1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 1: are looking for. 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If you have any AHA moments, 33 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 4: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, lady, please 34 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 4: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing 35 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 4: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release 36 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 4: episodes every Friday, so be short of subscribe I have 37 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 4: on iTunes and visit her Space podcast dot com and 38 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 4: enter your email address to get updates about our live 39 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 4: events and all the new beginnings that we have for 40 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 4: this year. 41 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 5: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 42 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:20,640 Speaker 5: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college 43 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 5: professor and psychologist. 44 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 45 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 4: world where Black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, Please 46 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 47 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where 48 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 4: black women can. 49 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 5: Just be Hey, lady, it's doctor Dom here from the 50 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 5: Herspace podcast. Do you have a burning question you're dying 51 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 5: to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective 52 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 5: on a situation you're facing? So visit herspacepodcast dot com 53 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,959 Speaker 5: and click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. 54 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 5: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them 55 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 5: at random. Our quote of the day, as you become 56 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 5: more clear about who you really are, you'll be better 57 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 5: able to decide what is best for you the first 58 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 5: time around. That quote comes to us by Auntie Oprah. Today, 59 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 5: we are diving into a new decade twenty twenty. When 60 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 5: I think about starting a new year, starting a new decade, 61 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 5: like starting a new year, for me, is usually like 62 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 5: an opportunity to think about, Okay, well, what are the 63 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 5: things that I want to accomplish this year? Right? But 64 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 5: starting a new decade is like an opportunity to think about, Okay, 65 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 5: where do I want my life to be in the 66 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 5: next ten years. But then it also gives me an 67 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 5: opportunity to kind of reflect on what has happened in 68 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 5: my life in the previous ten years. Now, Tea, I 69 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 5: know that was a lot that I just threw at you, right, Yeah, 70 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 5: I was like one year, ten years aga, ten years behind. Yes, 71 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:25,839 Speaker 5: that was a lot. But when you think about starting 72 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 5: this new year, this new decade, what comes up for you? 73 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 5: For real? 74 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 4: For the first thing that came to mind is this 75 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 4: is me saying this to myself, bitch, you getting old, 76 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 4: because I'm like that dumb when you said, when you 77 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 4: said what am I going to be doing in ten years, 78 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 4: I said, oh shit, I'm going to be forty in 79 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 4: ten years, okay, And I was like wow. And then 80 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 4: I thought about the last ten years and I was like, 81 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 4: I was twenty ten years ago. I was still in college. 82 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 4: I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what 83 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 4: I was doing. It kind of makes me emotional a way, 84 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 4: because it's like when you think about the journey, you know, 85 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 4: like I didn't know what I was doing with my life. 86 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 4: I had goals and you know, dreams written down, but 87 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 4: I was hoping that shit was going to happen, but 88 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 4: I didn't know. And so ten years it's like, damn, 89 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 4: it went by so fast, but so much has happened 90 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 4: in the past ten years. Did I answer your question? 91 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,840 Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, But I think I'm pausing because as you 92 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 5: were talking, like my last ten years started flashing before me, 93 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 5: and you're white. There's a lot that happens in the 94 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 5: span of a decade. 95 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,600 Speaker 4: What did you think about, Like what comes up when 96 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 4: you think about lady, like the past ten years and 97 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 4: some of the most significant moments or experiences, like what 98 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 4: comes up for you. 99 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 5: For me, what comes up is that my life is 100 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 5: not what I thought it would be. So there are 101 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:07,720 Speaker 5: things that have not happened that ten years ago I 102 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 5: was dead set on those things happening, and now I'm okay, 103 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 5: I'm in some instance it's glad that those things did 104 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 5: not happen. And so the biggest thing for me is 105 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 5: a realization that life truly does not go the way 106 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 5: you plan it all the time, and you can still 107 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,840 Speaker 5: be in a great space. 108 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 4: That's a really good point. That's a really good point. 109 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 4: I think when I think about the past ten years. 110 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 4: I'm just literally going back in time, Like damn, I 111 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 4: was a junior in college at Kutztown University trying to 112 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 4: map out my life and figure out what am I doing. 