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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John the og story Time podcast host.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we got a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 4: My boyfriend is police in my eating habits and I'm

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Speaker 4: tired of it.

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Speaker 5: What that's not cool?

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Speaker 4: For the record, I am a small, framed, visibly muscular

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Speaker 4: five four a woman whose weight fluctuates anywhere between one

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Speaker 4: twenty eight and one thirty five. My boyfriend has always

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Speaker 4: teased and encouraged me to eat more, but it's always

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Speaker 4: been playful. Before I used to tease him about his

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Speaker 4: mammoth sized portions.

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Speaker 3: Seriously, where does it go?

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Speaker 4: Because I had to start making date night dinners that

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Speaker 4: should serve four.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from.

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Speaker 4: Users cc boy f and if you want to submit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

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Speaker 4: subvert it so to be clear, he constantly underestimates his

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Speaker 4: calories and is often shocked when I'm reading nutritional information.

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Speaker 4: I don't know where he got the idea he's knowledgeable

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Speaker 4: enough to be judging what I'm eating, but there you go.

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Speaker 4: Lately he's become very fixated on this idea. I'm going

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Speaker 4: to start starving myself without his guidance. I don't have

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Speaker 4: a big sweet tooth. I don't snack on the regular.

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Speaker 4: I really only eat about half of my restaurant entrees.

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Speaker 4: When we order, we usually split appetizers. I'm a line

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Speaker 4: wait I prefer a light lunch. These are all things

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Speaker 4: he's starting to criticize on the regular. I want you

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Speaker 4: all to understand I'm really not depriving myself.

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Speaker 3: I don't go hungry.

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Speaker 4: I just don't enjoy stuffing myself. He doesn't listen when

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Speaker 4: I tell him. He's constantly ruining my appetite by forcing

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Speaker 4: snacks upon me.

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Speaker 3: Yesterday, we woke.

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Speaker 4: Up late and I knew we were going out to lunch,

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Speaker 4: so I only had one slice of thick brioche French bread,

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Speaker 4: powdered sugar, syrup, butter, half a peach, and two slices

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Speaker 4: of summer sausage. He had five slices of French toast

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Speaker 4: with all the toppings, whipped cream, one and a half

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Speaker 4: peach cans, and the rest of the summer sausage and

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Speaker 4: an egg. I ended up eating a third slice of

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Speaker 4: his summer sausage dipped in his egg to get him

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Speaker 4: to stop nag me. He made another two comments about

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Speaker 4: how little I ate before lunch. Then at lunch he

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Speaker 4: had new fights to pick. He didn't want me to

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Speaker 4: order plain iced tea or a diet soda. I don't

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Speaker 4: like overly sweet drinks. He didn't want me to order

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Speaker 4: an entree salad, ranch, bacon, avocado, egg, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 4: We negotiated my lunch to a breadstick, a side salad

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Speaker 4: at plus avocado, two slices of pizza that he nagged

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Speaker 4: me to finish until his dad told him to lay

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Speaker 4: off because he didn't want me too full for jeelado. Later,

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Speaker 4: the whole meal was pretty embarrassing for me. Of course,

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Speaker 4: my boyfriend wasn't happy that I wanted a small gelato

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Speaker 4: cup instead of a cone.

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Speaker 3: I don't have a sweet tooth.

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Speaker 4: Remember, we knew we were going to go have a

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Speaker 4: late dinner, so we stopped at a gas station later

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Speaker 4: that evening to get him a snack. I just wanted water,

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Speaker 4: but picked up a small package of corn nuts in

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Speaker 4: the hopes of making him happy.

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Speaker 3: And we still had a minor spat so I picked

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Speaker 3: out some candy too.

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Speaker 4: He didn't notice he was the one to end up

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Speaker 4: eating it, he claimed. We disagreed because I was irritable

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Speaker 4: from hunger. We picked up dinner out of a face

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Speaker 4: style place that charges you by weight for to go containers.

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Speaker 4: He decided I had to use a medium container instead

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Speaker 4: of a small. Admittedly, I just filled the difference with

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Speaker 4: varieties of salad, but I also had a very rich

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Speaker 4: mac and cheese and some fried foods in my containers

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Speaker 4: as well. He was bothered by the small portions I

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Speaker 4: was serving myself, but I was taking many more varieties

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Speaker 4: than him, like a sample platter.

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Speaker 3: My container was full.

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Speaker 4: This is where we had our first real fight about

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Speaker 4: my eating habits. He decided to make a third container

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Speaker 4: of food to make sure I ate enough when we

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Speaker 4: got home.

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Speaker 3: The restaurant we were at was not cheap.

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Speaker 4: I refused to back down on not blowing a bunch

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Speaker 4: of money on food that we just end up picking

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Speaker 4: at and throwing away a lot of the things He

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Speaker 4: picked our foods I don't like when they're reheated.

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Speaker 3: We've been working hard on being more frugal together.

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Speaker 4: Lately, so I was pretty pissed when he ignored me

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Speaker 4: and paid for the extra food. In the car ride

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Speaker 4: on the way home, the argument continued until it got

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Speaker 4: to the point where he was very frustrated and teared

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Speaker 4: up as he shouted, I work so hard to take

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Speaker 4: care of you, and you're always fighting me to hurt

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Speaker 4: yourself then and proceeded to give me a long, condescending

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Speaker 4: guilt trip. I was pretty enraged, to be honest.

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Speaker 3: Once we were a home.

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Speaker 4: Dinner went cold while we google fought over how calories, protein, sugar, and.

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Speaker 3: My BMI work, you name it.

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Speaker 4: No matter what I showed him, he wouldn't back down

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Speaker 4: on not feeling like I don't eat enough because muscle

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Speaker 4: weighs more than fat, so you're actually underweight and hiding

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Speaker 4: it by lifting weights.

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Speaker 5: Like I don't even understand what he's trying to say.

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Speaker 5: Is he's saying, No, you're actually it's all just muscle weight. Well,

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Speaker 5: it should be fat weight to be fat that you can.

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Speaker 4: Actually get to a point where if you lose so

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Speaker 4: much body fat and you have just muscle that it

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Speaker 4: can be a detriment to your health. However, Ope, he

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Speaker 4: is expressed, Dad, they are perfectly healthy.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, really doubt that, Like she is just at a

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Speaker 5: point where she has like one percent body fat or

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Speaker 5: something like that. Like, I just that's so hard to

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Speaker 5: get to and it in like with the I feel

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Speaker 5: like she would already have to be on like a

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Speaker 5: strict eating diet if that was the case, you know.

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Speaker 5: So it's like that. Yeah, he's just and it's like

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Speaker 5: so stupid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even know what to say to that.

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Speaker 3: So I went home.

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Speaker 4: He texted me twelve times because I left the cold

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Speaker 4: dinner at his place. I was ignoring him while I

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Speaker 4: made food, but finally caved and told him I was

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Speaker 4: eating something else. He asked me to text him a

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Speaker 4: picture of my food. I never responded, and he texted

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Speaker 4: me another three times. This morning, he texted to ask

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Speaker 4: if he could bring me breakfast.

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Speaker 3: I said no.

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Speaker 4: I'm kind of bewildered and annoyed. I'm not really sure

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Speaker 4: how we can resolve this one relevant comments here from

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Speaker 4: Dynamite seventy seven. He claimed we disagreed because I was

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Speaker 4: irritable from hunger.

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Speaker 3: This is really controlling behavior.

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Speaker 4: Is there any space in his brain for you to

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Speaker 4: be right about your eating habits?

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Speaker 3: Does he do this with other things in your life

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Speaker 3: as well?

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Speaker 4: Op He replies, Yeah, it was about as enraging as

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Speaker 4: when guys try to say being on my period is

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Speaker 4: why I'm upset. He's normally very laid back, but we've

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Speaker 4: only known each other for eight months. M M one

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Speaker 4: seven two says, does your boyfriend have some kind of

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Speaker 4: feeding fatouche or is this reverse psychology in an effort

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Speaker 4: to get you to develop an ed Because your weight

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Speaker 4: is almost exactly in the middle of healthy range for

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Speaker 4: your height, and it sounds like you're perfectly capable of

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Speaker 4: picking up balanced meals for yourself. There's zero justification for

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Speaker 4: counting every calorie or measuring portion size the way he's

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Speaker 4: trying to do. If you want to try and play catim,

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Speaker 4: tell him you'll make an appointment with your doctor and

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Speaker 4: discuss healthy eating while you're there. Until then you don't

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Speaker 4: want to hear another word about meal choices, and if

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Speaker 4: you're given the all clear, this discussion is done. But personally,

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Speaker 4: I think I just bail. His obsession with this is

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Speaker 4: just too weird. OHP says I'm not sure. Says he

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Speaker 4: likes my body the way it is, but thinks I'd

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Speaker 4: be skinnier if he wasn't around a Nagmy, I'm pretty

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Speaker 4: happy with the way I look right now. To be honest,

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Speaker 4: the thought of having to take him to professionals to

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Speaker 4: get him to listen to me isn't very appealing. So

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Speaker 4: ah eight says, put your stats in a calorie calculator.

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Speaker 3: Don't do any of this for God's sakes, break up

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Speaker 3: with them.

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Speaker 2: What are we talking about?

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Speaker 5: Crash out? Oh pe, we're crashing out on your behalf,

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Speaker 5: please for us.

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Speaker 4: So OPI replies to this comment, I downloaded a calorie

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Speaker 4: counter app last night and entered what I would have

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Speaker 4: eaten yesterday without his influence, and it came in well

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Speaker 4: over my daily requirements. But that developed into him picking

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Speaker 4: apart how calories and the BMI system works. I know

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Speaker 4: this is absurd behavior, but he doesn't seem to have

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Speaker 4: a malicious intent, So I'm more puzzled than angry right now.

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Speaker 6: At And also, go see a doctor, go see someone

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Speaker 6: that has actually medically licensed in this area and prove

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Speaker 6: them wrong, or like, actually get the stats and be like, hey,

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Speaker 6: this is what this guy said to do. Cause I

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Speaker 6: mean literally, this guy probably got all of his information

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Speaker 6: from YouTube videos and just watching YouTube stuff.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like watching podcasts.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, about the mail physique and how much you should

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Speaker 6: be taking it as a mel I know I'm.

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Speaker 3: Not giving him an out. There's no out.

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Speaker 4: Your partner has repeatedly, repeatedly told you stop it.

