Speaker 1: Welcome to the Women a While Now Podcast. You Baby
Speaker 1: Girl Mode Boy, it's your girl be sometimes Pretty. Yo'll
Speaker 1: back your girl. Just being a v with Pretty D
Speaker 1: and D Someone Gabody Show. Tonight we're gonna have the
Speaker 1: Women a While and the podcast on the cart you guys.
Speaker 1: I am so happy to introduce once again on the
Speaker 1: Women a While Now Podcast my Relationship Code. He's a
Speaker 1: relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Spify Mighty. How you guys,
Speaker 1: So thank you and happy to be here. I'm so thankful.
Speaker 1: I love every episode that I get to share with
Speaker 1: you guys. I'm also the founder of the Spicy Life
Speaker 1: Relationship Consulting firm um where I help you become the
Speaker 1: best version of yourself to attract your purpose fate. I
Speaker 1: have a question, what about dating apps? There's this one
Speaker 1: app they say it's for celebrities and you have to
Speaker 1: be invited on the app, Like, you can't even get
Speaker 1: on it? What app is that? Yeah? You know what
Speaker 1: is it? It's called Ryan? What do you have an invitation?
Speaker 1: Be like, like, is this like clubhouse? Do you have
Speaker 1: any invites you need you need to um for to
Speaker 1: be successful on there? They need to see like UM,
Speaker 1: you're um, of course like what you look like. But
Speaker 1: then also they're gonna look you up and see, like
Speaker 1: what credentials you have. Um, your followers are gonna get
Speaker 1: your social of course, so you as long as you apply,
Speaker 1: you already probably be a qualified candidate. UM. And we
Speaker 1: know lots of people who are already on there that, Um,
Speaker 1: you can give us an invitation. Wow, Hey, we need
Speaker 1: to talk about that tomorrow my session. I want to
Speaker 1: be on there. Yeah, you can absolutely be on there.
Speaker 1: I can. I'm not gonna say them by name and
Speaker 1: bust them out, but I know lots of people already
Speaker 1: on there, So you like it? Do they feel like
Speaker 1: it's weird? What people have complaints about dating on apps
Speaker 1: in general? I'm a huge advocate of dating apps. So
Speaker 1: I feel like, if you're not someone who's walking up
Speaker 1: to man five times to day and you're doing in yourselves,
Speaker 1: then you need to be on a dating app. You
Speaker 1: need to use all the tools and resources that God
Speaker 1: has given us and make it easier for us in
Speaker 1: order to make connections. But people need is strategic in
Speaker 1: their dating. People don't know how to use the dating
Speaker 1: apps for there into work in their favor. But it's
Speaker 1: nice thing people tell you go ahead, go ahead about say,
Speaker 1: She'll tell you you have If you want a man,
Speaker 1: you have to be in the presence of men. You
Speaker 1: can't beat just sitting in the house, right. No, I
Speaker 1: was just gonna say it's nice that they have an
Speaker 1: app like that, because it's like, be, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna do. You're not gonna go on like Tinder or
Speaker 1: plenty officials. First of all, people are not even gonna
Speaker 1: think it's really you. They're just gonna think someone using
Speaker 1: your pictures. So at least they might think it's really
Speaker 1: be like, she's really looking for a man, She's really. No.
Speaker 1: But at least if you're on that app, it's like,
Speaker 1: at least it's people that are like minded, you know,
Speaker 1: are getting money, have a certain level of favor. I
Speaker 1: don't know what world, Yeah, whatever the qualifications are. So
Speaker 1: that's actually pretty dope. But I actually did that Spicy
Speaker 1: because Spicy be like, um, you know, have you been
Speaker 1: on any date? So I'm like, nobody's asking me on dates.
Speaker 1: She was like, when are you meeting any man? I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm the house on the couch. So my homeboy had
Speaker 1: invited me to this soccer game. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just go by myself, kick it smart to
Speaker 1: this soccer game. I'll go to the soccer game. I
Speaker 1: was like, there's so many men here right one boarding
Speaker 1: events because you need to. So here's the thing. UM
Speaker 1: just think it was right earlier about um your energy
Speaker 1: b And it's not that it is. It's not that
Speaker 1: it is intimidating, right, It's that while you do have
Speaker 1: a strong personality and you are super energetic, you need
Speaker 1: to be with somebody who balances you, someone who you
Speaker 1: are compatible with. And so because we sometimes like people
Speaker 1: who don't necessarily like us back, or we're attracting people
Speaker 1: who aren't necessarily sexually attracted to us back, it's a
Speaker 1: numbers game. Okay, you gotta put yourself out there ten
Speaker 1: times in order to make two wins. Like we just
Speaker 1: want to put ourselves out there twice, and then we're
Speaker 1: upset when the numbers don't come back to us. And
Speaker 1: when I meet me and now I used to not
Speaker 1: be nervous because I'm like, okay, just be yourself and
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, don't be yourself, Like spy Spicy Eats
Speaker 1: then told me all this stuff. So I'm over you
Speaker 1: shoulders compliment him, I'm like, hello, it's like spicies like
Speaker 1: be yourself, but just like turn turn down better like
Speaker 1: yourself the first date. I'm sorry, do not. I don't
Speaker 1: think everything needs to be um, you know the Spicy Show.
