1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:06,160
Speaker 1: I love listening to y'all mess dead ass, and we

2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:11,360
Speaker 1: asked y'all to write details to support your story, but goddamn,

3
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:17,480
Speaker 1: y'all got trouble in here. Really invested reading novels, okay, novels,

4
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:18,040
Speaker 1: but we love it.

5
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,280
Speaker 2: Keep it coming, dead ass, y'all.

6
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,520
Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

7
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,680
Speaker 2: You may know us from posting funny videos.

8
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,720
Speaker 1: With our voice and reading each other publicly as a

9
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:31,600
Speaker 1: form of therapy.

10
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,559
Speaker 2: Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

11
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,280
Speaker 1: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

12
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:38,879
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, we are.

13
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,279
Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

14
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,159
Speaker 3: li's most taboo topics.

15
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,680
Speaker 1: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

16
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,800
Speaker 3: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

17
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,919
Speaker 3: is a term that we say every day. So when

18
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,760
Speaker 3: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

19
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,760
Speaker 3: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

20
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,480
Speaker 3: We about to take philosof to our whole level.

21
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,720
Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now.

22
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:15,440
Speaker 4: If I could mail my heart right to you, am,

23
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:21,080
Speaker 4: I packed up seely tight.

24
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,720
Speaker 1: And that's send it up anight. Hey, that's myself. Shout

25
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,880
Speaker 1: out to Johnny. Where are you at now? Where the

26
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,760
Speaker 1: girls at? Johnny? Y'all were a vibe back of the day.

27
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,520
Speaker 1: You're still a vibe. You're on my playlist like on rotation. Still.

28
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,680
Speaker 1: Oh man, So let's take a break, because you know

29
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:43,880
Speaker 1: breaks are very necessary. So stick around. We'll be back. Oh,

30
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,520
Speaker 1: We're ready, We're back. What's with the face? Did you

31
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:48,960
Speaker 1: start looking at the firstness letter?

32
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,200
Speaker 2: Matt Man? Got me up on the dan carpet. He

33
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,640
Speaker 2: moving me around, Matthew.

34
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,240
Speaker 1: This chair keeps shifting to shoot.

35
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,520
Speaker 2: Jam Are you yeah?

36
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die write in and read this first one. Hi,

37
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,840
Speaker 1: I'm a listener from Brooklyn, Brooklyn. You're We've been following

38
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,880
Speaker 1: your journeys since the beginning and I'm a huge fan.

39
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,280
Speaker 1: I love you, guys, and this podcast is amazing. Your

40
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,120
Speaker 1: truly inspiration and an inspiration for the culture. Appreciate you.

41
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,560
Speaker 1: My husband and I, like you guys, have been together

42
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,280
Speaker 1: since we were nineteen years old. We have three girls

43
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,520
Speaker 1: and have been married eighteen years together. Twenty three guys,

44
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,799
Speaker 1: very similar. We just don't know about that girl life.

45
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,600
Speaker 1: He tends to go out with coworkers. I'm not bothered

46
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,080
Speaker 1: by him going out. I trust him, but he has

47
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,119
Speaker 1: a tendency to come home really late. I've been trying

48
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,079
Speaker 1: to tell him that five am is five am is

49
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,200
Speaker 1: not a respectable time for a husband to be coming ol, Sir,

50
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,120
Speaker 1: When I go out, I never stay out that late.

51
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,919
Speaker 1: Am I wrong for wanting him to come home earlier? Deval?

52
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,080
Speaker 1: In your opinion, what is respectable?

53
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,440
Speaker 2: I get me to talk about boy bag list?

54
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,799
Speaker 1: Okay, Deval? In your opinion, what's your respectable time to

55
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,600
Speaker 1: come home when you're married? If you're out at three am,

56
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm bugging. Three pm? Am I bugging? If I feel

57
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,800
Speaker 1: like coming home is at five am? Is ridiculous. Oh

58
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,880
Speaker 1: so he's been out since three pm till five.

59
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,000
Speaker 2: I think he's a teacher.

60
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,000
Speaker 3: I think he's a teacher because for him to be

61
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,600
Speaker 3: out at three pm, he has to work and teach.

62
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,880
Speaker 3: He doesn't work in already to work.

63
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,920
Speaker 1: At seven to seven to three, depending on the shift.

64
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,400
Speaker 1: He could be like a nurse. You know. He feels

65
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,520
Speaker 1: like he should be able to come in at whatever

66
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,519
Speaker 1: time he wants, as long as he's not cheating on me.

67
00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:32,600
Speaker 1: There shouldn't be a time limit on when he comes in.

68
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,280
Speaker 1: If he comes in at nine am the next day.

69
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,440
Speaker 1: I should be fine with it. He's crazy, question mark

70
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,840
Speaker 1: or am I? Because that's unacceptable. This is an ongoing issue,

71
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,560
Speaker 1: and I don't know how to get through to him

72
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,160
Speaker 1: that it bothers me. It just feels like he doesn't

73
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,440
Speaker 1: give a damn. Am I wrong? I don't have trust issues.

74
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,160
Speaker 1: It just bothers me. And I'm one of those wives

75
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,680
Speaker 1: that doesn't breathe until he's home. I can't sleep, I

76
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,520
Speaker 1: can't think straight. I'm paranoid, scared, anxious, just a miss

77
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,760
Speaker 1: I get that part. I hate it it. I just

78
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,360
Speaker 1: don't know how to get through to him any advice.

79
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,480
Speaker 1: I completely get that. It's funny that she put that

80
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,520
Speaker 1: in in the very end of it. I said, because

81
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:10,040
Speaker 1: for Devaleni, whenever you're out or whenever I'm out, I

82
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,720
Speaker 1: think it's like a reciprocal thing that you just can't sleep,

83
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,840
Speaker 1: like you're just concerned about the well being and safety

84
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,600
Speaker 1: of your spouse. So that's a very very valid thing.

85
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,800
Speaker 1: Devaleni over the years never put any restraints or time

86
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:31,000
Speaker 1: limits on us being out without each other, whether it's

87
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:37,880
Speaker 1: out with friends or work or whatever. However, a consistent

88
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,080
Speaker 1: five am. What do you think about that.

89
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,760
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's a consistent five and we

90
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,960
Speaker 3: don't know how often he goes out. This is the

91
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,279
Speaker 3: biggest thing, right, And I'm gonna be one hundred percent honest.

92
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,159
Speaker 1: Oh, she just said he tends to go out with coworkers,

93
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,440
Speaker 1: and she's not bothered by it.

94
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:50,840
Speaker 2: Right.

95
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,960
Speaker 3: So if my boys come into town and we go

96
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 3: out right and we go to a club, there's a

97
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,760
Speaker 3: good chance that they may go into the club closed

98
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,839
Speaker 3: at three o'clock and I come home at four o'clock.

99
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:01,920
Speaker 3: I I've come home at four o'clock before. Absolutely, you

100
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 3: haven't had no issues with it. So, and my thing is,

101
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,920
Speaker 3: we never tail and make our relationship to anybody else.

102
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,400
Speaker 3: So I don't think they should tell and make their

103
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,920
Speaker 3: relationship to anybody else neither. This is the biggest thing

104
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,800
Speaker 3: if you don't trust. If you trust him and he's

105
00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:14,440
Speaker 3: being honest, and he's like, yo, babe, I'm just out

106
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,120
Speaker 3: having a good time.

107
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,800
Speaker 2: I'm not cheating on you. That's all he can give

108
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,119
Speaker 2: you is his word.

109
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,120
Speaker 3: You can't put a timeline on when somebody's supposed to

110
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,320
Speaker 3: come home, like we're adults, Like you can't do that.

111
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,120
Speaker 1: But is there also too, like a protocol in place,

112
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,600
Speaker 1: like a touch base, right, So is he gone from

113
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,040
Speaker 1: three pm until five am? And do you hear from him?

