1 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: So I have been doing some posts on relationships dating. 2 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: There's this thing where there's like I need a guy 3 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: in finance six or five, trust Fun blue Eyes. That 4 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: girl that amazing, she marketed it, she capitalized it. It's 5 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,480 Speaker 1: now songs everywhere. But I really thought about who that 6 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: guy is, because whether good or bad, I've dated every guy, 7 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:41,879 Speaker 1: and my issue has never been capturing men. I have 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: mad game, and I'm not saying that any sort of 9 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: narcissistic or conceited manner. It's just a fact. And I 10 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 1: don't know if it's my life of navigating situations or 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: being emotionally intelligent, or inheriting it from my mother, because 12 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: in my life, my problem has never been captured during men, 13 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: intoxicating men, getting men. It's been wanting to be with 14 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: the men, or choosing the right men, or not going 15 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: with my gut. But I also have made so many mistakes, 16 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,959 Speaker 1: and truthfully, it's not that I don't even meet amazing men, 17 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: because I do. And it's not that I don't meet 18 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 1: amazing men that want to marry me and fall in 19 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: love with me, because for the most part, I've never 20 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: had a problem meeting men because I've usually been the 21 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 1: least interested party. But I definitely have a lot of 22 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: wisdom to share on dating because I don't have to 23 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: want to be with the men. My biggest issue has 24 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: been not wanting to be with the men. And believe me, 25 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: I've been in therapy for years. But I don't get 26 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: cheated on, I don't get left, I don't get broken 27 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,559 Speaker 1: up with. That's just not my area for whatever reason. 28 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: So I am absolutely qualified to discuss dating, getting the guy, 29 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: getting the good guy, not settling, not dating down all 30 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: of it, I mean, without getting into any kind of detail. 31 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 1: If I'm dating, my house becomes a florist, becomes the 32 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. So like it, don't like it, I 33 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: don't really care. But people on social media are devouring 34 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: my brief and spitting facts dating advice, So I thought, 35 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: why don't I take it over here to you. You 36 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 1: guys are loyal, You guys are dating at many different ages. 37 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: You know, dating applies to someone fourteen to someone eighty five. 38 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: I mean, there are many different layers to it. And 39 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: I don't stutter or flinch when I think about how 40 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: qualified I am to discuss what other people should do. 41 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: Doesn't mean and by the way, I do take my 42 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: own advice. Not everybody wants to be married, not everybody 43 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: wants to be legally married. Not everybody wants to be 44 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: in a relationship. And guess what society tells women in particular, 45 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: They talk down as if you're getting a cookie or 46 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: getting a trophy like everybody else, Like it's okay to 47 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 1: be alone. They don't really mean that, because society also 48 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: says is I'm married, and you should want to be 49 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: married too. And the people who are more pushing the 50 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: marriage product are the people that are miserable in their 51 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: own marriages. Because I am not anti marriage. I think 52 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: marriage and commitment and partnership are amazing. I'm not anti 53 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: women stay at home moms. I think being stay at 54 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,119 Speaker 1: home mom is amazing. I'm here forgetting what you want 55 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: and you being honest about what that is. If inside 56 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: your body you want to be alone, it's okay to 57 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: want to be alone. And sometimes you think you don't 58 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: want to be alone and you want to be in 59 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: a partnership because that's what everybody makes you think you 60 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 1: are supposed to want. So you're always pushing for this 61 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: thing you're supposed to want, somebody to complete you somebody 62 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: to buy you things, somebody to support you. You want 63 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: the dress you want, the wedding you want, the ring 64 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: you want, the trappings you want, the experience you want, 65 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: the attention you want, the honeymoon you want, the vacation 66 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: you want, all these things you want. The doctor you want, 67 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: the rich guy you want, the car you want to 68 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: be taken care of. And it may not be which 69 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: you actually want. And you have to find what you 70 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: really want, and how do you do that? You must 71 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: be capable of being alone. It is scary, It is haunting. 72 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 1: It can be traumatic. When you're in a bad relationship, 73 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: it seems like it might be better than being alone. 74 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: Being alone sounds like doom and gloom, the big monster. 75 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: Guess what being alone can be? Amazing? Is actually amazing, 76 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: And you know what, being alone is the best way 77 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 1: to be in a relationship because if you can be 78 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: comfortable and love yourself and be happy for a significant 79 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 1: period of time. I don't mean for a week after 80 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,479 Speaker 1: a breakup. I mean if you commit to being alone 81 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 1: for six months. And that doesn't mean you're not dating, 82 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you're not sleeping with people, doesn't mean you're 83 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,840 Speaker 1: not meeting people, doesn't mean you don't want a life 84 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 1: partner ultimately or think you do. It means you have 85 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 1: to become happy, comfortable, and safe being alone. That's when 86 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: everything will come to you. That's when all the opportunities 87 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: will come. That's when you will be making decisions out 88 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: of truth, not fear. Have to be capable of loving 89 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: yourself and being a full enough, whole person to be alone, 90 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: and that's when the guys, the men, the boys, the charmers, 91 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: the flowers, the gifts, the opportunities will fly in. Another 92 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: thing that needs to be dispelled. So by the way, 93 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: it's okay to want to be alone for a period 94 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: or forever. Another thing that needs to be dispelled is 95 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: that looks have anything to do with capturing a man 96 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: or a boy or a woman. Whether you're gay, straight, 97 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter or another. It is nothing to do 98 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 1: with looks. I have sat at tables with multiple twenty 99 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: seven year olds that are stunning. One is much better 100 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: looking than the others. I mean people that could be 101 