Speaker 1: I don't think everything needs to be you know, the
Speaker 1: Vista Own Show. I don't think everything needs to be
Speaker 1: the Just show. When we are in a dating situation,
Speaker 1: it needs to be hosting co host right. It needs
Speaker 1: to be in a day on a day, it needs
Speaker 1: to be both energies learning about one another. And because
Speaker 1: we have big personalities and I'm guilty of it, we
Speaker 1: fill up the room and so we have to allow
Speaker 1: space for the other person to share with us. We
Speaker 1: have to allow space for them to feel comfortable. And
Speaker 1: so if we go in charging because I am a
Speaker 1: very like aggressive person too, um, if we go in
Speaker 1: charging with our you know, biggest personalities. Um, it's not
Speaker 1: just it's not that it's intimidating, it's what are we
Speaker 1: doing to make the person feel safe first before we
Speaker 1: get them to open up. And I think that's something
Speaker 1: that people haven't mastered, is like can you make people
Speaker 1: feel safe? We wait for people to make us feel safe,
Speaker 1: but the real power comes and making someone else feel safe. Also, like,
Speaker 1: other than our big personalities and all that, there's also
Speaker 1: the gender role that's existed in the past that we
Speaker 1: touched on that it's like the man is supposed to
Speaker 1: be the one who's the big show. The man is
Speaker 1: supposed to be the one who you know is in
Speaker 1: charge and is more known and this and that. So
Speaker 1: be like you might find a guy who likes you
Speaker 1: a lot, but it's just intimidated that your b simone
Speaker 1: and who is he or he's just not at the
Speaker 1: level you're at and no matter how much money he makes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I think people have stereotypes to write of
Speaker 1: like oh, um, successful women at like this, or women
Speaker 1: in the entertainment industry act like this, So you guys
Speaker 1: must act like that. And unless you show up with
Speaker 1: your true authentic self or really giving them an opportunity
Speaker 1: to get to know you, they're gonna stick to what
Speaker 1: they even pretty girls. Pretty girls get a bad rap
Speaker 1: like they I'm not gonna think the pretty girls are
Speaker 1: stuck up. So it's like until you dispel that, someone's
Speaker 1: gonna already have preconceived notions, and you can't control those
Speaker 1: preconceived notions until you show them something else. And I think,
Speaker 1: what there's differences in your guys personality. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's just you know. Um, I don't think you guys
Speaker 1: it's you know, just one way. I think that there's
Speaker 1: different levels to this. I think that there's different facets
Speaker 1: of your guy's personality. And when you show time, yeah,
Speaker 1: when you show all of them, it makes you a
Speaker 1: more well rounded, lovable, you know, person versus just the
Speaker 1: entertainer who we see. You're not always who you are
Speaker 1: on stage. What about telling the person everything? If you're
Speaker 1: dating somebody, do you feel like they should know everything
Speaker 1: every day? Maybe maybe at least, but like, b did
Speaker 1: you wait, like, okay, three months I told him this
Speaker 1: another three months? Or you were just like first night
Speaker 1: I told them every day like first night. I was no.
Speaker 1: I just I felt like, Okay, if you're my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: I'm laying next to you every night, we're intimate sexually,
Speaker 1: you need to know certain things, Like you know, if
Speaker 1: we're in the industry and I'm walking into a room
Speaker 1: and I had sex with somebody, I I feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't like I asked him. I was like, have
Speaker 1: you had sex with anybody in the industry, because I
Speaker 1: need to know that I'm around so many females and
Speaker 1: I need to know you're my boyfriend who you have
Speaker 1: sex with, especially if I'm around them. When I'm not
Speaker 1: around them, it could be somebody I follow on Instagram,
Speaker 1: Like whatever, You're like, who do I need? Who do now?
Speaker 1: You know? But you know, I feel like certain things
Speaker 1: not secrets, but like, honestly, there's nothing anybody could tell
Speaker 1: my ex, my ex about me that he doesn't already know.
Speaker 1: And I felt like that it's fair when you are
Speaker 1: in a committed, you know, serious, serious talent. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't want no secret. It's not that
Speaker 1: it was a secret, but I'm very like, Okay, give
Speaker 1: me an example something that you wouldn't tell either you
Speaker 1: wouldn't tell or that you're asking around, Like if you
Speaker 1: should tell them everything that I wouldn't tell. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: I think that's it. That's literally, that's it. Like not
Speaker 1: like how many people have you had sex with? That's
Speaker 1: so stupid. It's such a stupid question to me, Like,
Speaker 1: let me count all the guys since freaking my teenagers
Speaker 1: I don't. My mom told me at a young age
Speaker 1: never tell a man how many people you've slept with.
