girl, 471 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 2: this is me. I need some help because I've definitely 472 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,320 Speaker 2: had personal experiences where I have had mean girl energy, 473 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,440 Speaker 2: and so let's dive into it. Dom the first sign 474 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 2: that you're a mean girl is that you struggle with NV. 475 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 2: We all struggle with envy at some point, right. 476 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a normal emotion that we experience. 477 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you think it shows up differently for 478 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 2: a mean girl? 479 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 1: It's a constant, right, So that mean girl is that's 480 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:31,719 Speaker 1: their major way of existing is to be envious of 481 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:39,360 Speaker 1: other people around them. So there's there's constant they don't 482 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:43,239 Speaker 1: know how to look within and be grateful for what 483 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: they like, notice the things that are going well for them. 484 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:52,240 Speaker 1: It's well, I don't have what she has. I don't 485 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: have the partner, I don't have the car, I don't 486 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 1: have the house, I don't have this dress, this handbag, like. 487 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 2: Constant env And maybe because of that MV, you now 488 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 2: treat that other person a certain way because that person 489 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 2: may have what you want. So it's like, oh, I'm 490 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 2: gonna be shaky toward her because she thinks she all that. 491 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 2: Remember that, Yes, all that in the bag of chips. Okay, yes, and. 492 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,200 Speaker 1: Really, lady, you made you are all that in the 493 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,239 Speaker 1: bag of chips. You just have to look within and 494 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 1: identify the things that you're grateful for. So our next sign, 495 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:37,760 Speaker 1: you are focused on status and you prioritize getting ahead. Right, 496 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: So you are focused on that friend right who you're 497 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:47,680 Speaker 1: looking at. Okay, well, that friend has this job and 498 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 1: drives this car. That's all I care about, too, is 499 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,719 Speaker 1: I need to get to this status in life. I 500 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 1: need to be made. I have to make X amount 501 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 1: of dollars, I have to drive X car. And you 502 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,520 Speaker 1: know that's the only thing I am laser focused on. 503 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 1: I'm not necessarily focused on what's gonna take for me 504 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: to get there. I just need to get to those things. 505 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: I need to have that level of status, no matter 506 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: what the cost. 507 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 2: And I would add to that too. Dom I'm like, 508 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,479 Speaker 2: I know sometimes there may be some ambitious women who 509 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 2: are like, well, I want I want the Burkeen, I 510 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 2: want the BMW or the range Ow or whatever the 511 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 2: test or whatever might be. And I don't do there's 512 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,600 Speaker 2: anything wrong with that. However, I think that, like you 513 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 2: said earlier, if you are now basing your friendships on 514 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 2: what people have, and it's like, oh, I'm gonna treat 515 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 2: this one person shitty because you know they're working at 516 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 2: the reception, But when I see the people coming out 517 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 2: that are higher ups to the company, I'm gonna treat 518 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 2: them really well. Like you're you base your relationships and 519 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:53,400 Speaker 2: how you treat people on status in addition to you know, 520 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 2: what you can get from them. I think that I've 521 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 2: definitely seen that manifest where a woman might be like, oh, 522 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 2: what kind of shoes are those? Like, I'm not a 523 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,719 Speaker 2: name brand person. I'm like, I go to thrift stores. 524 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,480 Speaker 2: My grandmother we were raised to go to thrift stores. 525 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 2: I'll be ordered stuff from Amazon wherever, right, like whatever stores. 526 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 2: I don't care about the name brand, but I know 527 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,720 Speaker 2: some people do, and there's nothing wrong with that, right, 528 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,240 Speaker 2: But if you are solely Let's say you go to 529 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 2: one of these women empowerment events and you see your 530 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,760 Speaker 2: sister there. She got her Burlington cot Factory shoes on, 531 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 2: like me because I would go to Berlin's, the Cope 532 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,600 Speaker 2: Factory or Ross to get me some off brand shoes. 533 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, we we're not about to have 534 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,840 Speaker 2: lunch with her. She got on those no name brand shoes. 