WEBVTT - Becoming Robin Danger Vincent: Rockin' with the Robin Shakedown Band 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.200 The moon is something that you always accept as being 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:07.680 what it is. It doesn't change much. It goes through phases, 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:10.080 but it is always there. It's a constant in the sky. 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.080 I remember looking at the moon and thinking to myself, 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.279 what if I just noticed that the moon was deep red? 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:19.320 And the moon had always been deep red? But I 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:21.439 knew in my heart that the moon was not supposed 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:23.360 to be deep red, that the moon was supposed to 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:25.759 be a big white looking rock in the sky, in 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:32.040 the sky, in the sky, in the sky. Hello beauty 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.959 translated listeners. I hope you've been enjoying the conversations we've 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:39.440 been having this season. This week, I'm back inside my 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:43.400 closet with one of my close friends, singer songwriter Robin 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.480 Danger Vincent. We have a lot to talk about this week, 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:51.320 coming out writing music, country music, vocal training, Atlanta stuff, 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:57.040 and of course trans stuff. Duh. Please enjoy my fun 0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.640 conversation with Robin Danger. 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:18.680 So I love it. 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.000 It is downright muggy today. Oh wait, it is downright 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:25.160 muggy boots today it is. And what is our our 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:27.760 little groundhog? What is our Georgia groundhog? We have a 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:30.920 Georgia one? We do? I thought there was only one. No, 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:34.440 we have a Georgia groundhog who tells the groundhog culture 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:36.600 here is deep and vicious. 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:38.040 Never heard of this. 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:40.880 Yeah, so no, there is a Georgia groundhog. He's at 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:43.679 like one of the parks or something. Okay, this is 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:46.640 totally Wait, what's the thing with Groundhog Day? The groundhog 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.760 comes out of the ground, and if it sees its 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:52.480 shadow and it gets scared by its shadow, it means 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:54.960 that we're going to have is it six weeks of winter? 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:57.120 Six more weeks of winter? Six more weeks of winter? 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:01.200 If it comes out of the ground and I don't know, like, 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.120 does it not notice its shadow or does it just 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.280 like see its shadow and it's not afraid of it, 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:08.480 or maybe it's a cloudy day and so it doesn't 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:11.799 have a shadow. I don't fucking know how this all works. Okay, 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:15.239 I think the groundhog just comes out and it says 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:19.040 it's too fucking cold. Still, I'm going back under, I'm 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:24.520 going back into hibernation. Yeah, but what our groundhog said was, well, bitch, 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:28.960 it's already spring. So I'm here. That groundhog ran out 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:34.840 and gathered some strawberries exactly, it's blueberry. Wait, it's berry seasoned. Mama. 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:38.119 Probably yeah, Berry. Wait, no, Berry, that's late. That's late 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:41.640 summer apples all year long, that's fall, Mama. We're gonna 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:44.400 start eating with the seasons, Mama. Is that a responsible 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:47.079 thing to do? No, it's not. I mean it is. 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:49.680 It's like the sustainable thing. I know, I know. But 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:53.040 who's gonna eat all those fucking apples in the winter? Girl? 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:54.600 We are not talking about what we're supposed to be 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.040 talking about. That's fair. I'm so sorry. Well, let me 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:58.720 give you an introduction. Cheers, thank you. Let we give 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:04.080 you a proper introduction. I am here today with family friend, 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:11.600 friend of the pod, and musician, songwriter. Musician, singer, songwriter. 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:15.200 I guess they call that guitarist, guitarists, all around great person, 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.880 all around great person. She does solo music. She has 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:24.360 a band. Her name is Robin Danger Vincent. Please welcome 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:27.360 to the pod. Wait, I said, what a name? Oh okay, 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:29.399 I was like, wait, do you want to say Shakedown? 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:29.920 No? 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:34.920 No, no, Robin Danger Vincent, Welcome you pod. Thank you. 