Speaker 1: The number will never be good enough, especially the number
Speaker 1: one two good enough. Especially if your body count is
Speaker 1: like a cemetery. You better keep it to yourself, whether
Speaker 1: it's one or twenty. You're not ever so sweetie, You're
Speaker 1: you know. But I think my example was just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe a guy that people might know that I've you know, dated,
Speaker 1: or talked to or whatever. We're in the industry, so
Speaker 1: I feel like, I mean, some people don't feel like
Speaker 1: that's needed to say, but I do. If I walk
Speaker 1: into room, I want to know if you've slept with her,
Speaker 1: the girl. You have to have that conversation with your partner, though,
Speaker 1: be because my I have the same rule. I'm like,
Speaker 1: don't have me looking like a fool and you have
Speaker 1: the secret with the woman inside of a room where
Speaker 1: you guys know, you guys were intimate, and I'm on
Speaker 1: the outside, I don't know, like letting him know any
Speaker 1: And he was like, okay, bet I will be respectful
Speaker 1: and that you know, if we're in the room with
Speaker 1: someone I slept with. He was like, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to know if we go into a room and
Speaker 1: then he's like, don't tell me because I'm gonna want
Speaker 1: to kill him. And I was like, fair enough, right,
Speaker 1: so you have to conversations. I mean, you want to
Speaker 1: know he doesn't that agreement? Guy? Yeah, He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be you know, over here about to fight.
Speaker 1: I don't right, And I'm like, okay, fair enough. But
Speaker 1: we made that back together. And so sometimes we think like,
Speaker 1: because this is my rule, it should be your rule too.
Speaker 1: You know, we should both follow this rule because we
Speaker 1: both need this and know the truth of the batter
Speaker 1: is each person whatever that's different. Yep, So you gotta
Speaker 1: I don't know what your part. I don't want to know.
Speaker 1: Now you beef with Barack Obama? Right right? Okay with
Speaker 1: Dwayne Johnson. Now you're so Marie, what do you think about? Like?
Speaker 1: What do you think about? Like? Because I find people
Speaker 1: always have an interesting take on this, like other forms
Speaker 1: of cheating if it's not just sex for example, you know,
Speaker 1: let's say be let's say this guy pans out and
Speaker 1: y'all get into a relationship and you like him a lot,
Speaker 1: and one night you open his phone and you find
Speaker 1: d m S and there's nothing too crazy. But you
Speaker 1: know he's d m N A chick consistently. What's your
Speaker 1: take on that as far as is that breaking the trust?
Speaker 1: Is it a deal breaker? I just think that leads
Speaker 1: to other stuff. To me, that is opening what is it,
Speaker 1: Jamail's box, whatever the damn saying Pandora's box. Pandora Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you're opening the door for things to happen.
Speaker 1: If you're in a committed relationship. Why are you talking
Speaker 1: to this girl sexually or in a opriate leader. Man,
Speaker 1: my ex actually got not an argument. I mean it
Speaker 1: was actually argument. I think we called spicy at two am.
Speaker 1: Did we call you? Oh, he's a m But I
Speaker 1: was upset because we had an agreement. We've already talked
Speaker 1: about this. I don't just be going off like we
Speaker 1: didn't have the discussion. I will come, you know, and say,
Speaker 1: you know, let's talk about this before. But he liked
Speaker 1: an inappropriate picture of my home girl. She was in
Speaker 1: a thong, in a thong, her ass was shaking, and
Speaker 1: she was walking out of a pool. And the first
Speaker 1: I'm just scrolling the first name that says so and so,
Speaker 1: Like I'm like my boyfriend is the first name I
Speaker 1: spent on this post. It. I don't care if you
Speaker 1: like her pictures. I don't care if you like female pictures,
Speaker 1: don't like the inappropriate ones. But we had that discussion
Speaker 1: prior and he didn't, you know whatever, He didn't get it. Man,
Speaker 1: that's you insecure. You're being manipulative, right, So like and
Speaker 1: so let me advocate really quick. Um, I do think
Speaker 1: that when it comes to dating, it's a guiding and
Speaker 1: learning process, right. So they were they were two people
Speaker 1: who had two different perspectives on it. Her boyfriend her
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend's idea of social media was that this is
Speaker 1: not that serious, like, um, it's not disrespectful, it's fake.
Speaker 1: So me think they're lying and that. But the truth
Speaker 1: of the matter is he really, in his mind believed
Speaker 1: that it was not bad what he was doing. And
Speaker 1: so knowing that, it's like, okay, now we need to
Speaker 1: put some boundaries and guidelines in place because this does
Speaker 1: hurt her, this does make her feel away, and him
Speaker 1: still playing with fire, like okay, well you know I
Speaker 1: didn't comment though, or I didn't like it was excuses,
Speaker 1: But you think that somebody should automatically just know these
Speaker 1: rules and boundaries, but they don't, so we have to
Speaker 1: communicate them. And sometimes we got to do it a
Speaker 1: couple of times, like sometimes we got to remind them
Speaker 1: and smack them upside the head, like remember we made
Speaker 1: a pet that you were I'm gonna do this, um.
Speaker 1: But I think we even went through his I g
Speaker 1: and like made him and follow her the people that
Speaker 1: we thought, you know that he's up within the past.
Speaker 1: That was disrespectful, hilarious, Like I say, you don't need
Speaker 1: to be following nobody. You slept with, sweetie, for sure,
Speaker 1: but like your part hast to like agree to this
Speaker 1: because I I even know with my husband he was
Speaker 1: still following exits and all kinds of people on Facebook,
Speaker 1: and he was like, look, I don't care about it.