535 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 2: They're not red bottoms. Oh no, we're not gonna We're 536 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 2: not gonna fool with her. 537 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 1: I mean, right, yep, that's where and that's where that 538 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 1: relational aggression comes in, right because you're like, I'm not 539 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: talking to this person. I'm excluding this person because of that. 540 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 2: And number three, it's troubles with friendships. So if you 541 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 2: notice that, you know what, I'm always having troubles in 542 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 2: my friendships. And you might even notice it's always everyone 543 00:32:55,360 --> 00:33:01,560 Speaker 2: else sometimes usually right, usually you think it's always everyone else. 544 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 2: You may have to look in the mirror and see 545 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 2: what role am I playing in these friendships? Right? Like, 546 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,320 Speaker 2: just because you've been friends with someone, doesn't mean you're 547 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,040 Speaker 2: going to be friends with them for life. But if 548 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 2: you notice that you have troubles in near all your 549 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 2: friendships and it's never your fault, then it might be 550 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 2: time to evaluate, Like, am. 551 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: I a mean girl? 552 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 2: Am I showing up in a certain way that people 553 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 2: maybe don't want to be around? Right? 554 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I love that. I think that is that 555 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:29,040 Speaker 1: inward examination is important, right that, Sometimes it is about you, 556 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 1: Sometimes it is you you, sometimes you are the root cause. 557 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 1: And so then that takes us to the next tip, 558 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:42,640 Speaker 1: issues with control. So, lady, are you the one in 559 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:48,479 Speaker 1: your friend group or at the office, or at in 560 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,960 Speaker 1: the church group? So where no matter what the situation, 561 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:56,000 Speaker 1: you have to be the person in control. So you 562 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 1: have to run the show and not just show every show. 563 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,640 Speaker 1: You have to be the person in charge where you 564 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 1: struggle with sharing and delegating, and you may have some 565 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 1: mean girl tendencies. 566 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 2: And to give a quick example, dom I had a 567 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 2: former friend back in the day who would always need 568 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,880 Speaker 2: to have the last words. She would always like interrupt 569 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,760 Speaker 2: and overtalk people, and if we were making a group decision, 570 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 2: it was always like we had to go her way. 571 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,080 Speaker 2: Or she'd have an attitude, a visible attitude. It's like, oh, 572 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 2: now we got to deal with her attitude as we 573 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 2: go to whatever event we're going to go to, right, 574 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:38,360 Speaker 2: So just think about that lady issues with control. And 575 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 2: number five it speaks unkindly too and about others or 576 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 2: as many of us may call it gossiping, right, so, 577 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 2: constantly making jokes at someone else's expense. I do have 578 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 2: someone that I know and I don't know what you 579 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,759 Speaker 2: might call it, depending on where you're from. But you 580 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,920 Speaker 2: might call it a burn. You might call it busting 581 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 2: on people. You might call it just talking shit. You 582 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,920 Speaker 2: might call it joning, like whatever you might call it, 583 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,000 Speaker 2: It depends on where you're from. I think. But this person, 584 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,160 Speaker 2: you go into a room and they just start coming 585 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 2: at people, even in their head right, and they're like 586 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 2: they may share little side jokes with us, like girl, 587 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,239 Speaker 2: you see her shoes or you see that wig, right, 588 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:17,840 Speaker 2: like whatever it might be, And it's like, is that 589 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,759 Speaker 2: really necessary? I think many of us may go into 590 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 2: a room. You may see something and you might call 591 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,600 Speaker 2: it out and let the person know if it's something 592 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 2: that they might want to fix. But this person is 593 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 2: like always making jokes at other people, and a lot 594 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 2: of times that's because they don't feel good about themselves, 595 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:33,520 Speaker 2: you know. 596 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,680 Speaker 1: Yes, And I think that honestly, if we are real 597 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:42,440 Speaker 1: with ourselves, all of us have had those points in life, right, 598 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 1: hell yeah, where we're like not feeling good about ourselves 599 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: and so we tear someone else down or tear everyone 600 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 1: else around us down to make ourselves feel good. And 601 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,280 Speaker 1: to me, that's you know, in addition to a sign 602 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 1: that you might be a mean girl, that's also a 603 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 1: sign of like your own insecurities. And so I think 604 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:09,080 Speaker 1: that that's a great example. And I think the thing 605 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,640 