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.200 Thank you so much for having me, Carmen. I really 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:38.920 appreciate it. Thank you for being here. I've been a 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:41.400 big fan of the podcast for as long as I 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:45.200 can remember, since the inception, since I met you. Oh yeah, 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:47.560 that's right, we met well, I guess we should talk 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.800 about how we met. Sure, you and I met each 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:52.560 other this past year. It was it was in twenty 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:55.440 twenty two, Latober. Was it late? I was going to 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:58.000 say late summer October twenty two. It was a beautiful day. 0:03:58.400 --> 0:03:59.920 We were in inmand Park. Yeah. It was at the 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:05.600 first Atlanta trans Lady's picnic. Yeah, it was fantastic. I 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:08.640 really enjoyed being there and of course meeting you and 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:12.119 was a great day. It was, well, Robin, since I've 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:15.080 met you, we have become close friends. You come over 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:19.960 weekly for dinner and movies and whatnot. Well technically not 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:24.760 movie but no night. Yes, and so we've been watching 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.000 Veno together, which we need to finish. We do and 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:28.960 by the way, and we do so sorry. That's a 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.479 life changing show, by the way, it is, and it's 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.119 a lot to take in. I'm watching it the third 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:38.520 time with you all now, so yeah, and this is 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.200 my first time watching it with a group of people, 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.400 well a group of people. I watched it with my 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:48.359 boyfriend previously, but watching it with fellow trans women just 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.719 feels very special. It really does. It feels like a 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:55.800 you know, a sisterhood that I always wanted. So that's 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.159 really sweet. Yeah, and I totally agree with that. I 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.440 appreciate I appreciate you for that. Thank you for having 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:03.560 us over and doing that. Honestly, you've kind of facilitated 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:07.640 the first group of trans people I've ever hung out with. Well, yeah, 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:13.360 I guess during the winter, during our winter stay hiatus 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:18.599 from the picnic. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Now, Robin, tell the 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.960 folks about who you are. Sure my name is Robin Danger. 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:24.359 Vincent as Cerman put it, I've lived in Atlanta my 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:29.520 entire life, which at this point is rare. Well, yeah, 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.680 it is rare. Everybody moves away from here. A lot 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:35.640 of transplants here, a lot of transplants. That's definitely true. 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:39.960 I've never felt okay, so right now I'm feeling a 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:42.560 pretty strong call to move away. I'll go ahead and 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:46.719 put that out there. Yeah, but I've seen the city 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:50.960 become something completely different. I remember a time before the 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:53.039 Olympics were here. What was our mass? What was that 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:58.560 little bit? It was busy? Izzy plush, I was iusied 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:01.560 out girl. I love as well. Yeah, I isy was 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:03.840 like it was a very It was really the first 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.960 identifying thing of Atlanta. We had the braves. Yeah, we 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:11.560 had that tomahawk thing that I honestly never knew was 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.960 a tomahawk. We had the bombing. We yeah, sorry, we 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.040 don't have stuck about. We did have the bombing. But yeah, 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.599 I guess I'll get right down into it. I grew 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:26.240 up frequenting a pretty well known venue, an acoustic venue 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:29.480 here called Eddie's Addic. Oh hell yeah, hell yeah. Eddie's 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:33.880 Attic was where my mother would take me many, many, 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:36.400 many times. I don't really know how often she would 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.800 take me because I was I don't know, this was 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:41.960 before I was five years old. We would go to 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.920 Eddie's Attic, where she worked as a publicist for a 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:47.440 lot of the bands that would come through. And since 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.520 I was a little child, I did not have any 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:53.400 daycare or anything like that, so I would just come 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:57.400 and listen to musicians and get really really surrounded by 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:01.279 that acoustic sound. And I just kind of thought that 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:04.839 everybody did that, And as I grew older, I learned 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:06.839 that not everybody does that, and it's kind of a 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:11.400 unique space to grow up in. And consequently, I spent 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:14.800 a lot of my childhood around a lot of lesbians, 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:21.080 around a lot of acoustic guitar playing lesbian sisters. So 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:25.720 that probably played a large role in my development, and 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.240 I haven't explored it as much as I should. But 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:32.920 I went to Georgia Tech and I was going to 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:37.520 be a