Speaker 1: I don't got the time, don't you know, don't worry
Speaker 1: about those people. And I was like, oh no, I
Speaker 1: got time. What's your code and win? And I'm followed
Speaker 1: these people on Facebook because I wanted that He don't
Speaker 1: care about it, and that's perfectly fine, but I do,
Speaker 1: so let me do at least trust me enough to
Speaker 1: do what makes me feel secure. And if we're in
Speaker 1: a committed relationship, you should have no problem allowing me
Speaker 1: to do that, unless you still want to say if
Speaker 1: thet really don't care, why you want to stay connected
Speaker 1: to them. And we're female, so we know, like okay,
Speaker 1: if a guy is a big old athlete or something,
Speaker 1: he's this, he's married, he's this, he's that, and he
Speaker 1: likes your picture and you are in a song torking
Speaker 1: shaking your as a female, You're like, damn, that's kind
Speaker 1: of inappropriate. But he on my page like me, you
Speaker 1: think I'm fine. He think I'm He got a whole family,
Speaker 1: a whole or whatever, a girlfriend, whatever in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But you're like, he think I'm fly, Like that's just natural,
Speaker 1: Like okay, he's he's watching my stories. He commented on
Speaker 1: the ash shaking stuff. He commented on me in a thong,
Speaker 1: you ain't commenting when I'm talking about baby. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then him liking that picture. That's like one step under
Speaker 1: the truth though, is that? Like is yeah? Because y'all
Speaker 1: like we're forgetting like even though even though it's oh,
Speaker 1: not that big of a deal. Is fake and social media,
Speaker 1: if you hurt someone, if you tap, that means I
Speaker 1: liked you. I am affirming you because That's what it is.
Speaker 1: These are affirmations we're giving people. So if a man
Speaker 1: is affirming your validate shot, that lets you know. When
Speaker 1: I post a booty shot, um, I get more attention.
Speaker 1: When I post my titties, I get more legs. Let
Speaker 1: me continue doing this. Oh when this married man just
Speaker 1: hit like on my photo, I must really look good.
Speaker 1: You think I'm attractive. In this moment, we are telling
Speaker 1: people that we find them attractive, because what is photos,
Speaker 1: That's the whole point. Photos and video and publicly publicly
Speaker 1: your ass is right, right, and it is inappropriate because
Speaker 1: prior to this, we only had magazines, right like we
Speaker 1: all we have. We've had the Internet, but we only
Speaker 1: had magazines when it came to looking at photos of celebrities.
Speaker 1: And so now you know, we have access to so
Speaker 1: many models, so many celebrities, so many um shoot naked
Speaker 1: even unemployed women. Um, we have access to like all
Speaker 1: these shots now that we're well, they are only fans,
Speaker 1: she said, even as always people you can see anybody
Speaker 1: want to see what it's like. The temptation is even
Speaker 1: there now and it's in your face right, like I
Speaker 1: see something, you know, people working out, like I follow
Speaker 1: a lot of fitness plages or whatever, and I'm like, dang,
Speaker 1: here's one six pack, there's another six pack, there's another
Speaker 1: six pact. I usually see that many sixpects in the day.
Speaker 1: But social media has created the successibility that we now
Speaker 1: have to control ourselves to not be tempted. Like it's
Speaker 1: these snapshots of images constantly over and over in your face.
Speaker 1: At certain point you are going to become luss ful
Speaker 1: and be like, dang, I would like to stopper up
Speaker 1: with a biscuit. Right. So it's like, we do have
Speaker 1: to be mindful of our partner and their needs and
Speaker 1: see where they're at with it when it comes to
Speaker 1: social media, and most people don't want to have that
Speaker 1: conversation or take accountability for their behavior on there when
Speaker 1: their partners does confront them about it. But it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to look like confrontation. It could just be a conversation,
Speaker 1: but we automatically interpret it as like, all you're tripping,
Speaker 1: because sometimes we do approach our partners wrong when it
Speaker 1: comes to how we want to talk about it with
Speaker 1: them because we're offended and we feel like they should
Speaker 1: just know, and the truth of the matter is is like, no,
Speaker 1: we have to explain it to them like we have
Speaker 1: to exercise patients. Hold on, Spicy, this is getting too juicy,
Speaker 1: too deep, too good, you guys, stay right there. We're
Speaker 1: gonna take a little break and we're gonna let her
Speaker 1: finish that as soon as we get back more with
Speaker 1: spicy money. Welcome back, y'all were in the building. It's
Speaker 1: your girl, just seeing a Valentine here with my baby
Speaker 1: girl be Simon and Spicy Mari. She's a magnetic matchmaker
Speaker 1: and we're about to get into these topics. So so me,
Speaker 1: you know, I wouldn't want to go through and then follow,
Speaker 1: like my man is not even on social media like
Speaker 1: that anyway, but I wouldn't want to go through and
Speaker 1: unfollow anyone he left banged or anything like that because
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't want him to do that to me,
Speaker 1: because we'll be here for a wife. So I just
Speaker 1: I just honestly wouldn't even want to open that can
Speaker 1: of worms. And so that's why for me, because I
Speaker 1: feel like, all right, so if your man is gonna
Speaker 1: give you his password, you got to give him yours.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like that opens a lot, you know,
Speaker 1: And I do feel like if you're looking for something,
Speaker 1: whether it's in text messages or social media, you're gonna
Speaker 1: find something that you're not going to be thrilled about
Speaker 1: either which way. Unless you're a church mouse and you
Speaker 1: just don't talk to anyone, you're gonna find something that
Speaker 1: you're like, you know what, I'm not happy you said that.