114
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,120
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, And not even just a

115
00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:36,479
Speaker 1: check in to be like, where are you at? Let

116
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,160
Speaker 1: me see your surroundings, because she says she doesn't have

117
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,680
Speaker 1: trust issues. It's just more so a touch base to say,

118
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,719
Speaker 1: hey babe, I'm all right, still out, I'll be home

119
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:44,680
Speaker 1: at X y Z time.

120
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,680
Speaker 2: Well, that's what they have to create with themselves.

121
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,320
Speaker 3: They have to find a way to make it good

122
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,680
Speaker 3: for both of them, Like he can't just not be

123
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,800
Speaker 3: out with his friends just because his wife don't want

124
00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:57,120
Speaker 3: him to go out. But also he can't just stay

125
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,599
Speaker 3: out all times at night and leave his wife home wondering.

126
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,800
Speaker 3: They have to converse and create something that works for

127
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,080
Speaker 3: the two of them. And it doesn't matter who tells

128
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,760
Speaker 3: them what's a convenient time, It doesn't matter whose opinion.

129
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,960
Speaker 2: It is about what's a convenient time.

130
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 3: If he doesn't agree to that time and she doesn't

131
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,680
Speaker 3: agree to him being out, they have to work on that,

132
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,760
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. After someone else's opinion about

133
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,640
Speaker 3: what time he should come home, it has to be

134
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,600
Speaker 3: up to them. And here's the thing, we don't know

135
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,400
Speaker 3: what career he's in. If he goes out once a

136
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,280
Speaker 3: week and he say he works long hours and the

137
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,720
Speaker 3: only time he gets to go out is once a

138
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,360
Speaker 3: week with his co workers and they stay out till

139
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,520
Speaker 3: five am, there may be a reason why they may

140
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,360
Speaker 3: be stressed and want to blow off some steam. You know,

141
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,120
Speaker 3: it could be a thing where they don't get out often.

142
00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,680
Speaker 3: We don't have enough context. I will say this as

143
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:44,599
Speaker 3: a husband and someone who cares about how my wife feels.

144
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,240
Speaker 3: I will always make you feel comfortable, even when I'm out.

145
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,480
Speaker 3: If I'm going from a place to another place, I

146
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,800
Speaker 3: do it. Hit you like your babe, I'm about to

147
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,600
Speaker 3: head over here. I'll hit you when I'm get there.

148
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,760
Speaker 3: When I get there, you know what I'm saying. Just

149
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,120
Speaker 3: so you know and you're aware. I will also say this,

150
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,159
Speaker 3: you leave some time and you'll be going for hours,

151
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,160
Speaker 3: and don't text me because you don't think it's that

152
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,279
Speaker 3: big of a deal. It could be a thing where

153
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,799
Speaker 3: he doesn't think it's that big of a deal because

154
00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:10,120
Speaker 3: he knows he's not doing anything and I'm about to

155
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:10,480
Speaker 3: be home.

156
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,520
Speaker 1: That's true because I have been in that position where

157
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,160
Speaker 1: I'm just like, well, I'm just here at you know,

158
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,160
Speaker 1: Sophia's house, and we're chilling. We're not doing nothing, We're

159
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:16,800
Speaker 1: just here chilling it.

160
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,040
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you're supposed to text me when you

161
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,680
Speaker 2: get there, and I'm worried, and you.

162
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,480
Speaker 1: Just carried away at the moment and you're just like,

163
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,360
Speaker 1: oh shit, I didn't even realize all this time past.

164
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,280
Speaker 1: But yeah, Sis, I think you need to continue to

165
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,000
Speaker 1: have the conversation with him and continue to reiterate that

166
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,160
Speaker 1: it isn't a trust thing, it's more of a safety thing,

167
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,600
Speaker 1: or it's more of a respect factor, Like, hey, like,

168
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,480
Speaker 1: we're going to be living in this house together. I

169
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,360
Speaker 1: can't put the alarm on, and you know, God forbid

170
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,800
Speaker 1: somebody roll up in here at a certain time. You know,

171
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,880
Speaker 1: I got my gun at my bedside. You know what

172
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I feel it can be in so many

173
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:48,080
Speaker 1: different reasons as to why, but never, never not have

174
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:48,720
Speaker 1: the conversation.

175
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, the conversation is the biggest thing.

176
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,080
Speaker 3: And one thing I will tell you is don't ask

177
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,520
Speaker 3: other people what time he should come home, right, because

178
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,160
Speaker 3: now he gonna be like, I'm not listening to the motherfuckers.

179
00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:58,560
Speaker 1: I'm not.

180
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,680
Speaker 2: Listen nobody. If my wife ever told me.

181
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,000
Speaker 3: Well, somebody else said that you should a good time

182
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,880
Speaker 3: at twelve o'clock, I'd be like, good, we'll go marry

183
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:07,320
Speaker 3: that person.

184
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,840
Speaker 2: Exactly, y'all to figure it out.

185
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,560
Speaker 3: That's the biggest thing is y'all continuously talk about it though,

186
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:13,720
Speaker 3: for sure?

187
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,760
Speaker 1: All right, thanks for writing in and on to the

188
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,840
Speaker 1: next number two.

189
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,040
Speaker 3: Number two, Hey, Kadeen and Devo. First, I want to

190
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,520
Speaker 3: say I love y'all. Thank you so much. Kadeen, I

191
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,600
Speaker 3: love you. I love how you carry yourself as a woman,

192
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:27,280
Speaker 3: wife and mother.

193
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:27,640
Speaker 2: Devou.

194
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,240
Speaker 3: I love your personality and your class. Yet freak yourself,

195
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,560
Speaker 3: haph I'm a freak Devou. Thank you for showing men

196
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,440
Speaker 3: that it is okay to be emotional and to share

197
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,520
Speaker 3: your feelings with your significant other and allowing men to see,

198
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,120
Speaker 3: especially all black men, how to be a leader without

199
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:42,880
Speaker 3: being controlling.

200
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:43,800
Speaker 2: Well, I appreciate that.

201
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,280
Speaker 3: The thing I thank the Lord for platform such as

202
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,040
Speaker 3: this because as a twenty nine year old woman, the

203
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,199
Speaker 3: topics you guys discussed when not talked about in the

204
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,760
Speaker 3: household and hours either.

205
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,000
Speaker 2: So we're on the same page. Thank you. So I

206
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,880
Speaker 2: need some advice from Kadeen in Deval. We're gonna try

207
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,640
Speaker 2: our best. So my boyfriend and I have been together

208
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,040
Speaker 2: for a year. I love our relationship. He treats me

209
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:04,480
Speaker 2: so well.

210
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,319
Speaker 3: We are truly best friends and love is easy, the

211
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,360
Speaker 3: best relationship I have ever been in. Our sex life

212
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,880
Speaker 3: has gotten better since we met, just over time learning

213
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,640
Speaker 3: about each other and communicating likes and less dislikes.

214
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:17,079
Speaker 2: I get that.

215
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,400
Speaker 3: My dilemma is this is that when it is time

216
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,160
Speaker 3: for me to do that special thing which I love

217
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,800
Speaker 3: to do, he wants to release and that scares me.

218
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:31,079
Speaker 3: What I've only done it a few times in my

219
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,199
Speaker 3: life and I did not like it. Not to be

220
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,079
Speaker 3: too explicit, but he wants me to swallow it or

221
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,959
Speaker 3: split it out, but I truly hate to taste from

222
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,840
Speaker 3: previous experience. My man is very clean, I knew when

223
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,839
Speaker 3: he said when she said he wants to release. My

224
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,280
Speaker 3: man is very clean, works out and eats well, which

225
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,439
Speaker 3: I heard is a benefit for him and me when

226
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,959
Speaker 3: it comes to that, which is true, What do you

227
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,680
Speaker 3: recommend for me to do to help release my nerves

228
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,080
Speaker 3: and please him in that way? His birthday is coming

229
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,760
Speaker 3: up and I would love to give him.