mechanical engineer, and I spent maybe a year 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:40.440 and a half to two years in the industry working 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.800 as a mechanical engineer, commuting back and forth to Coming Georgia, Baby, 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:47.760 Coming Georgia. Have you seen that, Oprah Winfrey? I certainly, 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:50.800 Oh my god, I certainly havene and I got the 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:54.040 exact same for those of you listening at home who 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:57.000 have not heard of this coming. Georgia used to be, 0:07:57.200 --> 0:08:01.559 and to some extent still is a sundown town, which 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:07.640 is not a good town to be and that culture, 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:12.640 that sun downtown culture extends to a lot of minorities 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:17.000 and persists to this day. To some extent, in my eyes, 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:21.040 in that town, there's a lot of if you don't 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:25.640 fit in exactly with the local culture, you're not seen well, 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:29.360 you're not treated well there. So I on some level 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:33.280 felt this alienation working there with the coworkers. I had 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:35.440 who were all not all of them. Some of them 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:37.120 are still very good friends of mine. Shout out to 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:42.160 Francis and Eric. They to a certain extent, a lot 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.360 of them were kind of good old boys, and that's 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:49.280 not a good environment to be a pre out trans 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:52.880 woman in. And this was before I even knew. This 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:56.080 was when I still considered myself as this dude working 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.880 in coming Georgia, trying to fit in. But nothing felt 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:03.280 right the time, as we would say, exactly well a 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:07.599 little egg. And I associated that feeling a lot with 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.880 the industry, I think, which may have been a detriment 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.320 to my development further in that industry, but it also 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:18.960 exacerbated my coming out, which I guess. After working as 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:21.520 a mechanical engineer for a little bit, I decided, you know, 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:24.720 I've only got so much youth left in me, right, 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:27.599 I might as well take the most advantage of it 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:30.480 that I can. So I started a band. I had 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:33.079 always really been trying to write songs since I was 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:36.320 in college. I got a band together and started playing 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:40.280 around Atlanta, started going to the open mics and really 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:44.120 exploring who I was through music, listening to a lot 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:47.199 of different musicians, a lot of local musicians, hanging out 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:49.040 with a lot of musicians, and watching a lot of 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:53.760 music documentaries. Being from Georgia, we are surrounded with a 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:57.360 lot of country music, classic country music, not so much 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.600 new country music, which I think of as a blessing, 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:03.520 but a lot of classic country music. Country pop. Yeah, 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:08.360 you know you love that country pop so much. But 0:10:08.559 --> 0:10:12.440 country music has always been about, contrary to what it's 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:16.760 represented as now, going against the grain, but actually going 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.000 against the grain, being part of the working class and 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:23.240 going against the status quo. It represents those who are oppressed, 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.320 and it gives a voice to those who otherwise wouldn't 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:31.000 have one. So I started seeing these oppressed minority groups 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:35.040 in that light, which made me, gave me a little 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:37.360 bit of empathy for people that I didn't have before. 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:41.320 And I looked at who I was, and I said, 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:45.840 am I stuck being a white sisk guy my entire life? 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:51.040 Something about that feels wrong. I better explore this. So 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:54.200 I explored it. And you know, this is a process 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.880 that took place over the course of many, many, many months, 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:00.800 many years even, but one day I finally said, you know, 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:03.920 maybe there is something to this whole trans thing. You know, 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:06.520 growing up in a mostly Republican family in a mostly 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:11.040 Republican area. It was frowned upon, to say the least, 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:17.760 which we talked about earlier today. Yeah, and that made 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:21.120 it really difficult to admit to myself and to my 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:25.559 family and to my girlfriend. But I did what I 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:30.520 felt an outlaw country musician would do because at the time, 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:34.880 I considered myself an outlaw country artist, okay, and it 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.120 led to this. It led to my coming out, and 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.240 it led to me starting hormones, and it led to 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:43.520 like this whole new like it really feels like you're, 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:47.959 for lack of a better less cliche term, born again. 