113 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 4: And life was pretty challenging. It was hard trying to 114 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 4: pay for school and being an independent student, not having 115 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 4: parental support to go to college. And it's just so 116 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 4: crazy to think that so much can happen in those 117 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 4: ten years. And I would say that my life isn't 118 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 4: necessarily what I thought it was going to be. I 119 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 4: thought by thirty i'd have so much more in some 120 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 4: ways because I'm this high achieving, ambitious person like I 121 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 4: wanted this. I wanted that. A lot of that isn't here. 122 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 4: But I'm still really happy. And I think that everything 123 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 4: that happened, the good, the bad, the scary, the overwhelming, 124 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 4: the things that made me fearful, everything that happened, I 125 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 4: can truly say that it's been for my good. So 126 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 4: whether it's developed me as a person, whether it's you know, 127 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 4: strengthened my resiliency skills, whether it's just tested me, I mean, 128 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 4: it all worked out for my good. I'm a better 129 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 4: person because of everything that happened. 130 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 5: I concur. I definitely concur one of the things that 131 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 5: I also think about in that in terms of thinking 132 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 5: about like mapping out my life, I think about the 133 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 5: importance of writing things down and holding on to them 134 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 5: in terms of like your goals and your dreams and 135 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 5: your visions, because you never know what may come of 136 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,560 Speaker 5: those things. Now, I know, lady, if you're really listening, 137 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 5: you're listening and you're like, but, dom, didn't you just 138 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 5: say that some of the stuff you planned didn't come 139 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 5: to fruition, and you're okay with that. Yes, And there 140 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 5: are things that you may write down one year, and 141 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 5: who knows when those things will actually come true? Right? 142 00:08:54,480 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 5: So I say that because it was either somewhere between 143 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 5: twenty eleven and twenty thirteen I wrote down starting a podcast. 144 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 4: Now you did, not I did. 145 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 5: And I'm gonna have to show you the paper. I'm 146 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 5: gonna have to show you the document where I oh. Now, 147 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 5: now here's the thing. I can't recall knowing anything about 148 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 5: a podcast in the twenty eleven right, But I was. 149 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 5: I was doing something for us for this podcast, and 150 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 5: I was going through like a bunch of old documents 151 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 5: and came across this list of goals that I had written, 152 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 5: and it had to be. It was between twenty eleven 153 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 5: and twenty thirteen where I wrote these this list of goals, 154 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 5: and starting a podcast was one of the items on 155 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 5: that list. Now, mind you, you recall when we had 156 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 5: our meeting in twenty eighteen and we were like just 157 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 5: kind of casually tossing out the idea of starting a podcast. Right, 158 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 5: my recollection, and granted caveat, my short term memory sometimes 159 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 5: ain't shit, but well, and my long term memory sometimes 160 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 5: really ain't shit. But my recollection of our conversation was 161 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 5: that I recall saying that this is a new idea 162 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 5: to me. Podcasting is something I never thought of, right, 163 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 5: So imagine my surprise when I'm finding I come across 164 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 5: this document where I wrote this down. 165 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 4: It's a feel when you came across it, like what 166 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 4: were you even thinking? 167 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 5: I paused for a moment and was like, wait, what 168 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 5: did I just read? Like I had to like rea, 169 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 5: Like I looked at the I scrolled and looked at 170 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 5: it like multiple times, and like looked at all the 171 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 5: other words on the page and was like, no, I 172 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 5: didn't write this And looked at the date that it 173 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 5: was done and I'm like, humh. And so I had 174 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 5: to really pause and think about what that really means 175 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 5: in terms of what we put out there in the universe, 176 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 5: and how sometimes there may be goals or visions or 177 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,560 Speaker 5: dreams that we put out there and we tossed to 178 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 5: the side. But that does not mean that because it 179 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 5: got tossed to the side, that it will never happen 180 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 5: or that it can't ever happen. 181 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 4: That's a good point that makes me think about. So 182 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 4: I feel that I have been a visionary for a 183 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 4: long time. So I'm always forward thinking, like, Okay, what 184 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:47,680 Speaker 4: am I going to do next? 185 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 5: What am I going to do? 186 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: You know? 187 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 4: My five year plan, ten year plan? That shit excites me. 188 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 4: Some people are like that shit is overwhelming. I'm like, 189 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 4: what's the twenty year plan, y'all? What were we doing? Like, 190 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 4: I'm ready. So the thing is, I wrote down in 191 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 4: grad school that I wanted to start a blog. And 192 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 4: I started a blog, and I had this big vision 193 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 4: and I was very much interested in making an impact, 194 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 4: but I also had some other goals. I wanted to 195 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 4: be featured in, you know, some of our latest and 196 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,079 Speaker 4: greatest magazines. I wanted to, you know, give a ted Talk, 197 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,439 Speaker 4: and I wanted to do this and do that. And 198 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 4: I was very much motivated by the impact, but also 199 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 4: by the goal itself, like achieving this thing or getting 200 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 4: this recognition. And so I had my blog for seven 201 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 4: years and although it did well and it impacted people, 202 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 4: it never