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Speaker 5: I think it would be the kind of thing like

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Speaker 5: if he was watching these podcasts or whatever. It's like

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Speaker 5: that just explains it, but definitely doesn't excuse it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're still a horrifically terrible partner to go.

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Speaker 5: Into any more effort to just into this man at all.

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Speaker 3: No, it's over, It's over.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I'm just going to the update forty days later

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Speaker 4: in case anyone's wondering. It turns out mine now ex's

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Speaker 4: mother and two sisters had him convinced I had some

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Speaker 4: kind of eating disorder and would nagget him about it

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Speaker 4: and make him feel like crap for letting me hurt myself.

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Speaker 4: So all three of them are obese, So I don't

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Speaker 4: know why he weighed their opinion on nutrition so heavily.

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Speaker 4: I pointed that out with a little more tact, and

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Speaker 4: we had a much better conversation about why he needed

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Speaker 4: to lay off on how I eat. He did make

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Speaker 4: a lot of effort to keep his opinions to himself,

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Speaker 4: but could never completely let his worry go.

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Speaker 3: We have a little bit more story left.

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Speaker 4: I still think break up because again, it's it's just

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Speaker 4: more of the fundamental of like a partner who is

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Speaker 4: unable to accept you for who you are and is

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Speaker 4: also unable to follow boundaries of like stop telling me

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Speaker 4: to do this.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, trying to parent me, rite, infantilize.

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Speaker 4: Me, googugaga. I can make my own decisions. I don't

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Speaker 4: need my mom and sister to tell me how to think.

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Speaker 4: So officially, this isn't why we broke up, but it

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Speaker 4: was kind of like the shattering illusion from how I

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Speaker 4: met your mother that kind of made me start noticing

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Speaker 4: how he's quick to be arrogant, condescending, and patronizing when

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Speaker 4: he thinks he's right, and now he buys into every

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Speaker 4: dumb thing his family tells him without question.

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Speaker 6: I am going to a destination wedding with a friend.

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Speaker 6: My girlfriend is now having doubts. I karamba my girlfriends

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Speaker 6: when you two female and I twenty three male, have

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Speaker 6: been dating for about eight months, around four months before

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Speaker 6: I met her, my sister announced she is having a

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Speaker 6: destination wedding. Being that I was single, I asked my

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Speaker 6: friends when he's you female if she wanted to go

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Speaker 6: with me. There has never been anything romance between us,

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Speaker 6: and that is one of the things we value about

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Speaker 6: our friendship. By the way, this comes from Verdicon one

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Speaker 6: two three at fewness me your own stories go to

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Speaker 6: the our size okay stories I'm sub Reddit. So I

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Speaker 6: promised her that even if I got into a relationship,

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Speaker 6: we would still go, because I think it would be

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Speaker 6: crappy of me to take that away from a long

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Speaker 6: standing friend and give it to a relatively newer girlfriend.

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Speaker 6: After a few months, we both ended up in happy

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Speaker 6: and supportive relationships. As it turns out, my friend and

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Speaker 6: girlfriend went to the same high school together, but did

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Speaker 6: not interact as much as they were very different people

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Speaker 6: back then. To give some perspective on the girlfriend, she's

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Speaker 6: someone who goes far out of her way to accommodate

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Speaker 6: others and make people feel comfortable, putting her own happiness

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Speaker 6: second to those around her. We are both great communicators

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Speaker 6: and are probably able to talk through our problems, and

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Speaker 6: are always able to talk through our problems. I brought

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Speaker 6: up the destination wedding trip and details early on the

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Speaker 6: little relationship, so it wouldn't be a surprise and it

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Speaker 6: didn't seem to really be an issue initially. Over time,

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Speaker 6: her friends, who I believe were looking out for her,

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Speaker 6: expressed concern that I was going to a romantic destination

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Speaker 6: wedding with someone that is not her and they think

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Speaker 6: it's inappropriate.

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Speaker 2: Then she met my family.

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Speaker 6: They brought up the wedding on multiple separate occasions forgetting

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Speaker 6: that she was not going, and when we reminded them

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Speaker 6: of this, she was met with, oh, we wish she

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Speaker 6: were going. Reasonably, these things got to her and built

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Speaker 6: up to her being adamantly against the concept of the trip.

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Speaker 2: By this, I mean.

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Speaker 6: That she never asked me not to go, and she

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Speaker 6: never asked me not to let go, and she never

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Speaker 6: asked me to let her go instead of my friend.

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Speaker 6: But she said that she does not want contact with

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Speaker 6: me while I'm gone and does not want to hear

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Speaker 6: about the trip. She has stated that when I return,

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Speaker 6: if she can forget it ever happened to move on,

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Speaker 6: then we will be fine. But if she can't get

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Speaker 6: past it, then our relationship is likely over. I feel

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Speaker 6: like I'm doing the right thing by keeping my promise,

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Speaker 6: but she feels like the right thing would have been

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Speaker 6: for her would have been for me to realize months

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Speaker 6: ago that this is inappropriate and to take her instead,

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Speaker 6: even though she did not ask me to do that.

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Speaker 6: Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 5: Edit?

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Speaker 6: There is no time to change plans. The fly is

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Speaker 6: tomorrow morning, and there are no more rooms in the resort.

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Speaker 6: Girlfriend has no passport, so this is impossible at this point.

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Speaker 3: Well, yeah, so they both suck.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, comment that eight oh five, daddy, and everyone's in

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Speaker 6: a hole here. She should have been a bit better

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Speaker 6: at community, but you also should reap. I get that

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Speaker 6: she's just a friend, but hear me out. Let's say

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Speaker 6: your girlfriends because she was going to a romantic went

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Speaker 6: to high school with even though you're dating. Now, I

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Speaker 6: understand why you're thinking you're not the a hole because

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Speaker 6: it's fascially platonic. I found myself in a similar situation

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Speaker 6: being questioned about mine on a trip with a platonic friend.

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Speaker 6: But when I took a step, you could probably rub

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Speaker 6: two brain cells to figure out why she's being made uncomfortable.

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Speaker 6: But she could probably have done a better job communicating

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Speaker 6: her issues ahead of time. Hope, he says, I actually

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Speaker 6: was in a similar situation early on in the relationship.

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Speaker 6: She went on a cruise with her ex because it

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Speaker 6: was planned before they broke up. I also, it was

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Speaker 6: also a graduation gift from his parents to them, so

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Speaker 6: she had to go and could have asked him uncomfortable

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Speaker 6: with it at the time and try to see if

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Speaker 6: she could get out of it. Overall things, she handled

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Speaker 6: the situation more reasonably than I handled hers.

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Speaker 5: What this is?

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Speaker 2: This is a double dipping situation, dude?

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I got nothing to say.

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Speaker 2: Which one's worse? Which one's worse?

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Speaker 6: A cruise going on with your ex and like having

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Speaker 6: to watch your colfor for doing it, or you're going, uh,

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Speaker 6: you're going on a destination wedding with your family. I

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Speaker 6: feel like the cruise is worse because the family everyone

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Speaker 6: was watching it, and it's like, hey, why you don't

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Speaker 6: she but on a cruise thoughts downloading?

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Speaker 4: But yeah, that giving the rationale behind it where it's like, oh, well,

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Speaker 4: it was a gift and we planned it and it

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Speaker 4: was bought for us by his parents, so we can't

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Speaker 4: back out.

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Speaker 3: It's like not true.

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Speaker 4: There is no vampiric legally binding count or lock contract

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Speaker 4: stating you have to get on the boat or like

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Speaker 4: the black plague will.

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Speaker 3: Come to you.

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Speaker 4: That's not how that works. You can just not go

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Speaker 4: because it's your ex boyfriend. Now what Okay, the girlfriend

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Speaker 4: is so much worse.

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Speaker 2: Do not go on the.

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Speaker 6: Trip with an ex? Yeah, Chris, dude, cohameda bag, this

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Speaker 6: is good to go to. I don't know, dude, she

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Speaker 6: wanted to a cruise with her ex. I would have

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Speaker 6: cut it off there. They were already broken up and

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Speaker 6: she couldn't make him take someone else.

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Speaker 2: Why.

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Speaker 6: I'm just gonna keep it one thousand percent with you,

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Speaker 6: my guy. They used to date, and something tells me

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Speaker 6: they didn't trade shifts between the floor sleeping on the floor.

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Speaker 6: To me, that is way more disrespectful than going on

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Speaker 6: the wedding. So you should take your friend and when

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Speaker 6: you come back, break up with your girl. Hope, he

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Speaker 6: says they did. They didn't end up on bad terms.

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Speaker 6: It was pretty early in the relationship. You can't trust

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Speaker 6: your partner. I be with him, bb Ux says, I'd

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Speaker 6: say you're the ahole. It was unreasonable of you to

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Speaker 6: make such a promise to your friend. You were only

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Speaker 6: considering two people's feelings. But now your girlfriend is a

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Speaker 6: real person with real emotions. It sounds like your family

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Speaker 6: wants your girlfriend to come, not your friend. If this

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Speaker 6: includes your sister indeed seeing her as it's her wedding,

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Speaker 6: it is strange that your friend hasn't given up on

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Speaker 6: the spot out of politeness, seeing as you're now in

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Speaker 6: a serious relationship. I can't imagine not doing that even

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Speaker 6: though you promised it to her. Girlfriend has already expressed

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Speaker 6: her discomfort with the situation, and it's not unreasonable. Why

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Speaker 6: ignore her? Why does it matter that she appeared to

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Speaker 6: not care earlier. The wedding hasn't begun yet.

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Speaker 7: Edit.

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Speaker 6: Also, it will be incredibly awkward as people will assume

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Speaker 6: your friend is your girlfriend, and then you'll have to

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Speaker 6: explain that you have a different girlfriend and you didn't

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Speaker 6: bring her for a silly reason. It's just a kind

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Speaker 6: of humildating for your girlfriend. But this also, this was

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Speaker 6: also her opportunity to get to know your extended family

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Speaker 6: as your partner. I think you've dropped the ball here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that would be the case if she was ready

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Speaker 4: and waiting and had all the stuff lined up and

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Speaker 4: had expressed that she wanted to go, and then he said,

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Speaker 4: like that promise to this other girl I'm not dating.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you're not you.

