1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stuff 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 1: I never told you production of I Heart Radios. How 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 1: stuff works. For today's episode, it's kind of a follow 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: up on on one that we did recently on body positivity. Um. 5 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: And before we get into it, trigger warnings at the 6 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: top for very brief discussions of sexual assaults, UM and suicide. 7 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 1: And yeah, we recently did an episode on body positivity 8 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,640 Speaker 1: and you need Antha suggested that we do a companion 9 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 1: episode on mental positivity, which is a broad term that 10 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: I think we coined. Are we coining Are we coining 11 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 1: it right now? Maybe? And we just said it because 12 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: it is a language but linkage, but it's more of 13 00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: like mental health, mental health, yes, care, mental health care, 14 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: mental care, yes, um, And we'll yeah, well it's a 15 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:09,039 Speaker 1: pretty broad term, but we're gonna we're I guess talking 16 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: about this in part because there is a lot going 17 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: on in the world and in our personal lives, and 18 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: it does seem like, um, there's a lot of mental 19 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: health issues impacting women, and um, how we take care 20 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: of our mental health something that is always good to discuss, um, 21 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: and how we can support each other, right, I mean, 22 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 1: it's been a rough few years for many non binary 23 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 1: and female identifying population, and whether it's due to situations 24 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: or just overall physical and emotional taxation due to the environment. UM, 25 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: I've seen more and more of my really close and 26 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: dear friends suffer without considering enough about their mental health. 27 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: And when they do, and when I do, oftentimes, UM, 28 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: we add on more guilt for actually taking care of ourselves. 29 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: And I say that again as I'm one of those 30 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: that does this. And of course I'm not trying to 31 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: make this a self help podcast necessarily. I'm not about 32 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: bad I'm not license therapist in any way, but I 33 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: think there's something to be said to making sure you 34 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: are friends in this minty world and those around remember 35 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: to give themselves or ourselves permission to care for ourselves 36 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: and not forget that there is a lot of biological 37 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: and mental reason as to why sometimes things just feel 38 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,359 Speaker 1: like it's too much. Yeah. Absolutely, And UM, one thing 39 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: we wanted to discuss in this UM this depression. Right, 40 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: So that's going to be kind of the linkash. So 41 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 1: when we say mental health, UM, I'm doing a broader 42 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: We're talking about a broader term of depression, just an 43 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: overall overwhelming feeling as well as with anxiety, but I'm 44 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: kind of linking it more to depression, the sadness, um, 45 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: the giving up, the hopelessness. So that's what we're gonna 46 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: focus on today. And there are many different types of depression. 47 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,360 Speaker 1: It's not just the simple I'm depressed, although you know 48 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 1: you don't have to say anything other than that to 49 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 1: ask for help. That that's just a good term and 50 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: it is what it is. But it's helpful to have 51 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 1: a definition and understanding of what maybe an underlying issue 52 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: that we should be talking about. So out of the 53 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:05,239 Speaker 1: mini and plethora of I'm sure identifications and actual titles, 54 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,519 Speaker 1: here are a few, um, some of the ones that 55 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 1: are gonna be more familiar and probably a little more used, 56 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 1: um in the public world as opposed to the private world. 57 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? UM, Major depressive disorder, 58 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: which is a severe form of persistent depression. There's a 59 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 1: feeling of loss of interest in activities or general depressed mood, 60 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: which has to be part of the diagnosis. So there 61 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,839 Speaker 1: are several symptoms in several criteria that has to meet, 62 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: and that's one of the big ones that people know. 63 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: It's very severe in its diagnosis. The persistent depressive disorder 64 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: is used to be known as the dysthymia or a 65 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: low grade persistent depression, which could lasts two years or longer, 66 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 1: so it's persistent but not as severe as major. And 67 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: then you have the postparted depression or depression due to 68 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: infertility or pregnancy at the same time, so it's kind 69 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: of all that linkage with that hormone um or the 70 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: lack of Then you have the premistral disporte disorder which 71 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: is PMDD, which is pretty severe and I know we 72 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: use some types of birth control to control that as well. 73 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: UM seasonal effective disorder, you all know what that is. 74 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: You get sad in the wintertime. Atypical depression which is 75 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: not persistent, but a pattern of depressive symptoms. So things 76 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: can happen um and you just constantly feel depressed here 77 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 1: and there. Is not necessarily persistent. And sometimes when you 78 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,840 Speaker 1: have a good thing happened, you're like, hey, everything's fine now, 79 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 1: but then you hit right back to and then you 80 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,279 Speaker 1: have the situational depression or stress response syndromes, not necessarily 81 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: a psychiatric diagnosis, but it can occur due to stressful 82 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,599 Speaker 1: life events or situations. I know that's pretty common for 83 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 1: a lot of us. And as we're going through many 84 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: of things, yea many of things. UM, I think that's 85 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,280 Speaker 1: something to keep in mind. It's also important to know 86 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,720 Speaker 1: that people may have varying forms of depression which can 87 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,240 Speaker 1: be diagnosed based on timing, types of symptoms, and an 88 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: actual chemical and biological differences in an individual. And multiple 89 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 1: types of depression can actually be diagnosed simultaneously, so you 90 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: could have major depressive disorder and persistent depressive disorders. Is 91 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: can be a dual thing. You can have his partum 92 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,919 Speaker 1: with major depressive So there's many many linkages that we 93 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 1: can't just say is just just this. Um. I'll also 94 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: remember hormones and thyroid issues can cause major roles in 95 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: depression and mood as well. And we do have some 96 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,119 Speaker 1: statistics from Mental Health America for you, and estimated twelve 97 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 1: million American women suffer from clinical depression annually, about one 98 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: in eight will develop it at some point in their lifetimes. 