230
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,480
Speaker 1: A treat, trying to think of the special gifts, you know,

231
00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:08,920
Speaker 1: the gifts they keep on giving.

232
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:09,920
Speaker 2: Well, this is the first thing.

233
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:11,320
Speaker 1: Hm.

234
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,559
Speaker 3: If that's the gift you're giving me only on my birthday,

235
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,360
Speaker 3: we got bigger product because it's fucking Wednesday today.

236
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,839
Speaker 2: Man, it's not my birthday, and I might want to release.

237
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,480
Speaker 5: But for her, seeing as though listen to something that

238
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,760
Speaker 5: it's a little complicated for her, I don't know, girl,

239
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,319
Speaker 5: Like I guess.

240
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,840
Speaker 1: Everybody likes their own person's flavor.

241
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,920
Speaker 2: I can well, she says she ain't like the other

242
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 2: person's flavor.

243
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,760
Speaker 1: She tried so somebody else.

244
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,920
Speaker 2: She's scared, right, So.

245
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:48,120
Speaker 1: You can't bring that into this relationship. Sys you can't listen.

246
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what my man wants me to do.

247
00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,400
Speaker 1: With the exception of one thing. Divide knows. That's my

248
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:55,600
Speaker 1: red light. I got a red light situation, like nah Son,

249
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,280
Speaker 1: it's a red light situation. So she saunds that she's

250
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,800
Speaker 1: on the yellow. You know, she's about like make it

251
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,760
Speaker 1: to the green. I think she just needs to go

252
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,400
Speaker 1: for it. Go for it, like wherever it lands, it lands,

253
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,200
Speaker 1: and you may aim for certain places and it doesn't

254
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,000
Speaker 1: quite make it there. But it's in the theatrics of

255
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,839
Speaker 1: it for me. Okay, you can't tell me. No, I'm

256
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,480
Speaker 1: not a whole porn star when these moments happen, and

257
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,040
Speaker 1: I embrace that, and I embrace that and I live

258
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,840
Speaker 1: with it and I enjoy it. I think for me too,

259
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,959
Speaker 1: it's sometimes seeing your reaction, right, it's not even always

260
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,079
Speaker 1: about me and then being in my moment like this

261
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,040
Speaker 1: is my Oscar moment. It's more so you are a though, yeah,

262
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,600
Speaker 1: you are a performer by nature. I am a performer,

263
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,120
Speaker 1: So I like the theatrics for myself because I can

264
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,240
Speaker 1: tell when I'm putting on a show. But it's more

265
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,240
Speaker 1: so looking about It's more so looking to him for

266
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,839
Speaker 1: his reaction and how he's feeling in that moment.

267
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,400
Speaker 3: Let me explain something to you guys about my wife.

268
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:54,120
Speaker 3: But I'm being too explicit. The first time Kadeen did this,

269
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,280
Speaker 3: I was afraid. It was like she was chewing gums.

270
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,040
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, hey, is not supposed touching your

271
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,840
Speaker 3: teeth that much? All right, you gotta stop, You gotta

272
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,520
Speaker 3: stay no experience in the field, No, you didn't, and

273
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,720
Speaker 3: you also didn't have the elasticity in your jaw needed

274
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,000
Speaker 3: to do what needed to get done.

275
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, the skimming was just killing me. You've you've definitely

276
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:18,880
Speaker 2: gotten way better.

277
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,920
Speaker 3: But this is what I will say to couples about

278
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,959
Speaker 3: pleasing your partner, because I don't think this is just

279
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,360
Speaker 3: a women issue when it comes to that, because I

280
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,800
Speaker 3: get a lot of men too.

281
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,240
Speaker 2: Just be like, man, I just don't eat pussy like

282
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:31,800
Speaker 2: I just don't.

283
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,800
Speaker 3: And I'm just like, listen, if you are requiring that

284
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,480
Speaker 3: the person that is with you be monogamous to you,

285
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,880
Speaker 3: you are going to have to be comfortable doing and

286
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,240
Speaker 3: trying things that they like to do.

287
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,920
Speaker 2: It is unfair for you to be like, you can

288
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,640
Speaker 2: only be with me, and you only gonna be with me,

289
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,959
Speaker 2: and you can't be with no one else. And I'm

290
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:48,480
Speaker 2: not doing that.

291
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,920
Speaker 1: It's the last person that did it, did x y Z.

292
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,360
Speaker 1: I'm not the last person, right.

293
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,400
Speaker 2: That's just not fair.

294
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,800
Speaker 3: It's not fair, And truth be told, you might enjoy

295
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,599
Speaker 3: it when you love somebody and you off being of

296
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:01,920
Speaker 3: service and pleasing someone.

297
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,040
Speaker 2: You learn to enjoy things or not learned.

298
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,120
Speaker 3: You realize you enjoy things that you didn't enjoy with

299
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,959
Speaker 3: other people because there are certain things about people that

300
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,880
Speaker 3: turn you off, that stuff that you even like to

301
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 3: do you wouldn't like to do.

302
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,880
Speaker 2: For example, I tell this to some of I'm like,

303
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,079
Speaker 2: there's some women.

304
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,600
Speaker 3: Who are attractive, that are attractive, who I think are

305
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,520
Speaker 3: super attractive, who the minute they start talking, I do

306
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:26,679
Speaker 3: not want to fuck no more.

307
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:33,440
Speaker 1: Seriously, what turns you offude the It could be the conversation, It.

308
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,440
Speaker 3: Could be a conversation, It could be so many things

309
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,959
Speaker 3: that a person, something about the person's order just turns

310
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,240
Speaker 3: you off, where that primo sexual being in you is

311
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,960
Speaker 3: just not into it with them.

312
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,760
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. It don't matter what they

313
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:47,079
Speaker 2: look like.

314
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,880
Speaker 1: It could just be a chemistry thing, right, But when

315
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:49,520
Speaker 1: you love.

316
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,160
Speaker 3: Somebody, it's like I will do anything with this person,

317
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,079
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. So the reason why I'm

318
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,839
Speaker 3: saying that is willing to try. If you love him

319
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,439
Speaker 3: like that and you want to please him, just try it.

320
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,560
Speaker 3: But don't go in there thinking about what the other

321
00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 3: person's tasted like. That's not gonna help. This could taste

322
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,800
Speaker 3: like Krispy Kreme donuts and now you being there every

323
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,520
Speaker 3: day trying to get what's hot, fresh hot off the line,

324
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,720
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. The light, The light beyond.

325
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,760
Speaker 3: You know what the hot now sign is on? You

326
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,000
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, So don't fact and that's the truth.

327
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,560
Speaker 3: Like there are certain things that I said I would

328
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,480
Speaker 3: never do, and then I met you and I found

329
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:28,360
Speaker 3: myself doing all the things because the chemistry was there.

330
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:29,240
Speaker 2: Right, you know what I'm saying.

331
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,720
Speaker 1: So, and if you're really like a pleaser, which I

332
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,880
Speaker 1: think both of us are, Neither of us are selfish

333
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,920
Speaker 1: love neither one of us. So both of us be

334
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,000
Speaker 1: in the moment working to perform, okay, And I think

335
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,120
Speaker 1: that's that's that's the thing that helps and the thing

336
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 1: that saves us is because it's not really about what

337
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,320
Speaker 1: I want sometimes in those moments, about what is going

338
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,560
Speaker 1: to get him to where he's going or trying to

339
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,920
Speaker 1: get to yes, if that makes sense, And it.

340
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,720
Speaker 2: Goes both ways. Like I am a performer and I'm

341
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:58,240
Speaker 2: a pleaser.

342
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,080
Speaker 3: I love performing When I know Kay is getting there

343
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,120
Speaker 3: and I know what's about her, it's the grit.

344
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,480
Speaker 2: I'll do whatever. It's like, let's go.

345
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,440
Speaker 3: And that's also what I'll enjoy about being monogamous because

346
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,760
Speaker 3: I don't have to have those concerns about I hope

347
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,600
Speaker 3: she's not doing this I hope I don't catch nothing.