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Speaker 4: Kuming had a comment in here where it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: the reason she's this upset about this while also having

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Speaker 4: no passport is because she knows what she did on

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Speaker 4: the cruise, so now she's like, oh, he's gonna go

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Speaker 4: do that at the wedding.

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Speaker 6: For got An update six days later for those of

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Speaker 6: you saying you probably won't have a girlfriend when you

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Speaker 6: get back and waiting for the edit saying your girlfriend

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Speaker 6: broke up with you, prepare to be disappointed. The wedding

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Speaker 6: was a lot of fun, and we talked every day.

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Speaker 6: She had a good weekend visiting a sibling and we

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Speaker 6: hung out. When I got back, she made me brownies

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Speaker 6: and I gave her some rum cakes from the trip,

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Speaker 6: and we all caught up and joked around. Were already

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Speaker 6: planning a getaway trip for her birthday with just.

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Speaker 2: The two of us. So things are really looking up.

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Speaker 6: Every relationship has bumps and mistakes, not everything has to

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Speaker 6: be a deal breaker. Second update six years later, I think, okay,

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Speaker 6: break up, that's wild.

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Speaker 2: Sorry. I love it when they go deep into the

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Speaker 2: deep later.

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Speaker 6: On, but I think the girlfriend looked at it or

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Speaker 6: even now I went to that cruise, you did a

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Speaker 6: little destination wedding with your friend or you even.

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Speaker 3: Nah, it's crazy.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I know you're you're just messing around, but

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Speaker 4: there's no room for mess around in this. It's insane

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Speaker 4: to me that this guy is willing to look past

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Speaker 4: that well. I mean, hey, hey, if you can't trust

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Speaker 4: your boy, your relationship, why I have one. Well, I'm

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Speaker 4: going to need a passport for this update that happens

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Speaker 4: six years later because mine has expired six years later. Question,

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Speaker 4: what is the smallest amount of money that you would

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Speaker 4: be life changing for you at this moment?

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Speaker 5: Hope?

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Speaker 2: He says, three thousand dollars.

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Speaker 6: I'm saving up to take my girlfriend of four years

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Speaker 6: to Amsterdam so she can fulfill her dream of seeing

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Speaker 6: von Go Museum. What she didn't know is I'm going

405
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Speaker 6: to propose there soon. I'm very worried my job is

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Speaker 6: going to lay off a lot of employees. I think

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Speaker 6: I'll be on that train on it if I if

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Speaker 6: it departs, I'm unsure if I can afford it this summer.

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Speaker 6: So what he was, probably dude, fantastic job, Lana, because

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Speaker 6: she went and she looked at their profile and like

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Speaker 6: found like him commenting on other subreddits.

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Speaker 2: So this's what he found. We have an update. First

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Speaker 2: of July.

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Speaker 6: I am in Paris for a few days after getting

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Speaker 6: engaged in Amsterdam. Planned this trip half a year ago,

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Speaker 6: and we're just saying in a hotel, I'm almost passed

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Speaker 6: out in the line of the news mus ozare this

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Speaker 6: morning and I think I saw that And editor's note,

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Speaker 6: relationship link of four years suggests that this is not

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Speaker 6: the original girlfriend.

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Speaker 4: So okay, So basically, thank you, Lana, because it's always

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Speaker 4: the worst when we're like, oh my god, and they

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Speaker 4: just like stayed together.

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Speaker 3: So what that was was evidence that these two broke up.

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Speaker 2: Oh he said six years later.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's like, okay, six years later, Okay, this

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Speaker 4: is probably somebody else that he's now getting here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, guys, based on the length.

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Speaker 4: Of their relationship, then it would have been they would

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Speaker 4: have been together a lot longer.

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Speaker 2: What he would have said, Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I want my ex to return the birthday Xbox even

433
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Speaker 5: though it was a gift.

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Speaker 2: Mama's got to pay some bills.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes straight from the r slash

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Speaker 5: Okay story time separddit Hey, everyone, first time writing and

437
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 5: sharing this story being that it's happening now, and honestly,

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Speaker 5: I just have some questions and I want to see

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Speaker 5: what y'all think. This is female thirty, male thirty. Love

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00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 5: language is gifts. I don't have a problem expressing how

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Speaker 5: I feel. I just like to show it by buying

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00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 5: stuff for myself for others. For example, if I'm having

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Speaker 5: a bad day and you say something that brings me

444
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 5: out of my funk, days later, I'll get you some

445
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 5: shoes and say thanks for hepping me out a bad time.

446
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 5: I'm also one of those people who laugh at everything,

447
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 5: even when things are awkward. I can't help it. If

448
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 5: it's a serious situation, I'll just dismiss myself. By the way,

449
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,119
Speaker 5: this comes from a lady night Wolf one and if

450
00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 5: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

451
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 5: r Slasher story time separated. So this dude I was

452
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 5: talking to I was supposed to go out of town

453
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 5: to meet him in like two weeks. His birthday was

454
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 5: July third and mine is June third. We have been

455
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,919
Speaker 5: talking for four months straight with no problems, good communication

456
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 5: and conversations. He got me something for my birthday and

457
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 5: I had gotten him something and we would exchange them all.

458
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 5: When I got there to Atlanta literally the fourth of July,

459
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 5: we had gotten into a disagreement. The second one actually

460
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 5: about the same thing, nothing too serious, but the same thing.

461
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 5: I'm about to tell you, long story short. I told

462
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 5: him I was about to leave the house to go

463
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,360
Speaker 5: and pop some fireworks. Before I got off the phone,

464
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 5: he said that he was going to text me. Side note,

465
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 5: he effing sucks that texting me. But we talked about

466
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 5: me liking texts more and him liking to actually talk

467
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,919
Speaker 5: on the phone. I actually have made that effort. We

468
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 5: would talk for hours on the phone, and he did

469
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,120
Speaker 5: start off texting me really well, but it slowed once

470
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 5: we really started talking on the phone. That's not a

471
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,680
Speaker 5: bad thing. Just sometimes I want to text because I'm

472
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 5: doing other stuff, or I'm watching something. I don't want

473
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,159
Speaker 5: to be on the phone but not listening to you

474
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 5: when my attention is elsewhere. So I said, are you

475
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 5: really going to text me? It was honestly a joke.

476
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 5: I've said it to him before several times, but all

477
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 5: in a joking manner, so I really didn't think he

478
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 5: was gonna get this upset. I had been drinking and

479
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,679
Speaker 5: smoking the whole day, So I honestly was laughing at

480
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 5: this whole situation. It was awkward, like, you're really upset

481
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 5: for me saying that there was no serious tone in

482
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,959
Speaker 5: my voice. I was laughing when I said it. If

483
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 5: I didn't mention it. We were on FaceTime and talking

484
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,680
Speaker 5: so he could see my face. I thought the dude

485
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 5: had grown another head. He literally started yelling and scolding

486
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,359
Speaker 5: me about saying that I always tell him he doesn't

487
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 5: text me. I was trying to apologize because we did

488
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 5: talk about this before and he said that he would

489
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 5: work on it, and I was trying to apologize because

490
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,399
Speaker 5: he actually was texting me the whole day. But I

491
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 5: wasn't able to even get the apology out because he

492
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 5: was talking over me, telling me that I was crossing

493
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,880
Speaker 5: his boundaries and being rude. Then he hung up on me. Yikes.

494
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 5: This was something I really can't stand, and I voiced

495
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 5: this to him when we first started talking. I find

496
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,400
Speaker 5: it very rude when someone hangs up on you, especially

497
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,359
Speaker 5: if you're trying to make it right and the person

498
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 5: is just talking over you. So now I'm pissed because

499
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 5: he intentionally hangs up in my face because he always

500
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 5: knows that I hate that, So all I texted was

501
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,359
Speaker 5: I'm going to remember that. The next day, we don't

502
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 5: talk at all because I don't have anything to say.

503
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,440
Speaker 5: When I get mad, I tend to just go off

504
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,399
Speaker 5: by myself. This is also something that we've talked about,

505
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 5: so none of this is new to him. We already

506
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 5: talked about these things when we first started talking, and

507
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 5: I made sure that he knew this about me. I

508
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 5: don't like being forced to talk. I'm the type of

509
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 5: person where I need to sit on it and see

510
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 5: and evaluate the conversation in situation. So if I see

511
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 5: that I did something wrong, I don't mind apologizing, making

512
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 5: my wrongs right, and moving on. He texted me that morning.

513
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 5: I didn't answer, so he called me a couple hours

514
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 5: later that day and I answered the phone. I didn't

515
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 5: have an attitude. I simply said hello once again. He's

516
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 5: scolding me, and I say scolding because he has a kid,

517
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 5: and I don't. I feel some people with kids talk

518
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 5: to or down on people who don't have kids, like

519
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 5: how they would scold a child when they do something wrong,

520
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 5: or how you would just talk to a child, if

521
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 5: that makes any sense. He's telling me and not to

522
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 5: talk to him all day. I'm using that as a

523
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,479
Speaker 5: weapon towards him. I'm honestly just listening because I'm thinking

524
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 5: if I let him talk, then he will let me

525
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 5: talk next without the interruption. Sometimes it's not the case.

526
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 5: The whole time he's talking, he's calling me negative, saying

527
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 5: that that's always the first thing that comes out of

528
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 5: my mouth when we talk, but it's not. He's saying

529
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,439
Speaker 5: that he doesn't want to deal with someone like me

530
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 5: who doesn't listen to him, and that I can go

531
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,439
Speaker 5: on and find someone else to date and talk to.

532
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 5: At this point, I'm already done because you're gonna tell

533
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 5: me some crap like that after I already invested my

534
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 5: time and money into you. Like, really, I'm not listening

535
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 5: at this point. So I snapped and said very loudly

536
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 5: into the phone, I've already tried apologizing and you're not listening.

537
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 5: What the f else do you want?

538
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

539
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 5: No, this is just crazy. This is just if you're

540
00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 5: that upset over this stuff or over anything, talk like

541
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 5: a normal person. You talk like a normal person.

542
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 6: Don't talk to me like I'm a toddler that just

543
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 6: you know, eight a box of crayons.

544
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 7: Yeah, exactly exactly like which he has done, by the way,

545
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 7: but you, yeah, you have to like how people respond

546
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 7: to conflict is huge about their character.