99 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: And yeah, all kinds of things go into depression. Genetics, hormones, reproduction, 100 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: biological factors like premnstrual syndrome and fertility, childbirth, menopause, and 101 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: societal factors like work stress, family responsibilities, sexual assaults, and poverty, 102 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: and interesting in left just because we were talking recently 103 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 1: about the daughter syndrome UM dutiful daughter syndrome rather and 104 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,840 Speaker 1: females being the main caregivers, actually they are high risk 105 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: for depression just on top of that. But even so, 106 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 1: on top of that, if you're UM caring for a 107 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,359 Speaker 1: person who hast dementia, it's twice as likely that you 108 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: will be diagnosed with depression because of that stress level 109 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,159 Speaker 1: and the likelihood of isolation and in itself and just 110 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: not able to cope and not being able to care 111 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 1: for oneself. So I thought that was interesting to throw 112 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 1: out there too. Write over fifty of women believe depression 113 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 1: is a normal part of aging and menopause and do 114 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 1: not seek treatment for it, and that's where they think, UM, 115 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: their depression is coming from, right, And actually depression in 116 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: women could have a misdiagnosed rate as high as fifty percent. 117 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: So that's and I thought that was fascinating just to 118 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,720 Speaker 1: know that women in general can still be misdiagnosed, even 119 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 1: though we may be a little more vocal than the 120 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: opposite sex, UM, but it's still misdiagnosed often UM and 121 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,040 Speaker 1: as any stage earlier. Half the women who are diagnosed 122 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:36,039 Speaker 1: don't even seek treatment. Over fifty of women think that 123 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: depression is totally normal for two weeks or longer after 124 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: giving birth, and that is one of the number one 125 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: reasons people and those identifying as female oftentimes don't seek treatment. 126 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: They believe it will pass, or it would be better, 127 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 1: or just it's just better to wait it out. And 128 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 1: oftentimes films will not recognize suppression as being clinical. I 129 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: think the term master depression is a reference to not 130 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,160 Speaker 1: feeling normal or like themselves, but not want to identify 131 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: it as depressed or being depressed, and there is a 132 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: likelihood like myself, I don't realize I'm going through a 133 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 1: depressive episode UM until the physical signs actually come out. 134 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: So my physical signs are fatigue and even muscle pains 135 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: and over excessive need for sleep because a constant tiredness, 136 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: which is fatigue. And it was noticed sometimes that the 137 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: actual feeling of sadness may not always be present, so 138 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 1: I don't sometimes know that I'm sad, I just know 139 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: my body slowly shutting down. I have done this a lot, 140 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: and even recently after a concern UM after the many 141 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: of health concerns that I've had, you know, all the 142 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: web in d times I've told you about UM. I 143 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: realized that I was depressed. And I've done this throughout 144 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: my life. This is something that I can look back on, 145 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: you know, hindsight, and realize, oh, that what was happening. 146 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: I still sometimes can't even catch it until I'm in 147 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,559 Speaker 1: the middle of it, UM, which is quickly accompanied by 148 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: my guilt because there's nothing really wrong happening in my life, 149 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: which is why I can't recognize why I'm feeling this 150 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: fatigued and tired, and I don't nothing. Nothing makes sense. 151 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: Am I getting too much caffeine? I'm not getting enough caffeine. 152 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: I think that happens a lot of people don't see 153 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: symptoms or don't recognize it, or don't want to know 154 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: it too. Yeah, I think the exhaustion is the one 155 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: for me. If I'm suddenly like it's tired and I 156 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: don't want to do anything, that's a pretty good sign. 157 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: So we do have some more for you listeners. But 158 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: first we're going to pause for a quick break for 159 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: a word from our sponsor. And we're back, Thank you sponsor, 160 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 1: And we're back with something that I found out has 161 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 1: an actual name, kind of love it. It's called the 162 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:54,439 Speaker 1: not as Bad as fallacy. And we have talked about 163 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 1: this before, for sure, and I've bet a lot of 164 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: you don't even really need actually find it. But it's 165 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: generally when you you feel like someone has it worse. 166 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: So what right have you to to voice your problems? 167 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: Are are complain um? I used to say to a 168 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: friend who always felt bad complaining about quote heavy quote 169 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: minor things when he knew I had so much quote 170 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,839 Speaker 1: major stuff to complain about. And I used to always 171 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: tell them, it doesn't make your problem less legitimate, are 172 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: your feelings less valid? Don't get trapped in that comparing game. 173 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: Comparing problems is not healthy or productive. Although I can 174 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 1: see some use for putting things in perspective now and again, 175 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: but not like dismissing it or disminishing diminishing it. And 176 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: we did talk about this a little bit in our 177 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: TRAM episodes, how women frequently don't report sexual assault because 178 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: they feel their experience was not as bad as other women's. Um. 179 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: It's almost the opposite of one upping. For instance, if 180 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: someone who has clinical depression compares their situation and their 181 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: relatively quote lighter problems to some one who doesn't have 182 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: depression and is managing better despite having quote heavier problems, 183 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: they might not seek help, and they might internalize that 184 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: in a negative way. They might experience all sorts of 185 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,959 Speaker 1: negative outcomes. And many of us get our self worth 186 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: in part from perceived strength and resilience, which might keep 187 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 1: us from admitting that we need help or might make 188 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: our self worth take a massive hit. And that's absolutely me. 189 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 1: I want to be like I'm the strong one. I'm okay, 190 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: I'm stable. It is all good. I don't need any help. 191 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: Yeah I need a lot of help. Well, we're we're 192 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: gonna get through this together. I'm the same way, And 193 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: it's good to have friends that know that about you. Right. 