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:54.559 Moment you say, okay, listeners, we're going to take a 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:58.320 quick break. Here. More from Robin on her outlaw country 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:12.120 music outlook. After this, she does I know here and 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:15.240 welcome back. Robin and I are just getting into her 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:20.200 songwriting process. When you started music, you say you kind 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:22.679 of felt like an outlock country musician. How do you 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.880 feel like your music has evolved as you have evolved 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:30.880 in your transition? So one thing that I've always abided 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:34.320 by is write what you know when you're writing music, 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:38.040 when you're writing prose, when you're really writing anything, if 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:40.920 you're not writing what you know, it's going to come 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:45.240 across as fake. So I started just writing about my feelings. 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:50.400 Taylor Swift would write about she would use writing as 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:53.600 a way to cope with her breakups and her drama 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:55.839 that was going on in her life all throughout middle 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:59.280 school and high school. And I read that in some 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:03.000 interviews where and I thought, you know what, Taylor Swift 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.800 has a good thing going for her. Maybe I should 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.040 take a leaf out of that book. And so I 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:11.800 started writing, just like I started No Holds Bar, just 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:19.040 writing about how I was feeling and myself. And I 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.720 have one anecdote which was I guess my whole coming out. 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:29.040 It was in twenty seventeen. I think I was feeling 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:35.800 this unease, this unrest, and I grabbed my laptop and 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:40.319 I went over to the Majestic Diner. Everybody knows the 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:44.240 Majestic Diner. I hate their French fries, absolutely horrible. What 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:48.280 makes them horrible? They're just they're just bad. They're bad 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.880 French fries. They just give you like potatoes, and it's 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:54.200 just like they're not hard, they're not crunchy, they're not salty. 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:56.520 I used to work at five guys. Oh really, the 0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:59.800 secret is the double frying. Yeah, you drop them one, 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.280 you let them sit for five minutes or something like that, 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.640 you drop them again. I always order my fries extra crispy. 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:09.719 Oh my god, that's like maybe three drops total. I'm 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.160 an extra crispy bitch, extra crispy bitch. Right there, ladies 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:16.000 and gentlemen, we're sitting with an extra crispy bitch. They 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:19.000 know when I walk in to get that fucking prior, 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:24.040 get going, go it, fire it up. Yeah. But I 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:26.680 went to the Majestic Diner one night and I grabbed 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.880 my laptop and I decided I was just gonna write. 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:32.920 I was just going to write something about that night. 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:35.680 Just felt very open and like I could be myself. 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.840 I was completely alone that night, and I wrote and 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:40.280 I wrote and I wrote, and I think at the 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:42.280 end of it, I had written like six pages on 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:46.560 some Google doc and at the end of it, I 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:50.480 had come to the conclusion the Internet says I might 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:55.160 be trans but the Internet also says Paul is dead, 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:59.120 So I don't know. So that kind of like that 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.760 little essay thing that I wrote, I didn't show anybody, 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.360 but it stayed on my mind for the next couple 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.480 of years, and then one night, I remember I was 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:09.320 feeling kind of a similar way, and I went outside 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.160 of my apartment. I looked up at the moon and 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.760 I thought to myself, Man, it really feels like did 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.640 you ever play Major's Mask? Yes, the legend of Alto 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:19.520 Majors Mask. You know when you look up at the 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:23.160 moon and it's fucking terrifying. Yeah, like the third day, God, like, 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:28.120 oh my god, nightmares about that. I remember looking up 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.320 at the moon and I was thinking to myself, it 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:35.120 kind of feels like the the moon is something that 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:39.480 you always accept as being what it is. It's it 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:42.960 doesn't change much. It goes through