really like blew up, blew up. I thought 203 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 4: that was going to be the thing. It's like it 204 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 4: just blows up and bam, there it is. It didn't 205 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 4: happen that way. Now with the podcast, I think the 206 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 4: difference I noticed with the energy I had when we 207 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 4: came together to create the podcast, it was very much 208 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 4: focused on the impact. It was very much focused on 209 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 4: a greater why, a very clear why. And that why 210 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 4: was literally our mission, which is creating a safe space 211 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 4: where black women and women of color can just be 212 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 4: let down your hair. We can talk about the things 213 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,760 Speaker 4: that only you know, we can connect with and that 214 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 4: only we resonate with. And I was speaking to my 215 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 4: coach about this and she was like, she gave me advice. 216 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 4: So my blog. One of the goals I have for 217 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 4: the blog was I wanted to be featured on Black Enterprise. Right, 218 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,320 Speaker 4: that was literally on my vision board Black Enterprise. Now 219 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 4: what I noticed is when you and I started the podcast, 220 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 4: it was purely mission driven, like we didn't even have 221 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,960 Speaker 4: any goals, Oh, we want this person to find out, 222 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 4: we want to get this many downloads, this many abuse. 223 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 4: It was purely vision driven. Now three months into us 224 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 4: having a podcast, we are surprised by a friend. I 225 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 4: think one of my friends texted me like, girl, your 226 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 4: podcast is on Black Enterprise and I was like what, 227 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 4: so I take it down. I'm like, dom, We're on 228 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 4: Black Enterprise. What the world. And it makes me think 229 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 4: about what my coach said about what is your why? 230 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 4: Like focus on the why, focus on the impact, focus 231 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 4: on really other people, and then you'll get all those 232 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 4: other things. And so I thought about how I did 233 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 4: this thing for seven years and I really wanted all 234 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,319 Speaker 4: these things, and it didn't really end up the way 235 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 4: that I envisioned. But now we start this podcast in 236 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 4: three months in one of the goals I had on 237 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 4: my list forever finally happened. What is the why that's 238 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 4: motivating you? It's not just you want to give a 239 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,440 Speaker 4: ted talk. You want to enlighten the world to a 240 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 4: new perspective on a topic that you're really interested in. Right, 241 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 4: you want to help people in some way. It's all 242 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 4: about the why and the impact. And so that's what 243 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 4: I think about when you were talking about what you 244 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 4: wrote down years ago that you forgot about, and also 245 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 4: when it comes to mapping out your vision, what is 246 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 4: the why? And clearly your why was big enough because 247 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 4: even though you forgot about it, God in the universe was. 248 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 5: Like, here you go, We're gonna make this happen. 249 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 3: There we are. 250 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 5: And I think the thing with that too was that 251 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 5: why is also I'm gonna use my favorite phrase, trusting 252 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 5: the process right and knowing that if your why is 253 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 5: coming from a good space, that it will come. And 254 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 5: what's that that line from this gospel song. May not 255 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 5: he may not come when you want him, but he'll 256 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 5: be there right. 257 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,120 Speaker 4: On time on time. 258 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 5: Your dream may not come to fruition in the way 259 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 5: that you planned or the way that you envisioned, but 260 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 5: if it's truly meant for you, And I think that's 261 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 5: the phrase that we need to also touch on, is 262 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 5: that if it's truly meant for you, it will happen 263 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 5: when you are ready, right. And so that first piece 264 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 5: of that if it's truly meant for you, I think 265 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 5: that that when it comes to mapping out your goals 266 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 5: for the year or the decade and figuring out how 267 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 5: to create a vision, that is where oftentimes we may 268 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 5: get the more caught up and find ourselves getting stuck, 269 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 5: right because we have this idea in our head of 270 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 5: how it's supposed to go, and when it doesn't happen 271 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 5: in the exact way that we had it visualized in 272 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 5: our brain, we're not happy. And the reality is that 273 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 5: oftentimes things are bigger than our dreams. Girl, say that 274 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 5: one more time for the people in the bag. Okay, 275 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 5: our reality can often be bigger than our dreams. When 276 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 5: it's truly meant for us, it can be bigger than 277 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 5: anything we imagine for ourselves. And I know some big dreamers, right. 278 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 5: The point of dreaming is to like fantasize and really 279 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 5: think about things in a way that's like, now, this 280 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:10,439 Speaker 5: can't really be possible. But when things are meant for 281 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:18,400 Speaker 5: us and we embrace that it may not come out 282 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 5: how we initially planned it, it can turn out to 283 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 5: be much better than we ever hoped. 