Speaker 1: to remember, like I said, because all of us can 606 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:16,040 Speaker 1: know that we've done that, is are we doing this 607 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:20,920 Speaker 1: in combination with all of those other tips? Right, that's 608 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 1: really a sign for us to say, Okay, maybe I 609 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:27,360 Speaker 1: might be a mean girl, but either way, any of these, 610 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,440 Speaker 1: if we experience any of these, it's an indication that 611 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 1: maybe we need to go within. And so that takes 612 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 1: us to tip number six. You leave other people out, 613 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:46,280 Speaker 1: and just to be clear, you intentionally leave other people 614 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 1: out to hurt them, right, So we get you know 615 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 1: that everything is not for everybody, right, I'm not a 616 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: parent so they don't expect it to be invited to 617 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:06,799 Speaker 1: mommy group events. Right. And if all of my friends 618 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,719 Speaker 1: are moms and they do something like they're doing like 619 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:16,000 Speaker 1: a mommy, mommy and me event, I don't expect to 620 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,399 Speaker 1: get invited because I'm not a parent. But if all 621 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,440 Speaker 1: of the moms in the group decide that they're going 622 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:27,200 Speaker 1: to get together and it's not related to anything parenting, 623 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:35,279 Speaker 1: but they intentionally leave me out, that's a sign that somebody, 624 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:39,000 Speaker 1: maybe a few somebodies in that group may be a 625 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:44,279 Speaker 1: mean girl. Right, because they're intentionally leaving me out of 626 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: something that didn't require doesn't make sense for why they 627 00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:51,600 Speaker 1: would leave me out. 628 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,520 Speaker 2: Great example, dom And I think that leads us to 629 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,680 Speaker 2: number seven, which is they don't respect boundaries. Now, I 630 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,439 Speaker 2: was trying to think of an example for this. I'm 631 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,680 Speaker 2: sure after we record, I'll be like, oh, I have 632 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,839 Speaker 2: a good example. I can't really think on right now? 633 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 2: Don do you have one? 634 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 1: I have one? Okay, Listen, how that shows up is 635 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:18,120 Speaker 1: my friend says, you know what, today, I just need 636 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 1: some alone time. Right, that mean girl is gonna say 637 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:30,279 Speaker 1: and Okay, that's cool, But what I want is for 638 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 1: us to hang out. So I'm coming over, right, I'm 639 00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:40,239 Speaker 1: not respecting your boundaries. I'm saying, no, it's about what 640 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:46,600 Speaker 1: I want. So it's about me being in control. So 641 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: I said, I want us to hang out, so we're 642 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:55,400 Speaker 1: gonna hang out. I'm coming over. I'm not respecting your boundary. 643 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:57,839 Speaker 2: That's a really good one, and it makes me think 644 00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,040 Speaker 2: about you know, and I definitely done this to where 645 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 2: you have a situation where like you might be going 646 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,279 Speaker 2: through something and you want to talk to your best friend, 647 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,359 Speaker 2: but your best friend's busy, and so you're like kind 648 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,640 Speaker 2: of trying to guilt trip them, and maybe they're saying, oh, 649 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,440 Speaker 2: I really don't have time. I've really got to focus 650 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,719 Speaker 2: on X y Z, And you're either guilt tripping them 651 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,680 Speaker 2: into like trying to talk to you about your problem, 652 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,879 Speaker 2: or you talk to other people about the friend like yeah, 653 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,279 Speaker 2: she's not available da, and you make it all about 654 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,800 Speaker 2: you without respecting the boundary that they've put in place. 655 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,480 Speaker 2: And we're just going to revisit all seven signs and 656 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,799 Speaker 2: again say that many of us have experienced these, right, 657 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,080 Speaker 2: I think the key here in some days you might 658 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,759 Speaker 2: even be like, you know what, I'm xud a mean 659 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,200 Speaker 2: girl energy, I need to get together. But I think 660 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,319 Speaker 2: that if you realize that this is you on a 661 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:42,640 Speaker 2: regular basis, and this is just how you're showing up 662 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,960 Speaker 2: in the world consistently, it might be time to just 663 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,279 Speaker 2: revisit how you're showing up and we'll dive into how 664 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:50,920 Speaker 2: you can stop being a mean girl in a little bit. 665 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 2: But to revisit the seven signs you're a mean girl. 666 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,280 Speaker 2: Number one struggles with envy. Number two your status focused 667 00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,719 Speaker 2: or you prioritize being or getting ahead and usually by 668 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:09,320 Speaker 2: any means necessary. Three troubles with friendship for issues with control. 