Speaker 1: So for me, that's a winding road that I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to That a smart decision. If you are secure
Speaker 1: with your partner and you don't want to cross that path,
Speaker 1: don't do. But if there's signs, are evidence all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, and say your man gets on social media tomorrow,
Speaker 1: you may feel otherwise if he starts following and like
Speaker 1: it the ocean. See see No, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I understand, like be is different because like your man's
Speaker 1: your man was on social media and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: so I could understand. You know, it's it's levels. So
Speaker 1: like you're not even liking uh Rihanna's booty r. I
Speaker 1: don't even care about that girl. And we can't control
Speaker 1: that because now your friends we can't control. We can't
Speaker 1: get because your friend is like that's crazy, like your
Speaker 1: man is likeing me, But we can't control our partners
Speaker 1: like that. It's very clear. Um, me and my husband
Speaker 1: are both on social media. He follows for these people too,
Speaker 1: and he'd be seeing big booties and all that. We
Speaker 1: can see all that because you can see that walking by.
Speaker 1: You can see that when we go to the gym.
Speaker 1: I don't care that you see it, Okay, I care
Speaker 1: that you engage. And so if you engage, that's when
Speaker 1: it's crossing the line. And if you can't control yourself
Speaker 1: but not hand that like, or you can't control yourself
Speaker 1: not to comment or you know, repost like you're out
Speaker 1: of control, then because you don't need to validate this
Speaker 1: person and then also show the world that you're validating
Speaker 1: this person. You can look, but don't fucking touch. And
Speaker 1: that's all that I ask, Right, don't touch that phone,
Speaker 1: don't touch that app. Just keep on scrolling, keep on.
Speaker 1: You can look at that booty, don't touch so Spicy
Speaker 1: before we go, I want you to give any women
Speaker 1: out there that are listening, Um, you know you don't
Speaker 1: have access to Spicy Mighty like I do, because I
Speaker 1: got when he's like the first step to manifesting a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship or like I guess a single woman out there. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know where it started. Like, what is the
Speaker 1: first thing she needs to do to be like I
Speaker 1: am opening myself to love and I'm trying to find
Speaker 1: my purpose made or my like person. What are like
Speaker 1: the first steps to even like going down that opening
Speaker 1: up your heart to love. So you guys asked me
Speaker 1: earlier for like, um, my favorite like quote or scripture
Speaker 1: to have like on standby or whatever? Can I say
Speaker 1: right now? Because I'm like, it's it's well, yeah, well
Speaker 1: we we think end in with that. We say, yes,
Speaker 1: it's it's almost time. Yeah, we end with the quote quote. Um.
Speaker 1: I think that we need to be very honest when
Speaker 1: when it comes to and this is why the spicy
Speaker 1: method um is has been created. But it's also what
Speaker 1: it serves. We need to be very honest about who
Speaker 1: we are, what we want, and what we have to offer. Right. So,
Speaker 1: understanding self, I think is the first step to finding
Speaker 1: true love and to finding your purpose mate. The next
Speaker 1: one is understanding your passions and what lights your fire
Speaker 1: and also the process of lighting other people's fires, because
Speaker 1: some people you could be a passionate person but not
Speaker 1: know how to ignite other people's passion. And bring it
Speaker 1: out of them. The next step is intimacy. How do
Speaker 1: you connect with someone on a very deep, vulnerable level.
Speaker 1: You know you have to share? Can you get them
Speaker 1: to share? Can you make them feel safe and secure?
Speaker 1: In order to do that, you need to be safe
Speaker 1: and secure with yourself first. You know you have trust
Speaker 1: for yourself First. Um, if someone is untrusting of others,
Speaker 1: it's usually because they don't trust their decision making. And
Speaker 1: then communication, Um, how do you communicate? How do you
Speaker 1: deliver messages? Do you understand your target demographic and the
Speaker 1: kind of messages that they need to receive. If you're
Speaker 1: speaking to a man, do you know how to talk
Speaker 1: to him? If we're speaking to a woman, do you
Speaker 1: know how to get her attention? So it's really about
Speaker 1: message delivery. And then the last part is like your
Speaker 1: belief system, learning to say yes. So what do you believe?
Speaker 1: What are you willing to sacrifice in order to get
Speaker 1: what you want? And what are your limiting beliefs around
Speaker 1: love and relationship? Because you're not gonna be able to
Speaker 1: manifest anything that is holding you back or hurting you
Speaker 1: or voids that you have to feel if you haven't
Speaker 1: done the healing work. So it's the entire thing is
Speaker 1: self passage and intimacy, communication and learning to say yes,
Speaker 1: which is s P I C Y spicy. So that
Speaker 1: those five steps right there is how I service my
Speaker 1: clients and where the program comes from. But it really
Speaker 1: starts with self. Everything starts with self. For any relationship,
Speaker 1: can you use somebody to heal? And you can use
Speaker 1: you can use somebody as a temporary band aid. Um,
Speaker 1: and relationships have the power to heal in the sense
Speaker 1: that when someone pours love into you, love has a
Speaker 1: healing component. But if you are unhealed and you are
Speaker 1: extremely wounded, UM, that is when the damage happens. Right,
Speaker 1: So like if you haven't, how do you know when
Speaker 1: you unheal? UM, So you're gonna be in your gonna
Speaker 1: be in your wounds of feminine or wounded masculine. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I'll review with you would defeminate and wound of masculine
Speaker 1: tomorrow because there's a lot of there may be some
Speaker 1: of that going on, and I want to make sure
Speaker 1: you're not sitting in those UM. But those are your
Speaker 1: shadow self usually UM, your hurt self, how you react
Speaker 1: and how you handle situations. If you're making bad decisions,
Speaker 1: or if you're hurting others, if you have a negative disposition,
Speaker 1: those are used coming from your shadow self, and those
Speaker 1: your shadow self usually operated fear. But um, we'll run
Speaker 1: through it. But it looks very it looks different when
Speaker 1: it's feminine, when it's masculine. But you can identify those things.