547
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 5: I've literally ended friendships over it because people have responded poorly,

548
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 5: and I just don't want to deal with that, even

549
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 5: if it's not a romantic relationship. So yeah, this is

550
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 5: just you're better off without him. So guess what, his

551
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 5: butt hangs up again. So I'm definitely done at this

552
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 5: point because once again I can't say anything, and when

553
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 5: I try to, you hang up. And why do I

554
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 5: have to listen to you but you don't have to

555
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 5: listen to me? In our first argument, I told him this.

556
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 5: I told him this isn't fair once he doesn't agree

557
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 5: with something I say, or you can't just talk over

558
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 5: someone and dismiss them. And then he just hangs up again.

559
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 5: And at this point I'm just over it. I didn't

560
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 5: say it, but now I am. The gift I got

561
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 5: him was an Xbox one, nothing special, just reused from

562
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 5: the game stop. He had an Xbox three sixty And

563
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 5: when we were always on the phone talking, he would

564
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 5: be soon he would be about to go play the

565
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 5: game or get in the group chat and play the

566
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 5: game with his friends. So in my mind, way before

567
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 5: his birthday, I was like, that's what I'm gonna get him,

568
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 5: So way before all of this, I sent it out

569
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 5: because I didn't want to go through the airport with

570
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 5: it in my hand. I kind of feel like right

571
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 5: after I sent it out, he started acting funny. So

572
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 5: me being me, I wanted to put it on hold

573
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 5: because I didn't like how I'm being treated, but it

574
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 5: was already too late. The package got there July seventh,

575
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 5: and the argument happened at the fourth of July, and

576
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 5: FedEx was closed on the weekend, so I couldn't even

577
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 5: call to hold it. The same day he picked it up,

578
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 5: we had another argument. It pretty much started off with

579
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 5: me just recapping everything, and while I'm recapping and trying

580
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 5: to explain my side, he's literally cutting me off and said,

581
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 5: are you gonna hurry up and get to the point?

582
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 2: What is this all for?

583
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 7: Now?

584
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 5: I'm man because I'm trying to recap and explain everything

585
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 5: to him and he's rushing me. He tells me I'm

586
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 5: crossing his boundaries by being rude asking him to text,

587
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,479
Speaker 5: and because I was laughing and I'm like, you already

588
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 5: know this about me when it comes to laughing. This

589
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 5: is once again not new. So I cut him off

590
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 5: like he So I cut him off like he does

591
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 5: to me, and I asked him straight up to the

592
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 5: point because he says he's one of those people who

593
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 5: thinks things are black and white, So I said black

594
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 5: and white? Do you want to continue dealing with me?

595
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 5: And he's trying to go round the question, so I

596
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 5: just ask him again, cutting him off, do you want

597
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 5: to deal with me? You keep calling me negative and

598
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 5: saying all this crap about me, but you're taking gifts

599
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 5: from me. At that point, he hung up again and

600
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 5: texted me that he does not want to talk to

601
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 5: me anymore. So I text his butt back, I don't

602
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 5: give two flying f's, we can do that.

603
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 2: Oh, so he says, call the dude's mom and daub

604
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 2: on him.

605
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, there you go. I told him he's a user

606
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 5: and he's only started acting this way once I sent

607
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 5: him his gift. I honestly didn't care what he had

608
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 5: to say next, because I ended up just blocking him

609
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 5: and unfriending him on everything because we were friends on everything.

610
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 5: I did tell him that he can keep it, being

611
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 5: that it's already with him. Uh, the Xbox that is,

612
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,679
Speaker 5: and it was only one point eighty. I have my

613
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 5: cdl so that's nothing to me. I already have a

614
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 5: Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and laptop that I used mostly

615
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 5: for sims. Will I see it as if I want something,

616
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 5: I'm gonna Uh. I see it as if if I

617
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 5: want something, I'm gonna get it. So I was just

618
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 5: being nice, as I said, my love languages gifts, and

619
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 5: I appreciated all the conversations, the late night talks that

620
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 5: we had. I haven't had that for a long time,

621
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 5: so I honestly thought we were gonna be something serious.

622
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 5: I was able to cancel my plane to get great.

623
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 5: It's credited now, so I guess that's better than nothing.

624
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 5: He ends up calling me like a day or two

625
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 5: later from an unknown number because I blocked him on everything,

626
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 5: and he left a voicemail telling me to call him

627
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 5: because he knows that he's blocked on everything. I ended

628
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 5: up unblocking his number and texting him you called me.

629
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 5: I wanted to keep it real simple. I saw it

630
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 5: as you're not worth my time or words anymore, since

631
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 5: you don't want to listen. But I was curious about

632
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 5: what he had to say. So he pretty much says

633
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,959
Speaker 5: that he never used me because I also was placing

634
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 5: bets for him because being that I live in Denver

635
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 5: and he lives in Atlanta, you're not allowed to gamble there,

636
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 5: and this is on fandom.

637
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 2: Oh sports betting.

638
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 5: Interesting, So he's also is placing bets.

639
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 2: For him, Yeah, like sports bets.

640
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 5: So why would that be a reason that.

641
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 6: Her though, bro, he probably was like, hey, could you

642
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 6: put in this bit of Vimo fifty blocks and go

643
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 6: with this bet in for.

644
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,239
Speaker 5: This, then that might even prove that you're using her

645
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 5: even more. You can't gamble where you are, so you're

646
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 5: let make it her new.

647
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 6: Ice of he's just kind of lie and figure out

648
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 6: a way to.

649
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: Keep his Xbox.

650
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 5: But that's a whole other story for a different day.

651
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 5: So he says he's never used me and that he

652
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 5: could have gotten himself an Xbox if he really wanted to,

653
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 5: he just didn't, and he and that he was gonna

654
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 5: send it back and all of a sudden bs about

655
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 5: how he could have had other people do his best. Dad,

656
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 5: that's so stupid. I'm gonna I'm gonna bring up with

657
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 5: you and not be like, oh I could I could

658
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 5: get this love from anyone else. It's no I could

659
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 5: get someone else to gamble for me.

660
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 2: Dude, I don't A man's crazy. What a man like

661
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 2: just being independent?

662
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 7: Yeah?

663
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 2: I love it, love it.

664
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 5: Love to see it. So I saw it as if

665
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 5: you don't want my gift, you definitely can send it back.

666
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 5: I just sent him the address of where to send

667
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 5: it and blocked him again. That was last week, So

668
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 5: yesterday I ended up calling FedEx and getting the shipping

669
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 5: label to return it back to me set up since

670
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 5: he hasn't done it yet because I checked to C

671
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 5: nothing happened yet. And I'm like, okay, if you're gonna

672
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 5: say something and be about that. But I also feel

673
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 5: like he was trying to manipulate me and make me

674
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 5: feel bad and be like, no, you keep since I

675
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 5: sent it as gift. But I'm like, if you don't

676
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 5: want to give it back to me, I can take

677
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 5: that one adyan use it on something else or someone else.

678
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 5: I see it as if I'm this bad person who

679
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 5: crossed your boundaries, was being rude to you and laughing

680
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 5: at you. Why are you taking my gifts? And let's

681
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 5: note I didn't even get my gift from him, because

682
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 5: I never went out there because I canceled the trip.

683
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 5: But I saw the gift because we talked on facing

684
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 5: him all the time, so I know what it is.

685
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 5: But of course I know I'm not gonna get it,

686
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 5: which is not a big deal. I can literally go

687
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 5: buy what he bought me.

688
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 7: Yeah.

689
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 5: Well, so I texted him on Facebook and I say, hey,

690
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 5: the shipping label is all set up. All you have

691
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 5: to do is take it to the FedEx and they'll

692
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 5: handle the rest. I know he viewed the message because

693
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 5: it says he viewed it. It's Facebook. It's Facebook messengers,

694
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 5: so it lets you know automatically when someone has seen

695
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 5: your message. But he hasn't responded.

696
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 6: Oh, girly, girly, girly. We already know, really, we already

697
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 6: know what he's doing.

698
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, we have a little bit more to the story.

699
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 5: But yeah, he's not gonna send it over. I didn't

700
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,239
Speaker 5: even need the Xbox because I could buy one if

701
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 5: I wanted to. I just haven't.

702
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 2: I don't even need to go. You're a fan of

703
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 2: someone other friends.

704
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gonna keep it though. I'm yeah, honestly, like.

705
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: This is so good. I don't even care. I usually

706
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 2: hate doing this, but this is so good.

707
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, Honestly, I feel like she did say something like

708
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 5: if if he was so mad at me and like

709
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 5: I did this and this and this, why would he

710
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 5: keep my gift him?

711
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 2: This guy's alluding.

712
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 4: There.

713
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I kind of feel like I just kind

714
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 5: of be like if you if if I, if she

715
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 5: was actually in the wrong and I was the boyfriend,

716
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 5: I'd be like, if you I'm gonna keep this and

717
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 5: I send it back. I'm gonna profit of it.

718
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 2: This that's what he's doing without saying you.

719
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, I'm gonna give it till Friday because honestly,

720
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 5: I'm not in a rush and I haven't said everything

721
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 5: I wanted to say on my mind. So I'm just

722
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 5: waiting till that day so I can really pop off

723
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 5: and just be done with him. Like I said, it's

724
00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 5: not a big deal. He can keep it. I did

725
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 5: give it as a gift, but don't But I'm but

726
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 5: don't sit here and try to manipulate me and lie

727
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 5: and be like, well, I'm I'm gonna send it back

728
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 5: to you because I never used you. I'm not that person.

729
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 5: So my question is for everyone out there reading this,

730
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 5: am I and Ale if I try to take legal

731
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 5: action to get it back, because I feel like being

732
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 5: petty and can you even take this type of legal action?

733
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 5: Like I totally understand if I lost it, not a

734
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 5: big deal, but I'm petty as crap, and I just

735
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 5: want to know what everybody thinks of the whole situation

736
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 5: because I'm for sure done with his butt, but I'm

737
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 5: just curious. Am I crazy? Am I in the wrong?

738
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 5: Was I crossing boundaries and being rude? And I also

739
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 5: have all the text messages, so if you guys want

740
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 5: to see, I will put them up because I probably

741
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 5: left out something and I don't mind being called out

742
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 5: on it. Please do if you see anything.