194 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: We all handle problems in different ways, and they impact 195 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: us in different ways. There is no absolute scientific method 196 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: for measuring emotional suffering or pain. Yes, some problems are 197 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: clearly worse in the scale of things, but we all 198 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 1: know that, and that doesn't mean we should dismiss the 199 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: smaller things. Being sensitive and aware about timing is important. 200 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't, I don't any problem. It just 201 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: does it. We all do it, and it's frustrating when 202 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 1: you see someone else do it, but then you do. Well, 203 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 1: it's not as bad as that, right, But in the end, 204 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: there's there's plenty of space where everybody have issues and 205 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: need to fix it. M oh absolutely, And for for 206 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: my recent experience with my dad dying, I didn't want 207 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: to burden other people, especially if I knew they were 208 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: dealing with their own things. And I didn't want to 209 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: ask for help and or bother or upset anybody. Um. 210 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,559 Speaker 1: I have a friend who used to say that by 211 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 1: trying not to create problems by asking for help, I 212 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 1: created my own bigger problems and needed more help. I 213 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,959 Speaker 1: think that was one of the things I kept telling you. 214 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, you need to understand we want to help you. 215 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: Those who really care about you want to help you, 216 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: and when you don't talk to us, it makes us 217 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: feel just like how you're feeling about the fact that 218 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,719 Speaker 1: you couldn't come to us, and we would much rather 219 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: be with you than not and wonder what we could do. 220 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 1: And that's that's one of the big things for everyone 221 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 1: to realize. I mean, I'm talking to myself too, because 222 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: in my head I grew up with and this is 223 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: something we talked about with the trauma stuff, not wanting 224 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 1: to be in people's way, or not wanting to be 225 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: a burden, or not want a feeling like I'm gonna 226 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,680 Speaker 1: be rejected, all of those different things, But in actuality, 227 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 1: those who love you and care for you would much 228 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: rather be there with you than not know what happened 229 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: and come back to, oh my gosh, what happened to you? 230 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: Why couldn't have done this? And I think when we 231 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 1: talk about like suicide, race and those who have taken 232 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: their own lives, I know those who remain have that 233 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: excess guilt of what could I have done? I didn't 234 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: know um and not everyone, but there's this level and 235 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: not that hopefully it's not on We're not gonna victim 236 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: blame anybody. But the truth of the matter is, in 237 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,719 Speaker 1: any situation, we would rather be there for someone than 238 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,040 Speaker 1: to wonder what we could have done. And that goes 239 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: for everything. Just someone who's going through any tragedy and 240 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,840 Speaker 1: are able to be coming, able to come out of it, 241 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: to be able to be hopefully, I would think in 242 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 1: my group of friends, they want to be a help 243 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: and they would love to be a part of that. 244 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: And it makes and I don't know if it's karma 245 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: or whatever, but just insentionally like it. It helps them too. 246 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: It is a part of that as well. And I 247 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 1: think when we were talking about, um, you would not 248 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 1: want to tell people. You would not want to tell 249 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,959 Speaker 1: people who would gone through similar things I've done, And 250 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I don't want 251 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: to understand anybod I'm like, but no, this is not 252 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: about them. This is about you needing help. And that's 253 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: for everyone and anyone. I get that as a social 254 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: worker on like, I don't want to think I've gone 255 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 1: through my own things. I can't project this onto you. 256 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: But there's a difference than being in time of need 257 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: and knowing who you can trust and know you can 258 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:45,960 Speaker 1: talk to and not having to worry about that, right, yes, yes, um, 259 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: And that's something I have experienced doing during this whole thing. 260 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: Um people expressing to me that they feel bad complaining 261 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: about insert whatever problem here, when when you've gone through 262 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: such a loss and it's kind of drying it, it's 263 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 1: because sometimes as you might have forgotten about it or 264 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 1: you weren't thinking about it for a second, and then 265 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 1: it's it comes zooming back and I totally get the instinct. 266 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,200 Speaker 1: I've done it too, um But I don't see anything 267 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 1: wrong with talking about something else right right, And I'm 268 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: not sure why. When we were researching this, I just 269 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: started wondering why it's so ingrained in us to dismiss 270 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:23,239 Speaker 1: our own problems um to our own like stressors and anxieties. 271 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 1: Why do you think that is? I think that from 272 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 1: many females and those who identify, and especially those who 273 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: are marginalized marginalized females, the idea of survival and persistence 274 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: means strength in oneself and the desire to not ask 275 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: for help, to be the solution, and not to cause 276 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: problems to not be seen, as I said earlier, a burden. 277 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: There's also this whole secrecy versus attention seeking and I 278 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 1: think and also a major part of this is being 279 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 1: ignored a bit. Um So when I talk about being 280 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: a tension seeking or being secrecy, think about the Appellation 281 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: family that kind of became a social They're a group 282 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 1: in itself and there keep it in the family that idea, 283 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: and part of it keeping in the family is not 284 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: to talk to people, including therapists or anybody else about 285 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: whatever situation is wrong with you. So if you're depressed, 286 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: put on the happy face. Don't not like anything's wrong 287 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: because you're going to bring shame blah blah blah to 288 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: the family or whatnot. So it's supposed to be internalized 289 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: and and supposed to be UM quiet or the attention seekings, 290 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: like if I ask for help, it looks like I'm 291 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: just asking for attention, And I think there's this fear 292 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: that you're that person, especially for females. Oh, she's just 293 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: an attention horror type of