348
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,120
Speaker 3: Like the greatest thing about being monogamous is that I

349
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,680
Speaker 3: can go through all of my fantasies with this person

350
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,920
Speaker 3: and we can try stuff and feel safe.

351
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,640
Speaker 1: You know. So and she said her man is very clean,

352
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:28,040
Speaker 1: works out eats. Well there's like, you know, I'll be

353
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,480
Speaker 1: all in Devo's arm pits, like.

354
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, she'd be all yeah, like and I'll be all

355
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 3: in her throat. But and y'all know, Kadeen is just

356
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,880
Speaker 3: she's open about that, but in full transparency. Since we're

357
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,120
Speaker 3: being a little nasty, I'm not going to just leave

358
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:47,000
Speaker 3: it on you. In my life, I thought I would

359
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 3: never ever in my life, I thought that I would

360
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,360
Speaker 3: be a kuchie eater growing up in Brooklyn around all

361
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,640
Speaker 3: my West Indian friends. You know what I'm saying, you know.

362
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:57,520
Speaker 2: By my neighbor boy.

363
00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,680
Speaker 3: See that's all your that's all you over here. Now,

364
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,720
Speaker 3: one of my favorite things is to have Kadean sit

365
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 3: on my face. Being honest, I went from pussy to

366
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,720
Speaker 3: maybe trying to have a seat up here, trying to

367
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,520
Speaker 3: have a seat. And the thing I love the most,

368
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,440
Speaker 3: I love is when I'm standing up and she's sitting

369
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,680
Speaker 3: up there and I'm just holding her up there Washington,

370
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 3: and then she's about to get to her point and

371
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 3: her feet can't touch the floor because I'm standing up

372
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,040
Speaker 3: and she's just it's like she's floating on a cloud.

373
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,000
Speaker 3: It's the greatest thing, gentlemen, it is the great hope.

374
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,840
Speaker 3: You listen, lift weights, Listen, deadlift and squat. Practice at

375
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 3: least deadlifting and squad. Yes, your girls, wait before you

376
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,360
Speaker 3: do this, because what will happen is when she gets

377
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,800
Speaker 3: to that point and she starts to squeeze right, and

378
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,720
Speaker 3: the oxygen starts to leave your head.

379
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,720
Speaker 1: If you don't have the balance and your whole equilibrium

380
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:50,680
Speaker 1: is all right, right.

381
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 2: Right, the balance leaves you. It's a down Phraser, down

382
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,120
Speaker 2: goes Fraser moment. So make sure. That's why I live.

383
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,160
Speaker 3: That's why I squat, That's why Deadlift's why lunge, you know,

384
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 3: That's why I do hang clean press to make sure

385
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,720
Speaker 3: I can hold up and cane light. Now, k's a

386
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,800
Speaker 3: smooth one sixty. Now I just smooth one sixty. And

387
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,560
Speaker 3: I didn't have her up there as high as one eighty.

388
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,440
Speaker 3: That's why I be in these weights. I'll be in

389
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:12,560
Speaker 3: these streets, all right.

390
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 2: I like it. I like what she up there.

391
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,959
Speaker 3: So please each other, guys, dead ass podcast, Please each other,

392
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,520
Speaker 3: have fun doing it and be safe.

393
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,520
Speaker 1: Yes, be saved that too, and on that.

394
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,440
Speaker 2: We're gonna take a break. On this break, we ain't

395
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 2: gonna go do no pleasing, are we?

396
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,679
Speaker 1: I mean we mney listen, stranger things have happened. All right,

397
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,120
Speaker 1: y'all put it that way and we'll be back.

398
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,639
Speaker 2: All right, We're back, all right.

399
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,720
Speaker 1: Number three, let's go, my fiance. I think it's on me.

400
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 1: You go the last one. Yes, my fiance and I

401
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 1: decided to elope in Hawaii October twenty twenty three. Oh,

402
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,200
Speaker 1: so that's coming up. We have an infant, it does.

403
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,119
Speaker 1: We have an infant, so that makes it more It

404
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,480
Speaker 1: makes more sense financially to spend more money on a

405
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 1: down payment for a home. It's dropping thirty to forty

406
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:14,120
Speaker 1: camp wed, I love it, not giving kadi. At twenty seven.

407
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 1: We are very happy about our decision and excited about

408
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,240
Speaker 1: our elopement, as well as exploring the islands, hiking, sightseeing

409
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,920
Speaker 1: all that. The problem is our families keep asking about

410
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 1: our wedding and sound so disappointed when we say we're eloping.

411
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,159
Speaker 1: I'm really tired of the comments like, oh, well, do

412
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,160
Speaker 1: what's best for y'all or you denying us a wedding.

413
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 1: Oh oh, and I also get questions and comments about

414
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: not having a bridle shower. I'm just not interested in

415
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 1: planning or paying for any additional events. My question is

416
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,760
Speaker 1: how do I respond to these people without being rude

417
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,320
Speaker 1: or sound alike. I'm justifying our decision. Girl. If they

418
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,920
Speaker 1: want to throw your bridle shower, they can technically throw

419
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,119
Speaker 1: you a bridle shower. You don't have to have. No,

420
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,680
Speaker 1: the bridle shower technically has nothing to do with the bride,

421
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,560
Speaker 1: the women rallying around her to throw something to celebrate her.

422
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,879
Speaker 1: That's not stopping them from doing it. And if they

423
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 1: really do care about you guys and your union ultimately

424
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 1: not about the party, not about the day, not about

425
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,199
Speaker 1: the facade, not about the instagrammable moments, they will decide

426
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,160
Speaker 1: to get together and have a little something in your honor.

427
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 1: They can also don't share my camera get away. They

428
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 1: can also do is if you Elope and they really

429
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 1: are down for y'all, when you come back from Hawaii,

430
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 1: they can decide to have a little get together to

431
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 1: celebrate y'all's union. On their dime so they can have

432
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: their quote unquote wedding moment. Don't let these people do

433
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 1: to y'all. Don't let these people do And this is

434
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 1: Kadidia speaking as a thirty something year old woman. Okay,

435
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 1: at my big age, y'all finally figured it out. Don't

436
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 1: make the mistakes that we've made in the past, y'all.

437
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 1: If you do not desire a wedding, don't have a

438
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 1: wedding because ultimately it's not abo them anyway. And what

439
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 1: they're going to do is get you involved in this

440
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 1: whole wedding situation and then dump your ass after that

441
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 1: when you got to figure out how to be an

442
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 1: actual wife, figure that out first, and then keep it pushing.

443
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 2: Sound like you was all right, somebody triggered You's just

444
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,440
Speaker 2: not you know what.

445
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 1: It's a couple of things. It's me having PTSD for

446
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 1: our wedding. Okay, it's having that. And it's just like

447
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 1: it makes so much sense, Like these people are speaking

448
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 1: from a place of maturity that I had not seen

449
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 1: at twenty seven years old. Had I known that, we

450
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 1: would have had a much smaller wedding with way fewer people,

451
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 1: and we'd have been on our merry way, things would

452
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,360
Speaker 1: have panned out differently. I just wish somebody had told

453
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 1: me that early on, and they might have, but I

454
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,399
Speaker 1: was stubborn in that moment, and I'll accept that.

455
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,719
Speaker 3: You know, there are over eleven thousand languages on the planet,

456
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 3: and today you chose to speak facts.

457
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 2: I don't have nothing else to add. Listen, people will make.

458
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:07,199
Speaker 3: Comments you denying us a wedding and all this other

459
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,640
Speaker 3: stuff always, but are not willing to contribute because people

460
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 3: want things to do, they want reasons to get dressed, they.

