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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shure, and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say asking questions. Tell it out you, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: feel like this is something we can all relate to.

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Speaker 1: But um, I don't know about you guys, but I

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Speaker 1: have had a few friends who've had a few boyfriends

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Speaker 1: that I've just absolutely I just hated, just like straight

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Speaker 1: up capital age hated. UM can't stand, don't want to

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Speaker 1: be around, and it's miserable, and it can like super

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Speaker 1: affect your friendship because they're kind of a package deal,

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Speaker 1: even though you were friends with a person first and

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Speaker 1: you don't really consent to being friends with their boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: but they're always around and after. And I don't think

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Speaker 1: this is always the case. I've dated guys that my

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Speaker 1: friends haven't liked. But I think that some people like

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Speaker 1: I need that they need to create chaos or have

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Speaker 1: someone in their life that's bad for them and maybe

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Speaker 1: bad for the people around them, because it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: if a guy isn't texting you back, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, not the end of the world, and like

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Speaker 1: he's kind of being a funk boy to you, like okay, fine,

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Speaker 1: but it's when it starts to affect other people, and

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Speaker 1: it very rarely doesn't affect other people. And um, I

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Speaker 1: had a friend one time who's boyfriend was really drunken

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Speaker 1: out of control of the music industry event and he uh,

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Speaker 1: really embarrassed me in front of some people that I

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Speaker 1: knew that were like executives and there was They were like,

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Speaker 1: who's this drunk guy like falling off his stool blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And I was like, oh um, and

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Speaker 1: they're like, is he here with you? And I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: not really, uh. And it just makes you look bad

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Speaker 1: because you are the company you keep and so it's

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Speaker 1: hard when you have friends that you can't trust their

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Speaker 1: judgment and people that are going to be around you.

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Speaker 1: And I know that this sounds intense, but like when

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Speaker 1: it comes to work stuff, you know, like you don't

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Speaker 1: want to get caught being with like friends with the

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Speaker 1: person who smokes pot behind the restaurant, like and gets

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Speaker 1: in trouble because then people think you do that, you know,

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Speaker 1: and music industry stuff is similar, but it's it's all

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Speaker 1: just so uncomfy, and especially like for being in music,

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Speaker 1: because everything crosses over, Like all my friends are in

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Speaker 1: it and we know all the same people, and like

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Speaker 1: we can be at like a fun drinking party event

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Speaker 1: that's also like a work event, and it's like every

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Speaker 1: weekend is the office Christmas party. There's so many opportunities

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Speaker 1: to get out of control. But yeah, I think it's

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Speaker 1: kind of like a turn on for people to have

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Speaker 1: these chaotic people around. And I noticed that that was

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Speaker 1: kind of a trend with this friend of mine, and

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Speaker 1: so it got to a boiling point that weekend and

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Speaker 1: I eventually had to tell her. I'm like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: will be your friend, but I can't. I can't be

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Speaker 1: his friend. I can't. I don't want to be around

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Speaker 1: him if he's gonna embarrass me in front of executives

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Speaker 1: and whatever, like this is a bad look and I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be around it, and if he's going

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Speaker 1: to keep acting like that. Because by the time I

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Speaker 1: said this, it was like a third strike in one weekend. Um,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I can't do it. And she got

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Speaker 1: really upset and really angry, and we stopped hanging out,

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Speaker 1: and guess what they eventually they broke up. And it's

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Speaker 1: just like, but she pushed away all of her girlfriends

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Speaker 1: first on behalf of this very average guy and it's

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Speaker 1: just like it's a bummer to watch people like ruin

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Speaker 1: their relationships with their friends for a relationship, usually one

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Speaker 1: that hasn't even been going on that long. Like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have friends. Every time I've started dating somebody,

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Speaker 1: I've had at least one friend get really jealous and weird,

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Speaker 1: like jealous that I had a relationship and not be

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Speaker 1: stoked for me. And that's like one thing, but it's

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Speaker 1: another thing if you're like, you know, your friends are like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to hang out with you because your

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Speaker 1: boyfriend sucks, not just like dumb stuff. So there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of different types of relationships you can get into

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Speaker 1: that are going to be bad for you. But let's