743
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get

744
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

745
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

746
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,479
Speaker 5: My ex demands full access to my life just because

747
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 5: we co parents. No No. I twenty five female have

748
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 5: a six month old baby with my ex twenty four

749
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 5: mail and we've been trying to co parents since we

750
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 5: split a few months ago. But now he's saying that

751
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 5: I'm being an a hole for not telling him everything

752
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 5: I do and the baby isn't even with me by

753
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 5: the way. This comes from tight Kale fifty nine and

754
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 5: seventy nine. If you want to submit your own stories,

755
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay storytime. Separate it. So

756
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 5: we were together from high school twenty fifteen up until recently.

757
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 5: Our breakup happened shortly after I gave birth, when I

758
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 5: found out that he had been cheating on me with

759
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 5: multiple women. His excuse that I wasn't being spicy enough

760
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 5: postpartum and he had a high libido. So his excuses

761
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 5: that he sucks, Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that was enough

762
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 5: for me to walk away. Since then, I've been rebuilding

763
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 5: my life. I got more involved in my church, formed

764
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 5: my new friendships, and started feeling like myself again for

765
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 5: the first time in a while. I've also done everything

766
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 5: I can do to keep things calm and respectful for

767
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 5: the sake of our baby. But now he's making it

768
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,719
Speaker 5: an issue that I don't share details about my personal

769
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 5: life with him. He says that I should be more

770
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 5: transparent and that it's important for co parenting. No, he

771
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 5: wants to know who I'm hanging out with, what I'm doing,

772
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 5: who my new friends are, even if I'm just out

773
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 5: while he has the baby. His reasoning. He tells me

774
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 5: about what he's doing, so I should do the same.

775
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 6: I actually prefer you don't tell me what you're doing, yes,

776
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 6: because at one point you didn't tell me what you

777
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 6: were doing and look, yeah, yeah.

778
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 5: But here's the thing. I've never asked him for any

779
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 5: of that information. He voluntarily tells me I'm about to

780
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,359
Speaker 5: hang out with this girl, or I've been seeing someone new,

781
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 5: even when our child is not in his care at

782
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 5: the time. It's his personal time, and I've told him

783
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 5: I don't need or want those updates. Yet now he's

784
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,880
Speaker 5: acting like because he shares that info with me, I

785
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 5: owe him the same level of openness, even though I've

786
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,919
Speaker 5: never requested it and it's unrelated to our child. He's

787
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 5: also been following some of my new friends on social

788
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 5: media and asking me questions about them. My account is private,

789
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 5: so I don't know how he's even finding them. I

790
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 5: suspect he's using a burner account where he's viewing my

791
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 5: church's page, who posts pictures of me and the people

792
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 5: I hang out with at time. I had to ask

793
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 5: them to stop posting me. We have a photography team

794
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 5: that takes pictures during service or after service and post

795
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 5: them online for media purposes and to ask them to

796
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 5: stop posting me for a while, because I believe he

797
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 5: was using those posts to find my friends and all

798
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 5: of them. He's never reached out to any of them,

799
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 5: but the whole thing feels really creepy and invasive. It's

800
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 5: crossing a boundary for me. I've talked to some friends

801
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 5: about this, and their opinions are mixed. Some say he

802
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 5: has a point that we should be transparent with each

803
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 5: other since we share a child. Others think he's overstepping

804
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 5: and that this isn't part of normal co parenting, especially

805
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 5: since our child hasn't met any of these people and

806
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 5: I'm not dating anyone right now. That's the thing.

807
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,879
Speaker 8: Yeah, if it were like I'm dating someone and I'm

808
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 8: bringing them around our child, that is totally different. Those

809
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 8: are things that you should be talking about, right real

810
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 8: people says it's a control thing. It definitely definitely is.

811
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 8: Anyone who's coming around the kid. You should be informing

812
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 8: other parents about that.

813
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, like other than that, right, Yeah, it sounds like

814
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 5: the intro to a dateline story. Yeah, honestly, it kind

815
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 5: of does. Because he like felt justified and cheating on you.

816
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 5: I don't think he really wants to be away from

817
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 5: this relationship. He still wants her there. Yeah, even though

818
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 5: he's not treating her right, And since she walked away,

819
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 5: he's still trying to like get that control over, like

820
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 5: knowing about what she's doing and stuff. Because what is

821
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 5: gonna happen When she does say like, hey, I'm dating someone,

822
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 5: He's probably gonna step in and be like, hey, like,

823
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 5: I don't think you should shake that prayer for the child. Yeah, exactly,

824
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 5: you can't date another person. But even my mom is

825
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 5: siding with him.

826
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

827
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 5: She's liked him together in high school and anytime we argued,

828
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 5: she tended to take his side and ask what I did? Girl.

829
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 5: Now she's saying I should be open about who I'm

830
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 5: hanging out with to better co parents. And then you

831
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 5: tell her.

832
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 8: Now, I'm gonna be less open with you because I

833
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 8: feel like you're probably gonna tell him exactly.

834
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 5: That makes me question myself even more. I'm not trying

835
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 5: to be an a whole or difficult. I believe in

836
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,240
Speaker 5: healthy boundaries. If someone's going to be around my child,

837
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 5: I'll share that. But just living my life and seeing

838
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 5: friends when my baby isn't with me. I don't think

839
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 5: I owe him a play by play hope you know.

840
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 5: So now I'm wondering am I the a hole for

841
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,959
Speaker 5: keeping parts of my life private for my child's father

842
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 5: when it doesn't involve our child? And there's an edit

843
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 5: to add Wow. I genuinely didn't expect this post to

844
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 5: get the attention it has. I know everyone says that,

845
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 5: but seriously, I thought maybe four people would comment. Thank

846
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 5: you so much to everyone who's taking the time to

847
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 5: give advice or even offer support. I've been reading through everything,

848
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 5: and it's given me a lot to think about. A

849
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 5: lot of people have mentioned co parenting apps, which I

850
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 5: honestly didn't know much about before, but I'll definitely be

851
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 5: looking into that. Having a structured and more monitored way

852
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 5: to communicate feels like something I really need at this point.

853
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,399
Speaker 5: There's no court order in place right now, but I've

854
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 5: been heavily considering it. Lately. He has been more and

855
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,439
Speaker 5: more insistent about knowing the details of my personal life,

856
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 5: especially if he thinks I'm spending time with male friends. Yep,

857
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 5: he doesn't just ask casually. He demands to know who

858
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 5: I'm with, even when the baby's not involved at all.

859
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 5: I personally don't feel like I owe him this kind

860
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 5: of access, but it's becoming a consistent pressure, and I'm

861
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 5: starting to feel like court might be the only way

862
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 5: to establish clear boundaries. Some people have asked why my

863
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 5: mom seems to be on his side. I touched on

864
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 5: this in a comment, but for context, my mom has

865
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 5: always been very male centered. She tends to take the

866
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 5: man's side in most situations. She did the same thing

867
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 5: to my sister during her marriage issues. When I told

868
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 5: her about the cheating, her response was, well, men don't

869
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 5: just cheaf for no reason. What were you doing? Your

870
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 5: mom sucks too. Mom's the worst. That's so crazy. That's crazy.

871
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 5: That's crazy crazy too, because there could be so many

872
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 5: worse situations where like she could just would be a

873
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 5: victim blaming Yeah, what did you do? What were you wearing?

874
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 5: That kind of stuff. I hate your mom. She's never

875
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 5: really supported me in situations like this. I also think

876
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 5: a lot of it stems from her own past. My

877
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,399
Speaker 5: dad cheated on her a lot, and she stayed with him.

878
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 5: She genuinely sees cheating as something normal the couples should

879
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 5: just work through. No, So no, she wasn't supportive of

880
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 5: me leaving my ex, and she still says that I

881
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 5: should have given him more attention during that time. I

882
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 5: wonder if that is also because like she wishes she

883
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 5: could do that, or she was gaslighting herself when she

884
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 5: was cheated on and being like no, like I need

885
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 5: to stay even though like I don't want to. Yeah,

886
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:41,839
Speaker 5: And now that she sees her daughter like doing that successfully,

887
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 5: she's just like show us she's yeah, jealous and matt

888
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 5: at herself her not leaving. Yeah, And it's frustrated that

889
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 5: other people are able to do that, I feel. On

890
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 5: top of that, some people mention the possibility that he's

891
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 5: only sharing info about the girls that he sees to

892
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 5: make me jealous, and honestly, I one thousand percent believe

893
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 5: that I never ask him about what he's doing when

894
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 5: the baby's not with him, but he offers up these

895
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 5: updates like oh, I'm hanging out with this girl or

896
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 5: I've been seeing someone. I think he expected me to react,

897
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 5: but I don't really care, and the fact that I'm

898
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 5: not reacting is what's frustrating him. So now he's trying

899
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 5: to flip the script and demand transparency from me. Also, somebody'

900
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 5: all suspect my mom might be feeding him info about me,

901
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 5: And I hate to say it, but I wouldn't be surprised.

902
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 5: She watches my baby sometimes when I go to church

903
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 5: events or other things like that, and her and my

904
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 5: ex are still Facebook friends, and I believe that she

905
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 5: has his number. She does bring him up constantly, even

906
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 5: saying stuff like he's way cuter than the guy you

907
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 5: said was cute and things like that he chanted on her, Yeah,

908
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 5: because she was pregnant.

909
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, sounds like we got to go on a diet

910
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 6: and information diet mom.

911
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 5: Yeeah. Definitely. So Yeah, I wouldn't be shocked if she's

912
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 5: told him I've been out or who I might be with.

913
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 5: I'm taking a step back from her and what I

914
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 5: tell her, and taking a step back from having her

915
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 5: watch my child for the time being. Anyway, thanks again

916
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 5: for all the insight. I really appreciate it. It's helped

917
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 5: me feel a lot less crazy for being uncomfortable with

918
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 5: all this. It's from the comments, is that Opie is

919
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 5: not the a whole? Yeah, there are some comments though

920
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 5: coming Number one says, not the ahole. He's just trying

921
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,320
Speaker 5: to control you. He doesn't get to do that anymore.

922
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 5: Opie says, I definitely agree with what you said. It's

923
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 5: like he's purposely trying to make me feel jealous by

924
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 5: telling me about all the women he's hanging out with.

925
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,879
Speaker 5: I agree that he may not handle it well. When

926
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 5: I start seeing someone new today, he insisted I was

927
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 5: seeing someone new and demanded to know his name. He

928
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 5: also wanted to know my guy friend's names because he

929
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 5: doesn't trust them, thinking that they have bad intentions and

930
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 5: that guys and girls can't just be friends. He's like,

931
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 5: I've never been friends with a woman. I just cheat

932
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,280
Speaker 5: on women. Yeah, if I had any friends with women,

933
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 5: I was actually just cheating on them, and they were

934
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 5: actually my favorite were not my friends.