461
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: Want places to go, they want the instagram moable moments

462
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 1: when I Deval and I got engaged and we were

463
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,120
Speaker 1: entertaining the idea of a destination wedding, which no longer

464
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 1: took place because our grandparents, who are the closest to

465
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,919
Speaker 1: us for the most part aside from our immediate parents

466
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 1: and siblings, couldn't fly or couldn't travel, so we had

467
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 1: to ex the idea. But initially when I mentioned it,

468
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,399
Speaker 1: we had a couple family members aunts and stuff like, oh,

469
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,359
Speaker 1: I guess we'll see y'all when y'all get back. Oh,

470
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,439
Speaker 1: we'll see you after the wedding. I'm just like nobody

471
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 1: wanted to even entertain the idea of saying, oh wow,

472
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 1: a destination wedding sounds like a great idea. Oh you

473
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 1: know what, we may not be able to make it,

474
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: but or give us enough time so we can plan

475
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: for it because we really would like to be there.

476
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,959
Speaker 1: It was, Oh, well, I guess I see y'all when

477
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,880
Speaker 1: y'all get back. I guess I will see you when

478
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 1: you get back. This how about that? Because what ended

479
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 1: up happening is we had the wedding in New York,

480
00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 1: had over three hundred people there, and y'all couldn't put

481
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 1: a little something in the car that made it worth

482
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: my while. So there goes that. If I get out

483
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:11,879
Speaker 1: my camera, get out my camera. So long story sources,

484
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: do you go to Hawaii, Elope and they see who

485
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 1: the real people are that will celebrate y'all once y'all

486
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,880
Speaker 1: get back. Period.

487
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,440
Speaker 3: I got nothing to add she said everything she just said.

488
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 3: My question is how I respond to these people without

489
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 3: being rude or sound like I'm justifying. I understand that

490
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 3: because you don't want to sound like you're justifying. This

491
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 3: is all you have to say. We love Hawaii, we

492
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:35,679
Speaker 3: just want to do it with us.

493
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 2: This is what we want to do.

494
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: You don't have to justify this is just we just

495
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 3: love it. It's a romantic, it's what we dreamed of.

496
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 1: And be like, hey, I don't have to be rounded

497
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 1: with a bridle shower. If y'all really want me to

498
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 1: have a bridle shower, go ahead and throw on fee

499
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 1: the other day and I'll be there.

500
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 2: Yep, that's it.

501
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 3: That's all you have to Do's just be like, this

502
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 3: is our dream, this is what we want to do.

503
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 3: If you want to throw me something, throw me, but.

504
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 2: This is what we want to do.

505
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: Y'all can play y'all's wedding and I'll be there for

506
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: that too, maybe.

507
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 2: And I'm gonna go get some waters.

508
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 3: Clearly she hot over there, her head if you're not listening,

509
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 3: if you're not watching, if you listen to her, hat

510
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 3: almost popped off ahead a couple of times.

511
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,120
Speaker 1: Nah man, I'm just sick of people trying to please

512
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,920
Speaker 1: everybody else Like I just I don't do that anymore.

513
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: That's thanks to you, though, You've you've You've made me

514
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: that way because I grew up in a space of

515
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: oh my god, what will people think? What will people think?

516
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: And now I'm like I don't give a damn when

517
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: nobody thinks I really don't. Either you hear or you

518
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 1: ain't makes me no, never mind.

519
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 2: I mean you're right. I mean you're right. I have

520
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 2: none to say. You're right. Yeah. I hope that helps

521
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: you do what y'all do, love on each other in Hawaii.

522
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: That's a fact.

523
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 2: Yes, number four four.

524
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,719
Speaker 3: Okay, So here we go with the exclamation point now

525
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 3: that I can tell already this is a signing. This

526
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 3: is long here all right, let's we pause. I have

527
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 3: never shared this story with anyone. Exclusive a year or

528
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 3: so ago, I experienced one of the worst moments in

529
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 3: my life.

530
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 2: If someone would have told.

531
00:23:58,119 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 3: Me this is where I would be or how my

532
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 3: relation it will go, I would have never believed them.

533
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 3: I have never talked about this with my family or friends.

534
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 3: I'm nervous now.

535
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 2: I'm a survivor of domestic abuse.

536
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 3: Two days before I went under surgery to determine if

537
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 3: I had endometrio cancer and why my ovaries were polycystic,

538
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 3: my boyfriend of many years almost killed me. I will

539
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 3: never forget the gun to my head, the black eyes,

540
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 3: the swollen knots on my head, and more. I couldn't

541
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 3: believe how someone I trusted and was going to spend

542
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 3: the rest of my life with could do this to me.

543
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 3: Instead of fighting back, a feeling came over me and

544
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 3: told me not to fight back because I didn't want

545
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 3: the gun to go off.

546
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 2: I would live to see another day.

547
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 3: So when the next day came, I put on some

548
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 3: makeup to cover up the bruises and scars and went

549
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,239
Speaker 3: home and never came back. Two days later, I had

550
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 3: my family take me to the hospital and had the surgery.

551
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 3: I put makeup on so that no one would notice

552
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: in the hospital or at home what it transpired. I mean,

553
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 3: I couldn't tell my brothers because that would have become

554
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 3: a real problem, and I didn't want to face the

555
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 3: shame I felt for having gone through that.

556
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 2: It took me a long time to recover.

557
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 3: While this is hard to read, because I was suffering

558
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 3: from many things, not just the surgery itself or the

559
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 3: knots and bruises, but from the mental and emotional toll

560
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 3: it took on me healing from abruptly ending a relationship

561
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 3: with him that was almost in a decade. Almost a

562
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 3: decade in I honestly believe that God had his hand

563
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 3: on me. He definitely did, because he saved my life,

564
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 3: and not only that, he gave me peace. But now

565
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 3: I am dating again, and I'm trying to fight the

566
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 3: nervousness that I am getting I feel getting to know

567
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 3: a new man when I haven't dated in a very

568
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 3: long time, and the silent shame that I feel having

569
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 3: to start over while I'm nearing thirty.

570
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 2: Do not be shamed for that. Mom, Do not be

571
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 2: shamed for that.

572
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 3: My question for both of you is what kind of

573
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 3: advice could you give moving forward if this was someone

574
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 3: you knew who was starting to date after such a

575
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 3: traumatic experience.

576
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 2: PS. I've been watching you all on ig since the beginning,

577
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 2: and I'm happy to see you all. For her shame,

578
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 2: this is the first. Yeah, this is the first thing

579
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 2: that comes to my mind.

580
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 3: I think that she should see a therapist, someone professional

581
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 3: to find out.

582
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 2: Why she felt shame, so that she can deal with

583
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 2: why she felt shame.

584
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,479
Speaker 3: First and to because first of all, you could tell

585
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 3: she's already strong because she had the strength enough to

586
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 3: leave I was. You know what I'm saying, so many

587
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 3: abused people stay in abusive relationships. The fact that she

588
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 3: had the mental fororder to to leave is already like boom.

589
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 3: But I do think she should see someone to speak

590
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 3: to find out why she felt shame, to help her

591
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 3: unpack all of this. And after that, I think she

592
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 3: should tell her parents and her brother. She should feel

593
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 3: safe around the people she loves.

594
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: The most about the repercussions because I know, oh yeah,

595
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: God forbid that was your sister.

596
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, there's nothing stopping me from killing. There's nothing

597
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 3: stopping me. There's nothing stopping me from protecting the women

598
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 3: in my family.

599
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 2: I'll do a bit. I don't care like you like

600
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 2: something like that.

601
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,879
Speaker 1: I don't care, right, And I know you said that

602
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: you're nearing thirty and having to start over. I think

603
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:25,159
Speaker 1: the rhetoric that we've always been fed is that, you know,

604
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: thirty is that downhill portion for everyone in life. Right,

605
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 1: Twenties are supposed to be the point that's revered by

606
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: so many. You want to stay in your twenties. That's

607
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: why you joke about me forever. Life is not over

608
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: at thirty or nearing thirty. Life is barely begun, you know.

609
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 3: I mean, she's followed us, and she knows that our

610
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 3: thirties from like the past eight to nine years have

611
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 3: been the best part of our life so far.