Speaker 1: And most people need to do the shadow work. Most
Speaker 1: people need to do the healing work before they even
Speaker 1: start dating and get into relationship because you think that
Speaker 1: being with the lover is gonna make you feel better,
Speaker 1: and it can't semporarily. But you can't hide your shadow
Speaker 1: self for so long. You can't. You can only you
Speaker 1: can only do it for so long before it comes
Speaker 1: out and it starts to destruct. Yeah, you start to
Speaker 1: self destructing, destroys your relationship, You start self sabotaging, you
Speaker 1: start becoming manipulative like and what you attract also is
Speaker 1: affected by that. Okay, so we got yeah it's a
Speaker 1: it's a hole. We need another whole another hour for that.
Speaker 1: How long will your sessions? About? An hour? Hour and
Speaker 1: a half. I've been trying to get that her. I
Speaker 1: I'm like, what about being only supposed to be an hour?
Speaker 1: I was on there for like two hours. Sometimes we'll
Speaker 1: be there for hours. Okay, So Spicy leave us with
Speaker 1: the what is the quote? So you see what my
Speaker 1: method um. The quote that I stand by is actually
Speaker 1: a scripture Matthew seven, verse seven, which is asked, and
Speaker 1: you shall receive seeking you shall find knocking the door
Speaker 1: will be opened. And what that means. The way that
Speaker 1: I interpret that and how I applied to my life
Speaker 1: is I asked for everything that I want from life.
Speaker 1: So when it comes to my career, when it comes
Speaker 1: to my partner, I am not afraid to do the asking. Okay,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter even who I'm asking it from. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna ask because closed mouths do not get fed. Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm also gonna seek it out. So I'm gonna behave
Speaker 1: in a way and put myself in an environment to
Speaker 1: get my needs met and to get what I want.
Speaker 1: Most of us don't put ourselves out there enough to
Speaker 1: be able to touch the people that we want or
Speaker 1: to have the opportunities that we want. And then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna knock. Okay, I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna ask for what I want. I'm gonna get there.
Speaker 1: Put myself on environment, and then I'm also going to
Speaker 1: knock until I can't knock anymore. So if you tell
Speaker 1: me no, I'm not going to receive that note. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be like, Okay, you don't do You just don't
Speaker 1: have good judgment. And if I can't convince you, let
Speaker 1: me move on to the next person. I'm gonna keep
Speaker 1: knocking on doors until my needs are met. And I
Speaker 1: think that's how we need to approach dating. I think
Speaker 1: we need to ask for what we want. I think
Speaker 1: we need to seek it out, so we need to
Speaker 1: behave in a way that serves us, and then we
Speaker 1: need to experience so many doors, knock on so many
Speaker 1: doors when it comes to dating as possible until that
Speaker 1: person is equally yoked with us, until that person is
Speaker 1: in alignment with us. And don't get stuck behind door
Speaker 1: number one or number two, because that may not be it. There.
Speaker 1: You got eighteen more doors sail on until you meet
Speaker 1: that person. So don't let that fear of rejection um
Speaker 1: limit you and stop you from achieving what it is
Speaker 1: that you know that you deserve. Ladies, if you number
Speaker 1: twenty and you're number two, you gotta stuck a couple
Speaker 1: of more. The ifs, you just get through it, that's
Speaker 1: a fact. Don't get tired. That's what I'm I got
Speaker 1: stuck at number phone. I gotta g b. That's it.
Speaker 1: If you've only sucked for dicks, you got way to go. Okay,
Speaker 1: no girl, Okay, right, I mean but I'm saying your
Speaker 1: head is so hard. I mean it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1: Depending it is work work, did you that's fun? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But like is it like positions or this needs to
Speaker 1: be a whole another episode. I need to bring her
Speaker 1: one here. She is a popping sex expert, and she's
Speaker 1: going to teach me how to to give. No, it's
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff she don't teach. Oh, I want
Speaker 1: to know I never had an orgasm. We want to
Speaker 1: work on that. Yeah, we want to work on that.
Speaker 1: Mar You know, the women'll be some mode. Thank you
Speaker 1: guys so much, Valentine. Then I'll never say the video
Speaker 1: how to did all that skitter? Because it's ways think
Speaker 1: us on that. We go, Okay, we gotta cover that.