284 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 4: And see that makes me. That kind of brings us 285 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 4: back to that quote about when you find the why 286 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 4: and you're committed to the why everything else is going 287 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 4: to fall into place? And of course, you know I 288 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 4: got a story for this, right, I'm ready, Okay, So 289 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 4: it makes me think about this time. So when I 290 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 4: was eighteen years old, I remember I heard about this 291 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,880 Speaker 4: writer's conference. It was called the Sandy Cove Writers Conference 292 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,439 Speaker 4: in Maryland, and it was a couple hundred dollars to go. 293 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 4: You had to buy a ticket. Also, you know, pay 294 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 4: for lodging, and of course you had to get your transportation. 295 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 4: And so I was a broke college student. I didn't 296 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 4: have the money, and so I asked my grandmother and 297 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 4: she had told me. She was like, you know how 298 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 4: Grandmama's first, she pulled the money out her bra. You know, 299 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 4: that's my grandmother pulled the money on her brah. 300 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: That baby. 301 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,439 Speaker 4: I don't have a lot of money, but I believe 302 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 4: in you, and I'm going to give you the money 303 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:13,880 Speaker 4: for the conference. And I was like, oh my gosh. 304 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,399 Speaker 4: I was so excited and wrote. I wrote a book 305 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 4: and it was a writer's conference, and so I was like, 306 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 4: oh my gosh, I'm going to go to this conference. 307 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:22,439 Speaker 4: This is the moment I've been waiting for my whole life. 308 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 4: All these eighteen years, I've been through all this stuff, 309 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,880 Speaker 4: and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna write 310 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 4: this book. I already wrote it. I'm going to share 311 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 4: this book with these publishers and Auntie Oprah's gonna find 312 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 4: me and my life is just gonna be made. Literally, 313 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 4: that is the plan, Like legit, that's what I thought 314 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,360 Speaker 4: was gonna happen. So I drove to the conference. 315 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 5: That's a big dream for an eighteen year old girl. 316 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 5: So I'm curious to see, like you got me all 317 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 5: in because I'm like eighteen and you were writing a book. 318 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 4: Girl. My book was called Exposed Okay, and it was 319 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,880 Speaker 4: just talking about it was very much a journey within 320 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 4: to encourage people to just kind of face their own 321 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 4: stuff and what happened to them and all that. So 322 00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 4: I wrote this book. I go to the conference and 323 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,360 Speaker 4: I'm with an editor from a very popular publishing company, 324 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 4: and I was hanging out with a lot of mature folks. 325 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 4: I was one of the youngest people there and the 326 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 4: editor took my book. She was reading over it, and 327 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 4: I was so excited, and she gave it back and 328 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 4: it kind of reminded me of when your English teacher 329 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 4: grades your paper with all the red pen marks. She 330 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 4: went through and butchered my book, and I was very sad. 331 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,679 Speaker 4: I felt some kind of way. I still have it 332 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,000 Speaker 4: to this day at home in my chest, and it 333 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 4: was so bad, and I was just like why God, 334 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 4: Like why why didn't this happen? Like I've been through 335 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,160 Speaker 4: all this stuff in my life, you know, facing abuse 336 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 4: and you know, being homeless, and I went through all 337 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 4: this adversity. I know I have a story. Why why 338 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 4: didn't they see me? 339 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 5: You know? 340 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,960 Speaker 4: And I didn't give up, but I was very discouraged. 341 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 4: Now fast forward, what is this twelve years later? I'm 342 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 4: not a math person. 343 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:50,959 Speaker 5: Yeah, my twelve years right? 344 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 4: Okay, twelve years later, at thirty years old, I've written 345 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 4: a book that is going to be released this year. 346 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 4: And let me just tell you, reading this book, after 347 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 4: reading my previous book, I am so thankful to God 348 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 4: that that piece of shit did not get published because, 349 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 4: when I tell you, it's some trash. That book I 350 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 4: wrote when I was eighteen was trash. Okay, it was trash. 351 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 4: And the lady who read one piece of feedback that 352 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,159 Speaker 4: she gave me, and I've evolved so much because I'm 353 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,879 Speaker 4: not this kind of person anymore. She said that the 354 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 4: book came off she was honest, came off very judgmental. 355 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 4: The language was just like very preachy, is what she said. 356 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,119 Speaker 4: Very preachy. That's not my method today. I have a 357 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 4: very like a total opposite message. But I've learned so 358 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 4: much in those twelve years. I've gained so many tools, 359 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 4: I have so much more wisdom, I have so much 360 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 4: more awareness of self that this book that I'm releasing 361 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 4: this year is going to be way better than the 362 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 4: piece of trash that I wrote when I was eighteen. 363 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 4: So when I tell you that, it really is about 364 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 4: are you really ready? But don't give up. That's the thing, 365 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 4: even though you may girl all the failure I faced 366 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 4: in these past twelve years and ten years, like I 367 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 4: face so much failure, and it's like, you got to 368 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,880 Speaker 4: just keep on getting back up because if you never 369 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 4: keep going, You're never gonna know what you could have 370 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 4: been because you gave up too fast, you stopped before 371 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 4: the miracle happened. 