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Speaker 1: start with homewrecking. I have had, like known several people

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Speaker 1: throughout my life who are just home wreckers, and I

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Speaker 1: think that the cheaters need to be held accountable. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I honestly never really blame the girl that my ex

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Speaker 1: boyfriend cheated on me with, because, like I just I mean,

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Speaker 1: she ended up turning him down to which is hilarious

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Speaker 1: because couldn't even cheat on me, right, But I digress. Um,

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Speaker 1: there's also there's girls that like they just they're obsessed

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Speaker 1: with that talking phase where you meet this person they

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Speaker 1: have a girlfriend and the guy will like or girl

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Speaker 1: will try to get you to think like that the

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Speaker 1: girlfriend sucks and she's so terrible, and oh no, like

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Speaker 1: I can't get out of this relationship. I'm staying for

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Speaker 1: this reason, this reason, this reason. They can finde and you.

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Speaker 1: They make you feel really close to them, and then

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Speaker 1: you develop feelings for them and then they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: I can't break up with her yet, and then you're like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you're doing something that's so taboo, and I like,

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Speaker 1: I really think people fucking get off on it. And

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Speaker 1: like that's where you blame the home wrecker, because if

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Speaker 1: that's a dynamic you're chasing a you're absolutely like bat

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Speaker 1: ship insane. But be it's you. You know that you're

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Speaker 1: working with somebody else's relationship. And to be fair, the

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Speaker 1: cheater is going to cheat no matter what. But that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to be the person they cheat with.

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Speaker 1: You don't have you don't have to do that. And

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Speaker 1: so like I had friends who did that in high school.

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Speaker 1: And there's this one couple and we're friends with them too,

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Speaker 1: which are like really shitty but there's this one couple

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Speaker 1: and they were always fighting and they were always on

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Speaker 1: and off. And I literally had I knew four different

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Speaker 1: girls that I was very close to who all like

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Speaker 1: hooked up with this guy, why he was dating this

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Speaker 1: girl that we were friends, and his narrative to them

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Speaker 1: was all completely the same and just like so annoying

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Speaker 1: and just like oh and like I think they were

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Speaker 1: just into the dynamic. And I mean, I think it's

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Speaker 1: different for all the situations were different, but like you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like it's but some of them

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Speaker 1: never did that again, but some of them went on

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Speaker 1: to only do that and only be in those relationships

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Speaker 1: that that were taboo and where there was somebody else involved.

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Speaker 1: And I think that my psychological analysis of homeworkers is

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Speaker 1: like wanting to feel like you're the person someone chose,

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Speaker 1: and I think you feel like you have more control

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Speaker 1: if you're the other woman, because like, if they're sleeping

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Speaker 1: with somebody else when they're with you, it's not cheating

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Speaker 1: because you're the one they're cheating with. So you can

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, well, they're not cheating on me, and

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Speaker 1: you can't be cheated on, so you like eliminate that possibility,

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Speaker 1: and then you also have like the feeling that that

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Speaker 1: you're being chosen, like they're they're going out on a

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Speaker 1: limb and and putting their relationship at risk for you.

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Speaker 1: They're sneaking around, they're putting in all this effort. They're

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Speaker 1: they're showing you how important you are because of all

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Speaker 1: the things that they're risking for it. And then I

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Speaker 1: also think that like it's easy to feel like you're

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Speaker 1: in control because you could tell the other girl at

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Speaker 1: any moment, and so it's like this false sense of power,

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Speaker 1: but you don't want that if they cheat on you

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Speaker 1: or if they cheat with you, they're going to cheat

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Speaker 1: on you. And like that's like just a very steady rule.

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Speaker 1: And I mean again, I feel like I always do

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Speaker 1: this on my podcast, but like there's exceptions to every rule.

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Speaker 1: I know some people who have made it past cheating

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Speaker 1: and have gone on to have stronger relationships, and like

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Speaker 1: you know, but there's like there's a there's somebody who

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Speaker 1: cheats and is going through an awful time and does

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Speaker 1: something like really fucked up that they regret, and then

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Speaker 1: there's a cheater. And so I'm talking about like the

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Speaker 1: archetypal cheater. Like the kind that like, isn't Carrie Underwood

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Speaker 1: songs like that person and we all know that person.