935
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 8: Just like I don't really clear I am not able

936
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,720
Speaker 8: to be friends with women because I do not respect

937
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,439
Speaker 8: or value women.

938
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 5: Coutre number two says, your mother is a fool. If

939
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 5: she shares details of your life with your ex, then

940
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 5: stop sharing so much with your mother, who should be

941
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 5: on your team. Why isn't she so? I usually don't

942
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 5: tell her much anymore. I'm kind of pulling back from

943
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 5: those convos just for my own sanity. It sucks, but

944
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 5: it is what it is coming. Number three says, just

945
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,720
Speaker 5: to play devil's advocate here for a moment. Your post

946
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,919
Speaker 5: paints your ex possessive and intrusive, asking about your life

947
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 5: and trying to make you jealous by telling you about

948
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 5: his life and his new dates in the guise of openness.

949
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 5: Here's the thing you do share childs and as much

950
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 5: as it pains you listening to your ex about who

951
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 5: he's dating, knowing who might have access to your kid

952
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 5: through your husband is something that you need to get

953
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 5: nosy about. Your ex is asking about your life, and

954
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 5: so much as it concerns who has access to his kid,

955
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 5: that is a good thing. I disagree that would show

956
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 5: that he is a good dad that is worried about

957
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 5: his kid when his kid isn't with him, as all

958
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 5: good parents do. Have a real talk with him and

959
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 5: set boundaries not just for each other, but for who

960
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 5: you both bring around your kid. Really helps if you

961
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 5: have a third party there to mediate. If he is

962
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 5: a good dad, this can go well. If he is

963
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 5: just a terrible person, well, now you have been the

964
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 5: reasonable person and you have a witness that he's just

965
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 5: doing this to make you uncomfortable, and he's a clown

966
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 5: and there is an update.

967
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, I see what the commenters trying to say. Yeah,

968
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 8: I don't think he's a reasonable person.

969
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

970
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 8: The thing is that it seems like they've already talked about,

971
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 8: you know, if it has to do with her child.

972
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:05,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, we have to talk about that. Yeah.

973
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 8: I think maybe you could have a conversation and say,

974
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 8: I'll tell you this stuff if it has to do

975
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,760
Speaker 8: with their child. I'm not telling you anything more. Yeah,

976
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,919
Speaker 8: but yeah, I don't think that comment truth. Yeah, point

977
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 8: locked into.

978
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 5: The story again, Like, yeah, I don't mind playing Devil's advocate.

979
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 5: I think like some things like that are important toll

980
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 5: we got for, but the way he's doing it definitely

981
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 5: doesn't seem like he's just trying to do it for parenting.

982
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 5: But I mean it could be a good thing to

983
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 5: discuss again of like, hey, like even if I'm dating people,

984
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 5: which I'm not going to tell you all the details

985
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 5: about because you're ex this much. Yeah, or I'm only

986
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 5: going to tell you if I plan on introducing as

987
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 5: a child, I think that would be good. Yeah, but

988
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 5: there is an update. So unfortunately, things have taken a

989
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 5: turn during our most recent drop off. My child's father

990
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 5: started demanding once again, then I tell him where I go,

991
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 5: who I'm with, and who I hang out with in

992
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 5: my personal time, even when our child isn't with me.

993
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 5: I stood my ground and told him very family that

994
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 5: I'm not interested in hearing about his personal life, and

995
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 5: I'm not obligated to share mine either unless it's a

996
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 5: conversation directly involving our child. I'm not in gauging. He

997
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 5: then responded by saying, which I tried to cut this

998
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 5: conversation off beforehand to no avail. But if I have

999
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 5: friends over at my apartment, even if it's just a hangout,

1000
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 5: or if I attend church events, that he wants to

1001
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,920
Speaker 5: be physically present during those moments to monitor who's around

1002
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 5: our child. No, no, he's like, I actually have to

1003
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 5: be present at all times. And maybe I should sleep

1004
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 5: in your bed.

1005
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 8: Yeah, just to really keep an eye on it.

1006
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,759
Speaker 6: And honestly, I think we should just like, you know,

1007
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 6: bring your mom, have your mom move into so she

1008
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,360
Speaker 6: knows like she's always going to be a good enforcement

1009
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:32,319
Speaker 6: and influencer for.

1010
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 5: The kid, right, and maybe we should go like to

1011
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:39,800
Speaker 5: a wedding. Yeah, yeah, exactly, dude. No, no, he would

1012
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 5: like it if she was always around him and like

1013
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 5: his girlfriends and no double standard. He then said, if

1014
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 5: I don't start sharing more about what I do and

1015
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 5: who I'm with, he's going to pursue full legal and

1016
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,919
Speaker 5: physical custody. Would not win. Like, Okay, yeah, go ahead,

1017
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 5: because I want to do the same thing. I want

1018
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 5: to go to battle for that.

1019
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 8: Oh my goodness, Yeah, thank goodness, I wouldn't have to

1020
00:43:58,560 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 8: talk to you anymore.

1021
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've never really been through the legal system before,

1022
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 5: but I'm going to reach out to a caseworker or

1023
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 5: a family attorney this coming week. A lot of people

1024
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 5: had following up questions or offered suggestions, So I just

1025
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 5: want to respond to a few things that came up repeatedly.

1026
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 5: I've started looking into parenting apps and legal steps. That

1027
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 5: was something that I hadn't really considered before, really knew

1028
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 5: much about, but after how things have gone so far,

1029
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 5: I know it's necessary. So I was asking about my mom. Yeah,

1030
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 5: that dynamic has always been hard. She's sided with him

1031
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 5: since high school. Even when I told her about the cheating,

1032
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,839
Speaker 5: she responded with, well, men don't cheat for no reason. Yeah,

1033
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 5: she's distancing herself from the mom. As for the jealousy

1034
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 5: and manipulation theory. A lot of people have pointed out

1035
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 5: that he might be trying to make me jealous by

1036
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,320
Speaker 5: constantly bringing up other women, and I agree. I also

1037
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 5: think he's using the so called honesty and straightforwardness as

1038
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 5: a guy is to get information about my personal life.

1039
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 5: This does feel manipulative because he's creating a one sided

1040
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 5: demand for transparency. No, we don't have a custody agreement

1041
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 5: in place yet, but I am taking steps to speak

1042
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 5: with a caseworker or attorney. Some suspect my mom maybe

1043
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 5: giving him info, and honestly, I wouldn't doubt it. She

1044
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 5: and my ex are still friends on face. There have

1045
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 5: been instances where he knows things that weren't posted publicly,

1046
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:07,360
Speaker 5: but we're known by her. If anyone has experienced navigating

1047
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 5: custody arrangements or parenting apps, please share. Also, if you've

1048
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 5: ever had to juggle expenses from situations like this, like

1049
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 5: going to court or seeking legal representation, any advice is

1050
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 5: greatly appreciated. There is a little bit more to the story.

1051
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 5: But what do we think about this so far?

1052
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think you got to limit contact with both

1053
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 8: these people to the extent that you can legally probably

1054
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,800
Speaker 8: limit very much contact with your mother, go to courts,

1055
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 8: get costody of this kid, because your ex is going

1056
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 8: to keep trying to overstate his boundaries, or at least

1057
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:37,720
Speaker 8: get like a certain you know, have the court say

1058
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 8: this is what you have to do, and this is

1059
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 8: what you don't have to Yeah.

1060
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like what about with the mom now too?

1061
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 5: I said limit contact.

1062
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 6: I say limited contact too, because I mean, we haven't

1063
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 6: heard anything a lot about the dad in this scenario, right.

1064
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 5: What she did, and it's like out of the picture. Yea,

1065
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,359
Speaker 5: he might be out of the picture. Even if we

1066
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 5: talk to the dad about this, he might have very

1067
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 5: biased Yeah, because he cheated on your mom, and.

1068
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 2: That's also wild.

1069
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,959
Speaker 6: Do you think that might be a reason why she's

1070
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 6: like stay with him because I wish I stay with

1071
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:05,879
Speaker 6: your dad.

1072
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, that's what Angie was saying earlier. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well,

1073
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 5: because she did stay with the dad. Yeah, but there's

1074
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 5: a little bit more into the story. Comments or number one,

1075
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 5: we've got some comments. Your mom is telling him everything,

1076
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 5: limit her access to your social media, put her on

1077
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 5: an information diet. Speaks to the case worker to make

1078
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 5: custody situation official. To stop him kidnapping your kid. Look

1079
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 5: into the parenting app and consider a restraining order as

1080
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 5: his behavior keeps escalating. Also, are you going out on

1081
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 5: dates or seeing someone new just now? As if this

1082
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,919
Speaker 5: is the case and you told your mom, that will

1083
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,760
Speaker 5: mean that he will probably escalate to stalking you as well.

1084
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 5: Good luck, Hope you get a positive outcome. Hope, he says. So,

1085
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 5: I'm not dating anyone or seeing anyone right now, but

1086
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 5: my ex seems to think I am. I have no

1087
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 5: idea why he thinks that, but he's convinced that I'm

1088
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,200
Speaker 5: seeing someone because he's scared that you're seeing someone. Yeah,

1089
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 5: he can't see himself, he's jealous. Commentar number two says,

1090
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 5: if you're in a one party state where only one

1091
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 5: of you needs to know your recording, start recording phone

1092
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 5: calls and in person interactions. If you have a dashcam

1093
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 5: in your car, you can have that running whatle you

1094
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 5: talk to him, but just make sure that the audio

1095
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 5: is being picked up and stand where the camera can

1096
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 5: see both of you while getting the audio as well.

1097
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 5: I believe that dashcam video doesn't require the second party's consent,

1098
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,959
Speaker 5: as it's a safety feature for your vehicle. But double

1099
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 5: check with the attorney, as each state has different views

1100
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 5: on those laws. Try to keep all communication to texts, voicemails,

1101
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 5: and emails. That way, it's documented. If you can't and

1102
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,239
Speaker 5: you are not in a one party state, open each

1103
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 5: conversation with I'm recording this call for my own purposes.