372 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,119 Speaker 5: I mean, you know, really think about it like that. 373 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 5: As you were talking, reminded me of Cardi B's song 374 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 5: the first song on hers. 375 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 4: Yeah down nine times and I Get up ten Yes. 376 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 5: Yes, and lady, we will have a link for that 377 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:31,560 Speaker 5: song on our website, so definitely check it out. Not team, 378 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 5: we have talked about like the vision's planning and the 379 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 5: goal setting, and we talked about how we each have 380 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 5: written things down. But let's kind of dive into like 381 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,959 Speaker 5: twenty twenty for real, for real. Right, So, lady, if 382 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 5: you're listening, I know you're like, all right, so y'all 383 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 5: said some cool stuff reminiscent, but what do I need 384 00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:01,000 Speaker 5: to think about for twenty twenty? Don't worry, we got you. 385 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 5: So you ready to hit them with the questions. 386 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 4: Let's hit him with the questions? 387 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 5: Don all right? So well, first, before we fully dive 388 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 5: into the questions, I do want to say that it's 389 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 5: important to think about like your method for writing things 390 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 5: writing this down. For me personally, I've used multi methods 391 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:31,160 Speaker 5: to map out my visions for the year. Some years 392 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 5: I have just taken a sheet of paper and I've 393 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 5: used so Anyone who knows me well knows that I 394 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 5: generally write everything in purple. So I have my stick 395 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 5: of purple, I have my grab bag of purple pins. 396 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,399 Speaker 4: Why do you like the purple pins? 397 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 5: Well, purple is my favorite color, and it stands. 398 00:22:56,359 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 4: Out that's what it is exactly. 399 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:07,159 Speaker 5: So because also I think it if I if my 400 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 5: memory serves me right, it started because when I was teaching, 401 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 5: I didn't like going back to what you said about 402 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,399 Speaker 5: how that publisher like went through like that English teacher 403 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,680 Speaker 5: with the red ink. I don't like that read ink, right. 404 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,640 Speaker 5: It almost feels offensive to me. And I know some 405 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 5: people have their preferences, but for me, if I'm gonna 406 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 5: be encouraging to people when I'm making corrections on things, 407 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 5: I started using purple pins to grade papers, I love that. 408 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,719 Speaker 5: And so then now, mind you, some of the stuff 409 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,920 Speaker 5: may not have been pretty like you said, like you know, 410 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,680 Speaker 5: publish right, And then after a while, I just started 411 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 5: using purple all the time. So we'll have a link 412 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,640 Speaker 5: in our show notes for where you can buy those 413 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,679 Speaker 5: same purple pins that I like to use. Because I also, 414 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 5: if you also know me, you know I'm pretty particular 415 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 5: and I use one specific kind of purple pan. 416 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 4: I'm sure it's high quality. Knowing you done, of course, 417 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 4: you know. 418 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 5: And so there have been times where I've like literally 419 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 5: just in my purple pen on a sheet of paper 420 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 5: written down all my goals, right, and then like i'd 421 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 5: go in and I categorize them, you know, based on 422 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,920 Speaker 5: like themes and to help me kind of figure out, Okay, well, hit, 423 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 5: what are the areas that I'm really trying to improve 424 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 5: upon this year? And usually, like I'll come up with 425 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 5: the themes after I've made my goals. Other times I've 426 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 5: just gone on the laptop and type stuff in on 427 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 5: the laptop. What I notice is the stuff that I 428 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 5: type in on the laptop is the stuff that kind 429 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:57,440 Speaker 5: of gets lost. So that year where I found out 430 00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 5: about where I wrote about creating a podcast, that was 431 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,399 Speaker 5: on a document on my laptop somewhere that clearly I 432 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 5: hadn't access in almost a decade. Right, the stuff I've 433 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:13,240 Speaker 5: written down on paper, I have access to that on 434 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 5: a regular basis, and I'm constantly checking in and saying, 435 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 5: oh I didn't accomplish that, Oh yeah I did that, 436 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,679 Speaker 5: Like just the ability to check in with myself. And 437 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:28,719 Speaker 5: then there have been times where has actually only been 438 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,679 Speaker 5: one or two times where I've done a vision board 439 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 5: for me, I haven't put a lot of energy into 440 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:40,159 Speaker 5: doing a vision board, but that's something that I know 441 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 5: that I'm open to trying again because I'm in a 442 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,800 Speaker 5: different headspace. But I also know that that works really 443 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 5: well for a lot of other people. It depends on 444 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,640 Speaker 5: how your vision works. Are you truly like a visual 445 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:59,879 Speaker 5: visual person or are you a person that like do 446 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 5: you need to see images? Or are you a person 447 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 5: that can visualize your goals by the words. It's about 448 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 5: your own personal preference. 449 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 4: Hands down, that's a good point. I've definitely created vision 450 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 4: boards as well. It was fun when I was younger 451 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 4: when you get your pictures out of the magazine and 452 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 4: it paste them there. I think now as an adult, 453 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 4: what works best for me. I am a visual person, 454 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 4: so I like to see it before I see it 455 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,480 Speaker 4: in reality. So what I usually do is I'll do 456 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 4: a digital vision board. I'll just like go into canava 457 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 4: or like paint and I'll just put the images in there, 458 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,200 Speaker 4: and then I print that out and that's my vision board. 