mentality. And it's like, Mmm, 294 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: can we just go ahead and push that off the 295 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 1: table altogether? Um, And I think again, as I was 296 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 1: talking about being ignored, we already talked about previously, and 297 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: I know the episodes many many episodes of not believing women, UM, 298 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: doctors not believing women in general. As we stated earlier, 299 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: women are misdiagnosed when it comes to depression again up 300 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: to fifty of the time, So that may be a 301 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: problem as well if you actually do feel like there's 302 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 1: something wrong and you just can't put a finger on it. 303 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: A K A. I'm tired on this and this, but 304 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: it's not necessarily if it physical as much as mental 305 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: health stuff and it's not being believed that you're actually 306 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: tired kind of personality. You know, perhaps that's one of 307 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: the reasons you don't want to talk about it, because 308 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 1: it's I'm just imagining things once again. Or we can 309 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: talk about religion. I know, we brought this up and 310 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: the idea that the suddenologies to be handled through faith 311 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 1: in prayer. I was actually told that growing up UM, 312 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 1: I had attempted suicide at the age of twelve, I think, 313 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: And at that point in time, I think I told 314 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 1: the story where I went to a friend of mine, 315 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: my friend of mine reported to arts school counselor, I 316 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: had to sit down school counselor, report to my family, 317 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: and my family put me into um a room and 318 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: yelled at me about how I embarrassed them, and then 319 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: how I could I not come to them into the church, 320 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: and and how we have you really been praying about this? 321 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: That was the question I was asked UM. And I 322 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 1: was going through a lot of issues, identity issues. I 323 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: still am, and but this put this whole level of 324 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:01,000 Speaker 1: shame that I didn't understand growing up UM And because 325 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,879 Speaker 1: I was really really into religion up until past college years, 326 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 1: I felt like I was failing if I was not 327 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: content and happy and satisfied, And and then the whole 328 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 1: other part with that was, um, why isn't Jesus enough 329 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: for me? And please don't get me wrong once again, 330 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 1: I think religion can be beautiful, and I think faith 331 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: is beautiful, and I think people need it as a 332 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,360 Speaker 1: way of coping, and people believe it and that's fantastic. 333 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 1: But when it comes in overshadows other things such as 334 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,680 Speaker 1: getting medical help or get you know there's a problem, 335 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 1: there's a problem there, and and being taught that makes 336 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 1: you want to ignore it because you don't want to 337 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,639 Speaker 1: bring shame on yourself because you don't have enough faith. 338 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: And then I think also there's this whole fear of 339 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 1: being UH listed or being labeled as crazy, So going 340 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: to a therapist, taking medication, going doing any of these things, 341 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 1: if you have a mental health disorder, then you are crazy. See, 342 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 1: And that's not true. I mean even now when we're 343 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 1: talking about the shootings that have happened, and the first 344 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: thing they label our mass shooters mental health issues and 345 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,880 Speaker 1: that's the only thing you really here as a defense 346 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,920 Speaker 1: mechanism um or a defense rather for them, it becomes 347 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 1: this whole stigma they were crazy, you know. And don't 348 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: get me wrong, I'm sure there's mental health in there. 349 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:24,640 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's like many, many, many issues for anyone 350 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 1: and everyone, anyone and everyone who feel like they have 351 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 1: the right to take lives or any of that, or 352 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: have the right to get something. There's some other problems 353 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 1: we know this, But that label in itself, I think 354 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,680 Speaker 1: deters people with actual problems like this to not want 355 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 1: to be labeled. And I think those are some of 356 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 1: the things. I'm sure twenty thousand more reasons could come 357 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: about UM. And I know there's tons of research. As 358 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: I was reading through it, a lot of it was like, 359 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,720 Speaker 1: all right, yeah, you may they may deny this, this 360 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,360 Speaker 1: and this and this isn't this, but on the reality 361 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: it is now what do you what can you do? 362 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,119 Speaker 1: I think that's the next part of the columns that 363 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: I've seen when you read through why to how or 364 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 1: or in UM and I thought it was also fascinating 365 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 1: that again men there was a whole comparison to men 366 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: versus women, who handles one and how have they handled 367 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: how whatever? But it's still the fact that women also 368 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: may not have the time to seek out help. Again, 369 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: kind of going back to the caregiver's part. But when 370 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: you're trying to quote unquote do it all and take 371 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 1: care at all, take care of it all, when do 372 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 1: you have the time? Yeah, you know, Yeah, that's true. 373 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 1: I remember I think I full listened around the podcast 374 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 1: before the first time I went to therapy. The therapist 375 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 1: said to me, I think you don't have time for 376 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,159 Speaker 1: therapy and it will stress you out more. And I 377 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 1: was like agreed because I didn't want to know. But 378 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 1: I always thought that was kind of strange. It's it's 379 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: almost like there's a level of gaslighting ourselves, like we 380 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: don't we're so ready to not believe ourselves. And I 381 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,719 Speaker 1: do think it's interesting that we do it for our 382 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: past selves too, Like what was that thing about an eighteen? 383 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: I didn't know anything and there is some again perspective there, 384 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: but we're so ready to just dismiss right. Um. It's 385 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,959 Speaker 1: kind of like a reminder that hormones are changing pretty 386 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:15,919 Speaker 1: fast in those times. And so even though yes, drama 387 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: queen is the term that oftentimes happened to these teenagers 388 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: or whatnot, which is unfortunate, you do need to take 389 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 1: the time to listen because there's a lot. I think 390 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: that's when I started cutting. Yeah, it was when in 391 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: teenage years and it kind of became a coping mechanism. 