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Speaker 1: Buggle up. Held on, take here, it is scarberry Letta

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Speaker 1: what a voice? All right, thank your nephew. Subject. I

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Speaker 1: love him, but I can do bad by myself. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley. My fiance and I have been together for

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Speaker 1: fifteen years, and we've been engaged for the last five years.

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Speaker 1: He's thirty one and I'm twenty nine, and we have

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Speaker 1: four kids. I just finished nursing school and I will

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Speaker 1: start a great new job next month. My fiance has

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Speaker 1: been working at the same company for seven years and

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Speaker 1: he still doesn't know what he wants to do with

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Speaker 1: his life. He's in a job, not a career. He

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Speaker 1: is in business school right now, and when I talk

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Speaker 1: to him about his plans and career goals, he has none.

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Speaker 1: This is driving me crazy. He is everything I want

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Speaker 1: in a man. His only flaw is that he is

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Speaker 1: not a good provider. His monthly wages don't even cover

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Speaker 1: our rent each month, so I have to ask my

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Speaker 1: dad for money to cover our bills. We both hate this,

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Speaker 1: but that's just how it is right now. We overcame

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Speaker 1: so many challenges in our relationship, but we just cannot

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Speaker 1: seem to get on the same level financially. Uh. He

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Speaker 1: has been up for promotion several times at his job,

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Speaker 1: and he always gets overlooked. I always encourage him to

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Speaker 1: look for a better job, and I have found him

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Speaker 1: in a few good I have found him a few

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Speaker 1: good job leads, but he won't follow up on them.

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Speaker 1: He's complacent, and this is the main reason that we

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Speaker 1: have been engaged for so long. I refuse to set

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Speaker 1: a wedding date because I'm terrified to marry someone who

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Speaker 1: can't provide for our families. I have no choice but

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Speaker 1: to continue, but to continue to work hard to make

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Speaker 1: ends meet. I love this man, and I honestly don't

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Speaker 1: know how to motivate him to get it together. Please help.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's your job to motivate him. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's his job to be motivated and to

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Speaker 1: have some sort of a plan and to want to

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Speaker 1: take care of his children. I mean, you guys are

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Speaker 1: young and everything, and you know he may not have

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Speaker 1: it all figured out yet because he is young, but

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Speaker 1: with four kids already, just at thirty one years old,

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Speaker 1: he's got to start figuring out something. I mean really, Uh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is a flaw in his relationship that he's not

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Speaker 1: a good provider is not trying to be a good provider.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it's top on his list or anything.

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Speaker 1: You give him leads and stuff like that, but he

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Speaker 1: won't follow up on anything. What is he doing? What?

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Speaker 1: What is he doing? You say, he's complacent and this

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Speaker 1: is the main reason that you guys have been engaged

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Speaker 1: for so long. Maybe he's not the man for you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know he's the father of your four children,

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Speaker 1: but if you want someone who's a go getter, who's

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Speaker 1: you know, ambitious and things like that, this is not

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Speaker 1: that guy. You guys are struggling to make ends meet.

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Speaker 1: Now when you get married, it's going to be even worse. Uh.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't feel some kind of way about your dad

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Speaker 1: helping you guys to make ends meet every month to

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Speaker 1: pay the rent. Uh. Yeah, this guy isn't motivated and uh,

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Speaker 1: you don't know how to motivate him or how to

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Speaker 1: get it together. That's on him. He needs to be

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Speaker 1: the one. Uh, since he's the man and everything to

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Speaker 1: to to figure it out, how to provide for his

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Speaker 1: family and all of that. Uh. This is crazy. I mean, really,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how your your marriage is going to survive. Um.

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Speaker 1: You know, there are a lot of times when um

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Speaker 1: women make more than men and all of that, but

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Speaker 1: they have a plan. They have some sort of you know,

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Speaker 1: survival plan and things like that. You guys need to

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Speaker 1: sit down and get a plan together. If he's interested

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Speaker 1: in it, doesn't sound like he is, Steve, I know

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Speaker 1: exactly what's wrong, and surely you hit it on the

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Speaker 1: head in several points. First of all, I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: do a comedic angle on this because I'm I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna really just try to help a lot of people here.

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Speaker 1: So here we go. I could do some comedy here,

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Speaker 1: but let's let me just tell you which minute. Let

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Speaker 1: me just start by saying this, this might be a

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Speaker 1: little comedic. M my fiance and I have been together

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Speaker 1: fifteen years and we've been engaged for the last five years.