phases, but it is 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.080 always there. It's a constant in the sky, except in 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.240 the daytime when it's harder to see, or when it's 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:50.840 under the horizon when you can't see it. But other 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:55.840 than that, astrology one O one, Robin here, thank you, Robin, 0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:01.000 You're very welcome the moon. I remember think, not astronomy, 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:05.240 I a fucking moron. Anyway, we can cut that, we 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:11.160 can cut that astrology. Astronomy. Astrology is just much more 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.040 fun of a word, I think it is. It's harder 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:17.960 to say astronomy, astronomy. It's like saying cnemone, Yeah, you're right, Okay, 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.440 sorry continue. I remember looking at the moon and thinking 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.360 to myself, what if. 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:26.280 The moon? 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.480 What if I just noticed that the moon was deep 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:33.560 red and the moon had always been deep red. But 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:35.440 I knew in my heart that the moon was not 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.760 supposed to be deep red, that the moon was supposed 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:39.960 to be a big white looking rock in the sky. 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:46.320 And that, I remember, was like the thing that kickstarted, 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:50.080 like this thought process in my mind that was like 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:54.520 maybe I should transition. It took a long time for 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.680 the for the logical leap to get there by it, 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:01.720 but I got there, and uh, I remember. I walked 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.760 from my sidewalk back into the house, and I was 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.240 shaken because I've never i'd never like gone through some 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:12.200 kind of you know, called it an awakening or whatever 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:14.120 like this before in my life. But I went back 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.160 into my apartment and my girlfriend greeted me at the door, 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:21.360 and I said to her, I love you. I think 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.040 I wish that I had been born a girl. And 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:26.639 I don't know what to do with that information, but 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:28.960 I don't want to talk about it right now. And 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:32.119 she looked at me and she said, Okay, we can 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:35.840 talk about that later, and that like little tiny bit 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:39.560 of acceptance, just that little tiny smidgeon of acceptance right 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:43.520 at the beginning, kept me going. You know, I don't 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:45.679 know what would have happened if it had gone differently, 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:47.520 but I'm so so glad that it went the way 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.439 that it did because you're still together today. We are 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:53.600 still together today. Yeah, Yeah, that's amazing. I love the 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:58.879 crap out of her. Yeah. But we A couple months passed, 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:03.200 and event vitually, I remember she was off somewhere and 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.480 I was having just another one of those nights, you know, 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:10.359 those nights, And this was after COVID had started, and 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:14.600 everybody did their self reflection during COVID, and my self 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:18.440 reflection included a night where I grabbed this large roll 0:18:18.520 --> 0:18:21.320 of butcher paper that we had her parchment paper off 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:24.840 of a shelf, and I remember taking a big permanent 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:29.400 marker and I wrote I'm trans on it with no punctuation. 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:31.000 I might have put a period at the end or something, 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:33.440 but then I rolled it up and I put it 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:35.840 on the shelf and I just I just thought about 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:37.760 it for the next couple hours, and I knew that 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:39.280 it was there, and I knew that it was out 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.160 in the open, and I had said it. And then 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:45.680 my girlfriend came home and I told her to go 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:47.640 look at that thing on the shelf, and she did, 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:51.600 and that kicked everything off. That was my first time 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:55.760 I came out to anybody other than myself. Wow. Now 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:58.560 that didn't answer the question what is your music now? 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.639 What is your sound? Now? If I had to commare 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:04.440 it to an artist, I'm always going to say Tom Petty, okay, yeah, 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:08.000 because that's your that's your like, he's my boy. Yeah, 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.440 he's my boy. He's always been my boy. Okay. I 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:13.440 love Tom Petty. I met him one time. Wow, I 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:16.359 did you want to talk about that. It's not a 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:18.960 great story. It's an okay story. It was his old band, 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.520 mud Crutch. They were playing at the Tabernacle. Oh okay, 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:24.359 yeah in twenty sixteen or something. Yeah, in fact, it 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:28.240 was June second, twenty sixteen. Oh, she has it tattooed 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:35.480 on her. Yeah. He came to the Tabernacle and I, 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.360 you know, hung out out back until he came out 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:40.399 and I shook his hand and I said thanks for 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:40.840 the music. 