392 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: And I don't say I'm not a severe cutter, but 393 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:33,639 Speaker 1: let me put that out there. I guess we need 394 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 1: put it this up top two. Um, but like just 395 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: the harming indoor without realizing when I'm gripping myself, you know, 396 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,679 Speaker 1: like in that way, learned it as a teenager. So 397 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,680 Speaker 1: there's a lot of habits that begin there as a 398 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 1: coping mechanism that you need to recognize and go ahead 399 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: and talk to your kids or talked to the kids 400 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,920 Speaker 1: around you about if you see that as a concern. Yeah, 401 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: it's a really volatile time. Um. For some reason, when 402 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 1: we mentioned we're going to do us, the first thing 403 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: I thought of was this Seinfeld episode where they're a 404 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,199 Speaker 1: coworker of Elaine. I think her name was Toby. She 405 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: loses her pinky toe, and Elaine feels something like jealousy 406 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: about the amount of sympathy and I think she gets promotion, um, 407 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: which Elaine thinks is because of the pinky toe, because 408 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: she lost her pinky toe and um. One of the 409 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: behind the scenes like commentary and by the way, that 410 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 1: the toe does get reattached if you're concerned. Spoiler, Sorry 411 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:39,280 Speaker 1: that didn't even come into my head. Um, but what. 412 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 1: In the commentary, one of the writers said the inspiration 413 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 1: for the story came from a woman working on a 414 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,480 Speaker 1: neighboring show who had lost her baby and allegedly or 415 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:54,119 Speaker 1: coworkers were jealous of the attention their boss gave her. Yeah. Wow, 416 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 1: this is strange, mind blowing, oh Seinfeld. The thing is, 417 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,159 Speaker 1: if none of us, all seven billion plus people on 418 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 1: this earth, never discussed our problems because someone out there 419 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: has it worse, we would never talk about the things 420 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,119 Speaker 1: that bother us. All of us but one person who 421 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,360 Speaker 1: drew the most terrible, terrible straws, we wouldn't be able 422 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: to have open and honest conversations about what was going 423 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: on in our lives. I wonder who that person would be. Goodness, 424 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 1: I don't even want yeah, no, no, no no. Um. 425 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,000 Speaker 1: And this is actually important in the context of policy, like, um, 426 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: sure the US has Internet censorship, but China has it worse. 427 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,199 Speaker 1: Like I've heard that, um, which is true, but it 428 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: doesn't mean we don't have a problem, right Or Americans 429 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: men's rights activists who point to women in other countries 430 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,199 Speaker 1: who deal with more sexism, So what are you complaining about, ladies? 431 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 1: So we see this on bigger, like a larger scale. 432 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,360 Speaker 1: And then there's the when I was your age thing, 433 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 1: stop complaining. Um, but yeah, kind of getting away from 434 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: the original point. No, but you're right, I think, Um, 435 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: that's exactly kind of where I started thinking about this 436 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: whole idea. UM. I had a conversation with one of 437 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: my good friends recently where she felt her crashing point 438 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: was a silly and ridiculous reason. Um, even to the 439 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,639 Speaker 1: point that her parents asked if something else happened that 440 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: triggered all of these issues, and she felt so weak 441 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: and that that she just couldn't understand why she, as 442 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: an individual who has a great job and has a 443 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 1: good family at home and everything seemed to be okay, 444 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 1: why she felt like this and why she was being 445 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 1: like this. And the truth of that is it is 446 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: not necessarily the issue in itself, but it's what the 447 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: depression is hanging itself on. That's the statement that I 448 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: wanted to make sure was said and heard that I 449 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: know this sounds very self help. Is depression in itself 450 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 1: is its own monster and sometimes we can't explain why 451 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 1: it's there. It makes sense with like death or loss 452 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,439 Speaker 1: and tragedy, but outside of that, the monster will use 453 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,160 Speaker 1: whatever weakness it may find in an individual to bring 454 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 1: them down. And that's kind of the reminder. Depression exists 455 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: and haunts some of us all the time, at all times, 456 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,879 Speaker 1: and that's just how it is, how it's gonna be 457 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 1: forever um. And then that for some it's situational or again, 458 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: as we talked about, a typical these things happens. You 459 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 1: may just be a sad person in yourself. I think 460 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,879 Speaker 1: I'm more sad and cynical than anything else, um, And 461 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: I have to pretend and play happy and bubbly when 462 00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: I have to play that role, and I can go, 463 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,119 Speaker 1: I can get it. But typically I just want to 464 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: be a house and just silently stare at the screen 465 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,959 Speaker 1: and hug my dog. Just the whole idea of shaking 466 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,679 Speaker 1: it off or just letting it go, it's not a 467 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: reasonable option. Just like any element, there's not always a cure, 468 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: and I think you need to be remember every day 469 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: can be different. So one day is gonna be rough, 470 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: next day may be okay, the next day may be 471 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 1: all of these things happen, and we have flare ups, 472 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,159 Speaker 1: and sometimes it's a great day and sometimes it's an 473 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 1: awful day. And sometimes you don't have a flare up, 474 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: but you have a flare up every day, or you 475 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 1: don't have one for months at a time. And I 476 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: think that's the reminder that I want to talk about, 477 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:09,399 Speaker 1: is because we beat ourselves up so often because of A, B, 478 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,240 Speaker 1: C and D. And it can be as easy as 479 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 1: someone who has gone through hell and back coming back 480 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 1: and saying I've been blessed because I'm here and ignoring 481 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 1: that tragedy kind of like thor yeah, you know what 482 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,960 Speaker 1: I mean. You know I did that for you, I 483 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,159 Speaker 1: brought that, I brought that back for you. Um, the 484 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 1: idea that you know, oh yes, I lost all of 485 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: these people, I've lost my pretty much planet planet. He 486 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 1: lost all of this stuff, but but I'm still here. 487 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,520 Speaker 1: It's okay, and I'm gonna keep fighting for another day. 488 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 1: And what happened he became a gluten alcoholic, It's okay. 489 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 1: The idea that you can find any reason to say 490 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,159 Speaker 1: I'm doing this wrong or I shouldn't be doing this. 491 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: But those are the times that when you start ignoring 492 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: things bigger issues happen, and I think for me, the 493 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:01,119 Speaker 1: idea trying to hold it together there and then you 494 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 1: fall apart and you see only one solution, which is 495 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: by the way, sometimes haunts you as a person who 496 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: have suicidal tendicities at times, and I have to check myself. Um, 497 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 1: it's always kind of there and and this is super serious, 498 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,920 Speaker 1: and I apologize. I know this is one of those 499 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,920 Speaker 1: things that I'm like, I think it's necessary. It's always lingering. 