1104
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 5: If you do not consent, please end this conversation and

1105
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,399
Speaker 5: take it to email or text instead. That way, you're

1106
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 5: covered by second party consent and him and your mom

1107
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 5: both have the option to end the conversation there, and

1108
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 5: they can choose to text or email instead. In other words,

1109
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 5: flip the narrative on them. They would manipulate. Do the same.

1110
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 5: Whatever you do. Do not engage with anger that can

1111
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 5: be used against you in court if they're doing everything

1112
00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 5: that they can to push you to get angry with them,

1113
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 5: and all communication. With a very calm response of I

1114
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 5: am not going to continue this conversation in this manner.

1115
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 5: If you cannot be civil, I'm hanging up or walking

1116
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 5: away and leaving, whichever fits the situation, Opie responds, thank

1117
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 5: you so much for this. I actually completely forgot that

1118
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 5: I have a dash cam in my car, and after

1119
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 5: reviewing some of the footage. This morning, I discovered something

1120
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,360
Speaker 5: really unsettling. My ex has been parking outside my apartment

1121
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 5: building multiple times this past week. Yeah, that honestly should

1122
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 5: be like enough, like legal courts. Yeah, like wore he's

1123
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 5: stalking me? What's going on? Orts? I never noticed this

1124
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 5: until now, which again is quite unsettling. I also really

1125
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 5: appreciate the reminder about recording laws. I'm in a one

1126
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 5: party consent state, so moving forward, I'm going to start

1127
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 5: recording phone calls and in person interactions. I'm also transitioning

1128
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 5: as much communication as possible to text an email to

1129
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 5: keep a clear paper trail, especially since he often twists conversations.

1130
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 5: Later on, the part you said about staying calm really resonated.

1131
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 5: He absolutely tries to get a rise out of me,

1132
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 5: and it's becoming clearer that it's all about control. I've

1133
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 5: been reminding myself to treat our interactions like business, short,

1134
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 5: direct and only about our child. And you're totally right

1135
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,160
Speaker 5: about my mom too. I've blocked her on Facebook and

1136
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:13,359
Speaker 5: we'll have limited contact with her going forward. Thank you again,

1137
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,879
Speaker 5: your advice was really helpful. I do believe he's trying

1138
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,240
Speaker 5: to provoke a reaction from me. Back when we were together,

1139
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 5: he would do the same thing, accusing me of things

1140
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 5: just to get under my skin. I remember how worked

1141
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:24,879
Speaker 5: up I used to get trying to defend myself over

1142
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 5: and over even though I had nothing to hide. Now

1143
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 5: that we're not together, it feels like he's still using

1144
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 5: those same tactics, hoping that I'll react emotionally so he

1145
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 5: can turn the narrative against me. It's taking me a while,

1146
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 5: but I'm learning how important it is to not play

1147
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:41,720
Speaker 5: into it. I've stopped defending myself when there's nothing to defend,

1148
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 5: and I try to stay as neutral and calm as

1149
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 5: possible during our exchanges. It's frustrating, for sure, but I

1150
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 5: know losing my cool is exactly what he wants, if anything.

1151
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 5: Seeing this behavior continue now that we're broken up just

1152
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 5: confirms how necessary it is to start drawing firmer boundaries.

1153
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 5: The patterns haven't changed, only now I'm more aware and

1154
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 5: I'm not letting myself be pulled into the chaos. Commagere

1155
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 5: number three says, dropping off at the police station is

1156
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 5: good advice, Opie. It puts him on notice. Opie response.

1157
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 5: Our recent drop off was at the police station. I

1158
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 5: felt that that would be best, since he's been acting

1159
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 5: so rationally lately. I didn't even think about that, like

1160
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,840
Speaker 5: having your exchange of the kid at the police station.

1161
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:21,400
Speaker 5: You know that that was a thing, nor did I.

1162
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 5: Commuchre number four says that you are the a hole

1163
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 5: for not putting your mom on an info diet as

1164
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 5: soon as you knew she took your ex's side. That's stupid.

1165
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 5: You're not an a hole for that. She is absolutely

1166
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 5: providing in with information, so stamm it. I do love

1167
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 5: how redditors railed to get you to see the danger

1168
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 5: and advised what to do. Good luck, Opi. Opie says

1169
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 5: to clarify, I've never given my mother direct information when

1170
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 5: she is caring for my child. I may mention I'm

1171
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 5: going to a church event or out with friends. The

1172
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 5: first time I noticed a potential leak of information, I

1173
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 5: stopped telling her even that tiny bit of information. I've

1174
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,359
Speaker 5: never given her specific details. I believe she gets most

1175
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 5: of my information in who I'm hanging out with from

1176
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 5: my Facebook account, which I didn't consider until recently. She

1177
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 5: is blocked and I no longer leave my child in

1178
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 5: her care.

1179
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1180
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,479
Speaker 5: Commentary number five says, a judge will laugh his butt

1181
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 5: right out of court if he tries that, and will

1182
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 5: probably make him pay your lawyer, op, he said. I

1183
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 5: did some digging into the judge who usually handles these

1184
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 5: cases in my accounty, and from everything I've seen and

1185
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 5: even witness firsthand, he tends to rule in favor of

1186
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:29,040
Speaker 5: the father, oh when and there's clear evidence to unsafe behavior. Yikes.

1187
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 5: I don't like that. Yike. There were multiple cases where

1188
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 5: women had proof of stocking, violence or pestering, and he

1189
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 5: still denied them restraining orders or vPOS, saying that they

1190
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 5: needed to work it out for the child's day. I

1191
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 5: was even in court with a friend last year, and

1192
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 5: I watched him deny almost everyone's request for protection, even

1193
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 5: women in tears, with solid evidence. So I'm genuinely nervous

1194
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 5: because I don't think this judge is as reasonable as

1195
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 5: most people would expect. And yeah, you're absolutely right about

1196
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 5: my mom. She's officially on an info diet starting today.

1197
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,879
Speaker 5: I'm also dating all my privacy settings because I can't

1198
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 5: afford for anything to link back to him.

1199
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 2: Hey's johnyo Og host here.

1200
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

1201
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 4: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1202
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 8: My boyfriend hired a spicy worker, so I dumped him.

1203
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 5: Uh oh party time.

1204
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 8: So this comes directly from the Okay Storytimes subreddit Ooo

1205
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 8: of our own I thirty female, moved to a different

1206
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 8: country four years ago and met my now ex forty

1207
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 8: one male not long after at a bar. We became

1208
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 8: friends and I found out he was by something I

1209
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 8: could relate to as a pan woman. We were friends

1210
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 8: with benefits for about six months before realizing we.

1211
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,760
Speaker 5: Liked each other. That's actually so funny, Like you're friends

1212
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:41,240
Speaker 5: with benefits and then six months.

1213
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 8: Later you're like, like, wait a second, like each other

1214
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 8: and eventually began dating. By the way, this comes from

1215
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 8: Remarkable King thirty one twenty one and if you want

1216
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 8: to smit your own stories, go to the r slash

1217
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 8: Okay storytime subpred it. So we had fantastic three years

1218
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 8: where we'd have our own little daily rituals and be

1219
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:01,479
Speaker 8: stupid together. He was a great boyfriend, was attentive, would

1220
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,839
Speaker 8: drop everything when I asked for help, and was there

1221
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 8: when I was feeling down or anxious. But as with

1222
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 8: all relationships, there were issues. Early on, I noticed a problem.

1223
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 8: He was very conflict avoidant when he was upset. He'd

1224
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:17,360
Speaker 8: avoid eye contact or physical affection, but wouldn't explain what

1225
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 8: was wrong.

1226
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:19,280
Speaker 5: This made me anxious.

1227
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 8: After several arguments, I told him how important it was

1228
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 8: to talk things through so we wouldn't let small resentments grow.

1229
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 8: He started making small efforts to communicate, which I appreciated.

1230
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 8: Another issue was cultural differences. Although my mother is from

1231
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 8: the same country as him, I wasn't raised there, so

1232
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,399
Speaker 8: I struggled with certain custom I had hoped he would

1233
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 8: also make an effort to understand my culture so we

1234
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 8: could meet halfway. The biggest issue, though, was how his

1235
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 8: actions and words affected my anxiety. I initially thought it

1236
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 8: was just my mental health, but after the breakup, I

1237
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 8: realized much of it stemmed from him. It started when

1238
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 8: he took frequent, all paid vacations about five or six

1239
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:58,399
Speaker 8: times a year with a friend who was previously one

1240
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:00,840
Speaker 8: of his clients from when he used to escort. He

1241
00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 8: told me nothing had happened between them and over a decade,

1242
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 8: and that the friend was just lonely and liked to

1243
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:07,839
Speaker 8: travel with them.

1244
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 5: That's big, Yeah, that's make Yeah. I'm sorry.

1245
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,439
Speaker 8: You guys were together and now you're traveling alone together.

1246
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 5: He's a client when he would escort he's different from

1247
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:18,840
Speaker 5: just being friends.

1248
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1249
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 5: Different.

1250
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 8: I believed him at first, as this was before we

1251
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 8: were even dating, but I started to question things when

1252
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 8: he said he wouldn't be okay with me sharing a

1253
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 8: room with someone.

1254
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:28,720
Speaker 3: I'd had history.

1255
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 5: Oh, double stand double standard, double standards equal red flags.

1256
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 8: Yes, that comment made me suspicious and I began to

1257
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 8: feel unprioritized since he used all his extra vacation time

1258
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 8: for this friend. At the end of last year, he

1259
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,360
Speaker 8: went to Thailand with this friend. When he returned, he

1260
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 8: admitted to receiving a happy ending massage. I'm sorry, what what,

1261
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:52,920
Speaker 8: claiming he couldn't say no to the workers.

1262
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 3: Sure you can, fun fact.

1263
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 6: Fun fact, the workers don't ask that. The person that

1264
00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 6: goes there asks that question.

1265
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 5: You can absolutely say no and also not ask for it.

1266
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 8: I accepted it, knowing how conflict avoidant he is, and

1267
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 8: I asked him not to let it happen again and

1268
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:09,840
Speaker 8: to refuse next time.

1269
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 5: Sorry, I just accepted the fact that he did that

1270
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 5: because I know that he doesn't like conflict. What this is? Silly?