612
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,360
Speaker 1: For sure, for sure. And I know it's particularly difficult

613
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: for women because she also mentioned having surgery for the

614
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: you know, the polycistic over things like that, so I

615
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: know that that too is probably in the back of

616
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 1: her mind, like most women, is like I have this

617
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 1: clock that takes right, this biological clock that's saying, okay,

618
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: you need to have children by a certain point. And

619
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 1: if that's what she desires, and clearly she desires to

620
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 1: be in a relationship because she wants to start dating again,

621
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: and that's going to be hard to get past that

622
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 1: trust issue, port but you can start over at thirty,

623
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: for sure.

624
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 3: I just got to applaud her again for being so

625
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 3: strong one for leaving, but then to have the strength

626
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 3: to say I want to start dating again. You know

627
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 3: how many people go through something like this, They either

628
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 3: don't leave or then when they leave, say I don't

629
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 3: ever want to be with anybody again. Like one thing

630
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 3: I will say, this woman has a lot of strength,

631
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 3: a whole lot of strength. So I got to applaud

632
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 3: you on that. And if you're listening, well you are

633
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 3: going to be listening. First of all, thank you for sharing. Yeah,

634
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 3: but also sharing so that if someone else is going

635
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 3: through this, who's listening to that as podcasts understand that

636
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 3: it takes a lot of strength to leave, but it

637
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 3: is possible to protect yourself and your well being by leaving.

638
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 3: So thank you for sharing your story and giving hope

639
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 3: to people who are dealing with domestic abuse or are

640
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 3: survivors of domestic abuse that you're not alone, right, I.

641
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 1: Think you need to definitely heal. It's what you also

642
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: don't want to do is take this into a relationship

643
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: with somebody else and having them pay the price for

644
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: what's happened to you past as well.

645
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 3: And you shouldn't have to keep reliving this, so you

646
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 3: have to Yeah, I think you should speak to someone

647
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 3: professionally to find a way to heal.

648
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 2: Holy, don't just on heel that I forgot about it.

649
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 3: No, heal understand, don't blame yourself, no shame, and also

650
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 3: find the strength in the healing process to speak to

651
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 3: your parents and your brothers about it so that you

652
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 3: can feel protected. So now alone, Yeah, not feel alone.

653
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 3: You know you're going through this next phase in life.

654
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 3: If you know your brothers are going to be there

655
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 3: to at least be aware of what's happening. You have

656
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,480
Speaker 3: other eyes on you, you know, like at least you

657
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 3: know someone's watching your back. That'll give you comfort, so

658
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 3: that if you're in a private place with someone, you

659
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 3: can feel secure because you know, my family knows what

660
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 3: I've been through and they know how to support me.

661
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: So yeah, that luck. Thanks for writing in. All right,

662
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: number five? What's going on? Ellis? My name is Terry

663
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 1: and I'm your number one fan. All right, Terry, I've

664
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: been rocking with you too, from videos from Brooklyn with

665
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: the two boys now four hole princes get it sis

666
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: Kadeen development of fans since the Detroit Day as well.

667
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: I was actually pre go pray go with my oldest

668
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: son when you was on the team. Oh that's dope.

669
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: But now fast forward. I'm a big fan of winning

670
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: in happiness. So happy for you too. I wish you

671
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: well and all your endeavors. Just so happy. Side note

672
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: book on order hard copy. Thank you for that, Thank you,

673
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: Just so happy for the two of you. Appreciate that says.

674
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: This is feeling like an appreciation moment and not a

675
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 1: listener litter question. But we appreciate y'all so much. My

676
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: days sometimes start off wrong so I either hear your podcast,

677
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: watch a video, or something that makes my day go

678
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: all the way right. Deval, keep on protecting and providing

679
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: for your family. And if you ever wonder if you're

680
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: doing anything right in life, let me tell you that

681
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: you are. Kadeen honey, honey, Let me give you your flowers.

682
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 1: Cis your beautiful inside out. And I just love your

683
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: relationship with your husband, also showing that you can be

684
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: sexy for your husband and nothing is wrong with that.

685
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: I love you both. Oh, this was actually just and

686
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: a little appreciation. Oh that was cue. Thank you for

687
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: throwing that in there. Trible because there wasn't a question there,

688
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: But no, we honestly appreciate the love and the fact

689
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: that she said the book on order of the hard copy.

690
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: That means that people really listen. Because when we were

691
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 1: approaching this whole book thing and then realizing like, wow,

692
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: there's an opportunity to make the New York Times bestseller list,

693
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: there's so many different hoops and variables that are you

694
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: have to jump through and that you have to take

695
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: into consideration to make the New York Times bestseller list.

696
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: So it's not just about people. You know, an audiobook

697
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 1: and numbers. It's about a buzz around it. And I

698
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: mean our our team. I say our team, orders don't

699
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: like y'all team, our family, Like we love y'all for

700
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 1: really just always being in support of us. You know,

701
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: every new venture for me, at least I know, not

702
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: devout per se for me is like a moment where

703
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: I get a little bit of anxiety because I'm just like,

704
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: I don't know how this is going to be received.

705
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: And the book being a medium that I know is

706
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: something that can.

707
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 3: Live on for like ever, they will never take they

708
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 3: can never take that away from and take that away

709
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 3: from us, and for that.

710
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 2: They can never take that from y'all.

711
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 3: Like y'all are responsible for helping the Ealysis become New

712
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 3: York Times bestsellers. This is a young Brooklyn couple came

713
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 3: from humble backgrounds case families from the Islands. My family

714
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 3: is from the South, and we just building and doing

715
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 3: it together with all of you. So as long as

716
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 3: you continue to rock with us, we'll still keep rising

717
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 3: because we're going to still keep working.

718
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 1: Now. We appreciate that for sure, because some days I'd

719
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: be ready to clock out. I'd be tapped out, y'all.

720
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: But this keeps us going, so thank you for that.

721
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,719
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you, and that was a good one. Right

722
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 3: before we get down to number six, This is the

723
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 3: last listener letter.

724
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: And you can tell this is a long one. Well,

725
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: that means that Broers came in with the deeps.

726
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, they got the details. Let me get the deep Shoot,

727
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 3: this looks like a series right here. This isn't even

728
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 3: a novel.

729
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: Y'all over here given inspiration for films and whatnot?

730
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 2: Right you two aren't such an inspiration. Thank you so much.

731
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 3: I love listening to your podcast and seeing your beautiful

732
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 3: family on social media. This is pretty long, so please

733
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 3: bear with me. It's a very difficult topic. There's so

734
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 3: much to the story, but I'll do my best to

735
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: paint a clear picture for you. I come from a

736
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 3: very religious, traditional household. I am a half white, half

737
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 3: Filipino woman dating a black man. We've been together for

738
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 3: nine years now. I always knew my parents wouldn't approve

739
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 3: of him. They told me as a young teen to

740
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 3: never date black men. But you can be friends with them.

741
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 3: They claim they're not racist, but have said a lot

742
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: of racist things. They are, more so what you would

743
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 3: call covert or hidden racist. When they found out about

744
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 3: my man a year later. A year after a year

745
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 3: later of us dating, they said he would not work

746
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 3: in the family. Their reasons were because he comes from

747
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 3: a broken family, is not afflic and does not make

748
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 3: enough money, but mainly because he's black. Despite the terrible

749
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 3: things they've said about him, my man agreed to meet

750
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 3: them better than me and my entire family. When they

751
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 3: eventually invited him over for Easter. My parents thought they'd

752
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 3: give him a chance. They would invite him for every

753
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 3: holiday get together and he would come to a gathering

754
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 3: about once a year or so, and after about five

755
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 3: years of us dating, he decided to not go around

756
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 3: them anymore, which I stand by him on that because

757
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 3: my parents were still saying demeaning comments behind his back.

758
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 3: At this point, what they are saying was not about race,

759
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 3: but about him as a human being, which will always

760
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 3: have the racist undertone because they started out with racism.

761
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 2: They didn't take our relationships seriously.