500 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,240 Speaker 1: So having a breaking point, even though you have to 501 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: remind yourself and hopefully you're in a good middle state 502 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 1: to say tomorrow will be different. Things do change, It 503 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,479 Speaker 1: will not always be like this at that moment. You 504 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: may not remember that you know what I mean, And 505 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 1: I think I just it needs to be a reminder 506 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 1: that depression is an entity in itself, and it's not 507 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 1: just because it's not necessarily just because something is happening, 508 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,600 Speaker 1: and so you need to be careful and be able 509 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,920 Speaker 1: to talk and have your support system and be able 510 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,600 Speaker 1: to do all these things, which we're gonna talk about 511 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 1: more later. But I did want to bring that out 512 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: that it is a thing. Depression is a thing that 513 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,480 Speaker 1: is a kind egorical thing that is not necessarily seen 514 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,960 Speaker 1: but definitely felt, indefinitely there in existence on its own. 515 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,400 Speaker 1: It's like you, you come in with the m CU 516 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 1: reference and then I come in with the Harry Potter yes, 517 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 1: and it clings to everything, negativity of your life, everything, alright, alright, 518 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,680 Speaker 1: I love how our positivity episodes are always a bummer. 519 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,880 Speaker 1: But we do have some advice for you. But first 520 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: we have one more quick break for word from our 521 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 1: sponsor and we're back. Thank you spots here. Okay, so advice, Yeah, yeah, 522 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,280 Speaker 1: I think that's this is so the beginning. The first 523 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: part for us is to define it and let you 524 00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,679 Speaker 1: know so you can recognize it. Sometimes having a title 525 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: is nice, Oh yeah, absolutely, being able to name it's 526 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,880 Speaker 1: very helpful. Right, So that's why we came at the beginning, yes, 527 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,240 Speaker 1: and reinforcing the fact that just because not everything is 528 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: falling apart doesn't mean you may not be feeling that. 529 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: So now coming back with hey, here's some things maybe 530 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 1: could be helpful. And I hope that you know that 531 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,439 Speaker 1: you're not by yourself, right because this advice is actually 532 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 1: primarily for other people in your life. So if you're 533 00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:31,040 Speaker 1: going through something, um, if you're in the midst of trauma, grief, 534 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:35,959 Speaker 1: or some other massive loss. Um. This is more for 535 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 1: the other people, because it's it's hard when we detect 536 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 1: stress and people that we care about because we often 537 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:42,840 Speaker 1: feel it too, and we want to fix it, and 538 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 1: it cannot necessarily be fixed, and sometimes it can't even 539 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 1: be made better. Um. And it makes you feel powerless 540 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 1: and useless, and no one likes those things. It makes 541 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 1: you face the randomness of life and your own lack 542 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 1: of control, and that's why we feel so uncomfortable and 543 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 1: an adequate or or a lot of us feel that way, 544 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,720 Speaker 1: I would imagine. I think it also makes you feel incomplete. Um, 545 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: you don't feel whole anymore. And when you lose a 546 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: loss of self, loss of a bit of who you 547 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 1: wish you were, but who you once were, there's a 548 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,959 Speaker 1: whole identity crisis in that, So that that people need 549 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: to recognize that even though you're like, but what about 550 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 1: but there's still that whole trying to piece it back together. 551 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: So you have to be careful in dismissing all of 552 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 1: those things from other individuals. And if you feel like 553 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 1: you don't know what to say or do, don't let 554 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 1: that stop you from reaching out. Everyone, almost everyone feels 555 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: that way, right And this is one of those moments 556 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: where you just come in and say what do you need? 557 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 1: It's okay to ask and they may not give you 558 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: a straight answer, but sometimes that non answer helps too, 559 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 1: And I think that's the best way you can do it. 560 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: Just come in and say, I don't know how you're feeling, 561 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 1: I don't know how you handle and I don't know 562 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: what your coping mechanism is, but what is it? Let 563 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: me see if I can help you. What What do 564 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: you need from me right now? What can't I do? 565 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: And listening is always a good one. Don't avoid the 566 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,400 Speaker 1: subject if it comes up, um. Don't force someone to 567 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:14,280 Speaker 1: talk about it either. Get comfortable with silence, get prepared, 568 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:18,920 Speaker 1: be prepared to witness pain and having no solution for it, um, 569 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 1: and don't really try to offer one, because again there's 570 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: not necessarily you can give like tomorrow will be better. 571 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 1: You can do things like that. And I say this 572 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: as someone who's in the midst of grief. Grieving folks 573 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: can be a little weird, um, and they're all different, 574 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 1: so you might feel unappreciated because the other person doesn't 575 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: have the energy to contribute to the relationship in the 576 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: same way. Um, I feel like I was just kind 577 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 1: of wandering around aimlessly and I would just forget. I'd 578 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 1: be in the middle of a conversation, I would just forget. Um, 579 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 1: So be prepared for stuff like that. UM. Maybe don't 580 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,400 Speaker 1: say things like it's God's plan, she or he is 581 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 1: in a better place. You need to move on. Look 582 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 1: at all you have to be grateful for. You should 583 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 1: do whatever insert here they've lived along life, things like that. Um. Also, 584 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: maybe don't tag posts with deceased on Facebook or xes 585 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 1: or something like that. Right, It's it's you need to 586 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: be very careful and you need to get permission. One. 587 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 1: This is not necessarily about you, And I say that 588 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: of course if that are your significant other, and do 589 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,080 Speaker 1: what you need to do to grief and such. Um. 590 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 1: But if you're a friend of a friend who you 591 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: did like them, be careful. Yeah, I would also say, um, 592 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,959 Speaker 1: with all of these things, validate the feelings of an individual. 