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Speaker 1: Those people exist, and these homeworker girls seem to be

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Speaker 1: very very into them and very good at finding them.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's like reclaiming some sort of power.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of friends that I've seen be home

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Speaker 1: workers or people I know they came from a family

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Speaker 1: where one of their parents cheated, and so I think

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Speaker 1: it's like wanting wanting to experience being the other woman

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Speaker 1: and being the one who got chosen and who everything

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Speaker 1: was put on the line for because like your dad

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Speaker 1: didn't do that. And I think that's a very astute

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Speaker 1: psychological analysis, but it's so shitty because it's like, if

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Speaker 1: you've seen what that can do to a family and

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Speaker 1: what that can do to a relationship, of the funk,

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Speaker 1: would you put somebody else through it. There's also like

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Speaker 1: the friend ghosting, like you are dating somebody. Maybe they're reclusive,

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Speaker 1: maybe they don't like being out, or maybe when they

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Speaker 1: are out there just like a fucking down, or like

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Speaker 1: they're awkward. They don't want to interact with your friends,

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Speaker 1: or they only want to hang out on their couch

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Speaker 1: and watch TV. And they don't like going out and

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Speaker 1: they don't like doing things, so you end up in

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Speaker 1: this very isolated relationship where you're existing. There's a song

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Speaker 1: by this artist's name Emlyn and it's called Rapunzel and

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Speaker 1: I fucking love it, and it's about this like guy

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Speaker 1: that you're seeing, and he's like, Rapunzel, let your hair down,

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Speaker 1: Like we can, we can stay inside, like stay inside

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Speaker 1: my room. Our whole world exists in my room, and

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Speaker 1: like you don't want to know what the world is

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Speaker 1: like out there, And like I feel like every girl

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Speaker 1: has dated a guy who only wants to exist in

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Speaker 1: his bedroom. And I mean, obviously you have like a

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Speaker 1: period of relationship where you probably do that, but it's

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Speaker 1: like differently, they don't. They never want to fucking leave.

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Speaker 1: And so you're gonna crucify your friendships. You're gonna just

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Speaker 1: like you're just gonna visrate them. They're gonna be gone.

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Speaker 1: And there is nothing more fucking frustrating than having a

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Speaker 1: friend who will ditch everybody for every three month relationship

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Speaker 1: she jumps into and then not say anything to anybody,

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Speaker 1: drop off the face of the earth, not respond to text,

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Speaker 1: not hang out. Everybody just stops asking because they're like, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: she's off doing whatever with her fucking boyfriend watching The

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Speaker 1: Office for the twelfth time on Netflix actually just kidding,

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Speaker 1: they took it off Netflix r I P. And she's

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Speaker 1: she's off doing that, so you like stop inviting her

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Speaker 1: to things. And then all of a sudden, after three

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Speaker 1: or six months or even sometimes a year, they come

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Speaker 1: back and they're like, oh my god, how are you

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Speaker 1: And it's like, m m um, I'm good, Um who

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Speaker 1: are you? And it's this like, oh, it's so shitty

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Speaker 1: as a friend because like you're there for them through

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Speaker 1: all of this, like all of life, and then a

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Speaker 1: guy comes in. It's just like they'll just drop everything

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Speaker 1: for them. And it makes me so fucking sad to

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Speaker 1: see people who will do that. And I'm also using

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Speaker 1: guy but like girls too. I mean, I've seen my

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Speaker 1: guy friends do that, and it's just like such a

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Speaker 1: toxic thing. And like there's dating an introvert, and then

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Speaker 1: there's dating somebody who's literally locking you inside their house

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Speaker 1: and who's afraid of the world. Like I understand having,

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Speaker 1: you know, an introverted personality, but you can still make

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Speaker 1: an effort with their friends and or you can just

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Speaker 1: make more time for your friends, but don't abandon those

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Speaker 1: people because like I mean, there's a I forget what

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Speaker 1: it was, and it's like in a TV show or something,

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Speaker 1: but like the best friend walked up to the fiance