459 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 4: So I've been doing that for a while. But I 460 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,720 Speaker 4: want to dive into this first question really quick, because 461 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 4: I think this is a powerful question that will allow 462 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,399 Speaker 4: us to really frame up what is the year going 463 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,679 Speaker 4: to look like? And it's as simple as if you 464 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 4: fast forward to December thirty first, twenty twenty, how would 465 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 4: you like your life to be different? Where do you 466 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 4: want to be at that point? And that's a question 467 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 4: that just kind of just sit with, where do you 468 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 4: want to be? Because where ever, wherever you want to be, 469 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,520 Speaker 4: you have to start taking actions now that will lead 470 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:10,119 Speaker 4: you there, right right right When I think about where 471 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 4: I want to be, I feel like I'm going to 472 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 4: be very vulnerable right now. And part of me is saying, 473 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 4: don't say that, and another part of me is like, no, 474 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 4: We're gonna go ahead and do it. Okay, Now, let 475 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:26,119 Speaker 4: me give myself together. Okay, so December. By December twenty twenty, 476 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 4: I would like to be a mommy. We're in it. 477 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 5: We're in it. 478 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:37,439 Speaker 4: Okay, We're in it. 479 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 5: We're in it. 480 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 4: Okay. 481 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 5: Oh how do I follow that? 482 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 4: Oh it's a beautiful goal. 483 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 5: And I say that because I know what you've been 484 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 5: through in twenty nineteen, and so I'm like, oh, yes, okay. 485 00:27:55,680 --> 00:28:01,359 Speaker 5: For me, I mentioned this in a previous episode, and 486 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:07,439 Speaker 5: one of the things that what I want is to 487 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 5: be working smarter, not harder. If you know me, you 488 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 5: know that I've got my hands in so many things, 489 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 5: and in twenty twenty, I really want to be in 490 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 5: a space where I am a thousand times better at 491 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:46,680 Speaker 5: saying no but still having an impact. And I want 492 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 5: to take some time, and it probably will take me 493 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:53,320 Speaker 5: the entire month of January to really flesh this vision out, 494 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:58,959 Speaker 5: which I think sometimes is not I think I know 495 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 5: that it's a k for us to do, but I 496 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,960 Speaker 5: really want to take the entire month of January to 497 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 5: reflect and figure out how best I can get to 498 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 5: that space, so that in December I can look back 499 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 5: and say that there weren't points where I was extremely 500 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 5: overwhelmed that I brought upon myself. 501 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 4: That makes sense to do. And the thing about it, 502 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,719 Speaker 4: what I've realized is that it really is about what 503 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,360 Speaker 4: works for you as a person. I feel like we 504 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 4: live in a world where people are so into telling 505 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 4: the collective what to do, and I'm like, no, Like 506 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 4: even with the podcast, we offer suggestions, or we offer 507 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,880 Speaker 4: our experiences based on what we've experienced. Right, That's all 508 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 4: we can offer is our experience and maybe what we've 509 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 4: heard from others. But at the end of the day, 510 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 4: each person, as an individual needs to figure out what 511 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,480 Speaker 4: works best for you. So when I think about me, 512 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,160 Speaker 4: I use a goal mapping workbook. Typically use that every year. 513 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 4: We're going to add liing to that in the show notes. 514 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 4: It's a free work book that you can use to 515 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,960 Speaker 4: map out your year. I use that workbook. I map 516 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 4: out all the goals for the year, and then I 517 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 4: have a big sort of one of those whiteboard calendars 518 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 4: in my home office. I have some little markers with 519 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 4: a little eraser on the end. I literally use that 520 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 4: to map out the month because I already have everything 521 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 4: written in my goal mapping workbook, so I just put 522 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,440 Speaker 4: everything on the monthly calendar of their so I can 523 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 4: see it, right. I want to be able to see 524 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 4: it without having to go into Google Calendar. 525 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 5: Right. 526 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 4: So when I look in the home office, I see, 527 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 4: okayt I have therapy on Thursday, Okay, cool, we record 528 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 4: the podcast on Friday. Whatever. I can see everything from 529 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 4: a bird's eye view, and so it's so convenient for me. 530 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 4: So we're going to add a link to that in 531 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 4: the show notes as well. But I think it all 532 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 4: goes back to what works best for you, and I 533 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 4: want us to go into our second question, but I 534 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 4: want to kind of tie this around. I'm going to 535 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 4: tie it in a little bow. So the second question is, 536 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,400 Speaker 4: what is one word or phrase that will be your 537 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,680 Speaker 4: mantra for the year. Now. Usually my word or phrase 538 00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,959 Speaker 4: is like ambition. It's like something related to being ambitious 539 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 4: or go go go, or go crazy or map out 