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Speaker 1: That this letter is wrong right at the beginning. Who

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Speaker 1: is with somebody fifteen years but been engaged for five

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Speaker 1: This letter starts just like it ends. That is nothing

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Speaker 1: to this letter at all. Then you're going to say,

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Speaker 1: he's thirty one nine, we got four kids. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: get back to that. The four kids. I just finished

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Speaker 1: nursing school, great new job. My fiance been working the

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Speaker 1: same company seven years. He still don't know what he

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Speaker 1: wants to do with his life. He's in a job,

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Speaker 1: not a career. The Bible says, m A man without

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Speaker 1: a dream or vision show perish, And he's sitting there dying.

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Speaker 1: He's sitting there dying like a grape on the vine.

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Speaker 1: He's turning into a raisin. And if he don't get

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Speaker 1: some dreams and visions, this grape of a man that

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Speaker 1: you think is your everything, who he's really not, is

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Speaker 1: going to slowly wither and turn into a raisin. And

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Speaker 1: he ain't gonna be a sweet one. On top of that, See,

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Speaker 1: he don't know what he gonna do, but guess what.

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Speaker 1: It then carried over into y'all's relationship. He don't even

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Speaker 1: know what y'all gonna do because y'all been together fifteen

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Speaker 1: years and been engaged for five. It's a pattern. It's

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Speaker 1: a pattern. He hasn't completed anything. He's in business school

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Speaker 1: right now. When I talk to him about his plans

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Speaker 1: and goals, he has none. I just told you, man

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Speaker 1: without a dream of visions, your parish. This is driving

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Speaker 1: me crazy. He's everything I wanted a man. Okay, now

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Speaker 1: you need to rethink that statement. How is he everything

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Speaker 1: you want in a man and everything you've mentioned is wrong?

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Speaker 1: So you just want a man with a lot of

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Speaker 1: stuff that's wrong with him. That's what you have. That's

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Speaker 1: what a lot of people do. He's every cause you

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Speaker 1: in love with him. You know. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: y'all notice or not, but you can actually be in

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Speaker 1: love with the wrong person. What news flash, real good money.

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Speaker 1: He's everything I want. His only flaw is that he's

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Speaker 1: not a good provider. No, no, that's not his only flaw.

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Speaker 1: He has several flaws. Ass He's not a good provider

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Speaker 1: because he don't have no plan, He don't have no dreams,

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Speaker 1: he don't have no vision, He doesn't take care of

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Speaker 1: his kids. He don't take care of you. You're going

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Speaker 1: to daddy for your money. It goes way past the

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Speaker 1: provision part of it. I got more when we come back,

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Speaker 1: then would just do fifteen years? Engaged for five years?

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Speaker 1: He thirty one nine, they got four kids. He ain't

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Speaker 1: got no plans, no dreams, no visions. She says, he's

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Speaker 1: everything I won't in a man. But everything you've said

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Speaker 1: about him is wrong. You haven't listed one good quality

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Speaker 1: that this man has. His only flaw is that he's

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Speaker 1: not a good provider. No, it's a lot more wrong

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Speaker 1: with him. You just won't look at it. His monthly

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Speaker 1: wages don't even cover our any moth. Wait wait wait

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Speaker 1: wait wait wait wait wait? Where do you work? Where

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Speaker 1: you go to work all month? And if you get

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Speaker 1: all them checks, it don't cover rent? Where y'all stay? Damn. Now,

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Speaker 1: I can see. I can understand if you because I've

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Speaker 1: been in this situation. I can understand if you pay

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Speaker 1: your rent, you have very little left. I've been there,

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Speaker 1: but you don't make enough to cover the rent. I

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Speaker 1: got news for you. I've been there too, and guess

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Speaker 1: what became homeless? M m. And if it wasn't for

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Speaker 1: your daddy, that's where y'all would be. So I asked

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Speaker 1: my dad for money to cover our bills. We both

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Speaker 1: hate this. He don't hate it that much because he

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Speaker 1: keeps going back over there. And you know why he

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Speaker 1: hated because the way your daddy be looking upside his head.

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Speaker 1: But that's just how it is. Right now. We overcame

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Speaker 1: so many challenges in our relationship. You have it, ma'am,

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Speaker 1: but we just cannot seem to get on the same

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Speaker 1: level financially. He has been up for promotions several times

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Speaker 1: at his job, but he always get over a little

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Speaker 1: because he ain't gonna dreams and vision. People at the

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Speaker 1: job know that can't put him in charge to fail. Man,

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Speaker 1: we go, hey, hey, hey, hey, y'all don't feel like

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Speaker 1: knowing where we're going. Y'all don't feel like no direction.

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Speaker 1: Bryan Earnest in here, Earnest Earnest. Now here's here's the problem.