593 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 1: So instead of saying God has a plan for you, 594 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,800 Speaker 1: just listen and just say, oh my god, you know so, 595 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 1: how are you feeling? What do you what do you 596 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 1: feel about this? What can again coming back with what 597 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 1: can I do? Whatever, We're just sitting with them and 598 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 1: ask how are you feeling about this? And then listen, 599 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:58,720 Speaker 1: because if maybe that person is religious and they say, yeah, 600 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 1: I appreciate the time, they're in a great better place, 601 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,080 Speaker 1: celebrate that with them. That's fantastic. Go ahead and with that. 602 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: But again, not everyone grieves this way either, And that's 603 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,520 Speaker 1: the same thing for anyone who's going through depression. And 604 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 1: it has no trauma or tragedy in it, there's no 605 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 1: reason they have to have a reason. Just ask what 606 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: can I do again? Listen, sit and listen. Of course, 607 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: it's always nice to hear you love them. Yes, I'm 608 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,520 Speaker 1: sure they'll take that in anyway, because I would love 609 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:32,000 Speaker 1: that being appreciated. It is always always nice. Absolutely, um 610 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,880 Speaker 1: checkens chickens are great them for the long haul too, 611 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: especially on big days if we're talking about something like 612 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: all days, anniversaries, birthdays. I found this quote grief last 613 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 1: longer than sympathy. Uh. And in those first weeks months, 614 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,160 Speaker 1: people usually don't know what they want, our need, so 615 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 1: by the time they've figured it out, people have stopped 616 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: asking a lot of times. And I can tell you 617 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,719 Speaker 1: I am afraid like I'll wake up at night, I'm 618 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:59,240 Speaker 1: like one day, people check it off, so very important, 619 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,840 Speaker 1: very important. Well, and with that, I would add, it's 620 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: not about you. So just because you're uncomfortable, sorry, you 621 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: need to deal with it now. Of course it is 622 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,520 Speaker 1: something because you have PTSD and you have trauma. Of course, 623 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: take care of yourself and look look to yourself and 624 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 1: see what you need to do is well. But if 625 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 1: you're someone that has good friends, you should also be 626 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 1: a good friend and not everyone. And everyone's going to 627 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:27,040 Speaker 1: experience something sometimes right, and some things may be uncomfortable, 628 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: and I think I dealt with that with my own 629 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,560 Speaker 1: PTSC triggers and sexual assault stuff. And and of course 630 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: obviously we're gonna hear we're hearing so much now, so 631 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,680 Speaker 1: many things today. But one of the things that shut 632 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,120 Speaker 1: me down real hard with a couple of friends of 633 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 1: mine is just them dismissing me or be saying they're 634 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,479 Speaker 1: uncomfortable and saying that I'm being inappropriate when it's my 635 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: own experience. You don't, please don't be that people, Please 636 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,040 Speaker 1: don't because I'm sorry it makes you feel bad because 637 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: you've never dealt with that. But you need to take 638 00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 1: the time and think what can I do to hell? 639 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: But not? Oh my god, how to avoid this? Right right? Um? 640 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,960 Speaker 1: And one that you've been a good piece of advice 641 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,520 Speaker 1: that you brought up a couple of times is offer 642 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: practical helpful things like getting groceries, food, taking care of errands, 643 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 1: covering something at work. And yeah, don't depend on the 644 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,280 Speaker 1: person to call you because they probably won't offer concrete 645 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 1: things with times, and make sure to ask. Things become 646 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 1: very precious in grief. Um. Something might look like trash 647 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 1: or laundry to be washed, but it might be a 648 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,840 Speaker 1: precious item of the dead or an x. Um. Be 649 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 1: sure to check also for the long haul, your help 650 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 1: might be even more valuable later. Run interference. Yes, that 651 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,280 Speaker 1: was so nice. When someone is going through something, everyone 652 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 1: wants to help and that's well intentioned but exhausting. So 653 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 1: having someone there to be like the gatekeeper is really helpful. Um. Yeah, 654 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,839 Speaker 1: I understand what this can look like, what great can 655 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: look like, what depression can look like, and then it 656 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,239 Speaker 1: can look different for everybody, and that it does involve 657 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 1: a lot of extremes. Um. And when you are going 658 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 1: through something that's situational something A lot of things I 659 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 1: read said to watch out for signs of depression. In 660 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,000 Speaker 1: the long term, they don't go away. I also learned 661 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: that apparently recovery takes eighteen and twenty four months on average. 662 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:19,840 Speaker 1: What I swear this was Samantha's suggestion. And I feel 663 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 1: like it's very selfish because I'm like, Annie needs all 664 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,680 Speaker 1: of this health right now, please check check in on her. 665 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,040 Speaker 1: But it was your idea. It was this is my idea. UM, 666 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: and take care of yourself too, Yeah, don't lose sight 667 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:38,839 Speaker 1: of your own your own needs. UM. Not doing so, 668 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 1: you can't be there for the other people in your life. UM. 669 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 1: And there's I found this really cool thing called the 670 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,480 Speaker 1: Ring theory about the circles of comfort from Susan Silkinberry Goldman. 