540 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 4: all the goals this year for me, my word is 541 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,360 Speaker 4: probably going to be flow. I'm going to actually take 542 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,560 Speaker 4: a step back and literally just worry about self care 543 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,239 Speaker 4: and focus on my why and not necessarily all the 544 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 4: milestones and goals that I had, because it's nice to 545 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 4: get features. But once you get that, it feels good 546 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 4: for the moment, right, but then that shit, I mean 547 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 4: it kind of like okay, never on to the next thing, 548 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,080 Speaker 4: so it's not long lasting. But I found with myself 549 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:36,560 Speaker 4: that when I do something that impacts humanity, that impacts community, 550 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 4: and that leaves a lasting imprint on someone's life, that 551 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 4: is way more fulfilling to me than any feature. So 552 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 4: I already mapped out my goals because I did this 553 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 4: in October, and I'm like, oh, it might be time 554 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,000 Speaker 4: for me to revisit them now that we're at the 555 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,240 Speaker 4: top of the year, because I'm going to go into 556 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 4: the year with a different energy. I'm flowing this year 557 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 4: instead of being so like on top of everything and 558 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 4: controlling every aspect effect of my life. 559 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 5: It's so funny you said flow because literally as you 560 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 5: were talking, slow down was the phrase that came up 561 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 5: for me, and for me, slowing down ties into what 562 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 5: you were saying of like flow, right, slowing down means 563 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,040 Speaker 5: allowing myself to really be in the moment so that 564 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 5: if there is like that exciting unexpected thing like a feature, right, 565 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 5: I can embrace that. I can enjoy that, like fully 566 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 5: enjoy that. If I'm watching something on television and it's 567 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 5: making me crack up laughing, I can really embrace that laughter, right, 568 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:56,800 Speaker 5: really embrace that that funny moment. If I'm having like 569 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 5: a tender moment, a vulnerable moment with someone else, I 570 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 5: can really be in that and let myself feel all 571 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 5: those feelings. If I'm slowing down. That also keeps me 572 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 5: from feeling overwhelmed, because I'm letting myself really slow down 573 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 5: and be in those moments so that I'm not thinking 574 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 5: about like the ten things that I need to do next. 575 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,480 Speaker 5: If I'm in that moment, I don't have to be 576 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 5: overwhelmed about those things because I know that I will 577 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 5: get to those things. And I also know that if 578 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 5: I'm fully focused on my goal of working smarter, not harder. 579 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 5: I'm not going to have ten other things that I'm 580 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 5: trying to think about. 581 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 4: Yes, you can spend more time with the people you 582 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 4: enjoy and you love and really just be in the 583 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 4: moment and feel fully. Now, I don't know where this 584 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:53,960 Speaker 4: is coming from, but apparently someone needs to hear this 585 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,400 Speaker 4: right now. But I know one thing that I used 586 00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,720 Speaker 4: to always look for down was validation. The weird thing 587 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 4: about it is I would have visions, I would get signs. 588 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:08,360 Speaker 4: I would just get these sort of downloads right whether 589 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,280 Speaker 4: it's my spirit guides or whether it's just intuition, something 590 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,399 Speaker 4: telling me where I need to be, what I need 591 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,320 Speaker 4: to be doing. But I always I was so thirsty 592 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,080 Speaker 4: for someone else to validate what I already knew about myself. 593 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,279 Speaker 4: So if you know, Dom said you wanted to start 594 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,920 Speaker 4: a podcast years ago, if someone's telling you, girl, you 595 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:26,760 Speaker 4: really have a way of talking to people, you should 596 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 4: really start a podcast or something, and you're not necessarily 597 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 4: acting on it, but you're just taking in all the 598 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,399 Speaker 4: feedback and you're getting these signs, but you're not doing 599 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 4: anything about it. We're just here to let you know 600 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,560 Speaker 4: that you are enough, you are qualified. You really don't 601 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 4: need any external validation if you hear a voice inside 602 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,720 Speaker 4: telling you to write that book or start that vision board, 603 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 4: or start that business, or you know, pursue that degree, 604 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,560 Speaker 4: whatever that thing might be. I think it's so important 605 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 4: for us to really go within this year and trust 606 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 4: ourselves and not wait for validation, because sometimes people get 607 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 4: the revelation late, right right, They might not get into 608 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 4: years down the line, and now you've wasted years and 609 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,799 Speaker 4: you didn't have a chance to do anything about it. 610 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,720 Speaker 4: So whatever it is that you are feeling in your spirit, 611 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,240 Speaker 4: just go after it and listen to that voice inside, 612 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 4: because many of us often know what we need to 613 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 4: do and where we need to be and what we 614 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,719 Speaker 4: need to be doing. And sometimes you know how it 615 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,640 Speaker 4: is you call your homegirl, like, girl, what should I do? 616 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 4: When you know damn well exactly what you should do. 617 00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,319 Speaker 4: You just want to hear from somebody else, right right, 618 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 4: and I and you. 619 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 5: Know as you're saying that. That brings us to the 620 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:42,279 