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 1: my daughter. I mean people that literally are half my age, 102 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: crying they can't meet somebody. They're no good guys, They've 103 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,360 Speaker 1: got extensions, they've got lashes, they've got made. Why they're 104 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: focusing on the frosting. They're focusing on the frosting. They're 105 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 1: not focusing on the cake. You know what the cake is? 106 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: Who you are. I have had men that are used 107 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 1: to banging hot models down in Miami, eating out of 108 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: my hand, literally worshiping me, throwing money at me, wanting me, 109 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: wanting me to commit to them, saying to me, you 110 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: are the least vain person I've ever met in my life. 111 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 1: They're shocked at themselves. They can't believe they're going out 112 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: with someone my age that allows themselves to walk around 113 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,159 Speaker 1: in pajamas. Sometimes it doesn't give a shit. We'll say anything, 114 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: do anything, be anything, because I'm comfortable in my own skin, 115 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 1: shoes on my feet, eye bottom. I depend on me. 116 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: So i am a full person. Yes I'm evolving. Yes 117 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: I've got problems. Yes, my mother dying was a transformative experience. Yes, 118 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 1: I've made horrendous, horrific, life altering mistakes in relationships. No 119 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: I'm not perfect. Yes I'm flawed, but this is what 120 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: this is. I am a fully put together dresser. I 121 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: am not a piece of Ikea furniture. I come fully 122 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 1: put together. No one needs to come in and pay 123 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: for my dental work. No one needs to support me, 124 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: no one needs to completely no one needs to define me, 125 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: no one needs to put me back together. This is 126 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: me and men are drawn to that because I am 127 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,239 Speaker 1: shocked too. At whatever age I've come out of being 128 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,559 Speaker 1: in a relationship, I am always like, what the fuck 129 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: I'm thirty two, Holy shit, I'm thirty seven, I'm thirty five, 130 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: I'm this no age, I'll be ninety single and men 131 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: I'll be at my doorstep. Why Because I'm fun, I'm enjoyable. 132 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: And women, you even read that book The Giving Tree, 133 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: women are the taking tree, particularly divorced women that have kids. Somehow, 134 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: they get some plastic surgery. They look hot, they work 135 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,560 Speaker 1: out at the gym. There's semi interesting. They think that 136 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: men are just gonna like want to support them, support 137 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: their kids, support their program, buy them new tits, get 138 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: them dental work. What men don't want that. The one 139 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: thing men don't want now is to have to fucking 140 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: be supporting a female charity. They don't want the women 141 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: become the taking tree. The older, they get them more entitled, 142 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: they get thinking yes things. I tell you that you're 143 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: the prize you are the price. I hope you're the prize. 144 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 1: You know how to beat the prize. Have your own job, 145 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 1: your own income, your own security. You come in not 146 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: like a piece of Ikea furniture in the box. But 147 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: women come with a bunch of fucking issues, luggage problems, bills, screws, 148 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: pieces of wood. They want to walk in and think 149 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: a man's gonna want to put them together. Why, that's 150 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: a beating. That's a bunch of work. No, you come 151 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: in and it freaks them out. It's almost like gaslighting. 152 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: They don't even know what to do with it. They're 153 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: in such shock by meeting this alien unicorn. Woman who 154 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,960 Speaker 1: can support themselves, is smart, can go head to head 155 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 1: with them in any business conversation, and is confident and 156 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 1: is the least interested party in the business deal. That's 157 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,400 Speaker 1: how to get a man. And I've had men that 158 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: are so good looking you would die, like you would 159 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: die the best looking man you've ever seen that, And 160 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't happen the first minute. The first minute, you're 161 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 1: a basic pitch like every other basic bitch. But how 162 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,559 Speaker 1: do you Jedi mind trick them? How do you enter 163 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: them into the mind control program? How do you show 164 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: them that you are different. Well, you just are different. 165 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: You're confident first, you're always no games, clear communication. The 166 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: dumb dumbs of the world pretend that when you sleep 167 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 1: with someone actually matters. You know when that matters, when 168 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: you're a desperate, thirsty person who's panic stricken over when 169 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,559 Speaker 1: they're going to call you, you know, and it doesn't 170 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 1: matter when you're in control of your own body. A. 171 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: You may not like someone that much and you know 172 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: you're not going to be with them. Then if you 173 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: want to have a sexual encounter, fine, B. You've spent 174 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: some time with the person. You've emotionally hooked them in 175 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: so much that it wouldn't really matter. Or even after 176 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: you sleep with them, you get the ball back by 177 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: just being disinterested. If you are great in bed and 178 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 1: great in person, they're gonna want to come back for more, 179 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,439 Speaker 1: and you can readjust you will have a better emotional 180 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: experience if you don't sleep with someone earlier, because you're 181 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: setting yourself up for success. It's better odds. But if 182 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: a guy can feel that you're game playing and why 183 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: you're not sleeping with them, then it doesn't even matter. 184 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 1: You're a desperado. That's like read some dumb book about 185 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: when not to sleep with someone that's equally as desperate 186 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,560 Speaker 1: and as much of a turn off. But that's not 187 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: how you know. If you've had seven drinks and you're 188 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: a drunk disaster and start to sleep with someone, yeah, 189 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: then you're a mess who's on in control of your 190 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: own life. But don't do that anyway. Two drinks maximum. 191 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: It's like the opposite of a comedy club. Two drinks maximum. 192 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,559 Speaker 1: You're not in fucking first year of college pounding querrevo 193 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,439 Speaker 1: shots and I don't care how old you are. Keep 194 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: yourself together, keep control of your wits, and be a 195 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,959 Speaker 1: grown ass woman. If you're going to go on a 196 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: date and want to meet a grown ass man. Because 197 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,080 Speaker 1: water seeks its own level, you will reap what you sow.