Speaker 1: We gotta because I think once you could reach that orgasm,
Speaker 1: it's the man is gonna fall in place scared, because
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna really be a hole. We're gonna really
Speaker 1: tell your love. I don't know if I would be
Speaker 1: having sex if I didn't orgasm. That to me, it's like, wait,
Speaker 1: what am I doing wasting calories? Am I just burning calories?
Speaker 1: Actually working out with no results? Right? What are we doing?
Speaker 1: I hear it all the time, y'all you're gonna you're
Speaker 1: gonna learn. No, No, you wouldn't. She would know, she
Speaker 1: would know. Would Everybody says that. So then it's like,
Speaker 1: if my mind is questioning, then I didn't. So you
Speaker 1: has never risen. You've never gotten hot, You've never felt
Speaker 1: like an itch that you had to scrat you never
Speaker 1: you never felt like a release, like like a release.
Speaker 1: Everybody says that. No, No, for the for the men
Speaker 1: that man that are listening, I want them to felt
Speaker 1: like your slow wafter applications fellas for the men that
Speaker 1: are listening. But my I taken class this week, so
Speaker 1: I'm gonnaee if I can do week. But then everybody's like, well,
Speaker 1: you need to masturbate, and I'm like, I can't do that.
Speaker 1: I feel like Jesus is watching me in the room, Rabbit,
Speaker 1: and you can be good. You can masturbate. Start with starting.
Speaker 1: You want to see my room. They all in the box.
Speaker 1: We have to become more comfortable with our with our sinuality. No,
Speaker 1: I'm trying. That's how I paid this lady for this class.
Speaker 1: It made a work and she was not you're doing
Speaker 1: something about it. That's at least you're doing something right.
Speaker 1: But rather than just like accepting it, I don't think
Speaker 1: we should just accept the thing. We should like totally
Speaker 1: be like, okay, how can I soawve for this because
Speaker 1: you're missing out. Yeah, I'm trying to be out here.
Speaker 1: But you never you never flicked the bean or no,
Speaker 1: you never you I wish you'all can see Justine his
Speaker 1: nasty ass. No I tried. Friend was like, go drink
Speaker 1: some wine, like some candles. I was like, I looked
Speaker 1: in the mirror. I was like, we gotta go, we gotta.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm not to go
Speaker 1: on Instagram your son to care. You never use your
Speaker 1: son to care when you were traveling on the roads,
Speaker 1: electric to brush a little vibration, vibration. No wait, spicy,
Speaker 1: when you get be on on the dating site for
Speaker 1: like the rich and famous people, we just come. We're
Speaker 1: gonna make her little like capturing her profile. You know,
Speaker 1: my girl be hot and she ain't never found a
Speaker 1: G spot. So they all want to be the first.
Speaker 1: N't want to be the first one, that's true. They
Speaker 1: want to they want to say that man, be Simone
Speaker 1: come for the first time, like the BC Incredible, the
Speaker 1: B Simone Come Challenge. Look, that's gonna be incredible. The
Speaker 1: person who does that is gonna be famous. You're gonna
Speaker 1: make him famiely. Okay, I gotta ride because she's gonna
Speaker 1: be screaming at the top of her lens and we
Speaker 1: already know she when you are so great with like
Speaker 1: advertising and you know, saying your truth, that's gonna be
Speaker 1: a story. Tell definitely. I'm definitely not telling nobody, but
Speaker 1: oh gosh, I'm like, I will kill you now because
Speaker 1: the one who makes you come, Yeah, you're gonna be
Speaker 1: sacraming at the top of your lungs. You're gonna be
Speaker 1: sharing it with the world, like have you made me come?
Speaker 1: An jump on anybody out there? And once I come,
Speaker 1: if you want to make her come come from her,
Speaker 1: come for her. Y'all come firt And my Instagram is
Speaker 1: at the best. Someone I checked my d MS hourly
Speaker 1: if you really eating? Would you really? Girl? I've been
Speaker 1: on my Instagram all the whole time. I can't. I
Speaker 1: can't do that now. I'm just kidding on my on Instagram.
Speaker 1: But no, I check my d m um, yeah every
Speaker 1: hour on the hour. Oh you're good, You're better. Nothing
Speaker 1: be in there. You didn't even post on my story daily. Hey,
Speaker 1: how long have you knew about that little trick? And
Speaker 1: I guess it's not a trick, but I didn't know
Speaker 1: about it. How when you go to your d M
Speaker 1: you could like filter them and put top revenish mode,
Speaker 1: no top requests. Girl. You know, I had like hundreds
Speaker 1: of blue checks that I had never seen. Probably important people, yes,
Speaker 1: people and people signing my dams, all types of jo
Speaker 1: I'm like literally like going as far as back be there.
Speaker 1: It don't be nobody. How do I get How do
Speaker 1: I get my blue check? I don't know why I
Speaker 1: haven't got my blue check. I've been on TV shows,
Speaker 1: I've been on ship. Where's my blue check? Check? Three
Speaker 1: years ago when it was like throw the plug two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars and they got the check. Now it's like
Speaker 1: a huge I don't know what you gotta do is
Speaker 1: it's so hard now. I think you could do it
Speaker 1: in your in your settings. See, I think like putting
Speaker 1: your Instagram, I mean putting your ID or you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. Because I'm like, what the hell, this
Speaker 1: don't make that kind of sense. I'm so sorry you guys.