671 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,799 Speaker 1: It was a article from the l A Times, but 672 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:59,520 Speaker 1: it just shows how like you need to even if 673 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: somebody going through something terrible and you can, you've got 674 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 1: to take care of them. But then you've got to 675 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,600 Speaker 1: find something else to take care of you. And I 676 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,160 Speaker 1: think I'm gonna come back with as we're talking about 677 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,719 Speaker 1: people who are struggling through depression and just any level 678 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,879 Speaker 1: of depression, whether it's situational wornership, whether it's atypical, whether 679 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 1: it's postpartum, whether it's UM, major depressive disorder. As I said, 680 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: I think you have to be able to recognize other 681 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:29,520 Speaker 1: people need you, and sometimes those are the strongest, they're 682 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 1: the ones that need you the most. And I think 683 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,759 Speaker 1: that's kind of been one of those selfish things for 684 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,280 Speaker 1: me as well, because I do this as a living 685 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,560 Speaker 1: a social worker and UM, my coworker. She is the 686 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,759 Speaker 1: strength of her family. I am. I'm in awe of 687 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 1: all the things she does and and she needs to 688 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,440 Speaker 1: be checked up on. And I know for her if 689 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:57,000 Speaker 1: she listens to this UM she is willing to take 690 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,480 Speaker 1: the help, but doesn't ask for it. She tries to 691 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: distance her stelf. But it's hard when it's maybe family, 692 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 1: or when maybe it's just your job and you have 693 00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:07,840 Speaker 1: to deal with it. If you're struggling with emotion or 694 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 1: lack of relationship, or because of a relationship, these are 695 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: so many things. Those who seem to be the strongest 696 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,320 Speaker 1: that do all of these things, make sure you're checking 697 00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 1: in on them, because there's also the same people who 698 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,840 Speaker 1: need that help, and sometimes you never know what's happening 699 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,720 Speaker 1: with their lives. They may be the loud genuinely kind, 700 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,239 Speaker 1: you know, bubbly people, but there's so many things that 701 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: they're struggling with that you don't see the same thing 702 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:32,799 Speaker 1: with anybody you know actually has depression and you just 703 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,680 Speaker 1: don't see them for a while. Check in, Please check 704 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,400 Speaker 1: in UM for those of you who are struggling and 705 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,280 Speaker 1: you see the signs for yourself. You know your body, 706 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 1: that's the good news. Listen to your body. Listen to 707 00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: your body when you know that you need some help. 708 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,919 Speaker 1: Listen to your body when you know that there's something 709 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 1: not quite right. And we're not talking once again, not 710 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:56,240 Speaker 1: necessarily about situational things, but just things that are happening 711 00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:00,120 Speaker 1: internally that you don't realize is happening. UM again, and 712 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:04,120 Speaker 1: we're talking about what's happening today with all of the 713 00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:06,640 Speaker 1: sad videos and all of the things that are happening 714 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,719 Speaker 1: around our country, all of the things that we're having 715 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,360 Speaker 1: to continue to fight about. Recognize that you may be 716 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,920 Speaker 1: taking on more than you know, especially those who have 717 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,600 Speaker 1: higher levels of empathy. You're taking in a lot more 718 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,239 Speaker 1: than you know those who have higher levels of anxiety, 719 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:24,120 Speaker 1: and jobs such as nonprofit jobs that go and work 720 00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,960 Speaker 1: in a really high stress area. UM some of law 721 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:31,640 Speaker 1: enforcements as well as emergency responders. All of those people 722 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,919 Speaker 1: they really need to be checked up on as well. 723 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,040 Speaker 1: We talked about nine one one operators. That's someone that 724 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,440 Speaker 1: doesn't get talked to a lot. You're talking about teachers 725 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:42,879 Speaker 1: who are coming in that you may not understand what's 726 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,600 Speaker 1: happening in their lives right now, but be aware, be 727 00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,160 Speaker 1: aware of what's around you as well as again, listen 728 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,799 Speaker 1: to your own body. This is a really rough time. 729 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,919 Speaker 1: We're upbeat on the show. We are. But the good 730 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,040 Speaker 1: news is on top of that that it is being 731 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: more accepted. There are things out there that you can 732 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:04,040 Speaker 1: do UM just going and beyond you know, just therapy, 733 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,320 Speaker 1: which is costly and very privileged UM abilities. There's a 734 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,879 Speaker 1: lot of organizations out there we talked about previously that 735 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:14,040 Speaker 1: help funding fund for therapy as well as there's organizations 736 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,840 Speaker 1: that work with young children who have lost family members 737 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:21,000 Speaker 1: or parents. You have organizations that work with vets, with 738 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,600 Speaker 1: the doggies, service dogs, oh my goodness, you'll service animals, 739 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,200 Speaker 1: bets with doggies. But I just saw a video about this. 740 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 1: It was fantastic. UM. But all these things and there 741 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,600 Speaker 1: are resources out there. Get your good turn off your 742 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,799 Speaker 1: brain movies. Find those Find those times with your good 743 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,560 Speaker 1: friends when you're sitting and doing nothing inventing about whatever. 744 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,960 Speaker 1: You need to find the times to be with your 745 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 1: family that if you have a good relationship, just get 746 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:48,840 Speaker 1: a good hug. It's nice to have a nice hug. 747 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 1: I have some really good friends that are really good huggers, 748 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,640 Speaker 1: like I will personally like seek about feel like I 749 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,400 Speaker 1: need a hug right now. And that's just a few 750 00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:58,400 Speaker 1: people who just think squitch you really well, but just 751 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,520 Speaker 1: stuff like that. There are things accessible and just being 752 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,680 Speaker 1: kind and to yourself into another I think that's important. 753 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:10,000 Speaker 1: I'm done now, be kind kind Um. Yeah. I think 754 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,000 Speaker 1: this brings us to the end of our episode on 755 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:17,120 Speaker 1: mental positivity. Uh yeah. For anyone out there who's listening 756 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,440 Speaker 1: and this is something that resonates with them, I just 757 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 1: know that you are not alone. You're not alone, Nope, 758 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 1: and you are loved. You are um and we would 759 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,600 Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Oh yes, we would love 760 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,839 Speaker 1: to be loved. Yes we would. You can email us 761 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: at Stuff Media, mom Stuff at iHeart media dot com. 762 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,120 Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast 763 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,359 Speaker 1: or on Instagram at Stuff. I've Never Told You. Thanks 764 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:44,640 Speaker 1: as always to our superproducer Andrew Howard. Andrew, we love YouTube, 765 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,440 Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told 766 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,560 Speaker 1: You his prediction of Iheartradios How Stuff Works. For more 767 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,760 Speaker 1: podcast from iHeartRadio is the ihiar radio app, Apple podcast, 768 00:40:52,840 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. You do 769 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:02,279 Speaker 1: know mo