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Speaker 1: Let's let's go back to the kids. Listen, ma'am, y'all

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Speaker 1: didn't plan. This is how it is when you don't plan.

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Speaker 1: Y'all didn't plan to have folk kids. It just happened. Now,

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Speaker 1: God blessed the kids, because God brings everybody into the

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Speaker 1: world he don't he wants. But y'all, y'all didn't plan on.

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Speaker 1: He knees folk kids. So since you didn't plan on

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Speaker 1: the folk kids, guess what. He don't have a plan

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Speaker 1: to take care. I've always encouraged him to look for

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Speaker 1: a better job, and I found him a few good

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Speaker 1: job lease, but he won't follow up on them. What

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Speaker 1: is it about this man that makes him the best

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Speaker 1: man for you. I'm listening to your letter, sister, and

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to find out what is it about this

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Speaker 1: guy that's so special? He's everything you wanted to man,

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Speaker 1: he's nothing nobody else wants. Shirty, don't want it, call it,

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Speaker 1: don't wanting Monica, I wanted. I ain't nobody sign enough

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Speaker 1: for this dude. But you yo, daddy tied to his ass. Uh.

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Speaker 1: Then then you say he's complacent and this is the

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Speaker 1: reason that we've been engaged for so long. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I hear you saying that's the reason y'all been engaged

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Speaker 1: for so long. He's not planning on marrying you. He

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Speaker 1: doesn't plan on taking care of the kids. He has

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Speaker 1: no plan for coming up with the rent every month.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't have a plan on how to get a promotion.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't have a plan for looking for another job.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't have a plan to stop going to ask

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Speaker 1: your daddy for money. Do you understand I refuse to

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Speaker 1: set it. I refuse to set a wedding day because

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Speaker 1: I'm terrified to marry someone who can't provide our family.

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Speaker 1: It's way more than that. Why would you want to

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Speaker 1: marry a man without a plan a dream of vision,

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Speaker 1: no hopes for tomorrow, no get up and go, no gumption,

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Speaker 1: no desire, no drill. I have no choice but to

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Speaker 1: continue to work hard and make ends meet. I love

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Speaker 1: this man, and I honestly don't know how to motivate

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Speaker 1: him to get it together. You can't make nobody won't nothing. Huh.

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Speaker 1: You can't make nobody be something. You can want them

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Speaker 1: to be all you want and to they decide they're

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Speaker 1: gonna be something. You're wasting your time. You're wasting your

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Speaker 1: time now. He might be a fun daddy for the kids,

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Speaker 1: but you're buying all the stuff because he don't even

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Speaker 1: have money to to pay for rent. So if you

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Speaker 1: don't have the money for rent it he ain't got

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Speaker 1: no money for school supplies. He ain't got no money

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Speaker 1: for school clothes. He ain't got no money for field trips.

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Speaker 1: He ain't got no money for iPhones. I passed all

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Speaker 1: this stuff. Kids we needn't sneakers? Kids being kids expensive?

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Speaker 1: Man chase us kids call some money. And what happens

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Speaker 1: is normally when people have kids, it causes them to

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Speaker 1: raise their game. You start really bearing down. You know,

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Speaker 1: A many times I've heard people say, man, I got

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Speaker 1: these kids. I gotta get busy. He ain't said that.

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Speaker 1: All of us on this show to have children. We

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Speaker 1: hustle harder because of the kids, all of us. And

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Speaker 1: guess what. All of our kids have needed stuff from us,

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Speaker 1: and guess what they came to us and guess who

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Speaker 1: had it. He'll come using still coming, dog, It's crazy.

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Speaker 1: It is crazy, man. So lady, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: it is you're hanging on to. You're trying to motivate

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Speaker 1: a person who don't want nothing. He doesn't want anything.

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Speaker 1: You can't motivate a person that's not looking to be motivated.

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Speaker 1: He good, He right where he want to be, and

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Speaker 1: he don't even like it. So let me just get

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Speaker 1: to this and this. I'm closed with this. This is

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Speaker 1: what Marjorie's mother tells her all the time, and told her,

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Speaker 1: and she said it to me a hundred times. And man,

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Speaker 1: I've heard my mama said, Shirley, you probably heard Jorge.

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Speaker 1: I know, Timmy, you to heard George. I know calling

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Speaker 1: you to heard George kill you to hear Jordan. Until

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Speaker 1: you get sick and tired or being sick and finish, Yes,

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Speaker 1: until you get sick and tired of being sick and tie.

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Speaker 1: Nothing is going to happen. That's right, alright, Steve. I

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Speaker 1: think we'll leave it on that note. Listen, email us,

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Speaker 1: Instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter. At Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey FM. You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show