762
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 3: My mom would make comments like, oh, maybe you'll meet

763
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 3: a cute guy there, even though I've been in a

764
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 3: relationship for five years at that point, my parents have

765
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 3: the nerve to view him not coming around as disrespectful.

766
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,280
Speaker 3: After years of him not coming around and my parents

767
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 3: not admitting that they've said what they said was wrong.

768
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 3: We are at a point where we're wondering what are

769
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,879
Speaker 3: we going to do in this relationship, because honestly, I'm

770
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: having a hard time cutting my parents off. He wants

771
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:08,839
Speaker 3: nothing to do with them. Ever, I don't blame them

772
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 3: whether we get married, have kids, etc. Which I totally understand.

773
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 3: I know parents are a huge piece in our lives,

774
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 3: so I always crave this connection with them. But if

775
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 3: I'm standing on my own morals, I feel like they

776
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 3: need to be at a far distance. I don't know

777
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 3: how to set this boundary because I'm so used to

778
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 3: big families coming together for every birthday, holiday, etc. And

779
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,839
Speaker 3: now to cut that off feels alien to me. What's

780
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 3: crazy is if my parents were some random people to me,

781
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 3: I cut them off in a heartbeat. But they're my parents.

782
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,720
Speaker 3: My parents have provided me with everything I've ever needed

783
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 3: growing up. They've helped me, They've helped make life easier

784
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 3: for me. They didn't do a good job of being

785
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 3: there emotionally, but I still give them their credit for

786
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 3: everything they've done for me and my siblings. To this day,

787
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 3: they still reach out to tell me they love me

788
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 3: and support me, but they're racist and won't try to

789
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 3: heal them and won't try to heal the relationship with

790
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 3: my men for how they've disrespect him. They believe we

791
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 3: should just put everything in the past typical and move

792
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 3: on and stop talking about it. They think we can

793
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 3: just move on by getting together and creating good memories

794
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,399
Speaker 3: and that's all we got to do to make things better.

795
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 3: But that ain't cutting it for us. Unfortunately, they may

796
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 3: never change the way they think. How can I help

797
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 3: my man feel safe that he doesn't have to worry

798
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 3: about what my parents say or do anymore? And how

799
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 3: do I live my life with racist parents that'll always

800
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 3: be painful, that always painfully love and care about you.

801
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, you can't help him feel safe

802
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 1: and worry about what your parents say, because that's who

803
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: your parents are, unfortunately, And I don't blame him for

804
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: not coming around. Why would you want to be in

805
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 1: a space where you feel disrespected because of them not

806
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 1: even trying to get to know him. Have they ever

807
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 1: tried to get to know him? Or is it just

808
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: a thing where they just have blacklisted him off the

809
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 1: bat because he's black?

810
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 2: There's two things.

811
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,320
Speaker 3: The first thing is and this is just let me

812
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,720
Speaker 3: speak until before anyone says anything.

813
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:06,280
Speaker 2: I have four sons. We have four sons.

814
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 3: We often talk about hoping our sons find someone who

815
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 3: supports them.

816
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 2: And loves them and helps them in some way.

817
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 3: Right, We also as people have been divided, right, and

818
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 3: these parents have a daughter, and they have their idea

819
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 3: what they want for their daughter. Your mom wasn't the

820
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 3: nicest to me when I first came around. We talked

821
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 3: about that your mom wasn't racist. But we're also both black.

822
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 3: But here's the truth. Some people in other cultures, because

823
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 3: of how black people are misrepresented in the media and

824
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 3: in society, are going to fear their child or sons

825
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 3: or daughters dating a black person or being with a

826
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 3: black person because of all the ignorant things that the

827
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 3: media has presented as black culture. Right, you have to

828
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 3: understand that you can't make it seem like that doesn't exist.

829
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 3: But we all so as people, have a responsibility to

830
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,919
Speaker 3: educate ourselves on what is real and what is fake.

831
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 3: When your parents choose to not educate themselves on what

832
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 3: true blackness is and just follow based on what they

833
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,439
Speaker 3: believe and use stereotypes and tropes. Even if they say

834
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 3: they're not racist, they are racists, right. And as a

835
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 3: black father, this is part of the reason why I

836
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,959
Speaker 3: fear my sons marrying outside of their race.

837
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 2: Right. I'm just gonna be honest and upfront. My issue

838
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 2: isn't even with the girl.

839
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 3: I don't care if you're white, if you're Latin, ex

840
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,799
Speaker 3: if you're Asian or Indian. I know how black people,

841
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 3: black men in particular, are viewed in other cultures. My

842
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 3: fear is that your daughter may love my child with

843
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 3: all her heart, but there may be somebody in your

844
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 3: family or your friend group who do not like my son.

845
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 3: And far too often in this country, black men and

846
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,800
Speaker 3: black women go on vacations and go places with groups

847
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 3: outside of their black friends and don't come to.

848
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 2: That is my fear.

849
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 3: Situations like this where his blackness isn't accepted, but they

850
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 3: try to accept it, and then you find yourself not

851
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:12,879
Speaker 3: feeling safe because you're in situations where people are saying

852
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 3: demeaning and condescending comments. And no one should have to

853
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 3: live like that. And when people ask me all the time,

854
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 3: like Duville, what do you feel about interracial relationships, It's

855
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 3: like I'm not anti white, anti Asian, anti Indian, anti

856
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 3: Latin X. I fear my child won't be accepted because

857
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 3: they're black. And my fear isn't even that they won't

858
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 3: be accepted by the person that loves them. My fear

859
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 3: is the people that they are around around exactly.

860
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: And it couldn't even just see that her parents. Her

861
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: parents can eventually learn to say, you know what, I'm

862
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 1: going to learn who this man is and love him

863
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 1: for who he is because he loves and takes care

864
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 1: of my daughter. But then there may be the extended

865
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 1: families get those comments from as well. You know, I

866
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 1: have family members who have been married into different races,

867
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 1: and one in particular, like my cousin's family. I should say,

868
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 1: my cousin's in laws at one point kind of when

869
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 1: they first met her, would like make fun of the

870
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: way her name was pronounced. And it's like, if you

871
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 1: can take the time to learn other people's names, you

872
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: need to call her by her right name. Absolutely, don't

873
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: give her a nickname, don't tell her she looks like

874
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: she should be a this or that. This is her name,

875
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: and you need to respect her enough to call her

876
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 1: by her name. And this wasn't his immediate parents. It

877
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: was some uncle in the family, you know, and try

878
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 1: to make it a joke, and I'm like, it's just

879
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: not funny at all, at all, at all. I agree,

880
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: I agree with what you said.

881
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 3: The reason why my bad go ahead, finish, fir No,

882
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:45,800
Speaker 3: it's fine, and I was just The reason why I

883
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 3: wanted to give that context is because a lot of

884
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 3: times people outside of our race don't understand this.

885
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 2: They ask questions, how could I make my husband feel safe.

886
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 3: It's going to be impossible to make him feel safe

887
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 3: if he doesn't feel respected as a human.

888
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 1: If he doesn't actually feel safe, right, No, no, no,

889
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: no no.

890
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 3: If he doesn't feel respected as a human, he's just

891
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 3: not gonna feel safe because if you can't respect me

892
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 3: as a human, you don't value my life.

893
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 4: Right.

894
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 2: People value the life of other people that they consider

895
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 2: to be human. Right.

896
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 3: Part of the issue with America is that they've dehumanized

897
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 3: black people so much that it's easy to watch black trauma.

898
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 3: It's easy to watch a black man be killed in

899
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 3: the street. It's easy to watch a black woman get

900
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 3: killed or rape. Then no one says anything about it because, oh,

901
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 3: it's just a black person. But if you notice when

902
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 3: other things happen to people of other culture, you don't

903
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 3: see it on the news cycle over and over again.