Speaker 5: third piece, the third question, who are five people who 621 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,880 Speaker 5: can help you reach your goal? Right? So calling up 622 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:49,040 Speaker 5: that girlfriend, you might not need to be calling her 623 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 5: for validation, but you may need to be calling her 624 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:58,600 Speaker 5: so that she can give you that motivational speech to 625 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:03,839 Speaker 5: remind you of what your goals are. Right. Somebody else 626 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:09,040 Speaker 5: that you may want to have is someone who has 627 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:14,759 Speaker 5: been where you're trying to get to, or someone who 628 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,680 Speaker 5: you know generally is going to be that support in 629 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:24,239 Speaker 5: your corner. Right. Figure out once you've identify what your 630 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 5: goals are, figure out who the people are that are 631 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 5: going to be the most helpful in getting you to 632 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:34,920 Speaker 5: that space. 633 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 4: Beautifully stated Dom, I love it, and that takes us 634 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,560 Speaker 4: on to number four, which I think is an amazing 635 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 4: step here, and this says, identify ten people you can 636 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:50,120 Speaker 4: build up. When I tell you that before I knew 637 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 4: who I was as far as like my mission on Earth, 638 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,760 Speaker 4: before I knew what I wanted to do in the world, 639 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 4: I was very big on giving back to other people. 640 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:00,840 Speaker 4: So even though I didn't have clarity on what I 641 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,200 Speaker 4: was doing, I was always down to so into someone 642 00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,200 Speaker 4: else's vision because I'm like, if I don't know what 643 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 4: I'm doing, at least I know this person's doing something good, 644 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,799 Speaker 4: I might as well sew into that person to help 645 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,760 Speaker 4: them out, because I know that I really do believe 646 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,560 Speaker 4: that you help someone else achieve, God will allow you 647 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,040 Speaker 4: to achieve on your own. And so for years I 648 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,200 Speaker 4: would help people at church, I would help people with 649 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,560 Speaker 4: their business. I would do so much to invest in 650 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,160 Speaker 4: other people's visions. And now I'm in a place in 651 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,400 Speaker 4: life where I actually have a vision that other people 652 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,799 Speaker 4: can invest in, and people are just coming out of 653 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 4: the woodwork to support me. So I think that if 654 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,839 Speaker 4: we can just get into the habit of helping other 655 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 4: people with no expectation of anything in return, and not 656 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 4: one of those people that's going to help them and 657 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,400 Speaker 4: then remind them later you just do it out of 658 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,040 Speaker 4: the kindness of your heart, it will come back to 659 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 4: you one hundredfold. 660 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 5: What I'm telling you, I can't even I have no 661 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:59,800 Speaker 5: backup for that, because you said it perfectly, like yeah. 662 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:04,600 Speaker 5: And So just to kind of recap what those questions 663 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:10,000 Speaker 5: are that you are going to use in your goal setting. First, 664 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:15,880 Speaker 5: if you fast forward to December thirty first, twenty twenty, 665 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,399 Speaker 5: how would your life be different than it is right 666 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:23,759 Speaker 5: now in this moment. Second, what is one word or 667 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 5: phrase that will be your mantra for the year. Third, 668 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 5: identify five people who can help you reach your goals. 669 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:43,439 Speaker 5: And finally number four, identify ten people who you can 670 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:47,520 Speaker 5: sew into. And as you're listening to this episode and 671 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,239 Speaker 5: you want to supplement what you've heard, be sure to 672 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:57,160 Speaker 5: go back and revisit Season one episode three, how to 673 00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:03,600 Speaker 5: overcome procrastination and make progress fast, Season one episode eleven, 674 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,280 Speaker 5: how to create a dream team for your life in business, 675 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:13,000 Speaker 5: and Season three episode three, five tips to help you 676 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,440 Speaker 5: get back on track and find your passion. 677 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,960 Speaker 4: Hey girl, Hey, it's Terry here from the Heirspace podcast. 678 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,880 Speaker 4: Every Wednesday, I release a Wisdom Wednesday mini episode that 679 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,839 Speaker 4: will give you the quick boost you need to get 680 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:32,800 Speaker 4: you through hump day. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click 681 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:36,600 Speaker 4: the Wisdom Wednesday with terrylink under start here to get 682 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,919 Speaker 4: your weekly gems. I hope to see you there. 683 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:44,840 Speaker 5: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 684 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:49,320 Speaker 5: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 685 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,120 Speaker 5: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 686 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,560 Speaker 5: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 687 00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:01,360 Speaker 5: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 688 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,320 Speaker 5: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 689 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,920 Speaker 5: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today, 690 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,400 Speaker 5: or contact your insurance provider. 691 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,640 Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 692 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 4: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 693 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:22,000 Speaker 4: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 694 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:26,280 Speaker 4: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 695 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:30,640 Speaker 4: after me, There's something inside of me that's bigger than 696 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:31,600 Speaker 4: any obstacle. 697 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:36,080 Speaker 5: We'll see you next week, Lady