669 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:16,640 Speaker 2: Five speaks unkindly too and about others or gossiping. Number 670 00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 2: six you leave other people out, and number seven you 671 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,319 Speaker 2: don't respect boundaries. Now, as we close out Dom and 672 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,320 Speaker 2: get ready for the after show, how can you stop 673 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,480 Speaker 2: being a mean girl? That is the question? 674 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: Well, to me, step one is to recognize that you 675 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,520 Speaker 1: are being a mean girl, right and then step two, 676 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,839 Speaker 1: once you recognize that you are being a mean girl, 677 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:43,280 Speaker 1: to go within, to take some time and really reflect on, Okay, 678 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:47,600 Speaker 1: what's happening for me right now that is causing me 679 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,720 Speaker 1: to respond in this way, to act in this way? 680 00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:55,600 Speaker 1: Am I feeling insecure? Am I sad about something that 681 00:40:55,680 --> 00:41:00,520 Speaker 1: recently happened, like what's going on for me that is 682 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:05,800 Speaker 1: causing me to behave in this way? And then maybe 683 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:09,800 Speaker 1: I need to go and speak with a therapist. 684 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,160 Speaker 2: I love those examples. Now I'm writing down a couple 685 00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:15,040 Speaker 2: that I want to share with you in the after show. 686 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,960 Speaker 2: But what I'll say is for right now is I 687 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:23,840 Speaker 2: will say that developing empathy me experiencing mean girl energy. 688 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 2: It allowed me to feel what it feels like to 689 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,320 Speaker 2: have that energy directed toward me, and so because it 690 00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,239 Speaker 2: didn't feel good, I don't want to make other people 691 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,520 Speaker 2: feel that way. So I think for me, the biggest 692 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,840 Speaker 2: way to sort of combat mean girl energy is to 693 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,319 Speaker 2: treat people kindly and think about how you're making other 694 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,720 Speaker 2: people feel. And if I make someone, you know, if 695 00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,239 Speaker 2: someone interacts with me and they feel shitty afterwards, they 696 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,680 Speaker 2: feel sad, or they feel like they're not good enough, 697 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,239 Speaker 2: that's not a good feeling. I don't want to go 698 00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:52,439 Speaker 2: around making people feel that way. And so I think 699 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 2: for me that is one of the biggest things in 700 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 2: my personal experience that helped with that type of energy. 701 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 2: I do have a few more examples dom that you 702 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,120 Speaker 2: may not believe, but I want to share them with you, 703 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,200 Speaker 2: So we're gonna head on over to Paytreon lady, so 704 00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,320 Speaker 2: you can visit our website, Herspace podcast dot com. Click 705 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 2: on Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon on our site and 706 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,960 Speaker 2: that'll take you over to the bonus episodes, or if 707 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:20,280 Speaker 2: you're tuned in on Spotify, you can also check out 708 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:24,600 Speaker 2: our bonus episodes right here in app on Spotify and 709 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,719 Speaker 2: see what we're going to talk about in the after show. 710 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,000 Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from cultivating her Space. Are 711 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,000 Speaker 2: you tired of working hard for your money? Do you 712 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,880 Speaker 2: want your business to run smoothly when you're out of office? 713 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,000 Speaker 2: If you want to learn how to automate your business 714 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:45,520 Speaker 2: cash flow and increase your impact and influence, join me 715 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:49,840 Speaker 2: from my free workshop at Brand with Terry dot com. Again, 716 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:54,320 Speaker 2: that's Brand with Terry dot com. My name is spelled 717 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,120 Speaker 2: te double Ri. I hope to see you there, lady. 718 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:03,720 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 719 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:09,719 Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 720 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,920 Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 721 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:17,240 Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 722 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:21,360 Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 723 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,720 Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 724 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:30,680 Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 725 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,239 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 726 00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:37,840 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com and 727 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,480 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 728 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:45,360 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and 729 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,560 Speaker 2: before we Meet again repete after me. I am doing 730 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:52,239 Speaker 2: the best I can with the understanding knowledge and awareness 731 00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:53,720 Speaker 2: I have at this moment