904
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 3: It's this is too explicit to watch, but when it's

905
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 3: black bodies, let's just keep replaying it. And I keep

906
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 3: saying this because I want people to understand why black

907
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 3: parents fear their children dating outside of their race. This

908
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 3: is a fear of mine, right, Like I'm not saying

909
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: this is I don't ever want my my son is

910
00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 3: to ever date outside their race.

911
00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 2: This is my fear.

912
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 3: My black son, in all of his sweetness, one of

913
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 3: them and all of his his greatness, meets a woman

914
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 3: outside of his race, and that woman falls in love

915
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 3: with my son and they're just enjoying their time, and

916
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 3: they're just doing, you know, and enjoying each other's company.

917
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 2: And she invites him to some place away from where we.

918
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 3: Are comfortable, and my son is there, and everybody who's

919
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 3: watched the second Avatar can relate to this.

920
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

921
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 3: The thing I enjoyed about this scene in Avatar was

922
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,320
Speaker 3: that it wasn't black and white. It was two different

923
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,760
Speaker 3: tribes of the same alien species, but they were slightly

924
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 3: different colors. They were different so the brothers took him

925
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 3: out there into the ocean and led him to a

926
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,360
Speaker 3: place that was dangerous and he could have died, but

927
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,399
Speaker 3: they thought it was funny because it's like, oh, he's

928
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 3: just the this and they led him out there to

929
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 3: play this little game with him. It happens to black

930
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:53,719
Speaker 3: people all the time because we've been devalued so much

931
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 3: as a people. When things happen to us, other people

932
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 3: think it's funny, and if someone loses their life or

933
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 3: gets hurt, it's not funny to us. All my fear

934
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 3: is something like this happening to one of my sons,

935
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 3: and it has nothing to do with the young lady

936
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 3: because she is willing to terminate her relationship with her

937
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 3: family because of the way they disrespected her man. But

938
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 3: to me, the damage has already been done, and we've

939
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:21,280
Speaker 3: dealt with this on a more close situation. Of course,

940
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 3: because everyone in our friends group and family group don't

941
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 3: agree to be on the podcast, we don't want to

942
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 3: say names, but we've dealt with one of our friends

943
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 3: being in a serious relationship with someone outside of our

944
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 3: culture and their family disowned them and refused to even

945
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 3: speak to or include this friend of ours. And we

946
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,240
Speaker 3: watched how much that hurt not only the friend of ours,

947
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 3: but the young lady that whose family they pretty much

948
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 3: excommunicated her.

949
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: And then have the nerve to turn around and be like, oh, well,

950
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: just just forget about it now, you know, just just

951
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: like that generation, the parents, that generation of just forgetting

952
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: about stuff and expecting every Oh it's been so long

953
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: since that happened. Oh that happened so many years ago.

954
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: But no one wants to actually address the issue so

955
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: the healing process can take place to then move forward.

956
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: So I feel for her. I feel for her because

957
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: I know with me. For example, when you and my

958
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,320
Speaker 1: mom had y'all little tiff in the beginning, you know,

959
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,800
Speaker 1: it was a divide, like I of course had to

960
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: go see my parents, but also too, I knew you

961
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 1: weren't comfortable, so I didn't force you to be in

962
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 1: that environment in space where you didn't feel welcome. But

963
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: I eventually had to put my foot down and be like,

964
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 1: this is my life, Like this is going to be

965
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 1: the person I spend the rest of my life with,

966
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: have children with, Like this is what I see for

967
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: my future. So as a woman, I had to be

968
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 1: woman enough. I think in that moment to be like

969
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 1: mom and dad, this is what it is. You known't

970
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 1: added layer there for her though with the racial thing.

971
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 3: But I think that she's doing what is in the

972
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 3: best interest of her and her relationship. But she keeps

973
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 3: asking what does she do about her racist parents. Your

974
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 3: parents are adults. They have a responsibility. If they want

975
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 3: to be in your life and have a relationship with you,

976
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 3: they need to educate themselves on how they can make

977
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:07,399
Speaker 3: things better.

978
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 2: It's not on you to constantly educate them.

979
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 3: Now, you can help in that process, but if they're

980
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 3: not taking the initiative to learn, it's a lost cause.

981
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:17,359
Speaker 2: It's a lost cause.

982
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 3: And I would say, you know, you and your boyfriend

983
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 3: at the time, try to build the life you can

984
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 3: without having that level of ignorance around you. You know,

985
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 3: and if you plan on having children, make sure that

986
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 3: your children are aware of the ignorance that exists around them,

987
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,959
Speaker 3: and make sure that they can be better than your parents.

988
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,280
Speaker 1: And that becomes hard because say they do have children,

989
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: and and now her boyfriend who may eventually become her

990
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 1: husband and now the father of her children, what if

991
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 1: he decides like yo, I don't want my children in

992
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 1: an environment where they may not be respected or received

993
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 1: because they're now half black, you know, or they may

994
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: be around rhetoric that is racist. Absolutely, So then that

995
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: becomes what now an identity issue for your children. It

996
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: becomes an issue of just disrespect. You know, there's so

997
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,400
Speaker 1: many added layers once you start adding children to a

998
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 1: picture too. So that's something I think needs to be

999
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: healed and addressed. Even before that step is taken.

1000
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 3: All you just say fuck them, because if it was

1001
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 3: my kids and I like say, this was the issue

1002
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 3: with our families and I loved you so much and

1003
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 3: I knew we were gonna build something great, then fuck them. Yeah,

1004
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 3: you know, like we have to build what's we have

1005
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 3: to create our own family and build moving forward. Like

1006
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 3: your parents, Yes, they provided you with everything you have

1007
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 3: and they've done their job, but they also don't get

1008
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 3: to be ignorant and racist just because they provided you

1009
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 3: with a life that.

1010
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,040
Speaker 2: They gave you. You didn't ask to come here.

1011
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 3: They had a responsibility to provide you with the things

1012
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 3: you needed to be successful because they created you. They

1013
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 3: did their job, and now you can move on like

1014
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 3: there's no there is in this day and age, with

1015
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 3: all the information we have there is no excuse for ignorance,

1016
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:53,439
Speaker 3: no excuse for ignorance. Protect your peace, miss protect your peace,

1017
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:56,720
Speaker 3: protect your man's peace, and continue to build moving forward.

1018
00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 3: And if your parents don't want to get better and better,

1019
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 3: that's on them.

1020
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: Leave them in the past period period poot. All right, y'all,

1021
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: thank you so much for writing in listener letters. Is

1022
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 1: always a great episode for us. We enjoy hearing from y'all.

1023
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 1: Thank you for the love and the support at all

1024
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 1: the listener letters. I feel like in the beginning, before

1025
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: they even start their story always you know, course it

1026
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: to us and we love y'all for that, and we

1027
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: thank you continue to write in. We will continue to

1028
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: sift through what we won't Trible will she'll sift through,

1029
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 1: and she'll definitely make sure we're putting in some awesome

1030
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 1: listener letters to make sure that you guys get to

1031
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: hear a perspective. Again, we don't profess to be professionals.

1032
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 1: We're not experts in anything really, but we love that

1033
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 1: you guys feel comfortable enough with the space that we

1034
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: provide to not be judged, but to just kind of

1035
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 1: help you hash through some moments. So if you want

1036
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listener letters. Be

1037
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 1: sure to email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail

1038
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 1: dot com.

1039
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 2: That's d E A D A S S A d

1040
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 2: V I c E at gmail dot com.

1041
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: Already sounds good. Be sure to follow us also on

1042
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:07,440
Speaker 1: Patreon to see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content, and

1043
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 1: you can find us on social media on Instagram, we

1044
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 1: are dead Ass the Podcast, I'm Kadeen, I am on

1045
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: Instagram and TikTok and I.

1046
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

1047
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 3: sure to rate, review and subscribe.

1048
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 1: Thank y'all, Love you dead Ass.

1049
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 3: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1050
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:30,280
Speaker 3: it's produced by Donor, Pinya and Trible. Follow the podcast

1051
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 3: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1052
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 3: miss a Thing.