1271
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,359
Speaker 8: Good? I also told him it made me anxious due

1272
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 8: to STD risks, which he did get tested for and

1273
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,400
Speaker 8: was clean for a few months. He didn't travel with

1274
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 8: the friend. When he asked to go again, I reluctantly agreed,

1275
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 8: stop agreeing, planning to bring it up afterward. After he

1276
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 8: came back, something about a story felt off. He said

1277
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 8: they went to a go go bar and the friend

1278
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 8: got dancers to sit with them. My ex said as

1279
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 8: dancer couldn't speak English, and that nothing happened, though he

1280
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 8: mentioned his friend received a hand job. Something about it

1281
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:47,719
Speaker 8: didn't sit right with me. A few days later, while

1282
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:50,440
Speaker 8: he was asleep, I gave into temptation and looked at

1283
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 8: his phone, telling myself it would ease my anxiety if

1284
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 8: I found nothing in his chats. There was nothing directly

1285
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 8: suspicious with the friend, but I found messages from two

1286
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:02,319
Speaker 8: apparent spicy works. One said let me know when you

1287
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 8: get to the room. You looked cute today. The other

1288
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 8: said I missed you. I read further. One chat was

1289
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 8: short and inconclusive, but the other included an exchange over

1290
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,880
Speaker 8: three nights, likely with the massage parlor worker. On the

1291
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 8: third night, he messaged, I'm really wasted. I don't know

1292
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 8: if I can f tonight.

1293
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 5: So what do you mean? He didn't find anything like

1294
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 5: it directly, So you found something directly.

1295
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:26,839
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is called intent. You know, people can go

1296
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,800
Speaker 6: to jail for murder intention like, oh, they were gonna

1297
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 6: murder that person, but it didn't work out. People still

1298
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:32,799
Speaker 6: go to jail for that.

1299
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 5: Also, it sounds like he has f't before. You know, yeah,

1300
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 5: he has cheated on she said TONI.

1301
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 8: I was in shock. I left his place and went

1302
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 8: to a friend's to think things through. The Next day,

1303
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 8: I asked him to come over and confronted him. At first,

1304
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 8: he denied anything happened in Thailand, but when I told

1305
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,640
Speaker 8: him I'd seen his messages, he'd admitted he got a

1306
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 8: hand job at a massage parlor.

1307
00:56:54,840 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 2: Oh, bro, you are more than this. You don't have

1308
00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:58,319
Speaker 2: to put up with this.

1309
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,360
Speaker 8: You have to insisted it was harmless, no mouth, no

1310
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:07,800
Speaker 8: STD risk, but I knew he was still downplaying things.

1311
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:10,719
Speaker 5: Don't worry, You're not gonna be in danger of STDs.

1312
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,440
Speaker 5: She only used her hands. She only used her hand,

1313
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 5: that's all. I gave him back his belongings and told

1314
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 5: him that I wanted to break up with him. Yes day,

1315
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 5: this is great.

1316
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:25,440
Speaker 8: Later he messaged asking for another chance. No, I didn't

1317
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:28,440
Speaker 8: reply at first because I was too angry and upset.

1318
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 8: Eventually he said he didn't want to cause me more

1319
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 8: trouble and was ending it, which made me even angrier.

1320
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 8: I called him and told him it wasn't his place

1321
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 8: to cut ties. He needed to take responsibility. I told

1322
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 8: him I needed answers and that we'd meet the next

1323
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 8: day so I could ask my questions. When we met,

1324
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:47,440
Speaker 8: I asked why he'd done it after I'd made it

1325
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:50,160
Speaker 8: clear how I felt about the previous trip, and also

1326
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 8: really quick, pretty annoying that he's like, fine, outish Jan,

1327
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 8: you're upset about this.

1328
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 5: I'm ending it, And she's like, no, I already ended.

1329
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 5: You can't end it. I already ended it right Like,

1330
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 5: you're not gonna be the one to break up with

1331
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:05,479
Speaker 5: me right now. I literally just said I don't want

1332
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 5: that's like getting fired from job. You're like, yeah, well

1333
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 5: I quit. Yeah, No, It's like I literally just hired you,

1334
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 5: Like come on.

1335
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 8: He didn't have a real answer, but eventually said he

1336
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 8: wanted an easy release, that intercourse felt like too much effort.

1337
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 5: Sometimes.

1338
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 8: That confused me because I used to offer tand stuff,

1339
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 8: which he often refused. He claimed it felt bad to

1340
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 8: ask his girlfriend for that. But it feels better to

1341
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 8: cheat on your girlfriend.

1342
00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 5: Huh. I can't ask my girlfriend for that, even though

1343
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 5: she offers it. But I can ask a massage parlor,

1344
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 5: I can ask any stranger. It's like I don't even

1345
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:41,600
Speaker 5: know Hug yet.

1346
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 8: Before that Thailand trip, we had spicy sleep two nights

1347
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 8: in a row, and somehow he managed to get me

1348
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 8: to use my hands every night on the trip, despite

1349
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 8: usually saying three times a week was his limit. I

1350
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 8: suspected he did it because he thought he could get

1351
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,160
Speaker 8: away with it if he downplayed the details. I told

1352
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 8: him I think about what to do next, and took

1353
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,200
Speaker 8: a break to stay with my grandparents. What do you

1354
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 8: mean think about it? What do you mean think about it?

1355
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 5: Break up? Yeah.

1356
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 8: During that time, I realized what hurt most wasn't the cheating.

1357
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 8: It was the lying, the betrayal, and the fact that

1358
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:12,560
Speaker 8: he ignored my boundary. I had been willing to work

1359
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 8: through the earlier issues, his conflict avoidance and cultural misunderstandings,

1360
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 8: but now I couldn't trust him. I told him that

1361
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 8: if we were to try again, we'd have to start

1362
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 8: from scratch and he'd have to rebuild my trust. Four

1363
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 8: days later, he came to the town where my grandparents

1364
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 8: live and asked to meet.

1365
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:27,920
Speaker 5: I agreed.

1366
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:30,920
Speaker 8: When we met, I felt he didn't fully understand why

1367
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:33,480
Speaker 8: we broke up. I explained again, and he gave up

1368
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:36,880
Speaker 8: quite easiep That hurt. It made me feel like our

1369
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 8: relationship hadn't meant.

1370
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 5: Much to him. I think he assumed my mind was

1371
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 5: made up and didn't want.

1372
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 2: To fight for it.

1373
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 5: Do you have any final thoughts? Yeah? Actually awesome. Ashley

1374
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 5: has a good comment. Stop thinking, start doing exactly. Yeah,

1375
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 5: you keep wishy washing it. Yeah, like maybe I'll take

1376
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 5: Maybe you have to think of it. You have enough

1377
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 5: to think about.

1378
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 8: You've got enough thought already, too much information, and you'll

1379
00:59:58,240 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 8: just be stuck.

1380
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you'll just be more upset and confused. You

1381
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 5: know what you gotta do. Just get out there. He

1382
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,640
Speaker 5: hurt you. That's not something that you can like really

1383
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 5: get back. No, you're done. You're doneach, there's a little

1384
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:11,680
Speaker 5: bit left.

1385
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 8: Later, when he came to collect the rest of his things,

1386
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 8: I told him I still had feelings and part of

1387
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:17,360
Speaker 8: me wanted to get back together.

1388
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:17,960
Speaker 5: No.

1389
01:00:18,120 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 8: I felt guilty for deciding to break up without discussing

1390
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 8: it first. You did discuss it. However, I don't regret

1391
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,080
Speaker 8: ending it, but the second chance was on the table.

1392
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 8: Stop take it off the table. We decided to have

1393
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 8: no contact for two to three months to reset right now.

1394
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 8: In the first month of no contact, I broke it twice.

1395
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 8: Once while wasted, I cried damn that I missed him.

1396
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 8: He responded kindly and even offered to meet once a

1397
01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 8: week if I couldn't handle the silence. The second time,

1398
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 8: my message to let him know I had bacterial vauginosis

1399
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 8: not an STD. I want to see him again, but

1400
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 8: why did you text him?

1401
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,840
Speaker 5: I don't know if it's not an STD. I don't

1402
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 5: know why he should try to know why. Maybe it

1403
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 5: was just like a moment of weakness since she wanted

1404
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 5: to just like have comfort or support about it.

1405
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 8: I want to see him again, but I'm trying to

1406
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 8: hold back because I know I need to rebuild myself first.

1407
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 5: I need to be okay.

1408
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 8: Even if we don't get back together, you should not

1409
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 8: get back together. Still, I wonder how he feels and

1410
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 8: whether reconciliation is possible. I know what he did was wrong,

1411
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 8: but I also believe better communication might have helped. I

1412
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 8: feel that now through this breakup, he may finally understand

1413
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 8: how I felt and what I needed from him. Is

1414
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 8: it possible to reconcile.

1415
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 5: No, yeah, I know I don't think so. I think

1416
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 5: even if it was possible to reconcile, you shouldn't. You

1417
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 5: should not. Don't stop it. He's done this multiple times. Yeah,

1418
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 5: betrayed your trust. Someone in the comments mentioned like he

1419
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 5: doesn't think that Spicy Workers is cheating. No, he clearly not,

1420
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:43,560
Speaker 5: which is very possible because he used to be an

1421
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 5: escort himself. But if that's something that they have discussed

1422
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 5: and she feels like that's cheating, that's one of her

1423
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 5: boundaries with that, then that's what that's the boundary. Yeah,

1424
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 5: and that's like and he needs to respect it exactly.

1425
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 5: So it's not a person that you want to be with,

1426
01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 5: even if you can reconcile.

1427
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:04,080
Speaker 8: Now common one he chose to go on vacations withouts,

1428
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:06,880
Speaker 8: but did he ever invite you along? To me, those

1429
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:08,960
Speaker 8: were his easy releases to go have a good time,

1430
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 8: and wouldn't be surprised if there were more things you

1431
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 8: don't know about. You could say no to the happy

1432
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 8: ending every time. It's his choice. Thankfully, there wasn't an std,

1433
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 8: but don't risk there being a next time. I'm still

1434
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 8: finding my own things with my excess communication and finding

1435
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 8: out how much I was lied to. These kind of

1436
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:28,040
Speaker 8: lies are betrayals that will continue. If you say you

1437
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 8: forgive them, they will see it as something you can forgive.

1438
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 5: I have all the faith. You will be stronger as

1439
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:33,400
Speaker 5: you rebuild you.

1440
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 8: It takes time, Temptation and longing for what you thought

1441
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 8: you had will be there. But let time be your

1442
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:41,840
Speaker 8: biggest healer, as you see you are worth so much

1443
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 8: more