Speaker 1: We have to wrap this up. This was such a
Speaker 1: good combo with my girl Spicy Mighty. Where can't we
Speaker 1: find you on all socials? Yes, you guys can play
Speaker 1: with my Twitter or struck my I g at the
Speaker 1: Spicy Mady s p I c Y m A r
Speaker 1: I and also go to the Spicy life dot com.
Speaker 1: So cool. Love it, love it, love it. Alright, guys,
Speaker 1: it's time to take a little break and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: send my girl be a little video how to get
Speaker 1: that skittle diddling. But we'll be back before you could
Speaker 1: even flick your being. Right, what's up, y'all? We are back.
Speaker 1: We just had Spicy Mari on here and b I
Speaker 1: see why you use her as your relationship coach because
Speaker 1: she loves her so bomb And listen, be if we're
Speaker 1: ever playing a game of never have I ever already
Speaker 1: know how to get me, already know how to get you?
Speaker 1: Out quickly. Have I ever had had my skittle diddle whatever?
Speaker 1: That's crazy. That's one of those things like if you're
Speaker 1: in an interview and they're like, tell us something we
Speaker 1: don't know about you, because no one will ever think that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've said it in interviews before, have you. I mean,
Speaker 1: like one it was a sex podcast I was on.
Speaker 1: I was like, why am I here? I don't know
Speaker 1: anything about this? Yeah, You're like, I don't know what. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, like of women never have Are you serious? Yes,
Speaker 1: it's a big thing. Wow, I guess I feel I
Speaker 1: feel grateful. I know you're so blessed and highly favored.
Speaker 1: I feel grateful to Yeah, I'm gonna take this. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take this course. I mean, like the closest if
Speaker 1: I had to pinpoint one moment was like with my axes,
Speaker 1: but it was like, you know here, it wasn't like
Speaker 1: doing it okay, Yeah, I mean but I don't know
Speaker 1: if that was I'm like, if that wasn't it, then
Speaker 1: I never have. Did it feel like warm and gushy?
Speaker 1: I feel like sex always feels like warm and gus
Speaker 1: Yeah I know, but I mean like, well, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to ask you all types questions on it, because
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've been asked a milion questions and if
Speaker 1: you would have had when I let you know how
Speaker 1: the sex class goes. Okay, I paid the money. I'm
Speaker 1: about to watch the video and the girl got to
Speaker 1: show me how to do it a tutorial. She was like,
Speaker 1: I can do a private FaceTime. I was like, you'bout
Speaker 1: to sign an nda my vagina all up in the camera. Literally, wait,
Speaker 1: so she's gonna have you. She's gonna have you flicking
Speaker 1: on camera. Her close friends is gonna be Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't have to, But she was like that's an option.
Speaker 1: I was like, girl, I can't. I don't know. For me,
Speaker 1: I'd be like I can't have my roast flaps just flapping.
Speaker 1: But she's like a sex expert, like she's very professional.
Speaker 1: She's like it's like her thing. Whatever. So we'll see
Speaker 1: me in person, no cameras. I'm not doing that either.
Speaker 1: Just send me the videos, the tutorials. That's it. Well,
Speaker 1: I just want the tutorial. I think I have a
Speaker 1: good quote end the day. Okay, what's your quote? If
Speaker 1: he can't make you come, you can still get the
Speaker 1: job done. I mean, I really thought it was about
Speaker 1: to be about as I'm like, oh no, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's motivational for you. If he can If he can't
Speaker 1: hit it down the middle, you're gonna have to take
Speaker 1: a course to diddle your own skittle, digital your own skill.
Speaker 1: That's my next caption, did all your own skittle? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean at this point we at this
Speaker 1: point be were pushing pet and I'm talking about your puss.
Speaker 1: I just need to push freestyle. I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: drop it to the gonna be. I love that you
Speaker 1: d you know what's funny? Um, I don't even think
Speaker 1: I've heard it yet, Like I just hear everyone actually
Speaker 1: think exactly, But now I need to go listen to it.
Speaker 1: It's so good. Do I have a quote? Do I
Speaker 1: have a quote? Never give up on lows? What else
Speaker 1: you got? I don't have a quote. I think I
Speaker 1: don't have a quote. So no, just I'm reminding you
Speaker 1: of the caption when you get on the famous dating site. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, my girl be hot and she ain't never
Speaker 1: found a g spot. That's not the captain. That's my bio,
Speaker 1: that's your bio. That's what I meant. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so well, thank you all for listening.
Speaker 1: Thank you all, y'all. Don't found out something else about me.
Speaker 1: Don't please, don't tell nobody at this point, nobody tell
Speaker 1: nobody if you heard this podcast, mind your business when
Speaker 1: you see me out on the street. Don't give me
Speaker 1: no skittles, don't give me don't flick no beans. Out
Speaker 1: of love you, guys. We missed pretty Be. We love it,
Speaker 1: love you the It's always fun chopping it up with you,
Speaker 1: says and I just hope next time we do this
Speaker 1: podcast you've had some sort of revelation. I know I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you about the Fifth Class. I can't wait.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear about it. I love you.
Speaker 1: It's what it means to the women. While our podcast
Speaker 1: you guys by