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Speaker 1: and was like, um said something, and it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, just be careful because no matter what, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be in the wedding, and like think about

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Speaker 1: it like that, Like every relationship is like if if

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Speaker 1: you're if you want to end up with them, then

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Speaker 1: set yourself up to a place where they're in your

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Speaker 1: life and your friends are part of your life. So

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Speaker 1: don't keep it separate. That makes no sense. And also

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Speaker 1: if he's miserable to be around and your friends don't

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Speaker 1: like him, like that's a red flag. And I'm not

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Speaker 1: talking about the jealous friends. I'm talking about people actually

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Speaker 1: being like funk this guy. He's so annoying or like

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Speaker 1: oh my god, when and I've done this too, but

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Speaker 1: like when um, me or one of my friends was

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Speaker 1: dating a guy who's just like a loud, obnoxious drunk

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Speaker 1: and you can't take them out in public without them

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Speaker 1: embarrassing themselves or like saying something stupid or being an

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Speaker 1: asshole or getting in a fight, Like that's the fucking worst.

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Speaker 1: Like a guy who's awkward and standing off to the

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Speaker 1: corner and on his phone when everyone else is like talking,

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Speaker 1: that's one thing, but like a drunk asshole is the worst.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, how are you still attracted this person

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Speaker 1: after them doing all that stuff? Anyways, But I think

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Speaker 1: the hardest part of all of this is you want

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Speaker 1: to be there for your friend when they want to.

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Speaker 1: They need to complain about this stuff and they need

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Speaker 1: to event they need to get it off their chat.

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Speaker 1: But it is so hard to like feel with them

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Speaker 1: and feel for them when you know that they're causing

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Speaker 1: their own problems. And it's like, you know, it's you know,

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Speaker 1: we all find ourselves in tricky situations and your friends

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Speaker 1: are there to help you talk through it. But I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you've been having sex with this guy who's in

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Speaker 1: a relationship or god for been married for months and

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Speaker 1: he's been promising you that he's going to leave his

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Speaker 1: girlfriend and he never does, then I don't want to

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Speaker 1: hear about it after a certain point, Like you're not

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Speaker 1: picking up on what reality is. I can't help you.

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Speaker 1: I can't give you new information Also you're usually just

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Speaker 1: telling the same story over and over and over again,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like tired of it. And it's like you

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Speaker 1: want to be there for your friends, but they're if

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Speaker 1: they're the ones getting in their own way, there's only

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Speaker 1: so much you can say. It's like, well, do you

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Speaker 1: want me to cuss you out and tell you being stupid?

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Speaker 1: Because that's really the only option left here if you

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Speaker 1: really want my opinion it And then sometimes like they're

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Speaker 1: talking to you, they don't want your opinion, and then

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Speaker 1: when you give it, they're like upset and it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well then why did you just talk to me for

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Speaker 1: two hours about this? Like and also it can take

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Speaker 1: a really really big like it can really affect you

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Speaker 1: when other people are are bringing their problems to you

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Speaker 1: a lot, like if if you're you know, very empathetic

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Speaker 1: and you're just taking it on and you're worried for

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Speaker 1: your friend and all that. So if you have a

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Speaker 1: friend who's constantly like I'm gonna break up with them

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Speaker 1: or I'm not going to break up with them, or

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Speaker 1: like bo and they just it's like whiplash for you.

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Speaker 1: And if some you can only help somebody who wants

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Speaker 1: to help themselves and you can be there for them

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Speaker 1: when they come back. But I meank, God, it is

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Speaker 1: my least favorite thing watching somebody pick their new boyfriend

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Speaker 1: or girlfriend over their friends who have been there for

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Speaker 1: them for years, like and a lot of times, honestly,

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Speaker 1: every time I've seen they've broken up and then it's

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Speaker 1: just been like they have to crawl back with their

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Speaker 1: two between they're gonna be like, hey, can we be

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Speaker 1: friends again. But so when it comes to like complaining

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Speaker 1: about your significant other to your friends, it's also kind

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Speaker 1: of important to like not unload everything. So when Sam

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Speaker 1: and I are fighting, I can get really wound up

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Speaker 1: over something that is not going to matter in two

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Speaker 1: hours much less like the next day. And so if

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Speaker 1: I want to call my friend and get angry and

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Speaker 1: like tell them the worst possible version of the story,

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Speaker 1: like the worst retelling of it, the like the the

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Speaker 1: very one sided thing, Like, I can call them and

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Speaker 1: I can make them get really fucking mad at Sam.