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:41.600 Oh. 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.280 And then he died the next year. And you were 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:48.359 responsible for it. I feel it. I feel like I was, 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.960 and honestly like I feel like Tom Petty was. Also 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.639 he might have been trans oh like a repressor. He 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.760 might have been. Yeah, he might have been. Yeah, I 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.320 could see that. But the music to answer the actual 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:06.440 question has become much more faithful to what I actually believe. Yeah, 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:11.119 it's become a lot more rock oriented rather than like 0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:14.119 this shoehorned, fake country thing that I was trying to 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:17.440 do for so long. Right, Okay, So I want to 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:20.880 ask about your mother because she sounds like obviously another 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:24.520 big musical influence, you know, musical influence for you. And 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:26.680 I know you have a close relationship with your mother, 0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:30.879 I do. Is she your only family you're close to? 0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:32.920 What is that? I'm pretty close to my family. I 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:36.960 am ridiculously lucky in that regard. That's awesome. And you know, 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:39.000 I'll be the first to admit that there is some 0:20:39.240 --> 0:20:41.760 survivors guilt there sometimes because I know that that is 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:45.720 somewhat unique in the in the world that we live in. 0:20:46.040 --> 0:20:48.440 But I've always tried to be open with my mother, 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:53.240 my father less, So there's that whole masculinity thing, and 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:55.399 that's always hard to get around. But my mother and 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:58.520 I have always been pretty close. I've always been able 0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:02.280 to joke with her. I think what helps a lot 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:04.320 is that she wouldn't like me to say this, but 0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:06.840 she would curse a lot. She says a lot of cusswords, 0:21:07.359 --> 0:21:10.200 and I thought that was really funny as a child, 0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.480 as yeah, no, like my entire life. Yeah, she would 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:15.959 say a lot of curse words. But that always kind 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:18.320 of led to me being more open with her for 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:23.040 some reason. And I always well because like she would say, 0:21:23.240 --> 0:21:25.040 like she would drop f bombs, and I was like, 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:29.080 I could tell this lady anything, like she is real, 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:31.639 She's gonna she'll she'll tell me how she sees it. 0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:35.280 And so one day I was home at my parents' 0:21:35.320 --> 0:21:39.080 house and my mom noticed that there was something wrong 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.520 and so she kind of confronted me outside and said, Hey, 0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:45.160 what's going on with you? And I said, Mom, I'm 0:21:45.200 --> 0:21:49.080 starting to question my gender identity. I think that was 0:21:49.119 --> 0:21:54.240 the phrasing I used exactly, and she she, she said 0:21:55.240 --> 0:21:59.000 she she kind of did this like, oh, God, don't 0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:04.639 don't tell your father that kind of thing, which is 0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:08.200 a little expected, and I said, I won't, but I 0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:11.280 am getting therapy for it, and she was very much 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:14.160 in support of that, which really really helped me a lot. 0:22:14.359 --> 0:22:16.760 For her to be in support of like seeking help 0:22:16.800 --> 0:22:19.159 about it and getting therapy and talking to somebody about it. 0:22:19.720 --> 0:22:23.639 You know, whether or not she supported it immediately, in 0:22:23.760 --> 0:22:26.600 my mind, doesn't matter as much. She just did not 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:29.760 disown me. She always, always, always made it clear that 0:22:29.840 --> 0:22:32.320 she loved me, and I love her for that and 0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:34.840 I really appreciate that in her. Yeah, and let's talk 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:40.720 about that too, because acceptance and embracing somebody's transidentity isn't 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:45.679 always immediate. No it's not, and we can't necessarily always 0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:48.200 expect it to be well, absolutely not. It's not always 0:22:48.200 --> 0:22:51.040 perfect either, you know. But I did not expect it 0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:54.440 at first. I had this Instagram account I remember that 0:22:54.480 --> 0:22:57.440 I started before coming out to her, and it was 0:22:57.480 --> 0:22:59.800 a private Instagram account where I would just post my thoughts. 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:02.159 It was a journal, and I remember a lot of 0:23:02.280 --> 0:23:06.040 those posts were saying over and over again, my parents 0:23:06.080 --> 0:23:08.040 are gonna hate me for this. I am going to 0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:10.520 be disowned. I need to get right with not having 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:14.200 parents anymore. And so I, much like a lot of 0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:18.159