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Speaker 1: I can make them do that, and that's not cool.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes you really really need to vent and I

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Speaker 1: get that, but it's like, every single time I get

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Speaker 1: annoyed with him, I'm not going to call my friend

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Speaker 1: ends and unload that. And also, I mean, how many

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Speaker 1: times have you called your friends and been like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, my boyfriend just did this and it's so

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Speaker 1: frustrating Versus how many times have you called your friends

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Speaker 1: and be like, oh my god, my boyfriend just did this,

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Speaker 1: it's so amazing. No, we we talked to them about

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Speaker 1: the bad stuff, because that's what you need help through. Like,

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Speaker 1: when your relationship is amazing, you're gonna like huddle in

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Speaker 1: your relationship. You're gonna you know, if they're doing great things,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna just want to share that with them. You're

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Speaker 1: not going to call everybody. I mean, like sometimes, but

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Speaker 1: it's so much more natural to go to your friends

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Speaker 1: when you need to complain about something. And so if

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Speaker 1: they're only ever getting the complaining stuff but they're never

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Speaker 1: hearing the good things, they're going to hate your boyfriend

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Speaker 1: and maybe they shouldn't, Maybe they fucking shouldn't. And you're

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Speaker 1: painting this awful picture of them, and you're also exhausting

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Speaker 1: them because it's like you're not going to break up

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Speaker 1: with them, and you're also giving a really one sided story.

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Speaker 1: And so you know, there's been times where I've really

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Speaker 1: had to like go ask for advice. But if I

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Speaker 1: just need to like vent and say something that I'm

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Speaker 1: probably gonna regret later, I'm gonna go put it in

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Speaker 1: my journal, or I'm gonna like call like somebody. We

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Speaker 1: all have like a friend that we can like complain

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Speaker 1: about that stuff too, but some like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: Like I'll talk to my manager Todd, because I know

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Speaker 1: that he knows when I'm telling a one sided story

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Speaker 1: and he'll just like let me bitch and then he'll

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Speaker 1: but he has a very like, um high tolerance for

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Speaker 1: my emotions because you know, he's been working with me

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Speaker 1: for eight years, so he's he knows that if I

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Speaker 1: seem like I'm super distressed, like he should just wait

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Speaker 1: it out for a couple of minutes and see how

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Speaker 1: distressed I actually am versus like what I'm making it into.

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Speaker 1: So it's um, I'm like I'm cringing while making this

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Speaker 1: episode because I'm just thinking about all of the ex boyfriends,

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Speaker 1: past of my friends who have just sucked just suck

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Speaker 1: so bad, and some of them are stn't with them

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Speaker 1: and I'm not friends with them anymore because of that.

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Speaker 1: But if everybody in your life hates your significant other.

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Speaker 1: It's not this beautiful Romeo and Juliet Us against the

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Speaker 1: world story. It's not this like nobody wants to see

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Speaker 1: us be together and and we're just gonna overcome it

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Speaker 1: because the world is against us. No, it's not that

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Speaker 1: they're probably like borderline fucking abusive and you're romanticizing it

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Speaker 1: because you get to feel isolated like Rapunzel up in

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Speaker 1: the fucking tower and you're just not They just suck.

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Speaker 1: Find somebody who can exist in your world. Find somebody

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Speaker 1: who's nice to your friends, find somebody who's on your team,

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Speaker 1: and don't live in someone's bedroom at least like you

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Speaker 1: know me in like a spicy way, but like not

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Speaker 1: in like a logistical way, like just go find somebody

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Speaker 1: who can like be your partner, and if your best

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Speaker 1: friend hates them, red flag. All right, I'm Kaylie Shore.

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Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for us thing. This is

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Speaker 1: too much to say. Don't go ask me questions you

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Speaker 1: don't answer to. I've got to say now turn it out.

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Speaker 1: You